#the happy ending that's actually a major mindfuck!!!!!

[they-them-pussy]

girl i just wanted mystery inc. season 3

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

Hi there, I love your rb mafia au, I really do. The concept is excellent, and I wanted to know if you planned on doing more of it...also, just out of curiosity: would you do a bit of chch and kadewave (maybe graham x boulder) too? Just like you did with daniblades? It would be hilarious to see how a relationship formed on usefulness alone ends up as a fully romantic one...

Thanks!

Honestly, the mafia au is way too much fun. Kadewave straight up won't work in this, Kade is the thug/ strategic breaker of bones, and Heatwave is a rat and will always be a rat, but platonic Boulder x Graham? As a pair of bumbling idiots who think they are in breaking bad, but are actually pinky and the brain without Charlie? Heck yeah, that one's for the history books.

They are both smart people, but they are making meth and nuke together in a VERY confined space, and they DEFINITELY aren't wearing enough/any PPE.

Yeah, the cops got together first. I am not the first one to do a mafia au, there's a great one-shot on Ao3 that I keep forgetting to link, but I love how it's Chase's crush on Charlie that keeps him in line, not the bomb in his subspace or the knowledge that Charlie could make him disappear, just oooooo, tiny cop hot.

It's great.

Dani Blades happened out of basically Stockholm Syndrome, Dani usually has a whole femme Fatale wardrobe that she uses whenever Charlie gives her free rein to kill someone, and boy oh boy, does she look stuuuuunnnnning in black club dresses with plunging necklines and SEVERAL guns strapped to her body.

Unlike Canon Dani, she is a LOT more comfortable with her body and showing skin, so she is often more flirty and outwardly confident with her body, and is not afraid to flirt with the giant space robot if it means he will go just a bit faster. The relationship was a "happy" accident.

I'm going to say, don't get attached to Heatwave in this au, and DaniBlades is going to be a bit of a mindfuck at times, especially as Cody goes through ... negative character development.

I don't want to spoil too much too soon, but yeah, major character death will be a THING here.

[enzombie]

I just finished season 4 and im. Im ruined. Ive already watched the show like 6 times btw but FUCK. GOD DAMN

Blaine being truly honest for the first time in as long as we've known him by telling angus he made the sign from god, only to get a reality check when his dad isnt as selfish and cowardly as he is, except thats such a mindfuck because his dad is a horrible awful child abusive son of a bitch, and it must have been so confusing to watch the church devour fraud bater under angus's orders. How eagerly angus watches blaines reaction, how he so hopes that makes up for everything, its sickening. Especially at the end of their arc where if i got it correctly, enzo sold them out? Told FMG they'd be coming and led them to a trap? And we saw angus and his flock get shot down. I cant help but feel bad for blaine

Peyton refusing to let FMG get away with moving up the time of the execution, marching into that studio and taking iver the broadcast, being the REASON people SHOWED UP at the warehouse and being right there with johnny fucking frost of all people, and ravi right by her side.

Major leaping over the crowd of soldiers to tackle chase, raging out completely and rightfully after all the shit he had to do for what he believed to be the right cause, only for the leader of that cause to spit in his face by trying to execute the love of his life. Because despite everything they still love eachother still and major is so goddamn pissed hes not gonna let another person murder his kids and get away ith it (even tho we saw so little of captain seattle i do not rememebr his actual name. Or jordans half the time)

Liv's stone cold expression at pulling the level and crushing chase's skull, and being so right about it too. Still tho, it wasnt enough to bring levon back, just like every time she tries to do the thing she thinks is right, someone she loves dies for it. When she tries to shoot blaine on sniper brain but cant, lowell tries to and gets killed. When she saves the chaos killer victims and clive from dying to a zombie, that zombie just had to be drake. When she tries to help human-zombie relations (misguidedly) and save lives by being renegade, she gets a front row seat to levons head being crushed. Her pain is so real idec chase is done with. It wasnt a good ending for her and i can feel that so clearly, even with that hopeful ending scene

My friend and I talked abour how selfish Liv can be when we started watching together (her first time), but how selfish can someone be when they give up the cure for their ailment twice for other peoples happiness?

And Chase. God. That entire decline during the latter half of the season was brutal. When thwy announced renegades execution and the video came out, he was done it was over, there was truly no coming back from this. He was so out of it at the point of the supporters breaking in that his voice cracks when he shouts at major to stop and when he says dont shoot and hes scrambling wildly for some form of control, in this case a gun that he places his head right on the gillutine. I think its a mercy that he died so painlessly.

At least Dale and Clive got a happy ending to the season though, getting married and getting the cure. Clive calling liv partner when they were saying goodbye in chase's office, it was just so bittersweet

Hope its okay that this is so long i just wanted to dump my thoughts onto someone ^^ this show is phenomenal i cant recover from this tonight.

DAMN. THATS A LOT OF WORDS. DAMN.

I uh idk how to respond to most of this cus there's so much but I'll try my best (also why this took so long to reply sorry)

Blaine is a mixed feelings character, he's a fan favourite and he's always enjoyable to watch. Angus on the other hand idk a single soul who likes that bitch. Say what you will about Blaine, but Angus was EVIL. Shout out to Enzo for killing him off fr. We are grateful. All my homies hate Angus.

Also Enzo didn't exactly sell them out, he more completely set them up - he went directly to Blaine and Angus to make sure they went the exact route, made sure he was there for all the final plans, he collaborated directly with the US military to get rid of Angus and his pals. Like it wasn't a split second betrayal it was a planned execution, he knew full well Angus would take the bait and was probably hoping Blaine would too. I'm not sure if it was even an official FG operation because as far as we know, Chase didn't hear anything back from Enzo about the church. He didn't tell the press his name, he was the only FG personnel there - I'm sus that he just took it upon himself to deal with them. King behaviour.

And yeah Peyton was girlboss at the end of season 4 but it's like. When her bestie in danger she got all this proactive shit but when she's acting mayor the energies like half that. Makes me mad.

As for major. Little sympathy. Oh did your child soldiers get killed? Maybe child soldiers are a bad idea? Maybe you wouldn't be upset if you didn't have children as soldiers in the first place? Maybe giving untrained children weapons is guaranteed to go badly and end with them injured or killed? Do you think? Like. Honestly. And the way he was with Levon. Major was weird in season 4 idk. And I disagree with them killing Chase. There's so many worse people in the show that she can't bring herself to kill but Chase she executes without hesitation. He wasn't even that bad. I don't think its very fair for him either. Like he was trying his best to keep Seattle under control, and renegade was actively making everything worse. And if you think he was doing a bad job what came after in season 5? With Major: terrorism and hatecrimes peaked and he did nothing, he made Seattle completely reliant on Blaine who (bless him) is not trustworthy and not a good person and is obviously going to be a controversy. With Enzo: the second he took over, Majors mistakes blow up and Seattle dealing with civil war. Not to mention Enzo isn't great at de-escalation, at any point - not even just when he's in charge, since his introduction he walks in and makes situations worse on purpose (can't help being a girlboss)

As for your question about Liv being selfish - it's shortsightedness. She'll do selfless things that make her feel good but she won't consider the consequences. Stuff like giving up the cure is fine, not really any consequences, she gets to help her friends. The renegade stuff, she gets to scratch sick people and feel good about it - but the whole of Seattle gets closer and closer to dying horribly every time she does. It's like only caring about what's directly in front of her. Irritates me a little tbh. Especially when she's one of the only zombies not experiencing the food shortage so it's just this whole privilege thing while thousands of people are at risk.

Clive and Bozzio are so precious I love them so much they deserve everything. That's all.

Anyway, hope you and your friend enjoy season 5✌️

[hurai-egg]

cyberpunk 2077

9/10 a happier ending? here, for folks like us? wrong city, wrong people

aaaaand here it is! after over a year of on and off playing i am finally done with cyberpunk's main storyline and major side quests, and finally after like a month of staring at this post in drafts i feel like i can get it done

everyone remotedly interested in gaming probably remembers the disaster launch of 2020, the bugs and the disappointment of people who waited and waited for years (it was bad, i remember seeing tweets of people who took their yearly paid leave just to play cyberpunk on release). i got the game in late 2021 with a nice discount, and it was well worth the money at that point

i'd say the best thing about the game is the world. night city is gorgeous and unhinged, and i often found myself walk around with no real purpose just to spend more time with it. i do wish more doors would be open for exploration, because often a pretty street turns out to be just that with no depth whatsoever to offer

the story is pretty good. won't go into detail to avoid spoilers in case any of the friends on here end up playing but i enjoyed it a lot. side quests and quests for the few friend characters are also fun (or a complete mindfuck), the main characters are compelling and the dialogue is usually well-written, there's enough action and excitement to keep anyone playing. aside from quests there are also gigs which are more boring standard kill/steal/save/sabotage missions but even they might surprise you with something interesting

combat is fun too! it offers good variety for all kinds of playstyles, you can shoot from a km away with a rifle, slice through with a katana or just stare at people menacingly and fry their brain (guess which one i chose). this is in no way an exaustive list of what you can do, and you have a ton of weapons including unique ones to help you. there are also implants! you can have a rocket launcher in your arm, how fun is that (not very actually, other arm mod options feel better to play imo). if you're fresh off edgerunners you can make your own david martinez with sandevistan and kill whole rooms before they even realise something's happening. i'm not a big fan of modern action/rpg games and usually stick to games without guns but i still enjoyed cyberpunk a lot

another thing i like is how heavy the game is. night city is a shitty place and disgusting horrible things happen at every corner. some quests are straight up disturbing and you have to make morally dubious choices often enough to get almost numb to them towards the end of the game (like a real night city inhabitant i assume). the game made me think a lot about humanity and where we're heading

the game is, of course, not perfect and there was a number of things that annoyed me or weren't done well enough in my opinion, but they were small enough to not drag the whole experience down

while i enjoyed the story a lot there's one big thing i didn't like which is life paths. the only thing they do is give you a different prologue quest, and after that's done your only reminder of who you were before is rare dialogue options here and there that don't matter or help most of the time. it could've been so much bigger and better, more interesting, more impactful; having your prologue actually influence how the game goes in a significant way could seriously boost the game's replayability. saddest thing is that it was probably intended that way before life paths got cut from the game sometime during very long production

cyberpunk has been experiencing a resurgence of players recently, mostly because of how well-received cyberpunk universe anime edgerunners was (10/10 i recommend by the way), and it makes me really happy because the game deserves to get more attention and be remembered for something other than its bad launch

all in all a great game anyone who likes rpgs will probably enjoy! i wrote this big post but really all you need to know is that it's fun

[mango4567]

MAJOR P5R SPOILERS and way too many words about my thoughts on the ending

I can’t stop thinking about how, per Lavenza’s explanation, the PT were essentially briefly gods.

And about how she says the PT passed on this divinity and power to Maruki with their wishes and trust in him. But Ren never accepts his reality. Not even for a moment. The dream sequence makes this pretty clear.

And while Ren is part of the reason Maruki allegedly brings Akechi back, they never say he was fulfilling Ren’s wish and the usual corresponding cognitive distortion never occurred. Akechi’s persistence after they realize the truth (including the truth of his existence) points towards his situation being quite different than Okumura and Wakaba’s. Furthermore, Akechi was never under Maruki’s power like the other PT, Okumura, and Wakaba were.

Imo, Ren never surrendered his cognition to Maruki, so he never gave up his divinity either. This, I think, is why he never lost sight of reality, why the people closest to him were freed of Maruki’s influence, and why his agreement to Maruki’s reality was so damn critical. (Note that his acceptance rewrites the cognition of the PT and Goro, not just his own.) He, at the very least, holds the power to resist and reverse distortion. Not just in his own mind, but other’s as well.

This is consistent with the game’s internal logic: these powers are based on his own cognition of himself. And he knows himself as the resistance against Yaldy’s distortion (both in role and in action) and a changer of hearts. In addition, the position of being the ruler of Mementos is split between him and Maruki, so Maruki can’t actually fully take control without his agreement.

Time and time again Maruki dismisses what the other PT and Akechi say, asking for Joker’s answer instead. Liking Ren and appreciating him seems a flimsy excuse in the face of his distortion and desperation, when he’s happy to mindfuck everyone else for, allegedly, their own good. His actions make far more sense as an appeal to the fellow god of Mementos whose consent or surrender is necessary.

This is a really neat concept in and of itself. Ren as a quiet, unassuming GOD is amazing. But also, if I’m right, he’s the only one to hold Yaldy’s position in the collective consciousnes that doesn’t use that position to control others.

He also destroys Maruki’s Persona’s divine form with a single fucking bullet, without even summoning a Persona. Yeah, the conditions had to be perfect, but that’s still an absurd show of power considering you can’t even kill a pixie with a single bullet.

Given all that, I think that Joker is actually be the one responsible for Akechi’s return.

This really isn’t unheard of either: Morgana returning after vanishing in Mementos is iirc said to be the result of the PT believing in him (in vanilla p5 anyway). They actualized a talking cat back into existence, even without the mementos fusion, so why not a person?

The fact that Akechi returned on Christmas Eve, after reality and mementos were temporarily unfused, before Maruki was changing anything else, and at the height of the PT’s influence, really really points to something else going on. And why would Maruki even bring him back right then if he was just going to erase both of their criminal records and free Akechi a few days later?

And if you accept Maruki’s offer, the resulting Akechi seems VERY different. It’s pretty clear he goes back to being his detective prince persona rather than his unrestrained self imo. If this is what Maruki intended and what he wanted to give Ren, why doesn’t he just do that in the first place? Especially when you consider that this version of Akechi isn’t exactly all sunshine and rainbows. While Ren is okay with that and wants to be with the true Akechi even if it hurts and even if he’s a difficult little shit sometimes, this is clearly not aligned with Maruki’s obsession with avoiding pain. So it doesn’t make sense for this Akechi to be Maruki’s creation, when Maruki clearly has no issue bringing back dead people as idealized, kinder selves AND he shows that he’d change Akechi given the opportunity.

His continued existence after Ren finds out he’s allegedly dead and after Maruki loses his Persona is likely because his existence is from Ren’s power, not a creation of Maruki’s cognitive distortions.

Finally, I think Akechi really is dead irl, because any other explication gets too weird, but that he persists in the Metaverse.

tl;dr: Ren is a god with some cognition-warping powers of his own and probably was the one that brought Akechi back

[under-the-canyonmoon]

IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FINALE YET, YOU SHOULD SKIP OVER THIS CAUSE IT CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Just a couple things that I want to touch up on with this Defending Jacob finale!  I’m going to add a second layer of spoiler warnings because I don’t know if that tag I used was enough to block it out for those who had listed them! So hopefully, even if you’re on mobile, you won’t see past the ‘keep reading’ line!  If you haven’t seen the last episode, just go ahead and skip right over this altogether! There’s the third spoiler warning

I am not happy with how it ended.  I really wanted there to be some kind of closure, and I feel like we didn’t get that.  While I can appreciate the realism of it, no matter how much we want the happy ending we don’t always get it, I still really wanted Andy to find a place where he could be happy again.  Even if it wasn’t right away, I still wanted that.  

I hate that they let Laurie live after what she tried to do, and then whether she was pretending or not, I hated that she didn’t remember that she tried to kill her son.  I didn’t agree with a lot of what she did.  I didn’t blame her for believing that Jacob was guilty, I just didn’t didn’t think that it was fair of her to blame Andy for it because of what his father did.  The moment she found out that his father was murderer, she pulled away, and I feel like it was easier to convince herself that Jacob was guilty because of that.  But I think she was the true psychopath in the end.  Granted, going through something like that twice, first finding out that your kid is potentially a killer, having them get off innocent, and then going through another scare of “did he kill someone else”, that’s going to do a lot to a person.  

But I’m not convinced that she doesn’t remember how the accident happened, and I’m convinced that Andy knows truth either way.  I’m sad that he’s burdened with living with that knowledge, that his wife actively tried to kill their son, and herself.  I don’t know, there’s a lot to take in.  He’s burdened with a lot.  He was completely convinced through most of the trial that Jacob was innocent, and then to be told that he was innocent and to be able to get a normal life back, to win his wife back, to have his son back and to be able to move on happily, only to find out that it was all a set up, I’m heartbroken for him.  I kind of wish he hadn’t of looked into it when he thought something was off.  I wish he had just let it go.   On a different note, I’m glad Billy Barber kind of turned a new leaf.  He still had a guy killed, but he’s made an attempt to try and set things right by his son.  Even though it was the wrong way to do it, and it was probably selfish of him to do that, but I kind of feel like it was an effort.  I don’t know,  I don’t know how to properly sort those thoughts out.  Andy is a changed person now.  I’m really sad that he’s turning to alcohol to numb what he’s feeling, to use that as a crutch as he moves through life.  I felt like it symbolized how he made it very clear throughout the whole show that he wasn’t like his father, but now he was turning into an alcoholic.  I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong about that.  

As far as whether or not Jacob was actually innocent, I feel like I’m still on the fence about it.  I think the majority of me thinks that he did.  It was very easy for me to to assume that he had killed Hope when she came up missing, and that it was just convenient that there was some other reason for it.  They wanted you to think that it was him to mindfuck you! I also don’t think I believed that Patz actually killed Ben.  It was really easy to set him up as the killer because of his child molestation record and the pictures he had of him on his phone, but I truly think it was a misdirection.  And it was so easy for Andy to believe that because of Patz’ history.

I’m going to reiterate my feelings about Andy and say that I am REALLY REALLY REALLY heartbroken for him!!  I just want to give him a hug and try to help him feel better because he didn’t deserve any of this.  None of them did.  It was incredibly hard watching him start to spiral with all the drinking, and then the last scenes where he’s trying to hold his marriage together with Laurie and wanting her to be OK, and then the last scene when he goes to Jacob’s room, it hurts my heart so much seeing him that way.  I really hope Chris wins some awards for his performance in this show because it is definitely some of his BEST work.  They all did so incredible!!!  ALL OF THEM. 

I have more to say, but I’m tired and drained and need to rest my brain!!!  This was a lot.  I’m really sad it’s over now.  There’s nothing to look forward to anymore, weeks are pointless again! If anyone has any thoughts about the episode, please don’t be shy and come talk to me about it!!!  

[centrally-unplanned]

Serial Experiments Lain: A Guide to Proper Mindfucking Procedures

(I finished Lain! I originally wrote here “will jot down some thoughts, maybe I can write a full essay sometime later”, reviewing it now this is absolutely a full essay, so scratch that lets commit)

Serial Experiments Lain is a starring member of the pantheon of 90′s “mindfuck” anime, those shows that supposedly blow the mind with esoteric philosophy and trippy visuals. Current-me has frequently sallied against this notion, particularly the idea that any of these shows (or most any show) are that philosophically dense - the nature of television & film is such that they almost never are, which is normally a good thing. But young-me watched Lain around the same time I watched the original Ghost in the Shell film, and I had that halcyon experience for both: intriguing, but also on the border of incomprehensibility. As such I held little opinion of either of them, not trusting my hazy memories, until I saw them again much later. Ghost in the Shell, by the way, is a terrible, painfully boring film, precisely because it tries to be that philosophy-mindfuck concept. Which can work when you are young and stupid, but once you have read literally anything, anything at all, a single op-ed will do, about “AI and Identity” or the like its ideas are trite and shallow while it has sacrificed characterization, plot, and pacing in pursuit of that failed dream. 

Lain on the other hand is a brilliant show that succeeds at that concept far better than media like GitS ever could precisely by not even trying to be that. The thematic foundation of Lain is actually quite simple; the openness & inter-connectivity of the internet is not just utilitarian but can offer a way of living that is seemingly brimming with unlimited freedom and emancipatory potential, but that promise is found fundamentally to be a hollow (ahem) shell, with reality being not only inescapable but desirably so. Or something like that? I mean maybe. Lain never spends that much time on answers, because those are boring; instead focusing on the actual experience of the titular Lain herself as she navigates these concepts. All of the content it throws out are lateral moves around this core, details to mull over as opposed to attempts to “go deeper”, which makes it not-that-hard to follow once you understand that is what is happening. There is even a scene where the, let’s say “villain”, tries to go full-philosophy on Lain: who is the real her? What is identity anyway? Plays that whole entire hand, and she replies:

Which, given that those themes are absolutely the themes of GitS, made me laugh out loud and yes is 50% of why I am comparing them. I am certainly not saying that Lain doesn’t have philosophical concepts, it clearly does in spades. Stitching those concepts together into a grand thesis, however, is just not the focus. 

What is Lain’s focus is mood, and I have never seen a show use so many varied animation concepts and narrative approaches all towards capturing a singular mood; that of the free-wheeling hacker-for-truth aesthetic of the early internet. It is of course famously filled with glitchy shots of Lain flickering on CRT monitors and horror-shadowy power lines, damn does it have so many shots of power lines. But that is covered ground - instead I want to note how often the narrative approach itself just goes off the walls in service of its goals. Episode 9 is the peak of that approach, where scattered throughout the episode is a fully-fledged documentary that starts with the Roswell incident, which it then admits is fake, nevermind! before pivoting to discourse about Schumann Resonances and the Earth as a decentralized Neural Net and...

Just a screenshot from an anime here folks! Vannevar Bush better have a Danbooru tag 

All of this information is “true” by the way, as in real concepts and thinkers and crackpot ideas...until the end, when suddenly its someone from Tachibana Labs adding Schumann Resonance Integration to the 6th Protocol and wait-a-second that’s the show-canon, Tachibana Labs isn't real. As a ~youth~ you might be foolish enough to try to figure out how say ELF bands might be critical to understanding the plot of Lain, which is a classic “philosophy mindfuck” mistake; its all bullshit, the ideas only matter in the most loose way that does not require understanding them. Yet, this is *exactly* what that early hacker internet felt like; crazy ideas being stitched together from low-pixel edited docu-footage repurposed to utopian futures or secret conspiracies, and by sliding this stream-of-consciousness braindump right into the canon of the show it makes Lain feel like a perfect simulacra of that age. To spend any amount of the runtime of an episode on this and to actually pull it off is queering the madness/genius binary in the hottest way. 

The reason Lain can pull this off is its other source of strength I alluded too - all of these visual elements are in service of a very human story, that of Lain trying to figure out her place in the world. And this arc hits one of my sweet spots for media, what I have called the “multifaceted arc” in the past, where instead of a show having multiple independent arcs for characters it instead has one seemingly-completed arc that proceeds to be refracted, challenged,and altered over the run of a show. I mentioned in my previous Lain essay how the show was using the visual language of exposed skin to communicate Lain’s digital emancipation, becoming Lain of the Wired. In those early episodes that is what is happening, and this process peaks around the halfway point with a confident, powerful Lain. She spends much of episode 6 looking like some variation of this:

Total badass. That confidence and power then proceeds to be abused, manipulated, revealed as a false identity, and then stripped away over the latter half of the show - being Lain of the Wired turns out to be a curse as much as a blessing, and for the very human reasons of the connections to real people she loses through that process. This emotional core does an amazing job of keeping you grounded - in the same episode as that conspiracy documentary, Lain has her first kiss! (Its a bit of a dud, but still). And by the end of the show she is at the apogee of her digital empowerment, and also riddled with despair, loneliness, and in desperate need of help, looking like this:

Note the withdrawn pose and the positioning of Lain backgrounded and way below her friend in the frame, to imply a state of weakness despite her capabilities. That is some classic visual language by the way: no crazy shot effects, no weird narrative devices, just straightforward emotional communication. Lain spends 50% of its runtime going full avant garde, but never (okay, rarely) lets that overwhelm its arc, and threads the needle to make that arc one of the deeper and more moving arcs I've seen in a show.

Serial Experiments Lain is far from perfect, despite all the praise I just put on it; Episode 6 for example has some dumb midichlorian-style “you are trying to explain something no one needs an explanation for” plot, and half of the crazy visual effects are compensating for the fact that its budget was like 10 dollars. But it peaks far exceed its valleys, and I am exceedingly happy to have watched it; I have always struggled to name my “Number 5″ on my top 5 Anime list with a lot of contenders for the slot, but Lain might have just snagged the title.

(Which would make my top 5 list *entirely* composed of anime from the second half of the 90′s, and not due to nostalgia as I only saw the majority of them in the past few years. Certainly a question worth answering, but for another time...)

[olderthannetfic]

37 Days Till Escapade!

There’s still time to make it to this year’s con. It’s going to be a good one!

Due South was a staple of late 90s slash fandom and predictably popular at Escapade. It was a fun buddy cop show about a mountie and two different Chicago cops named “Ray”, Ray K and Ray V, or as I like to think of them:

The Cute One and The One Who Can Act

>:D

I kid! I kid!

The series started out by teaming Fraser up with Ray Vecchio, salt of the earth local Chicago cop with the stereotypical big Italian family and a sadly prescient surname. After two seasons, the show got canceled. Fans went nuts trying to get it renewed. For once, their beloved show actually came back!

But as often happens in these situations, some of the actors had already moved on. Ray V’s actor left the show and was replaced by “Ray” K for reasons too stupid to need exploring at this or any other juncture.

(Okay, look, he’s undercover as Ray V so Ray V can go undercover with the mob. They look nothing alike. Ray V’s family has to play along with this. Like I said, it’s absurd.)

Incidentally, if you see fans using some version of “For reasons that do not need exploring at this juncture”, that’s a Due South reference.

Fraser/Ray V already had a following amongst slash fans of the later zine era, but Ray K hit just at the right time. It was 1997: the public was getting online, and fandom was expanding rapidly. Free mailing lists and online fic archives were possible on a scale they never had been before. And Callum Keith Rennie is awfully pretty, isn’t he?

I think you can guess what happened next.

Overnight, the new juggernaut with The Pretty One dwarfed the old ship. The show changed tones somewhat, and later viewers who were pimped in through the new ship didn’t always even bother to watch the first two seasons. Remarks were made about the shipability of the balding one. Fans who felt like their efforts to save the show were what eventually got it renewed felt betrayed both by canon and by fandom.

Massive butthurt ensued.

So virulent were The Ray Wars that there are places on LJ/DW where to this day you cannot talk about Due South without instantly restarting the fight. If there was one silver lining it was the many snarky Livejournal icons proclaiming: “I swing both Rays”.

I’m bi and I like terrible dad jokes. I am required to love that.

Sample lulz from isis, though made by lozenger8. I know like 50 of you had these damn icons, but it’s probably been 15 years since I actually saw one used.

Escapade Due South panels include:

1996: Perfectly happy couple, or the world's most dysfunctional relationship? And where does the wolf fit in?

1998: Is 3rd Season an AU? (Get that strange man's hand off my Mountie! Is Due South like M*A*S*H* - strong and secure enough to survive the loss of a major character? Or will Fraser wake up and find Ray Vecchio in the shower, and the third season just a dream?)

1999: Can this Fandom Survive with Two Rays? (No matter what you say, they're both good for Benny. And bad for him. Is there room in Benny's universe for two loves? Maybe neither of them is right for him. Turnbull, anyone? )

2000: Season 3/4 (Fraser/Kolwalski: who's really in charge here? Who's needier?)

2002: Swingin' both Rays (Fraser cares for both of them, so why can't we? Is it possible to accept all seasons as canon? Is it necessary, or desirable, to go beyond OTP in order to embrace all the wonderful characters Due South offers?)

2003: Small Fandom or Monster in the Closet by Alice in Stonyland, Sharon Marais (This panel will discuss both viewpoints; audience is encouraged to share their stories and opinions.)

2014: Due South Retrospective (Let's stage a dramatic historical reenactment of the Ray Wars for the benefit of those who missed it the first time around! Or we could skip that part and just talk about how awesome Benton Fraser is.)

2017: due South: For Reasons That Continue To Need Exploring At This Juncture (Whether long-time fen or new to this fandom, an opportunity to give and get fanworks recs, share links to social media due South community sites, display show-and-tell due South memorabilia, squee about canon and about fanon. May also include topics that are Canadian Six Degrees (AKA Six Degrees of due South).)

2018: Do Slash (Rey Fraser/RayV? Fraser/RayK? Ray/Ray? Fraser/Ray/Ray? Red ships, green ships, other dS ships? Let's show the love for any of them! Share fanworks recs! Reminisce about how we first found dS slash! Discuss dS slash zines (plus some announcements about NEW dS slash zines).)

Personally, I’ve seen exactly three episodes of Due South: The first one, the first one with Ray K that’s a huge callback to that, and the one where Fraser fakes his death. (What? A girl has needs, okay?)

As pretty much a bystander, I gotta say... wow, the potential between the Rays is so interesting.

Here’s Ray V off on this deep cover mission for ages and ages while Ray K is pretending to be him and hanging out with his family and his old partner. Imagine the loneliness and insecurity of knowing you’ve been replaced at home. Imagine the mindfuck of stepping into some other guy’s life and feeling like a fraud. Ray K ends the series riding off into the sunset with Fraser... while Ray V marries Ray K’s ex wife. Whut?

It is no surprise then that my very favorite Due South vid--and it has a lot of competition because this fandom is known for vidding--is Phoenix by Scribe. It’s a constructed reality of Vecchio’s time undercover. (Helpful of that actor to have been in like 800 mafia canons!) I saw this at Bitchin’ Party a number of years ago and was blown away.

Phoenix on AO3

Due South has tons of great fic, making it another great older fandom to check out. The big archive was the Due South Archive, but like so many other great slash archives of ages past, it now resides conveniently on AO3.

I suppose Due South must have had a het arm of the fandom at some point, but if so, I sure don’t know where it hung out. Fanfiction.net has like 800 stories, as compared to AO3′s 12,580.

Due South on Fanlore

Due South on AO3

Countdown to Ray Wars 3.0:

10...

9...

8...

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 3x10--The One About the End of the World

I did it, I wrote recaps for all of season 3. 

Oooh, this ep starts off with the credits.

This is the season 3 finale, but it’s not written by the Kings. Maybe they were busy with Evil at this point? As I’ve mentioned before, Evil is very good. I am NOT a fan of horror, but Evil works for me for several reasons. If you haven’t seen it, you might be imagining it’s full of jumpscares and gore. It certainly has its fair share of jumpscares and gore, but they’re not the point. The show’s definition of evil isn’t just demons… it’s radicalized misogyny and slavery and racial inequalities. And, as you might expect from a show written by the Kings, evil manifests itself in misuses of technology quite frequently. 

Honestly, I think I laugh more than I cover my eyes while watching. And, to be clear, I laugh because the show is funny. It’s quirky and bizarre, serious enough to be dramatic but light enough to be watchable.

It’s also got a central myth-arc (way more serialized and puzzlebox-y than TGW/TGF/Braindead) that’s as complicated as you want it to be. If you want to look for the hidden puzzle pieces (literal puzzle pieces!) you can. If you want to be an attentive but univested viewer, you’ll be able to follow the arc just fine. The arc itself is pretty simple and the Kings use recurring guest stars to build a web that pays off over the course of the season. So if you’re used to following a TV show with lots of guest stars-- and you all are, since you’re viewers of TGF-- the mytharc isn’t going to demand a lot of effort to follow. 

Speaking of guest stars, you WILL recognize at least one familiar face per episode. And if you pay attention to the credits, you’ll recognize the names behind the scenes, too. I love it when showrunners collaborate with the same people over and over-- it makes me think they’re good to work with and look out for their friends. 

Just finishing up the most recent season of Younger before I jump into writing this and there was a Liza/Charles scene giving me MAJOR Alicia/Peter in Death of a Client vibes, mostly because of her hairdo. Then I realized: both scenes were DEFINITELY filmed in the same place. I love it. 

Confession: I don’t actually remember anything about this ep, except for the very end.

Kurt was working from home! He was prepping for 2020.

Oh we saw Julius leave the firm to become a judge? And here I thought it was a spoiler he was in a robe in the s4 trailer.

There is talk of making Lucca a partner! Yes! There’s also discussion of someone named Rosalyn, who I’m sure is great but also, have you met Lucca Quinn? But in all seriousness, if the writers want me to truly believe there’s another associate who can rival Lucca, they have to show it to me.

I do believe the partner who says Rosalyn would be better for the culture of the firm than Lucca, though. Lucca hasn’t shown herself to be that invested in getting to know her colleagues (aside from the two white girls), and I think (not sure though) Rosalyn is the one we’ve seen speaking up the last several episodes. 

Jay is going to dig into Book Club more, and I cannot wait until this is gone.

Cookies shouldn’t have photorealistic faces on them. 

Did they REALLY hire white guys for the mailroom because that consultant said to?

There is a very angry former client of RBL asking for more money from Julius. Blum put him up to it. Go away, Blum! 

Now there’s a lawsuit to make it seem like RBL is exploiting all the police brutality victims they’re represented. This is part of Blum’s plot.

Diane accidentally answers a call from Marissa, so Marissa gets to hear all the gossip about salaries and partnerships.

Now there’s weird lightning. Not in the clear yet! 

Oh RIGHT, there was that FaceTime defect. I forgot about it. 

Lucca doesn’t want to know what Marissa heard, but she’s happy to hear more once Marissa’s started the conversation. 

Is it possible for a man to say “ladies, we’ll get to you” in a work setting without sounding sexist? I don’t think it is.

Casually sexist judge likes Blum. 

Oh hello Maia. Blum says Maia became “disgusted and quit” after seeing RBL’s methods. Well, that’s a lie. You’d know it was a lie even if we hadn’t seen Maia get fired, because in order for Maia to know the firm’s methods she would have to do work. (OKAY I WILL STOP BUT THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE WHERE I CAN MAKE JOKES AND I’M GONNA MISS MY PUNCHING BAG A LITTLE BIT)

Maia is using her mom’s name and carrying the portfolio Diane gave her, just to throw Diane off.  

Diane confronts her about it and asks if this is retribution. Maia says it’s just “lawyering.”  Maia could have gone to any other firm-- like, even Canning’s firm-- and I would’ve thought she had a point. I would say trying to throw Diane off is mean but no worse than what others have done. But Blum is so hateful and malicious Maia has no ground to stand on. 

Maia says she’s coming after RBL because they’ve done wrong. She sounds like she’s convinced herself-- or maybe she’s gotten that good at lying. (It is telling that so many former clients would be willing to join this suit, though-- Maia isn’t wrong about that)

Show title spoken alert!

I am pretty sure the Diane/Maia scene right there is one I would have ripped Diane to shreds for if it had been her vs Alicia, and Blum wasn’t involved, because Maia’s being very practical (Blum is out to screw you; I am here for the clients) and Diane is on her high horse. Hell, maybe I’d even take Maia’s side if we got Blum out of the picture. But I hate him. And Maia’s on this case because Blum said so. She’s running his firm and working with all his clients; this one just happens to have a way to spin as doing good. 

Kurt has to intro 45 and is drafting a speech. Diane doesn’t know yet, so she thinks his scribbled “the last two years have been amazing/brought me a new optimism” are about her. She finds out the real meaning for the scribbles and leaves the room.

Blum’s here again. I hate him. 

Also RBL may have caught Blum and turned him in to the ACDB but Blum got disbarred all on his own by doing disbarrable shit repeatedly and knowingly. 

Lightning balls. Weird. 

Lucca asks Jay how she’s thought of. I feel like if you have to ask that question you’re probably not thought of as an integral part of the culture. This is a smart thing to show as Lucca’s weak spot. She’s never liked making friends. Lucca also worries she’s “not black enough” for the firm.

“Everyone likes you. Just, a lot of the associates think you never hang out,” Jay says. “So it’s high school? I don’t care about being popular. Who has time to hang out?” Lucca responds. That’s the problem, right there! Maybe this isn’t such a thing at RBL, but where I work, the partners always make a point of greeting everyone, sticking around at happy hours, etc. Part of their job is to create the culture. RBL doesn’t seem to have that culture, but I absolutely understand why some of the partners want it to. 

And the “not black enough” comment is coming at least in part from Lucca’s tendency to surround herself with all the white characters when she does socialize. 

“I do not have to prove myself to anyone, or perform what they think black should look like. This is 2019. I’m not playing this stupid fucking game,” Lucca responds. She’s right, I think, but I would also be curious to hear other perspectives. This situation feels pretty nuanced to me in that I think it can simultaneously be true that Lucca can act however she wants and shouldn’t be judged or typed for it AND that there’s a somewhat strong case against Lucca as a partner because of her engagement with her coworkers.

Does the fact that I like Evil!Maia so much mean I secretly liked Maia all this time??? 

Jay asks Marissa to help him create more diverse happy hours. And then it’s time for them to confront Book Club. Jay’s got some intel on Rochelle, who’s legit enough to have done polling for Eli. Overcharging a client 30% for a focus group seems like maybe not a big enough deal to blackmail someone with, but Jay tries!

Rochelle isn’t having it and tells Jay and Marissa, basically, that she’s going to escalate things. 

Oh there are very many guns in Diane and Kurt’s bedroom suite thing. 

Diane winds up writing Kurt’s speech for him by bullshiting. Kurt knows it’s bullshit. Diane’s writing a parody but it’s also not parody at all. “A parody but it’s also not parody at all’ is also true of the mindfuck that’s been the last four years. 

Jay ends up doing drawings of cartoon animals to be used in court because the judge can’t understand anything complicated. One cartoon is Judy Giraffe, who may share a name with the toy Andrew Wiley’s kids had in late season 6 (but I’m too lazy to look it up and see if I’m right about that).

This also may just be Zootopia. 

LOL there’s ASMR happening now. I could explain why but it’s more fun if I don’t. 

This scene is hilariously over the top. 

Maia was 12 in 2000. I feel like that’s inconsistent with other timelines we’ve been given but whatever. 

Lucca awkwardly tries to socialize. Lucca immediately misspeaks by saying she thinks Obama probably wished that for one day he didn’t have to be “the black president” and her colleagues freeze up and push back.

Marissa then shows up and the scene ends. Awkward. 

Now Blum’s hired actors to be disruptive in court. Ridiculous. I hate Blum. That said, this isn’t really any lower than Diane’s ASMR shenanigans. 

Blum is singing now, goodbye. 

I FORGOT ABOUT THE CORRUPT JUDGE ADRIAN WAS FUCKING.

So much COTW in this ep. Remember how it used to have meaning when the regulars got called to the stand? Like, I know this is technically character driven drama but it’s nowhere near as engaging as last episode’s internal investigations.

Rosalyn comes into Lucca’s office: she knows they’re up for the same partnership, and understands that’s why Lucca came to drinks. Rosalyn was informed by one of the partners, and as much as I like Lucca, Rosalyn is making quite a good case for herself by handling herself so professionally here. She comes to Lucca once she realizes the partners are pitting them against each other, “because that’s what people do to the black girls.” I want to hear more of what Rosalyn is about to say, but she’s cut off by BALL LIGHTNING. What the fuck? Now the power is out. 

Rosalyn thinks it’s the end times. The red skies do suggest that. Lucca is unconvinced. 

Diane pays Maia a visit. “So, you got what you wanted. A corner office,” Diane says. Had Maia expressed this wish? Or is Diane mocking her?

Maia says she knows what she’s getting with Blum, and “sometimes that’s better.” She isn’t wrong. But it’s BLUM. 

Diane offers Maia her job back. No, PARTNERSHIP at RBL. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s hilarious enough in isolation, but the thought of Maia getting partnership over Lucca or Rosalyn (who both seem very deserving) makes it even worse. I think half of their staff would quit if Maia was made partner. 

It’s more money and Maia is skeptical. She (wisely) guesses that she’d be forced out after six months, but Diane (has she talked to any of the other partners about this?) says that wouldn’t happen. “You’re trying to buy me out of my case,” Maia FINALLY realizes. Well, I guess it makes sense she’d believe she was actually deserving of a partnership after two years of half working. 

Diane says it’s also because she impressed Adrian. Lol, okay. If that’s what it takes to make the suit go away.

Maia says she’ll think about it and asks Diane if it’s weird that they’ve ended up in this spot. Diane says yes and smiles.

Blum overheard the whole thing, naturally. He tells Diane that Maia won’t go with her. Now he is singing. Why is he singing. Why won’t he stop singing.

Liz does not like that Adrian and Corrupt Judge are friends. Why is Corrupt Judge here?

Diane watches Kurt awkwardly avoid clapping while standing directly behind 45. It is very funny and Diane enjoys it. Kurt is then removed from the audience, which leads Diane to say “Kurt, my God, I love you.” The incident makes the news almost instantly.

This Good Fight short has the characters in it. I imagine there’s a non-zero chance we get an animated, musical S4 wrap up given that they had to halt production. 

It’s weird there’s a short that says the season is over, followed by another scene.

Lucca and Marissa discuss how Maia got the partnership offer. Why would Diane or any of the partners let that slip?! “Two black girls are up for the job and they give it to the white girl,” Lucca says. Marissa’s surprised she’s not angry, but Lucca explains-- she knows Maia’s not going to take it. Marissa thinks Maia will, but Lucca understands that Maia’s moved on. 

Lucca no longer cares about the partnership because she’s realized “the best thing is to not care.” It’s almost like she was friends with Season 7 Alicia, who said this like twice an episode. 

Then Marissa and Lucca drop acid in the office because the world is ending, I guess. 

Didn’t the s1 finale also do this end of the world thing? A less apocalyptic version.

I think this Diane and Adrian scene may be a callback to that finale.

Diane posits that love and hope will get us through the endtimes.

Aaaah the case is still happening but I’m SO CLOSE to being done with season 3. I still love what TGF is doing, but its central devices and plots for season 2 worked so much better.

RBL wins! Diane notes that Maia hasn’t responded to their offer. Does that mean someone is still considering giving Maia a fucking partnership even though the case is closed? HA. 

Maia points this out and Diane insists they really want Maia home. This is probably the worst judgment I’ve ever seen Diane have? She wants to bring her goddaughter who is three years out of law school on as a partner at her firm, OVER two extremely qualified black women? Even if Maia were truly the best lawyer ever, the optics alone are bad enough to make Maia a terrible choice.

Maia decides, instead, to head for D.C. with Blum. She gets in an elevator and sucks on a fentanyl lollipop, which, sure, why not? I think they offer her partnership purely so we the viewers can see she’s choosing to emulate Blum and she likes it. 

BYE BLUM!!!!!!!!!! BYE MAIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won’t really miss either of you, but also, what am I going to write about when I can’t complain about Maia? 

And we’re back in the opening moments of the premiere, which, as it turns out, were a flashforward to this moment in which Kurt and Diane get SWATted seconds after Diane announces she’s happy and Kurt asks what could go wrong. I hope they’re both ok because I won’t be able to deal if they do anything to Kurt. (Or Diane but I’m less concerned about them killing her off lol.)

That’s a wrap! 

[vanaera]

For the Fanfiction Writer Asks ask meme!!! Because I still have lots to know about one of my favorite writers!! 1, 8, 17, 21, 22, 29, 33, and 47 (Angst Queen)! It's a lot but feel free to choose just the ones you want to!!

Omygod, thank you so much, hon! And sksksk!! I really love a lot of questions!

Here I go

1. How old were you when you first start writing fanfiction?

I think I was 17? I started kinda late into my writing journey bc most of my childhood and adolescence was spent making visual art. I thought it was my passion until I fell in love reading books to analyze BTS HYYH MVs being released. I've always loved books since I was a kid lmao I finished all the books in my elementary school's library and it was huge! (I got like 4 library cards stapled next to each other, completely filled out, every year). However, I only really appreciated how they are mad eand their influence on other's works when I get to study them close up to get BTS MVs (i'm so used to BTS hip and cool MVs since No More Dream and I was shook out of my mind when they suddenly changed things up in I NEED U ASDFGHJKL)

8. Where do you take inspiration from?

A million of films. I fell in love with screenwriting and now I'm learning a heck lot from it and from that, I appreciated film making more. Bc learning it had me learning different types of character arcs to try, how to structure subplots, or even come up with novel story structures that deviate from the 5 point Acts! I think I appreciated stories told in films more than in books now bc the writing was made to be precise to fit in a specific time frame. And I think if you could pull off such a wonderful story with real, effective characters within just 2 hours, you're one hell of a talented being. The films that continue to inspire my writings until now had to be Kill Bill, Fight Club, Plus One, and recently added, Parasite and Snowpiercer. (It's actually been ages since I read books. I don't have much time to read them these days bc I'm in uni and I can only have movies for now).

17. Post a line from a WIP that you're working on.

Hoseok shrugs, “Well, he has a point. We’re exercising our powers determining everyone’s future and dictating what consequence should they have. Indeed, only gods do that and we are no gods.”

- My Time

(I'm sorry this is like an additional teaser abxjkwk. But I'm on my mobile now and this is the only WIP I have. But that doesnt do much bc I prefer finishing one project first after another so yeah)

21. Tell me about athwr writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

I feel you already know this bc I've fangirled about him with you for so many times but F. Scott Fitzgerald. He writes beautifully crafted sentences that are also beautifully bruttally honest. His works always feel so raw and I just love the honesty in them. Another one is Chuck Palahniuk, the writer of Fight Club. I love how he manages to put so many of his philosophical stances in his story and yet syill have one cohesive theme. Not to say he makes a lot of mindfucking stories!

In the screenwriting field, Bong Joon Ho, hands down. I lobe his respect for the fundamental elements and techniques of screenwriting. It is often thought that doing the conventional is a negative connotation bc it is "restricting." When actually, they serve as a guide to wrote beautiful effective stories. And so I think Bong Joon Ho did a good job proving that doing the conventional way is also okay and in the end, you'll still get to make wonderful, impactful stories.

22. Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Hmmm, not that I posted here though. Even if I think I write better now than what I used to in 2018, I only fondly look back at them and appreciate how much they helped me grow in my writing journey. But hmm, I remember writing a real cringey shitty story when I was 16. Never got it online bc I only wrote it in pencil in some notebook. Real shitty bc it was highly inspired by the romantic tropes of Hollywood back in the day that I now think are very toxic. Never got to reread it tho bc I lost that notebook when we moved houses 2 years ago. I don't regret it tho. I don't really feel a great urge to rerwad it.

29. Do you have a story that you feel doesn't get as much love as you'd like?

I'll never let it go but Translucent Fireworks, my first official story here 2 years ago. It has 200+ notes and actually that's really big! However, there's not much feedback about it and that's kinda saddening bc I wrote so many beautiful lines there that to this day I still think, "how the fuck did I do that?" (Bc holy mother of fuck, 18 year old me made metaphors about cracking paint on ceilings and geometry and 20 year old me now is just: HoW?). I just wished more of my readers has appreciated it bc 'til this day, it remains as one of my proudest works.

33. What's the biggest compliment you've gotten?

Out of all the generous and kind words my hons has showered me ober the years, 2 remain that really hits my heart right on. One is when they say I'm their favorite writer (and guess what, you just said it to me rn *heart combusts boom boom pow pow* 😳🥺😭☺️😊😆🥰) Growing up, I found it hard to find friends I could trust on. And so, I made friends out of fictional characters and the writers who made them. Now as I write, I wish to be someone people who are like me who finds it hard to find someone to connect to, can find solace and comfort in my writings. Now the second one bears more weight to me. It's when my readers tell me they felt so many emotions. In such a harsh world we live in, it seems as just everyday seems to get worse as the years pass by. And bc of such exposure to misery and hopelessness, a lot has grown to be apathetic and find it hard now to find happiness in their lives. I want to make things a little bit better for everyone, and so I want them to just....feel. happiness, sadness, anger, frustration - a beautiful variety than just stagnant despair. I want more people to see there's still hope we can feel other than hopelessness in this world. So when I receive a compliment like this one, I feel I've already succceeded one of my major goals as a writer.

47. Here's a fic title - insert made up title. What would this story be about.

Okay, I LOVE THIS QUESTION.

Angst Queen. It will about a girl who loves reading and watching angsty stuff that her appreciation for this genre somehow got to affect her values. She now tends to expect that love should hurt for it to be real love bc people only gets to remember pain, not happiness, for joy doesn't bear a scar on the hearts. But in doing so, she tends to get in toxic relationships, or end up ruining a good one that's just about to start. When her bestfriend finally calls her out on it, she learns that maybe she's looking at life with black colored glasses. She decides to embark on a journey to grow out from it. She just didn't expect that the half of those black glasses had already started turning pink the moment her bestfriend told her he'll be by her side on this journey.

Ask me more questions here Fanfiction Writer Asks!

[emperorren]

I think some people on here are listening to the antis too much. I get that lots of people want Rey to stab Kylo and make a Jedi order all by herself on top of his grave or something because she's a Strong Independent Woman, but can we say SW would make sense with that? I'm not counting anything out yet either but SW suddenly pivoting to a "you have to kill people who can't be saved sometimes" message or having the protagonist lack compassion wouldn't fit with its earlier themes.

I think people are trying to be /rational/ and prepared for any outcome, which I understand & appreciate, but like I said there’s no particular reason to suspect the ST will pivot on itself and suddenly turn into a narrative that glorifies biblical retribution and the triumph of good over evil by killing the character who arguably suffered the MOST for being exposed to said evil.

When there will be reason to worry, I’ll worry. Until then, I’m gonna treat the ST like a trustworthy text that you can make solid extrapolations from, rather than some kind of mindfuck that can mean everything and its contrary depending on how you look at it.

+

We should’ve been REALLY concerned if TLJ had ended with Rey taking Kylo’s hand and the two of them running off together to find the Force, or something else that recalled AotC’s ending with Anakin and Padme. 2nd act happiness usually spells 3rd act tragedy, and if Rey and Kylo had seemingly resolved all their major issues by the end of TLJ or Kylo had made an actually decent, convincing proposal that won Rey over, I would be bracing for a subversion come IX.

Exactly. This gifset says it perfectly in not so many words. Even the shittiest romcom has some kind of dramatic complication at the juncture between second and third act, which mirrors the “apparent defeat” or catastrophic event leading to the final climax & positive resolution in standard adventure stories. Fairytales too: Cinderella fled the ball in a hurry; Eric was bewitched by Ursula and Ariel ran out of time to break the curse; Belle left the Beast’s castle to return to her father; Snow White deadass died. 

It’s basically comedic ( = happy ending) vs tragic ( = sad ending) narrative structure. Things need to get worse before they get better in the former, vs things need to get better before they get worse in the latter. 

If Rey and Kylo had ended TLJ together and looking at each other lovingly, I’d have chills down my spine.

[theemperorsfeather]

So I guess it’s only been a week (it feels way longer?) since K. showed up like . . . IDEFK, some terrible amazing Force and I lost my calm-cool-and-collected for a day or two and even though I was terrified like. Like I rarely have been. I mean the only real question has been “how soon to see where this goes.” I’m pretty sure - despite the very, very, very strong what the f u c k screaming - I think I knew a week ago that I was already heading full-on in “let’s go!” direction I just wanted a little more information/time to settle my nerves before getting them very unsettled again.

So finally it’s the end of my work week and I’m toying between “Hey I can sleep in tomorrow so why not ring Him up now” and “Wait until tomorrow after I’ve slept in.” Just about every night this week I’ve been torn between “Let’s go! :D” and “Hey maybe let’s think a bit more? Have a relaxing evening?”

It’s not that I’m no longer terrified, because I am, and I do not have easy words to describe what I felt last week though there’s not just terror there there’s also wanting, which I guess gods are really good at bringing, both of those things together, it’s just that I’m not feeling caught off guard by it any more, and I know how to laugh in the face of certain kinds of terror.

.....

And I am not sure why this time feels so much more Major than other incursions of new pantheons/new gods? I mean obviously these Powers’ origins is more of a mindfuck than I’m used to dealing with but the first of Them did not, does not, terrify me the same way. And I’ve had numerous other Powers show up and throw Death or Tarot cards or concepts my way, and to a certain degree my attitude towards those things is just *shrug* because so fucking what. Leaving my last job was a Death thing and one I had possibly put off way too long. Leaving Portland was also a Death thing and it fucking hurt but I am happy though I miss it. Etc etc etc. I’ve had my job/career stuff royally Fucked With for years and so yeah, I’m worried that one of the results of this is that I’m going to wind up somewhere that me-now would look at and totally reject, and having self-image thrown into upheaval is really not a good time . . .

But beyond and below all that, there’s whatever the fuck I felt last week, and that had nothing to do with all the potential mundane-life-upheaval results I learned about via divination after the fact. I can’t lie and say I don’t want to get a closer “look” but it’s. It’s almost as terrifying as being on the edge of some godsawful metal grate surface raised 30 feet above the ground and thinking “I have to walk across that?!” (I have a fear of heights.) Easier in some ways and way worse in other ways, because I don’t even know what’s smashing the fight/flight button in my head!

The fear of heights thing is perhaps not the worst analogy, actually. The other time I felt a similar sort of terror in the presence of a god, I pulled back before getting a closer look, because it felt so, so dangerous. This time, I have already felt something about that terrifying but I’m going to invite another round. So, yes, not unlike deciding to go bungee jumping, which I can barely stand to even watch.

[unhinged-diaries-blog]

I hope I make you proud

You would think I would learn about procrastination... if I haven’t learned by now, I really don’t think I’m ever going to learn. I just submitted a nine page assignment for my midterm and I hope I do well. I think I’m at the point where I’m supposed to getting my degree that I literally don’t care about anything anymore. It wasn’t as bad as when I got my associates a few years ago but I wish I could care when it comes to my bachelors.

Later tonight I will go over some reading but I think save that for the morning. This English class is such a fucking downer. I hate one professor and I barely tolerate the other. I wish American literature was more exciting and I hope British literature actually awaken me. It doesn’t take much to obtain your bachelors in English it’s just a lot of critical thinking, paper writing, grammar and the will to read thousands of pages.

I’m trying to think of new in exciting things that are in my life right now and honestly it’s just that I’m dealing with midterms that is preoccupying me. I need to make an appointment with one professor on a midterm I’m having in 10 days a week from Thursday essentially. It’s not in so much as I can’t do it it’s I never in my seven years of my education not had a study guide. I think once I go through the notes of the last four weeks I should be fine.

My therapist is booked up until April fools yeah the jokes on me, lol? She’s really surprised by my weight loss and the fact that in the last year I have turned a major corner and concerning my mental health. I have finally with her help come to the realization that I can walk away from the toxic family anytime I want to.

I expressed to her that I have not spoken to my immediate family in several weeks. She’s really happy that I have these boundaries because when it concerns the toxicity in my immediate family. I don’t ever want to be in it. I don’t want to feel like I’m walking on eggshells when concerning the state of affairs with the mother or my oldest brother and the fact that I was told he is essentially stealing her money and my mom doesn’t have the balls to stand up to him because she is living with him.

Mind you, she is not in a bed she has not been in a bed for several years she lives on motherfucking couch and the fact that he is taking advantage of her and can’t get his shit straight and especially cannot get a budget going as well as living in a luxury apartment which burns me but not in so much as the fact that I have to remove myself from it all

I’m going to let my second oldest brother deal with it because I don’t need these stressors... and of why can’t my older brother pay his bills? Why can’t my older brother not have anymore children when he knows he has an alcoholic wife who has blacked out and makes excuses and essentially does not watch her daughter?

I’m at the point of my growing and learning that even though I do have the freedom and the choice to walk away anytime I want. I have the freedom to make boundaries whether it be distance or cutting through people out of my life. I now wonder if my sister-in-law‘s continue to make bonehead choices when it comes to their own children what is going to happen when I completely walk away?

It took the fact of my dad dying and my brother dying and therapy to come to the point in my life that even though they are family and even though I can love them at a distance it doesn’t necessarily mean I need them in my life. I may be different than them and their life choices in their thinking and lifestyles but I think at the end of the day they know how to reach out to me

Fact of the matter is, it took me graduating from community college for them to come out and visit me. It took me having weight-loss surgery for my mom to come see me. But with that, she had asked me several times to visit me and even though she doesn’t drive and even though she has glaucoma and is blind I do not trust her to take a plane and having to rearrange my schedule to pick her up.

She doesn’t see it as how it affects me she just sees it as a vacation to get away from whatever hell she is currently in. Eventually came up and I told her how I felt and she made these promises that she’s not drinking but in reality alcoholism never dies. A Person can say they stop drinking but they don’t. They eventually slip back into their old ways.

She had asked many times before and my reasoning was she drinks and I do not feel like being a fucking babysitter and wondering if she’s drinking or if she’s OK going to the convenient store to buy cigarettes or if and when she goes to the convenient store while staying at my house is she also purchasing alcohol? I don’t know if it’s the reality of the situation or if it’s my anxiety going full force but the fact that I have to think of each scenario for what it’s worth.

I have to think that you know we could have a good time but the reality is show find a way to drink and in less she is willing to change my ideas of what I think a relationship is is a farce. It’s not fair that at 32 I still yearn for my mother‘s love. I yearn for her to stop drinking and to put me first. I yearn for her to stop smoking weed and to give me a phone call and the fact i’m saying this out loud is showing how dysfunctional my relationship is with my mother.

I have really tried minutes come to her. Sure I can try harder but at the end of the day she’s not going to change who she is. Sure, she is my mother and sure I love her but at the end of the day she is still an alcoholic with zero accountability for her actions and as selfish as it is I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I still I’m thinking of her at the second.

I think I’d love to hear her voice and I think I want to spend time with her but then once I do the reality hits me in my face and it’s you basically have to be her chauffeur and hold her hand. I hate how I have this idealic vision of what I want our relationship to be but then I look at the reality of it, and the reality is it’s so messy. The reality is how the fuck did I get here? I just truly wish things were different. I wish my dad was alive and he didn’t make the selfish choices but caused his death. I wish so many other things I just hope in my future I can go forward and I won’t look at the past and cry

I live in a sober house. I promised myself at the age of 15 that when I grew up and had house of my own and became married there wouldn’t be any alcohol. I think God up above for helping me choose a man who doesn’t drink and who is it addicted to Wheather it be alcohol or drugs or what have you

Today, in 2018 I still feel like I am a 15-year-old little girl in the eyes of my brothers. Maybe it was the way I was raised and maybe it’s because they’re men? but I still feel like I have no knowledge of anything when it comes to living.

It’s such a mindfuck when you realize you’re when your parents is dad and whatever he has left for you to clean up you have to pick up the pieces but in therapy I realize I can walk away. I don’t know if it’s the Catholic guilt or if it’s the guilt of my father dying and his selfish ways or if it’s the fact that he enabled my mother and she has no accountability of anything...

It’s just so strange to look back in the last six years and realize if it wasn’t for him dying and my brother shortly dying after my dad passed away I don’t think I would’ve grown up as fast as them living. I still miss my dad every single day and when I write that out my voice shakes when I said out loud my voice shakes because even though I know he’s dead and he’s not coming back and even though I still feel like I would give my life for him to come back I now realize in my stages of grief that I need to push forward and live a life that he would be proud of.

Seven years ago, I promised him I would make him proud. I started school from the very bottom of remedial classes and critical thinking classes and now I have so few little steps of getting my bachelors degree and a minor degree. Regret is such a bitch. I don’t wish it on anybody. Sure, I wish I can go back and fix things but I can’t look at the past and have this grief stricken regret in my heart. I’ve learned from my mistakes when it comes to my dad and spending time with him and I wouldn’t say I had to learn the hard way but I would say that nothing in our lives comes easy and with out hard work there really is no point in achieving anything.

I just hope I’m living a life my dad is proud of. I hope I’m living a life that my grandmother and grandfather are proud of. And I especially hope I’m living a life that makes my dog proud of me.

[mindthump]

Cambridge Analytica’s Facebook data abuse shouldn’t get credit for Trump http://ift.tt/2FWHEd4

‘I think Cambridge Analytica is a better marketing company than a targeting company’

Over the weekend, reports from The New York Times and The Observer confirmed that voter-profiling company Cambridge Analytica had amassed data on over 50 million Facebook users. This information had been collected legitimately by an academic researcher, Aleksandr Kogan, who passed it on to the profiling firm. (This is why Facebook insists what happened wasn’t a “data breach” — it was, instead, the company’s fault. Facebook didn’t closely supervise how its data was being used.)

Cambridge Analytica gathered this information to develop “psychographic” profiling tools, which it claimed could tailor political ads to users’ personality traits. “We exploited Facebook to harvest millions of people’s profiles,” whistleblower Christopher Wylie told The Observer. “And built models to exploit what we knew about them and target their inner demons. That was the basis the entire company was built on.”

It’s a great quote. But this weekend’s reports suggest these methods might not have actually been used in the 2016 US election. (In March 2017, a New York Times article said psychographics weren’t used; recent articles offer a somewhat more muddled picture.) Still, is it even possible to target a person’s inner demons using Facebook data? How afraid should we be of sophisticated psy-ops being deployed at scale — thanks to both the data we willingly give to Facebook, and Facebook’s apparent inability to protect the people who use it? We asked Facebook how many other researchers had access to this data and if Facebook was reviewing those projects to see if misuse occurred elsewhere. Facebook hasn’t responded.

Taken altogether, it seems like Facebook was taken in by a shady firm that misused data and lied about it. When Facebook found out, it did nothing. And making matters worse, we can’t even point at Cambridge Analytica’s deception as the reason Trump was elected: a closer look at their methods suggests they might not even work.

“Steve Bannon’s psychological warfare mindfuck tool.”

This isn’t the first time Facebook’s protections for its users have been called into question. In January 2012, experimenters were allowed to manipulate what about 700,000 Facebook users saw when they logged in. The study was meant to assess “emotional contagion” — the idea that if you were shown sad things, you’d become sadder, and if you were shown happy things, you’d become happier. The study, published in 2014, almost immediately kicked up a fuss — though it had been legal, it might not have been ethical. Lost in the noise was something very interesting to the discussion around psychographics: the psychological effect was very small.

Small is not the same as “no effect.” About 340,000 extra people voted in the 2010 US elections thanks to a Facebook message, according to a study in Nature in 2012. But that’s because the message used the power of real-life social networks to get them to go; an “I voted” message showing the names of up to six friends who voted got more people to the polls. People who saw this message were 0.3 percent more likely to seek information about their local polling place than those who just saw an informational message about voting. They were about 0.4 percent more likely to get to the polls, too. This only worked, the study found, if close friends had clicked “I voted.” This wasn’t an effect of advertising or psychological profiling, though. It was just peer pressure.

Misuse of data is bad, but some coverage of Cambridge Analytica suggests that knowing what someone liked on Facebook is enough leverage to transform elections. Even Wylie seems to think so, calling his work “Steve Bannon’s psychological warfare mindfuck tool.” That is almost certainly overstating Cambridge Analytica’s power. Gathering Facebook data to predict personality and then using that to craft a message that would sway an election is a very tricky process, says Eitan Hersh, a professor of political science at Tufts University and author of Hacking the Electorate. To understand why, it helps to know a little about the backstory of two ideas: microtargeting and psychographics.

Microtargeting means analyzing data to predict the behavior, interests, and opinions held by specific groups of people — and then serving them the messages they’re most likely to respond to. The Obama campaign used this technique in different ways in both the 2008 and 2012 elections, mining data from publicly available voters’ files as well as social media like Facebook, according to Mother Jones. Though many people say that microtargeting played a major role in Obama’s re-election in 2012 — and it is possible — it’s not proven, says Frederik Zuiderveen Borgesius, a legal researcher at the Free University of Brussels. The campaign did get a lot of attention for the way it used the new social media outlets to target voters, though.

One way to target voters, in particular, is relevant to Cambridge Analytica: collecting information to predict people’s personality and psychology — known as psychographics — and then using that information to try to influence behavior. Most commonly, psychographics focuses on predicting attributes measured by the Big Five personality scale: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion (or introversion), agreeableness, and neuroticism. And it’s mostly used to sell products. Traditional demographic-based targeting will show a cleaning-products ad to, say, white middle-aged women who stay at home. That’s the population most likely to buy their sponge. Psychographic-based targeting, on the other hand, will show a home alarm ad to people who are neurotic because these folks are more likely to be worried about safety.

“I think Cambridge Analytica is a better marketing company than a targeting company.”

This works — to an extent. In a paper published last year in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers used psychographic targeting on 3.5 million Facebook users. Facebook didn’t explicitly give companies personality information, but it did let advertisers target users based on their Likes, says study co-author Sandra Matz, a business professor at Columbia Business School who studies big data and marketing. (Likes are anonymized by default, so a company can target, for instance, 34-year-old white women in California who like ‘Yosemite National Park,’ but won’t know who they are.) Previous research shows that there’s a decent correlation between Facebook Likes and Big Five personality traits, adds Matz, and so her team chose to target Likes that correlated with high extraversion (“making people laugh”) and high introversion (“computers”).

Then, they created ads that either aligned with or contradicted someone’s personality profile. For example, the beauty ad for extroverts told them to “dance like no one is watching (but they totally are)” and showed a woman at a crowded party. The ad for introverts showed a woman with a makeup brush and read “beauty doesn’t have to shout.” Ads that matched a personality profile got 40 percent more clicks and 50 percent more purchases than ads that didn’t match.

This is the type of research that inspired Cambridge Analytica. (One of the co-authors of that study is Michal Kosinski, who pioneered a lot of the research that the firm draws upon.) The founders were also influenced by a 2013 paper, also by Kosinski, that showed that Facebook Likes could predict sexual orientation, ethnicity, personality, IQ, and more. The research, based on over 58,000 participants, found that Facebook Likes could correctly predict whether a man was gay or straight 88 percent of the time and whether someone was a Democrat or a Republican 85 percent of the time. Some results are striking: Liking “Hello Kitty” on Facebook suggests that the user is more likely to be a Democrat, of African-American origin, and predominantly Christian, the study says.

The paper concluded that predicting personality traits based on their Facebook Likes could be used “to improve numerous products and services,” like insurance advertising. It also warned against using this kind of online data without people’s consent because it could end up deterring people from using digital technology altogether. The authors write: “It is our hope, however, that the trust and goodwill among parties interacting in the digital environment can be maintained by providing users with transparency and control over their information, leading to an individually controlled balance between the promises and perils of the Digital Age.”

Now, companies like Cambridge Analytica want to use psychographics and microtargeting to influence political decisions instead of consumer ones. Take the example of gun rights, says Tom Dobber, a doctoral candidate studying political microtargeting at the University of Amsterdam. Extroverts might respond well to a pro-gun ad that talks about hunting as a family tradition and an adventure. But neurotic people might prefer a message emphasizing that the Second Amendment will protect us. “You say the same thing but with two very different messages,” he says.

Even if Cambridge Analytica did affect Donald Trump’s election in 2016, everything we know about political microtargeting suggests that their role was insignificant. “We don’t really know much about the effects of microtargeting, let alone targeting on the basis of someone’s psyche,” says Dobber. “I think Cambridge Analytica is a better marketing company than a targeting company.”

“It doesn’t give people enough credit”

There’s good reason to believe Dobber, and that reason comes from Cambridge Analytica’s previous client. Before the company worked for Donald Trump, it worked with Ted Cruz during the Republican primary in 2016. Former Cruz aide Rick Tyler told The New York Times that the psychographic models proved unreliable. According to The Times’ reporting, “more than half the Oklahoma voters whom Cambridge had identified as Cruz supporters actually favored other candidates.” Cruz’s campaign quit using Cambridge Analytica after a primary in South Carolina, The Times reported.

So why are the effects of microtargeting so limited?

First, using digital data to decide who to target can easily go wrong. Often, this extra information doesn’t tell you anything you couldn’t get from a public voter database, and it becomes less useful over time as people’s preferences change. Plus, messages that work for one campaign might not work for another. Microtargeting might be more effective in settings with less information, like a state legislative race, says Hersh from Tufts, but there’s a lot of information being shared in an American presidential election. “The idea that some additional piece of information in this overwhelming wave of data going into people’s head is going to trick them — it doesn’t give people enough credit,” he says.

The 2013 paper that inspired Cambridge Analytica isn’t wrong, says Dobber. “It is not rocket science to infer someone’s political preferences on the basis of someone’s likes if those people have actually liked a lot of pages,” Dobber tells The Verge in an email. But it’s a huge leap to say that being able to infer some things from Facebook means swaying voter behavior.

Personality traits are correlated with political values, but the correlation is generally weak, says Hersh. Being conservative is weakly correlated with preferring authoritarianism, but plenty of liberals like authoritarianism, too. That means it’s easy to mistarget messages, and that can be very alienating, he says. For example, one model predicting whether someone is Hispanic based on factors like last name and location was only correct about two-thirds of the time — and Hersh’s research suggests that the people who wrongly received the ads intended for Latinos really don’t like them.

Second, a lot of this data doesn’t give us anything that we don’t already know. Hersh uses a simple case: Who owns a boat? Someone who accesses that data will learn that boat owners are likely to be Republican. “That’s a totally useless data point,” he says. “If I have the demographic data — if I know that there is a white man in a Republican town near Virginia Beach who’s rich — I already know they’re Republican regardless of the boat. Boat ownership doesn’t provide any more information.”

In fact, Hersh spent a week trying to create a microtargeting model to find people who were interested in climate change and, he says, “you can’t do better than party affiliation.” If you don’t have access to that information, it’s very hard to figure out who’s interested. If you do, nothing else matters.

Another problem is that the predictive power of these Facebook Likes weakens over time. Many people forget about their “Likes” and may not feel so enthusiastic about them five years later, even if they didn’t bother to click “Unlike,” Dobber says. Plus, the signal that “liking” something sends may change. For example, says Matz from Columbia, a few years ago, “liking” Game of Thrones might have meant that you were an introvert who watched TV instead of going out. Now that the show is so popular, liking it might mean that you’re an extrovert. Liking Bernie Sanders five years ago is different from liking him right before the 2016 election, Dobber says.

Plus, as Matz points out, even if people take the same personality questionnaire, they rarely answer the same way twice. Self-reported information is often unreliable, and we generally have very little insight into our own personalities. That might further account for why microtargeting runs into so many obstacles.

Finally, the insights might not hold because what will persuade people depends so much on context. What might work for the Obama campaign might not have worked when Clinton was the messenger, and what works in the summer might not work in the fall. Information from campaigns shows that if you have data about individuals, it’s a waste of effort to try persuading people, says Hersh. It’s so much easier to mobilize likely voters than it is to change people’s minds.

Psychographics and microtargeting might sway consumer behavior — do you buy Crest or Colgate? — but politics are a core part of many people’s identity. It’s so hard to persuade people anyway that a cleverly tweaked message is unlikely to have a big effect.

There’s a long history of personality tests being used for political purposes, says Merve Emre, a McGill University literature professor and author of The Personality Brokers, a forthcoming book on the history of personality testing. “People are agog at the politicization of personality or the use of it in these really political ways, but a lot of personality testing began for explicitly political purposes,” she says. The Big Five personality test originally began as a series of experiments on Air Force officers to figure out the ideal personality factors that made someone competent. (Of course, there was no follow-up, so we have no idea if it worked even a little.)

“People are right that Google and Facebook do have a lot of data and there are nuances where they can use this data to be manipulative.”

The Myers-Briggs test was developed by two women at a consulting firm and the first institution to use it was the Office of Strategic Services, the precursor to the Central Intelligence Agency. The OSS used it during World War II, in addition to other personality tests, to show how to match secret agents to covert operations. And immediately after WWII, psychologists developed the F-scale to figure out who might have fascist leanings. “Cambridge Analytica doing this with Facebook is more sophisticated than what we’ve seen before, but the impulse behind it — to try to figure out people’s political leanings through personality — is by no means new,” says Emre.

And personality testing, at least originally, was less than rigorous, Emre adds. Early versions of the Myers-Briggs, for example, had separate scoresheets for men and women based on the idea that women were supposed to be more naturally emotional.

But while the problems with personality testing go way back, psychographics and microtargeting changing the election is not the concerning part of the Cambridge Analytica story. The abuse of data is. “People are right that Google and Facebook do have a lot of data and there are nuances where they can use this data to be manipulative,” says Hersh. “The thing I’m calling BS on is this story that requires all these connections to work between the personality and the data and the political values and the messaging.”

It’s possible that in the future, microtargeting will become more accurate, realizing people’s current fears. As we give more and more of our data to social media companies and as the tools for sifting through those huge troves of data get better, measuring personality and targeting specific political messages might become easier. The positive and negative implications amount to the same thing: manipulation, encouraging people to vote or to stay home. Unless governments in the US and Europe start regulating this type of activity and imposing stricter privacy rules, political microtargeting is likely to increase, says Dobber, the doctoral candidate from Amsterdam.

But for now, there are plenty of substantive critiques of big tech companies and how they handle our data. Leaks of data can make us vulnerable, and not just to political campaigns. The thing to fear is not a few shadowy data brokers targeting your “inner demons.” It’s how little Facebook appears to be doing to protect our privacy.

We have emailed Facebook for comment and will update when it responds.

James Vincent contributed to this report.

[bb-bigbang-org]

EPISODE 4 - “I just worry that I'm being too messy” - DESIREE

.

.

.

JOE

Its a bit annoying having to throw every single hoh, but I'm not in any position to take shots at Drew and Kayla. I was hoping Kayla would've been gone last cycle but instead I lose one of my closest allies. 

BROOKE

Kayla and I successfully told Austin about Mandi and Joe. This is because Joe is trying to pin the vote for Cody to stay on me and I’m not sure why he’s doing that. Austin has definitely taken Joe’s spot as my number 2. 

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 14:

Wow, two weeks in the Big Brother house... It feels like the game is just starting too.

HOH Results: Of fucking course Austin won again. That man is putting a huge target on his back by winning constantly. At least he seems to want to work with me, so I feel like he wouldn't put me up, but you just never know. I really wonder who he'll put up though.. I have no idea.

FROSBY

So im on the block. Stinkin Austin. So he comes to me before putting me up and tells me he is putting me up agaisnt Joe bc Joe and me are huge allies. I then go into my story about how Joe backstabbed me in the last season we played in and now I can't stand him. In reality I like Joe and I know him and Mandi are trying to help me with getting far in this game. But now im on the block with Joe and this isn't looking good for us, it looks even worse for me because if either of us gets saved then Austin says he plans on putting up Mandi so it just won't be a good situation. Regardless it is time for Power of Veto and this is the first time in this whole game where I am actually going to give my best effort to winning a challenge and not throwing the challenge to keep the heat off of me. But with me on the block I need to really win this to not only save my own ass but potentially save Joe's ass in the process. Wish me luck with winning this! 

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 15: 

Alliance Chats: The group chatted about who our biggest targets are. It seems everyone is on the same page. We are targeting Lukas, Brooke, & Kayla. Lukas because he pulled that stunt with HOH and then put me up. Brooke because she was leading the pack in trying to get votes for me to go up as a nom. And Kayla because she's so close with Brooke and she seems like a social threat. We chatted about Austin, I'm not sure how to feel about him because he's protecting me and feeding me tons of information, but he's not on our side of the house. Plus, he said he's putting up Frosby as a pawn this week.

Kiss The Crown: I am playing so buddy buddy with Austin right now. I feel like I'm kissing his feet, saying how I wish I could win more comps so I could be of more use to him. LMAO Really, he is useful to me because he keeps winning and he wants to keep me safe for whatever reason. Every time he wins something, he messages me right away to tell me I'm safe. But he's such a huge target so I don't want to keep him around forever. Especially now that he's nominating my biggest ally, even if he insists it's as a pawn. I mean, wasn't Joe a pawn last time?

DREW

I don't think I've recorded one of these in a while, so it seemed like a good time to do so! But I honestly love that the only HoHs this season are between Lukas and Austin. Two people that are high on my trust list, and I don't have to do anything- just sit there and look pretty. 

That being said and done, I wanna like dive in to the last two weeks of this game. So Lukas narrowly beats me out for HoH (AGAIN) and decides to go for a democratic vote in terms of his reign. People are saying that its a "smart" idea, but like... really? I love Lukas and all but that was a horrible move on his part. I guess it was his way of appeasing people because he wasn't too active, but like... come on dude. You already put up one person, why piss off another? Or two in this case. 

So then the votes of that democratic vote is revealed, and I get 4th. And who voted for me? Cody, Andy and Joe. Cody, understandable. Andy, he's irrelevant... but Joe? Joe, he needs to stop denying to me that he's thrown me under the bus and sold me down the river to both Lukas and Austin. Because this is week 3 (at the time of this write up its Week 4) and I'm slowly losing my patience with him. 

Lukas also thought it was smart of him to put me, him and Joe in an alliance. And I'll be honest, I'll play the sweet little angel child that I am to get information out Joe, but there is no way you can't make me TRUST him. And I don't. I won't ever, but I'd like to see how far he'll go with his lies. 

Fast forward, Brooke wins the veto, yadda yadda. I don't care about Brooke. She's almost as conniving and heartless as Ashley, but like she's out- so I don't care. She takes down Kayla and CODY finally goes up and goes home. But like in Cody fashion, he can't say anything without having it involve me- but I don't care cause he's already got one foot out of the door. 

Here's where it gets interesting. The vote as 10-1. Meaning someone voted to keep Cody in this house. People say it was Joe. People say it was Brooke. Brooke, however, did not hesitate to throw Joe under the bus by providing a screenshot about it. Do I believe it? No. Could be 100%? Yes. BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART OF THIS WEEK ENDING

I wake up the next day, and I see that I get a dying star. Cody was just evicted, and just like in Cody fashion, he wants to see me fail. Thankfully, the Dying Star is a randomized thing done by a bot to see if I get an Advantage or a Disadvantage. I already know who are the other two Dying Star recipients. One of them, is my #1, Chloe- she told me in private what her's was. Its too powerful to let that slip out. The 2nd is with Mr. Sammy, and he told the members of "They Suck The Most" an alliance comprised of myself, Sammy, Chloe and Lukas on Day 2- that he has the advantage to change up the veto to benefit one of us! And now there's me with the 3rd of 5 Advantages (thanks to the randomizer LOVING me!) where I can play an advantage on any HoH or PoV of my choosing!

So thanks Cody for being a BITTER BITCH, because I just got away with having the BEST outcome of this week. You leaving and me getting an advantage in this game. Mwah! 

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 16:

POV Results - Fucking JOE won the POV?! Come on! That was the worst possible scenario. I tried to convince Austin to put up Brooke as the replacement and so did Frosby, which I'm sure set off some red flags for Austin. Austin didn't respond and just put up Andy. I WANT TO SCREAM. I hate that this vote is between Andy and Frosby, but Frosby has been my number 1 since day 1, so I'm choosing him. I am so over Austin. He is clearly just playing everybody in this house and wants to be allies with everyone and then just quietly cut them out of the equation. I'm over it.

Fauxlliance - So, after the POV ceremony, Austin messaged me asking if we should keep Frosby and then make an alliance with the three of us. I don't trust Austin at all but I agreed to this "alliance" so I could get information from him, and as a hail mary to try to save Frosby. After making this alliance, before the chat was even created, Frosby got a screenshot of Austin saying if he wins HOH again, he's putting up Frosby because he "doesn't want another Cody". God that guy is a piece of work. All I know is, if I win HOH, I'm putting up Austin & Lukas. IDGAF. I also know I need to start chatting with some of the girls because my alliances are growing thin.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 17: 

Lukas - Lukas has reached out to me today talking about how he feels like he's on the outskirts of the house, no one trusts him because of his last HOH, and he hates that he had to put me up last time. This game is mindfucking me because I feel like I'm riding both sides of the house and I want to be loyal to both. I feel like Lukas is genuine when he talks to me, but he's so close to Austin that it scares me. I do feel like he may only really have Austin on his side though as major allies so he probably needs more allies. I definitely trust him more than Austin. I would actually be happy to work with him moving forward, I just worry that I'm being too messy.

WEEK 4 CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCbKKRcJ54

[hoshira]

invisible. before heading to bed i gotta say: akiyama ( aka tooru’s Evil Ex ™ ) is shaping up to be one of my fave villains so far just bc of how complicated he is as a character. i’ll make a more in-depth post about it ( esp since i rly need to talk more abt the other people in tooru’s life, particularly kaito and akiyama, who had a huge role in shaping who tooru is now ), but basically: akiyama was part of the same star as tooru. and by that, i mean, if you were to take them apart at the very core – their stardust – it would be the same ( granted, with tooru, it’d be mostly the same because part of his stardust was stolen from someone else’s, which is why he’s even alive / exists the way that he does right now, blah blah blah ). they used to be the same entity, and because of this, their existences are tied in a way. tbh, akiyama unintentionally caused this downward spiral for both his and tooru’s narratives because he has the majority of their stardust. the entire reason why tooru’s story ends the way that it does – forgotten by all because his was an existence that should have never been – is because his stardust was not enough to let him live as a human. which was why he stole some from someone else in order to grant that wish. and obviously the universe was like “um no put it back” and so ye. he ded. and akiyama probably has enough to share but yknow… the universe is a dick… no stardust 4 tooru, it all goes to ur shitty ex. but anyway… akiyama was never really a bad person to begin with. in fact, prior to meeting tooru, he was actually a nice guy. however, he always had that empty feeling, no matter which life he was in. and that’s because he longed to be with his ‘ other half ’: tooru. when they did meet, however, aki basically let that yearning turn into an unhealthy obsession, and instead of as a lover or even as a human being, he started to see tooru as an object to be possessed. aka his possession, and no one else’s. he felt like he had some semblance of entitlement to tooru’s existence because he simultaneously would and would not exist as a human if it weren’t for akiyama ( schrodinger’s existence… ? lol ). eventually, tooru broke things off because he realized that he was his own person. he didn’t need a relationship to define his humanity, neither did he need akiyama to validate his existence. tooru could do that himself – ‘himself’ was good enough.

but i think what makes me like aki as an antagonist is the fact that he’s honestly just… someone who led himself to his own destruction. it was his fault that he became a manipulative, abusive asshole. tooru gave him so many chances to better himself and he basically just turned it down each time, which was what led tooru becoming fed up with him and leaving. but if he actually let tooru help him out and strived to improve himself as a better boyfriend/person, honestly… he couldn’t been able to get that ‘happy ending’ that he wanted with tooru. but he didn’t lmao. he literally trashed his own chance at a happy ending like how meta is that. this entire canon is meta. what kinda mindfuck… ‘cause honestly ? i think he and tooru were intended to be the true ‘canon ship’ in this. and then aki just fucked about w/ that. tho i assume it was also cause he knew he and tooru were going to be canon, in some way. kinda like how tooru knows he’s an oc and that he’s gonna be forgotten when he dies. and because of that, tooru kills himself because he couldn’t deal with the guilt of it all. and similarly, akiyama ruins his chances at becoming that canon ship cause… he knew it was gonna be canon so he was like “eh i can do w/e i want”… what the fuck is this canon becoming….