#the joke didn't work bc dick agreed :

[silk-scarlet-ribbons]

the boys receive fanmail. This was much inspired by TheyReapWhatWeSow's adorable fic, Letters from the Manor. I couldn't help but wonder what it'd be like for them to get fanmail.... Don't let Damian's lack of enthusiasm fool you; he's gunning for number 1 in their fanmail leaderboard. It absolutely is a big deal. Check out the fic if you have the time, it totally made my day!

[lightlycareless]

I have a silly idea 🤭🤭 you don't have to write it if you don't want to. Ok so here's the idea:

Naoaki loves bringing food to y/n. One day, naoaki got special edition mochi from the store and decided to give it to y/n. But y/n refused and wanted to share it with him bc she just wants to show her gratitude to him.

The next day bam! They exchanged bodies. Naoaki is trapped inside y/n's body and y/n is trapped inside naoaki's body.

But before naoaki wants to meet y/n, naoya suddenly enters the room and acting lovey dovey which made naoaki want to puke 💀 (naoya didn't know about this whole body swapped thing bc he thought y/n, who is naoaki is joking) At the same time, naoaki can see the truth side of his younger brother being vulnerable which he didn't get to see before bc of their complicated relationship.

While y/n is sad bc whenever she wants to approach naoya, telling him about the body swapped. Naoya immediately glare and ignore her (bc he thought it was naoaki 😭😭) poor y/n

After a few hours, the effect is gone and y/n didn't know if she wants to tell naoya about this bc 1. Naoya might be frustrated that naoaki can see y/n's naked boy 2. Y/n can feel and touch naoaki's dick which will make naoya jealous.

Well this is just a silly idea. Hope u will like it 🫶🤭

Hello!! So good to see you again ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for this ask!!! I get so happy whenever I see (essentially) my oc's in my inbox 🥺❤️❤️❤️

Anyways, it took me a while, but here it is!! Also, I don't know what's up with me, like I read the asks and get the idea but then I end up taking some creative liberties??? Uhgggh :( But I still hope it's to your liking!!—it still has the same essence ehehe and I also had fun writing it + the little extras at the end :)

now onto the warnings: Naoaki is a victim here of course hahaha. outside of that, some mentions of nsfw activities 😏

Happy reading!

It was never explicitly stipulated, but there was a silent agreement that Naoaki was never to approach you, unless your husband, Naoya was present.

The reason behind it was simple: he didn’t like his relatives being around you. A statement you agreed to, to some extent, except for his siblings; for most of them had been rather amicable to you since your arrival.

Naohiko is perhaps the only one to not fit such description, solely because of his “brutally honest” personality, which was more often than not, just plain rude. But even then, he had his moments, particularly those where Hitomi would put a stop to his “offensive” tirade, and he’d be surprisingly… submissive to it—who would’ve guessed?

From there, Naofumi must be the calmest of the bunch, unfortunately, he’s the one you least see. It’s quite a shame, but understandable, for he was very shy and wasn’t very fond of socializing with others outside of his circle. But any time you get to talk to him he’s always very nice, and if you’re lucky enough, he even lets you taste a bit of his incredible skills as a cook!

The rest you’d see around the estate, sometimes—not that often. They also tended to keep to themselves, which you undoubtedly knew was work of Naoya’s merit.

It was upsetting to know that your husband didn’t want you to ponder more into this side of his personal side, as well as their seeming compliance to it…

But your sadness wouldn’t last long when you’d come to meet the oldest of his brothers, the one you were personally fondest of, and came to appreciate not only as an in-law, but as a friend: Naoaki.

Your time with him is often very limited, if not non-existent thanks to his demand as a sorcerer. However, it was still a bit lesser than your husband’s, so you got to see him more than Naoya.

And his visits were certainly ones you always looked forward to, for he’d always tell you in great detail all the exciting things he’d got to see on his missions, as well as bring you gifts from the places he was deployed to.

Not to diminish Naoya’s storytelling, you loved hearing about his work too, but rather… you preferred to do something a bit more intimate with him whenever you got the chance to see him again—before he leaves you again, returning God knows when…

Today was one of those days. One where Naoaki would come back after a tedious mission, intending to tell you all about it while bringing you a local sensation, coincidentally, your favorite: mochi.

“Oh, Naoaki—you didn’t have to!” You fret as he hands you the gift. And while your words conflicted with your true sentiments, wanting nothing but gobble them up as soon as possible, you didn’t want to be perceived as abusive.

“I know.” He says with a smile, taking down a seat next to you by the engawa. “But I couldn’t go there and not get you something. And not to brag, but they’re from the highest rated place there.”

“Gee, talk about pressure!” you chuckle. “Well, I just hope you didn’t spend that much on them.”

“Would it be too bad?” Naoaki asks.

“Only if they don’t taste good, I guess.” You jest, he laughs. “Thank you, Naoaki. You’re always too kind to me.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

“Would you like to try some?” you offer; but by the way Naoaki reacts, one would’ve thought you’d spoken the most outrageous idea.

“I can’t—I shouldn’t.” Naoaki responds, shaking his head. “They’re for you.”

“Ah, but it wouldn’t be nice of me for you to get something so popular and not let you try them—at least one, come on.” You say, urging him by opening the box and moving it near him. “A little bite?”

Your bright grin was the reason that eventually convinced Naoaki to accept your offer, hovering his hand over the box to pick the one he considered more appetizing, you do the same soon after.

“Cheers!” you say, subsequently moving the mochi to your lips and eating it whole in just one bite; swiftly relishing its chewy and sweet taste of your favorite filling—taro—with a smile that lets him know his gift was a total success, as usual.

Naoaki always tried his best to bring you gifts that were tasty if he couldn’t find your favorite as a bare minimum—and while some were better than others, you could never recall a moment you didn’t like what he got you.

But this… this had to be the tastiest one he’s ever given you.

No, you even dare to say, your whole life!

It was just so good you couldn’t stop at one, quickly reaching out to grab for another one and shoving it into your mouth, doing the same again, and again, and again, to the point where you finished the entire box! Except those that Naoaki grabbed, of course, for he too seemed to have fallen victim to its addicting flavor—and he didn’t even like sweets that much!

“Ah, that really hit the spot.” You’d groan, placing your hand over your stomach and contemplating the fact it’s been years since you’ve done something like this—as well as the coming repercussions. “But I think I just ruined my appetite.”

“Oh yeah, I think should’ve waited for after dinner.” Naoaki agrees, feeling the same way as you, if not a bit less, as he takes a deep breath—any hunger that he had coming back from the mission was swiftly replaced with sweets. Probably not the best decision to make, but he does not regret it, not one bit.

“That would’ve been a good idea.” You breathily chuckle through the discomfort of your full stomach.

“Maybe next time.” He suggests while looking at you. “I don’t usually eat sweets but I gotta say, these were pretty good—I’ll definitely buy more if I ever find myself on that area again.”

“I’ll pay you to bring me more.” You counter, enthusiasm making him chuckle. “I want Naoya to try some too.”

The way you fondly reminisce about your husband fills Naoaki with an unspoken sentiment that quickly erases the amusement out of his face, as well as prompting him to cut his visit short.

“I’ll be sure to bring more next time.” Is all that he says before standing up, your eyes darting at him immediately after, as if disappointed he’s already leaving—yet unsurprised. “Well, I’m glad they were to your liking. I would’ve loved to stay a bit longer, but I still have some things to do, like resting, since, you know, I just got back from a mission.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” You blink, remorseful for entertaining him more than necessary. “I didn’t mean to grab much of your time, but still, thank you so much for the mochi. You really didn’t have to.”

“Always my pleasure, Y/N.” he smiles before yawning—you could see it in his eyes now, he’s exhausted. Your regret grows a bit. “Well, see you around.”

“See you around.” You respond, waving him goodbye. A few seconds later, he disappears into the halls.

It’s not that you were avoiding it, but at his mention of “responsibilities” you end up feeling a bit… well, stressed; the aftermath of someone that had been procrastinating doing what they need to do in favor of literally anything else.

However, you don’t feel you should be judged too harshly. It’s tedious to work around the estate doing the same boring things… but you agreed to them because you wanted to support Naoya whenever you could, besides, you knew very well what you were getting into when you agreed to marry him.

But a nap sure does sound amazing right now…

Well, you’re already behind in some things, you were sure that a few more instances of delay wouldn’t do anyone harm, besides, Naoya is set to return later today or tomorrow, did anyone really expect you to care about that when your husband was coming back home?!

So, after cleaning up and throwing away the mochi box, you head to your shared room, quickly fixing the futon before laying down and resting your head against the pillow. You then yawn, eyes slowly begin to blink as you place a blanket over you—just what you needed for ultimate coziness.

As you close your eyes, the last thought that crosses your mind is the promise to get back to work as soon as you wake up, alongside the hope that when you wake up, your husband would finally be back in your arms…

The promise of a nap frequently entailed getting a well-deserved rest after a midday full of activities, recharge a bit before continuing with the routine, perhaps even make up for last night’s endeavors…

Or at least that’s what you expected to be graced with, instead of the notion that you’ve woken up feeling worse than when you laid down.

It almost felt as if you’d spent this whole time running instead of resting, alongside an alarming heaviness on your chest that just made you want to lay back onto the futon and not move for the rest of the day.

But of course, your drowsiness did not compare to the weight of your duties, alongside the burning curiosity to see if your husband had already returned home, eventually motivating you to push yourself up from the futon, yawning as you give your body one last stretch before heading out the door.

The first thing that you notice is how dark it is, anxiously wondering just how long you spent asleep, for this proved far different than just a quick nap —but that, of course, was nothing compared to your husband…

Luckily for you, the best way to figure out his whereabouts was by simply asking around; anyone among the staff members ought to know if the heir was back!

If it weren’t for the fact that whenever you spoke to them, they’d look back at you as if they’d seen a ghost: giving you short answers, none of them offering much help, before swiftly exiting your sight.

Although disappointed that no one seemed to know much of your husband, you were more skeptical, if not hurt, by their behavior towards you—so… vastly different from the warm and talkative way they often referred to you; it’s as if you’re back to being the newly arrived Y/N that didn’t particularly fit with the Zen’in (you still don’t, but it’s been an improvement since then.)

Well, there’s still one last person you can check on; the one that has always been amicable to you since your first day here!

Except for today, it seems.

“And why do you want to know that?” Mariya would respond with a look on her face that lets you know this was not one of her usual jests, nor intended to be taken as one.

It’s always the tone, after all, rather than what’s being said.

“Because… I mean… How do I even begin to explain that, Mariya?” you chuckle nervously.  “We’re mar—"

“Well, I do; and you know what else I know? That you’d do good in leaving them alone.”

“Excuse me?” you frown, offended—she’s never spoken to you like this!  What is going on?!

“Acting the fool doesn’t suit you, Naoaki. I know exactly what you’re plotting.” She says, and if you were already confused, now you’re dumbfounded. “The two are very happy right now, and they certainly don’t need any issues coming from you.”

“Mariya, I— I really don’t know what you’re talking about. Naoaki is not even here—"

“Is this a joke? Because it’s not funny.” She scoffs. “I suggest you leave before I do something I’ll regret.”

No. Of course not. This wasn’t meant to be a joke or anything of the sorts. You genuinely don’t understand what she’s talking about, literally referring to you as Naoaki and not yourself.

But then, the reaction of the staff, alongside Mariya’s… it couldn’t be pure coincidence. It… shouldn’t be.

So, you rushed towards the restroom, the nearest place you knew to have a mirror, to seek answers—effectively finding the the truth staring back at you, through the visage of someone you least expected, or perhaps wanted, which only gave their reactions a much-needed understanding.

The reason why they treated you differently, why Mariya openly refuted you… was because you were Naoaki.

Or more like in Naoaki’s body.

A statement that barely answered one of the many doubts that arose immediately after this revelation, further igniting you with anxiety as you scurried once more out of the restroom and towards your bedroom, with only one question in mind:

If you were in his body, then…

Who was in yours?

You’d always wondered what it would be like to see your body outside of a reflection or a picture, if you’d be able to recognize it at all since many theorized otherwise, or if you’d be in for a surprise…

Well, you could now describe with certainty what it felt like:

Eerie. Nothing short of frightening; To stare at yourself right in the eye, and yet, not recognize you, as if it were a completely different person.

But it’s not.

It’s you, with your eyes, your face, your body—there’s no denying that.

Yet, the question remains, who is the one staring at you?

“Y/N” You hear her say. And suddenly, it all made sense.

“Nao…aki?” you breathe as she begins to make her way towards you. “What happened? Why are you—what’s going on?”

“I don’t know, I just took a nap and woke up like this!” He frets, you immediately pinching his skin as if to check it wasn’t a dream, Naoaki twisting his lips out of fear.

“Careful Y/N, that’s still my body!”

“…This isn’t a dream, is it?” He presses his lips together before shaking his head. You cry. “No! This—this can’t be!! How did this even happen? Was it a curse? Did you get attacked by something before coming back?!”

“No, I wish it was, at least that way I could disperse the technique…”

“But you couldn’t… right?” You fearfully ask, he nods. “Ohh, what are we going to do Naoaki?? I can’t—we can’t stay like this forever! You have your things, I have mine, but most importantly, Naoya is going to come back anytime soon and he—”

“Ah, Y/N!” Suddenly, another presence joins in, with a familiar tone that immediately freezes the two on the spot, before slowly turning to their direction, screeching on the inside when seeing her. “…and Naoaki.”

“Ma—Mariya”  you stammer, blood cold. “What—what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to talk with my lady.” Mariya responds with a frown. Right, to her, this was Naoaki questioning her—and they never got along. “If that isn’t too much to ask.”

“No, of course not.” You add, quickly glancing over to… you, Naoaki doing the same. His eyes said it all. “I…”

“In private.” Mariya adds.

“Can—can you give me a moment?” You say, now looking at Mariya. She immediately raises an eyebrow, skeptical, before giving you what is to be the second most shocking statement of the day.

“I think my lady would want to know that Naoya-sama is back” She says, and you do your best to not pass out that very moment.

“Wha—what?” You breathe. What you once desperately longed for, now couldn’t arrive at the worse timing!!

“Yes, your brother. He’s back—and it would be wise if you let my lady see her husband as soon as possible.” Mariya persists, and if Naoaki’s anxiety was already over the roof… now is beyond the stars. She then walks over to “you”, grabbing your arm and intending to pull you away from “Naoaki.” “Now, if you excuse us—neither of us wants to keep him waiting.”

“No, Mariya—wait. Give me a moment with her—I mean, him.” Naoaki suddenly says, and this, while surprising to Mariya, is enough for her to let him go.

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” she asks, almost offended for Naoya; you’d never wanted to waste time in welcoming your husband…

“Yes, of course. Everything is splendid!” Naoaki says nervously, but reality couldn’t be any further from that. Mariya squints her eyes. “He was just telling me something so interesting, it wouldn’t be bad for me to want to hear the end of it, can it?”

“… I guess not.” But in the end, Mariya would always trust your judgement above anything else, so she leaves the two alone to continue talking, or more like fretting, on what to do now that Naoya was finally back.

“Please don’t ask me to do this.” Naoaki begs. “Anything but this, Y/N.”

“It’s not like I want to either, Naoaki!” You whine; truly, all that you desired to do was run towards your husband and give him all the kisses in the world!

But… you couldn’t—and it pained you much more than you could’ve ever imagined.

“We can’t let him know.”

“Why not?” Naoaki frowns. “Surely even in his stubbornness he’ll understand—”

“Because I don’t want to stress him anymore.” You murmur. “Naoya has been nothing but piled up with mission after mission, do you think he’ll want to come home to another problem?!”

Naoaki thinks you’re giving his brother too much credit, labeling him capable of caring for anything beyond his own interest…

“Please, Naoaki… don’t tell anyone of this.”

“And what are we supposed to do then? Live out the rest of our lives like this?”

“No—of course not. We’ll… look for a solution.” You suggest. If only it were that easy. “Until then, just play along.”

“Play along?” he asks. “How—surely you don’t expect me to…”

“No, just—just tell Naoya that you’re tired, and he’ll understand it!”

“My brother—understand.” That’s perhaps the craziest thing he’s heard all that day, and he’s switched bodies with you!

“He’s… not as bad as you think.” You insist. “He must be tired too, I don’t think he’s going to do much after coming back from a long mission, you know?”

Oh, if only you were right.

In fact, not only were you completely wrong, but fate seemed to make it it’s personal mission to rub it in his face the moment he met up with Mariya, who’d first voice her distaste for Naoaki before tormenting him with Naoya’s return.

“But you don’t have to worry about my feelings, not when your dear husband is back! And something tells me that he missed you very, very much…”

“Wha—what do you mean by that, Mariya?” Naoaki trembles, feeling seconds away from throwing your plan out the window and leaving the estate all together—if he doesn’t puke first.

“Aw, come on—like you don’t know what I mean!” She chuckles, gently elbowing you. “He brought you thousands of gifts again, they’re blocking the whole entrance! I feel bad for the servant that has to move them all to your bedroom…”

“Oh.” Naoaki frowns.

He never thought Naoya had it in him to do such gesture and in such size… but seems he does as evident by the commotion harboring by the entrance, where a group of servants were taking out countless boxes and bags from the trunk of Naoya’s car and placing them by the engawa, while Naoya angrily ordered them to be careful, for their worth was much higher than their yearly paycheck.

Only stopping when he sees “you.”

Eyes softening and a bright grin on his face, Naoya drops everything on the spot before rushing over to your side, quickly wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close to him, lips intending to plant a kiss on yours and just about everywhere he can get, but Naoaki quickly evades him by offering your cheek instead—if your husband noticed such action, he didn’t mention, seems he was far happier to be back.

And needier.

“Good luck!” Mariya whispers to Naoaki before bowing to Naoya and retreating, effectively leaving “you” to your husband’s will.

“I missed you, my love…” Naoya begins, his hands snaking down to your waist and tugging you closer—if that was even possible. “Did you miss me too, kitten?”

“Ki—kitten?!” Naoaki gasps, doing his best to push Naoya away, failing to do so with your strength; oh, how he wishes he was back in his body!

Naoya chuckles.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to come back” he chuckles. “Specially with all those things you sent me…”

“Wha—what things?!”

“The ones you wanted me to do to you…” he breathes. “I’ll never forget how eager you sounded…”

Naoaki wants the earth to split open and swallow him whole.

“Well, it’s—it’s good you’re back at the estate! But I’m tired and I’d like to—" Naoaki tries to save himself by using the excuse you told him would work, but it doesn’t, immediately backfiring on him.

“Are you—are you pregnant?” Naoya gasps, in a way Naoaki can’t describe as nothing less than hopeful, if not excited for the prospect of having a family with you.

Notions that make Naoaki freeze and confused, eyes widening as he realizes that one, the two were trying to get pregnant— And two…

Naoya wanted a family?

Yet again, the image he had of Naoya are slowly changing…

Although in the worst timing possible.

“No, not yet.” Naoaki responds, playing along. He expects to be commended for this act. “But I’m still tired, work here has been… busy.”

“I see.” Naoya responds, a bit disillusioned, but not yet ready to give up, given the way his hand slides further down your waist, dangerously close to an area Naoaki does not want to have touched by him. “But we can still try, can’t we? Perhaps a little tonigh—”

“I said—I’m tired!” How Naoaki managed to push him away is something he’ll never know; but not that it matters much, for all he cared about now is facing the consequences of his outburst, something that shouldn’t have occurred in the first place since you reassured him Naoya would be nothing but understanding of your exhaustion, but now that he went ahead to assure his sanity, he might’ve just ruined the whole plan.

“Y/N?” Naoya asks, concern on his voice as he takes a step away from you, trying to get a better look of your face—he notices there’s something off about “you” but… he can’t put a word to it. “Are you… ok?”

“I’m just… tired.” Naoaki repeats. Still confused, greatly confused, because this whole interaction is nothing short of odd, and overwhelming.

“I’m sorry.” Naoya suddenly says, and this makes Naoaki even more baffled. His brother? Apologizing?! Truly, hell has frozen over. Are you sure it had only been you and Naoaki switching bodies? “…Well, I’m still happy to see you again, my love. I shall let you rest while I go finish other things, and then I’ll see you in our room, ok?”

“Ok.” Is all that Naoaki says before rushing over to see you again, having been eagerly waiting for him in some unaccounted empty room, jumping to ask him how every went down as soon as he entered, before going silent when Naoaki darted you a piercing cold stare that lets you know this situation will only worsen, unless they find a solution quickly.

“Don’t ever make me do that again.”

Naoaki and you tried your best to act as if nothing had changed, as normal as possible to avoid suspicion from those around them.

And at first it worked, Naoaki somehow managed to avoid Naoya throughout most of the day, throwing excuses at him that would take advantage of his seeming adoration for you (which Naoaki had yet to believe…) which he always accepted—he still wonders how your husband hasn’t noticed they haven’t even slept in the same room anymore, but in all honesty, as long as it keeps working, he doesn’t care.

But your staff… those were not as lenient as you would’ve wanted. While Naoya was afraid of doing anything to might slightly upset you, Mariya and the rest were not as careful when voicing their skepticism whenever “you” did something out of the norm, which eventually lead to get really creative with his excuses; he’s still surprised he even got it in him to say the things he did!

As for you… well, it wasn’t any easy either, considering that most of the people you were forced to hang around with were those you didn’t normally do so, such as his brothers, or the staff… but thankfully, his status amongst the clan often meant that whatever you said, they’d take as law, so there wasn’t much to justify there.

Unless talking about duties.

Both should’ve known that doing each other’s job would also be part of this “deception”, but as much as you tried to prepare the other, something still managed to pop up that almost places the plan in jeopardy.

“Come on, show me!” Naohiko insisted, an example of those highly tense moments. “You know, that thing that you do when using your technique.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” You’d try to avoid him, laughing nervously. “I don’t do anything special with my technique!”

“Don’t try to be humble, is unbefitting of you.”

“I really don’t know what you mean! Hahahaha!”

“Great, now you’re acting like that prick Naoya.”

“Hey! He’s not a prick!”

Naohiko raises an eyebrow.

“What are you now, saint Naoaki?

“No, of course not.” You rush to save yourself; whatever you could without appearing even more suspicious… When will this all end?

“You’re right though, Naoya isn’t a prick—he’s an asshole.”

… Guess you now knew why Naoya didn’t want you around his brothers.

But all these efforts would mean nothing the moment Mariya grew too skeptical of “your” behavior; the tipping point being the day she asked you what flowers you’d like for the new garden since the old ones are slowly withering away.

A common question with an even more predictable answer….

“I don’t know, any should be fine.”

Or not.

And that, alongside the fact you and Naoaki had been sighted spending more and more time together, while avoiding the rest… is what finally leads Naoya to confront the two.

“I tried my best to give you the benefit of the doubt, believe that maybe I was imagining things because I was tired after a long mission; but there’s no denying it now.” Naoya cited you, alongside Naoaki and your staff, to what you considered an emergency meeting to discuss the elephant in the room. “My wife keeps avoiding me with all kinds of excuses: first, she’s tired. Then, she’s sick. And now, she doesn’t even sleep in the same room as me anymore!

And I believed it, I really did, until her staff saw the two of you together, quite frequently actually; to the point it made me believe there was something else going on.”

“What are you implying… Naoya?” You ask, although you know the answer very well. Maybe you just hoped it was something else.

However, far from upsetting you…

It irritated you. Because this was the last thing that you wanted to deal with, on top of everything else!

“Y/N… Are you cheating on me with Naoaki?”

“And why would I do that?!” you breathe.

“I’m not talking to you, brother!” He snaps at “Naoaki” you frown.

Right. This goddamn hindrance again.

“Then don’t accuse me of things I haven’t done!” Naoaki retorts; you can hear your same desperation on his voice—because truly, of all things he could’ve concluded, this is what he decided to go for…

“What am I supposed to think after you’ve been avoiding me? Hanging around with my brother, of all people?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Naoaki responds.

“You know well, I’ve told you before!”

“Naoya…” you say; because even if taken aback by his incredulous idea, it still hurt to know he’d think you capable of such thing.

Perhaps it was best to tell the truth for once and for all.

“This isn’t what it looks like.” You continue.

“Well then, Naoaki, what does this look like?”

You then glance over to Naoaki, as if seeking reassurance while giving him a look that tells him exactly what you plan to do.

He hesitates, mainly because of what seemed to be Naoya’s reaction up to that point, but he won’t deny that he’d do anything to stop this madness from growing even bigger than it already has, thus, after a few seconds of this silent exchange, he nods, and you begin.

“…I—I’m not really Naoaki.” You say, statement that immediately makes Naoya laugh and your ladies scoffing—as if you weren’t already embarrassed, or irked…

This really isn’t off to a great beginning.

“Now that’s an excuse if I’ve ever heard one!” Naoya laughs.

“No! Listen to me, Naoya!” you interject, beyond frustrated at this point. “It’s not an excuse, it’s the truth!”

“Amuse me, then.”

“…Naoaki and I… we switched bodies.” You bluntly declare. “I—I don’t know how or why it happened, we just… woke up one day and I was him and he was me; and we’ve been trying to—trying to figure out everything, how to reverse it but we just… haven’t…”

“Do you really expect me to believe that? That you somehow switched bodies?” Naoya frowns. “That’s the most ingenious excuse—"

“…I can prove it.” You interject, Naoya raises his eyebrows. Perhaps telling him something only you and he knows would do trick. So, you make your way over to him, reaching for his ear and whispering to him details of your honeymoon you were absolutely certain he’d take as proof of your identity and leave this case to rest…

If, of course, he wasn’t as skeptical as he continued to be.

“I can’t believe you.” Naoya gasps, taking a step away before glancing over to “you” “I can’t believe you’d tell Naoaki of our honeymoon.”

“No, Naoya! That’s not what it is! It’s me, it’s Y/N—” you gasp, angry at this point. “Oh, I always hate it when you’re this stubborn!”

And that seemed to be the end of it; or more like the beginning of it all, believing you were not only sentenced to live out the rest of your life in Naoaki’s body (or until the effects of this distasteful act dissipated, God knows when that will be) but also suffering the great dent this happening struck onto your marriage.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to yell, kick, punch—everything, yet nothing at the same time. Feeling powerless, foolish, and infuriated that nothing had gone your way since this started.

It seemed to be a punishment for something you had yet to be held accountable for, but that will be something to ponder on about later after you got away from everything and cooled down.

So, careless of the gasps demanding you stay, you begin to make your way towards the door, placing your hand over the edge and more than ready to just get the hell away from everyone—

But just as you were to step out the room, you hear Naoya murmur something underneath his breath, something that causes you to turn around and scowl, deep in disbelief (and pain) that he still had more to belittle you with!

“What is it now?!” you gasp.

“I can’t believe it.” Naoya says—yet, his words don’t have that same burning anger as before, nor mocking nature…

“What now? Haven’t you had enough of making fun of me?!” you lament.

“No fucking way…” He continues. “This… can’t be true.”

“Fine, keep thinking I told Naoaki about—”

“It is you.”

“How—what?!” now you’re confused. “Why should I think you—believe me?”

Want to know what gave it away for Naoya to unexpectedly trust your words?

It wasn’t anything outrageous, nor “other-worldly” as it seemed. Really, it all came down to one simple thing, the same one he always teases you about, or in this case, the one he never liked to see, for it always made him feel guilty, rushing to do everything in his power to make you happy:

Your pout.

Naoya could recognize that look anywhere, from a picture to your voice, even from a thousand miles…

And now, in his brother’s body.

Because there’s only one person that would have that same pouty look on their face, the one that is made seconds before you wanted to cry, or when you’re tired of Naoya’s relentless teasing.

You.

Who would’ve known that’s all it took for him to believe you?

“Naoya—what?” Mariya blinks, fearfully placing the pieces together. “Don’t tell me this—is she…. He…”

“I wasn’t lying…” you say, and this makes your ladies gasp.

“When did this happen?” Naoya continues, making his way over to you. “How—how?”

“I wish I knew.” Naoaki adds. “It’s been nothing but a continuous nightmare ever since it happened.”

“Wait, does that mean… the day I returned… you…” Your husband frightfully begins, the implications worse than anything he’d ever imagined—

But Haruko being the only one to openly state them.

“ALL THIS TIME I’VE BEEN SERVING NAOAKI?!” she yells before suddenly fainting, her sister quick to catch her body while Mariya rushes out the room in search of anything that could help her recover swiftly—perhaps her own way to deal with the shocking revelation.

“So whenever we… were together…”

“Don’t say it.” You say, scowling out of disgust. “We don’t have to.”

Naoya suddenly turns to face Naoaki.

“You better not have done anything weird with her body!”

“Why me? Ask your wife, since you two are nothing but perverts…”

“Naoaki!” you gasp, flustered.

“Did you do anything, Y/N?” Naoya asks, slowly turning over to see you—it’s subtle, but still there. Your husband is jealous.

… it’s a bit cute, alright.

“No, of course not.” You breathe. “Although I have to admit… certain things were very difficult to do.”

“Like what, Y/N?” he insists, you shake your head.

“… please don’t make me say it.”

“Well then, I won’t” Naoya responds—for now. “But then… how did this happen?”

“As we’re telling you, we don’t know.” Naoaki continues. “It happened right after I came back from a mission.”

“Backtrack your steps, what did you do as soon as you got here?” Naoya asks; he’s going to get to the bottom of this, whatever it takes.

Naoaki knew he wouldn’t like it, but honestly, he doesn’t care anymore; he wants to get out of this situation as soon as possible.

“I met up with Y/N to give her some mochi I brought—we both ate the whole box and then I started feeling sleepy.”

“Me too.” You add. “It was so sudden too, I mean, sure I ate allot but I wasn’t that tired before—”

And then, as if it were the most obvious thing, it all clicks.

“The mochi!” you and Naoaki gasp in unison.

Why it never occurred to either, that’s something they don’t even know themselves; perhaps because they never considered something so small and delicious could offer such a big threat, but now that it was brought forward, it wouldn’t take long for Naoya to begin his investigation, trailing down the store Naoaki brought the mochi from and soon finding out that indeed they were tampered with.

According to the vendor, he immediately recognized Naoaki as member of the prestigious Zen’in clan, and wanting to cause some havoc, perhaps get some monetary gain out of it (knowing well they’d come to him in due time) decided to give him mochi imbued with his cursed technique and let everything else fall in place.

But of course, Naoya wasn’t one to easily fall into demands of others, so after enough… persuasion, the man quickly worked to reverse his technique, creating an antidote mixed with the victim’s cursed energy and to be taken the same way the mochi were.

Preparations for the whole ordeal afterwards were quick, to the point where you and Naoaki ironically wondered why they hadn’t considered telling Naoya in the first place, although the latter was far more intrigued by the way his brother handled the situation.

While skepticism was certainly on the table, the one thing Naoaki did not expect was the kindness in which Naoya treated you. There were aspects of the nature he knew of in his interactions with you, but they were always with some level of… adoration, softness, as if he were truly overwhelmed for you and not for the hindrances this might present towards him.

Even if he desperately wanted to be with you like that. And given the way you sulked around the estate, you too desired so.

Certainly… the two showed to be far more than what he initially perceived, from a relationship he thought made of interest, with Naoya being the domineering one… Naoaki found out that there were actual feelings in between—love, he might dare to say, from both sides.

Maybe he did wrong in judging him so harshly. Maybe not. Who knows.

All that he knows is that after the antidote worked, things began to fall back into place at the estate, you going back to your usual responsibilities, and him his—travelling off to somewhere he hadn’t even heard of, getting you souvenirs along the way, which now made him feel silly compared to the amount of gifts Naoya would get you in turn.

… Well, maybe not everything went back to normal.

“What’s this?” Naoya says, looking down at the bag Naoaki handed to him.

“Just something I got on the last place I was deployed to.”

“Uh… that’s nice, I guess.” He says, not really interested. Yet.

“It’s for you.”

“Me?” He frowns. “Why?”

“I don’t know—maybe I had a change of heart.” Is all that he says before he turns around and leaves your husband alone.

Later on, Naoya tells you of this occurrence, voicing how confused this whole subject made him. You wondered if he did anything to him while he was… “switched.”

He denies so, before making you promise him to never bring up the matter again. You oblige with a laugh.

Extra 1:

This succession is one that would mostly be kept as a secret amongst those involved, for the sake of saving everyone explanations to give.

However, there were those that remained skeptical, such as Haruko, who would occasionally prod at you, just to check if you were truly yourself again, to which you’d respond by teasing her, scaring her with the idea that you were still Naoaki and oh the things that you’ll do in this body!

“Bet you’re happy you’re back, isn’t it?” Hitomi would tease back, one of the many ways she’d defend her sister, when not laughing along, of course. “You and Naoya sure did lots of “catching up” when that happened…. perverts”

“Hey that’s—” you stammer, before turning bright red. “That’s not true…”

But you didn’t fool anyone; in fact, as soon as you were back in your body, you and Naoya did all of the things you wanted to do as soon as he was back—and probably even more, to the point where your staff had to intervene, asking Naoya to leave you alone for bit because you still had other things to tend to.

“I’m just making sure my beloved wife is truly back to her usual self.” Naoya would say. “In all ways, not just physical”

They all knew better than to insist, more so because the next time they do, they might see something they wouldn’t want to, probably scar them for life too—yet they couldn’t deny their happiness to see the two back together again. After seeing how desolate you were without him, and him without you, it was a well-deserved break.

“Gross.” Hitomi would cringe, before laughing once more.

Extra 2:

“Naoya.” You murmur, snuggling close to him. It was the last night he’d be at the estate before he went, yet again, onto another mission. This time promises to be shorter than the others, but it still doesn’t mean you’re any happy for it.

“Yes, my love?”

“I was thinking…”

“That’s a dangerous thing to do.”

You pout, Naoya chuckles, kissing the top of your head as he wraps his arms around you.

“Anyways… I was thinking about that thing that happened to us…”

“The… body switching thing?”

“Yeah, and it came to me something I didn’t even consider.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, you know how they say soulmates can find each other no matter what they look like, right?”

“Right…” Naoya says; getting a mixture of feelings, first, guilty that this theory wasn’t applicable to him anymore. He should’ve recognized you the moment he saw you! And yet…

Secondly, because something in his mind told him you were planning something… unexpected—but what? And does he even want to know?

Maybe.

“So, I was just wondering… would you still love me if I was a worm?”

“What the—what the fuck?” he exclaims, laughing nervously. “Where did this come from??”

“Oh, come on!” you chuckle. “I’d love you, I’d have you in a nice little tank or whatever it’s called, decorated with all kinds of plants, homegrown so they won’t have anything weird in them, so you can eat to your hearts delight, as well as put you your anime shows so you wouldn’t get bored!”

“You’re weird…” he laughs.

“I’d probably take you out on a walk too, have like a small box I can carry so we can go around the city, let you out in the park, all that stuff” you continue, completely invested in the idea. “Sounds nice, right?”

“But if I were a worm… then I wouldn’t be able to fuck you the way you love so much—although I think I can manage if I really get in—”

“Eww!! No! Stop it! Nope! Don’t be weird about it!” you whine, fidgeting against him in efforts to get away from his uncalled suggestions, but he just laughs, holding you in place while snaking one of his hands down to your ass and firmly squeezing it. “Don’t—don’t touch me after saying something so gross!’

“Hey, you started it! I was just following you along.”

“It was just a joke!” You whine, he continues to laugh, peppering kisses on your face until you eventually accept your fate and stop fighting him.

He continues doing the same, eventually quieting down to complete silence. After a few seconds of cuddling together, your husband speaks up again.

“Even if you were a rock, I’d always love you.” Naoya admits.

“…Would I be a cute rock?”

“The hottest rock.” He kisses you once again, you roll your eyes at his lewdness, as if you weren’t expecting to do that one last time before he left, before laughing and kissing him. “I love you.”

😏 I guess that's my take on how Naoya would answer the worm question, not that anybody asked but hey, it is what it is hahaha

Also, this was all for laughing sake's, Y/N would immediately tell Naoya about the whole thing 😂 she'd be persistent cause she aint about missing her wifely duties!! But outside of that, Naoya was very, veryyyyy jealous when he heard about the whole thing—want to know what he worried for the most though? Y/N thinking Naoaki's dick was bigger or something hahahah oof rest assured, she likes his better :)

Anyways, this was certainly very, very different from other asks I've got to answer! I really liked trying something new :> I know I deviated a bit from your idea, but I still hope you were able to enjoy it!! It's just what came to me at the moment 🤔 hehe.

Once again, thank you so much for this 🥺❤️ Take care and hope to see you soon!!

[unlimitedhorsepower]

I made a joke once that makes Ryan seem a little homophobic if u don't consider him automatically LGBT all at once and someone left some tags on that post pointing it out and agreeing and I've been tormented by that ever since.

Tormented by thinking people think Ryan is specifically homophobic or misogynist. Even if you consider him a 100% cishet metrosexual he's cringe and fail at worst!!

Ever since he was created his personality trait has explicitly been "treats everyone equally". He's just insufferable and annoying, not bigoted I swear!!!! That goes against his character bc the point is imo that he seems like the worst guy ever like if you met him you would be like wow look at this megamisogynist rolling in but then you realize that he's not specifically misogynist he just makes you wanna rip ur hair out in general.

He doesn't bother women. He bothers everyone. His worst canon moment is when he gave his number to a waitress and a personal trainer like pls these women are doing their jobs... Albeit other texted him the same evening and Ryan's other skill is insight so one would hope he's not being a problem

On the other hand he equally bothered Yuri at work in the manga by being like hi here's my gift and literally shows up at Barnaby'a door in that one audio drama even tho Barnaby told him he's busy

To me Ryan is the person who didn't think too hard about anything in his life and in fact actively avoids it so he isn't totally sure gay people are real but he's more concerned whether the gays are attracted to him or not bc they better be.

Ryan slept with a girl with a dick and brought this up to Nathan who was about to euthanize him but he was just confused how come she was wearing a dress without a bulge. Like where was the dick before that. He's so distraught like do women have secret magical powers. Sometimes he would like to seem like his cock is less fat too, so how come... Explain that Nathan. Where do the balls go

Tormented by Ryan and Nathan not hanging out more. They love fashion and vehicles and muscles etc. Nathan needs to take Ryan to a gay bar so bad so that one tweet can come true, the one that goes "white boy shocks bartender by ordering in fluent LGBT". See my vision???? TNB hates women and gay ppl too much OK but in a better world .

[nighterwriter]

My batfam head canons: GO!

Cass speaks in ASL.

They all take after Bruce in that they all WILL look after a child if there are no parents in sight.

Bruce is a socialist. While he believes a bit in the invisible hand of the free market, he also knows that he's a billionaire because of a corrupt system. Which leads into

Bruce acts basically as the government in Gotham. His company and riches have single handedly been the reason Gotham has a population. It's a socialist city with great quality of life besides the crime.

Cassandra Cain is the person Bruce would choose to take over from him. BUT

Jason honestly wants to be the next Batman. Not because he grew up wanting to, but because deep down he believes none of his siblings would do the mantle justice. Tho he also agrees Cass would be a good fit.

Batman specially designed a part of the Batcave where he can stand where, if he shouts hard enough, Superman can hear him from all over the world.

SuperBat is a brotherly dynamic. They LOVE eachother, but in a brothers way.

Not headcanon but how I always treat Barbara Gordon is that, yes the Killing Joke happened, but she's still a superhero. But now with BatCrutchesTM which are crutches with all sorts of cool utility. I do this because A) Alan Moore didn't want Killing Joke to be canon. Nor did he particularly like the story iirc. B) because no other superhero has let a crippling injury stop them before. And C) because my favorite superhero from Marvel had a backstory that was basically what happened to Babs in The Killing Joke and Marvel refuses to do her justice and BC she's black and I'm white I don't feel comfortable writing fanfic about her. Also BC I think the idea of a superhero with crutches is badass.

Tom legitimately does not exist in my head. Call that low object permanence. Dick's the bi one.

All the batfam obviously know ASL.

StephXCass, JasonXBabs, HarleyXIvy

Another Fanfic one, but I always include Carrie Kelly from The Dark Knight returns, and Annie (the daughter of clayface who joined Batman) from the Batman Animated series.

Commissioner Gordon gets dragged over to Wayne manor every holiday.

Harley and Ivy randomly are just the Weird Aunts of the batfam.

Bruce is a fully trained butler, and all the family do chores when they aren't trying not to die.

So many interesting headcanons! Please don't take this as trashing your headcanons, I'm just starting a discussion.

I agree with what you said about Bruce Wayne, but I think he tries to make his influence in Gotham less obvious to prevent pushback. With the idea of Gotham having a great quality of life, I think, to keep having Batman continue to operate in Gotham, there has to be a mediocre quality of life, especially for the non-rich people, but I'm 100% sure Bruce is working towards bettering it.

Ooh Jason as Batman, what an interesting thought. I think unconsciously he'd want it but he'd have conflicting thoughts. As you said, he doesn't believe that his siblings could do the job correctly, but he also knows that his methods don't align with Batman's methods. I also think self-doubt and self-worth plague him, so if he ever did want to be Batman, he'd have to work with those. However, I believe in Cass Batman supremacy.

Agree with Babs 100%

I'm okay with Tim being bi, I think writers should stop being cowards and just let the batfam love who they love.

I see a lot of the people in the batfam as siblings, despite the lack of a common name, especially Babs and Jason (who I think have a brother-and-sister relationship.)

I think Harley and Ivy aren't the aunts, because they still wreak havoc in Gotham, but the batfamily has slightly higher trust in them compared to the other Gotham rogues.

Thank you for the headcanons! :)

[dramatic-dolphin]

Okay I'm someone who makes a lot of jokes relating to Ceaușescu's execution. (Or at least more than what would be usual, I guess.) For context my grandparents and my mom is from Romania, we're Hungarian, but I have some more distant Romanian relatives (people who married in, their children, etc)

That Tate joke was definitely a Ceaușescu joke, and while in this case it sorta gets a pass, (because cmon, every time Orbán does something stupid I start asking people what they're doing on Christmas) western people in general are really fucking weird towards Romanians. Other eastern europeans are weird about Romanians. Hungary is objectively the fucking worst when it comes to Romanians.

So I vaguely get the uneasiness bc a lot of people are just dicks to Romanian ppl and while I absolutely agree with anything that conveys "fuck Ceaușescu" Im wary of jokes and memes about Romania especially coming from western ppl who think it's some kind of backwards village country

YEAH that was exactly my thinking btw. i am super wary of westerners making jokes abt eastern europe, especially romania, ukraine (though i no longer see that with recent events) & other countries that they are Very Fucking Weird towards. yeah yeah backwards war-torn slavic countries, haha, we've all seen it. god i hate those people.

to be honest i totally didn't make the ceaușescu connection bc my mind just wasn't on that, but his execution totally deserves to be joked about, just like mussolini's 🥰🥰 re: orbán, hmu next christmas, i bet we can work something out. every time i see his face i am envisioning a firing squad and it makes me very happy

[djemsostylist]

House of the Dragon has, in my humble, been exceptional television through the first 4 episodes. The writing was tight, focused, and well done, and the acting and directing were frankly superb. Not perfect, perhaps, because nothing ever is, but certainly better television than anything I've seen in years. To say I might be the tiniest bit obsessed would be an understatement (which a perusal of my tumblr/twitter tendencies lately would quickly prove) so...

Episode 5 was--to say a disappointment is perhaps too harsh, because there were individually excellent moments and scenes, and in general I agree with the events that occurred, but this was the first episode where I felt like the execution suffered.

Episode 5 felt like they needed things to happen and weren't entirely sure how, so they just kind of made it work.

(spoilers below the cut, for current and future episodes)

Rhea Royce's death is the first issue I had, because the scene itself felt less like an organic part of the story and more like Rhea had just finished catching up on eps 1-4 before she croaked. Daemon skulking around like Evil Kermit, her repeating dialog from episode 1 (did she get to see the council scene or something? why would she bring up the sheep fucking?), the horse spooking, and then her breaking her neck and using it as an opportunity to let us know she watches the Inside the Episode bits and snark instead of, you know, actually responding to the fact that she just got paralyzed. Her reaction just didn't feel like how a real person would react to that kind of trauma?

To be clear, I don't actually have an issue with Daemon committing wifeicide, provided it makes sense. Him skulking around a corner and then offing her bc she makes a dick joke seems--very television show-y? I'd have preferred him coming home to an already paralyzed wife, and she basically asks him to end it for her and Daemon's like "yeah sure why not." Or him just outright shoving her off a cliff or something. Ideally he wouldn't have been actually responsible for her death (history is full of people dying in accidents that no one saw coming upon which the entirety of history turns--Alexander the Great? Richard the Lionheart?) which imo is more interesting--if she hadn't died and he hadn't been freed to marry Laena and then Rhaenyra, how might things have been entirely different? (Also, Daemon hating his wife for forever but also not killing her bc even he has lines also is more interesting, but again. I don't object to the murder, I object to the weird tv show way in which it went down.)

My biggest issue with episode 5 was the entire party scene. Now look, look. The girly part of me, the Hand Flex™ from Joe Wright's P&P 2005 part of me, needed The Dance™ and The Dare™ but also the problem is that there is absolutely no way that conversation doesn't end with the two of them, at Dragonstone, married. Daemon "I'll ask my brother to his face to marry his daughter" Targaryen is absolutely not walking away from a Double Triple Dog Dare from his soulmate. No way. Especially not when said Triple Dog Dare is immediately followed by the THE distraction of the century and also he has a dragon. And he's especially not vanishing when Rhaenyra is about to get smushed by the crowd bc she is a very small person.

So the problem is that you write this scene you can't really get out of without, you know, altering history, so they just sort of disappear Daemon and then whoops ten years happens so alls well that ends well.

Now, I'd heard a theory (and my apologies bc I heard it second hand and therefore cannot give credit where it's due) that perhaps the Criston Cole fight started because of The Dance™. He's quietly been seething all night, then spots Daemon with Rhaenyra on the dance floor, puts two and two together and snaps. Starts in on Daemon, at which point Joffery (who is friendly with Daemon from the war) steps in, Rhaenyra calls out for Laenor, and Daemon is told to make himself scarce. Except Criston just shifts the focus to Joffery and well, murder happens. That at least explains why Daemon didn't just toss Rhaenyra over his shoulder Harwin style and leave the second everyone's attention was drawn, but also explains why, after ignoring Joffery initially, CC ends up beating him to death (with his fists, which was a little baffling, since he didn't have gauntlets and that damage was severe).

Ultimately, while I love both their confrontation, Viserys angrily eating his crab, and Harwin being unleashed, I also think they sort of wrote themselves into a corner they couldn't get out of, so they just sort of...dropped it. Daemon disappears, Joff gets his head caved in, and Rhaenyra gets saved by her future baby daddy. It's strange to say the least. (and I don't buy the idea that Daemon "ran away again". The man begged his brother for permission to marry her and apparently his sole takeaway from the convo was "you have a wife" so he literally went home to take care of that and then come back to claim his bride. I find it weird given both permission and literally the perfect opportunity, he would just pull a magical disappearing act. Sometimes we can chalk things up to purposeful ambiguity, sometimes it's just bad writing/editing. 🤷‍♀️)

Also found it weird Viserys went all the way to Driftmark to be like "hey can we marry Laenor, k thanks bye". If, say, they'd stayed at Driftmark to celebrate the engagement, and if say Daemon was already there bc he is besties with Corlys and co and went there after being sent away from Kings Landing instead of going to the Vale, then it would be the perfect chance to have The Dance™ and ALSO the perfect chance to have an interruption to said dance when a messenger brings the news that Rhea is dead and then Daemon is forced to go and Be An Adult and also probably a massive asshole at the same time. Also then I could have the melee I deserve where CC caves in Joff's head with a morning star and not his apparent adamantine fists, but I digress.

I did, by and large, enjoy the rest. I quite enjoyed the direction they went with Criston Cole--him asking Rhaenyra to run away with him makes a lot of sense for the character (the hate for him for this I attribute mostly to a lack of genre knowledge and a healthy dose of Modern Lens--he is naïve, perhaps, and a bit stupid, but his guilt and eventual move to the Greens makes a lot of sense if you understand knightly orders and the significance of his rise).

I loved Alicent's glow up, and her green dress scene. I completely understand her anger and betrayal, and frankly as much as I adore my stupid Targs, I also can't really blame her for hating them. They are insufferable and I adore them. (Also, again, I do feel like the Alicent hate, at least for show only watchers right now, comes from viewing her through a modern lens).

I loved Laena and Laenor, and I'm sad we will only get them for that episode and they'll be dead the next. Loved Corlys and Rhaenys, and I'm glad they will still be around.

Anyway, despite some questionable choices, I still am in love with this show (and have developed an embarrassing attachments to certain characters I didn't think I would) and I look forward to tomorrow's episode (and apologize in advance for the true embarrassment I am going to become after episode 7...)

[bokebelle]

connie springer + friends with benefits

A/N: this is very very self-indulgent and ended up being longer than intended but please enjoy my Connie brainrot bc i love him a lot and he needs more content

WARNINGS: 16+; friends with benefits relationship; mentions of sex; modern au

PAIRINGS: connie springer x gn!reader

TAGS: fluff, a tiny tiny bit of angst.

REQUESTS: open

One of the best people to get into a friends with benefits type of relationship 💯

You guys would have to be good friends before this kind of relationship happens. Connie may be fun and goofy from time to time but he wants to make sure you trust him as a partner and vice versa

He probably wasn't even looking for a fwb type relationship tbh it probably just happened and you guys just went with it

it probably started with growing sexual tension whenever you two hung out. A little playful flirting here and there 👀

At a party, you two were a little flirter than usual and he just looked around to see if anyone was around, and whispered in your ear if you wanted to make out in his car LMAO of course you agreed

things just escalated over time til he offered to take you home one night and you best believe he did NOT go home that night

When the post nut clarity finally hit that you guys hooked up, he just asks if you would want to do it again

Connie turned to look at you, lips slightly swollen, with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and a light sheen of sweat on his chest. "So...wanna do it again?"

"Right now?!" you sit up, instantly feeling the soreness in your lower half. you definitely weren't ready for another round

"Not now, dummy. But maybe...whenever we both wanna, y'know..." he avoided looking at you, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his own proposition. "but if you totally don't want to, it's fine I understand."

A small smile dances on you lips. He looked cute all flustered, suddenly looking nervous when he was anything but just moments ago. "I think I'd like that."

You two don't really tell anyone, but you don't keep it a secret either. He'd tell them what's up if people would ask (if you wanted them to know) but since you guys flirt all the time no one really suspected anything more was going on

the longer your relationship progresses, the bolder he gets lmao literally went from being shy about asking to hookup in his apartment to dragging your ass you his car during a date because his dick "suddenly missed his best buddy" you smacked him

He is also very open to experimenting and trying new things. He'll try it once and if it doesn't work then it's fine. He also respects your boundaries if ever you don't feel comfortable with the idea of trying something new. he won pressure you and won't bring it up

Probably uses a safeword like "taco"

He isn't THAT rough that you'd need one, but he wants to give you the option of stopping whenever you feel like you can handle it 😭 this baby doesn't wanna hurt you and wants you as safe as possible 🥺

This man is a great mix of playful and serious in the bedroom. He knows when to make you laugh during sex and to tone it down when you just need a physical release. your comfort is his priority so he wants to make sure he fits whatever you need

Connie is actually really good with aftercare despite not knowing it's actually a thing!!

He just knows it's on him to take care of his partner afterwards so he helps you clean up, gives you clean clothes especially if you're at his place, and offers you a snack or asks if you wanna watch a movie

If you want to cuddle and just talk, he's totally down! if you also need some personal space, he'll totally respect that and give you the time you need, whenever you need it.

He can be a total flirt but he's also very friendly and knows his limits so he doesn't end up sending mixed signals. He's flirty enough to keep things interesting but not enough to confuse either of you about your relationship unless he falls for you.

Great aftercare? Attentive in the bedroom? Funny, handsome, respectful king? overall one of the best people to have a FWB relationship hands down

If you ever decide you want to end that kind of setup, he'll totally respect it and would still treat you as a good friend! will occasionally make inside jokes about hooking up but it's all in good nature because he enjoyed his time with you and he wants you to remember that time with the same smile he has whenever he thinks about it pls i love him

BONUS: Falling in love with Connie during your FWB relationship (and him falling in love you with back)

honestly how can you not fall for him

Connie is always so sweet, funny, respectful, both in and out of the bedroom so it wasn't long before you started wanting to stay in his arms a bit more after a good session

Connie never treated you any differently, but there were times when things just felt different

The moment you knew you had feelings for him was when he fucked you differently compared to your previous sessions

Sure he would blow your back out every now and then, but there were also more mellow times with him when you both were feeling lazy and needy

But THIS was a new experience. He fucked you slowly, but intensely. His hands were all over you but his touches were more gentle and soft. His kisses were a little bit sweeter and the caresses on your face lingered just a bit longer.

You snuggled into his chest a little more after that and you swore he held you a bit tighter, pulling your body just a bit closer to his. When you became aware of his heart beating under your ear, and found yourself being lulled to sleep by it, you knew you were fucked both literally and figuratively

Your feelings for him weighed you down more and more until you decided you were playing a dangerous game and you had to get out before you reached the point of no return

it sucked having to break things off with Connie but it was the first rule of any fwb relationship and you broke it more and more everyday.

As you sat up and rolled out of bed, ready to get dressed and leave, you felt Connie's arms come up behind you and rested his chin against your shoulder.

"Hey, why don't you stay the night?" he asked, placing a quick kiss on the junction between your neck and shoulder.

You exhale heavily, dreading what was coming next. You didn't plan on breaking it off so soon, but you knew staying the night would only be the wrong choice to make - for your sake and your heart's.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"C'mon, this isn't the first time you've stayed the night. Please?" You wanted to give in. You wanted to roll around, kiss his pretty face and spend the night in his arms. But knowing he didn't feel the same way as you did, knowing you'd leave with a heart that would break a little bit more if you stayed over, is what made you say no.

"It's not a good idea, Connie." you take a deep breath. "Actually, I think we aren't a good idea anymore."

You felt him withdraw his arms from your torso, the areas where he held you instantly feeling cold and empty. You hold on tighter to the sheets, partly to cover yourself up but mostly to keep you from breaking down in front of him.

"What?! Why not? Did I do something wrong? Was I too rough?"

Connie desperately racked his brain for what could have gone wrong from when you were saying his name like a prayer to now. He didn't want to mess it up with you, he really didn't. You slowly became someone he felt safe with. You became the one he wanted to see first thing in the morning, that's why he wanted you to stay over. He was falling for you, but he didn't want to admit it just yet. Maybe you caught on and didn't feel the same way? He knew he'd have to tell you eventually, but he wanted to be selfish a little bit longer. He wanted to enjoy what you guys had before going back to being just friends with no 'benefits'.

"I know we agreed to being just friends but I think I'm starting to feel something more than that and it's really stupid. But I don't think I can do this anymore without falling for you more than I already have." The tension in the air is palpable. In the time it takes for what you said to finally sink in Connie's mind, you decided his silence was his final answer.

When Connie saw your figure quietly get up from the edge of the bed, he knew this was his chance.

He quickly made his way over to your side, sitting on the edge. He reached out and gently wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Don't go, please." He whispered into the skin of your back.

You turn to look at him, keeping your tears at bay, trying to pry his arms off of you. God, with the way he was looking at you, that was almost all the convincing you need to stay just last night with him

"Connie, don't make this harder on me. You don't understa-"

"No, [y/n]" he cuts you off, now moving his hands to hold yours. "you don't understand." he delicately presses a kiss to your fingertips before kissing the back of your hand. "I want you. I want you to stay."

The meaning behind his words lit a spark in you that erupted into a passionate flame in your chest.

Connie wanted you. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

You cup his face, one of his hands coming up to rest over yours. You lean down and place the sweetest, softest kiss you can on his lips. It's not much but you hope he can feel all you've wanted to tell him in that one kiss.

"Okay, Connie, okay" you whisper as your lips pulled away from his own, a small smile forming when he whined at the loss of contact.

You committed the image of Connie Springer pouting at you because he wanted a kiss to your memory. You would tease him about it soon enough, you just wanted cherish the fact that he wanted kisses - your kisses.

You had more nights to share, more kisses to give him, but for now you just wanted to enjoy the feeling of having Connie in your arms, knowing you had each other as long as your hearts wanted.

You wanted to enjoy the feeling of Connie simply being there, finally being yours. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither were you.

"I'll stay."

[theowlsarequeer]

Ok so i binged Q-Force today because I needed something to kill a few hours on a long weekend so HERE'S A WHOLE LONG POST ABOUT IT.

Overall, I actually really liked it. There were definitely some things I'd change or didn't like, which I'll also being including bc criticizing media while still enjoying it is a GOOD THING btw.

First off and most importantly: IGNORE THE TRAILERS. THE TRAILERS ARE SHIT. They legitimately chose the worst possible clips with no context and while I don't necessarily agree with some of the backlash the trailers got they just aren't indicative of what the show's actually like.

This isn't a criticism necessarily, but before you consider watching the show, please know that Q-FORCE IS DEFINITELY AN ADULT SHOW. There's a lot of sex, sex jokes (which were pretty funny ngl,) and both boobs and dicks (both in a nonsexual context, but there nonetheless.) This was totally on me for not, yknow, looking up what was in the show before I watched it, and it does say that it's rated TV-MA for nuditity and sex, etc, and I was fine with it and none of it was THAT bad but I was a little surprised. Just giving everyone a little heads-up. I might post timestamps later so people can skip it.

Anyways let's start with what I DID like about the show.

First off, the elephant in the room: the stereotypes.

Yes, a lot of the queer representation in Q-Force is pretty stereotypical. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, per se. You can tell that the creators of the show are queer, and queer people and the stereotypes the characters fall into aren't the butt off the joke. In fact, a lot of the stereotypes work for the team's advantages. Twink (a drag queen) and his disguises are invaluable to the team on numerous missions, the sapphics at Deb and Pam's barbeque and their slightly stereotypical lesbian knowledge helped Stat with her trivia and saved the team's butts, and the drag community is used as a resource for gathering intel more than once. I felt like you could tell the show was made by people in the community, and even when they DID make fun of certain aspects of the characters' personalities, it felt more like a lighthearted inside joke than a dig at queer people.

To be perfectly honest, a lot of the hate Q-Force initially got doesn't sit right with me. Yes, the trailers were a dumpster fire, but people being visibly queer is not a bad thing, and I've heard that most of the characters are based on real people.

Also, I absolutely loved the way the community as, well, a community was portrayed. I loved that they all had connections in the queer community that came in handy, I loved the wlw barbeque, and OLDER BUTCH LESBIANS??? That means so much to me as a baby butch lesbian.

Second, it was actually pretty funny. There were a lot of digs on corporate pride (some of my favorites were the repeated citibank jokes and the 'fossil fuels' float in the pride parade. The fact that the literal princess from Princess Diaries was a reoccurring character? And yes, the sex jokes were funny. I am a teenager.

All of the characters were really endearing, and I was rooting for the main cast, even the ones that I either hated initially or just didn't find as endearing as my favorites.

I also LOVED LOVED LOVED the way that they showed the struggles of being queer without making it endless queer pain. Don't get me wrong, I love stories where homophobia isn't a plot point, but it was really nice to see issues I struggle with and people in the community struggle with portrayed on screen, because they're real. None of the queer character got horrible tragic endings, and they're all secure in their queerness (unless we're counting buck lol) but they all were underestimated because of their sexuality, gender, or presentation, and Mary got everything he'd worked for ripped away because he's gay. I felt like it did a good job showing queer struggles without it being punch after punch after punch.

Now, onto things that I didn't like as much.

I would've loved if there'd been more open trans and nby rep. Stat means the world to me, but I had no idea she was trans until I saw it on Tumblr. Which is also cool, considering that everyone onscreen accepted her identity without question, but if there's a season two I'd love to see a prominent character who uses multiple sets of pronouns or smth. I've also seen people call out for bi/pan/etc and aspec rep, which would also be very cool to see.

I've also seen a lot of people talking about how they'd want more representation of people of color in a season 2, and while that's not really something I can speak on, I definitely agree. There are some great posts about this BY poc in the q-force tag if you're interested.

This one might be a personal preference, because a lot of Twink's weight-related jokes were pretty uncomfortable to me. It didn't ruin the show for me, but I definitely could've done without them. HOWEVER there were characters of a lot of different body types, and there was never a joke about weight at a fat character's expense, which was pretty refreshing. Also both Mary (muscular Captain America-type body) and Deb (plus size) kicked absolute ass which was awesome.

I've seen some criticism about it saying that it's military propoganda and... I feel like those people didn't watch past episode 3. The AIA is pretty explicitly painted as corrupt and homophobic.

Anyway, TLDR: Q-Force is definitely not for everyone, and MAKE SURE YOU LOOK UP CONTENT WARNINGS, but it's not as bad as the trailers/Tumblr says it is.

[tommytranselo]

Wait wait wait.. So Joe knew Frankie Potts

That means when Eddie mentioned his name in relation to the awful smell in his car, Joe assumed the asshole he never liked must have puked in there

He only knew him as somebody who worked for Eddie and Carlo, the "What?!" felt so genuinely confused. He was probably thinking the guy was annoying but surely not that annoying and 'What the fuck did he do to get the shoe?'

And the fact Eddie had to tell him that the guy, the same guy Joe hated, was a damn rat, federal agent even worse and Joe just breathed out 'I knew it. I fuckin' knew there was something off about the guy'

wait i never thought about that...yeah joe probably didn't know he was dead bc i don't think eddie would've even mentioned it if he didn't have to. and i agree joe definitely would've been like "i knew there was something off" but honestly i don't think eddie would've actually admitted the rat thing unless he was wasted–he was the one who trusted frankie (it mentions on the wiki falcone's guys were deeply suspicious of him but eddie liked him), and vouching for a federal agent looks bad. if joe asked he probably would've just said frankie skimmed their counterfeit cash and got violent when confronted so eddie had to kill him; i could see joe picking up there's something he's not saying but i don't think he'd push, just mutter something about how he knew frankie was a dick. he'd definitely have that moment of vindication if eddie did let it slip drunk, though...and cracks a joke to vito about getting to bury a rat lmao

[fonulyn]

I need to scream about RE ID bc like. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, I did. Was it. Just wrapped up way too nicely and quickly? Also yeah. I was a little disappointed by it tho, like the length, and the flashback scenes weren't as clear as I think they should have been? Like I understood what was happening, but it took me a little too much brain power to like keep up with what was and wasn't a flashback lmao

Also I wanna say, I get wanting to keep Jun See alive but god, that did not look fun. Just let him die, dude, no one wants to live like that, smh.

Thank god they kept Leon's one liners tho, like thank you for that at least lol also Claire, my GIRL, I love her holy shit. Honestly she was amazing, like, just perfect. Not sure why she has a gun in the promotional poster, bc she just. Never has a gun throughout the entire show, I don't think? Also can we talk about how she took that guy down with that lamp, and then hopped on top of him just fucking ready to continue to beat the shit out of him? Chris would be so proud 🥲

Okay also, I saw what you said with that flirting scene, and I agree that it seemed like Leon was trying to lighten the mood, but it so didn't need to be put in there at all @ the writers. Like this show could have gotten away with no romance, or just that one moment near the end with Claire and Leon (which, I don't ship them much, and that moment at the v end where she was like "are you ever gonna stop treating me like a kid?" And he responded with "probably not" or whatever kind of ruined whatever was shown earlier? Like it feels like she's had that convo with Chris before too, so I'm like hm no don't imply romance and then imply that he treats her like a little kid every time they run into each other, now it's weird lol) and been fine. None of the story was contingent on any kind of romance between anyone.

Now with that said, can I just say Patrick absolutely wanted to suck Leon's dick? Like he was smitten, and I bet you they at least fuck after all this is said and done, if not date for a short period of time. I thought they were gonna kill Patrick off, I'm glad they didn't tho, he was v wholesome lol.

Also I wanna mention that every serious moment (save a small handful) I just. I couldn't take it seriously, it was too over the top. Acid? Really? That's the self destruct measure? Slowly rising acid? I dunno, that doesn't seem quite right to me, I don't think that's how it works lol

Honestly they should have just made this into a new movie, bc making it a series implies more to follow and in general a longer narrative, but these eps were barely 20 minutes each, so there's almost no point splitting it like that. Did I enjoy myself? Yeah, I always do when Leon is involved, but it could have been so much better.

Also the silly little shipper in me is kind of desperate for more interaction between Chris and Leon, bc as far as I'm aware it's just RE6, RE vendetta, and RE ID (and I think the person who told Chris to save Claire in either code x or Veronica was Leon? Not 100% about that tho lol) where they actually interact with each other, and considering that they're the two main characters of the franchise, they should probably meet up more? Idk, that's just my gay ass hoping for more Chreon content lmao but still.

ANYWAYS yeah, I would rate the show like a 7.5/10? It wasn't amazing but it wasn't garbage, either. Probably my least favorite of the four animated movies tbh, but I will take the Leon content, thank you Capcom. Also it was interesting to see Leon around the time following/around RE4 and RE degeneration, I thought, I dunno.

oh boy I agree 100% it was wrapped up way too quickly in the end. like killing Jason? by just dropping him in the acid? it was way too simple and easy if you ask me. and like, why didn't he yeet Leon into the acid when he had him by the throat? him not killing Leon makes zero sense to me??

asdfg yeah I get they weren't ready to let Jun See go, but I bet Jun See really would've preferred to go...

I am so happy that they kept the one liners!! Leon felt very, very in character which I loved so much. I was afraid they'd tone it down or make him super serious or so, and it was such a relief they didn't. he was so eager to help and so goddamn kind to everyone I don't know if my heart can even handle it ;;;;;

also Claire!! so badass!! I loved the part where she attacked the guy with the lamp (yes Chris would be super proud haha) and THE HEADBUTT seriously, one of the top highlights of the entire series :'D

(but honestly this is gonna get long i'mma gonna hit that read more here)

and the flirting scene, I do think they could've left it out entirely and it felt a little strong-armed in. but I'm trying to look at the silver lining? Leon was super goddamn adorable in it, like, so cute it hurts :'D and Shen May didn't seem bothered really, it was more this joking thing between them. so while yes, it was unnecessary, i'm focusing on the joking feel of it and choosing to interpret it as such :'D

also, can I just say, the "romantic moment" with Claire and Leon near the end didn't feel very romantic to me? I know it's a romcom cliché (or at least a fanfic cliché lmao) how they ended up in a pile after the rescue but ...it didn't scream romance to me? although I do kind of like the pairing! (not a top fave but a cute one)

and yes, the whole "when are you gonna stop treating me like a kid?" "probably never" felt SO much like a sibling moment!! such big brother energy from Leon, and I don't know, that made me super duper happy?? I want them to be friends. I neeeed them to be friends gdi. which is why I am unhappy with how mad Claire seemed to be at Leon in the end and how they left it off like they did. I am hoping that it sets things up for a second season? and they for whatever reason need them on kind of the opposing sides at first? because otherwise it makes no sense to me for her to be that disappointed in him. in Degeneration they already establish they work in different ways towards the same goal, and for that to do a 180 now feels... like a disservice to the characters? idk?

lmaooooo but yes Patrick 100% wanted to suck Leon's dick he didn't even try to be subtle about it :'D idk I would've wanted Patrick to have more depth and screentime too, i so wish they would've made it a longer series and given the characters more development. because I liked pretty much all of the new characters they introduced! but it feels none of them reached their actual potential!

then again that is kind of the whole deal with resident evil in general, they set up awesome characters and end up wasting them half of the time :'D guess i shouldn't be surprised.

THE SLOWLY RISING ACID PISSED ME OFF lmaooo c'mon!! it doesn't seem like a good self destruct measure. especially since ...you'd need different acid to dissolve organic matter and to dissolve inorganic matter if we're being nitpicky. and how would it be plausible for them to store enough of it safely to even do this?? they should've just detonated the whole place and blown it to smithereens or something, the acid was. stupid.

i agree, it feels like a movie. but I think @tirsynni is probably right when saying that it was sort of a test run to see if they should make more? which I am so hoping for. because even with the complaints I have of this, I DID enjoy it, a lot!! and I do want more! and maybe this time we get Claire and Leon actually working together for more than fifteen seconds! :'D

also I definitely would not say no to more Chris and Leon interactions. (yes it was Leon who told Chris to save Claire :) at least that) it... in general makes no sense to me how capcom seems to think friendships work? like how Sherry is all "Leon and Claire are my best friends" and then they imply they haven't met in years? if not more? idek it's. weird. it's like their characters go into storage containers in between their missions to be stored away so they can't even accidentally have personal lives or friendships or anything. weird.

(what I said about having amazing characters and ending up wasting their potential? yeah)

for me, personally, it's... well, my score for the show would depend on whether I just focus on the characterizations and what I liked, or if I try to actually take the plot and all into account too :'D but I did like this more than Degeneration! already the fact that Leon has actual facial expressions is enough to put it way above that one. (and for the record, I don't hate Degeneration either, I do like it, but... Leon is such a cardboard cutout with zero personality in it, it's super frustrating)

idk I think I need to still process this a bit to see how I will like it in the end :'D there are things i'm super hyped about in it, and things i'm disappointed in, let's see how they'll weigh in the overall experience eventually.

[despovoador]

the one thing you gotta give credit to the bolsonaro family is how they're very well rounded characters. bolsonaro goes without saying; by now the man is the mr. worldwide of being unimaginably scum, but what gets me is that he has this malevolent dumbass clown aura and each of his three oldest sons look just like & perfectly embody one of these traits (they are also all on the legislative power, bc this is brazil; no brakes irt how fucked up things can get).

the youngest of the three is clearly the dumbass: this week he posted some idiotic conspiracy shit about 5G and managed to start diplomatic beef with china, by far brazil's biggest buyer. this is already some next level dumbassery, but what you must consider is that this is not a first time; earlier this year the now ex-minister of education posted this grotesquely sinophobic "joke" on twitter insinuating china had something to gain from the corona global crisis & making fun of the mispronunciation of L and R...... i mean, real lowbrow racism. china was obviously pissed off, so you would think the dumbass would know better, but of course not. and the thing is: bolsonaro once picked him to be brazil's ambassador in the united states. his qualification? “he lived there for a while and worked flipping burgers”. that's it. didn't pan out bc everyone with some say in brazil's international relations was like "are you serious right now?" and you can tell he was very disappointed, bc the whole bolsonaro family is very patriotic for america, but this man? on another level. earlier this year he named his newborn daughter georgia, after the traditionally republican state, and you all know which states flipped in the last election. notice how it's just epic fail on top of epic fail when it comes to him; we could "stop! he's already dead" at this point but this man deserves no mercy. some time ago his ex-girlfriend became a feminist & started dating a cuban doctor (who came to brazil via a federal program to bring foreign doctors to regions with low or none medical assistance, one the main proofs of brazil's communism[sic] according to the right). of course all of this was already very humiliating for him as a right-wing spiritually-american macho Man, but the final blow was when she made a callout post (things must be named for what they are) and then said he's got a small dick. brother. brazil rejoiced. and it was truly the gift that kept on giving bc not too long afterwards an ex-cop politician who's involved in the cannibalistics among the right immortalized the whole ordeal by calling him 'eduardo bananinha' aka edward lil’ banana. he is also the baldest man in their family, and in a very ugly way, which is another L. this man simply cannot get it right.

the middle one is almost tragic bc he may or may not be a closeted gay man; the only one who's not married, no children, very close to a male "cousin" of the family with a lot of (very sweet tbh) photos of the two of them together... every now and them a rumor comes out about a secret / long-time long-distance / discreet relationship with some woman but it always seems very fishy; literally "his girlfriend lives in another state, you wouldn't know her..." which would all be really sad given how homophobic his family is, except for the fact that this man is also a goddamn piece of shit. he's the main articulator behind bolsonaro's propaganda/fake news machine (aka the "hate cabinet", a main factor in bolsonaro's election & popularity) and is constantly spewing vitriol, including -- would you know -- homophobic shit. you don't have to be a genius in patriarchal mathematics to know that ‘possibly gay’ + ‘homophobic’ = an universal self-allotted free-pass to make him the butt of gay jokes. like real homophobic pagliacci hours "-doctor i feel so sad... / -why don’t you go laugh at the little gay man being constantly dunked on the internet? / -but doctor... i am little gay man". can't say i agree with all of this (as if the left needs any more permission to be homophobic...) but it's an universal law that he who clowns and shows himself to be a clown will also be clowned; ruthlessly.

the eldest is just pure fucking evil. definitely involved with militias, way too connected with suspects who have been executed in witness eliminations, most likely involved in the murder of marielle franco, currently being investigated for corruption & money laundering which he is obviously guilty of... you look at this man's eyes and there's nothing but violence. honest to god i think he's more dangerous than bolsonaro, like if we're talking "guillotining the royal family" hypotheticals he's the one you gotta get first along with the father bc otherwise there will be carnage. anyway i have no conclusion. may the demiurge of cruelty who created these fascinating terrible figures strike them down in unforeseeable ways, mussolini hanging upside down.jpg

[agust-june]

THE BOSS Park Jinyoung smut

Warning there are some not okay works. I half regret them but I'm not changing it bc I'm lazy as fuck. I don't think Park Jinyoung agrees with my vocab but he's not my teacher! That's daddy Jb😋😋😉😉😉🤣🤣🤣

Anyways Enjoy!

Oh and there's cheating btw.

"Fuck your so tight y/n" jinyoung groans thrusting his dick in and out of you.

"Look at you bent over my desk whining like the little bitch you are" he growls as you let out a moan.

"Mr. Park you feel so- ah ah!"

"I feel so what? Good? You like how I feel inside you?" He asks you as you feel the desk underneath starts to shake.

"Yes, Mr. Park!"

"Are you gonna cum? So fast?"

"Yes, Mr. Park!"

"Did I say you could cum?"

"No! Please, Mr. Park, I'm begging you please let me cum!" you beg as you can feel the sadistic grin on his face.

"Begging huh you wanna come that bad?"

"Yes! Please, please" you beg even more waiting for his approval.

"Cum. Cum like the bitch you are! Cum on my dick like a good little Secretary should- ah fuck!"

Once done you both get dress. As you bend down to pick your shirt up you feel Jinyoung slap your ass. You then giggle picking your shirt up and stand straight.

"No. More Jinyoung it's wayyy past nine"

"Even more reason to stay" your smile fades as a memory popped in your head. You then go grab the black folder off the floor where Jinyoung threw them. You then take out the paperwork handing them to Jinyoung.

"What's this?" He asks you with a confused look on his face.

"I got the divorce papers, I signed what I needed, too," you say looking down with a frown on your face. "Really? Y/n are you sure?" You nod at him. It was hard but you had to, you had to let him go. Jinyoung walks over to you and gives you a hug with you than crying into his arms.

The ride back home was silent Jinyoung didn't say a word to you nor did you want him too. This was big, maybe bigger than your wedding day. Now it's time to begin a new chapter. When you get out of the car and into the house you see your husband coming down the stairs.

"Overtime again?"

"I know, I'm sorry Baekhyun, Jinyoung had me stay because some paperwork got messed up" you lied as he brings you into a kiss. "It's okay as long as you come back home," he tells you taking you up to bed.

It started two years ago. Baekhyun was doing business overseas. Or at least that's what you thought. You found out he was cheating on you with his best friend Chanyeol. After he came out to you as Bisexual your marriage wasn't the same. You spent a good month going to therapy for your marriage. Baekhyun said that he loved you and he'll never do it again. But of course, your marriage wasn't the same again. Two months you began sleeping with your boss Jinyoung. It was meant to be a one-night thing but it turned into a year-long affair. At work Jinyoung makes you feel like what you're doing is right but when your home you feel guilty. Then half a year ago Jinyoung said that he loved you that you began to realize you no longer loved your husband. You wanted to tell him that bight but then he left overseas again. After that every time you had an opportunity to tell Baekhyun your always interrupted.

Two weeks later you, Jinyoung, and Baekhyun go to a dinner party. You still haven't told Baekhyun yet. You were nervous you never had your husband and lover in the same room. Sure Jinyoung knows the ground rules but that doesn't mean he's going to keep his distance. No, that sadistic is going to relish in the fact that he's making you feel good in front of your husband.

"Y/n! I'm so happy to see you" Jinyoung greets you with a smile plastered on. He looks to see Baekhyun's hand around your waist. He didn't like it but for your sake, he was on his best behavior for now.

"Baekyun this is my boss Mr. Park and Mr. Park this is my husband Baekhyun." You introduced the two men the way Jinyoung smiled it looks so fake and painful.

"Ah, so you're the man who keeps stealing away my wife!" Baekhyun jokes as Jinyoung smirks at you. If only he knew...

"Yes what can I say Y/n is the best worker I had so far, she's very.... helpful" you knew exactly what he meant

"Baby I'm going to get us some drinks, Jinyoung would you like me to get something?

"Baby your not on the job" Baekhyun tells you

"You know what I like Y/n" jinyoung tells you as Baekhyun glares at Jinyoung. You then left the two men alone hopefully it won't be bad.

"You know Y/n works too hard you should give her some time off"

"I've tried that girl always wants to work so hard so I gave her a promotion" Jinyoung smirks looking at you putting the drinks on a trey. "Oh really? She never told me about that"

"She doesn't know yet either but I figured that since your wife likes pleasing me so well then why not give her a promotion" there it was Baekhyun felt infuriated at the comments. Pleasing him? What did he mean.

"Mr. Park I'm not sure if I like your comments about my wife"

"What comments all I'm doing is giving your wife who has great knees, by the way, complements that she deserves"

"Oh? You really think you need to tell me what I already know about my wife?" Baekhyun was irritated by how can someone like him possibly know more about his wife.

"Do you really know your wife as I do? I know for a fact she's great at pleasing me instead of you"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm back! With the drinks" you announced hearing that last bit of the conversation. You could tell something was wrong Jinyoung wasn't in a good mood but you could tell he was amused by your husband's anger. "Hey honey let's go meet your other co-workers, shall we?" He says as you nod whisking him away from Jinyoung. For an hour you and Baekhyun talk to your coworkers. Throughout the night you felt Jinyoung's eyes on you. Beckoning for you to come to him. As much as you wanted to Baekhyun wouldn't leave you alone. It was like he was a lost puppy.

"Um excuse me Y/N can you please step in my office" Jinyoung's hand rests on your shoulder you nod about to get out your seat but something stops you.

"No" Baekhyun's voice orders you Jinyoung doesn't like this

"Mr. Byun this is really important work-related" Jinyoung emphasizes but Baekhyun shook his head. "Then it can wait until Monday" you never seen Baekhyun like this. Sure sometimes he gets defensive but not like this.

"Baekhyun I have to-

"No, you don't your off the clock"

"I know but still-

"Why do you want to help him with something so badly?"

"He's my boss if he needs help I'll help him I'm his secretary"

"His Secretary not his assistant"

"Actually, she's both" Jinyoung steps in

"Jinyoung not now please" you beg as Baekhyun heard the tone of voice that you used. He wouldn't have caught on but your tone of voice says it all. "Y/n if you leave with him I'm leaving this party," Baekhyun says but you didn't care. You left with Jinyoung and went to his office.

(A/n: sorry Baekhyun was that really gonna do something😂😂😂😂)

"Wow you left your husband for me I'm flattered"

"Did you really have to say that?" You snap

"Say what?"

"Do you really know your wife as I do? I know for a fact she's great at pleasing me instead of you" you repeat Jinyoung's words as he laughs at you.

"What can I say you please me well especially when you-

"Stop! It's already bad enough I have to tell him I'm leaving him but he probably figured us out and now I have to do damage control!" You panic as Jinyoung's mood changes. He can see you're stressing out about this.

"If he knows then why not just tell him about the divorce"

"Because I don't want to hurt him he's been trying lately and I can't hurt him"

"Trying in what way?" Jinyoung eyes you up and down. "He's been home longer than usual, he makes me dinner buying me gifts and giving me so much love and affection that I haven't seen since our honeymoon and I-"

"Did you sleep with him?" Jinyoung asks looking you in the eyes. You didn't answer him but your silence said it all. Jinyoung scoffs at you. It was one night and it was the same night you came home with the divorce papers. It was a heat in the moment kind of thing.

"You slept with him really?"

"He's husband Jinyoung what was I suppose to do? Tell him no I'm sleeping with my boss!"

"It would've been better than letting him"

"Jinyoung he would've been suspicious I couldn't-

"Let him find out! God you know that's some bullshit do you even want to leave him?"

"Yes!" You yell as Jinyoung shoves you against the wall. He then shoves his lips against yours bringing you into a full-on lip-lock. He then shoves his tongue in your mouth owning his dominance over you. You moan as you feel his tongue exploring your mouth. You felt his hands roaming your body like yesterday but you left early. Jinyoung's hand slides up your thighs and into your dress. He then feels the wetness starting to dampen your panties. He then starts to kiss you even harder. He was the only one that made you feel good no one else. He then moves you over to the desk.

"Bend over"

You did as you were told and bent over the desk. Jinyoung removes your underwear and brings two fingers down to rub your desperate and needy core. You let a few moans slip out. He then inserted his fingers inside you he brought them so far in you could feel him stretching you out. "Jinyoung" you moan as he begins to pull his fingers in and out of you.

"Tsk have you forgotten how to address your boss?" He glares as you shake your head no. This makes him stop his movements completely.

"Looks like you need some reminding" you then felt the harsh smack on your ass. "Count" he orders as he smacks your ass again.

"O-one"

"Two"

"Ah! T-three!"

"What's my name?" Smack!

"Mr. Park!"

"Who am I to you?" He asks slapping your ass harder

"My boss!" You cry as tears start forming in your eyes. "That's right, your boss! I tell you what to do, get on the desk!" You do as he says and gets on the desk opening your legs for him. He then takes a condom from his desk and puts it on. (A/n: safe sex is key! Don't want pregnancy and STDs)

"Fuck your such a slut fucking your boss on the desk wearing your wedding ring!" He growls thrusting inside of you with no warning. You moan as he thrusts in and out of you.

"Tell me what would you do if he came in and saw you under me?" He whispers bucking his hips faster you were a ness under him his hips slapping against yours over and over again.

" tell me ms. Byun tell me what you do if your husband saw you under me crying like the bitch you are!" you couldn't answer if you wanted to. You probably wouldn't care if Baekhyun walked in on Jinyoung fucking you.

"You know when I saw him wrapped around you I wanted to tell him how much of a slut you were how many times you sucked me off in the office how wet you'd get for me how many times you came for me like a good little bitch you are." He whispers in your ear thrusting more aggressively holding your hips tighter.

"Oh fuck Mr. Park can I please cum" you cry out as he smiles sadistically at you.

"Cum! Cum like the bitch you are! cum around my cock you slut!" He growls as you released but he was still going until his thrusts became more erratic and sloppy. He came inside the condom and pulled out of you. Tying it then throwing it in the trash.

"Y/n I'm sorry was I too hard on you?"

"Hard? Jinyoung you were an animal I loved it"

"Y/n I'm sorry I should respect that you're not ready to tell Baekhyun and I'm sorry for saying what I said about you it was uncalled for"

"Jinyoung...your right I should tell him I'm hurting him by staying with him I should've said something about it long ago. I'm also hurting you too, you're being supportive of a married woman, if I were you I wouldn't have slept with me and you're patiently waiting for me to leave him, for that I'm so sorry and I want you to know that I do love you"

"I love you too no matter what I wait because I love you, I chose you because I love you it doesn't matter if you're my Secretary or if you weren't married at all I would still love you" Jinyoung gives you a nice big hug and you realize that you didn't want to go home tonight.

"So...can I go to your place?"

"Any time but you know you won't be sleeping?"

"Please no more I had a long night"

"And it's gonna be even longer"

"Jinyoung!"

"That's Mr. Park to you" he smacks your ass once more as you both leave.

[phobiadeficient]

Speeding bullet - scout being really braggy and boastful while 'trying' to get sniper into bed and when sniper finally agrees Scout is rlly fuckin insecure bc he didn't think it would work

scout tf2 all “ooh i got big dick energy” until he’s gotta get his dick out. ft. trans sniper because i fuckin feel like it

-

It was only half-joking, yeah, but that still meant that half of it was a joke.

It mostly started as just… an extension of what Scout was already kind of doing. It had started on him trying to get Snioer to laugh, and when it turned out he liked doing that, he’d worked hard to dig up all sorts of material. Puns and lame dad jokes and stuff, mostly. Then when he’d run low on those, he moved on to cheesy pickup lines. Then eventually he moved on to just regular pickup lines, then it somehow morphed into straight up flirting.

Kissy faces at Sniper across the room when he was trying to focus on a different conversation and pretending he hadn’t been doing anything when the other person looked was one of them that he had fun with for a while. Offhandedly saying “hot” when Sniper did normal, regular things, because to be fair, Sniper was a real attractive dude. Sniper occasionally bopping him on the shoulder for a sassy remark, to which Scout would make a dramatic noise and go “harder” just to make Sniper blush. Casually calling Sniper “babe” or “hon” when he wasn’t really paying attention just to see him sputter a bit.

He didn’t think it was ever gonna go anywhere, not just on the basis of it mostly being a joke, but also because Sniper was wayyy out of Scout’s league, as far as he was concerned. Mysterious Australian marksman, tall and handsome, real sweet and awfully polite in a way that made him the exact kind of guy Scout would’ve wanted to bring home to his Ma back when he lived in Boston and was still trying to date for real.

And he knew Sniper was into dudes, had gathered as much when Sniper one day quietly murmured some remark about an ex-boyfriend and promptly tried to brush past it. But that didn’t necessarily mean he was into Scout.

But he liked the way Sniper’s mouth ticked up at the corner when he hit him with a really good pick up line. Liked the way Sniper would sometimes roll his eyes, sometimes flush, sometimes sputter and smack his shoulder. It was nice, the thing they had going. Friends, but better than coworker friends, but kind of different than friends. It was a weird dynamic they had going on.

They were in Scout’s room one day, playing checkers on the shitty little board Scout had picked up from a thrift store at some point and never gotten around to throwing away. Sitting across from each other with the board between them on Scout’s bed, Scout criss-cross and Sniper half-lounged against the wall.

Sniper finished off his last two pieces in a double jump, and Scout swore, having lost track of the piece responsible.

“You suck, dude,” Scout complained, picking up the pieces and stacking them with the rest of his own.

“Mate, you suck,” Sniper corrected.

“Only on weekends,” Scout shot back, only a second delayed, and winked. “But hey, I can make exceptions.”

“Is that right?” Sniper asked.

This was a new bit. Sniper didn’t usually push the joke forward, or prompt him for more. Scout rolled with it. “Yeah, man,” he laughed. “I can start taking walk-in appointments for a nice face.”

“How far do you schedule in advance?” Sniper asked next, raising an eyebrow.

“Not too busy these days,” Scout shrugged.

“Might be able to say you’re able to… squeeze someone in?” Sniper asked, and Scout’s heart hammered, even as he burst into laughter.

“Aw, fuck, that’s a good line. Jesus, I’m mad I didn’t think of that first,” he managed, and Sniper was smiling too, looked away after a second.

“Thanks, mate,” he replied, looking satisfied. He shifted, not looking back. “You’d think there’d be a waiting list a mile long.”

“Fuckin’ tell me about it,” Scout groaned, leaning back to get a bit more comfortable. “I mean, seriously. There’s like nobody out here. Unless I wanna dick down on some sand or whatever, I’m shit outta luck. And most of the people in town are way too old for me, and the people that ain’t are like, either taken or super weird or just not interested. And yeah, one or two are all clear, everything’s fine, but the second the word relationship crops up, poof, gone, smoke cloud, fuckin’ witness protection levels of disappeared. What’s a guy gotta do to get appreciated a little around here, y’know?”

Sniper nodded and hummed sympathetically. “Well, I’m sure there’s one or two people around who can tell a good thing when they see it,” he said, tilting his head.

“We talkin’ besides you?” Scout asked, grinning and starting to gesture at himself. “I mean, look at this, look at all’a this! No duh, I know you’ve got two workin’ eyes and at least a little bit of taste. Even if your food is fucked up and weird.”

Sniper rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Humble, are we?”

“What, am I supposed to be?” Scout asked, cheeky and unapologetic.

“It’s alright. It’s cute,” Sniper replied, glancing him up and down.

Scout flushed. The tables weren’t usually turned like this, and it was taking surprisingly little to fluster him. “Thanks,” was all he could think of. He cursed himself for not having a better line. “I mean, yeah. Of course I am. Uh, it is. Fuck.”

Sniper chuckled, and sat up. “Thought you usually hate it when people call you cute,” he pointed out, tilting his head back and forth to stretch his neck where he’d been sitting weird.

“I mean, it’s okay if it’s… you,” Scout said, words slowing as he realized how sappy that sounded. “I—I’d be okay with—“

He stammered a little, distracted by the visual of Sniper pulling off his shades, which he almost never did, and folding them up, setting them off to one side and fixing him with a look, eyes sharp and overwhelming now that they were uncovered and Scout was faced with the absolute brunt of them.

“—I mean I-I-I’d be okay with all sorts of things,” he said, a little desperate to turn the conversation back to their standard flirty jokes. He felt way out of his depth all of a sudden and it made him a little uncomfortable.

Then every muscle in Scout’s body froze as Sniper moved forward.

He knocked over their little stacks of checker chips with his knee, sending a few in a lazy topple down off the bed towards the floor, and a gentle push to Scout’s shoulder was all it took to make him fall back onto his back, and then Sniper was over him, on top of him, inside of his thigh against the outside of Scout’s propped up on his arms.

“What sorts of things?” Sniper prompted quietly.

Scout’s breath caught, staring up at Sniper with wide eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, Sniper’s eyebrows started to furrow. “You awright, mate?” he asked gently.

“Yeah! Yeah, for sure,” Scout said right away, fumbling to try and find a good place to put his hands, settling on Sniper’s shoulders despite the awkward bend it put into his elbows between them.

“Are you… not ready, to…?” he started to ask next, trailing a little, and Scout was faced with a series of concepts. That Sniper thought their arrangement was one where Scout could be ready for this. That Sniper thought they had some kind of arrangement. That Sniper wanted him.

The last one buzzed around in his head hard enough that Scout didn’t even remember to respond.

“We can stop,” Sniper said next, and Scout fumbled for a good reply.

“No! No, I’m good. It’s good,” he said, trying to calm his hammering pulse.

Sniper sat up a little, glancing him up and down again. “It just seems like you’re nervous is all,” he said.

And he was, and he was sure his hands would be shaking if they weren’t holding on to Sniper’s shoulders. “I’m good,” he said anyways. “I just—I dunno what you, what you like, what you want.”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Sniper replied, and Scout had to fight hard not to jump at the feeling of Sniper trailing a hand down his side. “What do you want to do?”

Scout swallowed hard. “Can,” he started to ask, and he didn’t know how he could be reading this wrong but he was sure that he was, had to be, felt this was an insane thing to be able to request but Sniper had asked so he tried anyways, “can I touch you?”

Sniper shrugged, sitting up just slightly further, squaring his shoulders to open himself up. “Go ahead,” he prompted, and Scout did.

He managed to undo the buttons of Sniper’s shirt, pushing it down his shoulders a little ways before he realized he had an undershirt on and that it would need to go as well. A glance up at Sniper, and Sniper chuckled, sat back slightly, pulled off his shirt and undershirt both before he leaned back forward within range of Scout’s hands.

Scout traced across all the scars he could find with gentle fingers, trailing them momentarily over two large scars there at Sniper’s pecs. “How’d you get these?” he asked, glanced up at Sniper.

Sniper frowned. “Mate, I’ve told you already,” he said quietly, and Scout took a good few moments to realize what Sniper meant, then looked down again with wide eyes.

Somehow the words “top surgery” hadn’t brought him the mental image of big, wide scars. Suddenly he was all the more impressed with Sniper. “Oh yeah,” he said, tracing over them again. “Huh.”

Sniper fixed him with a befuddled smile, the sort of fond “are you serious, how’d you forget that?” look he tended to get from people who actually liked him, and Scout could only smile back sheepishly. Finally Sniper rolled his eyes and plucked on Scout’s shirt. “Planning on ever taking this off?” he asked, and Scout quickly nodded, trying to wrestle himself free of the shirt as fast as he could. “Easy, mate. No time limit, here.”

“I know!” Scout said a little defensively, finally getting the shirt off over his head, and Sniper smoothed down the hair on one side of his head where it was probably sticking up and looking dumb.

God, he probably looked so dumb. There lying beneath a big, cool guy like Sniper, all… scrawny and already flushing and not a single cool scar to speak of—

“Mate, it’s alright if you’re nervous,” Sniper said, worry increasing.

“No I’m not nervous why would I be nervous I’m totally cool,” Scout said all in a rush.

Sniper raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I mean, maybe a little a little nervous, but just because I—“ And he realized it in the same moment he fished through his head for an excuse. “I just don’t have anything to… y’know, stuff we might need.”

Sniper stared, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I don’t have any condoms or anything on me,” Scout finally admitted, surely flushed down to his chest.

Sniper’s lips parted around a silent “oh”, and he nodded. “Awright. Well, that’s fine, still plenty we can do,” he decided aloud after a second. “How’s about I tug you off, you do the same for me?”

Scout didn’t know how he was in a situation where it was acceptable to ask the thing he blurted a second later, but thank god that he was. “Can I go down on you?” he asked, not entirely sure what words he would use in the specific and not wanting to be super rude and ask.

Sniper laughed, grinning. “Sure, mate. If you want,” he nodded. Another look up and down. “Mind if I get you off first, though? I’ll admit, I’ve, er, been looking forward to the chance a bit.”

“Go ahead,” Scout said weakly, and Sniper’s grin widened, and he moved to work Scout’s pants open in simple, confident motions.

It was a little embarrassing that he was so hard already, and he had to look away from Sniper, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. Sniper hummed, and then spit into his hand, and then he was jacking Scout off, steady and nice.

“How’s that?” he prompted softly into Scout’s collarbone when all Scout did for a while was pant and gasp quietly.

“S’good,” he managed, voice shaky. “Real good. Real fuckin’ good.”

So good that he felt a moan rising up in his chest and pressed his hand against his mouth, biting down on the meaty part of his palm to try to stifle it.

“Oh, no,” Sniper chided, voice a growl, taking Scout’s wrist and pinning it just to one side of him, grinning. “I wanna hear you.”

Scout started to protest, but then Sniper squeezed nice nice nice over the head and it made his lashes flutter, his back arch, his mouth fall open in a gasp trailed by a moan, and his face was absolutely on fire.

“There’s a beauty,” Sniper purred, and pulled his hand back to spit in it a second time before he returned, picking up speed and apparently greatly enjoying the way Scout squirmed, the noises that rose up in his throat. “There you go. Nice, aren’t it?”

“Yeah,” Scout agreed, and he wished he could shut up, wished he could shut his big fuckin’ mouth for a minute before he embarrassed himself, but he couldn’t, could only whimper out praises and pleads as Sniper drew him closer to, and finally over, the edge, heralded by a weak groan and Sniper’s name.

He came back down to earth to the feeling of lips and stubble against his cheek, his jaw. Scout blindly fumbled with his newly-freed hand towards his dresser, managing to find the tissues and mop himself off, still flushed, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Cute,” Sniper hummed, looking down at him, and Scout groaned, head falling back for a second to finish collecting himself.

“Uh,” he tried to say, blinked once or twice, looked at Sniper. “Hey, let me hit you with somethin’ real quick.”

“Mm?” Sniper asked, mildly intrigued.

“How about you, uh.” And usually he was so much smoother, way cooler, but Sniper had him frazzled in a way that most people didn’t, not even that really hot guy he met the year after he graduated, the one with the leather jacket and the cologne that made him practically lightheaded. He fumbled for a way to phrase it that was hot, but couldn’t seem to find anything, and just sighed, spitting it out and cutting the bullshit. “How about you sit on my face?”

Because in a cursory glance, he’d noticed that while Sniper was smiling, movements languid and smooth in a way that meant he was very much into the proceedings, he didn’t seem to have a bulge in his pants, there being no hardness to speak of when he ground his hips forward into Scout’s thigh. And apparently he’d made the right call, because Sniper  chuckled and agreed.

And to be honest, he didn’t remember much after that. It was mostly a haze, movement and heat, Sniper’s husky voice dripping into his ears much in the same way that slickness dropped down Scout’s chin and cheeks. All he knew was that Sniper was gorgeous, and seemed to like what Scout could do with his mouth—and damn right he did, he had enough experience that he would be a little insulted otherwise. All he knew was that halfway through he found himself outright hard again, and wound up jerking himself off desperately with his free even as he continued trying to wring noises out of Sniper with mouth and fingers, muffled groans escaping him as Sniper decided to tease him about it in that low raspy voice he was starting to get addicted to.

Sniper finished first, and the rush he got feeling Sniper’s legs close right around his head drove him over the edge, bucking and making Sniper roll forward slightly and prolonging things for him.

And finally Sniper was leaning up onto his knees, reaching for the same tissues Scout had gone for earlier and laughing at the picture Scout made. His hair was all stuck up on one side again, he was pretty sure, and his face was red and shiny with wetness, lips swollen and parted as he panted, staring up at Sniper with bright eyes.

“We gotta do this again some time,” Scout said before Sniper was even done wiping himself down.

And Sniper laughed. “Sure, mate. Any day of the week.”

[theoatmealshow]

(TW ED MENTAL ABUSE)

Being the 4th sibling with a 17 year age gap.

Let me introduce you to my siblings will hide identity due to privacy

Red: she is in her 30's she is a red head brown who enjoys Harley Davison and yellowstone. She has 2 kids pufferfish (16) and Benson (13) she is divorced to her ex let's name him asshole 🙄 (fr tho fuck him he's a dick) works at a nursing home

Bogi: she is in her 30's she has blonde/silver hair due to dyeing it she like friends Pokémon Go and always traveling around christan she has 2 kids as well knee who is (13) and Forest:who is (10) she has a ex husband named let's say Kevin due to family jokes) works with a brand we won't name

Bex: she is 30's she loves Disney the marvel universe traveling expectly to Saint George Island Christian ✝️ she has two kids bug (12) and flower (6) and an amazing husband named mickey works for Disney travels

Bench warmer he is 16 he is the golden child he gets straight A and B plays baseball basketball 🏀 baseball ⚾️ and tennis 6"2 very has a girlfriend named Lake homophobic and racist

Oatmeal AKA ME!!!!! I am 17 I made B C grades I am in my schools anime club I like anime cosplay Manga reading writing cats expectly mine (my pfp) I'm Trans ftm and pansexual

Eleven: he is 7 (he'd called 11 bc he has the shaved head for it 🤣🤣) he makes stirght A plays baseball ⚾️ likes to run around and be goofy like minecraft and fnaf and he proudly says he has 14 girlfriends

My mother: (57)she likes Disney and Marvile and anything hary poter. She's very relious. She was a school teacher aid now she is a director for a after school program very homophobic

My father: (57) he likes guns bows duck disnsty making leather work he works with leather in the winter and mows in the summer. Very Christian very homophobic

I will probably write more about all them due to me living with father mother bench warmer and eleven but I do see the rest alot. Anyway on with the rant...

See I am the 4th out of 6 childern. I have never been the smartest child or the prettiest either. My family are all very bigger humans and that's fine till your mother body shames you daily then it's not bloody fine.As the Trans pansexual human I already have body imagine problems. I have struggled with it all my life and it sucks. I got told to kms daily and it's just fucking wrong. My parents told me when I was a child if your arm can't go around your waste and touch you are not skinny. That all never bother, But today made me snap. So father made me give up my cat (not patches) due to it being a bitch to everyone.

So after that I was depressed and crying. My father got me a strawberry frosty frosty we ate it and went home. When we where on the ride home my dad asked if I want to go to a restaurant when my mom came home I said sure. We came home cried and watched heartstoper. I texted him i didnt want to go and he said give it time and to come it will be fun. I agreed got dressed and then benchwarmer refused to go with us till my dad forced him. We get in the car and my dad asked me to get more water for my cats due to the fact we are having a heat wave where I live.

I agreed and asked about the hoes and my father said bench warmer needed to fix it he refused so me and bench warmer got into a heated fight bc I do chores for him all the bloody time and the one time his chore blocks me from stuff 😒. We wait for my mom in a parking lot and he bitched about the heat. Well after I told him not to fucking ruin my mums mood she was dancing in the car to shape of you. But then he asked to physically fight me mind you he's 6"0 and I'm 5"5 so fuck. We get into the car it's a van to be exact and my mum stops the music and it turns to me and him fighting about the hoes at that point I didnt care he was just being a bitch. Then he called me a hippo and a Faggot and a retard alot more slurs. After that we went to the restaurant still heated I came home went to my bathroom turned on the ice cold water and stopped under After two hours that felt like 5 mins. Went to bed cold and depressed. And worse about it my brother didn't give a rats ass about anything when he came home he played with his friends on the Xbox and screamed on the top of his lungs how he sucks and how his team is bad.

This is the normal truth of the Oatmeal household.

[phereinnike]

hey vero since u said u like talking shit why do u hate gan/sey? (I wanted to ask earlier but I didn't want to get u hate but since u said u don't mind here we go) (also love ur blog

Don’t you just love how there are a shit ton of ‘your fave is problematic: gn/sey’ posts that only mention his shit fashion sense and how he puts avocado on pizza and like completely ignore any and all character flaw he might have because the fandom is so busy sucking his three dicks that they either don’t see this flaws or completely condone and forgive them? 

I don’t love it either. 

PSA: This is 1.2k of gansey semi-serious hate open at your own risk.

Dickington Dickface McDikinson the third is kinda like universally loved and forgiven even though he’s done shit like: wonder out loud if poor people are capable of love (bcs ofc poor people are animals for you to study and you can extrapolate the relationship between 2 of them (out of the 3 you know) universally, they’re basically microorganisms??? right???), insinuate he’d pay a girl to talk to his friend (bcs again poor people are trained zoo seals that will dance for money and that proposal isn’t dehumanizing of both the girl and your friend at all bcs like were they even humans to begin with?) and erase someone’s humanity so completely he invalidated their existence. 

The Author explains people being like completely up Gansey’s ass as a consequenceof him as a character being super invested in people liking him and working hard for it. And like I’m not saying it might also be because white american rich boys are allowed to do anything at all in the world and people will always find a reason to excuse it but yk, it could like, have played a small part on it. 

He features some loveable character traits like 1) not understanding poor people -he’s rich what can he do? pay attention? ask? don’t be silly, rich people don’t ask we throw money around until things happen as they should-  2) and trying to solve his friend’s fear of depending on someone forever by -wait for it, wait for it, this is brilliant-getting him indebted to himself -my boy, such a mind such a brain- because ofc being indebted to him is different than being indebted to his dad and Adam being reticent to owe someone something as big as his high school fees or a fucking appartement after the incredibly traumatic relationship he has with his dad and money in general is not understandable at all. How is dickinson supposed to understand that??? by investing time -aside of money- in his friends? RIDICULOUS. 

There’s also that tiny unworthy of mention quote of “the difference between us and kavinsky is that we matter” that no one aside from me seems to have a problem with. And like, yk, maybe IT’S ME. Maybe thinking that the world revolves so completely around you if someone doesn’t matter to you they just don’t matter, maybe it’s totally normal. Maybe erasing a human being’s experiences and fears and hopes just because you don’t like them is acceptable. 

Like, I mean, dehumanizing drug addicts and insinuating anything bad that happens to them it’s their fault and they deserved it is kinda a real thing. So maybe everyone just agrees with that and I’m not disgusting enough for it. Maybe mocking someone with no support network coming from a place of incredible privilege is fun in america? idk dude. Like I seriously don’t get it. Because Ronan and Kavinsky do some pretty gross stuff too but at least peopleacknowledge that they did it????? (even if they excuse it afterwards).

Also he puts avocado on pizza which is totally on the same level, what a moster, what a heathen. 

There’s also that little thing he does where his life lacked sense so hard and he felt so guilty for being alive when other people aren’t “someone is dying when they should not and so you’ll live when you should not” that he shoved all his sense of self-worth into the mission of finding a dead dude and asking for a wish. Like, he could’ve decided to use his incredible privilege and money to help people or at least pulled a batman and became a night vigilante -we all know this wouldn’t work bcs he’s weak as shit- but no. This was more pretentious and went more with his general bitch aesthetic so here we are. And then he chastisises and mocks anyone that doesn’t have a life purpose because how do they dare not feel guilty for being alive????

On the topic of what a pretentious piece of shit he is, let me tell you i go to law school and spend 6 hours a day surrounded by gross rich people in boat shoes and polo shirts and I have never met anyone this pretentious. HE CHEWS MINT PLANTS. Not only is he so sickeningly pretentious that it’s not even cool anymore?? It’s just like those boys that talk you up in a bar but like “oh yeah i’m into welsh kings, specially glendower, bet you don’t know who that is, let me mansplain it” and you’re all please god fulminate him. It’s ridiculous? have you met any american teenage rich boy that spoke like an eightysomething british historian and not automatically wanted to break his nose in???? is that possible???? am i the only one that hate people whose usual voice tone is condescendence?????

And he’s such a special snowflake??? “oh you do drugs?? lozer!1!!1 glendower is my drugz!!!1!! lolz”. Like please dickinson calm down. No one cares. No one fucking asked. No one ever fucking asks. Just shut up. I’m sure if dick had a tumblr he’d be a superwholockian and you fuckers would still be up his ass. 

Along those lines he’s also the most entitled character I’ve ever read about??? He changes Blue’s name to something fancier without fucking asking and everyone finds it super quirky but if I tell a boy my name and he insists on calling me Jane I would break his nose in and I refuse to believe Blue Sargent wouldn’t too?????? (but i also totally hate blue and try not to read anything about her so what the fuck do i know). His holier than thou attitude comes in a nice holiday package that includes policing his friends hobbies as if his wasn’t weird as shit and also potentially lethal, not correcting people when they call his bestfriend a dog and even playing in on the joke, hanging with the literal paid killer that murdered his bestfriend’s father throwing him into a suicidal ptsd induced spiral AND then proceeded to beat up said’s bestfriend brother who dickinson is kinda friends with because can he keep is fucking nose out of someone’s affair??? unlikely! 

I’d say to rush and get this package before it sells out but, like dickinson’s happiness at having met himself, it will never ran out of stock. Rejoice.