#the gift exchange equivalent of sprinting through the door right before the bell rings

[2-many-ideas-help]

happy (late) valentines day @rotinthehead! I was using @throwaway2277 as a way to stay anon but still contact you. sorry it took so long lol cosmic horror is harder to write than i thought

@mcyt-valentines

ft: enderman biology headcanons, joan jett, Spidey Senses, grackles being little shits, me nerding about stars, and more!

“I’M SORRY?”

“Tubbo keep it down!”

Ranboo quickly shushed their companion. They could already feel the Eyes on their back as the other tourists turned to glare at the two hybrids, causing the fur on their neck to stand up. Wonderful. The tour guide continued prattling on about the history of the quarry the group was touring. Something about a major project they were commissioned to provide the marble for? It was honestly rather boring.

“Come on Ran,” hissed Tubbo, “You’ve never seen the Milky Way?”

“I mean, I’ve seen the things they show us in school?”

“THAT DOESN’T COUNT!”

Of course, there was a reason Ranboo had never seen the Milky Way, or really any stars, in person. They grew up in the city. The constant light pollution meant that they couldn’t really see anything in the sky. The most they had ever seen was Orion, and they only ever saw him when they visited their cousins in the suburbs. Tubbo, on the other hand, grew up in the middle of nowhere. He got the pretty skies every night, and apparently considered it a federal crime for someone to have never experienced said pretty skies.

“Okay. Change of plans. We need to find a dark sky area.”

“I- wait what? Tubbo? We didn’t bring any camping supplies?”

“Irrelevant.”

“TUBBO?”

—

As soon as the tour ended, Tubbo hauled Ranboo out of the gift shop and back towards the car. He half-shoved, half-threw the incredibly discombobulated ender hybrid into the passenger’s seat, before racing around the car to get behind the wheel, staring intently at his phone all the while.

“Alright, the nearest full-dark sky area is about 2 day’s drive southwest on Route 66.”

Ranboo blinked. Tubbo, do you really think this is a good idea? We’re kinda… messing up our travel plans completely.”

“It’ll be fiiiine,” laughed the goat hybrid, “We didn’t have any reservations anyways. Hang on, lemme call Tom and let him know about the change of plans.” He tapped at his phone screen, causing a ringtone to, well, ring out through the van. After a couple seconds, the boisterous avian picked up, and soon the van was full of laughter.

Ranboo watched Tubbo cackle at something Tommy had said. The ender hybrid grinned slightly, before stiffening up like they’d been shocked. Someone, or something, was Watching them. They whipped their head towards the window, glancing around the parking lot. Tubbo cut himself off in the middle of a sentence. “Ran? You okay?”

The feeling disappeared almost as quickly as it appeared. “…Yeah.”

Their friend looked utterly unconvinced. “If you say so…”

—

The old van raced along the road that cut through vast cornfields. Music blared through the radio, Ranboo and Tubbo singing along, albeit horribly off key.

“I DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY REPUTATION baw na naw na na naw na naw na na LIVIN IN THE PAST IT’S A NEW GENERATION baw na naw na na naw na naw na na I’M GONNA DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO AND THAT’S WHAT I’M GONNA DO AND I DON’T GIVE A-“

“No no no those aren’t the lyrics Ran! It’s ‘A girl can do what she wants to do’, not ‘I’m gonna do what you wanna do’!”

“I don’t care bathtub boy, let me sing Joan Jett damn it!”

“BATHTUB BOY??”

“Yes. Bathtub b-“ There it was again, that same feeling from earlier. It felt like someone was Watching them. Someone they didn’t know.

“…You okay?”

“Tubbo? Stop the car.”

He stared at them blankly, but tires screeched as he pulled the van over anyways. “What’s going on Ran?”

“Someone was Watching us.”

“ExCUSE ME?”

Ranboo didn’t answer. They ducked out of the van and stalked towards the fence separating the roadside from the corn, the grass bending under their claws. Tubbo’s hooves clattered against the asphalt as he hopped onto the road and jogged over to the taller hybrid. “Ranboo, what the FUCK do you mean someone was Watching us?”

“Exactly what I said. Something was setting off the Enderman Spidey Sense, and it wasn’t you.

Tubbo paled. He immediately darted over to the fence, hopping it easily.

“I- TUBBO? That’s PRIVATE PROPERTY??”

The goat hybrid turned to look at his friend. “Yeah. And?”

“And- TUBBO WE’RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE!”

“Not if we don’t get caught.”

Now, it was Ranboo’s turn to stare blankly.

Tubbo sighed. “Look, you wanna figure out what’s setting off the spidey senses or not?”

Silently, Ranboo joined their companion on the other side of the fence.

—

In the end, the duo found a grand total of 27 mourning doves, around 20 cowbirds, and no less than 300 grackles (all of which attacked them on sight), but absolutely nobody that could have been Watching them. It was eerily peaceful.

—

This pattern continued through the next few days. Ranboo’s “Spidey Senses” would go off in the middle of nowhere, they’d pull over, do a sweep of the area, and find absolutely nothing. The worst parts, though, were the nights. If even a little bit if the sky was visible, Ranboo would be entirely unable to sleep due to the constant feeling of being Watched. About 2 and a half days passed before Tubbo pulled them offroad into a little clearing. They had arrived.

—

As night fell, Tubbo hoisted a very disgruntled and blindfolded Ranboo onto the roof of the van.

“Really Tubbo, I don’t see why this is necessary.” “It’ll give the best impact Ran. You can take it off now by the way.”

The grumble building in their chest died as they lifted the blindfold off and looked up at the sky. It was beautiful. Stars were scattered across the massive expanse like paint splatters on a canvas. Purple nebulae accented the multi-colored dots. The crown jewel, however, was the full moon, glimmering high in the sky.

Tubbo started pointing at specific constellations, telling their stories. “That one’s Cassiopeia, classic victim of hubris. Earned Poseidon’s ire by saying her daughter was more beautiful than the Sea Nymphs. Got cast into the stars for that.”

Ranboo already knew most of the stories Tubbo was telling, having been the recipient of multiple Technoblade Infodumps, but they just let their companion ramble.

They sat there for what felt like hours, so engrossed by the stars and their stories that they didn’t immediately notice that the forest had gone dead silent. Once they did notice, however, they did their best to fill that silence with forced jokes and barely hidden dread. Ranboo was in the middle of a story both had heard a million times when it happened.

The sky.

Went.

Dark.

Just blinked out of existence, throwing everything into chaos. Tubbo immediately fumbled for his phone, but Ranboo sat ram-rod still, filling with dread. The feeling was back in full force. They were puffed up like an angry cat, in a way that would have been rather funny if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“Tubbo,” they whispered, “get in the car and get moving. Now.”

“Don’t need to tell me twice! Come on!” Tubbo’s shout seemed to be smothered by the void. The darkness was oppressive. Even Tubbo’s phone flashlight seemed to be swallowed into blackness.

Ranboo nearly face planted trying to get off the van’s roof. They leapt into the car as soon as they righted themself, and no sooner had they closed the door, they were off, racing down the road with high beams on and both hybrids holding on for dear life. Their flight was cut short when Ranboo noticed a speck of light growing much larger as it fell towards Earth.

It hit the ground hard, but left no crater. As the… thing unfolded itself from its landing spot, the only things in the duo’s minds were 1. Oh that’s really big, and 2. RUNRUNRUNRUN. Their minds were screaming at them to RUNMOVE do ANYTHING to get away, but they were frozen in place. Their panic spiked horribly when it lowered its head(?) to peer at them through the van window. The feeling of being Watched peaked, Ranboo’s panic was at a fever pitch and THEN…

The Thing… Spoke to them. No, not Spoke, not exactly. Its Voice rang out in their heads, loud, incomprehensible through layers of static and whispers, but still perfectly clear.

NO. YOU ARE NOT THE ONES I WAS SEARCHING FOR.

With that ominous message, the Thing vanished. Just blinked out of existence, much like the sky had earlier. Speaking of the sky, one peek out the window revealed everything was back to normal. It was like nothing ever happened, like the sky hadn’t just vanished, like their perceptions of reality hadn’t just been flipped on their heads. Ranboo’s voice broke the shocked silence with a perfect encapsulation of the duo’s thoughts.

“What the FUCK just happened?”