#the last hour was like. fucking brilliant but......... kyle ron and idek what they were doing with the casino stuff

[thebicanary]

The Last Jedi thoughts because I just need to scream (spoilers and I mean SPOILERS)

The bad (with some redeeming qualities)

- Poe is a beautiful cocky flyboy and I HATE THAT THEY FRAMED HIM AS AN ASSHOLE WHO DOESN’T RESPECT THE AUTHORITY OF A WOMAN BECAUSE HENLO HAVE YOU SEEN HOW HE HEART EYES OVER GENERAL LEIA ORGANA but I’m glad they didn’t go “oh he was right to defy orders and go behind his superior’s back just because he thought he knew better” like I feared they would and he gets back to wholesome TFA!Poe by the end

- honestly this movie was an hour of me going “oh god they’re gonna do x thing and I’m gonna end up hating this even more than Phantom Menace” but then them suddenly going “HAHA BITCH YOU THOUGHT???” and I’ve never been more thankful because dear god if it went the way i thought it was.....

- my retinas didn’t need kyle ron’s pasty nip nops all sweaty thanks

- finn and rose deserved so much more from the behind enemy lines storyline and i EXPECTED so much more but it ended up being filler to pad out the movie and didn’t add anything to the overall plot and I honestly would rather have had parts of that cut to make a more cohesive plot for BOTH of them

- the casino was a waste of time benecio del toro’s character was a waste of time, the horse/fenec fox things were cute but i could have done without the fantastic beasts chase scene. i love them exploring the people who are being oppressed under the FO but it could have been executed so much better (that parting shot with the kid holding his broom like a lightsaber tho??? fucking awesome)

- i don’t want r*ylo thanks and having to sit through them trying to float it was torture. like especially how quick rey flips from being “you’re a monster” to “oh no i have to save him ben solo is still in there” like i love my optimistic child but that was fucking rushed and stupid af (even with the whole “luke’s fear being pivotal in turning ben away” stuff)

- BUT i don’t see how they can redeem kyle ron after that so???? lil bitch had his chance and he didn’t take it he reached for even MORE power. he’s not a vader clone he’s a fucking palpatine clone with and palps didn’t get no redemption arc

- snoke being hyped up to just die so easily was kinda disappointing (and was he palpatine???? he seemed to nut so hard over the idea of vader and the skywalkers like he didn’t fucking shut up about them and he REALLY wanted luke dead even tho he hermitted himself away)

- phasma, the most interesting of the 2d villains of the FO, being underutilised AGAIN and only coming back for like a 5 minute scene

- just the constant dick-stroking of kyle ron and the insistence on “oh he had good reasons to turn to the dark he’s just a poor boy :(((((” LIKE BITCH REY GAVE HIM AMPLE OPPORTUNITY TO TURN BACK TO THE LIGHT HE CAN GET TAE FUCK

- anyway rey’s parents aren’t nobodies and she isn’t nothing kyle ron’s a lying lil bitch and also if her parents were “just junkers who sold her for drinking money” HOW WOULD HE FUCKING KNOW ABOUT IT????? EH????? IF THEY’RE INCONSEQUENTIAL NOBODIES HOW TF DOES HE KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND HOW DID HE FIND OUT ABOUT THEM WHEN REY CAN’T FIND THEM???? he did it to manipulate her to turn to the dark and join him pls stop romanticising this bullshit

The good

- LEIA USING THE FORCE LEIA USING THE FORCE LEIA USING THE FORCE TO PULL HERSELF FROM THE BRINK OF DEATH I YELLED THE THEATRE WAS CHEERING IT WAS!!!!!!!!!

- most of the rey and luke scenes on ahch-to were cool and grouchy old man luke is fun and rey in the dark side sinkhole thingy and just COOL FORCE STUFF

- leia slapping poe for being an idiot. leia being a badass. leia standing like a vogue model at the hangar bay. leia’s gandalf the white moment. leia and luke force-bonding. leia with a blaster rifle. LEIA’S HOT PURPLE HAIRED STUDENT WHO IS THE TRUE HERO OF THIS MOVIE TBH

- hux getting his ass handed to him in every. single. scene.

- the fight choreography in kyle ron + rey vs. the knights of ren, phasma vs. finn and yoga astral projection luke vs. kyle ron were aaaaawesssome

- the porgs are pointless but so cute and i want one

- chewie and luke reunion

- LUKE AND LEIA REUNION

- FORCE GHOST YODA BEING A LITTLE SHIT AND MAKING FUN OF LUKE FOR BECOMING A CRABBY OLD MAN

- finnrey hug + rey and poe finally meeting properly cleared my skin watered my crops kicked r*ylo in the nuts

- finn and rose have great chemistry and rose is adorable and so soft and the focus on her sister in the beginning and JUST THIS STORYLINE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT THE CGI CHASE SCENES AND POINTLESS BENECIO DEL TORO CHARACTER I DON’T CARE ABOUT TO REMEMBER THE NAME OF

- leia didn’t die so I SWEAR TO GOD THEY BETTER NOT KILL HER OFF-SCREEN BETWEEN TLJ AND EP 9

- HELP ME OBI WAN KENOBI YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE

- rey is gonna be making her own lightsaber because anakin’s is broke and i can’t wait i want it to be double-bladed

- poe greeting bb-8 like one does their dog when you’ve been away at college and come back home for the holidays

- leia is the best force mom to all of her children (except kyle ron because he doesn’t deserve her love)

- it’s canon that rd2d swears

- rey literally closing the damn door on kyle ron both figuratively and literally is the most hashtag iconic moment of this entire film how can kyle ron be the new supreme leader in ep 9 when rey just savagely killed him right there????