#the majorbaby hcu

[majorbaby]

i am a gay BJ truther but if straight, married BJ walked in on hawkeye sucking some guy's dick in supply he would still huff and say "and you didn't ask me if *I* would like my dick sucked??? your best friend???" and a similar accusation @peg were he to get home and find her eating out her gf in their marital bed. he would invent a pussy of his own just to claim it's being neglected.

[majorbaby]

society if Soon-Lee was introduced in season 8 and we got to watch her and Klinger slowly fall in love and want more for each other and themselves. Klinger gently challenges her duty to her family, asking her when she's going to live her life for herself. and Soon-Lee asks him why he does everything he does for the 4077th. are they not his family? does he not put the needs of the community before his own? do they honour and appreciate his sacrifices? do they see him as a whole person? do they see him as a person? or a workhorse? a mule?

[majorbaby]

so is Private Habib in on Klinger's i-only-speak-Arabic-now scheme or did Klinger dupe him too? he seems kinda earnestly concerned for Klinger but you know... not unlike how Trapper was "earnestly concerned" for Hawkeye in Bananas, Crackers and Nuts like........

I know I've said society if Klinger replaced Trapper as Hawkeye's improv partner but what if Klinger-Habib replaced the Trapper-Hawkeye duo and together they just dunked on the army brass in two languages for the rest of the show. And what if they were also clearly in love with each other while they did all of that.

[majorbaby]

what if sam pak was sidney's trapper and they found and lost each other in the war

[majorbaby]

Local 4077

President - Klinger

Isn't initially interested but runs for the position after growing tired of watching the incumbent do jack shit for the membership while collecting a yearly honorarium. Does limited canvassing but wins by a landslide because he's likeable and he's good at his regular job, which he hates and doesn't want, so it stands to reason he should even better at a job he actually cares about.

Vice-President - Kellye

Was Klinger's first-choice as a running-mate and first choice for his eventual successor. Hosts many of their socials, is a force to be reckoned with at joint employer-union consultations. Picket captain extraordinaire when they go on strike - brings her guitar and starts an impromptu band "The Labourettes". They play protest songs on the picket line.

Secretary - Radar

Technically should be in an exempt position because he's an executive assistant to management but I'll let it slide because it's literally Radar he's obviously the secretary.

Treasurer - BJ

Wants to help out where he can, is good with numbers and is generally supportive of Klinger so he accepts a nomination for the position from the floor, but is kind of sus (beholden to 'the rule book'). I like to imagine when the executive is up for re-election, Klinger makes BJ the poster child of the campaign, prints flyers with his likeness on them, and writes "VOTE FOR KLINGER AND TEAM" beneath it. Good guy, supportive of workers, just needs to unpack some shit.

Chief Steward - Hawkeye

Literally useless without a handler, but is daring and showy and very good at escaping formal reprimand, which makes him valuable. Ready to put his ass on the line to protect workers who aren't as privileged as he is. Someone (Trapper) has to throw decoy socials to distract him from attending general meetings where actual work is being done, because he's disruptive and annoying. Is BJ's handler, but no one has told Hawkeye that, they just trust if BJ starts to have a moral crisis, Hawkeye will sound the alarm loud enough to attract someone else's attention.

--

Potter and Henry are in non-unionized positions.

I can't think of a situation where Margaret, Charles or Frank could be convinced to join a union. Not even late seasons Margaret. She's come a long way but I think she still believes in the institution. But it's possible they could also all be in exempt positions, since they're in higher-ranking roles.

[majorbaby]

That breeding kink post that's like "they bang so hard even the top gets pregnant" in a world where this was medically possible, Trapper would get off the chopper in Korea, make eye contact with Hawkeye and one week later they'd be collecting their discharges.

[majorbaby]

non-houlintyre fic where trapper tells margaret he's in love with his boy best friend and margaret tells trapper she's in love with her girl best friend and then suggests to him they fuck each other. but the enlightened trapper john goes "what? no. that makes no sense. nothing would make less sense for this fic to end in hetero sex... but i suppose it could end in mutual masturbation" and then they jack off twelve paces apart

[majorbaby]

not that anyone would ever get the idea that i, tumblr user majorbaby regards the MASH canon as sacred because obviously i don't but just to be extra sure, and also because I like Klingerposting, here's the Klinger relationship timeline according to me:

engaged to his high school sweetheart Laverne before he ships off

passionate make out session with an infatuated and flirty Trapper. lots of necking, the tiniest bit of dry-humping but I don't think he'd cheat on Laverne, so nothing more

(i mean unless you imagine he has an arrangement with Laverne, which I'm not opposed to. idk, it's dicey because I believe in Ain't Love Grand but I also believe in Trapper's panty kink and him being unable to resist lovingly going down on Klinger. these are competing needs of mine.)

i also believe so much in Klinger and Private Habib falling in love and being unable to do anything about it because the war, because Klinger is still with Laverne and he still loves her and thinks it would be a betrayal, because they'd be two gay brown draftees in the army in 1951, because because because. but anyway, they're in love. and then Habib gets moved to another unit and can't do anything about it because he's just a private and he has to go where the army tells him. they write letters.

Laverne divorces him okay your loss honey

Klinger meets Soon-Lee and they fall in love and stay in Korea but MASH 4077 doesn't exist anymore, and neither does Habib's unit so they lose touch

Soon-Lee reads the letters and they talk about them because they talk about everything

they return to the states one day, where Habib probably is but who knows

Soon-Lee knows about looking for the people you love, so she encourages Klinger, and they look for him

and they find him. and Klinger has been in love with Soon-Lee for x number of years so when he's finally reunited with Habib, Klinger's like "no, this is love that I feel for him actually"

Klinger lives happily ever after with his husband and wife, amen

[majorbaby]

As a Boston Brahmin, Charles is a natural predator to the Irish Catholic Mulcahy. Or maybe they're starcrossed lovers. Whatever. Rare instance of me rooting for Mulcahy to win whatever sick game the two of them decide to play.

[majorbaby]

Hello i love your blog! Do you have any rare ships in mash fandom? I think there's so many ones that could be intriguing to try out.

lol how much time do you have?

Ones i've written for: Hawkeye/Scully, BJ/Trapper, Ginger/Trapper, Oliver/Trapper...

This abudance of rare pairs is owing to the fact that Hawk and Trap are both so slutty easy to ship with other characters, either as a set in a threesome or separately, altho when I say that I usually mean as a one-off thing or a warm FWB sitch. Slight tangent: I don't really have any romantic endgame ships except for traphawk and even that is on the self-indulgent side - I guess "endgame" always feels a little forced for me in MASH specifically because these are wartime relationships in canon and so I really need to be convinced of anything post...

(Oh but as I type that I'm remembering how soft I am for Trapper/Oliver and like. It would be a hell of a rough time for them both I think but I want to be able to imagine an endgame for them ;-;)

With the exception of BJ/Peg/Hawkeye, I think pretty much every throuple ship is rare and im not gonna list every threesome/moresome i'm into but the ones I like the most are: Hawk/Trap/Oliver, Hawk/Trap/Margaret and Klinger/Habib/Soon-Lee. I have a Hawk/Trap/Louise WIP that is published but I can't say I'm crazy about them.

Others: Sidney/Sam, Klinger/Habib, Oliver/Hawkeye, Trapper/Klinger, Hawkeye/OMC, Hawnk counts I think, as does Margaret/Lorraine. I have a Peg Hunnicutt/Louise McIntyre WIP but that's more of an experiment than something I actively "ship"

I have two wips that feature hawk/kellye and trapper/kellye respectively but they are both highly situational... hawk/kellye only works in a very specific AU where they just fit the roles so well.

[majorbaby]

idk if it was rpf or a rumour or if it is actually confirmed to have happened but you know that story about the beatles hanging out probably blitzed out of their minds and they just all decided to start masturbating in the same room? that but with trapper, hawkeye and henry.

[majorbaby]

What is your take on a MASH AU where Wayne and McLean stay and Alan is the one who leaves after season 3?

uhhh Trapper John Quiet Quits the 4077th???

for real, it's pretty difficult for me to imagine MASH without Hawkeye Pierce.

Movie Trapper moves about much more independently of Hawkeye. He commands scenes by himself - for example, he punches out Frank after Frank is cruel to much a younger doctor, he's the chief surgeon of the 4077th and gets Hawkeye's grand entrance scene from Chief Surgeon Who? while Hawkeye is absent.

But it's still very much a Hawkeye story, it begins with him and even though the hook of your AU does happen - Hawkeye leaves Trapper behind at the 4077th - the movie ends there because Hawkeye's gone.

Like who becomes the protagonist in this AU? Season 7 BJ I think is a better protagonist but he can't really start out that way in season 4 so I guess that means it's Trapper. For a show runner this would be a nightmare. Anyway, one of these two would need to become the protagonist.

... wait, or Henry. Actually ykw, Henry might be the best choice in terms of who has the most to work with... ah, we could have Margaret and Frank get Henry demoted with one of their complaints but they keep him because he's a good surgeon, Frank still gets his interim and Potter later arrives to be the new permanent CO. Then the show follows Henry-Trapper-BJ.

Assuming Henry is busted down to captain before BJ arrives, no one tells him. One day they're hanging out in the Swamp and BJ finds the picture the whole camp took and he asks why Henry's wearing the colonel's insignia and Trapper is like "oh yeaaaah... Henry used to be CO" lmao.

I have specific ideas for what I would like to see happen to some of the characters, ideas about the Trapper-BJ relationship, the Henry-Potter relationship, Trapper-Margaret, Henry-Radar, Trapper-BJ-Charles dynamics but that'd be a really long post and I'm not sure if that's what you're looking for.

For funsies though I can share that re: my favourite Hawkeye-BJ interaction in Preventative Medicine - with Trapper there would be none of that drama. He would take that appendix out no fuss no muss and never say a word to BJ about it. In fact I think that in addition to other quiet acts of rebellion Trapper would have been taking appendixes out and Lacey's is just another day at the office for him.

A long time ago I wrote a very short TrapHawk AU where Hawkeye is discharged first but it ends right after he leaves. It is really hard to envision the trajectory of the show without him.

[majorbaby]

cut equally for choking kink and traphawk sillyness

trapper discovers he's into choking when hawkeye makes him laugh at dinner in the mess tent

[majorbaby]

unsure whether Hawkeye would actually feel anything about a hunnichuck hookup but BJ-Charles solidarity is usually about getting under Hawkeye's skin so if they at least believed it would get under Hawkeye's skin then I think they might do it or at least fake date to give the impression of having done it and who knows where that could lead 😌

[majorbaby]

the peg pegs jokes only strengthen my hc that BJ is 10000% a bottom

[majorbaby]

i did put some thought into this and like it makes sense for hawkeye-2 to be with BJ because

1) rose/ten they were literally at the beach when the exchange happened

2) Trapper would kill it as a companion to the doctor whereas BJ runs the risk of killing the Master just to take his place. Im not above an evil Doctor/Master hunnihawk AU of course but like, if we want a happy ending then BJ gets his quiet, suburban life with Hawkeye-2, plus or minus Peg I could go either way on that.

3) Trapper-Hawkeye abbott-and-costello doctor-who's-on-first routine potential as they drive into the sunset. I want to see it.

what if i ended the ship war with this abomination of a doctor who/mash au which doesn't even abide by my own various headcanons: hawkeye creates hawkeye-2 from his hand [callback joke to 'adam's ribs'] and leaves him on beach somewhere with BJ and Peg to do whatever they want with him wink wink free threesome hook, you're welcome

and hawkeye-1 drives off with trapper in a car to kick ass, take names and fuck filthy-sweet every night for the rest their immortal lives.