#the high cuntress

[rosetintved]

james fitzjames x nails, hair, hips, heels

[peppapigvevo]

let's discuss why skulltimate secrets is the best line ever

[sunmisbf]

i’m not going to watch ten’s lie with you track video bc i like to wait until the album is out n be surprised but i’m really nervy besties 😭

[auromelt]

suzaki would’ve burned the world down for his frenemies to lovers subplot with amagai and here goes netflix ph describing him as having a heart of gold 😭 we all watched high&low the worst x with our dicks for real

[bitesonmyneck]

the high cuntress of the diva queendom @mothercain

[myxomavirus]

genderbends on all my social media feeds all of a sudden ONE OF YOU MAKE MARK HOFFMAN BUTCH SHE WOULD LOOK THE SAME *POINTING AROUND THE ROOM*

[caroldanversenthusiast]

grand high cuntress

[gay-ya-know]

why haven't I seen wizard posting for saruman did he not serve cunt too

[miistymemorii]

Between the Two of Us

pairing: shiv roy x fem!reader

rating: 18+ (MNDI!!!)

warnings: smut, slight angst, infidelity (sorry tommy boy)

A/N: based off a lovely little ask i received about a secret rendezvous with miss shiv. as always, thank you for reading, please enjoy

If there was one thing you hated most in the world, it was the company party shitshows you were forced to go to. You had been Roman Roy’s assistant for a little over a year, a total of 15 elitist parties you’ve attended by his side, every one of them more draining than the last. 

The parties were always the same. You and Roman entered together, Roman immediately gets a drink, then he follows you around as you force him to shmooze with the shitty elite partygoers. After the alcohol properly kicked in for Roman, he wandered off to bother Gerri or follow his dad around like a kicked puppy, which left you bored and, in the corner, nursing a drink until Roman came stumbling at your feet hours later, signaling the end of the night. 

There was something in the air, this night, and you felt a shift right as you entered the building.

Roman had mentioned that “the high cuntress” would be there tonight, and your eyes fell on Shiv from across the room almost immediately. She looked at Roman, her nose wrinkling a little, but when she saw you, a small smirk formed at the corners of her mouth. Your cheeks instantly felt hot, and you rushed over to the bar, deciding liquid courage was the way to go. 

There was one benefit to going to these parties, and that was the hour or so you and Shiv snuck off together. 

It was wrong and both of you knew it, but it had been innocent so far. The first time it had happened, you had just been hired by Roman, and you ran into Shiv in the bathroom. You had accidentally bumped into Logan, who had whispered some seething words to you, causing you to rush to the bathroom. You were overwhelmed, sure, but you refused to cry. You knew that the workplace was toxic when you went in, but you owed it to yourself to keep your head high. Still, you allowed yourself to mope a little, which Shiv had commented on when she walked in on you fixing your makeup.

The two of you got to talking and you ended up spending 45 minutes in the bathroom chatting before her assistant came looking for her. It happened again the second time, and at the third party, Shiv came up to you directly, saying she needed to talk to you about some business. The two of you ended up just wandering around outside the venue, sharing a cigarette and giggling over the stupidity of the entire event. It kept happening, and it was always nothing more than two women stealing away in the night, but the last time the two of you were together, something different had happened.

Shiv wasn’t a touchy person, but there had been the occasional brushing of hands, her hand on the small of your back as she guided you out of the party, but last time... last time she had kissed you.

Shiv had been ranting to you that night, going on and on about some fight her and Tom had before leaving for the party. You had been a good listener, and after she was done spouting out her problems, you had assured her that how she felt was valid, how she should get mad, how she did deserve better. It was a huge cliche, the way she had stared at you before kissing you softly on the lips. You had been the sensible one, pulling away first, but you had shamelessly let her linger. The two of you quietly agreed that it was a mistake, returning to the party through separate doors as to not raise suspicion, but your mind had only been on her since that night. You felt naughty, but there was a small part of you that really didn’t fucking care.

The night continued in as it usually did, and not even five minutes after Roman had left you at the bar, Shiv was sidling up next to you.

“Hey look, it’s my favorite lackey.” She teased. Her eyes were dark as she stared into your soul from over the rim of her glass.

You rolled your eyes, deciding it was best to keep some composure. “I’m not your lackey, technically, so I can’t be your favorite.”

“Pssht, someone is grumpy tonight. Tomato, tomato, anyways...” Her hand reached out and gently laid on top of yours, her fingers tracing invisible lines on your skin. You shivered, your body betraying you. “Anyways, wanna, you know...” she tilted her head towards the door.

You took a sip of your drink before saying as nonchalantly as you could, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Shiv froze, her jaw grinding as she stewed over your words. “I think that this party is sucking the life out of both of us and you’re just as eager as I am to get out of here. Am I wrong?” You sighed and shook your head, which made Shiv grin. “Perfect. There’s a stairwell to the rooftop, meet me up there in a few minutes.”

She left you no time to respond, sauntering off with her glass in her hand. You scanned the room and saw Tom doubled over in laughter with Greg, tucked away in a corner of the room. Tom’s hand brushed his neck and you almost gasped out loud when you saw his wedding ring wasn’t on his hand. Everyone knew Tom and Shiv were doomed, but the entire time you had known him, he always had his wedding band on. You downed the rest of your drink and headed towards the direction Shiv had left in. 

She was waiting you at the end of the hall, a bottle of wine in her hand. You raised an eyebrow at her, to which she explained that she had shmoozed it off the bartender. You trailed behind her as she quickly led you to the stairwell, the two of you walking up in silence before she held open a door, leading to the roof. The air was chilly and crisp but provided a refreshing reprieve from the stuffy room of partygoers. Shiv wasted no time in opening the bottle of wine, raising it to her lips and taking a hearty swig. She held it out for you, the tension hanging between the two of you increasing as she watched you take a drink from the bottle. 

“So... do you remember that time when I kissed you?”

You couldn’t help but choke on some of the wine, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand; your whole body felt like it was on fire. “Do I remember that? Vaguely, yeah.” You replied quietly, your tone a little harsh. 

Shiv hummed at your attitude, taking a step towards you. She crossed her arms, and you felt like you were about to be lectured. “Yeah, well, I’ve been thinking, and, well-” Shiv let out an annoyed sigh, “I’m sure you’ve seen, or heard, that Tom and I’s marriage is basically a joke at this point. I mean, there’s nothing there, I think, like really and purely nothing. So...” She reached over and took the bottle from your hands, “So I think that now is a good tie to talk about us.”

You tried to be as delicate as you could. “Shiv... there is no us.”

Shiv rolled her eyes. “I mean, the us that could be, like what if you and I had a little... something-something.”

You were at a loss for words. It was wrong, so very wrong, but God... Shiv was irresistible. The crush you had on her was too big to ignore... almost. “Shiv, c’mon, be reasonable. You’re asking me to help you cheat on Tom? That’s-”

“I’m not asking you to help me do anything. I’m just asking if you want to fuck me, and I’m guessing the answer is yes.”

“I mean...” You sighed, shaking your head. “Even if I did have feelings for you, Shiv, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Shiv had moved so close to you, she could’ve easily leaned in and kissed you. A dirty little part of you prayed that she would. “Oh, so you don’t have, like, any feelings for me, hmm? Because I...” Her voice lowered dangerously, “I know what kind of feelings I have for you.”

“You have feelings for me?”

Shiv snorted humorlessly. “Horny feelings, sure, but feelings all the same. Besides, Tom and I... we’ve got this... agreement. He’s allowed to fuck who he wants and I, well, I’m not going to let someone tell me who I can’t be with.” You felt dumb as you just stared at her, then Shiv said, “Jesus, are you going to make me beg? Because if you want me on my knees, all you have to do is ask.”

You ripped the bottle from her hands, taking one last drink. “This is so...fucked.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

You set the bottle down at your feet. Shiv was already taking off her jacket, tossing it on the ground. Her lips were immediately on yours, and you put up no resistance. Her hands were all over you, your hands finding their place tangled in her hair. She guided you to the floor, laying you on your back on top of her jacket. Shiv straddled you, her mouth dipping down to your neck, your moans thankfully lost amongst the natural bustling sound of the city. Your hands reached up to her breasts, but her hands gripped yours and shoved them back against the floor. Your clothes suddenly felt stifling, your legs parting the best they could to allow Shiv access to you. She ground down on your thigh, her breath heavy against your neck. Shiv climbed off you, her hands diving between your thighs and pushing the skirt of your dress up. You sat up on your elbows, the two of you staring each other down like hungry wolves as her fingers hooked under your waistband and pulled your panties off. She smirked, going painfully slow. 

You felt pathetic as you softly whined her name, but it didn’t matter because her fingers took their place at the apex of your thighs, circling your clit. You bit your lip and let your head fall back, but Shiv gave your clit a few harsh rubs, drawing your attention back to her. “Hey now, eyes on me.” She whispered, making you smile. She kept working at your clit, switching her paces to bring you closer to the edge just to draw your orgasm away again, but she leaned forward, stabilizing herself with her free hand so that she could kiss you. The kiss wasn’t as harsh or rushed as before, instead it was... normal. Light, the two pairs of lips working in perfect sync, your gasps of pleasure getting lost on her tongue. Her fingers left your clit and you whined, but she brought them up to your mouth, tracing your lips with them. You winked then poked your tongue out, just barely swirling them around her fingertips. 

Shiv let out a small chuckle, her fingers delving deeper into your mouth. You swirled them around against your tongue, and when Shiv felt they were wet enough, she took them out, examining them under the moonlight. She hummed in content, then hiked one of your legs up, her fingers gently prodding at your entrance. 

You felt like you were a beast on fire, your chest heaving, your heart hammering in your chest so loudly that you thought it would explode. Shiv was watching you as she teased you, her fingers not daring to enter you. You groaned and thrust your hips up towards her, to which she let out a low tsk. Her lips moved, she was muttering something to herself, but before you could ask her to speak up, her fingers were inside you. She started with two but went slow, easing into you. She watched you as she began to gain a steady rhythm, her fingers curling upwards in the most delicious way. You were moaning her name over and over like a mantra, your body grinding down on her fingers as you felt the tension in your stomach coming to its end. 

Shiv pinched your thigh with her free hand, bringing your attention back to her. She was smiling, but she rolled her eyes playfully. “C’mon space cadet, did you even hear me?” You shook your head, way too drunk on the feeling of her. “Of course not; that’s cute. I told you to pull the top of that dress down.”

“I don’t know if that’s something I can do-”

“Well try or I’m fucking ripping it, and wouldn’t that be so embarrassing?” You couldn’t help but clench down around her, which made her chuckle. “Oh, I get it, you’re dirty. You want people to know, is that it?”

Your hands were scrambling to adjust the top half of your dress, and you eventually got the sleeves and chest down. Shiv kissed you sweetly on the lips, such a contrast to the harsh movements of her fingers, but you loved it. Her lips spent very little time against yours, instead moving down to your breasts, taking one of your nipples into her mouth. The two of you moved against each other like wild animals, her mouth suckling and biting at your breasts, your legs beginning to shake as you felt yourself completely drowning in her. It was overwhelming, but you could’ve gone for hours if the two of you had time. It felt like the world had felt away when your orgasm finally came, time and space irrelevant. Her teeth sunk into your skin just enough for the pain to mix in with the pleasure, your legs shaking at the sensation. 

Your mind was foggy, but Shiv brought you back to reality when she gently took her fingers out of you. She was staring down between your legs, her mouth open slightly in shock. You weakly raised your head to see what she was staring at, and you whimpered at the sight. Her pantleg had a small, but unmissable, wet spot on it, and you became suddenly aware of how wet you were in between your legs. 

“Shit, Shiv, I’m so sorry-”

She was laughing. Like, genuinely laughing. You felt embarrassed, but when you saw she wasn’t trying to be cruel, you felt a little better. She gave you a mocking pout, then said, “No, no, it’s hot. Should I go out there and tell them it’s all you or-”

“No!” Shiv raised an eyebrow at you, so you quickly added, “Just... say I spilled some wine on you, or something.”

Shiv took your panties and put them in her back pocket before leaning over you, her nose against yours. “I see. This will be our little secret, then?”

“Is that a problem?” You whispered.

Her nose nuzzled against yours, and she hummed like she was thinking. “No, it’s not. It’s hot, fun, I think.”

The two of you adjusted yourself, goosebumps blossoming across your skin as she gingerly helped you fix your dress, pressing a gentle skin to your cheek. It was a small gesture, but Shiv hesitated a moment, and you knew it was unfamiliar territory for her. Being tender, being genuine, feeling something that was caring and real. 

The two of you left the roof, making your way back to the party. Shiv looked the same as she did before, but you knew how wrecked you must’ve looked. She led you to the bathroom, giving you a small discreet nod goodbye. 

Thankfully, the bathroom was empty, so you spent a good minute doing some literal and figurative reflecting. You skin was flushed from sex, dark hickies starting to bloom across your skin. Your legs still felt weak, the feeling of emptiness making you ache for Shiv. You looked as fucked out as you felt, but you knew there was no amount of concealer and powder that could hide it. You had no choice but to return to the party with your head up high, praying no-one would notice. 

You slipped back into the party, giving the crowd a quick scan, but Shiv was nowhere to be seen. There was a hand clasping on your shoulder, making you jump a little.

Roman poked at your side, giggling. You could smell the booze reeking off him and you rolled your eyes. “C’mon Rome, it’s past your bedtime.”

He groaned loudly, rolling his eyes. “God, it’s past your bedtime!”

You shook your head with a chuckle, taking his arm in yours and steering him towards the door. Roman looked you up and down then gasped dramatically, “Good God, you got railed at a company party?”

“Shut up, Roman.” You seethed quietly.

He laughed loudly but lowered his voice. “You are so going to spill the beans when we get in the car, you dirty little corporate lackey.”

You smiled to yourself, shaking your head. “Sorry Rome, I don’t kiss and tell.”

[moonshynecybin]

PEDRENZO TOXIC RIVALRY YEARS FORCED PROXIMITY CURSE. TELL ME MORE

YAYYYY okay so. for dani and jorge it HAS to be after one of the most intense races of their lives. don’t ask me which I DO NOT KNOW ! i’ll leave it up to you to decide if one fits specifically but it was CRUCIALLY a knockdown drag out fucking fight. high effort. satisfying. one millionnnnn overtakes. and eventually they BOTH podium, and the race was so bananas —kinetic and tense and somewhere HOT— that they feel like the blood in their veins is legitimately made of GASOLINE— and they HATE each other at this point, but on days like this the space between them is also filled with this like. singular electricity that makes them feel like NOTHING else. the emotional release of a hard won battle… all of those endorphins panting shiny with sweat sticky with champagne… critical awareness of where the other is at all times, leftover from the track… and then they DO decide to shake hands on the podium and there’s. a moment. a spark. something a bit different than static electricity, but not far off. and they don’t think anything of it until after the race, when dani is about to get whisked away by honda to debrief— and jorge shouldn’t even notice when dani walks away but he DOES, he can FEEL it, and something prickles and begins to TEAR. jorge feels some deep instinctual part of himself seize up with panic, and theres a shout from dani’s direction and suddenly jorge’s body is moving without his permission and he’s got dani’s face in his hands and big brown eyes are looking up at him and they are fucking ANGRY. and it’s then that he knows something is very very veryyyyy wrong.

and off they go to the motogp doctors™️ ! who are like. yep! you’re cursed ! (magic ass universe where looney tunes shit like this occasionally happens to riders who ride the edge of rivalry a little too hard. rosquez have gods biggest storm coming for them in a few years.) so you have to stay as physically close as possible to each other for a couple of months!! it’ll hopefully pass. these curses don’t effect in track stuff really so you’re are both cleared to ride 🤗👍 and PEDRENZO are both like. you have to be FUCKING kidding me. dani sitting there picking at his fingernails COMPLETELY shut down and jorge just posture tight frown dialed to ELEVEN tiny little stormcloud over their heads :) and they’re holding hands because it’s the only way they don’t feel like live ants are under their skin :) THEN the doctor is like. and you guys should probably share a bed :)

and it’s rough at the beginning! they are both VERY stubborn and while dani remains the people’s princess i think when he was younger he had the capacity to just. shut the fuck down when he was pissed. close off. and jorge is NOT shy about how uncomfortable he is about the whole thing so he’s dialed the cuntress factor allll the way up. and there’s no quick fix! it’s just time! and dani is also SELF ADMITTED !!! not a patient person. SO i IMAGINE sitting next to jorge in bed and imagining himself attempting to suffocate in his most evilest of enemy’s tits is FUN but is also not a SOLUTION. action oriented guy methinks. loves solving a problem hates when the only solution is WAIT. so it ends up being this escalating arms race of belligerent horny tension where they’re literally living in each other’s pockets holding hands touching ankles sleeping in the same bed and being TORTUROUSLY aware of the other’s body the ENTIRE time. every SLIVER of skin contact i feels like a brand. passing dani in the kitchen reaching for cereal and jorge brushes a hand on dani’s waist to lean and he feels CRAZY. INSANE. that kind of stuff. and eventually i think dani (NOT PATIENT !) fucking snaps and just. jumps him. might as well make the fucking lemonade if you have the goddamn lemons !!

the REAL problem os after the curse gets lifted (of course. the second after they fuck.) when they are USED to each other’s presence and have begun to realize how much they COMPLIMENT each other and suspect (creeping at the edges of awareness) that this mighttttt be love. but they know the other was only around for months because they were literally cursed. and now they are free to go back to the status quo. where rivalry is expected. what do they do…

[transjackfairy]

high cuntress of girlboyism

[wizardnuke]

bells hells is seeing essek and astrid at their max levels of cuntressness. they don't know the historyyy they have. why did essek pull the bren card and call her ikithon's successor when he knows she usurped him. he was there. what's going on. they're seeing these scary powerful mages. once upon a time beau watched astrid break down in an alleyway. once upon a time caleb threatened to kill essek. they don't know. oooobgh these high and mighty wizards. they have SO much ammo against each other and bh has no idea. astrid could wreck essek's life in one afternoon

[cadybear420]

Aiden Zhou's Super-Cunt Supercut

That's right, everyone. An entire post dedicated to Aiden's canon cunty moments. Because they deserve a post of their own. You're welcome to add onto this list with any examples I may have left out.

1) When you can meet him for the first time at the band's lunch table and he instantly takes the chance to roast you if you say saxophones suck

2) When you choose to sing the rock n roll song in the karaoke scene and he gets into it

3) AND when you choose to do a mic drop after karaoke with him and he follows it so perfectly

4) When he totally slams Michael for doing nothing to help make the fire

5) When you suck at sax tryouts and the first thing he does is fucking roast you

6) When he absolutely did not hold back at Ezra during the disaster halftime performance

7) When he admits to literally composing a song based on his own appearance before

8) MOTHERFUCKING HAIR FLIP

9) When he absolutely was not having it if you gave him a crappy compliment on his homecoming suit

10) When Morgan's pet snake got loose and didn't actually try and kill him but he wasn't having it anyway

11) Yes, both in the version where you catch the snake and in the version where you don't

12) Roasting Michael again

13) When you can try to put on a competitive attitude for your bowling game and he throws it right back at you

14) When he gets a lil jealous over you hugging a stuffed bear after you attacked him with a watergun

ALL HAIL BERRY HIGH'S ULTIMATE CUNTRESS

[boragekiss]

coworker 1 gave me thigh-high latex boots and a corset and many other fantastical items and i put them on in the office and started calling myself The Cuntress and then coworker 2 came in and commented on how the boots were SO high on the thigh that the go "right up to the 'tress "

[punkrock-bottom]

Resident Evil (2002) had Milla Jovovich giving bisexual awakening cuntress in that red dress and thigh high boots for an hour and 40 minutes and there are still people who call it a bad movie? Couldn’t be me

[livums]

No one appreciates my genius

[ID: a screenshot of a Tweet from a locked Twitter account named ‘cuntress wizard’. The tweet reads: The name of the wind is like Drive for boys who were gifted kids in high school. End ID]