#the humor was actually saur good

[emotionallyanaemic]

mc looking at san and yunho make out while she's sandwiched between the two KJFDHGJKHDFG

ꜱʜᴀʀɪɴɢ ɪꜱ ᴄᴀʀɪɴɢ

19 - ᴅᴏᴜʙʟᴇ ᴘᴇɴᴇᴛʀᴀᴛɪᴏɴ - ʏᴜɴʜᴏ/ꜱᴀɴ

pairing: vampire! yunho x witch! reader (fem) x werewolf! san

genre: fantasy au, smut, a little baby pinch of humor 🤏🏼

summary: you teach your bickering boyfriends to get along with a fun group activity.

w.c: 3.5k

warnings: poly relationship (it’s a work in progress), mxm, dom! yunho, dom! san, sub! reader, olfactophilia, pet names, name calling, degradation, praise, lots of spit involved (surprise, surprise), oral (receiving), breeding kink, slight bulge kink, fingering, kissing, double penetration in both holes (unprotected), creampies

a/n: I LOVE YUNSAN uwu it’s safe to say i might’ve actually gone insane this time <3

FFF Masterlist

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As a witch attending a magic academy, it was only natural that you’d encounter supernatural beings of all kinds. Ones that were bigger and stronger than you. More powerful and a lot more equipped when it came to spell casting. Despite this, you felt like you knew enough about the dark arts to take care of yourself. Whether it came to emotional conflict or actual threats of danger, you could handle it without issues. Though things became difficult in a way you never anticipated.

Halfway through the semester, you decided to open yourself up to two new lovers, ones that were having a hard time getting along — though it was sort of expected. One was a ravenous, moody werewolf and the other was a haughty, refined vampire. They were like night and day. Their clans were mortal enemies, only tolerating each other because they weren't allowed to break the strict laws that were enforced throughout the land, or else they faced governmental punishment. Maybe you didn’t think it all the way through, but then again, you were happy and so were they, but they just needed a little help adjusting to each other.

Lazing around in the unmade bed of your rowdy, rambunctious boyfriend, you buried your face into one of his pillows, inhaling his comforting scent. Strong accents of warm spiced cinnamon entered your system, along with the musky-sweet smell of leaves. He must’ve been rolling around in the woods near the academy again. How cute of him. You slowly turned over to look at the door when you heard a voice that was too light and sultry to be his.

“There you are, Darling.” Yunho sighed, stepping past the open dorm door, taking three large strides across the room, already near your side and running his long, cold fingers up the side of your bare figure. “Why are you at this clan’s house instead of mine?” His nose scrunched up for a second, not used to the musk of werewolf dens. “You said that you were coming to see me today.” 

“Hey, Yunnie.” When he sat down on the bed, you reached up to run your fingers up his perfectly ironed, gold-laced button up blazer, unbuttoning the first button to see his chest peak out underneath. “I was going to, but San wanted me to stay longer. He just had a collar delivered, and he wanted me to see it.” 

Yunho’s friendly disposition soured at the mention of the werewolf, watching you unbutton the second and third button on his top, but not acknowledging it. “Once that mutt is done with his little show and tell, you’ll come to my dorm so I can have you to myself, alright?” 

“You have to learn to share, baby...” Just as you were going to express your disapproval of the word ‘mutt’, someone beat you to it. 

“Mutt?” San stood in the doorway, his large canines already on display for Yunho to see. Not wasting a single second, he slammed the door behind him, pounced on the bed behind you and pulled your body back against his broad bare chest, his muscular arms wrapping protectively around you. “You come into my clan’s home unannounced looking like an undead Englishman, insult me, then you try to steal my Y/N? Are you trying to die?!” 

 “Undead Englishman? This is made of the finest material a dog like you could only dream of wearing.” Yunho scoffed, rolling his bright crimson eyes at the other male, still not saying anything when you continued to unbutton his blazer. 

“Call me a dog again,” San threatened in a raspy voice, leaning over your naked body to growl in Yunho’s face, his golden irises forming into slits. “Say it so I can see if you can still talk after I rip your vocal cords out of your throat.” 

Wanting to prevent a catastrophic fight from breaking out, you reached up towards San, playing with the shiny new leather collar that adorned his freckled neck. “Sannie, this is so cute! You look so handsome with your new collar~” 

San’s large black ears flattened slightly into his wild raven hair, his anger melting away within seconds. “Handsome?” he questioned, slowly lowering himself onto the bed, his half-clothed body pressing into yours, nuzzling your neck with the side of his head. “Do you really mean that? 

You ran your fingers through his hair, stroking the tip of one of his ears, causing him to let out a low whine, his tail wagging a bit. “Of course, silly…You’re my very handsome boy~” 

“Yay,” San murmured softly, a light blush forming on his angular cheekbones, his fluffy tail wrapping around one of your thighs. “I’m Y/N’s handsome boy, Yunho. Not you.” He stuck his tongue out at the vampire, ears twitching slightly, feeling more playful than bloodthirsty.  

“Sannie, baby, Yunho’s handsome too. Try to get along with him, okay? Can you do that for me?” you asked in a gentle voice, pressing your lips to San’s neck just above the collar and stroking his velvety tail, making him nod and whine again, sounding more needy. 

Yunho chuckled, taking one of your hands and running his thumb over your knuckles. “That’s all it takes, huh? What a simple creature.” 

You turned your head to shoot the vampire a fiery look, gritting your teeth. “Yunho, don’t start that up. Or else.” 

“Or else, what, my lovely plaything?” the vampire asked in a low tone, undoing the last button on his blazer and sliding it off, his chiseled porcelain body now on display.

“I’m surprised he’s not sparkling like in that one movie you showed me a couple weeks back,” San murmured into your ear, making you hold a finger up to his lips to shush him. 

Not caring to listen to the werewolf’s comment, Yunho laid down on the bed to press himself against your bare backside, his half-hard cock against your ass and his lips near your ear. “Or else what, princess? Or else you won’t let me fuck you until you’re too dick-drunk to function?” He feigned a small pout, nudging your neck with his nose and running his fangs across it, trying to ignore how much San marked you that particular night. “I thought you loved that.”

Taking notice of Yunho’s scent, which was giving off strong notes of oak aged vanilla, with small hints of citrus, you licked your lips and slowly exhaled when he just barely punctured your neck with his fangs. You didn’t bother stopping him from sliding a hand past your hip and in between your legs, allowing him to brush his fingers over your clit. “If you don’t stop being mean to San, I’ll put a spell on you that’ll make you hard forever…” 

“Mm, but you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Darling?” he returned, licking the blood that dribbled from your neck, causally slapping San’s hand away when he tried to play with your pussy as well, causing him to growl. “You’d let me fuck you day in and day out, wouldn’t you?” 

Leaning your head back and turning Yunho’s jaw to face you, you pressed kisses along his jaw, replying, “Only if you learn to share your plaything.” When he licked his lips, you grabbed the vampire’s hand to keep it still, allowing San to slip two large fingers inside you to scissor them apart, then quickly pump them in and out. “Yeah, that’s it, Sannie, just like that. Good boyyyy,” you addressed your other boyfriend, giggling at the werewolf’s toothy grin, his tail thumping against the mattress from your praise. Acknowledging Yunho’s twitching fingers, you let his hand go, looking down to watch their hands begin to work in tandem with one another, supplying you an intoxicating amount of pleasure. 

-

With your lower half lifted up into the air with your left leg hiked up over one of San’s solid shoulders, he rubbed and grabbed at your hickey-covered ass, sucking and licking at the bottom half of your slick cunt from in front of you. “Mmn, Y/N, so sweet…” he mumbled against your mound, slowly slurping up your arousal and spitting it back out, then moving the dripping mess around with his fingers. With his back towards you, Yunho sat on his knees facing San, clutching the inside of your other thigh and keeping it out of his way, his mouth latched onto you, swiping at your throbbing clit with his long forked tongue.

“F-uuuck, that feels good,” you breathed out, grabbing and pulling at the sheets, barely able to handle the visual of Yunho and San both lapping at your cunt, the vampire administering longer, steadier strokes with his tongue, which was quite different from the way the werewolf was licking your soaked folds and salivating on your slit like you were a juicy steak he was about to devour. “Oh my god, I’m gonna cum…” 

“Cum, baby,” they answered in unison, their voices low and gravelly, both consumed with their lust for you, not even caring when their tongues began to overlap. Yunho glanced up at San, his wide tongue spreading out over the expanse of your cunt, swiping from your clit down to your pulsing hole. Eyes narrowed, San pushed two fingers inside you to make you feel full, rubbing your g-spot in a way that made you cry out desperately from the intense pleasure. “Cumming! I’m cumming…!”  you yelled out, tears stinging the corners of your eyes from how overstimulated you were becoming. San pulled his creamy fingers out of you, but continued licking your cunt to collect your cum, until his tongue started to drag up and down Yunho’s, their spit mixing together with the influx of arousal. 

“Give me,” the vampire mumbled, grabbing the werewolf’s hand and bringing it to his mouth to lick the thick strings of cum and spit from his spread fingers. San watched with glazed-over eyes, leaning in to lick at his own fingers as well, their tongues entwining now and then. Yunho slurped the mixed fluids up into his mouth and grabbed San by the jaw, spitting it onto his tongue. “You like that, huh?” the vampire questioned, chuckling when San nodded, watching with interest as the werewolf started to let a thick wad of spit drip down his chin, encouraging Yunho to lap it up and swallow it down. 

You whimpered softly from what was occurring in front of you. Not only was it the hottest thing you’ve ever seen in your life, it felt almost orgasmic to witness your boyfriends finally getting along in such a filthy way. 

Once they were both satisfied, they simultaneously licked their lips and pulled out their heavy, throbbing cocks from the confines of their pants. They had a stare-down for a while, ravenous and thirsty for you, wanting to bury themselves deep inside your cunt as quickly as possible. Yunho spoke up first, claiming, “I made her cum when I sucked on her clit, so I should get to fuck her first.” 

San shook his head, countering, “She came once I finger-fucked her, so it’s actually my turn.” 

Yunho peered at the werewolf, about to argue with him when you interrupted him, “Just fuck me at the same time. It’s not that serious.” 

Never considering that to be a solution, Yunho and San exchanged glances, their glistening lips forming perverse smiles. “I’ll fuck her tight little ass and you’ll fuck her pretty cunt?” Yunho suggested, reaching out to shake San’s hand. San nodded his head adamantly, clutching the vampire’s hand and giving it a firm shake, the both of them sharing a series of delighted chuckles.

No matter what background they were from, men were kind of odd. Oh well, at least they weren’t fighting anymore. Instead, they were about to work together so that they could stuff themselves inside you. Team work. We love to see it.

-

Growling and making guttural noises from his collared throat, San shoved his cock as deep into your cunt as he possibly could, wanting to ensure that he would fill you up with his pups one day. “Gonna breed you, baby…Gonna make you a mommy,” the werewolf huffed out, drool leaking past his lips, angling his head downward, his eyes zoning in on the faint outline of his cock being forced in and out of your lower stomach. 

“Sounds good, Sannie,” you moaned out, barely able to get a deep breath in from being sandwiched in between the large men, laying on your side on the warm mattress, thankful that Yunho was holding your right thigh up from behind you, his cock sliding in and out of your other hole. You felt a piercing sensation on your collarbone, knowing Yunho was taking a healthy portion of your life source.

"So sweet...my Darling, your blood..." Yunho mumbled against your skin, licking and sucking at the bruising skin, unable to keep his breathing under control. "God, you drive me crazy. I just-"

San's loud growls and groans interrupted the vampire's train of thought, making him grow irritated. San had his head leaned down over your chest, eagerly sucking your tits into his mouth one at a time, nibbling, licking, and slobbering all over them. 

Disgusted, Yunho scowled across your shoulder at San, questioning harshly, “Why do you always have to make such a mess all the time? Dumb dog.”

San pursed his lips and let out a few long strings of spit onto your shiny tits, his golden eyes narrowing at Yunho’s crimson ones. “Because she loves it, onion boy.”

Yunho bared his blood-stained fangs at San, growling, “Onion boy?! That’s literally an old wive’s tale, you absolute d–”

They were both fully sheathed inside your holes, pumping themselves into you over and over again and they couldn't stop arguing even for a moment? How rude. Trying to focus on how heavy and warm your lower half was beginning to feel, your arousal coating the both of their moving cocks, you huffed dramatically, injecting, “Jesus Christ, will you two just fucking focus?”

Rolling his eyes, Yunho started sucking on your neck again, quietly sipping on your blood, still pounding his cock steadily into your ass. Hearing the loud, whiny-sounding moans you were letting out, he chuckled to himself, asking huskily, “You’re such a dirty little witch, aren’t you? Is one cock not enough for you now? You need two now just to cum?” 

San nodded his head in agreement, his shaggy black hair bouncing along with his movements, unable to respond verbally, too concentrated on making sure his pre-cum was reaching your womb, desperately wanting to fill you with his kin.

Personally, you didn't want to admit that you were a slutty little witch, in desperate need of being filled by your boyfriends as much as humanly possible. So, you simply shook your head, exhaling, "No...that's not it...It's so you two can finally get along..."

Yunho dragged his tongue up your neck to your jaw, nipping at it, grabbing your ass roughly and sighing into your ear, “Darling, you say that you’re doing this so that I get along with San, but you really just wanted both of your slutty little holes to be filled up at once, huh?” 

Inhaling sharply at the sensation of both Yunho and San slowing down their thrusts, allowing you to feel every inch of them rubbing against your slick, plush walls, you searched for an excuse inside your clouded mind. “This is a bonding experience for you two, so you can finally stop–unnh–bickering,” you argued back, leaning your head back on Yunho’s collarbone, panting heavily. “How does it feel being cock to cock with my Sannie? Tell me, Yunnie.” 

Leaning his head back, San let out a small howl, overwhelmed by the constant stimulation. Not only was he able to mark you with his scent, and pump his cock into your breeding hole, but he was also able to hear you call him yours. It felt so good, so good he started to drool again. 

Blushing, Yunho pressed his cold sweaty cheek onto yours, glancing over at San, not wanting to admit that it felt good when their cocks rubbed against one another. “It could feel worse, I guess.” 

San snapped out of his daze to growl, “Liar. I can feel your stupid, undead cock throbbing against mine!” 

Yunho blushed harder, the color now reaching his pointed ears. “That’s because I’m inside my Darling’s tight little hole, you dumb m–”

“That’s enough!” you shouted, reaching back to grab the back of Yunho’s head and leaning forward into San’s chest, pushing his head in the opposite direction, now sandwiched tightly between one extremely cool body and one that was radiating heat off of it like it was the surface of the sun. “Kiss and make up, or else I’ll recite a spell that’ll turn the both of you into vibrators.” 

It took a few seconds for the both of them to internally admit to themselves that they found each other to be extremely attractive, despite their differences. San made the first move, having to squish you against his large upper half to press his lips onto Yunho's, already swiping his tongue across the vampire's lower lip. One heated kiss led to another, and soon enough, San was lapping at Yunho’s tongue and sucking on it, his drool dripping down onto your face below. Yunho groaned periodically, his cock throbbing heavily inside you, eventually grabbing San’s face to deepen the kiss, shoving his tongue inside and moving it around to assert his dominance. 

You almost felt like you were under a spell yourself, watching their tongues and lips meet in a fervid manner, noticing how they occasionally used their fangs to bite at each other’s swollen lips, their mixed saliva dripping onto your flushed face now and then. “Kiss me too…” you eventually whispered to the both of them, watching them slowly split apart, the hatred in their eyes gone and instead filled with intrepid lust. 

Without hesitation, San slotted his lips onto yours, moaning into your mouth, his ears flattening down. It's desperate, full of passion and need, his teeth clinking against yours from how fast he’s moving his mouth against yours.

You could barely handle how much pleasure you were feeling, your cunt pulsing and dripping so much slick, you were surprised either of your boyfriends could even stay inside. "Gonna cum..." you moaned into San's mouth, tears forming inside the corners of your eyes.

Yunho suddenly grabbed your chin and moved it towards him, kissing you in a more deliberate manner, allowing you to savor every swipe of his tongue and the faint taste of your own blood. He started to buck his hips up into you, sloppy and desperate, breaking the kiss to groan, "I'm gonna fill this slutty little hole up with my load, princess."

"Fuck, Y/N...I'm cumming...you're gonna be a mommy for me, baby...my pretty mommy...full of my pups..." San grabbed onto one of your hips, digging his fingers into your soft flesh, suddenly emitting harsh, animal-like noises, fucking his own load into you as deep as he possibly could, wanting to make sure it reached your womb.

You couldn't even announce your own orgasm, only able to let out a strained scream, your eyes rolling back into your skull. Your arousal squirted out of you, coating both of your boyfriend's cocks, some of it forming a small puddle on the sheets below.

The three of you laid there in a pile, huffing and puffing, simply looking at one another's flushed, fucked-out faces. The three of you exchanged quiet 'i love you's', until you sat up and jumped up from the bed, a large amount of cum dribbling out of you and down your legs.

"What's wrong, Darling?" Yunho questioned, casually holding his arm out for San to join him, the werewolf laying down on the vampire's chest and looking up at you with a puzzled expression.

"Your cum...it's all coming out of me..." you whined, squeezing your thighs together. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick." And with that, you ran out of the dorm room to the bathroom across the hall as quick as you could. When you left, Yunho and San exchanged glances, their lips slowly curling up into the same suggestive smiles.

"Alright, that's better," you sighed to yourself, walking back into the room, only to stop in your tracks, a strong zap of arousal immediately striking your core. Were you seeing things right? You rubbed your eyes and blinked. San was sitting in Yunho's large lap, rutting against the vampire like a bitch in heat with his head leaned back, his tail curled around Yunho's thigh. Not only that, but Yunho had put one of San's leashes on for him, holding the end of it with a tight grip, suddenly yanking on it so that it San down onto him, causing their open mouths to meet.

"Hey!" you called out, a hand on your hip.

They both jumped, pulling away from each other to look up at you.

Your fake angry face disappeared and was quickly replaced with a wide smile. You giggled with delight, closing the door and running towards them to jump onto the bed. "Make room for me!" They laughed in unison and wrapped their limbs around you, pressing kisses to your face and neck.

"Darling," Yunho sighed happily, nuzzling your neck with his cheek, holding you close to him. San nuzzled you as well, giving your cheek a small affectionate lick, adding, "My Y/N....ready for round two?"

Despite the odds, it seemed this naughty fairytale had a happy ending, after all. A very happy ending. 

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FFF: @hwalysm @scuzmunkie @creativechaoticloner @dilucpegg3r @yeosxxx @gemjimin @wonwowzers @sanjoongie @manipulatedstars @k-drizzle 

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© kitten4sannie, 2023.

[koishua]

10 QUESTIONS FOR U - valentines edition

favorite color of roses?

favorite flowers?

you can send a love letter to anyone. fictional/idols/celebs. who?

which idols have the best rizz?

most rizzful mutual?

favorite petnames/nicknames? giving or recieving?

fictional characters you're in love with?

have you ever had an online crush?

songs that you want to play at your wedding?

fav breakup songs?

fav love-themed kpop song?

mutual with beautiful themes?

pink vs red ? coquette vs old money / preppy?

favorite sweets?

DRINK WATER + YOU ARE LOVED <3

aww thank you!! you're super lovely and loved too :((

blue roses, but i really really like light pink ones as well. the flower shop i used to work at had a bunch of colours hehe

i really really really like carnations and freesias and also there's a magnolia tree close by and its pink flowers are to die for

girl bye im way ahead of you im sending one to yoshinori lmao but like not in a romantic sense like i have never thought of him that way but i really do want to send him a love letter of sorts to express how much he means to me!! platonically!!

rizz... i would have to say for me personally heejake, jiwoong, jimin bc he's an actual people magnet, sunwoo omfg sunwoo goodbye?????? but the thing is san imo too?? i also kind of wanna add ningning too bc i would fold in point two seconds... also yunjin bc as much as i have always been a loyal chaewon ult, i would quite literally pass out if she looked at me like she looks at the girlies she's effortlessly rizzed

none of y'all have rizz goodness gracious bye in my head all of you are either cute or scary gremlins

i get called a bajillion nicknames irl idek atp?? but here i really really like it when ria calls me enna i just find it so so cute but i also like it when people call me vie!! it's short and simple and also kind of humorous bc c'est la vie. ps. i die of joy when ppl still call me vera from time to time tyvm it's like being reminded of my roots AS FOR PET NAMES!! i once got called kitten and it made me promptly hurl it was insane just insane it felt like an out of body exp. i love it when my friends call me girlie tho it makes me feel like such a girly pop. one of my friends calls me her honey and it's saur heartwarming. as for giving....... i like to call people my child lmao they could be older than me idc all of my friends are first and foremost my children. other than that i can't really call anyone anything else it's so awkward for me to give any sort of affection lol

im in love with natsume hyuga from gakuen alice idk if y'all know but me personally oof that black cat oof oof i used to burn with a passion for him. also chat noir from miraculous... im sensing a theme here. also jeong guwon bc he's an ass babygirl that i find super duper annoying but also sth about him being so big and protective like GIRLIESSSSS. although im always ALWAYS reserved for han seojun and han seojun only.

i never had a real online crush so no. really admired? yeah lots

never thought about that yet hold on i feel so ashamed as a self proclaimed the most hopeless romantic!! canon in D— just kidding. probably soft piano versions to romantic iu songs hehe

never felt it, but probably ending scene by iu bc i cry every time

SAURRRR MANY i have to create a list bc im an avid romantic genre listener omgomg

i haven't seen them in a while im sorry i can't pick ;-; @atrirose @boyfhee @yrhome @niningz @blueprint-han @cotccotc off the top of my head?? love your mobile themes muah muah i haven't seen your webs so i can't say much about them but im sure they're great!!

always a sucker for deep red and the old money aes. even had individual themes for both!! and i love when ppl dress preppy but i can't pull it off :(

I LOVE ANYTHING CHOCOLATE !! AND COFFEE !! opera cake, tiramisu, brownies, profiteroles, etc etc!!

[envirae]

describe ur moots!! <3

I HAVEN'T DONE A GAME LIKE THIS IN SO LONG NONNIE TYSM I LOVE THESE

i'm just gonna do my twitter baes + some of my newer tumbles moots bc they're the only ones i acc talk to lolz (not all of them are active on tumbles!!)

kyla (@yyx2) - KYLA THE LOML one of the og mafia mommies <3 ky has literally been someone i've looked up to since the moment i met her she's SO COOL AND ONE OF THE PRETTIEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER SEEN. one of the first mutuals i got truly truly close with and i love her so much. i am so incredibly proud to know her she's one of the best people i've ever met i could actually talk about her for DAYS.

val (@fairybinie) - another one of the mafia mommies!!! val has always been one of the most kind-hearted souls i've ever met like they truly deserve the world and so much more. my life was truly so empty without val i'm so glad i got them back in my life 😔😔 literally never letting them go again!!!!

mika (@en-fvr) - my soulmate :( the moment i met mika we just clicked because we literally are the same person and i hate to admit it but she's literally one of the funniest people on this planet. we literally share a brain cell and i knew!!! i knew!!! that we would find each other again even after i left!!! i'm so glad i reconnected with her because i truly love her more than anything and i missed her saur much while i was ia (mika's not rlly on tumblr anymore but if she does read this you're literally stinky and all of that was nawt me...)

liz (@junityy) - LIZ IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD i actually don't know how long i have been mutuals with her but even before we were close i would literally just watch her from afar on the dash because SHE'S SO COOL AND I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER SO BAD and when i did become friends with her i have not regretted it since she's perfect i love her

mita (@eternallyhyucks) - i still remember first interacting with her because she's the hyuck to my ren!!! always has been always will be!!! i am actually in love with mita she is the sweetest person ever she actually makes me blush and giggle and kick my feet around. she is such a beautiful soul i feel so grateful to know her <3

may (@tyunni) - may's humor is so fucking top tier every time i see her on my twt tl i actually laugh my ass off you don't understand ALSO HER REPLIES TO MY TWEETS MAKE ME SO HAPPY SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL SEEN 😭🫶also i have literally been a fan of may since i FIRST JOINED TUMBLR like i've always just thought she was so cool and i'm so

nadia (@yjwfav) - nadia and i are literally the same person like she's literally me but 10000x COOLER LIKE HELLOOO SHE'S ME BUT IF I WAS ACTUALLY COOL AND FUNNY AND SUCCESSFUL. seeing nadia on tl just makes me so happy and i definitely want to get closer to her now that i'm back <3 nads if u read this ilysm text me pooks i wanna talk 2u

flo (@useraerin) - FLOOOO i just became moots with her recently but she is THE KINDEST SOUL EVER!!! i love talking to her it actually brings me such joy. ALSO SHE'S SO TALENTED AT MAKING HEADER'S ALSO SHE'S JUST SO FUNNY OMDFKJDSFKA. i'm so happy we became moots because we click so well and i hope we can get super duper close!!

lily (@yswon) - lily!!! another one of my recent moots but actually one of the coolest people ever omfg. she was so quick to reach out to me once we became moots and she was so so sweet!! her writing is SO GOOD like she's so fucking talented omfjfgdkjfddfa. would love to get closer to her because she's so cool and her theme is sooo yes!!!!

[onlyseokmins]

show and tell was one of the first seokmin fics i read on here when i was still SUPER new to caratblr and !! I distinctly remember thinking god i really wanna be friends w whoever wrote this bc the humor just flowed so fucking good 😭

I swear i'm not exaggerating when i say your personality is encapsulated in the way you write bc i also noticed that when i was reading your hoshi camboy fic (a tiger's dominion?? IM SORRY IM BAD AT REMEMBERING TITLES) and your most recent chan fic, i was in the trenches trying not to die laughing,,,, kai on the front lines of the ijbol team 😔😔😔

anyway what makes ur work so unique to me is how you manage to juxtapose all that humor w the plot AND the smut bc wow! I was just laughing 2 minutes ago why is my pussy suddenly throbbing for seokmin now 🥲

SAWRRY I RAMBLED i actually wanna interact more wt you but couldn't really find a way to go about it without seeming like i'm being overfamiliar AJJDKSKAAK

kai omgg I distinctly remember the moment you reblogged show and tell and WHERE I WAS lmao I was like ahHHHH this person is saur cool rattling cage STOP I immediately loved how you had picked up on my lil jokes :’ ) fsjdkgjakdgj stop again you FLATTER me way too much I’m shrieking (fjsdkjf you’re right dw and fr I’m the same too lol) you know what, i love that you're on the front lines of me being funny. i love humor SO MUCH i'll chortle like a lil demon when i'm writing and it's okay bc as long as it's funny to ME I will survive but naur <3 wait you're TOO kind i'm rofl i feel like sex with seokmin would be exactly that *self indulgent noise*

PLS DON'T APOLOGIZE I HOPE U KNOW I'M KITHING U FROM AFAR :') i'm REALLY shy and also dumb/forgetful/lazy more often than not but i also love telling people i've never interacted with that i'll bite and makeout with them so PLS don't worry abt being overfamiliar (i hear a lot abt u from rj and i inherently already know what a sexci individual you are anyways brb let me start bothering you more often then fsjdkf)

Tell me your favorite fic ❤

[seungstarss]

HI HELLO 💓 i think you're such a fun person to talk to and I was wondering if you have any tumblr moots you're close with? im new on here so idrk how to find some not only good quality blogs but people who are as friendly as you!

Hi anon! I'll recommend you some really amazing written fic writers bc they need lots of support and feedback, so I hope you enjoy their fics because I personally love them!!

@maiverie HELLO LIKE MAI IS REALLY AMAZING, and plus you said someone friendly too? So yes mai is so so fun and she's a great writer!! Her fics are really intense and always has me on the end of my chair. "Open sesame" was saur good like I was just screaming every chapter so def check out her works!!

@wonvelvet how can there be a rec list with yeonie amirite?? Literally another godly writer??? Like I was her fan even before I started writing here 😱 she was literally the first person I followed after making this account! But her fics are amazing, every single one of them!! Her language is just perfectly formulated and her descriptions are just beautiful. She sets the mood perfectly with her words and gosh it's just fucking amazing

@jaeyunverse raven is just 🤩 chefs kiss at writing!! Her hee fic "always been you" is UGH UGH UGH I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT!! plus she had an smau on her previous blog and it was SO FUNNY??? I think I saw a post where raven said she may post it on her new account (RAVEN CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG) but def look out for that!! Oh also!! There was this one sunghoon one-shot where he k*lls the main character (it sounds vulgar im sorry) but IT WAS SO GOOD H E LP

@hyukaas oh my gosh, Mira is cannot go missing on a list like this!! I'm sorry but her jungwon fic literally started my whole jungwon bias wrecking me thing??? HELLO??? It was amazing?? HURT ME SO BAD BUT ⁉️⁉️⁉️ THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT?? like the way won talked really just hit and hurt me like a bitch 😭 anyways Mira has an smau as the sequel of the fic and it's just as intriguing!! Oh and also her sunghoon fic is gold (tsundere hoon HITS DIFFERENT)

@jayflrt we're not moots but I just wanted to include her bc ofc we cannot forget the queen! Her fics are just.... I have no words. You're just gonna have to read and see because bestie you're up for some story binging!! Not only are her written fics amazing but "sugar daddy" is my comfort smau 😭 Alice is just SO FUNNY. And when I say her humor is actually elite.... I mean it with my whole ass chest okay. Like EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER CRACKED ME UP SO BAD 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE HER WORKS!

[come-to-the-day]

Say Cheese and Die - Again: Weight gain, part 2

You know, I used to think Greg’s weight gain was slow and constant. But making these posts,  I can only imagine it being step by step, Greg “chubbing up” from time to time in a cartoonish way, you know, like the character suddenly becomes bigger with a “boing” sound. You see what I mean? If you don’t, go look at the weight gain on Kamen no Maid Guy (I’ll make a post about it too).

 So, a new day for Greg, who keeps getting fatter and fatter.

He has to go to school, despite all of his pleas and begging, because his parents said so. Greg doesn’t want to, knowing very well that all of the kids will mock him. 

Since his usual clothes are now too small for him, he has to wear one of his dad’s running suits, and it is still tight . He mentions that he waddles, and again talks of his fat knees (don’t know what’s his obsession with them). Greg is extremely embarrassed, convinced that when cars approach him, people inside must laugh about the “big mound of Jell-O bouncing” that he is. Yes, because he has to walk to school instead of taking a car : he can’t fit anymore in the Honda Civic of his parents. He also mentions that he has to squeeze through the front door of his middle school. 

However, surprisingly, at school nobody mocks him. It’s worse. They just stare at him, without saying anything. They don’t do jokes, but they also don’t speak to him at all. Greg is convinced that the other kids are afraid, since now he looks like “one of the balloons in the Thanksgiving Parade”. Now, an interesting thing to note is the reason why Greg thinks other kids are afraid of him. In the original English text, he mentions that kids must be afraid that he will “fall on them” if they get too close. However, in the French translation, it is written that he thinks people are afraid that he is contagious and that they will catch his sickness if they got too close to him. I also noticed that the French translations changes one or two little things, mostly removing some parts about Greg’s embarrassment about his new weight. The translator probably thought it was too ridiculous or cruel to fat kids. (If you follow my main blog and have read my article about Goosebumps translation, you’ll know that the French translator seems to have a thing for fat people and thus doesn’t like them being put through horrible things).

So, the day is pretty good, everybody leaving Greg in peace, him not doing anything to be noticed… until Mr. Saur’s class. And here we have the best example of verbal child abuse I have seen in a long time. Mr. Saur comments that Greg probably wouldn’t fit in a normal chair, and asks him to stand by the window. Then, he says that Greg is blocking all of the sunlight, and commands him to go to the nurse so that she can explain to him the food groups, because he has “been eating too much of all four”. That is the twisted sense of humor of Mr. Saur. At least the kids in the class don’t laugh, they just look saddened, knowing this is something too grave to be laughed at. And, to go through the nurse’s door, he has to lift his “huge stomach” with both of his hands.

 After school, Greg has to go to a doctor. His dad rented a van, since Greg couldn’t fit in a normal car. His dad helps him squeezing through the door, and Greg ends up occupying all of the backseat, and not being able to put on the seat belt. It is also mentioned that his dad is driving slowly, and Greg insists on the fact that the van must be slowed down because of his weight. (Now, I’m just going to say I sincerely believe Greg is exaggerating a lot in his descriptions. Since he is a really athletic kid, not used to being fat, I’m pretty sure all of that just made him do self-depreciation. Or maybe it’s part of the curse, he sees himself as worse than he actually is? Don’t know. Else it’s a really, really extreme weight gain.)

At the doctor, the scale can’t go high enough to get Greg’s weight, and the stethoscope keeps getting stuck in the folds of flab on Greg’s chest. The doctor is baffled, unable to tell what it is, and decides to analyze blood samples.

 Back at home, Greg calls Shari (who has now lost more and more pounds, making her look even more thinner). He mentions that he needs all his strength to raise his “huge, flabby arm and hold the receiver up to the bulging flesh of [his] face”. And his finger is so fat he keeps hitting two numbers at once. They decide that they will meet at Shari’s house to find how to save themselves.

Greg keeps getting out of breath, and thinks that if he gets even fatter, he’ll probably explode. (In the book, it is a metaphor, but it was used literally in the TV show and some people also interpreted it as literal in the book, Greg’s skin getting so tight that it would rip if he gained more pounds). During his travel to Shari’s house, there are other small interesting mentions, like how an umbrella couldn’t cover his while body or how the folds of flab around his face muffle his voice. At Shari’s house, he gets out of breath from going up the stairs, and he tries to sit carefully on her bed, as to not break it. But it breaks anyway, making Greg worry about how, if he gets bigger, he will be unable to go through doors or  tpget out of his house. He describes his hand as “fat and spongy” with fingers “too fat to cross”, and that his arms and legs are barely strong enough to push his huge body on his feet. Shari doesn’t even want to sit next to him, because she isso skinny and he’s so fat that, if he falls on her, he’ll crush her without a doubt. 

They decide to take a new picture of Greg, thinking that it could possibly reverse the curse (I think they go by the principle that the camera can only inflict one curse at a time, and as result if they put another curse on Greg the first one will disappear). However it doesn’t work. First, the picture shows him still enormously fat (Interestingly, in the French translation it’s mentioned that the picture shows him “even fatter”). And second, there is a really nasty side effect… I’m going to mention it, but it’s not kink fuel. Or it’s a really weird and creepy kink.  His skin becomes scaly, like a reptile skin. Itchy red patches develop all over his body, his skin cracking and flaking off when he scratches, chunks of dry skin falling everywhere. The worst thing is that he is too fat to scratch areas of his body like his back or behind his neck. They also think of maybe ripping up the pictures, but then fear that their body might be ripped into pieces.

Then they get the idea that would save them: turn the negative into a positive and the positive into a negative. Hopefully, Greg’s brother, Terry, works at a photo store. Going there is a real trial for the “elephant” that he is, because he has to catch his breath every few steps. And his brother doesn’t recognize him at first because he has put on four hundred pounds. And he also mentions that, on the picture, he doesn’t look like four hundred pounds anymore, but a ton. His arms are now so fat he can barely raises them to the level of his neck. He mentions that in a few hours, he’ll be unable to walk, because right now all the weight is making his legs hurt. But unfortunately he can’t take a seat, because it would break.

 And the changing of the pictures works. Well not immediately, but the following morning he is back to normal.

 So here you go. That was Say Cheese and Die – Again, for you ladies and gentlemen.

 Now, I just want to express my true surprise at seeing how little of kink-art or kink-fiction this book created. There was one comic book by prisonsuit-rabbitman that was never finished, a drawing by another artist that used that, and I think that’s it.

Seriously, you have all you want here. If you take the story, change the plot a bit and the names but keep the weight gain, you get a weight gain fic like any other one.

[maiverie]

WAAAHHH I just love misconduct sm,,, It's so so so good!!!

I can't even seem to stop laughing whilst reading & at this point idk if it has to do with my broken humor or just the fact that this is just saur silly!!!

My friend was sleeping next to me when Sunghoon approached Ningning & it was torturous to have to contain my laughter like that,,, (pretty sure I cried)

I was wondering if I could be added to the taglist if that's possible??

I hope u are having a good day/night & taking care of urself :))

BAHAHAHA HIII OMG thank you so much for even reading it wth??? 😭😭💖 pls im so glad it made u laugh (its genuinely all i want to achieve w this smau) HAHDHA AND NOT U W UR FRIEND??? HELPPP that’s actually so funny bc same i’m always hiding my ffs from my friends 💀💀

yes omg i absolutely can!! super honoured to have u on board 🥹 i love ur icon and i had a quick scroll thru ur blog and all the moodboards you rb are so so so pretty 😭 I LOVE UR AESTHETIC SO MUCH 😭 hope u have the best day/night too! :>

[mess-messenger]

Hi, can I request hc of RFA+ minor trio (is it too much?) on MC who has bad sense of humor just like Jumin.

I’m sorry but i dont write Vanderwood. You couldn’t know since I just found out when i wrote this that i have no idea how he/she (don’t judge idk lmao) would react so sorry for that!————————-✨ Yoosung* The two of you were just watching a movie * It was a comedy so Yoosung was laughing 24/7* You thought it was okay jokes didn’t really seem funny to you * “Hey MC why aren’t you laughing is something wrong” he asked* “Nah i just don’t think its that funny but watching tou laugh is” lololol* “ alright tell me something funny then” * You were like o shit* “ one time I called my teacher mom lol” * “And then what?”* “I cried” * Yoosung would have this awkward laugh * He would laugh at your jokes but only because he loves you lol

✨ Zen* You and Zen were on a date* Zen was telling you cheesy pickup lines all day* They were actually really funny aswell* The date was coming to an end * And Zen asked “ hey this may be silly but could you tell me your cheesiest pickup line” * After 10 minutes you replied with:* “ is your name ‘my future husband’ bc you are” * Zen was like * …* O* Ha ha ha * Good one Mc* He’d never ask you again lmao

✨ Jaehee* Ok but jaehee would laugh at you no matter what like i cannot think of a reason why she wouldn’t laugh ahsndnsnns sorry

✨ Jumin * You were sitting next to Jumin when he told Seven another “joke”* Seven literally facepalmed himself* “Shut up Jumin” * “Hey I thought it was funny” you said defending Jumin* “Well tell us a joke then MC” * Everyone was waiting for you to open your mouth * “How does Elizabeth ask for a treat?” “Can i have a treat Pawlease”* It was silent * Then Jumin laughed * Yes he laughed * Everyone was like this is a match made in heaven

✨ Seven * He’s the pun master * So of course he was telling you tons of puns * “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Hes all right now.”* “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”* “Hey mc tell me a pun” * “I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.”* Seven laughed* “That was so bad it actually made me laugh”* He would teach you how to tell funny puns so don’t worry

✨ Saeran* He was having a bad day* Seven tried to cheer him up * But Saeran only wanted your attention * So you bought him ice cream * And you decided to tell him a joke* Because jokes always make you laugh* “ i asked my mom if i was adopted once. Hilarious, she replied. Why would we choose you?”* Saeran stopped eating is ice cream * “Well thats sad” * And then he hugged me* “Saeran it was a joke”* “I know and it sucked lol”

✨ V* You were having dinner * V was talking about how he loves you * You just kept laughing because it was adorable * “Hey mc why wont you try to make me laugh?” * “Oh sure lemme think” * You thought about the perfect joke and finally * “What do you call a blind dinosaur? A-do-you-think-he-saur-us ” * …* “Hahah very funny Mc” * It was an awkward laugh but V loves you too much not to laugh at your jokes