#the intimacy of that feeling of knowing someone you've just met is..sacred!!!

[lepetitchemin]

[sk-lumen]

do you think as a high value woman, it's fine to have one night stands probably once in a while? as long as you're doing it on your own terms?

Hi darling,

Listen, I can talk about high value mindset and elegance for hours, but at the end of the day, your life has to work for you.

I know it's not easy, in this day and age, to resist the temptation of casual hook-ups (or FWB, F buddies and whatever other situationships). Because of how society at large is set up, it's easy to feel lonely, disconnected, hungry for some deeper connection. If anything, I would say society as we see it today was designed to keep people this way: unhappy and disconnected. Media normalizes it, men are taught to feel entitled to it (or at least to normalize it as well), and that leaves many women thinking they have no choice but settle for crumbs if they are to have their needs for affection/intimacy met.

Or, there's also another side to the story. Men (or any gender, goes either way) that are heartbroken from past relationships find themselves emotionally unavailable or unable to invest 100% into a relationship again, they're still healing. But they also don't want to be deprived of affection, intimacy, feeling wanted or loved, even if for a night/arrangement.

I'm not going to say it's easy to say no. We're all human. We have needs, whether they're physical, mental or emotional. That's one truth, that I find no point denying.

Here's another truth: by principle situationships are a bad idea because at the end of the day, most often someone always ends up hurt, usually you as the woman. You give the most (your sacred feminine energy, your nurturing, your body, your health, your time)... and receive the least (a night of pleasure or let's be real, not even that much). Women become emotionally attached through physical intimacy; you can negotiate your way around that fact with self-denial bravado or intellectual discourse all day, but it doesn't change it. And that's the least of worries. As a woman, you can get pregnant, or you can end up with who knows what STDs or STI's - and yes, that is an essential, mature, responsible conversation to have with yourself and the respective partner(s). You can't toy with your health like that.

That being said, if "on your own terms" is your loophole to having it both ways, both having your high value mindset and your emotional/physical needs met... if that means only getting involved with men that you've carefully vetted in every important sense of the word, and you find that this arrangement works for you now and then, then power to you, and I say that unironically. Just make sure to check in with yourself often and well, check with your intuition that it's the right thing for you.

I would never judge a woman that chooses to do so. I will always celebrate a woman's right to choose for herself. Making messy choices doesn't mean you suddenly lose your high value woman status, it just means you're human. But you do owe it to yourself to learn from the past, and make better choices for your overall happiness.

And listen, this glow up lifestyle is not a religion, there's no bible of rules or values you have to hold yourself up to infallibly or you're out. What I and many other ambitious, lovely, go-getter ladies write about here on Tumblr are all guidelines and sensible advice to help you forward. The focus is to find what works for you. What helps you become your best self.

(PS: I used male/female gender dynamic because that is the focus of my blog, that is what I have experience with and as such can best advise on. But you can apply this regardless of gender dynamic or orientation.)

Hope this helps.

Much love,

Lumen