#the good old family inherited anxiety disorder

[ereyies]

okay haiii these are my omam headcanons that i wrote a couple months ago and completely forgot about and found them on my ipad so uhh enjoy

Of Mice and Men character headcanons:

George suffers from Misophonia

George also had BPD and takes medication for it

Curley's wife's name is Sally. idk why but she's always been a Sally to me...

Despite all his apparent charm, Slim can’t flirt for the life of him and ends up just standing like 🧍‍♂️and somehow it always works

Whitt sleepwalks regularly. Slim gets up multiple times a week every night just to drag Whitt back to bed

Lennie has full blown conversations in his sleep. very loudly.

Crooks’s favourite food is liquorice or something 😭 old man food,,,

Candy will randomly just tell the most absurd, very obviously untrue facts every with a completely straight face just to see how gullible ppl one the ranch are. “yeah did you fellas know that there's a chance if you sneeze while you’re fulla whiskey your gut will burst? ‘ts true! saw it happen to a poor guy here on this very ranch!!”

Carlson has a bunch of weirdly specific and random skills that serve no practical use in his life whatsoever. stuff like he’s really good at ventriloquism, or knows an absurd amount of dances from around the world, or he’s an expert of handwriting analysis, or he can ride a unicycle. absolutely useless but mildly impressive talents.

Curley hurts himself in his outburst as much as he hurts others. not intentionally or because of his opponent, he just gets so mad he'll start bashing his head or something

+ Bronwyn and Curley headcanons

(For those who don't know, Bronwyn is my omam oc, you can find information about her here and here, but all you need to know for this is that she's Curley's younger sister.)

⚠️ CW for mention of neglect, abuse, and suicide ⚠️

Bronwyn walks very silently. Very conscious of her footsteps.

She suffers from undiagnosed psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thinking, tangential thinking), attachment issues, occasionally seizures, anxiety issues, etc.

Inherited all her mental disorders from her mother's side. Her mother also suffered from various undiagnosed mental disorders and killed herself as a result of her condition rapidly worsening with no treatment

Bronwyn still thinks so highly of Curley despite how awfully he treats her as she only ever remembers when they were younger and when they were each other's best friends. When someone speaks badly about Curley, she'll always defend him. Curley believes that Bronwyn is a worthless burden who brings down his image and the reputation of the family, making him feel embarrassed and that he's weaker somehow for having a mentally ill sister.

Curley blames Bronwyn for their mother's death, believing that Bronwyn was born sick and that their mother 'caught' her illness.

Their mother was emotionally abusive, and their father, the boss of the ranch, is quite neglectful of them both. Neither Curley nor Bronwyn realise just how awful their mother treated them both, yet neither talk about her.

Curley secretly adored his mother. Bronwyn secretly resents her but can't put a finger on why. She tried to draw her mother once and the paper she used was just covered in nothing but dark scribbles.

When she and Curley get into fights they often get physical and violent. Bronwyn only learnt to fight from Curley because in the middle of fighting he'd be so pissed off that she couldn't fight properly and be like 'that's not how you throw a punch. quit embarrassing yourself, I'll show you how it's done. now you try.' and accidentally ended up teaching her to fight at his level.

When the boss would intervene with their fights, he'd observe and blame whoever caused the most damage. Curley often got the blame the most because he'd let his anger get the best of him.

[apircteslife]

♛ᓚᘏᗢ☾ For Shanks ✄☼☘︎ For Hook

⚠︎୨ৎଳ For Sanji

Family Headcanons - Accepting

♛ - What is your muse's relationship with their grandparents like?

Honestly? Shanks has zero idea who his grandparents are, his fathers are Roger and Rayleigh since he has no idea where he's from so there are no grandparents in the picture for him. The only grandfather kind of figure he has is Whitebeard, but the old man was a grandfather/Uncle figure considering he's known Shanks since he was a Cabin boy.

ᓚᘏᗢ - Did your muse grow up with pets in the house? Do they have them, now? If so, what kind? Talk about them a little!

No pets growing up since the seas were far too dangerous for pets, he would easily joke that the closest thing he had to a pet as a child was Buggy, but he's also massively protective of the boy who was practically his brother... And these days, monster doesn't count as a pet since they are true crew member on the Red Force.

☾ - Who in your muse's family are night owls? Are they more productive at night than they are during the day? How late do they normally stay up?

Past family, the night owls were most likely Rayleigh and Crocus, the two of them probably staying up and lamenting about their Captain and his mischief often. Present family, Benn is definitely one of them, keeping an eye on the crew as they drank and making sure they all got back to their home safe before he settled down himself. I imagine Beck definitely gets more done during the night because he's not dealing with his Captain's penchant for mischief in the evening.

✄ - Has your muse cut some or all of their family off? Are they close to someone else as a surrogate?

Okay... so my backstory for Killian is based off of an amazing song called Compass by Sail North so some of his history is based off of that.

Killian cut his parents off when he was just a teenager. He ran away from home when he was seventeen, the age that his son decided to fly the nest, and began to travel. His father wasn't the warmest of men, nor did he believe in his son and so he ran the moment he could and resulted in making his own crew; said crew began with his First Mate William Smee who became his surrogate father when the man began to look out for him. He also ended up with a brother in all but blood with Gaston.

☼ - Who in your muse's family are early risers? Are they productive in the morning? Does your muse love or loathe morning people?

Hook is an early riser, born from years on the seas, he wakes early to see the sunrise but also wakes early to handle business due to running the Tavern. CJ is also an early riser since she loves finding out different adventure stories from the docks so that she can write her books; Harry however... the only thing that will get him up is a bucket of water, though it changes when he wakes up by his partners side.

☘︎ - What is your muse's family's luck like?

Both good and bad. The Good part of the Hook luck was with Killian managing to survive his teenage years and sail the seas without being killed until he met his wife. Katie's luck was just the same as her husbands until the pregnancy with Harry... That was when the bad luck began to over take the good.

Harry has a lot of bad luck that he's inherited from his parents.

⚠︎ - Has your muse inherited an illness or mental health disorder from their family? If so, what is it and how does it affect them?

Does invulnerability count as an illness? especially once it woke up for him after Whole Cake?

Technically he hasn't inherited an illness of mental health disorder from his family, but his birth father did cause Sanji to develop anxiety, claustrophobia and some issues with his self-worth.

୨ৎ - Does your muse share well with their family? What are some things that they're not as willing to share?

Family of birth? HELL NO!

Family of choice? Sanji will often give up his own share of food to his family of choice since he has a few issues with eating since he was a child. He also has never informed his crew of his own allergies so he will happily share his food to them if it helps him avoid that; however, he will sometimes keep strawberries aside because it's his favourite food.

ଳ - What sorts of activities does your muse participate in with their family? Do they look forward to it or dread it?

Sanji will participate in almost everything with his crew, mainly because he's forever grateful that Luffy chose to see the good before even knowing him. He'll join in with them whenever they request his presence unless he's busy experimenting with recipes.

[tresradiossolis]

"?" (i wanna hear all about potential muses from you! i already love your suns so skfjskfjjd)

Potential Muses?

This was at your own risk....

tl;dr Funtime Freddy, Eclipse, Phone Dude, Withered Bonnie and Michael Afton

Funtime Freddy ××× Frederico Fabel

Frederico is from my College AU verse, a 6'8" 20 year old student at his family's college (pretty much all the Freddys are related one way or another) that focuses on Engineering and Robotics, although he's taken up studying Art and Prop Making instead, as well as Theater. There's a whole Mess of a history when it comes to who should inherit the college, but his parents gave up on Frederico pretty early on because of his Conduct Disorder, which was not properly diagnosed. This also lead to his relationship with his parents being really messy too.

He loves to make dolls and puppets, as well as more intricate work (think Audrey 2 from Little Shop of Horrors), and in every manner that he presents himself, he's a jolly jokester who loves a good pun, always dressing up in pink and generally most know him as a big softie.

He did stab his childhood friend's bully to death and then hid the body that one time though... and in his friend group, the Fun Gang, he tends to be very aggressive about getting his way. He'll do it with a smile of course, but he Loathes not being in charge.

Why I don't write him: At this point he's so much his own character that I worry I'd alienate people with him. He's also a Very dominating presence, and it's easy to do that in a small private server, I think about him daily though...

Eclipse ××× Umbra

Umbra is an orphan that's been struggling through the foster care system their whole life, and because of various trauma and just... awful awful experiences, it's left them with crippling social anxiety and phobia.

They're a hikkikomori, they do Not leave their room under any circumstances, this will give them severe panic attacks. They're very slow to open up to people and even slower to actually meet them in person, and once they do, it's a long process to even be able to get past their door.

Other than that, Umbra is a twitch streamer and is known for their game breaking speedruns, glitching through stages with ease while cursing like a sailor. People love seeing them do their work, but also love it when they get absolutely Furious on their twitch streams and chews out their entire team in whatever game they're playing. Umbra is an asshole, and we love that for them.

Why I don't write them: I've actually considered it... again they're such an OC at this point, I could maybe see them being a part of a multimuse, but then who'd read everything about the verse idk... I'd love to write Umbra though, I love this little shit

Phone Dude ××× Dylan

It's Phone Dude man. Outside the college verse, Dylan is just a dude who really wanted to create his own horror attraction, he loooooves horror movies and has quite the artistic eye for making props and even engineering, and Freddy's checks all those boxes. He's made some sick shit bro, and have recorded some movies for his YouTube that really kicked off.

Idk what to add... in college verse he studies Film and Art, he is known to make some gnarly stuff for the theater crew. He's as dumb as a rock and loves the devil's lettuce.

Why I don't write him: I can't answer that. I should probably write h

Withered Bonnie ××× Wilt Grimm

The lad to the right

A blind mortician that focuses more on grief counseling and funeral planning than the practise for quite obvious reasons. That's not to say that he isn't incredibly skilled at what he does, but the limitations can't really be ignored.

Wilt lost his eyesight and left arm in a fire when he was just a teenager, and gained severe burns all across his body with it. The incident was life changing to him, since he had been at a house party when it happened. He lost all his classmates that day, and he couldn't understand why he was special in any way for surviving. This lead him to study to become a mortician, because he wanted to help all those who grieve the loss of their loved ones in whatever way he can.

Why I don't write him: Again, he's such an OC.... also this is some heavy stuff I gotta carefully think about making public

Michael Afton

My Michael is. Basically a zombie LMFAO

He's so tired and goal driven, he has his Tasks and he's gonna Do Them, no matter what is in his way. He's not sure how to express emotions anymore, be it because he got dun scooped, or just really fucking traumatised from seeing his brother's skull cave in because of him.

He doesn't feel like he deserves to be happy, or mad, or even sad anymore. He just needs to do what his dad told him to do, but also.. he needs to make things right.

He's an excellent mechanic and can put together, or take apart, whatever you throw at him. He's a little stinky but it's nothing some wunderbaums can't fix, and he's been known to sass every now and then.

Why I'm not writing him: Intimidation. The fear of having to read up on all the lore 10 times over and having somebody tell me I got something wrong xbfbdb, I do love him tho...

[deathshadowed]

Adding two extra points to this which isn't crazy inflation related (Americans think they have it bad, yeah no it's about getting unlivable here.)

The brain is still developing at the age of 18 & 21 when people are considered legally adults, yet their development isn't complete. All but tossing a 18 year old into the world because they are an 'adult' is beyond ridiculous and risky. Especially if there's no preparation, failsafe plan talked over before + the reassurance if all hell breaks loose they still have a stable home to return to where they are safe and loved. I bet many would love to try true independency, highly doubt all of them feel the same way a year or even a few months later.

A personal one: I have epilepsy which wove itself together with my severe panic disorder. My attacks/seizures are unpredictable with little to absolutely no symptoms before. Only very, very mild signs that something might be off. I have a minute to seconds to take my meds before I lose mobility then full out seizure. My mom wouldn't even let me live alone or in college because it's unfortunately not safe for me. I would very much rather live with my mom than suffer brain damage from multiple seizures because of this look how adult™ I am dick measuring contest.

I'm not the only person with illnesses, disabilities; being young has nothing to do with inherited shit like this, nor at fault for being depressed, anxiety and many, many more. It is extremely unfair to boast the Get off my lawn idea so strongly because a lot of teenagers, young adults struggle with serious mental health conditions and physical limitations. This pressure is bound to increase everything they have feeling like they 'aren't good enough' and failed in life. Meanwhile family should be a central part of life.

I know I didn't mention abusive families; I'm not dismissing that nor glorifying staying in a toxic environment. I simply wanted to keep it within the topic of Why the generally American mentality of move out when you're an adult is flawed on multiple occasions even without looking at the state of the economy. You're more than valid if you want to stay. So are you if you don't no matter your reasons; be it genuine thirst for independence or an escape.

@deathshadowed: As an European, I've never felt pressured nor anyone in the family ever even hinted they want me out at 18 or even at 20 when I went to university. Furthermore grandma moved in with us because it was natural to have family living under the same roof. I understood the history behind the American 'Get out of my house when you're an adult' mentality but never supported the idea, unless it genuinely benefited the fresh 'adult' / they wanted that decision instead of pressure

A very good perspective from someone outside the experiences many of you are dealing with! Its not the norm or the end all be all.

[travllingbunny]

Could you please tell me what kind of personality Richard III had?

I haven't written anything about Richard III - or the English history - in years, but I assume you've seen some of my older posts from the time when I was reading books and other sources on the English history and participating in discussions among the history fandom on Tumblr. So this is a nice blast from the past ;)

Of course, I can't tell you with certainty what Richard's personality was like, so this is speculation, but I think we can get a reasonably good general idea of it based on historical sources available.

First off, if you haven't read any of the articles that came out a few years ago, after his remains were found, about psychologists analysing Richard's personality, you can read it here, for instance.

I generally agree with this. Psychologist Mark Lansdale, PhD, describes him as "a relatively normal guy dealing with a very difficult set of circumstances" (mind you, relatively normal here specifrically means a relatively normal medieval English nobleman) and states that Richard didn't show signs of what is now popularly known as "sociopathy" (in other words, the image of him people get from Shakespeare's play - even though Shakespeare was never even remotely trying to be historically accurate, or Thomas More's book about him, which was an unpublished work that was never intended as a serious historical work and reads more like satire) but shows signs of "intolerance of uncertainty" as a symptom of anxiety disorder.

In other words, having experiences severe trauma as a child and in his youth as a result of a civil war and his family being torn apart by it, Richard liked stability, and could show authoritarian tendencies at times when a civil war was threatening to break out again (aka in the turmoil after his brother Edward IV's death). A reminder that Richard was only 2 years old when the tensions in the English court broke into armed conflict, and his father Richard, Duke of York, fought his first battle against his enemies at court such as Edward Beaufort, Duke of Somerset. When Richard was 6 and a half years old, he got to experience what must have been an incredibly traumatic event as the Lancastrian army brutally sacked the town of Ludlow, reportedly including the York family household, and Richard he was taken prisoner with his mother Cecily and his older siblings Margaret and George. He also may have witnessed the brutality against other people who were not protected by station as his family was. Meanwhile his father and two eldest brothers had to flee to Ireland. Then, after a brief time when it seemed the tide had turned in his family's favor, his father was killed, along with his second son Edmund, at the battle of Wakefield, probably after being betrayed by one of his allies - and 7-year old Richard, together with his 10-year old brother George, were sent abroad by their mother for their own safety. A few months later, the tide would decisively turn again thanks to his oldest brother Edward, who crowned himself Edward IV and won a decisive battle at Towton, beating the Lancastrian forces, taking King Henry VI prisoner (former king, at that point) and forcing Queen Margaret to flee to France with the crown prince Edward.

I think this is what also shaped Richard's relationship with Edward. While George and Richard did not always get along (the struggle around their respective wives' Neville inheritance), I imagine they were probably still close, as they were close in age and grew up together, and had a classic sibling rivalry. On the other hand, Edward who was 12 years old than Richard - must have been a looming, idealized big brother figure, great warrior and protector and savior of their family, even more prominent since Richard lost his father so early. George, however, did not have a good relationship with Edward and would later rebel against him, together with his father-in-law/first cousin Warwick "the Kingmaker", but Richard always remained loyal to Edward and, as a teenager, became his right hand.

By all accounts, Richard himself was a powerful and brave knight/warrior, and a capable and respected ruler/administrator during his time in the North, where he remained very popular even after his death (there are accounts of bar fights breaking in at the time of Henry VII's rule in the North where some people did not take well to Richard's reputation being smeared). The former is more interesting when we take into account his physical characteristics.

There has been a lot of misinformation about Richard's disability over the ages and it oddly still continues. Today, we know that he had scoliosis - a spinal deformity where one of shoulders would be higher than the other (which is a very different thing from a hunchback), which started when he was a teenager. The extent to which he would've been affected by that has been debated. According to what the experts said after examining his remains, it probably did not cause him much pain, and it would not have stopped him from being a great knight that he was reputed to be (it has been demonstrated that people with similar degree and type of scoliosis, and even with much less training and fitness than Richard had, could perform all the tasks such as horse riding, wielding weapons etc.). However, it did make him shorter than he would've otherwise been, and together with his slender frame and below average height (for a medieval nobleman, that is - as noblemen were taller on average than the rest of the population) it means he had no work and train harder than someone with such physical predispositions as Edward IV (who was very tall - around 194 cm aka 6'3-6;4" and big and strong and athletic in his youth, before getting overweight).

Richard's scoliosis would not have been visible as long as he had his clothes on - which is why there are no reports of it by anyone, including foreigners who had met him, during his lifetime. It only became public knowledge after his death, when his dead body was stripped naked and paraded through the streets of Leicester (flung over a horse, in a positition that made the spine curvature as visible as possible) and displayed in the town. People who met him during his life mostly described him as not tall* but slender, fit, with long fingers and handsome. (*Some remarked that he was on the shorter side, but a German knight who met him described him as quite taller than himself; most likely, Richard was shorter than average for a medieval nobleman, but still not as short as some others.) However, knowing the medieval supersitions about physical deformity as a punishment from God and possible sign of evil (which was exploited by the Tudor propaganda as much as possible after his death), his scoliosis would've been a carefully guarded secret. "Landsdale says : Reports about Richard being cautious and withheld would be consistent with someone sensitive about what he would see as his personal deformity." I don't think that Richard or his family believed in those superstitions - considering the trust Edward put in him and I don't think Richard has doubts about his own character or capability to rule - but they would've been aware how others may see his scoliosis, so probably wouldn't want to spread that around.

One of the most interesting things about Richard is that he always seems to have had a strong presence and effect on others, in spite of his relatively small stature and physical deficiencies, due to his determination, courage and force of will.

As a teenager, Richard was a loyal supporter of his eldest brother Edward and gave a significant contribution to him regaining his throne. This time would've probably also been traumatic in terms of betrayal by close people - their brother George and their much older cousin and former close ally (and the man in whose household Richard grew up) Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick, the "Kingmaker". Later, he gained lands in the North from his mutually beneficial and, as far as we know, harmonious and happy marriage to Anne Neville (whom he would've known growing up - although speculations that they were childhood sweethearts seem dubious since she was 3 years younger, which is a lot more significant as an age difference when you are a teenager) and was a successful and respected lord/administrator. If the tumultuous events of 1483 hadn't happened, he would remain an uncontroversial footnote in history.

Overall, he seemed to be similar in personality (as he was reportedly similar in appearance) to his father (who also seems to have been a pretty normal medieval nobleman thrust in tumulteous circumstances). He was a pious Catholic, but not a fanatic. Although he apparently very enthusiastically talked about potentially going to war to defend Christian Europe from the Ottoman invasions. Of course he would've believed, like all medieval noblemen, in the hereditary rights to rule, but he also took his duties seriously and tried to make things better and more just for people in general through some of his positive legal reforms as the King. He has a reputation of being somewhat of a prude. But, to put it into perspective, there's no indication he was against, say, sex outside marriage per se - he had two illegitimate children he fathered as a teenanger before his marriage, and he recognized them and made sure to secure their future; he was, however, strongly against adultery, and by all accounts never had any affairs afte he got married, and 2) we have to take into account that this was mostly because of his criticism of Edward's court and the excessive lifestyle there, and that the people he directed this moralistic criticism at were those he also had other reasons to resent and target,, namely political conflict and/or betrayal (like William Hastings or Jane Shore). I'm just saying this because some people think of a Stannis-like figure, stern and charmless and against all joy, and this is not who he was - his own court had lavish Christmas celebrations, he had a big band of court musicians, the Slesian knight (Niclas von Popplau) described him as a very charming and generous host. He didn't like Edward's lifestyle, including his countless mistresses - but I don't think that was the reason why he started hating Edward's court and made sure to be away from - since he only started staying away since 1478, when Edward had their brother George executed. There are accounts that this was when he 'broke up' with Edward's court and also when his animosity against the Woodvilles started. I think he was disappointed in Edward, for many reasons, but was looking for ways to blame everyone around Edward instead.

He also seems to have had a typical medieval nobleman's view of women, mostly shaped by the amount of benevolent sexism you'd expect from them (not executing women for treason was an unwritten rule before Henry VIII) mixed with some malevolent sexism that is also within the bounds of what you'd expect from someone of his time and station. In short, he respected and liked women who were intelligent, strong, pious as he was, and that he saw as having a strong moral character, and liked to have such a woman as his partner who could rule in his stead when he was away - women like his wife Anne, like his mother, and like his prospective bride, Princess Joanna of Portugal. (That potential marriage was, of course, very useful because of the fact that the Portuguese royals were the senior descendants of the legitimate Lancastrian line, and that the double marriage pact would've also solved the problem of Elizabeth of York, with her getting married to a Portuguese royal duke, neutralizing Henry Tudor and simulteanously fulfilling Richard's promise to Elizabeth Woodville to find good matches for her daughters. But I think Richard also preferred to marry a grown woman his own age who was known to be intelligent and capable and pious and with great reputation - someone who could be a great Queen consort and political partner - rather than a teenager, like the Spanish princess who was his other potential bride, in spite of the fact that Joanna wanted to be a nun, so she was probably not your ideal pick if you were looking for sexual/romantic partner.) On the other hand, his attitude towards Jane Shore shows a mix of benevolent sexism (not chopping her head off like he did with Hastings, which would've happened to her if she had been a man passing messages from Hastings to Anthony Rivers) and malevolent sexism, with his contemptuous attitude towards her and the "penance walk" he subjected her to. He saw her as a "bad woman", immoral and opportunistic and using her wiles to manipulate men. However, contrary to some myths that have been constructed later, he doesn't seem to have hated her, since he let her be released from prison not long after and get married - it was more like a mix of mild contempt and general indifference.

This is getting long, so just one more thing: there are very different views of Richard's personality in terms of how rational or ruled by emotion he was. it's a whole spectrum from the idea of him as perfectly cold and calculated, to the image of him as incredibly impulsive and acting on emotion, especially in the last couple of years of his life. I think the truth is somewhere in between. I think he was usually pretty normal and balanced, and we see that, even towards the end of his life, he was able to make smart political moves (like this above mentioned double marriage pact with Portugal, which would've been a masterstroke if he hadn't been killed at Bosworth and if it had happened). But in times of instability and turmoil, he was also prone to acting rashly. He certainly wasn't someone to hesitate, especially when he felt betrayed - the execution of William Hastings is an obvious example. And we have direct account of his emotional outbursts - one is his reaction to Buckingham's betrayal (writing that Buckingham was "the most untrue creature living" - which Richard added in his own hand, instead of dictating it, at the end of his letter to his Lord Chancellor John Russell), another is the account of how extremely emotional he was when he came out publicly after his wife's death to deny any rumors of wanting to marry his niece Elizabeth of York. But I think these were obviously extreme circumstances, and that he was probably reasonably calm and restrained most of the time.

[menaticide]

( ben barnes. 106. he/they. cis-male. ) are you a HERO? something tells me that cat fur on a leather jacket, an ache that won’t go away, flinching like a dog in a thunder storm make you who you are, JAMES ‘BUCKY’ BARNES. with the powers of SUPERHUMAN PHYSIQUE, you’re sure to have a adroit, phlegmatic personality — and you definitely belong to SHIELD. were you listening to YOU WANT IT DARKER by LEONARD COHEN on your way to the subway? it suits you. 

character name:   james buchanan barnes.      >  barnes*.   bucky**.   the winter soldier / зимний солдат, the asset ***              *   current introductory title (as of post-ws).              **   known as;  former nickname/close friends              ***   under the control of hydra only age:   106. faceclaim:   ben barnes. voiceclaim:   also.. ben barnes. skill set:   superhuman physique from a super-soldier serum variant.  vibranium arm.  years of training as a soldier in ww2  &  then being turned into a living weapon and assassin by hydra.  excellent at knitting. affiliations:   shield  &  sword!   they’re more  loose  affiliations then anything,  something he’s inherited through his relationship with the avengers.  his strongest loyalties are however,  to steve, daisy, sam  &  natalia (so yknow, 2/4 still kicking it!). myers-briggs:   istj, the logistician; introverted / observant / thinking / judging. enneagram:   type 6, the loyalist. temperament:   melancholic, earth.  languages:   hebrew (primary language),  english (secondary,  native fluency),  deutsch german (primarily read  &  verbal),  polish (primarily read  &  verbal),  russian  &  polish (dominantly verbal),  dutch (limited,  primarily verbal),   bsl  &  asl (fluency). family:   winnifred barnes (mother; deceased, 1935) george barnes (father; deceased, 1935) rebecca barnes (sister; deceased, ????) zodiac:   pisces,  march 10. wiki link!   & i suppose this one too.

was your character “blipped” out? if so, what did they return to and how is it affecting them? if not, who important to them was blipped out, and what has it felt like after those five years have passed?

yeah mans got DUSTED.  follow up: man is NOT doing well. 

where are they living? are they living with anyone?

the worlds tiniest sad man apartment. oh my g-d its such a sad man apartment. his time there is only kept in the company of alpine (the goodest girl)  &  a service dog (because i am a sucker for tropes) named шарик.. also known as mr. soap.  and now steve’s here.  it’s the worlds saddest old man apartment.

why is your character affiliated with who they’re affiliated with?

no other friends.

who are their major friends, allies, and foes?

hydra. baron zemo. john walker. the american government. thanos and his cronies. i think i should legally say flag smashers here but i think they did nothing wrong so i’m not saying it.

whose hands do they believe the country should be in?

sam wilson. next question.

what’s their current mental state at? their physical state?

absolutely garbage on all levels. his arm hurts. his joints hurt. 24/7 headache. i’m being very lazy writing this but bucky experiences a LOT of phantom limb pain which tbh cycles heavily into his mental health.........

&  bucky has fairly extreme cptsd that has gone untreated for decades. it feeds into a spiral cycle of other mental health issues (generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, agoraphobia, selective mutism..) he’s a walking mess. while he is in therapy for it, he’s not overly trying. he’s doing a poor job of caring for his own mental health and well-being. getting soap was probably the only good choice he has made.

LORE  /  CHANGES.

i’m primarily inspired by  captain america (2005),  winter soldier: winter kills (2007),  winter soldier (2014)  &  winter soldier: second chances (2019).  what can i say? i’m a huge comics nerd.

bucky barnes is jewish. i hope disney would hate this. im also projecting my jewish trauma onto ANOTHER character now. hi im jelly. welcome to me fist fighting walt disneys corpse.

bucky does not enlist in the us military, he heads overseas at the start of the war to join a resistance group  (eventually ending up in the soviet partisans) after leaving new york in december of 1939 and eventually meeting up with his childhood best friend,  steve rogers (then captain america) and the us military in 1941. 

then generally just a lot of the 616 timeline for his brainwashed era.   black widow ops,  killing jfk because i think its funny,  but i’m letting him kill tony’s parents becasue again  i think its funny.

i...... i suppose i respect marvels choice for “““unbrainwashing bucky””” in wakanda but i do not see it

INFO DUMPING BECAUSE ITS MY HOUSE AND MY RULES

bucky does not like to be touched.  at all.  do not touch him.  he’s incredibly touch-averse and does not like any form of human contact (animal? yes!) and will react badly if touched and will flinch away if its someone he knows or react with some level of violence from strangers/anyone else.   even over clothing,  he still does not want to be touched.   all of him (read:  both skin and the arm) are not to be touched.   please assume he is a strange dog and you should not touch without asking.

#me holding bucky: dog#wheres that post thats like ‘please hold the professor gently he has rabies’#thats me with bucky#however i beg of u i fucking beg of u 2 bond w/ this mfer#he actually.. loves being touched he just is Nervous#again he just sum dog lmao let his dumb ass trust u and then u will have 6'4 of beef flop on top of u#and following u around at the heel because he doesnt wanna b alone#but yah in all srsness he will break ur arm? if u touch him? he Does Not want it

i simply think. bucky wears stupid leather jackets and all black just for the sake of looking intimidating & hoping that strangers wont talk to him but in the same breath i just think he only wants to wear sweaters and sweater vests

#genuinely feral on main#i think he introduces himself to new ppl as barnes but allows old friends (read: steve; probably the other avengers since#steve would have introduced him [as]) as bucky#but really: prefers to be called james because it is a very Soft name but#he will break ur kneecaps for calling him that unless you exceptionally close#& even then Not In Public

okay But the winter solider was hydras attack dog. because he just didn’t have the. ability to say no, to chose to stop or turn and run. he would complete a mission or die there was no self preservation which is what made him such a good dog. he barked and attacked on command, at the heel of his master. he’s fucking leashed by hydra, a choke chain on him. just a beast waiting to be let loose on enemies. he’s an attack dog, he’s a guard dog?? everyday i just bucky some fucking dog. hes a dog. hydras had him with an electric collar or a prong collar. and if you train a dog which a shock collar, even after you’ve taken it off, it’s still reactive. it doesn’t stop being reactive just because you decollared it. bucky never stops being a dog ever. he’s always going to be reactive and touchy, someone labeled as aggressive with a collar that says nervous or i bite strangers. you can’t ever train out abuse like that in an animal. and humans really are just animals.

[llendrinall]

What would Harry and Draco be like if they were parents? How would your take on it be from their child/ren's birth to adulthood?

Sorry if my English doesn't sound right.

Well, on the one hand I don’t think either of them would want to have children. Or rather, neither wants to be a parent. Harry knows too well what a bad childhood does to you and I imagine he would be terrified at the prospect of something happening to Draco and him and leaving his child an orphan. Sure, Ron and Hermione would take that hypothetical kid, but what if something happened to them too? And to the rest of the Weasleys? And Luna? And Neville? What would happen to the kid them? James and Lily gave Harry a godfather and it didn’t stop Harry from growing up in an abusive home. So Harry would be super anxious about that, imagining more and more elaborate scenarios in which anyone remotely capable of raising a kid without giving them life-long trauma would be unavailable, and Harry’s kid would end up in hard and uncaring hands, just like Harry and Neville.

(And I’m sure Neville doesn’t help on that respect when he says he won’t be having kids and if he has any, he wants them to have their mother surname. No Longbottom will have a claim to them).

Draco knows his parenting role models are awful. He was extremely spoiled while also suffering immense pressure. Draco got all the candy and gifts he ever wanted, but he was also expected to excel at school, be a powerful wizard and become a Death Eater. It’s not that he doesn’t have a frame of reference, it’s that the one he has is really, really, bad. How do you go not giving your child a mix of anxiety and self-absorption? He would sure like to know.

On the other hand, I’m sure that Harry will adopt anyone who stands still long enough. He is not one to let pain make him hard and cold. Rather, his suffering made him more compassionate.

So he and Draco would eventually adopt a kid (or two or three). Although they might also get an accidental biological magical child too. Let’s give the kid a name, just to make writing easier. Say, Celeste. Celeste the most likely adopted, but still possibly biological magical child.

Celeste would be happy and loved. Probably an only-child for a long time, because both Harry and Draco would still be scared at the notion of parenthood. Celeste would learn quickly to entertain themselves and relate to adults better than to other children.

Harry would stress about Celeste’s wellbeing and having them be self-reliable. Draco would insist on letting the child express themselves and find their own interests. There would be a lot of mistakes and doubts, but overall they would do fine.

Celeste would grow up under the assumption that candy exists only as a Weasley family tradition. Like, candy is something that the Weasleys do but no other household has it. Celeste has certainly never seen a candy treat that didn’t come from Weasley hands.

It’s because Draco has this weird crusade against treats. He got so many as a child! It’s a wonder Draco didn’t develop an eating disorder. There were many other aspects where Draco was spoiled silly, but since he wants Celeste to have a broom and learn to fly young, and also play an instrument and what’s the word? A game-boy, Celeste ought to play muggle games too, Draco is focusing on treats and candy which are completely banned at their household. The Weasleys just ignore the prohibition. It evens out. Celeste has some candy, but not as much as they would otherwise get.

I love the idea of Celeste developing magic (especially if they are some sort of magical biological child, because people would see them as Potter 3.0 Malfoy edition) receiving the Hogwarts letter, going to Diagon Alley to buy a wand, everything, all the little traditions and rituals, and once they arrive to Hogwarts… they don’t like it. Beautiful magical place, yes, but it’s still a boarding school. Putting aside that everyone, from teachers to students, looks at them weird because of who Celeste’s parents are, Celeste misses home, isn’t making friends because it takes them a while to open up and overall is having a bad time.

So Harry and Draco take Celeste back home. No questions. Their child wrote saying they didn’t like it there, so Harry and Draco removed their child from that situation immediately. There is no reason they can’t apparate every day for lessons and even if there were, even if there were all kind of obstacles… Their child wrote asking for help and harry and Draco want to do better.

They take Celeste home, where Celeste has all their stuff, is happy and can see Oso. (Oso is the family dog. A huge mastiff so called after a picture in a children’s book. The picture was of a bear, but to be honest Oso does look like a bear to any well informed three-year old).

Of course Hogwarts doesn’t agree with the new arrangement. Harry reminds them that on Halloween of his first year they had a troll roaming inside and things only got worse after that. Harry is told that most of those unfortunate events where a consequence of Voldemort. Nowadays Hogwarts is perfectly safe and perhaps Harry is letting his anxieties take undue hold of him.

“What about the student bullying?” Harry says, with heroic calm. He would rather set the desk on fire.

“What about it? There are centaurs in the forest, but no bulls, I assure you, and as you well known, Mr Potter, students are prohibited from wandering the forest. I do think you are seeing threats where there are none”.

Ah, of course. The wizarding world isn’t familiar with the concept of “bullying”. The application and execution, they know it well, but they don’t’ have a word for what is considered normal conduct.

Celeste attends the rest of the year as if it were a normal school, which is widely criticized although there are also many other parents interested.

And then… The academic year ends and Celeste drops out of Hogwarts. The whole wizarding world comes to a stop, although one should specify that in this case “the whole wizarding world” means “English wizarding society”. The continent doesn’t care if a child attends school or not. Welsh and Scotland care, but not enough to come to a halt. They do discuss it, but they go on with their business. It’s the English wizards who seem to have a problem with it. From September to December the papers write about nothing else.

The things is, Celeste has acquired some of Harry’s anxieties and is concerned with how little they were learning at Hogwarts. A lot of magic, yes, but nothing on language (and Celeste loves reading and learning languages) and even less about math. Not that Celeste likes math, but they worry about not knowing how to adequately manage the family fortune when their parents are gone. You know how wealth does not last three generations? Well, it certainly won’t if Celeste doesn’t learn how to balance expenses. Celeste wants to learn enough that they won’t be vulnerable to their solicitor., and when they put it that way even his gransfather has to admit there is a point.

(And maybe Harry failed Celeste here, letting his child worry so much about becoming an orphan, but Harry routinely receives dead threats and Draco has suffered two attempts on his life, so).

Harry couldn’t be more proud. No benevolent-looking wizard will take advantage of Celeste. Draco is also very happy because Celeste’s muggle school has art lessons in the curriculum and they have Drama as an extra-curricular. Celeste doesn’t want to sign to Theatre, but the mere fact it’s there pleases Draco immensely.

The ministry makes Celeste sits the OWLs in order to keep their wand. There are parents asking about educations alternatives, so the Ministry hopes that once Celeste fails people will accept Hogwarts as it comes, none of that day-school nonsense and hiring qualified teachers.

Except muggle school prepares you really well for the study process (or maybe, it simply prepares you better than magical schools do) so Celeste excels at the written exams. They do really, really, well, which is something Hermione Granger had been predicting for the last four years but nobody listened to her, so she is even more chuffed than Harry and Draco. Hermione has won sixteen different bets and is going to bring parliamentary reform to the education system.

Celeste’s spell work could see some improvement, but they have no trouble conjuring a corporeal patronus and that still qualifies as an automatic O in DADA. With that and some luck in Transfigurations, Celeste graduates Hogwarts having only attended a year. Lucius Malfoy, who is still racist but above all is a social creature and social climber, gives a week-long ball to celebrate his grandchild academic achievement. He also gifts Celeste a summer trip around Europe. Correction, because Lucius knows both Harry and Draco, but specially Draco, are very strict with gifts, he makes a donation to Celeste’s school language club. Did Lucius pay so thirty-odd muggle teenagers can spend three weeks around Europe practicing their foreign languages? Why, he sure did. And you won’t disappoint said children, will you Draco? I will take the money back if you ask me to, but little Prisha will be crushed.

There is a Prisha in Celeste’s school. Lucius is either weirdly stalkerish or paying attention to Celeste.

So maybe Celeste has inherited some anxieties and complexes, like many children do, but Lucius has become a better person and a pretty cool grandfather, so overall I think Harry and Draco are good parents.

[sp-ud]

Bruh don’t they often overlap tho??? Autism usually overlapping w adhd which both can overlap w anxiety bc society’s a b**** and understanding how people will react is a bigger one?

(note, i have not actually studied any of this in a professional manner, i am simply repeating what i know. im not a good source, i am a 17 year old. and someone who has both adhd and anxiety)

ND people often developing anxiety disorders is true, but that doesnt make anxiety ND.

this is because of the differences in what causes them. ND is 100% something that you're born with and it affects your brains ability to function properly.

anxiety disorders however can be caused by many things. yes it's possible to inherit anxiety disorders genetically but its not exactly something you're 'born with' exactly. and sometimes anxiety disorders can simply form after traumatic experiences with no past family history.

there's also the fact that anxiety disorders are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain similar to how depression works. generalized anxiety disorder (what i have) has been explained to me as my brain producing way too much "fight, flight, or freeze" chemical(s) and i take meds to regulate that imbalance.

tldr: while yes the two often go hand in hand and have some similarities, the reason anxiety isnt considered neurodivergent is because of how it works on a physical/biological/chemical level.

[ahiddenpath]

Hidden’s Life

Lots of dumb little things going wrong, some big things, but one nice thing.  

Tw: mentions of the end-of-life period

EVERYTHING BE DUMB :/

So my work went a bit sideways on me.  There’s this one type of project that is my old boss’- who is also my current boss’ boss- pet project.  So old boss/boss’ boss (BB) expects new boss (NB) to contact me about the project, because he’s my boss.  But when I have questions about the project, NB can’t answer (because this is all BB’s thought child), but BB doesn’t answer because he’s waiting for NB to answer.  The last time this happened was January 2021, and it was a nightmare.

One improvement is that now, BB is always onsite from 9-5, so I can at least find him in the building and ask questions in person.  I’m hoping that will save me, and if a day passes with no progress because I couldn’t find him/no one responded to me?  Oh, well!  Luckily, there’s no deadline on this project, so that gives me some grace.

This stuff does not play nice with my anxiety disorder, but I also do need to remember that, other than being swamped and somewhat unavailable because of it, both bosses have been kind to me.  

Meanwhile- and this is so dumb- I belonged to a subscription service for a year where you received a box of items every quarter.  After the fourth box, I cancelled my subscription so it would not roll over to the next year.  The company happened to rebrand and get a new website around this this time, and unbeknownst to me, when they ported my account, it reinstated my subscription.  I cancelled back in April, but I just got a notice of the first new box shipping -_-

I contacted them, and they’re a brick wall.  I will likely have to just cancel the charge with my credit card and try to send back the box...

I’ve had lots of petty little annoyances like this lately, and it’s eating at me.  

In the not-petty category, my father’s mother is apparently not doing well (she’s in her 90s).  Apparently, my father is already gloating about the money he hopes to inherit, and saying that he hopes it wasn’t all spent on his mother’s medical needs and end-of-life care.  I’d say that’s unbelievable behavior- except it totally isn’t.  It’s absolutely something he’d do.  I don’t have a relationship with his mother- she lived about 11 hours from my family growing up.  I wish her the best, but I... well, just don’t know her.

My husband’s grandfather also isn’t doing well.  I think my husband is having complex feelings, because growing up, he was with his grandparents fairly often...  But his grandfather didn’t engage with him.  I’ve known the man since I was 14, and I think he’s said about 3 sentences to me in that time?  So I can see what he means.  

I guess there’s a lot going on right now?  

In good news, my husband’s company is not renewing their lease for their office space.  They are all working from home moving forward.  So...  They need to get rid of their stuff.  They invited my husband to take what he wants, so we rented a Uhaul and picked up a beautiful desk, two monitors, a mini file cabinet, a mousepad, an office chair, and some other stuff.  So...  I’m going to have my own desktop setup!  I’m hoping this will help me do things like digital art, videos, streaming, Discord stuff, etc.  All we had to get was the computer itself, the rest of the office materialized from my husband’s work O_o;;

I’ve been trying to write 800 words per day of Ladybug House, but all of this stuff is... a lot?  I haven’t always managed it.  I hope I can finish it on time :/

I hope you’re all doing well, my friends.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: 12 Grimmauld Place Setting

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Colliding By Design by Asterie Rated:  Explicit Words:  21491 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Interior Decorating, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Witch Weekly, Past Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Auror Harry Potter, Interior Designer Draco Malfoy, Hipster Wizarding London Summary:  Draco Malfoy has used his time under house arrest to launch a promising career in interior design, and Harry Potter has inherited a magical house in desperate need of renovation. It’s an age-old story, brought to you with a little “help” from Witch Weekly Magazine. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Only Ash Remains by Saulaie, shilo1364 Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  66870 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Depression, Disability, invisible disibilities, Healing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Family, Malfoy Family Feels, POV Harry Potter, Community: harrydracobang, Harry/Draco Big Bang 2018 Summary:  One year after Harry defeated Voldemort at the Battle of Hogwarts, he still has no idea what to do with his life. He’s been living at No. 12 Grimmauld Place with Hermione and Ron, but they’ve spent the past few months on an extended stay in Australia to try and restore Hermione’s parents’ memories. Alone, he feels set adrift. Everyone else is focused on enjoying their summer before Hogwarts reopens (after a one year rebuilding period), but without Ron and Hermione, Harry doesn’t know if he can go back. Everything changes when the Malfoys dramatically re-enter his life, and together they learn to live again. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 keep it down by warmfoothills Rated:  Explicit Words:  13657 Tags: Living Together, Housemates, omg they were roommates etc, Grimmauld Place, switching POVs, between the boys and ginny also gets a couple of interludes because we love her!, backyard quidditch, Yoga, Masturbation, references to draco/others, including blaise, not so accidental aural voyeurism, not so accidental aural exhbitionism, Clothes Stealing, shampoo borrowing, wall sharing, rugby and denial (harry), snobbery and slobbery regarding food (draco), Massage, a long hot summer, bit of breathplay, one small linny reference, it’s porn but i make you read 10k of faffing about first, an EXCESSIVE amount of parentheses, harry’s an idiot, draco’s only slightly less of an idiot Summary:  Malfoy’s an inconsiderately loud roommate and Harry’s over it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 almost heaven by M0stlyVoid Rated:  Explicit Words:  12432 Tags: Sentient Magical House, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Manor, House magic, Magical Theory (Harry Potter), Wizarding Culture (Harry Potter), Sex Magic, Rituals, Happy Birthday Tacky!!, Minor Character Death Summary:  Draco’s father dies. Harry’s house has a tantrum. When it turns out the two are related, Harry has to decide how far he’s willing to go to set his home to rights. And when Malfoy ends up looking like that, Harry finds he’s willing to go a lot farther than he ever thought he would. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I could be wrong, I could be ready by harryromper Rated:  Mature Words:  57343 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, POV Alternating, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, Romance, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, wizarding houses, House magic, Magic, Families of Choice, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Wizarding Traditions (Harry Potter), Magical Theory, Brooklyn, Roller Coasters, Socks, Quidditch Player Ginny Weasley, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Minor Hannah Abbott/Neville Longbottom, Professor Neville Longbottom, Curse Breaker Bill Weasley, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Godric's Hollow, Hogwarts, Grimmauld Place, H/D Erised 2018, Community: hd_erised, Lovers to Friends Summary:  At first Harry wonders if they’ve managed to destroy his vaults and are trying to tell him in the most oblique way possible. But when he turns the page he realises they’ve found a vault. A vault in the name of Lily and James Potter. The parchment trembles a little in Harry’s hand. He takes another gulp of wine. Harry Potter left Britain after the war and didn’t look back. Ten years later, when Gringotts discovers a vault containing his parents’ belongings—including their badly spell-damaged wedding rings—he’s forced to face up to friends and family who’ve grown in ways he could never imagine, a wizarding London rebuilt beyond his expectations, and the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s the entirely unforeseen problem of Draco Malfoy. Featuring pureblood wizarding traditions, ancestral magic, open mic nights, marriage equality, a diner in Brooklyn, and the return of Fleamont Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Modern Love by tackytiger Rated:  Explicit Words:  61322 Tags: Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Slow Burn, Oblivious Harry Potter, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, idiots to lovers, Politics, Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Songfic, Friendship, Found Family, Mentions of Cancer, References to Illness, Chemotherapy, references to canonical child abuse, references to canonical deaths, References to Depression, Drunkenness, Sad Harry Potter, Church Services, Hymns, Atheism, Kissing in Church, Religious Discussion, Light Angst, Boxing & Fisticuffs, Minor Injuries, Blood and Injury, Gay vicar, Original Character(s), Original Character Illness, Magical Theory (Harry Potter), Scars, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Minor Draco Malfoy/ Sexy Tall Vicar, Draco Kisses Someone Briefly That's All I Promise, Magic/Muggle Relations, Jealousy, Family Drama Summary:  Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is. And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t? Because things don’t really change, do they? And if Harry can’t be happy, he’ll settle for a good night’s sleep, some posh antiques, and the opportunity to find out what Malfoy has been up to for all these years. And that’s what starts it all. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 In Every Universe by skeptique Rated:  Mature Words:  27179 Tags: Dubious Consent, More Detailed Warning in End Notes, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Several Dracos Malfoy, depiction of mental health issues, Depiction of Anxiety Attacks, Brief Mentions of Drowning (in a dream), Mystery, Multiverse, Parallel Universe, Canon Content Warnings Apply, Moral and Ethical Quandaries Abound, Implied Drug Use, alcohol use, Smoking, Biracial Harry Potter, Black Hermione Granger, Minor Character Death, A Very Light Sprinkling of Smut Summary:  They sent Professor Harry Potter to search for Unspeakable Draco Malfoy. Draco has stolen a Firebird, an experimental magical device from the Department of Mysteries that lets you enter parallel universes as yourself. As Harry traverses from universe to universe, he begins to think Draco might be the one searching for him. A story about whether knowing what's possible makes it possible. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Haunt the corner of my eye by harryromper Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  23358 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Mystery And Angst With A Happy Ending, Auror Harry Potter, Student Draco Malfoy, Healer Luna Lovegood, Wizarding Politics (Harry Potter), Number Twelve Grimmauld Place Summary:  Harry’s life is very much on track. After a successful career as an Auror, he’s set to become the youngest ever Minister for Magic. But strange things are starting to happen at Grimmauld Place. Items he doesn’t recognise are appearing left and right, and somehow he never feels quite alone. There’s only one thing Harry knows for sure: it has something to do with Draco Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Portrait of a Marriage by glitteringvoid Rated:  Mature Words:  130626 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Marriage of Convenience, Marriage Proposal, Domestic Fluff, Developing Relationship, Relationship Discussions, Enemies to Friends to Something More, Lack of Communication, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Consent Issues, Internalized Acephobia, Ferrets, Bickering, Asexual Draco Malfoy, Touch-Averse Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Can't Cook, Slow Burn Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson Friendship, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley Friendship, Minor Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson/Ron Weasley, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, H/D Sex Fair 2020, Dubious Consent Summary:  Harry didn't want to marry Malfoy, he really didn't, but he also does want this house and Malfoy looked so smug and well - now they are married, and the house still doesn't like him, and Malfoy only looks more smug. Draco didn't want to marry Potter, he really didn't, but he also does want this house and he never seems to be capable of escaping Potter anyway, so if he is already doomed to being married off he might as well decide for himself what he is worth, sign the papers and ignore everything wrong with that plan until physically no longer possible. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Litany by thistle_verse Rated:  Mature Words:  7170 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Pandemics, Quarantine, Isolation, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Wizard's Chess (Harry Potter), Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Touch-Starved, Drinking, Draco Malfoy in Azkaban, Ghosts, Guilt, Lists, H/D Erised 2020 Summary:  With the wizarding world on lockdown due to a magic-draining pandemic, Harry is stuck in Grimmauld Place, bored and alone—until the ghost of Draco Malfoy shows up to haunt him. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Cleaning Up The Mess by Samunderthelights Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  3469 Tags: Drarropoly: Founders Edition - A Drarry Game/Fest, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, 12 Grimmauld Place Summary:  Harry has been hiding away at 12 Grimmauld Place, trying his best to clean up the place. He has fallen into a quiet and boring routine. But when Draco shows up at his door one day, asking for his wand back, that quiet and boring routine of his is about to be broken. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Grimmauld Christmas Curse by crimsonheadache, inspired_being, kitty_collab (kitty_fic), Ladderofyears, Vaysh Rated:  General Words:  2323 Tags: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Christmas Tree, Christmas Decorations, Aunt Walburga (portrait), Curse Breaker Draco Malfoy, Meme Insert Summary:  "I'm telling you, Hermione, the house is out to get me." Harry poured two cups of tea and passed one across the kitchen table. "Don't be ridiculous, Harry, it is not out to get you." Or is it? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Distractions by pottergerms Rated:  Explicit Words:  2239 Tags: Grimmauld Place Summary:  Kingsley was not his friend. He was not a paperboy. And Harry Potter was definitely not the hottest thing alive. ❤️ Read on AO3

[bugmangaka]

Character of the Day #0 (Intro)

Here are the Main Characters for Mae and the Kingdoms of Seasons!

Mae, the Titular Character

Mae is a young adult who struggles with severe anxiety. Because of her anxiety, she is selectively mute, and she can sign. She is adopted, and therefore is an only child which is unusual for Seiki. She has two moms, and is bisexual herself! Her best friend is Dolly, her mentor is Noble, and her partner is Joel.

Asha

Asha is a Seiki from the past era who had a fierce spirit. She swears the most out of any character and doesn't act very "lady-like," which she learned from her strong mother. Sexism was rampant at that time so her disposition was seen as inappropriate  for a girl. However, her outgoing personality made her extremely popular with her peers. She took shit from nobody, and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. When she met Thatcher, he sadly took those qualities out of her. She spent the entirety of her afterlife following her family tree down and searching for a way to make up her past mistakes. She passed down a letter explaining what really happened to Ruben, but nobody in her family took it seriously... until Mae.

Ruben

Ruben was a bright-eyed student who really loved learning. He was an only child just like Mae, except for him it was because his family was extremely poor and the rest of his parents' eggs didn't make it. He's neurodivergent and struggles in social situations, but he just really really wants friends. He's picked on a lot but doesn't often realize that he is, he'll talk to anybody to try and befriend them. He'll often brag about his good grades and intellect as a way to impress people and make them like him, but others usually find him annoying. He wanted to grow up to do something so great that everybody would love him. He's overwhelmed by his own feelings, feeling too happy or too sad burns him out and causes him to shut down. When he starts to feel 'too much' he'll hide his face in his scarf. he studied with the human because he thought it was a great idea and that he was going to help everybody. He never intended things to go so south.. and even when he was reformed he never intended to hurt anybody.

Joel

Joel is Mae's partner, and one of her closet friends! He is pansexual, and completely mute because he was born without vocal chords. He learned how to sign when he was in elementary school thanks to his twin brother, Jeremiah. He grew up in a horribly abusive household, his mother thought that the Gods were punishing her for giving her a mute child. She tried to get him to talk by hurting him, and disapproved of him signing. He has a scar under his headband from his mom, from when she pulled so hard on his antennae that one split open. She would verbally and physically abuse both of her kids as 'punishment' for being 'such a burden to her,' and her husband just went along with it not bothering to stop her. One night, when he was 12, she was so mad that she kicked him out of the house. He only was able to take one of his journals with him and some food scraps and spent a while wandering around the kingdom homeless. Eventually, he stumbled upon an old man who helped him build a small shack to live in. He then found Mae's middle school, and watched the kids go in and out for a few days until a teacher noticed him and brought him in as part of the class. He met Mae when she walked past his house one day, and when he signed to her she signed back. He had never met another person besides his brother that could sign before and he instantly started crushing on her. The two became close friends in high school, and Joel was pining for her hard the entire time. Mae returned his feelings, but they didn't get together until during her big journey. Joel is a writer! He's mainly a poet, but he's been writing ever since he was little and is what he does for his job. He wrote the book "Tales of Kingdoms Past," which was about the other three kingdoms and what they did during the 200 year gap in communication. Joel has serious trauma from his past but denies it. He just wants his mom to love him and believes it's because he wasn't good enough, and was his fault.

Dolly

Dolly is Mae's best friend! They've been super close since they met in kindergarten. Dolly comes from a wealthy, higher-class family that has 5 daughters, her being the oldest in the litter. She's super upbeat and easily excitable, and loves getting to know knew people. She's very popular in her school and is invited to a lot of things, but she always makes sure to spend time with Mae and stick by her side. Dolly's parents are neglectful despite their family's "perfect" appearance. Her dad wanted a son, so he doesn't give them the time of day, and her mother doesn't bother to get to know them and is always away. Her parents usually leave her money and then leave for a couple days. Dolly and her sisters constantly want their mom's attention, but because Dolly was born looking the most like her mom, she's the only one that gets the sliver of attention. This affection is superficial and meaningless, and leaves her feeling empty, but it causes intense jealously between her and her sisters, they don't get along well at all. Her mother always advised her daughters to marry someone rich like she did (which is an indicator of what her parents' relationship is like), and to always appear submissive and weak because guys are 'turned away from powerful women.' Because of this, Dolly always dated higher-class boys her weren't the nicest. Several of them would try to take advantage of her because they knew that her dad didn't care enough to go after them. She'd always break up with them within a few weeks or so, they weren't her type at all but she was only following her mom's advice. Dolly is a very talented seamstress and sketcher, and wanted to own her own boutique one day. However she never thought she could because her mother would tell her women shouldn't work. When she graduated she met Anthony and started dating him, and she was able to be herself around him. The two got married very quickly on a whim, and then immediately after accidentally made a litter of 7 babies.

Anthony

Anthony is Dolly's husband! He's very timid and has a slight stutter. He comes from a notoriously wealthy family that is known for their extremely successful sons. Their family consists of two litters, the first being of 4 boys, Noble being the oldest of them. These are the 4 sons that are so famous. The second litters is of all girls except for Anthony. His sisters are very successful too, but outsiders always forget about Anthony and don't recognize him. He's very smart and loves math, and studied outside of school to become a tax collector for the queen (in this kingdom, taxes are only for the rich). He loves his wife and kids very much, and loves making horrible math puns.

Noble

Noble is the Captain of the Royal Guard! He is also Mae's mentor, and is gay and autistic. He is close friends with Queen Dahlia. He's the strong quiet type, a man of few words. He's strict and knows how to command his men, not somebody you'd want to mess with, He's well respected for his skill and leadership. He was a prodigy, and started learning how to use a sword when he was three. He was mentored by the previous captain of the guard himself, September. When he was in middle school, he was allowed into the guard program early. He lived away from home in the guards quarters from then on. While he was growing up there he figured out he was gay, but the royal guard is generally full of unaccepting people. He worked hard and was chosen to become September's successor, being the kingdom's youngest captain. He values his reputation a lot, and is terrified of people finding out his sexuality. He eventually gets together with Jeremiah, and is outted to the guard by somebody.

Jeremiah

Jeremiah is Joel's older twin! He's quite poor, and lives in a worn down one-room house where he runs his business, "Jeremiah's Shipping and Deliveries." He delivers tools and building materials to those who request it. Jeremiah was the one that was left behind with his mom after Joel left. Growing up, he always tried to act as the tough one and would stand up for his little brother when he was picked on. He's also queer, liking both girls and boys, but heavily denied it. He always picked fights with others that he couldn't win, and was used to getting beat up. When Joel was gone, he became very lonely and even more self-destructive. He became more violent and did horribly in school, he became friends with his pervious bullies and got into a lot of trouble with them. When he was a sophomore his dad left, and he had to deal with his mother by himself. He inherited bipolar disorder from his mother but he doesn't know that. When it came time to graduate he left home and never looked back. He's an alcoholic, he drinks to numb his feelings. He sleeps around with girls all the time, only to feel loved for one night. All these things just leave him feeling worthless and empty. Eventually, he reunited with Joel after seeing the book his brother published. He loves Joel and Mae so much, and is afraid of messing up his relationship with them. He has horrible self-esteem and constantly worries that he only has a bad impact on others. Eventually he meets Noble, who helps him accept himself and starts dating him.

Dahlia

Dahlia is the current reigning queen of the Seiki Kingdom. She's close friends with Noble. It was her controversial decision to send Mae out on her journey, but she was pressured into making a hasty choice by her brother and royal advisor, Cedar. Dahlia is quiet and regal, and tries to keep her emotions to herself. The entire purpose of her birth was to become the next queen, so she never had the chance to be a child. From day one she was taken and raised to be the perfect ruler. She's constantly under the pressure of Cedar, who is mean to her behind closed doors. Later on, Cedar pressures her to make an heir with somebody since she's getting older. She chooses Vincent for that job, but the two actually fall in love and she appoints him as her and her newborns' official doctor so that she gets to see him again.

Thatcher

Thatcher..... is basically the worst person. He is one of the worst villains in this universe. He was Asha's husband in the past era. He's a sociopath and a misogynist, and very rich. He's albino, which makes many see him as unique and attractive. Thatcher is incredibly clever, and nows how to manipulate everyone around him into thinking he's great and can do no harm. In reality, he has a violent mind with dark desires. He's the kinda guy to fantasize about keeping a girl in his basement. He owns an expensive store that sells jewels and holiday items. He met Asha when she was about to leave on her holiday trip. He noticed how loud and outgoing she was, and he thought that it'd be fun to "break/tame" her and force her into the role that he thought a woman should have. He flirted with her that day, but she rejected him. He saw this as part of the fun and proceeded to stalk her for the rest of the day. The entire time she was gone, he never stopped thinking about her and what he wanted to do to her. When she came back in tears after Ruben was "killed," he used that chance to act as her shoulder to cry on and worm his way into her life. They started dating, even though she wasn't very into it. Her mother and her friends encouraged her to marry him because of his status within their community. She did, but once they were married shit hit the fan fast. Thatcher was abusive to her, he'd slowly add onto what he could get away with. He'd pressure her into intimacy, and eventually would force himself onto her. He wanted kids, so he forced her to have his. She tried avoiding it for a while by using contraception without his knowledge, but when he found out he started getting physically abusive. Eventually, Asha became a shell of who she once was. Thatcher succeeded in breaking her, her fighting spirit was gone and she was quiet and numb. When their kids were four, Asha took her own life. Thatcher had pushed her too far. The loss of his wife was Thatcher's biggest regret, he couldn't take that back. But to him it wasn't the loss of his love, it was the loss of his favorite toy. He tried to regain his pride by manipulating his kids into believing that their mother passed because she didn't love them.

Verity

Verity is the current reigning queen of the Kitsuga kingdom! She was a strong warrior and leader, but her life was changed forever when the plague attacked. When Ruben's plague got to her kingdom, it killed many of the Kitsuga warriors, including her husband and the king, Clay. Her two kids Sato and Mana managed to hide, but many other Kitsuga were injured. Her son, Sato, decided to cocoon early to get his wings and encouraged many of his young peers to do so as well so that they could be more useful to the kingdom when they emerge. Verity is not silent most of the time, and just stands watching the kingdom from her den. She's still grieving the loss of her husband. She treated Mae like her own daughter, and was the one that taught her Mae's signature dive-bomb technique.

Marvin

Marvin is a Hachitsu, he's an inventor! He's autistic, asexual, and aromantic. He loves loves tinkering with machinery, coming up with ideas, and making friends. He's super passionate about his work and showing people what he does, but he sometimes is oblivious to social cues and accidentally  oversteps some boundaries. He's broke, and can just barely afford the rent on the garage he lives in. He bakes in his free time and sells his pastries to get a smidge of income. His sister, Pamela, is the only sibling that visits him regularly and makes sure he's taking care of himself. He's the only one in his family without a "real job," so his siblings and parents think that he's a disappointment. He met Mae when she came to the kingdom and was wandering around lost, unsure why people were ignoring her/acting rude (she was flying, and since the Hachitsu can't fly its considered rude to fly in their kingdom instead of using the stairs and pulleys). He saw this as an opportunity to finally make some money and made her pay for him to show her around. He ended up giving her her money back after she saved him when the plague attacked the Hachitsu, and the two became close friends. The two remain pen pals! Marvin's dream was to create an invention that would finally allow the Hachitsu to fly, he spent months trying to get the design right, and he just finally succeeded in creating a glider.

Charlotte

Charlotte is the current President of the Hachitsu kingdom, and she has been since she was 14 (Hachistu can run as many times as they like). She is the daughter of the previous president, who passed away when she was 14. Her mother encouraged her to become the next leader in her place. Her mother was killed by wasps, which gave Charlotte an intense fear of wasps ever since. She really loves bees! Bees are like dogs to them, they're dangerous to all other forest spirit species except for the Hachitsu, their bee-like colors and pheromones let them exist harmoniously with wild bees. Domestic bees are nice to everybody, regardless of species. She had several guard bees that she loved dearly, when the plague came, infected wasps came after her. Her bees gave their lives to protect her by fighting them off, but became part of the plague themselves. Charlotte is bisexual, but not very interested in dating. She's outspoken and very confident in herself, she's been runnin' this job for a long time and she believes she knows what she's doing.

Bel

Bel is an elderly Kameshi. He's the first and only Kameshi Mae ever met during her journey, although she does meet more later on in life. During the 200 year gap, the Kameshi kingdom had a civil way that led to its destruction. Now, the kingdom is just ruins, and Kameshi live on their own scattered across the forest. He lives in a cave near the remains of the cabin, and often goes through it to find human items. He's a collector of human things, and his cave is littered with various human objects. His scarf is made of a green cloth and thread that he found in the dirt near the cabin, and is actually where Mae's needle came from! When Mae found her needle it was attached to a green thread, it was the very same one. Bel approached Mae because he noticed the needle on her back, and he wanted to get a better look. Bel is everyone's grandpa, he ofc treats Mae like his own granddaughter and is protective of her. He was the one that encouraged her to look inside the cabin to help with her journey. Mae came to visit him over a year later with Joel, and Bel didn't like Joel much sbhjdshsdshd simply because he was "dating" Mae (they were already married at that point lmao). He had also adopted an orphaned 5-year old Kameshi girl who he named Scamp. He gets his own arc later on in the series when he finds a hidden village of Kameshi, and he reunites with his past love, Tuft.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

I know a lot of older people think it's a problem that so many young people don't want to have children, but I think it shows an increased understanding for how much of a responsibility parenting is and how much damage you can do to a child of you're not ready to raise someone.

I think that everyone is capable of being a good parent and I think that some people should never be parents. These may sound mutually exclusive but they aren't because there's a big if involved in the first half. That if, is that everyone is capable of being a good parent someday if they put in the work to take care of their own shit first.

When you become a parent or guardian, you are officially signing on to prioritize another person's physical and emotional needs before your own for the rest of their life. That means loving them no matter what they do or who they become. That means putting aside your own exhaustion and frustration at your day when they walk through the door so that you can be their champion and their confidant and their companion. That means teaching them how to process their emotions and think critically and empathetically and it means letting them find their own path, even if it's different than the one you wanted or imagined for them, but making it clear that if they need or want your comfort, your help, or just your ear that they will have it. You don't have to be perfect. No parent ever is, and it's important anyway for kids to learn in nontraumatic ways that adults make mistakes too and that's okay as long as you take responsibility for that and strive to learn and grow because of your mistakes. Kids learn by watching and listening to the adults around them and the things they conclude from those early years of observation will stick with them the rest of their lives.

I know that that sounds scary. It probably should because deciding to raise a child should be the biggest decision you can make, and if it's not, you may not be taking it seriously enough.

I also know that this is hard. And I have the greatest respect for people who truly understand this and decide to raise a tiny person anyway.

I'm also not trying to discourage you from becoming a parent. You may not be ready now, but that doesn't mean you can't be later. I personally would love to be a mom some day not I know that I have a lot of personal growth and healing I need to take care of first, to say nothing of the stabilization of my financial and career status.

The real question is what can you do to be a better parent, guardian, or even trusted adult to someone else's child (a really important and valid role and choice in itself!) later?

First off, you need to do some hard core introspection to figure out what traits and behaviors you have that might exhibit that would interfere in your ability to be a good parent. Maybe you're still emotionally immature. Maybe you're struggling with uncontrolled mental illness, chronic illness, or addiction. Maybe you've internalized some toxic ideas. Maybe you're still recovering from trauma or just now realizing that what you have even is trauma. None of these things makes you a bad person and none of them stops you from being capable to becoming a good parent. But, all of them can interfere with your ability to model healthy behaviors and coping skills to your child. Children learn through observation and, because their brains need the world to make sense and be predictable, they're going to interpret everytime you seem upset or lose your cool as being their fault. Young children aren't capable of going "mom is upset and snapped over something relatively trivial, she must be having a bad day/be tired/etc" because that's an interpretation of the world that is outside their control. Instead, they're going to go "I did x and mom got mad at me, it's my fault so I better not do x again" and that's a really harmful mindset that can contribute to self-worth issues and other mental illnesses like anxiety, especially if this happens long-term (for the record, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to snap over stupid things because being a grown-up is hard, so when you inevitably make this mistake it's important to be honest and upfront with your child about what happened, why, how it's not their fault, and you have to genuinely apologize for it, turning your mistake into a chance to model good adult behavior).

It's important to take care of yourself and let yourself grow and heal before bringing a kid into the mix because 1. you'll be a better parent if you start out in a better place emotionally and mentally, and 2. because you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy and it's much harder to address the things that are interfering with that when your also trying to juggle the additional emotional/mental demands of raising a child.

Additionally, I definitely recommend making sure you and anyone else taking a primary caretaker role in your child's life is in a stable financial and that the relationship between you and any other caretakers is stable and amicable regardless of what kind of relationship it is. The financial aspect is important because kids are expensive as hell (both the having/acquiring and the raising) and you want to be able to provide then with the best possible shot at life.

This isn't about me but I feel like the example will be helpful. We weren't poverty level growing up, but even as a child it was clear to me that we could be. My parents were 20 year old newlyweds when they got pregnant. My dad had been set up to inherit a position in his father and grandfather's construction company and did not go to college because they thought he was guaranteed a steady job. My mom was paying for a college education she couldn't afford because no one had ever explained how to get financial aid and scholarships to her and her parents were too caught up in their own shit to be anything but relieved about getting to make her future my dad's problem. Then they got pregnant. They started building a house that took much longer to build then expected because that construction business dad was expecting to inherit went out of business because it turned out that a cousin had been embezzling and my great-grandmother wouldn't let them sue or press charges against family. Mom had to drop out of college to raise me because daycare costs as much as she makes at work and she no longer has the time or funds. They had a baby they weren't prepared to raise and my dad's new job had him working in the Texas heat all day before going and working on our house at night so that we could move out of my maternal grandfather's house now that he was getting divorced and couldn't afford it. My parents society never saw each other and they were constantly worried about money. Less than two years after I was born they accidentally got pregnant with my brother. He ended up with failure to thrive and (although he did eventually recover) it raked up a serious amount of debt in addition to my mom's student loans and the mortgage. Flash forward four more years and my dad falls through a roof at a construction site and permanently cripples his ankle. Cue a year of the only breadwinner in the household being unable to work, several surgeries and massive medical bills we can't pay. A year after that my mom has to have a historectomy because her fibroids are causing immense pain and then they find pre-cancerous cells. Another year after that she starts having unexplained siezures and signs of organ failure that will take years to diagnose as a rare autoimmune disorder that will leave her disabled and, again, rake up serious medical debt. I found out in college that it came to the point that we almost lost the house but as a kid I still always knew we were struggling. And that fucks with a kid's head. There were reasons I didn't tell my parents that something was wrong for a week after I sprained my wrist when I was 10 and it wasn't just because I didn't want to sound like I was asking for attention (a phobia that also comes from having emotionally immature parents). I pushed myself ridiculously hard in school because I knew I couldn't expect any help paying for college from my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty anytime I spend more than 20 dollars even though it's my money and I need groceries or textbooks or gas or whatever. A lot of these issues would have been financially difficult and unpredictable, but had my parents been in a more stable position when they got married and started having kids, it would have been much easier to weather the storms.

Additionally, money is the main thing couples fight about, so if you can take that off the table as a significant concern before bringing kids into the mix, please do. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that you can't address higher order concerns like personal growth of your worried about where your next meal is coming from and that goes for your children as well.

Again, I'm not trying to shame people for their financial difficulties. Most of us are playing at a game we were never intended to win and I get that not all children are planned. But, your good intentions unfortunately will not put food on the table or pay the rent and your children will have a lot less stress in their lives if you are able to make sure that things are as stable as possible before you bring them into it.

The same goes for your relationship with fellow caretakers. Don't try to have kids to save your relationship. Don't ever make your children feel like your relationship is in anyway their responsibility. Again, they need their world to make sense and if you're fighting they're probably going to assume it's somehow their fault. Don't do that to them.

Anyway, this rant turned out a lot longer than I intended but I think I needed to say it. In summary, raising children is not about you but your going to make it about you unless you take care of your own shit first. Children don't ask to be born. If you're not ready for that responsibility, either don't have kids or put in the work so that you will be. If you already have kids, and don't have your shit together, there's still time but it's going to be harder and you might have to do some damage control from any traumas you may have already inflicted on your child, regardless of your intentions. If that's the case, you have a responsibility to get your kid the help they need and do everything in your power to avoid further harm. You're the adult in this situation, and if you're going to be a parent, you need to act like it.

[phoebehalliwell]

AU Chris is Paige and Richard’s son. What would his power be? What about Chris’ relationships with his parents?

chris being paige and richard’s son would like totally explain why he’s Like That actually that would be a great au so once again i’m gonna bring up my conspiracy theory that richard was dosed with the blood of some greater being as a baby by his parents in the hopes of making some superwitch but as we all know from dr curtis williamson of astral monkey fame receiving the blood of someone more powerful than u can create some disastrous consequences, which i believe is exactly what we see with richard and his fucked up relationship to magic given richards advanced powers (namely conjuration) and also the fact that the montana family probably didn't want it to be obvious that they y'know experimented on their kid imma say richard was somehow infused with avatar blood, seeing as they were basically unknown beings until s7, so no one would really be able to id his powers. i also think that explains how we saw richard get so insanely powerful towards the end like in i dream of phoebe he was even able to manifest a teleportation power through conjuration bc as we learned, avatars draw their power from a collective, so i’m positing that having a relationship with paige especially like y'know it's physical there's an intense emotional element that we see she even lives with him so like. it's a Relationship™. yeah that whole relationship only added to his own powers as paige sorta became his collective (i don't think this takes away from paige's powers at all more like if you shine a flashlight into a mirror it bounces back that light it's not taking away any light from the flashlight it's simply using what it was given to create more if that makes sense like in the abstract we don’t need to talk the physics of how light is reflected think of this in vague terms) so uh yeah that’s what’s up i think if richard did not have avatar blood he would just be a normal telekinetic which is a power we see him display at various points at just sort of a normal level couple that with the fact that paige is also a telekinetic and i think it is very safe to say that their child would have telekinesis i think telekinesis is the brown eyes of the magical world the dominant gene in the punnett square or whatever 7th grade was a long time ago i also think they are bound to some sort of teleportation power as both paige and richard can teleport i’d love to see it me some hybrid between fading and orbing as they are the first witchlightvatar i feel like they should have something wholly unique to show for it for another active power projection is an option as it is very close to conjuration while simultaneously being a power in the warren line but i wouldn’t want to give chris the same power as wyatt tho seeing as chris is a family name from leo’s side it wouldn’t quite make sense whenever i write about a paige/richard child i always call them bennie named after richard’s father which i think still works as chris is also named after his paternal grandfather but yeah the point i was making is having bennie travel through time and like exist in like this juxtaposition with wyatt idk i feel like it’s not as fun if they have the same power set so maybe i’ll take richards conjuring and modify it to match paige’s past life and say conjuring the elements? the entire montana family line seems to have energy balls as a power so like . that could add to that theory maybe. like the evil enchantress could conjuring lightning i think the avatars also had lightning powers but i think that was purely a leo addition and an elder power and paige has no ties to an elder status so. idk. i sorta like the conjuring the elements power i do think richard is the firstborn of his generation and paige is technically sam’s firstborn so i think they both get Legacy Points there and then bennie would go on to be the first born in the montana line so i think that could justify very op power like conjuring the elements i think that they would inherit some of richard’s mania to some degree i mean as we know there is a genetic component to addiction and both paige and richard have suffered from it but i think since the foreign blood is a) diluted and b) in a host with a greater power capacity (as we know, witches get stronger with every generation and adding a charmed one into the mix is definitely an added boost) i don’t think those genes would manifest themselves in the way they did with like richards obsession with magic however i think substance abuse and also probably and anxiety disorder are very much on the table if we’re talking bennie replaces chris as the one to come from the dark future quite frankly this kid’s gonna be more that a little fucked up bc lord knows nothing stable ever happened there i also think they wouldn’t be nearly as good of a liar as chris as i think they’re gonna have ten times more impulsivity i also think they wouldn’t tip toe around the truth so much like i know chris is really anxious about like negatively impacting the future i do not think bennie would give nearly as much of a shit like the future already sucks that’s why i’m here so Sit Down bc i have some Very Bad News for y’all i think like within the first ten episodes of season six bennie would have already made it very obvious that wyatt goes full dark no stars due to something that’s about to happen i do think they would wanna keep it under wraps about their specific lineage bc like they’re here to change a whole lot of things but i think they’d still like to exist at the end of the day but i do think that phoebe would find out and the news would spread i think in the light future without an evil wyatt bennie would not end up remotely as fucked up as they also probz wouldn’t be an orphan which i imagine is really likely in their dark future i think richard would strip his magic and live as a mortal but still teach bennie what he knows about magic and potion making bc like. he’s well verse. there are also a lot of montana traditions and secret recipes i think he would want to pass down but like not for one second i think richard would regret stripping his powers i think he would be making a potion with his kid and just be like yeah i’m so glad i’m not actually magical anymore this is just like making weird soup i’m not getting weird vibes and strange jolts of magic and funny voice in my head there’s no pressure to get it right if it’ll work or not i’m just here throwing ingredients in a cauldron w my kid : ) i also think richard would get like hella into tai chi or something very focused on medicine and alternative healing styles oh richard like paige was definitely also a pothead in high school but the point is bennie would be like very well versed in meditation and what’s it called not aromatherapy but like. apothecary? herbaltherapy? plantohealing? you know that thing people are into like teas and herbs that fuckin uhh help with colds and stuff basically like the non magical properties of the world in fact i think they’d be the most knowledgeable out of anyone from gen2 on like nonmagical uses for things like there are mortal ways to solve problems that can work just fine and i think yeah bennie does know richard’s past and the issues with magic i think that that’s something that personally scares them not enough to like not practice but like enough that they don’t ever like use magic for unnecessary purposes like they will Not be telekinetically closing the manor door shut at the end of the season they will be closing the door like a normal person that type of thing. in regards to a relationship with paige i think in the trying to fix the future part of this au bennie would get really close to paige bc like again paige probably was murdered in the dark future but i don’t think bennie would be like chris like she’s just gonna die so why get close i think bennie would really utilized the time that they do have to just like. be with their mom. i think paige would definitely be freaked to like be a mom bc she’s like woah i’m not that old and like have a 22 year old call you mom like definitely ages you but like i do think paige would see a lot of herself in her kid especially as this version of bennie like grew up really without parents and like this that and the other they’d also really remind paige of the kids she saw at social services and i do think paige would be very like mom-y around her kid like i would not describe paige as a motherly woman i would never call her the mom friend but like around bennie she like goes full mom like cuts crusts off sandwiches and everything mode (piper and phoebe find it fucking hilarious)

[studious-cat-ffxiv]

Dhaza’tan Anbohl LFRP

Home Server - Balmung

Full Name: Dhaza’tan Anbohl Pronunciation: Dah-zah-tan Ann-Bowl Nicknames: Outside of his family, Dhaza. Inside his family, Zatan Height: 5′10″ Age: 28 Languages: Eorzean

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

Hair Colour: Yellow Eye Colour: Blue Skin Tone: Warm tone dark Body Type: Slim, but his arms are toned from practice with a rapier recently. He’s definitely not out of shape, but he’s not built for battle.  Accent: Limsan, sometimes. Dominant Hand: Right Posture: Very proper Scars: One one his left jawline, it goes up toward his cheek for an inch. He has a few on the inside of his left elbow.  Tattoos: None

CHILDHOOD.

Place of Birth: La Noscea Hometown: Limsa Lominsa First Words: Boat Siblings: Nine older brothers and two younger twin sisters. You didn’t misread that. He’s the tenth son. (his sisters are his only full blooded siblings, the rest have different fathers) Parents:  Dhaza Anbohl and Zara’a Anbohl (he father took on his mother’s last name) Parental Involvement: Dhaza doted on her son as he grew, due to his bad health. He was with her almost constantly until the age of 8 when he was finally well enough to stay at home and she was content he wouldn’t die if she left him be. Zara’a, his father, has always been a wonderful father and role model.

ADULT LIFE

Occupation: Bookshop owner, Malestrom Researcher, Book Restorer, Rare book trader Current Residence: He has a room in his mother’s house, but more often than not falls asleep in his office of the bookshop. Close Friends: Several Relationship Status: It’s complicated Financial Status:  Not poor, but not rich. He has enough to live comfortably.

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Romantic Orientation: Biromantic. Preferred Emotional Role:  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch |  unsure Preferred Sexual Role:  submissive |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed Libido: Average. It has been lessened by recent life events, but he’s healthy enough.

MISCELLANEOUS.

Hobbies to Pass the Time: Reading, knitting, napping Mental Disorders: Anxiety and depression, PTSD from Cartenau and recent events Physical Illnesses/Disabilities: PTSD - his carbuncle helps him by alert him to triggers and distracting him, taking him away from situations that might harm. Fears: Blades, to the point that he will go weeks without shaving until he can’t stand it. Garleans. Tempering. Self Confidence Level: Despite everything, high enough. He’s a confident fellow.

RP HOOKS

I’m Looking for Something Special - Dhaza’tan deals in books both mundane and rare. He has a personal collection that’s highly valuable. Scholars from as far as Sharlyan have come to him to copy from them. Need something special? Need something specific? If he doesn’t have it, chances are he can find it. Just give him a month.

Salute the Maelstrom! - He used to be a Maelstrom soldier, rising to a modest rank, enough that he had a squadron. Though he no longer works for them, he’d be a familliar face to anyone who’s been in the ranks since Cartenau and before. And if not him, his brothers - since two of them are still enlisted.

Hey, haven’t I see you before? - His brothers and him all look very similar. It’s very easy to mistake them for each other. Sailors, pirates, yellowjackets, maelstrom... They’ve been all around La Noscea.

Dhaza’s boy - Dhaza’tan’s mother is a well off merchant with a talent for turning one gil into one hundred. She’s hands on. If you’ve done business in Limsa for more than a few months, chances are you’ve touched goods that she helped with in some way at least once. She’s a staple of the merchantile community, and while her daughters are set to inherit the business, he’s been known to help out.

——-

OOC - I RP in game and over discord!

I’m 29 years old, live in Alaska, and work 1 full time job and 1 part time job, so i’m p busy, but I try to be online every few days! Discord sometimes works better, and my discord is available upon request.

My partner is disabled, and i have an autoimmune thing going on, so i may have to cancel rp plans or go afk at times if something comes up, so please take that into consideration!

Also I’m not interested in debate over how impossible it would be for a miqo’te to have ten sons! Thank you!

[greermarch-a]

TASK 001. → statistics.

Greer Josefin March

BASIC INFORMATION.

Full Name: Greer Josefin March

Nickname(s): Her father called her Gee until he passed away. Another nickname from her childhood was GiGi. Payton couldn’t seem to pronounce Greer, and upon hearing their father’s nickname, a new one was created. 

Age: 30

Date of Birth: March 27, 1990

Hometown: Boston, MA → Beacon Hill

Current Location: Mystic, CT

Ethnicity: Swedish, Finnish

Nationality: American

Gender: Cisgender Female

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Orientation: Biromantic/Bisexual

Religion: Catholic → Her father’s parents passed, and he was adopted and raised in a very stereotypical Irish Catholic Boston family. This was passed onto Greer and her siblings. She struggles with her faith due to the extreme problems she sees in the Catholic Church, but she continues to practice due to her father.

Political Affiliation: Democrat

Occupation: Author ( aspiring ), Bookseller @ Hailey’s Comet, Adjunct Professor in Creative Writing & Literature @ Mystic Community College

Living Arrangements: A small house that she has now started to renovate near the coast and outskirts of town. Much of the inheritance she received has been allocated to her home. The home looks something like this.

Language(s) Spoken: Fluent in English; Conversational French, Italian & Swedish. Her father taught her just about everything she knows, and with all of his international traveling with business ( and her frequent attendance on those trips ) in combination with her traveling while abroad, she picked them up quite easily. Her grammar is horrid, but she’s very good about getting her point across for the most part.

Accent: General Northeastern American accent. Her Bostonian accent faded while abroad. Her accent is something similar to this. ( This is just for her tone & for fun. )

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

Face Claim: Alicia Vikander

Hair Colour: Naturally dark brown, currently dyed like this

Eye Colour: Brown ( x )

Height: 5′6′′

Weight: 120 lbs

Build: athletic, toned

Tattoos: One small, minimalist tattoo of Virginia Woolf on the back of her left bicep. ( x ) Another tattoo on her ribcage of “so it goes” from Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five that she got a week after her father’s passing. ( x )

Piercings: One piercing in each ear ( x )

Clothing Style: Very neutral tones, comfy clothes, very casual business casual for work and everyday, but more casual on her off-days and at home. ( x )

Usual Expression: Soft smile queen, her expression is usually light but attentive ( x )

Distinguishing Characteristics: bright laugh and smile, olive skin tone, brown eyes, defined jawline, small dimples when she smiles.

HEALTH.

Physical Ailments: N/A

Neurological Conditions: Generalized Anxiety Disorder; she was diagnosed her junior year of high school.

Allergies: N/A

Sleeping Habits: Greer tends to get 5-6 hours on a bad night and 7-8 hours on a normal night. She is more of a morning person, as she loves being able to wake up early, go for a run, and then write or get work done in the quiet morning ( 5 AM when she will typically wake up ). This can shift based off of her work load for the week and/or her muse for any writing she has been working on.

Eating Habits: Greer eats extremely clean and healthy. With all the working out she does to keep her energy and anxiety manageable, she will eat high protein diets full of grains, dark leafy greens, and proteins like beans, eggs, and organic seafood or white meat ( though she tends to not eat much meat for environmental purposes ). Her frequency is typically 3 full meals a day with two snacks in between the breakfast and lunch and then lunch and dinner. She will not eat any red meat.

Exercise Habits: She goes for runs and/or kick boxes six days a week, and she will do yoga on her off/rest day.

Emotional Stability: On the outside she is at about a 6. She’s rather impulsive and hotheaded, but she’s gotten much better about hiding it. When her anxiety is bad, this stability decreases. On the inside, it’s at about a 4. A lot of the things that she will not allow herself to express fully and externally manifests itself internally for her in stomach aches, headaches, and sleep loss.

Sociability: Greer is an introvert, but that being said, she is very outgoing and bubbly. She really values her social times with small groups of people she is comfortable and close too, and she needs it, but if it’s too much time spent in a day, she’s not able to get any alone time between waking up and sleeping in, or she is in large groups of people she doesn’t know well, her ability to socialize decreases.

Body Temperature: She’s like a little furnace. 

Addictions: N/A

Drug Use: Light marijuana usage when she was younger.

Alcohol Use: Social drinker, usually will drink about 2-3 times a week, but she will typically not have more than two drinks ( 4 if it’s a party typically ). Her drink of choice is typically an IPA, but she enjoys dry red and white wine.

PERSONALITY.

Label: The Bibliophile

Positive Traits: spirited, adventurous, outgoing, passionate, independent

Negative Traits: unorganized, hot-headed, impulsive, nervous, overemotional

Goals/Desires: Her ultimate career goal is to write a book ( likely realistic fiction ) that is able to touch a diverse range of readers. Her personal desires are to reconnect with her younger sibling Payton, find a home that feels like home, and find friends and loved ones that feel like home. Her romantic side wants a passionate and gentle lover and life partner as well, though this is not as high on her list.

Fears: Enclosed spaces, Not being loved, Being cheated on, Never creating a legacy of some sort that inspires people (e.g., a book, career)

Hobbies: reading, running, kick boxing, home improvement, hiking

Habits: running fingers through hair, rambling, licking lips, fidgets constantly

FAVOURITES.

Weather: Warm and sunny but cool enough to wear a sweatshirt ( aka perfect running weather )

Colour: Burgundy

Music: Primarily alternative indie rock and rnb. She loves stereotypical w|w alt rock bands and singers such as Phoebe Bridgers, Soccer Mommy ( Wildflowers was a huge inspiration while writing her ), The Japanese House, etc. Her father was extremely into artists like Stevie Wonder, Womack & Womack, and Prince, so she also very much enjoys rnb artists both new ( think Snoh Aalegra, Rihanna, Blood Orange ) and old. See examples here.

Movies: Book adaptations, period dramas, romantic comedies

Sport: Basketball

Beverage: Tea with honey or coffee (black) with cinnamon for hot drinks. Otherwise, lemonade with mint.

Food: fresh fruit ( especially berries )

Animal: otters ( she loves the photos of them holding hands when they sleep )

FAMILY.

Father: Joseph March, deceased., former CEO and founder of March Enterprise.

Mother: Josefin Nyburg March, 65 years old, current CEO of March Enterprise

Sibling(s): Joseph II March, 33 years old; Payton March, 26 years old

Children: N/A

Pet(s): N/A

Family’s Financial Status: Upper-Class ( Corporate Elite )

EXTRA.

Zodiac Sign: Aries Sun; at their best, adventurous and energetic, pioneering and courageous, enthusiastic and confident, dynamic and quick-witted. At their worst, selfish and quick-tempered, impulsive and impatient, foolhardy and daredevil. Pisces Rising. Aries Moon.

MBTI: INFP-T (The Mediator): Strengths — Idealistic, Seek and Value Harmony, Open-minded and Flexible, Passionate and Energetic, Dedicated and Hard-working. Weaknesses — Too Idealistic, Too Altruistic, Impractical, Dislike Dealing with Data, Take Things Personally, Difficult to Get to Know.

Enneagram: Four/The Individualist. Fours want to be unique and to live life authentically, and are highly attuned to their emotional experience. ( Eight & Seven are close 2nd and 3rd in that order. )

Temperament: Sanguine.

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Primary Vice: Pride

Primary Virtue: Diligence 

Element: Fire

[milomeepit]

An Untitled Document (Roman Angst Oneshot)

Ship: Roceit, background Analogical TW: Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence Word Count: 2k AN: ... yep.

Roman groaned as he tapped his fingers against the keyboard of his laptop. The sunlight streaming in through the window left a blinding white glare on the upper half of the screen, but he didn’t quite care enough to be bothered getting up and closing the curtain. He instead angled it down, sinking lower into the wooden dining chair. His back would surely complain later, but a shower would probably fix any aches or pains from the awkward position.

He wondered if he should get up and walk around for a bit, stretch his legs and give himself a break from his (apparently fruitless) efforts to work. But, then again, it seemed wrong to give himself a break when he hadn’t really done anything.

He had eaten breakfast- if cold leftover pizza and too-strong coffee counted as breakfast- and fed his pets. He’d even played with the cats for a while, and that had left a fleeting smile on his face as he sat down at the dining table with another cup of coffee and a bottle of soda to sip at while he worked.

The last dregs of coffee sat untouched in the cup, now cold and cloudy, while the soda was half-gone already. His teeth felt rough and slimy, coated in the absurd amounts of sugar from the unhealthy drink. The document on screen hadn’t changed since he sat down an hour and a half ago, the cursor blinking and taunting him. Sure, he’d written and rewritten and deleted a few hundred words, but nothing he’d written seemed good enough.

Writing was supposed to be his passion, the thing he could still grab and hold close to his chest when things got rough. It was all he had left at this point. He couldn’t dance anymore, not with the weak knees he’d inherited from his mother, and his own growing ankle issues from several years of working on his feet for whole days with no breaks. He couldn’t remember the last time he performed a song or in a play, the foggy memories of hot stage lights and elaborate costumes and giggling, whispered conversations in dressing rooms now leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Drawing and painting was an option, still, but they were never really his, not after the ridicule he’d received through highschool from one particularly sharp-tongued art teacher.

Roman’s stomach growled, and he grimaced, glancing at the clock. Only eleven o’clock. He couldn’t eat until one, at the very least. He couldn’t let himself slip into comfort eating again, not when he still had a generously padded belly, not when flab swung off the bottom of his arms, not when his back fat poked unattractively out of the bottom of his binder, not when-

He shook his head, as if to clear it like one of the Etch A Sketch boards his nephew loved. He was in a bad enough headspace right now without spiralling down into a dysphoric, self-body-hating hellscape.

He instead turned his attention back to his phone, which sat on the table between him and his laptop, and continued scrolling blankly through social media. Memes and posts and videos flashed past his eyes, some of them drawing a faint smirk or an amused huff. He sent a few to Dee. He was well aware that his fiance was at work, but some of them would hopefully give him a smile when he went on break later.

He set his phone down again and took an absentminded swig from the bottle of soda. He winced as it grated against his teeth, the sugar almost hurting his teeth as it swirled down his throat. He ran his tongue over his teeth, prodding at them gently. He hissed sharply as he got to the loose one at the bottom of his mouth. Adults probably weren’t meant to have loose teeth, he thought to himself. He probably needed to see a dentist. When he could afford it. If he could afford it.

11:11am. Roman spent a few seconds trying to think of a wish, but before his mind could grasp a solid thought, the clock ticked over, and the moment was gone. It was all rubbish, anyway. Wishes didn’t come true, and life was cruel to those who didn’t deserve it. Dee was one of the best people he’d ever met, and certainly his favourite, yet he was a ball of anxiety and guilt complexes. He deserved to feel confident about himself, to love his laugh and his soft tummy and his small stature that put him at the perfect height for cuddling, to love his loud way of speaking and his passion for those he cared about. Roman certainly loved them, more than words could say.

He was jolted from his thoughts by his phone buzzing with a message from Dee. He must have been on break already. Roman had yet to pin down the break times scattered throughout his shift, so he never knew exactly when his beloved would be online during the day.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: good morning darling <3 how did you sleep? cocoa_crowns [11:16]: hi, love <33 alright, how’s work going? snakememesaremadeofthese [11:16]: oh, you know, same old same old. It’s.. a day pft snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: what are you up to? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: nothing much really, just dishes and laundry

That was a complete lie, but Roman couldn’t quite face telling Dee he hadn’t touched the chores they discussed last night. He fully intended to do them before Dee got home, that was for certain! Just... not right now.

snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: so, are you working this weekend or? cocoa_crowns [11:17]: i havent gotten a shift request yet so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ snakememesaremadeofthese [11:17]: all good, that means we can stay home over my long weekend, do some cleaning and stuff.

Roman let out a soft whine. He’d honestly been hoping that he would get a job request for the weekend, between rough finances and missing his older brother. Logan seemed happy to let them stay at his and Virgil’s house over the weekend when Roman was working, though that was likely because Roman was working for Virgil.

At least Dee usually didn’t seem to mind hanging out at their place while Roman was working. He spent most of his time with Logan and Virgil’s three year old son, Patton. Patton, for his part, adored Dee as if he’d hung the moon and stars in the sky with his own hand. It was cute to see, even if a tiny part of Roman stung with jealousy over being replaced as Patton’s favourite. He genuinely did love seeing the two of them cuddled up on the couch together, playing with toys or watching TV or talking.

It made him excited for the idea of having children, in all honesty. Dee had made his desire to one day have kids clear pretty early on, and Roman had to say he agreed. For a long time, he hated the idea of having children- mostly because he didn’t want to be pregnant, the very idea of it set off his dysphoria like an alarm bell- but he didn’t mind the idea of raising a child with Dee.

Speaking of... he turned back to the computer, squinting at the bright white screen. It was meant to be a story about adoption and found families and unconditional love and hope, but... he just couldn’t get it to click. No matter what he wrote, the tone didn’t feel right for what he was trying to hit. It was just... Wrong, and he hated himself for it.

Writing was meant to be the one thing. His thing. But it just wouldn’t flow, no matter how hard he tried, or what tips and tricks he tested out, or how many breaks he took, or what projects he tried to work on. He loved these stories and characters with his whole heart, and he knew people would be interested in this story- after all, he’d gotten a great reception from the first installment in his planned series. He could talk about them for hours, gush about his plans and ideas and characters, but when it came to actually writing them?

Not a chance.

His heart ached. He felt like he was spinning in the same circles as he had been for months. New house, an (ex boyfriend) friend turned vaguely irritating housemate, new pets, a possible new job that would pay well but he was certain he would loathe- despite Dee’s company during breaks- all of these changes were throwing him off rhythm, and while he was sure that they were for the best, and long term, they would help him live a Happy Life, it was upsetting.

A small, shameful part of him wanted to go home. Not home back to the shared house he had been miserable in, despite only living there for a few short months, not home back to Logan and Virgil’s house, but back to the house he grew up in. It was filthy and toxic, and the people there weren’t much better, but it was familiar. It was regular. He knew how to navigate the treacherous landscape of rotting food left piled in the kitchen, of insults screamed over minute irritations, of the stench from medical issues improperly treated, of prescription medications abused and leaving the mother who was meant to protect him in a drug induced haze, of his father bellowing and throwing things and breaking precious objects and walls (and, in some terrifying cases, people), of the two middle brothers fighting and not understanding why it upset him so. He knew how to try and keep the peace, and how to cope when he failed, as was so often the case in that household. He knew who to talk to and who to avoid in that neighborhood, who to run to if he got in a fight, who to stand up against and who to back down from. The scars from knife wounds in his youth had taught him lessons more valuable than his rundown school ever had.

He didn’t realise that he was crying until a fat tear plopped onto the dining table, narrowly missing his phone screen. He hated that he missed it. He hated that he missed his father, despite swearing off contact with him after coming away from their last conversation with a black eye. He hated that both he and Logan were deliberately keeping their mother at arm’s length, trying to save themselves from the pain of her likely-approaching death. He hated that his other brothers were good people, people he loved, and he couldn’t even go near them anymore out of fear for their parents.

Roman glanced at the clock blinking in the lower corner of his computer screen. An hour and a half had passed since Dee had messaged him, and he hadn’t moved from his slouched position at the dining table. He probably had roughly three hours to do everything else he needed to do before Dee got home. That should be plenty of time. Should be.

He noticed numbly that he hadn’t yet changed out of his pyjamas, just thrown on the cat hoodie he’d bought at a convention a few years ago to show it to the kittens and see if they would cuddle up in the large pocket on the front. He probably needed to shower, as well. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d bathed.

... Well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. He knew he’d had a bath at least semi-recently, because he remembered using one of the bath bombs that he and Dee had gotten at the pharmacy near Logan’s house the other weekend.

He twisted a finger into his hair, pulling his fringe down over his eyes to inspect it. It didn’t feel too greasy, and it looked fine. He was probably fine. Though he should at least wash his face, to deal with his blotchy cheeks and red eyes, if nothing else. Maybe slap on some makeup and go for a walk in the pleasant weather outside. Take the dog with him, wander around town a bit.

As he stared out the window at Dee’s dog, who was sprinting wildly up and down her tether, probably chasing some bug or lizard, he felt his heart sink. He knew he wasn’t going to do any of that. Pipe dreams for someone with far more energy and functionality than he possessed lately.

So, instead, trying his best to ignore the looming sense of dread he felt, and the anxiety he could feel building over Dee’s return and subsequent disappointment over his lack of productivity, he turned his still tear-blurred gaze back to the too-bright screen of the laptop, readied his fingers over the keyboard, and attempted once again to write.

Depression, anxiety, past abuse mention, unhealthy habits, dysphoria mention, brief eating disorder, death mention, bad family past, brief past mention of violence