#the irony of my room being a fucking mess and me knowing where my passport is

[cvsette]

If I don’t find my fucking passport in the next 24-48 hours I will off myself

[smellsofburning]

I’ve been off my adhd meds for a bit and and i’m losing things and i wanted to talk about it!

i’ve been diagnosed with autism and adhd and am on medication for the latter, i’ve had some complications with my pharmacy though so i’m off it for a bit but when i’m on it, it’s not really helping me out. i still struggle with school, i have no motivation, everything’s really hard but one thing i have noticed a difference in is my ability to remember where to find things.

like people joke about having adhd you can’t find things but oh my god you don’t realise how much you “misplace” stuff until you’re off your meds again. today for example, i had to set up a bank account and get my passport photos re-done, but all of today i couldn’t find the documents i needed for anything. i was running around so sure i knew where things like my birth certificate was but i couldn’t find it anywhere.

my mum found it eventually in the place i had looked through so carefully, and i know the irony in that with the “mums find everything” trope but that shit hurt. how could i miss it when i’d been sifting through those papers for ages? i had put my certificate back there but i couldn’t remember it and i dunno but i felt so weird about it.

as a kid i was always losing things, my room was an organised mess to me and only me, however i struggled with finding things regardless of how well i organised things. i could use any type of system and none of it would work, which often resulted in annoyed parents and being scared of losing things. my parents once left me at home when i was 7/8 because i wasn’t able to find my things in time and that really fucked me up.

so please stop making fun of people for not being able to find anything and joking about it because no matter what i do i can never find anything. people always recommend techniques and such that’ll help such as labelling things and boxes for certain stuff but no matter what i’ve done i can’t find anything unless i’m on my medication. it’s been the only noticeable difference honestly, but maybe that’s just me not picking up on anything.

a lot of people with adhd struggle to find stuff because their brains aren’t ‘really there’ to remember where they put it, they’re not in the moment of that decision to remember it and oh my god it sucks. my inattentiveness got me mocked heavily as a kid, even as a teenager living with my parents who know why i’m so bad at focusing on things still ignore that and blame it on ‘me not wanting to want to focus’.

i’m not mad at anyone in particular, mostly myself honestly, but it’s such a frustrating part of adhd that people joke about but don’t really talk about it, but there’s no much to talk about is there. people lose things and thats it, but i’ve found since i’m off my adhd meds i lose things so much more frequently than i did while i was on my medication.

it’s a shitty part of having adhd that isn’t ‘quirky’ or ‘fun’ and i get that it’s just misplacing things but it honestly affects my life so much. it makes me late to things like school and completely fucks over my day if i don’t have certain things with me, such as my headphones or keys or whatever. it ruins my routines and leaves me feeling unprepared and i end up having a break down sometimes. so yeah, take your meds and stop trying to pretend adhd is fun to have, it’s really not, and even simple shit like this can stuff up my normal day life