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phanarchy-blog · 7 years ago

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The Flame That Burns Me - Ch. 3

Genre/Rating: Angst, Drama, Rated T.

Words: 2.1k

Fic Teaser: Dan and Phil are not together. Really, they aren’t, despite what Dan wants. So then why is everything put at risk when Dan gets together with a fan? Everything is about to change for them, in a way they never expected.

Chapter Summary: Dan receives a phone call from Bethany that turns his world upside down.

Whole Fic Warnings (all may not apply to this chapter): Swearing, aggression, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, sensual scenes (no smut)

Begin with Chapter 1!

Two weeks had passed since Dan slept with the intriguing fan from Tesco. His life had returned to somewhat normal as he expertly pushed the dread to a small corner of his brain, locking it away and forgetting the combination as best he could. Phil stopped bringing up that night. Dan was pretty sure that Phil hadn’t forgotten. Every now and then he could see the flicker of wonder and anxiety cross behind his pale eyes. He was grateful that Phil was good at keeping his mouth shut, far better than he.

It was a quiet Tuesday afternoon, at least as quiet as it could be given the way the duo chose to spend their time.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Dan yelled. “Shit sandwich on a croissant!” He tilted his controller despite not using tilt controls. The tiny mii on screen drove the car off of Rainbow Road.

“Ha!” Phil taunted. “I finally got you!” Phil raised his arms in victory while Dan bit the side of the controller, a habit he picked up from Phil himself.

“Phil, we’re supposed to be teaming up and placing first and second,” he whined. Dan had returned his glare back to the screen. He shut out the world and stared at the track. 7th place, only 6 people to pass.

“How many times have I told you,” Phil giggled. “In Mario Kart it is every man for himself.”

Dan didn’t answer him. He had returned to the state of mind he affectionately referred to as his “element”.

A chime played and danced somewhere distant in Dan’s mind.

“Your phone,” Phil said, at first keeping his focus on the screen in front of him. The tone continued. “Mate, your phone is ringing.”

Dan continued to shut out Phil’s voice, and the phone along with it. Phil sighed in exasperation, looking between them to see Dan’s phone lit up with a name.

Bethany

“Dan,” Phil said. Hearing his name snapped Dan out of his trance. He looked towards his phone and caught sight of the call, raising his gaze to meet Phil’s eyes. Phil could see the panic setting in as Dan snatched the offending device and stumbled out of the living room.

“Hello?” Phil heard Dan say as he retreated.

All at once, Phil’s suspicions from the past weeks had been confirmed. Dan had been talking to Bethany. He could feel his heart drop from his throat to the very bottom of his chest, but he didn’t know why. Phil mindlessly rose from the sofa and followed Dan’s path to his bedroom, as if his body was no longer his and the real Phil was just along for the ride.

When he heard Dan’s voice, he stopped just outside the door.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, I’m sorry.” Dan said into the phone. His voice was pained.

“It’s not a date, trust me,” Bethany said on the line. Her tone came through, a cross between sarcasm and agony. Dark humor. “I just- really need to talk to you in person.” Her voice turned somber.

Dan huffed. Every bone in his body ached to run. He wanted to hang up the phone and retreat into nothing. He’d spent two weeks trying to forget what he’d done. The shame of running last time is all that kept him tethered to reality, to this phone call with her.

“I can’t,” he concluded. “I can’t hurt you anymore. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Oh my god, Dan,” she spit. “It’s not like that it’s,” Irritation scratching the edges of her speech.

Dan could hear a thick sigh crackle through the receiver.

“I’m late,” Bethany said.

Silence.

“I took a test and it was positive.”

Silence.

“I’m pregnant,” she repeated.

Dan’s world crashed around him. The quiet of the room eerie, like there should be dramatic background music where there was only a small shift in the floorboards.

“You’re serious?” Dan prodded.

“Yes I’m fucking serious,” she snapped.

“Sorry, I’m fucking stupid. Just,” he took a moment to compose the thoughts spiraling. “You’re really pregnant...”

Phil heard Dan’s words through the cracked door.

Confusion overcame him like a landslide. Why would she tell Dan she was pregnant? They only met a couple weeks ago. Surely they hadn’t become that close. To the best of his knowledge, Dan hadn’t spoken to Bethany since the day they met at the store, since the day they argued and Dan left to- oh.

Oh.

Phil pushed the door gently, swinging it open. He watched Dan’s hand shaking by his side.

Dan’s eyes flitted to meet Phil’s in the silence that hung heavy in the room.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll, um,” he raised his other hand to the phone as well, concealing it quickly. “I’ll drop by.” He clicked the red circle on the screen and stared at it until the screen went black, reflecting his vacant face back to him.

“Dan?” Phil tested. He took a step inside the room. Dan took a step away, backed himself onto his bed and sat down, still staring at his own face, but he didn’t recognize it as himself.

“She’s pregnant,” he said out loud, to no one in particular.

“Yeah?” Phil asked. On some level, he knew the implications. He tentatively sat down beside Dan on the bed. He knew that his questioning was just a feeble attempt at clinging to hope that he was wrong.

“And it’s mine, Phil. Damn!” Dan stood up with more force than he’d shown in the last two weeks. It caused Phil to lose his balance in the readjustment of weight spread out across the mattress. He put a hand down to steady himself.

“Dan, when did you?”

“You already know the answer, don’t make me say it out loud.”

“Maybe I need you to say it out loud because I can’t freaking believe you!” Phil snapped. His stomach was twisting and he didn’t know why, but he knew it was Dan making him feel this way.

“Have it your way then,” Dan retorted. “I called Bethany that night, and I went over, and we had sex. Are you happy now?” Dan was pacing circles around the room, his nervous energy only building all the while.

Phil stood up to look at him face to face.

“Dan, why would you do that?!” he shouted, stopping Dan in his tracks.

“Why? Maybe because she was nice and pretty, and maybe because I hadn’t been touched for fucking years before this. And maybe, just a bit,” Dan gestured a wide gap between his thumb and forefinger, “because I was pissed at you!” He threw his arms in the air.

“Really though Dan?” Phil clasped his hands on his head. “And now she’s pregnant? What are we gonna do?”

“What do you mean ‘what are we gonna do’, what am I gonna do?”

“Oh, come on. We do everything together, we’re,” Phil raised his fingers in air quotes “‘Dan and Phil’ remember? Don’t pretend this doesn’t affect me too!”

Dan scoffed at Phil’s audacity. Here he was, in the worst crisis of his life, and it was the one time Phil couldn’t focus on Dan and what he was going through.

Dan clenched his fists.

“Yes Phil, this affects you too, so let’s make it all about you then! That makes sense!”

Phil stomped his foot hard on the floor, angry to have those words put in his mouth.

“That’s not what I said! I just mean we’d have to change so much. Forget the tour, ‘cause you’d have to be here. Forget all of the projects we have planned!”

“’Cause that’s what this is about, right. Business. Don’t forget, this would mean a person- a real human person- that I’d be responsible for. Don’t you think that’s a little more salient right now?” Dan turned his back. He felt like he was searching for something, but he wasn’t sure what.

“I’m not saying it’s not! I’m just trying to process this, okay?!” Phil’s voice went high pitched, his hands raised to either side like he was trying to stop the world from spinning for just a moment.

“Well can you not? Because I can’t process it with you near me right now,” Dan spit.

Phil didn’t move an inch. Dan saw his keys and snatched them.

“Dan, please don’t go,” Phil planted his feet where he stood in the doorway.

Dan walked toward him, but Phil was not budging. Without a pause, Dan plowed through Phil, hitting his left shoulder hard with his right and Phil stumbled backwards against the wall.

As he sunk to the floor, Phil heard the front door slam shut.

He raised his hand to the place where Dan’s shoulder collided with his, an ache already beginning to form deep within the bruised muscle. A chill passed through his body, from his toes all the way up into his chest, leaving him shaking.

Still, Phil stayed on the ground, the hardwood pressing up on his legs, and the drywall pressing into his back being the only support he could get. The sensation, although unpleasant, kept him focused on the cold. Yet his mind still wandered to Dan’s lips, and how they might look pressed against someone else’s.

The short walk had done its best in calming Dan down, to the point where he was no longer fuming. He knocked at the door he’d only seen once, and it still felt too formal for the situation.

Bethany answered in pajama bottoms and a bleach-spotted night shirt and waved him inside.

Unsure of himself, but trying his best to do what is right, Dan leaned in to hug her and she wrapped her arms around his body, pressing her face into his chest. She sniffled a bit as they parted, laughing through the tears and gestured for him to take a seat on the futon. It was folded up into a sofa today.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she wiped the eyeliner from beneath her lashes and smiled awkwardly again.

“You don’t have to apologize for crying,” he said.

“Not for that,” she replied. “Just, for everything else.”

Dan allowed that apology to sit in the air for a moment, choosing to stare into the middle distance while he thought it over.

“That either,” he decided. “I mean, it’s my fault too. I just assumed you were, on something, I don’t know. I wasn’t really thinking about-”

“I am,” she cut him off. “I was, I mean. I was also taking this herbal supplement to help with my depression. St. Joseph’s Wart or something.” Bethany reached for her tea on the side table and warmed her hands on the mug. “I didn’t know they interacted.”

Dan nodded slowly.

“So,” he began. “What happens now?” He let that suffice, not wanting to ask the toughest question of them all. Not directly, at least.

“I want you to know I’m not asking you for anything.” Bethany said. She took a deep breath. “But, I’ve decided I am going to have this baby. I know we don’t know each other well, but I think you could be a really good father, if you want to be.”

Dan thought about it. There was going to be a baby. He had no choice in that. The extent of his decision-making on that front ended when he had sex without protection. He had always believed that, and this changed nothing.

His child would be out in the world, and now his only decision left was whether he wanted to be there for it all.

“You can be involved or not,” she repeated.

“I want to,” he said suddenly. He didn’t take time to consider it. He didn’t need to. Dan knew that if he was going to have a child in the world, he would do what it took to be the best father for them.

They would deserve that much.

“You can think it over, you know.” She was uncertain of his easy commitment.

“I don’t need any more time,” Dan assured. “If you’re in this, then we’re in this together, okay?” He waited for her gaze to reach his eyes.

“Okay,” Bethany said with a gentle smile.

“Is there anything you need? Have you seen a doctor or anything?”

“I’ve got an appointment,” she said. “I mean, I’ll need a lot of things. But at the moment I’ve got it under control. We’ve got some time.”

Dan sighed and nodded again. They sat beside one another, legs brushing up against each other as they both looked out into the room. Dan laid his hand out on his knee, offering it to her.

Bethany grasped it slowly, cupping them together. It was awkward. Dan knew it. He barely knew Bethany, truth be told. But she needed him now. And he needed her.

She was all he had right now.

Thank you so much for reading! Please give feedback, positive, constructive, whatever! Read on to Ch. 4!

#phanfiction #phandom

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botanistlester · 7 years ago

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Sweet Pea (2/?)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: as always, thank you to @snowbunnylester and @littlelionsloves for editing tips and making me really excited about this fic! the song lyrics at the beginning are from a song called “I Don’t Mind” by Defeater! Masterlist

Read it on AO3 Read it on Wattpad

Chapter Two

And I don’t mind if we take our time, ‘Cause I’m all yours if you’re all mine.

Work was hard when Phil just wanted to be hanging out with Nico. A couple of days had passed since they had started dating, and Phil couldn’t be happier with his life right now. Nico treated him like an actual prince, and in turn, Phil fell for him more and more every single day. He could already tell that there was a very large chance that he would fall in actual love with the guy. Ah, love. Such a strange thought, especially when he thought about how perfect Nico was. He didn’t really understand how Nico wanted to be with Phil of all people, when he was an ethereal human being himself. Nico, with his American accent and his pretty green eyes and his freckles. It was hardly fair that someone was that beautiful.

And yet, Phil was able to call him his own. What sort of miracle was that? His phone vibrated in his pocket and he clenched his teeth together to stop himself from answering it. His manager, Cleo, was super strict about phones while they were working, claiming it made them look as if they were slacking. Occasionally Phil could sneak a quick text in, but he knew it was risky, especially when Cleo could poke her head around the corner and see him at any given moment.

“Phil, Dan’s here,” Chandler said, rounding the corner. She had a bunch of dirty dishes stacked on her tray, her other hand putting the tray jack on the rack. She gave Phil a smirk and fluttered her eyelashes. “I swear, that boy is totally head over heels for you. Why else would he come by himself every week just to have you as his server?” Phil scowled at her and resisted the urge to smack the dirty dishes from her grip. If they were anywhere other than work, he might have, but he didn’t want to get fired. Yet.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he reprimanded. “First of all, it’s not true. And even if it were, it’d never happen. I have a boyfriend now, remember?”

Chandler snorted. “Boring,” she muttered as she walked away, towards the dish room. He knew that she didn’t mean it, that she was just having a bit of fun with him, but he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes anyway. She always teased him about Dan, stating that the man fancied Phil, hence the reason he even ate at LaBella’s in the first place. That was just ridiculous, in Phil’s opinion. There were plenty of regulars that showed up every week, ones that even requested Chandler every time. Why was it any different when it was Dan? He shook his head, deciding not to dwell on the topic. He had a job to do, one that he was currently slacking on. Oops. He cracked his fingers, took a sip of his drink to wet his dry mouth, and stepped away from the server station, making his way into the dining room lobby. LaBella’s was a small, family owned business that served copious amounts of “Italian” food. It was known for it’s nice and cozy atmosphere and good fettuccine alfredo, so the restaurant was always buzzing with energy, no matter what time of day it was.

That was why Phil didn’t have to question why Dan came to this place. It was a rather relaxing place to eat after class, the soft piano music and quiet chatter filling the air. Phil often saw him leaning over his textbooks, taking notes in a space themed notebook. When Phil had asked him before what he studied, Dan had looked embarrassed before admitting that he was a theatre student with a focus on directing. Phil had told him it was much cooler than his own English degree.

As Phil approached the familiar table, Dan was leant over the menu. He had his backpack sitting beside him on the booth and his notebook already on the table. A bright pink pen sat atop the notebook, which made Phil smile. No matter how small, it was always nice to see men not care about the implications behind the colour pink.

“Hey, Dan!” Phil exclaimed, and he watched with amusement as Dan’s head shot up to stare at him.

Dan was definitely one of the prettiest customers Phil had ever had. When he first started coming in, Phil could admit that he’d even had a teensy tiny crush on him at one point. Of course, that had all faded over time, which was good considering Phil had Nico now. He was still pretty, though, with his wide brown eyes and his curly brown hair. He had a couple of beauty marks on his cheeks and even dimples which made Phil have trouble telling him no. Dimples were just too damn endearing.

Dan smiled and those dimples appeared, caving deep into his cheeks. “Hey, Phil. Are you having a good day today?”

Phil nodded and played with his pen in his apron pocket. He didn’t need to write down Dan’s order usually, but he always greeted him just in case he decided to change it up. “It’s been pretty steady so I’m staying optimistic so far. How about you? How’s directing going?”

In response, Dan groaned. “It’s going. My aesthetics class is going to kill me.”

“What, are you not aesthetic enough for it?”

Dan glared at him and threw a balled up piece of straw wrapper at Phil. “You know damn well I’m aesthetic enough, excuse you.”

Phil laughed and it sounded too loud in the tiny dining room. It always did, but he never knew how to quiet himself down enough as to not disturb anyone around him. “You’re right. My bad.” And then onto business, “The usual?” Dan always had a three cheese stuffed shells, a salad, and a side of calamari with a strawberry margarita and a water.

Dan nodded. “Yes please.”

And that was that.

There was literally nothing for Chandler to freak out over. Dan and Phil were just customer and server, nothing more and nothing less. Purely business. There was no need for her to freak out every single time Dan looked his way.

“He’s staring at your ass,” Chandler sang when he was out of Dan’s earshot and filling a glass with ice.

He turned his glare onto his friend, hoping there was heat in his gaze. “You are my least favourite kind of person,” he told her without humour in his voice.

She sighed dramatically and leaned against the server station, pouting. Phil wanted to ask her if she had anything better to do, but he didn’t manage to get the words out.

“Come on, Phil. He’s so cute! He looks like a gentle rabbit just waiting for somebody to claim him.”

“That was a horrible metaphor.”

“But you know it’s true.”

Phil groaned and took the glass away from the drink fountain right before it spilled over the edge.

“Look, Chandler,” he deadpanned, frowning. “Dan is cute. I’ll admit that. But i’m not going to leave Nico for him, okay? Nothing’s going to happen. I’m happy with Nico and that isn’t going to change any time soon. Can you just knock it off?”

He unwrapped the bottom of the straw and stuck it into the drink, feeling irritation dwelling in his belly, bubbling up just like the water in his glass.

Chandler sighed and waved her hand, pouting. “Fine, fine. But only because I see how nice Nico is to you. You really hit the jackpot there, Phil. I’m jealous.” She watched with folded arms as Phil made his way over to the terminal, swiping his identification card and inserting Dan’s order on the correct table number. “Maybe I’m just trying to get you out of the way so I can take Nico for myself.”

Phil snorted and swatted his hand at her. “Get your filthy ass out of here. He’s mine.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Chandler said in a spooky voice, wriggling her fingers as if she was performing magic. She looked past Phil’s head then, peering into the dining room, and tsked. “I just got sat. Have fun with your lover boy.”

Don’t get him wrong, Phil absolutely adored Chandler, but she could get to be a bit much at times. Just because Phil was bisexual didn’t mean that he wanted to screw every single person who hung around him.

And yet, even though he was bisexual, Chandler only teased him about other men. It was rather annoying that she didn’t validate the other part of his sexuality, but she never really listened whenever he told her that it bothered him. She only told him that it was easy to tease him about boys. Phil shook his head. These were thoughts for another day, definitely not thoughts he needed to have while he was at work.

He finished typing in Dan’s order and logged out of the terminal before walking back over towards where Dan was sitting. He was already working on his homework, jotting down notes in his notebook. His tongue was sticking out as he worked, and his left leg bounced under the table, making him seem rather jittery. It made Phil smile a little as he set the glass on the table. “Working hard already, I see?” Phil commented, wiping the condensation from the glass on his apron.

Dan glanced up and gave him a toothy grin. “You bet. I’ve got an exam tomorrow that I’ve been procrastinating on so I’m trying to cram.”

“Aesthetics?” Phil asked.

Dan hummed in agreement and tapped his pen on the page of his notebook. It left little pink dots on the paper, but Dan didn’t seem to notice even though it was quite hypnotizing to Phil. “Hopefully I remember enough stuff tomorrow that I’ll at least get a somewhat good grade.”

“I know you can do it,” Phil told him gently, giving him a supportive smile, which Dan returned thankfully.

They chatted for a bit longer about classes and it was easy. Easier than any of Phil’s other customers. Maybe it was just because Dan was a gentle person, or perhaps it was because Phil was used to his presence, but it was always relaxing whenever Dan set foot into the restaurant. He was never demanding, never in a rush. He was always patient and understanding. If there were mistakes, he just gave Phil a bright smile and told him it wasn’t an issue and that he didn’t mind. He always showed up alone, but he never seemed to care about that. That’s why Phil liked having Dan as a customer so much, why he didn’t mind whenever Dan showed up to his work.

Not to mention, he always left really good tips. Phil couldn’t exactly complain about that.

Dan has been coming to LaBella’s since Phil’s second week of working there, about a year ago. Dan had just started university and was going around town trying to figure out the best places to eat. When Phil had first served him, he had been with a girl named Louise, but Phil had only seen her one other time before Dan started coming by himself. Slowly, Dan had become a comforting presence, one that was familiar above all else. He just had this certain… aura about him, one that could calm Phil down no matter how stressed out he was. On top of that, Phil had never seen Dan upset except for once, but that was only because Dan’s dog had died that day. Phil hadn’t exactly been able to blame him for ordering the biggest dessert that day and staying quiet as he scarfed it down like he needed it to breathe.

Work went by a lot more smoothly once Dan arrived. While Phil would usually be upset about someone camping at his table, he couldn’t help but be pleasantly thankful that he had one less table to worry about.

He didn’t have to worry about getting less tips either, because Dan always made sure to tip more than enough. All he had to do was make sure his customers had enough to drink and enough to eat, and the rest of the time he would joke around with Chandler and his other coworkers until he could clock out. When Dan left, he left behind a small note written in pink ink. It sat atop the checkbook, folded three times, and Phil blinked in surprise. Dan had never left a note before. What could he possibly want to tell him that was so important?

He put it in his apron pocket and cleared off the table before reading it, not wanting to get in trouble for slacking off.

Only once he was finished cleaning did he allow himself to open the note. The writing was a messy scrawl and Phil had to squint his eyes to make sense of the words. It took him a few minutes of deciphering to figure out a general idea of what it said, and when he did, he couldn’t keep the grin from spreading across his face.

Phil, thanks again for the awesome service! I’ve been having a stressful week due to exams, but you always know how to cheer me up. You seem happier than usual, and I’m glad to see that. I’ll see you next week!

-Dan

It was a strange note, especially because Dan never was one for talking much, but Phil had no qualms about something like this. In fact, it made cheeks begin to hurt from smiling so hard. Although he sure as hell wouldn’t tell Chandler what Dan had written unless he never wanted to hear the end if it.

Having nice customers like Dan definitely made being a server worth it.

Phil drove to Nico’s apartment after work. He didn’t know what type of music he was in the mood for so he just played Lady Gaga on full blast, screaming out the window about how he was born this way to anyone who would listen. He didn’t mind that it was probably annoying. He just couldn’t seem to tamp his excitement down whenever he saw Nico.

The rest of their day was supposed to be rather lazy. Nico had promised to make Phil dinner, saying it was a surprise, and had mentioned something about reading and watching a movie. Even though it was just a relaxed day where nothing special was going on, Phil couldn’t stop himself from being pleasantly excited.

He pulled up to Nico’s apartment not soon after, putting the car into park, grabbing his backpack, and heading to the door. He didn’t knock before he went in, knowing Nico would tell him to just come in anyway.

“Nicky?” Phil called, taking his shoes off at the mat. A confirmation noise came from the kitchen and Phil smiled, making his way towards it. He was greeted by the sight of Nico in a dog apron, cooking something in a skillet that looked vaguely like fajitas. Phil made a scene out of inhaling the scents of the food. “Mm, smells so good!”

“It better be,” Nico commented, shooting a wink from over his shoulder. He set the spatula on the counter and turned around, grinning widely at Phil and opening his arms wide. “C’mere. Gimme a kiss.”

Phil obeyed like a well-trained puppy, sinking appreciatively into Nico’s arms. He was still in his uniform that had alfredo stains on it, but thankfully Nico didn’t comment on his outrageous appearance. He’d change in a moment. They kissed and Phil’s heart soared like it always did, still not used to the feeling.

When they pulled away, Nico went back to cooking and Phil left the room for a moment to change out of his uniform. When he got back, he took a seat at the table, pulling his book out of his backpack so he could start on a little bit of reading. He was planning on beginning Impulse today so he could understand a little bit more about what went on in Nico’s head. He had just opened the first page and started reading when Nico spoke.

“I tried calling you while you were at work today,” he said conversationally.

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I saw that.”

Nico stuck his tongue out at him and flicked a sauteed onion at him. “You didn’t answer. I was offended.”

Snorting, Phil rolled his eyes and tossed the cooked onion back. It landed on Nico’s shoulder, who wiped it away in disgust. “My manager is super strict about the no mobile phones policy,” he explained. “If I’d answered, it could have caused me to lose my job.”

“Then at least send a text explaining you can’t talk,” Nico whined. “What if I’d needed something important? You’d never know!”

Phil laughed. “Fine, fine, I’ll risk a single text for you if it’ll get you off my back. If I’d answered today, I wouldn’t have made it to Dan’s table on time. That wouldn’t have been good.”

Nico pursed his lips. “Dan?”

“Yeah. He’s my regular.”

“Is he cuter than me?”

Phil let out a surprised laugh, gaping at him with wide eyes. Was Nico jealous? Or was he just kidding around? Phil shook his head, amused. “You nerd. Of course he’s not. You’re like, top tier.”

Nico smiled at the skillet he was cooking in, looking pleased. It was endearing. “Good.” There was a moment where the vegetables sizzled in the pan, and then, “I got you some flowers because they reminded me of you. They’re on the table.”

It wasn’t hard to find them because Phil was sitting at the table. They were placed in a skinny purple vase, a pretty bundle of purples and pinks and whites. Phil’s eyes widened and he touched their petals, feeling the softness underneath his fingertips. Another guy had never bought him flowers before simply because they’d reminded him of Phil. He felt as though his chest was filled with so much emotion that he could barely breathe. “They’re beautiful,” Phil whispered gingerly.

Nico chuckled. “Almost as pretty as you, yeah? They’re sweet peas,” he murmured in a fond voice, one so raw that Phil felt the words seeping under his skin and into his bones.

“Oh hush,” Phil giggled, his cheeks reddening.

Nico removed the skillet from the stove, and then he was walking over to Phil. He leant down and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, spreading warmth all throughout his body. “I’m serious. Maybe you can be my sweet pea.”

Phil laughed and tilted his head up, grinning at his boyfriend. Nico kissed the smile off his face until Phil was turning red all over again. “That’s so lame,” Phil breathed.

“Good thing we’re lame then, sweet pea,” Nico replied, pressing one more kiss to his lips before returning to the skillet. He hummed as he continued to cook, and Phil smiled at him even though he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t believe he had a man who took him on dates to the library, cooked him dinner, and gave him cute (and cheesy) nicknames. It was the most amazing thing in the world. He turned his attention back to the book in his hands, trying to hide his grin. Being creepy and staring at Nico as he cooked would do nothing but make him look strange. He needed to start reading the book anyway, knowing that favourite books said a lot about a person. The book was written in verse, which was a strange experience because it was not poetry. It was poetic and the author played around with words and sentence structure, which made Phil very pleased. It made the book read easier. Faster, even.

But as he made sense of the words, of the story, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of discomfort rising inside of him. Even from the first few pages, he knew that the story was going to be dark. It was about suicide and pain and recovery. It was about trying to live through the pain, trying to save yourself before it was too late. ‘Wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound,’ Phil read to himself, glancing up at Nico once more. ‘Yearn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light. Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeopardy. Pray you could somehow stop the uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain. Act on your impulse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest.’ Dark, full of meaning, possibly even triggering. Why did Nico love this book so much? Did he have to deal with a topic such as this? Did he perhaps go through a time in his life where he found death more appealing than life? Phil didn’t know, but he wanted to learn. He wanted to learn every little thing about Nico, all the way from his favourite foods to the reason behind his favourite books. Phil had made his decision and hopefully they would be in this for the long run now.

About ten minutes passed before Nico made a triumphant noise and presented Phil with a plate full of fajitas and broccoli. “I didn’t know what kind of side to make with fajitas but I figured broccoli was a safe choice,” Nico admitted, making Phil giggle.

“It’s wonderful,” Phil told him genuinely, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek.

“Just like you,” Nico sang. And then, with a wink added, “sweet pea.”

Laughing but also blushing, Phil began to dig in, even though his heart was trying to beat out of his chest. Happiness was welling in his throat and he wanted to scream with the raw emotion. He didn’t, of course, but he did laugh more loudly and became slightly twitchy because of it.

Dinner at Nico’s house with sweet peas on the table and a comfortable aura in the air was definitely something Phil could get used to.

Chapter Three

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #gay #writing #SP #sweet pea #phan chaptered #fanfic #fanfiction #botanistlester #botanistfics

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whalefairyfandom12 · 8 years ago

Text

Famous Last Words

Summary: In a world where the last words your soulmate will say to you are written on your wrist, fearful and introverted Phil works in a bookstore. His greatest fear? The words counting down the seconds until he meet his soulmate, someone called ‘Dan.’ But it isn’t until he befriends a university student that he nicknames ‘Bear’ that Phil realizes that surviving through fear isn’t the same as living.

A/N: Somehow Famous Last Words broke 1k?? Thank you so much to anyone who's left a comment or reblogged or liked or just taken the time to read this. When I first started this fic it was as a silly little side project that I never imagined would go anywhere, and it's crazy to see how much that's changed since I first starting writing. As a late holiday/New Year/thank you celebratory gift I wrote an alternate ending to Famous Last Words. I have mixed feelings about it, but overall I'm happy with the way it turned out. This is in place of chapter twenty and the epilogue xx

(if anyone still wants to murder me after reading this pls do it before inauguration day thanks)

Masterpost

Alternate Ending

85% of the population believed in soulmates.

The statistics were up 10% from the previous year, and 15% from the year before. While there were still those who fought against the system and rallied to make their own fates ultimately the truth was inevitable; everyone was fucked and there was nothing you could do about it.

When he little and before he'd learned to read Phil had always liked the idea of soulmates. He was a romantic at heart, and many of the games at school involved playing house and pretending to come home to your soulmate each day. Of course, once he was old enough to understand the implications of his words that had all changed.

It was impossible for him not to believe in soulmates, but as he pulled up to the church where Bear and Abbie were getting married he wondered if he would ever find his. It'd be an ironic twist of fate to make him worry about meeting his soulmate all his life only never to.

The doors of the church swung open under his hands, his shoes clicking on the floorboards beneath him. The pews were almost completely filled with people, the low buzz of conversation a hum in Phil’s ears that restricted his breathing and made his hands shake. Dan was sitting near the front of the room, phone in hand and head bent. Phil resisted the urge to duck behind a pew of his own. While he and Dan hadn’t parted on unfriendly terms they hadn’t been especially friendly either.

He tapped Abbie on the shoulder, offering a smile that he hoped came off as supportive and confident instead of the pained grimace he suspected it was. She flinched, a hand flying to her heart.

“Hi Cat! You scared me, sorry,” she said breathlessly, laughing. “How are you? I’m glad you found the church okay.”

“I’m good,” Phil said. He resisted the urge to shove his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels awkwardly. He could feel Dan’s eyes boring into the back of his neck, and he shifted uncomfortably. After deciding to go to the wedding together as purely platonic bros, Dan had told him he’d meet up with Phil at the wedding as he’d promised Abbie he’d be there extra early to help set everything up. They hadn’t talked since then, and the cowardly part of him was dreading the conversation.

Abbie was still talking; something about what happened after the wedding and Phil frowned, firmly telling himself to get it together as he tried to listen.

“Does that make any sense?” Abbie asked, biting her lip nervously. She seemed a little high strung, which Phil supposed was only to be expected.

“Yeah,” Phil nodded, thinking that he couldn’t possibly be even more lost than he was at the moment. Another reason to talk to Dan, then. “Perfect sense, thanks.”

“Thank you for everything that you’ve done to help,” Abbie said with a slightly distracted smile. “For both myself and Bear. You’ve stuck around through a lot of crap and I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with Dan.”

Phil coughed self-consciously, clearing his throat. While he hadn’t necessarily wanted to keep his and Dan’s breakup a secret he hadn’t expected Dan or Bear to go telling Abbie either. “You’re welcome,” he said finally. “And thank you. Sometimes things are better left as friends.”

“You’re right,” Abbie nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if…” she broke off. “Sorry, never mind. It’s nothing, just rambling from nerves I guess.”

Phil frowned. “That didn't sound like nothing to me. What's wrong, Abbie?”

She sighed, expression tightening. Her fingers tapped against the table, “Did Bear ever tell you how we got engaged?”

“No.”

“Our families are old friends and we’ve pretty much grown up together. We’ve been through a lot. He’s my best friend and I know I’m his, but that doesn’t mean we make a good couple--or that we want to make a good couple.”

Phil’s forehead creased as he puzzled over her words. He didn’t want to leap to conclusions but despite himself he couldn’t help but feel a spark of optimism. “Sorry, what are you saying?”

Abbie made a face, running a hand through her hair. Her fingers caught at a strand of hair, messing up her previously immaculate bun but she didn’t seem to care. “You could say that our ‘hearts’ have never really belonged to each other in that way, despite every attempt by our parents to make them.”

“Why get married then?” Phil asked. Aside from his personal biases, he was genuinely curious as to why Bear and Abbie would agree to something that made them so unhappy.

“Bear didn’t want to study law either, but…” Abbie shrugged helplessly. “I take it you haven’t met his parents yet. They’re quite--determined that they know what’s best for him and after he came out as bi I was the obvious choice for a partner.”

Something tightened inside Phil at the thought of Bear’s parents being so biphobic they’d force him and Abbie into marriage. His parents had been perfectly accepting when he’d come out, and he couldn’t imagine what he would feel like if they’d had an adverse reaction instead. Without thinking, his hand reached out and covered Abbie’s. She laced her fingers with his, an innocent gesture that communicated thousands of words left unsaid. He squeezed her hand, and the ghost of a smile brushed her lips.

“Go,” she said gently, releasing his hand and nudging him backwards. “Talk to Dan. I can tell you have something on your mind.”

Phil lingered, hesitant. “What about you? Are you going to be okay?”

Abbie tried for a confident smile, but her expression fell flat. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”

“You deserve better than fine,” Phil said quietly, conviction steadying his voice. “I know it’s probably not my place but if I can do anything to help please let me know.” There was an unreadable expression on Abbie’s face, and her eyes narrowed slightly. Phil shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other and then back again, the silence crushing. He swallowed, hands fisting in his shirt.

“If I ask you something, promise me you’ll answer truthfully?”

“Of course,” Phil said automatically. It was the least he could do, after all.

“Are you and Bear having an affair?”

Phil choked on his own spit. “I’m sorry?”he managed.

Abbie’s gaze was calm but unforgiving. “Are you and Bear having an affair?” she repeated.

��“No.” Phil hesitated, the truth lingering on his tongue; bitter and guilty. It had been months since he and Bear had ended things, but it was obvious Bear had never told her. Not that he faulted him, but Phil had always been a pretty bad liar and if Abbie kept asking he wasn't sure how convincing any lies would be.

Would telling the truth finally be coming clean and a selfless act or was it still selfishness, an attempt to assuage his own guilt?

“I'm not completely stupid,” Abbie said, her smile sad and a little bitter. “I can see the way you two are with each other. It's the way we should be--head over heels.” She exhaled shakily, running a hand over her face. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. It’s probably nerves. Bear’s made some comments about you guys in the past and for some reason I was never able to bring it up even though I know it's just my own problems.”

Abbie looked miserable, certainly nothing like a bride should look on her wedding day. Phil chewed on the inside of his cheek, and then the words came spilling out. “Wewereafewmonthsagobutwestoppedandi’msosorryididn’ttellyousoonerandthati’mtellingyouthisonyourweddingdayjesuschristi’mashittyexcuseforafriend.” Abbie stared at him, blinking. He took a deep breath, willing his heart to stop pounding. “I should've told you before now and I know ‘sorry’ isn't nearly good enough but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Silence.

“Who ended it?”

“I did.”

More silence. Abbie crossed her arms, expression unreadable. Phil swallowed, wiping his palms against his pants and trying not to have a heart attack.

“Did you cheat on Dan too?”

“No. It ended before we started dating.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I shouldn't trust you.”

“I know.”

And just like that the silence breaks. It looks a little like Abbie does, too. “I wish I could say I was surprised, but I should've known. I guess I can't really blame him, though.” At Phil’s expression she backpedaled slightly. “Don't get me wrong--I'm still pissed, but he’s not the only one who wishes things were different.”

“Do you--”

She shook her head. “No, there’s no one right now but I don’t think I want there to be.”

“What would you do if things were different?”

She made a thoughtful humming noise, tapping her chin. “I’d like to travel. I’ve always wanted to go to New Zealand. You?” “Sorry?” Phil asked, taken aback. Technically speaking he was free, but that didn’t mean he felt like it.

“I think there’s something holding all of us back,” Abbie said. “If you could do anything who would you be?”

Few people have ever asked Phil what he wanted to do, most of the time they made assumptions and he went along with them. “I don’t know,” he said finally. Almost thirty and he had never dedicated much thought to what it was he really wanted. Maybe it was time for that to change. There was very little tying him to his life here, and maybe he would be happier elsewhere. “I like working in Ink and Quill but when I was younger I always wanted to be a storyteller. I write sometimes, but I’ve never tried to take it anywhere.”

“I’d buy your book.”

He smiled. “Thanks.” He cast a glance at Abbie. “It doesn’t have to be a dream, you know.” He blinked, wrinkling his nose. “I know that’s rich coming from me, but if you really want to travel I think you should.”

Abbie shot him an amused look bordering on cynical. “What, are you going to write a book all of the sudden?” “Maybe,” he said, the answer surprising himself. “I guess there’s not much holding me here, is there?”

She raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

Phil’s mind flashed to Bear, and from the knowing tilt to Abbie’s lips she knew what he was thinking. Still, maybe he and Bear weren’t as good for each other as they’d thought. “Maybe,” he repeated. “What do we have to lose?”

“Nothing,” Abbie said, her voice dropping in volume. “I thought maybe we could make it work somehow, even if we weren’t in love. But it never got easier, and now it seems like it’s hurting more people than it’s helping. Secretly, I think part of me is glad you two fell in love. It makes it easier to end things and leave without feeling guilty. Is that terrible?” Phil laughed humorlessly. “You’re talking to the man who had an affair with your fiancee. I’m not sure I’m the best judge of morals.”

Abbie rolled her eyes, swatting his arm. “You have a point.” Then, abruptly “Bear’s been missing since this morning, you and Dan should go look for him.” Before he could protest, she’d waved Dan over. At the look of utter betrayal she nudged him towards Dan with a trained air of indifference. “Think of it as karma.”

“Can I assist you with anything?” Dan asked, polite as always. He was stiff, rigid and unmoving beside Phil.

“If it’s not too much trouble, can the two of you look for Bear?” Abbie asked sweetly. “No one can seem to figure out where he’s gone and we have to get ready soon. Thanks!” She waltzed up the aisle without waiting for an answer, leaving Dan and Phil staring at each other in a sustained, almost painful silence. Truthfully, he had missed Dan more than he cared to think. He’d missed his excessively long words and thoughtful demeanor, but above all else Phil missed his friend. He voiced this last thought aloud softly before thinking. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Dan said, a slightly warmer look in his eyes as he returned Phil’s statement. He cleared his throat. “You’re attractive, but I’m not quite so out of my mind that whenever I see you I have got resist the urge to ravish you.”

Phil laughed, somehow feeling lighter than he had in ages. “I think I need a friend a lot more than I do a boyfriend right now.”

“For someone who writes about relationships as a job I have to say that sometimes relationships are slightly overrated,” Dan said. “You’re not that irresistible you know.”

“Thanks,” Phil rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smile. “We’re supposed to be attending this wedding together anyway, and you’ve already agreed so it’s too late to back out now.”

“I would never dream of backing out,” Dan said. “Unless you want me to…”

“If I wanted to ditch you I wouldn’t go to all this effort of being friends again,” Phil said lightly. “I have missed you, you know. And I’m not just saying that. It’s just that I’m not ready to be in a relationship right now, even though you’re one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met.”

Dan nodded thoughtfully. “In the long run I think I’d rather be friends anyway.”

Phil smiled. “I think I would too,” he said, and for once the statement was completely and utterly sincere. “I’m sorry for leading you on.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t regret the experience.” Dan smiled lightly. “I heard we have a groom to find. Do you want to split up?”

Splitting up was usually how people got murdered or even more lost, but in this case time really was of the essence. “I’ll take outside,” Phil volunteered. “If neither of us have any luck I”ll meet you back here in fifteen minutes.” With a graceful nod Dan departed, leaving Phil to make his way outside. He rounded the back of the church, climbing up the hill and heading towards the woods. If he knew anything about Bear it was that he would flee as far from other humans as he possibly could.

A dark figure was sprawled across the grass, jacket tucked underneath like a pillow. Phil came to a stop, taking in the familiar brown hair and chapped lips. “Bear.”

The man’s eyes flew open, and he flinched. “Jesus Cat, warn someone before you give them a heart attack.”

Phil didn’t smile. His fingers curled and uncurled, his clothes becoming too constricting under the pressure building behind his chest. Part of Phil, the part that was angry and frustrated and wanted to lash out with everything he had hated Bear. He hated him for being cowardly enough to hide outside instead of facing his problems head on, he hated him for never telling Abbie the truth, for lying, and for Phil feel like he wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to punch him.

“I talked to Abbie,” he said flatly. “She knows. About us and everything we did.”

Bear bolted upright, horror flashing in his eyes. “What?”

“She asked me if we were having an affair and if we ever had and I couldn't keep lying. I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize, I should've said something a long time ago but…” Bear trailed off. “What did she say?”

“She doesn’t want to get married either,” Phil answered shortly. “I think you should ask her the rest.”

“You can’t bring something up like that and then stop. Come on Cat, what did she say? You can tell me.”

“You’ll need to ask her yourself.”

“Are you...are you mad at me?” Bear asked, sounding amused. Phil’s glare deepened. “Why? I’m not angry with you.”

Phil’s jaw tightened. Even now when things mattered the most they couldn’t manage to have a conversation. “Come inside.”

“What? Why?”

“You’re getting married in an hour.”

Bear scoffed. “What, now you’re anxious for me to get hitched? Besides, I thought you said Abbie didn’t want to get married anymore”

“Of course I’m not!” Phil said defensively. “But it doesn’t matter what I think. You and Abbie need to talk and come to a decision about what you’re going to do.”

Bear stared at him incredulously. “Do you really not get it?” he asked, voice escalating in volume. “It’s always been about you, ever since we first met.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t be.” Phil was proud of the way his voice remained steady, resisting the overwhelming urge to slip his fingers between Bear’s. “I realized that for most of my life I’ve never allowed myself to think about what I really want and I think you’re doing the same thing by trying to hide behind what everyone else expects.”

“Not you.” Bear swallowed, eyes meeting Phil’s hesitantly. “You’ve only ever wanted me to be myself, even if I didn’t always like who that was. You’re right though, I should’ve told someone I didn’t want this--any of it and not given in. When I was younger I always wished I was brave enough to stand up to my parents and I thought that maybe I would be once I was an adult, but I guess I never will be.”

“That’s not true. You don’t have to listen to what them anymore. No one has control over your future except for yourself.”

Bear looked adrift, small and far away from his place beside Phil. His cheeks were drained of color, sleeplessness coloring the skin under his eyes. His voice was almost inaudible. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Telling Abbie would be a good place to start.” Phil brushed Bear’s hair out of his eyes, his touch lingering. “She’ll be there to help. So will Dan.”

“And you.”

It hadn’t been phrased as a question but Phil voiced his agreement anyway, pulling Bear closer in a silent affirmation. “And me.”

Bear rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, their legs intertwining. The air was quiet, in the sort of way early morning is in anticipation for the first birdsong. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“What are you going to do after all this is over?”

“Write a book maybe. I’ve always wanted to go to Japan.”

Bear looked vaguely alarmed. “You’re not staying here?”

Phil shrugged. “There aren’t many things holding me here, and besides, it’s not like I won’t come back.” Bear’s expression continued to fall. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’m going to start by changing my major,” he said firmly. “And getting a new roommate.” He coughed self-consciously. “After you get back from Japan you’re going to need somewhere to stay, right? Maybe we could live together? As friends,” he amended quickly. “At least for right now. I think I have a lot of things I need to figure out before starting a relationship.”

Phil smiled. “I’d like that.” He bumped his knee against Bear’s. “Sometimes the best things take time.”

“Like cheese,” Bear said teasingly. Phil shuddered, making a face. Bear’s face slid back into a more solemn expression. “Before we go back inside, can I ask you one more question?”

“Anything.”

“Now that we’re bearing our souls, can I finally tell you my name? It feels weird to know everything about each other except for that.”

“Wait,” Phil said sharply, panic making everything sound harsher than he’d intended. He pulled out his phone, handing it to Bear. “Write it down.”

Bear shot him a quizzical look. “What? Why?”

Phil shook his head. “Please.” The man shrugged, holding the phone up a few seconds later. :Dan Howell was written neatly across the screen, the blinking line next to it an accusation of all the things left unsaid.

Phil stared at the screen, rereading it blankly. He held his breath, everything else going still. Bear was saying something, a hand reaching out to grip Phil’s shoulder, but the world had faded around him until the only thing left was an oppressive, crushing silence. He could hear someone laughing, a hysterical sound that grated on his nerves. He opened his mouth to tell them to shut up before realizing he was the one laughing.

“Phil,” Bear said urgently, gripping his shoulders. “Talk to me.”

“How do you know what my name is?” he asked, the words heavy in his mouth.

Bear bit his lip, cheeks flushing. “I may or may not have asked Zach a few months ago but you seemed to like Cat and Bear so I never brought it up. It suits you, though. What’s wrong?”

Wordlessly, Phil yanked up his sleeve. The world was spinning around him, and he was afraid anything he tried to say would be just as unbalanced. Bear’s brow furrowed as he read the words silently, eyes widening in understanding. He moved to push up his own sleeve, but Phil shook his head.

“I already saw,” he managed. “At the hospital. Your sleeve rode up and…” he trailed off, figuring that further details weren’t necessary. There was something in Bear’s eyes that was unsaid but a mutual understanding that no hard feelings were there to be held.

“At least it saved me the trouble of telling you myself,” Bear shrugged.

Phil gave him a surprised look. “You’re not upset?”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I promise that no matter what happens or however many fights we get into I’ll never say those words to you,” Phil said firmly. He supposed that if he never ended up saying Bear’s words that meant that he wasn’t Bear’s soulmate, but he and Bear had managed to learn each other’s names without Phil’s words becoming true and if Bear wasn’t Phil’s soulmate than he didn’t want one.

“I know,” Bear said. “I trust you.”

Phil’s phone went off, thoroughly cutting into any further attempts at conversation. He didn’t need to look to know that Dan was asking what the holdup was. “We should probably go back,” he said apologetically. “Everyone’s worried. But we have all the time in the world to finish.”

Bear rose, holding out his hand and pulling Phil to his feet. “An eternity, really,” he said, a grin splitting his face. He knocked his forehead against Phil’s gently, eyes fluttering shut. Phil held his breath, hand pressing against Bear’s. “I can’t wait.”

The sign on the door of Ink and Quill was flipped to closed, and with a long suffering sigh Phil collapsed into the chair across from Daisy. For once he wasn’t here an employee. Today he was Philip Michael Lester, author of Wishful Windows who had just completed his first book signing. His agent had neglected to tell him exactly how draining these events could be, and with as little energy as one would expect from an introvert he was completely wiped out. All he wanted to do was stumble home and fall asleep, but it looked as though Daisy had other ideas.

She regarded him over the top of her mug, a smirk flickering in her eyes. “So what’s all this about you and Bear? I saw you two had started dating?”

Despite himself, Phil couldn’t help but smile. After Bear’s graduation (with a major in filmmaking) they had tentatively started the beginnings of a romantic relationship. They’d only gone on a few dates so far; basic events like the cinema and out to dinner but each ordinarily mundane event felt like an entirely new experience to Phil. “You’re not wrong.”

“And? Is it everything you’ve dreamed of?”

“More. Bear is...it’s nothing I ever thought I would have, you know?”

“Liam and I need to up our game if we want to stay the cutest couple.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “As if you ever stood a chance.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, sure you have the whole ‘childhood friends’ bit going for you but we started off with the passionate affairs and star crossed lovers.”

“We’ll see which of us has the most fanfiction written about us,” Daisy said decisively. “That’ll settle matters.”

Phil pouted. “That’s not fair. I know for a fact that Liam’s cousin wrote a Hunger Games fanfiction with you in it.”

“Liam killed me to save his own life,” Daisy said thoughtfully. “I think she was trying to tell me something, but I haven’t died yet.”

“I bet there are tons of fics out there about me and Bear,” Phil said stubbornly. “You just haven’t found them yet.”

“What would your ship name even be?”

Despite calling his boyfriend ‘Bear’ 95% of the time, Dan was a much easier name to mash with his. “Dil?”

“Danlip,” Daisy snorted into her drink. “It’s like a demented tulip.”

Phil tucked his knees up to his chest, tapping his fingers against the sofa thoughtfully. “What about Phan?”

“Phan,” she repeated slowly. “I like that. Besides, you can put it in front of words like fanfiction and it sounds exactly the same.”

“It’s proof that we’re the ulterior ship.”

“Pfsh. Please.”

“At least admit that you ship it. I’ll make sure you have a front row seat at our wedding.”

“You’re planning your wedding without me? I’m unfriending you on Facebook.”

“I’ll let you help if you admit it.”

Daisy sighed, smiling in good natured exasperation. “Fine. I ship Phan. It’s my number one OTP.” She leaned forwards inquisitively. “But back on the topic of a wedding. When is it and can I pick out the flowers?”

Phil laughed. “We’re taking things slowly right now, but the moment there’s any need for flowers I’ll let you know.” He and Bear had agreed to wait at least two years before getting engaged, deciding that it was better for them to realize they weren’t compatible now then once they’d spent an arm and a leg on their wedding. Personally, Phil couldn’t imagine himself ever marrying anyone else. What they had hadn’t been easily created, but he was going to do everything he could to make it last.

The gold of his wedding ring gleamed in the light from the fireplace. Dan sat beside him, a matching ring on his left hand. Though Phil still called him Bear sometimes, as the years had gone by and people had drifted in and out of their lives he preferred to go by his given name.

“Can I ask you something?” Dan asked, tilting his head to look up at Phil. The firelight cast most of his face in shadow, brown eyes dark. Phil swore he got more beautiful each day. He nodded, hand brushing Dan’s forearm. “Does it ever bother you that we weren’t probably weren't soulmates after all? That there was someone out there who was supposed to a ‘better fit.’”

Phil traced his finger over Dan’s words, shaking his head. “Not anymore. I used to think about it, back in the early days; but in a hundred lifetimes you'll always be my soulmate regardless of whatever some stupid tattoo says.”

“The married life has turned you into a sap,” Dan said.

“You love it.”

“Yeah, I do. Not as much as I love you, though.”

Phil rolled his eyes, shoving Dan with his shoulder. “Who's the sap now? Abbie was telling me there’s a blood test you can take that will tell you if someone’s really your soulmate. If that’s something you’d be interesting in doing we can apply tomorrow.”

“Do you want to?” Dan asked quietly.

“Honestly? I did think about it, but no, not really. Maybe I’m being stupid but it doesn’t matter to me. Not now. Like I said earlier, you’re always going to be the only person I’d ever want to be with and I don’t care what anyone else says. But if you do, I would be just as willing.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I agree.” He blinked up at Phil, smiling sleepily. “I love you.”

Phil wondered how it was possible for one person to love someone as much as he loved Dan. He was still going to be the death of him. “I love you too.” He stifled a yawn behind his hand, Dan mimicking the action a few moments later. “We should get to bed,” he said reluctantly.

“I don't want to,” Dan whined against his shoulder, visibly pouting. Phil wondered how someone could look so unbearably cute and undeniably hot at the same time. “Five more minutes.”

Phil rested his cheek on the top of his husband’s head, closing his eyes. “Five more minutes,” he agreed.

And if come morning the two were still asleep on the sofa, well, it wouldn’t be the first time. After all, they had all the time in the world.

#flw #famous last words #phan #phanfic #phanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #phan au #phanfic au

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