#the immense pride i feel rn

[shina913]

🥹🥹 They just quoted lyrics to Spring Day 😭😭😭😭

[luci-is-a-bitch-x3x]

Obey me! Brothers with Demon behaviors (part 2??) :

You can find any other parts here: part one, part two (you are here), part three, part four

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Welcome! to another part of this adventure! This has dark themed content, so read at you're own risk! The characters may not be how you imagine! I apologize for any poor jokes, bad spelling, and terrible grammar. Without further ado, please enjoy the content. ♡

Caution: May contain dark themes or imply towards dark themes. May contain nsfw or it may imply towards nsfw themes.

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✧✧Scents✧✧

This time we're going to talk about Mc scent!

Humans just like most creatures have a unique-ish scent of their own. Demons smell better than humans do, so they can smell a humans scent perfectly. Solomon and Mc smell different, the demons can really tell a difference. Some humans scents attract demons almost like an aphrodisiac. Mc's scent is definitely an aphrodisiac for some demons. Solomon's scent may be as well but we won't get into that rn. Also I feel like a demon's attraction to a human's scent enhances after they make a pact with said human. Mc's scent can be either comforting or a aphrodisiac for the brothers, it switches at random moments. There are bound to be moments when Mc isn't around and they have to do something they arent proud of, something that's maybe even a little perverted? They can't help it they're demons, and Mc wasn't around so Mc will never have to know.

Comforting moments due to Mc's scent happen to Lucifer at the most random times, most of the times when Mc isn't even currently with him. Say Mc brings him some tea before they head to bed, they talk for a little and then Mc gives Lucifer a goodnight hug and kiss before heading to bed. Its not until Mc is out of the room that Lucifer finally notices Mc's scent. Lucifer will try and continue working on paperwork, but Mc's comforting scent seems to linger on his clothes from when they gave him a goodnight hug. Lucifer has to fight sleep harder than usual for the rest of the night, Mc's scent seemed to put him in such a safe comforting mindset that he was being lulled into sleep. When these moments happen Lucifer will either head to bed earlier than he wanted to, or Lucifer will be stubborn and continue to try and fight sleep, just to fall asleep at his desk. ...Other moments due to Mc's scent kill Lucifer's pride and ego. How can a human pull such feelings out of him, how can a human's scent cause him to do something so low...so perverted... He's the Avatar of Pride! Yet there are times...Times Lucifer's not proud of, times Mc can never learn about, it would shatter any pride Lucifer has left. Lucifer has had to replace so many of Mc's scarves, gloves, hell even some jackets. Any article of clothing Mc leaves behind in Lucifers room, or in his study are usually not the same when returned. Lucifer usually has to buy a replacement and give the replacement clothing to Mc due to how..dirty the original clothing got. It confuses Lucifer immensely, Lucifer rarely ever touched himself before Mc came along. He's The Avatar of Pride! He was to prideful to pleasure himself while alone! Yet it has become a normal occurrence for the prideful demon to use Mc's forgotten clothing pervertedly. After Mc and Lucifer made their pact it became worse. Lucifer didn't even need Mc's clothing, he could catch a whiff of Mc's scent and he would have a issue to deal with, either with Mc's help or without it.

Mammon is usually with Mc when he has comforting moments due to Mc's scent. Say Mammon and Mc are running away from someone and Mammon catches a whiff of Mc's scent he'll find comfort in a situation he was just freaking out over. It makes him feel like everythings going to be okay even though at the time everythings not okay. Mammon thinks of Mc's scent as a good luck charm, yes Mc in general is his good luck charm but if Mammon is running away from someone without Mc around, and still somehow catches a whiff of Mc's scent, Mammon always gets away safely, and he claims its because of Mc's scent. Because Mammon claims Mc/Mc's scent is his good luck charm, and because he's the Avatar Of Greed, Mammon probably has a stash of stuff that smells like Mc, peobably the most random things, piled up in a pile or neatly stored somewhere, he'd put Mc in the pile and keep them there if he could ...Other moments due to Mc's scent, are something Mammon would deny with his life if Mc found out about them. Mammon's a little embarrassed and a little guilty feeling when he has these moments, but in the end he's a demon! As long as Mc never finds out he has nothing to worry about anyways! Mammon can't help it! Mc's scent just gets to him. He'll just be chilling in his room, he'll walk by his pile of Mc's stuff and...well now he has to do something about the problem in his pants. Mammon doesn't understand how a human's scent can make The Great Mammon act this way, but Mammon can't seem to care or worry about it when he's laying on the pile of Mc's things in his room. Engulfed in Mc's scent, his greed, the pleasure, thats all Mammon can register. Making a pact with Mc makes it so much worse for Mammon. Laying in the pile of Mc's things and doing..private things, became an occurrence that happened very often. Could be nightly sometimes, sometimes a couple times week. He's the Avatar of Greed, mans is Greedy for Mc okay? These moments make Mammon a whimpering mess, and if Mc and him are together he may wind up at the door to Mc's room, greedy and ready for the real Mc, not the discarded Mc belongings he keeps in a pile.

Leviathan finds himself having comforting moments due to Mc's scent all the time. Levi never leaves his room, so for Mc to see or hang out with him, they have to go to his room, causing their scent to linger in his room. Levi loves it, he's never told Mc it happens, and never will. Levi eats it up though, he games better, he sleeps better, animes seem better. The only problem is being able to smell Mc makes Levi think Mc's in his room with him so he'll get sad sometimes realizing their not actually in his room. Levi gets caught up in things like gaming or animes, but sonetimes he'll want to say something to Mc or get Mc's opinion. He'll whip around to say it to Mc just to look around his room and realize Mc's not in there, that his room just smells like Mc. Now Levi's upset, just sad but also a little mad, he's the Avatar of Envy, he saw Mc wasnt in his room and probs thought 'oh they're with one of my brothers' so now he's sad and jealous. Might not even need to be! But Mc will still have to make it up to him, talk about TSL and it'll eventually be fine. ...Other moments due to Mc's scent seem to happen as often as the comforting moments. Levi's self loathing becomes worse after these..private moments. He may even "try" to avoid Mc, he won't. He'll tell himself to, but he'll fail which will cause him to hate on himself even more. Levi knows these moments are wrong, he knows he's perverted for doing them. The things he's done on Mc's gaming chair in his room, the fantasies he's thought of while in said chair. It just smells so much like Mc, sitting in it engulfs Levi in their scent, he usually does it for comfort. But after the first time of doing perverted things on Mc's gaming chair, it became a normal occurrence. During these moments Levi will sit in Mc's gaming chair with his lower half hiden underneath his gaming desk. Levi's head usually lays back so he can smell Mc's scent better, while he takes care of business he'll worry about if he locked his door or not. He finds himself hating on himself because the thought of Mc walking in on him excites him. Making a pact with Mc makes it worse for poor Levi. All he has to do is think of Mc and suddenly he has a problem he has to take care of, might as well do it in Mc's gaming chair. Even if Levi and Mc get together Levi isnt going to go to them for help, he's to anxious and shy, but if Mc somehow ends up helping, he's their whimpering good boy.

Satan finds himself having comforting moments due to Mc's scent far more often then he thought he would. Mc's scent always seems to linger in the spots he's reading in. He never knows why, maybe Mc's scent is on him to begin with? Satan will have to continue to try and solve this mystery, as I dont have an answer lol. Satan enjoys the comforting moments, it calms his wrath and makes it easier for him to get lost in whatever book he's reading at the time. Its so comforting he almost falls asleep at times, but the book always keeps him awake. He has to know what happens next! ...Other moments due to Mc's scent happen to Satan on occasion. Satan usually finds himself having these moments when combining Mc's scent and an erotic novel. The characters in these novels always seem to remind Satan of Mc when he has these moments. It could be because Mc's scent is clouding his brain Everything but Mc is a little foggy to Satan, but he's still more than capable of reading a book. No matter how lost in these moments he may get the books he reads never seem to get dirty. He takes good care of his books even when his mind is on other things. After Mc and Satan make a pact Satan may have these moments more often than before having a pact with Mc. If Mc and him get together he may go to Mc during these moments, not in a begging whimpery way like some of his brothers. Satan has no problem handling the problem himself, he has a great imagination, and the novels always have good descriptions.

Asmodeus has comforting moments due to Mc's scent at odd times. Asmo may be in class at R.A.D when suddenly he gets a whiff of Mc's scent, it probably rubbed off on him after he spent all morning clinging to Mc's side. Asmo had been bored and restless, but suddenly he felt calm and comfortable, class didn't feel like it was passing as slowly as it had been. He'll get to see Mc soon enough! Asmo is always in a better mood after he smells Mc's scent. He probably sends Mc a text saying how much he misses them everytime this happens. Other odd but comforting moments due to Mc's scent happen to Asmo when he's out doing something. Maybe he's shopping, maybe he's clubbing, or even at the spa, wherever it is he'll suddenly catch a whiff of Mc's scent and all is calm and good. Asmo enjoys the comforting moment due to Mc's scent but Asmo enjoys the...Other moments as well. Asmo is the Avatar of Lust, its in his nature to enjoy such things. Even if he makes things a little spicier than most of his brothers do. He's supposed to! He's just acting as he should as the Avatar of Lust. Asmo is bound to let Mc walk in on him during one of these moments. Hopefully Mc isn't naive enough to belive the Avatar of Lust got caught on "accident" if Mc stays that day, Asmo may start coming to Mc or he'll continue to let Mc catch him, making it spicier everytime. If Mc chooses to not join, Asmo will still enjoy thw moments, after all he can have fun by himself.

Beelzebub has comforting moments due to Mc's scent all the time. Beel says in game that being around Mc makes him feel like he's less hungry or that food taste better, so Beel is always dragging Mc places to eat with him. Due to this Beel is always smelling Mc's scent, one could argue Mc's scent is what helps ease his appetite. One could also argue that its all in his head that he doesn't actually eat less, and makes himself believe food taste better. Beel thinks Mc smells better then any food he's ever had, Mc has a scent that fills his stomach but also makes him hungry at the same time. This is good but dangerous at the same time, Beel doesnt handle hunger well. ...Other moments due to Mc's scent is when Beel feels hungry, but its a different type of hunger than he's used to. Beel trys to be sweet and in the begining he either handles the problem in his pants quickly or doesn't deal with it at all. Beel trys to satisfy this different hunger by eating more food, but no matter how much he eats, he still feels the hunger. Making a pact with Mc makes it so, so much worse on Beel, its basically hell for him. He doesn't know what to do about the problem, the hunger after making a pact practically hurts. Beel knows it would be wrong to act on the actions his mind thinks of as solutions. He's such a large demon..and Mc is..well a fragile human, but Beel knows better. Out of all the things he's felt hungry for, he resits this hunger stubbornly, he can't hurt Mc over this hunger. If Mc and him end up together, Beel will show Mc how starved he is. He was a good boy who waited patiently, he deserves to feast, doesn't he?

Belphegor has comforting moments due to Mc's scent all the time. Mc and him are always taking naps together, well some of the times its just Mc doing something while the sloth demon clings to them and naps. Due to Belphie always being attached to Mc's side like a koala bear, he always finds that he smells like Mc's scent. Belphie will also sometimes let Mc use his cow pillow so occasionally his pillow smells like Mc's scent as well. Belphie enjoys comforting moments due to Mc's scent because it helps him sleep and it gives him good dreams. ...Other moments due to Mc's scent aggravate Belphie. He's a spoiled brat, he likes things his way, not any other way. Belphie's problem is he has these moments as often as he has the comforting moments. He hates them because they disturb his sleep and leave him upset and whiney usually. Belphie even finds himself having to worry where he sleeps because of these moments, the countless times he's woken up from a nap humping a pillow, he would never hear the end of it if one of his brothers caught him doing that. Making a pact with Mc makes it worse on Belphie, if he would have known that he wouldn't have done it! Mans is def a whiney angry brat for a while and Mc probs has no clue because he refuses to tell them. Belphie has to be extra careful where he sleeps because of these moments now, instead of waking up to what he woke up to before Belphie will occasionally wake up to stained and sticky pajama bottoms. Belphie thought he was upset when the dreams became more frequent after forming a pact with Mc, the first time he woke up to that sight, he was fumming, giving Satan a run for his money. If Mc and Belphie end up dating, and he doesn't wake up to a mess, he'll go crawling to Mc, and whine until Mc helps him deal with the problem. He's the Avatar of sloth, he doesn't want to do the work or take care of it himself!

☆☆Weather Behaviors☆☆

How does cold weather affect the brothers or demons in general?

You know how when it gets cold some animals will huddle together to stay warm, I can see the brothers doing this when it gets cold in the Devildom. Some of the brothers won't initiate the cuddle pile (Lucifer, Satan, Levi because he doesn't initiate anything he's to anxious man) The cuddle pile did happen before Mc but it wasn't as often, when its cold in the Devildom and Mc is there the cuddle piles may happen everyday, if not it happens at least twice a week. When Mc isnt in the Devildom it happens once every 2-3 weeks unless its extremely cold.

Out of the brothers who initiates the cuddle piles the most? Asmo & Belphie. Asmo is just a cuddly demon, and being cold is not good for ones skin! Belphie isn't usually wandering up to anyone but Beel or Mc when he starts the inevitable cuddle pile. There are occasions when Belphie will be half asleep and wander up to one of his other brothers and start the cuddle pile, this only happens when Belphie gets really cold in his sleep. Mammon & Beel may occasionally start the cuddle pile as well. Mammon doesn't start the cuddle pile often because I just feel like he has a naturally warm body temperature. Mammon usually accidently starts the cuddle pile by cuddling with Mc with his brothers around. Or when Mammon is, on the rare occasion, cold, he'll initiate the cuddle pile. Mammon will cuddle with any of his brothers, but he defiently has ones he'll cuddle with before others. Now some may disagree with which ones i say, but I think out of all his brothers Mammon would cuddle up next to Lucifer or Levi. Just listen, yes Mammon would cuddle with his other brothers, and he may seem more friendly good pals with some of his other brothers. But the older 3 are close in their own little way. They dont show it, so it'd be rare to actually catch Mammon cuddling with Lucifer or Levi, but it def happens. I mean one it says in game that Lucifer has a soft spot for Mammon, and Mammon will seek Lucifer out when he has to do something he doesnt like, like watch a horror movie or something. There's also chats between them that prove their close man, Lucifer would never allow it with anyone around other than maybe Mc, but he would allow Mammon to cuddle him, if Mammon hasnt been causing problems. With Levi its like normal siblings they act like they hate each other, they say mean stuff to eachother but in the end they vibe. They are always hanging out when Mc is involved, and I think they would occasionally hang out without Mc. I mean Levi isn't stupid, he cant be actually expecting Mammon to give any money he "barrows" back. I think its more play fighting between those two, occasionally it is real fighting. So although cuddle piles between Mammon and Levi don't happen often without Mc i can still see them happening. Beel will initiate a cuddle pile with any of his brothers, but he also has favorites. Belphie obv, Levi I feel like Levi's actually pretty close with his brothers even though they bully him, Mammon or Asmo. I feel like because Beel is a family man, I think hes really close with all his older brothers, not as close as with Belphie but pretty close. So Beel loves cuddling with them, it reminds him of the old days with Lillith and everything, and he gets to make new memories by having Mc there! A sad thought i had is that Beel probably wants to be able to cuddle with Lucifer still, he probs did back when they were younger and angels, But he respects Lucifer to much and hates getting in touble so he never does. Poor bby.

Cuddle piles for Lucifer happen either when he's cuddling with Mc and his brother see and get jealous and decide to join the cuddling, imagine Lucifer and Mc cuddling in his room and then the door bursts open all FBI open up style, and then the brother that kicked open the door lets out like a screech war cry thing and then all of his brothers are suddenly on top of him and Mc in a cuddle pile, now everyones cuddling. Stay mad Luci. Or when one of his younger brothers rarely snuggle up to him, more may join. If a movie night happens in HoL, Lucifer is covered in the bodies of his younger brothers and one human usually. Its like how kids pile onto their parents during movie night. Imagine if the side characters came over for movie night one time and even more people piled onto poor Luci. Satan usually ends up in a cuddle pile if Asmo or Belphie cuddle with him and then other brothers join. But Satan will join a cuddle pile if Lucifer is at the bottom, just because he thinks Lucifer hates it. Which to be fair Lucifer acts like he hates it, but lets be for real Lucifer loves his brothers and probably finds the experience to be heart warming. Levi is never initiating the cuddle pile, but he will sometimes join one. Most of the time Levi ends up in a cuddle pile because one of his brothers cuddles up to him and then others join, they'll watch him play a video game or something.

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Thats all for now babes! Hope you enjoyed!! ♡ This is not proofread. Feel free to comment or reblog any thoughts or any add ons you have! Sorry this is so much longer than I meant for it to be! More content is coming soon so Stay tuned! Stay Safe! & Do you boo!

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⟡˙⋆Masterlist⋆˙⟡

[lueurjun]

enemies to lovers with yeonjun

yeonjun x reader — in which you hate him and assume he hates you back, until you realise that maybe he never hated you at all. it’s a long one! requests are open if you want something specific <3

choi yeonjun is the bane of your existence

his mere presence— oof. it infuriates you for no reason

it wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to see him everyday

but unfortunately you do

because he’s your brothers (soobin) best friend and has been practically adopted by your family

dear soobin simps feel free to change your brother, i get it bae i totally get it

you can’t catch a break he’s practically moved in at this point

you’re tired of seeing this boy everywhere you look

cant you just go downstairs at 3 am for a glass of water without finding him shirtless in your kitchen munching on a sandwich??

your parents have more pictures of him in your house than of you

#favouritism

#hesthechildtheyalwayswanted

your hatred for him started when you were eight years old

it even caused a rift between you and soobin bc your dumbass bother picked HIS side over yours

#evenmorefavouritism

#justicefory/n:(

what did he do?

PURPOSELY spilled his grape juice all over the front of your trousers making it look like your eight year old self pissed yourself

on a park with fellow kids your age who are mean as hell

you got bullied pretty bad after that and though time moved on and they forgot, you never did

it stuck with you

get behind me i’ll rip his hair out

say the word and i’ll fight him for u

anyways from that day on you DETESTED him

and he’s dumb so he has no idea why but instead of asking

he decided to dislike you back because in his mind that’s the most logical thing to do

what an idiot am i right?

a handsome one tho;)

sorry:( we dislike him rn i still got ur back

constant squabbling over the smallest things because he didn’t know when to shut up and you just hated his face

but not really because if you swallowed your pride just a tad you would admit that you do see the handsomeness within him

don’t worry bae you can admit that you’d jump on his bones if you didn’t hate him so much

ahem. anyways.

you cannot stand him because he’s the devils spawn and he doesn’t deserve your praise

until you’re set to go to prom and you have a really cute date with someone you’d had a crush on for a really long time

yeonjun of course makes a comment about your appearance but you don’t even care

because you have a date with someone special

and he has to attend with soobin so who’s the real loser?

not him my love id love to go with soobin

they leave and you wait back for your date to pick you up

time is ticking by and you’re starting to get a little nervous

your parents are starting to look at you in sympathy and you absolutely want the ground to swallow you up

because you’ve been stood up and it becomes apparent when an hour has passed and still no show or text and you’re starting to feel insecure and stupid

ur perfect bby lemme at ‘em

just when you’re about to hang up your outfit and hide beneath your duvet covers

the doorbell rings and you spring up with immense happiness

because your date hasn’t forgotten you after all

only when you answer the door it isn’t your date

rather yeonjun?? standing with flowers?? and no soobin in sight??

your parents are literally cradling each other in awe

and you’re like ??

“i know being stood up sucks for you but it’s the perfect opportunity for me to make right whatever wrong i did… and ask you to be my date…”

he sounds nervous?? genuine??

there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes that you just don’t have in you to crush

so you accept the flowers and press a kiss to his cheek before eventually taking his arm

“i kinda don’t wanna go to the prom anymore… can we just go get something to eat? unless you wanna go?”

he seems kinda surprised for a second but then he grins with that stupid little twinkle in his pretty little eyes that admittedly have you swooning

“i’d prefer that honestly”

so that’s exactly what you do

yeonjun drives to a mcdonald’s and he pays for your food and then you just sit in the car park

together

and for as long as you’ve known him you have never actually hung out with him one on one for longer than fifteen minutes

but somehow it’s not awkward?

you both swing into subtle jokes and he even throws in a few flirty comments here and there

which takes you by surprise but what shocks you more is that you don’t mind them??

you retaliate to them but with the same flirty undertones

flirting in a mcdonald’s car park dressed to go to prom

that’s so romantic get out

the bar is in hell i know

don’t even @ me i need a moment rn

i ship u both. get married pls

anyways after eating until your stomachs felt full and there were tears of laughter in your eyes

the dreaded question rolls around

“why do you hate me?”

way to ruin the vibes yeonjun

“because you suck”

i rate the honesty babe

“ok sure i deserve that i think- but what did i do? you never used to hate me when we were kids”

you’re a little annoyed now

because how does he not remember the incident that has stuck in your mind for years?

“do you seriously not remember?”

and he shakes his head looking all clueless

which makes you feel a little embarrassed because had you just been dramatic this entire time?

maybe a little but it’s valid. i back u 100%

get his ass you sweet thing!

“you spilled grape juice all over my jeans at the park and told everyone i peed! i got made fun of for so long after that! it was mean!”

the vibe has been completely ruined now

well done yeonjun

speaking of yeonjun, he feels terrible

he remembers that incident back when he was an absolute menace

he still is but not as bad

what makes him feel worse is that you’ve only ever attacked him due to the hurt he caused you

meanwhile, he was just as mean back in retaliation

his world was literally crumbling

“and soobin took your side! you took my street cred and my brother!”

i’m soobin’s lawyer. he didn’t mean it

okay sorry! i still have your back!

“i’m sorry—truly. i didn’t realise how much it would hurt you or that you held a grudge—”

“maybe you should’ve asked.”

“i know. i’m sorry. i know nuggets won’t help but you can have an extra one of mine…”

you wanted to stay mad at him

but with the way his big eyes stared back at you whilst he held up a nugget as a peace offering

there was something oddly adorable about it

you take it from him because duh? who wouldn’t?

i mean vegans probably wouldn’t—

if you’re a vegan i’m so sorry imagine you’re eating something else

“why did you decide to take me to prom?”

you can’t help but ask the question that’s been prodding at you since you left the house

“saw your jackass date with someone else and soobin felt bad but he had his own date so i said i’d come get you…”

oh.

so it was just a favour for soobin

ok :D that’s fine

not tho is it bae? you lyin?

apart of you hoped that he asked you because he wanted to

perhaps the disappointment showed on your face because suddenly he starts stuttering

but you shake your head and force a smile

me in the mirror after an emotional breakdown :P

“let’s go then. he’s probably wondering—”

“no. that was a cop out.”

pussy

you just gape at him waiting for him to carry on

because what else are you meant to say?

“i wanted to ask you to be my date a while ago but you hated me and to be honest i never hated you, i just felt… i don’t know… bitter i guess? and that’s no excuse. i’m a dick and i know it. but when i saw your date with someone else, i knew it had to be some kind of sign that you were meant to attend the prom with me.”

okay romcom confession KING

go off

before you can comprehend anything, he carries on with his ramble

“i’m so sorry for the hurt i inflicted on you when we were kids, and for the way i’ve behaved since then. i know it won't make up for everything, but if you let me, i will spend every day of my life trying to make it up to you. Even if it takes forever for your feelings of hatred towards me to diminish or disappear altogether, i’ll wait - and hope that one day, i can prove myself to be a worthy partner for you.”

someone grab a bucket i’m gonna be sick ( i’m sliding down my wall crying rn )

i’d fold in an instant

kdrama yeonjun GO OFF

you kinda just sit there like a lemon for a sec

because wot?

literally like what is going on?

“you’ll have to grovel.”

“i will. believe me.”

“and you won’t hurt me?”

“never.”

there’s this look in his eyes that you haven’t seen before

a determined and genuine look that has you feeling quite assured

the grudge against him is still there, of course, it’s not just going to go away

but it’s not as strong and you find yourself feeling rather excited

“then consider this our first date. the first step to making things right.”

yeonjun is a little wary as he takes your hand but the nerves settle when you don’t recoil from him

hesitantly he kisses your knuckles with a grin

“to making things right.”

surprisingly, you’re thankful your date stood you up

but no one is thankful as yeonjun

gosh why do i do these? i literally make myself cry

[librarycards]

do you have any book recs on relationship abuse? feel free to discard this question or point me elsewhere

hello anon - i read your other message to and am sending both of you much love. thanks for reaching out.

first and foremost, i am still very much a student of the literature in relationship abuse, not an expert. here are some books that may be helpful, with annotations:

Banu Khapil, The Vertical Interrogation of Strangers. Khapil interviews women from the South Asian diaspora using a set of guiding craft/storytelling questions. i found this book immensely useful for my writing, which is to say, for transmuting the unlanguagable experiences of trauma - including relationship abuse and sexual violence - and restorying them in ways that worked for me.

Eli Clare, Exile and Pride. Clare is a trans survivor of CSA, and writes about the intersection of disability and survivorship.

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Care Work: Dreaming Disability Justice, and their other work. They're a decorated writer, performer, and activist deeply invested in a disability justice + femme-of-color oriented approach to community care, and speak frankly and often about intimate partner violence, CSA, and the aftermath, as well as TJ-based approaches.

I have not read Beyond Survival, but tentatively recommend taking a look, alongside my friend's astute commentary about the book's metatext.

Maggie Smith, You Could Make this Place Beautiful. Smith is a brilliant poet, and has written this memoir about her divorce. As we dig deeper, we uncover a context of abuse, exploitation, infidelity, and dangerous envy on the part of her husband; and watch her carve a life beyond him.

Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House. A classic in the category of abuse memoir, and for good reason. Machado's insights into the onion of abuse culture in which we currently live –– ownership rhetorics around children, the subjugation of women, the silence around abuse by and of queer women –– are crucial.

Erin Elizabeth Smith, Down. My dear friend and colleague's book of poems that speak to the insidious process of grooming and its downstream effects, as well as the process of finding one's freedom.

And a few works of fiction to offer solidarity & new ways of thinking in this time:

Sayaka Murata, Earthlings

Tiffany D Jackson, Grown

Dorothy Allison, Bastard Out of Carolina

Ruth Ozeki, My Year of Meats

Tiffany McDaniel, Betty

i hope this is helpful. i don't necessarily know if these are the kinds of narratives your friend needs rn, but these are the ones that have helped me begin coming to terms with my own experiences (i have a long way to go) and have afforded me the chance to think critically about relationship dynamics and cultures of abuse that refuse to absolve abusers of responsibility for their behavior.

[cheezbites]

Hi can you do a Chris McLean x Short!Reader?

Chris McLean x Short Reader

✎: MY FIRST EVER REQUEST I’M SO GEEKED RN. Thank you guys, keep these requests coming!! 💓🥲

♡Summary: Chris McLean dating someone short.

Bf!Chris always attended press conferences and award ceremonies where crowds towered over you, which was nothing new. He insisted on guiding you through the hordes of people with his hand on your shoulder or waist.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

"What, is that Ruby Rosewood?" someone in the crowd exclaimed.

"Wait, where is she? Chris, lead us to her. Oh my god, I need to see her," you held onto his guiding hand resting on your shoulder.

He acted like a GPS tracker, swiftly locating her, and you enjoyed a short and sweet conversation with one of your idols.

Bf!Chris appreciates your shorter figure. Despite his past relationships with taller women, often models who added onto their height with expensive heels, your height, ranging from 5'0 to 5'4, actually makes him appear much taller when photographed or standing together. How could he not love that?

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

The event was busting with activity; flashing cameras, chattering voices, and a sea of well-dressed attendees. Chris, dressed in his tuxedo with a charming smile, navigated through the elegant crowd.

You, stood by his side, unbeknownst to the unique effect your presence had on Chris. He couldn't help but beam with pride as photographers captured the two of you together. You had a way of making him appear even more tall in comparison to you.

As you mingled with the guests, you picked up on a hushed whisper across the room, "Isn't that Chris? who's the lady with him?"

A nearby couple overheard and joined in, "That's his girlfriend, the one who makes him look even more impressive."

Chris, overhearing the conversation, couldn't help but chuckle.

Bf!Chris hired security guards for you with his immense budget, they followed you around everywhere. Even at times when it seemed a bit redundant.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Your chauffeur was driving you around the city as the security guards were sitting around in their own seats, making small talk with one another. You were texting Chris on your way to run errands:

“You sure I need the guards to go shopping for groceries?”

“Yes. Anything can happen, remember what happened on the news?” he replied shortly after seeing your message, you chuckled at his response. Chris was a bit paranoid at times, but maybe it was for the best.

Bf!Chris had to lean over to kiss you, which was one of his favourite aspects of the kiss.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Chris leaned over to meet your lips, and that simple act added an extra layer of sweetness to the moment. It was one of his favorite things about your kisses – the way he had to lean in to reach you.

As your lips met, you both felt the electric connection that never decayed. In that tender embrace, you shared a kiss that spoke volumes without words, reaffirming your love in the most beautiful way.

Bf!Chris was your weighted blanket at times; instead of you cuddling up to him it would be the opposite. He wouldn’t put his full weight on you; but enough for you both to be comfy.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

A cozy blanket draped over you as you both lounged on the couch. Chris had a mischievous glint in his eye. He shifted his position slightly, and before you knew it, he was gently draping himself over you, like a living weighted blanket.

You giggled at the unexpected move, making him grin down at you, his arms propped up, supporting his weight just enough to make you both feel snug and comfortable. You settled into the embrace, feeling the warmth and security of his presence.

Bf!Chris is the human trash can of the relationship. If you both went out to eat, he finished your leftovers you couldn’t finish.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

You sat in a cozy corner of your favorite restaurant, savoring a delicious meal with Chris. The plates were stacked with delectable food, but as always, your eyes were bigger than your stomach.

Chris, on the other hand, seemed to have an appetite when it came to your leftovers. With a playful smile, you pushed your plate toward him, knowing he'd happily accept the offer.

He chuckled between mouthfuls, "Someone's got to make sure nothing goes to waste,"

As you continued to eat together, you couldn't help but appreciate how Chris's appetite perfectly complimented your tendency to order more than you could finish. It was just one of the many ways your relationship seemed to fit together seamlessly, like a jigsaw puzzle.

Bf!Chris often gave you piggyback rides at concerts, convinced that you'd struggle to see anything. You didn't mind at all, secretly enjoying the elevated view for your Instagram story. After all, it was a win-win – a better view and a cute moment to share with your followers.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

The concert’s music thumped through the air as the crowd around you jumped and swayed to the beat. Chris, always attentive to your needs, leaned down with a grin.

"You ready?"

You reached for your phone and nodded, "Absolutely!"

Without hesitation, Chris knelt down, and you hopped onto his back. He effortlessly lifted you, and you clung onto him as he stood up, your legs wrapping around his waist.

The stage came into view, the lights and the artist gracefully performed around you.

You couldn't help capturing the moment. You snapped an Instagram story, the music pulsing in the background, while the crowd's energy surged around you. You couldn't resist but to feel grateful for Chris's thoughtfulness and the incredible view he provided, both in real life and on social media.

Bf!Chris took notice of your affinity for high-heels. Either in your online cart or when you’re window shopping, you were undoubtably drawn to them. It wasn't solely because of your height, although that might have played a role in your heel obsession. You simply loved the feeling they gave you – They were so simple yet so feminine. So expensive, too.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

"Close your eyes, love," he cooed playfully.

Curiosity piqued, but you complied, covering your eyes with both hands. You could hear him moving about the room, and a sense of anticipation built within you.

"Okay, you can open them now,"

As you removed your hands, you were met with the sight of a beautifully wrapped box with the ANAPHORA etched onto its elegant surface. Excitement and surprise washed over you as you carefully unwrapped the gift. Inside, you discovered a pair of exquisite high heels, the same pair that’s been sitting in your online cart for a few months now.

"Oh my God... Chris, you didn't have to!" you exclaimed, your eyes sparkling with gratitude.

Chris grinned and replied, "Well, now you don't have to tip-toe as much," he teased, alluding to the times he had to adjust his height difference with you.

Bf!Chris noticed you taking his over sized t-shirts from his cupboard, he was used to your thief antics and so he let it slide. But on your figure, they looked like flowy dresses.

Bf!Chris loved when you asked him to get something out of your reach for you, it made him feel useful in a way.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

You stood in the kitchen, eyeing a high shelf where your favourite cookbook was. The shelf was just out of your reach, and you knew exactly what to do. With a playful grin, you turned to Chris,

"Babe, could you do me a favor?" you asked, your tone sweet and soft.

He looked at you with a quirked eyebrow, a smile playing at his lips. "Of course, what do you need?"

You gestured to the cookbook on the shelf. "Could you grab that for me, please?"

His smile widened, and he sauntered over to the shelf, breezily retrieving the cookbook. As he handed it to you, he couldn't hide his sense of fulfillment. "Here, anything else?"

You chuckled, touched by his eagerness to help. "No, that's perfect, thank you."

A/N: Thank you so much (again) for requesting!!! This was very fun to write <3

Masterlist

[confessions-official]

today, i found myself trapped at the bottom of a very steep, very long, winding hill (dont ask why, not gonna get into it). i was like well, fuck, guess i have to climb that shit. it was the only option. my day was absolute shit and the last thing i wanted to do was hike this monstrosity of a hill (i am incredibly unathletic with zero stamina whatsoever). but i had no other choice, so i did that shit. it took frequent breaks. but i did not give up and i think thats awesome. i had to motivate myself by saying things like "i deal with worse than this every day! i deal with things so much more painful!" (immensely struggling with my ptsd rn), and whenever i would think things like that, i would speed up despite how tired i was. i would think "i have hiked literal mountains much taller than this for much longer, and in high altitude, too!" (i <3 traveling to/hiking in mountainous areas) and that would power me up.

i dont know. it just felt like in those moments, my mind and my body were two separate entities, with my mind encouraging my body to keep trucking, and my body listening to my mind. it felt very nurturing—i guess i was being very kind to myself.

in the end, i made it up the hill. do my legs hurt like hell? yes. but also, i feel like i gained a new insight of sorts.

i feel like my hillside musings can be applied to so many things in life. i find it so difficult to push myself to do hard things, but i just need a way to motivate myself. i need to tell myself about all of the harder things i have done and do every day, and how whatever Menial Task i am dreading pales in comparison. i think that this mindset can help me climb a lot of metaphorical hills, and could even help me beat an addiction of mine that i have been battling for years. when everything in my body tells me not to do something, or to do something harmful, i need to have my inner voice push through the urges and lift me up that hill... i dont know.

i think that maybe my little epiphany could help some of you guys, too. so, here it is, my confession about how i learned a lot about myself after climbing up a very difficult hill by necessity. i learned that i have a lot more stamina than i thought i did, too. my feelings of pride and satisfaction far outweigh any of the pain—i need to remember this.

 

[ecofear]

candor opinions on the companions part 1

so i wanna try and think about how candy thinks about all the companions. its not really interested in bonding with anyone or talking to anyone at all. it basically only spends its time with afhiri or alone. but its not immune to having thoughts feelings opinions .....

gale: candy thinks gale is a danger to himself and everyone around him. that he must be stopped at all costs, and that includes gale not being alive anymore! candor genuinely believes the world would be better off without gale in it. this is a massive source of conflict for it and afhiri and in the end candor relents and chooses to trust afhiri's judgement of gale. but they never, ever get along and disagree on pretty much everything

shadowheart: candor feels a lot of pity for her and a lot of sadness. it would try to offer her comfort and advice but it knows she would not accept it so keeps its distance. but doesn't particularly enjoy being near shadowheart because that sadness runs deep and its difficult to bear

lae'zel: candor has a lot of respect for lae'zel and finds her to be incredibly formidable. however her intense loyalty to vlaakith to be troublesome and fears her to be a threat to their goals and to afhiri's safety. when lae'zel turns her back on vlaakith the respect candor holds turns to admiration, and immense pride. i could see these two in a relationship

and that's as far as ive gotten ......... i dont have the braincells to think about this more rn

[wetcatspellcaster]

Parasocial beloved: I hope you are feeling an immense sense of pride, because you absolutely should be. "Pieces" is an incredible work of talent and art, and the fact that you made it happen while dealing with so much academically is extra impressive. I loved this last chapter, it made my heart feel so full (and those moments are in short supply with *gestures at world*). Thank you so much for giving us this beautiful story and escape from reality!

hello, my one and only anon <3

thank you! I'll be so real, I don't really feel achievement rn because my brain is being really mean, but I am glad that I delivered the story I wanted to and that people enjoyed it. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!

I am also using fic to escape reality and comfort myself through a really big period of change, so if that does the same job for someone else then all the better, at least we're in it together :) Currently feel like a very anxious horse with blinkers on, and those blinkers are my AO3 profile lmao!

[persephoneed]

ao3 fic tag game!

tagged by @nonamemanga @writerrose1998 @cosmic-lullaby @nouklea @therulerofallpotatos @insomniac1994 - thank you lovelies!! 🫶🏻✨

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 10! I think I used to have 20, but I orphaned a bunch of them

2. Whats your AO3 word count? 78,177

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, I only write for Wednesday (2022)

4. What are your Top 5 Fics by Kudos?

(Only linking my Wednesday fics. I don’t want to promote my old H*rry P*tter fics so I will name them, but not link them)

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

The Progression

even if it’s just pretend

you know that my train could take you home

no one can hurt you now

5. Do you repond to comments? Yes! I didn’t like 8 years ago, but I do now. I have met a lot of my friends through my comment sections, and I also just like to thank people for stopping by and sending me love!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uhhhh no one can hurt you now is pretty angsty and bittersweet. I haven’t finished i was so ahead of the curve yet but rn it’s very angsty.

7. Whats the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Lol probably you know that my train could take you home *wink* *wink*

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, I’ve been very lucky on ao3! I did one time like 10 years ago on fanfic.net and that wasn’t fun. I just sometimes get demands for updates which isn’t “hate” but I would appreciate some patience sometimes…

9. Do you write smut? I dabble on occasion! I definitely don’t feel confident in that department yet so it’s something that I’m still working on.

10. Do you write cross-overs? Not currently, no. I did one time a very long time ago.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, I one time gave someone permission to translate The Progression (I think into Russian?), but I don’t think it ever happened.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? I have not because I’m afraid of being an unreliable co-writer lol

13. What is a WIP you would like to finish but doubt you ever will? I will never finish my HP wips and I have made peace with that

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Wyler babyyyyy

15. What are you writing strengths? I have been told that I’m really good at writing yearning 🤌🏻 And AUs are kinda my thing

16. What are your writing weaknesses? *sigh* I’m a perfectionist so I’m incredibly slow. I will write and rewrite a paragraph to death before I can move onto another one. It’s just not an efficient way to work, and I’m trying to move away from it and let myself write and then edit later. Dialogue tags sometimes bewitch me.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I respect and admire the hell out of anyone who writes anything in a language that is not their native tongue - all of you are rockstars! I only know English so I don’t see myself writing in another language (more than random words here and there anyway) unless I had a ton of assistance.

18. First fandom you wrote for? HP

19. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? i was so ahead of the curve fills me with immense pride, but I’m also overtly fond of even if it’s just pretend. I guess it’s a bit of a toss up. I also wrote (a loooong time ago) a semi smutty bodyswap HP fanfic that is so weird but I still love it haha.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day? I physically cannot allow myself to consider this as a real possibility lololol

Tagging (I’m trying to think of people I haven’t seen participate yet because I think so many already have!) @chaoticstupiddm @wednesdayandherhyde @katwitchwriting @onlyangelxo @leavesdriftinginthewind (if you don’t see yourself here and you haven’t been tagged yet please consider yourself tagged by me!)

[tw0starz]

hi gang i actually hate being demisexual and i do not feel good ab it lol i actually feel very ashamed and fucked up about literally just myself. this is a vent btw and this is aimed at me btw i dont hate people just for being ace spec, i just am mad at me a lot. i feel like i am boarded up with wood planks rn i cant stop crying!!! yay!! i have felt nothing but shame for every single one of my identities and idk how to feel proud ab who i am!!! i feel so trapped in my own existence and helpless to who i am it is actual agony!!! me being pan, me being demi, me being transmasc, i just feel so shit ab all of it. im so dysphoric again. i hate having my rights stripped on and off, i hate when i fall in love, i hate when i cant be in relationships at all if i don't have a close connection because everything feels wrong, i hate my trust issues. i hate the way it feels like everyone is lying to me and like any good ever is just another lie. im exhausted. words are so powerful and i just never have the strongest diction in times of weakness. i have powerful words i could say but im immensely too scared to say them. i hate it here. i wish i could feel more pride for myself. i love my communities and support all of my queer brothers, sisters, siblings, and all. i just cant find the strength to support my own self. i just cant stop feeling trapped.

[officialauthorofanotherworld]

aghhhh ok fine

I did do a music post in the past, but i'll indulge you, @jev-urisk XD

(quickly tho, cuz i'm writing rn)

one song each and a explanation of why :D (i was gonna do three each but then this post would be crazy long)

also, spoilers for Party of Three becase i can't explain these things entirely without spoilers (i tried my best to avoid massive ones)

As such:

Vague-ish spoilers for Taka's future

Minor spoilers for Beriyl's past

Relatively massive spoilers for Arthur and Eirairr's backstories

Taka:

Refrain Boy - ALL OFF

(I am very very passionate about music so this will probably be a long post despite me saying otherwise lmao)

Reasoning: This song to me, embodies a lot of things. The "going ahead with life even though it's hard," that really awesome feeling a lot of shonen have about "pushing through stuff with your friends no matter what," that "great things are gonna happen for you in the future" vibe, its really hard for me to put this emotion into words, but just the "You can look forward to fun stuff in the future, and as long as you have your bonds and yourself, you'll be okay, even if it's sad and hard" and i really, honestly think that embodies Taka very much. He is very much a person who cares VERY much about his friends, he's a very adventurous person, I'm very honored to get to write about him because his journey is to me, one that is very special and very beautiful. We literally watch this scared little kid grow up into someone capable of saving the world, and I think that is just beautiful. We watch him come into his own sort of groove, find out who he is and who he really cares about, what he stands for. It's just really beautiful and very personal to me. I've always loved this song, but in a sense I think it encapsulates the "journey" of Tamalnh, and my own personal journey over the last few years. Except I have far less friends than Taka, and I am nowhere near as happy as he is.

Beriyl:

Aaagh, honestly Beriyl is a tie up between Fightsong - Eve and Yumemigusa by BLUE ENCOUNT

Beriyl's story and him as a person I feel like both of these songs fit him pretty well. His is a story much darker than Taka's, because he's practically a survivor of childhood neglect. For fear of spoiling too much, I really don't know how to explain this without doing so, but Beriyl's story of overcoming self-worth issues, figuring out who he really is and what truly matters to him, and standing up for those things, is one that I think is really beautiful.

Beriyl is an immensely strong person, even if maybe that isn't readily apparent for the first, oh... two hundred pages of the book.

Arthur:

ROAR by ulma sound junction

This lyric in particular; "Where destiny gets robbed and torn in half,"

He lost everything at a very young age, struggled with severe, suicidal depression for many, many years. And he nearly did do it. In a way, he lost his future, then clawed it back into reality with his own two hands, fully intending to die all the while. He may never be able to fulfill that lost childhood dream of adventuring with Rend, he may have lost his family and village, but he found Taka and Beriyl. And they saved him, from himself, in a way.

Ecirr and Qlul:

PRIDE OF A NAMELESS HUNTER - Tadayoshi Makino

Ecirr to me, embodies the "grace" and "refinement" that Qlul doesn't really have. Qlul is the warmth and energy, the relaxed and "silly" side of the coin here, whereas Ecirr is the calm, cool, "serious" side.

Now, for some reason, I don't have a playlist for Qlul. But I do have a theme I feel fits both of them very much so.

L no Theme B - Hideki Taniuchi

Here's one more that resembles them :')

ok fine one more (feels fitting for book 2's tone)

AGHH ALSO BOOK 2 THEMING

Ecirr is really smart, and Qlul's not stupid. This song (L's Theme) to me feels like when they combine their only visible braincells and actually pull off something cool.

Eirairr:

Man, Eirairr is hard to summarize in a single song. He's such a chaotic person.

The enigma of an elf, the Eirairr-ness of... Eirairr.

Here's a few: Kannon by Kita Kouhei

Blue Moon by LiSA

Tyottohitoiki

At his core, he's a good person. He cares about his friends and has an unfathomably great love for life itself. He's also a very tragic figure, as being born as a Pactborn-Elf means that, no matter how long he lived inside that Realm as an immortal being, once outside he's only got a hundred years. Can you imagine how short a hundred years would feel to someone who's lived that long?

Eirairr himself says something to this extent; and yes, this IS a pretty big spoiler, but its necessary to really get my point across.

Some context: A very long time ago, there was a period where Fae were very active, and several curses were placed on various people/parts of the world back then. One of these was locking several "clans" of elves into permanent deification as "guardians" of elements of the world, hence "Pactborn" elves. So you have "pacted" elves of the mountains, seas, forests, etc. They basically exist in a plane that is one "layer" above the physical dimension, which intersects with the Fae realm. They can't leave their "assigned areas", and if they do, they are cursed to die in a hundred years.

(the relative timespan of a human, basically.)

Eirairr was born into that, lived for a very long time, and then decided to leave. When he left, as part of the Curse, he was given knowledge of the modern world, clothes and a weapon, and basically told; "Good luck."

alright that's all from me :D did lots of tumblr today, lots of writing, very productive day today :DDDD and i have work tomorrow aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not excited

ok bye

[lostbbygorl]

I can't believe TS has become an artist I have to sep their art from. I along with many other people looked up to her and loved her content and music to another level. I enjoyed analyzing her lyrics and I felt immense pride every time she achieved something. I was never blind to her problematic side or actions, but this really takes the cake and it's just straight up hurtful, as someone who is muslim and south asian.

She really advocated for such serious issues and when she did, she spoke of it with such passion and now this??? and she says it's the happiest she's ever been? No, his actions aren't hers and she's not responsible for them but who you associate yourself with says a great deal about you, and rn, she's publicly, boldly romantically associating herself with a man who constantly picks on islam and has admitted to enjoying adult content featuring black women being abused.

I really am having a hard time digesting this but ofc, these people don't know me and I don't know them beyond what's shown on screen. A bunch of angry tumblr posts and tags will not affect them whatsoever or push them to apologize or do anything else of the category, this is all just to feel lighter ourselves about this topic. I am not a TS anti fully but I'm incredibly dissapointed and idk if I can ever fully align myself with her again or call myself a swiftie but I appreciate and admire her artistry and the strength with which she dealt with her life's hardships. I can't look at the album I spent months saving up money for and spent like more than a 100 bucks on the same anymore and my heart goes out to everyone else who feels how I do and all the minorities and communities MH has bashed on.

Peace.

[lesbian-godzilla]

Having some big disability feels rn. Basicly everyone I know went to pride in the city today but I had to stay home alone cause this pride has zero accessibility and no way for me to go there and not be in immense pain the entire time or leave after 30 mins and... I just feel hella isolated and alone cause the event that's supposed to be about fun and community is something I straight up cannot attend and everyone is posting about shit and I'm just stuck at home alone not able to even talk to my friends cause they are all at pride or left pride and are too tried to talk and I'm just sitting here for the first time in a long time feeling like shit would be better if I could just push through and function like normal.

[fenrisisms]

10, 24 and 25 for alas because who else would i ask abt <3

i literally just closed my reference tab of the questions u asshole... love you so much thank you for asking i will of course yap about your specialest meow meow ever for your entertainment. putting on my little jester shoes rn let's go

10. are they good horse riders?

before the inquisition? not really. he's never had much of a reason to ride a horse that wasn't trying to jump onto a wild one in competition with his brother (yes he did that while not actually knowing how to ride a horse. come and get your son in law please) but you know how he is. once the inquisition makes it clear he's expected to ride horses well. alas would rather blow himself and the entirety of skyhold up than not be good at something in front of a) solas and b) orlesians so it becomes a matter of personal pride. also he likes Critters and once the inquisition gives him a hart to ride well. you cannot tell that man shit. he has a literal manifestation of his high horse now and he WILL talk down to you from it.

which is to say he's never gonna be doing dressage or anything but he's adept. well. at least he is now.

24. what languages can they speak?

obviously he's got that trade tongue SWAG and he can speak elvish, he's also pretty familiar with starkhaven slang thanks to those clan soran roots, but aside from that he doesn't really speak anything else. he does start learning tevene when he and dorian get together but dorian knows it's just so he can read tevinter texts so he can find out what dalish history they might be hiding in there. he is not fooled into thinking this is a romantic gesture.

25. what did they plan for their life to look like before the events of the game happened?

my guy had a pretty solid grasp on exactly who he was and what he wanted from life. alas is pretty heavily defined by a thirst for knowledge, and in particular to arm the dalish with knowledge. he has immense pride in his heritage and love for his people, and the way he feels he serves them best is by discovering new things and bringing new information to them so that they can grow and change.

pretty much he knew the keeper wasn't really on her way out any time soon, and now that he's an adult who she doesn't have to worry too much about babysitting anymore, the plan was that she would train a second and a third and he would go off seeking knowledge of their history and spend some time as a lone keeper before returning to the clan. his first stop was meant to be the forests of arlathan and then he was going to join up with some of his friends from clans who roam rivain to basically go do some archaeology there but when the keeper heard about the conclave she sent word to him to change direction and go there instead. so there he went.

and while part of that was kind of based on his own desires, a bigger part of it was also that the clan was having troubles with templars sniffing around their mages, and alas was worried that his own little sister would manifest her magic, so the line of thinking was that if he left for a bit that might take the heat off them a little, especially since he's uh. liable to pick fights with templars. anyway aside from his Job and nerd hunting i don't know that he really put much consideration into whether he wanted a partner or a family, but even if he didn't plan for it his relationship with dorian & arihs and their children are so important for him that even though he mourns the idea of that life sometimes he would never ever change it because if he did then he never would have met his husbands! and he wouldn't have had his beautiful children! and he could simply not live in a world where that didn't happen

[universeofchirai]

a hunt for hunger

so I've been watching haikyu and also been more concentrated on studying cause I've been liking it rn. I mean I'm just reading naive set theory rn and it's the one thing that makes me very infuriated and also very satisfied and happy consequently, and nothing quite beats the satisfaction of being able to conquer the concepts of a difficult chapter for example. Yesterday, even tho I couldn't really meet my initial expectations, I fought for 3.5 hours in one stretch and completed a section clearly, and damn it felt so good. To be able to just complete without being fazed by any distractions whatsoever, it's really fucking cool.

so I've been wanting to assess what I really crave for rn.

I've always thought that it's fine if you lose in smth if you try your best, all that matters is trying your best - put it another way, I've always taken the low risk low reward route for a more stable way up till here at the position I am rn. But not just haikyu but recently, I've been thinking of high risk high reward scenarios.

Let me explain. When you're aiming for something yourself, and you compete with yourself, and add to that the mindset of "it's all fine as long as you give it your best; losing is an option" - that's low risk, and low reward, and by this I mean you can probably achieve smth if you try well and hard enough, but it's still nothing in front of the kind of satisfaction, reward, relief, pride and so on that you'd get had you competed with someone else that is much better than you, maybe seeming even unreachable; if you believe that there is no option to lose, "YOU. MUST. WIN.", there's no going back or looking back whatsoever; this puts you in a more focused mindset where you give more than your best, you do beyond your 100%, stretch the limits, but this comes with a high risk - when you're so hellbent on something, the consequence of losing, while it's smth you won't ever think of according to the mindset, practically the consequence can be very shuddering, depressing, to extents that it could break people.

HOWEVER, that IMMENSE INTENSE PRIDE, JOY, SATISFACTION, POWER that you feel if you PULL THIS OFF, now THAT is absolutely UNPARALLELED.

ok I am actually kinda really excited for this. I've never done this before but this seems very fucking exciting.

let's try to stay rational tho - I have a bias for the kind of feelings to expect rn but it's not so simple, as in I'm having haikyu at the back of my mind, and w the same approach, the kinds of feelings would differ from success in either due to the sharp contrast among the situations themselves. In sports, these feelings are very immediate, and very exaggerated even sometimes. But in my field, academia, it isn't exactly that way. And there's also the bigger picture. What I really want to do. Well that shouldn't come in the way but it's smth I should keep in mind.

But the truth remains, I do have a hunger for praise, recognition, respect. I do have a hunger for knowing a lot about my subject, and a hunger of being able to perform very well. A hunger for winning in competition that I'd suppressed really deep within myself in fear of it being self-destructive (it very well can be).

Now here's the thing, I had been grasping for a platform up until I got into my college, now I have a very good platform to stand on and also to relish about. I've proven that I can stably make it here and be alright here. I've grown to a point that I can't be broken down easily at all, heck it'd take a real lot to break me down, if ever. I've grown rather strong in my journey here. And yes that's a bold claim I am willing to make, I have that trust in myself.

So now is really a good time to try out something new, try something out of my character even (at least seemingly), try out something kinda insane for me. I think it's a good time indeed to really put myself in the competition. I'm good enough to thrive on the losses so I'll destroy the way back, there is no looking back, I WANT to feel that JOY, SATISFACTION, PRIDE, RELIEF, TENSION, PRESSURE. I am UP FOR THE CHALLENGE goddamnit. Count me in.

I've always imagined my focus to be a circle of sorts and a combination of a cool blue and white - representing peace. I imagine my focus before any tense situations to help myself remain calm but concentrated and focused. Chirai. To be specific. I named it chirai, it's not just my focus imagination, it goes much deeper, but it stands for everything that is me. Anyway, it's time to add a second element to Chirai. An element of red and orange. A bright to blood red adrenaline representing and a radioactive hyperactive terror inducing alarming emergency yellow-orange to the combination. A terrifying state that I love to be in actually, I have a knack for being extremely at edge, I like that, it drives me and sometimes it's been my driving force for situations that require a lot of willpower and fearlessness. I close my eyes and imagine blood red filling my eyes, the yellow-orange frantically shaking to indicate an emergency state; a state of terror, not for me, but for others. An adrenaline filled recklessness of forgetting everything and driving on your primal desires. A terrifying energy of a bloodthirsty monster of sorts. Now that's the kinda focus I'd want to imagine for competition.

Now chirai peace is still going to be there cause recklessness yields naught, but I'm really excited about trying this new combination. I've seriously never tried this. insane no? maybe I was worried if I should put myself through it, valid. I want to now tho. ok. we'll figure out the other stuff as we go on the way.

And oh boy I'm gonna do it. It all starts from a bold proclamation that you swear on your life and existence, everything about you to fulfill, to complete.

For the time being, while I don't have a very distinct picture of what very particularly I want, I have a few things -

achieve a gpa of 9.5+ this sem.

finish reading my stock of extra books that I've collected.

I realise that this feels and looks kinda stupid. heck it's like smth the booky nerdy freaks would decide to try, a class of ppl I rather despise personally for having nothing going on in their life. For that very reason, I shall add another point. This ought to make things really interesting -

have fun.

now I have no clue how this is gonna pan out but FUCK IT I'm in. Chirai, element of pure rage focus added.

[nervouswaltz]

Hello! Happy June! It's Pride and I have another question (7/30)

Hello hello, today we are going to take a dive into the word "Gay".

The word gay dates back all the way to the 12th century, and comes from the Old French word "Gai" meaning "full of joy or mirth". This word might have evolved from the Old German word "Gahi" meaning "impulsive", however this is unconfirmed.

This was in use for centuries to mean any version of happy, carefree, mirthful, joyful or bright, and didn't have any sexual/sexuality link until roughly the 1600s.

At that point, the "carefree" gay started being used to call a person immoral or promiscuous, and the Oxford English Dictionary defined it at the time as "addicted to pleasure and dissipations. Often euphemistically: of loose and immoral life". So, a prostitute eventually became known as a "gay woman", and somewhat ironically now, a "gay man" was a womanizer or a man who had a lot of sex with woman (especially prostitutes). This also meant that a "Gay House" was a perfectly normal way of saying "Brothel", and this is also where the word "Gaiety" comes from ("lively celebration or festivities" <- it is a common word in theatre names nowadays).

Then in the 1890s, the term "Gey Cat" ("gey" was a Scottish version of "gay") was used to refer to a "younger man in the company of an older man" or a man who offered sexual services in return for food/protection. Because of the implications of "sexual submission2 in the first definition, this phrase is thought to be the origin of "gay" as "homosexual", rather than just as "sexual deviant".

In 1951, the Oxford English Dictionary for the first time defined "gay" as slang for "homosexual", but this usage was in less mainstream communities at least 30 years earlier, specifically in US prisons and homeless camps.

"Bringing Up Baby" in 1938 is probably the first movie to use "gay" in its modern context. Cary Grant wears a lady's feathery robe in one scene, and when asked why he ad-libbed "Because I just went gay". (<- however, it is unlikely that "mainstream audiences" understood this, and likely thought he meant the carefree definition)

So, with all these definitions, I want to ask you, what makes you feel ""gay""? (any definition you want! :))

Happy Pride 🌈 🎉

hi pride anogie i feel the most Gay (in like. queer and happy senses) when i am surrounded by queer joy (hanging out with my friends). i’m really lucky that my core friend group is 1. all in one place rn and 2. all queer so i feel so immensely safe and like i belong with them and it’s AWESOME :)