#the internal monologues are so beautifully written

[yoonmetogether]

K, i’m sorry it took me so long to get back to this but ive had screenshots of the lines that hit me so hard sitting in my photo album lol

Jesus this hurt so fucking bad. I felt every one of these feelings as if i actually experienced them like????? its like i can visualize mc’s feelings??? Not just understand them through the words and thats some serious talent to evoke that kind of emotion that i can feel through a screen 👏👏👏but also 😭😭😭

Ouch….. i feel like mc doesn’t want to get in the way of them being a complete family even though she’s clearly important to haneul and yoongi and not just as a nanny anymore. So i get why she needs space. It would be hard to feel a part of something that’s not really yours like ofc she can love haneul and yoongi as a family maybe she’s worried haneul will think of her as his mom when she’s not biologically and she doesn’t want to confuse him

Brooooooooooo my fucking heart like its valid that mc had to step away but lil man was probs so confused and sad that she wasn’t around all of a sudden 🫠 and for yoongi to do that is in a way showing her that they both miss her 🥺

This is something ive needed to hear so many times. It’s so true but it’s so hard to stop being stuck. Thank you for writing this as a little reminder to all of us.

I still have a few chapters to read but this one really stuck with me the most!!! I enjoy your writing sososososososo much 💕💕💕

Love & Lullabies | Part 3

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female Reader

Summary: What begins as a simple favor for your best friend Namjoon soon pulls you into the rhythms of Yoongi’s life—afternoons spent caring for his son, late nights filled with candid conversations, and a connection neither of you thought you needed. You’re just fresh out of a long-term relationship with an ex who didn’t want a family with you, so did you really just stumble into a life you’ve always dreamed of? (Thank god Namjoon isn’t the only one who’s clumsy.)

Alternatively: It’s 2025 and BTS is prepping for their comeback. All members seem to have gained muscle weight from their time at camp. But Min Yoongi has gained a different kind of weight—an 8-pound baby and a fuck-load of responsibility. (Thank god you’re there to help him.)

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, idol!au, Acquaintances to Lovers, Reader is Namjoon’s bestie

Warnings: Yoongi is a DILF (!!!) That’s it.

Chapter warnings: GRAB YOUR TISSUES!, this bitch is a whole ass kdrama episode and it’s gonna hurt before it gets better, happy ending tho!, themes of self-loathing, anxiety, and depression (MC), severe postpartum depression (not MC), it’s monsoon season and namgi don’t like umbrellas, (____) in the rain cliche scene, NAMTIDDIES because I can’t help myself, lastly… watch me morph this into another workplace romance/co-workers to lovers story lmao (real)

Word count: ~7k

Posting date: November 21, 2024

Notes: This is inspired by an ask/prompt sent by @yoongznme. 

I am a clown 🤡 and a liar 🤥 From pretending this is a two-shot, then a three-shot. It has become a chaptered series, atp. There is a part 4 in the works and I fully intend to end it there, but again, I may have just jinxed myself. Anyway! Enjoy, my lovelies~ 💕

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four |  Masterlist

“She’s Haneul’s mom.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut.

“What?”

“Sung Kyung and Yoongi… they’ve been good friends for years,” Namjoon explains quickly, his tone almost apologetic. “I didn’t think they were dating. But yeah, she’s his mom. She left for months and when she came back, she'd already given birth.”

You feel like the ground has been ripped out from under you. What Namjoon said made no sense. You clutch the edge of the counter, your mind racing. “What do you mean she left…?” You have never been more confused in your entire life.

Namjoon sighs. “I don’t know all the details. You know hyung, he tells you what he thinks you need to know. The rest, he keeps to himself. But I do know they did the paternity tests and everything, and Haneul’s his, theirs.”

Theirs. It’s easier if Namjoon just slices your heart open at this rate. 

He places a tentative hand on your shoulder. “It’s better to hear it straight from Yoongi-hyung, since you guys are, you know.”

“I– I don’t know. I don’t know what we are,” you say, leaning your weight sideways against the wall to steady yourself. 

Get a grip. It’s Haneul’s day. 

Namjoon stands to shield you from the rest, in case anybody chances to look your way. You probably look like you’re about to puke. You definitely feel like it.

“Joonie…” Your voice is small when you ask, “Do you think she wants to come back now?”

Namjoon lifts his shoulder, lets it sag, “I don’t know. Maybe. She wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Your chest tightens, a wave of insecurity crashing over you. Of course, she would want to come back now. She’s beautiful, successful, everything you’re not. And most importantly, she’s Haneul’s mother. That’s the kicker. How can you compete with that?

Spoiler alert: you can’t.

When you step back into the living room, the first thing you notice is Yoongi’s mom. She’s standing off to the side, her lips pressed into a thin line as she glares at Sung Kyung from across the room with a mixture of disapproval and barely-contained irritation.

“She shouldn’t be here,” she says quietly, her voice cold and clipped.

“Eomma,” Yoongi grits.

“She abandoned Haneul, Yoongi,” his mom hisses, her tone sharper now. “And she thinks she can just come here like nothing happened?”

Yoongi sighs, his hand briefly brushing his mother’s arm in a silent plea for calm. “Not here, eomma. Please. It’s Haneul’s birthday. Don’t make a scene.”

Of course he is siding with her.

You’re unable to tear your eyes away from Sung Kyung. How can she look so beautiful even if she looks miserable? She exchanges a few more quiet words with Yoongi near the door, her expression alternating between frustration and what looks like regret. You can’t hear what they’re saying, but you catch the way Yoongi’s shoulders stiffen, the way his jaw tightens as she reaches out to brush his arm. You see Yoongi nod, and you’re so curious, what is he agreeing to?

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, she leaves. The door is closed, but for sure this chapter isn’t. Not even close.

You entertain yourself by watching some of the BTS members play some video games. Their antics, as funny as they are, don’t really register. Your laughs are hollow, mind totally elsewhere. It’s a while before Yoongi finally finds you, after he disappeared to his studio after Sung Kyung left and went MIA for half an hour or so.

He corners you near the snack table as you pretend to be engrossed in arranging leftover cupcakes.

“Hey,” he says softly, touching your arm lightly.

You turn to face him, your smile brittle. “Hey. How’s everything going?”

“Can we talk?”

You nod, following him toward the hallway, away from the laughter and chatter. The noise completely fades as you enter his soundproof studio and he turns to face you.

He exhales deeply, running a hand through his hair. “I wanted to talk to you,” he says carefully, like he’s choosing every word with precision.

“About Sung Kyung.” you offer. He nods, shoulders visibly tense. “Yeah. And Haneul.”

The mention of Haneul makes your chest tighten, but you steady yourself, waiting for him to continue.

“She and I… we were close for a long time,” he begins, his gaze dropping to the floor. “And yeah, there was a point where I thought it was going somewhere. But then she just… disappeared.”

“Disappeared?”

“She left Korea. No warning, no explanation. Just… ghosted.” He shrugs. “I didn’t know where she went or why. She didn’t contact me for months.”

“And then one day,” he continues, “she called. Told me she just gave birth to a son. That it was mine.”

The words hang between you, heavy and jarring. You don’t say anything, letting him get it all out.

“She didn’t tell me she was pregnant,” he says, shaking his head as if he still can’t believe it. “I literally only found out after he was born.”

You feel a pang of sympathy, but then you’re also feeling angry at Sung Kyung. “Why did she wait so long to tell you?”

“She said she didn’t want to burden me. I was already doing my military service and I had that thing… that case. She thought she could handle it on her own.” He looks up at you then, his eyes dark and conflicted. “But after she had him… she couldn’t. She fell into really severe postpartum depression and some other health issues, basically telling me she was diagnosed unfit to take care of him.”

Your throat tightens, and you clasp your hands together to keep them from shaking. “So you stepped in.”

He nods, “I didn’t have a choice. Haneul needed someone, and I couldn’t—I wouldn’t turn my back on him. He’s my son. It was confirmed by a paternity test.”

“And now she’s back,” you say, more a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” he says quietly, dragging a hand down his face. “She says she’s better. That she wants to be in his life now. That she can be. And honestly… I don’t know what to do.”

You study him for a moment, your emotions warring between compassion and your own sense of inadequacy. “What do you want, Yoongi? Not for her, not for Haneul. What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” he admits, gnawing his lip before he says, “I just… I want to do what’s right for Haneul.”

The words cut deeper than you expected, but you force a small smile, nodding as if they don’t sting. “That makes sense.”

Yoongi takes a step closer as he studies your face. “But what about you?” he asks, his voice almost too gentle. “How are you feeling about all this?”

The sincerity in his question takes you off guard, and for a moment, you’re tempted to tell him everything. The ache in your chest, the jealousy you hate admitting to, the fear of losing whatever connection the two of you have built. But instead, you plaster on a smile, shoving all those emotions into a corner of your mind.

“I’m fine,” you say lightly. “It’s Haneul’s birthday. That’s what matters.”

Yoongi doesn’t look convinced, his gaze lingering on you as if he’s trying to read the truth in your expression. But after a moment, he nods, letting it drop. “Okay.”

Finally, you glance at the door, forcing yourself to straighten up. “We should probably get back to the party.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says, stepping aside to let you pass. But as you reach for the door, his voice stops you.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

You turn back, your brows furrowing. “For what?”

“For everything,” he says, his eyes filled with something you can’t quite name.

You don’t know how to respond, so you just nod. Because his words—why did it feel like a goodbye?

The rest of the party passes in a blur. You keep smiling, keep laughing, keep pretending everything is fine. You stand by as Yoongi helps Haneul blow out his single candle, snapping pictures of his chubby hands smashing into the frosting. 

You’re wiping stray frosting from Haneul’s cheek when you glance at him and for a split second, you see her. Sung Kyung’s face is right there, faint but unmistakable, in the shape of his eyes and the curve of his brows.

The realization hits you like a freight train. You freeze, the cloth clutched in your hand, staring at this beautiful baby boy who isn’t yours. Who will never be yours.

It’s too much. You set the muslin down, excusing yourself to the kitchen with a muttered, “I’ll grab more drinks.”

You don’t even make it to the fridge. You stand there by the counter, gripping its edge as you force yourself to breathe, to keep the tears at bay. You’ve never felt more out of place in your life.

Namjoon finds you a few moments later, leaning against the doorway with a quiet, watchful look. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t ask if you’re okay. He just stays there, close but not too close, his presence steady and silent. You appreciate him for that—for knowing exactly what you need when you’re unraveling. He’s your best friend after all.

But even his quiet support isn’t enough to keep the emotions at bay.

Across the room, Yoongi’s eomma catches your eye. There’s something pitying in the glances she throws your way, a faint furrow of her brow that makes you want to sink into the floor. You had the feeling she knows there’s something between you and Yoongi, but now… now it feels like she’s seeing through you, like she knows exactly how small you’re starting to feel.

Because the truth is, you’re nothing.

You’re not Haneul’s mom. You’re not Yoongi’s girlfriend. You’re just someone who helps out when it’s convenient, and now that they have a nanny, you’re not even that. And it hurts. God, it hurts because you thought—maybe foolishly, maybe selfishly—that you were becoming something more. That you were becoming someone to them. That, maybe, you were becoming a family.

But now, as you stand there watching Yoongi carry Haneul to his room, barely sparing you a glance, the truth sinks in like a stone in your chest. You’re not someone. You’re a placeholder. A stand-in.

And pretty soon, just like Jiyong, they’re going to discard you. Because that’s what always happens. You’re always easy to leave behind. Always replaceable. Always useless.

The thought claws at you, and you suddenly can’t breathe. You grab your things and run. The cool night air stings your skin, but it’s nothing compared to the ache in your chest.

The tears come before you can stop them, hot and angry and full of every ounce of self-loathing you’ve tried to bury.

You glance back at the building. Maybe for the last time. You’re on the outside now—of course you are. You’ve been on the outside this entire time.

Namjoon must have noticed you were gone because he texted shortly after:

Namjoon: You okay? Namjoon: Don’t worry, I told them you weren’t feeling well. Go home and rest. Text me when you’re there.

That night, you ignored Yoongi’s call. You stared at the screen as his name lit up, your finger hovering over the answer button before you let it ring out. He left a voicemail. You deleted it without listening.

The next morning, you wake up to another call from him. This time, he doesn’t leave a voicemail. Instead, he sends a message.

Yoongi: Can I come over?

You stare at the text for a long time, your stomach twisting with guilt and anger and sadness. Finally, you type out a single word:

You: No

You throw your phone face-down on the couch, ignoring the way it buzzes again and again and again.

For the next few days, you ghost him.

It wasn’t easy. Every time your phone buzzes, you feel a pang of guilt, a deep ache that gnaws at your resolve. But you can’t bring yourself to answer. You need time. You need to figure out where you stood in all of this.

His messages come sporadically at first:

Yoongi: Hey, can we talk? Yoongi: I don’t know what I did wrong, but I want to fix it. Yoongi: Please. Just let me know you’re okay.

You delete most of them without reading too much into them. But then he starts sending pictures.

The first was of Haneul, grinning in his chair, wearing the capybara slippers you’d gifted him for his birthday.

Yoongi: Haneul misses you

The next day, another photo. This time, Haneul was lying on his playmat, still wearing the slippers, holding onto Bora.

Yoongi: Still missing you

Each message chips away at your resolve, but the one that breaks you comes Thursday evening:

A short video clip. In it, Haneul is sitting on the floor, babbling as he clutches Bora. And then, clear as day, he says it:

“Sa-ra.”

Your heart twists painfully. It’s clipped, but it’s unmistakably sarang. Your term of endearment for him, the nickname you’d called him since he started smiling every time he heard it. He’d never been able to say it back—not until now.

And Yoongi knows exactly what he is doing, sending this to you.

You stare at the screen for what feels like an eternity, leaving the video on loop, before finally opening your call log. His name was right at the top, of course. You hit the call button, your hands trembling as you bring the phone to your ear.

“Hello?” Yoongi’s voice comes through almost immediately.

You exhale shakily. “Hi.”

There was a pause. Then he speaks again, and you can hear his vulnerability. “I didn’t think you’d call back.”

You close your eyes, trying to steady yourself. “How could I ignore that video? Haneul… he said sarang.”

“Yeah, he’s been saying it non-stop since yesterday.”

You swallowed hard, gripping the phone tighter. “Yoongi… about… us.”

“Mmh?” He didn’t interrupt, didn’t rush you. He just waited.

“I’ve been thinking,” you began. “Haneul deserves to have a complete family. He deserves to know his mom, to have her in his life. If—if that’s what you both want.”

Yoongi was quiet for a long moment before he finally responded. “But… he needs you, too.”

Before you can back out, “Yoongi, I need space,” you say finally, your voice trembling.

There was a pause, and when he spoke again, his voice was quiet. “Okay.”

It wasn’t a protest. It wasn’t an argument. Just… okay. It’s the most ‘Yoongi’ reaction to things, and you hate it. You hate it so much.

You hang up, staring at the screen until it goes dark. Your chest felt heavy, your heart splintering in ways you didn’t know it could.

You’d told him you needed space and he said okay. The truth is, when you said space, you just wanted him to make room for you. To assure you that you belong with them. That there is a seat, warm and yours. But he didn’t.

You miss Yoongi so much it feels like a physical ache. But it’s not just him. You miss Haneul’s face, his giggles, his sleepy weight in your arms. 

Namjoon has been doing his best to check in. He sends you UberEats nearly every other day, a steady stream of meals you barely touch. The one time he came over, unannounced, he walked into what could only be described as a disaster.

“Jesus Christ,” Namjoon muttered, kicking a stray box out of his way as he entered your apartment. The laundry basket was overflowing, your trash can piled up. You were in a 2-day old shirt, hair a rat’s nest, and you’re slouched on the couch with an empty brain.

Namjoon stared at you, his disappointment radiating off him. “Y/N, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I’m fine,” you lied, barely looking at him.

He scoffed. “Fine? You look like you’ve been run over by a truck. Twice.”

“So dramatic.” You rolled your eyes, but the truth of his words stung.

Namjoon crouched in front of you, placing his hands on your knees. “Move in with me for now. You know I have the space. You can’t stay here like this. It’s not healthy.”

“I’m not moving in with you, Joon,” you said, shaking your head. “I’m not your charity case.”

He sighed, rubbing his temples. “You’re not a charity case. You’re my best friend. And I’m not gonna sit back and watch you drown in your own misery.”

“I’m not gonna live in your and Soyeon’s sex den,” you snapped unnecessarily.

Namjoon just looked at you, shook his head, before he flopped beside you on the couch. He fed you, forced you to go take a shower, and watched some shitty reality show with you. He eventually left, though you could feel the weight of his disappointment long after the door shut behind him. If he only knew how thankful you were of those visits.

A week later, you find yourself standing in front of Yoongi’s apartment. You didn’t plan this. You don’t even know what you’re hoping to achieve by being here. All you know is that the ache of missing them—missing him—has become unbearable.

You knock on the door before you can second-guess yourself.

Mrs. Kwon opens it, her expression immediately uneasy. “Y/N,” she says, her tone cautious. “You should come back another time.”

“Why?” you ask, your voice sharper than you intended.

She hesitates, her lips pressing into a thin line. “It’s just… not a good time.”

“I need to see them,” you insist, stepping forward.

“My dear girl, please listen—”

But you’re already past her, your determination overriding her warnings.

When you step into the living room–

Fuck.

There she is. Sung Kyung, sitting on the floor with Haneul in her lap, holding a plush toy you don’t recognize. She’s smiling at him, her voice soft as she tries to coax him into playing with it. Adding salt to the wound–Bora, the capybara plush you gave Haneul, is discarded carelessly in the corner near the diaper pail.

Your heart stops, and before you can control yourself, you take a step back, your movement catching Sung Kyung’s attention. She looks up, confused. She doesn’t know you, why would she? 

Yoongi’s voice comes from behind you, and you turn to see him emerging from his studio, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Who rang the—”

His eyes widen when he sees you, but you’re already moving, your feet carrying you toward the door in a blind rush.

“Wait—Y/N!”

You barely hear him as you bend down and snatch Bora from the floor. Haneul’s voice suddenly cuts through the air, his tiny, excited voice calling out, “Sa-ra! Sa-ra!”

Tears blur your vision as you wrench the door open and run, Yoongi’s voice calling after you, but you don’t stop.

It’s raining when you step outside. Great, because this day couldn’t get any worse. The cold droplets soak through your clothes almost instantly. You don’t have an umbrella, but you don’t give a shit. Tears stream down your face mixing with the rain.

You don’t know how far you get before you feel it—a warmth against your back, arms wrapping around you tightly.

Yoongi’s voice cracks as he says your name, his rain-soaked body like a furnace against your shivering frame. “Please.”

He sounds like he is begging, but why? What is he asking? What does he want from you?

You shake your head, your voice breaking. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”

“Then why did you?” he asks, his tone desperate, his chest heaving as he pulls you tighter.

“Because I thought… I thought I had a place here. But I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“Don’t say that,” he pleads, his voice barely audible over the rain as he turns you to face him. His hands come up to cradle your face. He was starting to shake too, the pads of his fingers damp against your skin. His eyes search yours, desperate, and before you can stop him—or yourself—he closes the space between you and kisses you.

Against the pouring rain, your lips press against each other, clumsy, shaky, unexpectedly urgent. His lips move like he’s trying to say all the things he can’t find the words for, like this is his only way to make you understand. And for a second, maybe a minute, maybe more, you let him.

You feel his ragged breaths as he licks into your mouth, his hair brushing your temple, droplets trailing down your skin. His hand slides from your cheek to the nape of your neck, fingers threading gently through your wet hair. It’s tender and fierce all at once, like he’s afraid you might vanish if he lets go.

But there is a tinge of bitterness cutting through the taste of his kiss. This isn’t enough—not to fix everything, not to erase the doubt clawing at the edges of your mind. Not to prevent the new thoughts from worming its way inside.

Sung Kyung is in his apartment right now. So maybe it’s not just about Haneul anymore. Maybe they’re reconciling. Trying to sort out their own feelings that they put on ice. Yoongi did say he thought their relationship was going somewhere. 

God, you do not want to be some homewrecker. You cannot do that to Haneul. Weakly you try to pull back. 

But Yoongi doesn’t let you. His lips chase yours, teeth gently sinking into your plush and you’re unable to stifle the moan from your mouth at the delicious sting. You open up to him, lips sliding against his as his other hand grips your waist now, pulling you closer until you can really feel the heat of his body through the drenched fabric of his clothes. The world feels like it’s spinning, everything is blending into a dizzying blur, and you don’t know how to stop it.

Your hand hovers at his chest, not pushing him away but not pulling him closer either. Your heart is screaming to hold on just a little longer. But your head is telling you—

“No,” you whisper, breaking away as quickly as you can without slipping on the slick ground. Your chest heaves as you clutch Bora tighter against you.

Yoongi stands frozen, his lips parted as if he’s about to speak, his dark eyes locked on yours. The rain clings to his lashes, his hair plastered to his forehead, and for a moment, he looks completely lost.

“I can’t do this, Yoongi,” you choke out, your voice shaking. “I just… I can’t.”

And before he can stop you, you turn and run again, your feet splashing through puddles as you make your way to the nearest bus stop. By some miracle, you make your way home in one piece. Barring one vital organ that’s discarded somewhere in Hannam.

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I Got out of bed at all The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all And even if I could, it'd all be gray But your picture on my wall It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad - Stan, Eminem

Your apartment is cold and quiet, the soft patter of rain against the windows the only sound. The mug of tea on your table has long since gone cold, untouched, as you sit curled up on the couch, staring at that grainy selca Yoongi sent you weeks ago. 

You’re startled out of your thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Namjoon steps in, shaking off the rain and holding a grocery bag in one hand, his hoodie slung over his shoulder. He’s soaked to the bone, but he flashes you his dimples anyway.

“You know,” he starts, setting the bag on the counter, “for someone who always claims they’re fine, you sure as hell don’t look it.”

“Don’t start, Joon,” you mumble, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.

Namjoon ignores you, glancing around the apartment with a disapproving look. “Seriously? It still looks like you just moved in. No decorations, no warmth. This part could be a photo wall or something…”

You roll your eyes. “Alright, Mr. Art influencer.”

“I need a dry shirt,” he says, gripping the edge of his tee and pulling it up and over his head without fanfare.

You’ve never felt attracted to your best friend in any physical or sexual way ever (seriously, ew), but you can appreciate a good physique when you see one.

“Wow, Joonie, are your tiddies getting bigger?” you say as you stand to find a shirt for him from your makeshift closet.

“You’re an idiot.”

Before you can respond, the doorbell rings. Namjoon straightens, wiping his hands on his pants. “You expecting someone?”

You shake your head.

Namjoon strides to the door, glancing through the peephole with a tsk before pulling it open. He doesn’t seem to care that he’s shirtless, which would be awkward enough if it were anyone else standing there. 

But it’s Yoongi.

Yoongi stands in the hallway, his expression strained, his eyes immediately scanning the room behind Namjoon until they land on you, curled on the couch. You clutch the t-shirt you were about to lend Namjoon tighter against your chest, unsure whether to feel relief, anger, or the painful longing that’s been gnawing at you for days.

“I need to talk to her,” Yoongi says, his voice calm but heavy with emotion.

Namjoon steps into the doorway, crossing his arms as he blocks the entrance. “Maybe not today, hyung.”

Yoongi’s jaw tightens, but he doesn’t flinch. “I have to. I need to explain.”

Namjoon doesn’t budge, his voice soft but firm. “Sorry, hyung. Not after everything.”

Yoongi’s eyes flick to you again, desperate. “I just… fuck,” He swallows hard, his voice breaking slightly. “I can’t let her think she doesn’t matter to me. She does. More than anyone.”

Namjoon hesitates for the first time, glancing back at you. His expression softens briefly, but when he turns to Yoongi again, it’s your voice that responds.

“Yoongi.” Your voice is quiet, but it cuts through the tension like a blade. Both men turn to you, and the hope that flashes across Yoongi’s face makes your lungs shrivel.

You grip the fabric in your hands tighter, willing yourself to stay firm. “You should go.”

Yoongi’s lips part as if to argue, but the look in your eyes silences him. He nods once, slowly, his expression crumbling for just a moment before he turns away.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his voice so soft you almost don’t hear it.

Namjoon watches him for a moment longer before stepping back into the apartment and shutting the door.

The first step is always the hardest.

Namjoon didn’t sugarcoat anything when he told you to get your shit together. “I love you,” he said bluntly after Yoongi left that rainy night, “but you’re the only one who can pull yourself out of this. No one else is coming to save you. Not me. Not Jiyong. Not Yoongi. Just you.”

You hated hearing it, but he was right.

So you took the first step: you called a therapist. Twice a week, you sat in that tiny, clinical room and talked about everything you’d buried for years. The abandonment issues you’d carried since childhood. The shame you felt after your relationship with Jiyong fell apart. The way you constantly give pieces of yourself to others, just like you did with Haneul and Yoongi, leaving nothing for yourself. Thinking that’s okay.

Session by session, the fog began to lift. Slowly, you started to understand that happiness couldn’t come from someone else, no matter how deeply you loved them. It had to come from you—built piece by piece, nurtured, protected.

You realized that loving yourself wasn’t selfish. It was necessary. And for the first time in months, you began to believe you were worthy of it.

At home, you started small. One night, you finally tackled the pile of laundry that had been haunting you for weeks. Another night, you scrubbed down the kitchen until the counters gleamed. And then one weekend, you went to IKEA and bought a bed frame—not just a functional one, but a beautiful one that made you feel excited to wake up in the mornings.

You even hung up paintings on the walls, little pops of color that made the apartment feel like it was actually yours. Namjoon gave you some from his collection, too.

Running sucks, but it became your nightly ritual. At first, it was hard. Your legs ached, and your lungs burned. But the more you pushed yourself, the better it felt—the rush of endorphins, the rhythm of your feet hitting the pavement, the way your thoughts quieted for just a little while.

Bit by bit, you started to feel lighter. Like you were shedding layers of weight you didn’t even realize you were carrying.

And then there was Yoongi.

He was still a constant name on your phone, though the tone of his messages had shifted over time. At first, his texts were full of apologies and pleas for a second chance:

Yoongi: I know I messed up. Please let me make it right.

Yoongi: I’m sorry for everything. I hate that I hurt you.

Yoongi: I need you, Y/N. I should have told you sooner.

Yoongi: Can I come over? I really want to explain everything.

Yoongi: I’m an idiot.

Yoongi: I’ll wait for you. Just tell me when you’re ready to talk.

Then came the texts about Haneul:

Yoongi: Haneul misses you. Not to one-up my own kid, but I miss you more.

Yoongi: Han said your name today. He kept pointing at the door like he was waiting for you to walk in.

Yoongi: I bought him a new Bora. This giraffe is lame. [image attached]

Yoongi: Han’s been carrying Bora 2.0 everywhere. He even tried to feed it rice last night.

And now, weeks later, his messages had settled into something different.

Yoongi: I was in the studio all day, and Hobi made me take a break. We ended up eating too much fried chicken and now I have a zit.

Yoongi: How was your run today? Namjoon says you’re joining a mini marathon. Good luck!

Yoongi: Still have boxes of Silver Moon tea. It’s too bougie for my ghetto taste buds. Lmk if you want it. Yoongi: Actually, no need. I'll send it thru Namjoon.

Yoongi: I fucked up the choreography to our new track at Mubank today like an amateur. I hope you didn’t get to watch it.

They were simple, almost mundane. But Yoongi’s texts had a way of hitting you square in the chest. You think back to that conversation in his home, the one where he admitted how lonely he sometimes felt—how he wished for someone to talk to about the little things, the big milestones, everything in between. Someone to share life with. And now, with every message he sends, it feels like he’s choosing you.

Even though weeks have passed without seeing him, he’s still there. Reaching out. Trying to stay connected. Even when you never reply.

But his messages have become tiny bursts of dopamine in your otherwise quiet days. You’re both surprised and relieved he hasn’t stopped trying, that he hasn’t grown tired of pouring himself into the void of your Kakao.

Namjoon told you recently that Yoongi and Sung Kyung have started co-parenting Haneul. She gets supervised visits twice a month. At first, the green-eyed monster threatened to come out. But your best friend tells you that Yoongi never wanted to rekindle anything with Sung Kyung, which gave you some peace. Maybe if you’d been braver back then, you could’ve asked Yoongi yourself. Maybe if Yoongi had been better at communicating, he would have told you then it wouldn’t have felt like such an uphill climb.

But, he was also having such a difficult time, sorting through his own circumstances. And your insecurities at the time were too heavy, too overwhelming to sift through. You probably wouldn’t have believed him then. The progress you’ve made now—to love yourself first—feels hard-won and necessary. And maybe Yoongi also needed to go on a journey to really know what he wants for him and Haneul.

You’ve come to realize through all this that you don’t really hate Sung Kyung. Maybe you were angry on behalf of Yoongi and Haneul for all the secrets she kept, for the ways her choices hurt them both. There was even a night when you found yourself doing a Naver search on postpartum depression. You hadn’t understood how debilitating it could be, how it could turn even the strongest person into a shell of themselves. It didn’t excuse everything, but it gave you perspective, especially as you battle your own demons.

Still, as you journey forward, there are moments when you imagine the “what ifs” with Yoongi, if Sung Kyung hadn't showed up that day. Sometimes, late at night, your mind drifts back to him. You replay his kiss, remembering the way it felt, the way he tasted. You can still conjure the image of his face under the rain, the way he looked at you in that fleeting, heart-wrenching moment.

You wonder if he thinks about it, too. You know he’s waiting. You just hope that when you’re finally ready to let him back in, he’ll still be there—on the other side, willing to try again.

One evening, Namjoon called, his tone unusually excited. “Hey, I’ve got something for you.”

“No, I don’t need more lube, I’m stocked,” you joked, just to be a piece of shit.

“Shut up and listen,” he said, laughing. “Hybe’s opening a daycare for employees’ kids. They need someone to run it. You’re perfect for this.”

Your stomach flipped. “What? Joonie, I don’t even—”

“Don’t even try to argue,” he interrupted. “You have a degree in early childhood education. You love kids. This was your literal job in the states. C’mon, this is made for you.”

“What if I’m not ready?”

Namjoon sighed. “You are. I’ve seen how much work you’ve been putting in. You’re stronger than you think. Just… apply. The worst they can do is say no.”

You’re quiet, so he added. “...and they won’t. I’ll have each member of Bangtan sign a recommendation letter for you.”

“You’re too much, Joonie,” you laugh. But you surely won’t put it past him to do that. “But ok, I’ll apply.”

So you did. And a week later, you got the call.

Your first day at Hybe’s daycare center feels like a dream you didn’t know you had. The space is beautiful—sunlight streams through floor-to-ceiling windows, casting a warm glow over the colorful toys, tiny tables, and pastel murals. There are only three kids who pre-registered, but you were expecting more to walk in.

Namjoon is there, truly your ride or die, sitting casually on your desk with his ever-supportive grin. “You nervous?” 

“Nope,” you say, trying to sound confident. But the way your voice wavers gives you away.

Namjoon chuckles. “Relax. You’re going to crush this.”

Before you can respond, the door swings open, and in walks Hobi with Yunjin and their toddler, Jeongyeon. The little girl looks adorable in her sunflower-patterned overalls, her tiny pigtails bobbing as she walks toward the play area.

“Jeongyeon, say hi to teacher Y/N,” Yunjin says, gently guiding her forward.

“Hi!” Jeongyeon squeaks.

You crouch down to her level. “Hi, Jeongyeon! You’re gonna have so much fun today.”

“First kid of the day, ayeeee!" Hobi says, high-fiving Yunjin, before she runs to Jeongyeon who is mounting the toy pony. Then he turns to you, “Congratulations, Y/N.”

Just as they’re leaving, Namjoon nudges you. “By the way, did you know there’s a capybara mascot today?”

“What?” you blink, confused.

Before Namjoon can explain, something soft and warm suddenly envelops you in a hug. You turn to see a capybara mascot wrapping its plush arms around you, its giant head tilted adorably to the side.

“What the…” You laugh, surprised, grasping its arm. “Hybe really went all out, huh?”

Namjoon smirks. “Of course. First-day activations are a big deal here. And look at that, your favorite animal. What a coincidence.”

You grin, stepping back to look at the mascot. “Guess I’m a little biased, but this might be the cutest thing ever.”

The mascot gives you an exaggerated thumbs-up. 

Shortly, Haneul arrives. The moment you see him toddling through the door, all your nerves, all the weight you’d carried for weeks—gone. There’s no ache, no tension. Just pure, uncomplicated happiness.

His nanny, a kind older woman, walks him in, holding his hand as he peers curiously around the room.

Haneul bounds toward you giggling, his gummy smile stretching wide as he lets go of the nanny’s hand and waddles toward you.

“Hi, sarang,” you say, crouching down to scoop him into your arms. He smells like baby lotion and sunshine, and your chest feels full as he buries his face in your shoulder. “I missed you.”

You glance toward the door, your eyes darting around instinctively, but there’s no sign of Yoongi. A small pang of disappointment settles in your stomach before you shake it off. He’s probably holed up in his studio, working on something brilliant. It would have been nice to see him though.

The capybara mascot wanders over, drawing Haneul’s attention instantly. His eyes light up as he points at it, giggling.

“Appa!” Haneul says excitedly, punching the knee of the mascot with his tiny fists.

You laugh, brushing a hand through his soft hair. “That’s not your appa, Haneul. He’s probably in one of the big studios upstairs working very hard right now.”

The mascot gives you a pat on the head, and something about its movements feels oddly familiar. But you don’t dwell on it, too caught up in Haneul’s delighted squeals as the mascot does a little dance for him. It sure loves to shake its ass.

For the rest of the morning, you’re in your element, guiding the kids through activities, wiping tears, and singing songs during circle time. Every so often, Haneul points at the mascot and calls out “Appa!” again, and you can’t help but laugh.

And if the capybara mascot seems to hover a little longer around Haneul, or if it lingers near you whenever there’s a chance, well… you just chalk it up to coincidence.

(One day, much later, you’ll find out the truth. But for now, you’re content not knowing.)

That night, your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you pull it out to find another message from Yoongi.

Yoongi: Congratulations on your first day!

You stare at the screen, your thumb hovering over the keyboard. For the first time in weeks, as you look at your thread of messages from him, you let yourself smile—a small, cautious smile, but a smile nonetheless. And for the first time in months of radio silence, you type up your first reply to him.

You: Thanks, Yoongi. I’m really happy. :)

His reply came almost immediately.

Yoongi: You deserve it

And it may have taken a while, but you finally believe that. So you decide you are also finally ready to do this.

You: Can we talk? Yoongi: giv me 10 mins im cming overr

:)

A/N: 

Alright!! Wheeeew! You good? How are you feeling?!?!? As usual, please sound off in the comments. 💕

I just want to say that am so proud of this chapter. I think I wrote my best, angst work here. Plus - Kissing in the rain? Namtiddies? A taste of smau? Hee hee. 🤗 

If you make it to here, thank you so so much for reading this story, you lovely, beautiful, human! xo

Part 4 is coming uppp and it’s gonna be a doozy~ 🤭

P.S. As some of y’all know I am a mom and I have experienced post-partum depression before. It was nowhere near the severity of how it is depicted here (a condition that is grave and rare because the character also has other mental struggles), but I empathize. I cannot imagine being truly unfit to care for my own baby. So I request that we do not vilify L&L! LSK. She fucked up real baddd, she could’ve involved Yoongi earlier, etc etc but again she is trying to do better. Plusss, it needs to be said, she does not want Yoongi. Gasp. Y’all can rest easy. He’s yours! 💕

& If you want to read more of my work, please check out my masterlist. & If you enjoy my work and want to buy me a ko-fi, I'd appreciate it.

Taglist:

@yoongznme @nnybtitts08 @rinkud @nbjch05 @perfectiondazesworld

@marnz1990 @mxrauds @queenbloody @jadestonedaeho7 @futuristicenemychaos

@direnediane @glossdebut @maryhopemei @theresstardustinmyblood @mggv97

@wobblewobble822 @kam9404 @supernoonanyc @damn-u-min-yoongi @ot72025

@busanbby-jjk @granataepfelchen @jajabro @tarahardcore @marihoneywk

@ryryvna @tea4sykes @mar-lo-pap @lilkittenjenjen

@captainchrisstan @thelittlecatonthecake

@flaneuseonthestreets @sexytholland @diamonddia-mond

@yronathaniel @as-hs-blog @amarssfanfic @mafersame @amarawayne

@eurydiceofterabithia @diame93 @welcometomyworld13 @wonh0oe @lilkittenjenjen @jalexad

@jkkkkkay @chimmisbae @angellekookie @jovanaprime @txtsoobean @joonlovely

@kookiewithluv @soop-sprite @hyukaluve

[astraeajackson]

the way the folk of the air books are written is so funny to me because. like. on one page you'll have this beautifully worded paragraph, so poetic it makes you gaze in wonder...

and then on the next page you'll have jude's internal monologue going:

AND THIS IS SAID BY THE EXACT SAME PERSON

[twopoppies]

Are the any new fics (within the last couple months) that are good? I’m in a reading drought and I feel like I’ve read every Larry fic there is :( I got so desperate I even thought about looking into f/m fics..

NOOOOO NOT THE HET FICS. DON’T DO IT. 😆

I think I’m just going to use your ask to post my year-end favorite fics. Hope you don’t mind.

It’s been a tough year for me, and I haven’t gotten to read a ton, but these are all excellent.

Secrets, Santa? By @indiaalphawhiskey (E, 19K) disaster gay Harry in all his bumbling, endearing glory still manages to make his incredibly hot boss (Louis) fall for him. This one has snappy dialogue, great internal monologue, and scorching smut. I’d expect nothing less from this author.

your lips in the low light by etherealbliss / @givesuethemoon (E, 21K) It’s been a long time since I read a Larry Uni AU, and this one checked all the boxes. This author managed to really capture the immaturity and obsessive emotions of university age lovers arguing and breaking up, and making each other jealous, and fucking and fighting some more, and ultimately making up. Harry is bratty and sensitive and Louis is dense and long-suffering and they’re perfect for each other.

Scorpions et Madragores by Stria / @nooradeservedbetter (E, 23K) Read the tags and author’s note on this one because there are some themes that could be triggering. This is a dark fic and Harry is a pretty creepy vampire, but the story is very well told and there’s a happy ending.

2 a.m. texts by everysingleday / @sun-lt (T, 30K) This was very sweet and very funny and had just enough sexiness (although I wouldn’t have minded more. LOL!) Link is to a download.

The Doppel Effect by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright (T, 6K) the concept for this fic was so original and a really compelling read, I can’t help but hope the author gets inspired to continue this ‘verse.

Danger I Can’t Hide by CelticSky (E, 227K) This one’s got all the tension and drama you’d expect of a World War II story—life and death high stakes, friends and lovers unexpectedly torn apart, battles and heroism, plus the added stakes of classism and homophobia—then add a slow burn, high risk, scorching love affair spanning years. If you want a story that’s complex and fantastically researched, plus lovers to root for, read it. It’s long. But I couldn’t put it down. When I finally did, I picked it right back up and read it twice more. It’s that good.

one conversation by fondleeds (NR, 1K) This really is just a couple of scenes, and the story is open-ended, but, if for no other reason, read it for the beautiful way the sentences flow. My notes on every fic of theirs begin with: “I wish I could write like this.”

Night Shift by banaanipoika (E, 9K) This was incredibly sexy and beautifully written. I loved that there was such a unique setting with so much descriptive language making me feel like I could smell and feel everything in that hospital room.

On The Pull by @homosociallyyours (E, 4K) Short, but really sexy and just the right amount of bittersweet and hopeful. Loved the characterizations and the smooth writing. So few people write canon Larry these days so this was a nice change of pace.

Devil in my brain, whispering my name by @lunarheslwt (E, 9K) i i thought this author struck a great balance between the dirtiness of a demon defiling an angel and the way the angel gave in to his desire to be defiled. Super sexy.

pull you closer (kiss me harder) by @sunshineandthemoonlight (E, 6K) This was absolutely beautiful — just the perfect amount of tension and wistfulness to make me tear up. But then it was sexy and full of hope at the end. I loved how Louis supported Harry and gave him exactly what he needed (and really, H gave Louis what he needed, too).

[keepmycandleburning]

My favorite HP fanfics of all time:

#1: Beautiful Sleepyhead by Phantomato. Thoros Nott/Voldemort, 24k words, E. I also highly recommend reading Interlude in First and Oily Water from this series. This is the only fic I couldn't even guess how many times I've read it. It's so unspeakably beautiful, beyond words to me, the relationship these two characters have, the characterization of Voldemort and his professional and domestic lives, the strikingly beautifully written and raw erotica, the intense humanity of all of it. I recommend reading everything with Thoros/Voldemort. I'll read them anywhere and doing anything. In general I consider Phantomato the best writer I've ever read in my entire life, in any context and in any genre. The way they use words is not the way other people use words. Reading their writing changes the way I think. You make me need to write @phantomato I LOVE YOU

#2: Immortal Misconceptions by PinsandKneazles. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 3.4k, M. Bellatrix and Voldemort try to conceive Delphini. This is so so so so fucking funny. Genuinely one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I can't even look at this right now without scream laughing. Every line of this is laugh out loud worthy and it doesn't ever get any less funny even if you read it 20 times.

#3: The Warrior and the Snake by Lady_Escapist. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 150k, M. My favorite Bellamort fic (ignore the above...), and goes through the whole story of both wars which I adore. Lady_Escapist writes the best characterized Voldemort I've ever read, who speaks and acts and thinks like he does in canon, and he has an intensely complex relationship with Bellatrix that feels so incredibly believable, and so compelling. The chemistry between them is palpable. The type of story that impacts your view of the series when you read it.

#4: Dissonance by Metalomagnetic. Abraxas Malfoy/Tom Riddle, 17k, E, underage warning. Beautiful use of words, such evocative language, really feels like it's written in the real HP universe, and some of the most well-written sex I've ever read. It's really impressive to me how complex and individual and human these characters are in so few words. Metalomagnetic is another person who knows how to use words in a way most writers can't do. @metalomagnetic I LOVE YOU

#5: Scylla and Charybdis by Asenora. Snape/Voldemort, 44k, E. Transcendent experience of Snape and his relationship with Voldemort, woven together like a web interconnected through time. Delicious little Bellamort bits. Another brilliant writer who has a way with words I can barely fathom. Have never forgotten the description of Rodolphus's face as aquiline. @saintsenara I LOVE YOU

#6: Self-Worship by Phantomato. Diary Tom Riddle/real Tom Riddle, 21k, E. The diary horcrux gets a body, and there's only one bed... As brilliantly written as anything of theirs. So real, so visceral.

and:

Stop all the clocks by Metalomagnetic. Rodolphus/Voldemort, 9k, M. Rodolphus's POV of his intense adoration and devotion to Voldemort. Amazing writing of a Death Eater's love for the Dark Lord.

Penitence. Lucius/Voldemort, 810 words, E, non-con warning. Lucius has to suck Voldemort's dick in front of a ton of Death Eaters. So good.

Holiday by Phantomato. Thoros Nott/Voldemort, 23k, E. Fake engagement, you know what happens.

Other Women and of Purer Blood by Asenora. Narcissa/Snape, 7.7k, E. Super well-written, beautiful descriptions and narrative, so many compelling ideas, and an insane sex scene.

The Black Family Shield in Malfoy Manor by FelixPhial. Draco/Narcissa, 8.2k, E, non-con warning and maybe underage. Draco and Narcissa have to have passionate sex in front of all the Death Eaters and Voldemort.

Child, Witch, and Lord by missmarianne. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 7.6k, teen & up. Delphini's intentional conception process and Voldemort's thoughts on it. The best recreation of Voldemort internal monologue I've ever read.

Lord of the Manor by jadiss. Lucius/Snape, 3.2k, E. Little snippets on their relationship, from Hogwarts to death.

The Chronicles by yletylyf. 11k, M. Snape's experience as a double agent. Valuable ideas on canon plot and Snape's relationship with Voldemort. And a delicious little Bellamort moment. @yletylyf

A phantom pain by RiddleRedCoats. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 4.2k, general. Voldemort returns, finds out Bellatrix died in Azkaban, looks for her everywhere.

Real by deslea. Bellatrix & Rodolphus, 2.6k, M. The last scene of this has stuck with me among the most of any scene from any fic I've read.

Innocence by hervissa. 717 words, teen & up. Lucius finds out about Bellatrix & Voldemort. Really well-written and so funny, will never forget Lucius's reaction to the aftershave line.

a learning experience by Laeveteinn. Tom Riddle/Hepzibah Smith, 9k, teen & up. 'Hepzibah Smith is an acquired taste. Slowly but surely, Tom finds himself acquiring it.'

Adtitulo by jazminesays. Draco/Voldemort, Abraxas Malfoy/Voldemort, 144k, E, underage warning and probably non-con warning. Voldemort had a love affair with Abraxas in his youth and has Draco pretend to be Abraxas. I've read only the first half of this, not the Drarry. I love the relationships between the Slytherins, particularly Draco and Pansy, and their little traditions and human qualities and calling the alcove Candyland.

surrogate by 8623S44. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 179k, E. I need to reread this. One of the first fics I saved on AO3 and one I've always thought of as one of my favorites. What I remember most is the Voldemort POV rewrites of the scenes from Deathly Hallows. Full story of the first and second wars I think, but non-chronological.

Beauty and the Beast by Metalomagnetic. Bellatrix/Voldemort, 21k, M. One of the first fics I saved, and I have this labeled as a favorite, need to reread.

[psaikey]

Thoughts on “When This Is Over”

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

"When This Is Over"; Levi Ackerman/ Reader fanfiction on Ao3 and Wattpad by gorillagripgamer

⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎⭐︎

I have no words for this one and at the same time don’t know where to start, so let’s take it one step at a time.

To me the writing style is sometimes more important than the story because it can make any story exceptional. In this case the writing style ticks all the boxes. The POVs are amazing, the inner monologues, the dialogues, the descriptions, just everything is so real and feels tangible in a way.

Other than that the structure is very interesting, original and refreshing by narrating parallel stories in the past and present showing us the relationship between Levi and the main character from many angles and points in time as well as their many adventures together and how their bond grew. Character development also evident over time.

This is a slow-burn romance story but also somewhat an exception. Based more on denial, responsibility and acceptance. A story where the chemistry is immediate and having both parties aware but each having their own internal turmoil and reasoning why their love is unattainable (and obviously Levi feeling stronger about it). The weight of the circumstances forbidding their love but they always find themselves returning to each other fully aware, which makes the romance so thrilling, making you hold your breath and roll around in excitement. The romance scenes are hot and steamy, kudos to the author for writing them so beautifully. Their relationship is one of equals, respectful loving and funny at times.

The story takes place about a year after Levi’s recruitment into the Scouts and continues 10 years later to the end. Isayama’s original characters are all canonical, Levi included, and the new characters are all well written and fit the main character well. There are few manga/anime plot repeatitions and an interesting original side story. The only part where there is some description of Isayama’s story is the Rumbling, but with more than enough original content.

If you're looking for something truly moving that will leave you feeling hopeful and full of emotion, then you absolutely have to check out this amazing piece!

[letteredlettered]

lettered i love your beautiful writing so much I WANT TO INGEST IT (?) I WANT IT INJECTED AS AN IV TO MY BLOODSTREAM?? my bff and i have been reading your writing for over a decade now (we literally discuss and gush over ur writing in our lil bookclub of 2) and you remain one of my favourite authors of all time you are so incredible at character study?? ur internal monologue is always so beautifully done. your pacing, your metaphors ΑΗΗΗΗΗΗH I CAN'T MAKE A SMALL LIST I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR WRITING !! recently i missed your writing so much and since i've read almost all of your hp works i started reading your works from fandoms i know nothing about. i read through your star trek and untamed fics not knowing anything about those fandoms except the very basics. love me some lettered so bad i be reading anything bc ik it'll blow my mind!!!!!!! wishing you and your loved ones health and happiness in the upcoming year!! thank you for sharing your beautiful creations with us! you'll always have a loyal reader in me 🥰

I'm so glad you came and left an ask as well as your friend. Getting to talk to hear from both of you really lifted my spirits! The Untamed fics are AUs so easy to read not knowing canon, but I'm very impressed you read those Star Trek fics! They're a little more canon-heavy, though I guess not a lot! It's really touching you tried them even not knowing the fandom.

I think it's really wonderful you and your friend have a book club; I feel very honored that you both like my writing so much. Thank you for taking the time to tell me so enthusiastically--as I said in the other ask, I've been a bit down on myself and my writing lately, which feels very silly when so many people are so kind about it. I just really like being proud of things I've written and that feels hard sometimes. Thank you again <3

[dullyn]

Arthurian Retelling Book Review IV

Gawain: a novel of Arthurian legend by Paul McLerran

Spoiler free review right here! One with spoilers will be further down.

A rather traditional retelling, it follows Sir Gawain through different famous tales involving him such as Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle. It does have flair though in its in depth portrayal of Sir Lancelot and Gawain's friendship. Other stories in the book are adapted to fit the duo, so as one knight is never truly alone for the most part. Their friendship is very well done, one of my favorite portrayals, and the relationship between Raquel and Gawain is also incredibly complex and I adore it. Adding to that is the interactions between the Orkney brothers which was fascinating.

The back of the book does make it sort sound of like a spy novel, if that is what you are looking for then this book is not the one for you. There is not much court intrigue in it at all until the very end really.

Very good book, the ending killed me, literally heart wrenching. Plus there are lots of fun references to things that any Arthurian fan or bookworm will appreciate.

I give it:

4.5/5 ⭐

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FULL REVIEW WITH SPOILERS BELOW (I edited it and took out a critique bc I realized that I am in fact stupid and misunderstood something).

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alrighty, gotta start off with once again professing my love for Gawain and Lancelot's friendship. It was interesting to see a Lancelot who never was in the Lake, though it does make sense with the regional tensions present in the book and the way that Lancelot acts as a champion to the Gallic Knights. This of course would not be possible if he was stuck being a fish boy for the first 15 years of life. Like the way Gawain refused to stand guard when Lancelot came to rescue Guinevere (p 380), augh they're so best friend coded. Though that immediately blew up because Lancelot killed Gareth (rip, he was such a sweet character). The end of the book broke me with the way that Lancelot killed Gawain (obviously it was going to happen because like medlit is the blueprint), but the way Lancelot didn't want to kill him. Literally misty eyed.

I also loved Gawain and Raquel, it steered a bit away from the "loathly lady" thing as Raquel was never very ugly nor did she transform. Instead Gawain comments on her prominent nose and then falls in love with her because of her personality and ferocity. The way Gawain came up with the answer of "sovereignty" was tragic, the death/funeral of Morgause was beautifully written. She really was the strongest woman he knew. Raquel and Gawain really were very cute together and her death was so sad. Though the reunion at the end was so incredible, especially because Gareth was waiting for him.

Gawain himself as a character was brilliantly done. I especially liked the letter from Lancelot which shows how most of the other characters view him, as a moral paragon (p 372). There is also the emphasis on the fact that he is the eldest son and heir, it was nice that he actually goes to Lothian for a while and rules his kingdom, that is not something you often see. I did appreciate Gawain's heavy appreciation for women as well, not only Raquel and the way she went against the grain of society, but also Morgause and Guinevere. The scene that stuck out the most to me regarding this is when Gawain has an internal monologue on how Guinevere is just a symbol, a person he knows nothing about, and that she, like many other women, will be forgotten next to the glory of their husbands (p 379). He's just so understanding of others and their places in the world, from Gareth and his sensitive nature to Raquel and her love of hunting to Guinevere going to the stake. The entire story of the girl with the narrow sleeves was so,, Yeah that's Gawain! Gawain makes an incredible main character/narrator in this.

One critique. There are several times that there is very blunt foreshadowing put in. It seems to be rather jarring as it starts referencing future events during the course of the present narrative. Such as with Gawain and the tavern maiden where it starts talking about how he will one day be known as the Maiden's Knight and be a champion of women but for now he is scared of them. It just seemed to break the narrative wall a bit.

One of my favorite things was the way the entire narrative was woven together, between the different stories each getting their own part to the war general scenes. The war general scenes were a stroke of genius with the way they played into the very end with the Battle of Camlann. I really liked those. I also liked the boatload of literary references in the story, from The Iliad with the Trojan horse story Morgause tells, to Hamlet being referenced as a living prince, to Beowulf being a considerable threat to Albion. There is also the fact that Geoffrey is the name of Gawain's sword fighting instructor and Chretien is the name of Lancelot's squire. Cute nods to important writers within Arthuriana.

Also greatly appreciated the second to last chapter with the circle back around to the Green Knight with the way that Gawain finally suffers his true blow so then he can go be with Raquel again. That was very creative and incredibly fascinating.

Honorable mention: Butt naked Lancelot launching himself out the window at the discovery of the affair (p 368).

Very good book, highly recommend (though I suppose if you've read down this far you've already read it lol).

4.5/5 ⭐

[raddelusionaldive]

Happy Valentines Day

Or as I like to say happy corporate love holiday because it shouldn’t take one day out of the year to tell someone your feelings and show care.

A/N: No better way to spend the holiday than writing about my one true love, Nicholas D. Wolfwood. It’s short so 600-ish words.

C.W.: NSFW, this is probably the fluffiest smut I’ve ever written but I adore him so much, Gender Neutral but you are a bottom in this.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood x reader

Nicholas D. Wolfwood the man tainted by blood and years of abuse now holding your hips firmly beneath him as his thrusts reach deeper into your core. Normally this wouldn’t be the point in the relationship where you’d start second guessing yourself especially mid stroke but then again Wolfwood was left thinking to himself. Your noises could only dull the noise of his own internal monologue, not erase it all together. How could someone so perfect be corrupted by him? You willingly let yourself love him and he couldn’t grasp the concept. Is this how one would describe a relationship? Domestic bliss, perhaps?

Your sweet mewling and moaning snapped him out of his thoughts for a moment. You splayed so beautifully beneath him, had him sucking in air like you knocked the wind out of him. Your heat pulsed around him, a simple reminder of how you seemed to be hopelessly wrapped around him. It was a constant battle of who was wrapped around who’s finger. A mutual pining the poor undertaker couldn’t understand for the life of him. Your skin felt soft beneath his calloused hands, pure silk underneath razor blades. The hands of a murderer now groping softly despite his harsh neediness felt in each thrust. Fear creeping in his mind as if you’d disappear once it’s over. The bliss would wear off to reveal it’s a dream… but that never happened. The sound of his groans and your voice calling out his name with pure unadulterated need, resounded through the small confines of the room you shared.

Your slick coated his length, leaving a glistening sheen with each stroke. It’s a miracle you haven’t completely lost grip of reality as Nicholas fucked you into oblivion. His happy trail brushes against you as if teasing with each pass, each time you’ve been on the precipice of ecstasy he’s slowed down. Your resolve long gone moments before now being reduced to nothing but nonsensical ramblings as he pummels your sweet spot over and over.

“You still with me angel?” He breathlessly asked, leaning down, reeling you back to reality. All you could do was let out a pleased whine nodding quickly as your walls clenched around him. You had lost count of how many times you had come undone at that point. Not a thought in your little blissed out mind as sweat glistened against his pecs.

It began after a drunken kiss, the relationship blossomed after that night unbeknownst to Vash, Meryl, and Milly. Sure you had looked at him, sizing him up each time you thought nobody was looking, how couldn’t you? Despite his rough demeanor his eyes always softened behind his shades when he’d look at you. Surely nothing could possibly happen between the priest and you, right? That’s what you told yourself before finally getting the nerve to kiss him after having enough liquid courage in your bloodstream. One sloppy chaste kiss turned into a steamy make out session and before you could say “punisher” he had worked both of you out of your clothes and dove face first into your heat. If you didn’t believe in heaven before you definitely did now the way he had you trembling and seeing stars. What you thought would be a one night thing soon became routine.

The love that sparkled in his dark eyes as he set the pace already sinking himself balls deep was immeasurable. It was almost laughable at how he looked at you even as you were blissed out beneath him, drunk off of his cock. It convinced you that even when you were dying he’d look at you with so much unbridled love. A love that would transcend death…

[seeingivy]

bsfs older brother sukuna asks!

OUCH like you're literally crazy thank you so much. random side tangent that no one asked about but basically my mom has a masters in english literature and likes to read/write a lot (which is where i think i get that from) but basically we were talking about books that are meant to me read as books or other writing that is more like cinematic? if that makes sense.

like some people on here write fic that's really prose based and beautifully written. like truly I think the talent lies in how they choose to string the words together that always leaves me in awe. another irl author that does this a lot is celeste ng (ronnie book rec! everything I never told you is one of my favorite books ever)

but then some books are very very plot driven and kind of have plot as the main thing that kind of draws me in. I definitely think i'm this type of writer more where I know that my talent isn't necessarily in how I string the words together (not that I think it's bad, I just think that the way I build something up and make a plot out of something is kind of where I have the most fun and think I do the best in terms of the stuff I put out) an irl book that does this is the seven husbands of evelyn hugo - where it's very jam packed and driven by the actual events of the book as opposed to the actual wording and sentence structure of how they're written.

anyway this ask just validated what I was thinkiNG LOL bc I do think I tend to write some thats more like sucker punch yolo as opposed to really working on writing that's more prose like (and I admire people who can do that because I literallly fumble with normal words, like @/theragethatisdesire and @/neptuneblue are SOOO skilled at this that it always leaves me speechless. anyways.)

thank you again pookie 💌

literally that's emotional whiplash. I reread the entire thing myself (which is crazy, because I rarely reread my own works after writing them, but I do find myself reaching to read this one sometimes) and LORD like i actually kind of forgot the stuff in the beginning so PROPS TO YOU and it's so sweet that you felt all the feels that were going on that makes my heart so so warm.

heavy on the poor weird child me. mind you that both of these characters internal monologue/and somewhat of their backstory is based on me in real life and heavy on loving little weird child you and knowing that they're still in you somewhere fighting in whatever way they can (for me its fanfic....which is very on brand when I think about it)

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! 💌 idk where that all came from in three days but it did and im actually very very proud of it so it makes me so so happy that you enjoyed it!

anyways! idk I hope to write some more soon but someone in my family is having a five wedding events week business going on so i'm like out of capacity all weekend (and already overstimulated from so much interaction)

[voxofthevoid]

how would you describe your writing style? I've been reading your works since last year and I'm always so hooked with every word, I want to know how you personally interpret your own style because it's just so beautifully paced and written :DD

Thank you, anon! That's very flattering 🥺❤️

And gooood question actually. I've never really tried to describe it, aside from a general overview of the techniques I favor.

Emotion-heavy and highly internal: There's very little plot in my stories, and even when there is, it tends to be less about the events and more about how the characters are feeling and reacting to them. The bulk of the stories is comprised of character interactions and interior monologue.

Descriptive in a way that focuses on the senses: The specific senses I'm focusing on depends on the scene, but touch and sight tend to dominate, in porn and otherwise. These do the heavy lifting when it comes to setting the scene.

Extensive use of figurative language: Alliteration and assonance are my bread and butter, but named devices aside, I'm prone to building imagery and using those to convey mental states, relationships, general motifs, etc. Plus, it's fun to play with words like that.

That's the core of it, I think! It's not a style I consciously developed, so this is more of a posthoc analysis. The style isn't static either, though at this point, I'm building on these core elements more than making any major shifts or changes. I don't want to stagnate, but having a foundation I'm happy with is a good feeling. I'd like to tackle proper stream of consciousness someday, but the few times I've tried, it's been...slippery.

Thanks for asking this, anon! I had fun figuring out the answer.

[echoesofidentity]

Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh- Review

Eileen is Moshfegh's debut novel published in 2015, although it certainly does not read like a debut. This dark thriller feels years ahead of the trope of 'disgusting women', the popularity of which is booming in current mainstream and literary circles- and largely in part because of Moshfegh herself. In Eileen we follow young woman Eileen Dunlop, who lives in squalor with her abusive alcoholic father. Her only respite from her family home, saturated with addiction, violence and mental illness, is her job in a juvenile youth detention centre for teenage boys. We learn very little about Eileen's work, except she is infatuated with one of the male guards and infuriated by her female colleagues- Eileen is not a girls' girl. That is until Rebecca starts working at the prison, and very quickly Eileen develops an obsession for the beautifully glamorous education director. Again we learn little about who Rebecca really is outside of Eileen's growing preoccupation with her, and Eileen is the true unreliable narrator. The final act of the book culminates in a shocking twist in which we discover Rebecca has developed an obsession of her own and taken it to the extreme. However, as the book is written from a first person limited perspective, and Eileen's focus is on Rebecca herself, there is little foreshadowing of the twist as our focus is directed elsewhere. Some reviewers have therefore criticised the novel for its sudden change in pacing from the slow meandering stream of consciousness of the first two acts, to the comparatively more action-packed final one. Whilst the drastic change in pace is definitely noticeable, in retrospect it is clearly not without warning, and an astute reader would likely predict the 'twist'. Eileen is not a mystery novel and its clues are hidden in plain sight.

The online popularity of the subversive genre of disgusting and unlikeable women seems to originate from Moshfegh's second novel, My Year of Rest and Relaxation, which has proven an undisputed yet controversial BookTok hit. Yet Eileen feels like its repellent older cousin, the black sheep of the family with the ultimate unlikeable but uncomfortably relatable protagonist. In Eileen Moshfegh pushes the emotion of disgust to its absolute limits with its deeply unlikeable main character, not through her actions but primarily through the internal monologue to which the reader is privy. Eileen has little in the way of plot, so the stream of consciousness from our main character is the main sustenance of the novel, which at times makes for uncomfortable reading yet at others feels repetitive and redundant. Eileen has a fixed hatred for fat people and aspires to be as thin as possible, a fact which we are reminded of repeatedly throughout the book. It is clear Moshfegh wants her readers to intensely dislike Eileen, and for the most part she achieves this, but there are certainly times when Eileen's hatred for fat people- among other groups of people- loses its shock value and simply becomes tiresome. In other instances, the repetition is an effective technique employed by Moshfegh to demonstrate progression of the story even whilst Eileen herself fails to show any character growth. The most notable of these is the repeated imagined imagery of the icicles falling from her house and causing injury to herself or others; Eileen's character arguably shows no progression from the start to the end of the novel, holding many of the same views despite the very influential circumstances she is forced through. However, the icicle imagery migrates from a figment of imagination to an event in reality, and Eileen's lacklustre reaction to it highlights how, despite the horrors she has just experienced, she continues her life largely unchanged in her outlook.

Throughout reading I could not help drawing parallels between Eileen and Eliza Clark's Boy Parts, a more recent dark comedy that again leans heavily on the disgusting women trope, and another BookTok hit. Both novels encourage the reader to think beyond black and white likeability of their female protagonists and seem to instead beg the question as to why we find their thoughts and actions so abhorrent in the first place. Both Eileen and Boy Parts' protagonist, Irina, are staunchly un-feminist characters through their utter contempt for other women. However, it is debatable whether in fact they are unfeminist, when in actuality they are portrayed as hating everyone equally, except for those with whom they become obsessed. For Eileen this is Rebecca, and for Irina it is a male subject of her photography, but both end up in a self-destructive spiral as a result of their passionate fixation on another person. Regardless, it is interesting that a generation of readers widely considered to hold strong feminist principals have become obsessed with this emerging genre that does not portray its female protagonists in anything close to a positive light, and perhaps this is its strength. The portrayal of disgusting women frees female characters from the societal expectation to be pretty, clean and kind, and allows readers to live vicariously through them, testing the limits of what women are and are not allowed to do.

[montdargent]

mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @pinkasrenzo for tagging me (? maybe accidentally? was it just a mention who knows)

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2023? The wee free men, by Terry Pratchett: witches, scottish fairies and a coming of age story set in the discworld universe. what's not to like? officially my new favourite discworld series

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2023? A hat full of sky, by Terry Pratchett: these are just excuses to talk about the tiffany aching series tbh. also granny weatherwax is back, so that's easy money

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? Deadly ever after (Rivers of London graphic novels), by Ben Aaronovitch: the rivers of london novels, novellas and short stories are not enough. i need to inhale these graphic novels too. i can't wait for chaotic river goddess twins shanenigans!

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2023? The deep sky, by Yume Kitasei: not many anticipated releases for that time, but it was reccomanded to me and the synopsis sounds right up my alley

5. Biggest Disappointment? Leave the world behind, by Rumaan Alam: a cool premise but incredibly boring execution and not my preferred writing style. a disappointment mostly because it was so amped up

6. Biggest Surprise? No exit, by Taylor Adams: i'm not usually into thrillers, so i didn't have particularly high expectations. but it was really good at building tension, delivered a satisfying ending and had a badass final girl that was easy to root for

7. Favorite New Author? Alison Bechdel: read "Fun home" because a friend of mine wanted to show me the musical and fell in love with it. i can already tell why her works are considered queer classics and i plan to read everything i can find by her

8. Newest Favorite Character? Tiffany Aching: see point 2. most children protagonists fall a bit flat for me or they have at least a couple of moments where their actions or internal monologue feel just unauthentic. and then an adult british cis man writes a smart, lonely, strange little girl and he makes me feel like he knew my child-self better than most family members. and that's why i love terry pratchett (among many things) and why i would die and kill for tiffany aching. she is the one true heir of esme weatherwax and i can't wait to read more of her

9. Newest Fictional Crush? Jordan Baker (from The chosen and the beautiful by Nghi Vo): what can i say, i could never resist a bisexual brunette who was too smart for anyone's good and falls a bit in love with everyone <3

💕Best Ship💕 Blue/Hamal (from Taproot by Keezy Young): just some cute friends-to-lovers fluff with plants and ghosts. honourable mentions are: the extremely toxic polycule from tcatb. that's for new ships, but i have to mention peter/beverly: they're still the best power couple in the greater metropolitan london area (i know i cheated and said three but i can't choose)

10. Book That Made You Cry? I'm glad my mom died, by Jeanette McCurdy: a very tough read, especially with the audiobook narrated by the author herself with all the emotion she puts into the reading. not for the faint of heart, but the pain is absolutely worth it

11. Book That Made You Happy? The fey and the furious (Rivers of London graphic novels) by Ben Aaronovitch: it's a comic version of a series i love, about fairies and drag racing. the pun in the title! i was smiling ear to ear the whole time

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? Nimona (2023): i just finsihed rewatching it and i will do it again. i was obsessed with the gn at 18 and i'm obsessed with the movie now. between this and she-ra nd stevenson just owns my ass at this point. even with all the changes from the original, it still captures the spirit of it beautifully, with all the added layers of how the author changed and grew since then. i love it with my whole queer heart <3

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year? i don't write reviews anymore, but maybe i should start again just for myself

14. Most Beautiful Cover? The priory of the orange tree, by Samantha Shannon: colour scheme? on point. lettering? beautiful. a dragon? fuck yeah

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? ideally i'll complete my reading challenge, but for now i just hope i finish the ones i already started, so "One hundred years of solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez "Cemetery boys" by Aiden Thomas and "Circe" by Madeline Miller

[barkovsasha]

fic premise: absolutely delightful angst and dialogue, beautifully written internal monologue that makes me feel like im suffocating <3

kelsey....... what if i started crying ily

i do love to ramble w the internal monologue you're so right

[fierautami]

Denny Ja's Latest Work: Live Lotre, A Professional Review



Denny Ja has long been known as one of the famous writers in Indonesia. His works are always awaited by literary fans, and this time, he returned with his latest work entitled "Lotre Life". In this article, we will conduct a professional review of Denny JA's latest work, including the background of the author, synopsis, characterization, writing style, and conclusions. BACKGROUND AUTHOR Denny JA, or complete Denny JAnuar Ali, is a writer, writer, and also an Indonesian politician. He has written various fiction and non-fiction works, including essay poetry, short stories, essays, and also political essay poetry. Denny JA is also known as the founder and general chairman of the Indonesian Survey Institute (LSI), which made him have a deep understanding of society and Indonesian political life. Synopsis "Lotre Life" "Live Lotre" is Denny Ja's latest essay poem that tells about the life journey of a young man named Andi. Andi, who is a graduate of a leading university, is trapped in a monotonous and unsatisfactory life. He felt that his life was like a lottery, where he had to face various unexpected challenges and difficulties. This essay poem illustrates Andi's journey in finding the true meaning of life, looking for life goals, and facing various moral dilemmas. In his journey, Andi met with various characters that affect his view of life. Denny Ja intelligently described the internal and external conflicts faced by the main character, as well as giving a deep thought about the meaning of life. Characterizations In "Live life", Denny Ja succeeded in making his characters live and have emotional depth. Andi, as the main character, is well described in his struggle to find the meaning of life. He is described as a figure full of questions and confusion, but also has a strong spirit to find answers. In addition, there are also interesting supporting characters in this essay poem, such as Andi's best friend, his family, and his romantic couple. Each character has an important role in shaping Andi's life journey and gives a different perspective on life. Writing Style In "Live Live", Denny Ja shows his expertise in stringing words beautifully. The writing style seems light but full of meaning, so that it can arouse the emotions of the reader. He also uses language that is easy to understand, so that this essay poem can be enjoyed by various groups of readers. In this essay poem, Denny Ja also uses various interesting narrative techniques, such as flashbacks, internal monologues, and living dialogue. This makes the reader involved in the story and can feel the emotions experienced by the characters. Conclusion In his latest work, "Live Live", Denny Ja once again showed his expertise and expertise in writing. This essay poem succeeded in presenting stories that present various questions and reflections on the meaning of life. Through the main character, Andi, the reader is invited to reflect on the true meaning of life and how to achieve satisfaction in life. Denny Ja's latest work also describes the conflict and moral dilemma faced by his characters very well. The writing style is beautiful and light to make this essay poetry can be enjoyed by various groups of readers. Overall, "Live Lotre" is a work that is worth reading. Denny Ja succeeded in presenting an inspiring story and giving a deep thought about life. This work can be an interesting discussion material for readers who want to understand and reflect on the meaning of their own lives. 

Check more: Denny JA's Latest Work 20: Live Lotre, A Professional Review

[jesuisgourde]

My two main books I’m reading right now are The Quick & The Dead by Joy Williams and Under The Volcano by Malcolm Lowry and it’s very strange how similar they are despite being drastically different. All of the characters in the Joy Williams book speak to each other like they’re not talking to/with each other, but like they’re all having an imaginary conversation they wish they were having with someone else. So all of the dialogue is simultaneously very emotional/deep/thoughtful and incredibly shallow because no one is actually listening to each other, and when they actually are listening, they’re either struggling to understand, or understanding but thinking about their own reactions to things. Whereas in the Lowry there’s a lot of things that go unsaid simply because of silence. But the characters’ internal monologues do the same thing, circling around and around desires or scenarios they either remember happening or imagine happening, without properly landing on understanding each other. They have moments where they consider oh maybe that’s how this other person feels but then they think about other things instead. And yet the characters’ thoughts are just packed with metaphors and imagery and poetry that feels like literal thought rather than a summary abstraction of what the characters are thinking about, a very similar device to the Williams dialogue.

[twopoppies]

Hi!! What are your personal favourite fics ever ? And could u do a list of your fav deleted fics? I think I really just need new fics to read Haha Xx

Oh, I love that question. Okay, I already have a list of Favorite Fics, but here are my fave deleted ones:

Into The Blue by Zarah5 (E, 117K) honestly, I love all of this author’s fics, but I think this is my favorite of theirs. Louis as a flirty scuba instructor? Newly single Harry who just wants a fling? Boys living on other sides of the world who only have a few weeks together? Heartbreak. Hot af smut. OT5 friendship. Please….give me all that shit.

Pull Me Under by zarah5 (E, 140K) One of the very first fics I read when I came into this fandom…and I’ve read it multiple times since. Zarah’s fics hold up every time. This one has it all, great pacing, ot5 friendship, banter, super sexy smut, etc etc. Plus, Louis being super jealous of Harry’s best friend.

to hell with romancing by bottomlinsons (E, 8K) This is worth reading for Harry’s internal monologue alone. This is just a funny fic that morphs into a sweet and really sexy one.

Dream Awake by protagonist_m (M, 31K) beautifully written, this one pulled me in and I got lost in the story so deeply. It’s one of those fics that really deserved a wider audience.

pretty in pink by hereforlou (E, 6K) I love this author’s writing and they give suck a realistic portrait of an established relationship in this one: Harry is whiny and needy. Louis is indulgent and loving. The whole thing is very sexy.

into joy i’m sailing by hereforlou (E, 5K) This fic is so tender and soft and sexy. The whole idea behind the fic was just something that felt very real and so fully realized.

This is cheating, but I honestly love so many of hereforlou’s fics, so here are all the ones I have.

feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream by togetherwecouldbealright (M, 123K) I read this one so, so long ago that all I remember is that I loved it, that there’s some really romantic and sweet moments, and that my notes from way back when only say, “OMG this one is so good! And I’ve barely gotten to the smut!” HAHAHAHA!

Good Enough to Eat by objectlesson (E, 7K) This author always does such a good job with depicting young, queer love and the way their characters experience the overwhelm of realizing they’re not straight, realizing the’ve met their Person, pining, and giving in. I love a lot of their fics, but I think this is my favorite of them. However, I highly recommend looking through all of them.

as he that sleeps here swims by Acavall (M, 23K) This was one of the very first fics I read in the fandom way back in 2013. It’s sweet and charming and a little melancholy (happy ending of course). Harry’s a ghost, there’s a little magic involved, and there’s a sweet 8K epilogue, as well.

In Vogue by otpforever (M, 121K) This one is just….so much. The intensity of the characters, the crazy hot smut (oh god, the window scene), the FASHION, the angst (I had to take a walk around the block after reading it), the epic love story between two men who could rule the world if they could just figure their shit out. Loved it.

like a boomerang by youwill (M, 48K) Very loosely based on the movie Groundhog’s Day (essentially just the concept of reliving a day over and over), this fic is delightful and charming and really worth a read.

Take Care Down By The Water by shyserious (M, 37K) Not quite mermaids, but oh my goodness I loved this fic. Magical realism, mythical creatures, dreamy/moody atmosphere, beautiful writing.

Where Your Heart Is by tvshow_addict (E, 154K) One of my all-time favorite fics and an absolute must read IMO. Chock full of hurt/comfort (both emotionally and physically), this fic is so moving and so beautiful and will take you on an emotional roller coaster ride from start to finish.

The Road Less Travelled by freetheankles E, 98K) Also known as “the lumberjack fic”, this fic is an instant classic. The author makes widowed Louis’ pain and depression so real and so moving. The characters are three-dimensional and complex and the well written sexual tension is finally relieved with super hot smut.

You Always Make Me Smile by champagneboyband (E, 60K, WIP) Yes, it’s a WIP. I’m listing it because the hope that someday it will be updated gives me the will to live. But also because even as a WIP this fic has everything I love. The characters are multi-faceted, the sexual chemistry is off the charts, the background story is complex enough to give the story numerous possibilities for angst and everything else. WHY MUST IT REMAIN A WIP???

something so precious about this by champagneboyband (E, 4K) this is just endearing and awkward and so well written. I love how much you get a sense of their connection and their inexperience and how much they care for each other in just a few thousand words.

I have lots more that I haven’t read, but of the ones I have, these are my faves. You can also check my DELETED FICS tag for more or search my blog for an author’s name. If someone has asked for their fics, it will be tagged.