#the keyboard is so small im so used to using my desktop

[stinkrascal]

FINALLY my sims stuff is done transferring onto this laptop.......... i miss my sims so much i cant wait to see THEM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

[effemimaniac]

genuinely really curious about your setup and the why of it. bc im guessing there is a cool and interesting why of it. god i hope this sounds sincere and not condescending bc i mean it for real but im also very stoned. you know how it goes. i like heaven laptop and wanna know more. if thats okay. pls. 👍

sure! basically it's a lot of me trying to work the best with what I've got and ending up with something that works pretty well actually but looks a bit odd (in a cool way I hope. like lain). it's evolved gradually. I'll put this under a cut because I am caffeinated and the explanation became rambly lol

^same image as before copied for illustration

I like big desks and having desk space to put things but my desk is not big at all, I also prefer my monitors higher up, and I like music and good audio. I don't like spending lots of money unnecessarily. so the solution that has emerged is this oddly tiered lovingly thrown together system. my monitor has little in the way of adjustability nor does it support VESA mounts, so having it set up on top of the speaker on top of the monitor stand gets it to a comfortable height for me. It's also conveniently a good position for the left speaker. the right speaker is at about the same height stacked on top of the subwoofer and my old desktop I don't really use anymore. I got a monitor arm with laptop holder attachment to allow me to set up my laptop to a matching height, it also frees up the desk space it would otherwise take up, and since I prefer to use an external keyboard + mouse anyway the angle of it doesn't matter to me. the plugging and unplugging is simplified by the USB-C hub I zip tied onto the bottom of the laptop holder but I still have More devices than it has ports.

connected to this is the monitor, keyboard, mouse, bluetooth keyboard+touchpad, and external HDD, respectively.

all of this results in having a lot of functionality while still having enough usable desk space on this small desk to not feel cramped.

as for audio, I have a nifty steinberg USB audio interface I scored on the cheap. I got this to do music stuff, I can plug my bass straight into it and it generally makes using ableton and the likes significantly smoother. it's also really great for switching between headphones and speakers, I just have to turn one up and turn the other down with the physical volume knobs. I have my headphones plugged into the headphone port of this, and the main output goes to a regular degular sony stereo amplifier below my TV which goes to the speakers on my desk and the floor standing speakers to each side of my TV. that's the secret power of this setup, I just have to turn on the TV, turn around the monitor and press a button on the amplifier to switch between the A and B speaker outputs to set it to Bed Mode.

^bed mode POV.

I keep the bluetooth keyboard + touchpad always plugged in, and the TV generally plugged in also so it's easy to smoothly transition to a reclined and relaxed PC using experience. The subwoofer is in a position that works well enough for either pair of speakers. I got all of these speakers and the amp as a set for $60 off of facebook marketplace, they're meant to be surround but there's no rules saying it can't just be two stereo in one. hope you enjoyed this bedroom tour of my weird computer setup 👍

[dokidoki-muffin]

hi im trying to get into drawing so please excuse my dumbness if this question is very obvious but I've been wondering how artist draw? And I mean it LITERALLY..like you draw on an iPad I would assume or a device but do you use your finger or like a stylus pen? I'm very sorry if this question is stupid I just have been wondering but didn't want to ask bc I would look silly but you seem very kind and patient enough to probably explain it

Hello 🙂 No worries at all! 💕 That's a totally valid question to ask 💪✨ There are many different ways how to draw nowadays and lots of different equipment.

There are people who draw on tablets like an iPad, Windows Surface or other brands. Usually people draw on the screen with pens, but I also know an artist who actually works with her finger 🤣👌 So it really depends on the individual's preference. (It also depends a bit on the software that is available for the specific hardware and/or operating system.)

There are also Tablet PCs that are specifically made for artistic purposes. For instance Wacom makes a lot of those. They come together with a fitting pen or also a stand so you can put them on a desk how you like it. They also come in a lot of different sizes and price categories. They can work as a portable standalone but can also be connected to a PC. Many of them do have a screen that you draw on directly like the Wacom Cintiq series.

But you can also get a drawing tablet that just works as an input device. Which is what I use. They are a lot cheaper than the tablets with screens, but may also take some time to get used to how they work. You just lay it on your desk in front of your keyboard and monitor and connect it to your PC. It just comes with a pen and has a receptive surface that takes in the input from the pen and translates it to your PC monitor. (So essentially you draw on the tablet but you have to look up to your monitor to see what happens 😆) The one I have is a veeeeeery old Wacom Intuos. 🙈🙈 I started drawing this way because I first learned how to work with a tablet like this as a graphic designer in Photoshop. One of the reasons why I personally enjoy it is that I still get all the benefits of having a powerful desktop PC with a mouse and keyboard etc. And I appreciate the fact that I am not obscuring my view on the canvas with my own drawing hand 🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌 (But that is just me and the way I am used to working 🤣🙃 So this way might not work for other people 🤔🙃 In return I hate to draw directly on a screen 😂😅😳🙈 It's just not for me..) But yeah, ultimately it's all about finding out what you feel comfortable with 🙂💖💖💖💖 Everyone has very different and individual needs and there is no right or wrong when it comes to artistic preferences or routines. ✍✨🔥 But if you are looking to get started with drawing digitally and don't want to invest into a completely new and expensive thing, I can recommend to see what kind of equipment you already own, like a PC, laptop or an iPad or whatever and then do some research on what kind of software is available for them. Like hardware, there are many different options here in very different price categories (ranging from free to several 100 $ for a license 💸💸) For instance Procreate, Clip Studio Paint, Affinity, Paint Tool Sai, Inkscape, Corel Paint, etc. etc. etc. For choosing the right software I can recommend to just look up some review videos on Youtube etc. They usually give you a good overview on pros and cons, price-performance, features and other stuff ^^ And once you know what kind of drawing software will run on your device you can then choose your input method. So if you own an iPad maybe get a pen and try out Procreate. Or if you have a Laptop, see if you can get a cheap tablet for it and a free software. You can always start small and see if it is something that you enjoy and that you want to keep on doing and then invest in more expensive or high quality equipment later on ✨✨✨✨ Anyway! 😊 I hope I could help you a little bit with this 😆🙈💖

[obeythedemons]

His Office [Obey Me! Headcanons]

I got my own cubicle today with my promotion. I may or may not have bought cat-themed office supplies. They’re not masculine in any way, but they’re cute and I play Obey Me! do you think I’m worried about my masculinity and also I don’t care for gender norms

Obey Me! Masterlist

--

Lucifer

Everything has its place

If something is moved even a centimeter he’ll know

Both as a way to ensure Mammon doesn’t steal something, but also to ensure he’s as efficient as possible when it comes to his work

Splurged on some very nice pens that write smoothly and doesn’t smudge

Everything is clean, he has a hand vacuum that he uses every day on his desk

Has a very high-end computer - he cannot deal with IT issues, not today

Mammon

Paperwork is everywhere

Not because he gets a lot, he just refuses to ever do it and it piles up

Has no idea where anything in his office is

Has a framed picture of Goldie on his desk

That picture changes to MC after a couple of days of knowing them

After that picture changes to MC, he starts to actually do his work and the pile of paperwork decreases and becomes more organized

Leviathan

Anime stationery, especially Ruri-chan themed!

Brings in a gamer chair to be his office chair, otherwise, he’s not comfortable

Has a bunch of sticky notes around his desk with anime doodles from when he’s in a meeting

Got rid of the phone to his office, if people want to talk to him they can IM him or email him

Set up RGB lights for his office and uses that as a light source

His desktop is whatever anime or video game he's obsessed with

Satan

Has binders that are clearly labeled and organized - he likes to read their contents when he's bored

Also has a binder that has whatever book he's reading in it - that way he can read and look like he's working

Knows everyone that works there, so he knows exactly who to contact when a problem comes up - meaning his workload is minimal

Also keeps a chair in his office for anyone that wants to visit with him

His desktop changes every five minutes to a new picture of a cat - it seems to never repeat itself

Asmodeus

Rose gold décor everywhere

Has a couple of mirrors in his office so he can look at himself when he's bored or fix his appearance

Has a cup for pens and a cup for makeup brushes

In fact, his desk has more beauty products than actual office supplies

Is the perfect person to go to if they need a breath mint, some lotion, chocolate, or menstrual hygiene product

Beelzebub

His desk is filled with snacks and like two pens

Has a minifridge under his desk for cold snacks and drinks

There are crumbs everywhere - Lucifer comes in once a week to clean up for him, but it's still not enough

There's a trophy he won for playing Fangol on a corner, it's not front and center

What's front and center are pictures of his family and MC, he got a digital frame so he can have a lot of photos of them

Belphegor

Has a blanket hanging off the back of his chair

His chair also has a cushion on it so he can sit on it and be comfortable - also uses it as a pillow for his desk

Has wrist supports for his keyboard and mouse - they're squishy

Has an essential oil diffuser where he regularly uses lavender

Uses a single lamp for light, but usually keeps it off so he can sleep

Diavolo

Has a very large desk, it's ridiculously large and he only uses a small portion of it

Though, what he doesn't use starts to fill up with knickknacks from the human realm after he meets MC - he likes to show MC them to try and make them laugh or smile

Keeps personal items to a minimum, he doesn't want business rivals to visit his office and try to blackmail him

He does have a couple of chairs for when people visit him - he likes it when it's just to visit and not for a business meeting

Tries to not be in his office too much, he'd rather go to other peoples' offices and see what they're up to

Barbatos

Has an electric tea kettle on his desk with a couple of mugs

One of his drawers is completely filled with different teas

The drawer below that has snacks that pair perfectly with the different teas

The top of his desk is completely clean and organized - has little to no paperwork as he completes it faster than anyone else

Is usually away from his office to meet with Diavolo

His desktop background is rarely seen as he always locks his computer when someone enters or when he leaves - it's a picture of Lord Diavolo, MC, and himself

Simeon

Has the oldest computer that he doesn't know how to work - he wouldn't know how to work a new one on either

Does all of his work on paper - much to the annoyance of some of his co-workers

Has so many binders, folders, and notebooks on his desk - they're unlabeled, but he knows exactly what is in each of them

He uses a Rolodex - no one knows where he found it or that they even made them anymore

Is the person people go to to rant about their job while he patiently listens and offers the best advice

Solomon

His office is off in a weird corner that people didn't know existed until they had to go find him

He looks young, but it seems like he knows everything that has ever happened in the office - that should be impossible

Has all of the old, archive documents that seem to be irrelevant and should be tossed

He has his own microwave in his office after the incident in the communal area

Has polaroid photos of Simeon, Luke, MC, and himself posted along a wall

Luke

People walk into his office and then back out thinking they have the wrong spot - who brought this child here? He works here? Is this legal?

Has a lot of HR forms at the ready that show he does work there!

Still not sure if it's legal

Is always bringing in baked goods for the whole office to try - is always nervous when Barbatos tries his baked good, but lights up when Barbatos praises him

Has a cushion on his chair to help him reach his computer, his legs dangle off the edge

Is in charge of converting Simeon's forms to a digital format

[nikomedes]

i wanted to wait till i got my skins to post but. i have acquired a Deck. i have named her the Creature (my gaming desktop is the Beast) and i love her very much so far

specs on the deck, screen protector, skins, etc under the cut, and a little on my experience so far

so i placed my reservation day one for the most basic model of the steam deck, the 64gb w/o the ~special glass~, and was projected to receive in q2. i got my order confirmation email on 5/20, purchased that day, and received fedex tracking info the next day. i received my deck on 5/27. in anticipation of its arrival i ordered a set of 4 tempered glass screen protectors from amazon for $8 (lit just search "steam deck tempered glass" and you'll find what i got), and a 512gb uhs-i micro sd card to expand that pitiful 64gb. after playing with the deck for about a week i put in an order for skins: i got the dbrand steam deck skin in Kind of Purple on the front and black Swarm on the back/touchpads.

(a note on the skins: i find the cuts were of EXCELLENT quality and getting a good result, with minimal wrinkles/warping, is a matter of going very slow, using a lot of heat, and trying to pull the skin off and on during application as little as possible. i really like the feel of both the matte Purple front and the textured hexagonal pattern on the back. idk how much i'm going to like it on the touchpads, but i can always peel the Swarm squares off and put on the Purple that came with the front piece. i think they're a good value for the money, but i wouldn't buy their ultra special tempered glass at $25 for a 2 pack. at the end of the day it's just sticky tempered glass rectangles...)

the steam deck itself-- i REALLY like it. i'm an ideal user for this device, tho: i have a large steam library, i built my own pc so i appreciate the hardware and design work on this, and have become a primarily switch gamer this last year bc my gaming time has gradually shifted more towards an hour or two before bed or work than the 4-8 hour gaming marathons of college. the steam deck fills that niche well. i've picked up and played 3 different games so far (aperture desk job to learn the controls, tacoma, then night in the woods as pictured above) and had a great experience in all of them. even if a game is listed as iffy on the deck, it's worth giving it a shot-- often the biggest issue you'll run into is text size. the deck lets me particularly play smaller indie games i really want to play, but haven't felt up to booting my whole ass pc and sitting down at a desk for since i bought them. i bought tacoma the year it came out and JUST NOW got to it, and loved it! im very excited for how many more small projects the deck will let me finally spend time with because of its portability.

urgh okay switching to bullets to try to better organize my thoughts:

i got the good fan! i haven't found it to be loud at all, but i HAVE found the deck gets hot fast even running non-AAA titles. i actually went and toggled off their new fan settings that minimized when it ran in favor of the old BIOS-based ones. i would rather hear the soft sound of my fan all the time and know the unit's temp is well-regulated, rather than possibly degrade my hardware faster for Silence. glad i have the option to opt in or out of integral device updates, too!

i tried using the deck in desktop mode to install some of my itch.io library with mixed results. the linux desktop is intuitive, if small, and as a firefox user on all devices it was very easy to log in to firefox pre-installed on the device and get all my bookmarks/logins. i was able to download and extract game files from itch. i was even able to run a couple games! unfortunately the input scheme translation issue between the deck and a game running in desktop mode is rough, and the onscreen keyboard can't bridge the gap. i'm going to keep futzing with this, though! i want to play those games and it's definitely (theoretically) possible

the steam deck os is DEFINITELY in beta, and is missing some features big picture mode has. the onscreen keyboard is... bad. but software is a comparatively easy fix, and it's by no means unusable

the ergonomics work well for me! granted, i have big hands, but the button/trigger placements feel very natural, and switching to using the touchpad vs the right analog stick is nothing. for how many buttons they stuck on this thing, i'm impressed they all feel pretty good! it's definitely heavier than the switch and i haven't felt comfortable commuting with it yet. but in my experience so far, preventing wrist strain is as easy as curling up in bed or in a chair and naturally resting some point of the deck on a pillow/arm/side table, which was my same strat with the switch.

i haven't used any bluetooth peripherals yet, so nothing to say there. but it still has a headphone jack. THANK YOU. my god, i missed being able to use some of my best headphones. not to mention p much any gamer headset with headphones and mic routed through one jack.

the case is nice? no room for other items (sd card case, stylus, cable, etc) but it's very solidly built. but again, haven't travelled with the deck yet

right now there's an issue with where shader caches and other supporting data files for games get stored. i've loaded about 300gb of games on my sd so far with no problem, but my deck's default 64gb storage is almost full just from files supporting those games being saved there instead of on the card. as more people get decks, i expect a patch to make sure all files get saved one place or another will come down, though rumor has it there's a linux thing you can run to fix this... but ive been too chickenshit to try running too much on the desktop side that could alter the device's os

whew thats a lot!!! to distill, ive been enjoying this device for what it is: a new piece of tech with some flaws to be addressed, that gives me another way to interact with games i already own, and feels much more transparent in its development (and reparable! i didnt even get into the replacement parts!) than the switch. i really like it, and if you're expecting one or thinking about reserving, i hope this gave you some more info about the experience!

[borealtwilight]

hokay, homies

i am Doing Serious Researching into the laptop model i want, because i want to be comfortable in my choice, so that i'll wind up with a machine that will meet my specs, which are as follows:

1a) must. be. a relatively powerful laptop. this is imperative. i have no room for a desktop pc. i do not want a chromebook (useless) or a 2-in-1 / 3-in-1 / Some Other Fancy Thingy.

1b) i need at least 8GB RAM, and a decent processor. graphics card optional; not a dead set requirement. i'm not looking to play Halo or Dead By Daylight or whatever the fuck fancy graphics game; all i'm after is a machine that'll allow me to play Minecraft (modded or not), or The Sims 3, or modded Sims 4, and run discord at the same time (my current machine used to be able to handle one video game, modded or not — albeit somewhat slowly — but i had to shut every other app down, first. i want more juice in my new machine)

2) IDGAF about battery life. not my concern. knowing me it'll wind up almost constantly plugged in lmao. however, vents are a priority, so i don't have to buy an external cooling system of some kind

3) portability isn't entirely an issue. aka idc if it's heavy; most laptops are relatively light these days, anyway.

4) screen size has gotta be 15"+. i like to be able to See Things. oftentimes i watch bideos on my laptop; i also like my bideo games full screen; again, so i can See Things. that, and generally speaking, laptops with bigger screens tend to have bigger frames, and therefore, bigger keyboard layouts. i dont want to cramp my hands on a keyboard that's too small for me (phones are a different story lol)

5) having a CD drive isn't a must, but it's definitely a plus. saves me the hassle of finding an external one

6) OS. i dont want WIN11. i would prefer if it has WIN10 installed. i don't like any other operating systems because they're foreign to me (except OSX, but OSX can get fucked as far as i'm concerned)

7) i need at least 500GB, and operating with an SSD. less than 500GB isn't enough storage space for me, and i'm fucking done with HDDs

the preferred brands i will buy from:

Asus

Lenovo

Dell

avoiding at all costs:

Acer

Apple

Alienware

HP

Googly Windowsy Chromebooky Surfacey Hoo Haa

TL;DR: i need some opinions / suggestions on what laptop model to buy. i'm an australian, and my budget is $1,000-$2,200 for a machine with Relatively Juiced Internals

thank u for ur time 😌; feel free to reply to this post, IM me, or DM me if u have my discord with any suggestions

[junisfics]

hihi i wanted to ask a few questions since i want to start writing on tumblr !!

1. how do you make those divider things that you put in between your works ? i always try to find some but none really look good to me.

2. also , how do you link your masterlist and other important things that need to be linked ?

sorry if these sound so simple , i swear im trying my best to get used to knowing how to work tumblr LOL. thank you again !! < 3

hi !!!! welcome to tumblr baby !!!! i'll try and help you the best i can

regarding dividers, i'm unsure on whether you mean the black bars across my posts (ex. my navigation) or the readmores at the bottom but i'll explain both

this:

is just a reeeeaaallllyyyy tiny cropped picture. i use picsart to crop down photos super small and occasionally color them in if i want them a different color. all you do is add it to a post like you would for a normal picture !

this:

is a readmore. basically to get this on mobile, all you to is type in :readmore: and then press return. for desktop, when you make a new paragraph there should be something that comes up on the side like this: [ ••• ] and you're gonna wanna click that !

and then linking things is super easy ! all you gotta do is copy your link, select the text that you want to connect the link to, and press the chain-link button that shows up in the bar above your keyboard.

on desktop, i think it's pretty similar. i already shut my laptop down so i'll double check in the morning but i'm almost sure it's the exact same thing just in like... laptop format :)

[the-iridescent-phoenix]

Anointed

Soooo...... this is a thing lol

This all comes from me watching Blaqk Audio’s music video Anointed and my mind just running wild with a headcanon for the videos story. Originally, I was never going to write it out, let alone post it for everyone to see, but after talking with a few friends here in a discord group chat, and them encouraging me to actually write it, I went ahead and made this (thanks again guys!).

Just a bit of a warning, this is long as hell, so im putting the whole thing under a ‘read more’ feature. Hopefully it actually works on mobile as well as desktop.

Also, please do not post this anywhere without my consent. I worked extremely hard on this and it would really suck to see anyone put this anywhere and claim it as their own...

Enjoy!

April 7th, 1981

“Are you sure this thing is stable enough?”

Jade turned around in his seat crossing his arms to look at his friend. Davey sat on the sofa in the small room, picking at his cuticles. Jade took a deep breath and sighed, leaning forward putting his elbows on his knees. “Positive. Everything ran smoothly yesterday when you went in during alpha one, and there weren’t any issues with getting you out. We’ll have the same outcome today,” Jade reassured, turning back to the screen he was previously working on, “I just need to finish setting a few things up and we’ll be good to go.”

Something just didn’t feel right...

Davey decided to distract himself and walked around the room. Why did we choose to set everything up in here? Davey pondered. The room was barely big enough to fit all the computer monitors, the wires, and the large wooden table in the middle of the room. He picked a book up off of the side of the table near the window. The cover read Blaqk Audio: Anointed Handbook and had a blue squared pattern that their company, Two Kings Entertainment, use in their products. “Please put that book down, I’d hate to lose it should anything go awry.” Jade stated, not looking away from the computer screen as he entered more codes. Davey quickly placed the book back down on the table, looking outside at the many buildings of downtown Los Angeles.

The sun was just starting to set, the sky a beautiful deep orange. Watching the city his mind started to drift. What if this is a mistake? What if the computers crash and I get stuck in there? Would Jade be able to fix the computers to get me out? Davey took a deep breath and and ran his fingers through his curly dark hair. No. I have to trust him. Like Jade had said earlier, Davey went into the program just yesterday with no problems, what good will it do to freak out now, especially since they are so close to the finish line? This will change the way people interact with technology forever. We could make history. Jade and I will be making history together. We can do this.

Jade leaned back in his chair, his arms stretching up above his head. He looks back at the computer monitor with a lopsided grin. Jade turns around, “Dave?,” he turns away from the window with a quirked brow, “We’re ready to go when you are.” Davey drew a deep breath, the butterflies in his stomach coming back, nodding. Jade stood up and walked around the table to pick up a strap for Davey’s arm. Jade turned around as Davey moved closer, sticking his arm out. “You remember what to do?” Jade questioned, securing the piece of equipment. “Stand still, close my eyes, and relax,” Davey recalled, “the computers will do the rest.” Jade snapped his fingers and pointed. Once the strap was secure, Jade walked to the windows and closed the shades, then sat in front of the monitors.

“10,” he pulled the keyboard closer, “9,” then pushed a button under the screen in the middle, “8,” a box popped up on the screen, “7,” he types in BLAQK AUDIO, “6,” Jade glanced up at Davey, “5,” they nod to each other, “4,” Jade looks back to the screen,

“3,” Davey closes his eyes,

“2,” deep breath,

“1,” Jade presses ‘Enter’.

‘ACCEPTED’ flashes across the screen. In an instant, Davey feels a tingling go up his arm that quickly spreads through his whole body. Jade looks up from the screen just in time to see Davey completely disappear and the arm strap fall to the floor. Jade takes a deep breath and looks to the screen on his right. There he is. On the screen, Davey was on a plain white background, wearing a white suit just like yesterday, looking around. Jade turns his head to the monitor in front of him and starts up the virtual world Davey will be entering. Soon enough, an overhead view of a blue boxy New York City landscape appeared on screen, slowly zooming in on what seems to be an unconscious Davey. A box that reads ‘Communication’ appears on the monitor to Jade’s left, as he reaches to the keyboard connected to that computer to type ‘WAKE UP’, hitting ‘Send’.

There’s a buzzing in Davey’s pants pocket as he opens his eyes. He sits up, looking around and sees the blue boxy city he and Jade were programming. It worked, he thinks to himself, I’m actually in the virtual world! There’s another buzz followed immediately by him standing up. Confused, Davey reaches into his pocket and pulls out a communication device about the size of a calculator. On it, it reads ‘WAKE UP’ and ‘STAND UP’. His brows drew together as he attempted to type a response in, but the buttons were not working. Davey huffs in frustration. Still holding the device, he looks up and calls out, “Jade, I think the communications and actions requests are interconnected because I’m pretty sure you just controlled what I did,” he looks back down to the device in his hand, “also, this thing still isn’t working.”

Jade leans back in his chair crossing his arms. He can hear Davey clearly, but why isn’t the device still not working? Jade makes a mental note to work on that later. He leans forward and types in ‘WHAT’S IT LIKE IN THERE?’ hitting ‘Send’. Jade watches Davey on the screen read the message then look around some more. “It doesn’t feel much different from the real world. The only true difference are the buildings and ground, which, I think we should start working on the graphics for, tomorrow.” Jade hums in agreement when an idea pops into his mind. ‘CHECK THIS OUT’.

The device buzzes in Davey’s pocket and he checks it, reading the message Jade sent. He puts it back and waits to see just what he’s going to do. Suddenly, he feels a tingling sensation, similar to when he was first brought into the program, in both his arms. He lifts his arms up in front of him and they start to glow a light blue color, his eyes widening in surprise. He’s about to say something when a flash of white catches his attention from the corner of his eye. He looks over dumbfounded.

There stood a young girl, who couldn’t have been much older than her mid twenties, in a long white dress, with pale skin and dark, shoulder length hair. Above her there was a strange grey object floating around resembling a tear drop. The object flies away from her, zipping around the various buildings, then halting near Davey. He looks back at the object, feeling the device in his pocket buzz twice in quick succession signaling that Jade has just sent two messages. When Davey looked back at the girl, she seemed to be staring right at him, her hair flowing around her, as if there was a soft breeze blowing by.

Jade watches as the floating object moves between the two of them, just as it and the girl start to glitch and disappear. He leans forward with his hands on either side of the monitor, attempting to get a better view at what’s happening. Suddenly, the ground beneath Davey starts to move like waves in the ocean. Jade picks up the blue book and paces around the room, quickly flipping through the pages to find out who or what that girl is and why the ground was acting in such an odd way. When he looks back at the monitor, Davey looks to be to glitching himself as he appears to be transported to a different area of the world. “What the hell?!”, Jade exclaims as he darts back to the keyboard, his fingers flying over the buttons to get him back to the map. This is not right, this should not be happening! The codes he’s entering aren’t working. He reaches to the keyboard to his left and quickly sends ‘GET OUT OF THERE’ ‘GET OUT’.

Everything seems to go back to normal as Davey is returned to the original map. Jade looks to the monitor on his right, gripping the sides as he looks over Davey’s model. Everything seemed to be fine with that, as he leaned back and pushed a strand of hair out of his face. Jade looks back to the monitor screen in front of him and notices something odd. Davey now has a slight blueish tint to his model. He sends two quick messages, ‘THAT WAS TOO CLOSE’ ‘WE SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THIS’. I should have listened to him, Jade runs his hands over his face, I need to get him out. Now. Just as he looks back to the screen in front of him, Davey turns around and the girl and the tear shaped object are back, except now, the girl is floating.

Davey is stunned. What the fuck just happened? Where am I? Who is this girl? His mind is running a mile a minute as the girl and the object float closer. He tries to run away, to reach into his pocket to read what Jade has sent him, but he can’t seem to get himself to move. Instead, his arm raises up without him even meaning to. The girl puts her arm out, as her chilling, smooth voice whispers a single word,

“Rise...”

The next thing he knows, his arms are lifting up to his sides and he starts to float. He feels the device in his pocket buzz multiple times as he starts to glitch again.

Jade is starting to panic. He tries once more to get into contact with Davey, sending two final messages, ‘IM SHUTTING IT DOWN’, ‘GET BACK ON THE GROUND. RIGHT. NOW.’. He starts entering the coding to get Davey out, deciding for the both of them to scrap everything and never attempt any of this again. The monitor on his right seems to vibrate, but that could just be his mind playing tricks on him. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, making him whip his head around, just barely catching a glimpse of his friend behind him. A sigh of relief. It’s working! Jade thinks to himself. He’s almost gotten him out and they can soon put this nightmare behind them!

When he looks back at the monitor, he sees Davey back in the white room, the girl standing in front of him. She steps closer, holding a small bowl and dips her thumb in. No no no no no! Jade is frozen, too shocked to move. He looks around them and notices they are surrounded by other people, wearing all black and what seems to be gas masks, their eyes glowing. She places her hand on the side of his face, her deep brown eyes bore into Davey’s own, tracing a symbol onto his forehead. The symbol starts to glow as the girl disappears once again, leaving Davey with the people with the glowing eyes.

The screen changes, flashing ‘SYSTEM OVERLOAD’ across the screen. Red electricity dances around the edges of the screen.

ZAP!

Jade cries out, the electricity shocking him as he stands up. His arms start to tingle, as they start to glow red and disappear, his whole body glitching as he, too, disappears. Jade is suddenly inside the white room, where he looks to his right and sees Davey standing next to him. They both look forward to see the floating object a few feet away from them.

On the outside, the girl has appeared where Jade was previously standing, now having enough strength and power to form her own physical body in the real world. She fixes her hair and looks around, spotting the monitor in the middle still flashing ‘SYSTEM OVERLOAD’. She notices a button right below the screen and presses it, shutting the computers down with a satisfied smirk on her face, effectively trapping the two men inside the computers. I need to get rid of these things, she thought to herself, I cannot risk them getting out and throwing me back in there. She decides to gather everything up and toss it into the dumpster behind the apartment building, walking away with her head held high.

~~~~~

April 15th, 2021

The obnoxious ringing of her phone wakes her up. Groaning, she takes her pillow and buries her head underneath it, attempting to drown out the loud call. The ringing stops, to which she breathes a sigh of relief, taking her head out from under her pillow, deciding to get a few more minutes of shut eye. She’s just found a comfortable position when her phone starts to ring again, making her grab her phone and answer without at the screen looking. “Hello?” she mumbles into the phone, her face still buried into her pillow.

“Claire! It’s twelve in the afternoon, where are you?” Alex, Claire’s sister, questions. Claire sits up, looking at her phone screen, her eyes wide. She puts her phone on speaker. “Alex, I’m on my way right now,” she responds, putting her phone down on her dresser, “is dad’s garage sale going on?”

“Yeah, it is, but we really need some help,” Alex replies exasperated, “who would’ve thought so many people would want all this junk?” Claire chuckles. Alex never really had much of a filter to what she said. If she felt a certain way about something, she was going to let you know, a trait Claire wished she had. She pulls on a pair of dark jeans and a grey v- neck t-shirt, brushing her crimson hair back into a ponytail. “Oh come on, not all of what dad has is junk.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot that you actually like old knickknacks,” Alex teased. Clairee can almost imagine her rolling her eyes with a smirk.

“Ok, Alex,” she says sarcastically, putting her converse on, “well, I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in a few.”

~~~~~

When Claire arrives, she instantly sees Alex, her pink and blue ombré hair making her easy to spot. She makes her way over just as she finishes with a customer.

“About time you showed up!” Alex proclaimed sarcastically, pulling Claire into a hug. “Yeah, yeah, what do you need help with?” “We need an extra set of eyes here to make sure no one’s trying to take anything without buying it.” Seems easy enough, Claire thought.

~~~~~

As the day comes to a close, Claire is already at her wits end. “Why do so many feel the need to try and take shit without actually buying it?” Claire grumbled aloud, helping to pack everything up, “It’s not like you jacked the price way up.”

“Probably because we didn’t have more than the three of us here to monitor everything,” Saul, Alex and Claire’s father, replied, “more people showed up than expected.” He looked to his left biting the inside of his cheek, deep in thought.

“Is everything alright?” “I’m just not sure what to do with those computers over there,” Claire followed his gaze and saw three sets of old computers, “I’ve had those for so long and never could figure out how to get them working properly. I’d hate to throw them in a dumpster as I found them, ‘specially since they’re still in good condition.”

“I mean... I could always take it off your hands?” Claire offered. Like Saul, Claire has always had an interest in computers and technology, especially these specific computers. From an early age she would sit with her father while he tried to get these computers to work, helping him plug wires in and unscrew the backs of the monitors to see if anything was broken. There’s so much mystery surrounding the computers that she never could just let it go and move on. She needed to know more.

“I have the space for it.” She shifted her weight and crossed her arms, still looking at the box of monitors and wires, and who knows what. “I can’t ask you to do that, Claire. ” “Your not asking me to do anything. You know that I’m just as interested in these computers as you are.”

Saul thought it over. After a few moments he spoke up. “Alright, you can take it, but I’m not letting you pay for it.”

“But-“

“You know he’s not gonna change his mind!” Alex called from across the driveway, already closing the boxes to pack into Claire’s car. “She’s right, you know?,” Saul chuckled, making his way to the car to load the boxes.

~~~~~~

Claire was now back home and trying to plug in the computers, getting frustrated with the tangled wires. She has always liked to keep wires neat and orderly, but it looked like Saul had just thrown them into the box, everything looking like a mess of Christmas lights when they’re thrown into a bin for storage. Once the wires were sorted and plugged in, she sat down in front of one of the monitors and started it up. On the screen, an old theater with Two Kings Entertainment on the front appeared on the screen, in association with Blaqknoise presents... slowly being written out in purple cursive across the screen. The words started to glow and the screen went black, Blaqk Audio: Anointed in boxy bold letters appeared on the blank screen with a box and text that read ‘Please enter code to get started’.

“Where have I seen that name before...,” she mumbled to herself. She leaned back in her chair as she tried to remember. While she sat, she could’ve sworn she heard faint voices coming from the computer, mixing with the familiar guitar tone playing. Suddenly, she remembered. A few months ago she bought a blue book from an old thrift shop that had the same words on the screen, on the cover. She got up and retrieved it, flipping through the pages until she landed on the page that read ‘Start’. Her blue eyes scanned over the page until she found what she needed, typing it in then hitting ‘Enter’.

‘WELCOME’ appeared on screen. A blue boxy city appeared, zooming in on two men who were looking around, clearly confused. They were both wearing black suits, the only difference between the two being that one had a tie and the other didn’t.

Is this some sort of game?, Claire wondered, Is this the character select screen? She turned on the screens on either side of her, the one on her right showing the two men in a plain white room, wearing white suits, and the screen to her left showing a chat box, with the previous conversation still there. On the screen to her right, she could get a better look at them, first looking at the man without a tie on. He had straight, short, ashy brown-red hair that swept off to the side of his face. He had a slightly round face and brown downturned eyes. The two men were around the same height, the one on the right lankier than the other. She turns her attention to the one with a tie. He had dark brown, almost black, curly hair. He had a thin diamond shaped face and brown almond-shaped eyes. Something that Claire found odd was that they didn’t seem to have names.

A faint voice pulls her from her thoughts. She looks around, trying to find the source of the sound. She hears the voice once more, looking to the monitor in front of her. The man with the ashy brown hair is calling out. Claire raises the volume, her heart pounding when she hears what’s being said. “Is anyone there? Can you hear us? Davey, check the device, have they sent anything?”

Claire is in shock. She watches as Davey reaches into his pocket and pull out a small box. He looks up sighing. “Listen, if you’re there can you just send something already so that we know we’re not finally going crazy?”

Claire immediately turned to the monitor on her left, frantically typing and sending ‘YES IM HERE’. She looks back at the screen in the middle and sees them jump and look at the small device. Their eyes widened as they looked at each other. She reaches over and sends them another message. ‘WHO ARE YOU GUYS? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?’.

They look at the new message, still in shock. Davey clears his throat. “I’m Davey, and my friend here is Jade,” Davey stammered, looking to his friend, “we’re computer engineers. We were working on the computers you’re sitting in front of right now.”

“We were designing a new piece of technology that would allow oneself to enter virtual worlds,” Jade added, “we got stuck here after a run in with what we could only assume was a virus. What year is it?”

Claire snapped out of her trance, quickly sending them an answer and watches as their jaws drop. Davey screwed his eyes shut, turning his head away. “You mean to tell me we’ve been stuck in here for forty years...?” Jade breathed, his voice wavering. They all sat in silence, processing everything that’s just occurred. After a few moments of silence, Jade looked back up. “Can you tell us your name?”

She sends them her name and waits. Jade chuckles, looking up with a small smile. “Well, thank you Claire,” he acknowledged, “I know we’ve just met, and I know you’re confused about all of this, but are you willing to help us get out of here?” Claire is just about to respond when Davey speaks up.

“What’s the point? It’s been forty years we’ve been here, what makes you think we’re getting out now?” Davey challenged.

“Davey-“

“Do you even have any experience with computer hardware and coding?” They both look back at the device, waiting for her response. Claire bit her lip and reached over. ‘NO. I DIDNT STUDY THIS BACK IN COLLEGE.’ Davey chuckles darkly. ‘BUT IF YOU BOTH TAKE THE TIME TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO ME I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO HELP YOU’.

“This will only be a lost cause,” he argued, “why don’t you just go get another computer engineer to help?”

“What is this guys problem?” She wondered aloud to herself, her annoyance growing.

‘DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO GO TO SOMEONE AND RISK THEM TURNING ME AWAY? FOR ALL WE KNOW THEY WOULD THINK THAT THIS IS AN ELABORATE COMPUTER GAME’.

‘FACE IT. I AM YOUR BEST BET AT GETTING BACK TO THE REAL WORLD BUT IF YOURE GOING TO CONTINUE BEING AN ASS I HAVE NO PROBLEM SHUTTING THIS DOWN AND LEAVING YOU HERE FOR ANOTHER FORTY YEARS’. She leans back and huffs. Sure, Claire feels horrible threatening to leave them to wait even longer, but she has to get them, more specifically this Davey guy, to cooperate.

Davey’s mouth snapped shut as Jade stared anxiously at him, waiting for his response. Silence falls between the three of them.

“Fine,” he looks back up, “we’ll help you understand the ins and outs of this program.” Jade and Claire breathed a sigh of relief.

‘THEN LETS GET STARTED’.

[thekidultlife]

Word prompt request pls? Minghao and hands?

(A/N: I uh...if you guys have been following my blog and Leanne's, we've been watching an anime called A Certain Scientific Accelerator and have been going crazy over it for a past few days. I always loved that series and took the time to read the novels, so this was directly inspired from it....i know you guys wanted some fluff but im in a mood for horror these days 😂 -Hyeri)

◇

"Just a little bit more."

In this deep dark underbelly of a certain city of science, lies a dim luminance amidst the abyss. Light reflected from the human-sized cylinder filled with an unknown liquid, illuminating the large room with a freakishly green glow.

"Just a bit more...with these hands..."

A young man whispered to himself little encouragements as he continued to dance his fingers on the keyboard. His monitor was showing various stats as cables big and small wrapped around him and the cylinder in a snake-like hold.

Despite the speed of his hands, the young man was holding back sobs, puncturing his voices of encouragement like a pierce through the heart.

"I'll...I'll grant your wish..."

In this deep dark underbelly of a certain city of science, a different kind of flower had bloomed.

Years before everything had happened, life was much easier and uncomplicated.

He was Xu Minghao back then, a talented neuroscientist who came to the city lured by generous research grants and advanced technology. There wasn't any downsides as he began his research on dementia and neurological diseases. It was the greatest time of his life surrounded by people who thought like him and appreciated what he was seeking. It was paradise.

Yet when Minghao thought it couldn't get any better, you came along.

"This is test subject 00 - 1a."

You were introduced to him the day, the first of his human volunteers.

"Call me Y/N though! Being called a test subject is pretty awful," you told him as soon as the other head scientist walked away.

Minghao smiled, he had feared you'd be as stoic as the name given to you, yet it seemed those fears were unfounded.

"Then nice to meet you too, Y/N. I'm Minghao," he replied and you grinned, flashing your bright full smile.

"I'll be in your care, doc!"

Y/N was someone who was easy to work with, as Minghao had noted in his logbook. You were nice, cooperative and friendly, and little did he realize how he was slowly growing attached to you.

"Looks like your vitals are fine, Y/N," he told you one day after a regular checkup after a round of tests. "I'm wondering though, why did you become a test subject for this kind of research?"

To his question, you had only grinned. The dull teal green gown on you flowing like the wind as you moved, making him look elsewhere.

"Now, now, doc~ Are you curious?" You asked with a teasing look, "Haven't you found out anything in your research?"

Minghao glanced at you with a frown. "You seem pretty normal, apart from your sudden bouts of unconsciousness."

Smiling, you replied with a twinkle in your eyes. "Looks like you aren't from around here, are you doc?"

It didn't take him long to warm up to you and your bubbly personality. It was the only warmth he could feel down in the desolate and freezing labs, the only one who could make him feel less like a bastard for experimenting with humans and more of a doctor trying to help someone.

"You like to paint, doc?" You asked, munching on a sandwich as you watched him type on a computer.

"From time to time. Why'd you ask?" He replied as he looked up to you.

"Your desktop wallpaper. I felt like you drew that."

"Oh?" Minghao raised his brows, piqued by your comment. "You're quite intuitive, aren't you?"

"I have level 1 telepathy. It's more than enough to sense a few things," you told him with a slight giggle.

"That's amazing. I didn't realize the extent of your abilities," Minghao remarked, to which you only waved your hand in dismissal.

"Not as amazing as others out there," you continued, as your tone went to a downcast turn. "I'm a level one and I can't see a day without suddenly collapsing. Here in this city, people like me are called liabilities."

That was the first time he had heard you open up to him. Minghao gazed at you with heaviness in his heart as you made a bitter and cynical smile.

"I wanted to be useful, just for once in my life. Even if that means I have to be a test subject, at least I can help other people with conditions like me, right doc?"

Despite the smile on your face, Minghao felt the pain and the hurt you had endured all your life. He hated it. He hated how much life had robbed you of the light; a light which you were now ironically seeking at a place where it never shines through.

"It's ok, Y/N," Minghao told you as he wrapped ypu in a tight hug. "I'll help you with your dream. I'll make sure that this research wouldn't be in vain."

With that promise, Minghao began to work extensively. He wanted to remove that painful look on your face as you smiled at him, waving as if it was normal to sit inside a large machine trying to manipulate your brain. It was a sacrifice you were willing to make, and he was determined to achieve your goal.

It was for you. All for you.

Minghao wasn't stupid. He knew you were dying. The bouts of fainting and collapsing was getting more and more frequent. Each passing day, you had grown weaker and he was becoming more and more desparate.

"Her condition is worsening, Dr. Xu. What do we do? She's the most successful of all test subjects."

There was no need for asking.

"Let's move to phase two."

He hadn't thought of it at first, but he had already sunk himself knee deep into the mud without even knowing. He had never realized how twisted this city was and how he had submerged himself in its dark, dark abyss voluntarily.

The first time he saw it was during a failed test.

A huge forced slammed around the thick concrete walls of the room, creating a slight tremor. The glass separating the scientists from the test site suddenly cracked, reflecting the horror on Minghao's face as he saw you pick up a stray iron bar and walked towards a weakened attendant with an uncomprehensible expression on our face that was akin to wicked delight.

"Die. Die. Die. Die! Die!!!"

You screamed, hammering the attendant with the iron bar hard enough to draw blood.

"N-no...stop it! Y/N stop!"

Minghao was the first one to scream as he raced down the testing room, bursting the door open and stopping you before you could commit murder.

He had never recovered from what he saw that day, yet he didn't have the strength to stay away from you.

"...what happened that time, Y/N?" Minghao asked, interviewing you.

You gazed at him, eyes tinged with panic.

"I...I don't know. I'm sorry..."

Minghao could feel the anxiety in your voice, the guilt of killing with your own hands. He didn't want this.

"Y/N, let's just stop this..."

"No!" You shouted, which then turned into soft sobs. "No...no....not now, please, doc. I don't want to be like this anymore...I don't want to be sick anymore."

"Y/N..."

"Please...would you grant me my wish?"

And he did.

And it came with a terrible price.

"No, h-help! Help me please!"

Screams were heard inside the testing room, blood was splattered on the wall. Yet Minghao had become tolerant of it. It was ok. It was for you.

"Who would've thought overlaying a Level 5 esper's thought patterns would make her more stable, though a bit violent. This is good data, Minghao. Congratulations."

He could hear the grant sponsor greet him yet his face remained stoic. He glanced at the folder beside him, not noticing that the research had changed names over the course of several years.

"This marks the first step to the project. Thank you for your work, Doctor."

He was congratulating Minghao as if it was the end. No, it isn't the end. Not yet.

In the deep dark underbelly of a certain city of science, Minghao walked towards the testing room. He could hear water dripping in irregular beats, his steps echoing across the lab.

It was once clean and bright, but now it was in disarray. Abandoned and empty after an incident years before. Minghao had moved on to other projects as well yet he still came back.

"Hi, doc," you greeted him with a bright smile, hands bloody and uniform stained red.

"Hi, Y/N," he replied, his eyes were now heavy and exhausted. Xu Minghao had changed over the years. "How's school?"

Grinning, you pushed the body of a female classmate out of the way so you can reach him.

"It was great! I made some friends, but they didn't really like me..." you pouted, seemingly innocent. "So I made them like me!"

Minghao made a small smile. This was fine. At least you were happy.

In the deep dark underbelly of a certain city of science, a murky darkness filled with despair existed.

-Hyeri

[sims3tutorialhub]

Gaming Laptop 2020

This post is my own personal opinion.

So what would I look out for? First a little overview then I will explain:

MSI or DELL are my favorites, but all work, read reviews!

CPU: i5 or higher

RAM: At least 8GB

GPU: NVIDIA GTX1050/GTX1060 or higher

HDD: SSD & HDD Hybrid or a full SSD

Screen: 1920x1080 resolution

Windows 10

The Make

I personally am a total fan of DELL due to the fact their laptops are solid, and the screen colors and clearness is incredible. But which make you pick is up to you. A lot of people also recommend MSI for gaming. You will also have to decide if you want a pure gaming laptop (these often have bright backlit keyboards and a slightly different keyboard layout) or a multimedia laptop which you can use for school work and such too. Then you must always consider that a gaming laptop is going to be a bit heavier and bulkier!

CPU

So I swear on intel. Right now you have intel i5/i7/i9. i7: If you are a creator who likes to run multiple programs at once like Blender, MD, MS etc then an i7 might be better for you i5: Good for people who just want to game! i9: the newer CPU which is a great mix for gaming and running lots of programs, but it is not a must!

RAM

You need at least 8GB RAM to be able to play sims. And you need no more than 16GB unless you plan to do something totally hard-core on your PC. I would make sure it is DDR4 but that is the norm these days. Remember you can always upgrade your RAM for about 30 GBP easily, however this will probably break your warranty (so maybe do this after). But because you can update, this isn't the most important part to check for. If it only has 8GB and you want 16GB but the rest is good, don’t let it put you off.

GPU

Sims was made to mainly work with NVIDIA and I personally am not a fan of AMD but that is everyone’s choice. The GTX1060 is super good (add Ti at the end for a little more cost and a little better graphics). The GTX1050 is also very good, but the 1060 has a better cost/efficiency ratio. Of course, now the new RTX series is out you can also go for that, maybe if you play other games. But for sims it is total overkill.

HDD

I am a great fan of SSDs. No disk cleaning needed and it will make your sims loading times speed up, also the installation and your PC boot time. Generally said to be about 5x faster than an HDD. Most laptops come with a 256GB SSD and a 1TB HDD. This means you have two partitions (not a big deal, you just need to know how to work it). If you buy a laptop with only an HDD then no worries, I personally updated mine to a 1TB SSD later (also breaks warranty) for about 200 GBP.

WARNING: some PCs will ONLY have a 256GB SSD or so in them with no HDD. This is difficult because these are small SSD chips (not those bulky HDDs you imagine) and these are expensive to upgrade to bigger sizes and the laptop will have no space for a HDD (usually). Sims people often need way more that 256GB of space so I would avoid a laptop that only has a small SSD!

Screen

Most come with 1920x1080 resolution anyway. But if you do not plan on using a second screen then take a look at DELL. They have the nicest screen with the best colors (I personally only ever buy DELL screens for this reason).

Win 10

I know it can be glitchy, but at least it is still getting security updates. At some point you will need to upgrade it anyway. Also the cool thing is, it is written into your hardware, no more codes needed. That means if I switch out my HDD for a SSD then no worries, your PC still remembers you have win 10! Makes reinstalling very easy!

But if I want a Desktop?

Well then you can fiddle a little more. The same stuff still applies but I would recommend at least a 500W Power Supply and you will need some kind of fluid cooling system probably to keep it nice and cool. Obviously you also have a lot more choices: you can get an internal SSD chip (even faster), or upgrade to a GTX1080Ti or the RTX series. You will also need to check out the companies that make your parts as lots of people produce the same GPU. You can get a bigger SSD if you like, or a bigger HDD. You will also need either a network card or a dongle (USB-WIFI stick) so you get internet. And of course you need a motherboard!  The main point is to make sure all the parts work well together, than your power supply is enough for your GPU and your motherboard or CPU are not so old they throttle your PC power.

Here are my specs:

Motherboard: Gigabyte GA-X99-Ultra Gaming Intel X99 Quad Chennel DDR4 ATX CPU: Intel Core i7 6850K Hexacore 3.60GHz Graphics Card: Gigabyte GeForce GTX 1080 Xtreme Gaming Aktiv PCIe 3.0 x16 Cooling: Corsair Hydro Series H80i v2 Tower: Antec Nine Hundred Tower V3 RAM: 32GB (4x8GB) Corsaire Vengeance LPX DDR4-3200 DIMM CL16 Power Supply: 850 Watt Enermay Platimax Modular 80+ Platinum HDD: 512GB Samsung 950 Pro M.2 2280 PCIe Internal SSD

What should I do when I first get a laptop?

First thing is always, test it out!!! Open and close the lid a few times to make sure it is smooth, poke it to see if it seems stable. Play some music at the loudest settings to see if the sound is nice. Load up tumblr or so and see if the colors and clarity are correct. Run some super high spec things on it or open like 10 programs at once and render something in blender, literally just see how loud and hot it gets when it has a lot to do.

Once you know you wish to keep the laptop, my advice is REINSTALL WINDOWS 10, you can easily do this (tutorial here), or at least go through the steps to update windows and delete ALL unnecessary programs. There will be a ton of preinstalled crap on there. Get rid of it.

Then consider getting yourself a good AV program. I personally recommend ESET or Mawarebytes (paid versions). For ESET the price is under 20 dollars/euros etc per year for a license if you buy a bundle of 5. I share these 5 with family and they can also be put on your phone!

If you are still not sure which Laptop is right for you, just IM me @gruesim and I will gladly help!

[rantheon]

apparently tumblr rolled out the new dash for everyone on desktop so here's some thoughts that nobody asked for

color palettes. finally, because true blue sears my eyes idk why. it's kinda funny that there's only a single button for it and we have to cycle through the options (instead of showing a new menu) but whatever, at least there aren't that many options in the first place

keyboard shortcuts. does- does it really need to be a permanent item in the account dropdown. is it used that much and often that ppl must be able to access it immediately

font size. why is it so big im so confused. why can't we choose our desired font size from settings instead of making me zoom out to 80%

grid format for likes. not sure what the thought process behind this was but okay. it's basically just an archive page but for likes, with the style of that "recommended posts" box that pops up after a reblog. honestly it looks kinda awkward squeezed together into 3 columns? idk it has such a different design to other grid-based pages (explore, search, archive, mega editor) that i wonder if we even need it

posts. oh boy. they killed <code> and <small> so it just changes back to normal text. no more list indents (bullet + numbered) so now it's just aligned with normal text. they brought in the gradient-while-loading thing. WHY IS THE GAP OR MARGINS FOR BLOCKQUOTE CAPTIONS IN PHOTO SETS GONE

well. at least you can turn it off i guess

[comicteaparty]

June 13th-June 19th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from June 13th, 2020 to June 19th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

What is your physical and digital workspace like when you’re working on your story?

🌈ERROR404 🌈

LOL it really depends on what stage I'm in of the process - My storyboarding space is at home, as comfortable as I can be, a beer and some food at the ready and pure silence. The cats have to be freshly fed, otherwise I'll be harassed and lose my headspace entirely LOL. I usually work on my story boards digitally, just at a very small scale, with my script/outline on my computer and working on my ipad! The double screen helps a LOT, although i would just print out the script if I had access to a printer, haha. When I'm working on the actual page itself, it's a very different story. I usually just try and work on it in tiny little batches during the day when I'm stuck at home, and usually work around the animals as best i can, lmao. Truthfully, I really prefer to be in a coffee shop when I'm working on finishing pages, it makes me so much more productive than i am in this house with so many things to take care of right in front of me, but, obviously, that's a bit difficult to do these days. ;; I usually reserve food and drink until after I pass a milestone in inking/sketching to help motivate me to keep going for as much as I can before taking a break, and I need some kind of music or video playing in the background to keep myself from being absolutely bored out of my mind. My shading process, since it's in black and white, is very easy and i can finish it in one setting, easy, no matter what I'm working with. I also work digitally for my pages, of course, although I don't need more than my ipad and clip studio for it!

DaeofthePast

freshly fed cats

🌈ERROR404 🌈

They are BEASTS when hungry, the little bastards (love them)

I may only work in peace when they're post-food napping lmao

DaeofthePast

we only have one, but same

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I work almost entirely in the corner of my IKEA couch at home I used to work at a proper desk with a Cintiq, but when I switched to Procreate on an iPad, I migrated to the couch and surrounded myself with a nest of clothes and blankets and books and... here I am, bein' cozy. With terrible posture But when I was between jobs last year, I did rent a little coworking space down the street so I could get out of my pajamas and go get comic stuff done there. It was a godsend. I like drawing at my favorite coffee shop every so often too, but I tend to hide my work while I draw, and there, everyone can look over my shoulder The coworking space had a tall artist desk that was rarely used, so I often grabbed that one. Not cheap, but to stave off cabin fever, heck yes, worth it.

🌈ERROR404 🌈

Ahhh I've been really thinking about getting a studio space one of these days I really shouldn't rn, with my finances as they are, but I could REALLY make use of one recently

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I loved the space I used last year. They recently had to close for... current-event reasons... and are going to reopen with all sorts of plexiglass barriers between the desks I feel so bad for them. Good studio spaces are wonderful, I would support them again if I ever was out of a job!

🌈ERROR404 🌈

it's good they've found ways to make it safer, though!

carcarchu

My old workspace was in the basement of my home in canada and it was always perpetually freezing even in the summer and i was frequently visited by spiders so my current workspace is a huge improvement in that regard. I do miss my old ergonomic desk chair though. I'm definitely not the kind of person who can draw in bed or on the couch. I need to be in workmode and having a designated space just for that is necessary for me to get in the right headspace for that.

DaeofthePast

my workspace rn is just my desk with my laptop and my drawing tablet. my laptop is stacked on top of a pile of books so i can see the screen (otherwise my tablet blocks my line of sight). it's kinda simple

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Depends. I have a Cintiq Mobile Studio, so I can draw pretty much every where and sometimes in the oddest position, but most of the time I am on my desk with the cintiq hooked up to a second monitor so I don't have to look down so much.(edited)

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

For Wayfinders: Thumbnails are somewhere cozy and the only physical work. Me and Q sit and plan them out together. The rest of wayfinders are made on Photoshop, and flat colors in clip paint studio. In the world I would love a nice studio place in an office with others. During corentine I have been working from home, and I am not that good at it, being quite the extrovert. Before corentine I was in a artist residency where I worked on Wayfinders which had a workstation and all the programs we could need. It is so nice and me and Q are going to return there when it opens up again!

Miranda

I have an iPad so usually on the couch, cozied up with coffee and pillows and blankets. But sometimes at the table. But usually on the couch like the gremlin I am

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I have a large drafting table, a mini drafting table, and a lapdesk in my papasan when we ink/draw! Toning and letters are all done on the desktop in its own space

Miranda

I need to get a good lap desk. But that sounds like a grand setup!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

My first time hearing about a lapdesk

Omg I need one

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

They are the best things ever Mine has just the pencil holder !(some come with cup holders and its a waste of space imo)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Wow I like your setup of the drafting tables

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I wanna show pics of them....if im allowed in this chat?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I hope so, I'm not sure which channel we can post studio photos at? I did see some did before?

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Ill post in shop talk since creator babble gets archived

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

my current space is uh.... a bit better than my last one. I used to work on an old writers desk for a decade and I did most of my comic work sitting there cramped up with my desktop taking most of the space. Now I have an L shaped desk where I have my desktop on the shorter end. The longer end it's my pen, pencils, and watercolor stuff. my display tablet occupy the space at times so switching from digital and traditional without worrying about setup hassle is a lot better than what I dealt with before lol.

I'm glad the days I had to curl up and draw with no privacy are long gone now

kayotics

I’ve got a little drafting table where I draw all my comic pages. I’m messy with my pens so they’re kind of strewn about until I start to lose them. Then I put them back. I’m not particularly neat. I spend most of the comic process off the computer, so most of my digital work is just on an iPad where I can sit anywhere. I try to keep good lighting around my drafting table and there’s always loose eraser shavings all over.

Natasha Berlin (Pot of Gold)

I got myself a lil corner desk by the dining table. Not as well-lit as I'd like, but it's decently ergonomic and I started putting posters on my wall Plus I can leave work mindset easily by turning off my computer and forgetting about the dark corner in the dining room XD(edited)

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My desk is really sloppy and covered in all kinds of junk. I have a harmonica, a ball of yarn, a bunch of ink bottles, etc on my desk. I have my sketchbook under my tablet and usually a notebook somewhere for writing. My tablet sits to the right of my laptop (on top of sketchbook) while I'm not using it and when I'm using it it goes over my computer keyboard. I sometimes have a glass of water or some food sitting to the lefthand side

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

The only thing I wanna share about my workspace is this

once i spent over three hours looking for that damned pen

never again

🌈ERROR404 🌈

Ajkdhfkjs the models for hte magazine im crying

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh my God

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

mad giggling

Deo101 [Millennium]

youre gonna manage to lose the string

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

omg

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

i know in my heart deo is right but still i hope

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

You should weld a metal chain to it

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Watch me lose the whole tablet

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh nooo

I believe in you!

TaliePlume

My workspace is a black table with a white, yellow, blue and green tablecloth with 3 black chairs. It's next to the kitchen. On it, is my laptop and the left side is my clipboard, 3 blue folders full of writing. Then above it, is 3 sketchbooks and another blue folder from a class that I took in community college.

June 16, 2020

sagaholmgaard

I have one long desk at almost three meters. On the left side is all my coffee and tea supplies, in the middle is my work space and on the right is my dining table xD I get everything done from there, despite having a mobilestudio so I COULD sit anywhere and work, lol. It's a blessing during holiday seasons to be able to bring it everywhere, but at some I like my designated working space. Although I am moving in a few weeks, so who knows what my new workspace will be

Moral_Gutpunch

My workspace is anywhere I can draw or write. It's more of a "Will I be interrupted over something petty or stupid" issue than space. Not that I don't want more space.

Mitzi (Trophallaxis)

My workspace is a big, broken corner desk I managed to lug out of an old apartment when it was gonna be trashed. Before then, I'd just draw in bed. I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure the folding chair I sit at is a similar affair. It's got a Dollar General throw pillow on it so I can at least say I'm trying to save my back. The top of the desk is a mess of mostly old bottles and cans, pencils, incense ash, and my old tarot deck. I love this setup dearly. This is the first time I've ever had my own desk space, much less a space I can decorate or leave as messy as I want. Got my own art up on the walls with sticky tack and all! Also the cat's scratching post is directly behind me, because we've learned the cat won't use it unless it's as in the way as possible. What can ya do, lol.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh cats...

Desnik

I got spoiled with an adjustable desk. It is six feet long, and has a whiteboard top for noodling with dry erase markers

my main computer is set up on an adjustable stand so it floats over the desk, and then I have my cintiq, which we tried to mount on a similar stand but then it was just too heavy

I keep my dice collection nearby because fidgeting helps think things through sometimes

and rolling to make odd decisions never hurts

lately during the quarantine I've been sharing the office with my spouse so we've had to establish rules over when it's okay to bug each other(edited)

oh yeah and we also have a whiteboard installed in the office, and it rules!(edited)

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Mine is pretty simple: I have a laptop that's long stopped being portable and is now mostly just sitting at my desk at all times and a 19 inch Ugee as my display. I usually keep a lot of stuff on top of my desk, but it's mostly just a mess because I have been using it for work too for a while now

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I suppose I'll talk about my setup too :) My main setup is where I do digital art. I share an office with my SO, so we both have workspaces on opposite walls from each other. I work on a corner desk that holds my beefy computer, two monitors, and a Huion Kamvas GT-191. That's where I draw my comic and pretty much everything else done digitally. Ngl, it's a mess right now. I have comic notes and location floor plans in sketchbooks and DnD character sheets spread out all over the surface, and random pens and sticky notes. In the corner of the room, we have a nice large-format printer where I produce prints for conventions. I actually sketch my pages on an iPad pro in Procreate, so during the sketch phase, sometimes I'll just bundle up on my couch and do it, or before quarantine, sometimes I'd sketch on the go. My other workspace (which hasn't gotten much love as of late tbh) is a drafting table in the corner of our living room. I keep a tabletop easel on it and my Copic markers, as well as whatever I'm working on at the moment. (RN it's some ink washes.) The drawers hold all my ink, pencils, erasers, etc. Next to the drafting table is where I keep all my large charcoal, graphite, and oil pastel drawings (mostly school projects), and my large paintings. Other than that, I have a nifty little cart where I keep painting supplies :) I will say, this setup is by far an enormous improvement from my previous setups.

[imnotcameraready]

the tropes, man. the tropes.

the last analogical i wrote for @patromlogil that you all get to see!! this one is,.,... fuckin hilarious in my mind, bc i love the fake dating trope

Words: asldkf

@jemthebookworm

This was, by all accounts, a terrible idea. Logan drummed his fingers on his keyboard lightly, taking small solace in the soft clicking of the keys, as though that could untangle the knot of stress in his throat. He knew that staring at the message wouldn’t make Virgil respond faster, but there was a part of him that yearned for immediacy. And then there was another part that doubted, perhaps Virgil wasn’t the best to ask….

But there wasn’t another option and, out of the whole friend group, Virgil was most likely to understand. Plus, he and Virgil had a quieter friendship than any of the others; while Logan enjoyed Roman’s company, he was most familiar with Virgil and his mannerisms. Therefore, despite the fact that Roman was literally an actor, Logan felt more comfortable enacting this ruse with Virgil. The other non-family member option in his friend circle was Devin, who was, in fact, dating his younger brother Patton. Furthermore, Logan’s parents had met Roman before, accidentally while he was at school. They’d never met Virgil, had no preconceived notions of him. This was a purely methodical choice. Purely. Methodical.

Plus, it was an incredibly awkward text to send already, and he couldn’t imagine sending it to anyone else.

[15:33, 08/06/2019] Logan Carter: Hello, Virgil. As you know, my family has a reunion vacation every winter to celebrate the New Year. This year, my mother and grandmother have been especially adamant I bring my “secret boyfriend,” in relation to the conspiracy they hold that I have discussed at length with you. After considering all the factors, I am hoping that you will be open to posing as my  boyfriend in an attempt to stop their interrogating of who this “secret boyfriend” is and of my dating life as a whole. The dates are December 29 until January 2, and if you accept, my grandmother has even offered to pay for your travel and lodging. Please let me know if you are available and are willing to assist me in this ruse, and we can discuss further details. Thank you so much.

It was way too cordial for a text to his best friend, but Logan was stressed, okay? And the more stressed he got, the more his texts started sounding like business emails.

His mother was absolutely all over the place. She was always desperate to meet “his boyfriend.” His nonexistent boyfriend. Logan would have thought it may be a homophobic mindset had she not been the exact same way about “his girlfriend” before he came out. And, whenever he managed to explain that he was still single, she seemed to take it as a personal affront that her son didn’t have a partner.

Her interest-bordering-on-obsession with his dating life was only matched by his grandmother’s desire to see him married before her death. That was valid, in his mind, given that he was her eldest grandson, but the pressure was still quite a bit to handle.

Logan was mostly just tired of having to answer the same questions about his love life over and over.

A ping from his phone preceded a text notification on his desktop.

[15:42, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: lol

[15:42, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: free trip to the coveted carter reunion? im down

[15:43, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: your mom needs to lay off the late night youtube

Logan chuckled, the stress evaporating off of him. He was so thankful for Virgil’s nonchalant nature.

[15:46, 08/06/2019] Logan Carter: I agree.

[15:46, 08/06/2019] Logan Carter: Would you like to meet and discuss the trip’s details?

[15:46, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: sure thing L

[15:47, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: wanna get coffee tomorrow @ 11? since we’re ~*~boyfriends~*~ now

Logan smiled. Even though it was just to alleviate his family’s questioning, it was nice to think about himself and Virgil as boyfriends. But he couldn’t deny that Virgil’s use of sarcasm only added more fodder to his assumption that Virgil did not harbor similar feelings for him.

Now, there wasn’t time for that sort of nonsense. He would have to arrange their hotel rooms, plane tickets, and sort out what the family’s schedule would be during the week. Perhaps Virgil would like an itinerary?

[15:49, 08/06/2019] Logan Carter: That would be wonderful. I will bring all the necessary information. Thank you again for your help, Virgil.

[15:49, 08/06/2019] Virgil Thomson: no prob starman

[svtegg]

manager jeon (나의 아저씨 au)

a au heavily based on/inspired by the my ajusshi drama. its my absolute favorite drama and i really recomend it! anyway,,, its been a while since ive written anything so im a little rusty,,,please be kind heheh. let me know if you would like me to continue this heheh

2,1k words (warning: includes spoilers, and bad writing)

spoiler warning for the drama My Ajusshi/ 나의 아저씨! this fic is literally based on the plot of that drama and the characters are very (almost too much) inspired by lee jian and park donghoon

jeon wonwoo lived a completely ordinary life, worked an ordinary job at an ordinary company, did ordinary things and lived in an ordinary apartment. he should be happy. he had a wife, a son and a job that played well. he lived close to his family and he still hung out with his childhood friends every sunday to play soccer.

but jeon wonwoo felt like he was slowly dying. in his ordinary life, everything was out of the ordinary. nothing seemed right anymore, and he couldn’t figure out what was the cause. maybe he was just starting to get old.

a choir of “good morning mr. jeon!” erupted from the small office section he managed, the workers there already settling into their desk chairs and logging into their cubicle computers. he greeted the workroom, just like ordinary and made his way into the open section of 4 desks across the hallway from the rest of the workers. “did you see the game yesterday, seungkwan? your team lost again.” soonyoung, one of his three assistant managers teased. his managing team consisted of himself, the manager and head of his section of the company, his second in command, kim mingyu, and his two assistants boo seungkwan and kwon soonyoung. together the four of them formed the managing team of the 3rd security inspection section.

wonwoo hung his heavy winter coat over the back of his chair and placed his briefcase on his desk. “well your team haven’t even won a game yet this season so if i where you, i wouldn’t bite over more than i could chew, you punk.” seungkwan fired back at his college. this was another ordinary day, seungkwan and soonyoung bickering and teasing each other as usual, and jihoon already nose deep in a project only five minutes into the workday. wonwoo sighed as he pulled himself up to his desk, the plastic wheels on his chair squeaking against the newly washed floors. “manager jeon, you have a phone call! i’ll transfer it!” the office assistant yelled from across the hall, wonwoo looked up at the woman and gave her a curt nod to let her know he heard her.

“yes?” wonwoo mumbled into the phone. “i have the applications for the temporary position ready, manager. just come down to logistics and pick one out and i’ll send out the emails.” the personnel manager cheerily spoke into the other end of the line. “i’ll be right down.”

the elevator dinged obnoxiously, rousing wonwoo from his thoughtless daydream. the doors slid apart and forced the male to come face to face with his boss. the younger man staring back at him from outside the confines of the elevator met his eyes, and wonwoo stared back blankly. the older men surrounding the boss, the other directors of the company gave wonwoo some dissatisfied looks as he slipped past them. “director.” he mumbled, bowing his head at his younger colleague and former classmate. the flock of older men dressed in suits filed into the waiting elevator, the small talk picking up as wonwoo moved further away from them. “the ceo may be younger than mr. jeon but he should still bow to his boss, where are his manners?”. the ceo’s personal assistant and director of wonwoo’s department hissed, his spiteful voice carrying through the tile hallway. wonwoo sighed as he heard the elevator door close.

“here’s the resumes, manager.” the loud personnel manager said, the small boardroom making the mans voice seem even louder than it was over the phone. “I personally like this one, very good credentials.” he commented, pointing to the resume with the girl who looked the most traditionally pretty. she had a good education, and relevant work experience for the position. wonwoo scanned the four other papers presented in front of him. ‘y/n y/l/n.’ he read, the picture to accompany the resume a grainy and slightly dark photo of a younger, tired looking girl. ‘hobby: running. special talent: running.’ his eyes scanned the rest of the paper. “this one.” wonwoo stated lowly, letting his hand rest on the edge of the paper, his pointer finger right under the word running. he met eyes with the man across the table, his eyes wide with surprise. “what? why her? she didn’t even finish high school!” the older man erupts, his eyes darting quickly between the paper and jeon wonwoo, his boss.

wonwoo calmly retracted his hand, digging his hands into the pockets of his dark blue suit pants as he straightened out his back and looked at the confused male in front of him. “here,” wonwoo gestured, quickly turning the paper and sliding it over the table for the elder man to see what had caught his eyes. “hobby: running.” he continued, his voice still low and calm as he returned the hand he had used to push the paper across the wooden surface to his pocket. “it’s different.” he chuckled. wonwoo slowly turned around to leave the small glass surrounded room, his shoes dragging a little against the carpeted floor. “she doesn’t even have an education! hey!” the older man yelled after him as he opened the door and began walking back to his section. “hey!”. wonwoo just kept walking, his hands still buried in his pockets. “well just remember you chose her! don’t come to me complaining when she’s fired after two weeks!” the personnel manager shouted after wonwoo, holding up the resume and shaking it slightly in frustration. the hall echoed the slow steps of the man, his back disappearing into the sliding doors of the elevator that would take him back up to the 17th floor where he worked.

“the new temp is kinda weird.” seungkwan commented, his eyes fixed on the newly hired worker across the hall from the section of desks he sat at. mingyu looked up from a folder of blueprints, while soonyoung snorted in response, his eyes barely peeking above the edge of his huge computerscreen. the girl worked quietly as the men looked her over. she was wearing a sweater probably two sizes too big and skinny jeans paired with a pair of dirty and worn chucks that where probably white at some point but now resembled a light shade of dusty gray. “she gives me sort of a mysterious vibe.” mingyu mused, the folder on his desk pressing down a few buttons on his keyboard which then prompted a few dissatisfied sounds to erupt from the laptop. “I heard younghee say that she saw her on the underground the day after she started, like 3 weeks ago. she didn’t even say hello or anything, and she wasn’t dressed for the weather either.” soonyoung whispered at his coworkers, seungkwan gasping a little as he too recalled the floor secretary’s story. “quit staring. get back to work, you’re not getting paid to act like creeps.” wonwoo’s heavy steps roused the three men out of their trance. the manager flopped down onto his office chair, his desk ajar from the group of three in front of him having been littered with documents and papers from various companies. there was a neatly placed stack of mail on the side of his desk, and as the man noticed this he glanced over at the worker who put them there.

y/n y/l/n. the worker he had hired almost a month ago. she didn’t do a lot around the office. well, she did what she was supposed to, but wonwoo had never spoken to her or seen her outside the workplace. the younger girl looked frail and tiny but she had a though and cold aura to her, almost as if she weren’t as young as she looked, like she knew all the secrets in the world. she had busied herself with watering the plants around the office, and wonwoo let himself observe the girl for a moment before he sat down at the desk he sat at every day. y/n sorted and printed receipts from various purchases made by the company and the workers, sorted and delivered mail to the rest of the officeworkers’ desks as well as printing and filing important documents in the huge cabinets by the inspectors office. she was unsually quiet, never speaking to anyone unless needed. wonwoo turned on his computer, opening the e-mail application on his desktop before taking a quick glance back at the girl. she sat, glue stick in hand as she quickly pasted the various receipts onto a piece of paper.

hours passed and the day seemed to go on as usual, the phone ringing every once in a while and e-mails slowly disappearing from the unread basket as the man typed out reply after reply. by lunchtime wonwoo and his team of assistants where reviewing an application for a security inspection to rebuild a larger building in handong when the department secretary, min younghee, called for him. “manager jeon! there’s a package delivery coming up to your desk in a minute!” she yelled out from across the room, the phone tucked in between her chin and her shoulder. wonwoo reacted quickly, moving over from the huddle of men surrounded around the application and blueprints for the building in discussion. he could hear the elevator ding over the monotone whitenoise filling the office. a deliveryman, one of those express deliverymen who drive around on motorcycles and take scandalously much in payment, walked into the open office space with a motorcycle helmet on his head. “jeon wonwoo?” he called out, secretary younghee jumped to her feet and pointed the man towards her manager.

jeon wonwoo was stood by his desk, a little confused tweak of his eyebrows flashing over his tired face before he quickly signed the paper the stranger asked him to and took the big brown envelope that was handed to him. and just like that the helmet clad man was gone again and wonwoo was stood with a blank expression and a heavy brown paper envelope in his hand with his name scribbled into the edge with black marker. it wasn’t unusual to get deliveries, he noted, but no return address and no e-mail or phone calls from any of his business partners that they had sent him anything. which wonwoo noted as a little strange. despite this he sat down at his desk. his desk had always been stood slightly away from soonyoung, mingyu and seungkwan’s to keep himself out of their constant bickering but also to get some space to do manager things such as writing out hours and payments for his staff. the rest of the office could barley see his desk so he didn’t bother to double check if anyone where watching him as he slowly peeled the sticky flap of the envelope back and pulled out the content.

he jumped slightly in his chair, his eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline before he looked up to see if anyone had noticed his unusual reaction to the mail he had received. in his hand laid a stack of fresh 50,000 won notes, and a small piece of a yellow post it that read “make sure you get it done. thanks”. he took another unsure glance up before trying to discreetly put the envelope into one of his desk drawers. as the drawer quietly slammed closed, he let out a relieved sigh. he would report the money to the inspector after hours, or maybe tomorrow. and maybe, just maybe he would check how much had been sent in that envelope. just because that’s vital information of course. the man, still tense from the shock and still feeling the rush of the unexpected bribery money, straightened his back and looked over to the men still huddled together a couple meters in front of his desk. they seemed to still be completely oblivious. good. wonwoo turned to assess the rest of the office when his eyes met a unfamiliar pair staring back at him. the only desk that had direct view to his was the temp desk. the temp he had hired was staring right into his eyes, her face expressionless and cold. he couldn’t seem to look away from her intense stare either. it felt like a lifetime had passed when wonwoo clared his throat and looked over at his computer awkwardly. he could still feel y/n’s stare on him as he pointlessly scrolled through all his read e-mails. he would report the money tomorrow. first he had to figure out why someone would try to frame him for bribery. he was an honest man, so honest in fact that he would report this. but tomorrow. or maybe in two days.

[no-other-words]

let’s take this offline - ch2

synergy is the key to success [read on ao3] kageyama needs to burn that sweater-vest and hinata needs to not get turned on by kageyama’s voice.

---

“Hi, I’m Hinata!”

It feels like he’s repeated this at least ten times now, but the conversation that comes after is never the same. Hinata has met pretty much all the people joining their team and he’s already liking this new bunch.

A meet-and-greet was called forth by Daichi where Kuroo’s team can meet the rest of the Marketing Division, a chance for new faces to introduce themselves and get to know one another. He adds in his memo that breakfast will be included and where there is free food, there is Hinata.

Seeing so many unfamiliar faces causes slight unease in Hinata so after loading up two full plates of fruits and muffins, he sets off to make some new acquaintances.

Oikawa seems like a total douche but the passionate way he talks about his line of work is admirable and Hinata goes starry-eyed. Akaashi is the complete opposite with his calm and collected demeanour and Hinata thinks that Kenma would get along with him. Aone is a tough one to crack but once Hinata mentions animal documentaries, an instant connection is built and he knows it will be a lasting one.

Then there’s the guy sulking in the corner of the room, staring relentlessly at Hinata. Eyes narrowed, brows scrunched, and lips pulled into small pout, he has not moved since Hinata got here. Everything about him is intense—the way he eats his fruits, the way he holds his coffee cup, the way he drinks from his cup.

The only thing that makes him slightly more approachable is the puke-green sweater vest he’s unfortunately wearing. Brave is the man who steps out into society in that.

He’s been avoiding to introduce himself but one can only be so rude for so long. Hinata musters up the courage, summons his biggest smile, and marches right up to the man.

“Good morning! I see you’re enjoying that coffee a lot.” He starts off. “I’m Hi—”

“I know. Your picture doesn’t do you justice.”

Now it’s his turn to stare. The next few seconds was a wild train ride as Hinata witnesses a rainbow of emotions running across the man’s face—shock, dismay, humiliation, and a final colour of cooled restraint. Or at least, as restrained as he can be with that growing flush of his.

Hinata hears the impact of an arrow shooting through his heart.

Then the guy blurts out, “I mean, you’re even harder to look at in person.”

That figurative arrow is then unforgivingly ripped out.

“What did you say?” Hinata growls.

“You just…” He appears to be struggling to find words. “You have that same stupid look—”

“Just give me your name so I know not to work with you in the future.”

“Too late, you already are.” The man takes his hand out for a handshake. “Kageyama Tobio.”

Hinata hisses in responses, slapping his hand away. “I knew there was something sinister about you.”

“Sinister? What the fuck do you mean?!”

Taking a step forward, Hinata says, “You were giving me angry looks the whole time I was here!”

“That’s because all I could see is that dumb picture you have on your Skype profile,” Kageyama says, putting his foot forward. “Take a better one by the way, it hurts my eyes and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Well I don’t appreciate your attitude.”

“You already said that, genius. Try to be original for once.”

Before Hinata can reply, both of them gets a hard pat on the back and they turn to see Kuroo, standing uncomfortably close and wearing an uncomfortably wide smile.

“Well well, we sure are getting acquainted here,” says Kuroo. “It’s always nice to see our staff get along. Makes for good team morale, don’t you think?”

The silent challenge in his eyes makes both Hinata and Kageyama nod. His towering figure looming over Hinata makes it all the more intimidating.

“And Daichi will be especially happy to see us working and flourishing together as one big family, wouldn’t you agree?”

The two men couldn’t nod faster.

“Good.” Kuroo pats their back again. “Play nice.”

Waiting until the manager walks out of hearing range, Kageyama gives Hinata a pointed look. “Listen up moron, I'm not going to throw my reputation down the drain in front of my boss and Daichi just because some dimwit doesn't know how to do his job correctly."

Hinata grits his teeth. The two-faced, no-good, jer—

“Grab your laptop and come to my desk. I’ll take a look at your dumb report.”

A truce.

Okay, he takes it all back. Maybe this guy’s not all that bad.

Wait.

"Why don’t you come to my desk?" Hinata asks.

Kageyama gives him an incredulous look. "Because we're already on my floor so why the hell do I need to go to the 23rd? This is your problem anyway."

"Caused by your data!"

"Just…" Kageyama takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He rubs the bridge of his nose before brushing back his bangs, revealing a weirdly alluring forehead. "Just, come. Okay? Let me see what I can do."

Maybe it’s the way Kageyama finally pulls back. Not giving in, but receding for now to let things cool before both their hotheads steam up again. Maybe it’s also how he decides to lower his voice, as an attempt for cease-fire. It sounds smoother, low and solid, and eases Hinata’s defenses down.

Realizing that he still hasn’t replied, Hinata clears his throat. "Fine, give me fifteen minutes."

Kageyama raises his eyebrows. "It takes you that long to get up there?”

His personality is as horrid as that sweater-vest of his.

---

In all honesty, if it wasn't for his serious lack of charm, Hinata would've thought Kageyama as a slightly-above-average looking guy. He's decently-built, no doubt smart, and has a pretty face to boot (when it's not scrunched in negativity). Brown eyes are so common here so it's refreshing to see a person with blue ones.

Hinata first discovers them when they sit together to look at his broken report. Kageyama’s focusing on the screen in front of him, concentration level up 110%. He’s seated tightly against his desk, hands on mouse and keyboard moving ever so swiftly to navigate around the computer. Like a machine, he processes the report methodically and Hinata…well Hinata’s eyes explore the office setting.

And then at Kageyama. He’s currently addressing him about something, but Hinata doesn’t really listen because he realises that Kageyama’s eyes are not black but in fact a dark shade of blue. It’s hard to tell, what with the man glaring at you half the time.

“Are you even listening?”

“Your eyes are blue.”

This puts a stop to Kageyama’s scowling. He straightens up and looks back to the screen, muttering, “What of it?”

Hinata shakes his head in defence. “No I mean, I just think that’s cool. They’re so dark and…” He leans in closer to get a better look. The colour is so deep that Hinata’s mistaken them for black, to his shame, and Hinata finds Kageyama’s eyes are so intense that—

“It’s nice,” he says.

Kageyama visibly swallows. “Nice.”

Hinata nods with a smile. “They’re a nice colour.”

They find out what went wrong with the report that day. It’s neither Kageyama’s data nor Hinata’s report that is that the cause but some data-transfer issue that becomes too technical for them to solve. Surprisingly, Kageyama offers to help Hinata find the right contact and email them.

And that’s how Kageyama stumbles across the 400+ unread emails buried in Hinata’s inbox. He calls it a wrongdoing, uncivilized, an absolute abomination, and Hinata should be ashamed of himself for letting the situation get this far. Hinata in turn has no idea what’s so wrong about it until he seems Kageyama’s pristine clean mailbox.

That day is when Hinata learns of how diligent Kageyama is. How he makes sure to meticulously file his emails into folders structured in a hierarchal fashion, how he has 0 draft emails while Hinata has more than 10 because he isn’t all that great at finishing emails and he often forgets.

Kageyama’s desktop is a mirror of his inbox—clear and simple with only three icons to select on. His folders are neatly organized and easy to navigate around. His sticky notes line perfectly against each other, same width same height, and not a pixel disproportionate.

It’s all kind of endearing, really.

That and the fact Kageyama goes nuts over Hinata’s own desktop, filled with documents and software—some misnamed, some just having the default Untitled, and some with the asdf name. That one particular text file with the name asdfdsasdfasdafdasd is certainly one that drives Kageyama insane. He calls it a calamity waiting to happen.

Hinata likes to call it organized chaos.

Kageyama refuses to let it go, even a few days later, when Hinata emails him again with some work-related questions, and he lords over Hinata’s improper use of the signature block. Until this point of time, Hinata wasn’t even aware that it was actually a thing—isn’t your name enough to let someone know who sent the message?

Kageyama, Tobio [11:39 AM] It’s to show which team you’re in and your credibility.

Hinata, Shouyou [11:40 AM] ok fine team i get the credibility part i don’t what i work on reflects that

Kageyama, Tobio [11:43 AM] It’s also just corporate etiquette. It’s good to let people know who they’re speaking to.

Hinata, Shouyou [11:44 AM] ha u know im way past corp etiquette and they can find out who i am when they talk to me why give them something to put a box around me?

Kageyama doesn’t reply after that. Nevertheless Hinata takes what is advised and constructs an email signature. He might as well be half-civilized in the corporate world. Kageyama better be happy.

Their interactions are sporadic. Even though Kuroo’s team is now an extension of Daichi’s crew, it’s decided that it’s best not relocate everyone. At first, Hinata reaches out when he needs help, for purely work-things. Eventually, he gets used to the idea of bothering the snappy man because no matter how annoying he knows he’s being, Kageyama always answers.

Kenma is a victim of Hinata’s scattered attention. He tolerates Hinata with the Skype chats and over-the-desk conversations and by tolerate, it means half-listening and sometimes entertaining a response if he feels like it. The other guys on the team is more willing to join in, Nishinoya throwing in words of wisdom while Tanaka writes a book about it.

But Kageyama—Kageyama listens. He yells and questions and replies in way that makes Hinata want to talk with him more. His perfect grammar and formal wordings is as infuriating as it is charming. Never is a chat-window more of a juxtaposition than seen before. Kageyama is a big nerd and he can’t deny it.

Especially with that atrocious sweater-vest.

Hinata tells him what he needs to hear.

Kageyama, Tobio [3:11 PM] What’s wrong with it? Does it have a hole in the back?

Hinata, Shouyou [3:12 PM] r u joking it’s something my great granddad would’ve worn doesn’t go well with your skin

Kageyama, Tobio [3:14 PM] i don’t say anything about your bowtie

Hinata, Shouyou [3:15 PM] whats wrong with my bowtie?!?!!

Kageyama, Tobio [3:23 PM] It’s distracting.

He doesn’t elaborate afterwards. In fact, Kageyama goes offline for the next hour. Worried, Hinata goes to the restroom to check on his bowtie. Is it crooked? Tied unevenly? Does it clash with his shirt? He’s had the idea of developing a statement about his person in the office and his statement is his bowties.

He plans to ask just what about them offends Kageyama on a call they’d setup to talk over some project. Shimizu informs Hinata of an upcoming proposal that Daichi wants to explore next year. Apparently this project will heavily involve Kuroo’s team, Kageyama’s area of expertise in particular. They might as well start that conversation early so Hinata books a meeting call.

When he hears the beep of someone joining the line, Hinata opens his mouth to greet the person until he’s stopped short.

“Hello, it’s Kageyama.”

Oh.

Oh no.

A warm shiver runs down his back before rising up to the top of his head. Smooth, sultry, and rich is all he hears. It’s like creamy milk chocolate running smoothly down your throat, warming the rest of your body. It’s the afternoon sun on a calm autumn day, the quiet hum of a fire, the lullaby sung gently into your ears.

The sound of Kageyama’s husky voice is a surprise and it does things to Hinata’s heart.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi yes!” He hopes Kageyama cannot hear the breathlessness in his voice.

Hinata grips the phone hard during the entire call. He attentively listens to Kageyama’s lull, finding a rhythm to his voice. He sounds so different over the phone—calmer, at ease. Definitely doesn’t have that same bite when he’s in your face all the time. There’s a solidity to his tone, confident and so sure of himself in the best way. It mirrors the way he writes.

He likes that solidity.

Kageyama starts sharing his screen with Hinata, something about wanting to share a PowerPoint deck. Kageyama can share any sort of deck with h—

Hinata stops. He stops right there before it goes any farther.

He clears his throat long and hard, puffing out a harsh breath as if to expel all wicked thoughts. Kageyama is a decent-looking guy, but just that. Just your regular, average-built man with a less-than-average fashion sense.

“Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” squeaks Hinata.

“Can you send me the file again? I want to have a comparison.”

Look at him, sweating over some man’s voice while said man is working hard and serious on the other side of the phone. Hinata needs to pull it together.

He sends the file over Skype, watching as his profile picture pop up on Kageyama’s desktop and grimacing.

“I really need to change my photo,” he says.

Kageyama clicks his tongue over the phone, casually adding, “I think you’re fine.”

Hinata’s heart skips a beat.

Oh no.

---

a/n: if you think those last 2 lines said over the phone was made up, think again. :)

[jjkfire]

Navy; pt. 1

Reader x Jungkook // childhoodfriend!AU, idol!AU // 17k words

Summary: He’s your best friend, practically your other half and the two of you have always promised to be there for each other no matter what. The both of you have dreams of professionally making music together one day and to you it’s almost like reality, a given really, and with each day, the dream starts to feel like it’s within reach. But, one day, with one sentence, Jungkook destroys it all.

Genre: Fluff, Angst

A/N: hey this is me trying to dig myself outta my writer’s block! please know that this is just my imagination running wild and i’m pretty sure big hit didn’t take their phones away from them and there are like other inaccuracies but !!! just humour me hahah. also it seems like the keep reading feature doesn’t work on mobile? im so sorry for clogging up your dash ): and the formatting is all weird on mobile lol idk what’s happening!! it’s best if you just read this on desktop or mobile browser

Part 2

Busanbeats.

At aged 11, both you and Jungkook think that it’s the single most coolest name on Earth for the little home-made studio that you have in your bedroom. 10 years later, you’ll realize the name is as basic as basic comes but it would be a name that holds too many memories, memories both you and him will treasure for the rest of your lives.

Truth be told your so-called studio isn’t even one… it’s just your computer hooked up to some speakers that your neighbour had thrown out some odd years ago. On top of that, the midi keyboard you have is not top of the line either. It’s just some mediocre brand but you had gotten it for a steal at a garage sale and as long as all the keys worked, you didn’t really care.

To think that making horrendously simplistic music on second hand equipment is what will change both yours and Jungkook’s life forever is almost unfathomable and yet, that is all that it is. It would push both of you apart and bring the two of you together again, almost as if finding that midi keyboard buried deep under a pile of broken electronics in a stranger’s yard had been fate at work that day.

It all started on a summer day, in the seaside town of Busan that both you and Jungkook call home. The two of you were grinning with excitement at the thought of becoming teenagers soon. Looking back now, you wonder why you were so excited to become one because if given the chance, you’d choose to be 5 forever because being 5 meant the hardest decision would be picking which crayon to use next. Being 5, the closest thing to heartbreak is the feeling you get when the ice-cream you just bought falls onto the ground. In any case, 11-year-old you did not know about the heartbreak that was to come in only two short years. 11-year-old you only knew that you were more than excited to show your best friend Jungkook what you had set up in your room just that Friday night.

 “Won’t you just tell me what it is that you’re so excited about already?” Jungkook groans, truthfully a little irked by your over-enthusiasm today.

“You’ll see,” You grin as you lead him up the stairs to your bedroom, basically running up the steps.

Jungkook is no stranger to your bedroom. In fact, it’s almost like his second home. Every day after school, he stops by your house for lunch and ends up doing homework with you until both his parents return from work. Your parents love him as if he’s another one of their children and his parents love you as if you’re one of their own. Both your families would have dinners together pretty often and in that way, it always felt like Jungkook would be a permanent fixture in your life. Ah, but life, it never really plays out the same way as it does in your head, does it?

Jungkook ambles behind you boredly, chalking up your excitement to perhaps new bed sheets or curtains… You oddly get excited over small things like that, he sighs. So, really, he isn’t expecting much from you, but it’s when you open your bedroom door to show him the new layout of your room, your table now tucked in a different corner with wires all over the place, that he tilts his head in confusion.

“Ta-da!” You gesture with your hands outstretched towards your study table. “We can finally make music like we’ve always wanted!”

It’s a dream the two of you often speak about in the middle of music club, as you play the piano and he sings. You’ve been learning how to play the piano since you were at the ripe age of 5 and you’re no grand master, you’re just… mediocre at best but you know enough to play a popular song on the piano if you were given music sheets. In fact, that’s how the two of you met at the beginning of primary school. You had been playing a rather new pop song on the piano in the music room after school had ended and Jungkook who had been hanging around the back of the room shyly, began belting out the notes after you had coaxed him into doing so. After many weeks of just you and him loitering in the music room after school, a friendship blossomed, one that had started out awkward and quiet but then developed into one where the both of you become comfortable, in fact too comfortable you think because Jungkook and his jokes, which really are just insults, makes you feel like strangling him.

Jungkook approaches your new setup carefully, fingers grazing the worn out speakers before they prod at the keyboard.

“Do you even know how to work any of this?”

“Uhh... not really,” You admit. “But I’m sure we'll figure it out somehow! It can’t be too hard…”

Except it isn’t as simple as you think… of course it isn’t. You had highly underestimated just how hard it is to make music at all, let alone good music. Turns out just pressing a few keys and recording Jungkook’s voice on top of it won’t actually give you a song that sounded remotely like anything that’s playing on the radio... but you were determined and disciplined so a few weeks or so at the library, reading up on books on basic music production gave you just enough to figure out how to finally make a song… at least a mediocre one and with the creation of that song comes the birth of Busanbeats.

It becomes some sort of routine, the both of you coming home from school, working on homework and then moving on to make some music. In the span of 2 years, both you and him make countless tracks together, and they’re not amazing as per se and nobody but the two of you ever hears them but it brings the pair of you inexplicable joy. The studio is like a new world, a secret world for just you and him. As the two of you grow from eleven to twelve and finally to thirteen, both you and he grow as artists. For starters, though Jungkook has always sounded like an angel to you, his singing has only become better and you often wonder just how good he’ll become one day when he finally starts taking those vocal lessons he’s been talking about taking recently. He doesn’t know how to tell you but he’s never really thought much of his voice but it’s because of you, because of how you continually encourage him, how you continually spur him on to create music that he sees a future in the music industry for himself. In fact, making music together hadn’t been something he thought of at all until you brought it up but he’s more than happy now about the fact that the two of you are doing this because it’s through you that he finally learns where his passion lies.

Musically, between you and Jungkook, you’ve done the most growing because in the span of just 2 years, technology has moved at such a fast pace and the internet has become a wealth of information for you and with that, your music production skills have now moved beyond layering vocals on top of the instrumental piano piece. Suddenly, the songs you make now have bass, drums, cow bells, traditional percussion instruments and anything you wanted to sample on them, and Jungkook always voices out that all of this would be nothing if it wasn’t for you and you simply blush, waving away his compliments. He thinks you’re some sort of magician, having learnt so much in just the span of a few months but that’s mostly because he’s a technological Neanderthal. The boy never got onto the growing social media bandwagon, for he doesn’t even have an email, nor an account for chatting. The only way to reach him is on his little phone that he only uses to call less than a handful of people. In fact, you would have to call him every once in a while to clear his inbox when you wanted to send him a text because yes, that’s the type of phone he has! He never saw reason really to get fancy new gadgets or try out this new and growing thing that people call social media. It’s all a waste of time he believes, and in his mind he thought he didn’t need it because all his friends are just at maximum, a 20 minute walk away, really. So, you let him live in his little technologically handicapped world because he was right, he didn’t really need it as per se if he was going to be right here in this small area within Busan.  

Now, the tracks both you and he make are actually decent enough for either of you to show your friends and family but… neither of you do because this music thing, it’s mainly just for you and him. At least for now, it’s just a hobby and you rather liked keeping it a secret because it’s almost like your safe haven. One day, you would always tell Jungkook. One day, when we graduate from college and make enough money to put aside some time to pursue this hobby as a career, we’ll let everyone hear our music then. It’s a sentiment you thought he shared because he never seemed to voice an opinion that said otherwise, the boy always nodding in agreement with you.

It’s not like you didn’t wish you could drop everything and just make music for the rest of your life, you definitely did but you’ve been told over and over again that the arts... there’s no future for kids who go down that path. Of course, it didn’t help that your parents aren’t too fond of your newfound passion for making music and they often remind you that it’s nothing but a hobby, that you are destined for far greater things. Destined for college and a job at a big company, destined for happiness... as if music wouldn’t be able to give you that. Essentially, your parents are living out their dreams through you and you don’t blame them because all they want is for you to have the life they couldn’t. You are their only child and so you carry the future of the family on your back. No matter how much you love music, you know it’s a risk you’re not willing to take, at least not just yet, but you will, someday, one day and you would do that with your best friend by your side.

By now, you’ve been friends with Jungkook for 6 years and your friendship has grown leaps and bounds from when the two of you met in the music room at the age of 7. The two of you are so close that everyone regards the both of you as a package and they aren’t wrong, you and him are absolutely inseparable. It’s as if the two of you are conjoined twins… except you know, you aren’t attached in any single way. It’s almost scary to everyone else how either of you know what the other is thinking, like as if there is some telepathic connection the two of you have. Everyone’s just holding their breath, waiting for the day where the both of you proclaim your love for each other because there’s no way the two of you wouldn’t eventually become a couple, you and him already looked like one. It’s a thought you often laugh at because Jungkook doesn’t see you that way and you don’t see him that way either. It’s the thing where you just know someone too well that you can’t possibly see them as a significant other. Granted, Jungkook gets everyone all excited because whenever these rumours surface, he plays along, making everyone think that the two of you are finally dating because he loves seeing you flustered, vehemently denying it as your classmates and friends choose not to believe you, instead throwing out references to instances where you and him act like a couple. 

We’re just best friends! You would scream. I don’t know, but best friends don’t take naps on the same bed! That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do! They would reply, and you would gasp before turning to Jungkook with your fists clenched. Jungkook would often laugh, running away before you can catch him, and he’d hear you scream why did you tell them that!? You’re only making things worse for us! Often he’d let you catch up, let you throw a few playful punches before he apologizes but his heart isn’t really in it when he says sorry because you’re wrong. He’s only making things worse for you, not himself, because unlike you, he rather likes the prospect of you and him being a couple. Of course, he’s tried telling you that a fair few times, albeit rather cryptically, but you’re horrible at picking up hints and he’s horrible at dishing them out. A match made in heaven, that’s what the both of you are.

You always sulk and give Jungkook the silent treatment the day after he instigates those couple rumours, but usually it barely lasts an hour and before he knows it, both you and him would be laying down on your bed, talking, because as always he convinces you to take a break from doing some homework, which then often leads to both of you taking naps. He’s a horrible influence, really, but you can’t deny that you do love a mid-afternoon nap and Jungkook can’t deny that he loves the feeling of falling asleep next to you.

It’s through these little conversations that you and he have before your daily naps that the two of you have come to learn so much about each other. He knows every inch, every nook and cranny of your incredibly complicated self like he knows the back of his hand. Your dreams, hopes and fears, your darkest secrets, your insecurities, he knows them all and you would say it’s the same for you, that you know him just as well as he did you. With a 6-year friendship, especially the kind you both you and him have, surely there would be no secrets between the two of you and on your part, there aren’t any. You could only assume the same could be said for Jungkook. Ah, but only fools assume…

Though you always find yourself screaming, he’s just my friend! You know deep down he isn’t just a friend. Of course, you’re not trying to distinguish between romantic and platonic. It’s just that Jungkook is so important to you that you can’t simply place him in the friend box where so many other people reside. He’s more than that. He’s your confidant, your rock, your inspiration and every time you envision your future, Jungkook is a permanent fixture because you cannot imagine life without him. Whether you're 30 or 80, whether you're married or still single at 70, you would imagine Jungkook would still be there then, would still be your best friend no matter the year, no matter the season because he’s always going to be there as you would be for him. It’s a promise the two of you have made to each other numerous times over and never once have you doubted it. Perhaps that had to do with being a naïve 13-year-old. You just never thought things could turn out differently than how you imagined them to be and for now, you imagine that life is simple, that you just had to do as you’re told and in no time, both you and Jungkook would be taking the music industry by storm.

It's funny, but your friendship with Jungkook is basically a series of never-ending promises and maybe that’s why you think it will go on forever. Of course the core promise of the friendship is that you would be there for each other, always, but it also has tons of overly-ambitious ones like how one day the two of you are going to travel the world together, or that the two of you would one day move to Seoul and live in the most expensive apartment there is, but really the both of you are just dreamers, big ones. 

The only promise you think will actually happen for the foreseeable future is the one where you and he will eventually make music together, professionally and it’s a promise you look forward to every day. You often tell him you know the years ahead will be hard, but it would all be worth it when the two of you can finally do what you love for a living.

“You’re sure it’ll happen?” He questions, almost sighing as if he doesn’t believe you.

“It will! It definitely will,” You smile.

“But what will we be? What would our concept as musicians be?”

“I don’t know,” You huff. “But we’ll be famous, that’s for sure,” You laugh, hoping that maybe if you put it out there, that the universe would grant you that wish.

“Alright then,” He grins, before scooting closer to you, his hands hovering over the keyboard as if he’s thinking hard. Hesitantly, he plays a few keys, just 5 single keys. He plays it over a few more times before he records the 5-key tune, smiling as he saved the file.

“That’s going to be our first hit,” He smiles. “You’re gonna have to make good on your promise and make us famous.”

“I will, I seriously will,” You assert, renaming the file as No.1 Hit. “But you’ll have to sing on it.”

“Of course I will,” He snorts. “It won’t be a hit if I’m not on it,” He smirks, cocking his eyebrows and you groan, shaking your head at him before you shove him away.

So, make a hit song together, that would make it promise #762. Of course, both you and Jungkook knew half the promises you make to each other are really just the two of you saying things for the heck of it. You don’t expect these things to actually happen, though you hope they will, you know that most of them are highly improbable situations. Truth be told, as long as you and Jungkook are still friends when the two of you are old and wrinkly, you would still be happy. It’s something you consider a given, something you don’t even question, but that all comes crumbling down with just one single sentence and it hits you hard, like a ton of bricks. It’s on that day that you realize that you’re a fool. A fool for assuming, a fool for never doubting, a fool for believing that everyone else sees life the same way you do.

“Y/N, I… I’m leaving,” Jungkook mumbles, biting on his bottom lip. You look at him questioningly, confused as to what he meant by that. “I’m moving to Seoul,” He huffs, gulping as he looks at you.

“W-what?”

“I leave tomorrow.”

“Jungkook, stop. This isn’t funny,” You grumble, shoving him.

“I’m not joking,” He murmurs, pausing for a while. “It’d be really nice i-if you could come to the train station to send me off.”

“W-What… I don’t understand…”

“I uhh, I auditioned for a show, a talent show and I didn’t get in but a few agencies they approached me—”

“You what?”

“Don’t… don’t get mad, please, Y/N…”

“When did this happen? Why did you… not tell me?”

“It was a few weeks ago… I didn’t tell you because I know you wouldn’t have wanted me to go.”

“I mean it’s just… I thought we had a plan. I thought we were going to wait until after we graduate from college and get a job, and we would—” Your voice wobbles and you can feel tears beginning to build up.

“Y/N, tell me honestly… Do you really think we will do half the things we say we are going to?”

“No… but I’m pretty sure of this one! Jungkook this… this has always been our dream. This is the only thing I-I think of doing once I make enough money for my parents.”

“Y/N, both you and I know you’re only lying to yourself. You say it’ll be just until you’ve made enough but when will that be? When you’re what? 40?” He sighs. “This is my chance to make it right now. This is a solid chance. This isn’t just us joking about what might be. This is something real. This isn’t just dreams and promises that will never be fulfilled.”

“I get it,” You scoff. “So, this is all a joke to you isn’t it? Everything we’ve ever made here—” You gesture around your bedroom. “— is a goddamn joke to you isn’t it?”

“Come on, you know that’s not what I mean. You’re just putting words into my mouth,” He grumbles. “You’re being so unreasonable right now.” 

“Unreasonable,” You snort. “I’m being unreasonable? You’re the one that just dropped a bomb like that as if it’s nothing and you think I’m being unreasonable?”

“You’re making all of this so much more of a bigger deal than it really is,” He grumbles, rising from his spot on your bed, pacing around your room.

“How isn’t this a big fucking deal, Jungkook? We’re… we’re best friends! How can you just go ahead and do something like this without telling me?”

“Because I know you would react exactly like how you’re reacting now!”

“You don’t fucking know that!”

“I do, Y/N! Tell me that if I told you I was going to audition for a show that you wouldn’t stop me.”

You stay silent because it’s true. He knows it and you know it too. It’s just you couldn’t see why he would want to when the two of you already have a plan, one that’s been in place for years now.

“Exactly,” He huffs, noting your silence. “I know you too well.”

“Maybe,” You sigh. “Maybe you do, and I guess I’ve been wrong this entire time because I thought I knew you too, but it looks like I don’t know you at all.”

“Oh, come on, don’t say that,” He groans, shutting his eyes as he cards his hand through his hair in frustration.

“We promised each other that we’d be there for each other always, Jungkook. We promised each other that there would never be secrets between us. We promised each other that we’d make music together one day.”

“Well, I’m sorry Y/N but this is… this is just me doing what’s best for me.”

“So, none of the promises we made to each other mattered to you then?”

“Of course, they matter to me, but don’t you understand? Some of the things we say we’ll do, just won’t end up happening.”

“How can you just decide that it will never happen? How can you just… give up on it without even trying to make it work?” You mumble and at this point, there’s no use in holding back your tears because your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on by your one and only best friend. “How can you just… give up on us like that?”

“Us,” He huffs. “You keep saying there’s an us but really in this equation there’s only you. What you’re asking is for me to wait until you’ve graduated and gone to work but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?”

“The same, obviously!”

“Y/N, I’m not you! I don’t have life planned out like you do… I don’t even fucking know what subjects I would take. I don’t even know if I can get into college!”

“We’ll figure it out!”

“You’re always so stubborn,” He sighs. “Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“I am.”

“You aren’t,” He shakes his head, his fingers silently playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Well I’m trying to be, okay?” You defend. “But I mean this… if this isn’t betrayal, I don’t know what is.”

“It’s always… it’s always about you, isn’t it? Maybe I just want to be selfish for once. Can’t I do that?”

“Why are you asking me that when you’ve already decided on it?”

“This isn’t meant to be like this,” He mumbles. “This isn’t supposed to be as if I’m abandoning you.”

“But you are!”

“No, I’m still here, we’ll still be us. We’re best friends and—”

“I don’t know how you can say that when you’ve destroyed everything that our friendship stands on,” You sob, tears rolling down your cheeks. “Just go,” You sigh.

“Y/N—” 

“Leave, you asshole!” You shout, shoving him in the chest towards your door and you can feel Jungkook resist you, standing his ground because he just wants you to look at him. He moves to reach for your hand because he can’t stand this. He hates seeing you like this and he hates that he’s the reason for your tears, but you pull back easily, hand reaching for your bedroom door. “You’ve already decided this friendship is nothing but empty promises anyway so just go, please.”

You don’t even give him a chance to say anything in return, the slam of your door enough to tell him that there’s nothing more he can say. He holds back his tears the entire walk home but the moment he reaches his bedroom, he sinks down onto the floor, and lets his tears soak through his bedroom carpet.

[21:50] Jungkook: My train leaves at 9.30 am tomorrow… Please don’t let our friendship end over something like this. I hope you’ll be there.

You see the text light up your screen minutes before you choose to retire to bed and you scoff at it. You can’t believe he had the audacity to ask you to come. You had made up your mind long before the text that you wouldn’t show up but… it’s Jungkook and even if he had just obliterated your heart, smashed it into smithereens, you find yourself setting up an alarm for 8 am tomorrow.

Jungkook, you sigh.

The bunny teeth and doe-eyed boy. To you, he could do no wrong. It’s like even if you wanted to be mad at him, you couldn’t be. Everything he had said during the screaming match you had with him had made sense, but you couldn’t help but feel betrayed. You couldn’t help but think he was leaving you behind and perhaps that’s what hurt you the most. Maybe, just maybe, you’re afraid. You’re afraid that he’d go to Seoul and he’d forget all about you while you’d be stuck here, still hoping and wishing for his return, like an idiot. Perhaps, he’s right, that the two of you would still be an ‘us’, no matter the distance. Maybe you just had to believe him, maybe in a few more years, the dream would still come true. Maybe in another 10 years or so, you’d find yourself in a studio with him, making music together as you had promised each other.

Saying goodbye is never easy and saying goodbye to your best friend is almost impossible.

“Please, don’t cry,” He mumbles but it’s too late, he could already feel your tears soaking through his shirt. You hate how you look right now. You hate that you’re crying in public, on display for everyone to see but this boy has been there for you for every single second of your life after you had met him that one fateful day and standing here in this train station, with everyone whizzing by, you can’t help but feel like it’s the end of an era, that even if he promises nothing will change, you feel like everything is about to be turned upside down.

“I don’t think they’ll let me use my phone, but I’ll get an e-mail account as soon as I get there and we can talk to each other that way. Nothing’s going to change, I promise,” He smiles, wiping away your tears with his thumb.

You barely say anything because you don’t trust yourself to. He wants you to be happy for him and so you try your best, plastering on a fake smile and holding back the rest of your tears. As the second-hand ticks closer to his boarding time, you can feel yourself grow anxious at the thought of your best friend, your soulmate, leaving you. You can’t help but feel like you’re being ridiculous, that you’re making it seem like you would be nothing without him and you know it’s not true, that you’re a person of your own and you can stand even if he isn’t by your side but it’s the fact that he’s leaving so suddenly that makes you feel like you’re drowning, like you’re trying your best to hold onto something to stay afloat.

Before you know it, the announcement for his train rings around the station and you start to feel like your throat is closing in on you, your chest tightening as you watch him reach for his large suitcase. Jungkook offers you a shy smile and you can see tears start to well up as his parents hug him goodbye for the final time.

He pads over towards you, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he tips your chin upwards, so he can see you one last time.

“Don’t get too famous while I’m away yeah?” He mumbles jokingly and it makes you laugh despite the fact that you’re seconds away from bawling. “We’ll see each other soon, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” Is your only reply, it’s the only thing you trust yourself to say because even with that single word your voice is already shaking.

“We’ll always be… us,” He smiles. “You got that? We’ll always be Busanbeats,” He laughs.

“Don’t forget that while you’re there,” You mumble. “Don’t forget me.”

“Never,” He smiles.

The last thing you remember seeing from that day is watching him disappear down the escalator, wearing a navy-blue cap that you had got him for his birthday last year. He turns back one last time to flash you a smile, waving goodbye to you and his family and then he’s off, disappearing into the sea of people. The last thing you remember feeling from that day, is a low dull ache right where your heart is, and you remember wondering if that pain would ever go away.

That following Monday in school is nothing but a shit storm as word gets out that Jungkook had left for Seoul over the weekend. Your classmates ask you question after question and it only wears you out because truth is you only know just as much as they do. You didn’t know anything past the fact that he had left because a few agencies had been interested in him. You didn’t know who he picked, you didn’t know where he was going, you didn’t know if he was going solo, or if he’ll be in a duo or group. You only know that it feels weird without him here, that it feels oddly empty now that you have to walk home alone, do homework alone and take naps alone. You had not realized just how much space he took up in your life and now that he was gone, you just felt so… alone.

In the next few days and weeks, you slowly but surely begin getting back into the groove of things, finding a new routine for yourself with your other friends that you have grown much closer to now. You hadn’t heard from Jungkook but from what his mother tells you, he’s been really busy trying to settle in and so you give him the benefit of the doubt, holding on to the fact that his mother had told you that he said hi and that despite how embarrassing it is to tell his mother this, that he wanted her to tell you that he misses you so much. You sigh at that, wishing that you could just pick up your phone and call him but apparently his personal cellphone has been kept by the company in order to make sure he would concentrate on his training. Truthfully, you almost feel bad for him and sometimes when you take a break from your homework to lay on your bed, you find your mind drifting off to him and often you find yourself hoping that he’s doing fine, that he’s happy in Seoul, out there chasing his dreams.

It had been perhaps 3 months since his departure and you had pretty much given up hope on personally hearing from Jungkook yourself but you come home from school one day to find your mother telling you Jungkook’s new email account and you had zipped up the stairs straight to your computer to send him an email. Kookster97 is his chosen username and you smile at that, thinking about how he would probably come to regret that username given a few more years. You had spent close to 20 minutes curating the perfect email to send to him and you sat there staring at your computer screen, refreshing it every few minutes or so only to find no reply. You decide to retire to bed but you wake up that morning to find no reply either and you find yourself not thinking too much about it because perhaps like his mother says, he’s busy. You let another day pass, and another, and another and then you let a whole week pass, and still no reply. You send him another email because maybe it just didn’t go through but a few days later, you still get no reply. You want to ask his mother if perhaps she could ask Jungkook why he hasn’t been replying like he said he would but you find it a little embarrassing to ask her that so, you simply ask her if his email is indeed Kookster97 and she nods her head, telling you that it is what he had told her. So, all you do is continue to send him emails, hoping one day he would reply but he never does. In his absence, you find your will to make music diminish. You had not touched your keyboard since the day he left and when you boot up your computer to perhaps work on some music, you find the file titled No.1 Hit in your recent section and when you play it, it’s like you’re taken back to day one where all you could do is mope and frown at the thought of your best friend being so far away now. You bury the file within a file and hide it among 100 other ones, hoping you will never return to it because when you hear that 5-key melody, all you feel is pain.

Weeks turn to months and it’s maybe 9 months since he left that you realize when his mother talks about Jungkook, she doesn’t tell you the usual message of him saying that he misses you, anymore. Tell him I miss him, you remember saying meekly, and she said, of course, I will! But the next time the Jeons came over for dinner and she talked about how Jungkook was getting along in the dance workshop in the US that his company had sent him to, she again, had no personal message from Jungkook to deliver to you, simply a blanket yeah, he says he misses everyone. His mother goes on and on about the new boy group that Jungkook is slated to be a part of and she talks about the other members, the current concept of it being a rap/hip hop type group and though you know you should be happy for him, that all of his effort is coming to fruition, you can’t help but feel annoyed, almost angry whenever you hear about him. It’s with each passing day that you grow bitter and each time the Jeons come around for dinner, you find an excuse to leave the house, citing a group project, or a sleepover you had to attend because you didn’t want to hear about how great Jungkook’s life in Seoul or wherever in the world he is, anymore. Just hearing his name made your blood boil because you just couldn’t understand how he had the time to tell his mother all of this but didn’t have the time to leave his mother just perhaps a word of greeting for you or how he couldn’t just reply to any one of the dozens of emails you had sent. Soon, you end up resenting him so much that you push him out of your mind completely, not even choosing to devote any one of your thoughts towards someone who seemed to want to have nothing to do with you.

Skip to year 2013, it had been far too long since you’ve given the boy you had once called your best friend a thought. You’ve managed to separate everything from him and now whenever you make music, you don’t think of him. Whenever you see his parents, you tune them out when they talk about him. All the pictures of both you and him that you had taped all around your room, are no longer there. As far as you were concerned, Jungkook was just a memory to you, someone who had once been a part of your life and you were happy with that decision for you had no qualms about not thinking of him. In fact, it had happened rather naturally instead of it being a decision you had made hastily over anger or bitterness. It was more of a decision of if he could move on without you then you could do the same. You laugh when you think about it because you make it seem like you and him are a couple and the two of you had gone through a break-up. Dramatic, is the only word you can think of on the off chance that you think of him and think of the day when he had told you he was leaving. You were 13 then, young and stupid, and when you think of the whole conversation, you guess it must’ve sounded so stupid if anyone had heard the two of you arguing. You can’t really remember why you were so angry or hurt back then and that’s really because you’ve chosen to block out all things Jungkook.

You had been doing so good, excelling in school, making memories with your friends, sneaking out late at night just to hang out with them and not a single thought of Jungkook had crept up on you in years but then that one day in June, you hear your mother shouting for you from the living room, asking you to come down quick to see what was on TV. You walk down the stairs rather lazily, sighing by the time you got to the living room only to let out a bored what? Your mother points to the TV and your eyes almost pop out of your sockets when you see him, see your ex best friend on national TV, performing his heart out. You’re speechless because that’s him, you’re sure of it but he looks so different in his stage costume and since when could he dance that well? He sounds different, the song he’s singing is much more different from the songs you made with him in your bedroom because first of all it’s professionally produced and secondly you don’t remember him ever rapping on any of the tracks you and he had made but regardless, he still sounded good. There are screams when the song ends and the screen fades to black before they show the members individually, their name and pictures side by side and when you see Jungkook’s picture flash on the screen, you can’t exactly pinpoint the emotion you’re feeling. It’s somewhere between happiness, pride and jealousy all mixed into one. By the time the second song ends, the screams are even louder, and you watch as the closing sequence shows all 7 boys with their chests heaving, sweat dripping down their faces, all of them secretly enjoying the fact that their debut stage is over despite the fact that they’re still in character, snarling at the screen.

It’s almost surreal seeing him on there. It’s crazy to think that in just 3 years, he had already achieved what you said you would with him once you had graduated from college and gone to work. It’s with that thought that you finally understand what he had meant all those years ago, that this was his shot at achieving his dreams and so far, it looks like he’s only getting closer to doing that. You’re happy for him of course you are, how can you not be… but then why is it that you have this bitter taste in your mouth? Why is it that you find yourself frowning when you think of him?

In the weeks, months and years to come, you actively try to keep any news of him and his group away from your social media but it’s hard when all your classmates ever talk about is him and his group. BTS, is what they call themselves, that much you’ve learned and year after year, they continue to release new music and though you try not to listen to it, you can’t help but listen to a short snippet whenever it’s on your timeline before you force yourself to exit out of it, turning away from your social media for the day. You claim you don’t know the slightest thing about them, but your timeline had been a ruckus when they won new artist of the year in 2013 and the subsequent year when they had performed at an award show, your timeline had just about erupted. Aside from all of that, time seems to pass by faster and faster no matter how much you beg it to slow down and though you’re sure for Jungkook it’s like there aren’t enough hours in the day for him with all the practices, recordings and shows, the same could be said for you too because before you knew it, you were sitting for the college entrance exam and then you blink your eye and you’re standing on stage, finally graduating from high school.

When you graduated from high school, you thought you would have a good few months to breathe but a few weeks later, you find yourself in Seoul, ready to embark on a new journey, finally entering college like your parents have always dreamed. Of course arriving on campus, everything felt like a dream because it was your first time in the capital city and it was your first time living in the dorms and everything seemed like a new experience. Seeing so many new faces and so many people your age, all in one place was exhilarating but as soon as classes started, and work started piling up, the excitement of being a college student disappears and is instead replaced with the reality of what it really is and that is being stressed, depressed and occasionally well dressed. The entire first semester is a whirlwind and somehow you survive finals week and make it to summer break but then just as you’re beginning to enjoy it, you’re swept up again as the second semester rolls around and you’re back to the daily grind. Your seniors tell you to stop and enjoy each day because before you know it, you’ll be graduating. Good, you thought. You just wanted to graduate and leave, anyway.

At college, avoiding BTS seems to become a tad bit harder and you’re always slightly irked whenever you hear girls talk about the group or Jungkook in particular because it finally hits you how big they’re staring to become. Granted, they’re not exactly world-wide superstars for the time being but hearing complete strangers fawn over someone who had spent afternoons in your room, picking his nose, will never not be strange to you. You see BTS from time to time on the TV in your dining halls and somehow you find yourself smiling because for one performance you see them in various costumes, Jungkook himself dressed as a police officer and to you, it’s hilarious because you never thought there’d be a day you’d see him in anything but his usual jeans and t-shirt but yet, here he is, in a police officer uniform of all things. He’s happy, or at least you think he is because he has on that smile when he’s performing and just seeing him dance and sing, it just seems right, like he’s exactly where he belongs. You can’t help but think what could have been if Jungkook hadn’t gone to Seoul way back when and at this point, it’s not really something you want to think of anymore because one day, you see him and the rest of BTS looking rather stunned after their first win but soon they’re all smiles and though you haven’t really been following the group, their expression told you all that you needed to know. From then, it was win after win after win and you’re happy for Jungkook, you really are and yet just like the time you had first saw him debut, there’s this bitterness that seems to linger.

As expected the second semester damn near knocks you out with all the work and midterms you have to sit for and this time you find yourself barely being able to crawl your way through finals week and finally, when all of that is done and dusted, you let out a heavy sigh, glad that you can at least rest during the winter break. It’s your first time spending the holiday season alone and most of your friends have gone home for the break, but you’ve decided to stay because you part-time job pays you double when you work during this season and you know you need the money. Sometimes there are slow days at your workplace and you find yourself just mindlessly watching the music program that plays on the TV. There are occasions where you see the familiar doe-eyed boy on TV with the rest of his group and by this point, you’ve given up trying to avoid the group as it is simply impossible. You hear their music being played on the streets, you see the buskers performing to their songs and you see their posters hanging outside music stores. They’re just everywhere and you suppose that’s a good thing.

You watch the TV curiously as confetti pops on the stage and BTS is yet again announced as the winner for the night and despite all that has happened, the smile on Jungkook’s face still makes you feel all warm inside. He looks so familiar and yet he seems someone so entirely different. It has been 5 years since you had last saw him at the station and of course he’s changed because so have you. With each passing day, BTS grows in popularity and you feel yourself being slowly roped in. You feel yourself growing curious as to just what made them so special. That night, out of sheer boredom or rather curiosity, you find yourself looking up their latest album, already having doubts in your mind when you hit play but when the intro comes on and you hear the husky voice of one of the group’s rappers, you find yourself slightly intrigued.

The song plays and as the lyrics talks about being doubted, about proving the naysayers wrong, about moving forward despite it all, you feel your doubts about the group slowly melting away because he had put into words your struggles and in that one song alone, you had found hope. As you slowly make your way down the track list, you feel guilt begin to creep up on you. You listen to the album for days on end, their lyrics speaking to your soul, their melodies igniting a fire within you and you regret it so much, regret thinking of Jungkook as a sell-out, as someone who had gone with whatever they told him to do just to be famous because you were wrong, so very wrong and you should’ve known better, should’ve known that Jungkook would have been the type to go for something less than conventional because he saw potential, because he saw a chance for him to become the musician he has always wanted to be.

From this mini album to the one prior, you feel youth itself being captured in the songs, from teenage angst, to the carefree attitude that came with being young, the mini albums had it all. He’s grown from the young thirteen-year-old who sang about the trivial things in life to someone who helped write and produce songs that talked about pain, love, joy and an amalgamation of emotions you never thought he was capable of. You’re sucked into some sort of hole and before you know it you’re on YouTube watching videos of him and the boys, living out their idol life. You see the struggle behind what you thought was easy success, you see the 6 other boys as big brothers, slowly shaping him into the man that he is today. You laugh to yourself thinking about the years you wasted mindlessly hating the boy and by extension the other 6 members over a few unanswered emails, over a decision he had made at 13 that has quite possibly changed his life for the better. Jungkook is out there inching closer to his dreams, living the best possible life he could and who were you to be mad at him for doing that? If anything, you were sad that you couldn’t be a part of that but really, that didn’t matter because as far as you know, he’s happy and that’s all you could ever wish for. So, maybe over the course of a few weeks you learn more and more about the group, about how they produce their own music, how they write their own lyrics, how their music resonates with you and mirrors so much of what you feel and suddenly, you find that you don’t hate them so much anymore.

Like a fool, you decide to spend little of what you have on their newest mini album. It’s to support your childhood friend, you reason. One who hasn’t so much as made an effort to contact you but he is, or rather was your best friend and though you haven’t spoken to him in 5 years, you see that he’s very much the same dork you know but just a lot more famous now. Truthfully, he’s still the boy that holds your heart, though you deny it very much and so you send in your order for the album within a heartbeat. It wasn’t much, in fact it's nothing compared to the many other fans who buy dozens of them, but this is all you can afford, and you hope your one album sale helps them in some way.

It is after the discovery of your new-found love for BTS that you finally return to producing music, dragging out the keyboard that you have long forgotten in the closet of your dorm room. You find peace in finally making music again, feeling as if you’re home again because after all, music is your love and you have neglected it for far too long. In the loneliness of the winter months, you make track after track, uploading a handful of them under a pseudonym that you’ve picked.

Navy, had been the name you had gone for because it’s a gender ambiguous name and in an industry that’s so cutthroat, you didn’t really need anything else working against you. To be fair, you expect nothing out of posting your songs online because there are no lyrics to them, only beats but it felt refreshing, pushing out original creative content and you just needed to have a place you could display them all for you to maybe one day come back and see how much you’ve grown.

The second year of college, took everything out of you and by the end of the winter semester, your will to go on was only hanging by a thread. You had been pushed into pursuing a career you know you weren’t made for, but you needed to do this, needed to succeed for your parents’ sake. When winter break finally comes around, you’re hit by yet another pang of loneliness and you turn to your trusty laptop and midi keyboard to forget about it all. The music you had posted online had gained some traction and you don’t like to brag but you have been paid a fair few times by a few large companies for some of your music and you watched as they become the base beats or samples for some of the largest hits of the summer. Of course, it hadn’t been an overnight success, it was a slow and long climb but all it took was one big break, and suddenly, you watched emails start to pour into your inbox. It’s rather interesting because there’s some sort of satisfaction with getting to see your pseudonym printed on the song credits section in the albums. Seeing it printed alongside some of the biggest names in the industry tells you that this will all be worth it, that once you’ve done your job as a filial child, you could go on and make music and it wouldn’t feel like you’re chasing an empty dream.

You produce most of your tracks during the break and usually, it doesn’t take you too long to get into the groove of making a new track or at least a catchy beat but this time, no matter what you did, everything you created either sounded horrible or too basic. With BTS’ songs playing in the background, you dig around your old files to see if you could salvage any of your abandoned WIPs but nothing seems to work. You decide to procrastinate, rearranging all your folders, sifting through old songs just for the heck of it. You play a few songs that you had made back when you were thirteen and you cringe at how they sounded so badly produced, Jungkook’s voice truly the only saving grace for a few of those tracks. It’s fine, you laugh. At least now, you could see how much you’ve grown as an artist. It’s hours after sifting through old files that you finally stumble across one that says No.1 Hit. You grin at the file fondly, remembering how Jungkook had played a simple piano melody and you had promised him that you would one day make it into a hit. You open the file, hitting play and it’s like a wave of nostalgia hits you as you hear those 5 simple keys being played. Mindlessly, you use the 5 key melody and choose to build a song around it, and you’re glad because it’s a lot better than you remember it to be, the 5 key melody Jungkook had played a relatively easy one but it wasn’t just 5 keys played in ascension, it was melodically unique enough to sound anything like a generic run of the mill ballad and for the first time in days, you manage to make progress on a track.

You work on the song tirelessly, it’s the only thing you do for days now that you have this new-found drive to make some music and so, you finish the song just a day away from Christmas and you tell yourself it’s a gift from you, to yourself. The finished product is a reminder that you still had it in you, that despite the fact that the semester had absolutely destroyed you, you could always return to music and make something you were proud of. You’ve come so far, you smile and perhaps you’re not as successful as Jungkook, not even close, but you were making a name for yourself and you allow yourself to take that as a small form of victory. You find it so funny that back then when the two of you were just sat in your room, talking about what ifs and what your future would be like, you would have never imagined this. You would never imagine Jungkook becoming an idol and you would never imagine yourself creating hit songs in a small dorm room. You play the song over and over again, and you’re taken back to 6 years ago in your bed room where he had first played the simple piano melody and you find yourself imagining Jungkook’s voice on the track, his soft crooning warming up your heart in the middle of your bedroom but ah, it’s a dream that never will be. He’ll never hear the song anyway, you scoff. You play the song another handful of times before you decide to head to the convenience store that’s just a block away, hoping that some alcohol might help dull the loneliness and pain you seem to be feeling.

It’s when you take a swig out of your now half empty bottle of soju that you play your song another time and at this point you wonder if it’s considered vain to play something you made over and over again, almost as if you were just staring at a picture of yourself for hours on end. After taking a short break from hearing your song for yet another time, the cheap convenience store soju gives you the brilliant idea of creating a faux email for the day just for the heck of it. You can hear your brain telling yourself that it’s the worst idea on earth but really with the amount of soju you’ve drank, you can barely discern right from wrong anymore. Your fingers type hastily on your keyboard and you think hard before laughing as you type in a new username. Busanbeats, you type out. It’s the silly little name you and Jungkook had given your so-called ‘studio’ when the two of you were 11. 

Congratulations! You have just made a new account. Hello, Busanbeats. 

You snicker at the new email sitting in your inbox. Busanbeats, god, how long has it been since you last saw that name? You’re surprised you even remember it.

You click on the compose button, a small window opening up for the new mail you’re about to send. Your cursor blinks in the recipient section of the e-mail and you mumble to yourself trying to remember just what his username is. Kook… Kookster? Kooksterz? Was there a Z or was it an S instead? Kooksterz97, you mumble to yourself… and you sigh typing it in before you pressed enter. You wonder if he still uses this email. Perhaps he’s abandoned it, probably having created a new username, a more professional one instead. Doesn’t matter, you shrug. Whether he really got the email or not didn’t matter to you. You just needed to put it out there somehow, that you on your own had created a song off of a simple piano track that had been played some 6 odd years ago, and this email was just that, a small trick to tell yourself that yeah, you did it, shared it with someone you actually personally know… or rather knew.

Merry Christmas, is the title of your email. You had decided on it as you watched the minute hand tick closer to midnight. You stare long and hard at the empty email, trying to think of what would be an appropriate message to send an ex-best friend. You’re not so sure he remembers you, let alone Busanbeats. For all you know, you’ve got his username wrong, you laugh or maybe like all those years ago, he wouldn’t even read the email. The cursor blinks in the empty box and without thinking, your hand sweeps across the keyboard, typing out what you’ve actually been wanting to say for 6 years now.  

I miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.

10 words, that’s all there is to your email.

You attach the sound file after glancing at your message again, quickly smashing the send button before you sign out and slam your laptop shut. You turn off the lights, crawl to bed and tuck yourself in just so the soju won’t give you anymore grand ideas. Merry Christmas, you whisper to yourself as you glance at the clock on the wall that showed that it’s now just a little past 12 in the morning. As you drift off to sleep, you wonder where Jungkook is because you remember that summer you had heard BTS was on yet another world tour. You let out a short snort, remembering how the two of you had once promised each other that one day, the both of you would travel the world together. You wonder if those faraway countries are anything like he’s imagined them to be. Truthfully, you’re a tad bit jealous because there he is slowly ticking off dozens of items on the checklist of things you had once promised each other while you on the other hand... you’re just here, trapped in a life that you’ve realized too belatedly that you’re not meant for. You can’t help but think that Jungkook has everything. He has the career, the 6 members that are family to him and an army of fans that love him and his group wholeheartedly, while you’re here, just… feeling alone, alone and alone.

Jungkook is exhausted, his limbs are screaming at him as he lays in his bed, finally able to rest after a tiring day of practice for yet another award show. He looks at his phone to see a new email, one sent to the spare email account from his childhood that he uses to sign up for games. He opens up the app to see the new message staring back at him and he damn near drops his phone.

Busanbeats.

The username makes his heart drop and soar at the same time and he doesn’t know what to do. The title of the email says Merry Christmas and he’s so afraid of opening it because what if it isn’t you? What if it’s someone sending incriminating photos of him to blackmail him with? Not that he’s done anything incriminating as of late, but the email is so out of the blue that he doesn’t really know what it could be. What if it’s some fan who’s done way too much research and has found out about his past, found out about you? Not that he’s embarrassed of either but it’s his little secret, one he wants to hold onto forever because his mind often returns to memories of you and him in your bedroom making silly tracks. Those memories make him smile, make him long to travel back in time just to hear you laugh with him again.

He misses you so much, by god does he miss you. He thinks about you all the time, too much in fact. He’s always so close, so close to dropping you a message on any one of your social media accounts, all of which he’s following under guise of a fake account. He wonders why you let strangers follow you but hey he’s not complaining because this way he feels as though he gets to see you go through life, almost as if he was right there beside you. He realizes just how creepy that may sound but honestly, it’s one of the little joys in his life, watching the little stories you post or the pictures you post, accompanied with captions about the day or just a funny one-liner. Though the two of you are apart, he feels like the two of you are growing up together because as odd as it seems, you’re still irrevocably you. Of course, you’ve changed in some way but there are still things about you that hasn’t changed, like how you constantly groan about homework or how you would light up whenever you see a dog on the street, which is evident from the stories you would always post and truthfully, no matter how many times he sees them, he never gets tired of it. Whenever you talk about that new song you like or that new movie you watched in any one of your posts, he tries to nonchalantly fit it in somehow into either one of the behind the scenes videos his company puts up of him and the boys or in one of his rare tweets, hoping on the off chance that you’d see it and connect the dots. Though, he finds that to be an idea that’s a little too far-fetched because from what his mother had told him, you didn’t really care about him anymore. Of course, she had put it in a much lighter, softer way but he knew that’s what she meant.

Jungkook lets out a sigh, once again staring at his screen. His phone is literally trembling in his hand, his thumb hovering above the email and he shuts his eyes, letting out a deep breath before he taps onto the message, finally opening the email up. Slowly, he peels his eyes open and he sees that the message has 10 words to it and all it takes is those 10 words for tears to start forming at the corners of his eyes.

I miss you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are.

There’s a muffled sob that leaves his lips and he quickly wipes away the tears that are beginning to roll down his cheeks. He can’t be sure that it’s you but if it is, he wants you to know that he misses you too. How much? He’ll never be able to put into words, but he misses you so much his heart aches whenever he thinks about you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are, is what your message says and of course he’s happy where he is now. His body may feel like it’s breaking apart with the amount of work he’s put in as of late but he’s happy because he’s able to do what he loves as a job but as cliché as it sounds, he’d be happier if he was able to share it all with you because after all, you are his best friend and he’s never thought otherwise even if the two of you haven’t spoken in years.

Jungkook sighs, just staring at the email until he notices there’s an attachment at the bottom of it, an mp3 file that simply says, untitled, and his heart stops beating for a second because is it you? Will he finally get to hear you say his name after 6 long years? Are you laughing in it? Are you screaming at him in it? It doesn’t matter… as long as he could just hear you say his name again, he’d be happy.

He hits play and there’s a few beats of silence before he hears a tune play. It’s a song, and it seems vaguely familiar, yet not until he hears the 5 keys, the same ones he had played all those years ago and he knows, it’s that song. It takes everything for him to not break down and cry and he plays the song over and over again until he finds that it’s way past his bedtime. That night, or rather morning, he spends a good half an hour or so typing out paragraph after paragraph. By the time he finally gains the courage to send you the email, it’s well past 3 in the morning. When he finally tucks himself into bed, he goes to sleep with the sweetest smile on his lips, his mind drifting off to thoughts of you.

In the following days, Jungkook and his phone are inseparable as he constantly refreshes his email again and again. The other members notice the youngest being rather odd, always muttering by himself, nervously gnawing on his lips as if he’s anxious about something. Must be the stress, they think because the last few days of the year are always the most stressful as they would have back to back performances at all the year-end award shows and if that wasn’t enough, they’re thinking about the nominations they have, heart fluttering at the thought of perhaps snagging a few awards of their own.

Jungkook sends the email again to the Busanbeats account far too many times but at this point he’s gone far past desperate and all he wants to do is to talk to you. His fingers hover over your various social media accounts and all he has to do is send it to you there, to any one of those pages but with your picture staring back at him, it suddenly feels too real, and he’s afraid that the Busanbeats email isn’t from you. He knows he’s being ridiculous because it can’t possibly be from anyone else but you but maybe what he fears the most is being left on read, or even worse, getting a reply from you where you just tell him how much you hate him. He spends days mulling over what to do before he decides he would just continue to care for you from afar, his fragile ego stopping him from doing what he wants to do the most, which is to reach out to you. Instead, he spends many of his days hunched over his table, writing down line after line of lyrics, his bin slowly being filled up with crumpled paper as he finds that he can’t seem to find the right words to fit the song.

As 2016 bleeds into 2017, Jungkook and the boys gear up for the upcoming world tour that they have, one that’s slated to be the longest tour they’ve ever been on. They practice day in, day out trying to iron all of the kinks out in their dance routines, making sure the spacing is perfect, that the band is ready and that the back-up dancers are prepared. There’s so much going on that Jungkook feels he barely has time to stop and breathe. In fact, the only solace he finds in all the crazy days he’s had is when he returns home and gets to watch your story for the day. Usually it’s nothing much, just what you ate or perhaps a few pictures of the streets of Seoul or maybe a dog that you had met at the park. It’s the mundane little things that you do that oddly brings him peace. He’s often imagined what it would be like to run into you on one of his off days. He wonders if you’ll even recognize him, wonders if you even know he exists anymore. Though he isn’t left wondering for long because when he opens up your story for the day after a particularly exhausting day at work, he’s met with a small snippet of you bobbing your head along to BTS’ latest song, an embarrassed laugh accompanying your dance before the video fades to a picture of the drink you had got at a café. Jungkook replays the short video so many times that he thinks he might be slightly deranged. It’s the tiny caption that’s on your video that gets him. It’s a few lines of text saying, this is the 4th time I heard this song today. There’s no escaping BTS huh? (ps guys, don’t lie… how many of you have dropped the I went to school with Jungkook line just to impress someone?). Jungkook can’t wipe off the smile on his face because his name… you had typed his name… You know of his group and you know their songs and you still thought of him… maybe not in the way he wanted you to but at least you did. It’s lame and childish, he knows but he can never think straight when it comes to you and anything you say or do that’s remotely cute sends his heart bouncing off at a speed he’s not comfortable with. Yet again, because of you, he goes to bed that night with the stupidest smile on his lips.

In the midst of your winter break, around early February, you get a rare call from your mother saying that a letter had arrived at the house, one that was addressed to you and that she had forwarded it to your current address. Confused, you decide to check your mailbox that day to find a dozen or so pamphlets and spam mail before finally, you find a letter with nothing but your name and home address printed on it. You open up the envelope to find two things. A ticket and a short letter. You furrow your brows in confusion, smoothing out the folded piece of paper to read its contents.

Hey Y/N, it’s been a long time. How have you been? Good, I hope. Anyway, the boys and I are having a concert in Seoul soon. I hope to see you there.

Best,

Jungkook.

You stare at the letter in utter confusion because, Jungkook? Is this really Jungkook? Is this a joke? It has to be… Perhaps one of your friends from primary school had decided to play a prank on you. You fish out the ticket to see the holographic sticker on it, indicating that the ticket is indeed real and it’s one that puts you in the VIP section along with special guests and family members.

It’s odd to think that Jungkook would send you this… It has been 7 years since you last saw him and it has been 7 long years of silence. Why now? You question. You read the letter a few times over before you let out a short snort. It’s Jungkook for sure, you can tell as much from his handwriting but his letter sounds so prim and proper, so robotic... nothing at all like the Jungkook you know but then again you realize you haven’t seen him in a long time and by now, he’s practically a stranger to you. If you really thought about it, you hadn’t really known him back then either because if he kept that audition 7 years ago a secret from you, who knows what else he’s hidden from you. You tuck the ticket and letter back into the envelope, placing it on your desk, looking at it from time to time, wondering if you should really go.

Technically, going to a BTS concert is an opportunity of a lifetime. Their tickets sell out in a matter of minutes and as far as you know, scalpers were selling them double, triple the price and even then, there are still people who are willing to pay that price. Though you’re not really ready to admit it, you rather like the band. You love the sincerity in their lyrics, the variety in their songs, the insane dance routines, the complexity of their accompanying story about youth and of course, the fact that all 7 of them look like they’ve been carved by Adonis himself, only helped sell their case more. It’s their music that spurs you to create more, to challenge yourself to become a better artist and if you asked yourself if you really wanted to go, the answer would be without a doubt, yes. Yet, you find yourself hesitating, debating between going and just staying home but soon enough, the day comes and hours before the concert you tell yourself fuck it before you grab your phone and head out the door.

When you get to the venue, it’s like a madhouse. You see the queue snaking around the stadium, tents set up for merchandise sale along the pavement and people everywhere with banners, posters, fans, whatever you could think of, they had it. The LED screens light up with footage of the boys, their names and pictures being displayed. Seeing Jungkook on the big screen, seeing the excitement first hand, honestly, it scares you a little. You stand in the queue alone, not knowing yourself where to go or what to do. There’s an obvious air of anticipation around the outside of the stadium, thousands of fans eager to finally see the boys kick off their live tour. As you get closer to the front of the queue, your heart starts to palpitate for no reason whatsoever. When the beep of the handheld machine used to scan the tickets grow louder, you wipe your hands at your pants, unsure as to why you’re feeling so nervous. It’s a split-second decision. With only a few more people until it’s your turn, you decide to jump the barricade and head on home. You can see people staring at you quizzically but the pressure of finally seeing your ex-best friend after 7 long years just makes you feel anxious and at this point in time, you think, it’s something you can’t deal with just yet.

You’re an idiot, a certified idiot because you return home to watch the concert through crappy handheld live streams when you could’ve been there watching it with your very own eyes but no, you’re a coward and you’re stubborn so you’re here dealing with the consequences of your personality. BTS are all smiles that night and it warms your heart knowing how much this concert means to them, how much their fans mean to them and when it’s all over and done with, you return to your own bed, feeling rather blue, as if you had actually attended that concert that night and you were feeling the full effects of post-concert blues.

Jungkook and the boys retreat back stage after they finally say goodbye to their fans and the curtains come down, signifying the end of the show. They bow diligently towards each other, and the staff, thanking each and everyone for their hard work tonight. Jungkook sinks down onto the couch, wiping away his sweat as he drinks a cool bottle of water. Everyone’s in a relatively good mood, congratulating each other for putting on a good performance and the boy pipes in on the conversation every once in a while, reminiscing the notable moments of the second day, somehow quite glad that they were able to close out the Seoul show with a bang. As the conversation continues, he slides off to the far corner of the room, searching for a particular staff member and when he finally finds who he’s looking for, he feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

“Did… did she come?” He asks, his voice barely a whisper.

The staff member looks at him rather quizzically before a moment of realization hits him when Jungkook gestures towards a ticket.

“Oh! Uhh, I’m sorry but nobody showed up,” He frowns.

“Ah, right… that’s okay, thanks,” He smiles weakly before bowing at him.

To be fair Jungkook didn’t expect you to show up but he sure hoped that you would. The ticket had got to you, that he made sure of because his mother had informed him that yes, your mother had sent it to you. He wonders if you were busy, if you perhaps had something better to do with your weekend. He tries not to think about it but he can’t deny that he’s a little hurt. In any case, he isn’t given much time to dwell on his feelings because the week following the Seoul show is as chaotic as ever. The whole company in an absolute ruckus as everyone ties up the loose ends before the boys head over to Chile for their first international show of the year.

The next few months are complete chaos as they go from city to city, from Chile to Brazil over the course of just a few weeks. As if performing overseas itself isn’t already a dream to him, then comes the notification of their nomination at the BBMAs and an invite to attend the award show. Subsequently winning the award and seeing all the international stars that he’s only ever had the pleasure of seeing through a screen, stand right in front of him and talk to him, it’s almost like he’s in heaven but of course, he doesn’t have much time to savour that feeling because the next day, he finds himself on another plane, on to another place. They hit a myriad of cities in America before heading back to Asia to perform in a slew of different countries, the boys entirely excited to put on show after show no matter how tiring it is. All 7 of them simply get into the routine of putting on shows and enjoying little of what is their down time, exploring a few cities here and there. Just as they think they can finally relax, then comes the announcement of their performance at the AMAs and the boys find themselves back in America again. It’s an exciting experience, one that Jungkook thinks he’ll never forget but when he finally returns home, months later and performs the last two shows to close out the tour, he breathes a sigh of relief, glad that the year has been nothing but good to him.

All the while as he flew from country to country, he never once missed any of your posts, the little pictures and clips of Seoul has him yearning to return but then he sees the sold-out stadiums each night and he remembers why exactly he’s out there traveling the world. He had returned to Seoul with a light heart and a bag full of postcards that he adds to his ever-growing collection. He thinks his year can’t get any better but mid-December as everything settles, the shock of winning a few more awards finally starting to ebb away, the boys get news that they finally got a slot with the ever elusive up and coming producer who went by the pseudonym of Navy. Everyone’s on the edge of their seat, counting down the days they finally get to meet the mysterious Navy. There’s been huge debate amongst the boys and resident producers at the company on who Navy actually is and though they’ve scoured the internet for clues, the theories online only make things seem murkier, a hundred and one theories floating around as to who exactly Navy is.

Navy.

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows whenever he hears the name. He’s visited their online profile a fair few times, reading the small blog posts they link whenever they answer a few questions from fans. Jungkook can’t explain it but this Navy seems so familiar and honestly, he thinks he’s a little crazy but whoever Navy is… seems to be a lot like you. From your favourite food, to your favourite colour and even down right to your favourite Disney movie. Jungkook knew all of those, still did even though it’s been 7 years. Oddly, all those details seemed to match with you. Aside from that, the songs they produce obviously does not sound like anything both you and him used to make but one day when a fan asks what one of their old songs sounds like, Jungkook thinks it’s definitely you because when hears the clip, he notes that it sounds like one of the clips you had played for him some years ago and he can’t seem to shake the feeling that somehow, Navy is his childhood friend, his best friend. As he listens to each song Navy is accredited to, he seems more convinced it's you because he notices a trend, notices you using similar instruments, the unconventional ones you’ve always loved using. Be it the odd strings here and there or the uncommon percussion instruments from various traditional instruments, the songs sound so you, albeit it’s a new and improved you. Of course, Jungkook didn’t want to tell anyone… afraid he would sound like a madman. So, all he does is wait, wait for the day Navy would walk through the front doors of the building.

2017 zooms by you before you can even blink. Your last year in college was perhaps the worst out of all your 3 years here but as you look at yourself in the mirror, standing in your graduation robe with your graduation cap in hand, you can’t help but smile at the thought that you’ve finally made it. On a chilly winter day, in the middle of the hall, you along with hundreds of others throw your caps up to the ceiling, celebrating the fact that now, all of you could finally go out and venture into the real world. The day is filled with many smiles and despite the amount of stress you had been through, the amount of sleepless nights you had begrudgingly suffered through and the numerous mental breakdowns you’ve cried your way through, you think it’s all worth it when you see your parents grin at you, telling you the 4 words you’ve always wanted to hear, that being, I’m proud of you.

Though your parents have always wished that you would go on to get that classic office job, you’ve pretty much shown yourself that you love music enough to be able to make it into a career. You know they haven’t always thought so, not even when the money you sent home seemed to be far too much for a college student to be making but it’s after a lot of coaxing from your part that they finally relent. Of course, the little luxuries you bought them helped push them over to your side. At least you have a degree to fall back on… in case things don’t work out, they murmur, and you snort, thanking them for their confidence. You understand though, they only want the best for you and to them the best was doing what was conventional. But you, you’ve always been rather the opposite of conventional and though your parents have always known that, perhaps they didn’t want to admit that until now. When they leave to return back to Busan, you can’t help but cry. They’re mostly tears of joy though because you feel like you’ve done what they’ve always expected of you and now that’s another burden finally rolling off your shoulders.

When you move out of the dorms and into the new apartment you’ve rented, it feels like the start of something new, the start of a new chapter and maybe you’re only this excited because you finally get to pursue your passion as a career. You huff, checking your schedule for the next few days when you see a big red Big Hit Entertainment taking up the Wednesday of your week. It’s rather ridiculous for you to think that you’re finally going to be able to work with the band that you love so much. Truth is, when you saw the email sitting in your inbox a few months ago, you had screamed and then subsequently archived the email away, feeling rather unworthy of being able to work with them, almost feeling like you’re not good enough. But as the end of the semester approached and graduation was just around the corner, you thought to yourself, what the heck, that you had nothing to lose from saying yes so, you email Big Hit back 3 months, yes three, after they had sent you that email. You had said something along the lines of if they’re still interested then you would love to work with BTS. Their response had come back almost immediately and by the end of the exchange, you found yourself booked to meet BTS and a few of their staff, the week after your graduation.

The Wednesday you have been waiting for comes soon enough and it’s just after midday when you stride into Big Hit’s headquarters. You approach the desk meekly, citing the appointment you had and with a smile, one of the staff leads you up to the meeting room. The room looks exactly like one of those big board rooms you see on TV and you can see a dozen or so people sitting around the table. As you take a glance, noting the 7 boys seated at the end of the table and the main producers at the company sitting off to their side, your palms begin to sweat, your bag almost slipping out of your grip. You can see Jungkook swiveling his chair around, excitedly chatting with the boys and you swear you could hear the sound of your heartbeat in your ears, the prospect of seeing him after so many years suddenly hitting you full force. You hesitate at the door, taking a step back, bumping into the side of the staff that had led you up here.

“I’m sorry,” You mumble. “I just need a few seconds to just—” You let out a large nervous sigh and she gives you a polite smile, nodding her head in understanding.

Through the small glass panel on the door, you can see all the producers you’ve only dreamed of working with, you see the band you’ve only dreamed of meeting. You want to work with BTS, of course you do. Their music inspired you to begin again and to work with them would be an absolute honour. But Jungkook… what if you meet him and he’s nothing like you remembered him to be, not the same boy who till this day still holds a major part of your heart. What if he looks at you and he hates what you’ve become? You don’t understand why you’re putting so much importance on what he thinks when he was the one who had abandoned you in the first place. His opinion shouldn’t matter, you thought and if anything, you’ll be able to get through it, you sigh. It’s with another deep breath that you finally turn to the lady, giving her a small nod and she smiles, reaching over to push the door open for you.

When the door swings open and you take a few hesitant steps forward, the room falls into pin-drop silence. You gulp, looking around the room, trying hard to avoid any eye-contact, your eyes darting around before you purse your lips and begin,

“Hello… I’m uhh… Navy.”

That sounded horrible, lame, you groan. It was nothing like the persona you had wanted to project.

There’s excited murmuring before everyone greets you and you’re shown to your seat. You gladly take your place, noting that your knees were about to give in from how nervous you are. This is your first time corresponding with artists and producers in person. Most of the time, your work is mostly done through numerous emails and calls and you’ve never actually had the experience of being in a board room like this.

Introductions begin, and they sweep around the room, from the producers, to those in charge of vocal arrangements, to anyone you could think of that was part of the music making process until finally, it reaches the 7 boys. They all greet you excitedly, stating their names one by one and you nod your head intently at each greeting, flashing them a smile, each time. It finally reaches the boy at the end of the table, the one you’ve avoided looking at since you stepped into the room and when your eyes meet his, you hear him clear his throat before he licks at his lips nervously.

“I-I’m Jungkook, the main vocalist of the band,” He stammers and despite your nervousness, you almost let out a light laugh. 7 years on and he was still the same shy boy you had met in the music room almost 13 years ago.

Everyone peers back at you, waiting for a proper introduction and you straighten your back, before you start.

“Like I said earlier, I’m Navy but uh… my real name is Y/N,” You smile, rubbing your hands together as you gaze around the room, your eyes meeting Jungkook’s for a second too long. “It’s nice to meet all of you.”

It’s a dream. It’s a dream. It’s a dream. That’s all Jungkook can think this is. He almost wants to scream for everyone to leave because all he wants is just a moment with you. Just one. It breaks his heart how nonchalant you look, your eyes sweeping over him as if he’s just like everyone else in the room. He knows that you know him, that you remember him but nothing you say or do shows that you even care that this is the first time you’re meeting him in years. In his mind, he’s thought of this situation over and over again. He’s thought about meeting you on the street here in Seoul, meeting you perhaps back in Busan over the holiday season, even someday meeting you right here in the company. Never once has he imagined you like this, so cold, so uncaring towards him. Of course, he’d want the reunion to be happy but he knows that’s unlikely and he’d rather see you sad or furious, or just see some type of emotion, any emotion because at least then it would mean that you care but this, seeing you so detached from him makes his heart ache in more ways than one.

The meeting edges more towards the serious side and you have to stop yourself from almost letting out a laugh when both Namjoon and Yoongi pipe up to tell you that they too take part in the music production side of things. You almost want to blurt out that you know that, that you also know all of their names by heart, maybe even knew their birthdates, but you guess it isn’t really the time nor place for that. Instead, you play track after track, noting the responses from the room, the small comments from the producers and the boys and you won’t lie, maybe you’re blushing a little because everyone seems to be enjoying the short snippets you’ve played for them.

“I can really see this track being one of the main songs on the next album,” One of the producers say as everyone in the room nods in agreement. You can do nothing but smile stupidly, because all of this feels like a dream to you and at this very moment you’re on another plane of existence, one where you’re feeling inexplicable joy.

It’s just about the end of your repertoire and you’ve played all the tracks that you think would suit BTS. There’s one more track sitting at the end of the list you have compiled and you hesitate, wondering if you should play it. You look up quickly to note Jungkook sulking in the corner and even if he’s said nothing the whole time, which honestly hurts you a little, you wonder if you could coax him out of his shell with this one track. You wonder if he remembers it and though you know you had tried sending it to him while drunk that one time, you’re quite sure he didn’t get it or maybe he did… and he actually hates it, you’ll never know because you had tried signing into that Busanbeats email account the day after but you couldn’t seem to figure out the password that drunk you had set the night before. But, you’re rather proud of the track. It’s in a style you’ve never tried before but still, it sounded great and you knew that this song fits BTS perfectly, especially since it was their music that night that had got you started on working on the track and the fact that Jungkook had in some way helped in the creation of this song, you think it’d be a rather fitting addition to their upcoming album. You shrug to yourself and decide on playing it for them because the worst that could happen was that they could say no, right?

“Oh, uhh… this next track,” You start, interrupting the conversation that was happening between a few of the people sat across you. “I… I actually made it while I was in a slump and it was your music—” You gestured towards the boys, your eyes stopping at Jungkook for a short while before you turn away. “—that helped me out of it. It was your music that sparked my muse.”

Everyone is waiting intently, listening in for that first beat. The music starts playing and it’s too familiar, Jungkook thinks and after just two seconds, when the first piano note sounds, Jungkook already knows the song. He’s stunned for a moment, his mind reeling as he watches you glance around the room nervously. He turns to see everyone else smiling, clearly enjoying the song and he shouldn’t say anything, he should just keep quiet like he has been doing the entire meeting but he’s speaking before he can stop himself.

“No. We wont be using this song.”

“Jungkook!” You hear Taehyung scold, the other boys soon following along.

“W-Wh— I think it’s perfect for the group,” You defend. “It’s a soft ballad with space for the rappers—"

“No.”

“Jungkook, what’s wrong with y—” Yoongi grumbles, obviously frustrated with the younger boy’s sudden outburst before he’s interrupted by Jungkook himself.

“I made that melody and I say, we can’t use this song.”

“Dude, what are you on about?” Hoseok questions.

“Jungkook, I-I thought you’d be happy,” You mumble. “Honestly, I thought you’d like it… with 7 of you on there it’ll—”

“It’s our song,” He murmurs. “You can’t give away our song.”

There’s an eerie silence to the room and you can feel the awkward tension in the air, the confused faces staring back at the both of you making you squirm in your seat.

“Okay… So, that’s a no to this song then,” you smile awkwardly. “That’s umm… all I have for today really so…” You clasp your hands together uncomfortably, slowly rising from your seat, unsure exactly how these meetings ended.

Thankfully, one of the staffs calls you to the side to talk about scheduling, asking for any more of your free days and a few of the other producers join in on the conversation. Oddly, it makes you feel a bit better after what had just happened and you’re glad that everyone is simply brushing the situation aside, instead talking about how they’d like you to help them develop some of the tracks they have in the works and perhaps how they could work with some of your tracks too.

When all the scheduling is over and done with, a few of the boys come over to apologize on behalf of Jungkook and you wave your hand at them, telling them that it was fine and you know everyone wants to ask the same question, wants to ask you what he had meant exactly when he said that he had made the melody but from the clenched fists and intense stares that Jungkook sent you during the altercation, they think it’s best to hold their tongue. With a last few goodbyes, you finally move to exit the room and you thank the fact that Jungkook has long since disappeared. You don’t really know what to do or say if he had been there and everyone would be watching the both of you, waiting for some sort of explanation for the weird tension between the two of you.

You step out into the hallway, insisting that you could find your own way out and you don’t tell them this but it’s really because you don’t want anyone to ask you any Jungkook related questions during the awkward silence in the elevator ride down to the ground floor. You’re humming to yourself as you wait for the elevator, smiling because despite it all, you deserve a pat on the back today for handling a big meeting on your own so well given the weird circumstance you were put in as well. When you hear the elevator ding, you let out a large sigh of relief, glad you could retire to your home soon and take a big fat nap.

Your feet wobble in the high heels that you had put on today and you click lightly on the button that says the ground floor. There’s the sound of hurried footsteps just as the door closes and without thinking, you click rapidly on the open button, glancing up only to fully regret your decision when you’re met face to face with your ex best friend. You panic, and you’re not sure why you do it but you try to push him out of the elevator, slamming on the close button but Jungkook must’ve anticipated your move because he fights his way back into the elevator and you let out a groan of defeat when you see the door finally close behind him.

Jungkook’s chest is heaving with exhaustion from the tiny scuffle and you’ve retreated to the corner, simply staring at your feet because you’re not sure where else to look.

“Y-Y/N, how’ve you been?” Is his sad attempt at trying to salvage the situation.

“Um, alright, I guess…” Is your reply and you’re not entirely sure what this is... this weird polite conversation you’re having. Is he genuinely trying to make small talk with you right now? Regardless, you assume you would have to keep the conversation going because what were you going to do? Stay silent as the elevator goes down another 15 floors? “And how about you? Great, probably,” You laugh, very awkwardly and good god this conversation is so painful that you almost wish you could just dissipate into thin air.

“Well, I’m better now that you’re here. A whole lot better,” He smiles and you let out an ugly snort before you shake your head at him and laugh, because really? Of all things to say, he chose to say that?

His heart flips in his chest at the sound of your laughter, because as cliché and gross as it sounds, it’s his favourite sound on this entire earth.

“Hmm, I see you’re even more of a charmer now too, huh?”

There’s 1000 things he wants to say, had thought up multiple words, sentences to say to you when he was in the bathroom just minutes ago, practicing his lines in the mirror but right here, right now, his mind is drawing a blank.

“Oh, by the way, I’m sorry about the song…” You mumble, noting now that perhaps you should’ve asked for his permission first before playing it because he was right, he did make that base melody and so that meant this is just as much his song as it is yours. “I guess you don’t like it but I—”

“No, no!” Jungkook shakes his head vehemently and the expression he gives you is almost like he’s horrified. “I love it. I love the song. I’ve been listening to it ever since you sent it to me.”

Sent it to him? Oh… Oh… So he did get the email after all?

“Oh right, that,” You laugh. “Then what gives?”

His heart breaks when he hears you say that because how could you not see how special the song is? How could you be so ready to give it away?

“It’s just ours,” He mumbles. “Yours and mine and maybe I’m just… selfish like that,” He murmurs, shifting his weight from one feet to the other and you let out a quiet scoff, noting how much the last part of his sentence had sounded just like what he had said all those years ago.

“I guess not everything about you has changed then,” You smile as the elevator dings, prompting the both of you to walk out.

Jungkook doesn’t say anything as he continues to follow you, walking by your side until you reach the exit. His mind is nothing but a big mess now and he can’t seem to be able to string a sentence together because seeing you right in front of him, it’s like his body is still in shock. He didn’t know what to say first, didn’t know whether it was appropriate to just tell you how much he misses you, that he’s so happy for you because you’ve finally graduated and he knows how much of a struggle college was for you, that he loves all the songs you’ve managed to produce over the past years... but he didn’t want you to think he’s a stalker. It’s been 7 long years and it almost feels like this is him making a new first impression but before he can get any one of those things out, he hears you saying a quiet, well, bye, I guess... and he calls for your name when he finally registers your sentence but by then, you’ve disappeared into the taxi and he’s left standing at the front entrance of his workplace looking like a complete fool.

With his head hanging low, Jungkook retreats back up to the meeting room where everyone is still lounging around in and the moment he steps in, he could feel everyone staring at him.

“Honestly Jungkook, what was with your attitude the entire meeting and what’s with the whole song thing?” Namjoon asks.

“We just… we know each other,” He mumbles. “I grew up with her. She’s my… was my…” He can’t even complete the sentence now, not after all that has happened today.

“Oh, she’s her,” Jimin shakes his head, almost laughing. Jungkook didn’t talk much about his life back in Busan, but when he did, he would almost always talk about you. The details about what happened between you and him remain blurry to him and to the rest of the boys but all that they know is that you and him were once best friends who made music together and he had left abruptly to come up to Seoul and join the company.

“Wow, you’re friends with one of the upcoming and most talked about producer in the industry and you didn’t tell us?” Jin jokes, trying to turn the situation around, noting the deep frown Jungkook is wearing.

“Well I didn’t know for sure until today…” He sighs. “And then she played the song too… the song with the melody that I… the one we promised each other we would…” He lets out another series of sighs and everyone in the room is only more confused because Jungkook isn’t really clearing up anything with all his incomplete sentences. “Let’s just go for practice, please,” He grumbles, leaving the meeting room with his shoulders drooping down, his hands buried deep in his pockets as he mumbles to himself. So much for a first impression, he mumbles to himself.

Meeting Jungkook again isn’t what you had expected it to be. You had always imagined telling him just how much him leaving you had hurt you, that the fact that he had slowly forgotten you had hurt you even more but when you saw him standing in front of you, all quiet, looking at you as if he was waiting for you to say something, you found yourself tongue-tied. You guess it’s for the best, that you should leave all of that behind because it’s stupid to hold a grudge for so long and if he could move past everything that has happen, then you can too. You can be the bigger person and let everything slide. All you want is for the both of you to have a professional relationship at most, hopefully never having a repeat of what had happened in the meeting room just a few minutes ago. You’ll be heading back to Big Hit in just two days to explore more ideas for the upcoming album and you hope that then, you and Jungkook can finally clear the air.

Part 2

A/N: I swear this was meant to be a oneshot but as always, i got carried away lol so there will be a part 2!!!!!!! anyway thank you for reading! and as always, feedback is welcome (: