#the idea was to have Venat essentially say “yeah I get it. I might have the done the same in his position. Really fucked up to think about.

[idalenn]

wip wednesday

tagged by @aislingsurrow and @primamchorus (last week but Wednesday is Wednesday is Wednesday. Thank you so much for the tags <3)

tagging @elliewiltarwyn, @viiioca, @ahollowgrave

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context: Lillian 5.0 lore; Venat observes the reconstructed Amaurot and replies to Lillian with a thick block of dialogue

"And you know this, that I would be different than him? How so? You are too kind. Would that I might claim in me his desires wholly absent, but I dare not be so prideful. This work wrought from despair, of grief, and of a thousand, thousand years longing for our lost people – I look upon it, and I wonder: would I truly have wanted differently, given those circumstances, from Emet-Selch? The horizons that I once lay in the grass and watched for days as they turned from water to wine and back again – swept away; lands vast and overflowing, rich with life and laughter, dotted with the footsteps of mankind’s promise – ceased to be; and what remains? Ghosts of echoes, weeping in their empty homes. New life overruns; the dust of dried tears is cleaned out and tossed into the wind; a table is placed where a friend once stood, day after day, waxing poetic to the beetles lining the windowsill; their conversations smother our glittering memories of whiling the days away in pleasant company, heedless of time, freeing ourselves – for just a moment – from the weight of responsibility to the star. Beholding the future, the vast, black tunnel of cold loneliness, for my warmth’s return, too, might I find myself willful to accept any measure."

[zacolyn]

This is an anti-Hydaelyn rant, because I have a lot of feelings.

So I'm talking to my friend and we're on the topic of the Final Days. This is a topic that often comes up between us.

We have often said we felt Hydaelyn was wrong. She was wrong to sunder us, and Her idea that we should run and never look back--an idea even Venat thought absurd--was senseless, because the Final Days had been going on for 12 thousand years by this point. Every other world out there was dead, and now it had come to Etheirys. We would be leaving the tidepool for the ocean, as it were. The Final Days would get us within hours of leaving, days at most. It wasn't a viable solution. There was never any other answer than to defeat the Meteia.

Which brings me to the Forum (Fourchenault's) stubborn arrogance. Because Fourchenault and those like him saw the Scions as warmongers who only ever fought and never did diplomacy or find non-violent ways of doing things, they barred us from essential information until it was almost too late to save anyone and because of their delaying, people died who didn't need to die. Because Hydaelyn put it in their heads that flight was the only option, they didn't consider another course.

Why? Why did Venat put enough faith in us to follow the future we came from, but not believe we could fight the Meteia? Why did She tear our souls apart, intending for us to remain 1/14'th of our full selves forever, and not believe in us at the last?

Just consider that. Whether we needed to be sundered and sensitive to dynamis or not (which I also disagree with, but that's another rant) She didn't want any of the rejoinings. She speaks of them as failures. Is that why She only considered flight? Because She realized She might have made a mistake by sundering us and thought we might be too weak to fight the Meteia?

I only forgave Hydaelyn because the narrative forced me to. As far as I'm concerned, She was just as much a villain as the Ascians. She tore our souls apart and made a world of misery because her society was so bad at managing suffering, thinking somehow that it would make us strong. Maybe She was even right about that, and obviously the game's narrative only allows for so much freedom, but for my WoL it was a strength born of rage and fury.

So yeah, between Hydaelyn only considering flight which would have ended in death anyway and the Forum being so sure of this course of action that they caused people's souls to be--presumably--obliterated because of how long they kept vital information from the Scions, I was pretty angry by the end. Zenos sure got to take advantage of that to be sure, but....well let's just say that my WoL had some very harsh words for the Forum when all was said and done.

[miqojak]

Layers Upon Layers

one: outside layer

[Name:] "Jak." [Hair Style & colour:] "Black and orange. I wear it pulled back and braided." [Eye Color:] "Gold and jade green." [Height:]  "Fuck if I know exactly. Under five fulms." (4'9") [Style:] "Depends on the day. Maybe the hour. Leather and mini-skirts are always a good bet, though. Sometimes a nice suit, sometimes my bike gear, sometimes a little something more form-fitting, elegant and gilded - 'desert chic', I suppose." [Best Physical Feature:] "Definitely my ass...though my legs cut it close, on that one. What do you think?"

two: inner layer

[Fears:] "You ask that and actually expect people to tell you?" (Small/enclosed spaces with no readily available exit, levin, Garleans, people getting too close to her/seeing who she really is) [Guilty Pleasure:] "People feel guilty for what they like? Who's going to judge me, the sheep who can't come up with a single original thought of their own, and feel guilty if they do?" [Biggest Pet Peeve:]  "Biggest...that's tough, actually. Probably blithe optimism, or naivete. People too ignorant, or unwilling to ask questions and look deeper - or those simply unwilling to face hard truths. There can never be any growth if you aren't honest with yourself, after all. Unmotivated slackers. If you have no goals, why are you wasting this star's air?" [Ambition for the Future:] "To be feared and respected in equal measure. I've been pushed around for a long time, and now it's my turn."

three: thoughts

[First Thought When Waking Up:] "Probably...my to-do list for the day? That or wondering what the weather is like, and whether or not I'll be going on my usual morning run or be stuck working out indoors. That or 'Huh, they haven't killed us all yet.'" [What You Think About the Most:] "What my next step is in life - how I want to pursue that power I'm after without compromising who I am...and how the fuck I ended up with someone who actually cares about me in my life while distinctly trying to avoid that type of thing...and why he stuck around. I wonder about the 'why' a lot." [What You Think About Before Bed:] "Depends on the day, and what's happened, and if I'm headed there alone. If I'm not alone, it's probably something to the effect of 'I still can't believe he wants to be here/wants me to be here'. And whether or not I'm alone...there's always the nagging, ugly reminder that Garlemald's towers sit hunched in the sky, ready to end everything for everyone - predator and prey alike. It could be the last night for any of us." [Your Best Quality Is:] "My ass. But other than that...well, I'm honest, and my loyalty can't be bought. I'm not a good person, but I have my own...'code', in a sense, I guess."

four: what’s better

[Single or Group Dates?] "Group dates sound like a punishment. I can barely stand the slack-jawed idiots around me as it is. Though undoubtedly the punishment would be upon the others, considering who my date would be, and the fact that we'd probably spend the time verbally destroying the other couple." [To be Loved or to be Respected?] "Respected. Love without respect is horrifying. I've been there, I've suffered it, and I'm still recovering. But I still...don't know that I believe in love. At least not how most people do, I guess. Love makes people do stupid shit when they believe in it. Respect doesn't. Respect can stand alone, without needing love. Respect has to be earned. There's no claims of 'respect at first sight.' But like I said...love without respect is...ugly. Scary, even." [Beauty or Brains?] "Both, or no deal. Brains are essential, but I can't have a walking pile of dogshit on my arm, now can I?" [Cats or Dogs?] "Neither, I don't do pets - animals are food. But...I suppose I'd say dogs, though you'd probably incorrectly assume cats, based on the fact that I resemble one. But...there's been more 'canines' in my life in the last year or two than I care to recall."

four: do you…

[Lie?] "No. Not unless the situation is dire - my morals don't matter if my life is on the line. Survival comes first always." [Believe in Yourself?] "Much more than I used to. I've accomplished, and survived, more than most could even begin to imagine." [Believe in Love?]  "Not...really? Maybe? Though I'll admit that for all my vehement denial in the past, someone has made me re-examine my emotions in the last half a year or so. I don't think I believe in the sort of 'love' that the general public believes in. I had someone force his fairy tale romance down my throat and do me a lot of harm both physical and mental with those ideals, as he forced me to be someone I wasn't. If adhering to what society expects of love is all that someone cares about - hitting the expected gestures as told in fairy tales? That's about as real as a fever dream. I don't like the word 'love'. Not what it's come to be associated with, and what's expected of you along with it." [Want Someone?] "For the first time in my life...yes. Not that I don't 'have' him as much as I can claim such, but when he's not around, I find that I want him to be. So...yes?"

six: have you ever…

[Been on Stage?] "No? I mean, my organization does run a jazz club, and it's been various theaters before that, and I've...sat on the stage, basked in the spotlight of an empty theater? I prefer to be...less in the actual spotlight, however." [Done Drugs?] "I've only been clean and sober for...maybe a year now? So yeah. I've...done a lot of drugs." [Changed Yourself to Fit In Somewhere?] "I've been a con-artist to put food on the table, but I don't believe in changing who you are to 'fit in.' If you don't fit in...you don't fit in. You are who you are. Being anything else is a lie, and does you a disservice. It's also a pathetic cry for attention - for the other bleating sheep to accept you into their herd. I won't debase myself to 'fit in' with my lessers."

seven: favorite

[Favorite Color:] "Black, white, gold, and red. I don't have just one." [Favorite Food:] "Once more, I don't have just one. I like red meat, I like seafood, and I enjoy rolanberries quite a bit. Of late, I think my current favorite snack is takoyaki though - this fried dough ball with octopus inside...just thinking about it makes my mouth water." [Favorite Game:] "Breaking and entering."

eight: age

[When Your Next Birthday Will Be:] "No idea." [How Old Will You Be?] "No clue. I'm...twenty and four summers, roughly...give or take a couple." [Age You Lost Your Virginity:] "Care to lose yours to one of my knives, here?" [Does Age Matter?]  "Should it? I suppose I'd be a bit baffled to see an old geezer with a hot young thing, but even so...who cares? I haven't exactly had a lot of lovers, but I don't think I ever asked any of them their age. So long as people stay the fuck away from kids, it's a non-issue in my opinion."

nine: in a partner

[Best Personality:] "An unflinching realist who not only faces the truth, but deals it out themselves. Ambition, and the ability to be honest with themselves about who they are." [Best Eye Colour:]  "Who gives a shit? If I find them worthwhile, I'll like their eyes, I assure you." [Best Hair Colour:] "Who's out here checking people off a list because their hair is the wrong color? I mean, after some shit I went through, I might not want to ever see another red-head again, but realistically...who gives a single fuck? I think you're asking the wrong questions here. People often do - too busy dwelling on lust at first sight." [Best Thing to do With a Partner:] "Murder? Crime in general? ...Or a hot bath."

ten: finish the sentence

[I Love…] ...I just told you I don't do love. But...I do love the sun." [I Feel…] everything at once, or nothing at all, it seems." [I Hide…] who I am." [I Miss…] my family." [I Wish…] ...wishes are for simpletons. Actions achieve what you want." Thanks for the tag: @eligos-venator @placesyoucallhome @bek-sc @sundered-souls (I think I found you all who tagged me!)

I am late to this party! Tag yourselves if you want to do it, so I can read your stuff! I feel like most folks have done it, and I'm too brain-dead atm to root around in the bowels of Tumblr to see who hasn't, since I'm many days late! XD