#the hyperfixation chose me I didn’t choose it 😭

[a-spacecadet]

My worst secret is that I pretend to like Confucius and JFK equally when in reality I think I may like JFK more 🫣

[night-crawler08]

Haunted Mansion movie 2023 Rant

You know sometimes you have to watch a fashion analysis video about the new haunted mansion movie to really respark your thoughts about it.

now I’m sure this is a very niche thing, but I don’t care and you WILL be hearing what I have to say about this movie as someone who has been hyperfixated on this silly little ride and it’s lore for the past two-ish years. I’m by no means an expert on it and haven’t watched the movie since it was in the theatres, these are just my opinions but stiiiiilll.

anyways, I’d like to say first that I think the actual mansion part(the most important part of any Haunted Mansion movie) was done well. From *most* of the ghost, to the look outside, and the attic. And the character design and outfits were gorgeous especially Lakeith Stanfield’s character. Also I’m happy with all of the little nods to the ride and imagineers that worked on it! It’s clear the writers knew a lot about the ride and worked with it!

anyway now to the stuff I didn’t like, starting off with the biggest one being the Hatbox Ghost. Look I know there’s no like-main ghost person or focus on the ride, but of all the antagonists you could have chose(which I’m not sure I’m even a fan of the fact that they had a specific one) you chose???the hatbox???ghost????? Don’t get me wrong I know he’s important and all the stuff with his animatronic and history are fascinating, but like-you wanted a specific villain, and you looked at Master Gracey and the Ghost Host and I guess you could even consider Phantom Manor here, and especially you looked at CONSTANCE AND THOUGHT HMMMMM I THINK THE HATBOX GHOST should be the main baddy

LIKE

CONSTANCE

AND YOU CHOSE HIMMM

Also to add on to that, Jared Leto.

I won’t be elaborating that’s all I need to say.

SPEAKING OF CONSTANCE, she didn’t have enough screentime(okay for her part in the story she was there enough but as a die-hard Constance lover there can NEVER be enough), also once again if you really needed a specific *bad* haunt why not choose her? She’s like the most obvious choice in terms of backstory and she’s like just so cool and scary, you have a perfectly amazing axe wielding bride, AND YOU CHOOSE JARED LETO, she could’ve even had her lore expanded on or delved into, and you could’ve even went into if she had any part in why the Hatbox Ghost is well-headless I would’ve loved to see that touched on(which again isn’t very important I just want more love and attention for my GIRL)

Another thing is our main human cast in this film. I loved the actor choices, and outfits and scenery and everything, but my god was the dialogue and character growth bad-which once again isn’t the most important part in a haunted mansion movie but still it irked me.

with such an amazing cast, you did them sooo dirty. It felt like watching one of those sketches where people are making fun of Marvel movies, like “he’s riiiight behind me isn’t he” type of thing😭 it’s just too light hearted of a thing of what I’d want from a Haunted Mansion movie and too much humor for what it called for, I’m not saying make it dead serious just like use the Disney channel humor in moderation at least.

also the romantic build up for Ben and Harriet was like non-existent I feel like, and while it’s not necessary in my opinion for the romance, I’d still like it to be feeling plausible and for me to root for them in some way, but it’s a modern day Disney movie what should I even expect.

There’s not as much love put into it, and it feels too sterile of a movie than what it could have been, but once again my opinion.

that’s all I’ll say on it for now, maybe I’ll edit it more later but yeah, those are my main grievances with it.