#the girls that dont get it probably didn't like book 1 lol

[thickenmyblood]

what i like about this post (other than, obviously, the great meta and analysis and commentary on the story) is the disclaimer at the very top that explains what i thought would be obvious to anyone reading the fic. the story is meant to make you think and prod at your own life, but it's not a step by step guide on how to do or think anything. like . . . when did we start taking fiction so literally?

now, onto the main course:

1. Has Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

i tried to explain this before when i was asked about it, but ofc you've been way better with your words than i was. here is my reply to a similar comment.

now. . . you're absolutely correct! we are shown and told and it is EXPLICITLY discussed in the fic that laurent has been abusive. having said this:

2. If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

(...) we have several reasons to believe that Laurent’s abusive behavior is the product of particular circumstances rather than a generalized personality dysfunction.

yes! i have tried to show this again and again in the fic. laurent has self awareness, laurent goes to therapy, laurent knows that some of the things he has said and done to damen are bad.

Damen’s palm is numb around the glass. “Why were you angry?” “Nicaise.” “Justified,” Damen says. “And the rest of it?” Laurent is facing him again. “Paschal says I have a tendency to expect the worst from everyone. Especially you. You’d make comments, and I’d think you were being cruel instead of…” “Instead of what? Ignorant?”

a lot of what could fall under the category of "laurent's abuse" are reactions that could have been prevented had BOTH of them been willing to communicate better. damen made awful comments about laurent's mental health, laurent taking medication, laurent's coping mechanism, BECAUSE damen didn't know better, because he didn't even know they were coping mechanisms in the first place... take, for example, how he remembers vaguely that laurent placed a lot of importance into locks and privacy but he DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHY!:

I’m sorry, Damen wants to say, knows it is the wrong thing, doesn’t say it. He looks back through years of fuzz and static and blurred conversations to find the one they had when Laurent was apartment hunting. Locks are non-negotiable, he’d said. Damen’s reply had been fun and—no, irked. Or maybe we should teach Nicaise to knock. 

time and time again he sees laurent's trauma responses and coping mechanisms and misinterprets them. another example is laurent wearing auguste's clothes (obviously a source of comfort):

He doesn’t know what the worst thing Laurent has ever done to him is. Their fights weren’t always loud or foreseeable, and they didn’t always revolve around Nicaise. Once, Damen made the mistake of making a bad joke to him around the second week of September. He had come home to Laurent wearing clothes that didn’t fit him, and Damen hadn’t thought before kissing him and tugging on the too-long sleeves of his cardigan. Been busy at the thrift shop, huh? Trying to audition for Oedipus in Nicaise’s play?  He hadn’t known it was Auguste’s, or why it looked the way it did, or why Laurent had chosen that day in particular to wear it. Laurent’s reply had involved Kastor, and his father, and other things time has mercifully erased from Damen’s memory. Laurent’s reply had left Damen locked in the bathroom, taking deep breaths in front of the mirror.

i feel like this quote is a good choice because it shows three things that are KEY to understanding their pre-break up dynamic. 1. their absolute lack of communication and vulnerability (NOT saying omg abuse victims have to tell their partners EVERY LITTLE THING they ever went through) 2. how laurent misinterprets damen's intentions and damen misinterprets laurent's anger. 3. laurent's abuse and the consequences of it: he says something that hurts damen, and that is not okay, and at no point does the fic say that's FINE.

3. If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

i think your reply to this questions explained it all PERFECTLY. laurent is capable of having healthy relationships with other people. laurent is trying time and time again. laurent apologizes. laurent is worried that even though he has tried to change, that he has tried to be better, maybe he's not better at all. he worries and talks about with ancel in the scene you quoted. he has a conscience. he feels bad when he hurts damen and tries NOT TO DO IT!!! he tries not to engage in abusive behaviors as the fic unravels. does he always succeed? no! he does call damen stupid on separate occassions and i believe i don't need to explain WHY he goes back to that behavior. it's not easy to stop doing something you've always done to protect yourself.

4. If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

100% agree with EVERYTHING you said. there are so many wrong reasons for them to get back together. so many people are rooting against them getting back together, too! (neo at times and nikandros always). they try and fail BECAUSE they are not honest and keep trying to cut to the nice, happy bits without actually doing the hard, grinding work that it takes to build something new and better.

damen knows laurent and he sees the change in him. he acknowledges them. he loves laurent not just because of love bombing, not because laurent gaslit him into a relationship, not because laurent's hot and blonde and who cares if he's mean, then? no!!!!!! NO!!!!! he loves laurent for the person he KNOWS laurent is, but also for the person he knows laurent CAN BE. love expands your vision. love lets you see the future. he sees laurent in ways so many others don't and that is what drags him back time and time again. like in the trilogy, the traits damen loves in laurent have to do with his loyalty, his sense of duty, his endurance, his patience.

people who read this fic and expected a black and white experience are going to be terribly disappointed. if you read the story and came out of it thinking i condone abuse, that i think you can change your partner out of being abusive with the power of love... you're not getting it. these abusive behaviors are so specific and circumstancial that you can't read them and think "oh, she's talking about all the wife beating men out there!!!" . . . obviously i'm not. i'm not talking about narc partners. i'm not talking about people who actively enjoy being cruel and making the people in their lives suffer. you have to know this, or maybe your reading comprehension skills are not there yet. or maybe i'm bad at writing, which is also a possibility.

this issue is very personal and interesting to me. how can you condemn a narrative that shows you growth and change are possible, if not the ONLY ways out of suffering? how can you think no one is ever allowed to change? have YOU never made mistakes? are you naive enough to think there isn't someone out there whom you've hurt so profoundly (even without meaning to, even with all your excuses and justifications) that when asked about you goes on a mental rant of how YOU exhibited these abusive traits? is punitive justice the only thing that interests you?

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

you said it perfectly and i'll just sum it up with girl he had damen whipped. get out of here.

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

exactly. isn't this what LITERALLY HAPPENS IN THE BOOKS? damen forgives him. DAMEN FORGIVES HIM. damen understands. LAURENT FORGIVES HIM TOO. HAVE NONE OF Y'ALL READ THE FUCKING BOOKS AJBKSFBDSBKJB

once again super sorry for the late reply but this post is PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you for taking the time to read my stuff and write posts like this. it def makes me feel better about spending the last three years of my life on this project lol.

The questions of Laurent’s being and behavior…

I have been informed, via @thickenmyblood’s asks (since mine were apparently not set to accept anonymous asks – which I have now changed) that my opinion about HIUH Laurent’s character is incorrect. I have been informed that he’s abusive.

My PhD isn’t in English (though it is in the humanities), but my wife was an English major and she has often told me that interpretations aren’t right or wrong, but they are stronger or weaker in the sense that they are supported by the text.

So, let’s go…

First things first. Let me be clear about the following:

The question of whether or not Laurent is abusive in this piece of fanfiction has no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life is abusive.

Similarly, any arguments that Laurent can change or that Laurent deserves a second chance have no bearing whatsoever on whether any person you know in real life can change or deserves a second chance.

Neither HIUH nor any fic should be taken as a life advice manual. Just because there are therapists in this fic does not mean that @thickenmyblood is a mental health professional or your therapist.

I am also not a therapist, nor am I trying to give you life advice when I speak of my enjoyment of HIUH.

But if I were to give you life advice, it would be this: If a piece of fanfiction makes you so angry that you feel the need to send abusive anonymous comments to the author and/or ask that author to pass on your comment “correcting” the opinion of a reader writing about that story, you should probably stop reading that fic. It is clearly not good for you. Metaphorically speaking, you are in an abusive relationship with that fic and you should end it. Write the story off and move on.

Okay, that said, the question of whether Laurent is abusive in HIUH is probably more of a series of questions:

Has HIUH Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

BONUS:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

1. Has Laurent engaged in abusive behaviors?

Yes. Although we are limited by a potentially unreliable narrator (Damen), who does not believe Laurent is abusive, we are clearly and intentionally both told and shown in the text that Laurent has engaged in abusive behavior. We are told when Neo explains as much to a skeptical Damen:

“Then you must know I’m only trying to get a feeling on how educated you are on the subject of abuse between romantic partners.” “But why ? I just told you Laurent and I never—” “Do you know what emotional abuse looks like, Damen?” “Yes.” “Give me a definition.” It’s hot in the room, all of the sudden. “It’s… making someone. Feel bad.” “It’s consistent and repeated humiliation,” Neo says. “Gaslighting. Manipulation. Verbal abuse can sometimes overlap with this. Have you ever experienced this while in your relationship with Laurent?” “We weren’t abusive.” “Did you insult each other?” “No,” Damen says. It was so long ago, it was a lifetime back. He can’t remember. “It’s—not like that. Humiliation? We never—” “You’ve said that sometimes Laurent made you feel as though the things you were feeling were inadequate.” You’re being a fucking idiot, Laurent had said about the pink sweatshirt. “What if he was right?”  “It’s never right to invalidate your partner’s feelings.” “We weren’t abusive.” “Damen,” Neo says, the soft caress before a blow. “What if we think about it from—” “There’s nothing to think about. I’m telling you, it wasn’t like that. How the fuck did you get to that conclusion? Because I complained about us arguing?” Neo ruffles his notes. “Contempt. Shame. Hurt. That’s what abusers thrive on. There’s quite a lot of those things in here.” “Laurent’s not an abuser,” Damen snaps. “Maybe not, but he grew up with one, didn’t he? These are learned traits.” Damen folds forward as though to vomit. That’s—He’s made a mistake. They argued, they yelled, they said things they didn’t mean, but they never hit each other or threw cutlery at each other’s heads. They went to bed angry, and Damen slept on the couch, and there would be rolling eyes and huffs and annoyance in the following days, but that’s not—Laurent is not— You’re sweet, Damen had said, hand to Laurent’s cheek. A sweetheart. He remembers meaning it, remembers Laurent not liking it. He also remembers Laurent’s sweetness, scarcer in the end and cloying in the beginning. Breakfast in bed, letting Damen pick what show to watch, giving up half his trail mix bag because he knew Damen liked the dried fruit pieces most. You’ll do great, you always do great. A protein shake prepped and ready to go, peace and quiet the nights before important court days. But also bigger things, biggest things. There was—and sharing a bed, and curling up under Damen to read, and letting Damen carry Nicaise up the stairs, and holding his hand under the table as firm functions, and kissing just to kiss, just because, just— He’s explained Laurent wrong.

And we are shown in the moments when Damen and Laurent talk and Damen expects a belittling response from Laurent:

“There are,” Laurent starts, stops. Starts again, “I didn’t.” He has both elbows on the table, which he used to despise. Tables are for cutlery and food, not limbs. Something about the way he rubs at the skin under his eyes makes Damen’s stomach cower as if expecting a blow. “Agnes recommended it months before you—came back. It wasn’t my idea.”

“I met him?” For once, Laurent doesn’t mock him for his question. “It was at that school play I couldn’t go to. The one Nicaise got that huge part in.”

“I want to know when the twenty-four hours are up,” Damen says, loudly, too loudly, “so we can go to the police station and report him missing. For fuck’s sake, Laurent, will you stop ? He could be seriously hurt, and you’re sitting here, berating me about the way I phrased a question. Do you even give a shit about him? Do you even—” He cuts himself off when he sees Laurent’s expression. Like he did last time with Nicaise, Damen braces himself for what’s to come, goes over the list of things Laurent can hurl at him, tries to minimize the inevitable damage. The comment will be about Nikandros, about his soft childhood in Ios, about the time he tried to discipline Nicaise by himself and ended up covered in vomit.   Nothing happens. There’s only Laurent, turning his face to the side so Damen can’t stare at it any longer. In the silence of the car, Laurent’s breathing shakes.

“Is his name really Dog?” Laurent says, sitting down next to Damen. Between them, the two cups of coffee and the small pile of croissants both steam. “I didn’t believe Nicaise when he told me.” “I,” Damen starts, lie ready on his tongue, and stops. It’s very meta. “I’m not good with names.” Laurent picks up his coffee instead of agreeing with Damen. Instead of mocking. The space between their bodies is comfortable enough—they’re not touching, not even their knees or thighs. They’re not looking at each other either, not with the entire park stretching green and busy in front of them.

2. If so, do those abusive behaviors necessarily indicate that he is and will always be an abuser?

I take this to be one of the major points of contention on the part of the angry readers. As you can probably guess, I don’t think the text suggests that Laurent in inherently abusive. Besides the stuff coming in my answer to question 3, we have several reasons to believe that Laurent’s abusive behavior is the product of particular circumstances rather than a generalized personality dysfunction.

We know, and Neo just reminded us above, that abusive behaviors are learned behaviors. We know Laurent was abused in multiple ways before he was able to leave his uncle’s house. We know that he is still very young and that it has not been that long since his uncle’s trial. We know he has not been comfortable talking to Damen about his abuse, which gives us reason to believe he still experiences a great deal of shame. That shame is hinted at here:

“He respects you,” Laurent says before Damen has made up his mind about the yelling. “He looks at you and sees a standard to meet. Normalcy. It’s hard to disappoint people you respect. Especially people like you.” “Like me.” “You do things your way. Everyone else does them wrong.” “That’s,” Damen starts. The absolute inaccuracy of the phrase leaves him hanging. “What the fuck?” Laurent ignores him. “He doesn’t respect me, and he also knows I have no room to judge. It’s different. We’re—it’s just different.”

We also know that Laurent is specifically and intentionally not abusive toward Nicaise. We have seen that he has been absorbing a ton of anger, vilification, derision, denigration from Nicaise almost entirely without complaint and without lashing out at Nicaise in return. In fact, after the breaking of the paperweight, when Laurent feels that he might not be able to avoid reacting in a way he will regret, he calls Damen to safely remove Nicaise from the situation. Having taken the lock off Nicaise’s door for reasons many parents would no doubt consider justified, he realizes it was a mistake:

Damen doesn’t look down at the twisted little bolts on the floor. “Actually, you should watch this part in case you ever want to dismantle it again.” “I won’t.” Damen rubs his sleeve over a weird spot on the knob. “You’re betting a lot on Nicaise’s hypothetical good behavior.” “It was dumb, taking the lock away as punishment. I…” Laurent’s thumb glides over the edge of the glass. It traces a full circle before stopping and going white, digging in. His jaw twitches like he’s munching on something. “Privacy shouldn’t be a reward.” “Wasn’t this about safety? He locked himself in, wouldn’t come out or reply when you called…” Laurent’s reply is slow to come. After a while, Damen stops expecting it to come at all. He goes back to testing the lock—twice, waiting for that click sound—opens the door, closes it, and rattles the knob a bit. Just to be sure. “My uncle made it about safety too,” Laurent says. “Locks on doors were for adults. Not children.” The lonely ice cube in his glass floats around aimlessly, not quite touching its confines. “The first to go were the bedroom locks. What if there’s a fire and you can’t get out? What if someone breaks in through the window and—well.” Laurent smiles, small and ugly. “That kind of thing. You know.”

He ensures that Nicaise sees a therapist, meets with that therapist regularly, and follows professional advice about putting Nicaise on medication.

Laurent also maintains a strong friendship with Ancel, whose judgment the text has taught us to trust, through Damen’s evolving relationship with him. Laurent is capable of non-abusive, non-superficial relationships.

3. If not, what evidence do we have that HIUH Laurent can and will stop engaging in abusive behaviors?

From the moment we see Laurent interact with Damen in the present of this story, he is trying to treat Damen better. Not because he thinks he can get back together with Damen, but because he realizes he needs to make a relationship with Damen possible for Nicaise. We have already seen above that most of the time when Damen expects Laurent’s ridicule in this story, he does not actually receive it. In very stressful conversations, when Laurent does lash out, he now tends to pull back or even to acknowledge and apologize:

Coffee. Damen takes two long sips, trying to rinse the bad taste out of his mouth. They’ve had arguments in public before, probably louder than this one. For some reason, the thought isn’t as comforting as Damen would have once found it. They broke up to be better than they were together, didn’t they? They should be better. Except this doesn’t feel better. Or different. Laurent says, “That was out of line.” Now, cooled off, Damen feels clammy. Wobbly. He knows Laurent is right, and yet the thought of sitting through a reprimand makes him want to melt away. “It was.” “I—apologize.” Damen looks up from his coffee to Laurent’s profile. He’s facing the wrong way, Damen thinks stupidly, because the window is to their left. “You apologize.” Half a question. “Go ahead,” Laurent says. “Rub it in.” Damen doesn’t want to. Nausea is curling around him, closing in. “I was out of line too, so.”

And we know now that Laurent has thought through some of his past behaviors toward Damen:

“I was angry at you,” Laurent says, “all the time. Sometimes it was justified, but when it wasn’t I just—I found ways to justify it. That wasn’t fair. Of me.” Damen’s palm is numb around the glass. “Why were you angry?” “Nicaise.” “Justified,” Damen says. “And the rest of it?” Laurent is facing him again. “Paschal says I have a tendency to expect the worst from everyone. Especially you. You’d make comments, and I’d think you were being cruel instead of…” “Instead of what? Ignorant?” Laurent doesn’t reply. “That makes no sense,” Damen says. “We never argued about me being fucking sadistic. We argued about you acting like some things were obvious and I was simply too much of an idiot to get them.” “I never thought you were an idiot.” “You said it often enough.” “I’m—sorry,” Laurent says. “It doesn’t change anything, but—even if you had been the biggest idiot in the world, you didn’t deserve…” A blinking spree follows. “I’m sorry.”

We know that Laurent is still in therapy, and we know that he has been talking about his relationship with Damen there because Paschal has suggested couples counseling for them. And Laurent has invited Damen to do that couples counseling, showing that he wants them to build a better foundation for their relationship  going forward.

4. If HIUH Laurent stops engaging in abusive behaviors, what reasons, if any, does HIUH Damen have to return to the relationship despite past abuse?

Damen is deeply in love with Laurent. At the beginning of the story, he is in denial about this fact, but the uncontrollable flow of his thoughts still shows us how much he feels the loss of their relationship. Once he and Laurent are speaking again, seeing improvements in their communication, and experiencing moments of comfort and fun in their interactions – and once Laurent has broken up with Maxime – Damen admits to himself that he wants to be back together. Neo, as usual, prompts the self-recognition:

“I’m asking you to think about what life might look like in two years,” Neo says, “for you and Laurent. Time does not only pass for you, Damen.” A smile, crinkling the corners of Neo’s eyes. “That’d be ideal, wouldn’t it?”  Two years. Damen sits with the question for a while, looking at it, prodding it. In two years, Nicaise will have gone away to college. Maybe Laurent will move, relocate, start over somewhere closer to Vask. He’ll post about his new life on Instagram, or details of it will make it to Damen as second-hand gossip. They could still be friends, over text or the phone or fucking letters, Damen thinks, yet there’s something bitter in the back of his throat, filling up his mouth like vomit. Maybe Laurent will date again. Probably. Most likely. And Damen— When he looks up from the armrest, Neo is looking straight back.  Damen can’t say it. Earlier today, as he typed his last email of the day at the office, he kept drafting a plan for today’s session. He’d explain his argument with Laurent, then the party at Ancel’s, then the way he keeps looking at Laurent in all the wrong lights, in all the wrong ways, and still finds himself wanting to kiss him. Neo would make a disapproving face, maybe, but it would be easy to brush off; anyone that doesn’t know Laurent would find it hard to understand how easy it is to want to kiss him. Except that isn’t all Damen wants. What Damen wants isn’t a settling of the score, a cleaning of the slate. He doesn’t want to do it once for old times’ sake, or twice out of gluttony. He doesn’t want to make any long-distance phone calls, write any letters, see any pictures on Instagram of Laurent and someone that isn’t him. He doesn’t want things to stay like this, in this careful antiseptic stage. He doesn’t want them to be friends. “It’s not what I want,” Damen says, at last. Neo leans back into his chair. He rolls his wrist once. “You think it’s what I should want, right? Letting go and all.” “I wouldn’t say that,” Neo says. “Should and shouldn’t are very loaded words. It also doesn’t matter what I think you should or shouldn’t do, in general. What is it that you want, since we’ve already established what it is that you don’t?” Don’t make me say it out loud. “I want,” Damen starts, and stops. The words look so stupid, jumbled inside his head. I want him back, like Laurent is a toy someone took away and won’t return. Like Damen is a child, begging. Don’t make me say it.   Seconds trickle by, piling into a minute. Then two. “Do you want to be in a relationship with Laurent again?” “I thought I already was,” Damen says. “A friendship is a kind of relationship. You said that.” Neo closes his eyes, keeps them like that for a while. “I did, yes. Let me rephrase that—do you want to be in a romantic relationship with Laurent? Again?” There is no loophole this time, no two-meaning word Damen can latch onto. The truth sits heavy in him, not on his chest but somewhere deeper, inside a little crevice between some (probably important) organs. Saying no would be lying, saying yes would be diminishing.  “I want things to be good,” Damen says. “That’s all.”

And in chapter 19, Damen is brutally honest with himself about how, even after everything, he still wants Laurent:

“You meet new people,” Neo says. “You go on dates, make new friends, find new interests. Despite what you might think right now, Laurent isn’t your only option. Dare I say, Laurent might not even be your best option.” The room is dark, darker than it was when the phone call started, but Damen’s eyes hurt like he’s been staring at a ball of light for too long. Everything hurts in a strange, modest way. A throb here, faint. An ache there, heatless.  “I don’t want other options,” Damen says. “Well.” “How fucked up is that?” “Pretty fucked up,” Neo says. It makes Damen stop blinking. “Luckily, you’re already doing therapy. It’s only bound to get less complicated from here on. Or more, depending on how you look at it.” “I don’t even wanna look at it, to be honest.” “Then don’t. Take time off, let things cool down, think about what’s been said… No one is asking you to choose right this second.” It’s not that anyone is asking. It’s that it feels like he’s already made his choice. 

“You didn’t tell me,” Damen says before he can think not to. “Tell you what?” “How bad it was.” Laurent’s thumb traces the t in team. It’s a bit crooked, even from Damen’s perspective. “It was pretty bad,” he says, slowly, “before you came back. Things were better once he started seeing you again.” “You call that better?” “Yes,” Laurent says.  I would have come back, Damen thinks, if you’d told me. Except it’s not true; he would have come back for much less. He’s here now, sitting across from Laurent in this mediocre coffee shop, talking things out, making an effort, thinking of reaching out to finally, finally, hold Laurent’s hand.  It’s strange, looking at Laurent and knowing he’s the only other person on earth that feels the same way he does. Where else would Damen go? Who else would he talk to? No one will ever get it, not the way Laurent does. And Laurent knows it. He must, or else he would not be sitting here either. There is only this, Damen thinks. At least for him, there will only ever be this.

So there is that. Damen is hopelessly devoted to Laurent. But that doesn’t make getting back together with him a good decision. Love would not be a good reason to return to an abusive relationship.

Another NOT good reason would be Damen believing the fact that he made mistakes cancels out Laurent’s harmful behavior. The text makes that explicitly clear through Neo:

Neo’s pen hops; a period appears at the end of a sentence. “Apologies can be hard to navigate. It’s sort of like… You’ve wronged me, and you know that you’ve wronged me, and now you’re apologizing for it while expecting me to forgive you. It’s quite a lot to put on a person.” “There are degrees to wrong,” Damen says. His chair feels smaller, like it’s locking him in instead of holding him up. The armrests keep getting in the way of his elbows. “And it’s not like I didn’t have stuff I had to apologize for too. I don’t get why you’re trying to make this seem like a bad thing.” “I’m not.” “Then why—” “Do you think you deserved an apology from Laurent?” Damen leans back and back and back, until his shoulder blades find something solid. Did he deserve…? He’d wanted one, once. In Nikandros’s guest room, with only beige and white and terracotta everything around him, he’d had staring matches with his own phone. He’d thought Laurent might call, at the very beginning. Apologizing. Begging. But Laurent never did. “Yeah,” Damen says.  Neo’s head begins to tilt. “You don’t sound too sure about that.” “I am sure.” “All right,” Neo says. “Why do you deserve an apology?” “I told you already. He treated me like I was an idiot.” “How?” “How—what?” “How exactly did he treat you like you were an idiot? What were his actions towards you?” “I,” Damen starts, but something in Neo’s face makes him pause. “He’d say things when we argued.” “Such as?” “That I was an asshole.” Neo nods. “And how did you feel when you heard him say that? Did you feel like it was fair?” “I felt like he was an asshole,” Damen says. “Sometimes.” “Whereas now you feel like he was right?” He was right about Nicaise. And maybe about Ancel, too. “I don’t know what you want me to say.” “I don’t want you to say anything,” Neo says. “I’m just trying to get you to think about things from a different perspective. Laurent apologized, which is an important—not to say crucial—step in rebuilding any kind of relationship. But it seems to me that you’re holding onto this newly found belief that because you acted a certain way, because you made mistakes, you somehow deserved the way he treated you throughout the last stages of your relationship.” “That’s not what I think,” Damen says.  “All right. Then you think you deserved the apology because the way he treated you was wrong.” “Yes. But…” “But…?” Damen’s face feels hot, the heat lodged right over his molars. “Doesn’t it kind of cancel out? Like, we both fucked up.” “Those are two different issues,” Neo says. “So no, they don’t cancel out. What he did to you and what you did to him are obviously connected, but someone doing something wrong or bad is not an excuse to do the wrong or bad thing back to them.” Neo gives his pen a tap. “Or it does, I suppose. It depends on your belief system. But you don’t strike me as an ‘eye for an eye’ fan.” I don’t want any eyes, Damen thinks. 

I interpret the failed second try (or second strike) of Damen and Laurent’s relationship to have been somewhat based on the “cancel out” reasoning from above. The “cancel out” and move past approach  did not work because they failed to address the many insecurities, communication failures, and problematic patterns that plagued the first time around. A discussion with Neo (again) makes this clear. Damen hasn’t yet learned to listen to what Laurent is saying without letting his insecurities and anger get in the way:

But Damen isn’t in Laurent’s position. You’ll never get it, Laurent had said about Nicaise. Maybe it’s true. “I get why he did it. I’ve been thinking, and it’s not—I get it. Nicaise being embarrassed, wanting Laurent in the room because he was the least angry of—” “I don’t think that’s why,” Neo says. “Or at least, that’s not what you’ve just told me Laurent said about the whole thing.” “What?” “Laurent talked extensively about roles. Did you notice that?” “No.” “He presents himself as the scapegoat for Nicaise’s anger, while you’re the one Nicaise admires and wants to impress.” Tap, tap, tap. Damen imagines Neo’s fingers flying across the keyboard. “It seems to me Nicaise wasn’t concerned about the different intensity levels of your—as in, yours and Laurent’s—anger. He knew you were both angry.” “Laurent was better at handling it.” “Was he?” “I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy,” Damen says. Guys, his brain supplies, helpful as ever. “I still can’t. Even now, I know it’s not—that’s not important. I was yelling at Nicaise. I wasn’t listening.” “And that’s why Nicaise didn’t want you to go with him to the clinic?” Damen closes his eyes. He needs to repaint his ceiling, do something about the lack of texture there.  “Laurent said something about abandonment,” Neo tries. A nudge. “You’ve mentioned Nicaise doesn’t do well with change, that he’s got a tendency to latch onto routines and people. Do you think it might be possible that he was trying to preserve the relationship he has with you?” “By keeping me out of a medical examination room.” “Yes.” “That’s what Laurent said.” “Well,” Neo says. “It sounds plausible.”

Damen wanted magically for them to be over their past:

“Right,” Damen says. “You don’t do should and shouldn’t. I forgot.” “Are you upset?” Are you angry with me? “I don’t know,” Damen says. “We were supposed to be past this, and now it’s out there and I can’t—we can’t—” “How were you supposed to be past this, if this had never been discussed before today?” “You said it’s impossible to discuss everything.”

So, I don’t think it’s a strong interpretation of the text to say that @thickenmyblood is trying to present Damen in an unfairly negative light in order to excuse Laurent’s much worse behavior and thereby make it okay for them to get back together. Cancelling out isn’t what the HEA of the story is set up to be about.

That said – and given the fact that Damen is still in love with Laurent – what GOOD reasons might Damen have to try the relationship again?

For one, he is beginning to understand better what the fights with Laurent about Nicaise were about. Moreover, they have now explicitly acknowledged that they are co-parenting Nicaise and Laurent has expressed a clear commitment to them parenting Nicaise as a team.

For another, Damen has a much improved understanding of the role of therapy and the complexities of mental health. He has a long ways to go on this front, but I don’t think we’ll see him dismissing or belittling Laurent’s mental health needs. Moreover, Damen has ways of addressing his own mental health needs and talking things through with a person who doesn’t share his triggers and emotional investments around Laurent.

For a third, he has made a commitment to working through their issues in therapy and has concluded that he trusts Laurent to try just as hard as he will to repair and strengthen their relationship.

Crucially, Damen has also learned to stand up for himself when he feels Laurent is implying that he is incapable of understanding things. This means he can point it out and Laurent can recognize when he is retreating into a defensive, harmful pattern. This also allows Damen to indicate that something isn’t obvious to him and to ask Laurent to explain it kindly and clearly. I think that is the only way they can reconcile their very different life histories and relationships to social normativity.

ONCE AGAIN, believing this about HIUH Damen relative to HIUH Laurent does not mean that I believe this is something all (or even very many) real life people who were previously in unhealthy relationships should aim for or could achieve.  

Which brings us to our bonus questions:

A. Is an HIUH Laurent who harms Damen through abusive behavior mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

No, in fact, this is not a mischaracterization. Laurent abused Damen in canon. He took him as a slave. He sought Damen’s public humiliation. He had Damen whipped to an extent that would have killed most other people. He placed Damen in a situation that (for almost any other person) would have resulted in a violent public rape. He also forced Damen to engage in public and non-consensual oral sex. Later, when he understood Damen more emotionally and was feeling insecure or threatened, he lied about his feelings and motivations out of shame and self-hatred and with the aim of hurting Damen enough to drive him away.

B. Is an HIUH Damen who chooses to be with Laurent despite past abuse mischaracterized relative to the canon source material?

Damen fell in love with Laurent after all that abuse because he came to understand its source and because he saw other sides of Laurent that were caring and honorable and expressed a commitment to achieving justice, even if not by fully honest means. He came to understand Laurent as a survivor, even before he became aware of what exactly Laurent had survived. He stuck with Laurent through all of Laurent’s attempts to push him away and fought for what should have been an impossible relationship. And throughout this process, he learned about his own naivete and to question key elements of his upbringing, like the quest for war glory and the belief that “perfect treatment” justified slavery.

Captive Prince is a seductive and enthralling trilogy. And we willingly suspend any disbelief about whether Laurent’s trauma can truly be overcome simply by Damen’s noble nature and magical healing cock.

Why not do the same for HIUH? (Or, you know, just stop reading it.)

Although I do think Maca may owe us some healing cock. Just sayin’.

[rui-drawsbox]

What's up it's Nazunon again (hope you're feeling good and are healthy and stress free <3)

Bc of the stuff you said in the last post abt having magic being very OP I had a thought about how to make it less OP.

Imagine it only working in dire circumstances (like Yosano's from BSD) so it isn't always an option, or causing severe physical harm to the person performing the magic.

And yes! Nihility/Harmony Nazuna ftw he is the Tingyun/Bennet of Magical Girl Arashi.

Anyway hope you're having an amazing day!

-Nazunon

i officially declare the nazuna nito struggle in this au

first of all. Hi!! Hello Nazunon and Anon!!! and a big hi to @neptunite-stars too cuz we're gonna be discussing their ideas too! im making this a list or im gonna go crazy crazyiwascrazyonc-

Powers! (not weapons, we'll get there later)

First (1) option! Healer! Nazunon says to tone down his healing powers while anon says to keep him op to show the great loss he was in Valkyrie. Gotta agree with Nazunon in this one, even if Nito is only in the final battle, a healer with no restrictions is wayy too op and would make the audience feel like there's no reason to feel worried for the main team, because even if they get hurt they can just heal and go back to work :/

A way to prevent this (using Nazunon's example!) is putting conditions! A few ideas are that he can heal only a certain percent (some bruises will keep hurting and cuts may not fully close) due the stressing situation they are, or he can transfer the bruises to his own body, as a way to represent his caring personality yet tendency to take too much. Orrr following Yosano's(BSD) powers as example, he can heal others while hurting them, directly contradicting his personality and making him reluctant to use his powers unless is strictly necessary (kind of -1HP but +5HP per hit lol)

2nd option! Support! Can buff his ally or debuff the enemy, or mabye both, idk. A buff idea is reinforce the clothes/armor of his allies (+DEF/VEL) or weapons (+ATK/VEL), and for the debuff ma~ybe inflict little but progressive dmg, maybe where whenever his attacks hit will make the enemy feel numb which can make them unknowingly ignore the cuts and bruises others make them.

3rd option! straight up a Tank. Also starting with the Weapons and Neptune's ideas. What's the weapon that would make the little guy a walking menace, you ask? A big pair of scissors is answer! like, almost as tall as him. It *has* to be that big to be used as a shield, and when it's closed it will make the shape of a sword!

Very delicatte looking, but strong metal! It has to be able to cut heads after all hahaha!/hj

Now going back to supports/healers, i've got the classic options, staffs and books.

Needle staff and antique books (yes they're from genshin but i didn't really wanted to design the covers, but you get the idea).

The staff has a little floating threads mess in the center from where i think infinite threads should come out, but for specific purposes, like heal or reinforce allies for his healer/buff thing, or he can stab the needle in the ground to make the threads go for the enemies foot, forming sewing patterns on the ground, keeping them trapped in the place.

And the books can have like a bunch of magic/alien fashion history that Nito has to study in depth to properly cast whatever he needs. Need to heal someone's deep cut? gotta know how to do a medical stitch in detail. Wanna tie up someone? study how to properly make the knots or take the risk of them escaping.

Anyways! Those are my takes for Nazuna's weapon/rol, hope y'all enjoyed it. I dont plan making any of them 'canon' unless i make a poll about it or see a bunch people directly saying they preffer a specific one (probably).

Rui-out★

[cielospeaks]

heroes year 8 review thing?

heroes year in review list meme thing? (my creation)

new units:

-favorite new heroes character(s): i wanna say glen? hes probably the most fave-fave who was added this year. shout out to characters like yukimura, mozu, hayato, arlen, the solm and elusia guys (and their hound ghbs), and the last batch of fe6 guys for becoming playable, theyre cool. and shout out to fallen ursula for making my memes canon. you go girl, also you deserve better.

-favorite special heroes character(s): ponytail alear is really cute, and both of the twin stewards' seasonals were neat too (even tho i prefer their base forms). the summer hrid is real, which is great. tho thats kinda the extent i feel super strongly towards positively lol.

-favorite legendary/etc character(s): hraes and nid babeyyyyyy!!! tbh the only ones i liked this year and they ate all my orbs RIP. but that said i did also get m shez for no orbs so he gets a shout out.

-favorite resplendent of the year: ofc my favorite character wise is laegy? but i dont like her resplendant art or theme (which is weird bc the voice lines were good). i like the art for cat, brave miccy, and bk i guess.

canon plot

-you have to say one thing nice abt this year's book (whether characters, plot, music, etc?): its nice that hraes and nid are two cool characters in the book, and as far as main villains go, laerdhar is meh but not as just. despiseable as someone like frej ya or eit ri.

-you have to say something nice abt tempest trial too: pyazi is cute and cool and im glad we have one jotun who is tolerable (her art is weird that she looks much happier than her voice lines? but idk i think it kind of works). it also didnt seem like tooooo much of a retcon and like book 3, only enforced the negative traits of the main characters rather than retconned their personalities (like b2's)

-things you didn't like/criticisms: the music for b8 i find kinda forgettable compared to bangers like 7, 6 (elms theme specifically), and 4 and insulting bastardizations making fun of a musical genre like 3 and 5. speaking of insulting the april fools was not so good but then again the only ones ive liked were the 8bit parody (which was ok i guess) and the legendary f eh one. i feel similarly to b2's tt for b5. like really, of all the interesting angles you have to just introduce a new concept out of nowhere and do nothing for pre existing characters???? it was disappointing but not surprising tho imo.

-if you had to choose a favorite character in the main plot/tempest trial (theres gotta be at least one): hraes, nid, and pjazi. i like them all. literally all the rest of the characters, hard pass.

-favorite fb/tempest trial story(stories? if were lucky): bors and lut at the end just pulling out all the stops. easily the best interaction ive seen in a while. the ogier one was nice too. honestly i think a lot of fb were fine, the bad ones just leave a bad taste in my mouth. nothing really stands out to me tt wise tho lol. ig the chrom and luci one was wholesome tho.

oc stuff!

-if you had to describe the theme/vibe of the book (fic) in 1-2 words? self-improvement, next step?

-what oc do you feel like encapsulates the message of the book fic the best? like idk. em for book 6: imean theres two, eostra and eadgyth. i guess with the theme of self-improvement, then eostra. it doesnt really count but i think elanor also fits both themes tho shes in the side story lol. im also just realizing everyone has an "e" name. rush e was the friends we made along the way.

-what is your favorite character interaction of the book? i love every bit of the plumisurla dynamic. evil ladies snarking at each other. they got mad disney villain energy, but like. if two slay queen disney villains also were fond (in a wholesome way) of a two braincells princess/protagonist and became part of the squad (not in a bad way, in a fun and neat way, not in a stupid way like in actual movies). i feel like kaze got some good scenes, being the glue that keeps everyone from tearing each others throats lol.

-what is your favorite character development of the book? delthea being the main character of the nidavelir theme. also i havent written yet but herrinthr and otr standing up to eitri bc she was mean to sola.

-whats one criticism/change/something youd do differently if canon was different: i feel like 7 and 8 both dont have as grounded plots, partly bc theres so many damn characters. i think 8 is a bit better, with eostra and eadgyth acting as surrogate main characters kind of. more development/screentime from "spy" to get us more invested in his fate, and more development/screentime just adventuring abt yggdrasil with eostra and eadgyth. tho i feel like the latter could easily be a spinoff material for like a "five minute disney story" but heroesverse.

-if you could change one thing in canon to fit the fic better, what would it be and why/how? angsty otr + fafnir reunion scene (hey it could still happen) to introduce spack, more jeritza screentime and a happy end if he was added in the 16 banner (in canon he will get an unfortunately sad end)

[gu6chan]

played DND for the first time today!!!!!!

it was a lot of fun omg, thinking i might make updates on this blog but our cast is

dragonborne named laiona bane i think, whose a 16 y/o divine sorcerer pyromancer/healer living on their own after their whole criminal gang got arrested and they were let off being considered a hostage because SURELY there would be no way someone favoured by the gods could do anything evil!!! so now theyre running a brothel that fronts as a bar/inn and is constantly causing arson and chaos wherever she goes. her bodyguard hates her

her bodyguard (meeeee!!!! :D) Margarette who is a 195cm (6 foot 4) 36 y/o woman paladin who was raised by a fairy to take the place of his dead son??? brother???? family members in a VERY isolated forest made up entirely of faeries save for the one (1) temporary human settlement her father helped run before it fell apart. anyways her father WAS very loving but she'd has been having a crisis since discovering she's a woman AFTER her father passed away and said human settlement collapsed and just trying to figure out "What being her own person and not an extension of a dead one means/what is this whole woman thing about/what does this do/what are THESE/what the fuck, dad" and lived as the ONE human with a bunch of jackass faerie neighbours before going on a quest of ✨self-exploration✨ (in which she "chose" the name margarette for herself, since it sounds "woman" enough??? which is what she is, she supposes, since she's OBVIOUSLY not her father's dead relative is what she's learned!!!) she enters the first bar she sees after a while and is immediately suspicious of it THEN after confronting the owner (laiona) about it she's like "...do you need somewhere to work?" and now is living as a personal bodyguard for her. she Very Notably sounds like a grown man and is a dick to Everyone

A poor centaur farmer girl named Valerie living a normal life on the farm with her father and goes to their town to sell vegetables and goes to get a quick bite to eat/place to stay the night at laiona's """inn"""" and 1. ends up having to sleep outside because they don't have any rooms that fit her 2. ends up getting harassed by a 40 y/o wizard drunk off his ass from 1 beer who eats an entire hamburger staring her dead in the eye the entire time. she gives him a carrot in pity because he looks about to keel over (he looks 80). margarette calls her "horse" and she's very sad about it :(

said 40 y/o wizard named Mangor who lives in some EXTREMELY magical old forest with probable great importance off in the corner of the map??? he befriends animals and puts them in his little book and then releases them when he needs to like pokemon. he has a lava snail he uses for travel that he keeps under his hat called Schnecke and it was his first friend. he came the whole 1400+ miles for a burger because they dont have them in the Forest of Elders only to get drunk off of one beer, eat a carrot and stumble out onto the street. margarette didn't like him she wanted him out IMMEDIATELY but liona was very fond of him which is where things start up :)

SO the plot is

After Valerie turns in for the night Maggie sees Mangor stumbling drunk through the streets, and being AWFULLY suspicious he might be a secret informant of the knights templar she grabs him and drags him by the foot back to give him a room for the night and prevent him from leaving till she gets a read on just WHAT is going on, BUT liona catches them and is like "omg its that guy from earlier. hes kinda silly isnt he lol" and knowing exactly where she was going maggie was like "No the fuck you do NOT" anyways she makes her get him a new pair of pants and another burger (She is not pleased about this being JUST paid to be a bodyguard and now additionally having to act as a personal maid for this drunk perverted wizard, but liona was like "DO IT or ur working with the hoes tonight" rip margarette.... 😭) AND she made them bunk with each other. maggie made him sleep on the floor lmao he has night terrors So MEANWHILE liona's like "You know what Margarette. we should get out more. lets do a few quests, have a few adventures etc i wanna try this guy out he looks like he could use it" which maggie ALSO is not a fan of bc she always has to get her out of trouble when they do and they were also interrogated by an officer of the knights templar EARLIER (Which Liona got out of by citing several protection clauses and laws and constitutional amendments that did not exist) so they should Absolutely Not Ever leave the bar alone at that point in time

but liona absolutely does NOT listen and instead gathers them all to find a steed, which she picks as the poor farmer girl who was staying overnight to they go out to her stable like "Hey. how much do you charge if we were asking you to travel ~ miles" and maggie's like "you COULD ask me and i could get it for free for us if i wanted (by threatening her). lol. lmao even" but it chalks up to 30 gold. anyways they go to sleep and all wake up in some fuckoff cave, maggie wakes up first, IMMEDIATELY blames the wizard but seeing he has no idea whats going on she checks on Valerie, and finally (even if she REALLY didn't want to) gives up to report to her boss. they all check outside the cave, which is on a cliff and liona tries scaling, only to fail but not DIE fortunately So they continue deeper into the cave, only to find a sort of??? curved hallway? thing, though its thin to where they have to walk in a line. the walls are made of mist, and after maggie tries to put her hand through one she finds you can go right through it. liona ties herself to some rope to see where the mist leaves with maggie holding the other end to keep track of her and so she can pull her back if needed, except its found that it actually LOOPS and liona comes right back out from the OTHER wall. both she and mangor go crazy with this and are just running loops while Valerie and Margarette are standing there like "i hate my life" Eventually the rope DOES somehow get used up and liona can't run any further so Maggie makes her run back 😭 BUT she suddenly hears her father calling for her, causing her to turn around and then suddenly everyone is gone, mangor gets lost from the group and liona also turns around when she notices margarette's no longer holding the rope, which ALSO separates her from the rest of the group. the only one whose left standing is valerie, who eventually comes across Margarette and calls out for her but is ignored as Margarette continues to search for the voice of her father. Valerie eventually is forced to turn around when Liona finds HER though and decides to smack her on the ass, forcing her to turn around before LIONA is "confronted" by the officer of the knight templar from before who says they've completely destroyed the tavern. meanwhile Mangor eventually gets a little anxious and eventually takes off his hat to hold his snail (It made a very nice popping noise as it was pulled off his bald head) and holds it in his arms for a while BEFORE HIS FUCKING SNAIL LOOKS BACK AND VANISHES INTO THIN AIR which causes mangor to have a complete balls to the wall agonised meltdown 😭 meanwhile valerie turns around AGAIN hearing the voice of her father calling for her to come back to the farm and margarette does as well trying to go back to look for liona and the rest, and now things are starting to look a bit,,,, wrong???? the mist is more bloody and the ground turned from porcelain tiles to kinda,,, bad sludge and eventually it gets to where its just flesh and hardened blood for walls, not great!!! AND THEN!!! liona has turned around SO many times she eventually hears something sneaking up behind her and TRIES to fight it off, turns around AGAIN and is safe for like 3 seconds before she realises she's in some place so dark she can't even cast a spell to light it up. she eventually gets grabbed and pulled into this strange monster that just crushes her from the sides until all her bones are broken and she dies the SECOND to go is valerie, who ironically only looked back twice and was DETERMINED to keep going since she was the first to figure out the whole "Turning back = not good" gimmick. She hears something approaching from behind and STARTS attempting an attack but it grabs onto her before she can, latches onto her legs from behind and flattens her to death with its fists :( rip valerie....

anyways while those two were being met with gruesome deaths, Margarette starts hearing something sneaking up behind her after trying to call out for her father and stays STILL, debating whether or not to try calling out for the OTHERS or stay quiet and try to time an attack against this thing without looking back by stabbing it from behind her waist with her polearm, and Mangor who ALSO started to hear footsteps did the exact opposite by repeatedly looking behind him to try and get away from whatever was approaching him 😭 ends up backfiring though till he eventually casts a poison spell and IMMEDIATELY fills the entire vicinity with poison which he promptly breathes in and dies from khfgkdfhsghkdjf not before seeing the "monster" that was stalking him which was a charred version of himself with a gaping maw for a mouth tho

The last one to go is Maggie who I'm ngl I was surprised to see her last this long BUT she SEVERELY messes up her timing trying to stab behind her only to have her polearm grabbed and yanked BACK instead, and eventually got pulled back by what felt like a bunch of little hands yanking at her clothes. she tries for her javelins before it grabs her bag and ALMOST considers just stripping and letting go of all her weaponry, items, etc. to at least get out alive but at that point it ends up touching her skin directly and literally burning it off before she gets completely devoured by "whatever" this is 😔 as it turns out she was the only one NOT to die/have a direct encounter with an otherworldly silent hill-ass creature, but Mangor's pet snail 😭😭😭

anyways, they all wake up on a road thoroughly traumatised and confused and that's where we left off for the first round!!!! it was a lot of fun!!!!!!!! Here's Maggie btw!!! she's an actual OC for a different story of mine :)

[kenmakaminari]

Other random things I remember about the early PJO/HOO fandom:

That dude that plays Finnegan in the Hunger Games? Yeah, we fan-casted him as Luke...

The "Ask The Seven page" or whatever its called... Just look it up 😭

THE HORRIBLE FAN CASTS I remember hating every single one. Yall they were so bad dont even search for ts

SO MANY 1 chapter "Reading the book" fics. authors would write one chapter and then fall off the face of the planet

another honorary mention of ffn being impossible to navigate. I had to type the exact trope I wanted into Google to find a fic. And I didn't know how to turn off the auto type feature on my phone so yeah...

Vira was our god. I know shes cancelled now, but I don't think new people know just how much of a celebrity she used to be like 10 years ago, girl was everywhere

We were so reliant on other fandom members contributions, I joined from the HP fandom and it was kind of a shock. Like HP has/had official versions of EVERYTHING buy Pjo/Hoo you had to know how to work Etsy and Pinterest in your favor. I have a really old CHB hoodie that my dad got me, and I don't even know how!! like you couldn't just go to an official website or Disney or anything you had to know people who knew people if that makes any sense

You think you cant mention the og movies now? You used to get shunned back in the days!!! The only reason you could mention those movies was if you were hating on them, even Uncle Rick followed those rules lmfao

Which reminds me, UNCLE RICK!!! That's the name I've always known him by! I'm not quite as involved anymore, so I don't know if he is nowadays, but Rick Riordan was heavily involved in the fandom, the OG how far we've come amv on YouTube even features his reaction to it in the beginning!!!

The Musical, I still love it!!!!!!!

the Percy deal with it meme

Persassius Jacksasson

The headcanons, I would just type PJO Headcanon into google, go to images and scroll all night lol some are really good, others omg

the shipping wars were brutal. which is crazy for a series where everyone is already in their own canonical relationship, but it still happened

Rachel was the devil 😭 the poor girl couldn't catch a break to save her life

OMG DUMB PERCY it was so hard to find anything without Percy being a complete idiot or him and Jason saying 'Bro" every 5 seconds

those fuck ass tattoos with like the HP (deathly hallows) symbol, riptide, and a mocking jay or smth, I'm so glad I couldn't get a tattoo back then

The "inspirational" quotes things that were like "Annabeth taught me..., Katniss learned..., Hermione said...," you know what I mean

"They're not just books/characters!" was my version of "it's not a phase mom!!!"

anyways that's it for now!! this whole thing probably doesn't make any sense 😭

I almost started crying from nostalgia at a Percy Jackson TikTok today... like this TV show is making my childhood come back to life

I'm not exactly and OG og, but I've been in this fandom long enough that I had to wait for HoH and BOO to come out. Yeah I'm one of the ones who read about Percy letting go of the cliff and then had to WAIT to find out what happened next. 8y/o me was shook

AND I've been here long enough that all the fandom stuff was on ff.n and I had to use Google to find fics I wanted instead of an awesome tagging system, and I would watch hours of those AMVs on YouTube where the same 20 pics from Vira and random Pinterest photos were edited to different Midwest emo songs like Coldplay and 21 Pilots. That was my shit man, and also how I discovered my music taste lmfao

yeah this post really has no value other than to write down my thoughts, I'm so happy for this show, cuz I love that the fandom is coming back to life and new people are discovering my babies!!! I finally get to share PJO with my non-reader family and friends (even if I'm a bit salty that they never read the books)

[ireallycouldnotbebothered]

•temporary lover•

summary: you are completely shocked when a criminal climbs into your window, pretending to be your lover as the cops are desperately on the search for him.

warnings: guns used inappropriately, violence(?) and alot of smut

mistas thoughts in blue!

✪✮

"Book inspiration is so hard to get these days!" You said as you threw another piece of paper in the now full trash can next to you. It had been 2 months since your first ever book had gone viral and now the expectations to release a book just as good were too high.

The money you had received from the book you got was treating you well though, your apartment was huge and you could get anything you wanted but you wanted to try and write something else.

Something with action and with well thought out characters was what you needed for another bestseller but right now your mind was blank.

You sighed and decided that you should probably stop for the night, you weren't getting anywhere and you were tired. You got changed into a white,silky nightdress and just as you turned around to go to your bedroom, you heard a loud BANG.

You froze. That came from downstairs! Were you being robbed?? Oh no, you were too young to die! You grabbed a plank that was next to you and ran down the stairs. You were in your hero arc right now so it was only right to be stupid and run straight into the scene.

When you got downstairs with the plank in both hands, you found a bizarre man in a blue suit on the floor with scratches and bruises all over his face.

He looked straight up at you with a mischievous grin.

The plank had now left your hand and you felt drunk as you couldn't decide on which emotion you were feeling, excitement,worry and all the others.

"who the fuck are you??" You said staring at him.

"I don't usually present myself like this so I deeply apologise for this miss, I'm known as guido mista, a pretty girl like you must have a pretty name, right?"

Who is this woman and why is she so amazingly pretty??

"MISTA AS IN FAMOUS GANG MEMBER MISTA WHOSE BEEN ON THE RUN FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS??" You shouted, remembering the news report you had read this afternoon.

"Oh I didn't know I was famous enough for a pretty girl like you to say my name. Luckily for you I think I'll be here for a while."

He laughs at your still shocked face as he gets up to sit on a chair.

"You look sexy in that nightdress by the way, I just about get a view of your boobs from here" he said, taking off his hat (?)(idk what its called lol) to reveal brown curly hair.

"Number 1 who said you're staying here and Number 2 don't be a fucking pervert or you're getting hit with the plank, infact you're getting hit either way" You shouted walking towards him.

"Come on I'm sure we can compromise pretty girl, right?"

"I dont think so Guido Mista." You smirked at the man who was now face to face with you.

"I'll let you do anything you want to me pretty girl. Anything." He said pulling you closer to him.

As he gets to examine your face more, he feels like he's seen you before on a show or something.

"Are you famous or something, I've definitely seen this pretty face before." He said, lifting your chin with his index finger.

You push him away slowly and sit on a chair opposite him and sigh.

What the fuck am I going to do with him? I mean I could ask him some stories he has about adventures or something at least.

"Ok. How about we make a deal, im a writer and i need some inspiration so tell me some of your best stories and you can stay for however long you need to." You said looking at him.

"That works perfectly for me but I should mention how the police are going through everyone on this street's houses to find me so uh-"

"WHAT."

Just as you were about to start shouting at him you heard a police officer talking to your neighbors.

"What the hell do we do??" You said crossing your arms.

"Easy. Fake sex. They won't come in when they hear a young, hot couple having the type of sex your neighbors complain about." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You froze. I mean all I have to do is fake moan it's pretty easy

"Fuck fuck fuck uh take off your clothes" You said to the brunette as the police officers were inches away from your door.

"Oh so we're dating now, its only been 5 minutes pretty girl and you want me this bad."

"Shut up and take off your clothes do you want to get caught?" You said taking off your nightdress to reveal a silky white lingerie.

"Oh wow, all this for me, you're too kind pretty girl." He said removing his outfit leaving you to view a god-like body infront of him.

You quickly ran to open the window near the door so your fake show could be heard.

You went to Mista and crawled ontop of him

"Dont make this harder than it already is Mista."

"Keep saying my name like that and I might not be able to control myself pretty girl." He chuckled, relaxing himself into the chair.

As soon as the both of you hear footsteps, you start to give him soft kisses all over his face and then his neck where you suck harder earning a loud groan from him.

"Right there baby" he says almost too genuine.

You hear a soft knock on the door.

"What do we do?" You whisper to him.

He pushes you towards him pressing his lips against yours, grabbing your ass in the process causing you to moan loudly.

"Why dont we have a little bit of fun?"

"As long as you dont get caught I do not care Mista." You whispered to him, worried that you could be heard.

To be honest you were just really horny and wanted this mystery man to give you a nice night.

He took off his boxers revealing a rock hard cock poking out.

You gulped, it's huge

He smiled at your expression and shoved his aching cock into your mouth.

You chocked slightly as he pushed further down your throat. You slowly bobbed your head, taking in his length earning some loud moans from him.

"Fuck just like that baby, don't stop I'm close" He groaned pushing your head deeper with one hand.

"Hello anyone in. It's the police, please open the door or we will have to ourselves."

You both froze.

FUCK.

"One second coming!" You shouted, slowly pushing Mista off to get a bathrobe from an other room.

You ran to the door and opened it with an annoyed expression.

"Uhm I'm busy right now, do you need anything?"

"Trust me we could tell." One of the officers said with a smirk.

"Excuse me?" You said glaring at him.

"Sorry about him, we're looking for a criminal on the loose Guido Mista, do you have any idea of his whereabouts?"

Time for the main act.

"Are you saying that because I'm a woman, do you think I'm sleeping with him or something. I've already been disrespected by your colleague here so I really am considering talking to your boss." You said in the most stern voice you could.

As the two officers stood there shocked, suddenly Mista appeared behind you in a bathroom robe and a black face mask.

"Anything wrong babe, I can hear alot of noise" He said leaning on the doorframe beside you.

"Just these officers" you said playing along.

"Oh, if you guys don't mind we have some business to attend to right now so maybe you could come at a later time?"

The police officer stared at him attentively but ultimately gave up.

"Uh yes okay, were terribly sorry by the way miss" the officer said.

You slammed the door and shut the window and sighed.

"Jesus Christ they're so persistent"

"You owe me I saved your ass." Mista laughed as you fell onto the chair.

"No you owe me first. I have you the best blowjob of your life, give me a story."

"Fine, hmm where do I start." He said sitting next to you on the chair.

"Well I had a few adventures with this guy called Giorno Giovanna, he was crazy I swear-"

✪✮

[wolfstrong]

Buffy season 1 reflection!!!!!!!!!

My feelings on Buffy so far are very complicated because I find it crazy entertaining but there are so many things in the show that I just KNOW are terrible. I really enjoy the character dynamics its probably my favorite thing about the show. I find it endlessly funny that Giles has to hang out with a group of teenagers, and (when xander isn't making it weird) the main group is super cute and funny together. Also really like the setting, highschool shenanigans are always fun and idk it just seems like it would have been very cool to be a teen in the 90s. Also I like monster of the week stuff with a more overarching plot, you can kind of just enjoy things as they come and have the security that it's pretty much always gonna be resolved by the end of the episode. FOR WHAT I DONT LIKE. well "Buffy Speak" is annoying. like I'm getting more used to it and even able to find it charming at some points but BOY when i started the show it was almost making it unwatchable. i can see myself liking it by the end of the series but for now lets just be a little annoyed with it. Other thing that really gets me is the buffy/xander/willow love... line? idk i think i could stand it if xander didn't pine over buffy and wasn't weird to girls because he's very weird to girls. Somehow buffy manages to be like girlboss feminism win while also being the most sexist show every created. and maybe that was just like the era but yeah i don't enjoy watching male characters I'm supposed to like perv out over women.

Character Thoughts

Buffy- shes so awesome like honestly!! i like that she lives this very bad ass life and like we the viewer know how cool she is because we see her do all these bad ass things, but to the rest of the school shes just kinda like this weirdo kid who hangs out in the library. it kind of makes her an honorary fail girl in my opinion. And just her whole attitude of wanting to be a normal teenage girl so when it comes time to slay monsters shes like "ugh. guess its monster slaying time! whatever!" and acts bad ass as hell but doesn't really care. also its just awesome that she is physically super strong. like she will just randomly be punching through walls and doing sick backflips. ugh i love it

Giles- I. LOVE. GILES. im a Giles fangirl all the way like what else is there even to say about it. When he comes on screen I'm just like instantly smiling. funniest character ever invented. And again i just love that he has to hang out with teenagers all the time and sometimes they just like bully him for being old and lame and into books and he's constantly getting beat up and thrown around. yeah i don't even have much to say he's just awesome

Willow - Literally the blueprints for dorky nerdy girls everywhere like what else is there to say. we all know she is literally BEYOND iconic. Shes so cute and smart and charming and like honestly its like. how many girl in media really DO get to just be dorky like its pretty rare i feel like that's why its like. she was the blueprint man.

Xander - ... yes my complicated feelings yes yes. he's soooooo annoying and fail but... you know i like when guys are fail guys.. BUT HES ALMOST TOO FAIL. of course like i already said i hate the way he acts to women and when buffy rejected him and he acted super pissy and like "ugh whatever you only don't like me because you like that chad Angel ugh nice guys always finish last" I literally wanted him dead. so beyond cringe with that kind of behavior. BUT when he's like being sweet and goofy then I'm like.. aw hi funny guy from the 90s lol! and i do think his relationship with willow CAN be super cute cuz idk i just like the whole childhood friends vibe and i like that they have a relationship outside of their time with buffy and its nice to get little glimpses of them together just being buddies. I think the whole situation would be 100% better if xander was pining for willow instead of Buffy and willow was the oblivious one. I am not against their relationship at all i just hate to see willow be the one pinning for him cuz its like girl. you can literally do better okay. you are awesome. whatever. sorry for being a halfway Xander apologist

Cordelia- literal girlboss. every time shes on the screen its a treat. I just love the vibe where she is like?? friends with the main characters kind of? but also just bullies the shit out of them and is so mean in every interaction. see the thing is if they were't friends at all she just wouldn't talk to them or they wouldn't talk to her. but they always end up talking so there is obviously some kind of relationship there. but its just like one where she calls them losers and they are like "alright. well see you next week cordelia" If you are a hater and think shes mean get out of my face shes literally awesome and funny. also in the final when she drove her car thought the school doors... SO . GIRLBOSS. i am very excited to see where her character goes cuz i got the feeling at some point shes gonna turn into some kinda supernatural monster. i just feel it.

Angel - eh lowkey who cares. I am never one to be interested in the mysterious brooding guys its just not my thing. He reminds me of Edward from twilight both in face and attitude and because he's a vampire of course lol

Episodes

Honestly they were all kind of of equal quality. Nothing was so horrible I couldn't stand it they were all just good. One that kind of stood out as a favorite was "I robot, you jane", it was nice to have something more willow focused and it was very funny to see what people thought of the internet back then. Willow kind of online dating a guy was enough to make everyone freak the fuck out. And i really really love the way the demon robot looked. the idea of a demon existing on the web was just a cool idea in general. idk just a cool way of combining the supernatural with tech stuff

idk just look at this guy and tell me this isn't awesome

.... okay then... see yall in season 2!!!

[crow-caller]

first off, i absolutely adore your channel. i think ive fully listened through your lightlark review twice every day since its come out. i play it in the background while im doing the dishes or doing homework or writing (its great motivation, really “if this could get published, then by god some poor fellow on Ao3 will like my story”)

i left a youtube comment on your latest video about sweet evil that has the same premise as this ask, but either it just didnt go through or you deleted it yourself (which i kind of doubt, but if it did bug you then please disregard this ask lol) because i cant find it anymore.

your love for angels in literature is a very nice breath of fresh air among the booktube community, and that paired with your love for bad books made me wonder, have you ever read Georgia McBrides PRAEFATIO?

if you have, oh my god i thought i was alone in experiencing this horrendous novel, but if you havent i really do recommend it.

actually. “recommend” isnt the right word. i dont recommend this book to anyone at all. save yourself

the writing is so JUVENILE its painful to read, imagine my immortal but with zero edge and thats almost exactly the writing style of the first few chapters. at some points the book gets so insanely hardcore (like lightlark but the violence is somehow even more unnecessary to the plot) but then the mc is reacting to these things with such eloquent phrases such as “OMG” “WTF” and “OW”

the mc, grace ann miller, is (from my memory) newly seventeen and is also the most specialist nephilim to ever exist because she was actually the will of GOD, so that makes her better than the other nephilim.

she falls in love with a Hot Rockstar Fallen Angel™ named gavin who is absolutely not also 17, after he totally didnt kidnap her and when shes eventually saved— i mean ripped away from her one true love by the police— shes deemed INSANE and a victim of stockholm syndome. the entire book is meant to be her giving her police statement which georgia seems to forget for most of the story.

tale as old as time really.

id love to hear your thoughts on it if you ever get your hands on this garbage fire (or if you have already).

(also, georgia mcbride is totally in love with gavin and its a little weird, you can see her ramblings here)

I def didn't delete the comment, I've only deleted 1 spam comment the entire time I've done youtube, but I probably haven't seen it or it got caught somewhere in the web. I TRY to read and respond to every comment or at least like it to show I've read it, but as I get more videos and views that's increasingly hard to do. I'm bad at time management to begin with and now I have hundreds of comments to respond to!

The name Georgia McBride sounds very familiar but I can't tell why. I have never heard of PRAEFATIO, it doesn't seem very notable or wide spread but you're right in that it looks similar. And sounds bad. And the cover looks.... wrong.

They.... look so wrong. They both look extremely photoshopped and severely uncanny, the girl in particular looks like a doll and honestly, it really really creeps me out. It definitely is going on my list of books to read though because it sounds gloriously bad, and yes, I love angels and bad angel books a lot.

(It's the autism if anyone couldn't guess by everything about me... special interest: angels (and demons). Longest lasting special interest maybe I've had)

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I posted 2,985 times in 2022

That's 1,767 more posts than 2021!

23 posts created (1%)

2,962 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elytrians

@thekidsfromyestergay

@cttrajan1206

@discardedcandywrapper

@greenbeany

I tagged 1,232 of my posts in 2022

#mcr - 290 posts

#ofmd - 79 posts

#art - 65 posts

#toh - 41 posts

#birds - 21 posts

#tiktok - 18 posts

#lol - 15 posts

#lmao - 14 posts

#fuck capitalism - 14 posts

#prev tags - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 74 characters

#🦀🦀🦀😁🦀😁😁😁😁😁😁🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀😁😁🦀🦀😩🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

HELP ITS ME SUMI

The londoner in ur birmie squad sjdhhdf

i am so sorry bro i dont think i am who u think i am 😭😭

8 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

#4

aras have you seen the Joan of Arc outfit yet

I HAVE NOW KSKDKLEODJ DKDOEOL I AM GOING RVEN MORE INSANE GOING TO WATCH THE STREAM NOW

10 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

3000 posts!

ashamed 😔

16 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#2

clownwife

19 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe &lt;3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

36 notes - Posted February 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nikethestatue]

It's so important to remember that Gwyn hasn't showed interest (romantically) in Azriel because even elriels get into the gwynriel propaganda. the other day I saw a post where op were comparing their situation to aragorn/eowyn/arwen and I was like whaaaaat? Gwyn is not eowyn, she's not mad in love with Azriel lol. Not even elain/Lucien/Azriel is a love triangle at this point, but you know people will never accept that Azriel wants elain and Elain wants Azriel and that Gwyn has weird powers.

Yes, and I think people (willingly) forget that SJM doesn't write love triangles. Especially love triangles between 2 women and 1 man. In her books, it's women who decide, not men. As an example, Feysand and Tamlin--not really a love triangle, because Feyre made her decision on who she wants to be with. Tamlin and Rhys sort of fought over her, but it was mostly indirect, with Tamlin making dumb decisions all over the place. Same with Aelin and let's say Chaol and Dorian--same thing, it was Aelin's decision between those two, and then, down the line, it was still her decision regarding Rowan, for example. So if someone thinks that two girls are going to be duking it out over Az, I think they will be disappointed, and don't really understand SJM's writing.

Even with the Aragorn, Eowyn and Arwen comparison, it's mostly based on the movies, and not the book, because Tolkien didn't emphasize any kind of love triangle, and certainly didn't spend a lot of time on female characters either. Of course at the end, Eowyn and Arwen never met, so calling it a triangle is a stretch.

But Gwyn is not Eowyn--she is not a warrior princess in love with Azriel! Also, I dont know what is so difficult to understand--Azriel is interested in Elain. That's it. Just because you don't like it, it doesn't change the fact that he wants Elain. Elain is probably the only person in the world that makes him pause, listen, sit down and talk (to her). He generally strikes me as a guy who does give two fucks about 'expectations of him' or requirements or whatever. That's why he talks back to Rhys and Feyre and Amren. But it's different with Elain. People can project whatever they feel like onto him and his feelings, but the fact remains the same.

It is what it is.

[gabrielitas]

phew it's good to know i'm boy the only one super behind lmao

alright answering questions and asking some more because i have a funny little group of questions that mean nothing but i like to ask

alright so i do bias soonyoung 🙄🙄 didn't think you'd guess so early. i also like seokmin and minghao 🥴🤤 aLSO, WHY HAS SEUNGCHEOL BEEN LOOKING SO CUTE RECENTLY I CANT HANDLE 😩😩

outside of kpop i may or may not have had an emo phase (read: fall out boy, panic!at the disco, my chemical romance). i may or may not still listen emo music. i also LOVE CONAN GRAYYY. idk if he's still indie but i love indie too! probably one of my favorite genres though is classical (instrumental if you wanna get technical 🙄 been yelled at bc cLaSsiCaL iS a TiMe PeRiOd)

the best of us had emo phases ☝️ mine is a little longer lasting three years in middle school. due to this, fall out boy is one of my favorite artists! i’m also a big tchaikovsky fan, and i like doja cat a lot too!

in response to your question about 1518 strasbourg, this is when and where the dancing plague of 1518 happened dnsbsbshja. it's where the phrase "dance till you die" originated lmao. i think it'd be funny to witness this/take part in it. aside from that, id probably fuck with california in 1849 because the gold rush🧎‍♀️, france in the 1880s, or america in the 1980/1990s! i’m a history nerd courtesy of my father, so i choose all my time periods based off some of my favorite historical events! 1880s for architecture mostly, gold rush because lawlessness and the "wild west", and the 80s for the cold war :)

the night is beautiful if you take the time to live it. for me, my favorite time across the board is lunch time-12:00 ish to 3:00 just because the sun is highest and i feel happiest! i like the night when i go out on bike rides because i feel alive/ like i’m not wasting my teen years

GIRL IM NORTHEAST US TOO DJNSBSBSVABWB #goals lmao

i have 1 sister and she's super annoying🙄 i also have 2 cats and a dog (i consider them my siblings)

the most recent show i binged and finished was criminal minds, and i tried supernatural but it's just so bad i cant get past season 11. i’m working on hannibal right now!

the last book i really enjoyed was the summer i turned pretty! i’m a sucker for romance books 😩

questions i've got:

- do you have any siblings or pets?

- do you play any instruments?

- what's your favorite font?

- how many pillows and stuffed animals do you sleep with? (i have too many to count)

- would you rather live in an urban, suburban, or rural setting?

I FRIKIN KNEW U BIASED SOONYOUNG UR VIBES R SO HORANGHE I COULD JUST TELL and i gotta say ur the second person who’s had both minghao and soonyoung on ur bias list and i just find that so funny cuz they’re polar opposites to me (also u have impeccable taste with minghao that boy is my ult and has my whole heart) AND OMG RIGHT??? seungcheol needs to *CHILL*😤

omg yes conan gray😫 this is gonna sound whiny but heather was one of my favorite songs of his before it became a tiktok trend💅

and yes the best of us *did* have emo phases, mine lasted from late 8th grade into the first half of freshman year, so it was kinda short lived but it still happened lol

also, seeing tchaikovsky and doja cat next to each other in a sentence is so funny (but in a weird way i get it lol) i’m not the *biggest* classical/instrumental fan, but i have def used it as study music when songs with lyrics r just too distracting. back to doja tho!! have u listened to her new album?? do u have a fav song off of it? (i haven’t listened to all of it but i do have a couple that i rlly like)

omg how did i not recognize that u were talking abt the dancing plague!!!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ idk if u watch buzzfeed unsolved or watcher but they have a series called puppet history and the episode on the dancing plague is one of my favorites! also omg yes another history nerd who knows abt history b/c of her dad!!!! i’m prob most knowledgeable abt wwii, the civil rights movement in the us, and the spanish civil war cuz those r my dads main interests and i was sat down in front of documentaries abt those topics at the age of like, 3 lol. and wanting to experience the wild west is such a perfect and iconic era to want to live in, and wanting to experience the cold war is so funny (b/c i’m sure the ppl who were living it without knowing the ending like us felt the exact opposite lol)

and yes the night is so beautiful when u just give it ur attention. like, on my birthday it was raining and i didn’t have school the next day (and my birthdays i’m may so it was pretty warm) so i just went outside at like, midnight ish and listened to the rain and crocheted and it was truly so nice 😫 also omg last year when covid had us all at home i went for a bike ride almost every day after school to just get out of my room and it was so nice!! it was my bike from when i was like, 12 but i’m 4’11 so i was still able to ride it without a problem lsnsksns

and yes pets r absolutely siblings, my cat prob acts more like s typical sibling than my two younger siblings do lsnsksns (srsly tho my cat is an asshole she fucked up my leg the other day cuz i gave her food late smh)

omg hun season 11?? how many seasons of that goddamn show r there??? i couldn’t get past episode 1😭 (i rlly only started watching it b/c of dean from gilmore girls sksnksns) the show i’m currently bingeing rn tho is downton abbey, as i’m sure u can tell from how much downton shit u had to scroll past to find my answer to ur last ask alskkskjsjs (i’m so so sorry 😭)

ooo that sounds like a rlly good book title, what was it abt? i just finished a secret history (which FUCKED ME UP MY GOD THERES A LOT OF MURDER) and i’m currently working on the sequel to my name is asher lev by chaim potok (who is one of my fav jewish/classic literature authors and also just a rlly good author in general)

for ur questions:

-yes i do have siblings! two younger (one four and a half years younger and one a little over nine years younger than me so i’m the oldest by quite a bit lol) and i do have a pet! my cat sweetie who is an asshole who i love very much

-i took piano for like a year in second grade but then third grade happened and i was rlly bad at math so my parents switched from paying for piano lessons to paying for math tutoring lessons and i now remember literally nothing from piano lessons sksnksns

-i,,, dont think i have a favorite font? i do like to write in cursive and have a collection of calligraphy pens that i bust out on special occasions so there’s that i guess lol

-ok i have two normal pillows, one chair/armrest/pillow thing (idk if that makes sense but that’s the only way i know how to describe it sksnksns), a body pillow, and a single stuffed bear that live on my bed

-ooo so this is difficult for me cuz i technically live in a suburb but we’re *right next* to a major city in my state (like i’m a 20ish min car ride from my states baseball stadium and a 20 min walk to the college of the major city) so this has kinda made me rlly like both? like, i like the quiet of the suburbs but i cant handle not being able to walk to the closest boba shop or movie theatre or bookshop but i also don’t rlly love the noise and lights that there are in the city at night. so idk sksnksns

what do u like more tho? the city or the suburbs? also since u asked the question i’m assuming u have a fav form and i’m now rlly interested in finding out what it is lol

goodnight!❤️ (or good morning if ur seeing this in the morning since i’m answering this at midnight lol)

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[justasouthernlady]

50 questions tag

Yah this will take a while but I love it and @katdefbeom who tagged me for this mess. 💚

1. What takes up too much of your time?

(Honesty hour?) Worrying, reading

2. What makes your day better?

Coffee / working out / sunshine

3.whats the best thing that happened to you today?

I got to see one of my sweet pals and chat with her over desserts

4.what fictional place would you like to go to?

I'm going to agree with @katdefbeom howls moving castle universe or Hogwarts for me.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I dunno? I guess? You tell me! People say I am.. so yes?

6.do you have any mental illnesses?

Yup! Social anxiety and general anxiety.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Nope!

8. What musician inspired you the most?

To do what? Overall? Ahhh dolly Parton cos she gives no fucks and JB from got7 cos like damn boy can write a song.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

Yes, all the time hahaha

10.whats your dream date?

Book shopping and then reading the newly bought books in a cafe, possibly holding hands while reading or just our legs / feet are touching.

11. What do others notice about you?

I have no idea. I'm nice and have good teeth? I don't feel v noticable lol.

12. What's an annoying habit you have?

I pick at my fingers when I'm nervous or anxious, and I bounce my right leg a lot.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Lol no. He was emotionally manipulative and a huge flaccid penis so no.

14. How many ex's do you have?

4.

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

Which one? My biggest playlist has like 500 songs in it, my shortest one has 10. But over all I'm sure it's like 7,000 songs.

16. What instruments can you play?

Flute, piano (kinda piano)

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

I have pictures of paintings and statues from museums lol. But ahhh probs chanyeol.

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Japan. China. South Korea. Singapore (in that order I think)

19. What's your zodiac?

LIBRA

20.do you relate to it?

Yaaaaas. A fancy bitch who loves love and tries to balance shit out. ME AF.

21. What is happiness to you?

Good Coffee, someone I love, friends, family, a good perfume.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

When aren't I going through something???

23. What's the worst decision you ever made.

Deciding to be a clingy bitch. Also getting into a serious relationship when I didn't know who the fuck I was (I was 18 like WOW girl no!)

24. What's your favourite store?

Urban outfitters and muji. Your girl is in both all the time.

25. (HALFWAY!) what's your opinion on abortion.

A woman has the right to choose, that's a decision her and her doctor need to make on whether it's right for her. My stance is "no uterus no opinion"

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

No that shit would make me anxious lol

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Not that I can think of

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Cake and books

29. What are most peoples first impression of you?

I DUNNOOOO I dont ask cos I dont want to know. But probably quiet, nice, labrador face? Too many feelings?

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Most people think I'm like anywhere from 19-22. I look like a baby uuugghhhh. But I'm def the responsible friend and will take care of you lol.

31. Where do you keep your phone when you're sleeping?

Next to me?

32. What word do you say the most?

Probs "FUUUUCK" Or "V"

33. What's the oldest age you'd date?

32.

34. What's the youngest age you'd date?

21? Probs not though really, boys be dumb.

35. What job / career do most people say would suit you?

Kindergarten teacher or an art historian.

36. What's your favourite music genre?

Kpop as of rn

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be?

Ahhh Canada? Close enough to home but with universal healthcare

38. What is your current favourite song?

Too many to think of just one ahhh PASS.

39. How long have you had this blog for?

9 years.

40. What are you excited for?

Ateez concert

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

I do both very well 😂

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Mail boxes

43. What do you want for Christmas?

Someone special hahaha

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

History

45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now?

Ahhhhhhh solid 4.5 outta ten

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

God I have no idea. I'll probs have kids? And a cute dog and like a proper job? Who knows

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

17.

48. At what age do you wanna be married?

PRESSURE. No idea. Before I'm 40 sounds good.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Ballerina, Veterinarian.

50. What do you crave right now?

Cant tell you, it's a secret secret.

I'll tag: @gyomies @sundropsoo @into-the-kpop-void @jongin-be-my-jagi and anyone else who feels like it 💕💕💕

[diaryofalonegirl]

Dear Diary 1/17/22

Monday,January 17.

This is my first time writing a Diary, It feels odd. The 19th is my birthday. I hope i can write more tomorrow. I felt like i needed to write more. ok,bye. I plan on keeping the diary for a year. I Feel scared for our upcoming test, since i didn't study nor finish my essay.. Tomorrow I have school. Keeping a diary is kinda boring. Blah blah blah. I just gonna write what pops up in my head. Also if anyone reads this or something. Its 2022, 8:41 pm and I'm in 7th grade. I love this girl. I'm just gonna say her initials for privacy reasons. I.P is really beautiful. I've been wondering if i should kiss her or just give her a peck on the cheek. I'm gonna write about her alot. I'm currently reading the Diary of Anne Frank. Hence the reason i'm writing this Diary lol. I'm also watching the movie. OH. I FORGOT TO SAY MY DAD BOUGHT ME A CUTE COMPUTER CASE. its very big and could probably hold my books. Its 8:47. Now its 8.48. I have a science test. I should probably study. Also i gotta read up to 120 pages of that diary for my D.E.A.R reading. The book can get boring at times. MAybe i should keep a paper diary…

Edit: ( made at 9.03 pm) Idk if i should take off I.P's initials since she’s the only girl with those initials in that grade. Anyways, I think ill tell her to come to the bathroom then i give her a peck on the cheek. Also we saw spiderman no way home today. May dies in the film. Im lesbian but Tobey maugire is kinda cute haha. Also the case is pink. Writing a diary is fun, i can say shit about everyone and they wont know haha! OK lets start with my class. 7A bc there are two 7th grades. Let’s start with my friends. Ill be using their initials for some. Micheal. G is a boy i used to annoy the 2nd grade but now we are friends, he’s SUPER tall and kinda fat… he wears glasses and in the honor’s math. Basically math for smart kids. I'm not in it. I hate myself for that. Then there is Sara.S (im spelling her name wrong just for some extra privacy) i think she is autistic or has ADHD, she is really nice but cant sit still, she’s one of my friends, she is currently out sick for i think 3 weeks now or something. She likes sailor moon, cats, dragons and roblox. And boy does she read! Then there is Anna T. Anna acts a bit like Taylor, my old friend, she loves plants and has some names for them, she has them in her room, she likes island in the sun and I'm starting to like,like her if you know what i mean… I really love I.P but im starting to have some feelings for Anna. me and I.P are girlfriends, i feel bad for liking Anna… Anyways lets move on to the rest of the class. We got abigail. S who is very neat. I envy her. She is so clean and she looks perfect. Next we have Mattie or Matelynn who does not like being called that so we all call her mattie. She is the only red head as well as lefty in our class. She writes perfectly and plays soccer, Im jealous of her hand writing. Next we have honor. Honor and mattie are a brew for trouble, they are chatterboxes I swear. I have for some reason slowly gained popularity among the popular girls. Ima call em pops. For the pops we got

Lauren. C

Mattie. W

HOnor . B

Carissa. M

Addie. T

And Sasha. P

Let's talk about lauren. She has brownish blonde hair and brown eyes. She is really skinny, i'm jealous of her. I don't know much about her academic stuff. She is not in honors. I dont know alot about her bc i rarely talk to the pops. Ok now we have Addie. I think she or they or whatever they are is gender fluid or maybe not, she acts femine and more masculine sometimes. Something that i see in myself as a gender queer person. Ok lets not get into gender rn. They are big, like me, but a lot prettier and they do cheer. THey are bffs with sasha and they are failing in math class, i think their math grade was 56% last time I heard from them. Sasha is a fat short girl who i can't tell is latin american or not. She has brown eyes and brownish blonde hair but also tanner-ish skin. I think she has some South american in her decent. Especially because of her last name. Which I will not say here. NOw we got Carrissa, she is really sweet. Sometimes I feel like she could become one of us normal people if she wasnt with the pops, like on the inside she’s really just a plain person like me, i don't mean this in a bad way. I feel like she is just there to fill in a gap between the pops wall, although maybe im wrong? Idk bc im not really in the pop circle. Carrissa is fat like me, maybe a bit skinnier. SHe has blue eyes and brown light hair. You should see 7A and 7B pops at the lunch table during study hall, they are a lot. Ill cover the boys tomorrow. Lets move onto the 7B girls

Edit: i forgot emma. G. she is shy-ish and sweet, she always had a sty that would never go away in her eye. She has blue eyes and blonde-brown hair. She is friends with Ashley. L, Olivia. B and Abigail. S and Rebbeca. L.

Olivia. B

Mariana. M (pop)

Emme. M

Lea.F

Allie. O

Raf. A

Rebbeca. L

Megan. N

Am i forgetting anyone? Also im getting tired, so ill write tomorrow. I gotta go read my Dear. so i dont get in trouble with Mrs. rock tomorrow. Write tomorrow? What was I thinking ?1 Hey its 9:50pm, I just love writing to you, I wish you were a person I could blab all my secrets to. I think i have a dead spot in my room, when i'm on my bed google docs doesn't work, when im on my rocking chair on the other side it does? Weird. Anyways, I wish i knew Anne Frank. I saw some entry in her book about getting her clothes back from her friends after the war… if only she knew she’d died, it breaks my heart. Wait, what if I die young?! Im really thirsty, alos idk if i should ask for a diary for my birthday, but i would hate to have to transfer all this to the paper diary :(. I must start reading now, or ill be in trouble from mrs. rock. I used to hate her but shes not too bad now. Im going to Gwynedd Mercy high school. Oh god if future me doesn't go ill cry, im scared… will i go? THe thing about this diary is that i can never publish it, i talk trash about some many people i might hurt their feelings. Should i start my entries with that sappy Dearest Diary stuff? I like the song someone purer by mystery jets, its sad but good. Ok Diary I really gotta read now, Ur addicting but my grade is gonna drop if i dont read.

I wanna read Anne of Green gables next. afterAnne's diary. Why not read about a red haired orphan?

THats Anne of Green gables!

Heres anne Frank

She is so pretty.

Here’s my favorite actress from the 1940’s, I have a crush on her

She’s beautiful.

Dear Diary, Ill write more tomorrow, I must go read now (im trying out that 1800’s diary stuff hah)

Dear Diary, I am ready to twist my grandma’s head off, it’s 10:32, I’m trying to sleep and she won’t stop

Praying out loud, I want to sleep!!

I was thinking of giving you a name, so that I feel connected to you better, I like a friend. Should I ? My grandma won’t stop praying, I’m ready to superglue her mouth shut! Oh, dear diary. I am sad, I want a journal so badly, this digital is ok but you don’t know how badly I want a paper one :(, I heard my grandma say my dads name in her “praying” it sounds more like she’s dissing him. Oh diary, I have more, remember when I wrote the 1800’s diary stuff? I will keep doing it, it makes me feel closer to you. I’ll call you peony, the flower for Beauty, because peony makes me think of Isa.P or I.P as I used to call her. I love her, I want to kiss her. Dear Diary, please help me have the courage too kiss her.

[organic-sprolden]

Episode 6!!

Finally, the conductor is gonna die. But he better not sell out the others...

I don't like that Zoya is here because I don't trust her with any information about the crows, but Ivan is cool, cuz he's a heartrender and I have a clear bias.

I don't understand what happened but yay Fedyor.

and the way fedyor just assumed it'll be him and Ivan going.

The heartbeats yes. hehehe the Nina and Matthias banter begins...

Oh my gosh no way-

Zoya and Kirigan were a thing??

This would probably be 10 times less surprising if I had read the books

YES NINI SPEAKS SIX LANGUAGES

Also, I didn't have captions on so I thought I was just going deaf when I couldn't understand anything she said

MAL (lets ignore that i forgot about him) THEY MEET AGAINNNN

The Nina and Matthias scenes are everything I've wanted since reading soc. This is my favourite episode now.

*the heartbeats*

Ew miscommunication trope

Oh, very short-lived miscommunication trope

Kaz: is literally the greatest con artist, murderer, um literally everything else Also Kaz: gets up and runs when it might be revealed that he kinda maybe cares about Inej a tiny bit more than he probably should

is Mal planning on pretending she's not a confirmed sun summoner-

"I'm sorry it took me this long to see you Alina, but I see you now" that line deliveryyyy I evaporated.

Nina Zenik carrying the show during the minuscule screen time she gets.

The bomb thing has literal matches stuck on, can't wait for Wylan in S2 with his higher quality boom booms :)

OH MY ITS THE SISTER OF THE INFERNI I'm sad now

run Jesper run 🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️🏃🏾‍♂️

BUT DONT KILL IVAN PLEASE

HEHEHE MY FAVES

Being a heartrender must be awful, hearing them damn heartbeats all the time(not all the time ik, but still)

Inej, my dude, fighting an inferni in a furnace room full of coals doesn't seem like such a great idea...

That Jesper vs. Ivan fight scene was great because we got Jesper being a softie for that kid and Ivan lived. win-win!

Now onto Kaz Vs Zoya, that'll be fun.

Man, I kinda was rooting for this inferni girl to live but the second she called Inej "Suli trash"...

Yank the knife out Inej

Her second ever kill I'm emotional.

DID KAZ JUST DEFLECT AN ATTACK FROM KIRIGAN?? AKA THE BLACK GENERAL AKA THE BLACK HERETIC AKA HIM???!?

KAZ "DIRTYHANDS" BREKKER EVERYBODY

Kaz doing magic tricks to escape a powerful squaller and the shadow summoner. That was beautiful.

Woah the Fjerdan bullet went straight through Mal- The exit wound looks like that thing at the bottom of the food machine in cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

"I do like you" already?😐

Here I was, settling in for at least 1 more episode of the banter between Nina and Matthias. It's been like 10 seconds. Why is he looking at her lips constantly? They're not supposed to kiss for another 2 books. Hell, Matthias isn't even supposed to admit anything to himself for a while, let alone to her 🤨🤨🤨🤨

David is what makes this show a comedy. I wheezed when he raised his hand to make a suggestion.

Oh shoot the ring is kind of a tracker, didn't see that coming.

Damn Kirigan put 2 and 2 together and got 5000

The random drunk guy: "yeah lol the girl blinded my friend and ran away, also like hours ago I saw some soldier"

Kirigan: "I see, so Alina escaped from her kidnappers, ran here, used her powers to blind some dude, and ran off, coincidentally, a tracker from the first army was spotted earlier, so clearly it's Mal and now he and Alina are headed north to find the stag worth more power than the two of us combined."

i finally finished the first episode of shadow and bone over the course of 2 days.

totally whipped for jesper lol

Mal and Alina are great, I've never read the trilogy but I like these characters for now.

Alexei though, I thought he would end up being my favourite side character just cuz he was so cute and funny at the start .... if Alina hadn't burned the maps... do I blame her? nope

nonetheless.... Alexei 😔

kaz in this seems more, idk, desperate? generally frustrated and stressed I guess? in the soc books I pictured him as more calm, collected, and ten extremely calculated steps ahead. But in this the way he just seems so shaky? I suppose, it seems a bit out of character, at least in my image of him.

inej I feel is more like the books in the times when she felt more like a 16 year old girl rather than the wraith. can't wait to see her in action in the episodes to come.

I loveeee seeing the grishas work, especially the heartrender scene. Hearing the pulse was so shskskajjs.

anyway, episode 2 tonight, maybe I'll liveblog rather than try to recall all my thoughts after the fact😃

[lameiskate]

Facts you would never know if you didn't ask

1.) applesauce or pudding? it depends on the day tbh

2.) what was your initial reaction when you first realized that your parents had to have had sex to have you? ...IDK tbh i was probably just like ok

3.) if you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be? UNICORN but u know what half unicorn and half dinosaur would also be cool

4.) what kind of bread do you prefer? rye

5.) describe a moment that is a prominent memory, but didn't have a strong impact on your life. idk y this is the first one i thought of but i remember in 8th grade the boy sitting next to me in math took my book out of my hands as i was reading it and i didn’t even realize he was trying 2 be mean to me bc i was just like LOL GOOD ONE MAN

6.) what is the quote/lyric that you relate to most? ok there’s this character from this kdrama called age of youth and the main girl is literally me and it;s fuckin scary but idk a quote from her off the top of my head but ik there’s one about needin 2 man up and speak up for herself and i was just like wow me!!!!

7.) if there was one problem/issue you could wipe off the face of the earth, what would it be? OH MAN I CAN ONLY PICK ONE UMMMM ima go w all terrorism that sounds good im lookin at u white boys who never get a proper punishment

8.) do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there? ...u know this is a hard question tbh i think we’re all just out there man

9.) Favorite knock-knock/cheesy joke? KNOCK KNOCK WHOS THERE???? UNDER UNDER WHERE??? LOL UNDERWEAR

10.) how do you feel about getting your picture taken? I HATE IT JFC

11.) most embarrassing poster you've ever owned? probably the one direction one morgan (????) gave me that’s still hanging on my door

12.) what are the 3 worst movies of all time? THE ROOM, tbh idk any after that

13.) when was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you? ALL THE TIME

14.) strangest pet peeve? i dont think any of them are strange?????

15.) what is a quirk you find cute in a significant other? .....idk

16.) if you could make a guest appearance in ANY show, which one would you choose? ELLEN SHE GIVES AWAY A LOT OF STUFF

17.) who do you think is the most underrated comedian? idrk anything about comedians srry fam i only know the well known and overrated ones

18.) based on your personality, what do you think your spirit animal is? DEER IN HEADLIGHTS IF IM ALLOWED TO BE THAT SPECIFIC

19.) color combination that you hate? idk orange and blue was the first one i thought of

20.) what is your favorite childhood memory? I HAD AN HP THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN I WAS LIKE 10 but tbh i think i cried idk y i picked that one

21.) what cartoon character do you most resonate with? CARL FROM JIMMY NEUTRON

22.) what game do you never lose at? I LOSE AT EVERYTHING

23.) what does your dream home look like? im too lazy for this question tbh

24.) Honestly, do you love your family, like them, dislike them, or hate them? I LOVE THEM THEYRE JUST ANNOYING

25.) pettiest argument you've ever been in? WHO KNOWS

26.) what is the weirdest article of clothing you've ever come across? idk

27.) what is your favorite day of the week? NONE THEY ALL SUCK

28.) Do you feel offended by swear words? not really

29.) Stupidest dare you've ever done? i dont do dares :)

30.) Did your parents ever compare you to your siblings or cousins growing up? Did that affect the way things turned out? no

31.) You get to be any person in the world for a whole week. Who do you choose? whos the wealthiest person is itstill bill gates ill be him and pay off my own student loans :) 

32.) one food you hate that should be destroyed at all costs? ANY FOOD WITH SALAD IN THE TITLE THAT ISNT A TRADITIONAL SALAD

33.) What is your favorite past time for each of the four seasons? i’m too lazy 4 this one too but honestly i do all the same things regardless of the seasons aka laying in bed and wasting my life away

34.) what is something that will always make you laugh? THAT VIDEO ABOUT THE IRISH PUG WHO CAN’T RUN

35.) what does your pet look like? fuck u i don;t have a pet

36.) describe your favorite outfit. my light washed jean shorts w a black t shirt and cream colored cardigan w gold colored dangly earrings and my black wedges

37.) most annoying noise you've ever heard? CHILDREN CRYING

38.) at what age did you learn to drive? LOL 22

39.) What is something that you own which you know you probably shouldn't? i have a shirt that says bitch on it?????

40.) last thing you made with your own 2 hands? what idk

41.) Favorite time of day? day. not morning but not evening???? does that mean afternoon

42.) Do you believe in ghosts, spirits, or any kind of afterlife? OH GOD DONT ASK ME ABOUT THIS PLS

43.) what sports did you do in school? I DIDNT i played softball once when i was younger to impress my dad but he didnt go to a single game :)

44.) if you had been voted for a 'superlative' in your last yearbook (class clown, laziest, most likely to become president, etc) what would you have been voted? TRIES HER BEST BUT FAILS but also doesnt try as hard as she tries to make it sound :)

45.) reality show idea that you would most definitely watch on television? idk but i want the x factor to come back to america but w judges who actually know what theyre doing thats right im calling u out demi paulina and britney and sometimes simon (ok yall but remember that mess he made emblem3 do w a mashup of my girl and california gurls to the music of what makes you beautiful)

46.) do you still own a landline phone? my parents do???

47.) scariest storm you've ever had in your town? idk

48.) skill you wish you had? THERE ARE A LOT OF SKILLS I WISH I HAD

49.) what is something you wish you could talk more about, but don't for fear of what other people would think? MY AFTERLIFE THOUGHTS that sounds weird

50.) last book you read? well if we’re being specific rn i’m rereading goblet of fire and the last one i finished was prisoner of azkaban

51.) what does your calendar have on it? i dont have a calendar i only have one when school is goin on

52.) what do you do if you get stopped by a person selling something from a mall kiosk? i usually pretend i cant hear them oops :)

53.) infomercial you're beyond tired of seeing? i can’t think of any i don’t usually watch real tv????

54.) what was your first stuffed animal/doll's name? baby bear

55.) have you ever said something out of anger and instantly regretted it? probably

56.) how do you feel about raising minimum wage? HELL YEAH

57.) how would you spend a perfect day with your best friend? ...............................i.......... do not know.......................

58.) when was the last time you changed the oil in your car? i do not have a car

59.) did you ever have to do speech therapy? no

60.) something you're looking forward to in the future? GRADUATING COLLEGE