#the human experience is truly varied and wide

[siggiedraws]

Sonic is fundamentally unrelatable and unrealistic - and that's a good thing

I want to address a common sentiment in the fandom that I've seen countless times over the years - the idea that Sonic should be more humanlike. Specifically, the idea that Sonic should have more human traits, such as anxiety or insecurities, that make him emotionally vulnerable in some way.

I have always felt that this sentiment strips away what I love about Sonic so much—that it goes against his character as someone who is meant to be inspirational rather than relatable. From the bottom of my heart, I truly believe that making Sonic more relatable ruins his appeal and misses the entire point of what role he is meant to fulfill. Sonic being the way he is, an inhuman being that is extremely strong and unyielding mentally and emotionally, makes him an inspirational character that is appealing outside of the realm of relatability.

Please note that I am discussing Game Sonic for this essay, not any versions of Sonic from spinoff media.

(Special thanks to @blurredblu for helping me write this essay!)

Relatability =/= likeability

First, it is important to define "relatability" for the rest of the essay, as what is seen as relatable can vary across countless different cultures and lifestyles.

In this case, we are discussing facets of the human psyche. Traits such as emotional vulnerability, insecurity, or trauma are traits seen as humanlike because they imitate the depth of the human mind. They come across more realistic, and thus relatable to people in real life who have generally gone through emotional hardships.

Relatability is also considered with the implied audience in mind, according to Craft in the Real World by Matthew Salesses.

If relatability were somehow a goal of craft, then the question should be: How can a writer go about trying to make a piece of fiction relatable? If we mean “relatable” as sharing a reader’s experience, the first place to go is audience. We must always ask: Relatable to whom? Which brings us back to the elephant in the room—to call a manuscript “relatable” is really to make a claim about who the audience is or should be.

When writing relatability in fiction, what is important to recognize is who the target audience is. Sonic is a character that was initially created to appeal to a wide target audience, not only meant for young boys but for girls, women, and an older age range in general. When it comes to marketability however, Sonic is almost always advertised towards children, and this demographic is the most pertinent when we look at versions of Sonic written with relatability as a goal. With this idea of the target audience in mind, a character who is portrayed as young and having a childish temperament would be more relatable. The Paramount Sonic movies are a great example of a version of Sonic explicitly written to be relatable to the target demographic on a broad level, heavily influenced by the culture that the movies derive from: specifically a middle-class, suburban, small-town vision of American life. Sonic is portrayed as dependent, inexperienced, and abiding by a nuclear family structure who idolises many elements of American popular culture, such as Keanu Reeves or Marvel/DC superhero comics. Compare this to the games, where Sonic is shown to be self-supporting, wise, and living life as an unfettered vagabond, all without a trace of any pop culture utterances.

In other words, Sonic was created to be the height of unrelatability to his target audience.

It is not lost on me that the prevalent desire for Sonic to behave realistically ties into the idea that the goal of crafting a good character is to emulate realistic human characteristics. A character's relatability is what allows audiences to connect with the character, which is considered unequivocally a good thing.

What is forgotten in this rudimentary line of thinking is that characters in media need to fulfill a role. Characters are not people like you or me, but fictional creations made to serve a particular purpose. There needs to be thought put into what narrative role the character fulfills and why they are portrayed a certain way to the audience. Hence, there must be a reason for the relatability, instead of employing it haphazardly.

To quote Craft in the Real World once more:

"readers’ expectations for fiction are created by their previous experiences with fiction—in other words, by culture."

The desire for Sonic to be relatable can be attributed to people recognizing pervasive tropes present in their previous experiences with fiction, internalizing these commonalities as the correct way to write good stories, and assigning these to Sonic as a result. While I can understand the logic behind this thinking, it is crucial we don't limit our appraisal of media by saying a protagonist ought to abide by a certain limitation, when it's the breaking of rules, however rigid they are, that allow for different methods of storytelling. Sonic breaks the so-called rule that a protagonist must be relatable, and it's this unrelatability that enhances and strengthens the narrative in many Sonic games. In other words, writing Sonic in a relatable way can be a way to write him; that does not mean it is the only or correct way to do so.

We should bear in mind that there are usually financial incentives to cast characters as mentally or emotionally relatable to audiences. To create a protagonist that appeals to all audiences to maximize revenue, the solution is typically to make them broadly relatable. While this can be a successful formula, it is important to not apply it to media indiscriminately. If a myriad of works all prioritise having characters be relatable over what makes them unique, you may end up sacrificing creative integrity for the sake of following a trend. In Sonic's case, you would lose the inimitable appeal that makes him stand out. While relatability can be valuable in certain contexts, it should not dominate all other considerations of writing a character, especially when it is done for the purposes of profitability as opposed to earnestly conveying a character to, ultimately, tell a story.

What makes Sonic stand out

What, then, makes Sonic stand out as a character? His inhuman mental fortitude. In a wide and varied cast of characters such as the Sonic cast, each with their own unique emotional struggles, Sonic stands out as the sole character with no struggle. He has no weak point, no Achilles' heel. Though he is weak to water, that is only a physical weakness. Mentally, he is too strong for anything to affect him long-term.

As stated before, characters are designed to serve specific creative purposes. In Sonic's case, his striking mental resilience is to highlight other messages and characters in the story. This is because Sonic usually plays the guiding or support role in his stories. He is not the sole focus. There is always at least a second character that the story focuses on to highlight that character's problems and struggles, and how that character ends up overcoming that conflict, often with Sonic's help.

With all this in mind, would Sonic stories be improved if Sonic was, instead, a human-like character with human flaws and insecurities? Or would this muddy his core concept and require all Sonic stories to be changed unrecognizably to fit this new, different character?

Sonic has no backstory - and that's a good thing

Understand that this section is not an attack on backstories in general. For the most part, backstories provide insight into a character's motivations and personality. They are effective in accomplishing what they were meant to do - creating characters that are meant to be realistic.

Sonic is not meant to be realistic.

Yuji Naka once stated the reason behind Sonic's lack of a backstory in an interview: if you uncover all the mysteries, then the character will become uninteresting.

Very little information of Sonic's backstory has been revealed. We know that he is from Christmas Island (same interview link as above) and it is implied in the Sonic 1 manual that he and Eggman already know each other and have been regularly tussling before the events of the first game. These are vague and unspecific details that are not brought up in Sonic games at all, and for good reason.

Distance is required to portray a character who you are meant to be separate from rather than analogous to. Maintaining a certain level of mystery around Sonic creates intrigue, as a question is begged but never answered or even brought up in Sonic stories. This is because Sonic's backstory has no relevance on the narrative and delving into it is not necessary.

Sonic's motivations are simple and straightforward. He likes to run and go on adventures because it's fun. He likes to help people not out of some heroic obligation but because he wants to do what he feels is right. There is no need for a backstory to explain Sonic's motivations when they are plainly presented to you in such an uncomplicated manner, and what's on the face of it is just wholly what it is.

Sonic is also a character that remains static rather than having a major character arc. While he can grow when it comes to things that don't affect his overall character, such as Sonic learning and overcoming Shadow's Chaos Control technique in Sonic Adventure 2, he has no emotional conflict to overcome. He has been a fully realized character since the beginning of the franchise.

Compare this to a character like Tails, whose character arc is about him being bullied for his two tails in the past and being inspired by Sonic to be more confident in himself, as communicated in the Sonic 2 manual and his Sonic Adventure campaign. Divulging Tails' backstory is necessary for the improvement of Tails' circumstances and confidence levels to be effectively communicated in the story.

Fictional characters are narrative devices created to tell a story. They are not real. Again, there must be narrative reasons for them to be the way they are.

Providing Sonic's backstory would serve no narrative purpose—none that would serve the themes his stories and character are meant to serve, at any rate.

Sonic has no trauma - and that's a good thing

Upon analyzing Sonic's character in the games for so long, it has become astoundingly clear to me that Sonic does not have an ounce of mental trauma from everything he has been through. This should not be seen as a bad thing, but rather a well-thought-out and deliberate decision that serves to reinforce the role his character serves.

In the face of situations that would be considered stressful or traumatic to the average person, Sonic remains unfazed and even excited. There are countless examples of this: Sonic jumping from a plane with nothing but shrapnel to use as a surfboard in Sonic Adventure 2; Sonic expressing excitement that he's near an active volcano spewing lava in '06; Sonic exuberantly grinding over pits of lava in Black Knight; Sonic burning up with excitement at the prospect of dangerous stakes in Team Sonic Racing while everyone else seems to be concerned.

For Sonic, danger and near-death experiences are not a source of emotional struggle, but rather a source of fulfilment and joy. He lives life on the edge; the excitement of diving off of a plane or nearly falling into lava only fuels his love for life.

Additionally, Sonic also enjoys the simpler pleasures of life. Exploring the world. Reading books. Going on relaxing vacations. Racing through open fields. Life is one big adventure and Sonic is having a blast living it.

The idea of Sonic having some kind of secret, hidden trauma that he hides under the guise of a fake smile can be a fun fanon trope, but, for the purposes of canon and official Sonic stories, there are clear reasons why they should stay as fanon. If Sonic had trauma, it would undermine his unrelatability and make no sense given his role in his stories. Tropes such as Hurt/Comfort and Angst are ubiquitous when it comes to fandom culture, and this could be a case of those tropes appearing in the Sonic fandom simply due to the nature of fandom itself. Enjoying fanon in and of itself is all well and good, but advocating for it in canon will homogenize it by stripping away what is unique about the media we love.

In the end, there is no reason to believe that Sonic pretends or does not behave genuinely when it comes to expressing his true emotions. Sonic simply has nothing dark inside of his heart to hide. This is confirmed in Unleashed, where Sonic's heart is strong enough to resist the negative emotional forces of Dark Gaia without him even realizing. The subconscious nature of the action combined with his humility even leads him to initially think it to be Chip's doing. His heart is so strong and so pure that it is incorruptible by negative forces. This shows how Sonic's resolve is effortless and practically baked into who he is.

Sonic's internal strength is completely unconscious on Sonic's part. He doesn't actively try to be the way he is. He just is.

Sonic doesn't cry - you get the idea

It has become a hot topic in the fanbase in recent years that Sega once provided a revision note for Sonic to not express excessive emotion such as outwardly crying or sobbing.

This idea has generally been met with hostility and aversion from fans. However, this negative reaction has always confused me, and I hope to offer a different perspective to the issue.

Why does Sonic need to cry?

Let's expand on this argument for fairness' sake. A common rebuttal grants that Sonic doesn't usually cry. But in extremely emotionally difficult situations, such as loss or mourning, Sonic should cry because it is only natural to cry in such a situation.

Again, I want to challenge this notion. We could approach it from the angle of human psychology and behaviour—it is far from the case that everyone cries in response to severe adversity, belatedly or otherwise—but instead I want to explore this with respect to the narrative angle we have covered so far. Specifically, with respect to the idea that characters, unlike you or me, are designed and portrayed with certain purposes in mind.

Why would it be natural for Sonic to cry?

To help understand Sonic's handling of loss, let's analyze four examples from the series of Sonic losing someone.

In Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic stays strong and composed right after Shadow's presumed death, paying respect to his fallen ally.

In Sonic Unleashed, after Chip leaves him, Sonic takes a deep breath before moving forward with a smile on his face.

In Sonic Battle, Sonic is desperate for Emerl to live and expresses this openly.

In Sonic '06, Sonic expresses a great amount of despair when Elise dies in an explosion aboard the Egg Carrier.

It is clear from the outset that Sonic is not an uncaring individual - he wouldn't do all the selfless things he does if not because he didn't care about people. He also still feels strong emotion at losing those close to him, but he handles those emotions with a great deal of fortitude. In Adventure 2 and Unleashed, his reaction is more subdued, while in Battle and '06, it's clear that Sonic is upset and isn't afraid to show it. The difference could be due to that in the prior examples, Sonic watched them die in front of his eyes, while in the latter examples, they were already gone by the time we see Sonic's reaction.

Nevertheless, Sonic feels emotion. It is only because he does not express himself in an adequately typical way that this idea is met with so much outrage and pushback. Because Sonic does not cry, and because an expected response in certain scenarios would be to cry, it is perceived as a writing mistake that must be fixed. Sonic is perceived as a bad character because he does not fit into a rigid box of socially acceptable expressiveness.

But why is Sonic acting outside the norm necessarily a bad thing? The fact that Sonic can go through such hard situations and remain positive is a testament to his strength. The fact he doesn't cry makes him come across as superhuman when it comes to mental fortitude. That is not a mistake of his character that needs "fixing." That is the entire point.

The animosity towards the idea of Sonic not crying, that he must express himself a specific way, a distinctly normal and humanlike way, is stirred from the irrational, yet sadly common, leap in logic that Sonic must behave and experience life like you or me.

There is an irony, too, to how localised this demand of realism is of Sonic. I've seen no outrage demanding that he spill blood or break bones like us. But, apparently, he must shed tears to be a good character. Sonic is superhumanly resilient while running, or fighting, or taking on the miraculous powers of the Chaos Emeralds. Chaos is power and power is enriched by the heart. Sonic's is shown to be one of the strongest and purest out there, one that moves ever on from and through the pain of loss, grief, and tragedy. Isn't it bizarre, then, that this is considered a defect to him?

The messaging of Sonic

Sonic's core concept as an inspirational character must be maintained because it is key to the emotional messaging of nearly every single Sonic game.

Right from the very first game, you play as a plucky little hedgehog, fighting against the tyranny of Eggman's industrialization threatening to destroy all life on the planet.

Sonic is small and unassuming. But he fights anyways, determined to stop Eggman. And he does.

This concept remains throughout the franchise. Sonic always remains steadfast in the face of great adversity. From Sonic CD's "You Can Do Anything" vocal theme telling the player to believe in themselves to simple yet motivational phrases—ones that Sonic himself has given to the likes of more normal characters such as Elise: "If you have time to worry, then run!"

There is even a quote on the Japanese box art of Sonic & Knuckles comparing Sonic to the Sun, the far and unreachable star in space that our entire galaxy revolves around.

We look up at the Sun like how we look up to Sonic.

As brought up earlier, Sonic is the antithesis of relatability to his target audience, children.

This is because he is meant to inspire children.

The fact that Sonic remains so popular and successful to this day is undeniable proof that relatability is far from a necessary ingredient for likeable characters. Given the fact that Sonic is such a strong-willed character, that he fights endlessly against adversity with a smile on his face, that he always gives positive words of encouragement, is it any wonder why he is so popular with children? Sonic is a wonderful role model that promotes living life to the fullest. Sonic is deceptively wise, seeming to know simple yet effective solutions to every problem. Sonic encourages you to chase your dreams, to stay strong through hard times, to enjoy life.

Sonic is a friend who is always there for you.

Not only does Sonic provide guidance to characters, he provides guidance in the real world as we navigate our lives and the trials and tribulations that come with them. Each character that presents a problem is the character we are meant to connect with, and Sonic is who we strive to be.

CONCLUSION

I do not hold any grudge against relatable characters. I love them, just as I love all kinds of different characters in all kinds of media.

I believe that coexistence is possible. I believe that you can praise a character for their relatability and realism, just as you can praise a character for being the antithesis of both of those things, and these do not have to be contradicting principles for one to have. It all depends on a character's narrative function and how their character traits – both relatable and unrelatable – serve the story that is being told.

Sonic the Hedgehog is a character whose role in the narrative is to inspire and guide other characters. From a Doylist perspective, he represents the prominent, all-embracing messaging about staying strong and positive despite all odds, inspiring and guiding his target audience.

Every decision put into Sonic's character traits serve his role perfectly. Of course this extraordinary character does not behave like you or I do. Why would he? That's simply not his nature; a gust of wind in the breeze, moving endlessly all throughout the world. A pure and positive heart who has achieved the innate desire of all humankind in a way that we will never truly understand, free from the burdens of human nature. Freedom.

Sonic is unrelatable and unrealistic. And he is an amazing character.

[thejournallo]

Explain the basic: how to work with deities.

Working with deities in witchcraft is a deeply personal and spiritual practice, often based on the traditions of Paganism, Wicca, or eclectic witchcraft. The approach can vary widely depending on the deity, the practitioner’s beliefs, and the cultural or spiritual framework they follow.

There are many ways to understand if you’re being called by a deity or if that deity is available to work with you. Over the course of my journey as a witch, I’ve created some questions to help me recognize when a deity might be by my side:

Have I dreamed about this deity? You might dream about a deity, often through symbols or representations, such as animals or other forms connected to their essence.

Have I noticed symbols associated with this deity? Seeing recurring symbolism tied to the deity could be a sign.

Do I frequently encounter angel numbers? Repeated sequences of numbers might indicate divine communication.

Is the candlelight flickering more than usual? Unusual behavior in candle flames can be a subtle sign.

Do I smell something that isn’t physically present? For example, you might suddenly smell fresh oranges in your room, even though there’s no source for that scent.

These aren’t the only ways to recognize if a deity is truly with you or calling you. Sometimes, you’ll simply know. The questions I’ve shared are based on my personal experiences, and I’ve included them here because they might help. However, they’re not mandatory for working with a deity—they’re just a guide to assist you on your journey.

Here’s a general guide on how to work with them:

1. Research and Understand the Deity

Before attempting to work with any deity, it's important to understand their history, mythology, personality, and attributes. Deities come from a variety of pantheons—Greek, Roman, Norse, Celtic, Egyptian, Hindu, and others—each with their own unique qualities and domains. Research their sacred symbols, stories, traditional offerings, and rituals.

Pantheon: Decide whether you're drawn to a specific pantheon (e.g., Greek, Norse, Egyptian). Some practitioners work with deities from multiple pantheons, but others feel it’s important to focus on one tradition.

Attributes: Know what each deity is associated with. For example, Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of love and beauty, while Hecate is a goddess associated with magic, the moon, and the underworld.

2. Establish a Relationship

Working with deities is less about commanding them and more about developing a respectful relationship. Like human relationships, this often takes time, intention, and understanding.

Respect and Intent: Approach them with reverence, rather than demands. Ask for guidance, wisdom, or energy, but be respectful of their time and presence.

Meditation and Invocation: A common way to start is through meditation, where you quietly call upon the deity, focusing on their energy and essence. Invocation rituals, where the deity is formally called into your sacred space, are also widely used.

Dreamwork and Signs: You can ask the deity for signs in your dreams or waking life. This could come in the form of symbols, animals, or even strong feelings or ideas that seem to arise from nowhere.

3. Create a Sacred Space

A dedicated altar or space for your deity is a good way to establish a connection. This can be as simple or elaborate as you wish, but it should feel sacred to you and aligned with the deity’s energy.

Altar: Place items associated with the deity on the altar, such as candles, statues, crystals, or symbols that represent them. For example, if you work with Athena, you might place an owl figurine (a symbol of wisdom) or a spear (a symbol of war and strategy) on the altar.

Offerings: Regular offerings are a sign of respect and devotion. These can include food, flowers, herbs, incense, or wine. Choose offerings that align with the deity’s preferences—Dionysus might appreciate wine, while Demeter could be honored with grains or bread.

4. Rituals and Prayers

Rituals and prayers are a key part of working with deities in witchcraft. These can range from simple daily prayers to more elaborate ceremonial rituals.

Daily Devotions: Some practitioners recite prayers, light candles, or offer simple gestures like lighting incense in honor of their chosen deity. This helps keep the connection alive.

Full Moon or Sabbats: Special rituals can be conducted during significant times, such as the full moon (Esbats) or during one of the seasonal Sabbats (e.g., Samhain, Beltane) that align with the deity’s domain or energy.

5. Ask for Guidance or Assistance

Once you’ve developed a relationship, you can ask the deity for guidance, blessings, protection, or specific outcomes. Remember, though, that deities are not forces to control—they are powerful entities with their own wills.

Petitioning the Deity: Clearly state your request and what you hope for in your ritual. It’s often helpful to frame the request in terms of "please guide me" or "assist me with wisdom" rather than demanding outcomes.

Divination: Many witches use divination methods, such as tarot, runes, or pendulums, to communicate with deities and receive answers. This is particularly helpful when you’re seeking guidance.

6. Listen and Respect Boundaries

Deities are ancient and powerful, and it’s essential to respect their boundaries and listen to any messages or feelings you receive. Some deities may not respond or may decline to work with you, which is part of the spiritual process.

Patience: Don’t expect immediate results. Building a relationship with a deity takes time, and their responses can come in subtle ways.

Signs and Symbols: Be open to signs from the deity in your everyday life. You may see symbols, animals, or experience synchronicities that align with their energy.

Trust Your Intuition: Sometimes the deity will communicate in ways that are deeply personal to you. Trust your intuition when you feel their presence or receive guidance.

7. Balance Your Work with Action

Working with deities involves both spiritual practice and real-world action. If you are asking for help or guidance, also take practical steps in your own life to align with your desires. The deity may offer support, but you need to take responsibility for your actions and goals.

8. End Your Rituals with Gratitude

Always thank the deity for their time and guidance, whether or not you feel you received a clear response. Gratitude strengthens the relationship and shows that you respect the energy you’ve called upon.

Offerings of Thanks: Even if your request isn’t immediately granted, it’s good practice to offer thanks with a small gift, such as flowers, herbs, or a simple verbal thank-you.

9. Work with Deities in Line with Your Values

It’s important to choose deities that resonate with your personal values and goals. Some deities are more chaotic or represent aspects of life that might be difficult to manage (e.g., trickster gods like Loki), so be mindful of their nature and whether you are ready to work with their energy.

10. Ethics of Working with Deities

Respect the cultural context of the deities you work with. For example, if you are working with a deity from a living, closed tradition (like the Orishas in Santeria or Vodou), it’s important to understand and honor the culture and protocols around that deity. Be cautious about appropriating deities from traditions you are not familiar with or initiated into.

Working with deities in witchcraft can be a powerful and transformative experience, but it requires respect, dedication, and mindfulness. Each deity has their own personality, preferences, and energy, so take the time to build a meaningful relationship.

[antiromanticbaby]

♡ Yandere Lucifer Headcanons - His Everything ♡

♡ .❝ 𝐇𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. ❞

𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗗𝗘 /prʌɪd/ a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

♡ .❝ 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨, 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. ❞

Yandere Lucifer; who hated himself for falling in love. He respected love, but not when it came to him. To him, it was showing weakness. The avatar of pride couldn't handle that, no way. You had to pay.

Yandere Lucifer; who truly did love you, but had a hard time showing his affection. After all, it was no secret that he had fell deep and hard in the black hole called love, but he just wasn't sure when it came to showing it.

Yandere Lucifer; who didn't have time to spare, but had money. So he showered you with gifts. At first, they were anonymous and bit by bit began showing his name. Roses, demonus, cursed records, human stuff, clothing, jewelry, even chocolate. He had read about those, so he would give those.

Yandere Lucifer; who, bit by bit, decided that he wanted you around more than you already were. Decided that no one was worthy enough of your attention. Prideful as always, he was the only one worthy of you. And you had to choose him, because he was the best. Because there was no other option aside from him. Your neighbor? Moved away. Your classmate in RAD? Had to go to a lower layer for family matters. His brothers? No time for them, you had to come to his office first.

Yandere Lucifer; who loved to show off. Be it directly or indirectly. The ways he shows off would vary from doing small deeds for you, or just pushing you to your limit. Lucifer just loves experimenting on your fragile human body. Now now don’t go saying you’re a tough guy, we all know none of that is able to compare to Lucifer when it comes to power.

Yandere Lucifer; who was very strict on rules and began punishing you for the smallest of mistakes. He would always make sure to give you pesky punishments for forgetting each of them. The mistakes varying from using the wrong fork or spoon to trying to run away from him. His punishments? Sometimes he would just ask for a harmless kiss, but sometimes his sadistic side would show more. Lucifer, afterall, could be a great tease. And who knows what else?

Yandere Lucifer; who, bit by bit, began isolating you and taking away your everything. You were banned from using your D.D.D, then banned from leaving The House of Lamentation, and then banned from leaving his sight.

Yandere Lucifer; who loved to crush your pride, shatter you to pieces and build you back up like his doll. And he would never swallow his own pride, he would only crush yours.

Yandere Lucifer; who took away your everything, and then became your everything.

Yandere Lucifer; who believes he had nothing before you, and now he has everything.

♡ .❝ 𝐎𝐡 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.❞

Check it out! [cursed records] [sweet dreams] [heavenless] [roses] Yandere Obey Me Headcanons: [Lucifer(you're here)] [Mammon] [Leviathan] [Asmodeus] [wip] Shameless self promo: Find out who your yandere lover from Obey Me is in this quiz

[suburbandadclub]

What sets The Hunger Games novels so far apart from other stories, especially YA ones, and also from the films they were adapted into, is that we, the audience, get to experience the varied responses to trauma through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know life without it.

I first read the trilogy as a 12-year-old, and it was wonderful to me then. Katniss seemed so mature and grown-up, and I saw in her this savior that I dreamed of saving me too, like she saved her sister. I think that’s why a lot of the end of the series was confusing to me. I loved it, but there was so much that I couldn’t figure out about her motivations.

I began listening to the audiobooks recently, at a time in my life when I was finally able to come to terms with the abuse I’d experienced my entire childhood and adolescence. Outside of any of that, I now saw Katniss for what she is: a child. It blew me away how similar I felt to her in what she goes through. When you have known suffering all your life, you have no idea the depth of its impact. I always knew how upset and angry I felt about what was being done to me. But I never considered it was out of the ordinary. I knew other kids didn’t experience it like I did, but why would I have any reason to think it was wrong? It was just my life. I must have deserved it.

Katniss takes on so much blame in an effort to make sense of her circumstances. She takes on guilt to try to punish herself for the egregious things happening to the people she loves. She doesn’t see herself as a person worthy of life and love, and yet she sees herself as selfish for not always thinking of the greater good. So much of her response to trauma stands out to me now as obvious, even as I struggle to see it in myself.

And as readers, we can’t see further than her own paranoid, traumatized logic. This is obviously somewhat lessened now that the movies are such a widely-known phenomenon, but events and actions of other characters come completely out of the blue and surprise us because Katniss convinces herself (and us) that the world works a certain way because it’s always worked that way for her, and we believe her!

Truly the most subversive of unreliable narrators.

I don’t know how Suzanne Collins perfectly captured the mind of a deeply traumatized child, which leads me to conclusions that I dearly hope are not true, because you always hope that these things don’t happen even when you know they do. But I am immensely grateful that she chose to write what she did, not only for what her writing has done for the globe in terms of war, and politics, and humanity, but for kids like me, who maybe will see a little better that even in stories filled with hurt and tragedy and suffering, there is more than enough beauty to be found just by choosing to keep fighting.

[radarsteddybear]

My favorite thing about Margaret Houlihan has always been that she is an excellent nurse no matter what. No matter how annoying and obnoxious she finds Hawkeye, Trapper, BJ, et al., no matter how much she loves Frank, she never lets any of that get in the way of doing her job to the absolute best of her ability. She will not hesitate to call out and correct Frank (or any of the other doctors, for that matter) when he does something that could potentially harm the patient(s). She shows real respect for the medical abilities of the doctors. She reassures patients by telling them how great said doctors are, even when she's talking about someone she doesn't generally get along with (see: Aid Station). Even the way she treats the enlisted men of the 4077th changes (for the better) when they become patients (see: Radar in "Mad Dogs and Servicemen"). She is 100% able to compartmentalize her personal relationships in order to be the best nurse there ever was, and I think it really speaks to her character.

I also think that it speaks to the way she's able to grow and evolve as the show goes on while characters like Frank are not.  She has a certain amount of respect for the medical professionals she works with regardless of what their personal relationships look like, and that, in turn, allows her to eventually become friends with characters like Hawkeye and BJ.  Frank, conversely, is a mediocre surgeon and knows it, deep down.  He didn't become a surgeon so that he could help people; he became a surgeon for the wealth and prestige the job comes with.  

He's also spent his life, it seems, having a very difficult time getting along with those around him,  He's a snitch with a sour personality, someone who became a bully to fight back against those who've bullied him.  He doesn't really know how to connect with people (except for Margaret, and they only seem to work due to their sexual compatibility and their mutual dislike of everybody else in camp), and he never truly learns how.

And I think it's really telling that there are moments prior to Frank's leaving that Margaret is able to have genuine moments of connection with Hawkeye, Trapper, and BJ while Frank never is.  Sure, there are a few times when Hawkeye/Trapper/BJ extend something resembling an olive branch, which Frank, desperate for friendship, grabs on to, but it's never genuine, and it never lasts very long.   It can't last very long.  Frank's values simply don't line up with those of Hawkeye/Trapper/BJ.  He's more concerned with making sure that those around him are following the rules to the letter while Hawkeye/Trapper/BJ are more concerned with helping people and reducing harm.  Frank feels like the whole world is out to get him, so he tries to get the whole world first.

With Margaret (and maybe this thought is colored by the fact that I've watched the whole series), you get the sense during these moments of friendship that, without Frank around, without the stick up her behind, she could be a really great friend.  She sees her patients above all else as patients, people.  While she does think that rules are important and that everybody should be following them, above even that, she is a nurse, and she takes seriously her job of making sure that those in her care are as comfortable and well taken care of as she possibly can.  This is what allows her to see those around her as human beings, to come to understand that the human experience is wide and varied and that people don't deserve to be punished simply for being different or for making a mistake.  Frank could never come to this realization, and sure enough, once he leaves, Margaret does become a really great friend, which is only able to happen due to the mutual respect she and the doctors have for each other from the beginning.

[sexboobomb]

crazy how the human experience is so wide and varied that i can never truly understand every facet of it, but actually that makes it even more beautiful because everyone gets their own flavor of perspective thats just for them shoutout to asexuals and transmascs. my perpetually horny transfem ass will never ever truly understand yall, and i think thats wonderful. yall are magnificent and valid and i will never be able to walk in your shoes but wow they sure are some excellent shoes i bet there are entire mysterious worlds that exist only within the shoes i cannot wear. and i have my own world that i get to experience all on my own

[medics-secret-shipfic-folder]

"The Shadow Blight is a surly thing. Though it shares traits commonly associated with infections from Earth, the effect it has on organic matter is not easily corrected with human medications. This malady is sentient and works as a hivemind, spreading itself far and wide by hijacking the minds and bodies of its victims and forcing them to do its bidding. Once under the control of the Blight, the victims will typically act as drones to spread the Blight further, even as their bodies begin to change and warp. This transformation is typical of corruption and is marked by excessive muscle tearing and bone growth as the Blight turns its victims into increasingly monstrous creatures, creating "ideal" hosts for this eldritch virus."

"Disturbingly, the Blight is unable to fully exert its will over its victims until the corruption has had a few days to incubate. In that time, the victim will experience a range of unpleasant symptoms that vary from person to person and range wildly in severity."

"For Medic, the symptoms manifest as an impending sense of doom and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Though fully cognizant of what's happening to him, the inability to cure himself leaves him unable to cope, leading to increasingly erratic behavior and self-isolation. In this state, Medic appears to be hiding from something that only he can see, resulting in extreme paranoia. Heavy remains the only person Medic will allow near him as the Blight slowly supplants his mind."

"For Heavy, the symptoms manifest as extreme agony and desperation. Heavy retains full autonomy and is conscious of what is happening to him, which only serves to worsen his condition. Despite his awareness, the Blight's attack on his nervous system results in unnatural behaviors. Heavy may attempt to rip his own nerves out in desperation, apparently trying to tear the Blight out of his body. The harm Heavy poses to himself in this state is extremely high and may require him to be restrained and monitored at all hours."

"For Cmedic, the symptoms manifest as asphyxiation and the sense of losing control. Nyctoplasm is the common name given to the substance that makes up the Blight, and this Nyctoplasm is produced in excess in Cmedic's throat and lungs, creating a blockage that cuts off his ability to breathe. The resultant feeling of strangulation that follows renders Cmedic almost entirely mute and the inability to voice his fear can intensify Cmedic's symptoms. Disturbingly, the excess Nyctoplasm that the Blight produces has also glued Cmedic's mask to his face, making starvation and dehydration a real threat."

"For Cheavy, the symptoms that manifest are truly horrifying and wholly unlike symptoms seen in other victims. The Blight appears to tranquilize Cheavy, warping his perception of reality so severely that he's unable to recognize that there's anything wrong with him. In this state, Cheavy is overcome with a single desire that overrides any and all cognitive thought - protecting his Medic at all costs. Though he is incredibly lethargic in this state, Cheavy can become violently hostile if Cmedic is faced with a threat, both real and perceived. Cheavy will attempt to transport Cmedic somewhere safe against his wishes and may even plead with Cmedic to come with him, completely unaware of the danger he poses to Cmedic."

My Deviantart!

[adomainname]

The Science of Seeing Colors: Why Everyone’s Color Experience is Different

Colors have an undeniable impact on our lives, influencing emotions, decisions, and even the way we interact with the world. Have you ever paused to wonder if the vibrant scarlet you see is the same red someone else perceives? Welcome to the fascinating realm of color perception, where the science of sight meets the art of individuality. Today, we're diving into why and how different people might see colors differently.

The Science Behind Seeing Color

At its core, color perception is a dance between light, our eyes, and our brains. The eyes capture light, which is then interpreted by the brain, forming the colors we see. But here's where it gets interesting—what we actually perceive can vary widely from person to person.

Cones and Color Vision: The human eye contains three types of cone cells, each sensitive to different wavelengths of light (red, green, and blue). Variations in these cells can lead to different color perceptions.

Color Blindness: This isn’t just about seeing the world in black and white. People with color vision deficiencies might find it challenging to distinguish between certain colors, often red and green.

Factors Influencing Color Perception

Genetics: Our genes play a significant role in determining how we perceive color. Genetic differences can lead to variations in cone cell distribution, affecting how we see color.

Lighting Conditions: The lighting around us can dramatically alter our color perception. A shirt might look navy under fluorescent lights but seem almost black in dim lighting.

Neurological Factors: Our brains process colors differently, too. This is why some people claim certain colors have a "warmer" or "cooler" tone than others might describe.

Cultural Influences: Culture shapes how we interpret colors. For instance, white is often associated with purity in Western societies, while it might represent mourning in others.

Age and Eye Health: As we age, our lenses can yellow, which might affect the way we perceive certain colors. Additionally, conditions like cataracts can influence color vision.

Curious Cases in Color Perception

Tetrachromacy: A rare occurrence where individuals possess a fourth type of cone cell, potentially allowing them to see up to 100 million colors—a whole spectrum we can't even imagine!

Synesthesia: Some people experience synesthesia, where stimulation of one sensory pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second pathway. This can result in seeing specific colors when hearing certain sounds.

Embracing Colorful Diversity

Understanding that we all see colors a bit differently is both intriguing and useful. It reminds us of the subjective nature of perception and can foster greater empathy and communication in design, marketing, and even daily interactions. So, next time you and a friend disagree on whether a dress is blue or black, embrace the diversity of perception and enjoy the kaleidoscope of perspectives!

In a world brimming with color, isn't it wonderful to know that we each have a unique lens through which we view it? Whether you're an artist seeking inspiration or just someone admiring a sunset, the variations in color perception add an extra layer of beauty to the world around us. Keep seeing the world your way—after all, that's what makes it truly vibrant!

Go To How People May See Differences in Color

[tenebrisdivina]

On Channeling Part 1

I wanted to discuss a little about channeling as a concept and practice, as well as some advice for those who are interested in having another channel for them. This is 2 parts as there is quite a lot to say- as someone who has quite a bit of experience with channeling- for clients professionally and also just normally for a good number of years.

(I will refer to the person who is channeling the being; as variously a host or horse in this topic)

One of the biggest things I don’t think some realize is that the term “channeling” can mean different things to different practitioners. There are also different types of channeling and different stages within those types of channeling.

So what is channeling?

Well at its most basic; it is a term it seems to indicate the practice/art of someone acting as medium; to pass on messages from a spirit/god/otherworldy being to a human (whether it is for yourself or others). It is most often thought of as happening due to the spirit inhabiting the body of the medium, in order to be able to pass on the message and/or energies. This is what most people think of when the topic of “channeling” comes up.

Because “channeling” in the broadest sense (by the above definition), can be seen to cover a wide range of practices (wider than what the colloquial understanding and definition suggests.) This can lead to some misunderstanding and confusion when it is discussed, or when someone sees someone saying they are “channeling a being” online such as in a blog post, discord chat, social media post or forum for example. Not all such “channeling” (by the colloquial definition) needs to or even includes bodily trance possession on the part of the host/medium.

In an effort to clarify the vernacular here; I would and do define actual channeling as specifically trance possession- which is bodily and/or trance possession of the “horse” host by the being/deity. This usually involves heavy entrainment with the being/deity/spirit/entity and sharing to varying degrees - your body, mind, energies etc with that being at varying levels of awareness and consciousness in trance. It can be partial or full body. It can be used to convey a messages or energies, for worship, ritual purposes or for some other reason. Partial possession for example is also known as transvocation in demon work. Channeling is not merely the act of using one’s spirit sense to perceive or translate a spirit/deity/entity- this is most often known as mediumship. This is not the same thing as bodily possession or trance possession.

Other methods such as divination or readings (which can be “channeled” guidance from a spirit or deity etc) would fall more under mediumship. As would receiving, passing on and “translating” messages from the divine/spirits etc in clairaudient (or other psychic sensory) conversation. Sometimes this is also known as “godphoning” - which is in fact something quite a few practitioners can truly do. This is a real and legitimate phenomena despite what some social media would have you believe.

 At most I would consider such things ( divination/readings/”godphoning”) to be a quite light channel (in the spectrum of channeling practices). This is because in such mediumship practices; the hosts are most often still within their own minds, paradigm/beliefs, energies and so the interpretation of the “messages” they receive is done by the conscious awareness ( which includes the mind- limitations, ego/personality, energy body’s “cleanliness” and specific paradigm or beliefs which breeds specific perspectives of what the spirits energies mean- all of this is specific to each individual). It almost most likely means a less impartial and more biased “channel”. This then interferes with the accuracy and “clarity” of the messages. As the hosts in “mediumship practices” have not generally attuned very closely to the spirits/entities/divine beings energy, nor have they gotten beyond their own mindset and energies, there is practically no merging with the energies of the deity/spirit/entity being channeled. Instead- like in the case of clairaudient conversation- it really is just a conversation and the “medium” relaying what they “hear” and along with that their (conscious/unconscious and energetic) interpretation of it- even if the host doesn’t recognize that is what they are doing.

While this is not without its benefits, one may as well converse with the entity yourself (in whatever limited capacity) if you actually want an accurate message that is relevant to you and your circumstances- which tbh is probably likely why one would seek a channel from another. This is not to say such things may not be useful at some point, but it is helpful to be aware of what is actually going on here. And tbh this “channeling” type etc is usually what people are referring to when they say they are “channeling” a being - openly in social media places- unless stated otherwise (which can also happen). It is very unlikely to find someone full body trance possessed and channeling on social media unless it is specifically stated (even then I feel it should be taken with a large grain of salt because you don’t truly know what the person is doing, what level of channeling they are at etc and it can be very hard to tell especially for beginners and those who are not great at reading discerning energies.) Even then I recognize it is most likely at a more “mental” level of “blending” the two energies rather then completely “in the trunk.” Again such “light channeling” mediumship is not without its merit- this type of “channeling” but it should be taken with a grain of salt, unless you know the person/host well and agree with their perspectives and paradigms. Even then there are still unknown factors at play- given its fairly impossible to known simply from what people present- as to how their energy body and psychic senses works and if there are any blocks etc.

This distinction between mediumship and actual channeling  is also due to being because of  how channeling works on an energy perspective and the levels of it.

How Channeling Works and the Levels of It

( for more explanation of the levels of channeling, bodily possession please see this wonderful article on it linked here https://embervoices.wordpress.com/2014/05/12/possession-trance-experience-spectrum)

 (I want to make this abundantly clear here; this is a very brief overview of channeling this is not an instruction manual, it is not a how-to and I am not responsible for anyone foolish enough to attempt this after reading this post- if you channel at this level you are your own responsibility no one else’s, not the beings you are channeling, not the person you are channeling for. Nor will I teach how to do this either)

To explain in more detail; the steps of actual channeling (these can be kind of blended and happening simultaneously);

The host getting into trance/ out of your head and ego paradigm, as much as possible.

the host’s entrainment/attunement to a being’s energy (quite heavily).

Then the energy of the deity/being/spirit then needing to pass through the humans energy field; which also includes; ego, paradigm, blocks, energy distortions etc in the hosts energies and the hosts psychic senses (depending on how open they are).

the “information” the deity is giving the person then needs to be “translated” by the psychic senses and “mind” to then be put forth into a message, information for the client/person on the receiving end.

The “information” that the deity gives the person is not often auditory or words, it can be a feeling, visions, or other sensory factors. The reason for the heavy entrainment then in the beginning, is so that the host can be properly attuned to as accurately as possible “translate” the energy for a particular “audience”. This often involves the host “getting out of their own way.” This means that the host needs to get out of their own head and be as disconnected from ego and sense of self and personal paradigms as they possibly can in order to be a clear channel for the deity being. This involves deep trance work and not interpreting things from an egoic perspective.

Now not everyone cares about or is even capable of a clear/clean channel (a channel without ego/paradigm influencing it- as much as can be) and not everyone who attempts to channel actually can. As to actually channel requires work, practice and training- not many are clear enough and know their own self and energies enough to be able to have such a clear channel of energies. Nor can most people immediately get into the depth of trance often needed for this without training. Those that can also have to learn really strong boundaries more so then usual and energy work, as it can be a problem for them.

If the “ego” and “paradigms” of the host are not removed from the picture (as much as they can do- as there will always be some aspect of this in channeling unless it is a full body possession and the host is  “in the trunk”, even then there are still the hosts energy’s to contend with). Then the message will be filtered through the persons ego, energies and paradigm. This is then therefore not a clear message straight from the divine/spirit etc and bias is present. This is why the trance training, dropping from conscious mind where the ego is most active and clearing/cleansing your energies is so important (especially in a clear channeling).

Dangers of Full Body Trance Possession Channeling

This is also why actual full body channeling is so dangerous. Because of the entities energies colliding and conglomerating with the hosts can trigger things in the host they were not even aware of, they could create or be interrupted by blocks and distortions- which would lead to an even less clear message, or energies passing through. Channeling at this level can also physically damage your body- for a deity/being doesn’t “fit” or moves differently- which most do.  It is also extremely draining. There can also be the issue if triggers are present in a person’s energy body- especially for someone with unprocessed trauma, since trauma lives in the body. And tbh almost everyone on this earth has some level of trauma simply from being alive.

Actual channeling with possession- even partial possession can have potentially long-lasting damage and while many people do channel safely and successfully; it is vital before pursuing such work (full body trance possession channeling practices) to have a very solid confidence and foundation in certain areas. Channeling like this is a very advanced practice. One should have a great confidence and know well the entity/beings you are working with and their energies, knowing your own self, personality, shadows, energies and cognitive processes inside out, knowing why you even want to pursue this. One should also have a solid foundation in cleansing, banishing (from inside yourself- not externally) grounding, warding, energy work and shielding processes (and a number of different ways of doing so). A note on banishing; it is done for safety, to be able to draw your consciousness back out of trance and to be able to kick a being out if needed. Note though “kicking a being out” only works on “lesser” entities- you can’t often force a god level being out. You can tell them though that you have had enough( if you are conscious enough to do so) and likely they will leave - unless there is a specific purpose they need to accomplish in being there- then they will leave once that is done.

Also knowing your own shadow very well and triggers if trauma is something to consider. Honestly though I strongly suggest not pursuing channeling (esp on this level) if you have unprocessed trauma- as it will most often make it worse- especially if your trauma or triggers are with dissociation- then it will definitely make it worse. Obligatory disclaimer: if you do have such considerations and choose to pursue it, then know how to handle it well- but that is at your own risk and responsibility- no one else’s and certainly not the beings you are inviting in. One should also be skilled at energy work and manipulation, as well as strong boundaries and the ability to enforce them Another thing to consider is also that sometimes and entity/deity won’t leave when you want them to and knowing how to handle that as well is important.

Metaphor for Channeling

Channeling practice can be thought of in metaphor of; a clear strong current of water/waterfall flowing down a mountain (the divine/spirit energy and the message they are trying to give is the waterfall/clear/strong and the mountain is the host and their energy body). This clear stream of water must flow down the mountain and reach the bottom for the “message to be translated and passed on.” Along the way, the water may encounter rubble, rocks blocking its way, deep pits in the ground where it could get trapped, it can get tainted and muddy and by the time it reaches the bottom – if it even does, the clarity has been distorted and it is a muddy trickle, rather than the waterfall ( the divine/spirit original level) it originated as.

All these deep pits, the rocks, ravines ,trees and other things blocking the waters way- are the energy body of the host and their “ego” personality and paradigm are what make the water muddy and distorted. Now in channeling there is no way that the energy will remain completely pure and unadulterated- even the best channeler will still have some time of “influence” over the message even if by the nature of their energy. So going directly to the spirit/ god etc by yourself will be a clearer message for the most part. But for those who are not as capable of receiving messages from the gods/ spirits directly then having a channel done by someone experienced is a good option. So long as the parties involved are aware of the possible “muddiness” of the messages.

Entities in Channeling

Something else I wanted to clarify in regards to the entities being channeled- you cannot truly force a being to be channeled if they do not want to, asking their permission is best practice. Many a host will have certain vibrations of energies or entities they channel best, not everyone can channel every or anybody. Some hosts are more flexible then others and can channel a wide variety of beings. It can also be something that is learnt by hosts. Hosts may also have certain arrangements and agreements with certain beings to channel them. It is often a good idea for a host to give some kind of offering to the being they are channeling as it helps the being to have energy for the channel and connect. It does sound like a weird concept but full body possession channeling can be extremely draining. Some entities energy is simply not compatible with humans, so they drain more from the host or they simply cannot be channeled. I have even had a being I channeled feed from me while I was channeling them- because she was a goddess; we had to set up a cycle of feeding for her and I had to be covered in sigils before channeling her, for my safety. Even if a being does not deliberately feed off you, having an offering for them anyway is a good idea as it helps with the energy drain.

Also it is very common misconception that people think they are being possessed by the full entity. That is almost never the case- unless it is a quite small spirit. Deities, deity-level beings and demonic divine beings- it is never full possession- as their full form cannot fit within a humans body. Most deities, demonic divine actually find channeling at this level quite uncomfortable. I have even had some demonic divine beings say they specifically hate it. For these large beings- god level, divine, demonic divine at most – the amount of energy you are getting is equivalent to a finger tip of their energy - if even that.

For example some demonic divine and deities or other entities energy is so strong that they are not in you at all- even with full body possession channeling on a human level- the beings are merely near you and you may be in their “aura” and tbh most often it is that level on the demonic divine/ entities part.

On the perspective of automatic writing- that is still also a light channeling as the being can just be moving your hand/arm etc by pushing it around, not by actually having the energy inhabit it. Though automatic writing/drawing is a good practice to help someone’s ego mind get out of the way and let the energies come through.

There is also forced possession- which I won’t go into a lot of depth here. Basically the deity/being forcibly possesses a human (not the other way round ). Usually, the human must be energetically on some way “hollowed- out” or “open” energetically for this to happen, they could also be injured energetically if it’s like parasite possession, shadow aspect possession etc. It is extremely, extremely rare that a deity, God level being, demonic divine being would do so. Mostly when they do it is for a specific reason and purpose once that purpose is done they leave. And this would be a type of possession that is likely the host could not kick the being out of themselves. There are also levels and a spectrum of which trance can happen; light to deep- deep trance being the host is basically unconscious and it is easier for them to be “in the trunk.” To get to that level meditation and trance journey work, some shamanic practices and understanding can help.

(Part 2 can be found here)

[clericofshadows]

your name means traitor

Description: Regis boards the Normandy SR-2, makes his stance on Cerberus clear to the crew--new and old--and learns some information about his resurrection. He also reads through the dossiers and finally gets a little bit of good news in his trapped situation.

Pairing: Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko, Regis Shepard/Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani (past)

Rating: M

Notes: Regis is one angry bastard in this fic, and honestly, he's like that through the entirety of ME2. So, he's not the most pleasant person in this fic, and targets many different characters in his anger.

Context: Regis talks about his dogtags a lot in this fic. for extra context, check out these fics: late night conversations and you got me in a chokehold.

Cerberus revived the Butcher, so they were going to get the Butcher, his fangs bared and talons sharpened.  

Because the Butcher doesn't play nice when he feels threatened, and Cerberus is about to find out exactly how ruthless he could be. How relentless he can be in his rage.  How far he will go to never bow down. 

Even if it meant dying in such a way that there's no coming back next time. 

Regis will give them exactly what they deserve.  Losing his humanity in the process is just a price he's willing to pay. 

Because Kaidan isn't here to bring him back from the brink. 

He sneered at Lawson once they made it to the CIC, after she and Taylor got him up to speed at all the new features on the Normandy. "This is my goddamn ship, and no one else's.  Get ready for my announcement.  And we'll see if their loyalties truly lie with me. Because if they don't?  I'll welcome them to the airlock."

"Acting like this isn't going to make the situation better.  You should want all the allies you can get,” Lawson said.

Regis laughed sharply. "Then you don't know me at all. You wanted Commander Shepard?  Well, you're also getting the Butcher of Torfan. Should've thought of that before you wielded your scalpel." He pushed back with a bit of biotic power, causing her to stumble and stepped up on the pedestal to the galaxy map. 

EDI was the only thing on this ship he was willing to work with, if only because he was so fascinated by AI. Cerberus likely knew that and was going to exploit it, but he couldn't deny the allure. 

"EDI, open the comms for an announcement."

"Go ahead, Commander."

He cleared his throat. "I will make this clear only once. I am Commander Shepard, you will all refer to me as such. This is my ship. Not Cerberus's, not Lawson's, mine. If you have a problem with that, you are welcome to leave.  I was brought here against my will, and being here is against everything I stand for as a Spectre and as a soldier to the Alliance. I find all of you to be the scum of the Earth, of the fucking galaxy, for choosing this as your ultimate path. I am here for one job only, and that is to deal with this threat any way possible. And if that means tearing down your organization in the process and turning myself and all of you into the Alliance the moment I get a chance?  I'll do it in a fucking heartbeat." He crossed his arms, observing the looks of all the crew members in the CIC, seeing varied expressions. Some angry, some wide-eyed with fear.  The Yeoman next to him almost seemed to shudder when his gaze landed on her. 

He knew he looked inhuman. The red eyes, the deep scars laced with cybernetics, unexpected side effects of whatever they did to bring him back.

He is the result of what happens when you play God. 

"I fought and killed members of your organization two years ago for your heinous crimes you committed against your own species.  Experiments with Rachni, Thresher Maws, and assassination plans against Alliance brass. Don't think I'll discriminate if I think any of you are a threat to me.  This is my mission, and I will carry it out as I see fit. You've bastardized my memory and my ship, and I'll be damned if I don't ensure you all know how far I'm willing to go to get what I want.  Again, you have a problem?  Get the fuck off my ship. Return to your duties.  I don't want to see anyone slacking off.  With me here, this is a military operation, not some civilian private sector bullshit."  He stepped down from the galaxy map and nearly made it to the elevator, but the Yeoman next to him stopped him. 

"Commander, I--"

He cut her off. "I don't want to hear it. I can handle my own communications and messages. Don't make me upload a hack to ensure you can't get your claws in my shit. Stick to your galaxy map monitoring duties, and we won't have any problems."

"I was just going to say I'm here if you want to talk. I'm Kelly Chambers."

"Talk?" He scoffed. "I'm not talking to anyone who's Cerberus. Why the hell would I ever think you would respect confidentiality?"

Regis didn't wait for a reply. She seemed to shrink in on herself, clearly not anticipating his response. 

In another life, he would've felt guilty. 

No more. 

Cerberus ensured that Regis Shepard would never be the same man ever again. 

Lawson joined him on the elevator before it closed. "You should know that no one is going to leave."

He pressed the button for the third deck. "I didn't expect anything different. I wanted them to know my feelings on the matter. I'm an open book like that."

"Even towards your old crew?"

He raised an eyebrow. "They're now Cerberus crew, aren't they?  Joining for me doesn't change anything." 

The elevator doors opened. They stepped off. 

"After I make my rounds on the ship, we're going to have a long talk about my resurrection, Lawson. If you really want me to be a part of this mission without turning in this ship to the Alliance, then maybe you should be forthcoming with the details," Regis said, crossing his arms. 

He fully planned on going straight to the Citadel to talk to Anderson, but something told him that meeting will probably not end in his favor.  Time will tell, but Regis wasn't going to be optimistic. 

None of his meetings with Anderson has ever really ended "well" in his opinion.

"I think you deserve to know that much," she admitted. 

A far cry from her "cold bitch" attitude back on the station.  Regis almost wanted to loosen up a bit. 

Nothing about her behavior seemed like an act at this point.  She genuinely wanted to work with him. 

It's a shame he doesn't want to give her the same courtesy. 

"Then I hope whatever you tell me is the complete truth." Regis ended the conversation by heading towards the medbay. 

Whatever she told him was likely never going to be the full truth, but he had to know. 

He had to know what they did to him.  

Next, Chakwas...

Two members of his crew decided Cerberus was a good idea, and he couldn't fathom why. 

He didn't deserve that level of die-hard loyalty. If he did, he did something wrong.  After everything they saw, all the reports he made, they still joined the organization that willingly hunted down Alliance soldiers and brass. 

The doors to the medbay slid open.  Chakwas was sitting at her desk. "Shepard." She stood up.  "It's good to see you alive after everything."

Regis chose to not take the hand she offered. "I would say the same, but I'd rather not consider my situation good in any way whatsoever."

She sighed. "Then it's about Cerberus."

"Why did you think joining them was in any way a good idea?  After everything we saw?" Regis asked, crossing his arms. 

"After the Normandy was lost, everyone was reassigned.  I was stationed at a medical center on Mars. A respectable position, but not a starship," she explained. 

Regis narrowed his eyes. "So you threw everything away for a starship position?"

"I'm working for you, Shepard. Not Cerberus. A mission that could be crucial for our survival," she said, not rising to his bait. "I trust your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you."

Regis shook his head, sitting down on one of the beds. "And can you verify with one-hundred percent certainty that you're dealing with me, and not some Cerberus puppet?  How do you know that Cerberus won't do something to me or to you or to anyone we care for to get what they want?  They don't give a single damn about humans, they just care about themselves and their image."

She stared down at him. "I’d say your anger is proof enough.  Everything changed after your death. I chose the option that will help all of us. Don't tell me you would rather have some Cerberus doctor taking care of you?"

"Well, the person who resurrected me is across the damn hall.  You tell me."

"I've been looking into what they did to bring you back," she admitted. "But most of it I don't have access to."

"I made a deal with Lawson. She's going to tell me everything. I'll make sure you get access."

"Do you trust that she'll tell you everything?"

Regis laughed. "Hell no. For her sake I hope she does.  If I find out something out in the field that she could've told me?  It's not going to end well for her."

"You've changed since the Normandy."

"Well, I'm a medical abomination trapped in the claws of a terrorist organization. They wanted Commander Shepard?  They're getting the man that ordered the Torfan decision." Regis stood up from the bed. "Let me know if you need anything."

She nodded. "Before you go, there might be a way to remove those scars."

Regis caught his reflection in the window. Angry red lines cracked across his face. Glowing red pupils blending in with his own altered red irises. 

"No. Let them see what they did to me."

"I'll be here if you change your mind, but I know with your experience, we might be able to make something good out of it instead of removing it outright."

Hell, she has a point.  With his cybernetics background, he could probably channel the glow into something else.  Something less cracked and scarred and more of an aesthetic choice. 

Something to decide later. 

Chakwas was always a steady presence.  All the anger he had about her joining up mostly dissipated with her attitude about the matter.  She let him be angry, and she let him treat her like he would treat any other Cerberus operative. 

He still can't feel like he can fully trust her. 

There's no way in hell Cerberus won't exploit his allies. 

He explored the ship some more, learning all its new nooks and crannies, barely acknowledging the Cerberus crew that now wandered the halls of his ship. 

He's not here to make friends.  

His quarters were the worst part of the tour. The glass window above his bed, showing the dark expanse of space, taunted him. 

They knew how he died. 

They knew what became his grave. 

He slammed his hand on the shutters, willing it to close faster. 

His locker was filled with his favorite clothing. Turtlenecks, long coats, dark fatigues, boots and jeans. He tossed the Cerberus branded stuff into a corner, vowing to compact the trash in the lower decks later.

The familiarity caused him to shudder.  They knew everything about him, but some things hit too close to home. 

The photo on his desk nearly made him sick. 

It was of Regis and Kaidan clothed in their armors, but instead of them wearing their usual scarves--Regis’s black and red, Kaidan’s blue and white--they were swapped.  Their foreheads were touching, a calm moment before the drop down to Illos. 

Tali was the one who took the photo, sharing it amongst the ground crew.  None of them would've given up the picture.  Kaidan, Ashley, Tali, Wrex, T'Soni. 

Unless Cerberus recovered his omnitool, which was unlikely. The one in the armor locker back on the station was a piece of shit base model.  And the one sitting on his desk was an updated version of his favored Logic Arrest. 

Which meant they also didn't recover his dog tags, if they were nowhere to be found in his cabin.

That loss almost hit the hardest.  That damn ring. 

I should've just given it to Kaidan.  Fuck fairytale proposals. 

Regis turned the photo away from him.  He rubbed his face, trying to get rid of the nausea. 

Maybe diving into those dossiers would be a good idea right now.  Something to distract him. 

As he reached over to turn on his terminal, he received a ping on his omnitool. 

A comm request from Joker. 

“Got a minute, Commander?” Joker asked, after Regis accepted his comm request.  Sitting at his desk, staring at the empty fish tank—what an ostentatious piece of shit—wondering what decision he made got him here on this fucking ship.

Accepting the Normandy, of course.  He should have never acquiesced to Anderson’s and the Alliance’s demands.  He could’ve been happy at Rio, enjoying his time with the N recruits, finding more ways to advocate for better training regimens for biotics.

He wondered if anything ever came from his suggestions. New N programs, new ways to train biotics recruits, new accelerated ways for biotics to gain ground in the Alliance… without him to speak up, who would?

But knowing what he knows now?  Knowing that Kaidan would have likely been the one to suffer the beacon’s visions if he didn’t push him away?

Regis wasn’t too sure if he liked the thought of that outcome either, especially without being by his side.

“Come on up,” Regis replied, shutting down the link after responding.  

This conversation is not going to be a good one.

A few minutes later, a knock sounded on his door.  With a wave of his omnitool, he allowed Joker to come inside.

“They really tricked out the place, huh.  Swanky crib you got here,” Joker commented, walking over to the couch.

“I think it’s utter bullshit,” Regis said, getting up from the desk to lean against the dumb fish tank.  “Another way to think that I’m in a better place or some kind of manipulative crap.  I hate it.”

“You know, you could really lighten up a bit.  I think you’ve already scared half the crew to death with that announcement of yours.  Especially Chambers.” Joker said with a laugh, but quickly stopped after seeing the dark look on Regis’s face.  “Uh, sorry.”

“It’s because I don’t want to be here, Joker.  Did you really think I was going to accept having a nosy green yeoman getting all up in my business at the CIC?” Regis asked.  “Chambers is just one more way to report on every little move I make to the Illusive Man.  She should be happy I haven’t decided to strand her with nothing when we get to the Citadel.”

“What’s next, you kick me off the ship?” Joker asked, crossing his arms.  When Regis didn’t immediately respond, he held up his arms in surrender.  “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.”

“What is this really about?” Regis asked.  “As you can see, I’m really not in the mood, so spit it out.”

“Do you blame me for what happened?” Joker asked in a startling amount of seriousness.

Regis tilted his head to the side.  “Do you blame yourself?  Is that why you joined Cerberus?”

“Just answer my question, Shepard!” He balled his hands into fists.

“Fine.  The only thing I blame you for is joining Cerberus.  I don’t give a single fuck about how you supposedly did it for me, and thinking they were any kind of answer to your current problems was a betrayal to me and all the victims of their experiments that we discovered.  Be happy we’re even having this conversation.  You did what you thought was right back on my ship, but then again, you thought joining Cerbreus was a good idea.  I don’t know if I can even trust your future judgment,” Regis said, staring Joker down.  

Perhaps he was being too harsh, but at this point, Regis didn’t care.  

It doesn’t matter that Joker was with him on the Normandy.  Regis was never close with the man, never meshing well with his attitude and sense of humor. They butted heads more often than not, especially about matters surrounding the ship. 

"If we're ever in a situation where it's you or the ship, choose yourself.  I know you're a talented pilot, but I also know you can recognize when it's gone FUBAR.  Abandon ship the moment you can while also keeping the crew safe." Regis said to him early on their Saren mission.   "My piloting skills will be the only thing that saves our asses if we end up in that kind of situation. I'm the pilot. You trust my judgment." "I grew up learning how to pilot shuttles and ships, Moreau. I grew up hearing similar disaster situations on all the ships my mother served on. This is an order.  You listen to my disaster plans, and we won't have a problem."

Joker opened his mouth to reply, his expression twisting with anger, but Regis beat him to it. "I know you remember that argument we had about what to do if we have to abandon ship.  I've run all the scenarios in my head, and guess what, I remember everything that happened up to the moment I died suffocating in space.  Maybe what you did saved more of the crew. Maybe what you did was the right thing. But we will never know, and you have to live with the fact that you defied my orders when you could've saved yourself."

"You're right, we will never know, but it doesn't matter, does it? We're here now, but you aren't going to thank anyone for the chance you've been given," Joker replied. "You're acting like a fucking child. How is that helpful to any of us?  I'm sure if Alenko was here you'll be getting on your knees for his oh-so-great decision.  And you would be besties with Williams if she was here too!"

Regis kept his face neutral, but if another biotic was in the room with him, they would feel his field about to roar to life.  "Moreau," he said, "get the fuck out of my quarters."

"You aren't denying it!  Regis Lucian Shepard, Butcher of Torfan and a hypocrite."

Regis activated his omnitool to open the doors remotely. He raised his voice, his field roaring to life in a bright violet glow.  Moreau flinched back. 

"I said, get the fuck out of my quarters!  And for your information, Kaidan and Ashley would've never joined Cerberus because they were there for every goddamn mission we did unearthing their crimes.  I'd be treating them the same way I'm treating everyone on this fucking ship if they did sacrifice their morals to be here." Regis shouted. "Sure, I can excuse your bullshit jokes, but you've crossed the fucking line. You see that picture over there.” He pointed at the photo frame on the desk.  “You remember that picture being taken?”

He nodded, swallowing.

“And that’s why I’m so fucking angry.  That’s why I would rather space myself again than be on this ship.  But I can’t do that, now can I?  Because Lawson and Cerberus will just bring me right back again, except this time, with a new way to control me!” 

Regis let his biotics rest, leaving only a faint glow around this body, his eyes rimmed with deep purple. 

Moreau silently stood up and walked over to the door. "I joined Cerberus for you and only you," he said, standing next to the elevator. 

If that was his way of apologizing, he was doing a shit job of it. 

"I wouldn't call that loyalty by any stretch of the imagination.  It shows you didn't know me," Regis replied.  He sat back down at his desk, his back turned to the door.

He was done with this conversation. 

The doors opened and closed with a soft sound, and Regis let out a deep breath. 

Leaning back in his chair, Regis ran his hand down his face. Fuck. 

That's a bridge that will never be rebuilt anytime soon.  He crossed the line when he went there about his relationship with Kaidan. 

Regis wasn't about to apologize anytime soon either. 

His gaze went back to the photo. 

He should contact him, and he should log in to his personal server and send a message. But that photo made him pause. 

Cerberus knows what Kaidan is to him, and if they found out about communications between them?

Regis wasn't willing to put Kaidan in danger, even if it means Kaidan finds out about his resurrection from another source. 

The Alliance knows, likely thanks to footage from Freedom's progress.  The Citadel and Council will know the moment he steps through security, if they don’t already.  

But all they will see is Regis walking out of a ship emblazoned with Cerberus colors, and it made him sick. 

The terminal sitting in front of him pinged with a new message. This time from Lawson. 

Whenever you're ready, come to my office. We'll talk there.

He should start working on those dossiers, but the knowledge of his resurrection was far more important to him than this mission. 

He sent a short reply. "I'm coming down now."

– –

He sat down at Lawson's desk. "Send me the files first." He ordered, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs. 

"Surely you want to hear about it first?" She asked, but made a move on her terminal all the same. 

"The files are more important to me. I'm not some dumb Jarhead.  I'll be able to understand the documents just fine," he replied. "Surely you know about my degrees?"

"Yes.  Cybernetics and biotic implants.  Research into VI. And yet you joined the Alliance, doing none of those things," she commented.  His omnitool pinged with the transfer. "There."

Regis was working to use those credentials with his biotic program, curating research and evidence to make training better, both standard and N style. 

Very few cared about the plight of human biotics.  But Regis wanted to make a difference, no matter how small it was. 

His L2 implant ensured he had to care. 

He glanced at them, scanning them with one of his programs, looking for any malicious code.  Nothing obvious came up, but he'll break them down later. 

He nodded, confirming the status of the files. "Now, tell me everything."

She outlined the details of his resurrection, starting with the status of his body.  

"When we received your corpse, we immediately got to work designing cybernetic implants to repair your skeleton, to regenerate and reconstruct your skin, and to begin reconstructing your organ systems. I'm afraid Taylor put it in a crude way, but 'meat and tubes' was an unfortunate descriptor of your situation," she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk. 

Regis wasn't shocked at the news. He kept his expression blank. "And the state of my armor?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, pausing with a confused expression on her face. "Why does that matter?"

"You've reconstructed me damn near perfectly, even down to my damn scars, piercings, and tattoos. Hell, I kept expecting to see some fucked line work on my flowers and chest tats especially.  What I do care about is what personal effects I lost. My omnitool with my last will and rites, among other things, and my Alliance dog tags," Regis explained, barely refraining from rolling his eyes.  

"It was in such a sad state.  We retrieved nothing of yours that was intact," she said. 

Regis raised an eyebrow. "Really?  I know the hard suits aren't perfect, and I died in one spectacular fashion.  But you didn't retrieve anything of the sort?  Who handled my body?  Who got it to you in the first place?"

"You don't care at all about what we did to you.  All you care about is what you lost," she said, narrowing her eyes. 

True.  The documents were enough for him.  Keeps him from wanting to biotically blast her across the room for defying his right to death. 

For defying his right to be buried with his father. 

"You’re right.  I don't really give a fuck about all the sordid details.  That's what those files are for.  No, I care about what has been done to me. And that includes everything that was on my person when I died," Regis spat. "So I’ll ask again, and this time, I'll make it really clear.  Who. Handled. My. Body."

Her face remained blank. "Would it really change anything?  We received a corpse with charred armor that has long since been destroyed.  You are proof enough that we cared to bring you back as you were, even your L2 implants were kept the same."

Regis leaned back in the chair. "Maybe not, but I cared a lot about those things.  Don't you think there's a goddamn reason why I keep pressing you on it?  Clearly you're not an idiot if you were able to do the impossible.  I want names, Lawson."

"You think you were looted before we were able to officially recover you?" She asked. 

"Was I?" He fired back. "I wouldn't be surprised if I was.  I'm Commander Shepard, hero of the goddamn Citadel,  Butcher of Torfan, and the First Human Spectre.  I'm a fucking celebrity.  Or else why would you have revived me?  I'm important."

She pursed her lips.  “The Illusive Man believes in your visions.  He saw you as the key to helping humanity.”

“Ah, so his wants are greater than mine?  Who gives a fuck about one man’s feelings when he can save us all?  Nice phrasing there, really shows who you care about,” Regis mocked.

“I’m merely repeating his reasons for us creating the Lazarus project in the first place.  I was under orders.”

“And here I thought Cerberus wasn’t a military organization.  No, you just wanted to prove you could defy all known laws and resurrect a long dead man,” Regis said.  “Stop trying to convince myself that what you all did to me was out of some duty because you care.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Regis cut her off.  “Honestly, whatever you’re going to say is going to piss me off more.  Just give me the fucking names of who brought me in.”

“It must be so exhausting being so angry,” she said.  “Eventually, you’ll have to learn to work with us.  Or are you going to run in and recruit everyone for this mission on your own?”

He has half a mind to do exactly that. Surely, she knew about his service history. Solo missions in between his stint as a trainer for the N program and other biotics.

Despite being a biotic, he was one hell of an infiltrator, able to reign in his field to a point where it was very difficult for other biotics to sense him. A high level of control to make sure you almost never intersect with anyone else's field. He made sure that Kaidan knew how to do it as well, the one thing Regis considered himself better at biotically.

Regis chuckled without mirth.  “Exhausting?  No.  You brought back Regis Shepard.  You’re getting exactly who you wanted.  Why, did you think I’ll be getting on my knees, praising Cerberus for bringing me back?  Stop trying to portray yourselves as the misunderstood good guys who are only trying to help humanity.”

“If what you say is true, those were likely splinter groups.  Cerberus operates in separate cells," she said.  “And for your information, I thought this whole project was a waste of precious resources, but the Illusive Man wanted you alive.”

Interesting.  Doesn’t quite change his opinion of her, but he respected her some for even admitting that.

Still, she kept digging her heels in whenever he tried to tell her off Cerberus's deeds during the Saren mission. 

Regis couldn't fathom why.  They clearly knew a lot about him.  They must've gotten their hands on his mission reports. 

Cerberus was an active threat then, and now, Regis was more than a little worried about their obvious scope. 

“And I’m sure you had objections for how he wanted me alive.  Let me guess: You wanted a way to control me,” Regis observed.  

“Yes, I wanted to put a control chip in you, but the Illusive Man wanted you exactly as you were,” she admitted.  

She almost seemed to brace herself for something, the way she moved her hands off her desk and leaned back.

Regis didn’t give her the satisfaction.   Even if he wanted to give her a taste of what he felt while he was dying in space.

He wasn’t looking forward to getting some sleep as his nightmare became true two years ago.

Yet it feels like it happened yesterday all the same.

"Well, at least you admitted it to me," Regis said, watching as she slowly let her guard down.  "But it proves that I was right and still right to not trust you or anyone else on this ship, if you were willing to go that far to use me for your gains."

"And you are proving to me that I was right to have those concerns for our well-being," she fired back. 

Regis smirked. There's that fire he was waiting for. "Sounds like quite the sore spot.  What do you want me to say, really?  Oh, I'm so sorry you lost the right to control another human being.  Boo-fucking-hoo."

She narrowed her eyes. "This conversation is leading nowhere.  You're wasting your own time."

"I don't consider this a waste of my time at all," Regis said, reveling in the fact that he was likely waiting her time. "But, since you haven't rescinded your offer of information, let's go back to that Cerberus cell comment you made.  You're saying you keep your projects isolated?"

She cleared her throat. "If it keeps you here, I'll answer your questions.  Yes, each project is its own cell.  I was part of the Lazarus Cell.  And so, the cell that recovered you is not something I'm privy to.  Even if it was, Cerberus changes the location and status of some of its operatives all the time," she said. "I can't help you."

Regis frowned. "Fine. But perhaps it is a good thing, because I’d have to pause your little mission to hunt them down and take what you didn’t retrieve for me.  I don’t believe my personal effects were so easily lost.”

Before she could reply, Regis held up his omnitool. "I'm going to read over the files. Make yourself available for questions. And if there's anything about my resurrection that you didn't tell me, no matter how fucking small or innocuous it might seem, don't think I won't take it lying down."

She looked him in the eyes.  “You have my word, even if to you that might mean nothing."

Regis stood up. "You're absolutely right, your word means shit to me.”

He walked out of her office without hearing her response. 

The trek back to his quarters was short, but it still gave him time to think about what he learned. 

Perhaps he should have spent more time listening to her account right at that moment.  

But finding out who handled his body will be his ultimate goal on this mission. 

Regis wanted them to burn for desecrating his memory and for keeping him hostage away from his family. 

As he sat back down at his desk, he had a feeling she wasn't telling him everything. Why would she?  And yet, what does she have to gain by keeping whoever handled his body to himself?

Who is she protecting?  Or maybe she sees it as a way of keeping him from getting distracted.  He made it clear what he wanted out of that conversation. 

Something he'll try to press on later. 

It's unlikely he'll actually make good on his threats, but for all intents and purposes, none of the Cerberus crew on this ship really knew who he was, only going off of reports and vids and whatever else they were able to find on him.

They don't know the man behind the titles. and he was going to use that to his advantage.

He opened up the dossiers list, looking through the people Cerberus wanted him to recruit. 

A master thief by the name of Kasumi Goto, who is waiting for him at the Citadel.  Stealth, infiltration, and hacking–all skills of his that he values in others.  

He looked forward to hearing how she ended up in this mess. 

A salarian scientist by the name of Mordin Solus, who was also with the STG. Cerberus is even recruiting aliens?  Must be desperate, knowing their stance. 

A convict by the name of Jack, who is supposedly the most powerful human biotic. A criminal, by the looks of things.  He wondered why Cerberus needed someone like her, someone likely unstable and worked for only herself.  

He'd have to see how his abilities compared to hers.  He and Kaidan were often known by the Alliance as their most powerful biotics. What makes her different?  He wanted to know.

A warlock by the name of Dr. Okeer.  A krogan scientist.  Another alien.  Regis raised an eyebrow, remembering a few conversations he had with Wrex.  A rarity.  

No wonder Cerberus wanted someone like him. 

He doubted that Okeer and Solus would get along. 

Next, someone by the name of Archangel.  Regis rolled his eyes at the name, but the dossier itself was suspiciously blank compared to the others.  No real name and a vague location.  

Finally, the one titled "The Veteran."

Regis opened it and blinked once he saw the name, making sure he read it correctly. 

Zaeed Massani, hired by Cerberus. 

He couldn't help but laugh at the note that said how expensive his services were. 

Yet, Regis knew Zaeed wasn't an idiot.  He kept an ear close to the ground. He had to have known what Cerberus really was. 

So why was he part of these dossiers?

He'll have to be careful.  He trusts Zaeed.  Trusted him with things only Kaidan knows and has seen. 

Maybe Moreau was right.  He really is a fucking hypocrite. 

Because he couldn't wait to get to Omega and get that man on board. As selfish as it was, Regis really wanted him back by his side, even if they were just friends. 

Regis closed his eyes as he thought back to his and Kaidan's leave on Omega.  Three–no, five now–years ago. 

Sandwiched between them after they had taken turns with him, Regis relished in the feeling of being fucked out by two gorgeous men, one who had been by his side for years, the other a temporary lover Regis wanted so much more with.  Kaidan pecked his lips with a sweet little kiss. "How are you feeling, love?" He asked, checking over him with a loving gaze.  "Good. Sore, but that's to be expected," he rasped out. He cleared his throat.  "But I like it that way." "I know you do." "You two have a good thing going on," Zaeed grumbled from behind him, a tattooed arm wrapped around Regis's body. "But I'm also a goddamn gentleman.  It's been a while someone has let me be that rough with them." Regis turned to face the mercenary.  "I'm fine, I promise.  I can handle it." Zaeed pressed a kiss on his forehead. "That you can, Alliance.  Next time, don't hold back on your biotics. Both of you.  Ain't my first rodeo." "So sure about a next time," Kaidan teased. "But we can get a little, uh, wild with our fields. Comes with our implants." "Right, you two must be from the second gen?  No wonder your biotics were so strong out in the field.  Thought I was fighting with Matriarch commandos out there," Zaeed said, starting to trace patterns on the tattoos on Regis's chest.  He shivered at the contact.   "It has its benefits," Regis said.  "I'm sure it does," Zaeed said.  "I got a bathtub big enough for the three of us back there.  Join me." Kaidan grinned. "Of course.  Regis?' "As long as you two pamper me, I'm alright with that."

But without Kaidan with him, Regis wasn't about to make a move. 

Even if he craved the touch of another. 

His fingers itched, reaching out for a pack of cigarettes that were nowhere to be found. 

Regis knows what he's going to pick up when he gets to Omega. 

First, he'll deal with the Citadel.  Talk with Anderson, recruit Goto, and see if the new council would be willing to talk with him. 

And then, Omega. 

Regis wasn't looking forward to whatever was waiting for him at the Citadel, but he hoped to get answers.  

And to find out where Kaidan and Ashley ended up. 

He didn't want them on the ship, but he needed to know they were okay.  That they flourished in the Alliance. 

That they moved on without him by their sides. 

He wasn't holding his breath, however.  The moment he shows up in a Cerberus ship will seal his fate.  He's almost certain he'll be stonewalled. 

But he wouldn't deny the Spectre position if it was offered back to him, despite not wanting it in the first place.

He could hear it now, Regis Shepard, a traitor to the Alliance, to humanity, and to the Council!

Regis never felt so lost, so out of control, until now.

He hoped that he can regain some semblance of control fast.

[valena-nedela]

The humans, however...

Humans are peculiar.

It’s a common enough opinion, though everyone has their own reason for it.

For some, it’s their openness to surgical, cybernetic, and even genetic body modification. Baseline humans are one of the least phenotypically diverse species, with little variation beyond a limited range of sizes and dermal coloration, or the shape and color of keratin filaments. However, with their modifications, they are instead among the most varied of species, with the notion of dividing them into subspecies a regular subject of academic debate. The humans, however, are strictly opposed to such ideas.

For others, it’s their bizarrely flexible pack-bonding instincts.

And for others, it’s their almost-universal fixation on centuries-old pop culture.

None of those people have ever dealt with human engineering.

Those who have, know that the strangest thing about humans is their inability to truly grasp large scales. It’s as though they have a certain limit, above which the actual numbers involved lose all meaning and the project simply becomes “big”, with no upward bound. Thanks to this, they see no problem in taking on efforts that saner species would dismiss as wastefully extravagant.

Allow me to provide some examples.

For most sapients, the fact that stellar atmosphere is an effective lasing medium is interesting trivia. The humans, however, turned their home star into a laser.

For most sapients, the idea that one can artificially create a singularity by pouring enough energy into a small enough volume is an amusing thought experiment. The humans, however, needed something to do with their “stel-laser”.

For most sapients, quantum entanglement technology is sufficient for space travel and communication, despite its delicate setup process and other limitations. The humans, however, prefer the flexibility of their Q-drives, which send a superluminary ripple through the fabric of space itself and permit a ship to “ride along” within the shockwave. The power demands for this are obscene, but fortunately humanity has a supply of miniature black holes that they can allow to evaporate to the point of instability and erupt into a small nova.

As an aside, I originally took the name “Q-drive” to be yet another reference to ancient pop culture, but it is, apparently, a severe reduction of the name of the theorist who first proposed the method.

For most sapients, planetary engineering (“terraforming”, in human terms) is a centuries-long effort that demands more resources than most people can imagine, and is widely disregarded as fanciful. The humans, however, have apparently begun efforts to siphon heavy elements from their star’s mass and use those to turn the second and fourth planets of their system into new garden worlds.

As best as anyone else can tell, in the earliest stages of their study of their neighboring worlds, that is what they mistakenly assumed those planets to be. The reality eventually proved to be disappointing. The humans, however, came to resent that, and opted to eventually resolve the matter to their satisfaction.

And now, the latest news from within human engineering circles has me particularly concerned, though others are dismissing it as a joke or “meme”. I am unconvinced. I have seen what manner of projects the humans consider reasonable, and how they approach the ones that they want, but consider unreasonable — that being, they just do it anyway.

The following question has been “trending” within human discussion spaces:

If you were going to disassemble a planetary body to construct a ring habitat in its orbit, which one would you disassemble?

I desperately wish to know what it means that Earth is currently leading the polling.

[gender-luster]

hi! i’m a bit confused at how a boy can be a lesbian? i know people can use whatever label suits them, but as someone who always takes things far too literally anyways i just don’t understand how it works really?

great question! one which has many long and complex answers. the shortest and simplest of which, sorta being: there are many ways to be a boy and a lesbian. (helpful, i know /s)

first off, i would like to start by saying a gentle reminder that gender is a spectrum. and so is sexuality. and yes, people can use whatever labels they think suit them, even if it does not make sense to others, because different labels will always mean different things to different people.

labels are another part of language, and language is imperfect. we may never be able to fully "accurately" describe the full range of any human experience with any language. language should not be used to control our experiences, it should be used as a tool to help us describe them in the best way possible, and that varies from person to person.

having said that, lesbian and boy/man are both labels. labels that many people use together to describe their identity and experiences. experiences that can and do, vary widely

whether you're a multigender lesbian and one of the genders your identity encompasses is being a man. or maybe you're a transman/masc who identified as a lesbian before you realized you're trans and you still feel a sense of connection to that label and sexuality. or if you're a nonbinary or genderqueer lesbian who in some way identifies as a man/boy.

this is just to name a few, but there are many many ways to be both a lesbian and a man/boy.

that being said, i am not a lesbian myself, and this is just the knowledge i've gained from existing in trans and multigender and lesbian spaces, and listening to those voices. (i did once think i might be a lesbian, but that label never truly fit me, personally. but i still hold so much adoration and respect and admiration and appreciation for the lesbian community)

so i strongly recommend going and talking to actual lesboys and other lesbians who are boys/men, and asking them about their experiences and what it means to them to be both lesbians and men. there are some great blogs and resources out there, though i don't know any names off the top of my head, sorry

but i do hope this helps, and gives you a base bit of knowledge and understanding. and if any lesbians who are men would like to add on, or even if you have anything to correct me about, that would be greatly appreciated 💛💛

[tomwambsmilk]

What do you consider to be truly middle class in 2023? What are the tell tale signs someone is middle class these days? I feel like the U.S. is slowly picking up on the fact that class is not so much about your income but it's more based on your background, your social and cultural capital etc. Maybe you disagree so I would love to hear your thoughts on this. What is your take?

Once again using a TL;DR because this is a huge topic and I've tried to zero in on what you're interested in, but it's still a bit long. So the TL;DR is: there are many factors that go into class which are interrelated but not deterministically dependent; however, economic status is probably the most consistent and significant manifestation of class. The idea of 'middle-class' is defined entirely in relation to the upper and lower class, and the specific class signifiers you're focussing on will change the definition of who is in 'middle-class' in the first place, so it's not really a consistent group of people, and you could argue that 'middle class' is something that doesn't even really exist outside of the arbitrary categorizations economists and social scientists and politicians and marxists use to try and understand the economic landscape. In the context of TV history? I'm just focussing on disposable income, because that's what the TV networks were focussed on, but there's a whole discussion to be had about what other characteristics were common (and are common) among people with disposable income. If we're not talking about TV, I would say (and this is literally just me, this is Brenna's Theory of Economics and Class Status in 2023 this is just some bullshit I came up with and I know nothing) I would say the biggest determinant of class status is your ability to buy a house.

The long answer:

Well, the cop-out answer is that it depends entirely on the context in which you're talking about class.

The trouble with class as a concept is that it's used to cover an incredibly broad range of societal structures throughout history that have all looked different in practice. It's relatively self-evident that most human societies have organized themselves into strata of more privileged and less privileged people; however, the categorization criteria for those strata vary widely depending on the society.

That said, there has always been a really strong link between wealth and class. Upper-class people are usually wealthier, lower-class people are not. That's because we live in an economic system, and the primary way privilege (and its absence) manifests is economic. There are other forms and manifestations of privilege, but the economic component is so powerful that someone of a marginalized community with enough wealth to be considered 'upper-class' won't experience the same degree of marginalization that a low-income person would (although they will still be somewhat alienated from the rest of the upper class). Likewise, someone who would normally benefit from our societal structure based on things like background, race, gender, etc will find themselves cut off from many of those privileges once they reach a certain level of financial hardship.

(Btw this is actually one of the most common objections people will have to the concept of 'white privilege', at least in my experience. Part of this is based on a misunderstanding of what's meant by the term. But part of it is that, while a low-income white person still experiences certain forms of white privilege, many forms of white privilege are tied up with wealth and access to it - things like living in better neighbourhoods and having 'better' social networks which lead to better long-term financial prospects, etc. So low-income white people aren't actually experiencing the full benefits of white privilege, which is why many of them deny it even exists. In their minds, if white privilege was real, they wouldn't have to live like this.)

We can debate whether you're wealthy because of your class, or whether your class makes you wealthy, but it's truly a chicken-and-egg situation, imo. Regardless of which came first, there's a strong enough correlation that I think it is useful to treat economic status as a primary determiner of class, and then examine other things, like social and cultural capital, within that economic context. That being said, I do think how you're defining class is deeply dependent on what specifically you're talking about. For instance, if you're talking about the flow of wealth under capitalism, it's useful to define class based on a person's relationship to the means of production, rather than income. But the trouble with that is you're lumping together minimum wage retail workers in with doctors and lawyers making 6-figures as 'working class', and you're lumping struggling mom-and-pop business owners in with multibillionaires in 'owning class'. So once you start talking about economic power, and how those classes actually move and operate in the world, you have to redefine them to take into account those differing levels of wealth.

That's part of the difficulty with talking about the term 'middle class'. There is no consistent historical definition of what constitutes 'middle class'. 'Upper class' has always meant the wealthy, 'lower class' has always meant the poor. Those are relatively easy to define. 'Middle-class' has always been a term used to describe people who are somewhere in between, who can't properly be classified into one or the other, so its definition changes depending on how the upper and lower classes are being defined, which depends on historical context and who's using the term and why they're using it in the first place. So there's some discrepancy between how, say, Marx and Engels used it and how statisticians, economists, and government officials have used it in the last hundred years. (And that's the other thing - unlike upper and lower class, middle class as a concept is a relatively new invention.)

To circle all the way back around to your question, anon, of what characteristics make someone 'middle-class' in 2023... It would depend on the context in which we're talking. In my post about the relationship between TV history and its middle-class white target market, 'middle-class' just meant anyone with the disposable income to pay for an HBO subscription. But the nature of the economic landscape in the second half of the 20th century means this also very much meant things like: people with postsecondary degrees, people with professional qualifications (like doctors or lawyers), people who owned houses and worked in relatively secure office jobs, people whose kids didn't go to public school. That's because most of the people who had the kind of disposable income to pay for an HBO subscription also had at least one of those characteristics. That's why The Sopranos, which digs into the gradual degradation of Tony's upper-middle-class lifestyle, resonated with people who themselves had been living middle-class lifestyles they could no longer afford. And that's why The Wire's portrayal of inner-city neighbourhoods, and gang life, and even its portrayal of (mostly white) dockworkers struggling as their industry shrunk and there was less work to go around, simply did not.

If you really want a much more general definition of middle-class in 2023, not tied to any specific discussion, I would probably define it around home ownership. Which might sound silly, but I think the question of whether you can afford a home (and how) is indicative of a whole other mess of questions around lifestyle, income, background, education, location, race, etc that together become characteristics of a class. I think that if you can't buy a house in your area which is considered 'average', you're lower-class. This includes being able to save up the down payment and being approved by a bank for a mortgage. (This is not the same as being able to pay a hypothetical mortgage, because more than that is involved in a bank's decision to give you a mortgage, and many of those factors do signify or contribute to class status). If you are able to buy an average home, but you would need to finance it through a mortgage, you're middle-class. And if you could buy an average home straight-up, no mortgage, either with cash or by liquidating investments, you're upper-class.

Now obviously there are going to be exceptions to this, but I think that because there are so many factors which go into someone's ability to buy a house - it's not as simple as "if you make [x] you're good" - it manages to be a really good indicator of someone's overall societal status. (This has not always been the case though - looking at you, run-up to the 2008 financial crisis). It's not perfect! But there is no one-size-all definition of middle-class, so I think this is as good a place as any to start.

[chillaxconsciousness]

i think, therefore i post, tweet, share

examining selfhood and group identity formation in digital spaces

written by kaylz

Why do you post on social media? Posts can be informational or aesthetic, but the intention behind why you share your given information is the most important part. Harvard researcher, Mesfin Awoke Bekalu, writes on the power of social media to connect us to a greater audience than has ever been possible, going across physical distances and language barriers, and allowing people from varying backgrounds to interact with one another. However, he warns that the way we use social media is of paramount importance and our individual backgrounds affect whether it is truly negative or positive—with a particular disadvantage for the elderly, less-educated, and racial minorities.

So, when you’re posting, it’s important to consider what privileges allow you to post, how the content will impact or be received by a general audience, and who you want to connect with.

On the topic of connection, researcher and PhD candidate Abeba Birhane writes about how our connection with others has a greater importance to our self-identification than traditional Western thought implies. In her article “Descartes was wrong: ‘a person is a person through other persons’”, Birhane (academically) roasts Descartes – creator of the famous “I think, therefore I am” phrase – and other Western thinkers who introduced and helped standardize an individualistic and extremely rational view of the self. This Cartesian view insists that our own thoughts and conceptions of self are the only thing that matter to our identity – an idea known as cogito – excluding considerations on the impact of society and other people on the construction of our sense of self.

Birhane calls on a few examples of alternative thinking, like the Russian philosopher Mikhail Bakhtin, who thought that we could only struggle with metaphysical topics and self-conception after dialogue with others, and Ubuntu philosophy, which believes babies start with no selfhood and gain it through interactions and experiences. Rather than “I think, therefore I am”, Birhane asks readers to consider the Zulu saying, “‘Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu’, which means ‘A person is a person through other persons’”.

Social media and the Internet are epic locations for interacting with others to form our selfhood. For this generation of kids, their images and information will start being shared online before they can talk, and from young ages they will be able to engage with and post content themselves; this will have a MAJOR impact on how they understand themselves and have agency over their identities. They’re learning how to see and be seen by others in a way that will inform their views on the world, and there’s a possibility of that world as more global, diverse one because it will reflect the wide variety of content available to them in an Internet-exposed childhood. I believe this connection with others through social media and these experiences online will help children – and people in general – to shape their sense of self in increasingly unique ways, and unique people are often the changemakers our world needs.

I know right now you’re questioning how this fab idea of collective identity formation relates to a meme-page on Instagram or a TikTok thirst trap video, but give me sec to explain! As human beings we love to talk about things we’re passionate about, share experiences and information, and connect to people over mutual topics of interest. Even when those interest may seem strange, they’re something to bond over!

We can apply Birhane’s ideas about forming sense of self with others to the small communities like BookTok , fan pages for celebrities (see example here), gamers, and more. These people connect online because their aligned interests usually mean they have aligned values, personality traits, or senses of humor. However, because of their other unique interests and personal history/backgrounds, they can also learn from each other! When the different aspects of the identities of several individuals interact, those involved share discourse on experiences or see their own experiences reflected back at them through the eyes of a community member, and they see a new way of viewing themselves. This cycle can repeat, and the community connections would then impact the identities of all those involved, but we need do our best to ensure that these digital spaces are not exclusive or prejudiced towards minorities so that we all benefit from the experience.

Obvi the Internet and social media have bad parts, but that’s a topic for another blog post. Today we’ve decided to be a little less of a technophobe and little more of a techno-positivist!

TLDR: Applying Abeba Birhane’s theory on consciousness and sense of self being formed with others to social media and the Internet allows us to see them as positive spaces for improving community and self-understanding. What we post and who we connect with online shape our individual and group identities, and we should understand that as a responsibility.

TTYL, kaylz

[davidbenjaminhub]

Towards 2025: Interview with Top Games Inc. CEO David Guo on Future Strategies and Innovation

2025 is approaching, and many classic mobile games continue to perform well in the gaming industry. One notable example is the strategy game Evony: The King's Return. Its developer, Top Games Inc. (TGI), has achieved outstanding success under the leadership of CEO David Guo (Yaoqi Guo). The game continues to enjoy a loyal fanbase.

In this interview, CEO and Founder David Guo shares insights into TGI’s core strategies, their approach to game development, and their vision for the future of gaming in 2025.

Q1: Why Does TGI Offer a Diverse Range of Games?

A1: We believe that players have diverse tastes. By developing games across different genres, we reach a broader audience and provide players with new experiences. For example, integrating puzzle elements into Evony attracted fans of that genre and enriched our community. Our strategy is to appeal to as many players as possible, whether they prefer hardcore strategy or casual games.

Q2: What Contributes to Evony's Global Popularity?

A2: Evony’s success stems from its engaging gameplay, deep strategy, and active community. It appeals to both new and experienced players. We prioritize user experience and build strong, loyal player bases. By evolving the game and staying user-focused, Evony remains one of the top-grossing mobile games. Unlike competitors who focus on short-term gains, we are dedicated to long-term community building.

Q3: How Does TGI Keep Players Engaged in a Changing Landscape?

A3: We regularly update Evony with fresh challenges, stories, and features. Listening to player feedback is key to adjusting our development priorities. Using data to understand player behavior helps us create experiences that maintain engagement. I also monitor YouTube feedback, including both positive and negative comments. While we consider all players, we aim to design for a wide, diverse audience.

Q4: How Will AI Impact the Future of Gaming?

A4: AI is transforming the gaming industry. At TGI, we use AI to enhance user experiences, improve engagement, and streamline development processes. We plan to integrate AI into game mechanics and player behavior analysis. While AI plays a crucial role, human creativity is irreplaceable and continues to drive the industry forward.

Q5: What’s the Strategic Value of Collaborations with Brands and IPs?

A5: Collaborations with well-known brands, like Kong: Skull Island, Godzilla, and Napoleon, are both fun and strategic. They boost brand visibility and attract new players. These partnerships enrich our games and create win-win-win scenarios for players, partners, and TGI. We are always open to new collaborations that can enhance our games.

Q6: How Does TGI Use Data Science in Decision Making?

A6: Data science helps us make informed decisions by analyzing player feedback, market trends, and performance metrics. It increases efficiency and guides product development. Data also helps us understand employee engagement, fostering a motivating work environment. Rather than replacing staff, we use AI to support our team’s growth. People are our greatest asset.

Q7: What Makes a Game Truly Exceptional?

A7: A great game has engaging gameplay, a strong story, and intuitive design. It should balance challenge and reward, offer immersive experiences, and be easy to play. Evolving content, dynamic environments, and varied challenges are essential to maintaining player interest. At TGI, we focus on these qualities in games like Evony, ensuring an ever-changing world that keeps players engaged.

Q8: How Does TGI’s Corporate Culture Support Game Development?

A8: At TGI, our corporate culture is centered around user needs, innovation, and continuous improvement. We foster an environment where team members can excel and contribute to delivering great gaming experiences. Open communication, inclusivity, and collaboration are core to our culture, sparking creativity and driving high-quality game development. Integrity, excellence, and passion are essential to our mission.

Q9: What Advice Would You Give Aspiring Game Developers?

A9: Cultivate your passion, keep learning, and view challenges as opportunities for growth. Collaboration and mentorship are invaluable. Building a network of peers and mentors is key to success in the industry.

Q10: What’s TGI’s Vision for the Future of Gaming?

A10: We see gaming becoming more integrated into daily life, offering immersive experiences beyond traditional entertainment. We’re particularly excited about blockchain gaming, wearable tech, and the metaverse. TGI is committed to staying at the forefront of these advancements.

This interview provides an inside look at the strategic mindset and future vision of Top Games Inc., emphasizing their commitment to player engagement, innovation, and long-term success.

[ourspiritanimalxs]

What Does the Hydrangea Flower Symbolize?

Hydrangeas are among the most beloved flowers in the world, known for their stunning and voluminous blooms in a range of colors including blue, pink, white, purple, and even green. These elegant flowers are often used in floral arrangements, gardens, and special events such as weddings, anniversaries, and birthdays. The captivating beauty of hydrangeas, combined with their deep symbolism, has made them a favorite for conveying messages of love, gratitude, and even apology.

In this article, we will explore the meaning and symbolism of hydrangea flowers in different cultural, historical, and emotional contexts. We will also compare hydrangeas to other flowers with similar meanings and discuss how these flowers relate to various life experiences, from love and friendship to sorrow and understanding.

The Beauty and Appeal of Hydrangeas

Hydrangeas (Hydrangea macrophylla), also known as mophead hydrangeas or bigleaf hydrangeas, are native to Asia and the Americas. These flowers are particularly renowned for their large, globe-like clusters of blooms, which can consist of hundreds of individual flowers. The color of hydrangea flowers can vary depending on soil pH, which gives them the unique ability to change from pink to blue or purple, making them particularly fascinating to gardeners and flower enthusiasts.

Hydrangeas are perennial shrubs that thrive in temperate climates, and their flowers bloom in the summer months. The plant is known for its hardiness, vibrant colors, and distinctive shape, making it a popular choice for floral arrangements, gardens, and landscaping. However, it is their symbolism and cultural significance that truly elevate the hydrangea to the status of one of the most meaningful flowers in the floral world.

The Symbolism of Hydrangea Flowers

The hydrangea flower carries a variety of symbolic meanings, many of which are linked to the flower's impressive size and beauty. These meanings can vary depending on the color of the hydrangea, as well as the cultural and personal contexts in which the flower is used. Below, we explore the most common symbolic meanings of hydrangeas.

1. Gratitude and Understanding

One of the primary symbols of hydrangeas, particularly in Western cultures, is gratitude. The large, full blooms of hydrangeas are often associated with feelings of thankfulness and appreciation, especially for someone who has shown kindness or support. This symbolism comes from the fact that hydrangeas are often given as a gesture of gratitude for a favor or act of kindness.

Hydrangeas are also seen as symbols of understanding and empathy, as their multifaceted petals can represent the depth of human emotions and the importance of recognizing the complexities of relationships. The flower's wide, open petals suggest a sense of openness and receptivity, making it a fitting symbol for someone who has shown compassion or understanding.

2. Love and Romance

In addition to gratitude, hydrangeas are often associated with love, especially the more romantic or fateful kind. Hydrangeas' unique ability to change color based on the soil's pH level has led to their association with the theme of change in relationships, particularly the transformation that love can bring.

Hydrangeas are also thought to symbolize enduring love due to the flower's long blooming season. These flowers can stay in full bloom for weeks, which is sometimes interpreted as a reflection of the stability and longevity of a relationship. For this reason, hydrangeas are often used in weddings or given as gifts to express commitment and devotion.

3. Heartfelt Emotions and Apology

The hydrangea is sometimes used as a symbol of remorse or apology. This association likely stems from the flower's historical use in Japan, where it was once believed that hydrangeas were symbolic of a sincere apology for an emotional offense. The soft, delicate nature of the flower suggests a gentle approach to seeking forgiveness, making it an ideal choice for someone looking to make amends or express heartfelt emotions.

If you’ve ever hurt someone unintentionally, gifting them hydrangeas can serve as a gesture of regret and a way to communicate that you are truly sorry for your actions. The presence of hydrangeas in an apology can soften the words and convey the depth of your feelings.

4. Abundance and Prosperity

Hydrangeas are also symbols of abundance, prosperity, and wealth, particularly in relation to the earth and nature. The large, showy blooms of hydrangeas can be seen as a reflection of growth and the bounty of nature. The flower’s ability to thrive in a variety of conditions, even in less-than-ideal soil, is sometimes linked to the idea of perseverance and the importance of nurturing and cultivating your dreams to achieve success.

In some cultures, hydrangeas are given as gifts to symbolize wishes for prosperity in business or for the growth of a relationship. The lush, full blooms are seen as an omen of good fortune and an indication that positive change is on the horizon.

5. Hydrangea Color Symbolism

One of the most fascinating aspects of hydrangea flowers is their ability to change color depending on the pH level of the soil in which they grow. This ability has influenced the symbolic meanings attached to hydrangea flowers, with each color representing a different emotional message.

Blue Hydrangeas: Blue hydrangeas are often associated with understanding, calm, and tranquility. They are also connected to peaceful love and can symbolize fidelity and support in relationships. Blue hydrangeas are often seen as an expression of loyalty and stability.

Pink Hydrangeas: Pink hydrangeas are typically linked to gratitude, appreciation, and admiration. They are often given to someone as a way to express thankfulness or to show admiration for their qualities. Pink hydrangeas also symbolize gentle love and romance, particularly the kind of love that is caring and nurturing.

White Hydrangeas: White hydrangeas symbolize purity, grace, and elegance. They are often used in weddings, symbolizing new beginnings and the purity of the relationship. White hydrangeas can also represent innocence and honesty.

Purple Hydrangeas: Purple hydrangeas are associated with royalty, dignity, and spirituality. They are sometimes used to convey a message of respect or to honor someone's achievements. Purple hydrangeas can also represent the deep and mysterious aspects of life, offering a sense of admiration and reverence.

Green Hydrangeas: Green hydrangeas symbolize growth, renewal, and rejuvenation. These flowers can be seen as a representation of hope and the idea that positive change is on the way. Green hydrangeas are also associated with fertility and abundance.

Cultural and Historical Significance of Hydrangeas

Hydrangeas have long held cultural significance in various societies, particularly in Asia. Their symbolism has been shaped by ancient beliefs, as well as by their use in art, literature, and religious traditions.

In Japanese Culture:

In Japan, hydrangeas are often linked to the buddhist tradition, where they represent the impermanence of life and the changing nature of the seasons. In the language of flowers, the hydrangea is associated with the idea of faded beauty or the passing of time, but also with the possibility of renewal. The Japanese often use hydrangeas in their gardens during the rainy season, as the flowers are a reflection of the moisture and abundance that the rains bring.

Additionally, hydrangeas are often seen as a symbol of gratefulness and remorse in Japanese culture. According to one interpretation, the flower represents an apology for a slight or a misunderstood action. This belief has likely contributed to the widespread use of hydrangeas as a flower of reconciliation.

In Western Culture:

In Western cultures, hydrangeas are widely regarded as symbols of gratitude and understanding. The Victorian language of flowers, or floriography, placed great importance on the meanings of flowers, and hydrangeas were often associated with sentiments of thankfulness and admiration. In modern times, hydrangeas are commonly used in wedding bouquets, anniversary arrangements, and birthday gifts, as they represent love and commitment.

Hydrangea and Other Symbolic Flowers

Hydrangeas share symbolic meanings with several other flowers, and understanding these connections can enrich our appreciation of their beauty and significance.

Roses:

Roses, like hydrangeas, are symbols of love and romance. However, while hydrangeas represent the enduring, gentle nature of love, roses are often associated with more passionate and intense feelings. Hydrangeas are commonly used to symbolize gratitude and appreciation, while roses are typically reserved for expressing deep affection or long-lasting love.

Lily of the Valley:

Lily of the valley flowers are symbols of humility and purity, much like white hydrangeas. Both flowers carry connotations of grace and elegance, but while lilies of the valley tend to represent new beginnings, hydrangeas focus on the perseverance and growth of existing relationships.

Sunflowers:

Sunflowers, like hydrangeas, are symbols of abundance and positivity. However, sunflowers are more often linked to joy, happiness, and the sun, whereas hydrangeas represent a broader array of meanings, including love, gratitude, and remorse.

Conclusion

The hydrangea is a flower rich in symbolism, representing a wide range of emotions including gratitude, love, understanding, remorse, and abundance. Its different colors and forms lend it the flexibility to symbolize various aspects of human experience, from romantic love to friendship and even apology. Whether you're giving hydrangeas as a gift or enjoying their beauty in a garden, these stunning flowers remind us of the complexities of life, relationships, and personal growth.