#the love letter to humanity to hope to love to faith to one’s self-ness to friendship to humanity…

[hopecomesbacktolife]

thought about the wounded sky for a few minutes and started crying over how much I love that book again ♡

[monolid-monologues]

Am i emotionally unavailable? Goodbye is Hello. A funeral:

#8. 

Emptiness.

It’s a state i try to practice in my art. To be filled by the present state of things. Keeping empty to let the present in. Letting in and letting go like a damned revolving door because every second the present goes past. It’s my radical road to nirvana. As a performer. And, as a litto human bean. I grow terrible attachments. When i grip, it’s iron. I have a hard time letting go. Memories. People. Memories of people. Memories of moments – confusing, electric, or like a dream. My memory. It takes a lot for something/someone/somewhere to stick. Most things can leave me as easily as they came. In sticking out the tough times, a concession or two, compromise, adaptation, development, history…….  When you put in the work to let something/someone/somewhere stay on the ride, it is a Herculean Task to let that presence go. Because we can keep it alive in our memories if we choose to. Entertaining ourselves so, we remember what we wish. We thumb through the Memorial Archive for what is fitting the agenda. The concept of nothing-ness is basically impractical. You need these memories for some purpose, you’re…you’re… You are– Yes, looking for something. What if……..there was nothing for you to look for?

What if there’s nothing left to look for.

Letting Go is the <Self Love> I’m practicing lately.  Letting go appears counteractive to building my life, myself. If i like it, if i love it, it should stay. Memories are precious to me because they are all i end up with. My experience in theatre-making is marked by high turnover. So many shows. So many different people. So much built and loved, for the sake of Now. Letting go of all of it, every time. Some easier to leave behind than others. Leaving with a full heart from all the memories, but leaving it behind all the same. It fits me. my personality. my deeply rooted affinity for change and entropy. An affinity that often upsets my as-well rooted appetite for Family and Community. Many times in my life they are at odds with each other. My life experiences are also marked by high turnover. Itch after itch, i will myself to move and search and create life, create relationships, create opportunities. These paths are laced with decay. Collateral, roads splitting in two, missed junctions, Out Of Gas, you name it. For my reality to keep up with my spirit, or, for my spirit to settle into reality – these are tensions in my life. Between Staying and Going, and that element of Timing between Me and The Universe, i manage this multiplex chance-y matrix that begs for Serendipity, and struggles with What’s Right. I need to change, i need to go, i’m already gone. I want to stay. i don’t want to lose this. i want to commit.  Ironically, i could be - this very moment - building an attachment to letting go.  There’s something freeing, something wild, something unchained, untethered, unbroken about the free-flowing floating soul with the skill to slip gracefully out of its own grasp. The power to evaporate the weights, objective of the source – doesn’t matter if you’re the heavy one or the world is: Point. Zap. Fade. Gone. This is what i tell myself, as i try to let go. SHIT HAPPENS. Shit WILL happen. SHIT HAPPENED. I conjugate our lives’ happenings hoping to invite that bold (or stunted) C'est La Vie attitude. I want to hold on so bad sometimes. It feels imperative to who i am. It feels worthwhile. Commitment is a virtue, right? This past week i experienced a surreal, silent moment of emptiness. I cried.

I cried because I understood what I’m ready for and what I’m not.

I cried because a Free Agent is actually quite vulnerable. You protect your own time, protect your own heart. You are gatekeeper. And anything, any-fuckin-body, could show up. But they all arrive outside the gate. And it’s my decision to keep the gate closed. I’m not ready. I’m not done with myself. Let’s move along like this. There are times when my hand goes to open an inch. But even one inch is the beginning of a whole mile! Retreat. I hate to say i’m closed, but I’M DEEP INSIDE THIS PROCESS OF “LETTING GO” OF SOME THINGS. I’M UNLOADING. I’M DOING THE BIG FLUSH. I’M DIGGING GRAVES. PREPARING BURIALS. NOW IS NOT THE TIME. I cried because i found the emptiness beautiful. I felt powerful. I cried because it felt..so..new. Alone-ness. Space for the whole universe and what i will encounter navigating it. Whatever comes my way. Am i freed? Am i sad? Am i available? Glad to be empty.  Falling in love, this time with me and all my emptiness. To not be afraid of being available and unavailable. To saying No as well as I say Yes.  My mind may clamor for attachment. But my heart just, now, knows better. I don’t feel safe. Nor do I want to feel safe. There is a sliver of safety inside of myself that I can locate when I need it. Right now, that’s enough. ANYTHING outside of what I’m homed in on? Point. Zap. Fade. Gone. Side bar to mourn the loss of all that potential, please, lol.  One of the hardest parts of letting go is laying the Unrealized Potential to rest. What could’ve been… What if.. Maybe—- No.  I know that the ability to See Yourself in 5-10-15 Years is a Vision that motivates. It is very helpful. It’s a road that creates Exposure. Exposure is that sauce. It’s the encountering. It’s the Holding The Door Open to intersecting your presence with the universe’s. You end up somewhere that tilts your comfort. You meet someone – even just once and it’s all the difference. You say Yes. You say No. You commit. You detach. You think you know where you’re going. But the true significance of this Direction is not the Destination but All the Decisions You Make En Route. These decisions are shaping you. These decisions may or may not be bringing you closer to your actual dream. But that’s so besides the point. The point of every decision is that every day you are part of its creation. (I can’t believe how weird and unnatural it can feel to choose to do something good for yourself.) When you’re aware of how young you are, and you’re aware of your identity in its flux, all you want to do is Create Your Own. Be the author of our own book or whuteva. And we are, but we aren’t. That sounds frustrating. could we break it down? It is in your control to the extent of what’s in your domain: actions, reactions, decisions, habits. So let’s mark what’s impossible! It’s impossible for us comprehend the whole universe’s worth of why’s and how’s. We will never know enough about all the ripples that resound from every action, reaction, decision, habit. We will never really what’s in store for us. We will have really good, solid theories. We may have certain faith in what we do know, what we can know. But let me say it like Oprah: ’What i know for sure’….. is that Who I am Becoming is worth discovering. It’s better than knowing, i promise you. It’s better to not know. It’s better to understand it is in the making, in flux, shaping and unshaping as we speak. I’d rather not expend myself trying to anticipate my reflection in 5 years. I’d rather pay attention to right now. What you pay attention to, grows. - adrienne maree brown Is it so terrible to admit what we will never have? We will never have confirmation of Who We are Becoming until it is Who We Are. We will always know, however, that it’s there. this thing of becoming….. it is. We are becoming. Our choices are important. What you’re doing, whatever it is, is important. Chasing the mask of Who strikes me as missing the point. When you make a Life out of being true to yourself, there’s nothing in this world that teaches you love like Loving Yourself. Feeling Proud of Yourself. Respecting Yourself. All to forget yourself. Forget it. Remember when you need to, but, forget it. Love is there. 

There’s love to give.

So as hard as we may to begin Clicking and Dragging into our cart the things we wish for ourselves in our futures, can we take a second? to admit that anything more than these virtues is dressing…the shell…the accessories… the TraPpInGs, that at best only decorate Your Faith in Yourself in the end. Honestly, whatever works if it helps you work hard, but Love can’t be made of anything else other than Love. So. Letting go. of precious memories.  Let there be all the signs of life in a healthy heart, like that of a healthy gut. In the hallows of this heart, let there be pain and light and struggle and relief. Let it be FERTILE ONCE MORE, SOME DAY.

* * *

i’ve committed to being vulnerable in writing every week.

previous letter: #7.)  I am my worst critic and chief caretaker. I am independent. Hear me roar.

for random thoughts, random questions //

http://monolid-monologues.tumblr.com/ask

[dfroza]

we become the voice of earth

through a body of earth by the inspiration of the Spirit as children of our Creator when Light is chosen to abide (inside, Anew)

and this leads us on a path of the things we do since we’re each uniquely created to function as part of the same Body of believers.

and people are also inspired to write, just as Paul did in the Letters he wrote to us. but before this he was known as Saul, a man who had people arrested for their faith in “the Way”

in the True illumination of the Son and the path of grace.

because some people of this world stand to oppose spiritual truth. and this has been the case for thousands of years now.

and the Son was a pure seed sent to earth who was received by some, and rejected by others who had Him arrested and ultimately killed. but the seed was reborn, just as we can be by faith in the Resurrection.

and since He ascended to Heaven people have been jailed for holding and sharing and writing of the significance of rebirth, even for some to become martyrs as part of their True story. but they clung to the faith, and in this faith and hope they share the same rebirth as the Son in Light and in Love. for we are meant to stand for what we “believe…” even in the face of opposition, and done with grace. and this is our True bravery. to be courageous in Love.

Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the New Testament is the 10th chapter of the Letter of First Corinthians where Paul reminds us of the need for humility by taking heed to the warnings of History:

Remember our history, friends, and be warned. All our ancestors were led by the providential Cloud and taken miraculously through the Sea. They went through the waters, in a baptism like ours, as Moses led them from enslaving death to salvation life. They all ate and drank identical food and drink, meals provided daily by God. They drank from the Rock, God’s fountain for them that stayed with them wherever they were. And the Rock was Christ. But just experiencing God’s wonder and grace didn’t seem to mean much—most of them were defeated by temptation during the hard times in the desert, and God was not pleased.

The same thing could happen to us. We must be on guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way as they did. And we must not turn our religion into a circus as they did—“First the people partied, then they threw a dance.” We must not be sexually promiscuous—they paid for that, remember, with 23,000 deaths in one day! We must never try to get Christ to serve us instead of us serving him; they tried it, and God launched an epidemic of poisonous snakes. We must be careful not to stir up discontent; discontent destroyed them.

These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don’t repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don’t be so naive and self-confident. You’re not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God-confidence.

No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

So, my very dear friends, when you see people reducing God to something they can use or control, get out of their company as fast as you can.

I assume I’m addressing believers now who are mature. Draw your own conclusions: When we drink the cup of blessing, aren’t we taking into ourselves the blood, the very life, of Christ? And isn’t it the same with the loaf of bread we break and eat? Don’t we take into ourselves the body, the very life, of Christ? Because there is one loaf, our many-ness becomes one-ness—Christ doesn’t become fragmented in us. Rather, we become unified in him. We don’t reduce Christ to what we are; he raises us to what he is. That’s basically what happened even in old Israel—those who ate the sacrifices offered on God’s altar entered into God’s action at the altar.

Do you see the difference? Sacrifices offered to idols are offered to nothing, for what’s the idol but a nothing? Or worse than nothing, a minus, a demon! I don’t want you to become part of something that reduces you to less than yourself. And you can’t have it both ways, banqueting with the Master one day and slumming with demons the next. Besides, the Master won’t put up with it. He wants us—all or nothing. Do you think you can get off with anything less?

Looking at it one way, you could say, “Anything goes. Because of God’s immense generosity and grace, we don’t have to dissect and scrutinize every action to see if it will pass muster.” But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well.

With that as a base to work from, common sense can take you the rest of the way. Eat anything sold at the butcher shop, for instance; you don’t have to run an “idolatry test” on every item. “The earth,” after all, “is God’s, and everything in it.” That “everything” certainly includes the leg of lamb in the butcher shop. If a nonbeliever invites you to dinner and you feel like going, go ahead and enjoy yourself; eat everything placed before you. It would be both bad manners and bad spirituality to cross-examine your host on the ethical purity of each course as it is served. On the other hand, if he goes out of his way to tell you that this or that was sacrificed to god or goddess so-and-so, you should pass. Even though you may be indifferent as to where it came from, he isn’t, and you don’t want to send mixed messages to him about who you are worshiping.

But, except for these special cases, I’m not going to walk around on eggshells worrying about what small-minded people might say; I’m going to stride free and easy, knowing what our large-minded Master has already said. If I eat what is served to me, grateful to God for what is on the table, how can I worry about what someone will say? I thanked God for it and he blessed it!

So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you—you’re eating to God’s glory, after all, not to please them. As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God’s glory. At the same time, don’t be callous in your exercise of freedom, thoughtlessly stepping on the toes of those who aren’t as free as you are. I try my best to be considerate of everyone’s feelings in all these matters; I hope you will be, too.

The Letter of 1st Corinthians, Chapter 10 (The Message)

Today’s paired chapter of the Testaments is the 45th chapter of the book (scroll) of Isaiah that points to humility before our Creator:

This is what the Eternal One says to His chosen agent, Cyrus the Persian.

Eternal One: Not by his hand alone, but with his in Mine,

nations are vanquished, their leaders conquered;

Doors and gates open without a fight

and will not close.

(to Cyrus) I will go ahead of you and smooth the way, lower the heights,

break down bronze doors, and cut through iron bars.

I will give you hidden treasures

and wealth tucked away in secret places;

I will reveal them to you.

Then you will know that I am

the Eternal, the God of Israel, who calls you by name.

For the sake of My servant Jacob, My chosen people Israel,

I have called you by name, made you who you are,

And bestowed an honorable title on you, even though you don’t know Me.

I am the Eternal One; there is no other God but Me,

and even though you don’t know Me, I am preparing you for victory.

I am doing all this so that people all around the world

may know that I alone am the Eternal, the only God.

I form light and create darkness;

I make what is good, happy, and healthy, and I create woe.

I, the Eternal One, make them one and all.

Skies above, open up and let the clouds rain down righteousness!

Let the earth below sprout triumph and justice.

For I, the Eternal, have created them.

How bad it will be for anyone who disputes with the very One who created him!

After all, a human being is nothing more than one clay pot among many.

Imagine the clay saying to the potter, “What do you think you’re doing?”

or “You don’t have the hands for this.”

It’s as idiotic as asking a mother or father,

“What are you birthing or begetting?”

So the Eternal One, who is the Holy One and Maker of Israel, says,

Eternal One: Are you really going to question Me about what will happen to My children,

or lecture Me about what I should do with the ones I made with My own hands?

It is I who made the very ground on which you stand,

I who shaped the human beings who walk around on it.

I pulled the sky and the heavens taut with My own hands,

and organized the army of stars that march across the night sky.

So it was perfectly right for me to raise up Cyrus;

I will make his road ahead straight and level,

So that he will rebuild My chosen place, My city Jerusalem,

and set My exiled people free

Without exacting a price or seeking a bribe.

So says the Eternal, Commander of heavenly armies.

Eternal One: I, the Eternal One, say to you things will change; the wealthy and strong

of your world—Egyptians, Cushites, Sabeans—will come under your control.

Their goods and services, their strongest warriors, will be yours,

deferring to you, as they follow in chains, saying,

“God is with you. There is no other God but yours.”

Cyrus: You have kept yourself hidden from others,

but You are indeed God, who saved Israel in the face of great challenges.

Those who worshiped others will be humiliated.

Those who craft idols will be embarrassed by their folly.

By contrast, Israel can stand tall. The Eternal has given them

a salvation that will never die, and they will never be embarrassed or ashamed.

Indeed, He who created the universe—heavens and earth—gave it form and shape.

The Eternal alone set it all in motion;

He didn’t make it a disorganized wasteland but made it a beautiful and comfortable home.

Eternal One: I am the Eternal One, and there is no other god who exists.

I didn’t whisper in secret or mumble in the darkness;

I didn’t say to Jacob’s children:

“Look around the desert and try to find Me.”

No, I am the Eternal One. I will speak clearly what is right and true.

Come, come. Gather around, all who survived among the nations.

They have no idea what a real God is

As they coddle their wooden idols,

and pray to worthless images that cannot save them.

Go ahead, talk among yourselves. Present your case.

Now, who declared what would happen long ago?

Who predicted how these events would turn out at this time?

Was it not I, the Eternal One? There is no other God but Me.

I alone am the righteous God and Savior. There is no other.

So turn your back on those idols and your face to Me.

I will save you, wherever you are, to the ends of the earth,

For I am God. There is none other.

I make this solemn vow; I have spoken a word—

faithful and true—and it will not return; it will be done.

My words have wings; they will be accomplished;

every knee will bow down to Me.

Every tongue will swear allegiance to Me.

They will say of Me, “Only by the Eternal One shall I see things through.

Only by God shall I go with integrity and strength through life.”

Now all those who burned with anger against God

will come to Him and be shamed.

Through the Eternal, all the descendants of Israel

will be vindicated and made glorious within the world.

The Book (Scroll) of Isaiah, Chapter 45 (The Voice)

A link to my personal reading of the Scriptures for friday, july 23 of 2021 with a paired chapter from each Testament of the Bible along with Today’s Proverbs and Psalms

Today’s message (Days of Praise) from the Institute for Creation Research

July 23, 2021

Our Advocate in Heaven

“Also now, behold, my witness is in heaven, and my record is on high.” (Job 16:19)

It is significant that here, in what is probably the oldest book in the Bible, two vitally important New Testament truths are anticipated. Job somehow knew that he (and, by implication, every other person as well) has a “record” in heaven. This is the only occurrence of this word (sahed) in the Bible, but it basically means that our works, good or bad, have been recorded by God in heaven concerning how we have used or abused our stewardship here on Earth.

And the record inevitably testifies against us, “for there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not” (Ecclesiastes 7:20). At God’s throne of judgment, when “the dead [are] judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works,” then “whosoever [is] not found written in the book of life [is] cast into the lake of fire” (Revelation 20:12, 15).

But how can we know that our names will be in God’s book of life in that day? Thankfully, even Job knew, in his long-ago time, that “my witness is in heaven.” Here the word (Hebrew ed) speaks of a formal personal witness who can testify on our behalf, one who “might plead for a man with God, as a man pleadeth for his neighbor!” (Job 16:21).

Job somehow knew that such a witness was there, for he could also say, “I know that my redeemer liveth” (Job 19:25). In the light of the New Testament record, we know that this Redeemer and Witness is none other than the Lord Jesus. “If any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 2:1-2). That is, He is the “sacrifice” for our sins and thus can redeem us from sin’s penalty and thereby serve as our defense witness in heaven. Our record of sin and guilt has been washed clean with the precious blood of Christ. HMM

[imlostinsantacarla]

BEING ESME CULLEN’S MATE WOULD INCLUDE:

yestwlightfan said: What would it be like to be Esme,s mate?

A/N: Hope you enjoy what has been written up, sweetheart! Thank you for requesting! - Admin Wenzel 🌲💖

◾ Esme would cherish, almost coddle, you within each and every moment that she would have with you.

◾ It would be certain that she wouldn’t take you for granted, ensuring that you’re aware of the fact that she appreciates every second that she has with you left.

◾ It’d be inevitable to not have Esme reminding you of how much fondness and loves she feels just for you, simply due to the fact that you are everything to her. (And vice versa.)

◾ “I shall forever love you, (Y/N). You are the light of my life.” Esme breathed softly from her fare rose-colored lips, softhearted-ness lacing every syllable, enunciating her mesmerizing golden eyes in which gazed at you tenderly. 

◾ With being the mate of Esme, it would be a known fact that you both together would have a strong, supporting relationship. It would be basically impossible to tear up and get you both to turn against one another.

◾ Never even thinking or acting upon leaving one another. You’re both too in love with one another to ever think of such a thing.

◾ If Esme were to ever glimpse upon you whenever you would express, react, seem cheerful, appreciative, loving, ect. it would simply make her entire eternity: This would be particular if she were to be the reason behind it. (Vice versa)

◾ Because, to her, your happiness would bring her complete bliss, ensuring that it has brightened up her day and night. (Vice versa)

◾ “I swear, if you can get any more romantic, you’re going to make me blush.” You’d flutter out, nipping your lower lip.

◾ “There is that smile I fell in love with so long ago...” Esme would utter out in a soft-spoken tone with pure bliss and love wavered within each word, as her facial expression thus changed into complete delight and pleasure. It was as though her golden butterscotch eyes were gazing straight up into heaven. 

◾ Without a doubt, it would be a known fact that there would be an enormous amount of respect, trustworthiness, faithfulness and loyalty within this relationship; making these elements inseparable and unbreakable. 

◾ Esme expressing her utmost thankfulness and joyfulness towards the thought of having you as her mate, making all the fibers in her body and soul feel over the moon with complete bliss and happiness.

◾ No matter what you were, you would simply light up her whole eternity, her love blossoming all the more, if that were even possible.

◾ With that stated; It would be unthinkable for her to ever utter a thought or ever imagine of what it would be/feel like if she had never of found you. If this was so, to her it would feel as though her immortal life were to be forever frozen in time. This without a doubt would truly and utterly shatter her un-beating heart into a billion pieces, to which it would be eternally un-fixable. 

◾ If any person/person’s (or the Volturi) were to have the intention of inflicting any pain or harm, (etc) upon you, just known that Esme -as well as all the members in the Cullen Coven- would shield you straight away from them and would tell the ‘threat’ to back off and not to go near you. You are her mate and she -as well as every member in the Cullen Coven- would protect you at all costs, even if that meant giving up her life with the chance of sparing yours. (And obviously vice versa.)

◾ “My love, your safety is one of my most important priorities.” Esme would declare out with serene-ness cascading her tone whilst the rear of her pale fingers stroked your cheek attentively. “I could not bear the thought of losing you.” She’d add on while her golden ocher eyes locked with yours. “You are the love of my life, I will always protect you, no matter the cost.” 

◾ In truth; It would be a known fact that it would make no differences to Esme if her mate were to be the same species as her and her family -vampires- or if her mate were to be human (or any other creature). At the end of the day she would have the utmost respect, fondness and affection for her mate no matter what they were, looked like, and so on. As long as you are happy and healthy, that would matter the most to her. 

◾ Esme would for sure shower her mate with many compliments every chance she could get a hold of. To her you would be the most exquisite creature/being her eyes has glimpsed upon in her whole existence. -vise versa- 

◾ Honestly, you would be showering her with everything that you possibly could offer her.

◾ “You are the most enchanting and dazzling being my eyes have ever laid upon in my many years of living, my love.” Esme breathed out lovingly while her spectacular eyes peered into your (Y/E/C) eyes with affection shining within them.

◾ Eskimos kisses.  

◾ Lot’s of hand holding.

◾ Within this enamored relationship, it would be quite uncommon for their to be any tense confrontations, bickering or clashing. The pair of you would be respective towards one another’s boundaries, in which you would do your best not to cross the lines or limits set in place.

◾ Carrying on from that point, if it was so that Esme and yourself were to get into an argument, then be assured that it would certainly not last long. Yet afterwards, it would be a common occurence that you both would head off somewhere private to apologize for each other’s behaviour, words spoken, and so on; to which you would both make up.

With that said; If Esme and you were to have a disagreement or confrontation, it would only last awhile. But soon after the both of you would go somewhere private to apologizes for your behaviour and soon make up.

◾ Although the pair of you may not argue often, it is not to say that it’s all puppy dogs, unicorns and rainbows. There will be times of friction but those come rather rarely.

◾ It would be common for Esme to speak about her human life, prior to Carlisle having turned her; well, that of what she can recall and if you were to ask her questions about it.

◾ But not only that; she would share what different time periods were like through her eyes, ears and everything, but also what it was like for all the other’s in the coven.

◾ Esme would also tell you tales of what it was like for her when she was a new born and before she met you, etc.

◾ If you were struggling or suffering from anxiety, depression or whatever it was, Esme would do her absolute best with lifting up your spirits and brightening up your life to help you in anyway that she truly could. Surely she would stay by your side, ensuring that your every need is fulfilled.

◾ Comfort, advice, an ear to listen to, tending to anything, whatever it may be, Esme would take care of it. She wouldn’t even dare to think twice over it.

◾ Since in her human life she suffered bouts of intense feelings (maybe even in her vampire life too) she would try her best to relate to you, understanding where you come from and helping cheer you up and support you in anyway that she possibly could.

◾ “For I know the hardships of having felt, thought and having been consumed within these emotions, my love... ” Esme hushed out soft-spoken-ly with comfort wavering within her tone. Tightening her arms around you, she pulled your form closer into her loving and soothing embrace, soon giving the crown of your head a soft peck with her cold lips. “For you must remember to be the strong person that always lies within you. You are stronger than you think, my love, for I believe that and have seen it with my own eyes.” Your mate added on quietly. “You will get through this and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will always be here for you, (Y/N). You will always have me, my comfort, my support... my everything.”

◾ If you were to have any talents or abilities, and so on, (as a human, vampire, etc.) Esme would be stunned, in much of a positive fashion, when you show her or tell her of it. By doing so, your mate becomes speechless, and if she could shed tears of happiness, she truly would.

◾ This would leave her incredibly intrigued with your gifts, talents, abilities and very self.

◾ “My dear one, you truly are special, the most fascinating being my eyes have ever laid upon. You are so unique, my love...” Esme would vocalize out with a large pearly white smile while watching you. “You truly are one of a kind and I would not want you any different.” 

◾ You both surprising each other with lovely homemade gifts or ones that were purchased within stores. Either way you both would still love it and would cherish it no matter what and would thank one another with a smile. 

◾ Taking lovely long walks within the forest that surrounds the Cullens house. 

◾ All the members in the Cullen Coven supporting this relationship and being overjoyed for Esme -and you- for finally finding each other. Which would end up with everyone accepting you within the Cullen family. (You both totally being everyone’s OTP no matter what...especially for Alice. She would be your guys number one shipper...like she would ship the shit out of the you two).

◾ Esme and you taking turns to plan sweet and thoughtful dates to go on and enjoying them dearly. (Alice would help you or Esme plan these dates from time to time. Only if you needed help or asked her. But let’s face it, the cute pixie will do anything to get involved.). 

◾ “This is completely breath-taking Esme...” You would utter out quietly with an expression of complete awe, whilst feeling your breath being taken away. “This...is...so...magnificent...”  

◾ “Thank you for the kind comment, my love, but it is not as breathtaking as you ...” Esme replied back with passion coursing through her body and soul as a large pearly white smile spread across her lips. 

◾ Tender kisses. 

◾ Passionate kisses. 

◾ Nose kisses. 

◾ Hugs/Cuddles. 

◾ Whenever Esme would get the chance to have some private time or alone time away from her family, she would write lovely, meaningful and thoughtful love letters about and to you. Which would be filled with the fondness she has for you, but also of how much happier she is with having you in her life.  

◾ With that declared, once finishing the love letter, Esme would send or give this love letter, filled with thoughtful words, to you; as a reminder for you to know how much love that she will forever have for.  

◾ Passionate sex. 

◾ Gentle sex. 

◾ Whispering sweet nothings to each other.

◾ Mild PDA.

◾ Overall your relationship and having each other as mates would be filled with an enormous amount of love and loyalty, (etc). Your bond with each other would grow and turn inseparable to the point that no person or no situation could come between you two. Your are hers and she is ours, forever. 

◾ GIF SOURCE - 💖

Please keep requesting imagines! If you like it, please follow for more.

[ourdomesticchurch]

The Relationship of Forgiveness and Mercy to Justice and Reconciliation

Discover both the meaning of God’s teaching on the necessity of unconditional forgiveness (mercy) and how there can be justice in forgiving even someone who isn’t sorry for the harm or evil he has done.  

Introduction

The primary text of catechesis in apostolic times was Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, which contains the teaching: “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions” (Matt 6:14-16).[1]  This sermon is a “summary of Jesus’ teaching on justice and the moral precepts appropriate for his disciples.”[2]  A key com­ponent of his teaching is The Lord’s Prayer, which the Catechism of the Catholic Church identifies as “the most perfect of prayers…[that] not only teaches us to ask for things, but also in what order we should desire them.”[3]  One of the petitions of The Lord’s Prayer is forgiveness for our sins – an act of mercy.[4]  We have hope in God’s mercy because of His unconditional love for us.  However, there is an important and daunting prerequisite:  Jesus teaches that “this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us.”[5]  The purpose of this paper is to discover both the meaning of God’s teaching on the necessity of unconditional forgiveness (mercy) and how there can be justice in forgiving even someone who isn’t sorry for the harm or evil he has done.  It will also address the fact that being open to forgiveness is an act of mercy that involves a choice by the offended person; while reconciliation is an act of justice involving both the offender and the offended. 

Unconditional Forgiveness Isn’t Optional

Throughout His public ministry, Jesus Christ teaches the necessity of forgiveness, “which is so much of the essence of the Gospel.”[6]  According to Pope St. John Paul II, Jesus teaches us about the mystery of mercy, to "forgive always," which St. Paul expressed in his exhortation to 'forbear one another in love.'"[7]  The perfect model of this forgiveness is Jesus Christ, Our Redeemer, who prayed on the Cross: “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).[8] In his “Bull of Indiction of the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy,” Pope Francis also reminds us that forgiveness is not optional:

“Pardoning offences becomes the clearest expression of merciful love, and for us Christians it is an imperative from which we cannot excuse ourselves. At times how hard it seems to forgive! And yet pardon is the instrument placed into our fragile hands to attain serenity of heart. To let go of anger, wrath, violence, and revenge are necessary conditions to living joyfully. Let us therefore heed the Apostle’s exhortation: ‘Do not let the sun go down on your anger’ (Eph 4:26). Above all, let us listen to the words of Jesus who made mercy an ideal of life and a criterion for the credibility of our faith: ‘Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy’ (Mt 5:7).”[9]

Jesus insists on forgiveness as much for the sake of the one offended as for that of the offender.  Pope Benedict XVI affirms this: “Forgiveness is not a denial of wrong-doing, but a participation in the healing and transforming love of God which reconciles and restores.”[10]  St. John Paul was convinced, by experience and by what God has revealed, that order can be fully restored to wounded mankind only through a “response that combines justice with forgiveness.”[11]  While both the granting and accepting of for­give­ness may make us appear weak or feel devalued, in reality it “leads us to a fuller and richer humanity, more radiant with the splendor of the Creator.”[12]

Forgiveness and Mercy Are Compatible with Justice

We have all been hurt, sometimes by malicious acts or words, other times by conflict or rejection, and often by unintentional insensitivity.  There are so many interactions and situations that result in deep pain and suffering or in the loss of something or someone dear.  In these instances, forgiveness can be very difficult.  Most objections to unconditional forgiveness fall under one of the following two reasons, and leads to resentment: “First, it fails to take the wrong sufficiently seriously.  Second, it may show a lack of self-respect or self-esteem.”[13] Regardless of the reason, forgiveness is not dependent upon the remorse felt and/or expressed by the offender; nor is it a prerequisite for the offender to apologize and make restitution. The true spirit of forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice to offer unconditional mercy while desiring justice that does not seek retribution but instead balances the need for correcting wrong with the desire for the good of all involved.  The idea of showing mercy (forgiving a wrong) and letting go of the desire for retribution (perceived as justice) can seem irrational and impossible.  St. John Paul points out that this difficulty often comes from thinking that justice and forgiveness are incompatible:

“But forgiveness is the opposite of resentment and revenge, not of justice… because human justice is always fragile and imperfect, subject as it is to the limitations and egoism of individuals and groups, it must include and, as it were, be completed by the forgiveness which heals and rebuilds troubled human relations from their foundations... Forgiveness is in no way opposed to justice, as if to forgive meant to overlook the need to right the wrong done. It is rather the fullness of justice… involving as it does the deepest healing of the wounds which fester in human hearts.”[14]

A prominent convert and professor, J. Budziszewski, with a special interest in virtue ethics, points out that one needs an understanding of both justice and mercy to com­prehend how to forgive when it appears impossible:

 “But to most people today it is not easy to see how justice, which involves punishment, and mercy, which involves remission or forgiveness of punishment, can both be virtues. Contemporary culture swings between an excessively softhearted interpretation of mercy which leaves no room for justice, and an excessively hardhearted interpretation of justice which leaves no room for mercy.”[15]

St. John Paul in his apostolic letter Salvifici Doloris tells us that God’s mercy “corrects in order to lead to conversion.”[16]  Even when God chastises, His "punishments were meant not for the ruin but for the correction... [and are] in fact, a sign of great kindness...Therefore He never withdraws His mercy from us" (2 Macc 6:12-13, 16). 

Forgiveness versus Reconciliation

Forgiveness, according to St. John Paul, is primarily a personal choice that has a “divine source and criterion” urging us“ to go against the natural instinct to pay back evil with evil.”[17]  St. Thomas Aquinas helps us understand the impact of this personal choice to offer forgiveness: “the interior act of virtue is a choice, the exterior act of virtue proceeds from the choice, and the disposition of virtue causes the choice.”[18]  Therefore, being open to forgiveness is a necessary disposition prior to our interior act of forgiving, which is the decision to forgive.  We may need to make the choice to forgive repeatedly when the temp­ta­tion to ill-feelings and retaliation reoccurs.  However, the offender is not a participant in this choice because our disposition, interior act, and subsequent virtuous action of forgiving occur in the private realm of the offended person’s interior.    Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling, and requires God’s grace to overlook faults, to seek healing for hurts, and to love our enemies.  Forgiveness “does not involve demanding a return or remorse from the other person: neither is it tolerating, exonerating, or condoning that person’s actions.”[19]  Another benefit is that it prevents giving the offender control over our decision to forgive, especially when the offender denies responsibility for what he has done or refuses to express any remorse.[20]  The offender, however, does maintain control over participating in reconciliation. Forgiveness “is to offer mercy to someone who has acted unjustly” [21] but “not to condone, excuse, forget, or even to reconcile.”[22]  By making the personal choice to forgive, however, we open the door to reconciliation – an act of justice that restores balance in a damaged relationship through restitution as opposed to a demand for retribution.  Acknowledging “the profound truth that reconciliation is not simply an end in itself,” the USCCB Subcommittee on the Third Millennium teaches that “reconciliation is for the sake of communion... There can be no forgiveness and reconciliation without unity and communion with God and with one another.”[23]  In 2011, Pope Benedict XVI delivered an apostolic exhortation which provided an extensive description of recon­ciliation:

“‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you’, says the Lord, and he adds ‘not as the world gives do I give to you’ (Jn 14:27).  Human peace obtained without justice is illusory and ephemeral. Human justice which is not the fruit of reconciliation in the ‘truth of love’ (Eph 4:15) remains incomplete; it is not authentic justice. Love of truth – ‘the whole truth,’ to which the Spirit alone can lead us (cf. Jn 16:13) – is what marks out the path that all human justice must follow if it is to succeed in restoring the bonds of fraternity...Reconciliation, then, is not limited to God’s plan to draw estranged and sinful humanity to himself in Christ through the forgiveness of sins and out of love. It is also the restoration of relationships between people through the settlement of differences and the removal of obstacles to their relationships in their experience of God’s love... In the wake of a conflict, reconciliation...restores a union of hearts and serene coexistence... Victims have a right to truth and justice.”[24]

Reconciliation is an act of justice, which is a virtue “directed toward the common good… [and] is essentially directed toward what is right (fair and equal) in our relation­ships with others.”[25]  According to St. Aquinas: “Unlike other virtues, justice is always ‘other’-regarding.”[26]  Falling under “commutative justice,” recon­cili­ation “preserves an equality between persons by rendering what is due to each [person]… in situations in which the suffering or loss of one is balanced by the suffering or loss of another.”[27]  While “restitution is an act of commutative justice,”[28] “a person establishes the equality of justice by doing good… and preserves the already established equality of justice by declining from evil.”[29]  This means that we “do good by… respecting the just claims of other persons, and we avoid evil by avoiding harm… to other individual persons.” [30] Therefore, reconciliation requires participation of both the offended and the offender:   

“Jesus called for replacing ‘an eye for an eye’ with love for one's enemies (Mt. 5:38-43). Following this call, Pope John Paul II argued that forgiveness must often accompany justice if reconciliation is to be obtained; otherwise retributive justice may lock people into a repetitive cycle of violence and counterviolence rather than leading to recon­ciliation.” [31]        

Summary

This paper discussed Jesus’ teaching that God's forgiveness and mercy are contingent upon our first forgiving others.  Unconditional mercy by forgiving trespasses is required, even when the offender does not have remorse.  Forgiveness is a personal choice to show mercy to the offender and, accordingly, requires an act of mercy on the part of the offended person.  In addition, forgiveness shows an openness to reconciliation, which is an act of justice requiring collaboration and participation by both the offender and the offended to restore the relationship. In The Lord’s Prayer, Jesus teaches us to maintain a disposition of forgiveness and openness to reconciliation as a condition for God’s forgiveness.  St. Aquinas explains that “whoever is so disposed that he is prepared to give pardon to anyone who asks, he will not lose the fruit of this prayer as long as in general he does not have hatred for anyone.[32]  Therefore, a person who has chosen forgiveness and who is open and ready for reconciliation indicates the reality of a decision that is not dependent upon a request from the offender, but on the mercy and love within his interior.  The words of St. John Paul, in his message for the celebration of the World Day of Peace, summarize the thesis of this paper wonderfully:

“My reasoned conviction, confirmed in turn by biblical revelation, is that the shattered order cannot be fully restored except by a response that combines justice with forgiveness. The pillars of true peace are justice and that form of love which is forgiveness… The followers of Christ, baptized into his redeeming Death and Resurrection, must always be men and women of mercy and forgiveness.”[33]     

[1] All biblical citations in this paper are taken from the New American Bible, Revised ed. (Charlotte, NC: Saint Benedict Press, 2010), unless otherwise noted.

[2] Servais Pinckaers, The Sources of Christian Ethics, Translated from the 3rd ed. By Mary Thomas Noble. (Washington, D.C.: The Catholic University of America Press, 1995), 164.

[3] Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2nd ed. (Washington, DC: United States Catholic Conference, 2000), § 2763.

[4] Ibid., § 2838.

[5] Ibid., § 2840.

[6] John Paul II, Dives in Misericordia, Vatican Website, Nov. 30, 1980, § 14, accessed Apr. 3, 2018. http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_jp-ii_enc_30111980_dives-in-misericordia.html.

[7] Ibid.  

[8] Ibid., § 15.

[9] Francis, Misericordiae Vultus, Vatican Website, Apr. 11, 2015, § 9, accessed Apr. 4, 2018, https://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_letters/documents/papa-francesco_bolla_20150411_misericordiae-vultus.html.

[10] Benedict XVI, “Message on the Occasion of the 18th Plenary Session of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences,” Vatican Website, Apr. 27, 2012, accessed Apr. 4, 2018, https://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/messages/pont-messages/2012/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20120427_social-sciences.pdf.

[11] John Paul II, “No Peace without Justice, No Justice without Forgiveness," Vatican Website, January 1, 2002, § 10, accessed April 3, 2018, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/messages/peace/documents/hf_jp-ii_mes_20011211_xxxv-world-day-for-peace.pdf.

[12] Ibid., § 9.

[13] Eve Garrard and David McNaughton, “In Defense of Unconditional Forgiveness,” Proceedings of the Aristotelian Society 103, no. 1 (September 2002): 40, accessed April 6, 2018, http://at.opal-libraries.org/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=aph&AN=9859752&site=ehost-live

[14] John Paul II, “No Peace without Justice, No Justice without Forgiveness," § 3.

[15] J. Budziszewski, Commentary on Thomas Aquinas's Virtue Ethics (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2017), 160.

[16] John Paul II, Salvifici Doloris [Christian Meaning of Suffering], Vatican Website, February 11, 1984, § 12, accessed April 3, 2018, https://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/1984/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_11021984_salvifici-doloris.pdf.

[17] John Paul II, “No Peace without Justice, No Justice without Forgiveness," § 8.

[18] Budziszewski, Aquinas's Virtue Ethics, 160.

[19] George F.R. Ellis, “Afterword:  Exploring the Unique Role of Forgiveness.” In Forgiveness and Reconciliation: Public Policy & Conflict Transformation, (Radnor, PA: Templeton Foundation Press, 2001), 405.

[20] Ibid.

[21] Robert D. Enright and Chad M. Magnuson, “The Church as Forgiving Community: An Initial Model,” Journal of Psychology and Theology 36, no. 2, (June 2008): 114, accessed April 12, 2018, http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/009164710803600204.

[22] Ibid.

[23] Subcommittee on the Third Millennium, Jubilee 2000: A Year of the Lord’s Favor – A Reflection on Forgiveness and Reconciliation, (Washington D.C.: United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 1998), 13.

[24] Benedict XVI, Africae Munus [Post-Synodal Apostolic Exhortation on the Church in Africa in Service to Reconciliation, Justice and Peace], Vatican Website, November 19, 2011, accessed April 16, 2018, § 18, 20-21, http://w2.vatican.va/content/benedict-xvi/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20111119_africae-munus.pdf.

[25] Christopher Kaczor and Thomas Sherman, Thomas Aquinas on The Cardinal Virtues: Edited and Explained for Everyone (Ave Maria, FL: Sapientia Press, 2009), 60.

[26] Ibid., 59.

[27] Ibid., 61.

[28] Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, trans. Fr. Laurene Shapcote, vol. 17 (Lander, WY: The Aquinas Institute for the Study of Sacred Doctrine, 2012), IIa-IIae, q. 62, a. 1.

[29] Aquinas, Summa Theologiae, IIa-IIae, q. 79, a. 1, quoted in Kaczor and Sherman, Aquinas on Cardinal Virtues, 62.

[30] Kaczor and Sherman, Aquinas on Cardinal Virtues, 62.

[31] David Hollenbach, “Reconciliation and Justice: Ethical Guidance for a Broken World,” Promotio Justitiae 103, no. 3, (Rome: 2009): 2, accessed March 15, 2018, http://sjweb.info/sjs/pjnew/PJShow.cfm?pubTextID=8469

[32] Thomas Aquinas, Commentary on the Gospel of Matthew, Aquinas Institute, Inc., version: 18.0323.1929, 2018, chap 6, lec 3, § 957, accessed April 3, 2018, https://aquinas.cc/180/182/~1698.

[33] John Paul II, “Celebration of the World Day of Peace," § 2, 7.

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[joneswilliam72]

The Power of Connection

Warm nights are one of my favorites. When I was in graduate school in Chicago, my body and mind would recall the feelings and sensations of what it would be like after a long day of classes and back-to-back clients from my internship. I dreaded coming back to the apartment: plopping down only to stare into space, sinking into nothingness. But, it was times like these where I knew I can drop it all — the backpack, the burden off my back, at least for the moment, and comfortably snug on my sneakers and head out.

Walking around neighborhoods in a city is one of the things I absolutely enjoy doing. “What a privilege”, I thought to myself as I walked out. As much of my identity is tied to my ‘Asian-American-ness’ and being a minority, it doesn’t exempt me from experiencing and having privilege. I am always reminded of the privilege I have of living in a relatively safe neighborhood, of being able to afford and have choices of where I’d prefer to live, and even being able to walk outside and not be (completely) filled with utmost fear. So, it is this privilege that I am thankful for in recognizing and even enjoying on countless nights in the city of Chicago. Walking gives me, not only opportunities to see my own neighbors, places, and homes around my apartment, but also the spirit or the culture in the area surrounding me. I’ve realized that I get such comfort from being able to catch glimpses of the televisions through the windows or curtains as I’m passing by these nice homes. Perhaps it’s the comfort of knowing that everyone is simply just living their lives… seemingly ‘normal’, or at least giving off that sense of normalcy. I saw glimpses of the Cubs game that night, the Nuggets vs. Wolves basketball game, Netflix shows and movies, The Voice. Perhaps it’s the fact that these glimpses are reminders that “you are not alone.”

With transitions such as: moving away from familiar people and places, planting oneself in a new culture and environment, entering a new life stage, change itself can be and feel seemingly sudden, drastic. Now that I have just moved out of Chicago and into the city of Seattle, I have found myself confronted with ways to grasp at connection, at fighting the feeling of being alone. With the specific transitions and change of close friendships, now to long-distance friendships, or even no more friendships at all… loneliness can be inevitable.

Yes, just because I’m a therapist, doesn’t mean I never feel the concept of loneliness. Yes, just because I am newly married, doesn’t mean I never feel alone or far away from what it means to feel sadness. But in all this, I was reminded of the power of connection. The feeling of an every-day goodbye kiss or word from my husband as he leaves for work, the weekly dinners a friend hosts for people to get together, hilarious animoji’s sent via iMessage, a phone call or visit to the elderly parents or grandparents in your life, the touch of their hands on top of yours assuring you that you’ll be okay.

In an NYT article, Heather Murphy described studies that showed recipients of “thank you” emails, notes or letters, actually felt more “ecstatic” than the writers expected. Ultimately, what can also be derived from these findings is that it is another piece of connection people can create and have with each other. Nowadays, with the rise of social media and technology making connections with others seamless and “easy”, you would think the sense of belonging and loneliness have diminished. In a sense, I truly believe that social media has played a huge part in keeping people connected and together. But at the same time, there can be ways that this goes awry and contributes to the epidemic of loneliness altogether.

In an email (our attempt to stay connected with each other despite years of distance), a good friend of mine wrote, “crazy interesting to see the difference in society culture between one of the poorest countries in the world (Benin) to one of the richest (Switzerland). I’ve reflected a lot about how having such a rich society makes it more difficult to build new communities and relationships because people don’t need each other like they do in developing countries.”

I stare and think: wow. What a reflection. What brings the connection pieces to the next level of relationship building? What does it mean to need each other? And why is it deemed a ‘weakness’ here in America, to admit that we do, in fact, need each other. In the midst of all our “stuff” (or lack thereof), are we making meaningful connections? We, as human beings, are created in such a way that is filled with diversity, no two people are the same. Yet instead of relishing and collaborating with the differences we bring to the table, we oftentimes only know how to isolate, fight, or oppress the other. We lose and miss the opportunity for connection, for the power of belonging.

Loneliness can contribute to physical and emotional health manifestations such as: heart disease, type 2 diabetes, increase of stress hormones, insomnia, depression, anxiety. Yet, connection and belonging may strengthen your immune system, recover from diseases faster, lower rates of depression and anxiety, increase self-esteem, openness, empathy, trust and cooperation with others. This connectedness, therefore, generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional and physical well-being.

What a difference it makes to come out of hiding. What a difference it makes to have a safe space, whether physical or through others embodying trust and compassion. Cherish the connections and meaningful relationships that you have in your lives right now. And for those who don’t, if you are willing, take a leap of faith and reach out, search for the little (or big) ways that you can be connected and begin the journey of building safe relationships around you.

Tina Choi is a mental health therapist born and raised in NYC, now living in Seattle. "I'm an Asian-American woman who loves the arts and culture and aspire to break down barriers to knowing and understanding mental health more through writing. I'm simply a curious mind hoping to bring into the light things that may be seemingly hidden. Not to mention, I love a good old story." The original feature can be found over here. We recommend following her on Medium.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2DFBcIy

[thenewbrotherhood]

Tamsin *I knew that I was running late, I had picked up some private work and it was keeping me busy, away from the mansion, away from the twins but...I hung my head, tired and placed my key into the lock. Opening the massive door to the fragrance of..what was that? Pasta, tomato, and burnt bread. But it did smell good. Who was in my kitchen?* Ahxis Hearing the sound of the key in the lock, Ax frantically searched the kitchen to see what he still needed to do before Tam walked in. Aside from needing to wash what looked like every surface and appliance (he'd get to that later) everything seemed ready. Nervously tucking his long hair behind his ears, he leaned back against the counter attempting a casual pose; only to jerk upright and try leaning with one arm on the table. Shit! That looked even stupider. Taking up his beer he drained it and rush for the fridge for a fresh one, just as he heard Tamsin in the hall. Tamsin *Wandering in slowly, making my way through the house and towards the scents. I had a soft smile on my face as I could hear a shuffling and the rattle of beer bottles. Dropping my bag down on the sofa in the sitting room next to the kitchen I called out. My voice light and curious* Hello, hello...who's making a mess....? *laughing softly under my breath as I enter the kitchen, my eyes do go a little wide at the sight that greats me, but as I see who it is...I sigh happily, and my lips break into a wide smile* Ax this is all you. *taking in the good in the table* Ahxis As soon as he heard her teasing "who's making a mess" all nerves left him and his face broke out into a huge shit-eating grin just as Tam entered the kitchen. Throeing his arms wide, he laughed and yelled. “Surprise!” Tamsin *my eyes bright darting around the kitchen, my lips in a smirk, then resting on you, making may way to stand in front, a hand resting on your stomach* this all looks...fantastic Ax...but you do know Rosebud, I'm not cleaning it up... Ahxis “Nope, not tonight you aren't.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “What kind of a surprise would it be if I left you the mess?” Ax gave her a squeeze and winked. “I'm not Ahtlas.” Tamsin Mmm...*leaning into your side, feeling tiny, even though I wasn't. Loving the way you enveloped me* Aht rarely washes up, does he. I think we should call him out on that one. *leaning up to place a kiss on your cheek* now I want to eat this feast you have prepared. Ahxis “Won't do any good. Addy used to always try and shame him into it...” Realizing that he'd just shared more than he meant to, Ax ducked his head and reached to pull her chair out. “Sit, sit.” Once she was settled he slipped into the chair across the table. “I hope it's edible...” Tamsin *you rarely talked about you sister. The pain you felt over her passing the rawest thing I had ever seen, and felt. So I sat ready to eat, not saying anything related to Addy,looking over at you, smiling softly. Waiting for you to start eating* and what bought on this surprise? Ahxis Ax served up a big scoop of noodles and sauce onto Tam's plate and then held out the plate containing the resurrected garlic bread. “Beeeecuzz, you are always doing things for Aht and me...uncle too. Thought you'd more than earned a meal you didn't have to fix.” Tamsin *nodding as I make as I lift my fingers up to make sure you give me more than one piece of garlic bread. Smiling as you do* I know...I know...all of this care for three grown males, one a Brother...huge, massive makes and still without a doggen. *my face is serious and my tone, but there is such a twinkle in my eye* Ahxis Ahxis had just spooned his mouth full of spaghetti as Tamsin mentioned her need for a doggen once again. Holding up a finger, indicating she needed to wait just a moment. He chewed as quickly as he could without looking like a cow and fished into his front pocket, withdrawing a rumpled piece of paper. Trying to swallow, he passed the paper with the phone number and name, @ReluctantDoggen written on it in small block letters. “Wassiteer gwave us...” Finally able to swallow, he tried again. “Lassiter. The angel said this guy is one of a kind. I'm going to give him a call. His name's Todd.” Tamsin *I wasn't sure why this struck me as funny but it was, as I watched you pull all that food into your mouth, try to speak and then I heard the name I burst into pure laughter, holding my belly as I jiggled my fork in the other.* Todd? His name is Todd! *looking down at the card* oh and look it doesn't have a hhhhhh in it...how is this possible? *I was looking at you with shining eyes, perhaps I was making too much of this but it felt good to be laughing for something as simple as a name, it felt normal* Ahxis Ahxis chuckled right along with her. “I know right? I at first thought Lassiter was just yanking my chain, but he said, nope. The guy's a doggen named Todd. I can just guess what he looks like.” He laughed some more. “But we do need the help, so I say we give the guy a call. If he's worked for the screwy angel for long, I can just bet that he's seen some ‘things’...” Tamsin *Reaching over the table I take your hand, running my thumb over the top of it. My eyes resting there for a moment. So many thoughts rush through my mind but I settle on a simple question.* I'm sure he has, I can barely begin to imagine. *pausing to take up my food* Are the doggen special? I've never met one. Tell me a little about what they are like. I know they are faithful and hardworking. Very skilled. *I make a happy sound as I finally place some of your food in my mouth* Mmm...is good... Ahxis Frozen at the unexpected praise for his cooking, Ax just set in complete silence and watched Tam try out his food. When the silence stretched on just a bit too long, he realized he was gapping at her and cleared his throat in self-consciousness. “Uhhh, good, I'm glad you can eat it....and doggen? The few we had in South Carolina before we came here were all members of one extended family. They thought it was a great honor to care for the House of Rathboone. But we were the lucky ones.” Tamsin *I shook my head a little at your reaction, then I listened* Ax your food isn't bad at all. I mean you do watch me a bit. Don't think I don't know you are taking something in. If you can't be a better cook with me in the house, I would see it as a failing. *grining as I place more food in my mouth, swallowing* but they know about...us. Vampires. That's really interesting. And yet they don't tell humans about any of it? That's a lot of faith. Ahxis “We need each other, after all they aren't human either. Better that they just go on about their business without any thought of ‘others’ being out there.” Tamsin *I nodded but of course my curiosity was on alert. As it always was. I had wondered about the Doggen for a while now, and it amazed me that even the twins, who were from a old and important family, didn't know much. Just another mystery. Perhaps never too be solved* you must care for those who served your family very much. It will be a gift to have someone like that here. Ahxis He thought about that for a minute while he refilled his fork. “Yeah, maybe this place won't feel so big anymore.” Ax took a bite and exaggerated his moan of pleasure...he wasn't above playing for a compliment. I mean, geeze, just how often DID he cook anyway? Tamsin *as you let out a sound that could only be described as a mix of bear and whale, my fork flopped in my hand and I eyed you, laughing quietly* Ax......are you alright? The food is great you know...no need to make that sound. I've heard much better from you. *Smirking as I waited for you to say, anything* Ahxis “Why would they say anything about us? They aren't human and certainly don't owe them anything or want anyone up into their bizz-ness.” Ax heard the rest of Tam's comments and nearly didn't get his food all the way swallowed. He could just imagine what sounds she was trying to tease him about. God, the hoped he wasn't blushing. Grinning, he gave her a wink and kept his trap shut. Tamsin *taking the chance to smile over at you one more time, knowing the effect it still had on you, no matter how long we had known each other a soft smile this time, laying a hand over yours, my food almost finished in front of me* these things interest me. To you it’s all day to day. Normal. I still don't understand even simple things about this world. You know how curious I am. Ahxis Ax looked at her lovely face a little more closely. “Huh...you're right. I forget that it hasn't been all that long for you, since you joined our world. You know, I'm sure I couldn't have adapted to everything you've seen as well as you've done.” He shook his head slightly and gave her tiny hand a squeeze. “You really are something special” and the tone he spoke those words with, left little doubt to how in awe he was of her. “Totally amazing...” Tamsin *My eyes bright as they drift up to yours, darting down to our hands and there is a quick intake of breath. There was just so much feeling in your words. Not only the words themselves. My thumb caressed your palm, as a soft smile never left my lips* I seem to be built for taking indescribable change in my stride. But all of what you think is amazing wouldn't be...couldn't be, without you. You have been my rock. The one thing that keeps me whole. Ahxis Ax grinned back and his mind ran over all the changes they'd all been through in the last year. There was no way it would have gone as well as it had without her presence. He nodded to acknowledge her faith in him. ‘We make a good team, you and me....and Ahtlas too.” He sat back and laid down his fork. “In fact I preeeeeedict.....” He waved his hand around like a magician conjuring a spell. “Only good things for all of us, from here on out.” He spread his fingers as if releasing a burst of magic. “Boom!” Tamsin *There was still a smile on my face, always a smile of some sort for you, even if it was soft, or on the inside hidden by the situations we had been in. But now I laughed as well, and my eyes went wide, as I watched the sparkle in your eyes and the gestures. I tilted my head and tapped my lips* Ax...you have such a look, again, what do I know? First the food and a vague promise of even more, excitement.... *I stood and took your plate from the table with my own, looking over my shoulder* I...Mmm...do I like surprises anymore? *grinning as I placed the dishes in the sink* Ahxis Taking the bait, Ax rose grinning from the table and moved over to wrap his arms around Tamsin's waist, encircling her from behind. “Ohhh, I think you might could be persuaded to like a surprise every now and then.” He buried his face in the soft hair against her neck and slowly ran his nose up to her ear. Speaking now in a voice as soft as a whisper. “ Depending on where it was coming from...hum?” Tamsin *The feel of you against me made me smirk. Standing at the counter wrapped in you just as I'd wished. I was always surprised at your size, height and the way your arms that could destroy as well as become a protective barrier against all the world. Pulling your arms around me a little tighter. Lifting my face a little with closed eyes as I took a breath, a moment to enjoy the way you embraced me. The whisper of your words make a tender laugh escape my throat* You are being so very suave today Ax...are you hoping to get something from all this? Ahxis Ax chuckled softly. “I'm sure you meant to say, gee Ax, you are as smooth and suave as I always remember you...” He placed a kiss to the corner of her eye. “And the only thing I'm wanting is for you to have a nice dinner that you didn't have to slave over. What say I leave this kitchen disaster until dawn and you and I curl up with some Netflix? We can finish Stranger Things... you know I can't go to the Upside Down without you...” Tamsin *Nodding as I looked around the kitchen, very glad I wouldn't have to clean it up this time, that was the greatest kindness. Leaning up to smile and capture your lips with mine for a brief moment, a wash of, relief, happiness passed over me. Tugging you by your arms towards the lounge room.* I know...it's a scary thing compared to what we have faced. I really do hope monsters like that don't exist, *looking at you with concern for a moment as I directed us to the sofa* wait? They don't do they? Ahxis Ax took a seat on the sofa and pulled Tamsin down next to him. “You're safe from all monsters when you're with me, Tam.” He used the remote to switch on the flat screen and punched up where they'd left off watching the week before.

[leonbloder]

Your Will and God’s Will Are Not Adversaries

When I was in middle school, my family attended a small independent, fundamentalist Baptist church in Colorado. I remember the pastor as a fairly likable guy. He was quick with a smile, always wore cowboy boots, and kind of looked like Elvis.

But when he got into the pulpit, it was like an evil spirit would come over him.  I have a memory of listening to a recording of one of his sermons once.  I can't recall the context, but I distinctly remember a portion of what he shouted at the top of his lungs.  

"YOU'RE EVIL!  YOU'RE ROTTEN TO THE CORE!  YOUR MOUTH IS EVIL!  YOUR TEETH ARE EVIL!  YOUR TONGUE IS EVIL!"  

Needless to say, we didn't stay at that church very long.  You can only take so much of that kind of stuff and it starts to wear on you.  

My former pastor was convinced that the true nature of humanity was corrupt and terrible.  It informed every aspect of his life, and drove him to be an angry, judgmental, self-absorbed kind of Christian.  

Sadly, there are a lot of people who have let their understanding of Christianity be formed and informed by that kind of thinking.  They might not use the same fire and brimstone words as my former pastor, but the basic sentiment is still there.  

By way of comparison, read the following statement from 20th century theologian, Presbyterian missionary and author E. Stanley Jones:  

"My will and God's will are not adversaries... The will of God is always our highest interest.  I am fulfilled when I make Him my center."  

The difference is remarkable.  Jones doesn't shy away from acknowledging the holiness and "other-ness" of God, but in his words there's so much more hope, grace and room for God's love to grow within the heart of the Believer.

In the Apostle Paul's letter to the Romans he writes about the way God sees us, and uses these beautiful words that are found in The Message:

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. (Romans 5:1)

The essential message of Christianity is not how God deigns to stoop to our low estate in order to pluck us depraved and awful human beings from destruction if we do and say the right things.  

The essential message of Christianity is how God looks past our brokenness, our frail attempts at doing life on our own, and sees who we really are.  And in God's grace, mercy and love, he restores us to be the people God has always dreamed for us to be:  Our true selves.  

Go and be your true self today.  Live into the hope of God's Great Big Story of Redemption.  Look out into the world with a hopeful gaze.  Let your heart be opened to all those children of God around you, who desperately need to be told they are loved, forgiven and set free to fulfill God's dreams for their lives.  

And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you now and always. Amen.

[romancatholicreflections]

9th January >> Daily Reflection on Today's Mass Readings (Isaiah 40:1-5,9-11; Titus 2:11-14;3:2-7; Luke 3:15-16,21-22) for Roman Catholics on the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord

Commentary on Isaiah 40:1-5,9-11; Titus 2:11-14;3:2-7; Luke 3:15-16,21-22 THE BAPTISM OF JESUS is the third of three great manifestations or revelations which characterise the Christmas season. Today is a kind of transition. We have come to the end of the Christmas season. Yesterday was “Twelfth Night”, the last of the twelve days of Christmas and now we are entering the first week of the Ordinary Season. (Today is also the First Sunday in Ordinary Time, although it is never celebrated. However, the prayers of its Mass will be said during the week.) The three great revelations we have been celebrating are: a. Christmas: when God comes among us with the Good News for the poor, the outcast and the sinner. This is Luke’s version, where Jesus is born in poverty and the first to come to pay him homage are poor and marginalised shepherds. b. Epiphany: when God comes among us with a message of salvation for everyone, for all the people of the world, and not just for one select group. This is Matthew’s version and the description of the strange visitors from the East. c. Baptism of Jesus: God is seen as specially present in Jesus and working in him and through him. Why baptise Jesus? We might ask ourselves: Why did Jesus need to be baptised? Most of those coming to John the Baptist were repentant sinners. Our baptism, too, is partly to rescue us from the power of sin by being bathed in the redemptive love of Christ. How does Jesus himself fit into this? We always say that he is like us in all things, except sin. Moreover, John clearly states that he himself is not the Messiah but only the fore-runner, the herald of his coming. He is not even worthy to undo the sandals of the One who is coming. Undoing sandals was something only slaves did. John felt that, in Jesus’ case, he was not even worthy to do that. And yet – Jesus is to be baptised by John. Two answers There are two answers we can give to this question: a. By being baptised in the River Jordan with all those self-proclaimed sinners, Jesus shows his total solidarity with us. “The Word was made flesh and lived among us,” says John’s gospel. He does not say that the Word was made a human person but that ‘he was made flesh’. In biblical language, ‘flesh’ has all the connotations of our human weaknesses. In becoming a human person, Jesus identified with us not just in our humanity but in our weak human-ness. Jesus had the same feelings and reactions that we have; only he never did sin or do anything wrong. This solidarity was indicated by the criticism of the Pharisees that Jesus spent so much time eating and drinking with sinners and outcasts. Despite his dignity and rank as Son of God, as Messiah, Jesus never did require any external signs of privilege. Most of the time, he looked just the same as everyone else. And, when he got up in the synagogue of his home town and began to amaze people with his insight, his neighbours could not understand it. They had lived for years with him and had no idea of this side of his person. b. Secondly, something different is happening here beyond an ordinary baptism. Luke says significantly that Jesus was at prayer when his baptism took place. At all the significant moments in his public life, Luke represents Jesus as praying. It was at this moment that the Spirit of God in the visible form of a dove comes down on Jesus. A voice, clearly that of the Father, says, “You are my Son, the Beloved; my favour rests on you.” It is clearly a form of “missioning” for Jesus. We could call it is his ‘Pentecost’ experience. It is a clear endorsement from his Father for the work that Jesus is about to begin. (Another important endorsement will come at the Transfiguration.) So, through his baptism, Jesus is being officially commissioned to begin his public work of teaching, healing and liberating enslaved souls up to the climactic moment of his passion, death and resurrection. What is Jesus’ mission? And what is that work that Jesus is to accomplish through his teaching, preaching and healing? That is described in the First Reading from Isaiah and the Second Reading from the Letter to Titus. Isaiah promises that valleys will be filled and mountains and hills made low as all obstacles will be removed and the glory of God will be revealed and made accessible to all. The Lord is coming in the person of Jesus: “He will feed his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms and carry them in his bosom and gently lead the mother sheep.” He is the Bread of Life and the Good Shepherd. In the Second Reading the Lord comes to bring salvation and wholeness to all and to help us leave behind all “worldly passions”, all those appetites and longings which are ultimately destructive and harmful to our proper destiny. And our baptism is linked with that of Jesus: “For when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of any works of righteousness that we had done, but according to his mercy through the water of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” The Word became flesh so that we could be liberated from the sinful inclinations of the flesh. His baptism also for us At his baptism, that Spirit came down on Jesus. It was not for him alone but so that he might bring “true justice” to all. A just society is one where everyone has what they need to have, where their dignity is respected and affirmed and where people live in right relationships with each other. So, later in his gospel Matthew applies the words of the prophet Isaiah to Jesus: He will not argue or shout, or make loud speeches in the streets. He will not break off a bent reed, Or put out a flickering lamp. He will persist until he causes justice to triumph, And in him all peoples will put their hope (Matthew 12:19-20a). Here expressed in truly poetic images is a picture of the compassionate Jesus who welcomed sinners and sat down to eat with them; the Good Shepherd who left the ninety-nine “good” ones to go and find just one which had gone astray to bring it back. Continuing to quote from Isaiah, Matthew applies these words explicitly to Jesus: Faithfully he brings true justice; he will neither waver, nor be crushed until true justice is established on earth (Matthew 12:20b-21. Jesus, in spite of hostility, rejection and efforts to destroy him, will persevere to the end. In fact, it will be in his apparent destruction, his degrading death as a public criminal that he will galvanise millions to follow him for centuries to come. Jesus’ work is above all to liberate us and set us free. For all of this, Jesus was baptised and commissioned by his Father. Reflecting on our own baptism Today is an opportunity for all of us to reflect on our own baptism. It is not something which happened a long time and which “made” us Catholics. It is not just a ceremony lasting a few minutes which produces magical effects; it is the beginning of a lifelong journey. It is the beginning of a process of growing into the Body of Christ as its members. Our baptism is essentially a community experience; it is not just a private or a family event although in the way it was “celebrated” it may have looked like that. It involves active participation in the life of the Church and not just passive membership. Perhaps we could paraphrase the words of John F. Kennedy in his inaugural address: “Ask not what the Church can do for you but what you can do for the Church.”   Each one of us is called to be a living witness to the Gospel: to be the salt of the earth, a city on a hill, a lamp radiating light for all. Our baptism is a never-ending call to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. Every word of Isaiah can also be applied to each one of us who has been baptised. So let us today renew our faith in and our commitment to follow Jesus. Let us re-affirm our readiness to carry on his work. For it is a sobering fact that without our co-operation, much of God’s work will never get done.