#the good news is its not covid
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I am very tired of being ill
#rae irl#slept all day yesterday#getting abs from coughing so much#had a fever and i never get fevers#i think the fever is gone now though#i would like my head to stop hurting#im gonna give my manager shit because he is 100% the reason i am sick right now#the good news is its not covid#the bad news is my body doesn’t feel real#i need someone to come take care of me im just a baby
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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every few years im reminded that the war of the worlds stage show exists which is never good because i always find something new to hate about it
#missives#the war of the worlds#jeff wayne#watched a few clips of the latest tour and brooooo why does it suck so bad#it doesnt have to be this way. make me the single divine arbiter of what goes into the show and ill fix it i promise#lile obviously it is successful somehow but that doesnt make it good#rip it from jeff's clammy little hands and make it into a proper musical please please please. they were on the right track in 2016#with the dominion theatre production#its been downhill ever since#like. its just a bunch of decrepit old men way past their prime who desperately need to retire (looking at jeff and herbie flowers and JH)#and a stupid fucken hologram of an actor nobody likes. put a real actor there PLEASE#its soooo painful watching these genuinely talented performers being forced to rush their lines#anyway! my latest gripe#every new iteration of brave new world ive seen since 2018 keeps making the song worse#2018 is on thin fucking ice bevause i like the cast so much but thats where it all began im pretty sure#turning the end of the song into this weird combo love duet and whole cast ensemble song (life begins again) out of fucken nowhere#its the artilleryman's song holy shit get that out of here!#and i get that the latest tour is the 'post covid' life begins again tour or w/e but holy FUCK#can someone please explain to me why they now even have the other cast members on the screen saying lines at the same time#as the artilleryman#e.g. im not trying to tell you what to be#and its going to have to start with me and you etc etc etc#its annoying and even worse it doesnt make sense!!! why are they there!!! why are they saying the lines!! those lines have a very#specific meaning within the context of the song#idk it just seems like the song keeps being stripped of all its original meaning and i really like it so it's driving me bonkers#anywya. ANYWAY
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first serious run back after my illness ❤️❤️❤️ my legs are so effing weak
#jrnlsht#the good news is i havent lost that much weight actually so i think i will be able to gain the muscle back quickly??#its not like covid where afterwards i was a walking stick bug for months#all that rice i ate to keep my stomach down these last two weeks did the trick lol
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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Covid, foot cut open, seed stuck in tooth, unwell cat, I think oncoming ear infection if the pain in my right ear is anything to go by and all of this in only the first week of 2024. Who's doing it like me? 💪
#we're speed running shit things that could happen#well the good news is tigs has an appointment 8am tomorrow#i cant take him obv my covid tests are still coviding and i actually and genuinely would feel horrible if i gave this to anyone else#but my brothers going to take him before work and he has to stat theor the day but hopefully they can say whats wrong#and hopefully whats wrong isnt anything too bad#sorry for being so negative on your dashes but also like. its not by choice lmao#i was gonna go to sydney this week n everything. oh well just have to wait#and i need to send stuff and get stuff but again. Cant do anything about that now so might as well not dwell on it
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I need to draw my rook bc I actually do have some ideas for them I just. Have NOT been in a creating mood idk I'm so tired... Aoughgggh
#crow rambles#i want to write and i want to draw and i want to do a million things and i am doing NONE of them...#insane... crazy even...#like. i have several fic ideas i wanna write (nothing new there) but i am not writing them#i. well i dont have any art ideas now but i WANNA draw but ohh. hard :(#i think i may be having a little creative burnout... give me like four days ill be back on my game#i can never stay away from art for too long. i get itchy if i dont draw for a few days#longest ive went without drawing in the past like. decade. has been a week and that was when i got covid#my ass can NOT put the pencil down#i do want to get some of my rook ideas into fic bc i think it may help me flesh them out a little bit#while i do have a lot of criticisms of dav i kinda wanna stop focusing on them so much#bc i KNOW ive been posting about them alot on here#and while i don't think the game SHOULDNT be criticized (it definitely should) i dont want to be solely negative on it#bc i actually did have fun playing it#and i want to reflect it in my posts lmao#however. i love bitching. i am so good at bitching#its a competitive sport and im winning. top tier bitcher thats me#idk i should probably replay the game bc its always easier to make a protagonist for a dragon age game once you know the plot#but also i want to finish my dao replay... and replay da2... and finish my dai replay i never finished lmao#im at the landsmeet in dao so it shouldnt be much longer. i plan on skipping the golems dlc this go round bc i dont really like it and it#doesnt add very much to the plot imo. everytime i play it i get pissy over the harvester. fucking AWFUL boss#tried killing it on hard mode. once. i am never doing that shit again i HATEEEE that stupid thing#<- by landsmeet i meant i am doing the denerim quests right before the landsmeet. im just before the whole 'anora got locked up' thing#am NOT looking forward to the alienage... idk i really want go get to witch hunt 😭😭
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Excited to announce I think I'm officially an adult now (just turned off the lights in my room and had a sobbing meltdown at work)
#besties it is not going great this week!!!#have maybe gotten 3 good nights of sleep in the past 2 weeks and there's always some new fucking thing being put on me at work#or constant changes in my schedule which i have an annoyingly hard time with still#like covid forced me to get way better at being adaptable but my brain still Hates It#and tit is starting to become less of a escapism tool and more of a stressor bc my show's coming up#and i dont know what to fucking wear or say or bring or do for my pics#and also ive never in my life traveled to a big city and gone to an event alone and im sure itll be fine but its scary for me#AND ALSO the fucking election is coming up and thats happening the week of my tit show#which is sooooo bad for me like just the worst possible timing#esp if god forbid things are looking very bad by that friday like i will probably have a full mental health crisis if trump wins#i just need to like get through to thanksgiving and have a good outcome for the election and maybe i can catch my fucking breath man
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i smell a new special interest coming on
#which could only be the work of…FAIRIESSSS!!!#hard to believe that i cared less abt fop as a kid but now im starting to get into it#i believe i tagged a variation of the aforementioned tag on that peri reblog#tldr: i casually watched fop then; i like it now#even longer didn’t read: fop is my latest special interest#im staying tuned on nick for every new episode of a new wish#butch hartman sucks#fairly odder sucks#fuck butch hartman#but his content is good !#i have the entirety of a new wish (as of now) recorded on my dvr#this may be the next magic school bus#im serious Nothing can replace msb atp#tho im glad its dying down ! cause msb got a bit too much for me#cant believe i liked That to the point where i mod its wiki#and bought nearly all the vhs’s and dvds on ebay during covid#and watched the reboot and its third season (including the long lost goldstealer episode)#msbra season 3 and fop season 8 are a lot alike#cause they both consist of specials#i did note this in the trivia on tmsbra season 3’s wiki page#the release of a new wish is paralleling how excited i was for the magic school bus rides again back in 7th grade
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well since im stuck at home for at least the next 24 hours. it is Time to binge watch dungeon meshi and catch up on tbhk
#idk WHY but my friend at the comic store thinks im obsessed w tbhk? and saves all the new volumes for me#and she was so excited when i liked the fist volumes i dint have the heart to tell her im not THAT into it tho its good 😔#so now i got all 18 volumes but only caught up to the 6th lol#anyway im still Very Sick but it doesnt seem to be covid at least!#going to my GP for a check up later just in case its pharyngitis bc thatd need atb perscriptions#otherwise im gonna be cozy drink tea and pretend its not 45C outside#burrito talks#delete later
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#bad news: i have covid#good news: my fever has gone down in its own and i finally feel like a person again#im still exhausted as heck though. ok snzzzz sleeping back#txt
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🌈💖yarrow 💖🌈
peace and gay love on planet earth
#i was at the hospital all yesterday so im still exhausted but the good news is im okay!!#i had some strange heart problem that woke me up and scared the shit outta me#i got to emergency tho and did a bunch of tests to confirm theres no damage tho so im all good!#its a symptom of long covid#theres just one more test that im being sent to a specialist for before they can fully confirm it was a symptom of long covid#but even without it everything looks healthy and im bo longer contagious so yay!
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i am so fucking hungry everypony
#wind howls#i had 2 slices of ham before i left the house and on my way back i got a couple pastries and boba#but its not good practice (plus risky with covid) to eat on the metro/bus so they are in my backpack . unopened. uneaten.#and now im and the pharmacy to get new meds (pills ?! havent had pills prescribed to me since 2018 !!!) and i cant eat here either#and after that i am going to the dollar store next door for a couple items i need . beloveds i am starving#i am going to eat like i havent been fed in a Decade when i get home. im hungry and my legs are sleepy tired.
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daily shuffle ting 📸
#im having a mid crisis when im not even middle aged n i dont wanna go back to school#good day and good night. i wanna sink into the floor#bc a football club i decided to support with my heart n soul has betrayed me n i dont even like to watch games anymore#also im reading a drarry fanfiction like im 13 again.#and my skin is awful. and and and im having a crisis n so many emotions that i dont even know where they stem from#i cant even smile properly anymore ive been facial training again bc ive slacked during covid n now —#i dont know how to my eyes have expresseds n i dont know how to smile or look like i care and i TOOK A HARDER HISTORY CLASS FOR NO REASONNN#I DONT EVEN LIKE HISTORYYYYYYYY#and i hate everything n ive been avoiding all my friends n texting ppl less n im just in a Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i feel worthless n disgusting n my first thought when i wake up is 'i gotta take my acnetame and maybe if i deserve it i can shave my legs'#i naired one of them— my right. she is smooth in ways she hasnt been in a while. my left? chewbacca#n my school changed my passwords for my canvas so now tmr at 1:30 !! I GOTTA WALK UP THERE N GET MY NEW PERSONAL INFORMATION#the clothes i bought i didnt rlly like. but i just wanted to leave the store n make my grandmother happy. now im going into the school year#with clothes i hate n they dont feel gpod and theyre Not the right texture theyre too tight. But not in ways i love theyre too Tight.#n i .s.msneenen all my shoes r blk !!!! theyre all blk !!!!#sjsndjddjd and my hair !!!! my hair!!!!@ sjdjdjdu#God i just wanna lay in my room take showers n rot#roll around and hit myself on my headboard so hard i go into coma n i miss my entire year#n then i fuck off to hershey for chocolate bars and chocolate bags#cant even scrapbook right itsall paint its all paint n aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im in agony bc im not even saying whats rlly wrong with me#im focusing on the little problems and not the one it stims from. Like a web but if the spider only hang off the edge n never the middle#n everyone keeps talking at me n when i respond they yell at me for everything n i get pushed to the side#bc they hate whatever i have to say for whatever reason n wtv ig i hate them back. always pushing me down fuck them fuck them get out.#n now my friend is texting me her stuff after never speaking to me unless she has a problem#Anyways. sorry sorry. im whining im complaining im really depressed rn n def not in the right headspace to post any of this#or talk to anyone who is reading this. this probably doesnt make sense i left holes in my sentences#so sorry super sorry#that is a photo of me as a baby btw. it is the only one. please love her and maybe tell her she has nice eyebrows. she'd love that#we always take rlly good care of our eyebrows. thats a rule. we just plucked them today#anyways. see you. ill post hp gifs later n forger i ever felt bad to beginning. all of the best.
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@moonsjde snapped this of my cat bby guardin me while im sick in bed 😭
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