#the issue is that i am in severe pain.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been providing a Korean-language service since 2013.
Text
Happy Bread Jesus Everyone!
I have um. Hurt my back pretty badly, so I do not think I am capable of baking this year but:
1. Please tag me if YOU decide to make a bread Jesus. Or any other bread effigy I love that shit.
2. If I'm still human when I get back from the doctor this evening I will set up a discord channel and do a Live Reading.
3. Post will be at the top of my blog for anyone who wants to read it to their friends, family or religious authorities (highly recommended).
Love you all, thank you so much for all the love, support and joy You've given me over the years, and hopefully I will see you tonight!
#bread jesus#the issue is that i am in severe pain.#and the pain prevents the divine pain#as it were
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Dream brother with your tears scattered round the world
Dont be like the one who made me so old
Dont be like the one who left behind his name
Cause they’re waiting for you like I waited for mine
And nobody ever came
#HE MAKES ME SO SAD#Anyway I did some research about smallpox for this and holy fuck I did not know it was like… the most terrifying looking thing????#like it looks so painful? save ur self the google — I promise its scary#additionally!!! Jean would realistically have issues with sight—I depicted these as Corneal Leukoma#I just….. its like he got the messier more ‘unattractive’ version of Kim’s easily aesthetized eyesight problems#(I am speaking from a Jean informed perspective to be clear#like Kim’s eyesight issues and how it makes Kim feel is also real and serious but like lets play dolls from a Jean perspective for now)#and im just thinking about how im sure Harry was Jean’s eye now and again and AHHHHHHH do u all see the cycles and patterns and circles?????#Also his in game portrait captures a sadness and longing in his eyes that I can only dream of touching#I tried very hard anyway#I cried several times drawing this bc I was listening to my Jean playlist#which is the saddest playlist I ever did make#oh wait fuck real tags:#disco elysium#jean vicquemare#jean heron vicquemare#my art#alexa play i bet on losing dogs by mitski
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Donation post
I have some severe health issues and have been homeless or in emergency housing unable to afford rent or food for months (and in similar situations for years). I am in quite severe pain and traumatised by some horrible things that have happened to me, and I am just at a complete breaking point that I cannot push off anymore. I have reached out to every possible public resource & have a case manager, but these issues have completely trapped me in ways I can no longer compartmentalise off. I would love it if anyone could share this link for a donation post or dm for my main where I have revolut / venmo. Obviously I get people aren't always in a position to help but having people show support and share would be very meaningful ❤️
#obviously this is not a place where i have a lot of engagement but I just cannot compartmentalise my life anymore. i spend every day in#severe pain i rarely eat every day is a crisis and I cant continue being around any area where this is something i can't share#i am constantly passing out or having seizures in front of people who dont care surrounded by people who would leave me for dead#and it is too much. i cannot handle it.#i am so grateful for the online community that has helped me elsewhere in the past it does suck this is largely a societal issue#ie the government wants disabled people to die and also people in their late teens and twenties are supposed to get more support#everything is too much#i am at my fucking limit ig#and i dont think i could ever post on any of these areas again if i didnt at least make this post#even if no one sees is bc yknow. this is not where i have engagement
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i have read all the fics
i am ficless
#i am peachless#will never leave me#it is forever stuck in my head#but yeah PRESSING ISSUE#i have ran out of fics to read#i have reread all my comfort fics#and there is a severe and painful decrease in new fics for all my fandoms#this is so upsetting
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Inaccessibility has a massive impact on disabled people, especially people with mobility issues and those who use aids like canes, walkers, wheelchairs, service animals, etc. and these things are often ignored and should not be and you are right to be angry about it.”
And
“Even within the disabled community, there is a disgusting amount of dismissal and yes, ableism directed at people who have needs related to mental illness/mental disorders- to the point that other disabled people will refer to those of us with invisible disabilities, chronic illness, and mental disorders as abled and tell us that our needs are lesser and that is not okay.”
Are statements that must co-exist.
#disability#actually disabled#like i have disabilties that limit my ability to move and get around#and also mental disorders#and i a HATING IT that I am seeing like#ofher disabled people being like#’no one cares about your sensory needs’#’attention deficit isn’t a disability try being REALLY disabled’#like guys cut it the fuck out#if you are mad at a lack of accessibility- AND YOU SHOULD BE#idk how to tell you that other disabled people aren’t your fucking enemy#my mobility isn’t severely limited all the time no#but i have chronic pain and breathing issues made worse by covid#that mean on Bad Days? stairs ain’t happening#and 90% of where i live becomes inaccessible#and thats for ME so like#yes be mad about tht you are right to be#but fucking stop acting like other disabilties aren’t as disabling#just because they are disabling in different ways#they impact us differently yes but we’re all disabled in some way#and putting down people who you think aren’t disabled enough?#fucking stop it
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
So sorry for disappearing off the map for a few weeks. I have a yearly black out period where my hands become borderline useless due to allergies and I can't art!! I also happen forget about this every fucking year until it's upon me.
Anyways lots to catch up on, including last bit of giveaway art for the patient saints waiting on it. (Next giveaway will be in fall or winter to 100% avoid this issue cause I'm a dumb ass)
Excited to wrap up giveaway art, draw some smutty exchange art, finish the six characters meme, and squeeze in at least one piece of queer art for Pride month, maybe Jack & Star again?? Or Xochi, Hancock & MacCready or Lana & Esskelle or Ariadne & Karlach or one of my millions of other queer couples lmao
Just excited to have hands again!
#Finch Rambles#Why yes doctors have been useless about this issue yearly now!#tw for dyshidrotic eczema it's the living worst and I'm not even that severe (which I am grateful for every fucking year)#but it's only a few weeks and I can't help but pick at things and it just makes everything worse and more painful#so i become band aid hands and lose all my fine motor skills
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I had something to say about how tiring it is for people to get exasperated with me for things that ARE FUCKING SYMPTOMS of things they KNOW I HAVE but it's been said more times than I can count and in better ways so instead
#like physical symptoms too#i know i talk about being in pain a lot its because im IN PAIN A LOT#“you NEVER feel good” yes thats the SEVERAL ISSUES that ive got#im trying to manage them i am#i know its irritating#and i dont let myself talk about it in detail or anything much bc i know people are so tired of hearing it#i know its inconvenient for you IM the one that lives like this#this is not directed at anyone or anything im just thinking
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
my teeth hurt but i cant afford to go to the dentist. im enrolled in school this semester but i cant afford my tuition. im just not making money fast enough & neither is my mom. only feeling desperate now that my teeth are Hurting
0 note embarrassing post vibe but. if anyone can help At All,, my venmo is @ mia-semolina . thank u for even reading this. i hope u all are having a wonderful night & life. much love always ♡
#genuinely will prob delete later. but its 1:27 AM & all i can think abt is my teeth aching. it came so sudden#there is So much pressure in my mouth on my bottom front set of teeth. ik the issue is my small mouth#when my wisdom teeth came in 6 years ago all 4 had to be removed Immediately bc they started a Push forward in my mout#h & that just hasnt stopped#i havent even been able to afford a cleaning in a year. the thought of needing invisalign to resolve this clutter pain is#devastating. espec while im pushing to make enough money to pay my tuition#im just trying to be kind to myself about it all. holding back before i severe overshare in these tags#again. love and light to u all. if ur reading this i hope ur body is acheless and your mind is clear#and your tummy is full and all the good things#thnx for even just. reading this. hearing me rn#♡#personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bad news, got back from the vet and my beautiful baby son is going to have to be put down soon, probably tomorrow or the next day, so send him best of wishes for his next few days~ Luckily, he's actually not in a lot of pain (for now, hopefully he won't be) and is acting pretty normal, so I'm hoping he won't suffer at all and everything will be peaceful for him.
#pet death tw#death mention#let me know if I need any other tags#I would post something to help pay for his euthanasia expenses or etc. but I don't know of any secure methods#since I don't know much about stuff like that. I've heard that like on paypal and ebay and stuff people can still get your real name#and some information from their payment receipts or whatever sutff like that. thats part of why I've held off on selling clothes and sculpt#res for so long is trying to find a way to do it that's the most safe. aside from literall yhaving to start an llc and open a business bank#account and run everything on an entirely sepreate thing just so it has no association with my name and etc.#and obviouskly I don't feel like figuring out all of that stuff right now lol#I am busy just trying to make my beautiful meatloaf son comfortable and spend some time with him whilst I can#It's sad. but I'm glad the issues were caught before he was in terrible pain or anything. So suprisingly it was actually a pretty easy#decision. I would rather him go out while he's feeling okay and relatively content then wait until he's in severe#pain or extremely lethargic or etc. So it seems all very sudden but . It's better that way for him.#anyway#of COURSE this has to happen during a heat wave also.. hhrgghhh...#more fuel for my vendetta against summer lol.. Not that it's the season's fault but. something bad happening in the winter#vs. seomthing bad happening in the summer which just adds an extra layer of 'oh yeah on top of everything else#you're going to be sweating and nauseous and chronically uncomfortable!' is like.. >:T#Also for him. part of the issue is lung cancer which has spread and caused a bunch of fluid to build up in his stomach (which is what I#noticed. even though he's acting perfectly fine and normal his stomach was weird and bloated suddenly)#but if part of the problem is his lungs (which look absolutely crazy on xray) then him breathing in hot shitty thick air is definitely#not as comfortable as if he were able to be nice and cool and snuggled in some blankets. etc. etc.#ANYWAY ghhb... send him much luck and positivity!! Really hoping he can make it through the next day or so without#taking a turn for the worst. So hopeing for a peaceful quiet exit and not like tramatic sudden things. etc. etc.#cross your fingers pray to your gods whisper to the night sky so on and so forth. whatever you do that's meaningful to you.
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's fucked up that the sober population straight up ignores how a huge portion of addicts have chronic illnesses
#was thinking about my stepdad and his plethora of health issues and how they shape his life#and then i thought about sewercentipede and Then i thought about the huge population of bipolar people who are alcoholics#and then after all that i thought about a convo i had with a straight edge friend who was like 'using illegal drugs Should result in jail#time because they could just Not do those drugs. they do it just for fun'#like i understand where he is coming from but i literally think he is wrong af.#i think the people who do drugs (esp hard drugs) recreationally are outnumbered 2 to 1 by people who#are self medicating with illegal drugs. i think most people totally ignore how chronic illnesses#and severe mental illnesses can hurt you on a profound level and because they dont know about that suffering#they do not understand the urge to numb that pain. and people have no sympathy for what they dont understand#lately im so bothered by people who share their opinions with me about complicated issues but clearly havent ever done any research on them#everyone thinks their opinion is so smart and special and no one is studying#especially not studying human behavior. most people think that socialization and political topics are a fucking joke#with 0 relevance to their personal lives. like no one is ever going to be truly informed about All the things#and i know i certainly am not but it is so annoying to speak with people who make no effort at all to learn about a subject#before they try and tell people the business about it. like that guy. his only understanding of drug use#comes from his own relationship to alcohol. but he was not an alcoholic he was just a perv who decided to go christian#like its so egotistical to assume that your experience and emotions can apply to everyone and yet he is not the only guy i know#who has no interest in any perspective other than his own but thinks his perspective is well informed#im sure women piss me off with this behavior too its just that atm i can only think of examples of men acting like this
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
hate when i vent abt my pain and ppl tell me "everyone has stomach aches, it's normal" okay but are their pains bad enough to make them cry or unable to stand..... at least once a week...... bc i think that if this was normal society might've collapsed by now. but what do i know
#at least I'm on the way to get another test to see if it really is crohn's or not :')#my other tests came out negative but the last doctor i saw said it's worth checking again :')#bc. he claims. you're never gonna guess it. these pains are NOT normal ✨️ who could've thought!#sorry for the bitterness. as you may be able to infer from this i am in severe pain and having a hard time standing up or moving at all#btw through this doctor i went to i found out i actually had internal inflammation back in 2018 too and i was just. never told abt it.#like i was in the hospital and they ran a test but bc it was for smth else they didn't think to point it out??#why do i have to learn 5 years later that i had smth wrong with me that probably got worse with time and that's why I'm like that now 😭😭😭#(i wanna apply good faith to this. they probably thought it was a result of my other stomach issues so it'll pass once they do.#but like. if it really didn't go away and in fact got worse with time. i feel like i have the right to blame them yknow?)#vent#possibly a tmi one idk ajskflglh#sorry. i am very tired
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
"gege was a bad writer bc Gojo" "Gege was a good writer u all just were obsessed with Gojo"
Me who is still pissed about the treatment of disability in the story
[Image Description: A screenshot from the JJK anime, when Geto is looking at Toji's worm curse. Geto looks absolutely furious. The picture is almost entirely red and black, and cropped to only focus on his expression.]
#JJK spoilers#I fucking guess idk#Gege didn't fuck up the ending they fucked up the story period! Kokichi Toge Aoi and Hana deserved better!#And yes todos vibraslap is cool but also ONLY bringing back a disabled character when they have a prosthetic that makes them#Even Stronger Than Before They Were disabled while your other major disabled characters are 1. Dead 2. Just... Offscreen? 3. Also offscreen#Until her attack that doesn't work. Well. Hmmm maybe this shit sucks. Wait I just remembered the blind guy in the light novels#I don't remember it well but the way he was treated also felt fucking gross#(also this post is only really focusing on the characters who are ''obviously'' disabled like 1. Everyone in this story has PTSD or other#Mental illnesses 2. Facial differences and scarring are disabilities also but a lot of that is really kinda glazed over y'know?#Speaking of scarring I always forget to include Maki who is a burn survivor bc. Wow those burns are like purely aesthetic :/#There's like no mobility issues or chronic pain or anything she struggles with IIRC which is. Y'know. Sucks#NOBARA I keep forgetting Nobara is alive again. But also her shit feels aesthetic instead of actually being fucking#Acknowledged as 1. Severely mentally traumatic 2. Severely physically traumatic 3. SHES MISSING AN EYE SHE HAS TO COPE WITH ONLY HAVING ONE#EYE TO FUCKING SEE OUT OF AND THATS NOT FUCKIGN. AAAAAGHH.#Anyway like. I'm not an amputee or burn survivor and idk if Nobara's injury would be considered an amputation? But like#I am physically disabled and this shit sucks
1 note
·
View note
Text
...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time
#chronic pain#chronic exhaustion#idk what else to tag#another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted#wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much#not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself#my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting#have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less#still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me#they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms#and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try#another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty#and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷#anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me#and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time#and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong.#still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!!#so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore.#been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all#what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help#am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent#also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but#its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET
6 notes
·
View notes