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cathoderaysunshinebeaver · 3 years

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Heretic/Hexen

I love Doom. I’ve never made an attempt to list my favorite video games in a numerical order, but if I did, Doom would likely be one of the highest, if not #1. I’m also a big fan of the “dark fantasy” aesthetic, so discovering the Heretic/Hexen series was a treat, to say the least.

Released in 1994, Heretic was built using the Doom engine by Raven Software, with John Romero himself having helped the team set up their computers and teaching them the basics of how he would make maps for the game. With this in mind, you’d be forgiven for saying what a lot of reviewers said at the time: this game looks like a Doom reskin with a fantasy theme.

This sentiment mostly applies to the first game, Heretic. But in a sea of other “Doom clones” released at the time, it is definitely one of the more competent ones. You play as Corvus, one of the few surviving elves in a world overtaken by the evil Serpent Riders, who have decided to exterminate all the elves because their magical powers make them resistant to the mind control spells the Serpent Riders use to conquer and subjugate realm after realm on their quest for world domination. Unsurprisingly, Corvus is out for revenge, and the end goal of the game is to hunt down and kill the first of the three Serpent Riders, D’Sparil.

The gameplay in Heretic is more similar to Doom than in the later games, but it does the Doom formula well. Most weapons have a distinct counterpart in the game it is based on: the Elven Wand is your pistol, the Dragon Claw is your chaingun, the Ethereal Crossbow is your shotgun, and so on. They are satisfying to use (save the wand, arguably), and look deliciously fantasy-eque, with beautiful spritework. The levels are split into a familiar structure, featuring three episodes with nine levels each (and two more episodes released as an expansion pack). The enemies are varied, with pretty animations and distinct sounds, and play into the Doom experience very well in that the combinations and locations of enemies in each area lends itself to very different strategies (although “run really fast and blast everyone with the crossbow” rarely fails on most difficulties). The two expansion episodes are considerably more challenging, and will require more quick thinking and ammo, sorry, mana conservation. Definitely a fun romp.

The sequel, Hexen, is where the series starts finding it’s own unique twist on the genre, and is the by many regarded as the “classic” that really put the franchise on the map. Again, you’re playing as a vindictive hero on a quest to liberate their realm from the Serpent Riders. This time it’s Korax, the second out of the three. However, now you’ve got to pick a class. This is the first big difference you’ll notice when starting the game. Corvus is MIA from his last adventure, and instead your choice of protagonist is between Baratus the Fighter, Parias the Cleric, and Daedolon the mage. While the game isn’t an RPG, these characters all have different stats when it comes to running speed and base HP. More importantly, they each have access to their own unique set of weapons. Mana is shared between the weapons, which are now split into green, blue and dual mana types, but they all behave very differently. For example, the fighter’s weapons are mostly of the melee variety and consume mana rapidly only for special attack modes, as they can still be swung without mana. The mage on the other hand uses his bare hands to cast a lot of his spells, but they do not burn through mana nearly as quickly. Unsurprisingly, the cleric is a hybrid, and uses both a spiked club and a mix of magical weapons. An “ultimate” weapon is also available to each class, which must be assembled from parts and consumes both blue and green mana, but has really devastating attacks (the cleric’s “Wraithverge” summons ghosts that scream like banshees and tear every nearby enemy to shreds; it’s just as metal as it sounds)!

Beyond the class differences, the level structure is the other major difference between Heretic and Hexen. Instead of a linear series of levels, each episode is now defined by a hub level with many branching areas that can usually be visited in any order. You need to find key items and activate switches in each one to open the way to the next world, and many areas within each sub-level are also locked until you find the right key/switch in a completely different area. As would be expected, this new spin on the level progression comes with both pros and cons. Few players today will be able to complete the game without ever looking at a walkthrough, and based on some comments I’ve read, this is one of those games that many people in the 90s would only dream of beating on their own. That said, there are very few instances where pulling a switch won’t at the very least give you a short message indicating it’s purpose (i.e. “A door has opened in the Wastelands”), and even then those with enough patience will rarely feel completely lost if they’re willing to backtrack systematically through every area over and over, taking note of every single locked door and unreachable area. I doubt it’s something the majority of gamers enjoy doing, but if you’re the type who would rather give up before accepting a hint, I’m happy to report that this game IS beatable even with your play style.

On the other hand, this structure also adds a lot to the feeling of being on a dangerous, epic quest. Metroidvania fans know that there are few things as satisfying as picking up a key and thinking “hey, I recognize this symbol! Now I can finally see what’s behind that door in the swamp!”. Uncovering the world bit by bit in this fashion really lends an air of mystery to the land of Cronos (where Hexen is set), and truly gives you that classic feeling of “pride and accomplishment” when you’re finally able to descend into that forbidding temple that’s been looming on the horizon for so long. And for those of you who are worried you won’t get to blast enough monsters to get your fill, this game still has you covered.

The enemies in Hexen are just as threatening as those in Heretic, and they look even better this time (seriously, if you enjoyed the visual aspect of Heretic, Hexen steps it up tenfold with truly gorgeous sprites, textures, animations and even some environmental visual effects, like thick mist and dead leaves blowing in the wind). You’ve got a fantastic cast of evil wizards, zombies, dog-like orcs, Minotaurs and more types of dragons and dragon hybrids than you could shake a Mace of Contrition at. A good amount of the baddies are initially very similar to those in Heretic, but their attacks are more distinct, varied and dangerous, and there are a whole lot more of these guys this time around. If you have the enemy counter turned on in your automap it won’t be uncommon to see the numbers exceed 400, and some of the weaker enemies will even respawn after a while. Don’t worry though, it’s not frequent enough to be stressful, but instead it really helps the backtracking from getting too tedious. Key hunting is a lot more intense when you never know if an Ettin is waiting around the corner to cave your skull in! However, if you’ve seen any other reviews of this game, you’ve heard a lot of grief expressed in regards to the Minotaurs (and their big brothers, the Maulotaurs). They aren’t the strongest foe in the game, but their shields, their surprise lighting bolts and their sheer numbers can definitely be a pain in the gluteus maximus. On the plus side, it makes killing them all the more satisfying, and you’ll find yourself experimenting quite a bit with your weapons and items to figure out the safest and quickest way to end their existence.

That’s right, I forgot to mention the items. The third and last major difference between Doom and these games is your inventory. The items are largely the same in all the games in the series, and using them can be a bit of a hassle unless you’re willing to fiddle around with your control settings to find a setup you prefer (I would usually bind the item selection keys to the scroll wheel and use them with the right mouse button). Visually, the inventory is similar to that seen in Duke Nukem 3D, and just like in that game, you’ll likely find yourself using some items a lot more frequently than others. Health and mana refills are a major aid, and beyond that you have things such as invisibility, invincibility, flechettes (despite what the name says, they’re more like grenades or mines, depending on your class), and a magical book that gives your weapons a much more powerful firing mode for a short time (although this item is mysteriously absent in Hexen). A special mention also goes to the Morph Ovum/Porkelator/Seal of the Ovinomancer, which transforms an enemy into a chicken/pig/sheep, respectively. A lot of fun to use, and and immense help against some stronger enemies if you’re low on health and/or mana.

If you didn’t find yourself using these items all too much in Heretic or Hexen, the following game might just give you a reason to. Hexen II is the third game in the series, and the final chapter in the Serpent Riders saga. This time you’re in the realm of Thyrion, and the last Serpent Rider, Eidolon, is the one who must be slain to free the land from his curse. In terms of gameplay, Hexen II is a lot more similar to Hexen than Hexen was to Heretic. You’ve got the same type of hub level structure, and you’ll again pick a class at the start, although now your choice has expanded, consisting of the Crusader, Paladin, Necromancer and Assassin, as well as the Demoness in the expansion (yes, all these games have expansion packs and they’re all worth playing in that they’re more of the same, but expanded, duh, and more polished).

The major difference this time around is one you can probably tell immediately from the screenshot: yes, Hexen II goes 3D (and in an exception to the common rule at the time, it is NOT titled “Hexen 3D” despite technically being the third installment). Specifically, the game uses a modified Quake engine. As mentioned, the core gameplay remains largely the same as in Hexen, but the level designers definitely did not waste that extra dimension. The levels are less expansive here, but a lot more complex and full of hidden passages, surprising loops and a whole lot of verticality. Scurring across a courtyard with archers raining arrows down on you from balconies is just as tense as it is satisfying later on to reach the same balcony and return the favor to any ghoul unlucky enough to find themselves below. Overall, the layout and progression in each area feels like it’s been given a lot more consideration and has endured more testing. Most of the time, the key hunting in each area feels more self-contained, and when it isn’t you rarely feel like you have no idea where to go. This is because every lock has been designed to feel more like a puzzle. In practice, your goal is still to find an item and bring it somewhere, but the locks and keys themselves are much more distinct, which helps you remember what to do and where to go. Instead of levers and typical keys, you find yourself looking for artefacts such as potion ingredients that will let you turn metal into wood, pieces of a broken mechanism or symbolic relics that must be placed in the hands of a statue to go in line with a prophecy. There are also more direct instructions in the form of book entries and inscribed stone tablets, which are very helpful in those cases where the puzzle might require a bit more than just item hunting, such as pulling switches in a certain order or lining objects up to create a pattern. It’s still unlikely that you’ll breeze through the whole game without getting confused, but you’ll rarely be at a complete loss; you’ll usually know what you’re looking for or what you’re trying to activate, even if you may need a walkthrough to find a specific hidden passage or to figure out exactly what a contraption does.

Overall, Hexen II feels like a refined Hexen, with more care put into making every area feel very distinct. It is absolutely not any less challenging though. The areas might be smaller in terms of actual units of measurement, and there are definitely fewer enemies on the screen at all times, but this is compensated for in spades. The third dimension adds a thick layer of complexity to every level, and the enemies hit HARD. If you got into a rhythm in Hexen of circle strafing, dodging and picking off targets in an order of perceived priority, you’ll have to learn to dance to a different tune here. Some enemies will close in on you incredibly quickly, and many of them have the ability to turn you into minced meat in a matter of seconds. Now more than ever is when you’ll want to shoot with a steady aim, use your items wisely, keep all the possible paths of retreat in your mental map, and scour every nook and cranny for health and mana to stand a chance against some of the stronger mooks. Hexen II as a whole is a lot more fast paced and tense and also has a more dramatic views and set pieces along with some extra bits of storytelling scattered around the world for those interested.

So, what are my thoughts on the Heretic/Hexen series as a whole? In short, it’s a treat. Combining classic fantasy tropes with the hectic action of Doom (and Quake) was an idea that was bound to happen sooner or later, and in this case, it worked out really well. There are of course other examples of this iconic clash of genres (check out Amid Evil for a totally kick-ass recent example!), but from what I know, the Serpent Riders saga is the one with the most lasting appeal. All the games strike a great balance between frantic, gory FPS action and the slower paced mystery and brooding sense of evil that only dark castles and dungeons can provide, with each game leaning a bit more toward one direction or the other. At a core gameplay level, there is nothing absolutely groundbreaking about Heretic/Hexen, but every element is done well and with care, and the presentation oozes of 20th century gothic fantasy charm, both the visuals and music. If the first paragraph of this review made you go “oh, those are both things I like!” then definitely check these games out. Same goes for anyone who is simply curious about the history of Id software and the impact Doom and Quake had on the gaming landscape. My only warning to you before playing these games is this: keep in mind that these games are from the 90s. There’s a reason many people have memories of booting these games up, getting completely stuck and then never playing them again. That said, as long as you have an internet connection (how else would you be reading this?) and an average amount of patience, there’s a whole lot of fun to be had here. All the games mentioned above are available on Steam (and GoG as well, I believe), and play excellently with modern source ports: gzdoom for Heretic and Hexen, and Hammer of Thyrion for Hexen II are my recommendations.

Finally, there is another game in the franchise. Heretic II returns to the story of Corvus (from the first game) and continues the story beyond the Serpent Riders arc, but due to some licensing issues it is not available on neither Steam nor GoG. Technically you could still buy a physical copy of the game, and I’ve seen mentions of at least one fan endeavor to make the game more accessible on modern computers, but I have yet to check it out. Maybe in the future. For now, I hope you enjoyed this dive into one of the slightly less famous, but still very popular classic 90s “Doom clones”!

#doom #id software #heretic #hexen #raven software #hexen ii #quake #90s #gaming #boomer shooter

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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

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The Alienist. By Caleb Carr. New York: Random House, 1994.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: historical fiction, mystery, suspense

Part of a Series? Yes, The Kreizler Series #1

Summary: The year is 1896. The city is New York. Newspaper reporter John Schuyler Moore is summoned by his friend Dr. Laszlo Kreizler—a psychologist, or “alienist”—to view the horribly mutilated body of an adolescent boy abandoned on the unfinished Williamsburg Bridge. From there the two embark on a revolutionary effort in criminology: creating a psychological profile of the perpetrator based on the details of his crimes. Their dangerous quest takes them into the tortured past and twisted mind of a murderer who will kill again before their hunt is over.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: ableism, homophobia/transphobia, racism (including slurs), sexism, rape, abuse, child abuse and sexual assault, child prostitution, animal cruelty, blood, gore, violence

Overview: This book has been on my TBR list for a while, so I figured I’d finally get around to reading it. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but I was actually surprised by how much I enjoyed the reading experience. Carr writes in a way that pretty closely imitates 19th century detective fiction, and while such a style might not be for everyone, I thought it went a long way in creating atmosphere. My criticisms have mostly to do with pace and the creative decisions that probably didn’t have to be made (such as depictions of child sexual assault, use of slurs, etc), but even with those faults, I have to give Carr’s craft and research a lot of credit, so this book gets 4 stars from me.

Writing: As I mentioned above, this book mimics detective fiction of the 19th century. If you’ve read any of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories, you might get the idea: first person, characters displaying almost whimsical behavior, stuffed with contextual details that may or may not be relevant. At first, I thought the reading experience was going to be a slog, but once I realized what Carr was trying to do, I readjusted my expectations and found the prose to be quite engaging. If you like 19th century literature, you might appreciate what Carr does, but if you find older lit to be a challenge, this book might not be the thriller you’re hoping for.

That being said, I do think there were some areas where Carr could have picked up the pace or even cut some of the contextual details. It’s obvious that Carr did a lot of research before writing this book, and it’s understandable that he would want to show off some of that research, but there were times where I felt like it was a little much.

I also think there are a lot of things in this book that will offend modern sensibilities. I recall at least one use of the N-word (which is spoken by a racist minor character) as well as remarks that make it clear that characters think same-sex intimacy is “deviant” or abhorrent. I can understand why Carr put them in his book; if we’re trying to evoke an atmosphere and make the story feel like it’s set in the 19th century, it’s not realistic to expect everyone to be accepting of gay sex or treat POC with respect. But also, I think it’s on Carr to bear the responsibility of creating plot points and characters that have those attitudes in the first place. The character who uses the N-word could have easily not done so, and characters could have been more clear that their revulsion was at child prostitution rather than same-sex relationships.

Still, I was able to follow the plot with no problem and the sentences flowed in a way that made the reading experience feel quick (no 10-line sentences, thank god). So while there may be some things I would have liked to see adjusted to fit my own tastes, I think Carr did a wonderful job of making me feel like I was reading an older work.

Plot: The plot of this book follows a group of investigators as they try to use psychology to catch a serial killer. As far as being an “original” or unique thriller, this book doesn’t necessarily deliver a plot we haven’t seen before; but what made it so interesting (at least to me) was that it was less interested in the thrill of catching the killer and more interested in thinking through the “whys.” Why did the killer do X? Why did he do Y and Z when he could have done A or B? In this sense, the suspense doesn’t come from the action or the “chase,” but from the building of ideas and a foggy picture becoming more and more clear.

If I can fault Carr for anything, it’s that I think he crafted his mystery around some subjects that are... touchy (for lack of a better word). Most of the murder victims are children - specifically child prostitutes - and a lot of the killer’s motivations are rooted in some combination of racism and exposure to abuse. If you’re looking for a book which handles these issues with sensitivity, I think you’ll be disappointed. But I have to give Carr some credit for not overly sensationalizing these things; for example, while he did include characters who were racist towards Native Americans, he also included characters who were sympathetic and who insisted on not judging tribes for their defensive violence. Not everything is perfect, and there were some moments that made me uncomfortable, but I felt like Carr painted a complex picture of 19th century America, so I was able to keep going.

Characters: The plot of this book is told from the perspective of John Schuyler Moore - a newspaper reporter who teams up with his friend, eminent psychologist Dr. Laszlo Kreizler, to catch a serial killer. As a protagonist, Moore isn’t overly compelling - he’s more like a neutral, blank slate that the reader can project themselves onto. He serves much of the same function as Watson in the Sherlock Holmes stories: to be a witness to other characters’ brilliance while occasionally making some helpful insights. Still, I didn’t outright hate Moore - he was kind and loyal, and I admired how he went out of his way to try to help people.

Kreizler, the psychologist (or “alienist” as they were called in those days), is somewhat of a Sherlockian character in that he’s eccentric, confident, and had abilities that stun the people around him. For the most part, Kreizler was fun to follow. I think the only times I got truly frustrated with him were when he would allude to some knowledge and then leave Moore in the dark - like “aha! This thing is obvious!” “What thing?” “No time to explain! I’ll tell you at dinner!” Those moments were a little irritating.

Sarah, the most prominent female character, was more complex than I expected her to be. She has clear career aspirations and doesn’t let anyone hold her back, and I liked that she was presented as this kick-ass woman who still felt human. She struggles when faced with the horrors of the murder, but she doesn’t let the horror put her off of her task. She’s confident and never seems to have a moment of self-doubt (which is refreshing). She notices interpersonal things without being boxed in as “the woman who notices emotions.” Granted, Sarah does serve some token function - she’s brought on in order to provide a “female perspective,” which was a little frustrating, but she held her own so well that my annoyance melted away.

Marcus and Lucius, the two brothers who work for the police department, are also quite charming characters. I loved how they brought technical expertise to the group by being knowledgeable about anatomy, fingerprints, photography, and the like, and I especially enjoyed the way they bickered with one another. Their presence immediately made scenes feel lighter, and they brought something of a family aspect to the whole band.

Supporting characters were well-crafted in that no two felt quite the same. Teddy Roosevelt (yes, that one) was cheerful and warm while still demanding absolute cooperation and loyalty from his men. Cyrus and Stevie - two of Kreizler’s employees - were charming, though I wish Cyrus had gotten to do more than just kind of silently stand by awaiting orders. Mary - Kreizler’s maid - was a lovely character, and I appreciated the positive disability representation we got with her, though I do not like how her character arc ended and how it related to the main plot. The crime bosses were intimidating without feeling too much like stock characters, the thugs did their job. I don’t think there was a character that was poorly written, just characters who served purposes that may or may not have been needed.

As for the murderer... we don’t get to see him very much, but I felt like I got to know him because so much of the book was focused on mapping out his life and psychology. It worked much better than books where the antagonist is looming off to the side, acting as a vaguely threatening force but not really a character, and one that doesn’t even show up until the last quarter of the book. When the killer finally does appear on page, I felt like he had been involved in the story, even without being physically present, so I was able to accept him as an active force on the narrative, not just a surprise twist at the end.

TL;DR: The Alienist is a well-crafted mystery that uses atmosphere and psychology to create an engaging mystery. While some readers may struggle with the period-like prose or the more disturbing aspects of the story, Carr creates a compelling narrative by focusing on understanding and knowledge over spectacle and action, and by using well-developed characters.

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chibimyumi · 4 years

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The Circus Arc

Last week somebody asked me what my favourite manga arc is, and without a second of hesitation I answered 🎪. As I have already publically declared my love, it is only natural for me to write a love letter to the Circus Arc.

Why do I consider the Circus Arc the best still after more than a decade?

I. The true story

First of all, the Circus Arc is in my opinion the first arc wherein we truly get to meet the characters, as well as the series itself.

A protagonist who is dispensable in their own story is not a true protagonist. As touched upon in this post, before the Circus Arc O!Ciel was actually little more than a plot device to show off Sebastian’s many assets. “The Watchdog has a case because the Queen said so, Sebastian solves it.” “The Watchdog was kidnapped because Yana TOLD us he made life for the mafia a bit hard, so Sebastian saves him.” When Sebas said to his master “you truly have no other talent except for getting yourself abducted,” it sure rang very true until that point. It wasn’t as much a story of O!Ciel’s revenge as it was Sebas saving the day because: demon powers.

In the Circus Arc however, we truly got an insight on why this little boy could indeed have made life for the mafia hard, and why after two years the Queen still hasn’t fired him. As discussed in the post mentioned before, almost as a compensation for his prior starfishhood, O!Ciel had insisted on doing the investigation himself, even at the cost of his own health. We saw him actively cooking up strategies as well as dealing with any situation as they were met. O!Ciel really displayed a commendable aptness at playing the cards he has been dealt in the Circus Arc. In contrast, while Sebas did make many accomplishments, all his actions were the undertaken because of O!Ciel’s orders. In the Circus Arc we truly got to see how the boy is the chess player, and demon the black knight.

II. Our protagonists - into the core

The Circus Arc is likewise the arc wherein we actually get to meet our two main characters outside their token function.

We have seen Sebastian’s establishment as “the pawn that can move across the entire chessboard in one single move”. But without O!Ciel’s input or any price that the master would have to pay, Sebastian is easily just an ‘instant-win card’, an ironic “deus” ex machina, if you will.

As discussed in this post and this post, in the Jack the Ripper Arc Sebastian was quite dissatisfied with his master and therefore decided to teach his master a lesson at the cost of more innocent lives. However nasty, it had been O!Ciel who ordered for a subpar move, and technically the pawn “did nothing wrong.”

In the Circus Arc O!Ciel became meticulous about decisions regarding his chess piece. Principally there was nothing wrong with the order O!Ciel had given his butler about releasing the snakes before the first stringers would return, and Sebas who was bound to perfect completion of any order also didn’t do anything wrong, technically. However, it had already been established that as long as Sebas sees the interest himself he would find any loophole in orders to still benefit his master in one way or another. As it is, considering how Sebas did decide to release the poisonous snakes while his master was in the danger zone, we are left with a chilling conclusion that Sebas simply ‘did not see the interest’ of shielding O!Ciel from danger. For the first time we truly learn the extent of Sebastian’s nondiscriminatory nastiness; how indeed all humans are the same to him. For the first time we truly understand that O!Ciel is paying with much more than his soul for Sebastian’s services. This demon is a double-edged sword, but much more than swinging outwards, this sword has a tendency to swing inwards the moment the wielder allows for any opening.

Previously discussed in this post, we also see the full extent of Sebastian’s manipulativeness and toxicity in the Circus Arc. Sure, in other arcs Sebas is also manipulative, but all of those actions could still be categorised under “merciless honesty”. In the Circus Arc however, O!Ciel objectively did nothing wrong to be triggered and exhausted from the Circus shenanigans, and yet Sebas was unnecessarily re-triggering and victim shaming his master for some extra “flavouring”. If there had been any doubt whether Sebas is bad for O!Ciel, then surely the Circus Arc put all doubts to rest.

For the first time in the manga we also see a genuine obstacle for Sebastian that is for not also the final hurdle to overcome, like in the Ripper, Curry, Campania or any other arc really. In the Manor Murder and Werewolf Arc there were of course Earl Grey and Wolfram respectively, but in those cases Sebas mostly tried to outrun the obstacles. In the Circus Arc however, William is likewise a supernatural being, and Sebas knew very well that he can’t just neutralise William without causing more trouble than good. Hence we saw how Sebas tried to negotiate with William, and we learned that even Sebastian cannot just avoid hurdles. Negotiating with William did not work of course, so the story forced Sebas to be creative. It truly was great to see Sebas use his brain rather than demon-muscles to overcome a problem for a change.

While getting “creative”, Sebas displayed his aptitude for preying on humans in our weakest of moments. As explained in this characterisation of Sebastian, Sebastian is not terrifying because he has super powers, but because he understands human weaknesses like no other and uses our own weaknesses against us. Click here for an analysis of Sebas’ cross-media manipulation of Beast.

In this same arc we likewise truly understand the looming threat O!Ciel is dealing with, an explicit revelation of the monster Sebastian is. This scene from underneath is the most explicit moment telling us that Sebas is not just dwelling on Earth comfortably; he is holding out under a cover. This scene almost served as an alarming reminder to us: “beware, the demon can snap”.

What about O!Ciel? In our boy we saw his tremendous dedication to his job. Except for purposes directly related to the investigation, never once did he order Sebastian to make life easier for him. He never made Sebas secure food for him or do any of the chores for him. Surely Earl Phantomhive would consider himself above wrestling for food or scrub some floors, and yet he was willing to just take on any task without complaining. In no other arc do we see just how effective O!Ciel is as the Watchdog exactly because he is so versatile both in playing the ‘cute little boy’ card as well as the ‘feared Watchdog’ card.

Doll was an exceptionally well chosen “obstacle” for O!Ciel (more about her later). When Doll briefly wondered about why a peasant boy like Smile would speak in flawless RP, we saw O!Ciel’s ability of thinking on his feet, giving a very logical explanation of: “I served in a Lord’s household where I learned to speak proper.” When Doll caught him red handed when he sneaked into Snake’s tent O!Ciel also immediately pulled the “I didn’t steal anything!” card, skillfully tying it into his previous story as ‘the page boy who was fired for stealing’. We learned that the Watchdog really is willing to carry out his job through any means necessary, not just ‘the cool and edgy means’.

One of the best ways to get to learn a person is judging from their gut reactions. When O!Ciel was triggered in the final showdown he no longer had any energy to put on a strong front or think about matters rationally. He was in emotional pain and his gut reaction was to want that pain gone.

Even Sebastian who would not directly benefit from the case being completed advised his master against burning down everything. Even with the Queen’s commission as leverage however, the boy still yelled to have everything reduced to ashes. In this moment we also understood just how traumatising everything was to O!Ciel personally. This trauma response didn’t come from nowhere; everything that happened up until that point had been a logical build-up towards this inevitable result.

III. The Side Characters

A story cannot be told with just the main characters; you need to care about the interactions they have with others too. In my opinion the Circus Arc has delivered the most memorable side characters that linger with us even after death. In particular Joker and Doll.

Joker is a very fun, charismatic character as well as a person with many different sides. He is lawfully inexcusable, but we cannot help but sympathise, or at least understand how he too is a victim compelled into evil. Rationally we reject Joker’s actions, but partially it is because we have the luxury to do so. “Is this self defense? Would we, or how would we have done anything differently had we been in his exact shoes?” is a question worth considering.

Doll too; we see a child who lived a relatively happy life in the recent past. In the anime they made it explicit that Doll was complicit in all the kidnappings of the children, but in the manga it is more ambiguous whether Doll is fully aware of Kelvin’s agenda. This gives the effect that with the revelation of Joker always having taken most of the bullets, we understand that the torment Joker has been suffering was the price he paid to buy his siblings a more-or-less normal life. If O!Ciel sold his soul to the devil in the literate sense, Joker did so in the figurative sense in exchange for his family’s happiness.

IV. The Antagonists?

We do not spend too much time with Baron Kelvin, and he is a relatively simple character. But that is not bad as long as the villain’s threat reaches us. The horrors of Kelvin have always been quite clear; when children are harmed it triggers a gut reaction of disgust in most viewers. But the kidnapped children were not the functional victims in this story, it is the first stringers with Joker in the centre.

Kelvin has made a bunch of crippled children fully dependent on him, and used their own dependency as a currency to satisfy his own greed. Never once did he allow these children to forget how he could easily return them to the gutter from where he collected them. The kidnapped children were just numbers in the newspaper, but the first stringers are characters we spent time with. We have seen their suffering and we know they are just trying to get by. So it is all the more heartbreaking that children who merely wanted their basic human rights were turned into the antagonists that had to be exterminated. In the showdown between Joker vs Watchdog, the dynamic is shifted from “heroes vs child-kidnapping villains” to “villain-protagonists vs anti-villains”.

The Circus Arc is very special in how the villain impacts the readers, because the people affected matter to us. In the earliest arcs we didn’t REALLY care about O!Ciel, but he was the main person who suffered from the villains. With Sebastian around however, we don’t really worry. In the Ripper, Mansion, Campania and Potter Arc the main victims are characters we don’t spend any time with, so emotionally we don’t really care whether “evil gets vanquished”. In the Werewolf Arc we do have Sieglinde and Wolfram, and it is heartbreaking to see Sieglinde discovering that all her happiness had been a big lie and that to even her own mother she was nothing but a tool. But in the very least she did grow up happily, she survived and has a fresh chance to start a new life, and the person closest to her (Wolfram) is still with her.

For the first stringers however... all had been meaningless, all is finite.

As expertly described by Sebas in the musical adaptation of the Circus Arc, humans are pathetic because we are merely “accumulating sins in the version of hell [we] have chosen to live.”

V. From foil to team members

The servants at the Phantomhive manor were originally just designed to be foil for Sebas to demonstrate his awesome butler skills. I don’t know whether they were liked at first, but for one I do know that many found them quite annoying or pointless too.

The Circus Arc is the first time we see the significance of the Phantomhive servants, that they’re not just there waiting to be fed by O!Ciel because... he’s a philanthropist of some sort? Yana had made some questionable decisions at first, and she clearly regretted those ‘choices’. I personally see the Circus Arc as her first demonstration of her skills as story writer, and her public proclamation of: “this is Kuroshitsuji’s potential!”

Had the entire series started with the Circus Arc, then surely the animated series would have gotten a much higher budget and a better time-slot for airing.

VI. Humour

The humour in the Circus Arc is also great, but nothing was shoehorned in there for the sake of laughs, neither do these moments disturb the tone of the story.

Everything was funny because they were the inevitable consequences of putting these people together. William had been established as a demon-racist plank, and when made to cooperate with a demon, of course he would say: “my hands will rot”. When called “four-eyes”, of course he would say: “it’s SUIT”.

Many of the comedic moments are centred around our protagonists’ inconveniences, but nobody is inconveniencing them for the sake of inconveniencing them. When Sebastian was not trying to leave the vicinity William mostly let him at peace. O!Ciel for example also couldn’t do many things simply because Doll was clinging to him. But she did not know what was at stake and her actions were well grounded in her immense desire to make new friends. “You are young, I am young. You lost an eye, I lost an eye. Let’s be FRIENDS!”

This is in stark contrast with how ‘funny inconveniences’ were staged before using Lizzie or Grell for example. Lizzie was a drag to O!Ciel because... she’s a girl who wanted everything to go HER way... and Grell was a drag to Sebas because she... is a girl who wanted everything to go HER way.

VII. Ending

The ending of the Circus Arc also carried a bitter-sweet tone that most other arcs do not present. The thematic of “demons dwell in the human nature of stepping on others” is perfectly addressed in the Circus Arc, but it does not end with: “so don’t be evil!”. The Circus Arc simply highlights the issue and reminds us that ‘stepping on others’ does not exist in a vacuum.

Had the objective of the series not been established as “boy who swore on revenge”, and instead be: "rethinking evil”, then the Circus Arc alone would have told the story sufficiently.

The finale of the Circus Arc resonates with its audience because the core principle on which Kuroshitsuji is built is a narrative humankind has always wanted to externalise, but without success: “demons are only as evil as humans allow their own evil to show”.

#Love letter to the Circus Arc #Circus Arc #Sebastian Michaelis #Ciel Phantomhive #O!Ciel #Our Ciel #Joker #Doll #Baron Kelvin #Analysis #Noah's Ark Circus #best arc ever imo

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wolfcrunch · 3 years

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Send three of the biggest traget the lov has after what could go wrong - (no flame on the manga I just expect something to go terribly wrong from a writing standpoint, having dabis dad, twices killer and afo the main trtargetaget after them. I still think the pros are very stupid right now letting a 16 year old with a bearly experiment handle this even if I understand why it happens from a writing standpoint. but boi, bakugou and the others have every right to be pissed and I kinda hope there will be some tension, later? idk, it would interesting. a bit drama with the main group of characters even if it was necessary - doesn't mean they have to feel good about it or agree with it. It would feel wrong if it just waved off later.)

also! not to mention, all might still has the looming threat of nighteye’s vision - and if that comes to fruition or not.

while, yes, thinking logically it is a bit stupid to let deku take part a lead in this, i suppose theres more to consider.. its unfortunate, but he holds the one power that afo and shigaraki will be seeking. its better to have izuku cooperate, so they can possibly form some kind of plan should things get dicey, rather than leave izuku alone and have izuku himself go awol. he was very adamant on leaving ua to protect everyone, and even now he seems to be trying to distance himself from all might too, because he doesn’t want to drag all might into danger.

izuku is probably the safest he can be, all things considered. best jeanist, hawks and especially endeavor are all very capable heroes. but we know smooth sailings cant be a thing with a protagonist...

and i could see tension with some of the class later on! although i also hope some will try to see it from izuku’s point of view - what i like about mha is that characters will have a variety of reactions to big changes. not everyone is going to agree to what is best or everything the character of focus does. just like the situation with shigaraki, and if he should be saved or not, several characters have made points with both sides. its a way to show that both are on the table until izuku himself chooses one.

#bnha spoilers #bnha 309 #asks #Anonymous

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tuiyla · 4 years

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A Definitive History of Bubbline

With “Obsidian” coming out in two days, it really is time for a definitive history of Marceline and Bubblegum’s relationship. And by that I mean the tumultuous road that led us to “Obsidian” from a production and fandom point of view. For a list of Bubbline episodes, check out my Bubbline Guide (and part two) - which I need to update, I know I know. For this post, I wanted to highlight how far this pairing has come and what Bubbline means to queer representation in children’s cartoons.

This is less of an analysis and more of an overview with links to more information on specific incidents to keep it (relatively) brief. I say it’s a definitive history but it isn’t an exhaustive one, so do check out the links included to learn more about how we got here. I realize not everyone cares about these kinds of things but I think it’s important to know how hard Adventure Time’s creators had to fight. Bubbline is a pioneer ship in many ways but it doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves.

Initial Concepts

As is the case with much of Adventure Time, the initial concept of who the characters of Bonnibel and Marceline were going to be is very different than what we ended up getting. @gunterfan1992 explores this and other production tidbits in depth in his book so I do recommend checking that out. The short version is that these two were created to be opposites and with a Betty and Veronica type dynamic in mind where they would both be love interest to the protagonist, Finn.

This didn’t quite end up being the case but remnants of this concept are seen in “Go With Me” (March, 2011), the episode with the first on-screen Bubbline interaction. As Marcy helps - and sabotages - Finn in asking Bonnie out, she also becomes a potential love interest for him but she shuts him down immediately. So while Finn’s crush on PB continues, the notion that Marceline would be part of a love triangle is dismissed. Instead, this first Bonnie and Marcy interaction established that the two already know each other and there’s some bitterness in that past.

“What Was Missing” and the Mathematical Controversy

A potential preexisting relationship between the two was further explored in “What Was Missing” (September 2011) just a season later. The episode was written and storyboarded by Rebecca Sugar and eventual showrunner Adam Muto. Sugar was responsible for much of the character depth added to Marceline and later even played, quite aptly, her mother in the Stakes miniseries. It was Sugar who wrote the now beyond iconic “I’m Just Your Problem” based on personal experiences and suggested that Marcy and Bonnie be queer characters with a complicated romantic past.

“What Was Missing” was hugely important in how it hinted at a complex relationship through character interactions, Marceline’s song, and the last scene twist with PB’s shirt. The AT crew were supportive of the idea and sneaked in plenty of queer subtext, but this is where I have to point out that 2011 was a very different time and it’s thanks, in part, to Bubbline that things have changed. Autostraddle’s article from back when covers what is now known as the Mathematical controversy. Audiences picked up on the subtext and Cartoon Network was not having it. The popularity of the ship soared but the execs were not taking to queer implications kindly.

Great Bubbline Drought

So, the ship has sailed but controversy looms over it. “What Was Missing” s subtle by today’s standards but it was enough to keep Marceline and Bubblegum apart for two years on-screen. Each character went through wonderful development in the meantime, as did the show itself, but there’s a certain sense of bitterness to what came to be known as the Great Bubbline Drought. CN got so afraid of the potential backlash that they waited two years to have a new episode featuring the pair, “Sky Witch” (July 2013), by which point Sugar had left AT to work on her own show, Steven Universe. I’m happy that Sugar got to create her own show and push for even more queer representation, but it’s also sad that she never got to write more for the ship she pioneered.

“Sky Witch” still happened, though, and featured even more subtext, from PB’s side this time around. The shirt returned and there was hope as Marcy and Bonnie were seen hanging out together more often (”Red Starved” and “Princess Day”). Another controversy threatened to emerge in August 2014 when Olivia Olson, Marceline’s voice actress said that creator Pendleton Ward had confirmed a pre-show Bubbline romance. It was a messy ordeal with deleted tweets and questions about whether the two could get together again in the series. Fortunately, though, things changed in the three years between 2011 to 2014 and another Bubbline drought didn’t follow.

The Season That Changed Everything

It took another two years after “Sky Witch” but the ball was finally, inevitably, relentlessly rolling. “Varmints” premiered in November 2015 and three episodes later, the Stakes miniseries kicked off. What season 7 meant wasn’t just breadcrumbs and (not so) subtle songs anymore: suddenly, there were too many Bubbline moments to count. “Varmints” served as a follow-up to “What Was Missing” and a final reconciliation, and though Stakes was primarily about Marcy, it also developed her relationship with Bonnie. Afterwards, it became clear that Bubbline was heading somewhere.

It’s worth noting that the cultural context also changed between when “Sky Witch” and “Varmints” aired. In December 2014, The Legend of Korra ended with Korra and Asami beginning their romantic relationship, and Rebecca Sugar was making Steven Universe more and more explicitly queer by the day. Adventure Time started the ball rolling but now it wasn’t alone as a popular Western cable cartoon with queer characters. However, Bubbline was still very much subtext at this point, just with significantly more hope of becoming more.

Late Series Entanglement

But at what point does subtext become plain text? Bubbline fans sure did have fun with that question between Stakes and the finale. Bonnie and Marcy became near inseparable, with most of their major appearances involving one another from this point on. These included the meet the adoptive dad date “Broke His Crown” (March 2016), the Elements miniseries (April 2017) and the nigh on obnoxiously on the nose “Marcy & Hunson” (December 2017). In fact, all but two of Marceline’s major appearances from season 7 on included Bonnie - the exceptions being “Everything Stays” as part of Stakes, and “Ketchup”, which really wasn’t any less gay.

Bubbline moments really did become too many to count, with the vast majority of them having romantic implications. And with queer representation becoming more and more prominent in Western animation, canon Bubbline romance seemed like a question of when rather than if. I’d like to point out here how this was often frustrating, though. After the very rocky start, this relationship was thriving and was really basically confirmed, but that last little push to make it undeniably a part of queer history was still needed.

“Come on!” - The End and Beyond

The almost three years that passed between Stakes and “Come Along With Me” (September 2018) were much more tolerable than the Drought; after all, there was plenty of Bubbline content in the later seasons. The big question as the finale came was whether Adventure Time would fizzle out on its early pioneer of a wlw ship or follow through, once and for all. Almost four years after LoK ended and just before season 1 of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power dropped, Marcy and Bonnie had an emotional moment, kissed on screen, and ended the series together.

The intricacies of why a kiss was needed as a signifier of romance is a discussion for another day. But wouldn’t it have been strange after almost a decade of build-up for them not to seal the deal with a kiss? And to think it almost didn’t happen, as by that point it was so obvious they were together. Again, I direct your attention towards Paul Thomas’s book, he explains how it was storyboard artist Hanna K. Nyström’s call to add this final detail. Because, come on! Sometimes, you need to be as clear as possible, and that’s the case with queer representation in animation.

Since the finale, the comics have been continuing the Bubbline train - which are not technically canon but one can have fun regardless. In any case, the existence of Marcy and Bonnie’s relationship, of their queer identities, is not something that can reasonably be denied. It was a long road, and, make no mistake, an arduous one, but this is the story of a win. A win for storytelling and a win for wlw relationships.

We’ll Build Our Own Forever

So, there you have it, a Bubbline timeline of sorts. In March of 2011 we had the first on-screen interaction and now, in November of 2020, we’re getting a 45-minute-long special with the two of them as the central characters. They’re canonically in love, with King Princess covers of Bubbline songs and more. I tried to contain myself, for once, and not write too much. I think it’s important that people have a general idea of just how monumental all of this is and how, even just 9 years ago, “Obsidian” would have been totally inconceivable.

Some of this might have come as a surprise to you. It’s certainly not been easy to get to where we are now with Bubbline and it’s yet to be seen how open “Obsidian” will be about the relationship. I’ve been talking about Bubbline for years and attempted to chronicle their relationship many times so I’m happy I’ve finally done it from this perspective as well.

Adventure Time: Distant Lands “Obsidian” is streaming on Nov 19 on HBO Max. If you can, stream it so we can show that there’s popular demand for stories like that of an angry vampire and a despotic piece of gum.

#Adventure Time #bubbline #obsidian #marceline abadeer #adventure time distant lands #at #pb #my thoughts #definitive history of bubbline #there you have it folks #princess bubblegum

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osleyakomwonkru · 4 years

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A New Together: Why Both Clarke and Octavia Should Take The Final Test

As much as I would love it if Octavia took the Final Test on her own, because she’s so ready and primed for it (see below), I know realistically that’s unlikely (also see below) - so the next best option is for Clarke and Octavia to take the Final Test together.

Not one person, but both of them.

So let’s review -

Reasons why Clarke should take the Final Test:

1. Protagonist Privilege

Let’s be real, that’s 90% of the reason. Clarke is a mess right now. Understandably so - I’m not knocking her. She’s been through hell the past week. She’s about as stable as a house of cards in a windstorm. She’s not currently suited to take a first grade math test, let alone a Final Test for whether humanity deserves to survive. But she is The Protagonist, so needs must. She has to be there.

2. She has Nothing to Lose

Clarke has lost everything (except her so-called friends, who she hasn’t spent a lot of time with, who she doesn’t really know, so really I don’t think they’re a factor). She has nothing to lose by going into that white light. Especially if there’s any chance that the Final Test could save Madi from being trapped the way she is - Clarke will do it.

Reasons (and Evidence) why Octavia should take the Final Test:

1. Peace and Mental Calm

Perhaps words one would never expect to associate with Octavia Blake, but that’s what her story has been this season. Finding peace, both externally and internally. Finding mental stability and calm for the first time in her life. She’s got the wisdom and maturity and experience to take on a challenge like this.

2. She has Everything to Lose

Counterpoint to Clarke right now - Octavia has a child, she has a declared family, even a living love interest. But Octavia’s always been non-possessive in her love - she has Her People, yes, but she’s also the one to have a love and a hope for all of humanity (emphasis on the humanity, rather than just the ambulatory meatsacks that the Disciples favour for “all mankind” and skipping the humanity aspect), and that love is what I believe is a key aspect of the ability to pass the Test.

3. The Call of the Anomaly

Remember that plot point back in season 6, where Octavia, Diyoza and Gabriel were being “called” by the Anomaly? What if that isn’t just a dropped theory? What if it was true - because they were candidates for taking the Final Test?

Ever since we’ve heard of this being a Test instead of a War, I’ve immediately thought those three would be the best candidates to take it - all three have been through the full spectrum of human highs and lows, done all sorts of terrible things, but made it through the other side and found a new peace and purpose. Also - all three of them spent time on Skyring. What if Skyring is the “waiting room”, a purgatory of sorts, where souls are further purified in peace and stillness to be able to take this Test?

With Diyoza and Gabriel dead, Octavia’s the only one left of that group to take it.

4. Her Poster Symbol

Octavia’s symbol in the season 7 promo posters (♁) has a variety of names and meanings - it is a symbol for the Earth in astronomy, as well as the globus cruciger, which in Christian tradition “represents Christ’s dominion over the orb of the world, literally held in the hand of an earthly ruler” (Wikipedia). Yet a third interpretation is the alchemical symbol for antimony, where it represents the wild aspects of human nature.

Those are a wide variety of potential meanings - or it could be all of them at once, because they all reflect Octavia in some fashion. Earth because that’s where she found freedom. I’ve written before about how Octavia is this show’s Jesus figure and here she could bring salvation to them yet again. But she’s also been a wild free spirit.

Most characters share their poster symbols with someone else, but crucially, Octavia does not. This could be significant.

5. Marie’s Interviews

Marie has a particular way of giving interviews when it comes to hints and spoilers. She very specifically has a list of things she’s not allowed to talk about, but outside of that list, she doesn’t really hold back. She’s also very literal. She also repeats things almost verbatim for every interview (presumably to avoid getting close to that list of things) unless someone asks a vastly different question.

One phrase she’s repeated across many interviews is the three words she uses to describe Octavia this season - “nurturing, self-actualized, elevated”. We’ve seen the first two, and what with knowing that Marie is very literal, the third can easily point to “transcendence” as a logical option.

Additionally, in her Collider interview, when asked about Octavia’s journey in season 7 and the conclusion of her arc, Marie says “It’s a storyline, for her character specifically, that people have not seen coming yet”. What would be better than jumping into a situation not with her sword, but with her love and wisdom to save humanity this time?

I’ve believed Octavia was going to transcend humanity this season before transcendence was even mentioned on the show. Even before this season started. It only makes sense.

But since Clarke has to be there too, not to mention what JRoth Tweeted about Bellamy’s death, and how “his life and his endless love for his people will loom large and affect everything that comes after, to the very end of the series finale itself” - Octavia won’t be doing it alone.

JRoth also apparently promised “an emotional conclusion” for the Blakes. Well, they didn’t get that in person, but Octavia and Clarke working together here could be a way for that to happen anyway. Clarke and Bellamy often did things “together”. But he’s gone. Octavia isn’t. And she’s right there with Clarke. The Heart of their trinity might be dead, but the Head and the Soul stand together.

Now is the time that Clarke and Octavia do something together. For Bellamy. For all of their people.

Ogeda. Not for “all mankind”, but for what makes us human: Love.

#the 100 #the 100 spoilers #the 100 s7 #the 100 7x16 #the 100 spec #octavia blake #clarke griffin #bellamy blake

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butsobeautiful · 4 years

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You could be the king, but watch the queen conquer.

Genre: drabble, alternate history.

Inspired by Daechwita music video and influenced by wine inspired research on Empress Myeongseong

Pairing: min yoongi/reader; min yoongi/unnamed female protagonist

1.6k words

The king was dead. Despite one’s personal opinion of the king, the people of the Joseon dynasty, regardless of class, were shocked. At his own wedding, the king had been murdered. A man entered the temple, parading as a servant, and stabbed him before the king could make his appearance.

The Usurper, the people called him in hushed voices. The bride-to-be looked at him with stoic gratitude. It was no secret the current king still had the mentality of a naïve prince. The woman had no qualms with the duties being a queen and a wife entailed; rather, the husband was the main problem. She had no interest in the king. He had been ruling for six moons, and his reign promised little to his people and his legacy. With Japan looming in the distance, the entire nation watched their king with trepidation.

And then, they watched his funeral rights. The Usurper came from the Yeoheung Min clan, a respectable aristocratic house. The Min bastard surprised everyone. Min Yoongi murdered the king on the day of his wedding.

He did it to prove he is worthy, some gossiped. Others claimed it was an old rivalry between himself and the king. Only Yoongi knew the truth, and he did not deign to share his reasoning with anyone in the court.

The dead king’s bride-to-be did not fear for her life. Once her eyes met the Usurper’s, instead of the king’s, her mind began to plan. While perhaps not renowned for her beauty—though she was by no means unattractive—the bride’s near infamy stemmed from her intellect and wit. Her father had no sons, but that did not deter her from learning the responsibilities of a man. When she saw the blood-stained blade held steady in Yoongi’s practiced hand, she neither screamed nor cried.

“Release your blade, my king,” she announced, while bowing to the floor. “It would be a discredit if you did not seize the opportunity at hand. The bride of your enemy is a spoil of war for your taking.” The words were biting, and made the Usurper—Yoongi—halt in his tracks.

His eyes widened, the scar over his right eye threatening to inhibit his expression. The woman before him was bowing with her head upon the ground in her wedding outfit. This, to say the least, had not been a part of Yoongi’s personal mission whatsoever. The absurdity of the situation, combined with the flustering adrenaline of assassination, caused him to laugh out loud.

The woman tensed, but said nothing. “Why would I want the wife of my enemy?”

At that, her head shot up. “My hand was promised, but the ceremony was incomplete. The marriage has not happened and will not happen, let alone be consummated.” Yoongi was mildly perturbed at her icy words and her lapse of proper behavior. However, he recognized her, and knew her reputation. He had only seen her in passing before, as noble families often mingle. She, however, was instructed to stay away from the bastard. She, however, would at least recognize his presence with direct eye contact and a slight nod of her head.

She knew him, of course. Thus, while her behavior was scandalous for their society, her status and intelligence granted her some level of immunity.

“I did not realize the wedding was... interrupted.” Yoongi lowered his sword. The guards in that room removed their hand from their weapon and relaxed at a pointed look from the former bride. She stood and faced Yoongi head on. The intensity of her person made it seem like she was staring you down eye-to-eye, regardless of any height differences.

“The fact remains. So, my king Min Yoongi, what shall you do with me?” She asked, her stomach flipping. While her face remained a placid calm, her nerves were screaming at her to run, her heart beating faster than it had ever. He pressed his lips together, looking her up and down. “You are a fine woman, and the power of your mind is no secret. I am sure you will figure something out. You are excused from my presence.”

Yoongi had little interest whatsoever in dealing with any of the old king’s business. He was starting afresh, he would change the nation for its people’s protection and prosperity.

“My king.” She bowed again, her eyes returning to his with reflecting levels of intensity as his. His mind saw her at the banquets, her eyes meeting his and refusing to break away. The other men and women would make eye contact and quickly turn to their friends and whisper or gossip, as if he were blind. “Allow me to impart my advice.” Yoongi’s face scrunched up, he wanted anything but advice. She narrowed her eyes and pushed onward.

“The kingdom will be in chaos if you are not prepared to manage the current system we have. Whether you keep to the status quo or completely overthrow our current form of governance is up to you. However, as it stands, you need loyal advisors. For every person who despised the king, there is someone who is loyal. Their loyalty may solely be based upon wages, but they will all resist you—at first. Furthermore, you need an heir as soon as physically possible. This will secure your throne claim and legacy.”

“Why are you helping me? Why have you never treated me for what I am? You never treated me like a bastard and now you refuse to treat me as the murderer of your husband-to-be and king.” Yoongi’s defenses were elevated to extremes.

A smile ghosted upon her face. “You’re like me. Everyone underestimates your abilities. You are a bastard. I am a woman. You are stronger than the majority of men with proud and strong bloodlines. I am smarter than those same men.” She shrugged, softly. Yoongi suddenly returned her slight smile. “It would be dishonorable to treat you as the spoils of war, my lady. Should you so choose, my reign needs a queen, and I could ask of no better woman than the one before me.”

It had been ages since the woman allowed surprise to affect her. Now, her mouth softly dropped open. She fully expected that the Usurper would take her and make her his wife. However, Yoongi’s appearance allowed her to hope. Whatever fears she had were no reflection of his character. Simply put, she was a woman, and promised property to the newly deceased king. Further shocking her, Yoongi bowed deeply at her feet.

Moved, she knelt and lifted his face to meet her sight. “I accept.”

“It could bring shame upon your family, upon yourself.”

She scoffed. “You’re the King now. They wouldn’t dare. And you should be well aware that their opinion can rot for all I care.”

Yoongi’s eyes softened at the woman before him as she set her jaw and her eyes burned with a deep conviction he had only been able to catch glimpses of in the past. Now she directed it at him.

She drank in his face as closely as he did to her. In this moment, the bastard felt like an equal more than claiming the title of king made him feel. His eyes, one marred by an old wound, tried to convey that strong feeling as words failed. He had his father’s facial structure; the signature sharp eyes and soft nose of the Min family. At this moment, his family name was just a word—it held none of its authority. His only reason to hold onto it now was to allow her to take it, too. To share it with him and change its legacy.

Despite his strength of body and will, his lips exercised the utmost gentleness when he kissed her. His lithe fingers cupped her face the second she kissed back. His expression when she sighed softly and pulled away was the look of an annoyed old man. This unabashedly honest reaction made her chuckle softly as she stroked his cheekbone.

While not in love, the two were attracted to each other. Without needing to state it, the two knew their union made the best political sense, and it was truly fortunate that their compatibility was based upon—and had always been based upon—respect. Though Yoongi, the bastard son of the Min clan’s patriarch had unfavorable fortune, his new bride never acknowledged his origins. His father had given him the Min name, and a Min he was. To her, it was as simple as that.

The consummation of their marriage was a tender affair. Both parties relished in being able to speak their minds without supervision. Having stayed up all night baring mind and soul, the baring of their bodies finally happened as the sun began to rise on their new kingdom. Yoongi had never felt such wonder at the simple intimacy of lacing his fingers through the soft hand of his wife.

He knew that, with her by his side, they could lift the kingdom to prosperity, and rectify the failures and lack of compassion exhibited by the previous kings and queens. From the moment he laid eyes on her, and from the moment she did not avert her gaze, he knew that fate favored them.

“My Queen?” He asked. The court sat in scandalized silence as their king deferred to his wife.

“The diplomatic relations with Japan are tense. We should confer with the Chinese and the Russians to address the threats of the Japanese empire. Send a member of the Kim clan to China, their queen favors the sons for potential wedding prospects of the daughters.” The queen spoke with clarity, and Yoongi nodded and stared at his court. No one seemed to leap into service. Blatantly rolling his eyes, Yoongi drawled:

“You heard your queen—what are you waiting for?”

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bangtan #bangtanarmynet #bts x reader #bts x y/n #only kinda tho #yoongi x reader #min yoongi #bts suga #i'm just tipsy #and i've never published anything ever #but i do be thinkin abt that daechwita video a lot... living in my mind rent free #anyway be kind this is jjst wine inspired ramblings #but i would like to maybe uhh write more one day #big 👉🏻👈🏻 hours #also if the formatting is bad im so sorry

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fantasyoverreality98 · 4 years

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So You Wanna Write a Novel?: Basics

Okay, I’ve never actually attempted to give some writing advice in a semi-formal manner, but I shall try my best. As someone who’s been writing original stories for about seven years, I have some advice to give that might help out those of you who are interested in learning how to write a novel but are unfamiliar with where to start.

Keep in mind that I’m not super experienced in giving writing advice, and most of my experience with improving my writing comes from school. I’d probably be more helpful providing essay writing advice, but I’ll try my best to give some creative writing advice too.

Also, shoutout to Alya: @anotherbeingsworld, this one is for you. I hope it helps a bit!

Characters

Personally, I think characters are the most important part of any story. If you don’t care about the characters, why would you want to continue reading? Readers need characters that they can relate to, someone who they see themselves in and that they find themselves rooting for. Without good characters, the rest of the novel won’t matter. So, develop those characters.

Three useful tips I have for making your OCs:

· Incorporate pieces of yourself into them

· Establish a goal or a mindset for this character before you even begin writing the story

· Try to write from the perspectives of people who you may not necessarily agree with

Now that I’ve given those three tips, I’ll go into further detail for each one so that you understand what I mean.

1. Incorporate pieces of yourself into them: By saying this, I mean take some personality traits and/or personal likes/dislikes that you have and give those to your characters. It can be as simple as a shared favourite drink, or as deep as incorporating one of your own personal experiences or beliefs into the character. As long as you can establish a connection between you and your character, it will make it a bit easier to write from their perspective. However, I must warn you, don’t make the character (especially the protagonist) a copy of yourself. I mean, you can, but I’ve never been a fan of the self-insert. Give us a character that is not like their creator. Show us someone who differs in opinion than you and that you may get into disagreements with in real life. Give us a person.

2. Establish a goal or a mindset for this character before you even begin writing the story: I want to see this character start one way and end another. Do they begin the plot not believing in love and then somehow manage to fall in love as the story progresses? Are they self-centered and arrogant in the beginning, and then by the end have realized that other people matter, and that life isn’t so black and white? Do they have a goal to stop the “bad guys” and then later realize that those guys aren’t so horrible? I want to see a change. Characters (especially a protagonist) who don’t experience development throughout the story are not as interesting to me. Flip their entire world upside down. Show us some excellent story arcs.

3. Try to write from the perspectives of people who you may not necessarily agree with: Try to get into the mind of someone who you wouldn’t like in reality. Write from the perspective of someone who infuriates you. Give yourself a challenge by not writing the world through your own eyes, but rather from the eyes of someone who sees things differently than you. Not only do I believe this makes your writing skills better because you can explore different ideals and mindsets, but I think it also teaches a writer to be more empathetic and gives them a more well-rounded view of the world. Of course, if you’re just starting out, this tip isn’t as important, but I still think it should be considered.

Plot

Ah, the part of writing a novel where you must figure out what the hell is going on. I’ll be honest, I’ve always been more of a character-driven writer. Characters are my most cherished possession and the plot itself is just my way of moving them along.

But you can’t have a story without a plot, so here we are.

Have something happen. That might seem obvious, but I’ve read quite a few books where I felt like I was just following characters as they did their daily tasks. Give me a reason to keep reading. Do I want to see two characters get together, do I want to see the hero defeat the villain, am I on the edge of my seat constantly wondering if the team is going to make it out alive? There needs to be action.

It may not be the best way to write, but I like to think of each chapter as a mini “episode” and the whole book is like the “season” of the story. Is it a limited series? Is it an on-going series? You figure it out. Each chapter should be there for a reason. Don’t write about the adventure of Mary as she went to the grocery store and did nothing else. What did Mary see there? Did she find out that some drama is about to go down? There should be a purpose. All the chapters should tell a short story themselves, and then those short stories should all weave together into the overall story. I don’t need five filler chapters. Obviously, this is more for stories that aren’t contemporary, since it’s a bit trickier to make every chapter action-packed for contemporary romance. And yet, there should still be a purpose. We don’t need 150k of almost nothing happening.

The best advice I can offer you is this: figure out the end of your book when you’re only a few chapters in. Decide what the end game is and then work towards it. The story needs to end somewhere, right? We don’t need to follow characters for dozens of chapters only to reach an ending that tells us nothing. Unless you’re making a series, the end of your book should have a definitive conclusion. Don’t drag out the story indefinitely.

Setting

You’re asking the wrong person, I don’t know how to do setting.

Kidding, but seriously, I think that it all depends on what genre you’re writing. If you are working on a contemporary romance, the setting isn’t all the important. I usually give basics: general location, surroundings, different places the characters visit…nothing too extreme. If you’re writing a fantasy, however, you need to establish setting.

Now, I’m mostly a contemporary writer at the moment, but I used to be an action/adventure/fantasy writer, so I do have some experience with writing setting. When I think of setting, I want to be able to envision the area. I want to hear the rain falling, I want to see the night sky, I want to imagine the heat bearing down. I’m trying to not use my own writing for examples, but I think this may need one. When I think setting, I think imagery, and I’ve been told that my imagery is pretty good, so I’ll use a little snippet for fun:

Blinking against the harsh desert sky, A***** stopped to take in what lay before her. Grand pyramids loomed in the distance, towering over the sand dunes on the horizon…The heat seemed to increase the longer she stood out in the open, making it harder to breathe with each passing minute. A*****’s throat screamed for water; her body begged for shade. Pushing the pieces of dark wavy hair from her face, she began to panic. If water didn’t come soon, it would take only a few hours for A***** to dehydrate. The only company was the sound of her laboured breaths. Each inhale became shallower…Hours of agonizing stumbling passed by. The sky had just started to turn a dark red when A***** collapsed from exhaustion. She curled into a tight ball on the side of a sand dune, unable to form any tears. Still, the heat remained unrelenting. Gasps replaced her breathing, and A***** prepared to welcome the cold darkness of sleep drifting her way. Footsteps swished through the sand toward her. A*****’s eyes snapped open. Her hands searched frantically for a grip, for anything to protect her from the stranger she felt standing behind her. When she couldn’t find a weapon, she gathered up what little strength she had and leapt up, whirling to face the unknown person.

Describing setting can be super fun, and if you’re into writing fantasy, then I’d say this is definitely the thing for you. I’m never too concerned about specifics for setting when I write contemporary, since I don’t think much world-building is required, but if you want to create an intriguing world for other genres, I’d say to look up some writing advice on setting (and I will probably do the same because I know I need to work on setting myself).

Point of View

I’ve seen several conflicting opinions when it comes to writing from point of view. Some writers refuse to use first person, some refuse to write in third person, others like second person, and then there are plenty, I’m sure, who do a mixture of all of them. I am the final type, though I do lots of writing in third person.

First, we need you to understand the differences. A first-person narrator uses words like “I, me, we,” etc. It is a narrative told from the perspective of one or more characters, through their eyes. You are the character in first person. Second-person uses “you, your, yourself,” etc. and is a less common writing style. Most of the time I have seen it used in reader-insert fanfiction, and cannot provide much detail on it since it is the POV I use the least. Finally, third-person narrators use the words “he, she, they,” etc. and is told from the perspective of an outside force. Now that doesn’t mean that you don’t get to know the thoughts of characters, since there are several types of third-person POVs. I predominantly use third-person limited, which means telling things from one specific character’s perspective, knowing all of their inner thoughts and emotions. I then switch character’s perspectives in different chapters, but almost never in the same chapter without indicating a clear break in POV.

Why is point of view here? It is necessary to know the point of view you want to write from.

Some writers I’ve seen think that there is almost no reason to write from first person, but I think that some stories require you to follow one main perspective throughout the plot. Most of my contemporary romance is written from first-person, because I think that it’s easier to tell things from the protagonist’s eyes and the other characters’ thoughts are not as valuable to the plot. When writing fantasy or almost any other genre, I like to write from third person, so that readers can experience the story from several different perspectives. Sometimes characters split off and all characters’ experiences are necessary to piece the plot together, and other times I feel it necessary to explore how different characters react to the same situation.

At the end of the day, point of view is entirely up to you and what matters most is that you write in a style that you feel comfortable with.

Theme

Theme is the message of your novel. It is the important aspect of your story, the lesson to be learned when the reader reads the final sentence and has to say goodbye to the characters and the world.

Examples of themes include but are not limited to: love, forgiveness, growth, honour, war, perseverance…the possibilities are endless.

What do you want to tell readers, without really telling them? That’s what a theme is. For example, let’s say you write a story about mental illness and you end the story with the protagonist fighting against it and ultimately realizing they have the power within them to go on; the major themes of that novel would be perseverance and self-discovery. The message readers should get by the end of it is that they can overcome their struggles and find happiness, no matter how hopeless the protagonist may have felt in the beginning and throughout the novel.

Without a theme, your novel has no true meaning. But you don’t need some deep message either, sometimes love is good enough. At the end of the day, it’s your novel, and the significance of your theme is entirely up to you.

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There is a lot that goes into writing a novel, but these are some basics that can help you get started. I’m not great at explaining in a professional way, but I hope this helps anyone who takes the time to read it. Happy writing!

#my writing #writing advice #writing tips #i am not good at advice i apologize hahaha #writing

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antialiasis · 4 years

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Jesus Christ Superstar: all of my thoughts

Allll right, this will be me watching my way through Jesus Christ Superstar 2012 (the arena tour with Tim Minchin/Ben Forster) and rambling about e v e r y t h i n g as I go, prompted by me having a lot of thoughts approximately every two minutes while watching it on YouTube/rewatching it/listening to multiple other JCS productions in between. Unusually for me, there will be very little complaining. This production is not perfect but that's not really what I'm here to talk about right now, shush, let me just go on about why I love this musical, at incredible length.

(I will be talking both about particulars in this production and about JCS in general as a narrative, without explicitly distinguishing the two, but please rest assured I do know which is which. I am pretty hardcore, I have seen five different productions live (including the 2013 leg of the arena tour) as well as the movies, listened to a lot of different Gethsemanes, I know this show.)

(this will also jump wildly between deep intellectual analysis and just me shamelessly appreciating the whump content, please bear with me)

can I start off by saying I really love the band and instrumentation and arrangements in 2012

The JCS overture is really long but I love it and it's always fun to see exactly what they do with it when it's staged. This production goes with showing Jesus's followers as protesters clashing with police, following news headlines, and then, during the calm choral "betrayal leitmotif", they're all gathered around Jesus staring at him in the most ominous way - then, as the first notes of "Heaven On Their Minds" play, Jesus closes his eyes and shakes his head a little, as if snapping out of a thought - as if he just felt the coming of betrayal. Neat.

Anyway, "Heaven On Their Minds"! This is such a good song. When I first saw JCS, as my school's production in 2005, and it opened not with Jesus but with Judas, presenting these totally reasonable concerns that he has about Jesus, I was already so intrigued by where this was going. Judas is the actual protagonist of JCS; one of the main narrative things it's doing is telling these events largely from his point of view, imagining how what he did might be interpreted to be sympathetic and understandable. This is why he gets the opening number and the final proper song with the show's closing musings. If you put on JCS and treat it like it's a story about Jesus with Judas as a side character, you're doing it wrong.

The iconic opening riff of “Heaven On Their Minds” is what I’m calling the “Agony” motif in my musical motif chart, because the places it recurs are the moment Judas resolves to hang himself in “Judas’s Death” and... “The 39 Lashes”. Originally I connected it to Judas, but “The 39 Lashes” has nothing at all to do with Judas; instead, the one thing that connects these three occurrences of the motif is pain - which really rather underlines how painful it is when Judas’s mind clears and he sees what lies ahead.

So, Judas: he was one of Jesus's closest friends, and a real, true believer in what this movement was originally about: charity, compassion, noble ideals. But lately, he's seen it turn into more of a cult of personality around Jesus himself - you've begun to matter more than the things you say. Now they're all thinking Jesus is the messiah, the Son of God - and worse, it's like Jesus is starting to believe it himself.

(Tim Minchin does this little frustrated eyeroll on you really do believe this talk of God is true, and I love it. I know his vocal performance is not to everyone's taste, and I get why especially with the unwarranted autotuning on the official recording, but I just love his actual acting here, his expressions and body language, so much. I was watching him for most of the show when I saw this live, because I usually spend most of JCS looking for whether Judas is doing something interesting in the background, and it was choice. Unfortunately the editor for this official recording isn't quite as interested in what Judas is doing in the background as I am, alas, and there are a lot of bits where I'd like to get a better look at him but we don't, but there are still some very good reactions.)

So, the reason this is bad, this whole messiah thing, is not only that calling Jesus their king might rub the authorities the wrong way, but also that now they're all expecting Jesus to up and free them from Roman oppression. Which is just not a thing that he can do! Judas is worried if Jesus doesn't deliver his followers will turn against him (and they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong). He's worried if Jesus actually does try anything, or heaven forbid, his followers just do it on their own - Jesus's words are already being taken out of context and twisted to justify whatever the speaker feels like - if they step so much as a toe over the line, that'll be all the excuse the Romans need to regard the Jewish community as a whole as violent insurgents or a delusional cult and bring in the army. This movement used to be a beautiful thing, but it's become an existential threat with the potential to get them all killed. And - when Judas tries to voice these concerns, Jesus brushes them off. He won't listen. Things are spiraling out of control, and Jesus won't do anything about it.

(Note, by the way, that a big part of Judas's worries is worries about Jesus in particular getting hurt.)

(Judas is very focused here on the future, all these things looming on the horizon that could happen if things continue as they are - so when we transition abruptly into the upbeat "What's the Buzz?", where Jesus tries to get his followers to think less about the future and more about the here and now, for all that it feels like a musical and textual non-sequitur we're actually kind of staying on theme.)

Jesus hasn't been doing anything about things or listening to Judas, and is very focused on the here and now, because as it happens he knows (or at least believes) that in a few days he is going to be tortured and executed, and really he doesn't entirely know what's going to happen after that, and this is pretty terrifying and stressful and right now he's dealing with that by trying to not think about it.

Why are you obsessed with fighting times and fates you can't defy? He basically means this at this point. Why would you try to fight inevitable fates? That’s pointless; it’s not like Jesus would ever do that. You just don’t think about them. Jesus is fine. It’s fine. This is fine.

(Mary is the one person who’s actively helping Jesus take his mind off things and stay in the moment. Emotionally he really needs to just relax and think of nothing and be told everything's all right, and Mary's the person who provides that. She alone has tried to give me what I need right here and now. I contend that this is the main point of Mary's role in the first act of JCS, more than her infatuation with him.)

Buuuut of course Judas has no idea what's behind this. As far as he can tell Jesus is just kind of hypocritically wasting his time on hedonistic indulgence, like the whole Son of God thing's just gone to his head, and like everything else about the situation, it's concerning, and he tries to speak out about it, in “Strange Thing, Mystifying”...

...which prompts Jesus to lash out. There was a sort of frustration behind some of his lines in “What’s the Buzz”, but he still just seemed to be preaching a general philosophy of staying in the here and now. At Judas’s criticisms, though, he's defensive and confrontational, exhorting him to not throw stones... and he's not done: I'm amazed that men like you can be so shallow, thick and slow! There is not a man among you who knows or cares if I come or go!

That's a total strange overreaction, especially since he starts out addressing Judas but then goes on to "There is not a man among you", when nobody else was saying anything, much less anything implying they don't care about Jesus. So, obviously, this isn't really about what Judas just said. What this is showing us is that Jesus has a lot of pent-up frustrations and concerns, too, and he's in a strangely delicate mood. It's kind of an odd sequence watching it for the first time; this lashout is weird! I thought it was weird when I first saw the show! But that’s the point. It’s here because it is weird, because Jesus is not as fine as he seems.

(This is what almost every song with Jesus in it in Act I is about. It's a series of incidents - many of them based on actual bits from the Bible - of Jesus lashing out unexpectedly and/or being strongly disillusioned with his followers and vaguely, bitterly alluding to his upcoming death. The weight of anticipating his own execution is taking a real psychological toll on him from the start, and this is all building towards where all those fears and doubts and worries and anger come out in "Gethsemane". It took me the longest time to properly notice this, that Jesus isn't just sort of being a drama queen out of nowhere here; these events are being presented like this to connect them into a cohesive speculative narrative that this was all just manifestations of Jesus's anxiety about the fact he believes he's going to die in a few days and he's not sure what he's really accomplished.)

While the apostles join together in a chorus of No, you're wrong! You're very wrong!, Judas silently pulls out a cigarette, because 2012 Judas smokes to calm his nerves and I love it. The nerves don't stop him rolling his eyes again in the background at Jesus's Not one of you!, though. (Jesus has probably been having these weird, oddly self-pitying lashouts for a little while now - it feels like a "this again" sort of eye-roll.)

Judas tries again to confront Jesus during "Everything's Alright", even more emphatic, but in a more sincere and genuine way - he really wants to get through to him. No, seriously, Jesus, why are you wasting expensive ointment on your feet and hair when the poor are starving - you know, the thing this movement was supposed to be about. Mary, probably a bit higher in emotional intelligence than Judas, can obviously tell that Jesus is just pretty stressed out right now and really needs some rest, and basically just tries to get Jesus to ignore him until he goes away - but Jesus responds to him anyway. Starts calm, but there's an oddly defeatist quality to what he's saying - there’ll always be poor people, we can't save them, look at the good things you've got... and then he launches into another bitter lashout: Think while you still have me, move while you still see me - you’ll be lost, you'll be so, so sorry, when I'm gone. Strike two on Jesus-is-not-as-fine-as-he-seems.

(Seriously, though, at this point it'd be reasonable to be pretty alarmed; from an outside perspective, these lines sound kind of suicidal. Perhaps that’s why Mary immediately steps in again to try to calm him down.)

Meanwhile, Judas silently backs off. What he takes away from these two confrontations is that Jesus isn't really happy either. He's not actually thrilled with his followers or what’s going on; he just seems to feel helpless and unable to change anything at all, and has apparently just resigned himself to it, instead of even trying to fix it.

I love how gloriously ominous the "Hosanna Superstar" bit of "This Jesus Must Die" is. It really makes this upcoming cheerful song sound like an omen of doom and horror, the way it feels to the Pharisees. It’s the same melody as “We need him crucified” in “Trial Before Pilate” - apt, since the crowd’s devotion to Jesus is the real problem that causes the Pharisees to believe they need to get him killed.

Thus, the Pharisees have basically the same concerns Judas does - Jesus's mass of fans is growing out of control, they're blasphemously insisting he's their king, and it's only a matter of time before this brings the wrath of the Romans down upon the entire Jewish nation. They only go a bit further by believing the only way to properly quash this movement is to put Jesus to death. (Which is kind of dubious - surely there's a danger that martyring him will just make people more devoted - but I appreciate that they, too, get basically sympathetic motivations. It’s the oppression of the Romans that’s the real enemy here; they only see Jesus as a real problem because of how the Romans might react.)

By "Hosanna", Jesus has recovered his usual composure and passion. This is the one Jesus song where he does genuinely seem to be doing all right, and in that way it serves as a good contrast to literally everything else in this musical. In it we see a glimpse of the preacher and activist that he’s been for these three years, almost bursting with glee as he tells the Pharisees they're not going to be quiet at all thank you very much. He preaches his message to the crowd: There is not one of you who cannot win the Kingdom - a kind, positive echo of yesterday's angry lashout. He loves this, and he still loves this movement. This is what it's all supposed to be about.

...only, of course, for some people to yell "Hey, J.C., J.C., won't you die for me!", and he turns his head, his smile fading just a little (I wish the camera stayed on him a little while longer here). But he recovers and carries on. Ha ha, yeah, he'd die for you.

Jesus's own rally leads directly into Simon's rave, full of adoring fans begging Jesus to touch and kiss them. Same enthusiasm, but more obviously a product of that cult of personality that Judas was worried about. And there in the middle of it is Simon, so bright-eyed and enthusiastic about the whole thing, telling him about how with his probably over 50,000 followers, he should add just a smidge of hatred towards the Romans, and you will rise to a greater power, we will win ourselves a home! He's one of those who want Jesus to be leading a violent revolution to free them.

I like how the first portion of "Poor Jerusalem" echoes a slow, somber version of the same melody as "Simon Zealotes" as Jesus laments, almost to himself, that none of them, nobody at all, understands power, or glory, or anything. This time Jesus isn't really angry, just kind of exhausted and contemplative. Nobody really seems to get his message; these poor misguided people won't get the revolution they're hoping for; Jerusalem itself is doomed. The city wouldn't be willing to do what's needed even if they knew.

To conquer death, you only have to die is one of my favorite lines. I’m an atheist, but as a kid I remember being taught at the Christian summer camp I went to that by dying himself, Jesus conquered death. That idea is twisted and presented the other way around here: to conquer death, you only have to die. Only. An darkly ironic presentation of it as if it were easy. It’s not as easy as Jesus would like it to be - but he truly believes that it’s what he must do.

"Pilate's Dream" has the same melody as the second half of “Poor Jerusalem” - because both Jesus and Pilate are contemplating an unsettling future that they have seen.

I do think it's a little wrong that 2012 Pilate chuckles at the end of "Pilate’s Dream”, though. The whole point of this song, as far as I can tell, is that he's unsettled by this dream, and it's probably part of why he's so reluctant to sentence Jesus to death later, so I think it's an incongruous choice to make it seem like he just sort of brushed it off as nonsense.

As I mentioned before, the arena tour staging includes Simon buying a gun during "The Temple", a really chilling detail that I liked a lot and that is in no way discernible in the official recording. Maybe the editor didn't notice, maybe it just wasn't very clear in the footage they got anyway, maybe it's some sort of ratings issue where showing a gun for a few seconds would just be too much (while the lengthy, brutal torture and execution scenes coming up are totally fine). Obviously it doesn't mean anything for the later narrative or anything (especially since the actual narrative is taking place in 33 AD and guns don't actually exist, regardless of the staging choices of any particular production), but it’s a nice way of using staging to lend further support to the overall point of how Jesus's followers variously fail to understand his teachings - it strengthens both Jesus’s and Judas’s concerns.

When Jesus and Judas arrive at the temple, they're arguing once again, though we don't know what about. Given the way Jesus is striding towards the doors and Judas is trying to hold him back, I imagine Judas is worried that doing something like running into the temple and breaking tables and screaming is the sort of attention-grabbing, polarizing stunt that'd be a really bad idea, and Jesus is upset and doesn't care.

(The bouncer doesn't let Judas in. I'm guessing Jesus tells him Judas is harassing him or something, within the staging-narrative where the temple is a nightclub that has a bouncer.)

So Jesus goes and smashes a table and yells at everyone to get out. This is probably where Jesus begins to alienate a lot of people, who were having a great time at the temple only for him to come in and have a breakdown at them.

(He's so angry, breathing hard, fists clenched after everyone's left. This isn't really about the temple either. He's really begun to realize how many of his followers don't get it at all, and he doesn't have time to fix that. He's been trying for so long and he's so tired.)

The leper bit makes a pretty similar point. Jesus wants to help all these people, and tries - but there are too many, and they're crowding him, and he's not going to be around to help them for much longer - so he desperately tells them to heal themselves, and they leave, probably thinking wow Jesus is kind of a jerk.

I'm sorry, I don't have anything to say about "I Don't Know How to Love Him", love ballads are pretty consistently my least favorite song in every musical, I like and appreciate Mary but my investment in this song pretty much begins and ends with its role in setting up the twisted reprise in "Judas's Death"

I enjoy the fourth-wall-leaning audacity of having the guitarist spotlighted on stage playing the solo before "Damned For All Time", and Judas is looking at him like "who are you, go away", and keeps looking evasively back at him while he's slowly getting the Pharisees' number out of his wallet and calling it. (It also helps show Judas feels pretty guilty and shameful about doing this, and works better for that than having extras on stage - if it were extras, we might expect that them witnessing this could actually mean something later, but when it's the guitarist, it's obvious he's just serving as an anonymous stand-in for a hypothetical random stranger who isn't literally part of the story.)

I like the shot of Judas looking into the security camera outside the Pharisees' building. (That’s decidedly not the same hairdo Tim Minchin has on stage, though.)

Judas opens his talk with the Pharisees, without even greeting them first, by frantically justifying himself, talking about how this is weird and hard for him but there was just nothing else he could do, he's not hoping for a reward or anything, he's been forced to do this, he's not a dirty traitor, please don't think that. He really doesn't want to be here. But here he is anyway, because Jesus can't control it like he did before - and furthermore I know that Jesus thinks so too, Jesus wouldn't mind that I'm here with you. He's seen Jesus over the past few days and he's pretty sure he has this figured out. Jesus can see just as well as he does where things are headed - it's just he's helpless to control it and doesn't know what to do about it. So this has to be done. He'd probably want Judas to bail him out of this, just get him arrested and the movement shut down, for everyone's sake. (Jesus is so self-sacrificing, after all.) Right? He'd be fine with this. Right? (Judas is fine.)

("Damned For All Time" is just Judas wildly word-vomiting trying to placate his own guilt and I love it. He's legitimately afraid of where things are headed if he doesn't do this, and thinks it has to ultimately be the right thing, but that doesn't make him feel any better about it.)

(I like how Caiaphas just sort of coolly listens to him ramble his head off like this while he sips his drink.)

Judas goes for a cigarette again (calming those nerves), and Annas helpfully lights it for him - prompting Judas's next ramble. Annas, you're a friend, a worldly man and wise - Caiaphas, my friend, I know you sympathize. It's not like he's selling Jesus out to anyone unreasonable. Annas is nice! We three, we get it, right? You get it. We're the people who can see when a difficult thing just has to be done, did I mention I HAVE to do this and this is not about money - only for Annas to tell him to cut it out with this blather and excuses and just give them the information they want. And also, they'll pay him handsomely!

I don't need your blood money! Judas says, then I don't want your blood money! Sometimes these lines are reversed, which sounds better - there's something more satisfying about the vowel in need than in want - but I think textually this original order is important. First he's sort of polite-ish-ly declining, saying no, he doesn't need any money, but then when they insist, he declines more firmly, that he doesn't want it either. (I love the way he shoves Annas's hand away.) It's so important to Judas's own principles that he came here because he thinks it's right, not because he wants payment; the idea of being paid makes it way worse.

...But then Caiaphas grabs the cigarette out of his mouth (leaving him a bit shaken with nothing to hold onto anymore) and goes well, you can give it to charity, or to the poor; they understand that's not why he's doing this, but they'd still like to pay him a fee. And that's the reason he ultimately does take the money: because just a few days earlier he was telling Jesus off for letting money be wasted when it could have gone to the poor. How could he do the same?

(Judas is not doing this for the money in this show. He is not being tempted by the money. He was not going to take the money until he was told he could give it to charity. One of the professional live productions I saw just did not understand this at all, and no. Judas is the protagonist! He is not here for the money! It's done right here, with the Pharisees just throwing the money at him after he names Gethsemane, and him not even reacting, just slowly picking it up afterwards. Tim Minchin gets Judas.)

I like to think the Well done, Judas / Good old Judas chorus is sort of the voice of the Divine Plan, such as it is, which he's now done his first part in.

"The Last Supper" has slowly become one of my favorite parts of the entire show, and I particularly enjoy it in this particular production.

Judas walks in and doesn't look at Jesus at all - can't quite bear to, at the moment. Jesus looks after him, knowing exactly what's going on... and that's when he starts in on The end is just a little harder when brought about by friends.

Jesus has a drink of the wine, which I like a lot. This definitely is a drinking sort of moment. I like the idea of him being a little inebriated in this scene.

For all you care, this wine could be my blood. For all you care, this bread could be my body. The end... This is my blood you drink, this is my body you eat. Judas reflexively rolls his eyes again - Jesus off on one of these weird sorts of rants yet again. (As with so much, I love that Jesus Christ Superstar takes this bit of the Bible and lets it just be a weird thing to say, recontextualizes it as an empty, halfhearted statement that he doesn't feel like his followers even care hours before his impending arrest, instead of treating it as something profound and meaningful. Again and again, Jesus is portrayed less as a noble profound religious figure and more as just a person haunted by mounting dread and anxiety, and I love it so much.)

Jesus sort of tries to make this into a nice, comforting thing, to ask them to remember him when they eat and drink - but it doesn't work. It's happening tonight, and here they all are, these people, his supposed followers, who don't understand a thing he's said, ever, and Jesus just breaks. I must be mad, thinking I'll be remembered! Yes, I must be out of my head! Look at your blank faces! My name will mean nothing ten minutes after I'm dead! (Judas looks up vaguely, kind of concerned - Jesus, this is further than he usually goes.) One of you denies me, one of you betrays me! And that's when Judas really looks up. Jesus knows.

There's a pause, a commotion, and Jesus is going to just retreat and leave it at that - but no, then he keeps going. He calls out Peter specifically for being about to deny him three times, shoving him, and then yells about how one of my twelve chosen will leave to betray me! At which Judas finally stands up. Cut out the dramatics! You know very well who! It's obvious that somehow Jesus found out. (Maybe Judas thinks the guitarist might have told on him.)

Judas's surprised You want me to do it? when Jesus tells him to go do it delights me. Judas, I thought you knew that Jesus totally wanted you to do this. It's almost like you didn't really know that at all and just convinced yourself of that to feel better about it. (Obviously, though, Jesus clearly doesn't actually want it so much, does he, the way he's shouting.)

Judas tries to explain himself but Jesus doesn't care - he doesn’t want to hear about why one of his most trusted friends wants to betray him to the authorities, not when this has to happen and he can’t prevent it. Judas is really nervous and defensive and hurt by his hostility, declares he hates Jesus now. (You liar, you Judas! Jesus says, which is kind of hilarious and also - yeah, he's a liar, he doesn't hate Jesus at all.) You wanted me to do it? What if I just stayed here and ruined your ambition? Christ, you deserve it! Judas still kind of wants to just stay and cancel the whole thing, even if it's simply justified as petulant spite. But Jesus tells him to just go already; he just wants to get this over with, as quickly as possible, because it hurts.

Judas is near tears as he turns away to get his things. The apostles have no idea what's going on, singing, some of them trying to see if Judas is okay, which suggests they have no idea what they were even talking about - whatever this 'betrayal' is supposed to be, it doesn’t cross their minds that Judas is about to get Jesus arrested.

Judas trudges up the steps, batting them away, still on the verge of tears - only then he stops, his face changing. And he throws down his backpack and turns for one final confrontation with Jesus. You sad, pathetic man! Look what you've brought us to! Our ideals die around us, and all because of you! This is still about their ideals for him, after all. And yet, saddest of all, someone had to turn Jesus in - like a common criminal, he first says, but then, like a wounded animal, someone helpless to help themselves, who needs to be pitied and put out of their misery. Jesus could have done something. Jesus could have put a stop to this. Why does he have to do it? (Why does he have to do it?)

Every time I look at you, I don't understand why you let the things you did get so out of hand. You'd have managed better if you'd had it planned. Why? Jesus does have a plan, of sorts, of course - it's just that this is all part of it. Judas doesn't believe Jesus is actually the Son of God, or that he could possibly have a "plan" that involves dying for some grand cosmic cause. As far as he can tell Jesus's actions are just bizarre and pathetic and self-defeating, and he's been saddled with the unfortunate, dirty job of saving Jesus from himself.

(Judas presumably still doesn't realize that the Pharisees plan to literally have him killed. I doubt he'd be doing this, or at least not in this way, if he knew.)

In the wake of this final confrontation, Mary hugs Peter, who Jesus just shoved and accused of denying him. She considers going to Jesus too, but Peter convinces her they'd probably best leave it alone. Peter himself seems to be considering going to Jesus, but then doesn't. Everyone dejectedly goes to sleep. Jesus is alone for tonight, his apostles alienated, his right-hand man gone as Jesus must wait for him to return with soldiers and set the dreaded end in motion. This must be the loneliest, most awful night of his life.

Jesus rubs his hand hard against a stair as the apostles are finishing their song - an agitated fidget that I am far more fond of than I should be. As he realizes they've all gone to sleep, he grips it instead, something to hold on to. Will no one stay awake with me? Peter, John, James? He just sounds broken and like he's about to cry. Which is good. He sings all of Gethsemane sounding like he's on the verge of tears and that's exactly how it should sound, do not at me.

(Please bear with me as I go on about this Gethsemane because it's my favorite one ever at this point, haters to the left)

See, when I first saw this production (I saw the official recording once before I realized it was still on and I could see it live), I didn't really like Ben Forster's Jesus for the first half! He seemed sort of over-the-top and I wasn't the biggest fan of his voice and all in all I was ehhh on him. But then he did "Gethsemane" and I just felt it to my core in a way I'd never felt it before, and it floored me. I've watched and listened to a lot of versions of this song. There are better singers who make it more pleasant to listen to - but they tend to be very dignified and Jesus-y about it, like this poised religious figure just having a brief moment of vulnerability and emotionality. Even the performances specifically praised for being emotional tend to be the ones that just make it really angry. And I've seen a lot of great ones of both varieties! But Ben Forster just makes it so raw and human. Like this terrified, exhausted, desperate human being who's spent the entire preceding hour of this play dreading this thing that's coming, his resolve finally faltering in this moment of agonizing solitude as his doubts and fears and frustrations finally come pouring out, how much he wants to call the whole thing off, begging to either not have to do this or at least be properly convinced why he should. It's what made me properly start to look at Jesus's character progression during this story in the first place and notice all the buildup about his fragile mental state that's always been there in the lyrics. This is the “Gethsemane” that made me really, truly care about Jesus.

he's rubbing the stair again at the beginning of the song, I'm sorry I love fidgets and nervous gestures you guys

I've never heard anyone emphasize three years the way Ben Forster does, and the desperation of it hits me in the heart. Weren't these three years enough?

Let's talk about You're far too keen on where and how, and not so hot on why, which is pretty key to this show’s interpretation of Jesus. He and the Almighty are definitively not the same entity here; Jesus knows or believes he knows a lot of things about how this is all going to play out, and even some of the future beyond that (in "Poor Jerusalem"), but he doesn't actually understand what his death is supposed to accomplish. He knows that he's going to be crucified and it's going to happen because Judas betrays him and so on and so on, and that this is all supposedly very important, and Jesus has been willing to accept that without question, but really he doesn't know the whys here and never has, and as much as he's just never questioned it anyway because of his absolute conviction that this is God’s plan, he can't not do so now, when he's going to have to suffer an agonizing death in the service of these inscrutable goals, not sometime in the vague far future but soon.

(Technically, for all we know, Jesus isn’t the Son of God. God doesn’t answer him; the song is a monologue. Jesus has suspiciously specific knowledge of the future but that’s about it as far as actual concrete evidence of his divinity goes in this show. But what matters is that he believes this is what God wills.)

His initial All right. I'll die. Just watch me die! is so spiteful, only for the following lines to just turn into this anguished scream, and it kills me

I love the way he collapses on the stairs, and just finally breaks down and starts crying, and there's that agitated rubbing of the stair again

The second three years is just exhausted and my heart still breaks for it. These have been a hard three years. Seems like ninety.

Why then am I scared to finish is probably my favorite line in this. He just sounds so broken and desperate and actually scared, and his body language is so tense and agitated and desperate; he's so angry at himself for being scared when this has been the plan all along and for some reason now he just can’t seem to go through with it.

And then he has that realization. What I started? ...What you started. I didn't start it! This isn't his plan. He's just a cog in God's machinery. It's a fixed, unavoidable fate, isn't it? And he finds a kind of desperate acceptance in just thinking of it that way - at least for a moment (before I change my mind!). But it's a spiteful acceptance. He's addressing God now. I will drink your cup of poison, nail me to your cross and break me, bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now! Because it's you who are doing this. It's your cross, you who are killing me. Note the contrast to earlier: Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, nail me to their tree. It's not actually the people who are responsible for any of this, even if they’ll technically be the ones to do the deed; it's God's plan, his cross, his crucifixion.

I love how he looks so tense standing there afterwards while the audience is applauding, because he's not actually waiting for applause, he's waiting for the soldiers to arrest him and set him on the path to his execution. Arms spread at first, in a come at me sort of way, but then he just clenches his fists at his sides, eyes closed, still waiting.

There he is. They're all asleep, the fools. Implying Judas wouldn't have just gone to sleep, if he'd been left there. AU where Jesus has literally anyone to comfort him, instead of standing there alone desperately pleading to God to not have him killed. Hnngh.

The kiss is just as it is in the Bible, of course. But there, it's presented as a sort of extra nasty element of this betrayal, that he'd be betrayed with a kiss. Here, it's more like Judas just wants to say goodbye, one last time, and does it in this kind of tender way.

And... Jesus breaks down crying, clings to him, pulls him into a hug. Because of course he does. The reminder that Judas still cares, memories of everything they've been through together, and the knowledge this is probably his last chance at some kind of comforting human contact? Of course he does. He just wants to not be alone, for a few seconds, before the end.

At first Judas just sort of lets him do it, but by the time the soldiers come along to separate them, Judas is clinging to Jesus, too. Ohh, my heart.

The apostles wake up at the commotion and are immediately on their feet to fight off the soldiers. There is not a man among you who knows or cares if I come or go, Jesus said, a few days ago; now here they are, worrying for him, wanting to save him. But he has to stop them. He mustn't be saved, and they'd only get themselves hurt. Put away your sword - don't you see that it's all over? It was nice but now it's gone. That exhausted resignation.

Why are you obsessed with fighting? Stick to fishing from now on. He doesn't sound angry here - it's just kind of a gentle rebuke. He's touched that they tried. I like that he plays it that way; it'd be legit to make it angry, but in the context of how Jesus has spent a lot of time feeling like they don't really care at all and in this moment it finally becomes clearer to him that they do - not to mention that this is basically his final goodbye to them - it makes sense to let it be kind of tender.

From this point on, Jesus has to just quietly accept his fate. He's very silent, barely says anything - because now things just have to play out how they play out, and nothing he says will change anything, nor should change anything.

The reporters asking questions here (to the melody of "The Temple") are one of the relatively few major anachronisms baked into the actual lyrics as opposed to any particular production. They're not really reporters; it's kind of a representation of some of his previous followers watching this as a kind of spectacle, expecting him to make a dramatic escape or fight back, excited by what's happening (you'll just DIE in the high priest's house!), rather than sympathizing or caring. These are the people who are going to ultimately turn against him as a mob and pressure Pilate into crucifying him.

Caiaphas asks if Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus says That's what you say, yet another line based directly on the Bible. Growing up I always just found that kind of a silly thing for him to say - why won't he just stick to his story instead of suddenly acting like he never said such a thing? But it makes real sense here. Again, Jesus is resigned to his fate, to passively letting this happen. He's not going to deny it or try to get out of it, because he can't and mustn't. But he has no desire to speak up about how the rocks and stones will sing for him right now, or actively provoke them and give them more reasons to persecute him. He's just going to stand here and let things happen until it's over.

(also, he probably doesn't really feel so much like the Son of God right now)

Judas, thank you for the victim! Stay a while and you'll see him bleed! In this production, Caiaphas and Annas both say the last sentence together, but originally it's just Annas, which has always led me to feel that where Caiaphas is pure cold pragmatism and just believes this is what needs to be done for the sake of the nation, Annas is bit of a twisted son of a bitch. He's obviously intentionally twisting the knife here, because he thinks Judas's conflictedness about the whole thing is a bit pathetic and hilarious and likes to see him squirm.

(let me complain again about the editor not letting us see Judas's reaction to this line)

Peter's reluctance to throw his phone on the fire is a mood

also him threatening the homeless people with a broken bottle when they keep pressing him on whether he was with Jesus, before Mary takes it off him, is something I enjoy

Pilate and Christ probably takes place at Pilate’s gym in this staging to show Pilate hasn’t even made time for Jesus in an official capacity - he’s just being unexpectedly brought before him in his off time, hence why he’s particularly dismissive here.

Jesus barely looks at Pilate. Another dispassionate That's what you say.

How can someone in your state be so cool about his fate? An amazing thing, this silent king. Of course, Pilate doesn't understand any more than anyone else that Jesus being crucified is the plan. Again, Jesus is just letting this play out.

He does look up when Pilate declares he should go to Herod instead, though. It must be torture for him having this drawn out further. Poor Jesus, having to suffer through a comic relief number when he just wants to get this over with.

Jesus does look at Herod as he's making all these offers of letting him free if he'll just perform a miracle. It's got to be a tempting thought despite everything. But no, he must still sit there and let it happen.

"These results are for entertainment purposes only and do not reflect any real votes. The outcome is predetermined by the character of King Herod who clearly is going to find Jesus guilty of being a fraud otherwise it would be a very short Act 2." Going all the way with that fourth-wall-breaking.

the bit where they put the hood over Jesus's head sure hits some specific button I didn't realize I had

Judas there with his head buried in his hands in the background towards the end of "Could We Start Again Please" ohhhh

I feel like the usual implication with the abrupt opening of "Judas's Death" is that Judas has just been seeing Jesus being beaten, whereas here he's explicitly sitting there with the apostles contemplating what he's done and just gets up and freaks out when Caiaphas and Annas happen to walk by. I like him punching Caiaphas, but the way he just goes from zero to sixty there does feel a little weird. I don't care, though, Judas in the background during "Could We Start Again Please" is worth it.

For all that Judas is mortified by the way Jesus is being made an example of, he can also see the way his name will forever be associated with treachery, and none of his good intentions meant anything at all in the end. He’s wracked with guilt at what he’s done, but additionally all he can see in the future is being vilified and reviled, blamed for Jesus’s murder.

Ugh Annas kicking Judas while he's down he's such a bastard

Tim Minchin goes so all out on making "Judas's Death" just ugly anguished screaming and crying and I am so here for it.

Judas has never believed in the divinity of Jesus, but Jesus has some strange, intense, frightening quality that both Judas and Mary can feel, and just before his final breakdown, although Judas is telling himself that He's a man - he's just a man!, he seems to be starting to feel that that's not quite true: he starts to wonder if Jesus will leave him be after his death, and then right after the "I Don't Know How to Love Him" reprise is where his mental state takes a turn as he realizes God is behind all this, that perhaps the whole thing was planned.

The projecting images of Jesus' torment up onto the background screen as Judas is despairing is also very good - Jesus hasn't even been sentenced yet but he knows where this is headed and he sure is imagining it and feeling responsible for it.

Judas, like Jesus, concludes here that it's God who orchestrated all this and he never got a choice. In his case, though, it's serving as a way of running from his guilt. We got to hear all about his reasons for thinking this was the right thing to do, after all - it's not as if he was literally controlled into anything. He didn't realize he was dooming Jesus to a horrible death at the time, but he still did it of his own free will. And it isn't a real comfort - all it means is that in his final anguished moments he has someone to scream his despair at. You have murdered me!

(hang me from your tree)

the particular scream and sob that he does as he kicks the box out from under him hits my buttons very hard hhhh

Poor old Judas, so long, Judas, goes the Plan chorus. There's a pretty callous quality to that, appropriately enough for a very callous Plan involving a lot of suffering.

Please give my compliments to the sound designer who makes a point of turning on Jesus' microphone so we can hear his strained breathing before "Trial Before Pilate" begins

Jesus's resolve to say nothing of substance is breaking by this point, and he actually answers Pilate's "Where is your kingdom?" I have got no kingdom in this world, I'm through, through, through - there may be a kingdom for me somewhere, if I only knew. It's probably pretty hard to feel like he's headed for a triumphant resurrection right now, and the fact he's spilling those doubts to Pilate in a moment of frustrated honesty is pretty tragic.

(Some versions, including the 1973 movie, change this lyric to if you only knew. No! Bad! The whole point here is Jesus doubting it! If you want to change it you should not be putting on this show!)

Then he's a king? It’s what you say I am! I look for truth and find that I get damned! This frustration coming out here is so good.

Pilate's frustration is very good too - just dripping off every line. This mob of people insisting he sentence this harmless fool to death (one who reminds him uncomfortably of this dream that he had the other day), crowing about Caesar all of a sudden like they're oh so very concerned with protecting Caesar's authority.

As Jesus once again refuses to talk, there’s a brief mournful instrumental interlude before Look at your Jesus Christ - this is a slowed-down version of a bit of “Prescience”, the motif from “Pilate’s Dream”. He remembers that unsettling dream, consciously or unconsciously, and feels sympathy and pity for this strange man before him. After that is when he begins to argue that Jesus hasn’t committed any crime and there’s no reason to kill him.

can we appreciate that Webber and Rice went and made a song called "The 39 Lashes" that's literally just Pilate counting excruciatingly to 39 while Jesus screams in pain

can we also appreciate Jesus writhing on the floor after rolling down the stairs, Ben Forster really goes for it in acting out all this pain and torture and I love him for it

Why do you not speak when I have your life in my hands? asks Pilate, and Jesus just about musters the energy to say, You have nothing in your hands. Any power you have comes to you from far beyond - everything is fixed and you can't change it! He's kind of desperate to make Pilate understand this. Pilate keeps on trying to get Jesus to say something that'll let him release him, but that can't happen, because this must be so. Pilate needs to just play his part and get it over with, please get it over with.

And so, Pilate has to appease the mob and let him die, even though he doesn't want to at all, and tries to wash his hands of it. Much like in his dream, though, he'll in fact be remembered as the guy who sentenced Jesus to death. Clearly didn't wash your hands well enough, Pilate

It's such a delightfully bold creative decision to place an upbeat number like "Superstar" right here as Jesus is about to be crucified.

It's fascinating to see the differences in how this song in particular is staged; it's so abstract and disconnected that different directors really go nuts with it. Some productions, including the 2000 movie, imply Judas has come out of Hell to taunt him; the movie in particular makes a point of having Judas lazily, cruelly stand on the cross while Jesus is trying to carry it, grinning at his agony, surrounded by scantily clad demon women, though he has a moment of doubt and guilt as Jesus stares at him. (That movie generally posits Judas as not in control of his actions at all - so God is apparently basically just making him do this as part of his torture in Hell, which is delightfully twisted.) Others (including this one and the 1973 movie) have him among angels, as if he's descended from Heaven. In the 1973 movie Carl Anderson seems largely to just be singing it to himself - it cuts to Jesus carrying the cross a few times, but Judas isn't there.

Here, "Superstar" feels a bit like a delirious hallucination Jesus is experiencing. Judas descends on the stage lights that are about to form the cross (what an entrance) and performs the song surrounded by angels while Jesus is being affixed to the cross; they look at each other, but Judas doesn't really interact with him. There's definitely no taunting; Tim Minchin plays it in a very good-natured way, not even the kind of angry questioning of Carl Anderson in the 1973 movie. Effectively, despite the hallucinatory vibes, the way it comes across to me is Judas really is actually there in spirit, from a timeless afterlife, having had an eternity to think and come to terms with and understand what Jesus was doing - and finally just asking him some questions, without judgement. Is he what they say he is? What does he think about Buddha and Mohammed? Why didn't he choose a different time period where it would've been easier to spread his message? Did he know his death would inspire millions? It's all a sort of musing, fourth-wall-leaning modern perspective, not hostile, just curious.

Also this version just makes me happy because Judas seems happy and mentally at peace in the afterlife and who doesn't want that

Anyway, from that to Jesus crying on the cross. And I mean crying. Once again Ben Forster delivers the human suffering element of this story. "The Crucifixion" is a weird, weird song, chaotic and noisy and kind of offputting and tends to feel sort of inappropriate for the mood; in this production you don't even notice because the staging is so brutal. There's no cool symbolic dignity to this; Jesus is just crying and screaming and sobbing the whole time, yelling the disconnected final-words lines in an agonized, delirious haze. You actually believe you're watching a man dying in agony, God damn. It hurts and I love it.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? is the most gutwrenching line, of course. (And straight out of the Bible, lest we forget - I think it’s fascinating that in the likely oldest gospel of Mark as well as Matthew, this horrible, heartwrenching, human cry is all he says on the cross, while the gospels of John and Luke instead each feature their own disjoint sets of more profound-sounding sayings. It’s hard not to wonder if the other lines might be inventions by those gospels’ human authors or their sources, people who perhaps just didn’t want Jesus’s final words to be something so achingly desperate and vulnerable.) He's done all this to carry out God's great plan, and yet in this moment, in the middle of this nightmare of slow, unending agony, he feels certain that God has abandoned him and he's just dying, alone, pointlessly, for nothing. Ow, my empathetic heart.

You can hear him feeling death approaching at last and the relief he feels at that realization just before It is finished and Father, into your hands I commend my spirit

(it's easier to believe again when his suffering is finally, mercifully about to end)

Ben Forster also does a very good job not visibly breathing when he's playing a corpse. On this blog we appreciate the little things.

I've always found it pretty neat and interesting that Jesus Christ Superstar does not include the resurrection or any allusion to it at all; he just dies on the cross, they mourn and carry him away, and the show ends. Again, the only thing in this show that’s at all supernatural is that Jesus seems to know the future, and even that is fairly ambiguous. It's a story about human suffering, and it's a hugely compelling story without him rising from the dead at the end, which'd just kind of cheapen it. You can imagine that he did, but this ending invites you to contemplate that this story is just as meaningful if he did not.

In conclusion, Jesus Christ Superstar is one of my absolute favorite things and the 2012 arena tour is my baby

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

#jesus christ superstar #ramble #review #character analysis #my buttons #holy jesus this is long #8500 words of JCS rambling #which is almost as much as I wrote about episode four of Breaking Bad

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theauthorandtheartist · 4 years

Text

Cliches

This goes along with the Dannymay day 7 prompt: 2nd chances

I don’t know where I came up with this. I just started writing and didn’t stop. I tried to do a story without using dialogue, and I think I succeeded. I had to write this for a school assignment, so I had to explain the Danny Phantom world a bit because my teacher had no idea what it is.

Cliches are a wonderful thing. We cling to them like lifelines, hoping for a good "happily ever after" to make everything better. In fact, I'm sure you were expecting a "Once upon a time" to start off the story now weren't you.

Yeah, you were.

Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, but here, there are no cliches. No long-lived and well-loved story arcs to follow, no "good guys" or "bad guys" or save the world scenarios. Here, the princess rescues the prince and the dragon is locked in the tower. Here, the evil stepfather can't get the upper hand over his rebellious teen son. Here, the protagonists are monsters and the villains are heroes.

Probably the only cliche in the whole story is the existence of myself, the narrator, who will shamelessly add my own thoughts and commentary to the story as I please; simply because I can.

Pleased to meet you.

Now, with hasty introductions out of the way, let’s get down to business. I am here to tell you a story, though I’m sure you already knew that. It is my job as narrator, to lovingly guide you through the history, lore, and thrilling storyline that the author has painstakingly crafted for you to enjoy. You’re welcome.

Let’s just jump straight into it shall we? I’m sure you already know everything there is to know about Amnity Park, and you don’t need me to tell you about their slightly paranormal pest problem. Surely you don’t need me to inform you about the daily ghost attacks, or the ghostly superhero known as Phantom who repeatedly confronts the angry spirit and either persuades them or forces them back across the veil. Assuredly, you know all about Phantom’s tragic backstory, of how he was caught in the veil between dimensions, and was officially turned into Schrödinger’s boy -both living and dead simultaneously. Of course you already know about the struggles of being both a hero and a high school student, missing class and skipping sleep in order to keep his city (and his secret) safe. I don’t need to tell you about the ghost hunters in town, who relentlessly hunt and attack Phantom without warning, oblivious that he is their son.

No, you already knew all of that.

Still, it is quite tragic to see a family pitted against one another, even if it is due to ignorance. Danny Phantom is nowhere near being ready to confide in his parents, but progress always starts with a first step. This story is that first step.

Let’s meet our protagonist, shall we?

Daniel James Fenton -or Danny, as he prefers to be called- is a good looking kid. Tall and muscular, without the air of privilege or haughtiness that often surrounds such people. His messy black hair and sparkling blue eyes are enough to make any girl swoon, though he does not seek out such attention, preferring instead to mess around with his two best friends. While most boys his age spend their nights drinking or partying, Danny spends his stargazing (or more recently, ghost fighting). He truly is the ideal high school boyfriend -but don’t let him hear me say that, he’s a flustered dork most of the time. He does his best to avoid the limelight, even letting the other kids bully him if it means that he won’t be looked at twice.

Danny Phantom however, has no qualms with spotlights. In fact, he doesn’t mind them at all as long as they don’t get in the way or result in other people getting hurt. His ghostly form does not look dissimilar to Fenton, swapping black hair for blinding white and blue eyes for toxic green. His normal T-shirt and jeans shift into a full body, black HAZMAT suit with white gloves and the trademark DP logo on the front. It is rather easy to spot, especially when he’s flying around and glowing.

To hide his alternate identity, Danny created two different personas for his two halves, slipping seamlessly into character whenever it is needed. Phantom is brash and hot-headed, a master at distracting his enemies with witty banter and endless puns. Fenton is cowardly and shy, infamous for being too clumsy to handle glassware. Fenton is terrified of ghosts, Phantom hunts them. Phantom is willing to sacrifice his own safety and wellbeing for others, Fenton gets misty-eyed over papercuts. This way, even if someone had thought that a ghost and a human could be the same, no one would ever suspect the two to be connected.

It was crucial that the two were never suspected. If the world knew that half-ghosts existed, Danny’s identity as a human would be overshadowed by his identity as a ghost. Ghosts don’t have rights, therefore Danny wouldn’t have rights. There would be nothing to stop anyone from marching down and kidnapping him for use in loads of painful and most likely unethical experiments. After all, the popular opinion on ghosts was that they were evil, semi-sentient projections who could feel no pain. That doesn’t do much to help his case.

The people need to be convinced that Phantom was a hero, and that process starts with his parents. The Fentons are the leading ghost hunters in Amnity, and they have dedicated their life to catching and researching ghosts, even if they aren’t very good at it. They are a perfect team. Maddie is thin and slender, and her blue HAZMAT suit does nothing to hide her curves, but she is not weak in the slightest. Her proficiency in martial arts and science is renowned throughout the city, and every thug knows not to mess with the red-haired mother. Jack, however, has the dexterity of a brick wall and the mass to rival an elephant. He looms menacingly over all who approach him, but his childish nature and agreeable personality make it easy for him to interact with others -even if he is a little too passionate about his profession.

The Fentons are stubborn, but not bullheaded. They can see reason when they need to, and unfortunately, with the infamous Phantom of Amnity Park bleeding out on their doorstep, they need to reevaluate their theories.

Phantom lay slumped against the porch railing, eyelids fluttering as he struggled to remain awake. It was a rather gruesome sight, and if Maddie didn’t know that he was a ghost, then she would be furious at whoever dared do this to a child. His right arm pressed hard against his wounded side, soaking the white glove in acid-green, ectoplasmic blood. A nasty gash on his forehead leaked the same vile liquid into his snowy white hair, plastering it against his sweaty, pale skin. In all honesty, he looked like he had brought a toothpick to a knife fight.

The Fentons frowned at each other, debating their next move. They knew how this happened, news of Phantom’s latest battle against the hunter ghost known as Skulker had been broadcasted on every television for the past three hours, what they didn’t know, and couldn’t figure out, was why Phantom had come here. They were his enemies, for all intents and purposes, they were very loud about their threats to rip him apart. But here he was, bleeding out on their porch, and Maddie found herself fighting between her hunter’s curiosity and her motherly worry.

Phantom didn’t look older than her own son, Danny. She hadn’t noticed that before, but now it was painfully obvious how young he was. It also struck her that he was a ghost, which means at some point or another Phantom had been alive. She couldn’t imagine losing Danny, and this ghost didn’t look older than seventeen.

She sighed, and scooped the hero up into her arms. The hunting could wait. It was against the hunter’s code to kill anything that you hadn’t weakened yourself, anyways, best to fix him up and let him be on his way. She could chase him down again later.

Now I know you’re thinking, “but Mr. Narrator, isn’t the hunter nursing the huntee back to health and becoming friends a huge cliche?” And to that I say, yes. However, that is not what we’re doing here. They do not become friends and instantly trust each other because of this little incident. This is a first step, nothing more.

After calming her husband’s fears, and assuring him that she was fine, Maddie cleared off the dining room table and laid the ghost on top. He had lost consciousness at some point while she moved him, and his head lolled back as she set him down. She frowned at the ghost, listening to his labored breaths. Ghosts didn’t need to breathe, but Phantom had always insisted. She never knew why.

Jack walked up the stairs from the lab, carrying a spool of glowing green thread. Phantom’s wounds would need stitches, and the special thread wouldn’t fall out when he used his power of intangibility. Silently, she stitched up his side, flinching at his whimpers he made every time the needle made contact. She had to remind herself that he was a ghost, and therefore couldn’t feel pain. Any reaction he gave was just part of an elaborate ruse.

You and I both know that wasn’t true.

She nodded as Jack brought her some bandages, holding his head upright in order for her to wrap them around his ectoplasm-stained hair. A neon green stain spread out on the tabletop, seeping into the wood. This was fine, she would just have to clean it later so the ectoplasm didn’t bring any food to life.

Satisfied that there were no other major lacerations, she once again scooped up the teenaged hero and moved him slowly to the couch. His unnecessary breathing had evened out, and she could feel a faint, slow, rhythmic thump against the fingers pressed on the base of his neck. It couldn’t be a heartbeat. Ghosts don’t have heartbeats. It must’ve been her imagination.

As you can see, Maddie is not very receptive to new ideas.

Laying him on the couch, she expertly ignored the slight hiss he made as his stitches stretched. He began to softly snore. She left the room. Jack was not much help when she explained what she’d felt, merely parroting her feelings back to her with a few insults directed at the ghostly species thrown in. “Ectoplasmic scum” was a popular one, along with “spook” and “monster.” Maddie didn’t know why she didn’t agree with those insults anymore.

A soft groan echoed from the other room, and Jack jumped to his feet to grab weapons. Maddie stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Phantom was no threat now, maybe she could get some answers out of him. A strangled, frightened yelp called from the living room, along with a loud thump and a groan. Upon investigation, she found Phantom on the living room carpet, curled up into a ball and shaking. A small pool of his green blood had soaked through the bandages and was now leaving little polka-dots on the rug.

Phantom apologized for the carpet.

At first, Maddie was taken aback. Phantom was hurt. Phantom had nearly died. Again. And he was apologizing about the stains on her rug. She didn’t expect most humans to be that selfless, much less a ghost. Nevertheless, Phantom was apologizing for the carpet, as a thin line of green dribbled down from the corner of his mouth.

She sighed and drew closer, eyes softening as Phantom flinched and tried to back away. She continued to advance, slower this time, and murmured words of encouragement as she approached. The ghosts glowing eyes held suspicion, but he did not flinch away this time. His usual witty banter was gone, much to Maddie’s worry, replaced by the soft pleas of a frightened child. A child faced with death, who did not want to die.

She called Jack into the room, and asked him to grab some bedding from the storage closet. She had made up her mind. Phantom was not a threat. Jack warily nodded and left to do as she asked, and Maddie gently took Phantom up in her arms again, wiping the green liquid from his face. He stiffened at the contact, but made no move to escape.

Soon enough, Jack returned with a feather comforter and several pillows. With Phantom’s telekinetic help, they made a soft nest and placed him gently inside. Maddie fussed over him as Jack stood to the side suspiciously.

Needless to say, Phantom was very confused. Why was his parents helping him? They hate Phantom. Did they see him change back into human form? Is that why they're being so nice? No, Maddie kept calling him “Phantom,” if she knew, she would call him “Danny” or “Sweety.” His secret was safe for now.

That still begged the question of why they were helping him, and when he asked, their only reply was along the lines of “you’re not a threat,” which really did more harm than good when it came to calming his nerves.

Nevertheless, they had saved him, and so when Maddie asked for an interview, Phantom didn’t decline. Their questions were standard, if a bit rude. They were nothing he hadn’t answered before, and he only had to lie twice, when their questions got a little too personal. He refused to answer how he died. They didn’t need to know that.

His healing factor had kicked in, rapidly knitting the skin back together and repairing the damage to his muscles. The room had gotten progressively more relaxed as time went on, and Jack was no longer shooting glares at him from across the room. Instead, he was questioning him with just as much zeal as Maddie. However, Phantom could feel his time here drawing to a close. Danny Fenton needed to be back home before curfew, and he couldn’t do that if Danny Phantom was in the living room.

Hastily making an excuse to leave, he said goodbye to his parents and phased through the door before they could catch him. His head, which had been overtaken by an awful headache, protested as he flew down the street and into an alley, but he paid it no mind. Unwinding the bandages around his head, Phantom felt his transformation overtake him.

His heartbeat sped up, his temperature rose, and his breathing grew more frequent. Granted, his heartbeat and breathing still weren’t exactly fast, and his temperature wasn’t exactly warm, but he could pass as human and that’s all that mattered. Seconds later, Danny Fenton exited the alley and headed home, walking carefully as not to disturb the stitched side under his shirt.

When he arrived home, his parents were whispering in hushed voices, glancing over at the couch occasionally. They greeted him excitedly as he walked inside, before running downstairs to the lab to go over what Phantom had told them. What Danny had told them.

He sighed and scaled the steps, making a beeline for the door to his room. He should start his homework, but then again, chances are the ghosts aren’t going to let him sleep tonight, so he should take a nap while he can. Not bothering to change clothes, Danny flopped onto his mattress, asleep before he hit the covers.

In the later weeks, the Fentons would continue to search for Phantom. However, now it was for conversational purposes instead of experimental ones. He even visited on his own time once or twice for a chat. The overall acceptance of Phantom increased as well, because if the ghost hunters thought he was okay, then the rest of the people would follow. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than before, and that’s all Danny could really ask for.

Who knew it took nearly dying to repair broken relationships?

Well, I did, for one, but I don’t count. I already know how Danny’s story ends. I know how his secret is revealed, and how his parents react. I know who will hurt him, who will betray him, and who will make amends. I know lots of things, including this: Danny will not live happily ever after. He just won't. There will always be more ghosts to fight, more threats to his friends and family, and he will not live happily ever after. His life will be filled with struggle and pain, and there’s nothing I can do to stop that.

His afterlife however...well, that’s another story.

I should tell you sometime.

#danny phantom #phic #danny phantom fanfiction #phandom #phan phic #phanfiction #danny fenton #maddie fenton #jack fenton #ghost #dannymay2020 #dannymay #day 7 #dannymay day 7 #second chances

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myupostsheadcanons · 4 years

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Books “Read” in 2020

Previous entries: 2019, 2018, 2017

I don’t rank these based on actual literary quality, but by how much i enjoyed reading/listening to them. Hopefully with Audible’s new “Premium Included” feature it would cut down on so many Average/Below Average books next year, it’ll give me more of a choice on what kind of books/podcasts i want to listen to rather than given a handful to pick from a month.

The “Top 10″

Forging Hephaestus / Bones of the Past: Villains' Code Series - Drew Hayes has became one of my fav authors over the past couple years, from his Vampire Accountant series, 5-min Sherlock, and his Spells, Swords, and Stealth books. FH is one of the few times he wrote Adult Fiction. This is the second time Drew created a world of super heroes (the YA Superpowereds), thus previous experience in dealing with the nuisances and meta of super meta dynamics. I love the main character, Tori, and especially love many of the side characters (like Ivan) and the comedy is the right tone of dark and not-in-your-face (not quite as well -written as something like The Venture Bros or The Tick, but being adult fiction you can get away with having characters named Johnny Three-Dicks and Captain Bullshit)

Dreadnought / Sovereign - the second super hero series I’ve placed on my top list this year, this one is Young Adult. This one is far more serious and deals heavily in issues like trans and women’s rights, mental abuse, and social acceptance. The main character is full of angst, but that should be a given for a 15 yo with lots of mental baggage and new social pressures. The main character is the main draw, most of the side characters are a bit more one-dimensional.

The Trouble with Peace: Age of Madness, Book 2. It isn’t a “First Law” book if you don’t want to strangle half of the main characters. Many are stepping outside of the shadow of the previous generation and finding themselves falling flat on their faces. If they aren’t at each other’s throats, they would soon have to deal with rebellion in the streets and the constant looming presence of Bayaz, who waits to sweep the board clear and rearrange the pieces the way he sees fit.

Michael J. Sullivan’s: The Riyria and Legend of the First Empire Books.

Riyria Revelations: Theft of Swords / Rise of Empire / Heir of Novron

Riyria Chronicles: The Crown Tower / The Rose and Thorn / The Death of Dulgath

Age of Death / Age of Empyre, Pile of Bones

After finishing the Legend of the First Empire books that came out earlier this year, I went ahead and read the prior series that takes place in the same world. I would suggest reading the entire series by Publish order, but they can be read Chronologically. I read the Legends books first, and it helped me see where Sullivan was heading and when he started to plan out the Legends books in more detail. (The early cameo of the Main characters from Legends in a mural in Heir of Novron, and knowing who is behind the events in Dulgath)

The Dresden Files: Peace Talks / Battle Grounds - They really should be read as one book, because that was how they were written. It is a Feast of Crows / Dances with Dragons situation, where the book got too long and got split up. The fans are pretty divided by the book(s) ending and how some of the main characters are handled, but these are Jim Butcher’s characters not theirs and he can drop bridges on whom ever he wants.

What Lies Beyond: Cycle of Galand, Book 6 - This is a “mythology” book (like Sullivan’s Age of Death was) where it introduces most of the Pantheon of their religion and corrects much of the mythology that had been lost over the decades. They seek a weapon to vanquish the Litch and save their world and the afterlife from oblivion, but not all of their Gods are happy about it.

Will Destroy the Galaxy for Cash - Yahtzee (Zero Punctuation!) has to be one of my favorite internet personalities for the past 10+ years, and I eat up every book he puts out and because he wrote the books, and is an actor himself, he could deliver the lines as they are intended to be. The sequel to Will Save the Galaxy for Food does not disappoint and even ups the stakes from the previous book.

The Girl Who Drank the Moon - This has to be one of the most charming books I’ve read. It is magic and wonder at it’s finest, no need for long explanations on how the world works. If you like Ghibli movies, you’ll be interested in this book. It has its dark moments but isn’t outside of what you’ll find in something like Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and Nausicca.

The Goblin Emperor - the youngest son of the Elf King finds himself emperor after the death of his father and brothers in an assassination. The only problem is, that he is only half-elf... his late mother was a Goblin, and he had been in exile as an embarrassment to the family for most of his life. He knows nothing of how the courts work and what’s left of his own family work against him just for being who he is.

Lost Gods: Brom - I liked this book more than I did American Gods (which I read a few years ago). It is darker and bleaker by the bucket loads. One of the few books with a downer ending that I actually liked. I would compare this book to books like All the Pretty Horses and No Country for Old Men-- but it is a Fantasy!

Above Average.

Siege Tactics (Spells, Swords, & Stealth. Book 4) - What happens to adventurers after they retire? A fun concept that is explored with our party of NPCs running across a town full of epic-level characters that no longer have a player.

The Arthurian Saga - The Crystal Cave / The Hollow Hills / The Last Enchantment / The Wicked Day - A more realistic version of the Arthurian tales, taking the POV of Merlin, bastard son of a princess, as he earns notoriety as a scholar and wizard. The Wicked Day takes the POV of Mordred, making him far more sympathetic than other iterations of his character.

Arc of a Scythe - Scythe / Thunderhead / The Toll - Science and Technology eliminates death and in order to prevent over population and complacency an order of grim reapers are chosen to randomly deal out quotas of permanent deaths. An example of what happens when every need and want is satisfied by a higher force and the apathy that causes rot in human society and the superiority complex of those in charge of life and death.

The Diviners / Lair of Dreams / Before the Devil Breaks You / The King of Crows - Horror during the Roaring 20′s. Tackles issues as Racism, Poverty, Government Secrecy, Christian-Evangelical Cults, Nationalism Cult Mentality, Communism, Labor Unions, Eugenics, Post-WW1 trauma... It could almost pass as an adult fiction book. I wouldn’t recommend giving it to someone under High school age.

Ancillary Justice / Ancillary Sword / Ancillary Mercy - Artificial Intelligence takes over human bodies as a form of capital punishment, controlling ships and space stations. The dominate human empire outgrew the need to label any gender, using “she” to refer to everyone rather than the vaguer “them/they” pronouns, and only outlying colonies stick to the binary ideals. Think of “The Left Hand of Darkness” but on a more broader scale and as the default majority/ruling empire. Toss in a solid military action novel on top and it isn’t nearly as boring as Left Hand.

Children of Time / Children of Ruin - War destroys the human population of Earth and those that remain are the ones that headed out to the stars on tera-forming missions. A virus created to advance life forms to prepare a world for human habitation runs amuck with out its overseers, creating intelligent arachnids, crustaceans, and squid.

The Licanius Trilogy - The Shadow of What Was Lost / An Echo of Things to Come / The Light of all that Falls - It is very heavy on info overload, there is a lot to keep track of, so much so there is a summary of book one and two at the start of the third. I like the twist at the end of the first book and that the villain is actually trying to help save the world, and you spend most of the second stuck between who thinks they are doing the right thing and who is actually doing the right thing - a lot to talk about doing the lesser of two evils.

Mythos - Steven Fry - A humorous retelling of Greek mythology. I read Mythology - by Edith Hamilton prior to this book, which is a more scholarly take on the myths, and helps if you are unfamiliar with classical mythology prior to reading Fry’s take on it.

Iron, Fire and Ice: The Real History That Inspired Game of Thrones - a nice history book about Iron Age royalty. It is actually refreshing to read after going through so much faux fiction that is in Philippa Gregory’s books.

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? - Children ask questions to a Mortician about death and what happens to bodies after people die. I listened to her autobiography last year/year before and it is worth picking up this one along with it.

Average, but still good.

Jack Campbell’s Lost Fleet Universe: Triumphant (Genesis Fleet, Book 3) / Tarnished Knight: Lost Stars, book 1 - The realistic space battles just drag me back in each and every time.

The Case of the Damaged Detective: 5-Minute Sherlock - Drew Hayes can’t write a boring book. It isn’t quite on point as his other series, but still fun to read. Hayes is really good at making YA books with Adult Protagonists. It is a road-trip book, the main character is a washed-out operative that is getting his second chance playing bodyguard and future assistant to the 5-minute Sherlock.

Locked In / Head On - Do you remember “Surrogates”? that Bruce Willis movie where people walk around in robotic avatars, well... it’s almost the same thing. A virus kills millions, save for a select few that experience “lock in” syndrome and are able to connect to robots via their brains and the internet. The main character is gender neutral and you get a choice to listen to the book with a male or female reader.

Murder by Other Means: The Dispatcher Book 2 - more John Scalzi! The first book was in my top list a few years ago, and i enjoyed the sequel just as much. Between Scalzi’s The Dispatcher and Locked In series, i like the Dispatcher more.

The Shattered Sea Trilogy: Half a King / Half the World / Half a War - Joe Abercrombie’s attempt to make Young Adult books. It keeps all the grim dark, but lacks all the swearing and humor that made The First Law books more enjoyable. Many of Joe’s favorite character tropes are still present and is one of the better “Fall to Darkness” stories I’ve read. It also has different POV characters each book and is one of those “faux fantasy” settings.

Mage Errant: Books 1, 2 & A Traitor in Skyhold: Book 3 - If you are wanting to get away from Harry Potter, pick up this book series. It takes place in magic school, but it is its own world and setting and not just a hidden world within our own. The main group of kids are misfits among the school, unable to master their powers, that get taken up by the badass librarian to be trained in more unconventional ways.

Dawn of Wonder: The Wakening Book 1 - the main character has ptsd from growing up in an abusive household, and i thought it was handled rather well. He would be rather competent and cleaver most of the time until he gets triggered into an episode, he fights really hard to overcome this short-falling of his. Standard classic affair else wise, family leaves home because the local authority figure doesn’t want them around anymore, goes to big city, kid wants to do good and avenge the deaths he was accused of, joins the badass school of hard knocks... big powerful evil thing trying to consume the world.

The Rage of Dragons - It shares a lot of tropes and story points with Red Rising... just in a fantasy setting, not in space. If you are wanting fantasy with POC main characters and a non-European-centric culture, that doesn’t pull any punches, give it a shot.

Earthsea - Tehanu and Tales from Earthsea - I had read the first three books several years back, and i did re-read them in order to refresh myself prior to reading the final two.

The Secret Garden - I absolutely loved the movie from the 90′s as a kid, and finally got around to listening to the book.

Six of Crows - A heist book in fantasy world with the magic users being heavily “Jewish / Slavic” coded by how they are treated and persecuted. I might have thought more favorably about the book if i hadn’t read other books with “street rat slum” main characters. (Seriously, after spending six books with Royce in Riyria someone like Kas is just second bananas)

Unconventional Heroes / Two Necromancers - Comedic Fantasy, the humor’s not on par with say MogWorld, and has more jokes than Fred The Vampire Accountant. It is still a parody of villains and heroes in fantasy worlds. I would find it safe for a 12/13yo to read, cursing and all, though they might not be aware of many of the tropes that are being deconstructed. The reader of the book did better in this one then he did with Six of Crows and Beezer, still the audio needed some editing because it repeats itself a few times.

Once More Upon A Time (Free Audio Book) - I don’t always care to read romance stories. I like the idea behind it however, to trade their love for each other in order to save their partner’s life, then learn to re-love one another again.

Monster Hunter International - If you think Dresden is too liberal, this takes a hard turn to the right.. replace the magic with GUNS, lots and lots of GUNS. An organization that hates the government but hunts monsters for government bounties. The main cast is multi-ethnic and they do make fun of that at one point. There isn’t a lot of thought into the plot, because action is #1, but it is fun enough to ignore the politicking.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Collection - i bitched about there not being an omnibus last year, and then Audible uploaded one. The ending is still one big clusterfuck.

Stephen King’s Insomnia - this book is the bridge between Steven King’s two universes. It is a sequel to IT and brings up the Darktower often. IT dealt mainly with childhood fears, Insomnia deals with Elderly and feminine fears.

D’Arc / Culdesac: War with No Name - I liked D’Arc more than i did Mort-e, and Culdesac is more on track with Mort-e. The virus that mutated the ants and animals reminded me of the virus from Children of Time/Ruin, even though i read Mort-e first, reading D’Arc after CoT let me notice it.

Michael McDowell’s: The Amulet / The Elementals / Gilded Needles / Blackwater - From the guy that wrote the screenplay of Beetlejuice, and the pioneer of the Southern Gothic Horror. Gilded Needles is a bit out of place, taking place in 1890′s, and is more of a social horror rather than a super natural horror the other books are.

Gardens of the Moon: The Malazan Book of the Fallen, Book 1 - high fantasy dark fiction. if you really want some CHONKY door stoppers, there’s over 10 of them in this series. Could’ve done less with the manipulative bastard mage that speaks in 3rd person. I had read The Willful Child, an attempted comedy science fiction novel by the same author, and it showed that the author was unfamiliar with that kind of genera and should stick to grim fantasy.

The Knife’s Edge / Citadel of Fire: The Ronin Saga - This is one of those series that I’m always going “oh, that reminds me of [insert another better series]” At times it reminded me of The Licanius Trilogy, Shades of Magic, Arc of Scythe, Riyria, Korra... It is just shy of being as good as them, and is rather firmly in that Sci-Fi Fantasy Ghetto and has a bit of “anime” feel to it with their magic users having ‘power levels’ and the power creep.

In Calabria - My only problem with the book is the massive age-gap between the Main character and his love interest. Outside of that, the whole Unicorns in the modern world concept is done very well.

Pout Neuf (Audible Free Book) - Journalism and romance during WW2. A quick read and the book really shows that research had been done about the setting and time period.

Nut Jobs: Cracking California's Strangest $10 Million Dollar Heist: An Audible Original - Not only does it talk about the heist, it actually touches on the subject of migrant farmers and slave labor, as well as the desertification of the California Valley.

The Science of Sci-Fi: From Warp Speed to Interstellar Travel (Free Audio Book) - a neat little informative podcast if you are looking for an introduction to some of the harder science fiction.

Mythology - by Edith Hamilton - Text book about Greek Mythology. Like “used in schools” text book. It is a good read if you don’t want to go through Ovid, Virgil, Homer, and all the other classical writers on your own.

The Space Race: An Audible Original - America didn’t win the Space Race. Russia did just about everything first. The only thing we did first was put people on the moon. It also goes into detail about how the inventor of the Nazi’s V2 rockets became employed with the US Space program. As well as the government’s announcement to let space travel become privatized.

Pale Blue Dot / Cosmos: A Personal Voyage - It’s Carl Sagan. Come on! Everyone should be reading them. Pale Blue Dot was being turned into an Audiobook in the 90′s but with Sagan’s death, only the first few chapters were read by him and his partner reads the rest of it (she does a decent job, and i understand why they wanted her to read it, it should’ve been done similarly to Cosmos, with guest readers doing each chapter)

Thicker Than Water (Free Audio Book) - start up pharmaceutical company scams people out of millions with promises of a miracle machine that was ahead of its time. Story told from the whistleblower himself as he recounts what his job was within the company and how he knew the owner/founder of the company and how coming out about what was going on ruined his relationship with his family and friends.

Don't Panic: Douglas Adams and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - biography on Douglas Adams and the history behind the creative process behind the Hitchhiker’s Guide series.

The Genius of Birds - It reminded me a lot of “The Soul of an Octopus” in quality. It is rather informative about birds, how they behave, and how we judge intelligence in non-human animals.

It’s “ok.”

Les Miserabes - I can see why people favor movies and theater versions because of how dense the book is, getting the cliff notes version of the book instead of reading several chapters about the Battle of Waterloo.

Viva Durant and the Secret of the Silver Buttons (Audible Free Book) - It’s cute, and I spent the next several weeks humming that freaking song.

Challenger Deep - A book about mental illness by the same person that brought us The Arc of a Scythe series. It isn’t a bad read, but if you are prone to get panic attacks and have mental illness yourself, you might get too into it and make you uneasy. It can help with neurotypical people with understanding how some illnesses work.

Into the Wilds (Warriors, Book 1) - Ah, the cat book. It is prob because there are soooo many books in this series that it over-saturates the kids impressionable minds.

House of Teeth (Audible Free Book) - I read this book prior to Monster Hunter International, and thinking back on this one, i am reminded about the other. Save for this one is PG. So... the kid friendly version.

The Martian Chronicles - Space Horror, on Mars. If you like old science fiction, like Classic Trek, Wells, or Forbidden Planet stuff. There is a lot of zerust.

Andrea Vernon and the Corporation for UltraHuman Protection - The third superhero series I’ve read this past year. It is not as ground breaking nor subversive as Villain’s Code or Dreadnought. The humor is a bit too forced and parts of it falls into “we can be more offensive because it is an adult book” category.

Interview with the Robot - Don’t really care for books or programs that are set up in the “interview” format where it is two people talking to one another. (I have no fucking idea how this book got top Kids book of the year on Audible, it is more of a YA book... it must been because it was Free and lots of people picked it because the rest of the choices that month were complete garbage)

Micromegas - perhaps one of the oldest examples of Speculative Science Fiction. Written by Voltaire, it is about a giant from another solar system that is so big that humans and life on Earth are microscopic. “what value are the lives of ants to a man?”

The Three Musketeers - i had forgotten how much espionage there was in this book. I would say this is a good companion book to Don Quixote, as it takes its fair share of inspiration from and even name-drops the character a couple times.

Charles Dickens: Oliver Twist / David Copperfield / A Tale of Two Cities - DC is the standout IMO among the three, it is Dickens’ Magnum Opus. Les Mis did a far better job with the Revolution than Tale did as well. I felt rather obligated to reading these books because of the subplot in the Age of Madness books being about Poverty during the Industrial Revolution and Workers Revolts against the Ruling Class.

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - the version i listened too made most of the Americans sound like GWB... which is funny because one of them is Canadian, and the Comic Relief character about how boorish Americans are.

Stuck (Free Audio Book) - it is a neat idea, getting jarred free of time but everybody else isn’t and doesn’t remember. It gets a little heavy for a kids book near the end, edging into YA territory as the character gets older mentally and the people around him age physically.

Phreaks (Free Audio Book) - i knew a lot about Captain Crunch and other phone hackers of the 60′s. There is a subplot of the big radioactive corporation covering up causing cancer to their workers, and the father (voiced by Christian Slater) being in the closet but still homophobic about it.

Silverswift (Free Audio Book) - If you like fairy tales set in modern times, it is worth a look. It is similar to In Calabira in that way. The mom being the nonbeliever and thinking grandma is off her rocker, but the granddaughter knows it in her bones that grandma is telling the truth.

Sleeping Giants - alien mechs from the distant past, once mistaken as the titans and gods form mythology, now being studied and experimented on by the government. This is another “interview style” story telling.

Celtic Mythology: Tales of Gods, Goddesses, and Heroes - there is a lot of names and stories, it is worth prob getting a physical copy of the book to keep things straight and to use as a reference.

How to Defeat a Demon King in Ten Easy Steps - A love letter to The Legend of Zelda’s Ocarina of Time and other RPG games.

Casino Royal: James Bond - the movie was rather faithful, including the part of being tied to a chair. I do wish they kept more of the book’s ending where Bond was ready to retire prior to his secret-spy love interest gets killed.

Aliens: Bug Hunt - a compilation of Alien stores about people landing on various planets and encountering aliens, not always the Xenomorphs we know, but the term “Bug” came synonymous to any dangerous alien lifeforms encountered.

Macbeth: A Novel - retelling the story of Macbeth but in a novel form. If you can’t get past the language of the original play, this would help. It sets it more firmly in historical fiction.

Hannibal: A Novel - I went ahead and re watched the tv show after finishing the book. I’ve seen the movie a dozen times, and i understand why they changed the ending to the movie. The book is the main one that characterizes Hannibal and the show uses a lot of the plot. Hannibal Rising wasn’t really needed because Hannibal (in this book) does think/talk about what happened to his sister and home, and i can see why Harris didn’t want to write that book either. The audiobook is rather poor quality, they talked too fast in places and i don’t really care for their acting...

The Power of Six - I read I am Number 4 several years back and this one popped up on sale so i nabbed it. I like Neil Kaplan, and i think this one is better than the first one and actually gets into the meat of the story.

Cut and Run: A Light-Hearted Dark Comedy - body parts harvesting.... mmmm.

Calypso - non-Fiction, biography of the author. Talks about his family, his life with his partner, and what he does. Much of it is charming and it is read by the author. this was prior to him loosing his marbles about retail workers and becoming a karen.

Our Harlem: Seven Days of Cooking, Music and Soul at the Red Rooster - the history of Harlem and the Harlem Renaissance. I didn’t mind this podcast so much because i was reading The Diviners during the same time.

Malcolm and Me - another biographical book. one of the free books i got during Feb’ Black History Month.

History of Bourbon (Free Audio Book) - Informative about the liqueur industry in America.

Junkyard Cats: Shining Smith Book 1 - post apocalyptic action science fiction novel. the moment that guy showed up i was “that’s your bf.” and it was so... the plot wasn’t hard to figure out, it’s all about the action and setting.

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress - One of the better Heinlein books. The man can’t write romance and he is rather big on casual polygamy and open marriages. An anarchist-revolution book written by someone that is more on the Libertarian side of the aisle. Mycroft (the computer) comes off as rather antiquated, an AI that runs on a closed server, communicating through the telephone lines and printed paper, makes me wonder what Heinlein would’ve done if he was told about the internet and Deep Fake tech. (the book takes place in like 2075, but written in 1966)

Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World - the production of coffee and it’s prevalence around the world.

The Life and Times of Prince Albert - Exactly what it says on the can. *rimshot*

The Real Sherlock: An Audible Original - a biography of Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle.

The Design of Everyday Things - using psychology to improve the design of systems, products, and the modern business model. It gives proper terminology for several common design features and how to improve on existing structures.

Bottom of the Barrel.

The Pagan World: Ancient Religions before Christianity. I was hoping there would have been something in there about European Religions, there isn’t, and the book was mostly Greek and Roman life styles and how gods are worshiped. It let me know where the word “auger” came from and why it was used in the Licanius Trilogy.

Life Ever After - disjointed at best. a couple that aren’t good for each other spend the next several hundred years in a crappy relationship.

Beyond Strange Lands: An Audible Original - The audio was complete crap on half of the voices. Which is bad because this could’ve been better. It is a Pod Cast Show and the director couldn’t make sure everybody had decent recording equipment and the sound effects often drown out the actors.

Henrietta & Eleanor: A Retelling of Jekyll and Hyde: An Audible Original Drama - They were going for a modern telling, but the language used is archaic. They speak like Dickens characters even though they talk about cellphones and computers.

A Crazy Inheritance: The Ghostsitter book 1 - The concept is there, but it is too nerfed. It was made for the 8-12yo crowd in mind by people that don’t know how to write for children.

Tell Me Lies (Free Audio Book) - It really wants to be smart. Who’s playing who and who is the actual villain of this story? If you want a quick “who done it?” maybe look into it.

Evil Eye (Free on Audible Plus) - told through phone calls between a mother and daughter. The whole genera of evil boyfriends/husbands isn’t really my cup of tea, and the boyfriend’s actor was too fake and the set up to the meat of the story was annoying.

The Half-life of Marie Curie - I didn’t mind learning stuff about Marie Curie... falls squarely in “made for TV lifetime movie” quality though. You should not carry around a vile of uranium where ever you go.

Alone with the Stars - A girl in Florida hears the call for help from Amelia Earhart, but nobody listens to her. Part fiction, part biographical. It would’ve been better as a biography and talking about various conspiracy theories about what happened to her and finding the pieces of the airplane.

Beezer - The son of the Devil learning to become a good person with a found family... however, most of the characters are annoying.

The Year of Magical Thinking (Free Audio Book) - very heavy on the subjects about loss and death.

Complete Garbage.

The Getaway (Free Audio Book) - A man being a POS by stalking and abducting women. It broadcasts just about everything that is going to happen.

Agent 355 (Free Audio Book) - Do you like “American Mythology?” Like the whole “the founders are the greatest people in the world” kind of vibe? I don’t. I also hate the main character for being one of those “i’m smart, because i read books that women aren’t supposed to” girls when she doesn’t really think for herself at all.

#myu reads #books read in 2020 #audiobooks #booklr #Audible #long post

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marshmallow-phd · 5 years

Text

Accidental Miracle

Guardian Angels are everywhere. They look out for their charges and keep a distance. But why? What happens when they get too close? The answer is love. And between an angel and a human, it is the most forbidden connection.

Genre: Angel!AU

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Reader

Summary: You were prone to daily accidents and you thought the fact that nothing came out of them just your own little miracles. But when you learn the truth behind your luck, you can’t help but be intrigued. Who is this mysterious angel assigned to protect you and why do you feel this pull for this person - this angel - you hardly know?

A/N: This was inspired by @wolveswithblackpearls reaction about exo guardian angels! Sometimes, my mind just can’t be stopped! This is the first in a series. I hope you enjoy!

Update: And now @wolveswithblackpearls (admin s!) has made a beautiful moodboard to go along with the story! Thank you love!

Kyungsoo I Sehun I Baekhyun I Jongin I Chanyeol I Junmyeon

You were not an easy charge to keep an eye on. A majority of the people in this world didn’t have their own personal guardian angel to watch over them. There weren’t enough angels for each individual human to have that kind of protection, but you were in a… special group. Accidents seemed to follow you everywhere.

There was that time you were almost hit with a crossbeam after you’d stopped right under a construction site to tie your shoe. Then there was the time when it was raining and you still decided to try and run through the crosswalk, only to slip and almost get hit by a car. And don’t even get him started on the time you managed to get stuck in an elevator. A brand new, recently inspected elevator. Only that would happen to you.

So, yes, watching over you was Kyungsoo’s full time job. And it gave him a headache on an almost daily basis. You never even suspected that there was a guardian angel following you everywhere you went, protecting you from the dangers you seemed to attract like a magnet. Or maybe more like a bright light drawing in the unsuspecting moths. On second thought, you were the gullible moth.

It wasn’t that he thought you were dumb or simple-minded. You’d impressed him on more than one occasion with your quick wit and problem solving skills. It was simply a case of you not always paying attention to your surroundings. And possibly a balance issue.

Kyungsoo had been watching you for years, getting to know your little habits and quirks to your personality. He considered himself a little lucky when it came to your personality. You were sweet and kind to even strangers on the street. It made watching over you more rewarding, even if he had to work a little harder.

Tonight you seemed to be giving Kyungsoo a much needed break, deciding to stay in and read a book rather than venture out into the dangerous nightlife.

Opening the door that led out to your balcony, you sat down the high-top patio chair while the other became your footrest. Throughout the evening, while the sun disappeared behind the city horizon, you sipped away at your lukewarm tea and flipped through the pages of your novel. Kyungsoo didn’t know the plot of the story, but he could read the emotions loud and clear on your face. When a character said something funny, you giggled. When a sad or tragic event occurred, you frowned and gasped. There must have been a particularly embarrassing scene since you covered your face with the book and let out a noise that was half way between a laugh and a groan.

Every once in a while, a strange feeling would bubbling in his chest. He quickly squashed it, unsure of what the cause of the sensation was. It felt like a hand was in his chest, squeezing at his heart. But it wasn’t a painful feeling, just a tightness. It had been occurring more and more lately and he didn’t know what to do. Angels didn’t have doctors nor did they get sick. And it was happening whenever he stared at you like this….

No. That wasn’t possible. Maybe it was simply the stress of guarding you that creating the sensation.

As the clock clicked closer and closer to midnight, your eyelids began to flicker and you bobbed your head, barely able to stay awake.

“Just go to bed,” Kyungsoo grumbled, knowing full well that you couldn’t hear him. You never saw him or heard his little comments. That’s how it was between an angel and their charge. It was a thankless job.

In defiance, you shook off the sleepiness and continued reading. You only made it about another page and a half before you nodded off completely. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. Then you started falling out of the chair, your head aiming straight for iron rail. Jumping up from his spot, Kyungsoo flitted over to you, barely catching you in time and saving you from injury. Surely, you were going to be the death of him.

After contemplating for a second on what to do with you, he decided it was best to just put you to bed himself. In the morning, you would just think that you’d walked yourself to bed and were too tired to remember it. However, before Kyungsoo could make it halfway through your living room, you opened your eyes. You took one look at him and screamed.

You knew you shouldn’t have stayed up so late. Work had been exhausting, but you wanted to finish the chapter. You needed to know what was going to happen to the protagonist. Your body protested, however, and you nodded off out on the balcony. It couldn’t be pinpointed, what woke you up. But the movement you were experiencing was odd and so you opened your eyes to investigate.

As soon as you took in the man who was carrying you through your home, you screamed, scrambling to get out of his hold. You ran to the coffee table and picked up the remote. Silly as it was, it was the only weapon-like object in your vicinity.

“Who the hell are you!” you demanded, holding the plastic controller out in front of you.

The tilted his head to the side and frowned. “You can see me?”

“See you?” you echoed, unable to believe this reckless idiot. “Of course I can see you! I’m not blind! Have you seen anything in this house to conclude that I have a vision impairment?” You felt a little bad about pointing that out, but what else could he possibly mean by “see me”?

He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. Even with perfect vision, you shouldn’t be able to see me.”

Lowering the remote, you started to think a lunatic had broken into your apartment. Just your luck. “Do you think you’re the main character in an H.G. Wells novel or something?”

Instead of answering you, the man stalked towards you. Wanting to keep the distance as it was, you backed up until your legs hit the couch. The sudden collision made you fall back so you were now an actual sitting duck. He loomed over you, his face coming within centimeters of your own.

“This shouldn’t be possible,” he mumbled to himself.

You swallowed thickly. Not because you were scared – only a tiny part of you was actually terrified of this man, which, really it should be more than that – but because his close proximity was setting your very nerves off. His voice was like honey – smooth and deep. He could be talking about the most mundane things and you’d follow along just so you didn’t miss one syllable vibrating from his throat. Dark, obsidian-like eyes stared at you with curiosity. You knew he wasn’t someone who’d wandered in off the streets given the tailored white suit he was wearing. His black hair was cut short in a low-maintenance style that made his sharp chin and heart-shaped lips even more apparent.

Good lord, why couldn’t an ugly person have broken into your home?

None of your thoughts were rational at the moment. Maybe it was due to how tired you were. You couldn’t accurately discern the situation because your brain decision-making skills were fatigued. Yes, maybe that was it.

Or maybe you were still dreaming and this was one of those vivid, hyper-realistic-type dreams where everything felt real. But where the hell did your mind come up with him?

Finally giving you back your space, the man straightened up and took a small step back.

“Who are you?” you asked, mystified.

Folding his arms across his chest, his frown deepened. “I’m… your guardian angel.”

You snorted. “Yeah, okay. Sure you are.”

The so-called “angel” rolled his eyes. “Do you think I would go around in all white if I wasn’t?”

That was… a partially convincing argument. “Prove it.”

He sighed, clearly exasperated by your unwillingness to believe his story. With a snap of his fingers, the remote flew out of your fingers and landed in his with perfect aim. Your eyes widened and you jumped up to your feet, scurrying over to him to inspect the object. There were no strings or blades attached to it that could make it fly like it did.

“How did you do that?” you gasped.

“Angel,” was his oversimplified answer.

Narrowing your eyes, you looked behind him. There was nothing. Straightening back to look up at him, you asked, “Where are your wings?”

“They’re for emergencies only,” he stated dryly.

Well, that was no fun. Or an easy cover up. “I don’t see how that proves you’re an angel.”

Exasperated, he sighed. Then he began to glow. A blinding golden light outlined his figure and seemed to come from every inch of him. Okay. You believed him now.

You stepped back, putting room between you and the handsome guardian. One question left was pulling at the back of your mind. “So, are you just my guardian angel? Or am I just one in a long list of yours?”

“You… are a special case.”

Your ears perked up at that. Given the fact that it could be taken as either a good thing or bad, you weren’t sure how to take that answer. “A special case?”

He nodded. “Yes. Your life line was made to be long, but events keep trying to cut it short.”

“Someone’s trying to kill me?” In your momentary freak-out, you managed to step on the long duster you’d put on to keep you warm against the cold night air with your heel. You flailed to try and regain your balance, but it wasn’t enough and you braced yourself for the crash into the glass coffee table behind you. But it never came.

The angel managed to catch you by your wrist and wrapped his other arm behind your waist to steady you. It was a bit of an intimate position, making your face heat up from his close proximity once again.

Clearing your throat, you gently pushed out of his arms. “Thanks.”

“No one is trying to kill you,” he explained, clearly unaffected by what just happened – unlike you. “It’s your own affinity to create accidents or not pay attention that makes watching over you a pain.”

You stuck your tongue out at him childishly. “Well, if I’m such a pain, why don’t you switch with someone else?”

“I can’t. It doesn’t work like that.” Each time he spoke it came in monotone and his face showed very little sign of emotion beyond annoyance. Did he even know how to smile? You thought angels were supposed to be these bright, happy beings.

“Whatever,” you pouted. You yawned. Not too much longer and you’d be passing out again. “I’m going to bed. Hopefully my clumsiness won’t cause too much trouble for you while I’m asleep.”

The corner of the angel’s mouth twitched, making you double take, but he composed himself quick enough that you almost thought it was a trick of the light. Almost.

You waved at him, feeling a little silly. “Good night.”

He bowed his head. “Good night.”

Giving him one last look, you closed the door to your bedroom, effectively cutting him off from sight. Alone, you let your lips spread into a giant, ear-to-ear grin.

You had a guardian angel. You had a guardian angel. And a handsome at that.

As soon as your bedroom door was closed, Kyungsoo brought his hand up to his cheek, placing his palm against the skin to check for warmth. He was an angel, not a human, so he couldn’t really blush, but for a moment, when he was holding you, he thought he had.

In the past, every time he saved you, it’d been at a distance. A little angel magic and you were fine. But now – twice in one night – he’d caught you with his own hands. He’d never noticed how pretty your eyes were up close. They were wide and full of wonder just for him.

Kyungsoo shook his head. No. Those kinds of thoughts only led to trouble. Instead of going back “upstairs” like he normally did when you were sleeping, he sat down at your dining table. Snapping his fingers, he retrieved the book you had been reading earlier and opened it up to the first page. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want to leave you alone tonight. So, he decided to stay and find out what was so fascinating about the story you’d been engrossed in to where you almost hurt yourself just be able to keep reading.

You were stunned when you woke up in the morning to find your angel was still around. And real. Very, very real.

He was sitting at the table, leafing through your current read. His face was still has stoic as ever as his eyes flitted across the page. You wanted to know if he was enjoying the story, but nothing gave away the thoughts floating in his head. At some point, he’d removed his jacket to reveal the pristine button down underneath. He’d even rolled up his sleeves to his elbows, making your heartbeat pick up.

“Do you like it?” you asked as you loomed over his shoulder.

Without looking up at you, he shrugged and closed the book. That was it?

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes at him as you walked over to your fridge. “Are you hungry?” you offered.

Shaking his head, he turned around to watch you pull ingredients of the shelves. “I don’t need to eat.”

“Well, that’s sad,” you chuckled. Oh, well. More for you.

After breakfast, you got ready for the day, showering and whatnot. Just before you headed out the door, you turned to the angel. “Are you going to follow me around all day?”

“It’s my job,” he deadpanned.

You nodded in reply. He left the apartment with you, leaving behind his jacket. This was going to be interesting.

When he said that he was going to follow you around for the day, he really meant follow.

As you walked down the sidewalk, careful not to run into any of the other pedestrians, the angel kept a good distance of at least five feet behind you. For a few blocks you put up with it, but soon you couldn’t take it anymore. Stopping in your tracks, you reached out and took his hand, pulling him up next you. He looked at you with horror before yanking his hand away.

“People are going to think you’re stalking me,” you explained as you stepped up to the crosswalk. “At least that way, they’ll just think we’re a couple.”

“We’re not a couple,” Kyungsoo argued.

“I said think.”

A little over his attitude, you took a step out onto the street. Just a second later, the angel was pulling you back, getting you out of the way just in time to avoid colliding with a bicyclist who was going way too fast down the road.

You glanced at the angel. “I’m considering that one your fault.”

“My fault?” he scoffed.

All you did was nod once before crossing the street. You only made it another block before you tripped over a bench because you were too busy looking at the window displays. Sighing, the angel took your hand once again, this time keeping a firm grasp on your fingers.

“If it keeps you from hurting yourself,” was his only explanation. You couldn’t help the smile spreading on your face. His hand was warm and strong and you liked how it felt to have his palm against your own. Were you developing a crush on your guardian?

“What’s your name, by the way?” you asked quietly.

“Kyungsoo.”

“Kyungsoo,” you repeated. You liked that name. It fit him very well. Very well, indeed.

“Where are you going?” Kyungsoo asked after a few minutes of silence.

“The museum,” you replied. “They, um, have a new exhibit that I want to see.”

When you arrived at the museum, the advertisements of the newly arrived gallery of paintings was plastered all over the windows and LED signs. You were given the dirtiest look you’d ever seen in your life. Kyungsoo, angel or not, could be a little scary with that look. You smiled back innocently. “What?”

He rolled his eyes at you but didn’t fight when you dragged him inside.

All the new paintings and sculptures revolved around the same theme: the archangels. You weren’t lying when you said you’d wanted to see the new exhibit. You’d heard about it weeks ago and had this day planned on your calendar since. The fact that you happened to have a real angel next to you while you wandered around was just a coincidence.

Kyungsoo put up with your slow study of each artwork for an hour or so. Maybe because he was bored or because he didn’t feel like being around you anymore, he decided to leave.

“I thought you were supposed to follow me and keep me out of trouble?” you teased.

“I have something I need to do,” he insisted. “Besides, I hope you can keep out of trouble in a museum.” He gave you a very pointed look.

“Yes, sir,” you snarked. “I’ll be fine. Go… do whatever you’ve got to do.” You waved him off and turned back to the painting closest to you like you really didn’t care. Even though you did. A lot. Because while you didn’t really know this angel, you felt like you did. His presence was too familiar to you, like you’d subconsciously known that he was there all along. You didn’t want him to go, but you didn’t argue.

“I’ll be back.” Kyungsoo placed a hand on your shoulder, looking you in the eye. There was a plea hidden in there, a softness that he hadn’t shown you before. “Please, stay out of trouble.”

“I promise.”

He nodded with a sigh and disappeared. Looking around, you decided to head up the stairs to the second floor where most of the sculptures were on display. You doubted any of them could compare to the real thing, but you would give them a chance, at least.

Kyungsoo knew he should be leaving you alone, but he needed… space. That strange sensation that had been occuring more and more lately while he was around you was flaring up again, stronger than ever. Watching you admire the paintings with that sparkle in your eye was too much for him. He shouldn’t be thinking about you in this way.

He was just outside the museum. There was no way he could go too far with you being even more of a walking disaster than normal today. But he figured standing just outside the main doors was enough of a hiding space for now.

Leaning his head back, he watched as the white puffs of clouds slowly drifted across the blue sky. Maybe this was why angels weren’t supposed to be assigned to a single human. No matter how hard he tried to fight against it, he still found himself getting attached. He decided that he liked being by your side instead of a few feet behind. He liked holding your hand and seeing you smile. He especially liked hearing you say his name.

A grin appeared on his lips as he thought about the way you said his name. So clear and content. Yes. He liked that very much.

A scream pulled Kyungsoo out of his thoughts and he ran back inside. Almost everyone seemed to be running up the stairs. Frantically searching, he could only conclude that you were on the second floor already when he couldn’t find you. Bypassing the panicking crowd, Kyungsoo disappeared and reappeared on the floor above. His eyes widened in fear when he discovered what the commotion was about.

Somehow, one of the statues outside had toppled over, destroying the glass barrier that kept patrons from falling off the balcony. You must have been caught in the crash as you were now hanging on for dear life to the edge of the crumbling floor. Everyone stared at you in horror, yapping amongst themselves, but no one moved to help you in fear of slipping off the edge as well.

“Kyungsoo!” You reached out to him with one hand while trying to keep a grip on the concrete.

He ran forward to pull you up, but you slipped, letting out a high pitched scream as you fell to your doom. Kyungsoo kept running until he jumped off the balcony. His wings burst out of their hiding place and expanded to their full span. They did their duty, helping him soar through the air to catch you and then taking off away from the witnesses who would have only seen you fall and then disappear.

Kyungsoo didn’t land until he reached your apartment. The wings hid away once again and he set you down on your feet. Your fingers clung to his shirt as you struggled to even your breathing. He cradled your face in his hands to make sure you weren’t seriously hurt. “Are you okay?”

You gave a trembling nod. “Yes, I’m fine.”

Dropping his hands, he huffed. “You touched it, didn’t you?”

“No!” you exclaimed. “I swear. It fell on its own!”

“On its own? How can I believe that?”

In anger, you threw your purse down to the ground. “It’s the truth! I was just leaning up against the railing to rest! I don’t know how it fell! Stop blaming me for everything that happens!”

Kyungsoo shook his head and his hand over his hair. “I swear, one of these days….”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“If watching over me is such a pain then why don’t you just let the cosmos or whatever is constantly making these accidents have me and just leave!” You threw the balcony door open, slamming it behind you once you were inside and ran for your room.

Knowing he had messed up, Kyungsoo followed after you. The door was locked and he could hear you sniffling on the other side. On one hand, he could just poof his way into your room. On the other, he knew that would just make it worse.

“Please, let me in,” he begged softly.

“No!” you snarled back at him. “Go away!”

“I can’t.”

You scoffed. “Why? Because someone said so?”

“Because I love you.” He winced as he said those words out loud. That was breaking their biggest rule, the angels’ greatest law. But he couldn’t deny it anymore. Especially if admitting the truth would mean you let him stay.

Slowly, the door crept open, just a crack. He could see just a line of your face: your eye, half your mouth, a bit of your forehead. It was something, at least. “What?”

“I’m sorry I got upset,” he said. “I’ve never been so scared to lose you before. I’d always been right there to save you and this time… I thought I might have been too late.”

You opened the door all the way now. Tear stains trailed down both of your cheeks. You didn’t flinch away when Kyungsoo reached out to wipe them away. Encouraged, he reached out with his other hand as well, cupping your jaw in his palms. He inched closer, moving at a pace that gave you enough time to pull away if you so wished. But you stayed put, letting him brush his lips against yours before adding more pressure, really kissing you.

He'd never done anything like this before. But he knew he wanted to do it again and again. For now though, he would end it here.

At some point during the kiss, your eyes had closed. Now that he’d pulled away, they flickered back open, staring up at him wide and curious.

“Is that even allowed?” you whispered.

Kyungsoo couldn’t help the small laugh. “No,” he answered honestly. Needing you closer to him, he pulled you into a hug. “But it’ll be alright. I promise.” He had no idea how he was going to make it alright, but since he’d already broken the number one rule, he’d be fine with breaking a few more to stay with you.

You smiled at him. He loved that smiled, especially now that you were showing it just for him. “I believe you.”

“I love you,” he repeated, caressing your cheekbone with his thumb. “I know you don’t know me well enough, yet, but I know you so well. And I love you for it.”

Blush exploded across your cheeks. “Well, I’m definitely getting there.”

When he saw you all those years ago, he would have given anything to not be the one in charge of watching over you. But over time, he found that he was meant to be by your side. And he would keep you with him, keep you safe. After all, he was your guardian angel.

#exo #exo angel au #exo angel!au #kyungsoo x reader #d.o.#do kyungsoo #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo series #Accidental Miracles

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