#the girl’s mom went on tv crying and begging people to help her bring her daughter’s body back home because she couldn’t afford it

[ladyhawke]

remember when a year ago a girl died during taylor swift’s concert in brazil and she pulled an aggressive pr move to distance herself as much as possible from it (including not even mentioning the girl’s name and publishing false information) but changed tactics the moment international media started to report it because it made her look bad to first worlders? because we do

[illegal-spiegel]

Voice Sweet as Caramel

Pairing: deaf!Katsuki Bakugo x gn!reader Genre: fluff, slight angst? Warnings: none Summary: You meet Dynamight and don’t know that he’s deaf. Luckily for him though, when you find out, your quirk comes in handy Word Count: 5.1k words A/N: I did a lot of research to make Bakugo’s experience seem as real as possible. If there is smth that I did wrong, worded incorrectly, etc., please don’t hesitate to inform me. Thank you and enjoy!

It didn’t really bother him at first. Being deaf, I mean. He didn’t have to listen to a bunch of nonsense all the time, he could sleep in peace, villains trying to goad him on and agitate him didn’t work anymore, and so on. 

It didn’t take him long to realize just how many downfalls there are with that though. He started to fall behind in class because he could no longer hear his teachers. He wasn’t able to hear plans of attack or hear an enemy sneak up on him. 

He can’t hear your voice. 

He became deaf in the middle of his third year. It happened in the middle of a fight with the league of villains and he didn’t really have time to panic about it at the time. When school let out and he became one of the top heroes, he tried not to be bothered by it and for the most part, it worked. His other senses heightened as time went on but that doesn’t mean it made the reality that he’s deaf any easier. There were still the setbacks that will always hold him back from reaching top potential. Because of this, he’s the number three hero, right behind Deku and Todoroki. 

That’s what really crushed him. 

He never shows anyone, heroes, friends, and villains alike, that being deaf is a struggle for him, even when he gets used to it. He wants to hear the villains he defeats beg for mercy. He wants to hear his friends laugh when someone does something stupid. He wants to hear the praise of civilians when he saves them. 

He wants to hear your voice but he’d, obviously, never tell a soul that. 

He didn’t meet you until a year after he graduated.

You showed up when he was fighting some villains, and he’ll never admit that he was struggling a little bit. Somehow though, villain after villain suddenly couldn’t see him and they panicked. They’d run into buildings and each other before Bakugo beat them all to a pulp. 

Seeing as how you’re the only one else there with a hero costume on, he assumes you had something to do with it. As he hands the villains over to the police, you come over with a warm smile aimed directly at him. He stares at your lips as you speak, his ears ringing with the silence that he’s grown used to. 

He doesn’t really understand why you’re trying to talk to him, seeing as how everyone knows that the great hero Dynamight is unable to hear. So, why are you wasting your time trying to talk to him? Maybe you think he can read your lips. That is, after all, a common misconception about deaf people.

Without a word on his part, he turns and walks away from you. He doesn’t hear you stop in the middle of congratulating him. He doesn’t hear how you scoff a bit. He doesn’t see you frown at how rude he is. 

You walk into the building with a bright smile already on your face, excited for something you literally do every day of your life. It doesn’t matter how many times you do it though. This will always make you happy. Plus, you just came to Japan from America a couple of weeks ago. You haven’t been here in years. You are excited to use your improved quirk to help others. 

You greet the lady at the front desk as you grab your sticker name tag that the staff makes for you every day. You then go to your first stop, gently knocking on the door and coming in once you get the go-ahead. 

“(Y/n)! You’re back!” the little girl squeals, a large smile coming to her face. Your smile stretches out further as you walk over to her. 

“Hi, Keiko! How have you been?” you say as you move your hands slowly for her to read. She watches them attentively before perking up, her mother beside her smiling softly at the interaction. 

“I’ve been really good! I’m glad you're back!” she says happily, her ‘accent’ coming through more now that she’s calmed down and isn’t shouting. 

“I’m happy to be back too,” you agree, your hands moving with your words. 

“(Y/n),” the mother says, grabbing your attention, “Thank you for coming back. You have no idea what this means to me. To us. After the villain attack...” Her eyes are watery as she speaks, her hand coming up to pet her daughter’s head. 

You smile softly at her, coming over to sit in the empty chair by her bed. “Don’t even mention it, Mrs. Suzuki. It’s an honor to be of use to you and your daughter,” you reassure. You then look to Keiko, seeing her body impatiently wiggling around as she waits for you to work your magic. 

You chuckle as you raise your hands, her eyes widening, despite knowing what you were doing. She turns to look at her mom as she shouts, “Mommy! I can hear again!” You read her lips and smile as she wraps her arms tightly around her mother. You watch with a soft look in your eyes, trying to ignore your oncoming sadness that will come when her hearing comes to an end again. 

“Keiko, I noticed that you are getting better at JSL. You must be studying so hard!” you praise, watching her chest puff out at the praise. 

“You bet I am! It’s so easy and my tutor says I’m really good at it!” she brags while using her hands for you to read, a chuckle escaping you at how proud she is. She has every right to be though. 

“That’s so cool! Can you show me what else you’ve learned?” 

You stay with the girl and her mother for their hour before slowly taking away her hearing again. She doesn’t seem to mind though. Even at her young age, she’s grateful for the opportunity that others don’t get to have and she knows that you can’t let her have her hearing back forever. 

You walk down the hall and walk into the next room after knocking. “Daiki? It’s (Y/n),” you greet softly, not wanting to spook the teen. He perks up at the sound of your voice, a smile coming to his face as he turns to face you. 

That has to be the best part of your quirk. You bring all of these smiles to these unfortunate people whose lives were changed at the hands of villains. 

“(Y/n)! I’m surprised to have you come back so soon!” he greets, holding his arms open for a hug. You happily accept it, returning his sight as you pull away. He brightens up more as the life returns in his eyes, your eyes catching the sight of his gums showing from how big he’s smiling before your own vision goes dark. 

“I’ll never get tired of seeing your pretty face,” he playfully flirts, making you chuckle as you take a seat by his bed. 

“You’re such a flatterer.” When visiting Daiki, he prefers to use his time wisely. He likes to memorize the faces of loved ones, read, watch tv, and other things that he can’t do.

When his time comes to an end, he sighs as he closes his book he was reading, a sad smile on his face. “You really are my hero, (Y/n),” Daiki says softly, his eyes roaming your face to now memorize it without your knowledge. 

“I’m just doing what anyone else would do with my quirk,” you reassure, giving him a sad smile as you slowly take his sight away again. He sighs and picks up the same book from before but with braille instead of typed words. 

“Still. See you next week?” 

“You betcha,” you say softly before kissing his cheek and leaving. 

Your quirk allows you to eliminate or heighten the five senses. You can only do one sense at a time though. You can do it in increments too, meaning you can completely eradicate or heighten a sense, or you can do it partially. For example, you can increase someone’s smelling to 100% and they can suddenly smell ten times better than a bloodhound. Another example, if someone is getting a headache by a smell, you can remove someone’s smell by 50% and leave them able to smell but not as strongly as they normally would be able to. Also, when you use your quirk, that sense is completely removed from you but only while you’re using it on someone. You also can’t use your quirk on yourself. 

It’s when you’re leaving the RCV, the Recovery Center from Villains, you notice the fight between a hero and multiple villains. You raise your hand to one of the villains, removing his, and your, sight. When you hear a loud explosion and a cry of pain, you turn off your quirk to find the villain you used your quirk on laying on the ground. You repeat this process with the other villains until there was none left standing. 

When the hero hands them over to the police, you run over with a grin. “Hi, I just wanted to say that you were incredible! I know you probably didn’t need my help but I just wanted to-”

You cut yourself off with a scoff when the blond suddenly walks away from you, a frown coming to your face as you watch him go. Well, that was rude. Especially after you just helped him take down four villains! 

“Excuse me. Were you the one to help Dynamight?” an officer asks. You give her a kind smile as you nod your head, turning to face her now. 

“Yes, ma’am. I have a senses quirk, so I eliminated their sight so, uh, Dynamite could get the upper hand,” you explain. She smiles at this, becoming more fascinated by the second as you explain what happened. You answer any questions she has, noticing the sun is starting to go down. 

“Well, it’s getting dark. I’ll let you go! Have a great day—oh! What’s your hero name?” 

“It’s Esthesia,” you say before saluting and walking away. 

On your walk home, a guy gives you an unseemly smile as his eyes flicker up and down your body. “Hey, baby. Where you going?” You give him a bored look as you raise your hand, taking his, and your, sight away as you continue to walk straight. He begins to panic, your ears listening as he runs around frantically before crashing into a brick wall. When his body hits the ground, you return both of your vision with a smirk. 

“Have a nice night!” you sarcastically call to his groaning figure. 

The second time you meet Dynamight—you learned from the news how it’s actually spelled—it was under pretty much the same circumstances. You stay by the sidelines, appearing as a civilian to everyone which is exactly what you wanted. 

You raise your hand and remove the villain’s sight, listening for signs that the villain is defeated. When you return your vision though, you find a villain coming from above to attack Dynamight. 

“Dynamight!” you shout in warning, pointing up for him to see what your warning is for. He never looks at you though, allowing the villain to attack him from above. You quickly remove that villain’s sight, hoping that you weren’t too late. Why did he just ignore you like that? Is he that stubborn?

When your vision comes back, you find that he has taken out all of the villains again. You charge towards him once you see this, coming up behind him. “Why did you ignore me? You could’ve been killed!” you shout, afraid for the hero’s life. He keeps his back to you though, his eyes moving from villain to villain to make sure that they will stay down. “Hey!” you shout as you lightly shove him to gain his attention. 

“Hey!” he copies as he catches his balance and spins around, his eyes alight with an inferno that’s normally directed at villains. When he sees it’s you though, that inferno shrinks to a flame. “What is your problem?” he screams. 

You scoff as you cross your arms over your chest, a glare of your own staring right back at him. “My problem? My problem is that you keep ignoring me! I was trying to help you back there and you didn’t even turn to acknowledge me! You could’ve avoided that attack altogether!” you shout right back, your eyes moving to the wound on his shoulder that he received from that villain. Your eyes return to his face when he huffs and looks away from you. 

And just like before, he walks away from you, causing your jaw to drop open. “Hey! You don’t get to do this to me again!” you shout, running to stand in front of him. You notice that the police have arrived to take the bad guys away, which Bakugo also notices. 

“Get out of my way,” he snaps, moving to go around you until you just block his way again. 

“No! This is the second time I’ve helped you! You can at least thank me!” He doesn’t react to your words. He doesn’t even have an expression on his face anymore. He, again, just moves around you and walks away. This time though, you let him go. 

“Fine! That’s the last time I help you then!” you declare. 

It’s not. 

He just seems to have an invisible sign that you can’t see that says, “Come attack me! I’m alone! Please beat me up!” You don’t understand why he never has backup. Well, besides you, that is. 

After helping out several times though, you finally come across him in battle with another hero. About time. Where was he the last six times you’ve helped him?

You watch from afar, only helping if one of them seems to be struggling a bit. You notice that the other hero acts differently around Bakugo. Their body language is different and he never calls out to him. Does he not like him? Cause you sure don’t. 

After the fight is over and the police have escorted the villains away, the heroes leave after interacting with the civilians for a bit. You notice that no one talks to Dynamight though. How is he the number three hero but isn’t popular amongst the civilians? That makes his situation even odder to you. 

When they finally leave, you quickly catch up to them. “Hey! Hi, sorry! I just wanted to say that you guys did a great job!” you congratulate with a grin, not even looking in Dynamight’s way. 

The guy with flaming red hair, named Red Riot you believe, gives you a toothy grin. “Oh, thanks! You’re Esthesia, right? I’ve seen you on the news with Bakubro a couple of times.” You raise your brow at the nickname but realize he’s talking about Dynamight. 

“Oh, yes! It’s nice to meet you! You’re Red Riot, right?” At this, his smile gets even brighter, if possible. 

“Sure is! You can call me Kirishima though! This is Bakugo,” he introduces. It takes everything in you not to scoff. 

“Yeah. I’ve saved his ass a time or two before,” you say as calmly as possible. Kirishima looks to Bakugo and finds that he’s not even looking at you. 

“Sorry about him. He can be so moody.” You raise your brow when Bakugo doesn’t come to his own defense, seeming to just take the playful blow. 

“That’s one word to describe him. Anyway, I don’t want to keep you guys up. I just wanted to congratulate you,” you explain with a warm smile. 

“Oh, it’s no problem at all! It was nice to finally meet the hero who has saved Bakugo’s ass so many times! Say, how about we meet up sometime? It’d be great for you to meet some of the other heroes. Your quirk is really useful!” You blush at this but nod nonetheless. 

“Oh, that would be great! I love helping where I can!” You pull out your phone for Kirishima to put his number into your phone, this finally grabbing Bakugo’s attention, but he remains quiet. 

“Super! I’ll text you when some of the others are free. We can all get drinks or something,” he says as he hands your phone back to you. 

“Can’t wait! It was nice meeting you!” you say cheerfully before you leave the duo to go to the RCV, which is where you were heading before you stopped to help. 

About a week later, you get a text from Kirishima asking if you’d be free Sunday night. You agreed to meet him at a restaurant and you couldn’t help but grow excited at the chance to finally meet other heroes in the area. 

Sunday night came in a blink of an eye it seemed, your heart beating faster with each mile you get closer to the meeting place. You park your car and double-check that your outfit is in order before heading inside. You look around for spiky, red hair, and it only takes you a second to find him. 

“Kirishima!” you call as you near the table. Everyone but a certain blond turns at the sound of your voice. His eyes look at his friends before finally looking at you. You make eye contact with him for a moment before looking at Kirishima. 

“Hey, (Y/n)! You look great!” he greets, standing up and pulling out the only empty chair. 

“Thank you,” you say with a blush, slowly taking the seat, to which he pushes the chair in for you once you’ve sat down. 

“Everyone, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), this is everyone,” he introduces playfully as he takes his own seat. Once he’s settled, he properly introduces you to everyone, to which you happily greeted them all. 

“And finally, Mr. Grumpy-Mc-Grumpy-Pants over there is Bakugo, which you already know,” he says as he taps Bakugo’s arm. Bakugo turns to look at Kirishima before following his finger to you. 

“It’s nice to officially meet you,” you greet with much sarcasm. He, like always, remains silent and looks back down to his menu. You huff and decide to open up your own menu, trying not to be bothered by being shot down by the handsome male. 

For the rest of the evening, weird things occurred. Kirishima always taps him when someone says his name, Bakugo’s eyes roaming the table until he focuses on the person speaking. Kirishima taps him again when it’s his turn to order. You’ve seen people talk with their hands, both literally and figuratively, but these people really seem to get into it, making wide and crazy gestures. 

It wasn’t until your waiter came to your table with your food that you finally realized what was going on. 

“So, (Y/n), tell us about your quirk. Bakugo hasn’t shined any sort of light on what your quirk is and Kirishima seems a little lost at what your quirk actually is,” Mina says with a smile. 

Before you can reply though, your waiter and another worker bring your food to the table. “Who got the kung pao chicken?” the other worker asks, looking around the table. Kirishima was checking his phone when the question was asked, Bakugo not letting the waiter know that it’s what he ordered. 

This is when it hits you. 

The tapping. The blank, bored look. The quiet replies. The crazy gestures. 

He’s deaf. 

God, you’re such an idiot! You work with deaf people all of the time! How did you not realize until now?

“He got it,” you inform with widened eyes, your eyes staring at the blond. His eyes squint at you for pointing at him before realizing that you were just showing the waiter where his food goes. Once everyone has their food, you clear your throat. 

“So, um, Bakugo is deaf?” you shyly ask. This causes everyone to pause and stare at you for a moment. 

“Uh, yeah,” Kirishima answers, “Sorry, I assumed you knew…” he apologizes. 

You shake your head, turning your gaze to Bakugo as you continue. “But why does he act like that?” you ask. 

“Like what?” Kaminari asks with a furrow to his brows. 

“I work with deaf people all of the time. A lot of them are decent at reading lips to some extent and most know, or are learning, JSL. Bakugo seems...like he doesn’t care or that it doesn’t bother him? Does he know JSL?” you explain quietly despite the fact that the man you’re talking about can’t hear you. 

Kirishima sighs as he sets down his chopsticks. “Bakugo has been deaf for about a year and a half now. He knows JSL and uses it when necessary, but for the most part, he doesn’t like using it or when others use it to talk to him. It makes him feel....belittled, if you will. Like he has to have special treatment or something. I do my best to help him but I’m not perfect,” he explains, the last part being directed at what just happened. 

You slowly nod your head as you take this all in, a small frown coming to your face. “So, you guys don’t know what my quirk really is, right?” you ask softly, a smile starting to come to your face. They all look confused in your change of subject but nod along anyway. 

“Yeah, I was asking you about it before our food came. Kirishima says you can make people blind, or something?” Mina pipes up. You confuse them more when you begin to grin, all of them sharing a look amongst themselves. 

“Do you want to see something amazing?” you ask, your eyes flickering over to Bakugo. 

“Please don’t make me blind,” Denki begs, starting to ramble about needing to be able to see pretty girls. Jiro shushes him and then focuses back on you again. 

You raise your hand to Bakugo, taking a deep breath before slowly giving him the ability to hear. Everyone looks to him when he drops his chopsticks, his hands shaking as he stares wide-eyed at his plate. His chopsticks landing onto the table is the last thing you hear before your own hearing is gone. 

“I’m confused. What happened?” you read from Sero’s lips. You remain quiet and just keep smiling, your eyes focused on Bakugo. Bakugo’s eyes snap to Sero when he speaks, something seeming to lodge in his throat. 

Before he can stop it, he’s tearing up. 

“Bakubro! What’s going on?” Kirishima worriedly shouts, looking between you and him. “(Y/n)! What did you do to him?” Kirishima asks worriedly. At the mention of your name, Bakugo finally looks at you.

“I can hear,” he mutters, his voice barely being heard from how thick his throat feels. When everyone starts to say that they didn’t hear him and to repeat himself, he rubs furiously at his eyes and takes a deep breath. “God, I forgot just how annoying your voices are,” he complains, trying hard not to smile. 

Everyone freezes at this. 

“What?”

“You can hear?”

“What’s going on?”

“My voice is just fine, thank you!” 

Everyone starts talking at once, bombarding him with their voices. A small smile comes to his face despite his best effort, looking at all of them fondly. He looks to you again, eyeing you up as the others continue to chatter on. 

“Well, you being able to do this would’ve been nice to know a long time ago,” he grumbles. You stare at his lips, doing your best to read them. The average deaf person can only understand about 30% of what someone is saying based on just their lips though. 

“Sorry, can you use JSL?” you ask politely before picking up your chopsticks to begin eating. 

This causes everyone to freeze once more. 

“Huh?”

“But why?”

Seeing their confused faces, you realize that you never explained your quirk. You give them the rundown before finishing with, “When I use my quirk on someone else, I lose the sense that I’m taking away or giving. So, in this case, I gave Bakugo hearing so now I can’t hear. This is all temporary, of course.” 

The table vibrates with Bakugo’s hit, making your eyes widen as you look at him. “Take my hearing back away,” he demands, not using JSL despite your wishes. Your brows furrow at this, luckily understanding what he said anyway. 

“What? Why? You were so happy just a minute ago,” you reply confusedly. 

“No, I wasn’t! I’m perfectly fine being deaf! I don’t want your pity!” he shouts, grabbing the attention of nearby customers. With him talking so fast, you weren’t able to catch what he said. This is when an idea comes to mind. 

You simply look away from him and down at your plate, starting to eat without another word. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” Bakugo shouts, realizing too late that, duh, you can’t hear him. “Don’t ignore me!”

Ah, the irony.

The others eventually get him to calm down, bright and warm smiles on their faces at seeing him act like his old self. Don’t get them wrong, he still acts like this all the time but there’s this...new fire to him that hasn’t been there in a while. 

When he finally lets it go, you all start eating. The others use JSL to talk to you, seeing as how they all learned it for Bakugo, despite the fact that he didn’t want them to use it. It was a nice dinner, really. 

When the night comes to an end, you all stand up and walk out of the restaurant together. “So, when will Bakugo lose his hearing again?” Kirishima asks curiously, signing out the words for you.  

“Well, I can only use my quirk for so long before it starts to become dangerous, just like when you guys use your quirk for an extended amount of time. Because I use my quirk so much though every day all day, he could stay like this all night. I’m assuming we are all going our separate ways though…” 

“Oh, okay. Well, we all really appreciate what you’re doing for him,” Kirishima signs with a kind smile. You smile back at him, not seeing Bakugo say ‘I don’t.’ 

“It’s no problem at all, really. I just wish I knew about it earlier, so I could help him sooner,” you apologize, turning to look at Bakugo now. By the look on his face and the way his mouth moves, you’re assuming he scoffed.

“Do you think we could hang out again soon? I think it would be good for Bakugo to-”

“What’s with that crazy idea? I’m going home,” Bakugo snaps before turning to leave. Seeing him leave, you slowly raise your hand and switch both of your hearing back. You bite your lip when he stops, the sounds of cars going past on the road and the chatter of people nearby suddenly going silent for him once more. 

He almost feels like he’s going to be sick. 

He turns back around, wondering how he can get you to give his hearing back without actually saying he wants it back. His eyes widen in surprise when all of the sounds come back, a small smile coming to your face. 

“Not everyone has the opportunity to get their hearing back, even for just a little while. So, be grateful.”

It took a while for Bakugo to finally warm up to you but after a month or so, he finally accepted your presence. It took him three to actually refer to you as a friend. It took half a year for Bakugo to admit to himself that you’re his best friend; he’d never tell you or Kirishima that though. It’s been a year and he still can’t admit to himself that he likes you more than as a friend. 

Bakugo takes a bite of the food you made, his face scrunching up in mock disgust. “What did you put in this? Rat poison?” he jokes. It honestly didn’t taste half bad but he wasn’t about to admit that out loud to you. 

He watches you dance to the music that he can’t hear, your lips moving as you sing. He wishes he could hear it. He watches you stop and turn to look at him at his insult, your mouth showing your scoff. 

“Do you want to die?” you ask as you swipe your thumb across your neck. He smirks at you as he makes a show of taking another bite. He doesn’t hear you hum but he watches as you sign, “Yeah, that’s what I thought, chump.” He’s the one to scoff now, his eyes rolling with his annoyance. 

He’s told you time and time again not to use JSL but you never listen. He secretly appreciates it because he doesn’t have to piece things together when you use it. He still acts peeved when you do it though. 

“I’m not a chump. You’re the chump,” he snaps. You set your food down before walking over to the big speaker on your kitchen counter that is currently playing one of your favorite songs. You stand in front of it and place your hands against it before raising your other hand over to Bakugo.

His ears are suddenly greeted with the sound of the music, a frown coming to his face as he looks at you. While he appreciates being able to have his hearing back, he hates that you lose yours in the process. He’s pulled out of his train of thought when you start singing, his eyes becoming wide. You use the vibrations emitting from the radio to keep tempo, singing in sync with the artist.

Talking without hearing was easy for you but you’ve never tried singing without your ability to hear before. This shows as you softly sing, your voice shaky and out of tune at some points. 

It’s the most beautiful thing that Bakugo had ever heard. 

Your voice is as sweet as caramel. He watches you with a soft smile on his face, not even realizing that it’s there. When the song comes to an end, you bring your food over to the speaker and eat while your free hand remains pressed against the speaker to ‘hear’ the music. 

To his surprise, one of his favorite songs comes on after a couple of minutes and you grew so excited when you realized this. You belt each word with immense confidence, not a sign of hesitation or worry in your voice. 

This is when he realizes that he’s in love with you.

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[goggles-mcgee]

Too Late: Adrien (Commission for miner249er)

Chapter 5 of the commission for @miner249er !

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The Seine became a comfort spot for Adrien after everything happened, his original comfort spot had been the top of the Eiffel Tower but with his ring gone, that wasn’t an option. Actually many places weren’t on his list of options any more due to his ring being gone and due to his identity as both Adrien Agreste: Teen Model and Heart Throb, as well as Adrien Agreste: Possible Accomplice to Hawkmoth and Mayura, and the possible face behind the cat mask, Chat Noir, became “known” after the whole Protector incident. Paris’s last akuma, and Adrien’s last normal day, last peaceful moment. He had been naïve before and hadn't even known it. He had tried too hard to get past the rose-tinted glasses his father basically prescribed he wore everyday and when he thought he had gotten rid of those he was too blind to notice the rose-tinted contact lenses he himself put in willingly every day after.

But those contacts had been dried and ripped and tossed in the trash. Now he couldn’t even take a simple walk without wearing a wig, clothes he never considered wearing before and some he knew his father wouldn’t approve of so there were some silver linings, and he would slightly contour his face and thank his old makeup artists for teaching him some makeup skills he could do himself. Plus it helped that he had been doing research on cosplaying and what it took to look like other people, tip number one was contouring your face, and that’s just what he did when he wanted to leave the house and have some alone time. True alone time, not supervised alone time with Simon, aka Gorilla, and not alone time at a distance with his mom, which he was so grateful to have back, but with the rumors surrounding his father and Nathalie and the way she came back on live TV, their alone time happened together.

It was wonderful to have his mother back, but it did not dull his pain. Not even her hugs or her kisses or her sweet words could pull him from the edge of his guilt-ridden thoughts. Every day, every damn day, he would think how this all was his fault. Maybe if he had been a better son, a better model, a better something, maybe his father wouldn’t have abused the Butterfly Miraculous the way he did. Maybe Gabriel, because even Adrien had to admit that the man was severely lacking in that department and had in a very long time, would have trusted him and told him what was going on. Then, perhaps, Adrien could have convinced his Father not to get Nathalie involved and to maybe let Ladybug help or even the Guardian. If Gabriel had just let his son in like Adrien had craved for so long, then maybe all this pain and anger wouldn’t be bleeding out of each and every pore of everyone in Paris.

Maybe then the Protector wouldn’t have had to...well, protect like she felt she had to. Adrien had never thought Marinette to be a scary girl, in fact, ‘Marinette’ and ‘scary’ in the same sentence seemed like something out of a parallel universe if anything. In his memories, because that’s all he had left of the girl, those and a broken arm and finger, Marinette Dupain-Cheng had always been happy and sweet and determined and so much more. Or, that was what he thought, that’s all he observed. He never took her sorrow or hurt seriously and it was that thought that had been plaguing him night and day ever since she went missing.

Her disappearance wasn’t the only ‘big’ thing that had happened in the honestly short amount of time he and his class encountered The Protector, he refused to call that akuma Marinette, there was just no way she thought of him and their classmates like that. There was no way. The only conclusion he could come to was that Gabriel had more control over the akuma than usual. Maybe even twisted her feelings into something darker. It has happened before...he’s sure of it. From what he knows about the Butterfly Miraculous, which was really not a lot even with his small crash course with Master Fu after he tried to make sense of everything, the Butterfly can enhance emotions. Who’s to say that he couldn’t twist those emotions? I mean...even Master Fu said he was tainting the Miraculous in ways that even he couldn’t predict. Maybe all that misuse could have changed it.

This could have been avoided . Was another constant thought that hung before him seemingly as a reminder. This should have been avoided.

Anger, no fury, overtook him but he managed to not let it out in a scream, or worse physically on something. He no longer had his usual outlet when his emotions got too big or too much, so he did the only thing he could remember his father teaching him. Mask it. Hide it all beneath a mask of indifference. Before he had hated it, hated the way Gabriel had sounded almost proud of the lesson he was giving his son, like it was one of his single most important pieces of fatherly advice he could bestow upon Adrien. Now though? Now it actually came in handy and Adrien loathed it, everything about it, but if he made a scene out in the open, it wouldn’t matter if he had a disguise on or not. People would stare, people would talk, people would try to help and he just could not handle any of that.

“We could all use you right now M’Lady…” He muttered to the air and himself, a part of him hoping that in some way the message would reach the girl he was thinking of.

That was another thing that was bringing him migraines if he thought too much about it, which he did, constantly. He didn’t just have to come to terms with the fact that one of his best friends had gotten akumatized and promptly went missing after said akumatization, or the fact Gabriel Agreste and Nathalie Sancoeur were basically determined to be the villains Hawkmoth and Mayura by public opinion and “coincidences” that looked an awful lot like proof, there was also the fact his mother literally rose from the grave...or from her coma that Adrien had no idea about, but to top everything off was the very real fact that Protector, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Multimouse, was actually Paris’s beloved heroine Ladybug. His mind was still trying to make it make sense. To make it all make sense. But it was that last bit that was still throwing him for a loop.

He just couldn’t seem to fuse the identities together. Both girls held importance in his life, just in different ways. There were so many memories that were thrown at him that were practically begging him to see, see how the two were actually one and the same. There was just this other part of him that refused to see it, refused to acknowledge it, because, and it was a bit embarrassing to admit even to just himself, he was mad that he had declared that he would know Ladybug anywhere. Adrien had even convinced himself that he would absolutely be able to know who she was beneath the mask if he had just seen her. Turns out he had seen her out of the mask more often than in and it hurt.

To make matters worse, if anything could even be worse , he bitterly thought as he kicked a stray stone, he was pretty sure his class knew or at least suspected he was Chat Noir after their shared Protector experience. Yet none of them said anything, there were no new rumors floating about, there were no news coverage about him in particular other than how Paris was sending his mother and him their prayers, others were not as nice and speculated they were both involved in his villainy. The biggest thing though was that no one was reaching out to him to talk about what happened, to talk about his injury and the fact that the akuma took his ring so openly in front of people, they reached out...just not for any of that. They gave their sympathy, their curiosity, their anger, but none of them asked him about being Chat Noir and it was killing him having to wait for the other shoe to drop.

If it even drops.

Adrien sighed harshly and burrowed deeper into the hoodie he had slipped on before he had snuck out of his house. While aimlessly walking he spotted a bench and promptly slumped onto it. One hand idly picked at the chipped paint of the bench while the other clutched his hoodie above his heart. It hurt. It hurt enough to make him cry and well, he was alone so why not just cry? The guilt, the shame, the anger, the loneliness, all of it had turned into some blob of a creature that took hold of his heart and squeezed. He had to close his eyes, he didn’t know why, but it felt like it was one of the only ways to get comfort. Again, he was proved wrong as he began to remember The Day of The Last Akuma as all of Paris had taken to calling it, Adrien referred to it as the day he failed Marinette.

                  ________________________________________

Adrien winced as Marinette had taken hold of both his hands in hers, the gesture would have been sweet if it weren’t for the pressure. “ Save it. I don’t want your superficial pity. You Adrien Agreste are the biggest liar I know next to Lila. You knew she was lying. You knew she was lying from the start seeing how Ladybug told you herself that Lila and her were not friends. Oh yeah I know about that, in the park, or how about when Lila was akumatized to be the Chameleon, which by the way Lila very unoriginal and I’m fairly certain you were akumatized on purpose but hey what proof do I have right? And she pretended to be you because she didn’t like what you had to say about her lying. Yet you still didn’t tell your so called friends about her, because you don’t care about anyone but yourself! I learned that the hard way. I believed you when you said we were in this together and that if we both knew then that was enough and that we should take the moral highroad. What a joke ! I am truly disgusted with myself for ever thinking I was in love with you. ”

His hands hurt but that was nothing compared to his heart when Marinette had finished her speech, but the hurt was outweighed by his confusion. Looking around he could tell that their classmates were not expecting Marinette’s words to him. Some were probably still reeling from her harsh words about them but all eyes were on him and Marinette, and they were wide, whether it be in hurt, horror, shock, or all of the above. It seemed like the stares didn’t bother Marinette in the least, but they sure were getting to Adrien. “ W-What? You love me? ”

The hollow laugh he had gotten in reply was like a stab to the heart, he could feel Plagg scratching at his shirt from inside his white overshirt, he knew he had to get out of there so he could transform but Marinette still had a grip on him. “ Men. Of course that’s the only thing you focus on. If you actually listened to me and were a decent human being for once in your pathetic sad model life, you would have noticed that I said, was . I was in love with you, but after everything? You’re nothing but an obstacle in my way. ”

“ Mari please- ,” Adrien tried to reason with her as he tugged at his hands gently to see if there was any slack, again he winced in pain when Marinette tightened her hold, her gaze never wavering from him. The fury in her eyes could practically melt him.

“ That is not my name! If I did go by that name again you would not get to call me that anyways, nicknames are a privilege, they are shared between friends. Last I checked, we’re not friends, maybe we never were to begin with, and that goes for all of you too! ” Marinette hissed out sharply as she finally tore her gaze away from Adrien and looked at their classmates, their friends. It was the first time since this whole situation started that Adrien felt he could breathe despite the fact his hands were in an iron-clad like clutch. He didn’t have the heart to look in the eyes of everyone to see how they took Marinette’s words.

“ Marinette, this isn’t you! You need to fight the akuma, it’s making you say these things I know it is! But if you just calm down and fight it I know Ladybug and Chat Noir will be here to save the day. ” Adrien rambled away, and if he had been paying attention, he would have seen the way Marinette’s spine had straightened, how the atmosphere and temperature felt like it had dropped, and the way her calm fury took a turn. No he missed that all in favor of trying to see if one of his friends would agree with him and help him calm Marinette down long enough for him to sneak out and transform so Chat Noir could heroically swoop in to save the day.

“ Did he say akuma? ” He heard Rose semi-whisper to Juleka who merely nodded in confusion.

“ Marinette doesn’t look like an akuma though …” Nathaniel mumbled meekly.

“ Have you sheep learned nothing? There is more to people than what meets the eye.” Marinette sing-songed, and it was brief, so painfully brief but enough to draw scared gasps from everyone in the class, Marinette’s eyes had flashed from their normal cheerful blue to a darker almost violet color and the whites of her eyes turned purple. Everyone scurried back, even Mlle Bustier, all except Adrien who was still caught in her grip near the doorway that they were now blocking, and Lila who was just staring at Marinette in interest and poorly acted out fear from her seat that used to be Marinette’s. Everyone was calling out to her and telling her to run to them but the girl continued to sit there “frozen” in fear. “ And it seems like you are finally opening yours. ”

“ Oh Marinette how did this happen to you? I thought you were better than this? To get akumatized over me and showing everyone your true nature! Don’t worry guys my best friend Ladybug will be here soon to rescue us. ” Lila gushed out, not catching the wary glances that some were giving her.

“ Oh Delilah, do shut up. ” Marinette harshly mocked in response, Lila looked as though she had been smacked, everyone else was confused, Adrien included. “ What? Oh you guys didn’t know? Liar Rossi’s real name is Delilah, so let’s add that to the growing list of wrongdoings of one Delilah ‘Lila’ Rossi .”

Adrien breathed a sigh of relief when Marinette released his left arm, only to freeze when he felt her grab his right forearm with one hand, and his right hand with the other. Her fingers were so close to his ring, his heart was racing and he could feel Plagg stiffen in panic as well. “ Stop. Marinette. I’m begging you. This isn’t the way to deal with things, this will only make everything worse! ”

Marinette’s attention was torn from Lila to him and Adrien felt like he couldn’t breathe, he was sweating, and he felt like anything he did or said next would give him away as Chat Noir but he had to do something. Master Fu trusted him with this. Ladybug probably trusted him with this too, sure Fu hadn’t told him why she was gone but maybe this was a test or something? Maybe this wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Hopefully this wasn’t as serious as Fu made it out to be, because if it was he was not doing good. At all. “ Worse? No Agreste, I’m making things better. I’m protecting the people of Paris one last time from all of you, but especially from Rossi. Her lies harm people, her very being brings harm upon anyone she meets, and will continue to do so if someone doesn’t stop her. If someone doesn’t protect them from her. Since you couldn’t have a spine and keep one simple promise to be in this together with me, I have become what I needed to be and what Paris temporarily needs me to be just for today. I am its protector, I am The Protector.”

The pressure around his arm increased and he could do nothing but gasp in pain and try to pull away even as he was forced on his knees due to the pain. It was at this point that Lila got up and edged back, seeming to finally understand the danger she was in. The danger she unleashed. Marinette, no, the akuma, the Protector didn’t even spare her a glance as she added more and more pressure. The pain had distracted him from what she was doing at the same time, taking his ring. He hadn’t even noticed when finally a SNAP! rung out in the classroom and a scream could be heard. It took him a while to realize it was his own till he was cradling his limp arm to his chest and crying. He could hear the others shouting and screaming, he couldn’t see their faces through his tears. “ Here’s another lie Delilah told, and it’s fairly recent, but Ladybug and Chat Noir will not be coming to the rescue this time.”

Adrien tried to pull himself together when he no longer felt the weight of his ring, a thought struck him and it only strengthened his resolve to pull himself together despite the pain. There was no doubt that The Protector took his ring, he just hoped his classmates were more focused on his arm breaking than the ring being taken since he was almost certain that the akuma was doing nothing to hide what she took. Which meant if the class wasn’t looking at him they possibly saw Plagg being sucked back into the ring. He heard more than saw the gasps and the panic that followed, but what confused him was the sound of glass breaking-a window most likely-and the presence of the akuma leaving from beside him. He felt people swarm him and ask him questions but all he could focus on was the pain.

                ________________________________________

He wiped the tears that the memory brought and stood back up to resume his walk. Eventually he found himself at the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie and he just had to go inside, he had to apologize to Tom and Sabine, he had to. It was his fault their daughter was missing. So he took in a deep breath and made his way up to their apartment, it took him longer to gather courage to knock but he did eventually do that. When the door was opened, the pit of guilt in stomach grew at the sight of Tom Dupain who looked like he hadn’t gotten a good night’s rest in weeks, nor had he taken the time shave, his beard taking Adrien back to when he had been akumatized into Papa Garou. Beside him, the always put-together Sabine Cheng had bags under her eyes, she was wearing what was obviously one of Tom’s t-shirts and it looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair that morning. He took one look at them and broke down in a fresh wave of tears.

“I’m so sorry!”

Next Chapter

[milkacchan]

Sero/Bakugou/Kaminari w an S/O who's stupid good with kids

Sero-

• It was at the beach:)

• A little boy came up to you and your group of friends clearly in distress

• You immediately hopped on to ask what was wrong and comfort the small child

• You knelt in front of the boy and gently took his hands, telling him that whatever was going on would be okay

• Baby boy was crying and when you gently asked what was wrong he told you that he couldnt find his parents

• you wiped the tears from his cheeks and smiled at him, assuring him that you'd help him find his parents

• Sero's staring at you, eyes wide and cheeks red, just watching you deal with the situation at hand

• Like he knew you were good with with kids

• At least from what he's heard and sorta seen

• but he didn't know you were THIS good

• It was especially impressive since no one else in the group knew what to do

• But here you were

• Momming out

• Mina grins knowingly

• Seros always had a thing for people that were good w kids

• Sero falls in love for a second fucking time and he can feel his heart going crazy

• The way the little boy his holding onto your shoulders as you try to figure out where they might be

• The way you've secured him on your hip, making sure he laughs and smiles

• The way home doing everything in his power to make sure he's okay

•It's got Sero feeling some typa way

• And he's with you when you walk off to find his parents

• And he watches you set the boy down when he she's his parents and the way you smile as he runs to them

• He's enraptured watching you greet the parents- telling them what had happened and apologizing for taking so long

• He's enthralled as he watches you say goodbye to the boy, giving him a highfive and a hug

• And when they leave he's quick to take your hand and press a gentle kiss to your lips

• You grin at him

• 'I love you,'

Bakugou-

• Battle begs some interesting situations

• You run into a lot of things when you fight with villians

• This time it happened to be a kid.

• Everyone knew Bakugou wasn't particularly good with children

• He was okay with the younger ones but after they're like 7, they're mouthy

• And it annoys him

• You're the one to swing in though, sweeping the child up in your arms and holding her to your chest as she cries.

• She can't be more than five, her shirt is ripped, along with the leggings under her skirt

• You're rubbing her back, whispering into her ear that it'd be okay

• And something in him just- idk flipped

• You were being so gentle and he felt himself falling again

• How you went from the one goal of annihilation of an enemy to comforting a small child was incredible

• you've got a hand wiping her tears, telling her it's okay, the other securely on her back.

• You keep telling her you're not going anywhere, that she was finally safe

• She doesn't stop crying until your reiterate, many times, that you're not letting her go.

• She calms down as much as any child can in that situation. Her breaths were still uneven and her eyes were still watery but she wasn't sobbing anymore.

• he looks over when you when you walk up next to him

• honestly the instinct to protect is sinking in

• Just looking at you holding a kid, he feels like it's his JOB, his DUTY, to make sure you two are safe

• You personally are very protective of the kid

• you havent let the police taken her

• You havent let the pro heros take her

• You wouldn't dream of it the way shes holding onto you

• he finds himself warding off people trying to take her, telling them to fuck off and get lost

• and then he watches you

• He watches as you bounce her gently, humming in her ear and rubbing her back to calm her crying again

• He watches as you play with her hair, massaging her scalp gently to let her know it's okay to relax

• He watches you rub her back as she starts to fall asleep, exhaustion finally taking over

• And he watches as you hold her, not daring to put her down

• Covering her her small body with a blanket

• He's completely fine with it when you bring the idea of the girl staying in your shared apartment until her parents are found

• He watches you glare at the people in the corner who had tried to take her away as you left

• And over the next 3 days he watches you care for this girl like she was your own

• He knew you were good with kids

• He knew you had a mom instinct

• He along with his group of friends had been victim to it a few times in highschool

• But he didn't know it was to THIS extent

• It makes him feel warm when you feed her

• When you spin her around so she'll laugh or watch TV on the couch

• And he's torn when the parents are found because he sees you

• You were so strong delivering her back after spending three days with her

• But once she's gone you're crying

• And he feels kind of weird too, like now something missing

• Anyway. The parents have you as their babysitter 😌

• And you and Bakugou decide that maybe it's time to have your own kid

Kaminari-

• Kaminari takes you to a family BBQ

• With his

• WHOLE family

• Immediately- his little cousins love you. Especially the littlest one. She's fascinated with you and she ADORES you

• She ends up glued by your side and Kamis a lil jealous

• But watching you interact with her makes him warm

• You're so kind and gentle with her

• You pick her up and spin her around

• You let her play with your hair

• You're giving her piggy back rides ir letting her play on your phone

• He watches and you gently squish her cheeks and rub the tip of your nose against hers

• he watches as his 5 year old cousin lights up and laughs, leaning into you with a wide smile

• He watches as you pull her onto your lap so she doesnt have to sit on the ground

• He watches as you reapply her sunscreen and make her drink some water

• He watches you care for her as if she were your own, no questions asked.

• He watches you do the same to the other kids, making sure they're alright and they have what they need

• He listens to his mother making jokes that she's just going to have you watch the kids at family outings from now on

• Or his aunties say they'll pay her to spend the weekend at their house to babysit

• And then his dad say that his kids wont have to worry because they'll have a perfect mother

• And he's right

• If the two of you decided to have children at some point, after marriage, you truly would be the perfect mother

• He looks back at you and his heart flutters

• He knew you were the one, he knew you were the one he wanted to marry but fuck if he hadn't just fallen in love all over again

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Of Dust and Ashes, Chapter 29

Heeey, it’s not Friday and it’s a week late but, chapter 29 for you! I’m starting to write again, the routine and habits are still lost but we’re getting there. Please continue to be patient with me while I work on getting us back to biweekly updates. 

Chapter warnings: Non-graphic mentions of death, gore and dead babies. 

Series warnings: everything? 

Series rating: M for Mature. 

Clint Barton x OFC 

As a reminder, this runs the length of Endgame, filling in the 5 year time jump, shedding light on the environmental, economic, political and societal ramifications of removing 50% of the living population down to the bacterial level. In this series, we deal with topics such as suicide, mental health issues, depression, civil unrest, trauma, miscarriage and death. Not every character’s reactions will be logical however people don’t react logical to trauma. People make good and bad choices regardless of if they are a good or bad person. Every person has shades of gray and moral compasses can be swayed.

Masterlist

Chapter 29: Story Time

Clint nestled down on the ground. His back was propped against the wall and he was slouched over. Long legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Dee watched in silence as he seemed to settle into sleep within seconds.

She could never fall asleep that fast. She’d always been a light sleeper but it’d gotten better since she’d joined up with him and they made it to the farmhouse. The firelight from the small propane burner danced over their faces as they sat.

Rachel seemed afraid to look at her or Clint, instead keeping her head down and her eyes on Elsa. No, her name is Elizabeth. Lizzy. That was her name and she no business holding onto the idea of Elsa the baby.

She knew better. She didn’t want the baby. She couldn’t stomach the idea of taking care of her. As much as she wanted to believe it was better that they found her, part of her mind still cried that Lizzy’s life would have been better if it had been cut short. She didn't deserve to live in this new world. It would have been better if she had died before they found her. Rachel didn’t have much milk and there wasn’t a lot of formula to be had. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.

It wasn’t fair that her kids were not a part of the 50% that turned to dust in the decimation and yet, they were still gone. It wasn’t right that they had to experience the pain of burning to death. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have comforted them in their last moments. It wasn’t right that the sounds of their screams still haunted her nightmares.

“Are you okay?” Rachel’s voice snapped Dee out of her thoughts. Relaxing her fingers, she felt the joints creak. She couldn’t remember grabbing her pack but she had curled herself in on it and was clinging to it. The corners of her eyes were damp.

“I just want to go home.” Dee whispered.

“You will, soon. You two will abandon us and go safe behind the fence while we die outside. While everyone dies outside.”Dee was silent for a moment. She’d not been kind to Rachel and even now, she felt the annoyance prickle at her.

“It’s not that home I’m crying for.” Rachel hummed, for once minding her tongue or she was too tired to keep up the attitude. “I didn’t always live there.”

“Why are you there then? How did you convince him to take you in?”

“You can’t.”

“Help me. Woman to woman. If you had a child- maybe you’d understand.”

“You think I’m not a mother? You want to ‘mother to mother’ have a talk?” Deanna’s whisper was harsh.

“I mean- if you were you’d”

“I had two. In this bag-” Dee ripped open the zipper and reached in, under the bottles and cans to the bottom. Her fingers curled around the worn fabric. A small part of her relaxed as she pulled out the small tired blanket and stuffed fox. “A girl and a boy.”

“So you understand. So convince him to let us in. He trusts you, right? You can-”

“No.”

“But we could die? She’ll die.”

“Maybe that’s better?” Dee snapped, checking her voice as she glanced at Clint. His foot twitched but he seemed to still be asleep.

“Do you know what I’ve seen in the last what, six months?”

“Did you not see what you just saved me from?”

“I’ll go from most recent to the start for you. I killed people to save you. Living people who had friends, families who may still be alive to miss them and who may have not had much of a choice in what they were doing.”

“Yeah, but-”

“I was attacked in front of a store, in a parking lot. I sprained my ankle and killed a man trying to protect myself. Trust killed another protecting me. Clint- He saved me. I didn’t trust him at first. He brought me to the farmhouse.”

“So, why won’t he-” Deanna kept talking, not caring that Rachel had spoke. Somehow, it felt good to say it. To tell her story to someone. How much she was going to tell, she hadn’t decided.

“Before that, I had stopped in Utah. I killed a man there, too. He scared me and seemed insane. I shot him and when I searched his backpack- there was cans of formula. Some were busted open. His ID showed a local address. God, I felt so guilty. I hadn’t seen formula when I’d go into stores for supplies.”

“You killed a man trying to feed his baby.” Rachel accused.

“That’s what I thought.” Deanna still wouldn’t look at her. “I went to the address. I don’t know, I expected the wife or mom to be there. Maybe I was going to beg for forgiveness or for her to kill me. I don’t know. When I got there, no one was there. I looked and looked. Then I found her.”

“What happened to her? Did you give her away?”

“She was already dead.”

“You should have been faster.”

“She’d been dead for days, maybe weeks. Before I killed her dad. I think- I think the grief drove him mad. She was in clean clothes in the middle of the bed. I don’t think he was willing to admit she wasn’t alive anymore.

That was a few months ago, closer to the beginning. Before that, I met up with a young man who helped me figure out how to survive. I don’t know if he was a doomsday guy or what, but he had a plan that seemed like a solid one. He helped me figure out how to start moving forward.

We stopped to get supplies before leaving our hometown in California. We were loading everything up in the motor homes we were planning to live in. His family had owned a dealership. He- we had a run in with a teacher from my daughter’s school. The teacher- he shot him. I was lucky to get away.”

“I’m sorry.” Rachel whispered. Dee wondered what Rachel thought the lives of people in other places were like.

“It’s a blur before that. There was a dead body in a gas station. The news TV station was taken over by someone calling themselves a king.”

“Another one?”

“There’s probably more than a few.” Dee glanced to Clint again. He still was sleeping, snoring lightly. “Before that, a news anchor’s sister committed suicide. Mr. Rick and Mr. Taft, teachers from my daughter’s school- the same ones who attacked us while loading the RVs- broke into my house to steal food and supplies.

That brings me to the start of it all. The moment the new world began and the old world ended. The sounds- god I can’t get them out of my head. The crunch of metal hitting metal. The squeal of tires. The smell- smoke thick. The sound of screams- god so much screaming and waiting for sirens that never came.”

“What happened?” Rachel’s face was pale as Deanna shook like a leaf while tears streamed down her face. In that moment, Dee was gone and all that was left was the woman she had been, Deanna morning the loss of the life she had once had. The strength she had learned was nowhere to be found.

“They went to a year around school- I was a single mother so it was easier and they were getting a good education. No summer slidebacks in their knowledge. Did you know that kids forget up to 20% of what they learned the prior year during summer break?

I put them on the school bus. It was sunny, a beautiful day. I should have kept them home and taken them to the beach or something. But I didn’t. I needed to go pick up her birthday cake and set everything up for the party. The bus turned and the fuel truck barreled through the red light. I’m pretty sure the driver had turned to dust.

I don’t know how many on that bus also were in the half that were decimated. But I saw their faces in the window as the fire spread. I couldn’t- people tried but the emergency exits were pinned. They couldn’t get out of the windows and the fire was hot- god it was so hot. The roar was deafening but I could still hear them. I could hear their screams. I could hear them yelling for me. I could see them and they could see me. I close my eyes and I see their faces.

I should have gone to them. I should have gotten closer. I should have tried to get them out. I should have done more than sit there, watching while others tried. I should have died trying.

But I didn’t.”

Rachel sat and picked at the blanket wrapped around Elizabeth as Deanna stopped and wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry. They should have survived. No one deserves to go through that.”

“I’m not sure.” Deanna whispered as she prepared to give voice to her greatest secret. “Maybe it was better that they died. I don’t know if I would have wanted them to live in this world. Maybe it’s better for all the kids that turned to dust to not have to know what came next. Maybe the next best thing for them is to die early, quickly and painlessly if possible and not watch their parents become murderers and thieves.”

“You don’t mean that.” Rachel said, holding Elizabeth tighter. A part of her wanted to believe that Dee hadn’t met what she had said but a larger part of her feared that she did. It occurred to her that this woman, who had been taking care of her baby, that she had been counting on for refuge and safety, was deeply broken.

“Maybe.” Deanna answered. “We’ve all lost things. It’s a dangerous idea to count on anyone.”

“You count on him.”

“And it could someday get me killed. Or I could get him killed. We cannot- will not be solely responsible for you. We can’t.”

“But-”

“I need him and he needs me. That is the only reason we are together. That’s the only reason you should band together and trust anyone right now. Without that need, there is nothing to stop them from turning on you. Nothing stopped teachers from turning on their values, their morals. Anyone can turn.”

“How do you know the nurse won’t turn on me? I don’t have anything to offer her. I don’t have anything to offer anyone. Should I just give up, kill Lizzy then myself? Is that what you think would be the solution, the best course of action for me? Just end it because I’m too useless to be helpful?” Rachel’s voice was climbing some but the withering look Deanna gave her brought it down again.  

“When did I say that?” Dee snapped. “We saved your life. It’s not that we want you dead, it's that you are your own responsibility. We gave you a second chance, a second start at this new crappy world.

As for Sasha- You should be safe enough with her. She didn’t want to let us keep Lizzy at first. What she seems to need is someone to take care of. I get that, I needed that too. It’s how I ended up with Trust. What you need is someone to help support you and band together with you. You both have needs the other can meet and she’s helped us before.”

“So you trust her?” Rachel’s fire was dying and Dee was thankful for it.

“Well enough, I think. She needs food too. We’re supplementing her supplies so she’s got reason to keep us happy. She saved Lizzy, she had formula for her, checked her out and helped us warm her up. I still can’t believe she was still alive when we found her.”

“And that is good enough?” Rachel looked timid, scared in the darkness. She lacked to fire that seemed to hold back fear.Tears welled in her eyes.

Dee reminded herself that the woman had been through a lot of trauma. They all had been and each reacted differently. Some semblance of normal would do her good and hopefully Sasha could offer that.

“You should get some sleep. It’s a long walk back to the truck but once we get to it, it’ll be easy going.”

For once, Rachel didn’t argue. She nodded and curled herself around Lizzy on the ground with her back to the fire. She was cold but there wasn’t anything that could be done about it. Dee was cold too but that would only serve to help keep her awake.

Silence stretched on around her. Her heart ached and felt raw. Part of her wished she had never told her story to Rachel. Another part of her felt a weight off her shoulders to have finally said it, all of it.

“You should sleep.” Clint mumbled as he reached out for her. “It’s my turn.”

Deanna almost jumped out of her skin. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sitting there, watching the fire and lost in her thoughts. Tears had long dried on her face and she had repacked her bag.

"I'm fine." She whispered.

"Fine is good. But you won't be in the morning and it's a long walk. Come here."

She didn't argue. She didn't want to argue. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than to be held by him. He was her sanctuary. As much as she wanted to be safe behind the gate at the farmhouse, what she needed to feel safe, to be safe, was him. Just him.

Curling herself around him, her fingers dug into the layers of coats that covered his body. He shifted and unzipped his coat and slipped it from his shoulders.

“You’ll get cold.”

“Take yours off too.” He answered with a sly smile.

With a sigh, she did. The bitter cold bit at her arms as she handed over her coat.  She watched as he spread it out on the ground and settled himself on it. When he again reached out for her, she went willingly enough. Her coat was still warm from her under them. She could feel the warmth of him as he spread his coat out over them.

“It’s not blankets but it’s better than nothing. We’ll be warmer this way.” He mumbled into the top of her head as he held her tightly to him.

“What if you fall asleep?” She mumbled, already dozing off.

“I won’t.” Clint promised as he watched her slip into sleep. Her protests were half hearted at best.

She felt so good pressed against him, warm and solid. He drank in the feeling. Even if he had nothing else, he had her. It wasn’t something he planned on giving up any time soon. It wasn’t something he’d be willing to give up, ever.

It was early when Clint nudged her awake. He didn’t want to, waking her meant facing the day. There was a deep ache in his back and shoulders, one he hadn’t felt in a long time. It’d been a few years since he’d been on a mission where he’d had to rough it this much.

“Come on.” He whispered when Dee’s groggy eyes blinked open. “Eat what we can and set out a share for her-” his eyes flicked over to Rachel, still sleeping and curled around Lizzy. “Get a bottle ready too and pack everything else up. We’ll let her sleep until we’re almost ready.”

“Will we make it back to the house tonight?”

“If we’re lucky.” Clint sighed. “Careful not to wake her- I’m not ready to listen to her yet.”

Dee laughed softly before leaning up and placing a soft kiss to his lips. Clint’s arms tightened around her, pulling her closer somehow. His breath washed over her. “If we’re not, I don’t wanna get up.” She mumbled against his lips.

“I know Babe, but we have to.”

She whined dramatically and he chuckled. He was right, she knew it but in that moment it was like they were in a little bubble. The bubble that seemed to surround the farmhouse was somewhere there, with them, in that abandoned office building. If the bubble could find them there, she decided it could find them anywhere. The bubble of happiness and safety wasn’t the farmhouse, it was him.

“I love you.” She whispered as if it was some great secret.

“I love you too.” He answered. “But up, now. I really need to piss.”

~~~~~<3

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Tag list is always open. 

[confessionsofafuckingpervert]

Confession #19

There was a time back around the age of 19-20 that I had a girlfriend and was in love. When we broke up, I was pretty heartbroken.

It was the night after we ended things, and I went to a house party with some friends on the other side of town. I knew like 3 people there, and to be honest, I was having a really shit time, and probably should have declined the invitation.

During the night, I met this cute, chubby blonde girl, and I hadn’t really picked up on it, but in retrospect it should have been obvious how flirty she was being all night. At a certain point, the whole party was getting a bit too much for me, so I told everyone I was going to go for a walk to clear my head. Blondie asked if she could come along, and I said I just needed some space, but she didn’t really get what I meant and came along anyway. She was so talkative, and kinda boring.

We ended up near some shops, and went down an alley and sat at the top of a stairwell behind what I seem to remember as a bakery or something. We were chatting, well, she was chatting, and she asked me what was up. So I told her I was just a bit overwhelmed at the party because my gf and I had broken up and I wasn’t dealing. She went into a story about how her and her boyfriend broke up a month or so ago, and how he started dating this other girl straight away, and how it was his loss because the new girl was a prude and wouldn’t do the kinda of things she did for him. Then she said, his loss could be my gain, and she tried kissing me. We were both a bit drunk, and she was a really sloppy kisser. It was a bit awkward, and I kinda put the breaks on it and said I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hook up with anyone yet. She move my hand up her skirt, to touch her chubby, bald pussy, and she was wet as fuck. Then she said, “I know exactly how to take you mind of it”. We kissed again, and she started grinding her pussy on my fingers, and then she moved to the step below me and started undoing my pants.

I was really apprehensive about this, but she started telling me this story about how her neighbour caught her sucking her ex in the car outside her parent’s place one time, and how it turned her on to know someone had seen her being a slut. She told me that the thought of sucking my cock in public was making her pussy soaking wet, and that I should forget my bitch ex and relax. That her throat was mine to enjoy now, and I could use her all night if I wanted. She said she bet that she could make me forget all about my ex, and it made my cock so hard to hear this dirty talk. She knelt there on the stairs, holding onto the railing on either side with both hands, and she sucked it just like she kissed - wet and sloppy as fuck. 

She made a lot of gagging noises and drooled everywhere. I lent back and to be honest, I really did relax and forget my ex for a while. She told me I could grab her head and be rough if I wanted. So I did. She spat all over my cock and then slurped it all up and sucked my nuts and would look at me coyly and say shit like “I bet you ex never blew you like this”. She was wrong, but also, it was super hot. Then she said I could fuck her if I wanted to, right there on the stairs. 

Now I guess we’d been away from the party for a while, and around this time I could hear my friends calling out. They had walked up the street to find me, worried about me. We kept it down and she kept blowing me, until we were sure my friends had moved on. Then I put her on her back and lifted her dress, pulled her frilly pink thong around her knees, and pumped her soft wet cunt right there on the staircase. To be honest, it was really weird, it didn’t take my mind off my ex at all because she started saying freaky shit like, “Your ex is fucking dumb if she’d give up this perfect fucking cock”, and that she’d  let me “fuck her however I wanted any day, any time”. 

I was nearing the end, so I pulled out and finger fucked her hard til she came, then lent against the railing, and she sucked my cock some more, and finally I came on her face. She let me rub the cum all over her face with the tip of my dick, and then sucked my balls some more. I suggested we head back to the party, and we wandered back slowly. As we walked, we kissed and groped each other, I played with her pussy as we walked, leaning her against a fence to make her cum at one point, and she kept whispering that I owned her. I told her that she shouldn’t get her hopes up, that I wasn’t ready to get into another relationship. Between her hushed moans and her staggering steps, she said she didn’t mind being my rebound, but that she would be devoted as if she was my real girlfriend until I knew what I really wanted.

When we got back to the house, everyone was crashed out, and there wasn’t much room. We found my friends were all asleep in a spare bedroom, and we found a couch to crash on. We made out for a while, and she stroked my cock as I passed out.

A few hours later as the sun was coming up, and people were waking up, my friends came in and we all got our shit together and started leaving the party. My friends were a bit pissed at me for bailing on them, but they also totally understood where my head was at, and we all went home together the next day. I traded numbers with blondie, and she said that I could call on her anytime I needed a distraction or to be cheered up. She lived a good hour and a half drive from me, but she proved her self the very next day when I called her and invited her to come over. She bailed on a family member’s dinner to drive 90 minutes to sit in the car in my driveway and gag on my cock, swallow my load and drive home. She asked to stay the night, but I said no, maybe next time.

Two nights after that I called her again, she said yes, but asked in advance if she could spend the night because the drive was long. I said “we’ll see”, and she came anyway. She did the same thing, blowing me in the driveway, and I let her stay the night. She thanked me, and I snuck her inside. Back then, I was living at my mom’s place, and I didn’t want her to see me bringing random sluts over. 

I took blondie into my bedroom and got her naked. I kicked back on my little couch, and told her if she was spending the night she had to work it, she nodded, saying she would worship my cock all night if that’s what I wanted. And she fucking did. I put on my TV, and sparked up a cigarette, and relaxed while she licked my balls and shaft and blew me for what seemed like hours. We moved over to the bed, and I went to sleep, she was thanking me for letting her suck my dick. I told her I expected to be woken up with up BJ, so she should get some rest.

Sure enough, I woke up with her under the covers with my dick in her mouth. I was dreaming about my ex, and when I woke up and reality kicked in, there was a feeling of disappointment. I grabbed her hair and fucked her face hard and came down her throat. She thanked me again. She was supposed to be at home to help her mom do something, and I told her to stay and spend the day with me instead. She totally blew her family off for me. I tied her up and I put a blindfold around her eyes, and teased her cunt. I told her I was planning to fuck her all day long. That I would keep her tied up in my room like this all day, and use her as I felt like it. She gasped as I teased her clit. I asked if she was on birth control, and she said she was, that if I wanted to cum in her it would be ok. I teased her for ages with my fingers and tongue, her juices were leaking everywhere, and she begged me to fuck her. When I finally put my cock into her pussy, she came so hard, and so loud, I had to cover her mouth. I choked her out as I fucked her cunt, and I whispered into her ear all kinds of dirty shit. I told her I was going to spend the whole day filling her up with cum, and she played along, begging me to fill her cunt up with cum, saying she wanted to be my little cumdump. I fucked her all morning, eventually dropping the biggest fucking load in her pussy. She was a hot, wet, cock drunk mess at this stage. I adjusted her restraints and blindfold, and got her a drink of water. Then I told her to relax for a bit while I made some food, and did some chores, I’d be in for some more fun soon.

I guess I had left her there for about an hour and a half, when I went back into the room I don’t think she had realised how long I was going to leave her there. Seeing her all tied up, naked and helpless was such a turn on. I gripped her hair and ran my fingers over her pussy. Then whispered into her ear that this was going to be her life from now on. She moaned, and said she wanted to be my fucktoy, my cumdump. She begged me to fuck her again, and I could feel her pussy soaking up as she spoke.

She spent that whole day and the following night tied up like this, and I pumped load after load into her fat little cunt. It was some of the most insane, perverted sex of my life at the time, and every time I pushed my luck and did something a bit more fucked up, she would cry out “yes” and beg me to use her even more. In the morning, I took her into the shower, and gently cleaned her up. I made her a nice breakfast, and it was all very pleasant and caring. She thanked me over and over again, and told me she loved me. That she would do anything for me. 

I kept her around for quite a while. Eventually I moved to the city and she would come over a couple of nights a week. I have a lot of stories from that time to share, but that’s all for another time.

[peter-parkourwrites]

Heartbreak Summer 3

Bucky Barnes x Reader, College AU

Summary: James Buchanan Barnes broke your heart two years ago. Now, after settling down finally in college with your group of old and new friends, he ́s transferred into your school, and maybe back into your heart.

Word Count: uhhh idk

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of death, slight thor x reader, jealous buckaroo, crying, fluff if you squint

A/N: TAG LIST IS OPEN!! Also uhhh sorry this is a lil late my laptop is broken and i can’t use the schools to post it here so i had to improvise and use my phone for it so thats also why it’s not edited completely 😤 but thank you for reading 💖

Feedback is always appreciated! Thanks for reading loves, I hope you guys like it!

*Gif not mine, credit to owner*

series masterlist

It’s hard to actually pinpoint the exact moment you fell for Bucky, it always has been. Maybe it was when you met. Steve had invited you and Wanda out to one of their highschool football games because he knew Tony would tag along, and you were almost certain he would ask if he was coming. That night he simply ignored anything anyone besides Tony said, leaving yourself, Bucky, Sam, and Wanda to chat. Bucky's whole aura made you giddy, he kept you on your toes and laughing. His blue eyes reminding you of an ocean, that you wouldn’t mind drowning in. Or maybe it was when he saw you walking home in the pouring rain and offered you a ride in his mom's minivan.

Sure, you tell people forever. But that’s only because you’re a bit prone to dramatics. James Buchanan Barnes had your heart, and always would. No matter how many people you dated, you’d always be his. And you realized that, lying awake at five am, the sunrise peeking in through the windows, and showing how much dust you really had in the small room.

“Steve I told you, it’s fine. I’m not mad. A little annoyed, but not mad. I just wish you would have told me.” You sighed, taking the cup of coffee his outstretched arm was holding. “Besides I am so over him. And I have more important shit to focus on than thinking about old flames.”

“What like school? Psh that shit is boring.”

“Wow I must be in another world, first Bucky comes back, and now Steve Rogers is saying ‘shit’? I should just head down to the psych unit in the medical department.” You tease, bringing the cup up to your lips.

“Please, (y/n/n) you work on that floor anyways.”

“Hey! It’s not by choice you idiot, my professor wants us to switch things up every few weeks. But thankfully I start my internship soon.”

“With professor Coulson?”

“Yeah.” You hum and walk over to the couch, that has a plethora of pillows tossed about. “Starting on the pediatric floor I think.” You mumble into the cup of coffee as you slowly lift it up to your lips for another ling sip.

Steve sits across from you on the old black recliner he’s had since you could remember. He loved that squeaky old thing. Even if everytime he actually reclined in it, it’d send him flying violently backwards.

“That’ll be cool, you’ve always been good with kids.”

“Only because of Becca, I called her earlier and told her about it, and she reminded me of when Bucky, you and I had to take care of her. Man that whole weekend was a mess.”

“Yeah we had to beg his parents not to leave us alone for the weekend ever again.” He laughed, crossing an arm over his chest like he was on SNL. You rolled your eyes and finished the rest of the coffee.

“Oh whatever, anyways thanks for letting me come over at ungodly hours.” You grinned, kicking your legs up on the rest of the couch and craning your head to the side to look at him. Steve nodded and placed his cup on the table.

“I’m always here to talk, you know that (Y/N).”

“Don’t get all sappy on me now.” You groaned, grabbing a pillow from beside you and tossed it at him. He caught it without a glance and turned on the TV. “Showoff…” You muttered, crossing your arms over your chest and turning to face the now illuminated screen, as a rerun of Law and Order started playing.

You and Steve lounged around for a good hour and a half, now being around seven. He got up to make breakfast for everyone while you clicked through the guide.

“You guys have shitty TV, this is all football.” You moaned, dramatically flopping against the back of the couch. “Don’t you guys ever watch anything interesting? Like The Simpsons, or Criminal Minds? At least one of you has to be a sucker for crime documentaries.”

“That would be me.” Sam announced his arrival as he walked out from the hallway and to the front door as a rapid knocking was heard. He pulled open the door and Tony came rushing in, hair disheveled and eyes wide.

“I thought you died!” He yelled, waving his arms around wildly in your direction.

“We told you she wasn’t dead.” Nat said with a groan as she walked in behind him, dragging a half asleep Wanda behind her. “Hey hun, he woke us up yelling that you were gone.”

“He made up,” Wanda yawned, “So many theories…” She groaned and flopped down on the couch, laying her head on your thighs. You chuckled and patted her forehead, continuing to scroll past the plethora of sports channels.

“Like what?” You asked, turning your head slightly to glance at Tony. He was having a hushed chat with Steve and turned his attention back to you, now holding a steaming cup of coffee.

“Oh ya know, you an Buckaroo getting back together, you got drunk and left the apartment without even knowing, or Thor had asked you to go over for a quickie.”

“Gross!” You hissed, chucking the remote at him. It went sailing past him and landed on the floor with a thud. “We do not have quickies.” You muttered, crossing your arms over your chest and letting out a huff of air.

“Hey does anyone know how Buck takes his coffee?” Steve asked, eyes scanning over the different creamers.

“Black with two sugars. Unless it’s from Starkbucks, then creamer. Says it’s too bitter” You said, the words flying out of your mouth before you could even stop them. The kitchen went silent and you faked innocence as Nat raised a brow at you for an explanation. “What?!” You yelped and raised your hand in defense. “We dated for three years, and it's not like it’s that hard to remember.”

“Uh-huh just keep telling yourself that you love sick fool.”

“Tony shut up I am not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No.”

“Yessss.” He said in a sing-song voice as Steve walked over with a plate of pancakes. Wanda sat up from your lap, only to move beside you. Nat sat on the floor next to Sam who kept picking food off her plate, you could have sworn Nat threatened to stab him at least twice. Steve sat in his usual recliner, and Tony sprawled out next to you on the couch.

“Jesus what did I miss?” Bucky’s raspy morning voice filled your ears, and you shuddered, a chill running down your spine. You shook it off by reaching for the syrup.

“Pancakes and yelling.” Wanda beamed up at him before grabbing the syrup from your hand. “Share.” She muttered, sending you a glare. You stuck your tongue out at her before beginning to dig in to your second pancake.

“(Y/N) never shares her food.” Bucky chuckled and began fixing two plates of food. Shooting him a cold glare, you finally looked at him. His long locks were an absolute mess, per-usual in the mornings, he had black basketball shorts, hanging low on his waist and he was shirtless. You gulped, your eyes not daring to scan his god like body.

But you failed, like usual. And oh you wished you hadn’t looked. He still looked as if he was sculpted by the gods, that much was obvious but there we small red and purple marks littering his collarbones. Hickies.

You gulped down the last bite of your food and with a shaky hand, placed the plate on the coffee table.

Sensing your mood change Nat sat up, but still chewed on her blueberry pancakes. Wanda already had a hand pressed up against your lower back, but you brushed her off as you stood up.

“Actually James, I do, just not with you.” You muttered, before walking over to your stuff. You pulled Thor’s sweatshirt from the back of your chair and slipped it over your head, then stuffed your phone into your pocket. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have class and I’d rather not be here when your little… plaything wakes up.” With that, you opened the door, stepped out, and slammed it shut. Then you took off down the hall to your own apartment and threw yourself in.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” You chanted, tripping over furniture, tears already spilling from your eyes.

You did have class, that much was true. Then you had a study group with some lower-classmen you were helping in biology. So you weren’t really lying, even if it was at noon, not eight in the morning. But you had to get out of there, you could barely hold yourself together seeing him alone after a one night stand, but seeing him with the girl? No way in hell you would have kept it together. Not like this.

You wiped the tears off your cheeks, rubbing under your eyes. Red cheeks replaced the pale ones you had moments before, and the bags under your eyes were way more noticeable. Turning on the faucet, you splash your face with cold water and run your fingers through your hair.

“Get it together…” You muttered, not even wanting to look at yourself in such a disheveled state.

-

“No that’s not right.” Peter’s voice became a distant memory, your head falling limp in your palm as you fought against the sleep that was pulling your eyelids closed.

After the mini reality check from earlier, you managed to take a quick shower, and throw your hair up into a ponytail. You looked presentable at best, but it was better than not showing up at all. You managed to toss on one of Thor’s old sweatshirts you stole, along with a pair of leggings, and some slippers. Because the weather was surprisingly cold for early fall.

“Sorry, what?” You blinked as MJ tapped your shoulder.

“Peter wants to know why blood sugar levels are so important.” She mumbled, not even sparing you a glance, her nose dug into a book.

“Because, Our blood sugar refers to how much glucose is present in the blood. Glucose is important for cells to be able to make energy and build other complex carbohydrates. However, too much glucose can be toxic for the body. So we need to know if it becomes too much, or too little. You should know this.”

“And you Miss (Y/N), shouldn’t be falling asleep.” Peter teased, sticking his tongue out at you as you shot him a glare.

“Listen kid, I didn’t sleep last night and I haven’t had enough coffee. Stark is dropping me off some.”

“Just get the coffee from the front desk.”

“Parker I am going to pretend you didn’t just say that. Library coffee is horrible. I need fresh brewed from home, or Dunkin.”

“Oh or that nice little place on Manhattan blvd.” Ned added and you nodded, shooting him a warm smile.

“Yes, the absolute best.”

“I heard my name.” Tony said with a grin as he placed the steaming cup in front of you.

“If you mean the absolute worst? Then yes, yes you did.”

“Harsh, I have been wounded. Maybe I’ll just drink this coffee myself.” The brunette mutters, pulling the cup just out of your reach and taking a small sip. You shriek violently and fling your textbook at him. Tony simply steps out of the way before shooting you a sly grin.

You let out an annoyed groan, standing up from the chair and picking up your textbook, and that's when Tony really sees what you're wearing.

He knows this small step back into what you used to be, like dipping your toe into the pool to test the water before diving in.

Under Thor’s blue sweatshirt, is one of Bucky's red henleys. He had plenty, they were his favorite shirt. And he’d be damned if they ever got stolen… by anyone other than you of course.

Tony's breath catches in his throat as you yank the sweater back over the fabric to refrain from prying eyes of passerbys, your friends, and most importantly Bucky.

“Y/N-”

“Please don’t…” You choke out, holding back a soft cry. He nods, understanding, but not ready to completely let it all go. He places a gentle hand on your wrist and waits for you to look up at him. Your eyes are slowly turning puffy and red, even more so than they already were. Your free hand is picking at imaginary lint and he lets out a sigh.

“Okay… not here.” He confirms and shakes his head at your pleading face, that's begging him to drop the subject completely.

Tony doesn’t give in to the puppy dog eyes that make everyone else but him and Natasha melt. He places a short peck to your forehead, hands you your coffee and walks off after saying a quick hello to Peter.

You clear your throat, take a small sip of the now lukewarm liquid and sit back down in the creaky hard chair.

“Sorry, where were we?” You ask, looking around the room instead of the freshman in front of you.

“Lets get some lunch.” MJ announces, abruptly standing up and shoving her books into her bag, clearly over the study session.

Of course she was done with the study session, anymore talk about isotopes and she might have exploded. But she also noticed how uncomfortable you got when Tony had started whispering to you. She had some inkling as to why. When you were a senior in highschool, she was a freshman. It was uncommon for the two classes to mingle but you and her got along great. Her, Peter, and Ned were tossed into an AP Calculus class, and you of course had gotten stuck with them. But it wasn't all bad, yourself and MJ had often made snarky comments towards the boys, and would mumble obscenities under your breath as the teacher would get things mixed up. MJ was observant, and quite the character, so when you and Bucky had split up, she knew it immediately.

Everyone was truly shocked when you both split. Bucky had left for Europe the day after, and you showed up to school, alone, with puffy eyes. She recalls when you were taking your final the next day you had ran out in the middle of it, tears pooling down your cheeks.

And she resented him a little for it, but then again she didn ́t know what happened, and she didn't know why, and she didn't know Bucky.

But it wasn't like it was rocket science to figure out that he was what had you so shaken up. MJ heard a rumor about him coming back, but refrained from saying anything because… a rumor is just that, a stupid rumor. And she didn't want to upset you if she didn't have to.

“I want the extra crispy grilled cheese.”

“You get that every time Ned.” MJ grumbled as she scanned over the blackboard that held all the options on the menu.

“Okay but it’s really good.” You chimed in grinning at MJ, you pulled out your wallet as everyone ordered and reached out to pay. Peter shrieked and smacked at your hand, shaking his head.

“No no no my treat, you always help us with studying and we don’t even pay you. Let me get this.”

“Such a gentleman…” You cooed, giving him a cheeky grin. “But its work study so I get paid anyways.” Peter simply shrugged you off and handed the cash to the cashier, who grunted in response. You recognized the kid from your Economics class, and attempted to wave but he simply turned away to grab your food.

~

“I still don’t see why you didn’t want to go out tonight.” Wanda muttered as she handed you a bag of goldfish to snack on.

“Because I have homework, and I have an econ test to study for. Plus it’s movie night.”

“Econ can suck my dick.”

“Who’s sucking whose dick?” Sam muttered as he flopped down on the love seat, hanging his feet off the side.

“Econ is sucking Wanda's dick because I didn’t want to go out.”

“Well it is movie night Wands, we can't just skip it.” Nat hissed, curling up on the longer couch, settling herself comfortably beside Wanda.

“Not like everyone shows up all the time.” Wanda muttered before leaning forward and cradling the warm cup in her hands. “Where the hell are Steve and the other asshole. Or were going to start without them.”

“Relax ladies we’re here.” Bucky announced, giving Sam and cheeky grin. He nudged his legs off the side to sit, but Sam shook his head and kicked his legs back up.

“What movie’s first?” Steve asked pulling out the large box of DVD’s from behind the TV stand.

It was a large clear plastic bin with half scratched off stickers. The memories of Becca sticking them all over Bucky’s things was fresh in your mind as you stared off into the distance. She’d constantly have any sort of glittery, scented, or stickers with her favorite foods on them. When Bucky had shown up to take you to prom, there was a pink glittery heart on his shoulder.

“I vote we watch Terminator.”

“Sam we always watch that movie.”

“Yeah well get used to it (Y/N) it’s a good movie.”

“Well I for one think we should watch The Princess Bride.” Wanda announced as she dug her hand into a bag of M&M’s.

“Nope, we’re watching The Lost Boys.” You said, standing up and grabbing the box out of Steve's hand. He rolled his eyes and stood up, moving to sit in your spot.

“That shitty eighties movie about the vampires? No thanks.” Sam groaned and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl. You scoffed, placing the disk in the player and turning to face him, your hands resting on your hips.

“Shut your trap, it’s a good movie.” You hissed, sticking your tongue out at him. He gave you a playful wink and turned his attention to the screen. Surveying the area around you, you noticed Steve was now occupying your seat. Pursing your lips, a small groan left your lips. The only empty seat was next to Bucky.

Unwillingly you trudged over and plopped down beside him, your heart obviously had a different plan from your brain.

Curling your legs up into your chest, and resting your head on your knees you relaxed as best as you could beside him and focused on the movie.

The movie played quietly in the background of your thoughts as you wondered why he came back. You thought he loved it over there, from what Steve had told you, he was having a wonderful time. But then again, Steve was never good with translating sarcasm. No matter if it was in person or over text. He sucked at it, plain and simple.

Bucky also wondered why he came back sometimes. He missed his friends, his sister, and his home… you.

Bucky had always lived a hectic life. He grew up beside Steve, ever since birth they had been close. Their mothers were friends so it was only natural the pair would become close.

Steve eventually went from a scrawny kid with asthma who had a knack for fighting bullies to, Steve the football player, no longer stricken with the burden of not being able to breathe. A chick magnet, who was so kind to girls it was almost unbelievable he hadn’t dated anyone.

And then Steve met Y/N. You became fast friends and Bucky could have sworn you knew one another since you were born just like him and Steve. He had met you in sophomore year. Three years, and Steve had finally introduced him to you. But it wasn’t just simple you. Bucky was introduced to the person who changed his life. A beautiful girl who he swore made his heart beat louder than it ever had. But of course, Bucky thought you and Steve were in love. You were the only one who he allowed to refer to him as ‘Stevie.’ He hated that nickname, but not when you said it. So Bucky backed off, until your large group of friends all got smashed at a party and Steve embarrassingly kissed some dude on the track team. You practically burst with joy for him for finally doing it and all Bucky could do was sit there, beer in a cup now warming due to the burning in his hand, where you gripped it in pure joy for your shared best friend.

It was then that Bucky had made it his plan to get you to fall for him in the same way he fell for you. It was easier said than done, but he eventually won your heart.

You became his favorite person. The one he would constantly visit, and stop whatever he was doing to see you. You became his home.

He thought your voice was smooth like honey, and as sweet as the sugar his mom would put on his cheerios when he was younger. Your voice would seep into the cracks of his soul, to remind him he’d always have you.

He even had you now, as your head rested against his shoulder, the rest of your body slumped against the back of the couch. Soft snores rang through his ears, focusing only on you. He’d be damned if he or anyone else woke you up. The movie ended about an hour ago, and everyone had gone to bed. But not without some snide or silly comments on how you were cuddled up against him.

However, he paid no mind to them. All he thought about was how he missed your arms around him, your body heat radiating off of you, keeping him impossibly warm. The familiar scent of lavender and vanilla filled his nostrils as he relaxed all parts of his body but his right arm where you were curled up against. An odd position, yeah but for you? He’d fall out of a plane if it meant keeping you safe. (I’m sorry forgive me for that reference lol)

He felt you stir beside him, and Bucky froze, his breath halted in his lungs as he very slowly glanced down towards you. Your face scrunched up as you wiped at your cheek, after pulling up from his shoulder. Your eyes blinked open, and Bucky quietly watched your eyelashes kiss at your cheeks every time they fluttered shut. He froze again, praying you wouldn’t freak out, and that you’d calmly get up and go to bed, or curl up next to him again.

You chose neither and sat up fully, hunching forward and grabbing the remote from the coffee table.

“‘Nother movie?” You asked, leaning back against the couch and looking over at him. He nodded and focused his gaze on the screen as you chose a crappy netflix original. “ ‘M sorry for falling asleep on you by the way…” You mumbled, running your fingers through your hair. Bucky let out a faint chuckle and shook his head.

“I’m happy to be your headrest doll, long as you don’t drool.”

“Shut up Buck, that was one time…” You groaned, lightly punching his shoulder. He just shook his head and kept his eyes trained on your face, and he swore he saw a hint of a smile curling at your lips.

Smiling at him? Maybe, he could only hope.

Discarding the thought, much to fast for his own taste, he busied himself by grabbing some popcorn and tossing it into his mouth.

Maybe one day he’d work up the courage to actually talk to you, not some silly banter that was somewhere on the cusp of anger and misread feelings from old times… maybe.

—

TAGLIST: @thatsbucknasty @itz-kira @cassandras-musings @petlaufeyson @itzmegaaaaaaan @ambrosesnerd @thatoneslytherinbeater @sebastianstan-posts @retrxbarnes @nervosaa @vvinch3st3r @lost-in-t-h-e-abyss @spn-obession @greeneyedgirls4 @learisa @avipshamitra @uaterer @aletteredaffair @formulafun @smexy-bucky-waifu @jitterbuck @marvelsbitxh @justanothergirlwithdemons @blueeyedboobear @ladymidnightt @greatballsofeffingfire @kaithezaftig @cookies186 @mywinterwolf @buckysthing @postredetucora @coraz0ndcristal @mc225g @section-79 @eves-library

[catsandstrawberries]

Real Family 8

Pairings: BTS x teen female reader, platonic love

Warnings: Language, neglect, descriptions of a panic attack and past child abuse 

A/N: Sorry I haven't posted in so long, hopefully, this chapter makes up for it. Also, I PROMISE Yoongi gets better but for the next few chapters he's going to be a jerk..I'm sorry but I can't imagine him feeling ok with reader living with him at this point in time. 

Summary: It’s not blood that makes a family. It’s love.

Masterlist 

The week after they had given me my own phone they had automatically became super busy. They were always leaving early in the mourning and coming home late at night, I didn't really expect anything different considering they were idols. Sometimes they would invite me to come with them to dance practice, I thought it would be fun until I saw all of the hip rolls and thrust in their choreo. Dancing like that in front of the girl who's living with you and trying not to be too sexual is weird.

So for the most part I stayed at home, and indulged in the Netflix account Jungkook made for me. Honestly, most of my days were spent eating and watching the show called the Office. In the past week I had watched seven seasons of the Office and finished Parks and Recreations. Both of which made me cry at some point from laughter and sadness. Taehyung also helped me set up an Instagram and Twitter, and sometimes we would send each other awkward selfies when he had some downtime at work. Apparently, Namjoon had even started an Instagram called the BTS family, and I later found out that the day I was supposed to get coffee for Bang, led to him yelling at the boys for not using me to my promotional potential. Or at least that was my guess and when I told Jungkook my theory, his widened eyes and exclamation of ‘you're not a promotional tool to us!’ told me my hunch was right. 

All the boys had the password except for me to the Instagram account, which was a little aggravating but Namjoon also had to sit me down and talk to me about how I would need to be responsible in what I posted since I gained about 8 million followers on Instagram. The Bts Fam account was also just cringey photos of myself. There was one of me from the photo shoot, one of me and Tae, the rainbow shot of the boys and one of me sleeping on the couch. I messaged Jin asking (begging) him to delete it because I was drooling in the photo but in response, he sent me a laughing emoji.

Currently, I was watching reruns of the office since Hoseok asked me not to watch the final season without him. I refused to hold back my laughter as Kevin spilled his chilly onto the floor or when Stanley talked about his love of pretzel day. But as soon as the door slammed shut followed by a silence I immediately muted the show, calling out, “hello?” Even though I knew the house was pretty top security, doors slamming and the silence always scared me. “Just me (Y/N)!” Namjoon poked his head out from behind the wall, looking up from his phone and tucking it in his pocket. “You're back early,” I stated turning around on the couch and leaning my head against the frame to get a better view. “Yeah practice got out earlier and they decided to give us off till Monday.” He sounded so relieved but it was only Saturday, it was sad to think they had to work so hard just to get one day off. Instead of crushing his dreams though I simply smiled. “That's great.” I then noticed the quiet in the building, “what happened to the boys?” He flopped down on the couch next to me, “they went to get food-.” I immediately groaned, “Not salads again!” BTS comeback was in a few months and of course, they all were expected to diet and one of the first and only things Yoongi had said to me this week was, “If we're doing it so is she.” He didn't even say it to my face or address me, so our relationship wasn't really getting anywhere. “Sorry.” He smirked, words not matching his emotion. “Actually, when the boys get back we all should talk.” I gulped, turning off the Tv and turning to Namjoon. “Is s-something wrong?” I stuttered, despite the fact I was getting more comfortable with them I was always waiting for something wrong to happen, expecting it. Maybe this was it. Namjoon opened his mouth but the loud shouting of Hoseok prompted him to roll his eyes instead. “(Y/N) you better not have watched the last season without me!” An annoyed sigh followed by a wack came from the other room. “Can you quiet down Hoseok, anyways we have to talk to her remember.” Jin's strict voice startled me, what was so important? Jimin soon filtered into the room ruffling my hair as he passed by then jumping over the couch to sit by me. After he had done it at the photoshoot it kind of became our ‘thing’. Even after plentiful whining from Tae and Kook about how they wanted a ‘thing’ too. The rest of the boys flooded into the room, Jin handing me a bowl of greens and vegetables, the only thing slightly appealing was the boiled eggs. I tried not to act too ungrateful, even a salad was better than no food, but why did I have to diet with them, stupid Yoongi. Once everyone had settled down and Jungkook handed me a fork, all eyes were on the leader. He twiddled slightly with his thumbs as he spoke, “So (Y/N), I got a message from the state the other day about them sending a social worker to check up on you. Apparently, it's routine for them to see your lifestyle, how you're adjusting and everything.” I practically sighed in relief at his words, if this was the news then I had nothing to worry about. I suddenly perked up as a thought entered my head, “is the social worker Katie?” I honestly missed Katie, even though we fought and got on each other's nerves she was the closest thing I had to a mom. Jimin chuckled next to me and I blushed from my sudden excitement, stuffing a large piece of kale into my mouth. “The email didn't specify,” his tone then turned serious, “but, (Y/N) I was doing some research and they said if the meeting didn't go well you could get revoked from our parental rights.” Of course, I knew this, since it had happened in the past, but was he really worried about that?  “Namjoon it's nothing to worry about, the state would only take me away if I was in an unfit home. Like the last place I lived at they drank a lot, called me names, tried to…” I faltered off just as Jimin had tensed from beside me. “I-I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry.” I hung my head in defeat, that wasn't just something I'd blurt out why did I feel so inclined to bring it up now. “Anyways, you guys will be fine, I have a roof, food, The Office.” I chuckled but this time no one laughed with me, all eyes downcast or glaring into the distance. Clearing my throat I started to eat more of my salad, “you guys will be fine, when is it?” My question caused Namjoon to blink a few times before looking at me. “Tuesday. We’re supposed to have a practice that day but I convinced Bang to let us leave for a few hours.” Jungkook let out an audible ‘yes’ followed by an ‘ow’ as he was smacked by Yoongi. “Is that all we had to talk about?” The nervous look on Namjoon's face only deepened and my stomach started to twist. “No. We enrolled you into a private school.” I gulped the remaining food in my mouth hanging my head in my hands once again letting out an annoyed groan, “you start Monday.”

When Tae had offered to take me to Target to shop for school supplies I did not question him. I thought he was just trying to do something nice. But as soon as the car pulled up to the mall Tae started to head for the store that screamed expensive in big glowing letters. Gucci. “Tae I can't go in there, isn't that for like expensive people?” Tae turned towards me, pushing his sunglasses up once they started to roll down the rim of his nose. His black and red checkered bandana pulled his hair back and the black Gucci shirt and jeans did nothing to hide his appearance or physique. “Don't worry so much, we’ll just make a quick stop then leave.” I grumbled under my breath, I doubted Tae could simply just make a ‘quick stop’ at Gucci. The security guard in front of the store gave Tae a nod followed by, “welcome back, Mr. Kim.” Jesus how many times had Tae been to this store. The guard gave me a side eye but didn't mention anything as I walked closer to Tae. The insides of the store were terrifying, everything looked expensive and I worried that if I touched something I would somehow fall 5 million into debt. The store was lit with a soft yellow and white glow, a set of purses in a glass case covering an entire wall, a full room of shoes and mannequins with strange looking sweaters were placed in the oddest of places. Turning a corner I almost jumped when seeing a mannequin holding a Gucci bag in one hand and a strange interpretation of a Kimono on the body. Trestles and chains hanging from the shoulders.

“Tae can we please get going soon, am I even old enough to be in a store like this?” Just as I asked, I walked by a set of baby clothes all pricing over 1,000 dollars. “Don't answer that,” I grumbled while Tae openly laughed at me. “Why don't you go wait outside while I check out,” before I could argue Tae was raising an eyebrow at me. “I'll be quick I promise.” Taking him for his word I exited the fancy store, casually leaning by the wall and taking out my phone.

Not even five minutes after walking out of the store Tae was done, meeting me outside a bag in hand. “What did you get?” I asked but he simply brushed off my question, “just some stuff. Here I got you these.” He placed a pair of sunglasses over my eyes, “you'll need them the more we go out in public.” Pulling a black mask from his pocket he quickly placed it over his mouth, “let's go.”

Once we had gotten to Target, Tae of course immediately got distracted. “(Y/N) these would look so cute on you, look!” He was like a kid in a candy store, shoving clothes in my hands and carrying me throughout the department. “Tae, why are we looking at clothes when I have a school uniform?” Tae turned towards me taking the clothes out of my hand and placing them in a handheld basket. “Don't think I don't notice the seven pairs of clothes you rotate through in a week (Y/N). I'm not an idiot.” Despite the cloth, over his mouth, I heard every syllable, and I looked away in annoyance. “Besides I can't let my kid go out in public without the proper clothes.” He turned away for a moment muttering something about how he wished it was Gucci, but the only thing I cared about was how he described me as ‘his kid.’ “Go try these on.” He handed me a big basket of clothes, “all of them?” Tae glared at me, before sighing. “Seriously (Y/N), please go try them on.” I glared at the ground as I walked towards the dressing room, not missing the smirk that passed Taehyung's face as I muttered, “only because you said please.”

After a full-on argument with Tae about how I didn't need 12 pairs of jeans he finally gave in and let me choose half of the clothes out of the pile he gave me. So the original fifty items soon turned into twenty-five. Shopping with Tae was seriously a hassle. Every time I remotely looked at something he would be breathing down my neck asking if I wanted it. Sure it may seem nice but it was also annoying. So far he had shoved Yankee Candles, fairy lights, and some supplements into the basket for my room, stating that ‘I needed to decorate.’ He tried to grab more especially when we got to the room decorating section with sheets, mirrors, hangars, couches and the fancy led lights. I had to drag him to the school section which was odd because that was the ONLY reason we were supposed to go to Target and we seemed to buy everything except for school supplies. As soon as we got to the aisle Tae’s nose scrunched up in disgust, “I hated school.” I glared at him and he quickly realized his mistake, “I mean school was fun...yay, learning.” Tae walked over to a pile of fancy looking notebooks and binders and simply swiped them into the basket from the shelf. “I actually met Jimin in high school.”

“Really?” I asked slightly in awe, everyone always talked about how once they graduated they moved on from there high school friends. “Yeah, Jimin got picked on a lot for his accent so I always tried to stand up for him. That's how we became friends.” He turned back towards me a smile on his face, “I know school can be rough, but try giving this one a chance.” I smiled and nodded throwing a pack of pens into the basket. If only I had known exactly what would happen at my new school.

[namjoon-koya]

Daughter of no one part 8.

Summary: Your mother told you that your father walked out on the both of you, only for you to find out that a certain avenger is your father and had no idea he had a daughter.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x daughter reader (platonic)

Warning ⚠️: angst, violence, amnesia?

A/N: out of all the chapters this will probably be my most favorite one.

——————————>

-1 year later-

Bucky groaned as his muscles ached in pain, a year passed by that he didn’t find you he felt guilty that guilt consumed him until Steve and Nat helped him overcome it.

He did but that didn’t mean he didn’t think of you everyday, it was a living hell to live without his wife and his daughter he started drinking heavily afterwards even more than Tony did back then.

He put on a T-shirt and sweatpants as he walked down to the rest of the team he greeted them with a low mumble before grabbing a cup to pour himself coffee.

Peter stopped visiting the tower, he only came when Tony needed to talk to him but if he didn’t then he never showed his face; Bucky guessed that Peter was affected by you as well.

He felt someone pat his shoulder he looked up and saw Steve smiling at him, he smiled back “How you doing punk?” He shrugged “same as usual.” Steve nodded before walking off.

After Bucky was done with his coffee he set his cup on the sink before going off to his room, once he got there he pulled out his phone once his lock screen lit up his lip made a sad smile it was a picture he took of you and him playing a video game.

Of course him being him he didn’t know how to play so you were winning Steve managed to get a picture before you or Bucky noticed, suddenly he felt a small sob escape his lips “I miss you луны свет.”

———

“луна.” Madame HYDRA called out to you, you turned around and looked at her “да?” “следовать.” You nodded as you trailed behind her; you didn’t know where you came from you only knew to trust her she told you could and you did.

“You’ve grown up to be a well solider луна.” You nodded thanking her for the compliment “it’s all to you madame.” She clicked her tongue “луна I told you to call me mom, madame is what the others call me.” You nodded “sorry.. mom.” She lead you into another room.

You saw Rumlow and another man name Zemo, from what your .. mom told you she said he was your father at times you didn’t believe it you didn’t see how he was your father you never looked nothing like him.

“луна! How’s my little girl doing?” You shrugged “always good I guess.” He nodded “alright you know what to do, Rumlow step up to the mat.” He nodded he got into a fighting position “ready? Go.” Zemo commanded with one swift kick you took Rumlow down.

You had powers you could see farther into the future so it was easy to dodge his attacks “damn kid!” Rumlow exclaimed you held out your hand he grabbed onto it.

“Sorry..” you mumbled out he only let out a chuckle “don’t worry it’s more of a compliment луна.” You nodded. They called you луна; it meant Luna but it really never felt like it was your name all of these always felt like a .. lie but you could never ask them why you felt this way.

The last time you asked they said you shouldn’t feel useless emotions you hung your head madame Hydra took you back to your room you heard the lock click they always locked you in your room whenever you asked they told you stories about the “avengers.”

Your head throbbed at that name, the avengers were someone who was out to kill you or that’s what they told you; the man who wanted to kill you the most was Bucky Barnes he seemed ruthless and fearless from the videos they showed you of him.

But you couldn’t help but have this feeling that you knew him, your heart would grow warm every single time you saw a picture of him but once Zemo or madame Hydra noticed they’d quickly take the picture away.

You looked out the window letting a sigh escape your lips you were never allowed to go out somewhere unless Rumlow was with you. That jerk never even took you far he’d only get you to an edge of the forest before taking you back.

You longed for freedom, your body and mind practically begged you to go the window wasn’t too high up, you gently and quietly opened it you felt the freshly cold air come in goosebumps formed on your skin.

You looked back at the door before quickly jumping out, you managed to slide down the roof a bit before jumping to land on a nearby branch, you felt adrenaline rush through your veins.

The snow crunched underneath your boots as you begin walking, you could hear birds sing softly at times the wind would blow against you harshly.

Suddenly you came to stop, it was the same spot Rumlow had stopped and gone back you wanted to cross that boundary you wanted to experience more.

You started walking but for some reason the snow began to melt away you felt sun caress your skin that’s when you heard it people talking loudly cars rushed by.

“W-What?..” was this all an illusion? How the hell were you guys there? And now here? You start walking farther and farther away amazed by the sights you see.

You come across a store that had TV’s in the display windows you watched with curiosity suddenly an imagine of the avengers show up “earth’s.. mightiest heroes?” You cocked your head to the side but they were evil right? People don’t praise people who are evil..

“You a fan of them?” A man asked beside you, you slightly jumped at his presences “w-why would I be? They’re bad people..” you mumbled out “bad people?” The man slightly laughed “what’s funny?” “Bad people don’t save people from Ultron, Or alien envisions if they were they wouldn’t have but they laid down their life for us..”

Your eyes widen “I-I’m sorry I guess I was told wrong information..” suddenly an imagine of Bucky popped up “man that winter solider is something though! He was controlled by hydra until Captain America saved him.” HYDRA?!

Your mouth went dry you didn’t respond back as you kept watching “say.. you look a bit like him..” your eyes widen “I-I get that a lot.” The man chuckled “man people might get you confused for his lost daughter then.” He mumbled walking off.

Lost daughter?! Hydra being evil? What the hell was going on? You stood in the same spot for 2 minutes before you heard someone yelling your name “луна!” Crap.. Rumlow you quickly went into a store and hid behind a tall object you watched as Rumlow instructed something to his men before walking off.

You quickly come out of your hiding spot before accidentally bumping into someone “ah! Sorry..” you quickly apologized but the man kept looking at you, he had shoulder length hair and the color of his suit went along with the color of his hair “no worries little one.” He said before walking off.

You stood there dumbfounded.

————

“Thor!” Loki yelled out as he came into the tower “do you have to yell reindeer games?” Tony groaned out “not now stark- I think.. I just found someone.” Tony quirked his eyebrow up “wow amazed that you found a women for yourself Loki.”

He deadly glared at him “not like that stark, where is Thor?” “I’m right here brother what do you need?” Loki quickly took a deep breath “I think I just found the solider’s daughter.” “Steve?” “No! Barnes’s Daughter.” Tony dropped his mug on the floor it shattered into pieces.

“W-wait are you sure it was her?” He nodded “why didn’t you bring her back?!” Tony exclaimed “because! I-I don’t think she recollects any memories of.. you guys.” Tony quickly sat down taking in the news.

“How are we going to tell the Bucky?” Thor questioned looking at Tony “tell me what?”

————

You had no idea where you were going but all you knew is that you didn’t want to leave hell with madame Hydra and hell with HYDRA itself this is the life you wanted to live not being locked up in a room.

You roamed around a bit looking around admiring things as some shimmered and shinned you didn’t understand why they wanted to forbid you a world like this.

It was getting dark the streets started to die down as people were getting ready to go home your teeth clattered “man I should’ve brought a jacket..” you mumbled as you looked up at the sky.

“You don’t have to worry about that луна.” You gasped as you turned around and saw Rumlow with some men “please.. don’t take me back there..” you started walking backwards slowly “you see princess that isn’t your call.. your father is worried sick about you so I suggest you go home луна.”

He quickly grabbed onto your arm “ow! Rumlow stop your hurting me!” You cried out trying to yank your arm from his grip “your hurting yourself луна.” He starts dragging you back home you wanted to cry and you did sobs would escape your mouth.

“Unhand that girl Rumlow.” You couldn’t believe your eyes it was “captain America or should I say Steve Rogers?” Rumlow growled out “I think you have my niece there.” He growled back.

Taglist:

@just4muggles

@chloe-geoghegan1

@joe-mazzello-is-my-dad

@kawaiiasfuak

@smileyishere92

@colie87

[steveshcrringtons]

Snapshots

paring(s): Jughead Jones x Amy Andrews

warning(s): uhhhh....none? Small angst I guess. 

Word count: far too long. 2314

Author’s Note: This is like the first thing that I’ve written for Amy like just her. It’s kind of crappy, but I just wanted to get something written down for her backstory since the only people that knew her backstory were myself and @spider--bae. So, here is Amy’s backstory with Jughead. 

tagging: @spider--bae @foxesandmagic

Age 4

It was a normal day at the park like any other. Amy and Archie were in the sandbox with Betty. They were the three amigos, and it was practically impossible to split up their trio. Amy had made friends with everyone at the park, but she chose to stick by the side of her brother and their neighbor. However, after a while, Amy noticed that there was one boy who was playing by himself in the sand. He wore a knitted hat on his head that was far too big. Amy hated to see anyone by themselves, and she always wanted to be friends with everyone, so she took it upon herself to befriend the dark haired boy.

“Hi, I’m Amy. Can I play wif you in the sand?” She questioned once she had waddled over to him.

He looked up at her, a confused look on his face before he shrugged, “Sure.”

Amy sat down beside him as she started to play with the sand, “Whas your name?”

“Jughead.” He was quiet in his response, clearly insecure about the nickname.

Amy’s eyes went wide as she looked over at him, “Das a really funny name. I like it!”

The boy smiled in relief that she liked his name. He was quiet, but while they played in the sand together, she did most of the talking for him, which he really appreciated.

“Would you like to come meet my brover?” Amy asked after a while.

Jughead pondered the decision for a moment before he nodded, causing Amy to smile as she jumped up from her spot and tugged on his hand. She pulled him over to the sandbox where there was another boy with red hair and a girl with blonde hair that looked at him when Amy came back.

“Dis is Jughead. Jughead is my new friend.” Amy introduced, “Jughead, meet my brover Archie, and our neighbor Betty.”

From that day forward, Jughead and Amy were practically inseparable. Every day they played together at the park, whether it be chasing each other around the playground, reading books together, or just playing in the sand together. They were the best of friends, never to be messed with.

Age 10

“We have to be quiet, Ames.” Jughead said, pushing the VHS into the player as they sat in front of the TV in her basement, “My dad says I’m not allowed to watch this scary of a movie yet. He says I’m too young.”

The two had decided it was a good idea to sneak down to Amy’s basement and watch It for the first time. Amy and Jughead hadn’t watched very many scary movies together yet, mostly just Goosebumps, so this was a huge step in their friendship.

“If my dad catches us, Juggie, we’re going to be in big trouble.” Amy stated.

Normally, Archie would be watching the movie with them, but lately he had decided he’d rather do more sportier activities. Whereas Amy and Jughead would rather read and watch scary movies together. Jughead pressed play on the player before he moved back to sit on the couch next to Amy.

Throughout the movie, the two stayed relatively quiet. There were a few moments where Amy hid behind a pillow and Jughead would hold her hand to get her through the scary part. It was nice, and Amy could feel her cheeks growing warm whenever he’d hold her hand.

However, one scene in the movie was enough that even Jughead holding her hand couldn’t stop her from screaming out in terror.

“Amy, shush, it’s okay! It’s just a movie.” Jughead assured as he hugged her.

“What the heck is going on down here?” Fred asked, rushing down the stairs. He noticed the movie playing on the screen, “Are you two watching It? That movie is way too scary for you two!”

He was quick to shut the movie off before he looked at Jughead and Amy. Both of them had guilty looks on their faces.

“You two were supposed to be asleep over an hour ago, and now I find that you’re watching a movie that I know you have been told you’re too young to watch. What do you have to say for yourselves?” He scolded.

“Sorry, Mr. Andrews.” Jughead said sadly.

“Sorry, Dad.” Amy responded at the same time.

“Amelia, you know better, you’ll be lucky if I don’t ground you.”

“Mr. Andrews, it’s not Amy’s fault. I begged her to watch the movie with me. We thought we could handle it.” Jughead admitted.

Fred paused for a moment before he crossed his arms, “Well, you two better not let it happen again. Now, both of you off to bed.” He stated, ushering the two children upstairs.

Amy went into her room, saying a quick goodnight to Jughead and her dad before she climbed into bed, waiting to fall asleep. She knew Jughead would be asleep in Archie’s room. Not feeling comfortable sleeping by herself, as she was still scared, she waited until she heard her father go into his bedroom before she climbed out of bed and walked down to Archie’s room. She slowly walked over to where she knew Jughead had set up his bed for the night and climbed under the covers next to him.

“Ames, what are you doing?” Jughead whispered so he didn’t wake up Archie.

“I’m too scared to sleep by myself, Juggie. What if Pennywise comes to me in a dream. Don’t let him get me, Jug.” She took a hold of his hand as she pleaded to him.

“I won’t let anything hurt you ever, Amy.” He replied before he gave her a small smile.

The two woke the next morning facing each other, still holding hands. It made both Amy and Jughead’s hearts speed up just the tiniest bit as they came to the realization.

Age 12

Lennon and Amy were quiet as they drank their milkshakes at Pop’s. The two had just finished their last day of seventh grade. It would also be Amy’s last day of school in Riverdale.

“Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider?” Lennon asked after a while.

Amy frowned and nodded, “I don’t want to leave my mom by herself, Lennon.”

“Have you told Jughead? He’s going to be so lost without you here.”

Amy felt her heartbeat speed up at Lennon’s question, “I’m going to tell him tonight when he comes over for movie night. He’ll be okay. He’s got you and Archie.”

“Neither of us are you.” Amy rolled her eyes lightly at the brunette’s words, “If you aren’t staying for me, you should be staying for him. Everyone knows how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, except him.”

***

“Alright, I’ve got the popcorn and candy. What movie are we watching?” Jughead asked as he sat down on the couch in the Andrews’ basement.

“The Princess Bride.” Amy replied with a grin causing Jughead to roll his eyes.

“You’re lucky I like you, Andrews.”

Amy’s heartbeat rapidly increased at his words, knowing that he didn’t mean them in a certain way other than he enjoyed her friendship, but one could have hope.

She grinned over at him before she picked up a handful of popcorn and started to eat them piece by piece after pressing play on the remote. She didn’t want to think about the fact that this was likely the last movie night she would be having with Jughead for a while. She knew it would only bring down her mood and that Jughead would definitely know that something was going on with her. She just decided to take it lowkey throughout the movie, so she could tell Jughead when it was over.

After about twenty minutes into the movie, Jughead reached up and grabbed the remote before he looked over at Amy,

“Alright out with it.” He stated. Amy gave him a confused look in response, “Normally you’d be reciting the movie word for word. What’s wrong?”

Amy hated that just that one thing meant that Jughead could read Amy like a damn book. He knew he so well it was scary sometimes.

“I was waiting until after the movie to tell you because I didn’t want to ruin everything, but I guess I have to tell you know.” She stated, turning her body so she was facing Jughead. She took a breath before she looked up at him, “My parents are splitting up, Juggie. My mom is moving to Chicago.”

“Oh, Ames, that’s awful I’m sorry.”

Amy held out her hand to stop him from speaking more, “I’m not done.” She paused before frowning, “I’m going with my mom, Jug.”

“To like help her move out there and stuff? Is Archie going?”

Amy could feel tears in the back of her throat as she shook her head, “No, Juggie. I’m moving out there with her. Archie is staying here.”

“What do you mean you’re moving out there? What about your dad and Archie? What about Lennon?” He paused as he frowned at her, “What about me?”

“I can’t just let my mom go out there by herself. She’d be leaving her only two children.”

“And splitting up you and Archie is a better plan?!” He exclaimed, standing up as he started to pace around the basement.

Amy let him pace and come to terms with what she was telling him before he stopped and turned to her,

“When are you leaving?”

“Next week.”

“Next week?! You’re going to just drop this bomb on me and then leave?”

Amy frowned as she stood off the couch, hurrying over to him to comfort him. She went to reach out for his hand before he pulled away.

“Juggie, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Be mad at you? Ames, I’m devastated. You’re my best friend, and you’re moving to Chicago, and you just want me to deal with it and act like you mean nothing to me.” He shook his head as he frowned, “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

By now the tears were flowing down Amy’s face as she looked up at him, “I don’t know what else to do, Juggie.”

He sighed before he cupped her face in his hands as he looked down at her, “Stay, Ames. Stay here with your dad and Archie...stay here with me.”

“I can’t, Jughead. She’s my mom.”

That was when Amy noticed that Jughead was also crying. She had no idea that this would hit him so hard. She figured that he had Lennon and Archie and Betty, and he would be okay without her there. She could feel her heart breaking at the sight,

“I’m sorry.” She said softly as she pulled him in for a hug.

Age 12 - Goodbye

Amy sighed as she put her last suitcase in her mom’s car. She had already said goodbye to Lennon earlier that morning over egg sammies. There were definitely a lot of tears shed and promises to keep in touch no matter what. Amy had said goodbye to Archie when they packed up the car. Amy cried but Archie stayed strong. Lastly, Amy had said goodbye to her dad after Archie with a promise that she would call him that night when they arrived. Jughead had yet to show up, and Amy couldn’t stall anymore despite her best efforts.

She put her headphones on as she got in the car, ready to get this long drive over with. She waved to Archie and her dad as her mom pulled away from the house slowly. Amy felt like she was saying goodbye to her whole life, and yet she hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to her whole world.

Amy looked in the side mirror as her mother drove down the street. After a moment, Amy saw something coming into view, causing her heartbeat to speed up as she recognized who it was.

“Mom, stop the car.” Amy stated as she looked over at her mom.

“What?”

“Stop the car!”

Mary put her foot on the brake and slowed the car to a stop. Amy tugged off her seatbelt quickly before she got out, leaving the door open as she ran toward Jughead. He skidded his bike to a stop before getting off and rushing over to Amy, pulling her into a tight hug,

“I’m sorry I waited until the last minute. I was in denial that you were actually leaving.” He apologized instantly.

“I thought you weren’t going to say goodbye.”

“This isn’t goodbye, Ames. This is a see you later, because I refuse to believe that I will never see you again.”

The two pulled back slightly, looking at each other with small smiles. Jughead opened his mouth to speak before he closed it quickly, his smile turning to a frown.

“Amy, I…” He drifted off for a moment as he looked down at her.

Amy’s heart was beating a thousand beats a second as she waited for him to continue.

“Have a safe trip. Call me when you get there.” He finished.

Amy frowned as she felt her hopes fall and shatter before she put on a fake smile and nodded before hugging him tightly,

“I’ll see you later, Juggie.” She said before she pulled away and started to walk back to the car.

“Did he tell you his feelings for you?” Her mother asked when she got back in the car.

Amy felt a tear fall down her face as she shook her head, starting at the reflection of Jughead still in the side mirror,

“No. He told me to call him when we get there.” Amy replied quietly.

“I’m sorry, Honey.” Mary stated as she held her daughter’s hand in her own.

Amy sighed before she pulled her hand from her mother’s, putting her headphones back on,

“It’s fine. Let’s just get back on the road.”

[missmal1005-blog]

One of my creative writing assignment stories

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing that we can do. What we can tell you, is that this is not your fault. Nothing that you did made this happen, and there’s no way to prevent it.  There are grief counselors available to speak with….”

 The doctor’s voices faded out.  Amy kept nodding, showing a small smile, but she wanted them to leave the room. To just get out and let her have a moment to process. After what seemed like an uncomfortable silence that lasted forever, the doctors hastily left.

 The nurse took her clothes and placed them on the edge of the bed.  “Do you need to call anyone?” Amy took a long pause before responding. “No, my mother is in the waiting room”.  The nurse, who name tag said “Jessica” with little butterfly stickers attached, stared at her, trying to gage her emotional process. “Amy, take as long as you need to get ready, and I’m sorry for your loss.”

All Amy could muster up is a half-hearted “Thanks.” She didn’t need the apologizes or the lengthy “It’s not your fault” speeches. She knew it wasn’t anything she could’ve done. Sometimes, pregnancies end. It’s just a simple fact of life. But it doesn’t take away from all the pain. This was going to be her first child. The first child for her and Charles. She didn’t even have the chance to tell him she was in the hospital. He never answers his phone while at work. He claims that he is always too busy to talk. But it’s hard to talk while his mouth was covered with his assistant’s body parts.  

Charles has been sleeping with Desiree since the 20 something year old walked in for a job, and her breasts made an entrance before she did. Most people would have left, but there wasn’t really much to leave with. Charles made sure make sure Amy was taken care of. Weekly manis/pedis, the best personal trainers, a personal chef, maid, and private car to take her anywhere she wanted.  She was newly twenty-one and met Charles at the club where she was celebrating her birthday. He was handsome, older, and more sophisticated then the frat boys that her roommates were sleeping with.  She was a junior in a college and was barely passing classes due to having to work to pay for school. It seemed like an easy fix to marry and not have scrub toilets to pay a tuition bill for a school she hated. At first, she loved living the life she used to watch the famous reality TVs stars have. She herself could have starred in the one of the Real Housewives shows.  

She didn’t notice that since the wedding, Charles was never home. Sure, he would wine and dine her at fancy galas, and take fancy vacations to tropical islands with water so clear she could see her feet when she walked. But his phone was always to his ear, or he had a laptop to glued to his hands. She usually went to bed alone and woke up to him already gone, possibly on a plane or just to his upscale NY office. She only been once in the ten years they were married. It was around their eighth anniversary. He said the office tied him up and he couldn’t make dinner, but would be able to fly her out to any destination that weekend. Amy, being the romantic that she was, wanted to bring the romance back. She made a beautiful lunch, and called his office, and confirmed that he had no appointments for at least an hour block. She would have surprise him with lunch, and a trench coat where she was wearing nothing underneath. She was so excited coming up the elevator. His wooden office door was unlocked, but you could hear the moans before the door was even opened. He begged her to stay that night and promised to fire Desiree the very next day. Yet, two years later, it was odd that his new assistant, “David”, was sending him pictures of his breasts to Charles’s private “work” Blackberry.

When she found out she was pregnant, she was so excited. It was stupid but Charles was so supportive. He got the best doctors in the country. Came to almost every appointment. They even did the early testing to check for genetic abnormalities and to find out the gender. And now, he didn’t even know that his little “baseball buddy” (as he was sure they were having a boy) is no longer existent.

 Amy walked out to the waiting room, where her mom was waiting. Alice smiled at her, until she noticed the tears streaking down her daughter’s face. She quickly ushered her out and helped her into the car.

            “Amy, dear, you’re barely thirty-one. You can try again, you know. If there are issues, Charles can afford the best fertility specialists in the country. Maybe you’ll get twins that way. Your cousin Charlotte, had IVF, and she got triplets. Triplets! Well, it’s not like you can’t afford them, I’m sure Charles will get the fanciest sitters available. Don’t you give up hope yet. Did the doctor say when you could try again? I am assuming that you can as soon as possible…”

 Amy mostly tuned out Alice at this point. Her mother, one of six children, was elated when her daughter “married up”, as she called it. Alice made a point to only have one child to save money, and even then, she wasn’t satisfied with life of living. Amy’s father tried to please her, but Alice only saw dollar signs. Amy believes he worked himself to death trying to compete with Alice’s standards. The only time Alice seemed truly happy with her marriage was when she received the funds from her husband’s life insurance and savings, after his sudden death from a heart attack last year.

 They finally pulled up to the house. The maids had already left for the day, and the chef wasn’t due until later that evening. Alice offered to stay, but Amy wanted to be left alone. She tried calling Charles again, but after it rang for the fifth time she hung up.

 The house, which hosted 7 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, a pool, guesthouse, and tennis court, seemed too big for just two people. It was filled with high end furniture and the latest tech, but it was empty of people.  Amy couldn’t remember the last party or event that was hosted her. Yet it was cleaned top to bottom each day, as if it was just waiting for people to come and admire it.

Amy tried calling Charles again. This time it picked up on the second ring.

 “Hello, my dear, how’s the little one? I know you are expecting me to be home, but Marvin is trying to have dinner with the staff, and you know I’m up for a promotion…”

           It’s super interesting that Marvin’s wife just invited them out for dinner last week and mentioned that they were in Greece for the next two weeks, but Amy didn’t even bother to tell him that. She could hear Desiree’s laughter from the phone.

 “It’s okay Charles. Have a good time. Tell Desiree I said hello.” She hung up before he could respond. She turned the phone off and took the battery out. The last thing she wanted to do was argue, especially after today.

            She went to the bathroom, crying. She looked in the mirror. Her hair, a perfect light blonde, rested all the way down her backside. Most of the wives her age already had Botox and new breasts, but she had the blessing of her mother genetics. She was still mistaken to be in college and was constant carded. At many events she was asked if she was a model, and most were shocked that with her blue eyes that looked like marbles and her perfectly tanned skin, that she wasn’t.

           After staring long in the mirror, Amy knew she had to do something. The change in her body warranted a change in her appearance. She was tired of looking like the perfect trophy wife. She was tired of being the perfect trophy wife. She wanted a change.  

Amy ran into the kitchen and grabbed some shears. She went to the bathroom and started cutting. Her smile grew wider with each chunk of hair that fell to the floor.  Once her hair reached the length of her ears, she went into the bedroom, and her own private bathroom. She rummaged in the closet until she found it-a box of leftover red/orange hair dye, from a few Halloweens ago. She wanted to go for Black Widow but brought a wig to dye instead of her own hair. Charles was supposed to be Hulk, but he supposedly had to work late.  Once he saw her in that red wig, he was so devasted that she changed her blonde tresses that he slept in the other room. He brought her plane tickets to Paris once he saw her without the wig that next morning as an apology.

 It only took 40 minutes to dye her hair and dry it. She took out her contacts, and picked out her glasses, and put them on. Charles hated her glasses. He said it gave her the appearance of being smart to the point where it was condescending. She kept her glasses in her purse since then, only using them when he wasn’t around, as the contacts irritated more than they helped.

 She smiled in the mirror at her new look. She didn’t look like a trophy wife. She looked like Amy, a person, of her own accord. It brought her back to who she was before she married. The girl who like comics and music, and not balls and tea parties and the country club. She went into her closet, and took out some jeans, and a bright band shirt that was hidden within. A CD dropped, from the band Guns N’ Roses. She hadn’t listened to them in forever. Charles didn’t like that type of music. He told her, “Next thing you’ll do is go get a tattoo or something crazy.” He asked her to put away the band shirts, and the jeans too. The fact that she could fit into the clothes of her youth surprised Amy and made her happy.

 She laughed bitterly at the memory, then smiled mischievously.  She knew what she had to do.

She walked out the front door, where Tom, her driver was sitting in front of the car, having a smoke break. When he saw her, he quickly put it out. “I’m so sorry Mrs. Kelly”.  

 She smiled. “Please Tom, call me Amy.”

 “Yes, of course Mrs.-um, Amy.” He didn’t hide his worried and concerned glances as he opened the door, and let Amy in. He walked around and got into the driver’s seat. “Where to, ma’am?”

 “133 West Market Street in Manchester. And it’s Amy, remember?”

Tom hesitated. “Ma’am, I mean Amy, you do know that area is…. that part of town…. well, you know that’s a tattoo shop, right?”

 “I do Tom. And please hurry, I need to get in before they close today.”

 “Right away”.

 And they drove off, Amy smiling all the way.

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag. 

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling. 

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria. 

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow. 

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt. 

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste. 

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash. 

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart. 

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number. 

Ill be back. 

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep. 

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday. 

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning. 

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me. 

I’m sweaty. 

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone 

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea- 

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress. 

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting. 

I just want to play candy crush. 

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams. 

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me. 

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast. 

Shauna puked everywhere. 

I think she’s leaving. 

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant. 

And she has an infected injection site on her arm. 

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts. 

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan. 

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day. 

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches. 

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends 

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills 

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable) 

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished 

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC 

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day 

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt 

5. My face 

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember 

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital 

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here. 

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions. 

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall. 

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys! 

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room. 

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books. 

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect. 

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth 

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here. 

What an anecdote. 

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper). 

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk. 

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad. 

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing. 

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic. 

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash. 

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is. 

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone. 

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think. 

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all.  Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind. 

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

 The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

 Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely. 

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke. 

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age. 

I’m happy she’s not my roommate. 

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back. 

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did 

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s 

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting. 

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes? 

Its off putting also. 

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn. 

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow. 

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!! 

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush. 

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions- 

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County 

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County 

Tuesday 

7:10 am 

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night. 

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it. 

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world. 

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out. 

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car. 

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it. 

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night. 

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here? 

Newsflash, asshole, I am 

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st. 

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo. 

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties. 

7:27 am 

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights. 

Almost 8 

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil. 

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut. 

I don’t like waiting around. 

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time. 

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast. 

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird. 

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack. 

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down. 

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out. 

I miss my parents. 

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next. 

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting. 

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack. 

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it. 

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t. 

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting. 

I think its around 1 pm. 

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk. 

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless. 

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor. 

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe. 

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is. 

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting. 

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point? 

6:50 pm 

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour. 

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak. 

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement. 

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur. 

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool. 

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left. 

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA. 

New girl who I don’t know 

New guy Brandon- wears vans 

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones. 

Bold move. 

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that. 

Now I just kill time until mom gets here. 

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now. 

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!! 

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great. 

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen! 

Goals for tomorrow- 

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time 

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed. 

11am 

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired. 

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this. 

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs. 

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen. 

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop. 

Shirt is leaving today. 

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild. 

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch. 

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke. 

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me. 

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now. 

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough. 

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment. 

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left. 

Gonna go try to get more crossword 

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower. 

Crazy Tad just said hi to me. 

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show. 

My shirt smells like Keenan. 

Also its almost snack! 

Hmmmmm 4? 

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it. 

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired. 

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur. 

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!! 

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh. 

Time to lay down. Again. 

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets. 

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down. 

Just want to stop crying. 

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious. 

844

Singer has 12 different personalities. 

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research 

9ish 

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me. 

Thursday 

- if… because then 

- one day at a time 

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today. 

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5 

2 more free meals! 

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it 

Nurse Nadine is so sweet. 

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later. 

930

I’m going to get a watch 

I don’t like not always knowing the time 

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

 Don’t know her name 

But I don’t want to 

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win! 

I’m getting sleepy, fuck 

I have like 8 hours to kill 

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal 

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted? 

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy. 

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it. 

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote 

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went. 

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom 

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9. 

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~ 

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon 

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet. 

Also, they said I could keep 19! 

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles. 

After lunch 

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth. 

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young. 

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved. 

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back. 

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice. 

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here. 

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it. 

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working. 

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet. 

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck. 

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand. 

[planetsam]

I would like to in the kindest most non-crazy way possible beg you to write more Mileven fics, because you're writing is incredible and has made me cry twice (what?), and I really need fics written post-context of season 2 to help me move on with my life after this weekend. They could be about literally anything, I just need more of that fluff. Thank for being amazing, sorry for bothering you

He doesn’t think he’s ever going to find it.

It’s the dead cold before the first snow, he’s bundled up and peering through the fading light, trying to navigate with a half remembered route. He doesn’t have school tomorrow which is a good and a bad thing. Good, because he’s probably going to be out here all night. Bad, because no-one knows he’s out here and he’ll possibly freeze to death before they find him. He knows the old cabin, there’s only one around here and it’s been uninhabited for years. They went there a few times on campaigns, the monsters always wound up looking like a furious Jim Hopper who roared ‘What are you doing here’ and ate them from the toes up.

The light’s nearly gone by the time he gets there.

He feels a tug a moment before there’s a snap followed by several loud pops. He whips around as there’s a scramble in the cabin, by the time he turns around he’s faced with the barrel of a gun, held by a panicked looking Jim Hopper. If he wasn’t having an out of body experience, Mike is fairly sure that he would be pleased with the accuracy of his creation. Jim Hopper definitely looks like he wants to put him in a great deal of pain. Possibly eat him, starting with his toes. The fog of his breath only makes it so much worse. Mike realizes that the only thing visible is his eyes, even though he’s got his hands up. Hopper sighs and lowers the gun.

“Kid, what the hell are you doing here?” He questions.

“How’d you know it was me?” Mike asks. Hopper gives him a withering look, “I came to see El.”

“How did you know–”

“Me. I called.”

They both look back at the house. El looks awful. He nose is red, but not from blood. Her eyes are wet too. Her feet stick out from the blanket she’s wrapped around her. As if on cue she coughs and Hopper turns from him back to the porch, ushering her inside. He holds the door open with his foot and glares Mike into the house. Mike wastes no time in running up the stairs and inside, shutting the door behind him.

“Shoes,” El croaks and he looks down, realizing his shoes are still on. She looks up at Hopper, “it’s a rule.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t start with the rule thing,” he says gruffly, ushering her back to the couch.

Mike takes his shoes off and opens up his coat, pulling out the bag he stuffed in it. He sets it aside and takes his coat off the rest of the way, followed by his hat and his scarf.  El is settled on the couch, tucked back under the blanket when Mike approaches. It’s just a cold, but it’s her first cold that hasn’t been met with panic and government scientists prodding her. When he looks at the soap operas he has a feeling why she immediately things she’s dying.

“I brought soup,” he explains to Hopper who raises his eyebrows.

“You radioed your boyfriend for soup?” He demands. El shrinks into the blanket, going pink at the cheeks and Mike’s not sure if he should be embarrassed or pleased.

“Sick,” she insists again and looks at him.

Hopper throws his hands up and grabs a mousetrap, presumably to fix the alarm Mike tripped. Mike turns to El who looks up at him from where she’s wrapped up in the blanket. She really does look sick and that’s before the back of his hand touches her forehead like his mom does for him. She looks up at him with the implicit trust she’s always seemed to show in him. Mike swallows, suddenly dry mouthed before he smiles at her. Her hair’s gotten longer since they saw each other, but it’s less of a shock to see her like this than it was the first time. He wants to say that she looks like every other girl, but he’s starting to realize that she doesn’t. That she probably never will, not to him.

“So this is where you’re living?” he asks looking around. She nods, “I came here as a kid a few times. We always thought Hopper kept something creepy in here but it was just boxes.”

El nods and points at the open door.

“That’s my room,” she explains, “that’s the kitchen, bathroom, living room,” she points up at a loft, “hopper’s room.”

He looks around as she gives her tour from the couch. She sneezes for real this time and burrows deeper into her blanket, peering up at him. Knowing she’s close has somehow made this both awful and easier at the exact same time. He’s not sure any amount of close will be close enough. She wiggles down on the couch and he sits in the spot she’s cleared. She wastes only a second before she wiggles back and puts her head on his lap, sighing softly. Mike figures that if he gets sick he can blame it on the cold and being out so late.

“You were here the whole year?” He asks and she nods.

“I kept asking to see you,” she begins and he grips her shoulder, not wanting her to be upset.

It’s still a raw wound. He wonders if it’s ever truly going to close and decides that it will. It has to. Out of all of them he’s the one with the thing that makes it all worth it. He’s the one with her coming back. Barb won’t come back, Will can’t get un-possessed and none of the Byers can stop that from happening. He has her though, she came back. And he held strong until she did. There’s not a lot Mike’s proud of but in this case he’s pretty proud of them.

“You can see me now,” he says when he sees her looking at him.

“Only for a little while.”

She honest to god pouts and he marvels at the flip flop his stomach does. Her face is less guarded, even her words come easier. It’s only for a little while now but soon, soon it will be for longer. Someday they won’t have to be apart at all. While it’s just for a little while though he doesn’t want to make it bad. Not if this is how it’s going to be for a while.

“So how’d you learn to talk more?” He asks instead and she flushes pink, the tv switching channels to a soap opera, the kind his mom watches, “tv? That’s cool! You know in school sometimes they put on movies in other languages so we can hear them.”

“It helps to practice,” she says and he nods.

“You’re way better,” he tells her.

“Thank you,” she says, “I started homework too, for school.”

The fact that El wants to go to school almost makes Mike want to do it too. He’s definitely started trying harder. That’s the thing, El takes all the stuff that seems boring usually and somehow makes it exciting. Like homework. He can’t remember ever being so excited at the prospect of homework like she looks now. Irrationally he’s mad at Hopper all over again for keeping her cooped up for a year. For keeping her cooped up for another year, even if he knows the logic behind the decision. Her hand covers his and he looks over as she rubs her thumb over his knuckles.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

He’s angry at a lot of things these days, he has been for the past year but there’s no worry to cut it with. There’s just the anger. People seem to blame everything he does these days on hormones but Mike doesn’t seem that happening with any of his friends. He’s scared too, what if the anger doesn’t go away? What if even when she comes back properly he’s still too angry? He tries to think of those things when he gets mad and the shame can sometimes pull him out, but he’s already embarrassed and mad at himself for acting like this when he gets to see her.

El scoots over and puts her head on his lap, shifting so she’s tucked under his arm. She tugs the table closer with her mind and before he can protest, an invisible hand lifts up his feet and puts them up. The tv rapidly cycles through the channels as if looking for something better before returning to what they were watching. Mike peers over at her face, she’s focused but there’s no blood from her nose. She twitches her finger and an Eggo sails towards him, he’s not an athlete but he just manages to catch it.

“Better?” She asks him and he nods, realizing that he’s been stunned out of his anger, “good,” she says and burrows against his leg.

He reaches out with his other hand after a moment and touches her curls. She keeps her eyes focused ahead resolutely and lets him, after a moment though she skinks into the touch. Her hair is impossibly soft and the color of hot chocolate, far lighter than his. Her skin is more tan though, even if she spends more time indoors and he has to go outside every day. She makes a soft sound when he winds one of her curls around his fingers, pressing against him more.

“Your hair’s really pretty,” he says.

“Do girls at school have short hair?” She asks.

“Some of them do,” he says, trying to think, “I don’t really pay attention to them,” he admits. She smiles, “but who cares? You can always cut your hair if you don’t like it, my mom cuts mine like every other week.”

“Your mom cuts your hair?” Eleven asks, twisting to look at him.

“It’s different for girls, Nancy won’t let her but Nancy cut off like half her hair in the bathroom a couple months ago.”

“Why?” Eleven asks.

“She was sad about her friend and she said boys are dumb.”

Eleven nods.

“Boys are dumb,” she agrees. She glances at him when his hand stills in her hair.

“I’m a boy,” he points out.

“You’re a Mike,” she says, “that’s different. You’re not like the other boys.”

Mike’s heard that for most of his life but it’s the first time he’s actually pleased to hear it.

“Hey, El?” He says. She looks up at him, “thanks for making me feel better.”

She beams up at him.

“Thanks for bringing me soup,” she says.

“Anytime.”

“No, not anytime!” They both look as Hopper comes in. Eleven clutches his hand and pushes against him, like she’s trying to hide. Mike’s eyes narrow because being yelled at again by Hopper might be terrifying but he sure as hell isn’t going to just let him scare El. “Okay which of you wants to go first?” He demands, “lets start with you, what’s wrong with the soup we have?”

“It’s bad,” she says, “I wanted Mike. So I used the radio and the Morse code.”

“You mean the only to be used in emergencies code?” He demands, “what did you say?”

“She said soup,” Mike supplies, “sick and come over.”

Hopper turns towards him.

“Not where we were?”

“No! I’m not stupid!” El shoots back, about to push herself up but Mike tightens his hand on her. She huffs and presses her face into his leg.

“We used to sneak up here and tell ghost stories,” Mike admits.

“I told him I lived in the woods, at the Snow Ball, after we kissed.”

Hopper’s face turns an alarming shade of red. Mike opens his mouth to point out that it’s been a year and a half, he hasn’t told anyone about her and he can very clearly keep a secret. El looks up at Hopper’s now purple face and sighs, like this is also equally dramatic. She sits up.

“We kissed before,” she says, “I’m sick so we aren’t kissing now.”

“You did what?!” He erupts, “Wheeler!”

“I also hid her in my blanket fort while my parents were home, why is that the big deal?”

“Because–because–”

“Because, because–” El begins and Mike realizes if Hopper turns more purple they’re going to have to take him to the hospital.

“Because we’re too young?” He interjects and they both look at him, “we aren’t. Not after all the shit that’s happened. We like each other a lot.”

“He’s my boyfriend,” El snaps, “you said so.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I was being sarcastic!”

“Well he is,” she says rolling her eyes, “right?” She adds, looking at him like it’s occurred to her to check.

“I mean yeah,” he says, it doesn’t even occur to him to say otherwise. Hopper glares at both of them and the part of Mike that told a government lab they’d have to get through him to get to her screams something about him knowing her first. But Eleven grips his hand and he stays quiet, “she’s my girlfriend,” he says instead.

“Yes,” El repeats.

Hop gets up and comes back with a map.

“How did you get here,” he questions Mike, “you never see a map before kid?” he demands and Mike rolls his eyes.

“I’m a dungeon master,” he mutters and immediately starts marking out his route.

El’s weight is a warm press against his shoulder. Mike thinks of the gym and then he thinks of the campaign he’d been working on. El had been there too, the exact same spot, except now her curls are against his cheek.

“A what?” Hopper questions finally.

“Dungeon Master, it’s Dungeons & Dragons,” he says handing him back the map, “we’ve all got roles. I’m the Paladin. But I think up the plots.”

“Yeah?” Hop says absently, “what’s Will.”

“Cleric.”

“Lucas?”

“Ranger.”

“Yeah? What about her?” he questions nodding at Eleven who glances up at him.

“She’s our mage,” he says.

Hop glances up at them but Mike’s focused on Eleven who seems to like that. Mike knows that she’s not supposed to use her powers, but he doesn’t understand why. If he could do the things that she can—he’d do them all the time. His route seems to meet Hopper’s approval, at least for now. Mike watches as he pushes himself up, looking between them. He glances at his watch.

“Whose covering for you?” He asks.

“Dustin,” he says, “we’re having a sleep over.”

El gasps in delight which immediately turns into a coughing fit. Mike rubs her back like his mom does for him, until she catches her breath. She smiles and looks at Hopper. The older man sighs, clearly not liking what’s being asked but not having the heart to say no.

“That fort comes out here,” he says, “and stays open.”

“But you snore,” El protests.

“But you and your boyfriend aren’t going in your room with the door shut,” Hop says and looks at Mike, “go move the fort.”

Mike gives her hand a squeeze and heads into the room. Strung up at the foot of the bed is a fort, make of patchwork blankets and two mismatched chairs. Despite everything, Mike is stunned at the development. He shakes it off and carefully moves it piece by piece into the living room, assembling it back together from memory. He’s got his thermals underneath all his other layers which seems like a decent among of clothing to him. They wind up underneath the fort with the tv on soap operas, Hop is snoring above them. El’s curled up against his shoulder this time, probably too close for her adoptive father but Mike isn’t going to point that out.

It’s nice, quiet in a way that things haven’t been in a really really long time. Any quiet moment he’s had he was using to try and contact her. Or thinking about any other ways he could be trying. Now though he just feels her breathing evening out against his shoulder. He eases her down and she doesn’t stir, just curls into a ball facing him. He lays down and looks at her. He’s seen a lot of glimmers of the girl who he knew a year ago with her buzzed hair, but he doesn’t look for them. He just looks at her. It’s the easiest time he’s had falling asleep in a year and a half. They wake up nose to nose, hands gripping each other and the smell of Eggos in the house.

Mike would think that’s low of Hop if El didn’t drag him from the fort and not let go of his hand as she devours them. At least she’s toasting them now, though Mike is still determined that one day they’re going to have actual waffles. In a diner, where everyone can see them. Its something that he’s determined will happen one day, no matter what the universe says. But for today, today they just have the blanket fort and the Eggos.

Somehow that’s more than enough.

[redditnosleep]

The December Tapes

by Pippinacious

Every year on December 12th, a new one would arrive. Always in the same bright Christmas wrapping, always unmarked, always left on our front porch.

They started coming a year after my sister, Libby, disappeared.

She was last seen walking home from the elementary school in her favorite bright purple jacket with the faux fur hood. It was just a couple blocks, a walk she'd made hundreds of times, and our mom was standing at the foot of our driveway keeping an eye out for her. No one knows for sure what happened in the ten minutes it should have taken Libby to get home; we only know that she never made it.

I remember lying in bed that night, listening to my dad trying to keep his voice steady while he spoke to the cops and my mom making phone call after phone call to Libby’s friends and our neighbors and all the local stores that Mom knew she liked to visit, just in case she'd decided to take an uncharacteristic detour and lost track of time.

Our quiet life quickly became media fodder. It was surreal and upsetting to see my nine year old sister’s latest school portrait grinning at me from the TV screen on the evening news, to hear her name spoken on the radio. My parents gave interviews and pleaded for anyone with any information to come forward, which only resulted in dead ends and prank calls. There were reporters stationed outside our house for a week, just waiting to pounce with their invasive questions.

And then, slowly, the attention began to fade. A missing girl only kept people interested for so long and, when no new leads appeared, they moved on. The reporters gave up first, then the cops, and then our neighbors, until only my family was still looking.

“We'll keep it open, but inactive,” we were told over the phone by a sympathetic sounding desk sergeant, “it” being my sister’s case file. She didn't even have a name to them anymore.

The first year after Libby disappeared went slowly. My parents did their best to keep things normal for me, but it always felt thin, fragile, strained. Normal now meant pretending I didn't notice Mom staring at the seat Libby used to sit in every night at dinner. It meant tiptoeing back down the hall so my dad didn't know I saw him standing in the middle of her room, her favorite stuffed toy hugged against his chest. It meant dreading her birthday and holidays because they were now just razor sharp reminders of loss.

It meant trying to cope without my little sister, and there were some days I wondered how anything would ever feel right again.

And then, on December 12th, exactly one year after she went missing, a package arrived on our doorstep.

It was wrapped in sparkly red paper and tied off with a bright purple ribbon. There was no card or name tag attached, just the box, but Mom brought it inside anyway. She figured it was from one of our neighbors just trying to spread a little Christmas spirit. It was the first gift we'd gotten. She put it aside and set about making dinner, careful to keep her back to me so that I might not notice she was crying, but I did anyway and any tiny speck of holiday cheer I might have been feeling was swept away.

The package sat on our kitchen counter, unopened, until my dad got home and asked what it was.

“Go ahead and open it, Phin,” Dad said with a tired smile.

With as much enthusiasm as I could muster, I tore into the wrapping paper and pulled open the small cardboard box within. Sitting inside, nestled on a bed of red and green tissue paper, was a cassette tape.

Curious, I ran to my room for my boombox and lugged it back to the kitchen, where I popped open the front and dropped the cassette into its player.

The room filled with my sister’s terrified, desperate screams.

“Mommy,” she wailed from the speakers. “Daddy!”

We all sat in stunned silence for a moment before my dad leapt at the boombox and tore the tape out.

I listened to that cassette many times in the following days. First from just outside the kitchen, when my parents played it in full after they thought I'd gone to my room, and then a second time when the police came. Snippets were released to re-generate interest in the case and they were played on the news and on the radio and, once again, Libby Helmer was a household name for another couple of weeks.

It didn't matter how many times I heard it, though, it never got any easier.

Libby screaming for our parents, the gut wrenching fear in her voice, the way she sobbed and begged to go home, and behind it all, a soft voice that just kept saying, “Shhh, shhh.”

Nothing came of it except more heartbreak. There were no prints, no DNA, nothing to trace the package or its contents, and all we were left with was Libby’s terrified voice.

The only solace we could take from it was that, somewhere, Libby was alive.

Mom and Dad redoubled their search efforts and upped the reward offered for Libby’s safe return, but another year came and went without any new information, until December 12th was upon us again.

For the second year in a row, we received another cassette tape.

“Hi Mommy and Daddy and Phin,” Libby said from the boombox once we'd gathered enough courage to hit play. She sounded tired, the kind of tired that resonates from deep down; the kind no kid should be familiar with. “I miss you. I hope I can come home soon, but I don't know. I think about you lots. I hope you think about me, too.” Her voice cracked and I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek to keep from doing the same. “Smiling Thom says I've been a good girl. He wanted you to know that.”

The tape ended.

Again, we went to the police, and again, nothing came of it. Even with the inclusion of a name, this Smiling Thom, they weren't able to dig up anything that might have helped us find Libby. All we had to hold us over for another year was her sad, small voice.

The third tape arrived, right on time, the next year. Libby’s voice sounded a little older, but it was still recognizably her’s.

“Hi, it's me. You remember me, right? I try to draw you lots so I don't forget you, but it's getting harder. Smiling Thom says that's just the way it goes. I asked him for a picture of you, but he hasn't brought me one yet. He said if I was really good, he will, and I've tried to be, but I dunno if he will. I want to go home. Smiling Thom said maybe next year. He says that a lot. I love you.”

It hit me then that it was getting harder for me to remember her, too. Not just what she looked like, but the sound of her voice and the things she liked and the way she laughed. While my parents played and re-played the tape, desperately listening for any clues that it might hold as to Libby’s whereabouts, I went and dug out her baby book. I spent the rest of the night studying her face and all the little notes that Mom had put in the margins.

I fell asleep with the book clutched against my stomach and tears staining my face.

It was another long year with no answers.

For four more years, we waited for December 12th to arrive with a strange combination of hope and horror. We fed off of those tapes, used them to get us through another 365 days with the belief that Libby was still alive. We dreaded getting them, but we dreaded the December 12th that we opened our front door to find nothing there even more.

Every tape followed a similar pattern: she'd tell us she missed us, that she wanted to come home, that she thought about us. In some, she'd ask questions like whether we still thought of her. She'd tell us that Smiling Thom said she'd been good again.

She sounded more and more different in every one; older and more articulate, but always sad, always tired. It was like listening to my sister grow up in sound bites when I played the tapes back to back.

There was never anything new in them. We kept bringing them to the cops, but it felt more like a hollow effort each time, until Dad finally decided he'd had enough and we wrote them off the same way they had us.

“We're not giving up,” Dad said. “We're just on our own now.”

Another year passed. We put up posters, we shot local commercials, we gathered volunteers and combed wider and wider areas, although it was obvious that those who joined us were doing it more for solidarity than out of any actual belief that we would find Libby. Even when we played the tapes for people, they didn't seem quite convinced that the girl they were hearing was my sister

It had been 8 years since Libby disappeared and the only people who still thought she might come home were me and my parents.

Until we got the tape that year.

Mom stood over the table, staring at the still wrapped box, for a long moment. Her eyes were glassy, her lips trembling, and she shook her head.

“I can't,” she said weakly. “I can't listen to another one. I don't even know her voice anymore. What kind of mother am I? What kind of mother doesn't even recognize her own child’s voice? Just take it away; put it back! Put it back! I don't want it in this house!”

She started to sink to the floor and Dad hurried around the table to catch her.

“Just do it, Phin!” He shouted over his shoulder.

The pain I saw on both their faces, still so raw after so long, drove me to grab up the box and run to the front door. I dumped it back on the porch and left it to sit in the gathering snow. I didn't think about it at the time; if I had, I would have hidden the box in my room or just tucked in a drawer somewhere. In that moment, though, I just did what Mom said. I got it out of the house.

I had no doubt that, once Mom calmed down, I'd be told to retrieve it again and we'd listen to it the same as we had all the others. Neither of my parents would miss the chance to hear their Libby’s voice.

It was only an hour later that I was instructed to go and get the tape. Mom apologized and said she was ready.

But when I opened the front door, the package was gone and no amount of searching made it reappear.

We assumed some opportunistic low life looking to steal Christmas gifts had taken it and tried to console one another with reassurances that there would be another tape the next year, but it didn't really help. Mom blamed herself, I blamed myself, and Dad was just caught up in his grief over not getting to hear his little girl. We thought about filing another police report, but after all the previous years of no real help and dead ends, we decided against it.

We'd just have to try and wait until the next December 12th.

We didn't put up posters or launch search parties or do anything else to look for Libby in that year. It was too exhausting, too expensive, too heartbreaking. Mom was especially fragile after the loss of the last tape. There was nothing we hadn't tried and it had all ended in failure. We just needed some time to recoup and collect ourselves before we began the search again.

I was woken up the morning of December 12th that year by a muffled thud coming from downstairs. It was early, still dark, and I almost rolled over and went back to sleep until I remembered what day it was.

I was up and out of bed instantly.

My parents bedroom door was still closed and their light off when I hurried past on tiptoes. I was relieved, in a way. It was always hard to get the tapes, but seeing what it did to my parents just made it harder. I thought, maybe, if I could listen to it alone first, it would make it less horrible somehow.

It didn't occur to me until I was opening the front door that the tapes had only ever come in the evening before.

By then, I'd already seen the package, and I knew immediately that something was very wrong.

Instead of a small box, this one was large. Very large. It was still wrapped in the same bright paper and tied off with a purple ribbon, but this year, there was a card on top. Instinctively, I closed the door behind me before I moved towards it, as if I was doing something wrong and didn't want to get caught, and I reached for the card.

Only 9 years before you gave up. I had hoped for better from you. She was such a good girl.

The message was written in slanted, thin letters and ended in a drawn smiley face.

A slow boiling queasiness had started in my stomach. I let the card slip through my fingers to the ground and I grabbed the edge of the large box and I started to peel back the paper. The box beneath was plain white and covered by a lid.

I paused, panting, sweating despite the cold, my heart hammering against my chest, and I fought back the bile rising in my throat.

I could only bring myself to lift the lid ever so slightly, just enough to see inside. Just enough to see the thin brown hair and the pale face with its slack jaw and sightless eyes peeking back at me from within a bed of red and green tissue paper. Just enough to see the edge of a bright purple coat wrapped around her emaciated body.

Just enough to see that Libby had finally come home.

[voightsgirl]

crossfire: volume i - chapter 7

a/n trying to keep posting regularly is *so* much harder than i thought, mostly because i’m so stressed and tense at the moment that i literally lose track of the days and can’t remember when i’m posting. but here you go! another update for you :)   & previous chapters can be found here

☆ where are the words? ☆

Erin was sitting in her car outside the apartment that she and Jay shared, trapped inside her head. She was staring blankly ahead of her, the engine long turned off, but she couldn't quite bring herself to face Jay yet. She kept thinking about what Avery had said. Like Detective Lindsay did? Only to spit me back into the system again.

Was that why Avery seemed to hate her so much? Was it because she had just stopped talking to her? Stopped checking up on her new foster family? Every instinct Erin had those last few months of contact had been to slowly ease Avery out of her life. She thought it would be the best for her if she wasn't constantly reminded of what she had been through – and besides, she was nine years old. Erin thought – and when she asked Jay, and Voight, and even the social worker from DCFS, they all agreed – that it would be best if she checked up on her just enough that Avery didn't feel abandoned, and then gradually begin to spread out their conversations and visits, until she could stop calling completely.

Avery needs to let go.

She's been through too much already.

She needs a stable environment.

She can't keep living in the past.

She's only nine.

She'll forget about you soon enough – and trust me on this one, Detective Lindsay, that's for the best.

For both of you.

Somehow Erin wasn't sure about that anymore.

That was what the social worker had said. And it had broken her heart to see the little girl go, clutching the tiny fluffy sheep toy that Erin had bought her when she found out that she didn't have any toys of her own.

What finally propelled Erin's feet from the car and into the apartment block was how utterly exhausted she was. It was only eight in the evening, not late, but since she was so sleep deprived after yesterday's epic babysitting saga, it was taking all her energy just to keep her eyes open long enough to make sure she actually locked her car. She frowned slightly, noticing the light on in the apartment, and wondered how Jay got home.

Jay stood up from where he was sat at the breakfast bar in their kitchen the second he heard the key turn in the lock.

Erin turned the key in the lock, leaning her body's weight into the door to open it.

Jay swallowed. He had spent the past hour and a half deliberating what to say to her.

Before the door had even closed behind her, she kicked off her shoes and placed her keys on the dresser in the hallway. She swallowed. She'd spent the past hour or so trying to figure out how to explain this to him.

Where are the words? He thought.

Where are the words? Echoed in her mind.

He stepped out into the landing.

"Hi," she whispered. Her chin wobbled slightly, and her eyes were glassy and wide and begging him to understand, and she blinked the second that she made eye contact with him.

All of a sudden, he realized that he didn't need an explanation. His arms wrapped around her tightly and her body relaxed against his, nuzzling her head into his shoulder as he stroked her hair; they rocked back and forwards gently as she sniffled into his embrace.

It's okay.

The words echoed and ricocheted around the completely still apartment, settling upon the pair of lovers like a gentle dusting of some illusory snowflakes; they fell almost completely still against each other, Erin leaning her tired body against her partner, and vice versa, their weights reaching equilibrium and keeping each other standing long enough for their eyes to flutter closed. Their gently breaking forms were silhouetted against the Chicago skyline vaguely visible from the window behind and the apartment was silent.

He breathed in her soft perfume: white musk and jasmine.

She breathed in his scent: fruity cologne and spearmint.

And as her breathing began to slow, quieting down after the staggered breaths of muffled sobbing, she relaxed, and they breathed in, and out, and in, and out, together.

Where were the words?

They didn't need them.

☆

"Do you want to talk?" Jay asked quietly. His voice was dry and scratchy. Partly because they hadn't spoken all evening, just held each other until they were okay, and then moved to the couch, where she curled up against him, her head resting on his lap and her feet fidgeting in her socks at the other end of the sofa. He ran his hands through her hair until he couldn't stand the silence any longer.

Erin sat up. She turned to face him, crossing her legs underneath her like a child.

"Uh…" she began, clearing her throat. She wasn't sure where to start.

"It's okay," Jay was quick to backtrack. "If you don't want to, I don't want to push."

She shook her head quickly, as if to reassure him. "No, it's not that I don't want to talk about it," she said softly. "I just…I can't find the words."

He smiled. "Wait a sec," he rose suddenly from the couch, making Erin frown slightly, but he held out a finger, grinning.

A few seconds later, he returned from the kitchen with two beers.

"Here," he told her, handing her one. At her still puzzled looking expression, he elaborated. "This might help you find them."

Erin chuckled faintly, and shrugged, taking a swig. "If you say so," she muttered.

"Now," Jay joined her on the sofa again, this time pulling her legs out from under her and draping them across his lap, taking her feet and massaging them.

Erin raised an eyebrow. "If this is your way of trying to earn driving privileges, think again, babe."

Jay just held his hands up in defense. "I mean, if that's what you want, I can always just…"

He tickled her feet and she, forgetting that they were both holding full bottles of beer, aimed a mock kick right at his head. He snorted, sloshing beer over his hand, which made her laugh, too.

They fell back into silence before Erin spoke again.

"Avery." She paused to clear her throat. "Avery was the first time I ever thought – thought that, maybe I didn't have to end up like my mom," she started. Her words were rushed, and her face flushed scarlet as the words fell out, as if she was embarrassed to still feel this way about her past in spite of how far she'd already come. "I don't know," she continued, shrugging it off in her typical Erin way. "It's like I've always just expected that one day, something will happen, and I'll just break. And then, like that –" she snapped her fingers for emphasis "— I'll be…Bunny."

"But Avery made you feel different?" Jay asked. He was surprised, for some reason, although he knew he shouldn't be. Erin's past wasn't exactly forgiving towards her present, and it had a habit of showing up unannounced in the form of some mysterious figure (usually her mother), but the past few years had been strangely quiet. After Voight had pulled that deal with the FBI to keep Bunny out of prison and Erin out of Chicago long enough to clear her head – which, incidentally, only ended up being about six months – Erin's personal life had been almost creepily quiet. Bunny hadn't come back. No one had died. Erin and Jay had moved back in together. Will and Natalie were engaged. Everything was running smoothly. Jay had just assumed that maybe she was healed – foolish, now that he thought about it. Scars like that never fully heal – and he should know.

Erin shrugged. "Not exactly. I mean, you and Voight had already helped me so much before she came along, but…" she shook her head. He could see how uncomfortable this whole situation made her. But she wanted to share, he could tell, and he sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. It made him smile faintly to himself, remembering the first time she'd confided in him. You figure out who your real friends are pretty quickly when the word's out that your mom's a junkie and your dad's in jail.

Jay still thought about that sometimes, how much Erin had been affected by her mom.

It's like she'd spent her whole life running from who Bunny had made her. Every time she turned a corner, there was her mother, ready and eager to shove a brick wall in her face – whether it was in the form of a party or a pill or some shots, or Teddy, or a murder accusation. His heart broke for Erin whenever he was reminded of this. How could you run from your past when it was ahead of you too, always ready to trip you up?

"Avery was something new, you know? I helped her."

"You've helped people before," Jay said.

"Yeah, I know. But Avery – she was me. She was exactly as I was when Voight took me in, but younger. I thought she'd have her whole life ahead of her. I thought I had saved her." She spat out the word "saved" so vehemently that Jay swallowed.

"Hey, Erin," he reached out at cupped her face in his hand. "Listen. You did everything you could. And everything you were supposed to."

She nodded. "I know." Her voice grew thick and heavy again and she looked down at the floor to avoid his face. "That's the worst part," she whispered. "I did everything. And it wasn't enough."

"Hey!" Jay soothed. But he couldn't think of anything else to say. He couldn't even imagine how she was feeling – the girl that she had gone out on a limb so desperately to help had just shown up high and homeless as a witness to a murder case. It couldn't go much more wrong that.

"I just want to know where it went so wrong," she said, and a tear escaped from the side of her eye. She wiped it away furiously, looking back up to him. "To think that if I had just…"

Jay shook his head and reached forward, not letting her speculate. He wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her tightly to his chest. She swung her feet back around and allowed him to pull her in closely as she wrapped her arms around him, too. She didn't cry, but even so, Jay reached for the TV remote and, flicking through the channels, stopped when he found a suitable looking documentary, and she looked up at him gratefully. He rested his face against the top of her head, rocking her backwards and forwards – and letting the gently movement comfort him, too.

"I love you," she whispered softly into his shirt, and he smiled into her hair.

"I love you, too." He kissed the top of her head several times. And I want to have a family, he thought. With you. But he didn't say it. Because how can you bring something like that up – something so huge – when you'd just had a conversation so heavy?

Besides.

He didn't have the words.

☆ ☆ ☆

thank you for reading!! if you’d like to be notified when it’s updated either head over to my ff.net account or message me and i’ll tag you at the end of the post :)

@allenting @sophiaxjesse @writteninthestarsandthesky @riverdaleangels @chillmydude

[literallyprentissstwin]

Another Moment - Part 3

part 1 / part 2 

A/N: i finally figured out a way to make this story more intense hehehehe, maybe some of you can already figure it out, but just wait and enjoy! :) 

After spending one final night in McLean to pick up some stuff, Luke, Matt and Sienna finally returned back home to Quantico. It was around 3pm when they arrived at Luke´s apartment. They actually had planned to arrive earlier, but it took Sienna longer to say goodybye to her home. It was understandable. She grew up and lived in this place her whole life and from one minute to another, everything has changed. 

Matt had dropped them both at Luke´s apartment before driving off to the bureau. As they arrived at the dront door, Luke turned around to his daughter. 

“I hope you´ll don´t mind Roxy.”, he said, looking at her. 

“No, how could I?! I haven´t seen her in ages.”, the girl replied, a small smile playing on her lips. 

“Good, because I think she´s pretty excited to meet you again.”, and with this, he unlocked the door and as soon as the door had opened completley, Roxy came running towards them both. 

“Hey, my girl.”, Luke said and was about to bow down to pet the dog when she ran straight past him and towards the teenager. 

“Hey Roxy! Aw, I missed you too!”, Sienna said as she petted the dog. For the first time since the accident, he saw her genuiely smile which warmed his heart. He grabbed the suitcases and carried them inside while Roxy and Sienna ran into the living room. 

“Do you wanna see where you´re staying?”, Luke asked his daughter. Y/N nodded and bowed down to Roxy. 

“Stay here. I´m back soon.” Sienna got up and followed Luke. He opened the door to a room on their right side. 

“Voilá, this is your room. Garcia and JJ already started to work their magic in here and started decorating the room last night when we were still over in McLean. They also offered to take you out to shopping. I think they did an amazing job. Do you like it?”

Sienna was in shock. In shock with how people she barely knew stayed up all night to redecorate a room. She loved it. They paid a lot of attention to the details. She also found a picture of her Mom and her and her Dad and her on her nightstand at which she smiled. The young girl walked towards her father and hugged him tight. 

“I love it. Thank you so much!”

“Anything for you, Princess!”

Later that afternoon, when Sienna finished unpacking her suitcases, she and her Dad had a little snack for dinner when they decided to do a movie night with all of Sienna´s favorite movies. They barely made it through the first film when Sienna drifted off to sleep. Luke smiled at the sight. He slowly got up and picked her up, carefully carrying her to her room. There, he laid her down in her bed and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and as he left, he kept the door open a bit for his and his daughters sake. When he returned to the living room, he switched off the TV and decided to go to sleep too. Roxy followed him but decided to continue her beauty sleep in front of Sienna´s room. As soon as Luke laid down, he drifted off to sleep, the events of the last few hours finally taking their tolls on him. 

The agent didn´t know how long he was sleeping when he got woken up by a loud scream. For a minute, he got confused and didn´t know the source of it, but then, it hit him. 

“Sienna..”, he whispered as he quickly got up and ran over to the girl´s room where Roxy was already sitting beside her bed. The teenager was tossing and turning in her bed, whispering things Luke couldn´t understand. She was having a nightmare. Carefully, Luke tried to wake her up. 

“Sienna...Sienna, wake up!”, he softly said as he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. At the touch, the girl jolted up, sweat lingerin on her forehead and she breathed heavyly. 

“Sienna?”, he said again as he wasn´t completley sure if the girl was fully awake. 

“D-Dad...”, she whispered as she turned her head to look at him. The minute their eyes locked, the girl broke down, sobbing. Luke gathered her in his strong arms and tried to comfort her. 

“Shhh...Baby Girl, you´re alright. It was just a bad dream. You´re safe.”, but Sienna continued to cry into Luke´s chest. He carefully tried to lay themselves down into a more comfortable position. After a while, Sienna finally managed to calm down and was laying still into her fathers arms.

“You wanna talk about it?”, he asked. 

“N-No, not really.”, the girl jawned.

“Maybe you should try and get some more sleep.”, Luke suggested. 

“Can you stay with me tonight, please?”, Sienna begged.

Luke smiled. “I´m not going anywhere.”

Around three weeks later, the funeral of Megan Miller took place in McLean and the whole team came to support Sienna and Luke. A week before, the testament of Megan got read and she wished that in case, she might die unexpectedly, she wanted Luketo get full custody of their daughter Sienna Grace. This is what happened the day after and Sienna couldn´t be happier, given the circumstances. 

The ceremony was beautiful and the priest was telling stories of how Megan and Luke met and what a wonderful mother and person she had been. It took all of Sienna´s strength to not break down in front of her fathers team and all those other people when the coffin got lowered into the ground. It made things finale. She was gone, forever. After the ceremony, Sienna accepted the condolences of people who claimed to know her Mom, but she had never seen them before. When the last person passed, Luke asked: “Are you ready to head home?”

Sienna nodded. She had decided that she wanted to spend the rest of the days back in Quantico to finally find some closure, so she could start to move on. Just when they were about to leave, they heard someone running up behind them. “Sienna?”

The girl cringed as she recognized the voice, which didn´t go unnoticed by the whole team. She slowly turned around and came face to face with Scott. 

“What?!”, she said, clearly annoyed by him being here. 

“I just wanna tell you how sorry I am for what happened to your Mom.”

“Yeah...thanks.”, Sienna replied coldly. 

“Is there anything I can do to help”, Scott asked as he took a few steps towards the girl. Sienna, on the other hand, walked backwards. Luke sensed the discomfort of his daughter and ntervened. 

“I´m sorry, but who are you again?”

“Oh, I´m Scott William. I was Megan´s boyfriend.”

“You wish you were.”, Sienna muttered as she seeked comfort from JJ who protectivly put her arm around the girls shoulder. 

“Sienna...kid...”, Scott said. 

“No, you and Mom, you weren´t a thing. So don´t say things that aren´t true.”, the girl screamed. 

“You were never the one to accept our relationship. You Mom and I, we loved eachother. She would be ashamed by your behaviour.”

“You son of a bitch..”, Sienna yelled and was about to run towards the man, but JJ held her back. 

“I think it´s better if you leave, right now.”, Matt said, as he and Rossi protectivly stepped between the girl and the man. 

“Whatever.”, and with that, Scott left. Tears trickled down Sienna´s cheeks, but she wiped them away furiously, before she walked towards her Dad who engulfed her in a hug. 

“Come on, just forget about him. He´s not worth your tears.”, he said before they all decided to leave for good. 

Two days after the funeral, Luke decided that i was time to go back to work. Since Sienna didn´t yet feel up to go back to school, the agent decided to bring her into work with him. She immediatley went to spend some time with Garcia while Luke decided to catch up on some paperwork. 

“How´s shehandling everything?”, Reid asked Luke as he gave him a cup of coffee. 

“Well, she´s acting like she´s all fine, but you don´t need to be a profiler to see that she´s struggling.”, Luke admitted.

“You thought about getting her to talk to a professional?”, Tara suggested and just as Luke was about to answer, his phone rang. 

“Yeah, we already talked about it.”, he said before he took the call, “this is SSA Luke Alvez?”

“Agent Alvez? This is Detective Robert Vertes, McLean PD. Do you know a girl named Sienna Miller and her mother Megan Miller?”, the caller asked. 

“Yeah, Sienna is my daughter and Megan was her mother who died in a car crash a few weeks ago. What´s wrong? Why is the PD calling me about this? It was an accident.”

“Agent Alvez, I have to inform you that we do not believe anymore that this was an accident. We fear that the accident,which killed Ms. Megan Miller, was planned to purposly kill her and this is why we need your help.”

Another Moment - Tag List:

@illegalcerebral @remember-me-forever-silent-angel@butsomeofusarelookingatthestars @anton-shudders @sayernita@ultrarebelheart @imagicana @rubenlosthischeeks @jessiedangerous

CM Tag List:

@ultrarebelheart @obsessed5sosfreak @illegalcerebral @remember-me-forever-silent-angel @imagicana @marvelfanlife @milkandcookies528 @liz-a-22 @sunreid

Luke Tag List:

@littledizzyhurricane @shiningmish @imagicana @paralelopipedd@sayernita @thehappytalecollector