#the idea being her life seems perfect and cushy on the outside but under the surface there is something more negative

[calypsolemon]

the kitty/puss/perrito friends with relatable but contrasting trauma triad is like:

puss and perrito are both orphans but puss was adopted by a loving supportive mother while perrito was completely abandoned

kitty and perrito were both abused by their families but perrito was openly an attempt to get rid of him while kitty's mistreatment was a way of controlling her/ forcing her to fit into their expectations better

kitty and puss were both betrayed by family but puss still had good family waiting for him on the other side of it. kitty did not.

idk I think their experiences being similar but different leading to completely different reactions and character flaws of each is... interesting.

[cellsshapedlikestars]

jonsa victorian AU/promptfic

Prompt fic for @amymel86, who suggested: jonsa Victorian AU

...so remember that time months ago when I asked for prompts and got a ton of amazing ones?? and then I completely got distracted by writing a Bachelor fic??? Well, cut to now, I'm watching Miss Scarlet and the Duke (which, I have thoughts about and it's absolutely not perfect, but I'm very into hot Scottish men) and when I went on wikipedia to look it up, I saw “Victorian” and was like oh! And then I remembered this prompt and I just... had to write a vague Miss Scarlet and the Duke AU. I’m sorry?

(also, I genuinely know nothing about historical time periods, so... this is Victorian in spirit)

......

Jon is never going to live this down.

As it is, his relationship with the Stark sisters is already a problem, what with Arya's tendency to wriggle her way into the middle of police investigations. He's been able to handle it so far, but he knows some day, he will be forced to arrest her for it. There are only so many times his weight as a Detective Inspector for the Scotland Yard can get her out of trouble, there are only so many favors he can call in. He has known since the minute Arya had taken over Ned's private investigation business that things would come to a head eventually.

What he hadn't imagined was this.

“My personal whore?” he sighs, rubbing his hand over his eyes, putting pressure on them to stave off the incoming headache.

To her credit, Sansa at least has the grace to blush as she sits in the chair opposite him, back straight and hands folded primly in her lap.

No, he never imagined it would be Sansa that would rip him out of bed at nearly two in the morning by one of his constables, with news that his personal whore had been arrested.

“I didn't know what else to say,” she says calmly, though he can see the flush to her face even in the dim lamplight of his office. “They already thought I was one, and you have a reputation...”

Reputation. He scowls at the word and again, Sansa at least has the decency to be unable to meet his eyes after she says it.

His reputation comes from being an orphan, from having dalliances with women from the lower class. They were not whores, but Ygritte and Val may as well have been for all polite society cares. He hates that he has to worry about his reputation now, he hates the trappings of society, though he knows he must play along, or at least try to. He will never get a promotion if he does not watch his reputation, if he is not twenty times better than every other detective on the force. He did not go to the same fancy schools, he did not have a nice cushy rank handed to him in the army.

The only reason he is where he is today is because of Ned Stark's generosity and it is the only reason he helps Arya and Sansa.

“Jon,” she starts and he can hear it – the tone she uses with him that always seems to calm him down when he's particularly furious with something Arya has done. That's the way of it, Arya rushes in, bold as brass, and Sansa follows behind to soothe ruffled feathers and angry Detective Inspectors.

“I can't keep doing this,” he mutters, more to himself than to her.

He knows Arya never wanted a traditional life and so he hadn't been particularly surprised when, after Ned died, she found his cases and began working them herself. He had assumed, though, that the venture would fall through, but it is six months later and she is still going at it. And the strangest thing was that Sansa allowed it, that she joined in. Sure, she was more like a secretary than an investigator, but she took part all the same. The Sansa he knew growing up would never have allowed this, would never have participated, would never have been caught at a brothel at two in the morning and be forced to tell the arresting officer that she was Detective Inspector Jon Snow's personal whore.

In fact, the Sansa he knew had been well on her way to securing an engagement to the wealthy Joffrey Baratheon.

(His relief that she had not gone through with the marriage was simply because Joffrey Baratheon was a ruffian and insufferable and even Ned and Robb had hated him, nothing more.)

But Robb is dead going on three years now and so is Ned and the girls are alone and instead of marrying someone of great wealth, Sansa had instead chosen to help her sister run a private investigation office. He has not had a chance to ask their reasons, what with Arya constantly getting into trouble, but he imagines he won't particularly like the answer.

“I should lock you up for the night,” he tells her and her mouth drops open and her eyes widen like she is shocked he would even say such a thing and this further hardens his resolve to do just that. She is so sure she has him wrapped around her finger, that she can charm her way out of anything.

And when he stands her up and leads her down towards the cells, she gasps and tries to tug her arm out of his grasp and says, “you cannot be serious, Jon.”

“Do you have any idea how much you and Arya have cost me?” he feels the anger rising in his chest. He should not let the Starks get under his skin so well, but God help him, they do. “If I ever want a chance at that promotion Thorne keeps taunting me with, I can't keep sticking my neck out for the two of you. You don't think this is going to get back to the Chief somehow?”

He can hear his brogue getting thicker as he gets more worked up and he tries to tamp it down. It's just one more mark against him here, one more sign that he's an outsider.

“What else was I supposed to do?” she stops walking and turns to face him, eyes wide and shining with tears in the dim light of the hall and he shifts his gaze away from her and stares at the wall behind her. She knows all too well how weak he is to her tears. “You cannot put me in a cell overnight! You know you are not going to charge me with anything and holding me overnight is simply taking advantage of my situation, just as you did when we were children.”

“Are you bringing that up again?” he groans, tilting his head back and once again applying pressure to his eyes. “It was one chaste kiss, Sansa, years ago. Must you bring it up every time we argue?”

“I was grieving and you took advantage of that,” she sniffs.

That decides him, then, and he takes her by the arm and leads her to a cell and pushes her inside and closes the door behind her, ignoring her indignant gasp. She whirls and comes up to the bars, glaring at him through them.

“The way I remember it,” he tells her, his voice calmer now, but he lets the brogue stay rough, the way he spoke when they were children, “you threw yourself into my arms crying because Lady had died and it seemed to me you liked it.”

“I certainly did not,” she hisses, though he watches the color rise in her cheeks again. It makes him smile, that blush, which only seems to infuriate her further.

“I'll give instructions to let you out in the morning,” he says, as he starts to back away from the cell. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some whoring to do.”

She lets out one last gasp of rage as he turns and walks out and he knows that he will pay for this later, somehow, but for some reason he thinks he is looking forward to it.

[smokeonshadows]

Jasmine x Jafar Headcanons part 3

Childhood trauma headcanons?

When Jafar first came to the palace, he didn’t know what to expect or how to act. He came from nothing and then suddenly he was surrounded by so much of everything.

He was, of course, bathed and clothed and put up in his own rooms. He was then taken to dine with the Sultan. The Sultan asked to hear his story (the long and short of it being that he was from Shirabad; his father was falsely accused of a crime and thrown in jail, where he later died, leaving Jafar and his mother alone to fend for themselves; and his mother had taken them to Agrabah so she could find work, but then died shortly after arriving), and then explained his plan for Jafar- Jafar will live and be educated in the palace under the Sultan’s care and protection. The Sultan guaranteed that if Jafar worked hard and behaved himself, he would continue to have a place in the royal court.

Jafar fell ill that first night. His body wasn’t used to how rich the food was, leaving him sick for days.

For his first month or so at the palace, Jafar was closely monitored while he was trained in court etiquette. His only interactions were with the servants, his tutor, and the Sultan, who had breakfast with him every day in order to check up on his progress. It was not until the Sultan was sure that Jafar was fully under control that he let him anywhere near Jasmine.

Jafar was going through a lot emotionally (PTSD from, well, his life up until then; mood whiplash from going from almost getting his hand cut off to being whisked away to the royal palace; survivor’s guilt; resentment at all he’d be expected to live up to in order to repay the Sultan for his kindness; happiness/relief, but also that feeling you get when you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop), but had to repress it all because he knew that his situation was precarious- at any moment, the Sultan could change his mind and turn Jafar back onto the streets, and because he had already gotten a taste of the good life, he’d have a hard time ever going back. All of these changes and complications, these new rules that he’d have to learn and abide by frustrated him and made him want to act out, but he couldn’t because to do so would jeopardize everything. So instead, he complied. He learned all the rules, did what was asked of him to the utmost perfection no matter how much it cost him. He was never comfortable in his situation and he never allowed himself to be. He never let himself forget that whatever affection the Sultan might have for him was entirely conditional. As much as he grew to love Jasmine, he would never stop being jealous of her.

So I’ve talked a lot about Jafar, but what about Jasmine?

Jasmine’s story begins even before her birth. Jasmine’s parents had broken with tradition- whereas before, sultans took many wives, Jasmine’s father declared that he would only have one. The only problem with that was that Jasmine’s mother died before they could have a son. And, of course, we all know the story of how Jasmine’s mother died (I’m thinking something along the lines of a mugging gone wrong ).

Because of all of this, Jasmine’s life is basically meant to be spent making up for the ‘mistakes’ of her parents. Because they married for love, she can’t; because her mother was murdered when out in the city, she is barely allowed to set foot outside her rooms.

So Jasmine first meets Jafar when she’s really little, like 4-5 years old. Jasmine was just beginning her lessons and the Sultan saw fit that Jafar take lessons with her.

Jasmine hadn’t had much contact with other children so she was very shy at first, and more than a little intimidated. After all, this kid is a stranger and so much older than her. Despite the etiquette training, he still didn’t move with the same level of grace and refinement as all the other people she’s been around before. It’s more than that, though- even as a child, Jasmine knew that only a son could inherit the throne...and all of the sudden, out of nowhere she’s told that this strange little boy will be living in the palace. Part of her must’ve feared that she was being replaced.

So she’d act out. She’d throw fits and try to sabotage Jafar, but that didn’t get her very far. And Jafar, though annoyed, would just ignore her (because what else could he do?), which she didn’t like either.

So one day, on the very rare occasion that she was left alone with him, she just straight up asked him why he was there, and though he didn’t think that she was old enough to understand, he told her. Aside from the Sultan, Jasmine’s the only other person who knows the whole story of his past. He told her about how he lost his parents, how he ended up living on the streets, and what he had to do in order to survive.

The stories upset Jasmine, who, up until then, had only known the comforts of the royal palace, and so Jafar said to her (bitterly) “Don’t worry, Princess, you still have your soft bed and your pretty dresses. No one would dare say you didn’t deserve them.”

Everything he told her that day stuck with her, for better and for worse. After that, she no longer threw tantrums or tried to get rid of him, but she also began to watch him more carefully. Perhaps even then, she understood that many people would say that she didn’t deserve the throne and that Jafar would be there just waiting to take it all from right under her. She may be the Sultan’s daughter and only child, but Jafar seemed to have what would always be just out of reach for her, which was the Sultan’s respect and confidence. To her, Jafar must’ve seemed the perfect son that the Sultan never had, and she deeply resented that. She would look at him and wonder why she was never enough.

Nevertheless, when Jasmine heard Jafar’s story she did vow that one day, when she finally became Sultana, she’d make sure that no one in the kingdom would have to go through what he went through.

On that topic, Jasmine began sneaking out to go into the city incognito since she was a young teenager (note that I’d have to retcon the whole accidental bread stealing scene because that seems to be a thing that would only happen her first time out. In this version it could be that she had brought her own bread and given that to the children but it resulted in a misunderstanding with the nearby bread vendor). It made her feel closer to her mother and she also knew that she wouldn’t be able to learn everything through books alone- in order to govern the people, she’d have to be amongst them. Her first time going out was hard for her even though she had been preparing for it for months. It would not only be her first time outside the palace, but also her first time being out on her own. She was scared because of what had happened to her mother and because of what she had heard from Jafar, but she was determined to do whatever it took to become Sultana and make things better.

Jafar had known for a while that Jasmine had been sneaking out. At first, he just thought that she was being a spoiled, reckless, rebellious princess who took her cushy life and status for granted, that she was mocking him or fetishizing his poverty. But because he would actually follow her sometimes, he came to understand that she was preparing for her future role as Sultana. He’s not exactly sure why, maybe the honorable part of him thought that it would even out the playing field between them, but he kept this secret for Jasmine...But then Aladdin came into the picture and all bets were off.

So that’s all I got for now! At this rate, I’ll probably be running out of ideas by the end of the week, but if there are any specific headcanons you want to hear about from me, feel free to slide into my asks!

[meenasmoon]

Singing in the Moonlight Ch 12: Let You Know

Woah boy. You guys have no idea how long it took me to deliver this baby but I hope that it’s well received. The turning point has been reached and we are now officially half way through. Stay tuned for more... and all the feels.

Johnny ran down the stairs like rocket, trying desperately not to trip over his own two feet as he tackled the building’s stairs in his relentless haste to get down to his truck. He fumbled with his keys in the waning daylight for what felt like forever before he finally got the door unlocked and launched himself into the truck. He had gotten a few miles down Main Street when he realized that he was going the wrong direction. Johnny resisted the urge to slap himself as he turned the truck around and hurried to the bakery where Meena worked.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

He nervously patted the worn leather of his steering wheel and stared at the cheery storefront that was suddenly the most intimidating thing in the universe. The display windows taunted him and all of his insecurities came bubbling back up in his stomach, making it flip and flop restlessly. He flipped down the little vanity mirror in his sun visor and stared at himself, frantically checking his already messy hair. After a thorough examination in the mirror he decided that his hair was at the perfect amount of messy and he couldn’t stall for any longer.

Johnny forced open the door of his truck and as soon as his worn chucks hit the pavement he felt like he was weighed down by a million pounds. He found himself shuffling along the sidewalk until he was standing in front of the entrance to the bakery. It felt like the his heart was trying to leap out of his chest it was pounding so hard. He put a calming hand on his chest, took a deep breath that came out rather shaky and strutted into the tiny bakery…

Only to trip over the elderly capybara that owned the bakery. He stumbled to the side to avoid landing on the surprised older woman. He wobbled slightly but quickly recovered, heading over to the counter to wait for Meena, his confident strut now practically vibrating with nerves. He was so nervous, in fact, that he didn’t notice the garish yellow wet floor sign and was promptly sent flying across the slippery floor.

Johnny was filled with a devastating cocktail of fear and embarrassment as he gracelessly slipped and stumbled his way over to the counter. Once he was close enough he lunged forward and landed splayed out over the counter top with a deep sigh of relief. He slumped into the surface, letting his forehead slam against the counter painfully. His only solace was that Meena hadn’t been there to see his glorious entrance, in his strained state of mind he wasn’t sure that he would survive it.

“Well that was an interesting entrance.” A familiar sweet voice, accompanied by a musical giggle, shattered what little dignity he had left. His head shot up so quickly that he felt his neck twinge in protest, but all he could focus on was the beautiful elephant standing in front of him.

I need to let you know You're so beautiful and you don't know it

She was holding a tray of fresh-baked goods, obviously her masterpieces, in one hand and the other was covering her mouth slightly as she tried to hold back her giggles. Despite his humiliation, Johnny yearned for her to set them free so that he could fall under her addicting spell. He settled for the dazzling way that he baby blues sparkled with mirth and her cheeks colored slightly. Even in the dorky uniform she looked like a vision. Suddenly his gaze zeroed in on a smear of green frosting that painted her cheeks in an exact spot where she would never notice.

His thoughts came to a halt and every synapses centered around that glob of frosting, conjuring countless images of how he could politely tell her about it, lean forward and wipe it off himself, or even how he could kiss her cheek and transfer the stain to his lips. Before he could get too carried away with his thoughts, he shook himself and transformed his gaping look to a sheepish smile.

“Yeah… well ya kna me.” He muttered lamely but he was pleasantly surprised when Meena just giggled and set the tray down on the counter so that all of her attention was on him.

“So what are you doing here? Is something wrong?” Her face suddenly dropped into a look of concern and Johnny felt his throat dry up and clench painfully as he scrambled desperately for a casual reason to be there. He couldn’t say that he was hungry because he had just finished eating the pancakes that she had left them, but he didn’t wanna seem creepy. Was this a good time to ask her out? To tell her about his feelings?

You're so perfect I don't want to blow it But girl there's something that I gotta say

“Well I was wonderin’ if ya wanted ter go ter the park or summit.” He blurted out and almost immediately began berating himself for being cowardly. His punishment was interrupted by Meena’s giggle and he pulled his gaze away from the counter towards her face.

“You didn’t have to come all the way down here to ask me that. I’d love to.” She gave him a sunny smile that lifted his spirits enough for him to deliver some semblance of a charming reply.

“Well ya kna me. I can’t resist that smile of yers.” His pride swelled in his chest when her cheeks colored pink and she bashfully clasped her hands together.

“I-I’ll um... I’ll be done with my shift in a few minutes if you want to wait.” She stuttered slightly but Johnny was too consumed with his own nervous excitement to notice her nerves.

“Yeah!! I mean yeah sure. I’ll just wait ‘ere.” He settled back on the cushy stool and leaned forward in a manner that he desperately hoped looked casual rather than eager. Meena seemed to buy it as she spared him one last glance before resuming her duties.

See lately I’ve been feeling paralyzed I swear you’ve got me mesmerized Stuck counting every freckle on your beautiful face

After efficiently wasting fifteen minutes of struggling with Candy Crush, his plight was interrupted when the most delicious looking cupcake that he had ever seen appeared on the counter in front of him. Johnny looked up just in time to catch a conspiratorial wink from Meena before she hurried away to retrieve another tray of baked goods.

Johnny marveled at the perfect little morsel for a few seconds before he attacked it, taking a huge bite that effectively covered his lips in green frosting and sprinkles. He groaned happily as he savored the unique taste that could only come from something that Meena had baked. She had a way of taking the simplest thing and making it taste like heaven. He was convinced that it was some kind of magic because as of yet he couldn’t come up with any other reason.

He quickly finished the cupcake, devouring every last crumb until all that was left was the green tinge on his fingers and lips that would probably stain him for the rest of the day. His phone lay forgotten on the counter as his attention was brought back to Meena.

He could only sit there and take in her every feature, as if cataloging them for later.

Her blue eyes twinkled happily as she carefully balanced the tray and restocked the display cases. As they had grown closer he had learned to read her expression in those baby blues because it was the one part of her that could never hide what she was truly feeling. Despite knowing how they twinkled with joy or dulled with sadness, there were still so many expressions that he had yet to decipher. His favorite mystery was the way that they would light up sometimes when she thought he wasn’t looking. It always left him wondering what it was that she saw when she looked at him.

Another customer walked in and despite her shyness Johnny watched proudly as she took deep breath and went to help them. He listened as she spoke to the customer, lending her strength so that her normally soft, timid voice would carry some of the strength and confidence that was in her singing. As she became increasingly comfortable around the theatre family, he had noticed that her voice had changed slightly. It was still soft and sweet but she was stronger in her opinions, more comfortable with joking and arguing. It had been nice to see her come out of her shell.

The customer left and Meena resumed restocking the display cases, a comfortable smile on her lips. She was in her element here in the bakery, doing what she loved. It was fascinating to watch her doing something else that she loved. Of course they all had talents and lives outside of the theatre and it was always interesting to see the other side of the coin.

She turned in such a way that he caught sight of the faint freckles that littered her cheeks. They were adorable in that it gave her an element of innocence, and at the same time he felt special for catching a glance. They were rather faded so you could only see them if you were looking, and in Johnny’s quest to count them all, he was always looking.

Some part of him tried to remind him that he should be thinking up a plan for his confession so that it wouldn’t turn into a disaster, but he noticed the sweet smile on Meena’s face and his brain was turned into a pile of mush.

And for the first time in my life This world feels so right I can’t hold back I'll lose my mind

Ironically he was so absorbed in his thoughts of her that he didn’t notice her disappear into the back and then reappear with her bag. Meena giggles when she saw the spaces out gorilla staring at the wall like it was the love of his life. She put a hand on his shoulder and he immediately kept to his feet, startled out of his reverie.

“Oh! Meena.” He ran a shaky hand through his hair and slipped his phone into his pocket, “Ya scared me.”

Meena giggled and smiled playfully at him, “What were you thinking about space cadet?” She teased and a little warmth flared up in her chest when a slight blush colored Johnny’s cheeks.

“Nothin important. Ya ready ter go?” He gestured to the door and Meena gave the bakery another once over before she decided that she was indeed ready.

“Yup.” On a whim Johnny held out his arm and gave her a crooked grin, his playfulness yet to be dampened by his recurring nervousness.

“Allow me ter escort the lady ter the park.” He winked and Meena let out a full blown laugh this time, but to his surprise she threaded her arm with him and let him lead the way out the door and down the street to the city park.

The whole way there Johnny could feel his cheeks heating up with emotion as his brain frantically scrambled for something to say. The warmth of her soft body pressed against his and the sweet smell of her perfume invaded his every sense and rendered him a total mess.

Next to him, Meena was in a similar state of silence created by her pleasant surprise. She had been happy to see Johnny’s smiling face, especially after their rough night. He seemed a little jumpy and distracted but he was happy and that was all that really mattered. She had surprised herself by teasing him and then taking his arm but these ‘daring’ acts seemed to be paying off as she leaned in close and made her way to the park with him at her side.

Whatever Johnny’s plan had been, it fell apart the moment they set foot into the park. If he was honest with himself the farthest into planning that he had gotten was: go to the park, ask her out. So when they walked through the entrance and began ambling down a random path he was seriously struggling with what to do next.

He snuck a glance at Meena who was contentedly looking around, taking in every aspect of the peaceful little park. She looked so calm practically the opposite of him in that moment. Just the thought of asking her out now made his stomach flip and palms sweat. Never mind the fact that there was a big siren in his head practically screaming, 'not yet! It has to be perfect!’. It was enough to make him thoroughly confused and discouraged.

Plan B it was then.

I need to let you know And every time I open my mouth, I can’t get the words out I just have never given up before My heart is yours Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh My heart is yours

He frantically searched for Plan B, something to distract Meena and allow him to regain his bearings and he found it in an ice cream vendor that was just ahead. He pulled on her arm gently to get her attention but when she turned around the suave comment he had prepared got lost in a tongue tied question.

“‘Ey um… are ya ‘ungry?” Meena looked at him in confusion before she caught sight of the ice cream cart ahead and realization dawned on her face. Her confused look melted into a shy smile and she nodded. They made their way over to the ice cream cart and Meena reluctantly released his arm from her grip to order her ice cream. She got a mint chocolate chip ice cream cone and Johnny got a strawberry cone. He insisted on paying despite her protests and before she could slip the vendor some cash he beat her to the punch and firmly led her away.

Meena giggled as he guided her away, pretending to resist so that he would keep that strong arm around her waist. Walking through the park together like that, with ice cream, it almost felt like a date, and that arm around her waist only brought her hopes up. Johnny let her over to an open patch of grass on a little hill and promptly plopped himself down on the ground.

Meena plopped down next to him and licked at her ice cream cone, savoring the comfortable silence between them. She spent half of the time that it took to eat her ice cream cone watching people as they walked through the park, played in the fields, or hung out by the fountain. She had always loved the park because it was a nice place where she could people watch or find a nice solitary hill to watch the clouds.

Well hold up now wait a minute Maybe I could write a song with your name in it Hey I’m no Shakespeare but I can fake it

When all she had left was the cone, Meena let herself lay back in the grass and examine the sky for clouds worthy of pointing out to Johnny. Johnny noticed her laying back and watched her fondly out of the corner of his eye. She really was the most beautiful animal in the world, laying in the grass and eagerly searching the sky for something. He felt like he could live in this moment forever and be happy, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had sworn to tell her how he felt, to do something about those feelings that made every moment with her that much better.

“Pie.” Meena yanked him from his musings and directed his attention to a lumpy cloud that vaguely resembled the pastry. Johnny chuckled and settled himself down next to her so that they were laying side by side.

He pointed at a random cloud that was vaguely square shaped and teasingly declared, “Book.”

Meena propped herself up on her elbows so that she could stare disapprovingly down at him, “That doesn’t count mister. I know that you can do better than that.”

Johnny just laughed and childishly stuck his tongue out at her. She gasped indignantly and launched herself at him so that he was at the mercy of her fingers as they danced over his tickle spots.

Johnny let out a little surprised squeak before he broke out into uncontrollable laughter. Meena grinned triumphantly and battled with his wriggling form as he tried to escape her merciless fingers. Tears clouded Johnny’s vision as he struggled away from Meena, grasping uselessly at the grass as if the flimsy blades would help him.

After a few more minutes of torture Meena released him as she gazed down at him triumphantly. Johnny gasped for breath but that didn’t stop him from looking up at her adoringly, the taste of laughter still on the tip of his tongue.

“Tha’s...tha’s not fair.” He gasped and Meena just shrugged, her grin never once faltering. Johnny was helpless but to memorize that expression from his prone position, still trapped beneath her.

“Play the game right and we won’t have any issues.” She giggled and Johnny rolled his eyes. When he didn’t agree immediately she held her fingers over his tickle spot threateningly.

“Okay! Okay! I’ll play the bloody game right.” He laughed but there was an edge of panic in his voice that let Meena know that her threat worked. She released him and laid back in her spot to resume her search for the perfect cloud.

Johnny simultaneously felt relieved and remiss when he was freed but he decided that if he was going to keep it together, it was best that he not be trapped underneath the object of his affections. He turned his gaze away from Meena and back to the clouds, unwilling to incite her wrath again.

After a few minutes of silence, he pointed at a cloud that he had been studying for what felt like forever, trying to discern some shape. “I think tha’ one looks loike a feather.” He pointed and Meena followed his finger until she found the feather cloud.

“Now you’re getting it!” She laughed and resumed her search of the skies. They felt like kids again, laying in the grass, soaking up the sun and competing to see who could get the last cloud. They catalogued every cloud in the sky until finally, Johnny found the last one: a big heart innocently floating in the sky as if it was waiting for him to find it.

“Ha! I win.” He exclaimed happily and rolled over so that he was laying on his stomach, pressed up against Meena’s side. The heart cloud taunted him from the sky, as if the universe was trying to remind him exactly what he had set out to do when he brought Meena to the park.

And maybe I could try to learn to fly So I could write your name up in the sky Gotta shout out loud, I just can’t take it And for the first time in my life This world feels so right I can’t hold back I'll lose my mind

Meena surprised him by rolling onto her side so that their faces were mere inches apart, “What exactly did you win?”

Johnny could tell that it was spoken out of pure curiosity but he couldn’t help but be tempted to steal a kiss from her lips and claim it as his prize. Something told him that it wasn’t the right moment to do that. The gentleman that his mother had raised him to be was insisting that he woo her before he kiss her, not steal one. So he leaned forward and smirked challengingly at her.

“Tell me wot yer bakin’ secrets are.” He whispered and despite her blush Meena let out a laugh and lightly shoved his shoulder. Instead of pulling back like he expected her to she leaned forward and whispered as if she was telling him a secret. He leaned in, anticipation building as if she was really about to spill her secrets to him, and he felt her breath close to his face.

“Nope.” She whispered and her giggles tempered his frown into a playful glare. She rolled her eyes at his pouting and rolled onto her back so that she was looking up at the sky once more.

“Awww come on. Tha’s not fair. I won and I wanna know.” He whined and sprawled himself next to her, their heads nearly touching.

“You didn’t really think that I was gonna tell you all my secrets did you? The fact that they are secrets is half of what makes them taste good.” She insisted but Johnny’s stubborn pouting continued so she was forced to placate him by running her idles hands through his hair. He relaxed within a few seconds and Meena decided that since he had treated her to ice cream, the least she could do was promise him a few choice morsels.

“If it helps. I’ll let you try my new creations when they debut at the bakery. You can have an all access pass.” She paused when she saw the devious grin spreading across his face, “Within reason Johnny Bannerton.” she scolded him but he didn’t mind. How could he possibly mind anything with the way that her fingers were stroking his scalp and weaving their way through his thick locks?

For what felt like the millionth time that day he considered telling her in that moment, blurting out his feelings as they relaxed in the sunshine, but once again his brain acted without his permission and this time his voice was husky when he delivered his lamest reply yet.

I need to let you know And every time I open my mouth I can’t get the words out I’ve just never given up before

“I’m sure they’ll be really good. Thanks.” He kicked himself the moment that the words left his mouth but Meena didn’t seem to mind his verbal diarrhea. She gave him a grateful smile but there was a hint of doubt in it. Johnny watched as she turned her attention to the clouds once more, but her mind was most definitely somewhere else. He gave her a couple minutes of silence before he tentatively reached out and clasped her hand in his own. Despite how the intimate contact made his heart beat frantically in his chest, Meena gripped his hand tight and it calmed him to think that she was drawing some comfort from him.

“Wot’s wrong Meena?” he finally whispered and Meena hesitated for what felt like forever before she turned to face him, her blue eyes uncertain.

“I’m just… I’m a little nervous about work.” She stumbled out and while Johnny was surprised and bursting with questions he just gave her an encouraging smile and waited for her to continue. Meena took a shaky breath, gave his hand a squeeze and then rolled over so that she was leaning in close.

“When I was at work today my boss told me that she wanted me to give her two new recipe ideas for the display case. Sh-she wants to display my work on the display!” She was gushing but Johnny could tell that she was still worried. He mirrored her smile and squeezed her hand a little bit to convey his support. Meena immediately burst into an attractive blush and sent Johnny’s heart back into a tizzy.

“And I’m so honored, I’m so excited but… but what if I mess it up? What if they don’t taste good? What if they don’t look good?” Johnny could see her descending into a panic so he quickly captured her other hand and held them both tight against his chest. Her teary blue eyes stayed glued to his calm brown eyes and he gave her his best serious face, trying desperately to convey his sincerity.

My heart is yours Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh My heart is yours Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

"Meena... ya gotta 'ave faith in yourself. Ya 're an amazin' singer and your bakin' is aht of this world. There is nah way that ya could mess this up. I know that you’ll blow those customers away.” Meena felt her heart stop when he spoke to her in that soft sincere voice and she felt like the world around them had disappeared. And then he successfully made her world stop.

“Cause I ‘ave faith in ya.”

All she could do was nod and smile, her confidence slowly returning as if his words and look alone could bring it back from the dead. As if he didn’t already have her heart he decided to lighten the mood with a conspiratorial wink and a crooked grin. Despite herself, Meena broke out into giggles and his smile grew in response.

“Thank you Johnny.” She pulled him into a tight hug, savoring the feeling of his strong arms as they wrapped around her. She took a deep breath and finally released him from the embrace, only for him to pull back, briefly cup her cheek, and then scoot back slightly. Meena gave him a grateful smile and laid back into her original position.

“I’ve been thinking about taking some cooking classes at the community college.” She said offhand, the thought that he should know suddenly popping into her brain. Johnny sat up eagerly and loomed over her, a big grin dominating his face.

"That's amazin' Meena! I mean you’re already so talented but I fin’ that ya could learn a lot from those classes.” He gushed and Meena blushed at his praise but smiled nonetheless, feeling some kind of pride that he was so excited for her.

You’re the sound track in my mind You’re the word that I can't rhyme It’s like I'm singin' Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah All the time

Suddenly something occurred to Meena about the familiar park and as she looked back up at Johnny. The happiness and sheer affection in his eyes only served to convince her that he deserved to see her special place.

“Hey Johnny?” She asked tentatively and he hummed slightly to acknowledge her question. She felt her cheeks heating up reflexively and for the millionth time she cursed her default shyness. Despite the way her heart sped up and her tongue felt like lead she pushed through and blurted out her offer.

“I want to take you somewhere...somewhere special.” She watched a blur of emotions flit across his face and his brown eyes darted over her face as if he was trying to see what exactly she was thinking.

She pushed her feelings back from the forefront of her mind, trying desperately to keep the out of his piercing gaze. Johnny was her best friend and even the chance of losing him to her confession was scary enough to quell that warm love that flowed through her every second that she spent with him.

She was pulled from her thoughts when Johnny sat pack, making room for her to sit up. Meena quickly sat up so that their faces were inches apart. He looked startled but his smile quickly resurfaced.

“Sounds loike a plan.” She heard him accept and like a shot she was on her feet, practically overflowing with an energetic excitement that was wholly contrary to her shy nature but extremely adorable none the less. Johnny sat on their little grassy hill, watching happily as she practically danced away from him.

He didn’t realize that he was supposed to be following until she turned around and saw him still sitting on the hill. He was about to get up when she bounded over, grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. With a secretive smile she clasped his hand in hers and led the way deeper into the vast park.

I need to let you know And every time I open my mouth I can’t get the words out I’ve just never given up before

As they weaved through trees and waded through a particularly dense field of flowers, a particularly persistent memory called for his attention. It broke through his haze of happiness and suddenly his appreciation of the feel of her hand in his was interrupted by a persistent voice that sounded suspiciously like Ash.

‘Isn’t there something you were supposed to be telling her?’

Johnny felt that deliciously happy feeling that always absorbed him when he was with her, a feeling that he had decided was his love for her. Accompanying the feeling like a bucket of ice water was the anxiety that had plagued him since he locked eyes with her. It was easy to have conviction when the object of your affections wasn’t looking at you with that disarmingly sweet smile. His mission from the start was to tell her how he felt and ask her on a date but as usual she had effectively distracted him from his thoughts.

‘That’s right Lover Boy. Time to gorilla up and do it already.’ His smug conscience gloated and while he still appreciated the feeling of her hand in his, he was now more focused than ever on expressing himself. And where better to do it than in a place so special to Meena?

My heart is yours Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh My heart is yours Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

They broke through the tree line onto an old winding path, sheltered from the rest of the world by a tunnel of trees on either side. Meena’s wager pace slowed down to a content stroll but her grip on his hand never faltered. Johnny looked around at the overgrown path and how nature seemed to be reclaiming it. Somehow it seemed to make the little haven all that more charming.

He heard the faint sounds of running water and when they cleared the canopy of trees the path transformed into a charming bridge that stood proudly over a creek.

Meena finally released his hand and he stepped back to watch her walk up onto the bridge. She reverently ran her hand over the smooth surface of the old wood. He gave her a few moments alone before he joined her on the bridge, leaning his back against the railing so that he could see her face. The only other time he had seen her so relaxed was when she gave in to the music on stage. Her face was accented by her twinkling eyes and an unconscious smile and her ears weee flared to reveal her full face.

She was the first to break the tranquil silence between them, her soft tone blanking so perfectly with the scenery that Johnny could easily believe that she had been born for this place, “My dad used to bring me here.” She traced a carving in the wood, drawing Johnny’s attention to it.

It was a crude carving of a daisy and below it the initials M and D has been carved slightly deeper into the wood. Johnny smiled and a wave of nostalgia washed over him, reminding him of the special things that he had done with his mother.

“He used to tell me that this was a magic bridge. Good things always happen here.” Meena drew him back to the present and he placed his hand on top of hers.

“Thank you for bringing me here, sharing this with me.” He said quietly and Meena gave him a smile that made him weak before turning her attention back to their surroundings.

My heart is yours I need to let you I need to let you know

He couldn’t bring himself to follow her gaze as she looked down at the water because he was too busy sappily watching her expressions. She was happy but it was an innocent kind of happiness, like she was reliving her childhood happiness.

Her skin was dappled with patches of sunlight that broke through the leaves of the trees and her body was completely relaxed. It was like seeing a whole different side of her, where she didn’t feel the pressure to impress anyone or do everything perfectly. And the most amazing part was that not only was he there to see it, but he was allowed to be a part of it.

She was beautiful like this and that fact would have hit him like a truck if he wasn’t already aware of how beautiful she always was. Instead it settled on his mind like another layer of who she was.

And just like the stream below them his courage came trickling back.

My heart is yours I need to let you I need to let you know My heart is yours

The fire that had all been put out by nerves and bad timing flared up inside of him and he began to recognize the opportunity that was before him, ripe for the taking. There was no room for excuses because he knew that there would be no better time and no better better place to talk her how he felt.

This bridge was important to her, it was isolated, and the charm of nature made it perfectly romantic. The universe had delivered his standards on a silver platter and finally, he refused to give up. He didn’t give up on anything and he wasn’t about to start now.

Johnny took a deep breath and took Meena’s hand in his own, his heart in his throat and his courage washing through him like an exhilarating waterfall.

You’re the sound track in my mind You’re the word that I can't rhyme I’ve never given up before

“Meena I... I been thinkin’ and I’ve really enjoyed gettin’ ter know ya.” He started and cleared his throat while Meena looked at him with open curiosity and confusion. When he mentioned getting to know her she smiled and her cheeks flushed to mirror his steadily reddening face.

“And I dunno bout ya but I keep feeling’ butterflies in my chest when I’m wif ya.” He laughed nervously, not quite sure why he was doing it but he pressed on anyways.

“Cause I loike ya. A lot. And I don’t wanna ruin what we ‘ave but I just gotta take a chance and ask ya if ya wanna... I dunno, eat food or see a movie wif me.... together... loike a date?” He winced at his delivery, wondering what happened to the cool but still heartfelt confession that he had planned on delivering. It was too late now. He could only hope that she would understand his babble and accept.

My heart is yours And this heart is yours I’ve never given up I’ve never given up

The silence after his confession hung between them like a thick fog and Johnny held his breath like the smallest sigh would break the spell and send everything into a downward spiral.

His mind was alight with the worst possible scenario as it braced for a rejection that he dreaded. He hoped beyond hope that he hadn’t just permanently damaged their friendship. They had become so close in so short a time and losing that would be like losing a limb or more importantly his heart. He tried to picture life without her but his imagination refused to cooperate. Now that he had had a taste of what things could be like with her he outright refused to think about what his life could be if he lost her in this moment.

It had only been a few seconds of silence but he felt like he had been waiting in agony for years. He looked up at her face in an effort to find out why she was remaining silent, almost hoping that her rejection would be written out, clear as day, just so he could have an answer, something other than this silence that he was growing to abhor.

However, he was not rewarded. Sure the shock of finding out that he had feelings for her was apparent but the only other expression that Johnny could find was the unreadable mystery expression that usually fascinated him. In this moment, however, it was nothing but frustrating and only served to drive him further in the pit of despair.

Finally his impatience won out and he decided that he would just take it back, pass it off as a joke, anything that he could do to salvage the situation, but she beat him to it. He stood there mouth open and his words stopped in their tracks by her trunk as she held up to his mouth in a hushing motion.

My heart is yours

And then like a dream his agony was quelled by one little word that fell from her lips like his salvation.

“Yes.”

Next

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First

[larchwood]

Give me single dad Zane.

I’ve never cottoned to the idea that having a baby was the next logical step for Ty & Zane after they got married.  Zane was 46 when they got married.  I’m 45.  Let me tell you - I’m not having a baby at this time of my life.  (Unless I win the lottery and can hire people to do everything else for me).

But what if Zane had a kid with Becky?

After getting married in July 1993, Zane is a high powered attorney in Austin, while Becky volunteers throughout the community as part of the Women’s League and various other philanthropic organizations.  Together they’re a young up-and-coming couple who were often seen on the society pages, hobnobbing with the elites of Texas power.  (Beverly couldn’t be more proud).

Eventually they decide the time is right to have a kid.  They’re both excited and thrilled.  Zane might be a little apprehensive about handling a tiny baby (it’s been a long time since his sister was a baby) but he knows Becky will be an awesome mom and she’ll probably do the majority of the parenting while he continues up the corporate legal ladder.  (Beverly of course is also ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice to “help out” as needed, gloating at the idea of the next generation of Garretts arriving.)

Patrick Garrett is born in February 2003.  He is a beautiful and perfect as they all could have hoped for.  Zane doesn’t think his heart can get any bigger.  And after a few minor freak outs and some coaching, he’s lugging the baby around like a pro after awhile.  He cuts back his 70 hour a week work schedule to something slightly more manageable, but Becky and their nanny have everything under control.

Becky Garrett dies in a car crash in November 2003.  

Zane’s grief and depression are overwhelming.  Becky had been his world for more than two decades.  He holds it together until after the funeral, but then he crumbles.  Yes, like canon Zane he drinks to numb the pain.  Probably would sleep all day if he could, not eating, alternating between ignoring baby Patrick to clutching him tightly like he’ll never let him go.  The nanny does her best to keep things as normal as possible for the baby, but eventually she calls in the big guns to take over - Beverly Carter-Garrett.

She arrives and nags, scolds, threatens until Zane agrees to move back to the ranch.  It’ll be better to be surrounded by family, she says.  You can rest and heal.  Your law firm will understand a bereavement leave of absence.  We can help you take care of Patrick better.  The baby should grow up on the ranch and learn his legacy, yadda yadda yadda.  

Zane gives in.  He’s just so fucking tired.  And what’s the point of arguing?  Beverly’s probably right - she can do a better job of handling Patrick than he can.  (Never mind that there is already a housemaid assigned for nanny duty).  Becky had handled everything.  Zane only has a vague idea of who Patrick’s pediatrician even is.  He has no clue when he’s due for his next round of vaccinations, for cryin’ out loud.  

It takes a little while, but eventually Zane works through some of his depression.  It doesn’t go away for the longest time, but having a baby means you don’t stop, you have to keep moving forward - whether you want to or not.  And Patrick is moving and crawling and about to walk and babbling and holding his arms up to be carried and how can Zane deny him that?

The temporary leave of absence continues for a year.  His law firm tries to get him back in the office, but other than a few consult/strategy sessions with the partners, he really doesn’t want to go back to that life.

He’s coming to the realization that he doesn’t really want ranch life, either.  Not that he doesn’t love it, or appreciate the help that his family has been, but it’s time to break free of the memories of life with Becky.  And - let’s be honest - the clashes with Beverly are starting to become more frequent.  Yes, she was a help when he needed it, but Patrick is his child, not hers.  She doesn’t get to make the parenting decisions for the boy and it’s time they made a change.

They end up in Baltimore.  (surprise, surprise).  Maybe Zane had visited once for a legal conference and loved it.  Maybe his law firm had some sort of corporate retreat there every year.  But Zane picks it for other reasons - being on the east coast like that puts them closer to historical and cultural resources that Zane thinks will be a benefit to Patrick’s education.  He’s looking forward to exploring the Smithsonian with him, and Broadway, and the Statue of Liberty and every other thing they can possibly do.  

Zane knows that he doesn’t want to be a lawyer any more, other than maybe a little pro bono work here and there, but he’s not in a hurry to pass the Maryland bar.  He just can’t go back to 12 hour days and miss out on life with his son.  

So, he buys a bookstore in Fells Point from a couple who are ready to retire.  One with living space above the store.  (Let’s face it - starting a business from scratch with a 3 year old underfoot probably is probably more work than he’s looking for).  It’s a comfortable modest business.  The decor is cushy reading nook meets college library stacks, but with plenty of spaces for Patrick to color and read his books in the kids area or play with blocks and cars and space ships.  They even get a couple of store cats who follow Patrick everywhere.  The cutest thing is when Patrick settles down for a nap in the back room and the kittens snuggle with him.

Zane’s feeling blessed that his handful of employees (probably all part-timers - a couple of college kids from Johns Hopkins and maybe a couple of retired ladies who enjoy working a couple of days a week) are okay with him bringing Patrick to work every day.  In fact, the retired ladies are always ready to be surrogate grandmas while they’re there, admiring Patrick’s drawings and listening to his stories and trying to sneak him a treat every once in awhile when Zane’s not looking.  And so far no complaints from the customers either about him being a disruption.

Zane treasurers these few years with Patrick underfoot.  School will start soon enough with all that changes that entails.  Zane can still see Becky in Patrick - the shape of his nose, the lighter brown of his hair.  Patrick doesn’t remember her, but Zane makes a point of showing him pictures of her and pointing out their similarities.

“Zane would feel the weight of responsibility quite heavily, which could make him a rather strict, dull father on the surface, adhering to the rules, rarely letting the child break them because he knows those rules are there for the child’s benefit. But he would also be the father who, at the end of the day, is the one a child will go to for advice and comfort because kids know where it’s at, and Zane’s love for his child would shine through in every action, even when he is scolding. Zane would be the father whose hugs and words meant more to a child, because rather than coming at random for no reason, they always have a reason behind them.” **

A couple of years later, Patrick would be in 2nd grade (7 years old).  It’s his last year to attend the Sea Life Safari at the Baltimore Aquarium.  He’s gone for the past 2 years and it usually falls around his birthday, so they build a little birthday party into it.  Zane is going along as a parent chaperone to help out.  

Cue bomb scare at the Aquarium in Divide & Conquer.  Ty still comes running in to help out.  Maybe he helps hustle out Zane and Patrick’s group before heading back in.  Zane’s outside with the kids, trying to keep the kids calm and out of the way of other law enforcement, but he might have taken an interest in the FBI agent as he gives his impromptu interview, but he never learns his name.  It takes Zane forever to get Patrick to sleep that night after all the excitement.  He is just as excited the next day to see the interview, because not only can you see the FBI agent “He’s so cool, dad!” you can also see Zane and Patrick for about 2 seconds in the background.  “We’re on TV, dad!  We’re famous!!!!  I can’t wait to tell the kids in my class!”

One of the must dos of being a small business owner is to network - so Zane regularly attends the monthly Chamber of Commerce meetings and the city’s community outreach events.  Especially in light of the unrest that’s been happening in the city lately.  The back of his shop got tagged a few weeks ago, and he’s got a vested interest in keeping Fells Point a safe and welcoming area.  So he’s eager to hear what law enforcement is doing to address these issues.  

So imagine his surprise with the guest speaker at this month’s CoC breakfast meeting is none other than the FBI agent from the Aquarium - one Special Agent B. Tyler Grady according to the agenda.  He’s witty and engaging, seeming to be in perpetual motion as he gives his talk.  The information is interesting enough, but Zane does appreciate being able to get a better look at the guy in daylight, in a suit, and not under a state of personal panic like the first time.

Afterwards, Ty stays to do few mandatory ‘grip and grins’ before he can escape.  Zane doesn’t intentionally wander over, but as he’s doing his own chatting with people, they end up in the same general area.  Zane thinks he notices Ty getting a cornered look like he’s desperate to escape - his gaze is wandering like he’s trying to gauge the number of people he’s got to shoulder past to get to the exit.  

Ty looks past Zane, but then zeros back on him, eyes widening with recognition.  Zane can’t imagine that he would remember him from a brief encounter weeks ago that happened under duress, but he knows that with his height, people do tend to remember him.

Ty comes up and introduces himself with a handshake.  “Hi.  Special Agent Ty Grady.  And you are?”  Zane smiles.  “Zane Garrett, Special Agent.  It’s nice to officially meet you.”

At this point, my creative juices have given out.  Maybe Zane goes home and tells Patrick that he got to meet the cool FBI agent again, and he invited them both to watch the FBI team play softball.  Instead of Shannon and Elaina in the dugout when the bomb goes off, it’s Zane and Patrick.  

Maybe Ty and Zane start meeting for lunch occasionally.  Not calling it dating just yet.  They both know single parent dating is challenging.  Every so often they do things with Patrick, who still thinks Mr. Ty is the coolest thing ever.  They’ll go to Orioles games or a day trip into DC.

It gets a little dicy once Patrick realizes that he’s gotta share Zane.  But eventually they all get through it.  Because 

“Ty would be the fun father, the one you know will teach you the things that will make you the cool kid in school, the one who will help you pick up and brush you off when you fall down and then say ‘walk it off, kiddo, you’ll get better’ because that’s who Ty is and that’s who he makes everyone around him. Walk it off, kid.” **

Patrick gets to be Zane’s best man at the wedding.

** Parental analysis courtesy of Liam Bell.

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