#the insanely rich family with weird adoption/stealing children with red hair???

[selttiks4313]

Has anyone who watched Riverdale also read anything by Vc Andrews? Because Cheryl’s entire life was a VC Andrews inspired plot I stg. In season 6 (I think) when she referenced flowers in the attic I SCREAMED. Like they had to know what they were doing!!!

[rainbowssims]

Disney Berry Rainbowcy Challenge Mashup

Hi! You’ve probably heard of and love the Disney Princess Legacy Challenge, and maybe even a Berry Rainbowcy? Well,if you like those, you’ve come to the right place, this is the Disney Berry Rainbowcy. This is a mashup of the two challenges, along with some changes and additions. I will admit, I made this a little more difficult than it should be, however, you are allowed to change this in any way you want to suit your capabilities. This is set up to be a 17 (Eventually more) Generation challenge, but you may lower it however you feel fit. I hope you enjoy!

Guidelines:

1: No cheating except for resetting sims, or story progression mods such as MCCC

2: Paint/Photograph the heir for each generation and hang it in the house. Each Generation must max the painting skill.

3: You may lock/unlock sections of the house for certain sims to match the generation. (Rapunzel can only access the tower for example)

4: You do not have to do all of the generations, nor do you have to do all of them in order.

5: If you don’t have a feature because of a pack, replace it with a closely relating feature. I will also have a second option that is base game for any of the things that are from a pack

6: All generations are allowed to be any gender except Snow White

7: You may skip the Baby stage if you’d like.

8: Play on any life length, Normal or Long are recommended.

9: Move out extra children when new generations start, into a new household

10: Every generation needs to complete their aspiration, and a skill, none require a maxed career.

11: The heir is always the last born child

12: When moving in a spouse you may not take in any money (use the “money _____” cheat to set your money back)

13: As this is a berry rainbowcy, it will be virtually impossible without Berry CC,

@noodlescc​ makes amazing CC made specifically for Berry Sims, and she is the resource I’m using for my own game.

Building:

Move into the largest lot you own, (50x50/64x64) and bulldoze. Build whatever you need with your remaining money. I recommend to make your house into a castle or a medieval house over time to fit the theme, of course this is optional. You must remain in this lot for the remainder of the challenge, so make it pretty!!

Generations:

Generation 1: Snow White

White, Pink Spouse

Founders have humble beginnings, so what's better than Snow White? To start, create Snow White. When Snow White moves into the biggest lot available, this story begins.

Super Parent (Big Happy Family) Creative, Music Lover, Perfectionist

Must be female

Paint/Collect/Photograph/etc for money, no real job

Each child must have the same baby daddy (Pink)

Marry the father and move in together if desired

Each child and teen must get an A in school to age up*

Snow may never answer the door to strangers or talk to elderly women

-Must have 7 children (dwarfs)

-Each child must have one bad trait (e.g Gloomy)

*This generation only

Generation 2: Cinderella

Pink, Peach Spouse

Although you had six brothers and sisters, you always did the cooking and cleaning. Yet, somehow you loved it, as it transported you away from your chaotic home life. When Cinderella becomes a teenager, this story begins

Soulmate Good, Neat, Glutton

Must clean every mess, cook every meal, and repair every object

Master Handiness

(Optional) Meet Spouse in a public lot

May not marry until mother dies (This does not have to be of old age, but it may not be cheated) 

Have a maximum of 3 children 

Generation 3: Tiana

Peach, Pale Orange Spouse

Your family has barely accomplished anything over the past two generations, and you're here to change that. This story begins when Tiana becomes a YA.

Master Chef Ambitious, Foodie, Cheerful

Father must die before end of YA

Master Baking (Cooking) and Piano Skill

Culinary Career or Run a Restaurant that becomes 5 stars before her death (Dine Out)

Complete the Frog Collection

Must marry an alien (sim with green if you don’t have aliens (This can be hair or eyes))

Have kids

Generation 4: Aurora

Pale Orange, Pale Yellow Spouse

Thanks to your mother's hard work, you have everything you always wanted in life, apart from love. Your father was overprotective of you, and rarely let you out of the house. This story begins when Aurora becomes a YA.

Soulmate Lazy, Romantic, Self-Assured

May only have 3 or less friends. (Family can count if you wish)

Critic Career (Business if no City Living)

Master Charisma

Must attend/throw only one party in their life

Must meet future spouse at night while parents are asleep

Elope, a wedding won’t count as your one party

Have a maximum of 2 children - (twin girls are preferred if playing Anna or Elsa next)

Generation 5: Anna*

Pale Yellow, Pale Green Spouse

Your sister locked you away and you never knew why. As toddlers, you were the best of friends but now all you have are dreams. When Anna is a child, this story begins.

Big Happy Family Good, Goofball, Non-Committal

Lose all contact with your sister until YA

Parents die before YA (drown)

Detective (Entertainer) Career

Master Comedy

Find love with a criminal

Experience near death at the hands of your lover

Find someone new after becoming BFFs with your sister

Marry, have one child

*See end for the alternative of Elsa

Generation 6: Rapunzel

Pale Green, Teal Spouse

Your mother never trusted you or the outside world. You never knew of her past, and never wanted to. All you ever got was solitude, but that didn't matter. When Rapunzel is a teenager this story begins.

Painter Extraordinaire Loner, Art Lover, Loves Outdoors

Must reach at least level 8 painting before YA

Paint for money

Paint 5 Murals in the house (Ignore if no City Living)

Live in a tower added onto the house until YA

Despise mother

Spouse is a criminal and has the jealous trait

May only ever leave the house for school 

May never have friends until wedding 

Elope, have kids

Generation 7: Belle

Teal, Pale Blue Spouse

You always loved books and visited the library often. You never cared for looks, just beauty within. Everyone wanted you, but you turned them all down. You wanted to chose your own destiny. When Belle becomes a YA, this story begins.

Renaissance Sim Bookworm, Music Lover, Loner

Date at least 5 men

Visit the library weekly

Write Books/Garden for money

Master Writing or Gardening

Meet the man of your dreams - an ugly Sim

Marry, have kids

Your spouse becomes beautiful (Changed in CAS) after first born child

Generation 8: Mulan

Pale Blue, Lavender Spouse

Your parents always wanted you to bring fortune back to the family and marry someone of high status, but you didn't dream of love, you dreamed of glory. When Mulan becomes a YA this story begins

Nerd Brain Active, Self-Assured, Hot-Headed

Exercise every day

Athletic career

Master Fitness or Wellness 

Fall in love with a co-worker once you reach the top of the career choice 

Marry, have kids

Generation 9: Jasmine

Lavender, Dark Pink Spouse

You hated being rich and living like a princess. You find comfort in Raja, but nowhere else. All your father wants is for you to marry rich, but you want a life without riches. Your mother trained you well to become an amazing hand-to-hand combatant. When Jasmine becomes a teenager this story begins.

Soulmate Dog Lover (Good), Cheerful, Clumsy

Have a best friend (Raja)(Preferably a pet)

You cannot leave the house unless it is for school

Master Veterinarian (Logic) skill

Must marry a poor street rat

Lover must be in the criminal career

Have a maximum of 4 children

Generation 10: Merida

Dark Pink, Red Spouse

You always wondered why your mother gave up her riches for a poor boy. Your adventures lead you into trouble, and you were nearly always grounded. When Merida becomes a teenager this story begins.

Successful Lineage Kleptomaniac, Family Oriented, Active

Lose your siblings and mother in an unfortunate accident

Seek out a way to change the past but fail

Make an enemy then kill them

Steal for money

Master Mischief

Marry as an Adult

Have children, all dressed and named as a different color in order of the rainbow (Kinda weird, but it’s representing the mermaids)

Generation 11: Ariel

Red, Orange Spouse

You've always loved the water and dreamed of becoming a mermaid. Sadly, this never came true but you did find the man of your dreams, and that was good enough. When Ariel becomes a teenager this story begins.

Musical Genius Loves Outdoors, Music Lover, Good

Must own a pool and swim in it everyday

Collect as a teen, Home Musician as an Adult

Make an enemy with Ursula

Master Singing skill and an instrument (Piano, Guitar, Pipe Organ, Violin)

Meet your spouse while your father is at work

Must marry a beautiful Sim with at least one trait the same as your own

Have kids

Generation 12: Pocahontas

Orange, Banilla-Yellow Spouse

You come from different worlds, yet the love of your life is forbidden by your family. When Pocahontas becomes a teenager this story begins.

Friend of the Animals (Freelance Botanist) Loves Outdoors, Good, Self-Assured

Fall in love with a "different" kind of Sim, (Human-skinned, Green Eyes/Hair Sim)

Marry that "different" kind of Sim.

Adopt/Create a Raccoon (Ignore if Cats&Dogs is not owned)

Home Gardener for money

Master Pet Training(ignore if no Cats&Dogs) and Gardening

Have a maximum of 4 kids, heir must Have a Yellow feature, not including skin

Generation 13: Alice In Wonderland

Yellow, Green Spouse

You always thought you were different. You were out with your sister when your life changed forever after a white rabbit ran past you. When Alice becomes a teen, this story begins.

Friend of the World

Insane, Bookworm, Lazy

Fall in love with a sim older than you (e.g Alice is a YA, Marry an Adult)

Own 4 Cats, a Cheshire Cat, a white “rabbit”, an elder “rabbit”, and a “mouse” (Ignore if no Cats&Dogs)

Spouse must be insane and poor

Make a basement (aka Wonderland) and live there for this generation

Social Media (Writer if no City Living) Career

Master Writing

Drink tea every day with your spouse

Have at least 2 children, 1 must have the insane trait

Generation 14: Moana

Green, Blue Spouse

You grew up as the heir to a legacy, born to rule over others; however you want to explore and see the world. You know your choices make you who you are and you hope that one day they will show you the world. Starts when Moana becomes a teenager.

Curator Active, Loves Outdoors, Vegetarian

Have a close relationship with her Grandmother (who dies before Moana becomes a YA and before meeting Maui)

Meet Maui, a man with no living family or relations, who you become BFFs with. You then have to find/craft plumbite (the heart of Te Fiti) and when you give it to your enemy (Te Ka) you become friends with them.

Athletic Career or Home Gardener

Master Gardening or Fitness

Return home in glory. Marry Maui and have kids.

Generation 15: Megara

Blue, Purple Spouse

As a minion of Hades, your goal in life is to escape his clutches to continue your family line. When Megara becomes YA, this story begins.

Bestselling Author Self-Assured, Romantic, Genius

Date Hercules, an Active, and Goofball Sim

Move Hercules and Family directly into the household from CAS (You must make Hades(A Vampire if possible), and if you feel like it, Hercules’ parents)

Megara and Hercules may never marry until he has mastered fitness (or killed 3 sims)

While Hercules is doing his goals, Megara must live in a “dungeon” to represent her being trapped under Hades’ spell, she may not leave until Hercules is done, then Hercules must kill Hades (or cure him of vampirism)

Megara may paint/write while in the dungeon for money

Hercules must be in the Athletic Career

Hercules may be turned into a Vampire(if possible) when they marry

Have at least 2 girls

Generation 16: Nani Pelekai (Lilo and Stitch)

Purple, Pink Spouse

With your sister and her husband dead after a car crash, life around the house just isn’t the same anymore, taking care of your baby sister, Lilo Pelekai. Her story starts after “Lilo” is born and her parents die.

Big Happy Family Hot-Headed, Outgoing, Active

After her parents tragically die, you take Lilo into your care (adopt as care dependent)

Have a negative relationship with Lilo until teen, then become friends

Culinary Career

When Lilo is a child, adopt a strange blue dog (or an alien child without Cats&Dogs (or a human, blue-skinned child without Get to Work)) named Stitch

Raise Lilo as your own

Marry a waiter

Have 2 children

Generation 17: Tinkerbell

Pink, TBD

As a tiny fairy, you have to stay up in the world disregarding your size. When Tinkerbell becomes a YA, this story begins.

Friend of the world Jealous, Good, Loves Outdoors

Live in a glass tower

Meet as many children boys as you can

You maintain a garden

Complete the fossil or metal or crystal collection

Only have to Master Painting!

Have an enemy that dies from your spouse

Marry your highschool sweetheart

After married, have 3 children

Others:

Generation 5 (Alternate): Elsa (With Vampires)

Pale Yellow, Pale Green Spouse

Your parents always questioned where your powers came from. You were a quiet type after... the accident. All you wanted was to be alone, unable to harm anyone. When Elsa becomes a teenager, this story begins.

Good Vampire Loner, Good, Family Oriented

Must not talk to siblings until YA

Parents dead before YA

Master Vampire Lore (Logic)

Turn to a Vampire as a Teen, but cure yourself when first human child is born

Make no attachment to your children, stay isolated (optional)

Never marry and only have children until you get a human, lock away the vampires when they are teens (if you get any)

Generation 5 (Alternate): Elsa (Without Vampires)

Pale Yellow, Pale Green Spouse

Your parents always questioned where your powers came from. You were a quiet type after... the accident. All you wanted was to be alone, unable to harm anyone. When Elsa becomes a teenager, this story begins.

Friend of the world Loner, Good, Family Oriented

Must not talk to siblings until YA

Parents dead before YA

Be different in some way

Master Logic

Scientist Career (Fun with the freeze ray!) or Business

Make no attachment to your children, stay isolated

Never marry and only have 3 children

[floggingink]

Riverdale: “Chapter Twelve: Anatomy of a Murder”

this is the penultimate episode of Riverdale, I can’t believe this is happening, I’m frothing at the mouth

Veronica was rich: “We’re not talking about the Vogue closet here, B.” the sheer fabulous gall of Veronica is—is exhilarating. “It’s not the Met ball.” this is the trailer of the man she just BURGLED

Archie > Dawson: the same goes for Archie’s newfound, forthright belief in truth, justice, and the American way: “My dad will know what to do.” isn’t Archie on Jughead’s side the greatest thing you’ve ever seen? isn’t this BETTER than inexplicably outing him as the son of a trans-Canadian mobster? isn’t this BETTER than letting the Mongol hordes swarm into his house in the middle of Jughead’s birthday party? isn’t this the BEST THING EVER?

the Andrews have some truly calm nature scene reproductions hanging on their walls

Please protect Betty: Betty, who does not know where Jughead is, is close, CLOSE to strangling Alice: “MOM, no, we JUST told you.” “MOM. YOU were the one ASKED Veronica to break IN.”

Certified pedigree: the dynamics among the four parents: “ALICE.”

Archie looks quite nice, in his own dopey soft bro way, with his dress shirt untucked under his blazer, and his Converses

Fred’s comment how “FP may have ruined Jughead’s life” puts into words something awful

our girl Betty wears ankle-cut sky blue Polo Ralph Lauren socks to bed. to, you know, go with her boxers

the female gaze: Archie is so stressed that he’s put a shirt on

I love the dumb thing people on TV do when they text and then use that person’s name in the message, or sign off with their name, as if the receiver doesn’t know who they themselves are or don’t have their friend in their contacts and would be getting such a text anonymously: I’m sure there’s something like “Meet me at 8 - Blair” a thousand times on Gossip Girl, you know

God, that show was terrible

HOWEVER, Betty very sweetly capitalizes “Arch” but not “jughead,” which is extremely realistic and she’s nervous right now so “Arch” is for emphasis, okay

his friends going behind his back, his father arrested for murder, and the family trailer torn to pieces, Drama Prince Jughead Jones goes straight to THE BUS STATION to get a TRAIN TICKET to go to OHIO

then has a moment of Type-B forethought and calls ahead

his slow, delayed delivery of “I...got a bus ticket...to Toledo” betrays his TERROR at committing to this weirdness and being potentially rejected

he’s rejected

by his mother

can’t sleep in the bus terminal!!! REJECTED

Veronica’s shimmery silky blue pajama set

“Pack a bag, just in case”: what would Veronica put in an emergency overnight bag? character study prompt

Gay?!:  Archie has YET ANOTHER brainwave and leads them to the bus station, and I don’t care how long the delay is until he learns he was right, he just missed Jughead by a half-hour, HE WAS RIGHT. Archie is basically Jughead’s Sam Spade

I like the run-around of missing and finding Jughead, which serves no purpose other than passing time tensely and demonstrating that Archie can think of things and Veronica can think of things

the implied conversation Betty and Archie had wherein they live next to each other and can run somewhere quickly together and that there was “no time” to wait for Veronica to get over there

Jughead eats: Jughead, in his sorrows, ordered a very hot cup of coffee

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: and plopped his hat on the tabletop, out of exhaustion

his ANGUISHED WHISPER, “What are you talking about?” Jughead, honestly, this child, JUGHEAD

BRILLIANCE having FP lie about stealing the murder files to cement his innocence. obviously he couldn’t have murdered Jason because he’s been arrested for murdering Jason and this would betray television. but Keller’s like, “You broke into my house?” and FP is like...someone broke into this shit’s house and I have to fucking say yes to this? Did I fucking kidnap the fucking Lindbergh baby too? What the fuck?

Veronica put her Homecoming jacket back on? round of applause for Veronica

Jughead STARING at his father being LED AWAY in HANDCUFFS having CONFESSED TO MURDER YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

the WOOOOOM. WOOOOOM. soundtrack is very Dust Brothers’ Fight Club

the Blossom breakfast spread is NICE. waffles, lots of mixed berries, raspberry mimosas or something, like, waffles, WAFFLES!!!

Cheryl is either wearing a massive choker or else her sweater itself has metallic studs on the high neck, with a spider pin ON TOP OF THEM, like an insane Elizabethan lady

Polly’s aborted “He killed Jason? Not…” is like—WAY too dangerous! Jesus, Polly!

Penelope’s black blouse with the red poppy print is the most normal mom-thing she’s ever worn

Clifford Blossom was ALLOWED to sit with FP in the interrogation room? I have never seen THAT on Law & Order

Archie at lunch that day is in a tight, bright blue Henley like Steve Rogers wears under his Captain America suit in The Avengers

Archie is also eating some sort of vanilla pudding in a cup

SECRET HOLDING HANDS!!!!!!

Jughead walking into the cafeteria is the stuff of legends, but there’s a girl sitting at one of the tables as he walks past, and she’s in a denim romper with a lavender pastel turtleneck and a curly bob and a pink smokey eye and she must be SEEN to be believed

Cheryl’s sheaths: Cheryl is wearing a red high-waisted miniskirt, cropped black sweater, off-black hose, red velvet leg warmers, shiny red pumps

remember how Cheryl ruined his birthday party like last week and now he’s coming up to her to apologize for something he didn’t do?

CLASSIC!!!!! CLASSIC!!!! WALLOPING on the chest of a boy who only tangentially did the Bad Thing as he stands there and takes it out of STOIC GUILT

you think Cheryl “knows” FP didn’t do it and decides to pity-guilt-love-hate slap the shit out of Jughead anyway? I have a lot of feelings about Cheryl and Jughead that I didn’t know I had, especially in the wake of RAS’s “two sides of the same coin” tweet. the operatic tragedies of their lives are so parallel, or at least perpendicular, that honestly they’re going to be intertwined, as emotional empathetic humans, for the rest of their Riverdale lives. Jughead’s tragedy sleeps on the floor and Cheryl’s is luxurious terror and ABSOLUTELY SILENT dinner parties with honey-glazed hams, but really if you rebrand Jughead from the “son of a local gang leader” to an “heir to a Mafia family,” you almost create a Cheryl. look, he wears a hat, she wears a lot of red. they’re both odd. they’re obsessed not with murder, but with Jason’s murder. they’re obsessed with themselves. they crave spectacle, drama, gossip, and they trust no one, and they know they are alone, because they’ve isolated themselves and no one quite speaks their language. and they’re fixated on the Cooper girls. CHERYL AND JUG

it all comes to a sadomasochistic head, anyway, luridly, really greatly, with Cheryl beating the hell out of Jughead’s chest, as the Drama Ho just stands there and clearly plans on standing there until Cheryl stops

Archie HAULS her off of him like Moose HAULED Jughead off of Reggie

“He was apologizing! He didn’t do anything wrong!”

Cheryl’s a psychopath: “I barely touched him,” says Cheryl, as Jughead’s mouth bleeds

it took twelve episodes for Jughead to call someone “a dick”

honestly my favorite Jughead moment of the night is the way he stops walking and rubs the inside corner of his eye, out of fucks to give, a little repeating Jughead tic, perfectly timed

just as Jughead told Betty she was the only thing holding her family together, right now frankly Betty is holding the Joneses together too

What damn high school in America: the Bee certainly knew to call Mr. Andrews specifically to talk to about Jughead

“Well, can we call? The school board?” PRECIOUS ARCHIE. there’s always someone else he can try and talk to. always another recourse. it might be dumb as fuck but he is out there trying

“Good thing mom’s a lawyer!” Archie’s Step Two is his father adopting Jughead Jones. I am throttling wild animals for Archie rn

Archie’s voice cracks at “Jug.” after Jughead says he’s sleeping in the garage

Jughead is sleeping in the GARAGE. when was the last time he slept in a real bed? literally years?

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: Alice is clearly thrilled at possibly getting to shoot someone

I want it on the record that I said “He WAS a Blossom” right BEFORE Hal said it and thus should receive screenwriting royalties from the CW

Betty has to tell everyone she’s a Blossom by blood now. she has to go to Archie and tell him she’s related to Cheryl. she has to tell Jughead. over the next couple of days, I’m going to try and imagine Jughead’s reaction

These students are legally children: remember the pilot of Riverdale? where Betty’s biggest problem was that her mom didn’t want her to be a cheerleader? look now, children. poisoned milkshakes. Jughead Jones in a white tank top. Catholic pregnancy asylums. football drug mules. psychologically astute references to Romeo and Juliet. the concept of a “Dark Betty.” a symbolic pearl necklace, of familial blackmail. murder, over maple syrup. and incest: so much incest that we thought it was going to be one kind of incest, but it turned out that that incest was just a red herring and the actual incest was this other incest

Thornhill has some incredible glass windows inside the foyer. like some Tiffany Deco shit. am I making this up? yes. it’s nice glass~

Best costume bit: Polly’s pajamas are black with a white bow print, because Polly

bit rich of any hypothetical Riverdale character to cite their family as the “mentally stable” family

Alice has a butterfly pin on her trench coat that she just keeps there, or else she tosses it on en route, Hal driving furiously

“Nothing could be more purely Blossom than those babies.” OOOOOOOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: Polly is HORRIFIED, she is no longer carrying “her boyfriend’s babies,” she is now carrying “intra-Blossom spawn”

Cliff trots out the third cousins/“Jane Austen people did this all the time” defense, “Tutankhamun’s mother was also his aunt,” “This is why Alexei had hemophilia”

actually I think Polly and Jason (and Cheryl, and Betty) are second cousins, if they share the same great-grandparents. the number of G’s is the number of cousins

the look on Penelope’s face when she grabbed Betty and tried her last “You’ve made a mistake” move and Betty DOESN’T look taken aback in the least

Jughead at Pop’s after he got some sleep has turned the corner from utter despair to channeling his pain into quips, all is back to normal: “Don’t forget that pesky confession.”

his morbid, defensive flippancy grosses Archie out, as it did in the second episode

Jughead reading the list of his father’s sins aloud, starting to cry

the pervasive blues and greys inside the cell

FP still dressed in his T-shirt and flannel, lounging on his cot like some possibility, some paralyzing tarot card of Jughead’s future

Fifth period is AP English: clearly what cuts deepest for Jug was his father only reading his writing to see what he thought about the murder, TENDER CHILD

FP yells at him! this propels Jughead across the floor! FP stands to join him at the bars! dynamic emoting, blocking!

“I’m sorry I got caught. We done?” is FP’s version of the thing, I don’t even know where it’s from, like a little boy trying to get his dog that he loves to run away from him: “Go! Go on! Get out of here! GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID DOG I LOVE.”

the miniscule instant between his father telling him never to come back and him saying “Got it,” Jughead is figuring some SHIT OUT! this boy should be bathed in overcast blue Pacific Northwest lighting all the time, because it makes his astrological beauty marks stand out and his lips look violet like he’s drowned and Jughead should always look a little post-mortem, like a little consumptive, a little ill. The Ring had really good cinematography, okay

the frankly Ingmar Bergman shot of FP bearing down on Jughead with the prison bar perfectly bisecting his face

Kevin coming through at Joaquin’s interrogation! already better at this than his dad!

Jason LITERALLY wore that all-white outfit for his “running through the woods tf out of here” errand, Jesus, the Blossoms

Kevin, choking back tears: “You. Are a criminal.” yeah, you knew this, Kev

Jughead doubts it: THANK YOU, JUGHEAD IS FINALLY TALKING TO BETTY AGAIN FOR REAL, THANK GOD, HOLY GOD LET’S ALL GET BACK TOGETHER HERE GUYS

good JESUS Mustang’s corpse covered in like infected needle marks and shit???? but we can’t say “abortion” in this time slot???

unexpected touching moment of Archie starting to cry in his dad’s truck, overwhelmed by the awfulness of seeing a dead body, a local motel

honestly it’s about time Hermione Lodge dramatically collapsed into tears

Sixth Period is Intro to Film: OH YOU KNOW JOAQUIN’S ON A BUS TO SAN JUNIPERO

Gay.: nice kiss too boys!!!!!! Joaquin is getting out of town before FP has him killed from prison

Cheryl’s pins: the brooch clasped at Penelope’s throat over her deep purple blouse is old school

Cheryl’s hair: the perfect coil of red hair over her left shoulder is BACK

something about Cheryl calling them “mommy” and “daddy” and “Jay-Jay” is like so self-aware-ed-ly infantilizing and treading-on-glass and pretending there’s like a status quo to the hierarchy of their family and it’s how careful Cheryl has to be navigating her house and how she like adores her Blossomity yet fears the Blossoms, YOU KNOW? CHERYL? GOD?

Penelope is going to dissociate at this fireplace until she is forced out of it

uuummmmnnnnn honestly when Penelope purred “So many questions, Cheryl,” I thought Cheryl was officially going to be killed

I missed you, Murder Board

Penelope hauling Cheryl out in the squelchy mud to the big red barn, speaking of The Ring

“The police found another dead body.” “Okay, maybe not that.”

okay, so FP told Joaquin to leave for his own safety from...other people. turns out FP is kind of decent

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: there are officially tears of overstimulating in Jughead’s eyes as their flashlight beams all highlight “Jason”

Jughead has moved on to the “acceptance” stage of processing his father’s guilt, which in turn cements Betty’s doubt into refusal

“Betty, this is weird.” no, this is PERFECT

Veronica is confused but game, Jughead looks politely interested

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica, chiming in: “Or my Mont Blanc.”

the Blossom corpse: Sad Breakfast Club were some nervous children watching the snuff tape, but I’m willing to be they were not as nervous AS ME WATCHING THEM WATCH THE SNUFF TAPE, SPEAKING OF THE RING

I also like the in-character blocking of the way they sat and took it in: Veronica leans forward, Archie and Betty are very still, Jughead has his hands steepled in front of his mouth, Betty’s eyes water

Veronica, again the Queen of Bedside Empathy, finally bursts her dam and starts to cry, Archie puts his hand on Jughead’s shoulder in soft bro comfort

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: BETTY TELLS CHERYL THE PHONE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE HER HOUSE

I WAS ONE TENSE BITCH WHILE CHERYL WALKED DOWN HER STAIRCASE

Riverdale absolutely delivered with the extreme close-up of Cheryl’s Realizing Eyes, like the extreme close-up of Betty’s Realizing Eyes at Homecoming, her spidery black mascara and pink smokey eye, the single tear

Cheryl FOR REAL descends this staircase like the most tragic betrayed princess, like a Tudor queen, walking to her death, of all time, ever, if only Jughead could see this

Mother and Father are apparently eating salad and rolls without her

there are truly no words to totally encompass the magnanimous drama, the scope, the lurid horrifying beauty, the undiluted essence of Riverdale, Riverdale in one cosmic blip, one instant of true art grasped from the void that is Cheryl standing at her mother’s side and saying “You did a bad thing, daddy.”

more surprising to me than the fact that Clifford did it is the fact that Penelope didn’t know

LOL turns out FP was being a great father all along! but he was doing it in the most FP way possible!!!!! by going to prison LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!

was Clifford Blossom going to SHOOT JUGHEAD IN THE FACE? aiight, you’d have to find him first, dude

“My dad was protecting me from a monster.”

WHAT IS JUGHEAD SAYING TO SHERIFF KELLER, TELL ME

Mary Andrews picks up her bag and walks out into the mist like the priest at the end of The Exorcist

the TOTEMIC MASTERPIECE of Penelope and Cheryl, mother and daughter, at their staggered heights, pointing simultaneously towards the fucking barn

“Damn good coffee”: Clifford committed suicide old school, like Penelope’s brooch, he didn’t shoot himself in the mouth, okay, he hanged himself on a barrel full of syrup & drugs. RIP the OG Riverdale gangster

NEXT WEEK: Archie punches the snow!!!!!!!!!