#the levels of idiocy is UNFATHOMABLE

[hippodamoi]

I don’t understand how one could have any understanding of feminism, let alone radical feminism, and think it can coexist with abrahamic religions any organized religion at all. 

First of all, the bible that people are allowing to dictate our modern society? Just a ragtag collection of folk stories told in the fertile crescent a few thousands years ago appropriated and edited to fit a narrative as well as a political purpose.

The Enuma Elish, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Book of the Dead and the Bible all feature excessive similarities, the same literary structure, themes and motifs. It is uncanny how many parallels are to be found.

We’re not allowing those books to influence society, politics or ways of life - and why should we? They’re just ancient stories, proof of civilization and an interesting view into lifeworld of that time in themselves, yes, but nothing worthy of reverence or to take as a guide to life. 

There are Egyptian books of ‘maxims to live by’ that are older than the old testament by centuries, but no one outside niche academia can name any of them. Because it is unreasonable that texts written in a society so distantly removed from our own should have any say in how we live or what morality is. 

Stop acting like it’s some holy text when it is literally just Aesop’s Fables or The Brothers’ Grimm collection of fairytales, but with a golden binding and senile man preaching from it. 

[prodogg]

read comments under an Azula related tweet. I do not recommend to do that since the idiocy level and brainrot was unfathomable

[crimeronan]

as an Irish person reading trc/tdt what do you think of Maggies characterisation of the Lynch family??

oh i LOVE this question. anon so kindly giving me permission to infodump....

the short answer is: i love it?? i love it. i have varying quibbles about how niall's "redemption arc" is done and stuff like that, but purely on the irish side of things, i love it

further necessary context: i'm irish-american a few generations removed from ireland (who happens to have a hyperfixation on irish myth), my closest familial connections in the country are some distant cousins that my great-aunt traced recently. direct relations to her, but given that she is like 96, much less direct to me. so my perspective is very different from that of an irish person raised n living in ireland, & most of what i love most about the lynch family is directly related to diaspora and intergenerational trauma stuff

i said i was gonna infodump and then couldn't decide where to start. waow. okay so i've talked before about most of the worldbuilding in the dreamer trilogy being based in irish myth - ronan being from the otherworld (eldritch god, fairy, same thing), fintan mac bochra and the hawk of achill, not giving your true name/address to people at the fairy market, etc. these stories are woven through the whole fabric of the series

then the concept of irish storytelling itself is Also woven through the whole series, on both a meta and in-canon level

traditional irish storytellers will take a myth and make it their own, you can trace the origins of different tales back dozens or hundreds of years. the goal isn't to tell the story the way it's been told in generations past, but instead to tell it how You'd tell it. so there are these books repurposing irish myth in this unique way, but also these characters who are all so in love with storytelling in their own ways

you can see it in how niall and aurora tell their stories, how niall's always have a focus on action and tragedy and grisly death while aurora's are more focused on the love and the feelings and the soft fade-out of a tragic hero

you can see it in how declan has inherited niall's propensity for storytelling (the twitter confirmation of his middle name being "tadhg" still makes me Big Eyes Emoji) and also inherited niall's propensity for reckless idiocy, Geis Of Bullshit indeed.

then there's the way that declan and ronan both find themselves playing out different parts of niall's worst traits, how intergenerational trauma seems inescapable, how every damn person in the family is So Mentally Ill. this isn't necessarily the case for every irish-american family but it sure is for kitkat's. hoo boy we love giving chronic pain, psychosis, and inescapable depression to our offspring

that greywaren quote about "diaspora always idealizes the homeland" has stuck with me for a while because there's this kind of muted longing in the books' depiction of ireland itself, but also in the books' depiction of the barns, a place that niall and mór Made ronan's homeland. and more than that i see it in declan's views on his parents themselves, how he's able to reconcile with mór Because she's so distant and unfathomable and never personally fucked him up, so it's easier to forgive and forget everything she's done... how niall is dead and gone and can no longer change his behavior or grow or learn or fuck declan up any worse, so it's easier to accept his love as uncomplicated and good. child idealizing his distant homeland because that's what he's Supposed to have

truly don't know if that was the authorial intention but. it's the only way declan's arc makes any sense to me. that one line does a shitload of heavy lifting

and on a less theme-heavy note i love little details like. the brothers being so in touch with irish culture as second-gen immigrant kids, love that they play the uilleann pipes and attend the fleadh, love that ronan can do an irish accent on command, love that declan keeps photos of ireland in his bedroom but they still don't quite reflect his True Self like his attic does, love that mór is a gaelgeoir (irish speaker), there are other details i'm forgetting now

this post is ungodly long so i'll leave it here. these r my thoughts. it's good shit o/

[thecreaturecodex]

Demon Lord, Abraxas

Image © Paizo Publishing, from Book of the Damned. Artist unknown.

[Commissioned by @tar-baphon. The last of the demon lords I have in queue, thank god. Don’t get me wrong, I like Abraxas specifically quite a bit. But these quasi deities are a lot of work, and I’ve gotten somewhat burned out on them. I have no plans to return to this vein for a while.

Now, Abraxas himself... this is an entity with a lot of history, although it is somewhat mysterious. Its role may have been as a Gnostic angel, an apotropaic symbol, or even the true name of God. Or maybe all of these to different people. It has since been demonized, as seen in the Dictionnaire Infernal, which PFRPG borrows heavily from. It may even be linked to that most magical of words, abracadabra.]

Demon Lord, Abraxas CR 30 CE Outsider This green-skinned horror has a head like a fanged bird skull, with a membranous crest growing from the back of its head like a crown. From the waist up it is roughly humanoid, but in place of legs it has two thick serpents, each with draconic crests of their own. It clutches a metal shield in one hand and in the other, a whip that appears to be made from a living snake.

Abraxas Master of the Final Incantation CE male demon lord of forbidden lore, magic and snakes Domains Chaos, Evil, Knowledge, Magic Subdomains Arcane, Demon, Memory, Thought Favored Weapon whip Unholy Symbol demonic face encircled by a serpent, two snake tails emerging from its mouth Worshipers drow, arcane spellcasters, spirit nagas Minions mariliths, fiendish and monstrous snakes, xacabras For information of Abraxas’ obedience and boons, see Book of the Damned

Abraxas is among the most powerful of the demon lords, and he is the keeper of untold magical secrets. He favors magic that results in destruction and pain, and claims to be the author of a wide number of spells. Despite his focus on devastating magic, he is often calm and self-possessed in demeanor, and has a reputation (carefully cultivated) of being easy to deal with. He takes an interest in the mortal world, and often answers contact other plane spells—although he always has ulterior motives behind how he answers questions. His cult is relatively widespread among amoral researchers and magic-users, and most major cities have at least a small shrine to the Master tucked away in the corner of a library or archive.

Abraxas is never caught unprepared in combat, and he typically does ample research on creatures he feels could threaten him in order to tailor his tactics. He has access to every arcane spell in existence, although he must prepare them ahead of time. He typically looses his shield to fight on his behalf while using barrages of spells. If magic is insufficient to power through a combat, he uses his intelligent whip, Sophia, and his bites to inflict grievous damage to enemy ability scores, leaving them broken and drained. Abraxas possesses knowledge of the Final Incantation, which utterly unmakes magic, but using it suppresses his own magical abilities. The Final Incantation, unsurprisingly, is a weapon of last resort for Abraxas.

Abraxas’ Abyssal realm is Pleroma, a land of mists and veils. At first glance, it appears a paradise of knowledge and peace, but its custodians extract grueling labor and unfathomable prices from those who come to seek enlightenment. Abraxas often maintains the guise of a distant but kind overseer here, who cultivates worship in himself even as he directs his underlings to torment. One of his favorite lies is to claim to be an avatar of the Monad—aeons are commonly kept as prisoner in Pleroma and forced to serve Abraxas through compulsions.

Shield of Abraxas—Minor Artifact The Shield of Abraxas is a +3 bashing heavy steel shield. Its enhancement bonus applies to both its shield bonus and to its attack and damage bonus when used as a weapon. It may be released to fight as a dancing weapon, during which time it still provides its shield bonus to the wielder’s AC, as if it were an animated shield.

Sophia—Minor Artifact Sophia is Abraxas’ whip, which serves the Master as much as a majordomo and advisor as she does a weapon. She is a +3 deadly unholy whip with an Intelligence 10, Wisdom 20 and Charisma 20. Sophia speaks Abyssal and can communicate telepathically at a range of 100 ft., has 60 ft. darkvision, and can move under her own power. She has 10 ranks each in Bluff, Diplomacy and Sense Motive. Her special purpose is to defend Abraxas and his cult—in pursuit of this purpose, she may cast divine power at will. Abraxas may use his mind siphon ability through Sophia, but this is not an inherent property of the weapon.

Abraxas  CR 30 XP 9,830,400 CE Large outsider (chaos, demon, evil, extraplanar) Init +10; Senses darkvision 60 ft., greater arcane sight, Perception +49, true seeing Aura unholy (DC 31) Defense AC 48, touch 23, flat-footed 38 (-1 size, +10 Dex, +4 deflection, +20 natural, +5 shield) hp 752 (35d10+560); regeneration 20 (deific or mythic) Fort +31, Ref +32, Will +33 Defensive Abilities Abyssal resurrection, freedom of movement, superior spell resistance; DR 20/cold iron, epic, and good; Immune ability damage, ability drain, charm effects, compulsion effects, curse effects, death effects, electricity, energy drain, pain effects, petrification, poison; Resist acid 30, cold 30, fire 30; SR 45 Offense Speed 50 ft., climb 20 ft., swim 20 ft. Melee Shield of Abraxas +48/+43/+38/+33 (2d6+16), Sophia +48/+43/+38 (1d4+16 plus 2d6 unholy plus mind siphon), 3 bites +45 (2d6+7 plus poison) or 3 bites +47 (2d6+13 plus poison) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. (20 ft. with Sophia) Special Attacks Final Incantation, venom mastery Spell-like Abilities CL 30th, concentration +43 (+47 casting defensively) Constant—detect good, detect law, freedom of movement, greater arcane sight, true seeing, unholy aura (self only, DC 31) At will—astral projection, blasphemy M(DC 30), cloudkill M (DC 30), destruction (DC 30), greater dispel magic, greater teleport, harm M (DC 29), mind probe (DC 27), prismatic spray M (DC 30) 3/day—fire storm M (DC 31), horrid wilting (DC 31), quickened mass inflict pain (DC 29), moment of prescience, summon demons 1/day—dominate monster (DC 32), foresight M, implosion (DC 32), mage’s disjunction M (DC 32), power word: kill M, prismatic sphere M (DC 32) Spells Prepared CL 20th, concentration +31 (+35 casting defensively) 9th (6/day)—mass hold monster (DC 34), meteor swarm M (DC 34), time stop M 8th (6/day)—discern location, greater prying eyes, polymorph any object (DC 33) 7th (7/day)—finger of death M (DC 32), greater scrying (DC 32), waves of exhaustion 6th (7/day)—disintegrate M (DC 31), greater heroism, repulsion (DC 31) 5th (7/day)—cone of cold M (DC 30), feeblemind (DC 30), mind fog (DC 30), overland flight 4th (7/day)—bestow curse (DC 29), crushing despair (DC 29), enervation M, greater invisibility 3rd (8/day)—displacement, haste M, tongues, vampiric touch M 2nd (9/day)—fox’s cunning, mirror image M, scorching ray M, touch of idiocy 1st (9/day)—identify, mage armor M, magic aura (DC 26), magic missile M 0th—acid splash, arcane mark, light, mage hand, mending, message, prestidigitation, read magic, resistance M = Abraxas can use the mythic version of this spell or spell-like ability in his Abyssal domain Statistics Str 36, Dex 31, Con 42, Int 41, Wis 33, Cha 36 Base Atk +35; CMB +49 (+51 disarm or trip); CMD 73 (75 vs. disarm or trip) Feats Combat Casting, Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Craft Construct, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Wondrous Item, Double Slice, Greater Two-Weapon Fighting, Heighten Spell, Improved Disarm, Improved Shield Bash, Improved Trip, Improved Two-Weapon Fighting, Magical Aptitude, Multiattack, Quicken SLA (mass inflict pain), Quicken Spell, Two-Weapon Fighting Skills Acrobatics +45, Bluff +51, Climb +36, Diplomacy +51, Fly +43, Intimidate +48, Knowledge (arcana, dungeoneering, engineering, geography, history, local, nature, nobility, planes, religion) +60, Linguistics +53, Perception +49, Sense Motive +49, Spellcraft +57, Stealth +44, Swim +36, Use Magic Device +55; Racial Modifiers +10 Knowledge (all) Languages Abyssal, Draconic, Infernal, 35 others, telepathy 300 ft. SQ armed casting, demon lord traits, gnosis, item masteryEcology Environment any land or underground (Abyss) Organization solitary (unique) Treasure triple standard (Shield of Abraxas, Sophia, other treasure) Special Abilities Armed Casting (Ex) Abraxas can perform somatic components for spells while wielding a weapon and shield. Final Incantation (Su) Once per day, Abraxas can invoke the Final Incantation, which unmakes magic. This is treated as a mage’s disjunction spell at CL 30th (DC 40 for magic items), except that creatures take 5 points per spell level of damage for every spell on them that is dispelled. It has a 60% chance to dispel antimagic auras and destroy artifacts. Once he uses this ability, Abraxas cannot use any spells, spell-like abilities or supernatural abilities for 10 minutes. Gnosis (Ex) Abraxas treats all Knowledge skills as class skills, and gains a +10 racial modifier on all Knowledge skills. Item Mastery (Ex) Abraxas can use all spell trigger and spell completion items as if they were on his spell list. Mind Siphon (Su) A creature that Abraxas strikes with Sophia has its mental abilities drained. If the creature succeeds a DC 40 Will save, it merely takes 1d4 points of ability damage to its highest mental ability score. If it fails, it takes 1d6 points of ability drain to its highest ability score and loses the use of one of its highest level spells, if it is a spellcaster. When Abraxas uses this ability against a spellcaster, it gains a spell slot equal to the level of the spell lost. This is a mind-influencing effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Poison (Su) Bite—injury; save Fort DC 45; frequency 1/round per 6/rounds; effect 1d6 damage to the ability of Abraxas’ choice; cure 2 consecutive saves. The save DC is Constitution based and includes a +2 racial bonus from Abraxas’ venom mastery ability. If in an antimagic field or similar effect, Abraxas’ poison is an extraordinary ability that deals 1d6 Con drain. Spells Abraxas can prepare and cast spells as a 20th level arcanist. He does not gain any other abilities of the arcanist class, such as arcane reservoir. Superior Spell Resistance (Su) Abraxas can allow spells to bypass his spell resistance whenever he chooses, even if it is not his turn. Three times per day, if a targeted spell fails to overcome his spell resistance, he can choose to reflect it on its caster, as per a spell turning effect. Venom Mastery (Ex) Abraxas gains a +2 racial bonus on the save DCs of any poison spell or effect he creates. Creatures immune to poison are still subject to poisons produced by Abraxas unless their poison immunity comes from a mythic source.

[rainbowrocky248]

Looking for D&D Players Again

Game: D&D 5e

Current Level: 3-4

Language: English

Group Type: Online [we use Roll20 and Discord]

My Role: DM

Roles Sought: Players [2-3 for a long term, pre-established campaign]

Timezone: Eastern/Centeral Standard Time

Times Available: Our next game is not currently scheduled as we’re taking a break, but I’m eager to bring in new players anyways even if we won’t start up again in a month or two :D

How Often: Weekly

About Me: Hello, my name is Rocky [he/him or fae/faer]! I’m looking for committed players for a long term campaign! We’re already deep in the midst of one and are looking for two or three more players as most of the ogs have left. We will be using Discord [voice chat only] for communication and Roll20 as our online gaming platform. I am a relatively new DM looking for people passionate about roleplaying! I have seven years of roleplaying experience with Pathfinder, a year with D&D 5e, and six months of DMing for this campaign. Players of all sorts of experience are welcome, but our party is primarily made of new players so we are very open to having you come learn the rules with us. We’re LGBT+ friendly and expect anyone interested in joining to be as well!

Character Creation: A lot of time and effort has been put into the Tales of the Planewalkers campaign, both on my end as the DM creating this universe and from the players who have each created wonderful characters. We look forward to whoever wishes to join us! You have to understand that I would like a similar level of effort to be put back into the game. I don’t want uncommitted players here so if you could create a synopsis for a character idea that would be great! It doesn’t have to be incredibly detailed, just say your race, class, and at least five sentences of background story. You’re welcome to make changes before game play, especially once I reveal more things about the lore to you if you join the party.

World Setting:

You come from a world you call Estrya. Estrya is home to a number of races who belong to a number of kingdoms that worship a number of Deities. Depending on which pantheon you belong to, you believe in differing legends about the creation of your world. All pantheons have agreed however that there are realms beyond the world of Estrya where the Deities reside, these magical worlds unique to the Deities residing within them. Contact with these realms is unique but not rare. A young Tiefling can connect with their Archdevil parentage through a simple spell, a seasoned wizard can astral project himself into the Beastlands when he sleeps, a powerful sorceress can even create portals and venture to and from these realms, and on the rarest of occasions a god can even be summoned to the Material Plane through their highest ranking cleric. Rumors prevail the lands of angels and devils walking among you, whispering words of advice or trickery into your ears. There are histories of Demigods becoming rulers of mighty empires that lasted for centuries. These are the reasons why religion is a core value in Estrya, because it is an undoubted truth that such beings of unfathomable power exist. It is seen as incredibly odd in your world if you do not belong to some pantheon or another and actively worship the gods. Atheistic or agnostic people are treated with an air of suspicion or idiocy by the people who know of their skepticism. Because the world of Estrya is so rich in the influence of the realms outside of the material plane, beings like Tieflings and Dragonborn are not put under the same scrutiny they would be on other worlds. Each race treats other races differently in their own ways, like the incessant rivalry between Elves and Dwarves, or the embracing acceptance Humans have for most other races, or the respect all races seem to have for the Dragonborn as they are seen as the oldest of the humanoid races on Estrya, though the Dragonborn might not return such respect. All in all though the races generally get along. That does not mean that Estrya is a peaceful utopia however. Wars are often fought between kingdoms over land and resources, and between religious sects over the definition of good and evil or the claimant of a holy land. Today the land is relatively peaceful, though whispers of an uprising of evil is being spread amongst the faiths of good.

Current Location:

Our players have found themselves lost in the Astral Plane with no certain way home. The Astral Plane is a realm of myth and mystery, a place where dreams are reality. The eternal silver sea wraps around you in an opaque fog as you float by with the sheer will power of your mind. Most simply pass through the plane, but there are some strange creatures that live here, most of which feast on the thoughts of others. Why have you come to the Astral Plane? What brings you to join this band of home seekers?

If that setting sounds interesting to you and you’re excited to get started then this is the campaign for you! I would just like to reiterate that this is a long term campaign that’s already fostered six months of play time with previous players, so we are looking for a certain level of commitment here. I hope you find our future adventures a lot of fun and build some meaningful relationships from it in the future as I have so far!

The Current Party:

Ivan - Pakari (homebrew humanoid Wolf race) Fighter

Liliana - Kitsune (homebrew humanoid fox race) Rogue

Setyr - Pakari (homebrew humanoid wolf race) Sorcerer

For Applications: You can message me on tumblr PMs with the application filled out

Name: [doesn’t have to be your full or real name, just whatever you’d like myself and the other players to call you]

Age: [this game will not be accepting anyone under the age of 17 or over the age of 25]

Pronouns:

Timezone:

Availability: [just a rough estimate on what days of the week you can play]

Experience: [please have at least read the first chapter of the Player’s Handbook, even if you’ve never played before]

Discord Tag:

Gaming Style: [we are a roleplay heavy group so keep this in mind and be ready for it!]

Fun Fact about yourself:

Character Race/Class:

Character Backstory:

Any Questions, Comments, Concerns:

[elementalinfusion]

@staff words cannot truly express what an unfathomably stupid idea this is.

Are you just tired of running the site? It’s okay to come out and admit that. I’m certain there are those who would be happy to take up the job.

But this is Advanced-Level idiocy, this is.

[gyrlversion]

Father-of-six newsreader COLIN BRAZIER opens up about loss

We celebrated Mother’s Day as we always did. Jo propped up in bed, wreathed in smiles and surrounded by her brood.

Tea served from a pot and toast with Marmite. Handmade cards, rough-and-ready painted pottery made at school by the younger children, shop-bought gifts from the older girls. All carried in on a tray, finished off with a couple of daffodils, just picked from the garden, in a tall glass.

This year all of us will gather again. But like so many families for whom Mothering Sunday becomes a moment to re-register loss, we will cling, not to her bedside, but to her graveside. Their darling Mummy. My magnificent, bolshy, big-hearted wife. Taken from us after a six-year struggle against cancer.

The children — Edith, 19, Agnes, 16, Constance, 14, Gwendolyn, 13, Katharine, 11, and John, nine — what do they miss? The physicality, the hugs, the time for each of them, the domestic soap opera in which we were all extras, but Jo was the star

When she died last summer, 600 mourners came to her funeral. For what would have been her 56th birthday, in December, we invited a few close friends. But tomorrow will be just for us. The husband she guided and humoured. The children she nourished and forfeited a career for to bring into the world. Her legacy of love.

How do we cope without her? I miss her irrepressibility, her everyday theatricality, her almost supernatural ability to soak up everything life could throw at her — and keep smiling.

She believed that children — first and foremost — need parents to be parents, not their best friends. To her mind it did no harm for naughty children to realise how close to the edge of madness Mum or Dad were sometimes pushed

And the children — Edith, 19, Agnes, 16, Constance, 14, Gwendolyn, 13, Katharine, 11, and John, nine — what do they miss? The physicality, the hugs, the time for each of them, the domestic soap opera in which we were all extras, but Jo was the star.

And we miss her judgment, her infallible moral compass. Recently, I tweeted a picture of our dining room balcony, from where I’d just thrown one of my daughter’s smartphones. It was a clumsy way of expressing my frustration at the leaching into family life of social media expressed, you guessed it, via social media.

When she died last summer, 600 mourners came to her funeral. For what would have been her 56th birthday, in December, we invited a few close friends. But tomorrow will be just for us

After she died, I spent a lot of time running things past her — posthumously. I felt her presence, if not her wise counsel, constantly

The tweet was picked up by several newspapers. I was hailed a hero by advocates of robust parenting. A bully by those of a less forgiving bent. Having known her so long and so well, I can say with conviction that her reaction to a story about a dad losing his rag over phone use in such a kinetic way would have been to tilt back her head — and howl with laughter.

She believed that children — first and foremost — need parents to be parents, not their best friends. To her mind it did no harm for naughty children to realise how close to the edge of madness Mum or Dad were sometimes pushed.

After she died, I spent a lot of time running things past her — posthumously. I felt her presence, if not her wise counsel, constantly.

I would talk to her about inconsequential, silly things; the broken shower fitting I never fixed, the latest Brexit twist, the idiocies of a friend.

Lately, the mental hologram of her being at my side has started to evaporate, although there’s no fooling my subconscious. Jo appears in my dreams a couple of times a week. Sometimes the dreams are explicable, occasionally unfathomable.

I would talk to her about inconsequential, silly things; the broken shower fitting I never fixed, the latest Brexit twist, the idiocies of a friend

A particularly vivid example saw the two of us walking along a beach framed by caves. It was night-time, but I could see other people on the edge of my field of vision, also walking on the sand. It felt like a glimpse of Heaven.

These are deep waters and I frequently feel out of my depth. But Jo knew my limitations, what I could and couldn’t cope with. ‘Marry again or you’ll go mad,’ she instructed me six months before she died. Could I have told her that, had our roles been reversed? I’d like to think so, but I rather doubt it.

Such generosity of spirit was all of a piece with Jo’s personality. She was a collector of lost souls, of waifs and strays, of whom I was but one. Our home was a hostel for pets nobody else wanted; a cockerel destined for the pot, a Shetland pony bound for the knackers.

After studying politics at Bristol University, she lived abroad in Africa and the Far East. By her late 20s she was in charge of more than a dozen TV bureaux for Reuters

How she stayed sane amid the controlled pandemonium of our home, I don’t really know. It certainly wasn’t on the cards. For many years her life looked like it was following a fairly orthodox — if successful — trajectory. One where work trumped a family, or at least a large family.

After studying politics at Bristol University, she lived abroad in Africa and the Far East. By her late 20s she was in charge of more than a dozen TV bureaux for Reuters.

She came back to London when Sky asked her to be the Foreign Editor of their news channel and always told me that, when still living in Hong Kong, she felt her ‘ears fizz’ when a colleague mentioned my name for the first time.

The daily drudgery got her down. How could it not? But perhaps because she’d had quite severe depression in her late teens, she knew how to head sorrow off at the pass. Pictured, Colin Brazier’s wife Jo died from breast cancer on July 6, 2018

She was responsible for a big team of foreign correspondents when 9/11 happened and forever maintained that managing those egos was good training when it came to bringing up recalcitrant children.

She left those offspring late, mind. No fewer than five of our children were born in her 40s.

What brought about the change? Was there a Road-to-Damascus moment when she realised that a working mother couldn’t have it all? That she’d rather be an Earth mother than a toiler at the coal-face of journalism?

Life isn’t like that, is it? There was never a moment when she turned to me and said: ‘Let’s make like The Sound Of Music.’

She was responsible for a big team of foreign correspondents when 9/11 happened and forever maintained that managing those egos was good training when it came to bringing up recalcitrant children. She left those offspring late, mind. No fewer than five of our children were born in her 40s

There was a time after the birth of our first child when she struggled, as so many mothers do, with contracting out the best parts of motherhood to a stranger. But there were other things. Our shared Catholicism, her struggle to get pregnant again after our eldest was born, my career. So when I was offered the chance of a foreign posting in 2002, she quit her job and embraced a future of fecundity.

That’s not to say she was oblivious to what she had surrendered. Jo often reminded our children, in the heat of the moment, that there was a sports car before a people carrier. She always wanted to make them understand that their being around had not been inevitable, but a choice.

The daily drudgery got her down. How could it not? But perhaps because she’d had quite severe depression in her late teens, she knew how to head sorrow off at the pass.

She stopped her mind turning to blancmange by taking a GCSE and then an A-level in maths. There might have been an Indian summer career as a maths teacher, had the tumours not intervened.

She talked to everyone. A dozen or so of the women at her funeral worked on the local supermarket’s check-out tills. To the irritation of some other customers — almost always men — she would take the time to natter. Why should an interaction be transactional, when it could be friendly? That was her one golden rule.

There was a time after the birth of our first child when she struggled, as so many mothers do, with contracting out the best parts of motherhood to a stranger. But there were other things. Our shared Catholicism, her struggle to get pregnant again after our eldest was born, my career. So when I was offered the chance of a foreign posting in 2002, she quit her job and embraced a future of fecundity

She could be ferocious. But we held one another in check: there was a balance to our marriage, if not an unattainable perfection.

And so when people ask how I’m coping, I point to the positives. Sky News, where I’ve worked as a journalist for 22 years, have been hugely supportive, particularly since I can no longer drop everything and head off to cover a story who knows where.

Support has also come in the form of the many friends Jo and I made since we moved to a village near Salisbury a decade ago. Jo sang for three local choirs and still found time to deliver the local parish newsletter. If you want something doing, ask a busy woman.

And without her, practically, as well as in every other way, there is an enormous hole to fill. When the former England footballer Rio Ferdinand made a documentary called Being Mum And Dad about bringing up his three children after the death of his wife, he probably didn’t worry too much about the mortgage. I can’t afford nannies or a live-in housekeeper. So we make do as best we can. Our friends help with school runs, an enormous commitment for them.

But the rest is down to us. Second eldest child Agnes, recently turned 16, has become the school uniform tsar. Constance, 14, and Gwendolyn, 13, like to cook. Katharine, 11, and John, nine, try to make less mess than they did and are in charge of the chickens.

My eldest child, Edith, is 19 and studying geology at university. She comes home at weekends more than most students of her age might, her arrival through the front door prompting much squealing and excitement.

Less visibly, she fields calls from younger siblings who feel the need to talk through concerns with her. Everything from homework to body image.

A couple of people have asked if I’ve tried counselling. I haven’t — and worry a little that we might be in danger of medicalising the mourning process. Grief is not depression, even if its symptoms look similar.

Clearly, though, some people feel it works for them and that’s great. But where my relationship with Jo was concerned, I do not feel the weight of unresolved issues.

I’m sorry if that sounds smug or shallow. She and I were happy together. Then she got sick. And died. What blessings we had, we counted. There was lots of time to prepare. She was grateful for the time she had.

Fifty years ago, before all the fantastic advances oncology has made over that time, she would have been gone while our son, now nine, was still little more than a toddler and incapable of imprinting a lasting memory of his mother.

Other than memories, what else did Jo give them? It’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to. Partly because, in the first weeks and months after her death, people would rather not directly ask me how things were. So instead of asking after me, they asked me about the children.

Initially, my stock answer was: ‘Better than expected.’ After a while, I started to wonder how true that was. Because, a few years ago, I wrote a book which predicted that a multi-child family has strengths which are increasingly overlooked — including getting kids through hard times.

My researcher and I unearthed bucket-loads of data showing how children with siblings weathered parental loss, be that through death or more commonly divorce, better than those without brothers or sisters.

The book was published by the think-tank Civitas in 2013. In it, I wrote: ‘An older sibling can clarify events for a younger child, correct misunderstandings and help create a sense of perspective.’

Inter-sibling surveillance — being a snitch — also made it harder for kids to hide or slide into ‘risky behaviours’. When I wrote those words I had no idea they would be tested in the laboratory of my own personal tragedy. Nor that bitter experience would confirm the validity of all that theorising.

Jo may be gone, but her children do counsel one another. They let me know if one of their number is struggling. That is her gift to them; each other.

Not long after Jo died, a complete stranger wrote me a long hand-written note, the contents of which I cherish to this day. She was retired, one of five girls in a family of six children, which also included a boy — the youngest, like mine.

Their mother, like Jo, had died in her early 50s. And although her siblings had moved to different parts of the world they remained a formidably strong family unit. ‘We learned to look sideways,’ she wrote.

My children, too, have learned to look sideways, to always look out for one another.

They don’t always appreciate that sense of solidarity, when they can’t find a top that has been ‘borrowed’ by a sister, for instance.

But having lived through an experience that sets them apart from their peers, they share a profound sense of understanding, loss and love. 

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[rainbowrocky248]

No Longer Looking For D&D Players - Thanks Everybody!

Game: D&D 5e

Starting Level: 1

Language: English

Group Type: Online [we will be using Roll20 and Discord]

My Role: DM

Roles Sought: Players [3-4] for a long term campaign

Timezone: Eastern/Central Standard Time

Times Available: Thursday 10 AM - 5 PM EST

How Often: Weekly

About Me: Hello, my name is Rocky [he/him]! I’m looking for committed players for a long term campaign! We will be using Discord [voice chat only] for communication and Roll20 as our online gaming platform. I am a new DM looking for people passionate about roleplaying! I have seven years of role playing experience with Pathfinder but have never DMed before and have not played very much D&D 5e. My friend @summersunsetwolf21 will also be in the game as a player; she has never played before and is still learning the rules. Players of all sorts of experience are welcome, but new players should have some understanding of the rules and have read at least the first chapter of the Player’s Handbook before joining. We’re LGBT friendly and expect anyone interested in joining to be as well!

Character Creation: I’ve spent a lot of time putting together this campaign for my friend and who ever would like to join us! You have to understand that I would like a similar level of effort to be put back into my game. I don’t want uncommitted players here, so if you could in your application create a character for the campaign. It doesn’t have to be incredibly detailed, just say your race, your class, and a relatively detailed story about your background [about 5 sentences]. You’re welcome to make changes before game play, especially once I reveal more things about the lore to you if you join the party. We will also be rolling for ability scores and have a collaborative character creation session 0 before we get started with the campaign.

The Setting:

World History

You live in a world you call Estrya. Estrya is home to a number of races who belong to a number of kingdoms that worship a number of Deities. Depending on which pantheon you belong to, you believe in differing legends about the creation of your world. All pantheons have agreed however that there are realms beyond the world of Estrya where the Deities reside, these magical worlds unique to the Deities residing within them. Contact with these realms is unique but not rare. A young Tiefling can connect with their Archdevil parentage through a simple spell, a seasoned wizard can astral project himself into the Beastlands when he sleeps, a powerful sorceress can even create portals and venture to and from these realms, and on the rarest of occasions a god can even be summoned to the Material Plane through their highest ranking cleric. Rumors prevail the lands of angels and devils walking among you, whispering words of advice or trickery into your ears. There are histories of Demigods becoming rulers of mighty empires that lasted for centuries. These are the reasons why religion is a core value in Estrya, because it is an undoubted truth that such beings of unfathomable power exist. It is seen as incredibly odd in your world if you do not belong to some pantheon or another and actively worship the gods. Atheistic or agnostic people are treated with an air of suspicion or idiocy by the people who know of their skepticism. Because the world of Estrya is so rich in the influence of the realms outside of the material plane, beings like Tieflings and Dragonborn are not put under the same scrutiny they would be on other worlds. Each race treats other races differently in their own ways, like the incessant rivalry between Elves and Dwarves, or the embracing acceptance Humans have for most other races, or the respect all races seem to have for the Dragonborn as they are seen as the oldest of the humanoid races on Estrya, though the Dragonborn might not return such respect. All in all though the races generally get along. That does not mean that Estrya is a peaceful utopia however. Wars are often fought between kingdoms over land and resources, and between religious sects over the definition of good and evil or the claimant of a holy land. Today the land is relatively peaceful, though whispers of an uprising of evil is being spread amongst the faiths of good.

Location History

You are located in the city of Zabran at present moment, and whether you were born and raised here and know every inch of the city like the back of your hand, or you are a weary traveler from across the seas and have never seen such tall buildings before, you are welcome here at this bustling metropolis. Zabran was built from humble beginnings, originally a fishing town located at the edge of the Oracle Sea. Eventually the city became the epicenter of trade and created its own kingdom, the kingdom of Nephir, and today it is well known across Estrya for its wealth and resources. In Zabran’s early days the town comprised primarily of Humans, but as it prospered it attracted people of all kinds and now a number of races have made their home here, making it rich in diversity and culture. With this diversity comes a selection of religions displaying a variety of Deities, though the patron Deity of Zabran and thus of Nephir is Waukeen, goddess of trade.

If that setting sounds interesting to you and you’re excited to get started in the world of Estrya this campaign is for you! I would just like to reiterate that this will be a long term campaign so be prepared to commit. My friend and I are excited to get started, this is some time in the making and we hope it will be really fun and something we all want to do for a while!

For Applications: You can message me in tumblr PMs with the application form filled out.

Name: [doesn’t have to be your real or full name, just whatever you’d like me to call you]

Age: [only if you’re comfortable sharing, this game will not be accepting anyone below the age of 17]

Pronouns:

Timezone:

Availability: [just days of the week]

Experience:

Discord Tag:

Gaming Style: [do you like hack and slash and raiding the dungeon type games or ones that are more roleplay heavy?]

Fun Fact about yourself:

Character Race/Class:

Character Backstory:

Any Questions, Comments, Concerns?: