#the head was exactly crotch level it was atrocious

[an-actual-floof]

had a dream last night that I’d found the most atrocious apron merch of Quark that I was convinced was so rare and important that I had to don it immediately. at the fnaf pizzaplex

[ellanainthetardis]

Could you possibly do a hayffie OS using the quote ' my cigarettes are better for me than you are ?' I just think it fits hayffie really well ❤️

This one was written long ago but for some reason the mail had left the “done” file without the prompt being published -_- Sorry! Here it is ! [X]

How To Stop Smoking: The Abernathy Method

Dealing with both Effie and Katniss wasextremely difficult.

Haymitch had lost count of the numbers ofarguments the two had on that Tour. Effie was trying to be nice, she was – and he didn’t doubt she loved thegirl – but she didn’t always word it the best way and Katniss constantly tookit as a personal offense. On some level, Haymitch could relate. Effie annoyedhim too, even angered him sometimes, but he also understood her aloofness wasmostly a necessary act. Now more than ever. And he wasn’t about to ask her todrop it to coddle the girl’s sensitivities.

When a new argument blew out at the dinnertable – something about how Effie would killto get on a very elusive magazine the star-crossed lovers had apparentlystarred in previous to the Tour, a term that had deeply upset Katniss –Haymitch remained silent, letting it play out. They had been on that train fortwo weeks already and they were all more or less used to those intermissions.Cinna and Portia didn’t get involved either. Peeta tried to cut in a few timesand then crossed his arms and waited for the storm to pass.

There was something deeply unsettling inwatching them argue over a dish of roasted chicken, somehow.

The girl’s words were full of anger – shewasn’t angry with Effie, Haymitch thought, but she was too oblivious to realizethat – and Effie was quickly losing her own temper.

“Okay.” he eventually snapped. “Unless you twoare planning on jumping in a puddle of mud any time soon and make itentertaining for the rest of us, let’s drop the cat fight, yeah?”

“Why are you always taking her side?” Katniss hissed, suddenly glaring at him.

Effie scoffed. “Taking my side? When has Haymitch evertaken my side over yours?”

“All the damntime!” the girl exploded. “It’s always ‘apologizeto Effie’ this and ‘you hurt Effie’s feelings’ that…” She glared at them both in turns. “She’s the one who’s insensitive and alwayssay horrible things! Why can’t you back me up for once?”

“Language.” Their escort clucked their tongue.“No lady should…”

“I’m not a lady, I’m a victor.” Katniss cut heroff. “That’s the important thing about me, right? I’m your victor and I can getyou more special interviews?”

The venom in the girl’s voice wasn’t totally unjustified. Effie had been bragging a bit too much for histastes too.

“Enough, Katniss.” Effie scowled. “I am olderthan you and you owe me respect.”

Haymitch automatically scoffed and, wheneveryone looked at him – Cinna, Portia and Peeta with winces as if theycouldn’t believe he had been stupid enough to get in the middle – he made aface. “Respect isn’t owed. It’s earned.”

“Oh, I see.” Effie deadpanned. “So, it is absolutely normal for me to be verballyabused by a sixteen years old, then.”

“Well, you did reap her sister… She wouldn’t behere if it wasn’t for you.” he snorted. He had intended it as a small joke, asa you made your bed, now lie in itkind of comment. She didn’t understood it that way.

She flinched and then glanced at Katniss,suddenly a lot calmer in appearance. When she talked, her voice was cheerfuland the smile on her lips was so fake it almost made him want to scream.

“He never takes my side, Katniss.” she declaredslowly. “When he asks you to apologize, it has nothing to do with concern aboutme being upset and everything to do about his peace of mind. He does not wantme ranting to him about your atrociousmanners.” The smile grew even more dazzling. “Understand, I only seek to help you, no matter how you perceive myintentions to be.”

“We know that, Effie.” Peeta promised softly.“You’re just more… fabulous thanpeople we’re used to, that’s all.”

It was an out, their escort jumped upon with a grateful– and graceful – wave of her hand. “Naturally. I do not suppose you see manypeople as refined as me in yourDistrict. Cinna, dear, would you pass the salad?”

And, just like that, everyone got back to theirdinner, the argument forgotten for an insipid but safe conversation about theweather and the schedule for their arrival in Ten the next day. When he wascertain nobody was paying attention, he discreetly moved his hand closer towhere hers was resting on the tablecloth but, when his little finger brushed againsthers, she snatched it away to apparently fold her napkin. He didn’t even get aglance.

Once they were all done with their desserts,Portia suggested drinks in the living-room car and everyone stood up. Haymitchlingered, catching Effie’s wrist before she could follow the others out. Sheglared at him but, as he had anticipated, didn’t make a scene.

“How did it go from you arguing with the girlto me being in the doghouse?” he sneered.

“I will let you figure that out by yourself.”she retorted, shrugging his grip off. “I am not paid to think, after all – simplyto reap children.”

She left him standing there like an idiot.

He let out a long deep irritated sigh.

She could be such a bitch.

He caught up with her easily enough.

“You doreap kids.” he pointed out, which warranted him another glare. He rolled hiseyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. Iwas just trying to get you two to fuckingstop.”

“What goes for Katniss goes for you. Do try to mind your language.” shecommented in a casual voice. “She follows your example a bit too much to myliking when it comes to abusing me. I do notneed her to curse like a fishmonger on top of it.”

The door to the living-room car was in sight.He pushed her against the wall, pinning her there with the ease of habits, histhumbs drawing distracted circles over the sparkly fabric on her waist.

“Abusingyou?” he scoffed, more amused than offended. She gave as good as she got. Theymay not have the healthiest friendship – affair– but abusing had never been aterm for it. He leaned in to nuzzle her neck, breathing her musky perfume. Shehad at least ten different flagrances but this one was his favorite. It washeavy and musky and it reminded him of sex. “That’s what you want, sweetheart?For me to… abuse you?”

“Be sensible. Anyone could come out of that room at any moment.” she protested,pushing on his shoulders. It wasn’t exactly the stop right now push though, more the we really shouldn’t but I will let you do it anyway one.

“I think we still have a good ten minutesbefore they come looking.” he smirked, inching her dress up. “Can do plenty in ten minutes.”

Any chance she could have had of convincing himto, at least, retreat to a more secluded space died when he realized she hadnothing on under that dress. He lifted his eyebrows and it was her turn to rollher eyes.

“I can’t wear underwear under this dress.” shetold him as if he was stupid. “It would show.”

“Lucky me.” he mocked, dropping to his knees.

“Haymitch…” she hesitated but that ended up in amoan.

He looked up at her, eyes twinkling inmischief. “You’re gonna have to be quieter, Princess, or they will come looking.”

She shot him a brief glare but bit down on herbottom lip, tangling her fingers in his hair to force his head back against hercrotch. Any other time, he would have freed himself and made her beg for it.Since he was too aware their friends were on the other side of the door andthere was no telling when a train attendant would show up, he simply got towork.

It had been so long since they had started this…He knew how to work her up quickly and he knew how to make it good. It might now have been her bestorgasm but it was good enough that she hissed his name in bliss. He stood upand sucked his fingers clean, not as oblivious to how hot she found it when hedid that as he wanted her to believe. She was watching him, breathing fast andhard, her pupils blown…

Because he was nice, he tugged on her dress tomake her look decent again before leaning in to steal a kiss. He pushed histongue in her mouth and she moaned. Her hand brushed his groin but he broke thekiss to shake his head. “No time.”

He barely had time to step back and take a fewdeep calming breaths before the door opened. Cinna stood there, his eyesdarting from him to her, eyebrows lifted, and retreated inside the living-roomcar.

Effie followed, every bit the cheerful escortshe ought to be.

Haymitch lingered in the corridor a little whilelonger, trying to get things under control, before stepping in the room andgoing straight for a glass of whiskey.

From then on, it was business as usual. Friendlybanter, a lot of pretending things weren’t as bad or difficult as they reallywere, a few back and forth snarky comments between him and his escort… Hewasn’t exactly surprised when she dragged him into her room once they alldecided to call it a night.

He didn’t immediately rush out of her bedafterwards either.

He had been a bit careless about that since thebeginning of the Tour. He lingered in her bed, he slept there even sometimes…Things were shifting and it was the worse idea to give in to that but witheverything else happening… It was hard to resist the few good things in life.

He watched her get out of bed and slip on hersilk dressing gown, not at all bothered by the fact he was lying naked in herbed, exposed to her gaze. He liked the way her eyes roamed on his body,possessive and content in the knowledge he was hers to play with. He used tohate it but now… Now he found it… appealing.

She snatched something from her nightstand andcrossed the room to open the window.

“You’re not supposed to do that.” he grumbled, immediately pulling sheets and blankets upon his body because the wind gushed inside. The speed the train was going, thewindows were best left closed.

“There are a lot of things I am not supposed todo that I do anyway.” she replied with obvious annoyance, wedging a cigarettebetween her lips. There was a flash of silver, a flame, and then she tossed herlighter on the nightstand.

She was still angry about earlier, then.

“Close the window and come back to bed.” heinsisted.

“Do not darecomplain about the smell.” she warned him, struggling to push the windowclosed. “And if it triggers any alarm, you will do the explaining.”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t try to stop herwhen she grabbed an empty bottle of lotion from her dressing table to use as anashtray of sort. He didn’t even complain when she sat down next to him, herback to the headboard, folding her long legs under the sheets to keep themwarm.

“She’s right, you know.” he sighed, rolling onhis side and propping himself up on his elbow. “I usually take your side.”

“I remain unconvinced.” she snapped, slowlyblowing out smoke.

He hated it when she smoked.

He also hated how sexy she made it look.

He stole the cigarette from her hand and took adrag, simply because he didn’t have any liquor on hand and he needed aderivative to a conversation that could become problematic. He didn’t enjoysmoking much. He didn’t find the relief in tobacco that he could find inliquor.

“Your cigarettes will kill you.” he mumbled.

“My cigarettes are better for me than you are.”she huffed without batting an eyelash.

“Yeah?” he teased. “So you’d take a cigaretteover… Let’s say… My mouth?”

“Are you offering to eat me out every time Icrave a smoke?” she asked.

She reached for her cigarette but he moved hisarm away.

“Well… You’re only an occasional smoker, anyway, sweetheart, right?” he taunted. “’Causeyou quitted so many fucking times…”

“It might become a lot less occasional if I canhave your head between my thighs instead…” she grinned, apparently in a bettermood.

He snorted and brought the cigarette to hermouth. When it closed around the bud, her lips brushed his fingers and he felthimself twitch.

“Put it out.” he advised, tugging on her leg sohe could settle between her thighs. “You’re gonna light the sheets on fire.”

When he closed his teeth on the soft skin underher belly button, she hurried to drop it in the empty bottle lotion.

He would solve her cigarette addiction yet.