#the goat is basically a god of this sea and in particular I imagine them as smth of a god of souls

[arolesbianism]

Oh god the new cotl trailer is dragging me right back in... Damn you goat why must you relight my interest in this game so

[imascientistofmusic]

Im a huge fucking nerd

final LYRICS FOR ENDOLPHINS AND MC FOUCAULT EP Welcome to Kirby’s Memeland (MILLIPEDES FOR THE MOLEMEN) Got it so hot y'all give me standing ovations while I'm spamming the squat[1] like my whole family's Croatian if my dad's Jackie Chan[2] am I Hispanic or Asian? please understaånd this equation ()[3] me no panic just blazing at any random location i’m your romantic liaison killa Beys in formation[4] the doctor's[5] now handling patients I put the wots in tarnations[6] I put the spots on dalmatians I move the block with my cadence Now time just stops when i say shit But the beat goes on cause i made it Alex Strong[7] in the paint and Singing So Long[8] to fake friends We can roll out the Save ends[9] Y'all kittens tryin my patience I need to find an oasis Pass me that blunt and i'll face it Why y'all stuntin so basic? Im kinda something like LASIK[10] take your quirk and erase it[11] If there's something to say then I'm Malcolm Little and Dakin[12] Welcome to Kirbys Memeland[13] Im a giant herbing with green hands[14] Defiantly serving up steamed hams[15] Yo shuhei hold up i got remands[16] Misery[17] in the moment Missouri in the mornings[18] Mysteries in the motions Miss her seas in this ocean[19] (oh shit) ALL AT ONCE (HOW HARD JAMES HARDIN GOES WHEN HE GOES HARD IN THE PAINT) One day i’ll kill all the white men take back the land we’re missin[20] Im Diego's street art and they're banksy's vandalisms[21] Like the second coming of yeezus[22] and he's risen Built a religion for giant robots[23] called it animism[24] My flow is so fucking preposterous Patrol the land rarer than rhinoceroses[25] Get your heads out the sand yall lookin like ostriches Didn't kill the cat[26] but we checked it into hospice I know yr feeling that and baby one i got this My boys swing the bats like my last name was ausmus[27] Best rappers who aren't black you know i top the list prophets foretold my path (my birth) it was an (heavenly) auspice Imagine how hard james hardin[28] goes when he goes hard in the paint Well i go harder than that On my level you ain't I'm smart as The Bat[29] I'm like double your rank I just started to rap But the devil remains In the details im valued retail theyre resale[30] i'll continue my never ending quest to impress you[31] I’m obsessed with the things that pens do Allah bless this mess because i swear i intend to Decompress and recollect about fucked things that friends[32] do Parenthetically my memes are better than y’all’s Im aesthetically[33] hiding in vectors too small Interjecting my dreams while dissenting all leans[34] Exquisitely dining on minds here at the end of all things [35] We bout those movers and shakers We bustin loose of the matrix[36] I get my fruit at bodegas Im bound to move to NEW VEGAS[37] Matthew McConaughey (HARRY AND THE HUMAN CENTIPEDES) Another space time anomaly[38] An Interstellar[39] odyssey Alright alright alright Im Mathew McConaughey Im unfuckingstoppable the impossible possible The whole world's my hospital not a gd thing is inoperable[40] Credentials are laudable Essentially i got it all Took a look at the d And then called an audible[41] Obliterate any Obstacle Precipitate like waterfalls Instigate a kinder cause Evicerate a haunted ghoul[42] When i fucks with physics the laws get more lax my words carry weight like the world's biggest snorlax[43] Come at me son yr gonna need more VATS[44] carried this town[45] for So Long[46] im getting a sore back their love for me like a tree to the Lorax[47] My lyrics paint pictures so i call them a Rorschach[48] my bones are telling me bad weathers on the forecast a storm is rolling in this is the calm before that Past five centuries all of them regrettable[49] Just like entropy i am inevitable[50] I was meant to leave my head it was full Fundamentally i'm so far ahead of these fools Down five hennessy's trying just to deaden this pulse[51] Iron sentry's lining the edge of the mall[52] 100% dying to dismantle this wall[53] Johnny five empathy no disassemble this bot[54] Quintessentially im X at the head of this school[55] Intermittently you slept in my bed it was cool incidentally we had sex in the end of the pool Human centipede[56] that ass it was my edible[57] G.O.A.T. (NIETZSCHE DIDN’T KILL GOD, I DID) Like JD[58] I’m the GOAT[59] Billy[60] hashtag Swag[61]gert[62] Worlds most accurate fact checking rapper This is a game to me Chutes and ladders[63] Here's where the bangers[64] be girl you know i had ‘er My flow the yangtze[65] i spit venom black adders[66] Opposite of banksy[67] or some bullshit “all lives matter”[68] Fuck the president[69] that dude cant get any badder[70] Cooking up some poppy tea[71] mix it up like cake batter HEY DON'T LOOK AWAY DON'T LET IT GROW ON YOU IT'S NOT OK Engrave the following on my headstone: “They[72] died getting head stoned peepin Tombstone[73] While eatin a tombstone pizza[74]" I’ve gone full blown nietzsche[75] said hello to the abyss "it was good to meet ya"[76] Behind this mask's a terrifying creature[77] Who would gladly cook you up and eat ya Every track i’m on mc foucault's the feature Threat level dragon[78] when im hittin the road again Like shang tsun out here looking for some souls to bend[79] Other rappers words are last years memes im so over them Like neil in the 80s its the weight of the world im shoulderin'[80] Tho ive been there once couldnt tell you where denver starts and boulder ends[81] Rockin california fishes like them pennsylvania colder pens[82] I spit fire like dylon[83] and i left the studio smolderin Sitch is Dire like sylons you used to know as older friends[84] Minds expired with prions[85] when i take theirs skulls and open em Im entirely high on the spirit taking time up and folding it[86] unlike battery acid im so hella caustic[87] Such flattering assets with a tongue so toxic Made saturn's rings spin on a cosmic cross stitch My staggering spit it god agnostic[88] [1] “Why do Slavs squat?” is a satirical catchphrase associated with imageboards and forums discussing Eastern European people and cultures http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/why-do-slavs-squat-slav-squat [2] My dad and jackie chan are aging to look like the same person [3] I use medical marijuana to treat anxiety [4] Beyonce - Formation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDZJPJV__bQ [5] My initials are DRB and so many folks call me Doctor or Doctor B [6] “What in Tarnation?” is a rhetorical question meaning “what in damnation?”, which is often associated with Americans living in the Southern United States expressing incredulous bewilderment. http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-in-tarnation [7] Drummer of Endolphins and one of the progenitors of this particular beat [8] So Long is my queerpop band SoLongNaota.Bandcamp.com [9] A saving throw in D&D http://dnd4.wikia.com/wiki/Saving_throw [10] Corrective laser eye surgery [11] Boku No Hero Academia character Shota Aizawa “eraser head” who’s special power is erasing others’ special powers http://bokunoheroacademia.wikia.com/wiki/Shota_Aizawa [12] Church of The Three Cats is at the corner of Malcolm X (born Malcolm Little) and Dakin in Lansing, Michigan [13] Gamboy title Kirby’s Dreamland but with memes [14] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Giant but with Weed [15] Simpsons shitpost classic http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/steamed-hams [16] Once I beat magic the gathering hall of famer Shuhei Nakamura in a Grand Prix with a timely remand [17] The first Endolphins release was called North of Misery as a nod to their being in Iowa [18] In 2015 I toured with Endolphins and had two amazing mornings in St Louis, s/o to KPAX and calcifer [19] Sometimes you meet someone who forever changes the way you think about things like water, and then you drown in thoughts never actually able to grasp anything completely again [20] im native as fuck http://www.corteidh.or.cr/tablas/24777.pdf [21] Artist Diego Rivera vs Banksy [22] Kanye West's ego messiah and eponymous album [23] giant robot anime trope for example: neon genesis evangelion, flcl, gundam... [24] Animism but with Anime https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animism [25] Rhino’s are near extinct everywhere https://www.savetherhino.org/rhino_info/rhino_population_figures [26] Slang for giving a person with a vagina multiple orgasms [27] Detroit Tigers skipper Brad Ausmus [28] James Hardin is a professional basketball Superstar [29] Comic book protagonist Batman [30] Price you get for selling an item new (retail) vs used (resale) [31] A certain person who since i have met has inspired most of my creative endeavors [32] See directly above [33] in a way that gives pleasure through beauty [34] biases [35] Comic book character Galactus, Eater of Worlds https://marvel.com/universe/Galactus [36] 1999 science fiction film The Matrix [37] 2010 video game Fallout: New Vegas [38] My favorite Star Trek trope [39] My favorite Matthew McConaughey film [40] See note #5 [41] In american football a quarterback will notice something about the defense and change the play at the line of scrimmage, this is called an audible [42] These are hearthstone cards [43] Snorlax is a very large and heavy pokemon that can only be moved by playing a special flute [44] Vault-tec assisted targeting system in Fallout video game franchise, the more skill points one has the more they can do in combat before an enemy reacts [45] I have been a pillar of the diy community in lansing michigan for 20 years [46] So Long Naota/Collective see note #8 [47] Dr Seuss character who is the protector of nature [48] The Rorschach test is a psychological test in which subjects' perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. [49] Since Europeans have arrived on the shores of North and South America they have brought only misery and genocide [50] The second law of thermodynamics requires that, in general, the total entropy of any system can't decrease other than by increasing the entropy of some other system. Hence, in a system isolated from its environment, the entropy of that system tends not to decrease. [51] Drinking is a mostly self destructive behavior for myself and I tend to only do it when i wish to self harm [52] Episode 3 of the 1997 anime Beserk [53] Fuck borders fuck walls freedom is not possible when they exist [54] 1986 film Short Circuit about a robot that gains sentience and learns of death the term for which is dissassemble [55] Professor Xavier from the X-Men comics who runs a school for Mutants [56] 2009 Dutch body horror film Human Centipede tells the story of people sewn mouth to ass [57] Analingus [58] The Mountain Goats frontman John Darnielle or JD aka thrashkitten member of the sooper swag project [59] GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) is a term used in hip hop to talk about the best rappers ever [60] A billy is a male goat [61] #swag is a song by rapper GMCFOSHO who is a friend of mine [62] Jimmy Swaggert was a televangelist who was defrocked for multiple prostitution scandals [63] Chutes and Ladders is a metaphor for life. As such, it is arguably the most philosophical of all children's board games. Based on the ancient Indian game Snakes and Ladders. The historic version had root in morality lessons, where a player's progression up the board represented a life journey complicated by virtues (ladders) and vices (snakes). [64] Banger is a term for a particularly moving composition [65] The Yangtze is the longest river in Asia and the third-longest in the world. The river is the longest in the world to flow entirely within one country. [66] A venomous snake that lives in europe and east asia, also a nod to the lyric earlier about chutes and ladders (snakes and ladders) [67] “Some have criticised the "obviousness" of Banksy's work, and accused it of being "anarchy-lite" geared towards a middle class "hipster" audience.” [68] A slogan used to silence the #blacklivesmatter movement [69] Donald Trump [70] 1998 Arcade game Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja later ported to the Nintendo Entertainment System known widely for its intro cut scene in which the protagonists are asked if they are bad enough dudes to save the president [71] Poppy tea is any herbal tea infusion brewed from poppy straw or seeds of several species of poppy. For the purpose of the tea, dried pods are more commonly used than the pods of the live flower. The walls of the dried pods contain opiate alkaloids, primarily consisting of morphine. [72] I am non-binary and use they/them pronouns [73] 1993 Western Tombstone starring kurt russel and val kilmer [74] Very cheap frozen pizzas of dubious quality [75] Nietzsche claimed the death of God would eventually lead to the loss of any universal perspective on things, and along with it any coherent sense of objective truth [76] Nietzsche once said: “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” [77] Nietzsche also said: “All great things must first wear terrifying and monstrous masks in order to inscribe themselves on the hearts of humanity.” [78] 2015 Anime and Manga One Punch Man’s shout out to Neon Genesis Evangelion describing a monster that is a threat to multiple cities [79] 1992 Arcade Fighing game Mortal Combat’s main villain who stole people's souls [80] Neil Young's sleeper Weight of The World from his amazing foray into new wave on his criminally unheralded album Landing on Water [81] I visited colorado for the first time on tour with Endolphins and tho enjoyable it was mostly mountains and urban sprawl and legal weed [82] The 2016 battle for Lord Stanley’s cup between NHL’s Pittsburgh Penguins and [83] Chappell show sketch about Dylon who thought he was the GOAT because “dylon spit hot fire” [84] Battlestar Galactica plot twist [85]Kuru is a very rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that was prevalent among the Fore people of Papua New Guinea. Kuru is caused by the transmission of abnormally folded prion proteins, which leads to symptoms such as tremors, loss of coordination, and neurodegeneration. Most people who develop it are cannibals [86] The quantum physics theory of time travel [87] Acids are corrosive and bases are caustic [88] God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it? — Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125,

[skarmorydraws]

@tyrantisterror ATOM Create-A-Kaiju Contest Entry #1: Julkath

Date Discovered: December 25th, 1954

Place of Origin: The Glacier Oasis

Notable Stomping Grounds: The Glacier Oasis, The Siberian Monster Zone

Height: 90 feet

Length: 175 feet

Biology: 

Julkath is a gigantic carnivoran, very closely related to all modern cats both wild and domesticated, although some aspects of his anatomy differ from any known modern feline. He has a barrel chest and stocky, muscular limbs rather like a bear, and flexible shoulders and hips, opposable thumbs, and dexterous paws that are disturbingly similar to those of primates. Though Julkath is by no means swift, he makes up for it by being both immensely strong and surprisingly acrobatic. His tail is thicker and more muscular than most cats, allowing it to be used as a prop so he can rear up on his hind legs for prolonged periods; the stability he gains from this tripodal stance, combined with his immense upper body strength, makes him excellent at grappling. Julkath is a much more active combatant than his bulk suggests, however, able to leap and clamber about, using the terrain to his advantage and pouncing from unexpected angles. His fighting moves are actually surprisingly similar to human wrestlers, save for the inclusion of razor-sharp retractable claws and enlarged, uniquely serrated canines. If feeling especially pressured, however, he can also unleash a deafening roar that can rupture eardrums at close range.

Julkath's evolutionary origin is not certain, for although his aforementioned relationship to modern felids certainly can’t be denied, the unusual aspects of his anatomy may be a hint that his ancestors diverged from the lineage millions of years ago. Scientists suspect that he may have evolved from a supposed race of Ice Age feline predators that were likely unusually intelligent and deft of paw even among their own kin, to the point that they would've evolved sapience had it not been for their sudden and mysterious extinction.

His territory is centered around what was once one of the few human settlements in what would become the Siberian Monster Zone, which happened to be close enough to the one nuclear test that the Russians attempted upon the kaiju that inhabited the area and also within proximity of the Yamaneon-rich Glacier Oasis. Despite being heavily fortified against most kaiju attacks, it was unfortunately susceptible to radioactive fallout from the blast and was quickly abandoned after the incident. In the years to follow the town was overtaken by plant life that absorbed the radiation; the animals that also colonized the region were thusly mutated upon consuming the irradiated vegetation, and to this day, the deer, pigs, and goats that live in the area grow much larger than anywhere else on Earth. Julkath himself probably moved in after escaping the Glacier Oasis in the aftermath of the nuclear blast, as the appeal of so many delicious meatbags was probably too tempting to ignore for anything big and strong enough to hunt them. It’s surprising that a super-large predator didn’t appear in the area sooner, as any wolves, bears, and wildcats in the area would certainly have mutated upon exploiting the irradiated herds currently living there; as it is, Julkath is likely the only creature capable of preying on the mutant plant-eaters he lords over, and may thus be the one thing capable of keeping their populations in check.

Julkath sports the standard kaiju set:

Super strength

An enhanced healing factor

Immunity to radiation

Booming Roar

Personality:

Most individuals, be it people or monsters, would be forgiven for believing Julkath to be a horrifying monstrosity, and with his unnatural anatomy and hulking ferocity he certainly looks the part. In truth, the great werecat is more antisocial and jealously protective than outright savage. He is almost defined by his obsessive vigilance over his territory, and utterly refuses to leave the area unless a global threat forces him into action - anything that spells doom for the whole planet certainly spells doom for his turf and food supply as well, after all. His stubborn insistence on remaining where he is makes him far less of a threat to civilization than any giant werecat has any right to be, and his solitary nature makes him much less likely to cooperate with others than most kaiju would appreciate. He’s an curmudgeonly, surly old geezer, and he apparently prefers to keep it that way.

However, observations from a safe distance may hint towards the possibility that his annoyance at basically everything may be a front to a certain extent. Despite being a well-armed colossus of fur, flesh, teeth, and claws, Julkath is still a cat at the end of the day, and far from being the majestic, rampaging terror presented by the media, he prefers to spend most of his free time doing cat things and nothing else. Eighteen hours of sleep, an hour or two of catching a couple of thirty-foot goats or boars, the remaining four or five hours playing with said goats or boars before devouring them, rinse and repeat. If anything, Julkath appears to be the kaiju equivalent of an aloof shepherd, content to keep an eye out on his livestock and simply watch the world go by. Monsters who think they can exploit this would be wise to have second thoughts, however; despite his habit of lazing around all day, it seems that Julkath is in fact keenly aware of the fragile ecological balance between him and his livestock, and that any disruption to it could lead to either the whole area being devastated by overgrazing or the werecat himself starving to death. As such, he will not hesitate to point out that anything that dares to plunder his territory does so at their own peril - more than one bloodthirsty or otherwise malicious kaiju has attempted to slaughter the oversized herd animals for ill-gotten sustenance, only for the furious feline to piledrive them into the dirt before ripping their throats out with his fearsome saber teeth.

First entry, yay! I’m aware that this is somewhat of a derivative entry, but I tried to make it stand out on its own. I hope I succeeded!

Julkath is based on Kal/Slashkal/Kalmorg, TT’s sabertooth monster who got cut from the current draft of ATOM because of difficulties trying to fit him in. I was sad to see Kal excluded from the main plotline, but with the contest allowing for redesigns of scrapped monsters to fit the 50′s/60′s kaiju aesthetic I figured I could jump on the challenge of making him work with the theme of the story. His design takes from the most current iteration of Kal, which basically composites his basis and look with the build of the mammoth kaiju that also got scrapped, for what I’m guessing are similar reasons. It’s a bulky, burly build that I liked a lot and suited the ambush predator nature of sabertooths in general. I always thought Kal looked rather plain even by the standards of ATOM, so I mixed in some lynx and snow leopard to give him a proper “snow cat” look. To make him look less boring I also decided to include aspects of one of Morg’s earlier drafts, wherein he could stand up and use his forepaws like hands. The overall look ended up becoming some kind of werebeast, and I don’t know if it fits as well with the 50′s theme as some of the other ATOM kaiju entries I’ve seen, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t at least partly influenced by the 1942 horror film, Cat People. (Speaking of, the date when Julkath was first sighted is also the date when the original Cat People was released, though the year is the same as when Mastemuth and Glypton also first appeared. ;D)  While I’m still not sure if his design exactly works with the 50′s/60′s sci-fi theme, his backstory certainly does - the fate of his territory is a dual homage to both the abandoned Chernobyl disaster site being overtaken by nature and populated by animals that would be hunted elsewhere, and the concept art for Ray Harryhausen’s proposed adaptation of H.G. Wells’ The Food of the Gods and How It Came to Earth, which sadly never saw the light of day.

Personality-wise, I basically combined aspects of Grumpy Cat (the internet depiction, not Tardar Sauce herself), the tusk cats from Star Wars, and actual cat behavior. Kal was defined entirely by his rivalry with Morg before both got cut, but I always thought that was kinda boring because if two characters exist only to fight each other, that leaves very little room for interactions with anyone else in the story. Julkath doesn’t have a specific arch-nemesis to be defined by, so he’s more akin to that irritable old recluse from too many family media works to count who yells at kids to GIT OFF MAH GODDAMN LAWN.

While his bio doesn’t give it away completely, my imagining for this guy was that as with several other animal groups such as lizards/snakes, fish, long-necked sea tyrants, and insects, Julkath’s ancestors would also have given rise to the magical felines that would have no doubt appeared in the fantasy era of TT’s alternate universe (if TT allows for that sort of thing). Cat monsters are a thing in nearly every continent, and I think it would only make sense to lump all of them into a single family! (I don’t know if this includes manticores and sphinxes too, but that’s for TT to decide.) His name is a portmanteau of two of these kitties in particular: Jólaköttur, the Icelandic Yule Cat, and the source of inspiration for that white spot on his chest, the Nordic Cat Sith.

I don’t know if suitimation or stop-motion would be good ways to bring this guy to life in a hypothetical 50′s film setting, but I can see either of them working pretty well - maybe even dressing up an actual cat and back-projecting it to look big like in The Killer Shrews, if you want to be especially silly.

[thegeneralsdirection]

Goa is often called a ‘hippie’ paradise. That label may have different connotations for different people, but it is not a term that endears me to its people.

They are generally smelly, dreadlocked, entitled white people who complain endlessly about the residents of the country they are guests in and always complain about paying local businesses a fair fee.

These very same people will setup a stall in a Goa market and charge western prices for a T-shirt and say ‘fixed price’. My race can be a little exhausting at the best of times:) I find the way that they flock to a peaceful and picturesque location, take over a place and then complain about the locals, to be dubious at the best of times. Their sanctimonious rantings will put the most pious of priests to shame. I found a lot of other Facebook pages filled with the endless complaining only an expat can truly express, as if their new chosen home would be so much better if it wasn’t for the damn locals.

I have made it clear that this prejudice is well cemented, so Goa was perhaps not the most obvious of choice for a 7 day break.

Do not misunderstand me, I love travellers who explore the world and have a deep respect for those who do so on a shoe string budget. I adore people with a sense of adventure and who see the world with wonder. I appreciate explorers who are brave enough to settle in new lands and establish themselves in their new communities. I respect the these brave souls and I am fascinated to hear about the world from their perspectives. They are authentic, they mean what they say and they drive me to be more adventurous and above all they always respect the local residents in whose country they find themselves. Along this vein I was led by a friend, Peter to a Facebook page Goa Way Adventures which is a treasure trove of information. This page really was a great help and good point of departure as I started planning Goa.

Goa with its endless Russians, Hippies, cattle and crafty locals was still a place of magic for me. Somewhere I can imagine returning to soon; the beaches, the people and the food has crawled into my heart. The smell of frying spices lingering in the air and the subtle sound of Hindi music to put your soul at rest. I am by no means a restful person, but I did unwind a little on this trip.

  Here are my top 10 Hits for GOA

Go for a cooking class 

There are many options from a quick interactive demo to an intensive Goan cooking syllabus and an equally varied selection of schools. We went with convenience on our second night as our hotel offered a cooking lessons with the chef.  The restaurant was called Chulha; meaning clay oven. You are invited through two hours before opening while they prep, to learn and explore the flavours unique to Goa. The chefs let us decide which dishes we wanted to make and then we were guided from beginning to end on how to produce these wonders. We had the suis chef and pastry chef assisting us with these perilous tasks.

We selected Chicken Tikkah (my favourite), Goan Fish curry (obviously) and Jalebi (Theron’s favourite and probably his favourite part of the whole trip). The Tandoori oven is needed to get that Tikkah chicken cooked and charred by the charcoal, but we will give it a try with a webber and report back to its efficacy. After cooking we were served our handy work and damn it was good, even if I do have to say so myself. The crispy, buttery garlic naan certainly did help. This has been a continuation of my deep love affair with naan, this love is a life long affair.

Spend a day on the beach

The main reason for trekking this great distance into the Asian mainland is the beaches. Goa, the state, is essentially a long strip of beaches from north to south, interspersed with a few cliffs and a harbour. Goa is divided into two parts; the north which is busier and more vibey and the south which is more tranquil. Each beach has its own appeal and depending on what you are looking for, there is a beach for you.

A day on the beach is fairly simple process;  you find a shack on the beach, which is a temporary structure built for season with loungers and tables on the sand in front of it. You find a lounger and lie in the sun while the establishment brings you cocktails, beers and all the Goan food your heart desires. There are some true gems serving the best freshly caught fish and some more dodgy venues and it is not always easy to pick, but that is part of the adventure. The use of facilities is included in the drinks and food, so it is really very reasonably priced. There are ladies with sarongs, fruit and jewelry walking by so even shopping can be done from that lounger. Our favourite shack Xavier’s had massages and Hennah on offer which really meant you could stay there all day.  Lying there on a lounger you can watch the world go by, cocktail in hand.

There is no excuse to not get a daily massage, especially from a man in a tropical shirt. The advantage of the callused hands is a part exfoliation and part massage.

Yoga

In theory I did yoga every day, I was up early and watched the sun rise as I posed my way to relaxation and inner peace. In theory I focussed on my breath and used my breath to heal and relax. In theory. In reality none of this happened,  but you should still do lots of yoga in Goa. In theory or in reality.

Eat Goan food

Let us just clear one thing up so we can cut the needless hysteria. If you are ordering Mutton chances are you will be eating goat. Accept that and you will be just fine. Goat is a great low-fat meat and makes for excellent Vindaloos and slowly stewed curries. Also life is Naan and heaven is garlic Naan; that is all!

The factors that makes Goan cuisine unique are the strong influence of the Portuguese settlers who held Goa as a colonial territory from 1510 and only fully recognised its accession into India in 1974 and its close relationship with the sea. My absolute favourites were the Vindaloos and seafood curries, but I really did not have a bad meal. Every single time we sat down to eat it was a feast of the senses.

Life in Goa is ABE – Always Be Eating

I love spicy food and constantly had to reassure the poor waiters to not be scared with the spice. We had one waiter in particular who had served was so concerned that we were not ready for the spice that he came to apologise before bringing us the food as he was concerned for our delicate palates. The place was Xavier’s in Baga and the Chicken Vindaloo, Jalfrezi, Chicken Tikka Masala and Raj Darbar kept us coming back for more. All this flavour is soaked up by the Jeera rice and scooped with the ever-present garlic naan. Just typing this is making me salivate

See the sites

Goa is not all beaches and parties. (I am lying, it really is all beaches and parties)

Goa has a rich history and a melting pot of cultures and religions. The Portuguese colonisers left their stamp in this state with Catholicism making up 25% of the population. The majority do identify as Hindu and this mix has led to some beautiful architecture and delicious food

I trip to a spice farm will round off your understanding of Indian food nicely.

Rent a ‘jeep’

Taxi’s in Goa are a rip-off. There is no uber and the taxi’s don’t use their meters. We lived in central Goa and a 9km trip to the beach took an hours drive and 1800INR per direction. Renting a car made sense to the four of us. I also admittedly always like renting a car as it is in my south african blood; that sense of independence. This being India and the beach it had to be an SUV and roofless; the Mahindra is called a ‘jeep’ in India, so that fit the bill perfectly.

We had such a blast cruising around Goa in this thing with music pumping through our one speaker and with Google Maps in hand. My missing aux jack on the iPhone 7 did mean my music was not on the menu, but luckily between Mark’s lounge music, Theron’s 80’s classics and RnB tunes and Eugene’s EDM beats they had us covered.

The rental process was bizarrely informal and I would hate to know what happens if anything goes wrong. I called a phone number I found on Google, asked for a ‘Jeep’ and was quoted 2000INR per day plus a 300INR delivery fee. I accepted and 15 minutes later the car was delivered at the Hyatt, with fuel level at ZERO. I gave the chap my ID Card which he would keep and paid half the rental cost in cash. I took a video of the car to detail any damage and off the he went, no contract and no receipt. The car served us well for the 7 days and I would not go without next time either. Note you do need an International Drivers license to rent/drive a car in India and also there is only 3rd party insurance and this can be a risky exercise.

Befriend a cow

Fairly self-explanatory. In Goa cattle walk around like packs of relatively well-loved ferrel cats. They scavenge trough the garbage on the side of the road and walk along the roads or on the beach and for the most part are left alone. If they become a nuisance a local might chase them a little bit, but nothing to aggressive. In some states in India they are not allowed to be chased at all, but here in Goa the slaughter of cows will result in a 2 year imprisonment. Cattle are traditionally seen as holy creatures of God in Hinduism and their slaughter is generally considered taboo.

Get some henna done

or a tattoo. I am on Reaccutane for basically two years now, so no tattoo for me sadly. I had to go for the Henna option, else I’d be there in front of the line to get inked

Party the night away

I am old and clubs are noisy. I use to be young and clubs were fun. These are facts I cannot get around. Goa is the EDM party capital so one must attend one of these all night raves, so we did as we should and bought tickets for a three-day EDM party festival. Sadly/Luckily depending on your perspective this particular drug and rhythm fueled  festival was a total non starter and after witnessing 5 empty dance floors with the most epic views of the ocean we decided it was perhaps best to retreat back to our resort.

Go to a market

Goa is renowned for its markets with its Indian trinkets, beautiful textiles and handmade jewelry is in abundance. Haggling is part of the ritual of shopping in these markets. I cannot stand haggling so I normally just point to the things I like and let my husband get the transaction concluded, however I inevitably feel so guilty for paying so little for these gems that I just pay them more anyway.

The most famous markets are the Anjuna Wednesday market where you can buy from the locals for bargain prices and end up on the beach for a beautiful meal and the Saturday  Night Market in Arpora where you can buy a beer, a pizza and meander around the endless maze of stalls while listening to local bands. The textiles and locally manufactured artisan goods are something to look out for.

I do not really buy a lot of crap on holidays. I despise curios; there is nothing more  soul-destroying than a big ben fridge magnet or a Eiffel tower key ring. That being said nobody has enough sarongs, vests and holiday bangles(this could be a topic for a future blog)

a little piece of my heart stayed in Goa:)

We are discussing a return visit and how it should be done. Next time I will avoid the big Hotel and book a villa on the beach.

10 things you must do in goa before the apocalypse Goa is often called a 'hippie' paradise. That label may have different connotations for different people, but it is not a term that endears me to its people.