#the last one is a bad frame but I'm too tired to fix it

[zyanova]

Why is there a transformers episode featuring Bumblebee street racing in literally every continuity I know?!

Literally what is it with Bumblebee and street racing?!

[juyius]

Birthday boy [Remus Lupin]

remus lupin x reader

summary: remus spends the morning of his birthday with his favorite people in the world or a short fluff about remus' birthday and the marauders ruining a heated moment

the art is from the amazing likeafunerall, her work is truly wonderful check it out here

a/n: no tbh it's just a teeth rotting fluff for birthday boy remmy and reader being absolutely smitten for each other not fully edited cuz it's like 2am and I gotta wake up in 3 hours rip

you can check out my masterlist here

warnings: like one swear words, suggestive stuff and a heavy make out session but no smut

Remus stirred in his sleep, the soft sounds of birds coming through his bedroom window calmly waking him up from his slumber. He stayed still for a few more minutes, brething in the fresh spring air, long lashes fluttering against his rosy cheeks. His hand slowly wandered to his side hoping to feel the warmth and softness of your skin against his fingertips. Yet to his dismay the only thing he was met with were cold, soft , freshly washed sheets that left a lingering feeling in his heart. Not too bad but not even close to good enough for Remus. Slowly the man opened his eyes, wincing slightly at the bright sun peeking thru the cotton curtains and hitting him directly in the face. He should be happy - the weather is nice, the winter is finally long gone and everying is coming back to life but the only thing occupying his mind was the lack of a familiar body beside his.

She must be downstairs. His thoughts sounded lazily in his head. And he really hoped his senses were right this time. After a few more minutes he at last managed to gather up enough energy and will to raise from his bed. Grabbing his cane and groaning slightly as his hurting hip boldly reminded of itself. He didn't care to change from his pjs and he knew you wouldn't either so just like that in his current slightly dissheveled state he made his way downstairs.

When he entered the kitchen he was met with a wonderful smell of raspberries and chocolate and an even more wonderful sight of you. Your back was facing him as you grabbed a few things from the counter, still in your baking trance. His eyes scanned you from head to toe, noting the cute baby blue apron you were wearing - a gift from Lily and similarily to him sleeping attire still underneath. When you finally turned to him, holding a cupcake with both of your hands in front of you, a single lit candle adorning it, Remus smiled sleepily, blush creeping up his face. "Good morning birthday boy"

There was flour on your face and clothes and a smudge of what looked like chocolate frosting on your forehead. "Morning darling" his raspy morning voice making you giggle softly. He leaned down to press a kiss to you lips but instead was met with a finger against his own. "Nuh uh. Make a wish first" He rolled his eyes playfully at you, muttering a soft "fine fine" before blowing out the candle and quickly capturing your lips. One of your hands trailing up his neck to play with his hair while his free palm found it's place on your waist, pulling you closer. The kiss was slow and gentle and it ended far too quickly for Remus' liking.

"I wished for a morning kiss by the way" he said softly after you two parted. "Remus!" you gasped and jokingly slapped his arm. "Hey don't hit me I'm an old man now" his hands shot in the air being fake-offended. "That's a bloody terrible wish. Luckily for you I made like 20 more cupkaces so you will have plenty chances to fix it" Your frame shifted a bit revealing a tray full of sweets. The tall boy shook his head in disbelief as both of your laughs filled the room.

Suddently Remus didn't feel so bad about getting old and the wrinkles that were starting to form in the corners of his eyes or the bags under his eyes and the constant tired look on his face. Even his hip that was getting progressively worse and worse every full moon didn't seem like that much of a bother anymore. Frankly he was willing to sacrifice all of his joints if he was granted the privilege of feeling this for the rest of his life. The privilege of you. And when your hand gently brushed against his own fingers wrapping around his pinky pulling him away from his train of thoughts, he lifted up his thumb wiping off the frosting from your forehead before planting the softest kiss in that exact spot.

"I have a gift for you" "You didn't ha-" "Shush" your eyes locked for a moment before you reached to your apron pocked and pulled out a small dark red box. "Baby if you're going to propose to me you should have warned me I would have put a suit on" his teasing made your face heat up and you could only mutter a quiet "sod off Lupin" before handing him the box. Inside the box was a necklace. A glass orb hanging from a delicate silver chain resting securily on a little cushion. But what really caught his eye was a blue glowing thread floating inside the orb itself. Remus recognized it instantly. "A memory," he whispered, awestruck.

" I- It's from that night in the Shierking Shack after the full moon when you fell aslesp in my lap. I think I might have fallen in love with you that night." You let out a nervous giggle and before you could add anything more his strong arms wrapped around you pulling you as close to him as physically possible embracing you in his warmth. The smell of books and dark chocolate filling your nose sending shivers down your spine. After a few moments passed his long slender fingers gently grasped your chin pulling your lips together for what felt like the billionth time this morning molding into one. Your lips fit together like they were meant to be but it seemed like neither of you was happy with that as you desperately wanted more. His tongue pressed against your bottom lip asking for entrance which you gadly allowed and he wasted no time in depening the kiss, pulling you even closer. Frankly you didn't even think that was doable with how little space was already left between you. His hands found the bottom of your thighs before hoisting you up onto the countertop. He knew you didn't like when he did that, too worried that you might accidently cause him pain and strain his alredy worn out bones. But Remus Lupin really is willing to sacrifice his joints. Right here. Right now.

He broke the kiss first instead trailing pecks and soft bites down your neck to your shoulder making you gasp. "I don't know-" kiss "what I did-" kiss "to deserve this- you" now he's sucking gently on your skin. "Rem" you tried saying but his antics were far too distracting "but holy fuck" he finished his sentence coming back to your lips once again biting down lightly his hands touching every inch of your skin.

"OI MOONY" "WHERE'S MY FAVORITE FURRY" Remus groans loudly resting his head on your shoulder letting your fingers run through his hair for a brief moment as the front door opens. SIrius and James' voices spreading loudly through the house. with Pete's giggles sounding in the background.

[sylv-tf]

Just ReLAX

"Shit, not the fucking door too man!" cussed Connor as the door to his dorm's shared bathroom laid sideways in the frame, having just fallen off its hinges. College was supposed to be his big new start, but everything in this first day had been shit. He missed his first class going to the wrong building, had the tires on his bike stolen, and at the end of it all he had to walk back to his run-down dorm building where the hot water still wasn't working... and now the door.

"Fuck it, I'll just play some WoW or something," he said, walking over to his computer setup. Within five minutes though, he was up again, having discovered the internet connection was so bad he couldn't even log in. It was still early afternoon outside, the sunlight filtering in through the dusty window of his dorm. At the very least he could make sure he knew where his next class was, so he didn't miss it like the first one. Throwing his ratty shoes and loose-fitting knitted sweater on, he headed out the door. Thankfully this one didn't fall off like the last one, but he still just felt tense as he walked out the building's lobby and into the afternoon sun.

His dorm building sat just off the campus quad, which at this point in the day was filled with both students rushing to class and those doing anything to avoid it. As Connor walked across the cracked sidewalks that crisscrossed the green lawn he couldn't help but notice the number of guys just relaxing in the sun. It was hard not to feel outclassed, comparing his greasy brown hair, sweater, and loose jeans to their clean cuts and perms and athletic clothes that draped ever so perfectly against well-defined muscles.

Whatever, he knew he was a nerd. It was fine. Why should he care about fitting in - he didn't in high school anyways. He'd just keep on with his online friends... unless they got busy. That could be a problem. Well, he couldn't even worry about that now since the internet sucked. Maybe his suitemate would know how to fix it? No, they hadn't even moved in yet. And what are the chances they'd even speak to him after he already broke the bathroom door! Fuck, he'd have to get that fixed soon. Where was the maintenance office? Wait, no he was supposed be looking for his next cla-

WHAM

Connor felt a sharp pain on the back right of his skull and the world seemed to spin and flash white for a bit. When he finally got a hold of himself he was looking up at the sky... and there was some guy in orange and white on top of him. Was he... talking? His mouth was moving at least...

"...ro. ...ey, bro ar... ... Bro? Bro, are you okay?"

"Ugh... yeah, I guess, what happened?" replied Connor. The guy above him seemed to lean back a bit after hearing him speak. His bright ginger curls looked fiery in the sun, and dang, he was kinda built too. Was he an athlete? "Yo, I'm so sorry man. I was laxing out with my bro, Casey, and you looked like you zoned out right in the middle of our pass. Freaked me out when you just stopped moving like that, can't like."

"Oh... uh, sorry? I didn't notice I guess. Was kinda wrapped up in my own thoughts or something." Connor couldn't help but mumble. The day just couldn't get any worse could it.

Meanwhile, the ginger hunk squatting over him just turned slightly and yelled back over his shoulder, "Yo, Casey, hurry up with the ice would ya'? And grab a drink too, this guy looks like he could use it!"

He turned back to Connor now, "Nah bro, you're all good. It just happens sometimes. You seemed super stressed out so, I get it bro. Casey and I are like that too right before a big game, but then you like, lock in super hard when the whistle blows and it all washes away and shit."

Connor just stared blankly at this mystery man, clearly from a different world than his own. "Uh... right." As he sat up straight, he felt the burly hand of this ginger "bro" hold his shoulder steady, directing his gaze towards another guy, presumably Casey, jogging over with a wet-looking blue bag and a sports bottle.

"Zach, I got the stuff. How's he doing?" Casey was similarly built to the ginger guy, who Connor assumed to be Zach, but with straight brown hair, squatted down on his left and handed him the drink.

"Where does it hurt bro? We got an ice pack for you."

Sheepishly, Connor accepted the drink and started to look around. There were a few stray glances from passerby, but thankfully it didn't look like he caused a scene... "Just the back right of my head, I can get it," he replied, taking the ice pack with his free hand and holding it to his head.

The cold was sharp but quickly became soothing as it spread from the base of his neck to the rest of his head. As he took a sip of the drink too, he found it tasted oddly good. There was a distinctive metallic note to it, but mostly it was a fruit punch flavor with lots of pineapple and orange. Before he knew it, Connor had downed the whole bottle.

"Fuck, that tasted really good? What is that anyways?"

Casey spoke up, "It's Coach's recipe for the lax team. Gatorade but with his special blend of electrolytes and shit, more or less."

"Huh, so you guys play... lax? Is that a sport, I guess?"

Zach and Casey laughed. "Lacrosse bro. It's sick, you ever played?"

"Nah, look at me man. I haven't played anything in my life." Zach seemed to give the faintest smirk to Casey. "You sure bro?" At this point he began to stand up, and with Casey lifted Connor up by his arms. "I've got a hard time believing someone with these arms doesn't at least work out."

Connor glanced down at his arms. They didn't look particularly built. Well, were they always that tan? He moved them up and down, flexing them a bit. They weren't as twiggy as he thought they were... huh.

"Nah, I really didn't play anything. Guess it's just natural?"

Casey responded, "Fuck bro, if that's natural you've definitely gotta lax out. Come over here."

The two athletes practically pulled Connor along towards their bags, which had been sitting out on the ground a ways away. Connor could see sticks with nets on the ends sticking out, a number of pieces of what looked like chest pads, white rubber balls (presumably what he just got hit with) and a number of other things he didn't quite recognize.

Zach, meanwhile, had already grabbed a set of pads and a stick and was heading back to Connor. "Here bro, throw this over your head," he said, tossing him the pads.

"What?"

"Just do it bro, you don't wanna get beamed with the rock again, right? Casey's got a lid for you too."

Connor looked uncertain but seeing both guys smiling was enough to win him over. "Hey," he thought, "may as well see what it's like to be an athlete for a bit." He struggled briefly with the pads before Zach helped to slide them into place over his shoulders. They felt a bit heavy, but it felt kinda nice too. He was still chilly from the ice pack and the heaviness just made him feel... calm. Or maybe just chilled out?

Casey came in quick with the helmet from the left. Connor had only caught a glimpse of it before. It looked wild, being mostly white but with burgundy and gold decals all along it. Wait... those were the university colors. Was this a helmet from the lacrosse team?

Connor took a step back from Casey. "Wait, guys, is this university property? That's a bit too much for me, I mean I'm just-"

Casey was already at his side and the helmet came down. The inside was soft, not at all what he expected from how jagged the outside looked. It was kind of dark as well, though he could see through the first gap between the bars on the front. Was he actually wearing the school helmet? Was he wearing sports gear right now? In public? What would people think?

Connor could feel and hear the two athletes still strapping on elbow pads but at the same time he felt that calm from before. Did it really matter? He was just trying it out. And the two players with him would clear up any confusion, since they seemed like bros. Yeah... this was fine actually.

He reached up to adjust his helmet a bit as Casey approached with a stick. "Here bro, just follow along with Zach and I and we'll teach you the basics. Just relax."

Connor's mind was blank. Whatever Casey and Zach said was what he did. Learning how to hold his spoon, passing around the rock, stationary at first and then while running. Somehow, no matter what he did he never felt tired. And when the group got thirsty, Coach's drink was always close at hand. As the sun began to set, Zach and Casey called it in.

Connor, like the other two, was drenched in sweat. He didn't even really remember taking his sweater and shirt off, but he must have at some point, because he was bare torso in the setting sun. But man, his body really was better than he gave it credit for. Zach had even said his genetics were crazy to have abs without working out. And Connor felt great. Amazing even! What was he even worried about earlier today? Nothing important, he was sure.

"Zach, Casey, bros. Lax is like, crazy dope dudes."

Zach was the first to reply. "Bro, it's insane you've never laxed before, you picked it up crazy fast. You should honestly talk to Coach. He's got walk-ons next week and if you work with him and us a bit more, I bet you could clinch a spot."

"No way bro, that's crazy. Play for the school? I'm not as good as you two."

Casey butted in. "Bro, you're insane for a newbie. Trust the process, bro. You'd be on in no time. In fact, we should head over now so you can meet him. Help us pack and shit, and we'll jog over. You down?" "Damn bro, really? Fuck yeah, let's do it."

----------

Needless to say, the walk-on tryouts were a bit of a blowout. With Coach's guidance, Connor was a standout performer, ready to take the field for the team and crush their opponents every time. His new shorter haircut that Coach recommended suited him, just like his new number, #17, and his new carefree, cocky attitude. And like the loyal bros they are, Zach and Casey made sure to grab a picture with their new recruit at media day.

[frostgears]

nose goes

you rubbed the scar on the underside of your columella for the hundredth time that evening and the millionth time in the last three weeks. fucker still itched. some tiny splinter of a dissolvable suture slowly working its way out of your nose, and you'd know no peace until it was ejected. though afterward wasn't looking great either.

---

"hey, newbie," Emerald had said. "we have pretty good health care. get your nose unfucked. i'm tired of looking at it."

"oh," you'd said, dumbfounded, "i can get that fixed? regimental medics said not to bother." it had been bent since you bashed it against the inside of a miniframe with a bad jump booster. they'd said there was a line for operationally necessary care and your nose wasn't messed up enough to even get in it.

the director's raptor of an assistant had cocked her head to the side. you were still learning the specialized biology vocabulary you weren't sure if you'd live long enough to need, but "raptor" seemed right: skinny, sharp features, unclear if she blinked, probably ate lizards.

"military healthcare is shit. don't exceed three gees while healing, don't shove anything up there, don't miss work," she'd said, and flicked a net address to your handheld. a civilian medical appointment.

you should have known that it had been too easy. you'd woken up in a room that hadn't been the one you'd gone to sleep in. more blinking lights and display screens than a frame maintenance bay. and your boss was there. sharp suit, curly hair, looked like she was in a hurry.

"good news, everything went well," she said. "and volunteering saved me a bit of time, so thanks for that. here."

you were still incredibly out of it, but you accepted the vase of mixed flowers. the smell almost put you under again. you'd never smelled anything like this. or maybe you had, but you were suddenly smelling a hundred things on top of it. an incredibly rich roiling blend of scent. grassy, floral, faintly acrid, notes of emergency sealant, hangar moonshine, the smell of the taste of the filler in shipping containers…

"bwuh?" you managed. she'd put something up your damn nose. had to be.

"olfactory and recall augment. it'll adapt with you, to some extent, but it's also pre-biased with hundreds of thousands of Terran and CEZ biochemical presets. one of these flowers doesn't belong. show me."

you'd taken a big sniff, which was stupid and hurt. then you took a few smaller, more careful sniffs. one of the yellow-orange ones was off. not bad. off. like you'd tasted a dozen red Nebula Chews in a row and the last one was supposed to be purple but the factory fucked up the dye.

you plucked the flower from the vase and showed it to her.

"you're probably right," she said. "one of the marigolds is infected with a hybrid xenopathogen. doesn't have a name. something that evolved on one of the CEZ DNA worlds after Terran life was introduced, and that doesn't really get along with our soil bacteria — the CEZ nearly lost that planet. its metabolism produces a volatile compound that'd be useful for detection, except that i can't smell it, nobody else on staff can smell it, and more importantly, our current generation of mass-production biochips can't either. but now you can."

she turned to go, heels clicking on the floor. then she looked back over her shoulder.

"you look a little spooked. you shouldn't be. it's a knockout, can't reproduce without an excess of a dextral amino acid that nothing outside of our labs makes," she said. "keep the flowers."

---

"stop rubbing your fucking nose, newbie," Emerald said from across your restaurant table.

"i have a name," you groused, putting your hands back in your lap, where you could fidget with the edge of the expensive-looking tablecloth instead of decking the barely field-competent backup posing as your dinner date.

"i don't care. people are looking. or they might. so quit it. you find anything yet?"

"not yet." you'd noticed a few unusual scents on the air, but so far they'd all been strictly known compounds and the most noticeable one at this table wasn't exactly mission-related.

the waiter turned up, finally, and presented the next course. you lifted a spoon to your lips. rice. you'd had that plenty of times. several different mushrooms. a rare treat, but just because you couldn't really afford them. and an accent of… cassia, cheap shampoo, hot paint? your new nose wasn't sure what to make of it. but you'd smelled it before.

there was a sample terrarium running Celeq Corporation's proprietary synthetic biology in one of the library labs. Celeq, the Director had said, like many synthetic biologies, was fine. perfectly stable. if your planet didn't have seasons. or weather. or humans. worked fine on her parents' homeworld, because they could never leave the domes.

"i think we're going to want to talk to the chef," you said.

"damn. can i at least finish dinner first?"

"probably. but you can have my risotto. smells like Celeq."

she shrugged and reached over the table to pull your plate over to her side. "not toxic, then, just unsustainably high maintenance. and better you than me with that augment. i already have my nose the way i like it."

"thanks for volunteering me, by the way. all these wonderful things i can never unsmell." you paused, smirked. "you ever read the specs? you know the breadth of the Terran biochem recall?"

"do you have a point."

"yeah. you can relax with the bitch act. i can smell how hot you are for me."

she dropped the fork.

"as if!"

you scratched your nose again. "doesn't lie."

"fuck you," she said. "i'm not hungry any more. let's do this." she stood up and pulled a badge from her slacks, screamed at the waiter: "Directorate of Planetary Ecology! take me to your chef!"

you pulled your pistol. wasn't a frame, but the enzyme pellets were a lot safer inside a hab. "god. you really are out of practice. gun first, threats second…" □

[sparkriddledfever]

I am not sorry for this...maybe a twinge :)c

Old mech Rodimus, save the old mech Rodimus-

Warning: have them tissues on standby. Please excuse any incorrect grammar or punctuation.

Reader is loosely mentioned. Can be seen as human or cybertronian.

Rodimus was now understanding Kup straight down to the core. His joints hurt, they creaked each time he sat or stood for too long; he can practically hear the old sergeant bleating in his audials with a smug tone, "told ya, kid."

He could deny it all he wants but he missed him. Some nights, his processor made him stayed up late with the harsh need to remember what the mech looked like. He wished to see that old mech standing in front of him again. Nagging, smacking the back of his helm when he pushed it too far, patting his shoulder as a reminder to keep going and put up a good fight. Always believing in him when others didn't, trying to keep him above the waters of his own processor that threaten to drown him.

Rodimus could only remember bits and pieces of their last conversation before the sergeant passed away quietly. He really tried to be there and be present during the funeral but the death of Kup took a toll on him. He kept running, running far til the plating on his pedes became worn down, new cracks and chips forming on what was once his maintained frame. There was Drift- wait, who was Drift again? Ah, whoever the mech was, he must've been very important to him at some point in his life.

He counts every day a blessing to be able to wake up yet a part of him yearned for that peaceful darkness to welcome him. It felt like many pieces were missing from his spark; parts that he wanted to go differently if his own race wasn't so destructive. Faces come and go that's for sure though he knew deep down he had a family once. One he called with such pride before it was ripped away from his servos.

He shed many tears until they became all dried up when recognizing he still had a job to do. His race was responsible for almost all of the stars erasing, for the destructions of homes, tearing and ripping apart loved ones without a care. He's not a prime no more, he has no more bots to lead. Not after he took them all out. Both sides regardless.

He's tired, he wants to sleep. He wants to go home yet where was it? Nyon was gone so is the Lost Light.

"You alright there Rodimus?" He blinked rapidly to clear the haze that overtook his optics, shifting them down to the young blonde female sitting next to his pedes. He grins weakly down at her,

"I'm alright Shib, m'just tired is all."

"That's what you always say, Rodimus," her lips quirked that slowly turned into a frown, "you've been staring off into space for a while now. Is everything okay?"

He clicked his glossa, "don't worry too much about it. You think this old processor can't handle a few things?"

A unamused glance had him hissing a bit, "sheesh, tough crowd here."

"You don't have to-"

"I know. I know, Shib. It's just still feels a bit raw to me."

"Oh."

The sun began its descent on Donnokt. His spark clenched at the sight of the shadows growing bigger, the sky reminding him of Earth. He misses that planet and the memories it made both good and bad.

"I miss them," he began, "I miss...everybody. I miss my home, my friends and...them."

Shib glanced at him, "them?"

He huffed, "them. I was conjunxed or in better terms married. I had a partner, I can't remember quite well if they died peacefully or you know."

"Rodimus-"

"And yanno what's worse?" His voicebox crackled, "is that each time I power down. I wanted to go, they keep appearing to me. Waiting in a distance, asking if I'm ready to go. If I'm ready to see everybody. I could see my reflection and I looked young as I once was. I wanted to, but I kept telling them no. My job is not done yet."

"Roddy-"

"Please," he grits, "just...just don't call me that, Shib. I lost that privilege of being called that many years. I've done things I'm not too proud of. I'm fixing this, the mistakes my people done so you can all live without the worry of a threat."

"...I didn't say anything?"

"What?" He blinked in surprise. Shib stares at him warily, teasing lightly yet worry was etched into her features, "I think it's far past your bedtime, old mech."

He stared long. A tired soft snort left him, "might be and so for you kid."

He nudged her side with a digit, smiling shakily at the giggle she gave and smacking his offending servo away. Rodimus glanced towards the sky one last time before shifting to let Shib in, silently sending a prayer of sorts to whoever was listening.

'Not yet please. I'm almost done I swear then I'll come home to you guys. Not yet. Not yet.'

"Roddy, I miss you and love you. We all do. Please come home." The voice echoed in his processor, the sound of it sent his spark surging. Sorrow and yearning pouring through him.

"Not yet."

[diagnosedpsychosis]

FALLING ASLEEP AT WORK

I just wanted to thank every one for the love I'm receiving for my other little imagines, and to let you all know that if you have anything you want me to write (character or prompt, or both) just let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Description: You had a crappy morning and are clearly struggling to stay awake. Aaron offers the two seater couch in his office to you.

Word Count: 2.7k

______________________________________________________________

You absolutely hated wearing your glasses. You despised them to no end, and in a perfect world they'd never of been created. You hated wearing them. The way they dug into the bridge of your nose. The fact they'd slip every 30 or so seconds so you'd have to readjust them. How if you pushed them up, the second you'd try to take them off they'd tangle in your hair and create a small knot you couldn't detangle until later that night. The way that the lens was so powerful that whilst it gave you perfect vision, it also elicited a powerful headache.

You loved how they looked, but far out did you hate how they felt.

Today wasn't a good day for you, in fact you couldn't even remember your last good day, but today trumped all your other bad ones. You'd woken up to the night-time construction work happening on your street at 3 in the morning. When you finally managed to get back to sleep an hour and a half later, it turns out some of the tradesmen out front had accidentally hit a water pipe and it blew up out of the ground and into the air. So not only were you now awake at 4:30 am, but you were also getting drenched as everyone in your building was evacuated out, instead of staying inside, away from the burst.

Everything had been cleared rather quickly and soon enough everyone was filing back into the building at 5 in the morning. You had an hour and a half until you had to get up and get ready for work, but this mornings events left you wide awake and unable to sleep despite how desperately you craved it.

So you decided to have an actual shower. You got undressed, took all your jewellery off, stepped under the shower head, pulled the tap and...no water came out. You spent five minutes trying everything in your power to get it working when the memories of this morning hit you and you realised the construction workers had hit the main water source.

You were frustrated, tired, naked and on the verge of tears not because you were actually upset, but because you were so overwhelmed. You had been so tired the night before and were so excited to sleep the night away, but the day had other plans for you and now you felt partially blind, struggling not to fall asleep standing up every time you blinked and your eyes lingered closed for a couple seconds longer than usual.

It was too late to get anymore sleep in before work, so wanting to at least fix one issue you walked back into your room, threw on a nightie and grabbed your contact lens case from your bed side. Walking back into your bathroom you opened the little container, your hand beside it on the sink as you bent to grab the saline solution from the cabinet, but as you went to stand back up your hand slipped and a second later you heard a plop sound come from the toilet.

You stood, frozen in time and just shut your eyes. Breathing in and out slowly you imagined all the things that could've possibly fallen in the toilet. You could just buy a new toothbrush if that's what fell in. A new roll of floss was only a couple bucks. You thought of everything that wasn't exactly what you knew it was, purely just cause you couldn't have a worse morning.

But then you opened your eyes, found your open eye contact container floating upside down in the toilet and stormed back into your room to scream into your pillow that held mascara stains.

That was how you found yourself walking into the Quantico building, with the old black framed glasses you'd stopped wearing a year or so ago perched on the bridge of your nose.

"Hey gorgeo- Whoa" Derek's hands flew straight up in the air in defence, cutting himself off mid greeting as your exhausted eyes snapped to him. You didn't look scary whoa, or ugly whoa, you looked 'I haven't slept in years and my slightly red eyes are begging you to knock me out so I can sleep for an eternity' whoa.

"Morning" You grumbled, unable to even offer Derek a grateful smile as he slowly passes you the same coffee he brings in for you every morning. You two stop at the elevator, your tired eyes staring at the metal doors, and Derek's watching and worrying about you as you slightly sway back and forth.

"You look rough. Bad night?" Rough? Bad night? You felt like hell and that was underexaggerating it.

"Stupid construction woke me up, hit a main water pipe, evacuated my apartment building, left me showerless and then stupid me knocked my contact lenses into the toilet" Derek sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, reaching out and rubbing your back for you, trying to relieve some tension. You arched away from him, and caught his frown in the elevator door, offended you flinched away from his touch.

"If you keep rubbing my back I'll fall asleep on the spot" You mumbled, barely having the energy to even speak.

"You're not going to be productive if you're fighting to keep yourself from falling asleep all day. Just go home" Derek hoped he didn't sound rude and dismissive, and thankfully relief flooded his body as you looked up and offered him a lazy smile.

"I love how concerned you are about me, but I can't go home."

"Why not?" Derek asked, frowning. It was either just go home now or get up to the sixth floor, struggle and then have Hotch tell you to take the rest of the day off, neither of which you wanted. You loved your job, you wanted to be there more than anything, but...maybe a power nap isn't such a bad idea.

"Cause then I'll be letting the team down" Derek laughed, the elevator doors opening as he slung his arm over your shoulders and practically dragged you out.

"No you won't. You look like hell, every one will understand" You squinted your eyes up at Derek as you glared at him.

"So much for calling me gorgeous" You grumbled, Derek pushing on the bullpen door and shoving you in first before following after. He used his arm around your neck to pull your head toward him, before planting a kiss to your cheek.

"Y/n, you're absolutely breath taking, but you also look like hell" You huffed, glaring at Derek before pulling his arm off of you and taking a seat at your desk. You had barely been sitting for 5 seconds before Emily stopped in front of your desk.

"I haven't seen those frames in ages. What's it been, a year?" She asked, her loud voice gaining Spencer and JJ's attention, the latter standing to join Emily at your desk.

"I hate 'em" You grumbled, glancing up at the two girls before looking back down at your desk. Emily and JJ frowned, glancing at each other, wondering what was wrong, but all questions were answered as Derek swung around in his desk chair grinning.

"She flushed her contacts down the toilet" You sucked in a deep breath, side eyeing the direction Derek's voice came from before unpacking your bag, pulling case file after case file out, and neatly stacking them on your desk.

"Usually the nerdy teen in a high school rom com takes off her glasses and puts contacts in, but here you are, choosing not to conform. Good for you" Emily teased as you looked up at her, ignoring JJ and Derek's snickers.

"I love you Em, but I'm moody and running on about 2 and a half hours of sleep" Her mouth formed an 'o' shape as she held her hands up in defence and backed away slowly.

"Drift, caught" She said before turning and heading back to her desk. You sighed to yourself, turning back to face your desk properly. You noticed in the corner of your eye Spencer leaning forward in his seat.

"Are you alright, y/n?" You looked up and toward Spencer, offering him a tiny, appreciative smile as you slowly nodded your head.

"I'm alright, thank you Spence. Just a lot of night time construction going on lately. It's keeping me up" Spencer nodded his head once before sitting back in his seat and looking down at the case file open in front of him. Slowly, you sunk back into work, despite the overwhelming exhaustion consuming you. Spencer's silence lasted seconds.

"I know I live a little further out of the city-" Spencer began, sitting forward again and easily gaining your attention, "but if it gets really bad you can always stay on my fold out couch."

You couldn't fight the smile on your face as you stared at the genuinely caring and compassionate kid in front of you. Spencer had always felt like a baby brother to you, but he had the protectiveness of an older brother.

"I might just have to take you up on that offer" Spencer smiles before getting back to work and losing himself in his own mind instantly. You look away from him before half swinging around in your chair and looking in Derek's direction. Derek feels your eyes on him and looks up, frowning as you point at Spencer, mouthing 'real friend'. He rolls his eyes, a playful smile on his face as he shakes his head and gets back to work.

For at least 3 hours you manage to keep yourself awake. Cup of coffee after cup of coffee, after energy drink, after standing in front of the freezer in the kitchen, make you think you've finally got used to being awake. But then people start leaving at around 11:30, starting lunch breaks and you start getting tired again purely at the thought of eating and doing nothing.

Hotch glances out his window, looking into the bullpen when his eyes catch you frowning at your desk. From where he is it looks like you're stuck on whatever you're working on, when in reality you'd blinked but were yet to open your eyes. Noticing most of the others aren't in the bullpen to help, he stands up and makes his way out of his office.

"Y/n?" He calls from the top of the stairs, his usual frown deepening as you don't answer. He notices you don't have headphones on and wonders if maybe you're just lost in your head, too focused to even hear him. But then he walks down the steps, getting closer, and notices the slow rise and fall of your chest.

Hotch had heard about your morning, after all, it was hard to not hear the booming voices of your team as they all spoke too loud for such an early hour in the morning. So when he stepped even closer, and noticed the faint exhale every time your chest fell, he wasn't surprised to realise you were asleep.

Despite the fact you were at work where you were supposed to be busy 24/7, Hotch wanted you to sleep. He had every intention to slowly back away and return back to his office, but you looked so uncomfortable. Your head was almost completely tilted down, chin on your chest as your shoulders hunched over. You would be beyond sore when you woke up, and Hotch didn't want that for you either. So slowly he stepped closer before crouching down in front of you.

"Y/n?" He spoke softly, placing one large hand on your knee, and the other on the chairs arm rest. You stirred but didn't wake up, instead letting out a heavy exhale as you further sunk into the seat. Hotch patted your knee with a little bit more force, using his hand on the arm rest to lightly shake the spinning seat.

Slowly, you opened your eyes, the same frown you'd worn all day glued to your face as you looked up before back down, your eyes widening when you realised who was crouched down at your knees. You immediately sat up straighter, and a little more awake as you cleared your throat, immediately starting to apologise.

"Oh god, Hotch. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He quickly cut off your rambling with one single amused raised eyebrow. You sputtered on your words, tilting your head slightly in confusion as you stared at the slight smile playing on his lips.

"You're going to give yourself a hunch back if you continue to sleep sitting up" Your hardened expression slowly softened, a light laugh passing by your lips as you raised your hands to rub your eyes.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was doing so good" You scolded yourself, disappointed you'd fallen asleep and your boss was the one to find you, out of everyone.

"For someone running on two and a half hours of sleep, you've done good" You sighed, keeping your hands to your eyes to block out the light.

"You heard about that?" You ask, spreading your index and middle fingers apart to peak out at Hotch. He nodded, his smile still small and soft as he stared up from you, not having yet moved from below you.

"Voices travel" Hotch replied.

"Sorry" You mumbled apologetically, eyes following Hotch as he used your knee to push himself up, going back to his naturally towering height.

"Make it up to me by moving to the couch in my office?" He asked, using his foot to spin you and your chair out from under your desk. You snorted, leaning back in your seat and crossing your arms over your chest.

"Sounds more like a win for me" You stated, Aaron shrugging as he stuffed his hands in his pant pockets, his gaze unwavering, locked on you.

"You get to sleep, I get my smart, refreshed agent back. It's a win win" You absolutely loved the sound of a nice couch nap, and in Hotch's office of all places.

"Really?" You asked, Hotch slowly blinking before nodding and offering you a smile.

"Mhmm" With a dramatic huff, you stood like you were being forced to do what he said, when really you could kiss him for the suggestion.

"Well... only cause you won't shut up. I've never met a man that begs so much" You pushed your chair in, following Hotch up to his office.

"I don't know if that's what I'd call begging-"

"It is" You quickly cut him off, your grin widening as he glanced back at you over his shoulder, with his smile still present. You stepped inside his office, immediately making a b-line for the couch under the window that lead outside.

"You can close the blind if you want" Hotch pointed at the open blind behind you as he closed the door to his office, grabbing a coat off the back before making his way toward you.

"It's not going to make it harder to see for you?" You asked, wanting to make sure he was 100% okay with it. He snorted, stopping in front of you and holding the coat out, waiting for you to take it.

"I think I'll live, y/n" You took the coat with an appreciative smile, watching him turn around and walk behind his desk, before you closed the blind. You put your arms through the coats sleeves, the back of it against your chest like a blanket. You went to lay down but quickly looked to Hotch.

"You're sure this is fine with-"

"Yes....the company is nice" Hotch replied softly, now sat behind his desk, flicking through a case file. The corners of your mouth slowly spread into a genuine smile.

"Even mine?" You asked, watching Hotch as he looked up and away from his work, his eyes latching onto yours.

"Especially yours" You bit back a tired grin, turning away from Hotch to hide the blush quickly rising to your cheeks. You laid down, bringing your knees to your chest as you snuggled into the large coat Hotch had grabbed off the back of his door for you. You felt your eyes grow heavy, but just before you let sleep overcome you, Hotch spoke again.

"Just don't snore" You laughed, shaking your head lightly.

"No promises."

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 31

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Masterlist

“I'm so sorry, Declan. I swear I thought this time was the one.”

“You don't need to apologize, Liv.”

“Don't I? It's the third time I've thought I'm in labour and then…”

And then nothing. It is just another false alarm.

My due date is in a couple of days, but for the last week I've been feeling all types of cramps and discomfort, and we've ended up at the hospital twice. 

The first time was while Declan was at some kind of pre-season training camp in Portugal and I was alone in the house with his mum. When I described to her what I was feeling she also thought the baby was coming, so we called for a taxi and went  to the hospital. But after a quick exam, they told me everything was ok and that it wasn't time yet. While all that was happening, Declan had already packed all his things and was about to jump into a car and go to the airport. 

The next false alarm was at night, the pain being so unbearable that I woke up Declan with my screams and scared the hell out of him. But when we made it to the hospital, it was gone. They checked me again just in case something was wrong since the pain had been horrible, but they only told me that the baby was in the right position and that everything was ready.

And then, we have today. We were having lunch with his mum when I started to be in pain again, and this time it was different. So we packed everything, called my doctor… and halfway there the pain was gone, which makes me think that it may have been just air if you know what I mean.  

“What you are feeling is normal, Liv” Declan's mum says. “It is your first pregnancy, you don't know what to expect.”

“Yeah, but… You all must be so tired of me…”

“I could never get tired of you, Liv” Declan says, giving me a look that makes my stomach do a flip, something that definitely doesn't help with all these false alarms.

“Thank you. I guess” I manage to reply.

“Why don't we finish having lunch? We can still warm up everything” his mum says.

“I think I'm gonna go take a nap. Resting may do me good.”

“Then I'll save you some food for later. You need to eat and keep your strength just in case.”

“Thank you” I smile.

“Do you want me to help you go up the stairs and get in bed?” Declan offers.

“I'll do it myself, don't worry.”

“Ok” he nods, his eyes fixed on me as I leave the kitchen.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Breathe, Olivia. Breathe” I say to myself while looking at my reflection in the bathroom’s mirror, my hands grabbing the sink with such strength that my knuckles have turned white. “That definitely felt like what they say your water breaking feels like. But maybe it wasn't that. Maybe… fuck!”

No, that was real. That pain was very real.

“Ok, ok” I say again as it goes away. “You have to go downstairs, Olivia. You can't start yelling like a madwoman and scare everyone” I say as I slowly leave the bathroom, focusing on my breathing like I was taught. “Step by step. And we breathe. We… breathe.”

As I walk down the stairs, I can hear Declan and his mum talking in the kitchen.

“I was going to tell her, mum. I was finally going to do it. But then the accident happened, her dad kicked her out and I just… She was too vulnerable.”

“But you have to tell her, Declan. You are about to have a baby together!”

“I know, mum. But it isn't that easy.”

“Why not?”

“Because in case you've forgotten, I behaved like a dick with her and broke her heart. I hurt her really bad, mum. Really, really bad. I can't just go to her now and be like, hey, Liv. I'm in love with you and have basically been since the day we met.”

He… what?

“Fuck!” I cry, making both Declan and his mum turn around to look at me while I hold onto the kitchen door's frame as if my life depended on it. 

“Liv! What are you doing here? Are you ok?” he says, quickly running towards me.

“I think this time it isn't a false alarm.”

“What?”

“I suddenly woke up from my nap feeling something weird, went to the bathroom and I think… I think my water broke.”

“Are you sure?” Declan mum's asks me.

“I… Fuck! That hurts!”

“Mum, we have to take her to the hospital. I also think this is it.”

“Take her to the car, I will go grab everything else.”

“Ok” he nods. “Liv, it's time to go” Declan says.

“I can't.”

“You can't?”

“I'm not ready, Declan. I can't do this.”

“Liv… Liv, look at me” he says, cupping my face and forcing me to look into those blue eyes of his. “You can and you will. You are the strongest woman I know.”

“But it hurts so much already. I can't do this for hours.”

“You can and you will do this” he repeats. “I believe in you. Now let's go” he says before lifting me in his arms and carrying me to the car.

I can do this. I can.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“I can't believe he is real.”

“Neither do I” Declan chuckles. 

I had done it. I had actually managed to do it, and he was here. Our healthy and gorgeous baby boy.

“Who do you think he looks like? My mum says he is just like me, but I don't see it.”

“I think he looks like himself” Declan says, caressing his cheek. He is sitting on the bed with me, one arm around my shoulders while the other rests on mine, both of us holding the baby. “Our nameless little man. Though I've found a name that I think ticks all the things you want and like.”

“Really?”

“Yep” he nods. “I was waiting until he was born to tell you because of what Georgina said, that sometimes babies are born and the name you've chosen for them doesn't fit them. But I don't think that would be the case. I think this name is perfect for him.”

“And are you going to tell me what's that perfect name or…”

“Oliver. Oliver Rice.”

“Oliver…” I repeat, looking at him. At this tiny human being who has completely changed my life and put it upside down. 

“Usually when people find out that they are having a boy they name him after the father, a grandfather, an uncle… But why not after his mum?”

“What?” I say, looking back at Declan.

“I thought of Oliver because I was thinking about you… Olivia” he says, those blue eyes of his that I truly hope the baby also has, meeting mine. “You are one of the most amazing women I've ever met, definitely the bravest and strongest. What you've done today is just another example of it. And I think that one day, when he is old enough to understand it, he will agree with me and say that being named after you is the biggest honour evertouche.”

“Declan…” I whisper, not being able to contain my tears. Again. I've lost count of all the times I've cried since I gave birth.

“Oliver also has a good nickname: Ollie” he says, wiping away some of my tears, the feeling of his hand on my face making me gasp. “I think it is cute and a bit cheeky, which is something I have the feeling he will be” he smiles. “And even though your names may be similar, Liv and Ollie aren't, which means no one will get confused, and that was something very important on your list.”

“The most important one” I chuckle. “Well, that and that it sounded good with your last name. It isn't an usual one.”

“Oh, I know” he laughs. “But Oliver Rice has quite a nice ring to it, don't you think?”

“It does” I smile. 

“And if he was already going to have my last name, it was only fair he was named after you, Liv. It takes two to make a baby, and you've actually been the one who has done all the work.”

“Are we calling him Oliver, then? Ollie?” 

“You have the last word, Liv.”

“Then welcome to the world, little Oliver” I say, kissing his forehead. “And thank you for everything, Declan. I don't know what I would have done without you.”

“Like I just told you, it takes two to make a baby. I would have never left you alone or on your own, Liv. Never” he says. 

“Thank you” I whisper as I lean forward towards him. Towards his face, his lips. I so want to kiss him.

“Liv…” he whispers back, also moving closer. And then… 

“Liv!” Madders says, walking into the room. 

“Bloody hell” Declan mutters.

“Oh my God, Liv. He is here!”

“Hello, James” I say, trying to smile and forget that he just ruined a perfect moment.

“You are a mum, Liv! And you a dad, Deccers! Can you believe it?”

“Not really” he says, his hand giving my shoulder a little squeeze before he moves from the bed. He hadn't left my side since Oliver was born, and now it feels so weird to not have him next to me… Almost as if something was missing.

“I saw your mum outside and she said that everything went great and that you are feeling good. Or as good as one can be after bringing a child to the world” Madders chuckles. “Can I hold him?” he asks. 

“Yes, of course” I say. 

“Hello there, little man.”

“Careful with…”

“Declan, I'm a father of three. I know what I'm doing. But guys, he is gorgeous. Are you sure he is his?” Madders says, nodding towards Declan with a teasing smile.

“You are so not funny, James” I reply, rolling my eyes.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But he is one of the prettiest babies I've ever seen, and as newborns they all are quite ugly, to be honest. You should see my photos” he chuckles.

“Nothing has changed, then” Declan says, teasing him back.

“Touché” he laughs. “Did you finally pick a name? You can still use James if you can't decide, you know I will be honoured.”

“We actually have. Oliver. Oliver Rice” I say, reaching for Declan's hand. 

“Ollie to friends and family” he says, taking it and interlacing his fingers with mine.

“Ollie… I love it” Madders smiles. “My gorgeous nephew Ollie.”

“And Godson too if you'd like.”

“What?”

“You are my older brother, James.”

“Yes, but… What about Declan's brothers?”

“Oliver is the sixth grandchild in my family. We all already are Godfathers of someone” he shrugs.

“But… are you sure? I mean, what about Micky? Or Mason. Or Sonny! He would make an amazing Godfather too.”

“He would, I agree. But like I said, none of them are my older brother, James. Only you” I smile.

“And Van de Ven actually is an old fling and Mason an old crush, aren't they?” Declan teases me. “That could make things awkward.”

“Oh, shut up!” I say, trying to hit him but only managing to make him laugh.

“Guys, I…” Madders says. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”

“Thank you, James. Neither of us would be here if it wasn't for you. Especially not him.”

“Definitely not him, no” he chuckles. “My beautiful Godson and nephew Oliver. Ollie” he says before kissing his head and starting to tell him about all the things they are going to do together as he grows up while Declan and I just smile at them, our hands still linked together, my head resting on his arm. 

[luvrodite]

second star (988)

part of the dad!jason au. reader is referred to as 'mommy', female child original character, child illness, angst, allusions to canon relationships, bruce + dick make an appearance, happy ending.

your daughter falls ill when she's about four years old. it's the kind of sickness that leaves her bed-ridden for a while, her little coughs echoing down the hall while you make her soup with a tight heart. jason fares worse, tension lining his brow and you can see the shards of his broken heart glimmering in his eyes every time she cries.

he reads to her a lot, his drowsy, tired girl curled up in his arms while he turns the pages of her favourite book. the edges of the paper are softened from the years, the scrawl of her name on the front page wobbly and overlapping the title. most times, she falls asleep before he can finish the first chapter, but it's fitful, full of shallow breaths and restless murmuring. he doesn't leave her bedside, and in the end, neither do you, taking up residence in the armchair beside her bed while her father – too big for the princess bed her beloved uncle had bought her last year – hangs his legs off the bed frame.

she cries when you hold her as jason changes her bedding, her muscles aching in time with your heart. her curls are damp with sweat, her face with tears. you murmur promises to her, kissing her salt-tracked face, i know, baby, i know. it'll be quick, i promise. daddy just has to put new covers on.

sickness is no stranger to jason's family, who've had their fair share of broken bones and other wounds. still, they come by and you watch them try their best to hide their worry. dick, kneeling by his best girl's bed and softly tucking a curl behind her ear. hi, sweetheart, he murmurs sweetly, doing okay? 'course you are, brave girl. he presses brand new stuffed toy into her arms, tucking the giraffe under the covers.

he leaves her with a hug, and you watch jason follow him out of the room, unwilling to let his older brother go just yet. the front door remains shut, and you know that they've gravitated to the kitchen, low voices muffled through the walls. you turn to your girl, her tired eyes fixed on the orange splotches, mouth open as she touches its ears. mama, look. like on tv, she says tiredly, and you grin.

when you get better, we can write dickie a card to say thank you, huh?

one by one, the rest of the family come to visit their girl. and jason says very little, face stiffer and more solemn than he ought to be at his twenty nine years old, but you know him. he's glad they're here. devastated about why. terrified as to what might come.

he'd cried the night she was born, more than once. the first time he'd seen her, tiny, wrinkled thing that she was. the first time he'd held her – his whole world, right in the palm of his hands, he'd told you later that night in a whisper, watercolour eyes tearful and not for the first time that night. didn't ever think i would get here. thought maybe i got lucky with you, he had confessed. my luck can't be so bad if i've got her, too.

you knew he was remembering those words, remembering the ones he'd told you he loved you for the first time. i'm a cursed man, sweetheart. you'd be better off with someone else. and yet...and yet i'm too selfish not to tell you i want you. i love you.

it seems especially cruel a joke of fate to allow him this chance at happiness, and threaten it so quickly.

the doctor comes and goes. bruce pays for it before the man has left the room, and you think your husband might come to physical blows with his father, in the living room, when he finds out. he doesn't. 's not for me, he tells you later, when your baby girl has fallen asleep, his face pressed into your neck. he loves her, too.

and you can't deny it, the way your father-in-law dotes on her. the grumpy old man is wrapped around her littlest finger, as charmed as you've ever seen him when your firefly seeks him out at family gatherings. she spends most of dinner by his side, insistent on sitting next to papa, much to your chagrin and reminder of her manners. it's fine, he assures you quietly. she's much better behaved than any of my children.

you know that it simultaneously warms and embitters your husband, to watch him be so good with your daughter.

she gets better slowly.

the worst of it passes in the slowest night of your life, spent wetting rags and coaxing her to take the medicine she'd been prescribed, feeding bites of food to her while holding back your own fearful tears. jason takes over when she starts to throw a tantrum, only to run out of steam and cry quietly. you have to leave the room for a moment, struggling to catch your breath.

hey, he murmurs, from the next room. you think you can take a bite for me? i know, angel, but you gotta eat something. tell you what, i'll help you finish this, and when you're better, you, me and mommy are gonna go on a trip. anywhere you want.

beach? you hear her feeble voice suggest and he hums.

yeah. you wanna go swimming?

uh-huh.

the bowl is empty by the time you return, and you don't know if it's hope that colours your vision and puts rose in the apples of her cheeks. but jason seems to see it too, and you see grief and relief in his eyes when he catches your gaze. you stand by the bed, and his fingers find yours. in her pyjamas, your girl points to the book on her bedside table.

she stays awake to see the end of the book.

i don't know what spurred this on but i wanted to rip my heart out a little. unnamed todd baby you are the light of my life. i kept thinking about that poem about the father who got his sick daughter plums and just about in general how fathers love. it makes me so ill especially thinking about my own but i wanted to put jason in that situation and do it while trying to stay true to canon (somewhat). anyway. hope u liked this. it's unedited and hastily written but i hope it makes you feel something.

[the-cozy-writing-corner]

Two

I felt much better the next morning, waking up in Logan's arms was always a good start to my morning... Despite how sick alcohol made me feel on the previous nights or evenings, I can't say that I have ever experienced hangovers... I know, I'm lucky. To a fault, as some might say.

"Good morning, sunshine," Logan kissed the top of my head, enclosing her arms tightly around me.

I nuzzled into her chest, "I am hardly a ray of sunshine in the morning... What the hell happened last night?"

"You seriously don't remember?" Logan held back a chuckle, "Bells..."

"I'm just kidding, I remember when we left but I don't recall what happened before we left."

"You got into an argument with your mom, a big one... You were pretty upset by it."

I rolled my eyes, "that actually explains a lot, and it's too early to even think about that..." I let out a displeased groan, "I only called her to ask if I can get Ruby from her. I don't even know why she is so hellbent on keeping her, she is literally allergic to cats." I stated, suddenly recalling the events last evening.

"I can pick Ruby up. I know you miss her."

"Thanks, baby."

"It's no problem, my darling, but you should definitely go brush your teeth... No offense, but you have the worst morning breath right now."

“I know,” I chuckled softly, kissing her cheek before I got up to go brush my teeth and my hair, and afterwards impulsively deciding to take a shower.

After I got out, I wrapped a towel around my petite frame, walking over to my sink and doing my morning skincare routine.

“Oh, you smell good,” Logan voiced to me while she was at the stove, cooking us up some eggs and bacon for breakfast. “Did you use that new shampoo I got for you?”

“The jasmine and honey scented one? Yeah, great choice, by the way, you know me so well.” I kissed her cheek, before I stepped away to go get dressed.

I was feeling quite tired today, probably just a side effect of the alcohol I had consumed the night before. After I got dressed, I grabbed my hairbrush from my bedside table, brushing out my wet hair once I unwrapped it from the towel, hanging the towel on the hook attached to the wall.

I grabbed one of my fantasy romance novels from my bookshelf, taking a seat on the couch while my girlfriend cooked breakfast.

“You’re seriously re-reading ACOTAR?” Logan teased as she handed me my plate of food, I put my book down and peered at her, taking my plate.

“Yeah, I seriously am, you know why?” I asked with a smile, “because Sarah J Maas’ books are the only fantasy books that almost mimick the feelings of love that I have for you. Only… The love I feel for you is way stronger.”

She kissed my forehead, “I love you, my little ray of sunshine.”

“I love you, Logan.” I watched as she grabbed her own plate of food, asking; “so… what’s on the agenda for today?”

She then took a seat next to me, “I figured I’d run to the grocery store since we are running low on groceries, get some gas, see if anything needs fixed in the Subaru.”

“Please don’t try to do it yourself this time, Logan, last time was such a disaster.”

She scoffed and then snickered, “trust me, baby, I learned my lesson the first time. Don’t try to change your own oil…” She sighed. “Leave it to the professionals.”

“There is a reason you’re a lesbian guitar player and not a lesbian mechanic.” I laughed, kissing her bare shoulder.

She only rolled her eyes and chuckled, “shut up. It’s bad enough that the Subaru is like, a lesbian brand now and now we drive one.”

I laughed, “that was your own doing, sweetheart, you wanted a Subaru for that exact reason.”

“Yeah, but I also feel like a hot musician like myself who is also a masc lesbian is probably more seen driving a-“

“If you say a sports car we are breaking up right now.” I teased.

“We are never breaking up.”

“Then why haven’t we taken our relationship to the next level?” I asked with a raised brow.

“Umm… We did,” Logan stated, “I moved in with you a few months ago, silly goose.” She kissed my head. “Now, eat your food before it gets cold.”

“Touché.”

We both finished our breakfast in a timely manner, and I helped Logan clean up the kitchen before she got herself dressed and headed out to run some errands.

I was avoiding being on any sort of social media whatsoever right now, because I know what awaited for me… The articles, the tabloids, the rumors and false accusations against me. I went to rehab, that was true, and I did get into a fight with my mother, that was also true… Before I went to rehab, I was estranged from her, for a multitude of reasons. But for some reason my therapist recommended that I attempt to rekindle my relationship with her. Even if she was insufferable most of the time. She had to keep Ruby because I went to rehab, and Logan didn’t have enough time to take care of Ruby by herself. But, believe me, taking Ruby to my mom was a last resort that Logan had to convince me to do. I didn’t make it easy on her, not at all.

I got lost in my book for a solid twenty to thirty minutes, it was soothingly silent in the house and I almost fell asleep in the middle of one of the chapters. When I jumped at the sound of my phone ringing, I usually had it on whenever Logan wasn’t here in case she needed me to answer my phone quickly.

I answered it, hesitantly, “Mom?” I put the phone on speaker and set it on the table beside the arm of the couch.

“Hey, I thought you should know that Logan just came by to pick up Ruby. Also, honey… You went to a bar last night?”

“It was more like a club…” I sighed in a displeased manner, “why are you bringing that up?”

“You have an image to uphold here, baby. You’ve been in the spotlight since you were a child, if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have ever had the opportunities that you had. Arabella, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we expect better from you.”

“Is that so, mom?” I rolled my eyes, “if you just called me to scold me and talk down to me, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not a little girl anymore, mom, I’m twenty six, I’m four years away from being thirty. I don’t aspire to be anyone’s role model anymore, I don’t care what the tabloids say, I’m doing better and that’s all that matters.”

My mom let out a heavy sigh, “but you drank, right? Are you using?”

“No, mom, I’m not using, and I don’t have a drinking problem… Look, I know you’re just looking out for me the best way you know how, but I have been dealing with this on my own for quite a while. I have it under control, and thank you for taking care of Ruby. You did take care of her, right?”

“Yes, and Logan checked in with me every day to make sure that I did. I just want the best for you, honey.”

If that were true you wouldn’t have pressured me to be a child actor and rely on me for the income…

“I know, mom. Thanks.”

“Can I do anything for you?”

Depends, can you go back in time and let me have a normal childhood?

“No, you’ve done more than enough, bye.”

“Goodbye, sweetheart, I love you.”

“I love you too…” I whispered, just enough so she could hear me before I hung up.

If it wasn’t obvious, my mom raised me by herself, I don’t know who my dad is, I never met him. My mom was knee deep in addiction when she became pregnant with me, and she didn’t stop using even when she was pregnant. Though she claimed she “tried” to. It was hard for her to raise me on her own, I was neglected a lot by her, but around the age of six when I got noticed by some… Agents, she signed me up for beauty pageants and I almost always won. I don’t know why, but for some reason that motivated her to stop using. All she cared about was the way I looked and made sure that I looked my best, she didn’t really care about the person that I was on the inside. She didn’t really seem to care unless I looked and acted my best. It resulted in me being in a lot of sketchy and horrifying situations. And because she wasn’t observing the people around me closely, well… Let’s just say that I started drinking regularly at the age of ten. Then at the age of twelve I got discovered by Disney, I auditioned for a few roles, I even made an appearance on Shameless and… Revealed way too much skin for a minor. But my mom approved it, anything for the money, right? It didn’t shock me in the slightest when I was pressured into using when I was fourteen, and then the toxic cycles of addiction began. Along with the disordered eating and body image issues, being taken advantage of in my teenage years by people in the industry and the public eye. And I feel like since I’ve been in my 20’s I have been trying to erase those events and parts of me. But I am just chasing another euphoric feeling to avoid feeling anything else that doesn’t make me feel euphoric. A lot of people in the media have compared me to Demi Lovato because of the similarities that we have in our past… which is funny, because before I even started Disney I idolized her so much. Before I knew anything about what she went through as well. And, if you ask me, “child star” shouldn’t even be in the same sentence.

I cleaned up the apartment before I took a nap on the couch, and then what I assumed was a couple of hours later I was woken up by the sound of my cat meowing joyfully.

“Ruby,” I said with a sleepy little smile, Logan set down her cat carrier and opened it. Ruby trilled and purred as she hopped up elegantly onto my lap, laying down on my chest and curling up in her “loafing” position. “Hi, baby girl. Mommy missed you.” I petted her head, kissing her nose. She only continued to purr. I loved my little calico kitty.

“I checked on her, no marks or anything and it looks like she’s been well fed.” Logan said with a soft smile, kissing my head. “You have a good nap?”

“Mhm…” I voiced before I yawned, “and, how was your outing?”

“It was good,” Logan said happily.

“Thanks for checking on Ruby consistently while mom had her. And for checking marks and stuff, I don’t think she would do anything to hurt her, but I just… don’t trust her.”

“I know you don’t, honey, it’s okay. Also, of course. Did you eat lunch yet?”

I shook my head, “no, not yet. But I was hoping if you hadn’t eaten if we could go grab a bite to eat?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

“Okay, let me do my makeup and… Look more presentable and then we can head out.” I sat up, causing Ruby to jump off my chest and onto the floor, running over to her cat tree house.

About thirty minutes later we headed out to go eat.

[hanniedream]

thinking about how seungkwan would take care of you when you're stressed and overworking yourself.

the lingering fatigue that has been building up within you is starting to feel overwhelming but you know this is the kind of exhaustion that sleep can't fix. the stress from your upcoming presentation is eating you alive and thoughts like "what if i fuck up and lose this deal?" plagues your mind even when you're asleep. you know that because seungkwan would always tell you the next morning as you ran around the house getting ready that you were talking in your sleep the previous night again — something that only happens whenever you're feeling anxious.

seungkwan watches as you drag yourself across the living room and straight to the home office and his heart aches at the sight of you. the bags under your eyes are dark and puffy, your eyes have never looked so dull and lifeless and your cheeks seem to have sunken drastically. now that he thinks about it, when was the last time you even went to bed before 3am? lately, you would still be working away when he's headed to bed. he'd see you hunched over the desk, fingers tapping away on the keyboards furiously and only pausing momentarily to tell him not to wait up for you with a quick wave of your hand while your eyes remained glued to your laptop screen whenever he would try to persuade you to go to sleep, promising him you'd be done soon.

seungkwan finds himself waking up at 3am every night, as if there was an alarm clock in his brain, to see that you still weren't in bed and he'd noticed the lights in your office filtering through the gaps of the bedroom door.

tonight was no different. seungkwan knocks on your office door and as if it was a reflex, you're about to tell him you'll be done soon but he cuts you off before you could even get the words out.

"i'm not here to stop you from working," he lifts up a bowl he's holding. "i know i'm not powerful enough to stop you anyway."

a light chuckle escapes you as he crosses the room to stand beside your desk.

"but at least make sure you're not working on an empty stomach," he places a bowl of noodles before you and a little bottle of something next to it and you look up at him with a look of confusion.

"what's this?"

"it's multi vitamins," he answers and you feel his hands coming down to massage your tense shoulders and he hesitates slightly but he finally speaks in a soft, gentle voice that was close to a whisper. "y/n, i know you're worried but you're starting to overwork yourself again."

you spin your chair around to face him as he crouches down to meet your eyes and you feel bad when you notice that he seems a little tired himself, probably from being so concerned about you.

"i know, i know," you answer with a sigh. "i'm sorry for not taking better care of myself."

he places a hand over yours that was resting on the armrest. "you don't have to apologise y/n. you've always been so driven and passionate about everything you do," a hint of smile tugs at his lips. "that's what i love so much about you."

offering him a small smile in return, you flip your hand to interlace your fingers with his.

"i also love being the one that's here to take care of you," he continues, giving your hand a light squeeze. "because i'm your rock, remember?"

and you do remember.

he has always been there to remind you that he's there to support you endlessly, but he will also be there to keep you grounded whenever you need him to. it has always been that way since he met you in college and he learned how you can get in stressful situations, like the one you're currently in, because he sees himself in you.

your eyes land on the stone sitting in the little display case next to a photo frame on your shelf, it was the first birthday gift you've received from seungkwan and at the bottom is a little note that reads "i'll always be your rock".

seungkwan moves to stand up and was about to tell you not to stay up too late but stopped and looked at you with a surprised expression when you got out of your chair as well. you stretch your arms with a yawn.

"i think my rock deserves a cuddle tonight for always taking care of me so well," you announce before shoving him towards the bedroom.

a/n: i love seungkwan and i love how he's always taking care of everyone he loves, he's just such an amazing and loving soul <3 - bibi

[orions-choker]

+:★:+* Chapter Seven: Welcome Home +:★:+*

It was decidedly depression, that's what her friends told her. Y/N was no stranger to depression but this felt different. There was no perpetual sadness, just a heavy fatigue both physical and mental. Her whole world seemed distorted by a murky gray veil.

James had made her stick out the rest of the tour with them, too worried to not have her within his sight at all times. She made little effort to protest. She was sure it was just the cold weather getting to her, making her tired. She would feel better when the sun reared its head for her again.

She hadn’t moved from her bed in a couple days now, occasionally sitting up to rewind her tape and keep the tv perpetually playing. She wasn’t hungry enough to get off the bus either as much as the boys tried. They had been kind enough to bring her leftovers. Most of them anyways. Kirk hadn’t spoken to her since her drunken rant.

A gentle knock against her door barely stirred her. Her head rolled from one side of her pillow to the other, eyes locked on the door. She sighed before calling out. “Come in.” Her voice was raspy and dry. Slowly it slid open, a streak of light illuminating a spot on her floor. She hadn’t realized how dark the room was.

“Hey sunshine, want to come watch the show tonight?” Her brother's face peaked in the room. The nickname seemed comical now. It was kind he asked her this despite her consistent refusal. James stepped in the room, shutting the door behind him and sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked rough too, his facial hair was growing in, it was unusual to see him like that.

Y/N hummed before shaking her head. “No thank you, I don't think I'm ready tonight.” It was her excuse every time. “I don’t feel good.” She turned away from him once more to avoid his disappointed expression.

James' heavy hand came to rest on her thigh through her thick blanket. “Y/N…” He trailed off gruffly. “Why don’t you get up and shower, you might feel better.” He prompted her hopefully. She was acutely aware of just how greasy her hair was at the moment, the long strands tangled into rats nests, probably matts. She really needed that haircut. “Honestly, it's not a request.” The sternness in his voice surprised her. “You don’t have to come to the show if you decide you still don’t want to but you can’t rot away.”

“I’m not rotting.” Y/N bit back at him with the last of her energy. Reluctantly she shuffled from beneath her covers, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. The floor was cold against her bare feet and she hissed. James was quick to help her up, her legs shaky after weeks of not being used. She leaned on him as he pushed her door open.

It was the first time she was exposed to the rest of the bus since they boarded once more. This one had a different set up, the shared bathroom no longer resided outside her door, no it was on the opposite end of the bus. She would have to parade her pathetic state in front of the others. She almost stopped walking at the thought.

The two siblings entered the living area, the warm cracklings of laughter died at the sight of her. Typical, she thought. She brought down the mood of any room she was in lately. She refused to look at them, keeping her eyes trained on the floor as she shuffled forward. “Can you bring me clean clothes?” She sighed defeated as she entered the small bathroom.

Her brother nodded at her, closing the door behind him leaving her alone. She turned to the mirror hesitantly. Okay maybe she was rotting. Her skin was almost translucent, save for the deep purple bags beneath her glassy red eyes. Her lips were chapped and dusty. Her hair was just as bad as she thought though, there would be a lot of detangling necessary to fix this. Quickly she turned away from the zombie that stared back at her and started the shower.

As she removed her old and frankly smelly pajamas she noticed how loosely they hung off her frame. She sighed at the sorry state she was in and stepped under the warm stream. It took an insane amount of scrubbing her skin to get rid of the grimy feeling. Her skin was raw and red by the end of it. Half a bottle of conditioner later and some rather large chunks of hair in her brush had her mane tamed. She wasn’t sure how long she had been standing there for but the water had run cold now. Begrudgingly she admitted she felt better.

Set aside for her on the counter were real clothes. James the cheeky bastard had brought her actual jeans and a shirt rather than the pajamas she had been living in. She noticed her old pile of clothes on the floor had been removed as well. She smiled ever so slightly at the sweet gesture.

There was more warmth to her skin now, her hair smooth and shiny once more. It did little for her other shortcomings though. She hardly looked normal. Stepping back into the living room she couldn’t avoid the prying sets of eyes looking at her now. “Feel better?” James’s voice sounded from beside her. She couldn’t look away from Kirk, his big eyes swimming with worry as he looked at her. It was almost infuriating.

Y/N picked at her fingers awkwardly. “Yeah,” She mumbled, her head dropping allowing her to be concealed by her hair like a curtain. “I’ll come…to the show tonight.” She sighed begrudgingly, knowing that was truly what James had been asking her.

Lars’s arms around her caused her to screech in shock, With surprising strength he picked her up in a bear hug. “There's my girl.” He shook her with an excited aggression. She could smell the booze on his breath as well. “Enough of this moping around shit.” He grinned as he let go of her.

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes as she nodded at him. She moved to sit on the far side of the couch, Jason serving as the barrier between her and Kirk. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she curled into a ball. Jason smiled down softly at her offering her a sip of his water. She accepted gratefully. As the cool liquid swirled past her lips she realized how long it had been since she drank anything.

Like a deprived animal she crushed the bottle, gasping for air as she finished it. Jason stared at her mouth agape. She smiled sheepishly at him. “Sorry, I...needed that, let me get you another one.” She offered, moving to stand once more.

Quickly he placed a heavy hand on her shoulder, shaking his head with kind eyes. “No it’s fine I’ll get us some more.” His voice was soft against her ears, unlike her brother's growls and Lars’s yelling. As Jason stood up, Y/N glanced towards Kirk. His eyes were trained on her, mouth opening and closing as if he wanted to say something. Suddenly a cold bottle was pressed into her hands once more. She smiled up at the other, taking small sips now as he sat back down.

“Thank you.” She whispered to the other, resting her head against the back of the couch. She watched from the corner of her eye as Kirk and Jason picked up their conversation from earlier. She envied their closeness, in her absence it was apparent they had become a duo. The way Kirk’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, Jason's slightly deeper laugh echoing off the walls of the bus. She wanted that, wanted to be a part of it. She didn’t ignore the way Jason seemed to stumble just a bit over his words around Kirk either.

Y/N frowned and looked away, instead casting her glance to her brother and Lars. It seemed empty, just the two of them sitting there. She didn’t want to think too hard about the missing presence. James seemed more tense around Lars lately and it made her think maybe best friends were never meant to last.

“Alright fuckers lets roll out.” James startled her a little as he stood up from the table, walking towards the door of the bus. Quickly Y/N gathered her bag, ensuring she had her sketchbook tucked away beside her. She trailed behind, the last to step off and on to the road. The cool winds of the Canadian winter chilled her skin. An involuntary shiver ran across her spine.

There was a sudden heaviness around her shoulders. She looked up in surprise, seeing Jason placing his leather jacket around her, leaving him with bare arms in nothing but a tank top. “I’m okay Jase you need this more.” She protested, moving to shrug it off her shoulders before he stopped her with a firm grip.

“I’m good Y/N, y’know the last thing we need is you getting sick.” Jason smiled lazily at her as he slowed his pace to walk beside her. “How are you doin?” He asked her softly, shoving his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans.

She couldn’t help the way her eyes drifted ahead to Kirk, watching his long dark curls bounce excitedly as they entered the back doors to the gig. “Oh, Y’know…” She trailed off stopping just short of the threshold. She took a deep breath, the cold air burning her lungs.

Jason’s sympathetic nod did little to comfort her. “Yeah I think I know.” He looked off towards the boys. “Did you guys break up? If you uh don't mind me asking.” She could tell he had been waiting to ask that question.

“No.” She smiled sadly. “We were never a thing…like that.” She ignored the surprised raise of Jason’s eyebrows. “I love him though…loved him? I don’t know, he's my best friend.” She watched longingly as Kirk hung the strap of his guitar across his neck. She didn’t know why she was telling Jason all this, maybe it was easier, he didn’t know them back when they were good. “After Cliff…everyone fell apart, I just thought me and him were stronger than that.”

A warmth flooded her body as she was tugged into Jason's side. It was unfamiliar the feeling of his arms around her, but not unpleasant. She returned the gesture “Grief does shitty things to people.” He pulled back to look at her, really truly look at her. His eyes seemed to bore into the very core of her being. She was seen in a way she hadn’t been in a long time. She felt small, and scared tears welling up in her eyes as she looked back. “You guys are gonna be okay.” He assured her.

For whatever reason Y/N was inclined to agree with him, for the first time in a while the room seemed just a bit lighter, a bit more vibrant as he smiled down at her. She got it now, the reason Kirk gravitated towards Jason over her. He was the embodiment of comfort. How could she ever blame him for being close to Kirk. “Thanks Jase.” She mumbled, wiping at her watery eyes with the heel of her palm. “Kick ass out there tonight, kay?”

Her head turned towards Kirk as he took a sip from his drink, placing it down and moving to the side stage, waiting to go on. Without thinking she moved forward, talking long strides towards him and grasping onto his hand. He turned to her, eyes wild and mouth slightly agape. Y/N crashed forward into him, uncaring of the guitar separating them. His arms came to wrap around her instantly, surprising her with the force of his grip on her.

They stayed like that, silently for a long moment before the thrum of the opening music rumbled under their feet. “Don’t let go yet.” Kirk whispered into her ear, fingers tightening against the leather of Jason's jacket still slung across her back.

“You gotta go play, I'll be right here waiting for you, Like I always should have been.” Y/N’s lip wobbled as she spoke. It was her fault too, for not being here.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

[bari-the-witch]

Steddie week day 1 - Pining

Whew, I know I'm late to the party (it's almost 10 p.m. here) and I originally intended this to be a lot longer, but I ran out of time, so... here it is. Hope you enjoy!

Steve Harrington is not pining.

He’s not.

And everyone who says otherwise should probably get their eyes checked.

It’s not pining that he currently has one elbow propped up on the counter at work, his face cradled into the palm of his hand, watching Eddie goof around with Robin, wishing he’s the one getting all the attention from him right now.

It’s not pining he can’t help himself but notice the freckles dotting Eddie’s cheeks and the slope of his nose, the inviting lips currently pulled into an easy smile or how biteable his neck looks today because Eddie gathered up his hair into a high bun atop his head, a side effect of the hot blazing weather outside. A few loose strands frame his face and Steve feels his fingers twitch at the strong urge to stretch his hand out and tuck them behind Eddie’s ears.

And it sure as shit isn’t pining that he wants nothing more than to bury his hands into the thick strands while kissing him senseless until they’re nearly passing out from the lack of air.

A sigh escapes his lips as Eddie throws his head back and laughs with his eyes closed at something Robin said, exposing the long line of his pale neck in the process. Steve follows the movement with his eyes, swallowing hard at the display in front of him.

He notices too late that they stopped talking altogether, both sets of eyes fixed on him.

Shit, he must've been louder than thought.

While Robin grins smugly at him, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, Eddie furrows his brows in confusion.

„You okay there, Stevie?“ he asks concerned, cocking his head to the side. „You look a bit hot under the collar there.“

While it’s normally Steve’s job to act like a mother hen at the slightest sign of distress from the people important to him, Eddie seemed to have slipped on that glove like a second skin after the horrors of the Upside Down finally ended, developing a rather persistent protective streak when it comes to Steve’s wellbeing.

Steve’s not sure where it’s coming from. Maybe Eddie just feels guilty about something although he can’t imagine what.

Clearing his throat to buy him some time and also because his throat suddenly feels like he swallowed a bucket of sticky goo, Steve stands up straight and tries to not look like he got caught at something.

Because he didn’t pine for Eddie.

Okay, fuck yeah, maybe a bit. But no one needs to know that.

„Uh, sure. Sorry I - it’s just… I didn’t sleep much last night, so I’m pretty tired you know?“ Steve says, forcing out a yawn as he hides behind his hand to emphasize his point.

And it’s technically not a lie. He really did sleep like shit with the nightmares keeping him awake for the most part of the night again.

Eddie’s expression turns from confused to full-blown concern in a matter of seconds.

„This bad again?“

„Seems like it,“ Steve sighs deeply, feeling like a shitty friend for using Eddie’s concern to deflect from the real reason they’re having this conversation, him behaving like a lovesick schoolgirl and staring at Eddie’s neck like a creep. But he isn’t ready to have that conversation with him yet. And certainly not in the middle of Family Video of all places while Robin followed their interaction like a hawk ready to strike down its prey.

„But don’t worry, I’ll manage somehow. I mean, it’s not my first rodeo with the Upside Down,“ he adds shrugging to lessen the blow a bit.

Eddie doesn’t look like he's buying into Steve’s bullshit of it not being be a big deal, but at least he’s not suspecting there is a different reason for his behavior.

„Call me next time, no matter how late it is, okay?“ Eddie says firmly and Steve knows he actually means it.

„Thanks, Eddie.“ Steve musters up a sincere smile which Eddie immediately returns.

„You’re welcome sweetheart.“

Sweetheart.

Another one in the long line of pet names Eddie gave him since becoming friends, each one making Steve’s heart flutter more than the one he used before. And this time is no different.

Unable to tear his eyes away from Eddie, Steve feels his heart stumble, doing a whole ballet routine inside his chest that leaves him wanting and breathless. Eddie stares back at him with an unreadable expression.

To his horror, Steve leans slightly forward, right into Eddie’s personal space.

The bubble around them pops when Robin clears her throat, pulling them both out of whatever this is. For a moment, he completely forgot about her.

„Well, as you can see I’m still here, and as much as I enjoyed your little staring contest, we’re still at work, so..." Robin trails off but Steve gets the message either way.

I’m giving you an out here, dingus.

„Uh, be right back,“ Steve says as he grabs a stack of tapes, vanishing to the back of the store without another word. He didn’t even check if the tapes were already rewound before picking them up, but that’s not the point anyway. If they aren't, he can still dump them somewhere and sort them out later.

Of course they aren’t, he notices with a groan, because people are assholes and Steve hates them, so he dumps the tapes ungracefully on the floor with a loud clatter, not caring about the mess he made. What he cares about is his job though, so Steve makes a mental note to sort it out later. Steve's already on thin ice, he doesn’t want to give Keith another reason to put him further up his shit list.

With nothing else to do, Steve heads to the backroom, hiding out on the comfortable couch until Eddie leaves. He’s sure Robin will understand, because there’s no way in hell he’s getting back there after almost jumping Eddie's bones only seconds ago.

While Steve’s fairly comfortable with his bisexuality now, something Robin took a great part in because she knows exactly what he’s going through, there are still a few things he needs to sort out for himself on how to deal with all this pining and wanting.

So you see his problem here.

So he keeps all the feelings bottled up inside, because he’s afraid of screwing this up and destroying their friendship in the process.

And also because he’s a fucking lovestruck idiot who can’t tell left from right as soon as he's hit by the power of Eddie’s impossible large doe eyes.

He doesn't know how much time passed when there’s a knock at the door and Robin carefully peeks inside. „The air’s clear,“ she says gently. Steve only blinks groggily at her (did he doze off?) but still gets up to follow her outside.

„Thanks,“ Steve says after a while of working alongside her in comfortable silence. Robin may not always grasp the social cues on when to keep quiet, but most of the time she knows when he needs time and space to think.„You know, for keeping me from making an idiot out of myself.“

Robin puts down the box of sweets she brought in from the storage room and turns around to face him. „I wouldn’t say idiot because you know my opinion on this-.“

Steve wants to protest but she holds up her hand. „Shush, you know I’m right about this. What I was trying to say is that even though I’m sure Eddie would have been totally on board with this - I said shush, Jesus Christ Steve - this wasn’t the time nor the place for this. I mean, imagine telling people you had your first kiss in the middle of Family Video,“ she snorts like it’s the funniest shit on earth, shaking her head in amusement about her own joke.

„I can’t change your mind about this, huh?“ Steve asks rolling his eyes at which Robin only shakes her head.

„Nope, never. And maybe one day you'll see it too. Hopefully soon, because all that pining is making me all jittery and nervous and sure is gonna drive me crazy if you don’t pull your head out of your asses-.“

Steve looks at her fondly while she continues to ramble needing to bite his lip in order to keep himself from laughing out loud, because Robin started to flail her arms around like one of the blow up thingies they have in front of every car dealership.

It’s a lost cause though, because she looks absolutely ridiculous, and soon, Steve finds himself howling with laughter, the worries of the last few hours melting away like ice in the sun.

[carnivorousyandeere]

That applied for you too Marcus... Fix your attitude or I'm out of room 🙄

What a fun dynamic that would make~! Thank you, Anon. And apologies for misinterpreting your last ask.

Marcus usually starts out just as professional with his Darling as he would with any other client, only devolving into more selfish, obsessive, undermining, and inappropriate conduct the more he thinks he can get away with it.

CW: BAD THERAPY (I cannot stress this enough), negging, manipulation, threatening, misuse of authority, gaslighting, using your mental health against you, Marcus losing his edge a bit and saying some of the quiet part out loud

But everybody is human. Everybody gets tired. Maybe Marcus is a little distracted— he lets a comment slip about you and one of your friends “before you’re ready to hear it.” One that makes you suck in a sharp breath of air, expression faltering as you shut down. He sees the internal struggle ensue, the way your fingers tense around your keys that you’d been fidgeting with.

Shit. Marcus sighs, leaning forward, moving to explain himself—

You stand, fists clenched even tighter. “Fuck off! What do you know, anyway?!”

His eyes narrow. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

“I’ll say whatever the hell I want! You’re a therapist, and instead of helping me you’re treating me like I’m fucking stupid!”

“You are having an outsized response to reasonable criticism. We can work on that. Just take a deep breath—”

“No! You know what, fuck you! I’m— I’m going to tell everybody I know what a fucking asshole you are. You have been so unprofessional��!”

Marcus slams his hands against the table, startling you into silence. He smiles at you, strained. “And who do you think they’ll believe? The one with years of training and experience in counseling, who give back to the community constantly,” he gestures to framed newspaper clippings about himself on the wall, “or the patient with a laundry list of problems, who is so obviously losing touch with reality to the point they’re lashing out at the one person who is actually trying to help them?”

Marcus stands and steps towards you, reaching for your hand. “I’m only trying to help you.”

“Like hell you are,” you hiss, flinching away from him.

You leave the room, slamming the door behind you. Marcus sighs deeply. He can feel his pulse thrumming under his skin, angry and anxious, and he takes a few deep breaths, weighing his options. If he has you committed, what are the chances somebody will actually believe your side of things? If he kidnaps you soon instead… could he get away with it?

[fainthedcherry]

2024 Human Art VS 2019 Human Art !!!!!

AS PROMISED, HERE'S A POST WITH SOME NEW ART!!!

And also an art comparison, just to see, how much I improved in drawing the 2 bois <3

I'm MEGA tired despite having slept after work, but I WON'T let that deter me from writing a description!! YAPNADO AHEAD;

FINN AND MARCOOO. FINNANMARCO. BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE ACOUSTICALLY AND FERALLY YELLED ABOUT MY 2 FICTIONAL MEN WHOM ARE CLOSE TO MY HEART.

I'm SO glad, that in the new drawing, Marco finally looks like the twink he always was, but still enough meat on the bones to look NORMAL lmao, can't say that about the 4 other sketches of me trying to redraw this ref for years. xD (why yes, his wings took forever, why do you ask? /lh)

I'M MEGA SUPER DUPER GLAD, that Finn FINALLY looks like a chubby, wild bastard TOO, OH TOOTHPASTE MAN, HOW MANY HEARTACHES YOU GAVE ME OVER STRUGGLING TO DRAW AN ENDOMORPHIC BODY TYPE. BUT I CAN NOWWWWWWWwwww!!!!!

God this habit of loudly reading out my posts as I type them made me realise what a bad Schwarzenegger impression I do on accident bc I'm overly excited to post something after a month of silence SDKFSKLDG

ONE THING I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. IS PUT EVERY DETAIL I NEEDED ON A BIG REF. SO I DID! I've drawn closeups of the boys's eyes, I've drawn Finn's tongue so that I don't need to constantly remind myself what his blush and flesh colours were sdfkldsgkl, I FINALLY denoted their heights, so people know that they're tall TALL dudes (and that Finn obviously will struggle w/ his lanky mfing legs, we LOVE giving a middle-aged man heart attacks once he reaches his 40's!!!)

ANNDDD ALSO SOME SIDE VIEWS OF THEM. The last side-view I had of F & M, looked REAL bad. Like, Marco's face looked WAY too stereotypically European (to my fault bc surprise surprise not many African people live in Europe so I had poor frame of reference but I've been fixing it via looking up images online instead, at least it helps but yeah, I have a hard time so far unfortunately💀), Finn's was just... B u c k e t. NOT LIKE HANDSOME BUCKET. BUT JUST BUCKET. IT NEEDED FIXING (fun fact I accidentally made Finn have the most attractive jaw shape for men according to beauty standards and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I JUST WANTED THIS MAN TO LOOK S Q U A R E AND THAT'S IT, MINECRAFT STEVE HAS MORE RIZZ THAN MOST MEN OFFICIALLY).

OH YEAH ALSO A CLAW REF AGAIN FOR FINN!!! His old ref looks too cool for me to give up on it tbh even as dated as it is sfjklsdglk, BUT I felt like I needed to redraw them properly.

FUNNILY ENOUGH A PERSON I COMMISSIONED SAID I HAVE SOME REALLY CLEAN AND NICE LINEART. I wish I heard that 5 years ago when I was really insecure about my bad lineart skills xD, I don't use lineart anymore nowadays outside of reference-drawings like these I don't plan to redraw in the next years unless necessary soooo yeah! They're gonna appear much rarer unless I go off and about making more ref sheets of all of my Sonc OC's sfklsdgsdfksdg

This drawing took 5 days to make btw. Not the hours spent on this LOL. 5 days of my life I'll never get back tho bc I care too much about my babies and I feel they deserve proper refs sdfklsdglk

WHAT ELSE SHOULD I MENTION.....HOPEFULLY I PLAN TO DRAW MORE HUMAN REFS IN THE FUTURE INSTEAD OF STAY IN MY COMFORT ZONE OF SONIC OCS ONLY. I for years wasn't confident in my ability to draw humans, but I can do so NOW at least!!!!!!!!!! Even if I'm like...3 years too late to how I wish my art looked back then already dsklfdsg, I have some high standards I need to continue to knock down as my 2024 resolution sdfklsdg

^IT'S BEEN WORKING THOUGH AS YOU CAN TELL BC I'VE BEEN UPLOADING SOME BAD DOODLES AND SKETCHES, BEEN DRAWING MORE GARBAGE AND BECAME MORE INVOLVED IN MY BELOVED FANDOMS. I wanna continue doing so! It was the most fun I've had with art ever. I hope to properly meet more fandoms I left in the past bc I thought it'd be embarrassing to share my passion for a franchise back then. I EMBRACE THE CRINGE NOW AS AN ADULT AT LEAST EVEN IF 7 YEARS TOO LATE ON THAT FRONT TOO. We all age and mature ig but I just become more silly year by year,,, c:

Oh yeah if you also see this btw lemme know, whether the new watermark tiles are subtle enough to not be noticed!!!! I know, watermarks are annoying and nobody likes them, but ever since AI invasions, I REFUSE to put my work online without ANY form of proof that somebody took it from my page. I just want people to stop lying on the internet for cloud and pick up a pencil. It's not that hard smfh. The only time I could excuse AI art is w/ amputees man. That's the only time I could empathise with someone, who wants to be an artist but LITERALLY can't bc they got dealt a bad hand in life. I digress my AI hate can be rambled about some other day, I know I love yapping and writing essays about THAT topic for sure sfklsdklg

I chose to post this ref to my Tumblr first tho, bc I still wanna work on my drawing of Abbacchio,,,, he is quite dear to me and I'd love to put effort into a doodle of him that won't take too long. Like 4 hours or 5 hours tops. I still have yet to figure out, if his cute star shape on his head is a hat or part of his hair. Bc I CAN'T TELL TBH AND I'VE BEEN DRAWING IT AS PART OF HIS HAIR PATTERN BUT I THINK IT'S A HAT NOW EVER SINCE I LOOKED AT MORE ASBR CAPS OF HIM I TOOK FOR REFERENCES. xD

Also another side-note, but I've ofc reduced down the lankiness of the dudes I draw™, but I in result wanted to sliiightly make larger feet/hands bc my Sonic phase will continue to possess me 'til the end of time /hj, if you also wanna lemme know what you think on that, bls do! I am messing about with stylization still. I am finding my footing with stylizing humans sOOO yeah!!!! I hope to some day be satisfied with my artstyle change of '24! So far it's been really rewarding and eye-opening to me and my journey as an artist for my 7 years of existing on the 'net w/ my silly goobers I like to scream about to in the void <3

Once again, tagnado also incoming below bc I dunno how to properly tag my art so lemme throw in things I THINK are relevant to this post sdkldsgkl

See you hopefully tomorrow w/ a lil doodle dump if I get around to it!!!! : D

[timeoverload]

I'm sorry I didn't post much last night. I didn't get upset or freak out about anything because I am sort of used to the way things are now. I was also absolutely exhausted. I was still up late anyway and I didn't get a nap so I was a little grumpy today but I tried my best to act normal. I'm glad my arm doesn't hurt too much. I am very happy with the way it looks so far. I can't show it to anyone yet because I told the director that I had a doctor's appointment yesterday so they wouldn't deny my request to switch my day off.

It was nice to see you yesterday. I am confused about what is going on. I'm sorry I wasn't very talkative. I didn't really know what to say. I don't know if I'm allowed to say anything.

I am frustrated because I don't know how I am going to afford to keep coming to see you. I don't know how I'm supposed to have money to give you every 2 weeks but I don't like saying no to you. I'm not rich but I don't want to give you less than you deserve. I have so many bills to pay though. I have to fix my car. I need to buy a new phone still and that's going to be over $1000. Soupy and Salazaar need to get in for dental work this month. I need to buy food and other stuff. I guess I will have to do my taxes soon so maybe that will help. I need to stop thinking about that for now because it's stressing me out.

I was expecting it to be a bad day since last Thursday sucked but it ended up being ok. I had a lot of cases but I think I did a good job at keeping up. The doctors weren't rushing so much today thankfully. I finally got the huge stack of instruments on my station redone.

My boss came up to me this morning and told me that I need to train the lady that works the night shift how to do my job so I can leave on time. I think they are tired of paying me for overtime. I'm sure she's not going to be happy about having to learn that. She is usually in a bad mood when she comes in. I try to be nice and talk to her but I get the feeling she thinks I'm annoying. I'm probably overthinking stuff again.

It is a little disappointing that 2 of the new people decided to no call, no show the past week. That happens all the time because a lot of people can't handle it. I remember when I started I was very overwhelmed because there is a lot to learn and you see a lot of gross things. It can be intense sometimes. There are a lot of rules and policies to follow. I would say that I am pretty desensitized to all of that now. It's definitely not for everyone.

They are making me leave at least 2 hours early tomorrow so I can't complain about that. I might get to leave earlier than that because I only have 10 cases in the morning and it's pretty slow otherwise. I'm looking forward to that.

My right eye has been bothering me so much the past couple days and nothing has helped. It feels like it's burning in the center. I have been using eye drops a lot. I can't wear any make up because it is making it worse. I took a muscle relaxer and ibuprofen at lunch and it didn't help. I realized that I might be having this problem because my new glasses are the wrong prescription. I'm not surprised that happened after my experience there. My vision seemed like it was slightly out of focus all day. They didn't bother me that much last week but I had to take them off when I got home. I'm not going to take them back because I don't want to go there again. I also like the frames a lot so I will try to get new lenses put in them sometime. I don't really like wearing those ones at work anyway because they make my ears go numb when I wear my hat. I put my other glasses on when I got home so maybe that will make a difference. They seem to be more comfortable so far.

I need to get ready for bed. I already ate dinner. Salazaar is laying on me and it's making me tired. I'm glad he is keeping my toes warm though. I don't want to wake up early. I hope I can take a nap tomorrow afternoon because that would be amazing. I don't want to stare at the screen anymore and I don't have much else to talk about right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! :) 💖💖💖

[hefty-wontz]

(brainstorm: reading down a list of poetry prompts. no i wont tell you what they are, loser)

a half-hour that smelled like cigarette smoke and about-to-rain. a dying breed with half-dollars in their pockets

violets and lavender and bruises and plums and wine and eyeshadow, the last cohort of hands pulling down the curtain of the dark

forgiveness always comes as a shock

my heart always makes that same grinding sound, and i can't afford another trip to the mechanic

set so many more alarms. be more alarmed. be alarming.

it was always about the roles we played

stay true to your fire. you self-douse in self-doubt and choke on the ash. what can seal a crack won't bridge a chasm; don't waste your healing on those who don't care if they hurt you

o'er the darkness of the lakes i saw chicago from the air

in the aura of wine, the picture blurred, the lights all sparkled, every last one

i keep breaking picture frames and refusing to sweep up the glass. put up more pictures over the old. splinter frames. i love you, welcome, watch your step. the walls are bleeding. the floor scars. the ventricles will crush it all to a pearl.

i don't know what me weirdest dream was. i feel like other people always have more vivid dreams. i have moments, half-baked ideas. it's like when i drive and barely notice i've left the radio on scan for an hour

disappointment can't hurt me anymore

all i want is to take care of someone or something

needs new shingles? how badly? we can put that off a little longer. buy another dehumidifier, we can't afford any more mold. every wet season i brace for another spot we have to dry out. but it's not as bad as it used to be. i put in a lot of work to make it livable in here. i used to punch the walls because i hated the paint but at long last i patched the holes and painted anew. it's a home because i keep up the fight to make it one. damage can happen in seconds or in years but the fixing always takes years. no worries. i have those.

how peculiar, trees: seems a little backward, huh? dressing down when cold

i am cozy, i am loved, but i could always use more snacks

(i'm too tired to finish these, stopping here)