#the gender doula

[thegenderdoula]

Transition on a Budget

No matter if your transition is medical, social, legal, or some combination therein, transition can be very expensive. For some of us, certain surgical options can seem completely out of sight. For others, accessing a binder or gender affirming clothing can present a tremendous challenge.

I do not have any silver-bullet solutions to the cost of transition. What I do have is over a decade of experience being poor and trans, and a lot of tips to do transition on a budget.

In this workshop, we will cover:

Social transition: accessing clothing, gender affirming garments, hair and makeup resources (on a budget)

Legal transition: name and gender changes (reducing fees)

Medical transition: strategies for maximizing insurance coverage, strategies for covering what insurance doesn't

Q&A

Plus, I will have a great resource sheet for all attendees.

Click the link below for more info :)

[unloneliest]

i can't even joke about wanting to be a therapist or counselor in any way though. i can't even joke about it that would be the most self destructive thing i could possibly do

[thesewildreams]

An abortion doula pivots after North Carolina's new 12-week ban : NPR

[bahrtofane]

Promises under the stars - Carlos ending

Part 1

Part 1 Jude pov

Part 2 READ PT 2 FIRST PLEAAAZEEE

im begging read pt 2 before this pls. plz.

—

Here it is yall.

Why is there a Carlos ending? Good question ! While brain rotting with my dear dear friend it spiraled and we grew to love him too great and I couldn’t just let him suffer! He deserves an ending with his baby okay !!

Word count - 1.4k+

Watch it - alcoholic behavior galore. Miserable Jude. Mentions of child birth nothing descriptive tho

———

It turns out Jude is one stubborn mother fucker.

He’s everywhere you go to the point that you go through with the damn restraining order. Carlos cuts his hours in order to be home with you more due to the pregnancy and just to keep and eye out for any more bizarre events.

Little does he know what is to come.

——

At 2 pm Jude comes banging on your driveway gate, yelling and throwing curses at the both of you.

You’re taking a nap. Tuckered out from the mornings errands and the start of building your nursery in one of the spare rooms.

Carlos is sitting at the kitchen table reading his emails when he hears the noise.

He calls the police and watches from the front door as they drag Jude off screaming and in tears.

He tells you about it when you wake about an hour later. It’s all over the news anyway. Madrid star jailed for public intoxication and violation of a restraining order.

You both decide heading to Spain for the rest of your pregnancy might be best. You refused a doula, you wanted it to be much more intimate. But the stress is starting to get to you. Tremors and headaches, nights spent worrying.

“It will pass.” Carlos promises. Kissing your knuckles softly.

——-

Jude can't think straight. In every breath he smells the perfume you wore last time he saw you at that damn cafe.

When he closes his eyes he sees you being grabbed away from him. Pregnant with his child.

In his dreams he’s tormented by a shadowed of a future that can not be.

Jude thinks there’s a million better endings than this one. That if he were to die right now he would cheer.

There is no one to comfort him. Not in a way that matters. His family no longer talks to him and his house is much too big to be alone in. He still fears the darkness. The unknown.

Instead he buys time with alcohol. Drinking till he can’t see straight. Never mind if he has practice or a game.

He parties so hard he never remembers what he did the night before.

He gets slower on the pitch. Making messy tackles and ending up with unnecessary cards and his temper becomes a liability.

He’s gotten multiple takings. You need to calm down Jude they keep saying. How can he calm down with so much rage, a rage that’s almost as old as he is.

How can he forget you ?

——

You get to Spain and feel like you’re going to pop, even though you know you have a few months left.

His mother clears out rooms for you on the first floor so you can avoid going up and down the stairs too much.

“Have you thought of names?” His dad asks at dinner.

You shrug, “not really. We haven’t had the chance to sit down and think about it properly. “

He hums, knife sliding against his plate.

Carlos has a hand on your knee, rubbing his fingers softly against the material of your dress. Dresses are the only thing that fit you anymore. The only thing you feel comfortable enough in.

His sisters stop by with gifts for the baby, their husband as well. Each giving you hugs and kisses.

“Oh I can’t wait.” Blanca smiles, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

You have a little gender reveal in the living room. Just a cake in your pajamas while everyone is at home. His parents are smiling wide, phones out. His sisters watch with eyes wide, leaning into their husbands.

You and Carlos cut into it, hands on the knife as it sinks in. Pink icing on the knife. You’re having a girl.

——-

The nursery gets finished a few weeks before your due date. She’s going to be a summer baby. It fits well.

The house is filled with people in and out to come visit you. And soon comes the family reunion.

You’re forced to sit and relax, rolling your eyes watching the prep going on around you.

When the now familiar faces fill the home you greet them with a smile and they all shower you in compliments and well wishes. It turns more into a baby shower, gifts pouring in til, the nursery is full of them.

Carlos sticks to your side like glue. A hand on your back helping you get to your seat and settled. “Need more pillows?”

You shake your head, “I’m good my love thank you. “

He kisses your temple and the dinner service begins.

This time you understand more of what his mother says in the toast. She even welcomes your baby into the family and you can’t stop smiling. She’s done so much for you. There’s no woman you’d want as your mother in law more than her. Reyes is so so kind. How can you ever repay her kindness?

You retire to your room early into the night. Already tired from being on your feet more than usual. Carlos joins you, even if you insist that he can stay out and mingle he follows you. Drawing the curtains and getting your bed ready.

He presses a kiss to your stomach when you’re situated. “She’s almost here.” He whispers.

You smile, “I know. I still can’t believe it.”

“Me neither. “

“What did you want to name her anyway?”

He hums, rubbing a hand along your stomach, “I don’t really know. I like typical Spanish names. Maybe like Rosalia. What do you think.”

“I think that I have someone I want to name her after.”

“Really?”

You nod, “your mother. You think she’d like it? I want to give her two first names and the second would be Reyes.”

Carlos turns to his side, cradling your face in his hands. “Oh sweetheart she’s going to love it. I love it. Are you sure?”

You kiss his nose. “I’m sure. “

——-

You have your baby in a nearby hospital. A little bundle no more than 6 pounds. Crying out while you hold her close. Carlos is crying. And so are you.

Her name is just like you wanted. Your favorite flower is her first and Reyes the second. And of course she gets the insanely long full Sainz family full name. The nurse runs out of room when she writes it all down. Takes an extra piece of paper but it fits. Eventually.

His parents visit you with flowers a day later.

“Look at her name.” Carlos tells his mother.

She takes a closer look, and bursts into tears. “She has my name.” She cries into her husband's arms.

“I hope you like it.” You sniffle, unable to stop your own tears.

She wraps her arms around you gently, “oh I love it. I love it so so much.”

You don’t invite your parents. Them coming to the wedding was enough for you. They can meet her when the time comes. Too much meddling in your life has turned you distant to them at best. Oh well.

When you make it back home you’re greeted to a home cooked meal made by his sisters. All of your favorites and boy do you dig in.

Everyone is excited to see her. Little fingers reaching out into the world.

Carlos holds her flush to his chest when you get settled for the night.

“Our baby. My little girl. She’s so beautiful.” He kisses her head.

You smile, fixing the hat she has on. “You’re going to be such a good dad Carlos.” You kiss his cheek.

He flushes, “you think?”

You nod, watching him set her down into her crib.

“I know it.”

You didn’t know it was possible to love more. But your girl is proving you wrong. And everyone else in the family it seems. They’re obsessed with her.

She’s going to know so much love.

Things did work out in the end. With Carlos and your baby sleeping peacefully in the same room and the moonlight dancing through the curtains, it was all worth it in the end.

You whisper a different promise under the stars. This time it’s for your family. For your baby. For Carlos. For his family who have opened their home to you.

The stars twinkle back at you and you find peace. You’ve found it, tucked away in the Spanish countryside. Your peace has finally come.

[mueritos]

Hello! Semi emergency trans question:

Is it true hrt makes u infertile? I have known it is a possible as with everything. I am a 24 yr old pre everything (testosterone and top) trans guy and saw the tiktoker rosemary and how she got all her stuff out for future children before she started hrt because she says hrt makes u infertile but idk if she was talking about estrogen or testosterone or both can. I wanna start t but I wnat to have children in the future do I need to start saving to harvest my eggs now or do I start t and then I can go off it ? I know everyone’s different but I just need advice.I’m semi broke so I’m like stressing

From what I know, estrogen can make you infertile if youre transfemme but this depends on a number of factors, like how long youve been on feminizing HRT and that persons specific relationship to fertility. Unsure if it’s reversible if youre off E, but I imagine its only reversible to a point.

Testosterone does not make you infertile and you CAN get pregnant on T or if you stop T to get pregnant. Some transmasc folks do freeze their eggs, but I follow a couple seahorse dads (mainly Kayden Coleman!) who have gotten pregnant and had children. This is why people say testosterone is NOT a birth control and just because it can stop your periods, it doesnt meant you cant get pregnant (chances are just low, but never zero).

Unless your family has fertility issues or you have other medical issues that can impact your fertility, you should be fine to start t, plan when you want kids, and then get off t to start trying. Its best you consult with your doctors and with whoever is going to be prescribing you T, and I would reach out to seahorse dads or find what information you can on trans fertility. There are a lot of informational subreddits online, but there are many seahorse dads online who Im sure would be happy to talk. Queer doulas may also be helpful if you want information on gender-affirming birth care.

hope that helped!

[st4rsnf1cs]

Missed

Pairings: Commander Cody x Kenobi! Reader

Summary: your Obi-wan's sister, and Cody knocked you up in the midst of your secret relationship. And now he's coming to terms with being a father, now that he gets to hold his son in your arms.

Ganre: mostly fluff, a bit of sensuality

Word count: 1,713

Warnings: nudity (no smut)

A/n: this was fun to write, I love dad clones

“So you're dating my sister.”

“... yes General…”

“And you got her pregnant?”

Cody pauses, sucking in a deep breath through his nose as he nods, looking anywhere but at his general, and friend Obi-Wan.

“I see…” Obi-Wan trailed off, rubbing his beard before humming, placing a hand on Cody's shoulder. The clone looked up, almost shocked at the non angered touch.

“You love her?” He asked, and again Cody nodded. “Yes General… i- I love her.” He breathed out. It was such a relief to say.

He knew clones weren't really allowed to have lovers, but as soon as he met you, he knew you were the one.

You were a force to be reckoned with, the poor opposite of his General. You were snarky, serious and yet Cody thought you were the sweetest and most amazing woman he'd ever met. Granted he's only ever met a female jedi who doesn't really talk to him.

But you always talked to him.

He remembered when you told him about your conversation with Obi-wan, about a day prior to his confrontation with the man… boy was that vivid.

“Obi just listen for a second!” You shouted as you watched your brother pace back and forth. He was on a mission for a couple months, and hadn't really seen you minus your face, so when he came back to the temple and visited you, only to see that you were showing off a small but visible baby bump, and on top of that fact he found out it was Cody's?

Yeah he was mad.

“I came onto Cody! When you sent him here for some med supplies! We had kind of been flirting and I may have crossed the line between friendly flirting and seductive flirting and we- well- fucked-” you explained, grabbing your brothers shoulders as you grinned sheepishly.

“So we started dating in secret! I really like him so when you confront him and I know you will, don't kill him, please? He's the father of your nephew or niece!” You exclaimed.

Obi-wan sighed, shaking his head as he looked at you. “I just can't believe you'd be so reckless.” He huffed, and you rolled your eyes. “He put on a condom, but it broke and I found out the day we did it my implant expired.” You said honestly, but to you, it seemed to be fate.

Or the will of the force.

After hearing the circumstances Obi-Wan frowned, but nodded in understanding.

“Okay fine…. I won't kill him.”

-

You updated your brother and Cody on a lot of the stuff going on with your pregnancy. Unlike the Jedi you could actually have attachments as long as they knew it wasn't a clone. And you were pretty good and kept secrets.

The more pregnant you grew the more you started staying home, until it was actually time to give birth to your son.

You and Cody both agreed you wanted to wait to find out the gender after the baby was born, but unfortunately for Cody he was on a mission with your brother when your water broke and your labor started.

You did a home birth and had a doula. Not like you didn't trust the GAR doctors but you'd rather have someone human by your side instead of medical droids.

You had meant to call obi-wan, but your labor was painful, and long. But by the end of it you had a healthy baby boy, whom you had yet to name, you at least wanted to wait until Cody came back for that.

It had been a few days, getting used to the baby's schedule was… hard but you felt like you were starting to get the hang of it.

You were currently breastfeeding in the kitchen when you heard the lock turn at the front door. You smiled, and continued feeding, watching as Cody walked in, still wearing his armor which had been worn from countless battles.

But he smiled at you, and then noticed the baby in your arms. It took him a moment until he realized that it wasn't just some random kid sucking on your tit's… but it was his baby.

Cody's jaw dropped.

“You had- you had him without me?!”

You almost flinched at Cody’s tone if you hadn't learned to calm yourself when it came to the baby. You stood up, pulling the child off you for a moment as you pulled up your shirt, holding your son in your arms as you walked over to the clone. “Yes… I'm sorry baby. I tried to prolong it but my water broke fast and I was already in labor and in so much pain.” You whispered.

Cody frowned, he never understood the concept of labor, when he first found out you were pregnant he wondered. How? since he didn’t see the fetus in a tube. You had told him that nat- born babies are quite different, and grow inside of the woman.

“I’m sorry for shouting, I just can’t believe I missed it.” He sighed, leaning into your touch as you raised a hand to his cheek. “I mean if it's any consolation i got my doula to record a video, i had a feeling you might’ve wanted to see the process, even in my painhaze.” You chuckled sheepishly, before bringing Cody over to the living area.

“Armor off.” You ordered softly, and Cody complied, never tearing his eyes off the baby in your arms as he removed his armor. You gently held the baby out, adjusting his arms as need be. But soon Cody was cradling your son in his arms, in awe of the entire thing.

“I can’t believe this grew inside you for nine months…” he trailed off. He knew that nat-borns didn’t have the accelerated growing gene that made clones ready for battle within ten years, but none of that mattered to him.

Having his own genetics, well- his clone genetics, mixed with another's- your’s, it kind of segmented that he was just as human as you were. Cody smiled, warmly, pressing his lips to the top of the baby’s head.

You moved down to sit beside him, letting out a relieved sigh that you had a bit of a break. Cody looked over at you, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulled you closer. “You okay?” He asked, and you nodded, resting your shoulder on his shoulder.

“Yes… m’ just tired.” You whispered, the exhaustion of birth, and baby caring having finally caught up to you. But you couldn’t sleep, not until the baby was.

But as you looked over at your son, your jaw dropped seeing how he was already fast asleep in Cody's arms.

“This little bastard has been so fussy with me these past two days, and now the moment he's in your arms he's asleep?” You whispered, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout. Cody let out a soft chuckle. “Well, this little guy just needed daddy’s touch.” He joked, and you grinned. “I think i need some of that.” You snickered.

Cody gave you a look before standing up, and you followed suit before walking to the nursery. He helped pick the room and the colors but you and your brother did most of the building when he was off working missions with other battalions without Obi-Wan.

“It’s perfect.” He murmured to you, and you nodded with a grin, watching as Cody gently laid your son down in the crib you had built, laying the baby on his stomach rather than his back before placing the blanket over him.

When your son was still fast asleep Cody walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you as he placed gentle kisses all over your face. You let out soft giggles, rubbing his back as you embraced him.

“Have you named him?” Cody asked, but you shook his head. “No, I wanted to wait until you came home for that.” You whispered, walking out of the nursery, closing the door behind you as you walked to your’s and Cody’s shared bedroom.

“What were you thinking?” He asked, and you hummed, changing out from your dirty, slobbed on clothes into something a little more comfortable. “Well I was thinking of something that represents him. That… or you could name him.” You stated, laying down in bed as Cody also worked on getting undressed.

“Really? you want me to name him?” Cody asked, and you grinned, nodding your head. Cody stood there, thinking for a moment before his face lit up like it always did when he came up with a plan or an idea.

“What about… Koen?” He asked, and you tilted your head. “What does it mean?” You asked, getting out of bed as Cody gestured for you to join him in the shower. “It means hero… because I have a feeling he’s going to grow up to be one.” Cody said, helping you remove your clothes before bringing you into the shower.

The warm water cascaded down your back and you hummed in delight, nodding to Cody to confirm the name. “I love it, hun.” You muttered, stretching your arms upwards with a sigh.

Cody admired you, his hands sliding onto your hips, before trailing upwards. “They got bigger…” He trailed off, and you raised an eyebrow, looking down at your breasts. You snorted, nodding your head. “Yeah- cuz’ they’re full of milk for Koen.” You snickered, biting your lip as Cody raised his hands, and cupped your breasts within them.

“Gentle baby, they’re tender.” You warned, but didn’t push him away.

“I missed you so much…” He groaned, sliding his hands down as he pulled you against him, capturing your lips with his.

You smiled against him, sliding your hands up to his hair before moving your hand to his cheek, your finger tracing the scar by his eye. He hummed against you, pulling back moments later. “You mean everything to me Cyare, and now Koen does too… I promise I will protect you both.” He whispered.

You nodded, wrapping your arms around him while resting your head on his chest, hearing the steady thumping of his heart beat… and it brought you so much comfort.

“I know Cody… I know.”

➺

Tag list:

Cody tag:

Tcw tag:

All:

[feminist-furby-freak]

Random question as a wannabe future doula and a feminist; have you found that a lot of doulas call women “birthing people” for the sake of inclusivity? It’s such a minor thing but it bugs me

It totally depends. Short answer is yes. Also, it’s not really a “minor thing” forcing us to use dehumanizing language is so fucking degrading and demoralizing. When I did my first training the instructors used all the hyper-woke language (birthing person, chest feeding, etc). Prominent online doulas/midwives do too, there was one who didn’t and came out as gc and was cancelled. Many go to even bigger extremes propagating the trans women men can breastfeed if they want and abortion is gender affirming care bullshit. There are essentially two birth justice/doula camps: the ultra woke and the Christian fundamentalists. I hang with the former and keep my mouth shut. In actual practice, working with midwives and pregnant women clients, we get to speak normally. I’ve never had a problem with that in practice just working with doula organizations/grant and nonprofit stuff we have to do the charade.

[boy-gender]

I'm scared I'm going to lose my hormones (i may have already) and with abortion rights being overturned dysphoria is hitting me full force but I don't feel part of the conversation because I'm not Women :/

I understand the feeling, which is why instead of "womens health," I think of things by the organ.

I'm a man with a uterus- I need uterine care. I'm a man with ovaries- I need ovarian care. I'm a man with the ability to get pregnant, so I need pregnancy care- that includes access to safe, readily available abortions, but also includes genetic testing, and nutrition information, and access to birth doulas and midwives and doctors. Medical care needs to be less gendered. Not all cis women can get pregnant, so some dont need pregnancy care. Post menopausal cis women don't need the same type of care that a young cis girl undergoing puberty needs. There is no reason to gender this- theyre both womens care, but with entirely different needs. In the medical field we should be as specific as possible- specific to the organ, or the field, or the problem.

And, if I can add some additional perspective, abortion rights effect everybody. Everybody. Yes, even cisgender men who cannot in any way shape or form be at risk of pregnancy, have no need to ever go to a gynecologist, and "have no skin in this fight." They do, in fact. Everyone does. Because abortion rights are just one branch of the right to bodily autonomy. Being able to do what you want with your body without the interference of the government. This includes being able to transition, get an abortion, undergo IVF, choose how you want your body to be handled after you die, get tattoos, dye your hair, get shitty suspicious ear piercings at claires, be fat, do kink, eat a weed gummy, donate organs. All of these things should be decisions between yourself, since it's your body and you decide what goes on/in it, and the professional in that field whose help you are seeking. Your obgyn, your surgeon, your tattoo artist. The government should not be able to infringe on the rights of citizens making informed consensual decisions regarding their own autonomy.

That effects *everyone.* So I urge you to stay in the conversation not just because you may require abortion care, but because you are an autonomous person, and bodily autonomy is on the chopping block for all of us. You are a part of this conversation not because you're a woman, or because you have certain genitalia, but because you are a /person/.

[sunnixsunshine]

https://www.tumblr.com/sunnixsunshine/772705175111696384/something-something-that-silly-trend-sillier?source=share

My immediate thought was like "oh he better be dead cause if he isn't he's gon catch these hands" as if I'm not 1,45m with the constitution of a sheet of paper

Don't worry, he's in Kamabakka having a gender and sexuality crisis totally unaware he's even a dad! While Zoro is in labor without pain meds with an unqualified doula (Perona, no help from Mihawk for reasons), Sanji is getting color matched by the entire queer community.

[ezrazone]

so many eggs have been so very into me that i am always a little bit suspicious when a cis person wants to flirt with me seriously. like i wish i cared less so id stop becoming a gender doula for people i just wanna fuck fkfkfkvkvkvmvkv

[thegenderdoula]

New Blog: 5 Signs You Need a Gender Doula

(Note: If I make a new post on my blog, I will put it here too! If you want to be the first to know about upcoming classes and workshops [and get a little discount] make sure to sign up for my mailing list.)

It’s not always easy to know when to call in support for any given issue. Between the hyper-independence most of us have been socialized into, internalized transphobia, and the general scariness of vulnerability, asking for help often feels like something someone else should do, or something we should put off until we’ve tried every other possible avenue. When it comes to gender exploration and transition, I often find that people spend a lot of time and energy trying to muddle through on their own before they reach out to me. And I get that! It’s really vulnerable to ask for help, and sometimes its hard to know what kind of help you need. 

So here are a five signs (and a bonus!) that you need a gender doula. Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list. But I hope that it helps you see some of the many reasons why folks contact me.

You are curious about your gender (identity, presentation, etc) but don’t know where to start.

Many people who come to me do not identify as trans or non-binary. They may feel curious about their identity, how it has been shaped, why they conformed to various gendered expectations, etc., and may want to talk that out with someone. Or, they may be curious about exploring their gender, but don’t really know what to do or even what gender exploration entails. However, they may also feel like they need to have some idea of what they want before they start asking for help. 

The truth is, I think everyone benefits from gender exploration. No one on earth neatly fits in to the confines of a label, even if that label is chosen specifically because it feels more resonant than another one. Each of us contains multitudes. Each of us is far too dynamic to be fully apprehended in a single word or phrase. There is a tremendous benefit to giving your own unique relationship to gender room to breathe and develop, and a gender doula can help with that. 

2. You’ve tried researching gender transition, but it’s overwhelming, confusing, etc.

Let’s be honest - research trans or gender-related topics can be mind-numbingly difficult. I spent about 10 years researching trans identity, health care, and law, and many hours were spent combing through Google and Google Scholar trying to find even one mention of the exact thing I was looking for. While many more resources are available now than there were even 5 years ago, its still incredibly challenging to find a source that is relevant, reliable, up to date, and high quality. 

This is even more true for folks who deviate in any way from binary gender, who are racialized, who are disabled or chronically ill, or who otherwise don’t fit the narrow confines of a very specific type of trans. It’s common to say “google it” when people ask questions, but sometimes that makes things even worse! I’ve had client stumble unknowingly into TERF and other anti-trans websites, and end up confused, upset, and scared to continue searching. 

Fortunately, I have a variety of resources that are incredibly helpful for all kinds of situations. Some of these can be found through my Linktree, my Transition Basics workshops, or the resource page on my website. But especially for folks who need specific resources and support, there’s no substitute for working together one-on-one. I also have contacts all over the U.S. and internationally and belong to WPATH and multiple email lists for trans professionals and healthcare navigators, so if I can’t find an answer to your question, there are a variety of folks who I can reach out to. 

3. You want to change something about your gender identity or presentation, but you feel stuck, unsure, anxious, scared, etc.

I think that this is probably one of the most common reasons why folks come to me. Maybe they’ve explored their gender and maybe they’ve researched, but…then what? Inhabiting your gender in a new way is scary. It requires a moment of turning, of crossing a threshold. Even if no one in the outside world would ever notice whatever change you’re making, you will still be changed. 

This is heady stuff, and something folks shouldn’t have to do alone. Sometimes we all need someone to hold the space for our anxieties, fears, hopes, and dreams as we step into the next iteration of who we are. And sometimes, we have no idea how to make that step, and we need someone to help shine a light so we can find our way forward. 

If you’re in that space of stuckness, anxiety, or confusion, my goal is never to push you toward any specific outcome. Rather, I hope to hold the space for you to spread all your options on the table, and move toward whatever makes the most sense for you. I’m here for the messiness, the discomfort…all of it. Supporting you through those uncomfortable and tender moments is quintessential gender doula work. 

4. You don’t have many folks in your life that you can talk to about gender things, or you don’t feel comfortable asking them these deeply personal questions.

Some of the folks who come to me don’t have any trans people in their life that they can talk to. Others are surrounded by trans community, but sensitive to the idea of asking their trans friends to answer their questions, especially when those questions feel deeply personal for both them and their friends. Further, it can be confusing and intimidating to know where to take your questions. If you want to know more about HRT, do you feel safe enough with your doctor to bring that up? 

Working with a gender doula gives you a safe space to work out your questions and to find answers. I don’t always have the answer to every question, but when I don’t know, I have a variety of ways of sourcing answers. For more personal questions that may not have clear answers, I can sit with you in the unknown while you work toward answers. 

Having a safe space to bring your questions can also help you unearth questions that you didn’t know you had, or that you felt too scared to bring up, even just to yourself. Gender exploration can be an intensely personal process, but knowing that you’re not alone in that process can make a huge difference. And with my experience, I can also give you feedback that is grounded across research, personal experience, community involvement, and gender doula work. 

5. You’ve transitioned in some way, but now you want to take new/additional steps. 

There is a common misunderstanding that transition is a sort of one-time thing…you realize that your identity is not in line with what you were assigned at birth, you find the identity that suits you, you take whatever steps you need to to actualize that identity, and then you move on with life. And who knows, maybe some people experience their gender that way! But for most people, gender exploration is an ongoing pursuit that sometimes comes in waves. 

Also, the norms and standards of care around medical transition have shifted over the years. Several folks have come to me who transitioned under older standards that required them to take more medical steps than they actually wanted or needed, or gate-kept them from vital care. Either way, there’s a lot of trauma around this, and it can be helpful to talk it out with someone who is familiar with how these things have changed over time. 

Whether you want to explore new aspects of your transition, shift your presentation, or parse through complicated feelings about earlier decisions, the space we make together can hold this in great detail and nuance. A gender doula can hold non-judgmental space for the tough stuff, and help you shift your gender paradigm toward joy and affirmation. 

Bonus: Your friend/partner/loved one/child is transitioning and you need a safe space to ask all of your questions.

I’ve done several sessions with partners, parents, and friends of trans people who want to be supportive but aren’t always sure how. Working with a gender doula for this is excellent, because you can ask all the questions that you need to without damaging your relationship to your trans loved one. Allies and loved ones have found these sessions so helpful and so supportive that they often need only one such session, though for parents I have occasionally done more frequent work, as gender situations with younger children can be very dynamic and challenging.

If you are the parent of a trans child, finding resources can be challenging. While I personally deeply recommend Gender Spectrum as a general source for parents, I know that parents who try to find targeted answers to tough questions on Google can be waylaid by spurious sources and bad actors masquerading as concerned citizens or even credentialed professionals! Having a space to speak with someone who can not only answer your questions, but can also curate your resource list with high quality, trustworthy resources, can save any parent or loved one from a lot of misinformation and fear. 

For parents and loved ones who need support, but prefer not to work one on one, I have a variety of resources in my Bookshop and on the resources section of my website. 

Bottom line: There are many reasons to hire a gender doula, and these are just some of them. 

Gender touches so many different parts of our lives. For trans, non-binary, and other gender expansive people, gender is often grappled with in overt ways, as well as ways that are less obvious. For cis people or people who don’t identity as any of the above, gender is still a dominating force, and one that can be challenging and confusing to navigate. 

Gender doulas are truly for everyone. Gender exploration is a helpful and beautiful process for people of all gender identities. But it can also be a challenging and confusing process, and having someone to hold you in gentle acceptance, and who can also answer thorny and confusing questions, can make the whole process a lot more human. 

If you’re interested in 1:1 gender doula services, contact me here or shoot me an email: hello@thegenderdoula.com. If my books are full, I have a few colleagues that I can refer you to. If you are curious about workshops and classes, sign up for my mailing list. And if you like this blog post, follow me on social media. I do this work because I love this work - it is my purpose and my passion. I would love to support you in whatever ways I can!

[marveltrumpshate]

Women's Rights

As the saying goes, women’s rights are human rights. Despite growing threats to autonomy and agency, women are forcefully declaring their place in the world and actively working to ensure equity for themselves and future generations. The following are organizations whose focus is on doing just that. 

For more information on donation methods and accepted currencies, please refer to our list of organizations page.

Center for Reproductive Rights

The Center for Reproductive Rights is the only global legal advocacy organization dedicated to ensuring reproductive rights are protected in law as fundamental human rights for the dignity, equality, health, and well-being of every person. With local partners across five continents, they have secured legal victories before national courts, UN Committees, and regional human rights bodies on issues such as access to life-saving obstetrics care, contraception, maternal health, and safe abortion services and the prevention of forced sterilization and child marriage.

Global Fund for Women

Global Fund for Women is the largest global organization for gender justice. They support grassroots feminist movements and organizations around the world for maximum local impact and have provided over $184 million in grants to 5,000+ women’s funds in 176 countries over the past three decades. Their recent focus has been providing mobilization and networking resources for women and girls in their own communities and amplifying those voices so they’re heard in the global community.

National Network of Abortion Funds

The National Network of Abortion Funds builds power with members to remove financial and logistical barriers to abortion access by centering people who have abortions and organizing at the intersections of racial, economic, and reproductive justice. They provide their grassroots base of over 100 autonomous, diverse organizations/abortion funds in the U.S. and abroad with leadership development, infrastructure support, and technical assistance. Some fund procedures while others cover abortion pills, transportation, lodging, childcare, doula services, and other forms of support.

The Pad Project

Period stigma and lack of access to affordable, safe, and effective menstrual products are a global problem. The Pad Project partners with local communities internationally to serve people of all genders who menstruate through funding the placement of pad machines and implementing washable pad programs. They also pair menstrual product access with education—workshops on menstrual hygiene management and sexual and reproductive health and their award-winning documentary, Period. End of Sentence.

Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network

RAINN is the largest anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S. and operates a 24-hour national phone/online hotline as well as a DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense that provide support for survivors. They partner with over 1,000 local organizations nationwide and coordinate with state and federal departments to ensure that sexual assault is prevented, perpetrators are held accountable, and survivors get justice. They also educate the public, media, and entertainment industry about sexual assault. While we put RAINN in this post because women and girls experience sexual violence at high rates, people of all genders can be victims and RAINN helps everyone regardless of gender.

[doulayogimama]

me babbling about nesting, essentially

I don't know how people don't find out the gender, it doesn't feel real to me until I know whether it's a girl or a boy.

I went through Sky's 0-12 month clothes because they're here in NY and my gosh, 90% of it is not stuff I'd use for baby boy. We don't have anyone else in the family that is pregnant, so I just sent a message to the family chat that the clothes will be in the attic and if anyone ever needs them, they're up for grabs. So many pieces were unused or only worn once :(

I'm so excited about my very small (to me) list of stuff on my baby registry. It's not even a registry, just a personal list because I honestly do not want a baby shower this time. I'd rather go on a weekend getaway or have something weird like a beach day with my family to celebrate baby. Just a cute picnic on the beach with a proper low table and cushions to sit on underneath umbrellas. Maybe some simple food like sushi, fruit, etc to have at the beach. And ONLY the people that I actually speak to on a yearly basis can come!! Not my moms half sister who sees me every 4 years. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't owe those people shit.

Not including MY stuff like my pump (which should be covered by insurance) essential baby needs come out to about $1500. That includes a Doona car seat + stroller, a Owlet smart sock, a bassinet, changing station, pajamas, and few other things like a bottle warmer (I didn't think it was important with Sky but I think it makes a difference). Plus one for those mini portable sanitizers for the bottles because I'm not one to run the dishwasher every day. I don't do big cribs, I'm not getting jeans for a newborn just because they are cute this time (spoiler alert: newborns live in pajamas). I have baby carriers from Sky, lots of white unused newborn onesies, some gender neutral ones, a couple of really soft bamboo pajamas. I really don't want much else besides pacifiers. My dad and Mimi will help me with the two big items without me asking (Doona and Owlet) and the rest I'd rather buy on my own or let people like my mom chip in if they ask. If anyone outside my nuclear family asks for gift suggestions: I will kindly request donations for food delivery like purple carrot, a cleaning person, or a PP Doula. I'd rather have someone's $25 go to that fund then a random TJ Maxx outfit that I probably won't even like that much.

[soupgalaxy]

making a separate post but related to the one i just reblogged

it’s so frustrating as a trans man trying to explain to people that i still want to have biological kids. it’s not something that i’m 100% about, i am still on the fence because of a lot of reasons, but any time i bring it up no one takes me seriously.

because with other transmasc ppl i will usually get “being pregnant would give me so much dysphoria i would never do that” or “doesn’t testosterone make you sterile” or some variation. first of all there is soooo much misinformation out there about what HRT does to your reproductive system. plenty of transmasc ppl can and DO get pregnant while on T or they’re able to safely stop taking T to get pregnant.

not to mention the language around pregnancy and birthing is soooooo cisheteronormative it’s insane. hospitals calling it the “mom/baby unit” instead of labor and delivery or perinatal or any other gender neutral language. i feel like there has been a recent push to use the language “pregnant people” or “people who can get pregnant” around abortion rights but unfortunately a lot of ppl assume that trans masculine people who get pregnant want to get an abortion because they assume pregnancy = dysphoria.

just anecdotally i have noticed more trans mascs being open about being birthing parents in the last few years as well as more trans/nb midwives and doulas. but overwhelmingly the narrative is still that trans men CAN get pregnant but usually don’t want to. which can be invalidating for those of us who do want to have kids biologically.

rant over tl;dr if a trans masculine person expresses a desire to get pregnant don’t invalidate that feeling by saying “you can just adopt” or “you’ll be dysphoric” or whatever <3

[elli-cherished]

Posepack: Midwives & Doulas, Pt. 1 PLUS SIZE

DOWNLOADS

PATREON

SIMFILESHARE

Requirements: 

Andrew's Pose Player 

Scumbumbo's Teleport Any Sim 

Redhead Sims Toddler Height Preset (small)

Pandasama's Birth Pool and Pillows (Childbirth Mod)

Mel Bennett's Stethoscope Accessory

Doppler and Doppler Wand Accessories

Any double bed

NOTES:

I've included a bare newborn bottom (so baby isn't born already wearing a diaper!) You can find it in toddler SLEEP section. (also for some reason it won't show up for "feminine" even though I have it set for both genders so just check that off and it should show up)

Teleport placement - place at the end of the bed in line with the footboard (if I had placed it in the center of the bed as usual, the resized toddler would be hidden under the bed). You may need to use bb.moveobjects to line it up.

* Created with standard EA rig body shape, some clipping and/or gapping is expected to occur and will vary per sim. Plus-size poses made with Vyxated's rig model.

[mamaangiwine]

𝕬𝖇𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝕸𝖊:

Hello, I'm Mamaangiwine but you can call me Bix. I'm occasionally gender queer, but She/Her is fine. I am twenty eight, and I live in the North West with my family consisting of one Dark Prince (my cat), one Golden Goof (my dog) and my partners who I consider to be my best friends and main party.

I am a huge nerd. I love D&D, most things fantasy, folk horror, cryptids and other cringey, spooky stuff. I also have an interest in fashion, art and muzak. I have two associates: one in literature and one in writing, and consider myself to be a writer and an artist. Be warned: I write pretty poetry, but I swear like a sailor.

I'm a folk practcioner, but also dabble in Grimoire Magic. My heritage is Ojibwe, Azorian and Hungarian and I try to incorporate all of those traditions into my practice. I have been doing magic off and on since I was twelve, and have been fully dedicated for four years. I work with a wide range of spirits; angels, demons, saints, as well as my ancestors, various gods and other manitous.

Generally speaking I am a sorcerer, but I prefer the title of "Good Woman". I am a doula, and hope one day to be a midwife and an herbalist. I am also a proffesional dream interpreter, chiromancer, and tarot reader and I am currently learning astrology.

Other Blogs/ Social Media:

Horned Lepus (General Interest and Aesthetics Blog)

Moss Sphinx (Art Blog)

TTRPG Folklore (A Niche Blog Dedicated to Archiving TTRPG Stories)

Instagram (@ moss-sphinx)