#the housing situation here is absolutely crazy. i don't stand a chance. it's so fucking scary

[flowercrowngods]

it keeps dawning on me, on a daily basis, that i might actually genuinely be homeless soon

[oriley42]

Tl;dr: here's the chart I made, react at your own time if you'd like<3, sorry for the bible below.

Hello again legend, I present to you my magnum opus relationship chart, updated to where I reached when I started it which was about early-mid s7 (I now finished) and therefore does not feature Park or Addams.

You can probably tell which parts might be inspired by your fics (the og ducklings polycule, House and Wilson married, Cuddy and frankly any woman, 13 and Amber etc), which parts are rooted in canon (Cuddy and House, Taub and Rachel, 13 and Foreman etc) and which parts are fully just me going ham (some friendships and ships with people who never met in canon, some of them sharing homes oops).

I would absolutely love to read a live reaction from you on stuff you agree and disagree with and what makes no sense to you because I honestly think your brain is huge as far as dynamics go. Feel free to add anything you can see I blatantly missed, I for sure didn't include everything here.

I know most of your fics don't venture outside of the earlier seasons regarding characters and dynamics but I've been having brainrot about the whole lot of them, I have loads of headcanons regarding the chart:

- It took Foreman a long time to give up his house but because he literally cannot do casual relationships and is hardcore married to 3 people and dating 13 he just sleeps wherever

- Kutner and Masters have a crazy bonding arc that ends with them sharing a house and they balance each other out

- Stacy and Cameron used to fuck over shared weird ass relationship with House

Anyway seriously ama I can explain everything even why Lin Manuel Miranda's character made it to the magnum opus I'm being so fr

No pressure at all to respond unless this brings you equal brainrot, at your leisure boss

Wahoo! This is so cool! I’ve only seen charts like these occasionally, and never gotten a chance to really dive in. I love how this visualizes the complex network of relationships and their nuances, and crystallizes a particular snapshot of them. And I’m so flattered that my stories could play a role in how you imagine these relationships! I do tend to favor the early seasons, so this is a good chance to think about the later fellows as well, who I also love <3 (Will attempt to put my response under a read-more...if I can figure out how these work...)

Starting with Foreman: I love how he’s his own big nexus! The show has such intense main character syndrome with House, but I totally agree with how you’ve framed Foreman and Thirteen as other key spokes in the bonkers wheel of toxic polycule-ism that is PPTH. Foreman wants to be a responsible homeowner but he’s got marriages all over town! And really he’s married to his job! How’s a guy supposed to manage a mortgage situation like that? 😅 Foreman and Kutner (I almost just misspelled his name as Kuntner, which, honestly…serve) didn’t really get to do much together in canon, and I love to imagine them getting to have a relationship of their own, not just in the context of PPTH. Would they chill and play video games, and it would be a chance for Foreman to just be a person, instead of A Doctor? Would he get to enjoy Kutner’s laid back nature, but because they keep things casual, he doesn’t have to deal with the stuff that would absolutely drive his ordered mind crazy—you know he wouldn’t stand for a fridge that’s empty except for a jar of mustard and one (1) liter of Mountain Dew. Also I can’t believe I forgot about that plot point that Taub roomed with Foreman, oh my god. Yes. And Foreman and Rachel Taub secret pals? Delish!

Thirteen has pulled every young, gorgeous, eligible person in her orbit, as she should. Sampled all the flavors, as it were. Except C&C—I agree, she doesn’t vibe with the blonde twins, especially as a set, though I think there could be something interesting in the whole ‘Thirteen is House’s metaphorical daughter’ vibe that Cameron would just go apeshit over. ‘Oh, it’s House, but he’s a hot, impressionable young girl who’s also dying?!’ ß catnip for that messed up gal! (Sidebar: I am fighting for my life every time I try to make Cameron sapphic because that actress simply reads as unbearably het to me. It took everything I had to write explicit Cuddy/Cameron. I’m so sorry to all the lesbian!Cam truthers out there, you’re stronger than I! Especially considering Jennifer went on to be half of such a powerhouse WLW ship on OUAT…I don’t know why, but the only kind of queer for her that really works in my head is aro-ace. That girl just wants to save lives, she doesn’t have time for any other nonsense!) On that note, love the idea that Cameron/Stacy had a thing. Go girls, the best way to get over House is to get under someone else (who also wants to fuck him!) Cuddy/Amber is galaxy brain, god, let these powerful yet deeply insecure and structurally maligned women try to step on each other, fail, and fuck nasty about it 😭 I’m also glad you fit sweet little Masters in, I’ve only written her as a cameo because s7 is so…Like That…but she’s delightful and deserves the (intimate) attentions of beautiful and terrifying women such as Thirteen and Amber. And Kutner & Masters friendship, what a delight that would be! I think they would both bring eldest sibling energy to it that would turn out to complement one another, as Kutner shows her the ropes of having fun and learning when to bend the rules, and she can help him buckle down and connect with the times when the rules are actually important to follow. Kutner was always the youngin’, so he didn’t get to mentor anybody, and he should have gotten that chance!!

I think Cuddy and Wilson have a Something…that cannot be defined. Is it sexual, platonic, friendly, familial? Are they besties, are they both just good at being social, are they bonded primarily over their UST for House, would they have been the world’s most perfect Lavender Marriage??? (Which raises the point of kids, yikes! That would need to be a whole other chart, of kids had, imagined, and desired…) Similarly, canon implies that Wilson and Stacy are good friends and have been for quite a while (though we don’t get to see it enough!) and I always wonder how that went for James ‘Trips Over Friendship Into Marriage’ Wilson. Was his friendship like Stacy like his relationship with Cuddy? Are they surface level friends who really bonded over House—or over the kinds of things that draw them to someone like House, e.g. the dark unspoken desires they both paper over in their pursuit of appearing “normal”? Maybe it’s like what Bonnie said, if she’d slept with Wilson right away, she could have gotten over him…maybe Wilson slept with Cuddy and/or Stacy and they were like ‘that was fine, but what if we just did brunch once a month and gossiped instead.’

I agree that Cuddy should have gotten to keep Lucas, like a pet. He was delightful! House Lite, a little scamp, but one who could be kind and relied upon when it was important. And totally agree that House should get to keep Alvie, that musical theater freak helped him keep it together in one of the worst times of his life! Those episodes of s6 are a fever dream that I wouldn’t trade for the world. House needs his emotional support boy best friend (there’s that one post that says without Wilson, House flees to the nearest manlet…so real.) It’s so natural, then, for the two manlets to bond. Lucas and Alvie have killer karaoke sessions together that are as humiliating to witness as they are incredible to experience.

Thank you for sharing this inspiring chart (and for referring to me like I’m a mafia don, it makes me feel so butch and famous) 😎🥰 Please do reblog or reply if any of this stream of consciousness sparks clarifications/questions/additions!

[carronpatrick]

Alright, I have a chance to rant. I have held back for MONTHS, allowing the two of you to abuse and gaslight my best friend and someone I consider a sister, so. Enough is enough.

This will be very long as I am very agitated, lmao. Read if you want or fuck off if you want, I genuinely don't care either way. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Act your damn ages already.

First off, if you want me to tag you (or would you prefer me refer to you like you do when you talk shit "you know who you are") I will, happily. You want transparency, let's do it.

Second. In no way is sending death threats okay. I don't even know if her followers did it to you or y'all are just that crazy to send anonymous hate to yourselves for attention, but even fake, it's wrong.

Next, misgendering someone because you're pissy is a childish, ignorant choice, and it is also wrong. Whoever did it, you should seriously be ashamed and take a long look at yourself and do better.

I am in no way condoning any of the hate, real or fake, being sent back and forth. Or the stalker behavior, racist remarks, and absolute absurd disrespect for someone who tried very hard to be your best friend.

-----

In case it's not clear, I fully take Ash's side. (@thevampywolf for those who don't know, that's what I call her.) There's no debate happening, no one will sway my decision. I gathered the facts (yes, those pesky things you conveniently ignore when you're trying to make your own point) and she is not in the wrong here. Period. I've asked third parties who have no idea of the situation, they have ALL agreed with me here.

You say she should "make an official post because right now it sounds really bad on (her) end". She owes y'all absolutely dick diddly.

I have just had enough and while Ash doesn't need one single damn person to defend her, she deserves to be defended and I've held my tongue for long enough. The bullshit needs to stop already.

-----

This all started because you and Ash were best friends. And then you got back/together with your girlfriend (who is now boyfriend, yes, but at the time was identifying as a female, that's why I said girlfriend) and started treating Ash like absolute shit. You commissioned work from her and she delivered, with promises you'd pay her when you got paid, after this drama episode with your roommate, you're helping your s/o through stuff, now they're helping you, now you've just gotta get paid again, oh wait, next holiday, etc. It's been almost half a year. You have your own housing at college and a job. You went out drinking for your birthday. You pay for your own food and clothes and those concert tickets and merch you got. She is not being a bitch to ask you for the payment you verbally/electronically promised in form of a commission.

However, you immediately saw red because HOW DARE she stand up for herself and actually make you follow through and keep your word. Le gasp. It's almost like she's being an adult, wow. And yes, there's also the $60 perfume that you've been holding hostage and gave to your dad to send off. Anyway. Ash asked you, before ending all contact with you, for what you OWE her, and you got pissy and you and your former girlfriend, now boyfriend, (I believe they go by he/him/they/them. If I am wrong, please correct me and I'll fix it.) started talking shit.

If you truly don't want any ties with Ash, you'd send the package you've been keeping from her (not hand it off to your dad and refuse to take accountability for it) and pay her what you owe and stop bringing her up on your numerous blogs and insinuating that she's being a bad person. Don't sit there, hiding behind your keyboards, playing the blame game and being absolute cunts. Grow up. Shame on you.

Ash owes zero explanation, to anyone, for YOUR shitty behaviors or the shitty behaviors of her followers. She's not "condoning the hate as well". That's on y'all and them. I realize you don't apparently have an actual mother figure (your posts, your words - not mine), but she's not responsible for anyone but herself and isn't anyone's mother.

------

Ironic how y'all become racist, vile, disgusting, bitter, and petty people when you think no one's looking. But then try to twist the situation and make it seem like it's someone else in the wrong.

For context if anyone is wondering, here's some of what was said and then deleted, this is just from yesterday. Note the tag you added, targeting Ash. She has not named y'all yet, she literally last even had your initial on her blog on December 4th, in this post where someone else brought you up.

But anyway, onto what actually started the drama today.

There's so much to unpack, but like. How fucking racist and unacceptable. Imagine being so fucking obsessed with someone that you have to attack them over fake names for fake children in fictional stories with your girlfriend and "burst their bubble". Can't relate. The only reason I can imagine is bitterness, jealousy, immaturity, or maybe you're just that hateful, idk. This is just your vitriol from today. You've both sent hate asks to Ash and said nasty, horrid things.

Let's address the underlying racism. First, Han absolutely can pronounce Clementine. He's fluent in English. Just because a three syllable word is too difficult for you to say, doesn't mean everyone else is the same. It's a simple word, a common one, is a name of characters in very popular media (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Walking Dead, there's an entire children's book series about a little girl named Clementine of the same name, just for example) and isn't exclusive to only English born speakers.

Secondly, there are literally Korean clementines!! They have multiple kinds - Gam Gyul, Hanrabong, Cheon Hye Hyang... I did a very quick search and found them. Ignorance is not an excuse here.

Third, why do you just assume all the international /foreign boys who your American girlfriend has wet dreams and dirty fantasies about - and writes and publishes filthy kink stories about and even SAID could be with her, dressing up for Halloween as a matching couple one day (yes, I have the screen shot, lmao) - will only be with Korean women and would never date outside their race? And they must name their children Korean names? That's just. Wow. So incredibly racist and ignorant.

Eric Nam, Christian Yu, Chrystal Soo Jung, Joshua Hong, Vernon, Jay Park, Rosé, Jennie, Gray, Jessi, FELIX LEE AND CHRISTOPHER BAHNG FOR FUCKS SAKE are all apparently not real Koreans. 🤔 How dare they have English names! And all those Koreans who decide they want their own English names, how DARE they.

Y'all can delete the posts and try to place blame on anyone else but you still did it and I saw and screenshot it all. The comment and how you hearted each racist post, too. Guess we know how you two really feel about the boys and Asians in general, huh.

-----

Ash has had both of you blocked for quite a while now. I remember the day she did it. So, y'all may wanna make it seem like Ash is contacting you constantly and reaching out, but you're delusional. She literally has both of you blocked on Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, etc. She only allows you on one social, Snap and that's because you owe her money. She doesn't contact you otherwise. So to go out of your way to stalk her blog and socials and fucking emoji tag, even, is just. Wow.

She has tried, over and over, has given chance after chance after chance (despite being told to cut ties and adandon ship because you're hopeless as a friend and you'll never change your horrible behavior) and went to you saying things along the lines of "hey, if you don't wanna be friends anymore, please just let me know and I'll stop messaging you and let you be" and despite ghosting her like a child instead of facing her like the adult you criticize everyone else for not being, you immediately say things along the lines of "omg I'm soooo sorry, I'll fix it, I didn't mean to do that, of course I wanna be friends!"

But then, surprise, you never change or do better. And you CONTINUE to blame it on anyone and anything else. She realized just how toxic, childish, and wretched you both are, and decided instead of spewing nonsense, to block you and try to end the friendship as quickly as possible. And instead of realizing your mistakes and shitty behaviors, you decided to be ignorant twats online.

I mean, I knew y'all were immature but damn, that's just sad. Ash is living rent free in your heads and it's just absolutely pathetic. I just. You're both so ugly inside, you have to (try to) tear down anyone who disagrees with you or doesn't let the two of you abuse and walk all over that them...

-----

You constantly act like a victim on here. When you get no interaction for a while, suddenly you have an influx of anonymous "hate" (that's written exactly how you type, interestingly enough) despite saying you're going to turn off the fucking feature in the first place. Either you're so desperate for any attention, you're willing to get the hate and thrive in the negativity, or you're just a liar.

You are a jealous, petty, immature bully who sends people anonymous hate to stir the pot. You're so emotionally stunted, you terrorize and poison the very few people who actually want the best for you (fun fact, not someone who enables you and just agrees with everything you say blindly) and want to care for you - and then tell anyone who will listen that it was their fault for leaving once you've ghosted them for months on end. It's never your own fault because you can't accept responsibility for your actions and fucked up behaviors.

-----

If the people who follow you two or Ash knew how horrible you truly are, they'd abandon ship as soon as possible. And they should, cause if they're not careful, they'll be your next victims.

And it's just very sad and honestly, I feel sorry for you. I truly hope you go to therapy and one day grow up and act your age. I, personally, go to therapy since my suicide attempt at 16, and it's fantastic. It doesn't make you broken or something bad. It's something you (and many people for that matter) very obviously need in an attempt to heal whatever has fucked you up so much and I hope you don't have to hit rock bottom to reach out to an actual psychiatrist like I did.

I'm not saying this to be cruel or snide or cutting. This is genuine. You deserve to feel better about yourself and your family and friends. You deserve peace, even if you don't act like you deserve it. I'll pray for you - but as you pretend your boyfriend is God and blaspheme regularly, I'm not sure you'll appreciate the sentiment. I'm still doing it, regardless.

Also, this will sound cunty, but you need to hear it. I realize the blog is deleted and you've deleted the posts but.

Stop glorifying and blaming others for your suicidal desires and tendencies. Being suicidal is not a quirky personality trait, it's a sickness and needs to be taken care of by an actual doctor, not smothered with sex and bitterness and memes.

-----

And now, bring on the hate anons and bullshittery. I've so very suddenly been blocked (then unblocked so I'm just not following anymore) and unfriended as some anons came in. Interesting how that happens. 🤔

-----

Edit: I mistakenly put Lisa (who is Thai) and Mark Tuan (who is Taiwanese-American) under the Koreans with 'English' names. I apologize, sincerely, for my dumbness. 😅 And thank you very very much to the anon who pointed it out cause I'd have never realized it. 🫣

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ JUST ONE NIGHT ❜

Part III

with Johnny ‘Coco’ Cruz.

Warnings: angst af, not sorry.

Word count: 2k

Chapter Index.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: @fromthesixteenthfloor

Masterlist.

Maybe you should have accepted the invitation from Mardi, your best friend, staying at Santo Padre instead of occupying your parent's house in San Diego. But the pain was too strong to stay there, with the risk of finding Coco walking through the streets or driving his motorbike. You haven't known anything about him for the past five days, and if you've been about to call him hundreds of times, fortunately you haven't. The one who has tried to put in contact with you has been Bishop. He has called for the last two days. But, what would have solved answering the call? Probably nothing. So you just let your phone ring, having a sip from the last bottle of tequila left.

Alcohol isn't the solution, but it's enough to hush your demons, alleviate the pain and make you sleep. So you have been drowned in a bucle of drinking the mexican drink for excellence the whole day, until your body asks you to stop and the hangover hits your head with painful lashes. Since you met him, you have been dreaming about a life together, about trips, about days at home doing nothing, about helping him every time he feels down. About whatever. But he was right. You knew about club shit when you started dating. What you weren't expecting was the kind of things he told you last time you were together. You don't need Coco to be on you the whole time, but if you read your text messages, every twenty yours there's one from him just sayin ‘yeah’ and ‘no’. That's all.

He wasn't busy with his own business to see what he was doing, and you were living it. You were sleeping alone, not knowing anything about his situation. You were passing the days alone, waiting for anything, with the anxiety and the sadness oppressing anatomy, squeezing your heart without mercy. But you loved him. You kept trying to hold him, to save him somehow, until you understood that there's no salvation for someone who doesn't want to be saved.

Cleaning a wild tear, you step out from the sofa, grabbing your house keys and your credit card to get out from it. You truly look like a mess, wearing a pair of long grey sweatpant, a white long shirt and some sneakers. Your hair is tied in an undone bump, no makeup in your face, but two black marks under your eyes. Almost dragging your feet on the ground, you lead your steps to the nearest shop to buy more tequila and maybe something to eat, because you have forgotten when was the last time you had a decent meal.

“Do you know what you're gonna tell her?” Angel drives by his side and behind Bishop, Tranq and Taza, highing his voice over the engine's buzz.

“No!” He just utters under the black bandana.

It only took Miguel five minutes to find you, after checking that you didn't cross the border to Tijuana and that your parent's house in San Diego was having in use the electric and water suministers. Packer sent someone to assure that you were really there, before giving Bishop the green light. Coco has never been more nervous than today, about to reach the place, trying to not think in a speech. He wants to tell you what he really feels from heart, without planning absolutely nothing. He wants to be sincere with you and finally break down the walls around him to let you come in. The last days have been an odyssey for him, being controlled every single second by the crew to not do any crazy shit, after hearing him asking to let him die. And, of course, it's going to be worse in case you declined the idea of coming back to Santo Padre with him, giving Coco a second chance. That's what it hurts the most, the fact that he believes you're not going to open him the door or, if you do, it's going to ask him to go to hell.

Reaching the white house with a blue rooftop, the Mayans park their bikes next to the sidewalk, under the attentive, confused and scared gazes from your neighbors. Getting up from them and taking off the helmets, to leave them over the seats, Angel palms his back trying to cheer him up and give him the strength and the motivation he needs to begin walking through the paved road breaking the garden in two sides. Brushing his hair back, followed by his brothers, he takes a long breath before calling the doorbell. One time, two times… Eight times. Coco understands that you don't want to see him, huffing resigned, but when he's about to turn around and leave the porch, Angel forces him to keep trying.

“Mami… It's me, Coco”. He says biting his bottom lip and licking his incisors. No answer. “Listen, I just… 'am sorre' 'bout all the shit I made. 'Bout pushing you away, 'bout talking you with those… fuckin' manners and 'bout forgetting the most special day of my life. 'Am so fuckin' sorry”.

Nothing. Not a single sound by the other side of the door.

“Keep trying, Coco”. Gilly whispers narrowing his left shoulder.

“Yo, ah… 'am fuckin' sorre'... I know you deserve better. I know you deserve someone who lives for you, for makin' you happy, for takin' care of you, and I know I didn'. And maybe it's too late to regret but… I will keep the promise of changin', of being a better man for you. The one you deserve. Just… fuck, please… Give me a second chance”. His voice breaks as he talks, feeling the tears piling up in his eyes because he doesn't have any answer from you. “Lis—Listen. Prez gave me some time out an—”.

“Yes, I did, kid”. Bishop interrupts him for a second, trying to be helpful.

“And you know… You have told me a lot of times that… you wou—would like to go to Disney and… I was thinken' about… goin'. Together. Onle' you and me, (Y/N). We can go on my bike, or… or in your car, or… use mine… I don' care, I don' give a shit, I will carry you from Cali to Orlando walking if you ask me for”.

Coco is about to cry from one time to another, feeling Angel gently caressing his back. He, better than anyone, knows how much he loves you and how much he cares about you. And maybe his friends didn't do the correct thing with you, but he's badly trying to fix up things between you two.

“Do you… Do you know that if yo—you shout ‘Andy is comen'’ all those… idiots from Toy Story have to fall down? Jus—Just imagine us sitting on a bench… screaming it the whole time, or… following them around the park…”

The guys can't help but chuckle, because they know you two are really capable of spending a day like that. Like two children.

“And you can… put me one of these... fuckin' Mickey's ears. I promise I won't complain”. He sighs bowing his head down, with a disgusting pain getting installed inside his throat. “And… there are a lot… of things about Marvel too… and shows and… a lot of things”.

Coco is breaking into pieces being ignored by you, starting to cry like a hurt kid. He's aware he has lost the best person he could find on earth. His soulmate. His best friend. He knows that it's only his fault. He can't blame his family, nor the club. Because it was enough to sleep with you at home, instead of staying at the scrapping. It was enough texting you one time a day.

“Fu—Fuck, mami, 'am realle' sorre'... You don' have to say something now… but, I don' know… maybe in some days. Now 'am feelin' what you felt and… it's a damn shit… 'am fuckin' sorre', I swear. I never meant to… you through this”. Hardly sniffing and barely breathing, he cleans the tears running down his face. “I will… stay around, in a hotel… if you wanna call me, or… maybe see me to talk alone… I don' know… whatever you want… Or, if you want me to go… ju—just tell me and I will… leave you in peace”.

“Let's go, Coco…”Taza says, placing a hand on his nape.

“No, no… What if I ju—just wait here, till she opens me the door?”

“It's better if you give her some time to think about it”. Bishop shakes his head for a second.

“Yeah, but… what if I ju—I just stay here? Maybe she… doesn't want to talk 'bout us because you're here”. He insists, but Angel is not going to let him do that, surrounding his shoulders with an arm.

“She will call you, hermano. You will see, ah? Seein' you on Mickey's ears worth it.” The oldest Reyes says then, turning around to come back to their bikes.

You are there. Standing up in silence at the beginning of the garden. You have been there the whole time, listening every word Coco said. His wide eyes are fixed on yours, holding a box of Don Julio between your arms, and a big cardboard bag full of doughnuts of different flavors hanging from your closed teeth. Angel pushes him with both palms on his back, forcing his brother to walk towards you. Spitting the bag over the box of tequila, EZ comes closer to grab them and free your hands, before throwing your keys to his old brother.

“The kitchen is at the end of the hallway”. You just say, waiting for them to come in.

“(Y/N), 'am so—”.

“I heard everything you said”. Interrupting him, you close both arms over your chest, wrinkling your nose. Trying to process everything. “The night of our anniversary, I was about to ask you to marry me. One day I went to the clubhouse and heard you talking with Angel, because you were scared of me thinking you were crazy for proposing. So, I was about to do it”.

“I wan'et. I wanna marry you and… being together all my life”.

“You fucked me up badly, Johnny. Really fucking bad”.

“I know, I know… But, please. Gimme a last chance, ain't fuck it up again. And I know you don' believe me, I get it, I earned that shit, but I will show you every day, mami. No more nights out of our home. No more days without calling or texting you, I will do it every hour. And I will not… talk to you again like a fuckin' shit”. He looks and sounds sincere, with his reddened eyes begging you. And you're conscious that Coco is as destroyed inside as you are. “Please…”

Heavily sighing and rubbing your forehead, you lean forward to kiss his cheek, before surrounding him with both arms to hug him tightly.

“I fuckin' love you, (Y/N)”. He cries now, collapsing under your grip without can't avoid it.

“I know, Coquito”. You whisper caressing his messy hair, pushing him closer.

Feeling him again is like coming back to life, kissing once and once his face and trying to clean his tears, breaking you a little watching him like that. Clinging his hands in your thighs, he urges you to wrap his waist with both legs.

“And of course I want to marry you, shithead”. You say, making him chuckle between tears, sinking his face into your neck.

“I love you more than anythen', I swear to God. And I will… make you happy as you deserve”.

✨ Tag list:

@starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @itsanofrommesir @noz4a2 @peaches007 @edonaspanca @irenne-stans @tranqs-main-mami @skyofficialxx

If you want to be tagged, send me a message!

[artificialqueens]

It’s my mistake to make Ch 3/? (Craquaria) - Jossasund

Here you have chapter 3 as well! Don't forget to check me out on A03 for more fics! Hope y'all like this and if you do, please let me know. <3 / - Jossasund

Aquaria skipped the rest of the school day, and just sent Blair a text telling her she wasn’t feeling okay. She knew her friends didn’t buy her bullshit lie tough, but she didn’t care at the moment. She didn’t care a fucking bit, as she threw herself on the bed and thought about the kiss that she and Brianna had shared only hours ago.

She could still taste her, as she brought her fingers to her lips. But reality quickly hit Aquaria as she realized that even if the kiss had been absolutely fucking amazing, it would probably never happen again. It couldn’t happen again.. But God… Aquaria had never wished for anything more in her damn life before.

A sigh escaped her lips, as she sat up in her bed, because now she knew it. Facts were facts. She wasn’t just attracted to Brianna. She was crushing on her, and it was bad. Really really bad.

Fuck..

She unlocked her phone to look at the picture she’d saved of Brianna and her heart skipped a beat as she looked at it. God . Her smile was mesmerizing and so fucking beautiful.. And her eyes… and her body. She just wanted to taste every inch of it. But would she ever be able to? Probably not… fuck.

Aquaria closed the picture quickly, then sent Monet a text. She desperately needed to talk to someone about this and she knew that Monet was the only one she could really open up to.

******

Brianna hardly made it through the rest of the work day because her mind was elsewhere. She just couldn’t bring herself to stop thinking about Aquaria and it drove her absolutely crazy, and she didn’t make it easier on herself since she knew where the young girl lived.

She lived on the same damn street as Brianna did. Of course…

So when she finally came home, Brianna sat in her car for almost an hour, thinking about how much she just to wanted go over to Aquarias house and kiss her. She knew she shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t but she had never wanted anything more in her whole life. And her whole body screamed after the young girl, craving her soft and plump lips.. Goddammit.

Brianna cursed under her breath, angry over that she’d lost control and kissed Aquaria earlier. She had never ever lost control over herself like that before, but even if she was angry about it, she had never been more happy. Brianna had felt more alive after that small kiss than she had done in years, and it was amazing. It was utterly amazing to suddenly feel something again. But it also scared her.

Brianna knew she could never allow herself to do something like that ever again and that thought alone, broke her heart. She began to cry as she banged her head against the steering wheel. Why couldn’t her life be easy? Just for once?

******

Monet was on her way but since she lived in another part of town, it would take at least an hour before she arrived. So Aquaria just walked around in her house, restless and anxious, checking the clock every other second. It felt like everything went by in slow-motion right now, which made her feel aggravated.

Suddenly she heard a small tap on her door, and she simple froze. She knew it couldn’t be Monet, even if she drove way over the speed limit but she couldn’t drive that fast, now could she?

Another tap.

For fuck sake..

Aquaria groaned and just hoped to God it wasn’t any of her other friends, because she wasn’t in the mood to face them. Especially not now. She just wanted to ignore who ever it now was, but as the tapping became louder, she finally unlocked the door.

But to her surprise, it wasn’t Blair standing there. It wasn’t Asia and it wasn’t Dusty or Monet. It was a person she had never expected to see on her doorstep.

“Brianna..? “ Aquaria said, biting her lower lip.

The older woman looked nervous and Aquaria was almost certain she’d been crying since her eyes were all red and puffy. But why? Why was she sad? And why was she even here to begin with?

“Can I come in? “ Brianna asked, almost whispered and her whole body seemed tense like a violin string.

“Ehm.. Sure.. I guess “ Aquaria replied, nervous as hell and closed the door behind them, making sure to lock it. She didn’t want Monet to walk in on them and make a already uncomfortable situation worse.

The two of them sat down in the living room, where the blinds were down and nobody would see them. It was a small town after all and Aquaria knew her neighbors were nosy as hell, so she didn’t want to take any risks.

“So, I.. I actually don’t know what to say… “ Brianna began, but her voice broke and left the sentence unfinished.

“I.. I actually don’t want to speak with you to be honest… “ Aquaria replied, hoping her words wouldn’t come out wrong. But they did. They always did.

“I knew coming here was a bad idea” Brianna said, then stood to her feet, but Aquaria quickly grabbed her arm to stop her, making confused eyes met anxious ones.

Aquaria froze, but knew she had to act fast, so she pressed her lips against Brianna, making them stumble backwards back to the couch.

That awkward kiss managed to change the whole atmosphere in the room in a matter of seconds, making it able to breathe. Briannas body became relaxed and she laid her arm around the younger girls shoulders, then pulled her as close as she could.

“sorry.. I.. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier.. But… I have never been good with words… ehm” Aquaria shrugged and let out a small, nervous laugh.

“me neither.. “ Brianna replied, then pressed kissed to Aquarias knuckles.

It was then she noticed the small, faded scars on Aquarias right arm. Briannas heart broke by the sight of them, but she refused to let her sadness show. Instead she gently let her fingers brush against them, before she began to press kisses against every single scar.

Aquaria was unable to move and even if she loved the feeling of Briannas lips against her skin, she felt felt dirty and ugly, because she hated when people saw her scars. And she hated herself for having them.

So before the anxiety had the chance to sink its claws into her, she untangled herself from Briannas safe arms, and sunk down in the armchair instead. She needed space.

“I’m sorry.. I.. I just.. I’m sorry” Brianna mumbled and Aquaria just shrugged. She knew her intention had been good, so she couldn’t be angry with the older woman… She just didn’t know how to react and when life became to complicated, Aquaria always chose to flee.

“just.. Don't… “ Aquaria replied, her voice dripping with anxiety.

Brianna nodded and studied Aquaria in silence for a while, trying to understand all of her mixed messages. But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t get a grip around the young girl and once again she realized that coming here was a bad idea.

“I just.. I don’t like it when people touch my scars.. Or see them because.. Well. They make me feel.. Disgusting…” Aquaria said, while nervously tugging on her lower lip. She didn’t understand how she managed to even tell Brianna this, let alone remain this calm.

“that’s absurd! You’re beautiful Aquaria. And absolutely nothing about you is ugly, okay? “ Briannas said, as she held out her hand for Aquaria to take.

The young girl hesitated at first, but finally took Briannas hand and sat down in the couch again.

Shortly after the whole incident, they began to kiss each other again. But this time around, the kisses became hungrier, and more aggressive, both craving the other ones touch.

“We really… Ehm.. Shouldn’t Be doing this.. “ Aquaria said between kisses, even if she really didn’t want Brianna to stop. And Brianna didn’t stop. Instead she straddled the younger girls lap and cupped her chin in her hands, gently making their eyes met.

The moment left Aquaria breathless. It didn’t last more than a few seconds though, but it didn’t matter, because it was amazing anyway. Looking into Briannas eyes, made Aquaria feel like she didn’t have any troubles in the whole world and everything but Brianna became unimportant.

I’m so fucked she thought to herself as their lips smashed together once again. She had never felt like this in her whole life before but now when she had, she didn’t want it to end. Fuck..

“I assume you… don't… really…. Want me. To… stop” Brianna whispered before she began to place kisses along the young girls neck. Aquaria just shook her head since she was unable to answer at the moment.

Brianna just chuckled, and enjoyed the power she had right now. She absolutely loved being in control and it aroused her, especially when she saw how much Aquaria enjoyed it as well. It lit a fire inside of her. A fire she didn’t even know existed.

“Take of your shirt” Brianna said, or more commanded but it didn’t matter. She just did as she was told, and when her blouse and bra fell onto the floor, Brianna grinned at the sight of Aquarias body. Her skin was truly flawless and it almost glowed in the otherwise dim light that surrounded them.

Brianna suddenly felt an unusual desire to bite her. Simply to mark her territory but Brianna knew she had to slow herself down. Besides. Aquarias wasn’t ‘her’ territory, now was she?

It didn’t really matter tough, but Aquaria was still a fragile girl and the last thing Brianna wanted was to make her feel used. But if someone would see them, they would just say Brianna was doing just that, that she was using Aquaria and that it was wrong. Brianna was her teacher and this kind of relationship was mortally wrong. She knew that. But still, she couldn’t stop herself. Aquaria was like a drug to her. Even her smell was intoxicating…

Goddammit..

Aquaria opened her eyes, when she noticed Brianna had stopped kissing her. She wondered what was wrong, as she saw how Brianna was just looking at her body, seemingly unsure what to do. She wondered why, but then she quickly noticed the anxiety in the back of Briannas eyes, so she placed her hands around her neck and placed a small and careful kiss on the older woman’s lips.

The kiss was so much gentle than the other ones had been, but it was just what they both needed. They had both been caught up in the moment so now they finally let out a big breath of relief.

“Are.. Are you okay? “

“I’ve never been better” Brianna smiled and pressed another tender kiss to Aquarias lips.

“Me neither” Aquaria replied, and wished this moment would never end. Sadly though, just after that thought left her brain, she heard a loud knock on the door.

Fuck.

[ellygoesnyooom]

Hello! May I request a happy ending for "Regret" please? The angst is breaking my heart ;w;" It's alright if you don't want to though. Have a nice day.

Originally, I wasn’t going to have a good end and wasn’t going to write it, but I decided hey, why not? So I whipped up a good end to Regret to heal your and my aching hearts. It’s not that fluffy, but it’s a good end either way, so I hope you enjoy!

The original angst can be found right here~

He listened as your footsteps fled down the hallway and out of the house, the door shutting quietly and leaving him alone in the house. Saeran’s hands dug into his hair as he sat down heavily on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and staring at his feet.

“God damn it!” His scream echoed off the walls as he stood up, rushing to the wall and slamming his fist into it. It broke through the drywall, and when he removed his fist, a hole was left. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!”

He wasn’t sure what to do. His heart felt as if it had been torn in two, half of it still in his body and the other half with you. One part, the part with him, told him to stay put. It told him that he didn’t deserve your love or affection, that this was what was best for both of you. But, the other half of his heart, the part that walked out the door with you, screamed at him to run out the door and find you.

Saeran let out another string of curses as he paced back and forth through the room, his fist throbbing from being forced through the drywall. His hand was no doubt swollen and needed ice, but he wasn’t focused on that at the moment. That wasn’t important - you were.

He had fucked up, and fucked up bad. You no doubt hated him for breaking your heart like that, and he knew that simply apologizing was like putting a band-aid over a gash that needed stitches. It didn’t begin to fix anything.

With a sigh, he stopped pacing and stared up at the ceiling for a moment before finally leaving the room to tend to his fist.

Once the ice was secured on his hand, he went in search of his phone. He needed to at least send you a message that he was sorry. It may only be a band-aid, but a band-aid was better than nothing at all.

With his good hand, he typed out a message, reading over it a few times before finally holding his breath and pressing send. He watched as the message went from sent to delivered on the screen. He didn’t expect it to go to read, though, and his stomach immediately plummeted before his heart started to race. He waited for the small typing symbol to pop up on the screen, but let out a sigh when it never showed up. Of course you wouldn’t respond. You were beyond hurt.

“I’m sorry, MC. I’m so sorry. I’ll try later.”

He had hoped that you would respond after you had cooled off, but with every message he sent came the inevitable read script, until eventually you had stopped opening them period. It had been two weeks since the fight, and he was getting desperate. The absence you left felt like a void in his heart. He felt cold and empty. Nothing brought him enjoyment anymore. Everything reminded him of you, and it was driving him absolutely crazy.

He stared down at his phone, your text thread open. He was shocked you hadn’t blocked his number already, though maybe you just hadn’t gotten around to it. It was probably only a matter of time before you did, though, so he decided he needed to make a last ditch effort to mend things. His thumbs typed out the message seemingly on their own accord, and he read it over once before pressing send. It went from sent to delivered, and stayed at delivered. He didn’t know if you would respond, or if you would even listen, but he had a chance.

The ball was in your court, and he couldn’t do anything more but wait.

-

Your phone chimed, waking you from sleep, and immediately you reached for it on your bedside table with a groan. Your hand slapped down on the wood a few times before your fingers came down on the familiar backing of your phone and you grabbed it.

You already knew who it was. You didn’t need to look at the ID to know. It was early yet, your alarm clock only reading 7 am. All of your friends slept in late and wouldn’t be up yet, so you could rule them out.. The only other option was Saeran, and as soon as you woke the screen up, his name appeared.

Your thumb immediately went to swipe away the message preview, removing the message from your notifications. You would take care of it later.

The message stayed on your phone, the only reminder the small number beside the message icon. The little circle read 13. You had ignored thirteen of his messages, and part of you felt guilty. You had opened the first few, and knew that he felt bad, but he had really hurt you. You wanted him to know just how hurt you were, so you left him on delivered.

Curiosity burned at you with his most recent message. When you had removed the notification, you had caught the word ‘meet’ at the begining. The possibilities of what the message could say nagged at you from the back of your mind. Where did he want to meet? When did he want to meet? Was there another meaning to the message?

You busied yourself with cleaning your place. The whole time, though, the questions burned the back of your mind, teasing you until you finally gave in, opening his message.

Meet me at the cafe by my house tonight at 5. I need to talk to you.

A little part of you wanted to stand him up for what he did to you. That part of you was largely overruled by the part of you that felt overjoyed at the idea of seeing him. You really did miss Saeran. You may have only been in a friends with benefits relationship previously, but you had known him much longer than that. The two of you had met at the very cafe that he wanted to meet you at after you messed up his order. You had worked there for a total of four days before you met him. Very much like him, he cursed you out for messing up his order, and you quickly remade it.

When you brought him the coffee, he had apologized, scratching the back of his neck nervously. You had found it adorable, his cheeks tinged pink from the embarassment of his earlier outburst. He then handed you a $10 bill and left the shop, calling back to keep the change. As you were moving to place the money in the register, a slip of paper fluttered the ground, which had his number and name scrawled out. You had kept the paper in your pants pocket the rest of the day, unsure if you would text him. Curiosity won out, and you had texted him.

Much like that day, curiosity, you responded to his message, showing up a few minutes after five. The bells jingled happily above your head as your eyes scanned the small shop. You hadn’t been there since you quit a few months back, and it was still the same as before. Your eyes fell on the familiar white and pink hair of Saeran, who was sitting alone in the back of the shop, mint eyes staring at you as you approached.

“You came…” his voice was quiet and almost hesitant as you settled yourself in the seat across from him.

“I came. What do you want, Saeran?” You winced slightly at how sharp your words had come out. It wasn’t what you had wanted to sound like at all. His eyes squeezed shut at your words, but he didn’t speak for a moment. He looked so vulnerable, sitting with his shoulders hunched over and head low. It pained you to see him look so weak.

The silence hung between the two of you heavily for a while. Finally, Saeran’s eyes opened and he looked at you. “I’ll go order us drinks.” Before you could say anything else, he was gone.

He came back a few minutes later and placed a drink in front of you, settling himself in his seat with his drink in his hand. You reached for the cup and brought it to your lips, surprised to find your favorite drink inside. He really remembered it?

“So, did you ask me to come here so we can sit in silence, or do you have something you want to say?” Saeran nodded, dragging a finger around the rim of his cup.

“I… I…” You waited patiently, somewhat excited to hear what he had to say. He let out a sigh before continuing. “I grew up in a rough place. My mother starved me, beat me, and abused me. She used my brother and I for money and to get at my father. Half the time she was drunk, the other half she was drinking. I was the weaker one between my brother and I, so I was the one who got tied up and punished often. I would go days without eating or drinking all because I made too much noise. It was utter hell. I was lucky I even made it out alive, because I didn’t think I would.”

That was not at all what you had expected him to say. You were floored by the new information he was bringing up about his past. You would sometimes try to ask him about his childhood before things took a turn for the worst between the two of you, but every time you brought it up, he shot the subject down. You were happy he was finally saying something about it, but you were confused about the relevance to the situation at hand. Still, you let him continue.

“I’m fucked up because of that, and other things that happened after. My life has been a shitshow, MC. The things that have happened in the past have scarred me to the point of no return. I’ve never known love. Nobody has ever shown me love, not even the one who “saved” me. That’s why I panicked when you said that two weeks ago and I kicked you out. The words slipped out of your mouth, and my mental blocks flew into place. I didn’t mean a single word that flew out of my stupid mouth. I can never excuse myself for what I did, and I am so sorry.”

Your eyes teared up at his words. You had already forgiven him, and were about to tell him, opening your mouth to speak, but he rushed ahead. “I love you, MC. I’ve known it for a while, but I was scared to admit it. Hell, I’m still scared even after saying it. But, I’m fucked up. I’m broken, useless. I’m not good for you. I think-”

Before you could stop yourself, your hands reached across the table and cupped his cheeks. His eyes widened and you could feel his cheeks heat up in embarassment, but it effectively shut him up.

“I don’t care if you think you are broken, fucked up, useless, or any other derrogatory word in the dictionary, Saeran. I don’t care! Why? Because when you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with their baggage, too. You’ve had a terrible life so far, and it hurts me to think that you have gone through that. I’m not going to let you continue that sentence if you are about to say that you think that I would be better off without you, because let me tell you, I’m not.

“I’ve spent the last two weeks in agony. We never were officially together, but I grew close to you. I wanted to reach out to you to say that I’m sorry, too, but I was upset. I should have just texted you back after the first one like I had wanted to, but the stubborn, hurt part of me stopped me.” You took your hands off his cheeks before you continued. “We both did some stupid stuff these past two weeks. We both made mistakes, we both messed up, but let’s put that behind us, okay?” Slowly, Saeran nodded, looking both nervous and happy at the same time.

“You really think that?”

“I really think that. I want to move on, okay? No more casual hookups anymore. We can take it as slow as you need, but I want to move forwards with our relationship. We had an accident, but the accident is cleaned up, and we can move forwards again, okay?”

A smile you had never seen on Saeran lit his face up like the sun after a storm. It was a carefree, happy smile, and it took your breath away. Both of your drinks were forgotten as his hand reached across the table to grip your hand softly, his thumb rubbing against the back of your hand. “Thank you, MC. Thank you for giving me a second chance. I’ll try to make it up to you.”

You returned his smile as you responded, “You already have, Saeran. You already have,” and brought his hand up to kiss the back of it before letting go and grabbing your drink. It was growing cold, but you didn’t care as you took a happy sip. He followed suit, sighing out happily as he started to ask you questions about your childhood.

As you answered his questions and joked around with Saeran in the coffee shop that evening, you knew that things would be better in the future. As long as you had Saeran beside you, nothing could tear you down.