#the game tried to make us feel sad abt their deaths but honestly i felt a little bit sad abt elizabeth but booker? he deserved his death lol

[datastate]

(sending this as an ask because it got WAYY too long to be a reply whoops) i really like your opinions on the routes!! especially on the ais waugh…. i am planning on playing kanna's routes whenever i eventually replay this summer + i am excited to see what they entail…. but yeah overall i really like your thoughts and man do i need to replay yttd T_T it has been so long. (+ this is where the reply turned into a small ramble about qtaro because the autism) plus your comment about how the main games have gone + the qtaro thing. sorry i am ill about him. glad to see someone who understands his intent there because although i am not active in fandom ANYMORE i used to see so many people absolutely hating him for that (<- like obviously not the best way of going about things but he had intentions. okay?) (also i would like to make the comment of although in 8th grade i had intense hyperfixation on alice, ever since my first playthrough in 6th grade (HOW HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?!) qtaro has + always will be my favorite sorry society….). i still remember when 3-1b came out + so many people were like "oh maybe qtaro is not deplorable" meanwhile i was over here #1 qtaro fan sobbing. sorry this is so long

(in response to this ask! also, for my own sake, i've broken up replying this into little sections :] <3 but i don't mind at all!!!)

REPLAYING YTTD

oho...!! i do think even a general replay (without seeing other routes) is really worthwhile to get a better feel for the characters & see how you can recontextualize things they're doing/have said at the time... i love combing through to see what nao and kai were up to in particular just before the main games <3

while i do think there was more that nankidai could've stood to do to differentiate the two routes particularly to make kanna & shin's separate routes feel like an actual choice, i do think that what small things are changed are still worthwhile & cool to see! i hope you enjoy your replay!!! :D

Q-TARO

YEAH exactly... i'm really sad that it's taken until his literal death to truly appreciate him as a character when more morally ambiguous characters like... well. shin, keiji, and even kai (though i'd honestly argue that most people don't see kai for who he is, you know; rather they place emphasis on his attractive appearance...) -- what they've done & how they behave are excused because they're, frankly, thin enough to care abt.

i've gone on about this before, so i won't linger much more than i need to, but i find it so strange that most people don't seem to recognize that - if not in the moment, i can understand that everyone's emotions are in a swirl. even the player's, but in chapter two when he says he felt a connection w kai - q-taro is autistic. and this definitely makes how he approached things in the first main game all the more understandable, personally... being so blunt about it when he'd settled on it being the clear solution, he even outright says that he doesn't want to see any of them just resign themselves right away to being voted out! & then we learn in ch3 as well that he's also experienced suicidal ideation which just lends so much more value to what he says...!! he doesn't want anyone to die, but certainly not with the belief that it's the only option they had. he wants them to at least have the chance to fight, just in case. and he's willing to hold himself to the same standard!

of course, first impressions mean a lot, but i feel like people saw this and completely missed the entirety of chapter 2 where he quickly warms up to gin afterward & even apologizes to sara for all she's had to deal with, despite it not being his fault, and expressing that he wishes there was something he could do even irt miley... he cares so much abt the kids within the group, even if it takes a lot of courage to support strangers when he knows he has other kids waiting at home for him... he still tries his damnedest, you know? i feel like there's something about that you have to respect. even when he's attempting to leave, you visibly see how conflicted he is about it & it's why sara can pick up on it so early, because he doesn't want to do this, it just feels like the only option... which. well. there's something to say about how gin's the one who's freely handing out tokens and yet q-taro goes to someone like sara first. someone who's been steadily pushed into the figurehead of the group, who is clearly strategic... versus someone who resembles the people q-taro's trying to get back to. hmmm. i sure wonder what the implications are here. (& i have a post for you. that you might enjoy... i've been meaning to write it for a while but i forget. but the idea is there.)

but. yeah... they didn't give him much room to grow in their mind after this point, which is so disappointing & definitely created a very toxic space. beyond that, it played into general southern stereotypes of him being the only homophobic/transphobic one, which i honestly often find treatment of to be in poor taste (it can be used well in stories, but you shouldn't just. throw bigotry on characters simply because you hate them...) -- but also just. blatantly untrue?

even just. everything about his treatment of people in general being so understanding once you explain something to him, or his desire to be a good person worthy of looking up to (which is why it doubly wrecks him when he sees himself become disabled/suicidal in the hospital, because he's become such a rotten person and he feels it and it's a terrible, terrible cycle) for the orphanage kids & to prove something to the parents who abandoned him that he's still worthy of being loved too... he believes in equivalent exchange in social dynamics, only ever giving out what you can take, just... in what world would he be so insensitive?

and this isn't even bringing up the fact that he has slightly longer than shoulder-length hair + nonetheless treats kai/mishima with a lot of respect and care even with them both generally being considered (physically, as well as in their demeanor) strange. combined with the fact that he relates to kai on the basis of being "lonely" rather than "loved" for what's unchangeable about them... there's so much there to read into. not just with autism or ptsd, but. gestures. transgenderism, being mixed, so on. things that sara had people to help support her with prior to the death game, or that she lacked altogether (if she's fully japanese)

but i digress! i'm glad that ch3-1 skirted some hatred toward him, but i definitely agree -- he's such a well-rounded characters even prior to that & it deserved to be acknowledged...!!

[robinrequiems]

ok ig cashier damian is my latest hyper fixiation, so let’s add

• Ight so, on fridays, jon cannot come in all the time, very rarely can he. and when he does. he sees a very cute sleepy damian who also wants to punch him:)

• damian is just a mess. he didn’t have time to fix his appearance because as soon as he got out of school, he had to change in a shitty unsanitary grocery store bathroom.

• it was not fucking fun. it never is. damian is so over it. jon normally sees Damian working on homework quickly before putting it away when Jon or other customers show

• damian cannot be asked to look like a normal human being when he just finished 7 sad hours of school in ANOTHER shitty uniform. he hates uniforms

Jon: you look like you’re gonna fall asleep

Damian: ugh, look who it is, the good boy from metropolis who doesn’t look like a creep at all when he comes here just to talk to me. woo hoo!

Jon: nice to see you too

• jon normally sucked on lollipops when he didn’t want to chew on gum, plus sometimes he chews on gum really aggressively and it hurts his jaw

• but let’s talk abt jonny: star athlete ( I’m a simp for athletes jon, please kill me. he’s a basketball player in this though. he got the height for it anyway ), himbo-vibes, and overall sweetheart.

• at least that’s what everyone else thinks. his life is a cycle. A very miserable cycle. It’s honestly tiring and hurts his head and generally takes his mood down

• but then he drove to bludhaven in his new car and brand new license. and he saw him.

• sure he’s seen moody teenagers working at stores before, but this boy; Damian, by his name tag, was different. He SENSED IT

• jon found that he liked different

• damian.. just didn’t easily talk with Jon like so many did at home. he liked a challenge

• and Damian was his challenge

• so he wasted so much gas and time and money to visit him.

• he was so whipped

• he was attracted to him. just the way he did things. like goddamn. ok.

• then his friends and him took a trip there. it was Saturday, they were gonna leave on Sunday. it was for Kathy’s birthday. He had no idea why she wanted to go here.

• oh. yeah. The idiots taken in for underaged drinking. Jon didn’t drink. ( he was a good boy and designated driver ) so he was just there trying to get the officers to let his friends off the hook

Damian: oh look, guess the good boy isn’t really a good boy.

Jon: Damian—? No! I’m here to get my friends out!

Damian: figures, you’re too innocent to do bad things.

Jon: what did you do then?

Damian: well wouldnt my you like to know

Dick: Damian! There you are! Sorry, I was calling up some parents- who is this?

Damian: Good boy.

Dick: ah.

Jon: Jon Kent.. nice to meet you

Dick: wait. As in Clark Kent?

Jon: yeah? that’s my dad

Dick: aw your dad used to babysit me

Damian: can we go now

Dick: hush Damian, I’m feeling nostalgic

• so Damian learned jons name. And jon got to see Damian in regular clothes, so that was cool

• he also got in trouble and couldn’t see Damian for a month because his parents were upset about what happened.. understandable, but jon was still upset

Tai: soo, that was him?:)

Jon: shut up

• tai accidentally found out about cashier boy, it was very funny for tai. not Jon. he teased jon for being whipped.

• sure jon liked damian for his looks at first. then he liked him for him.

Jon: dad, some guy named dick said hi

Clark: jon it isn’t— wait-

Jon: he said you babysat him

Clark: really? You saw him, how did he look? I haven’t seen him since he was a kid!

Jon: um. good?

Clark: where did you see him?

Jon: ..the police place

• his parents put a tracker on jons phone. now they were so confused why their son kept going to Giant Beagle in bludhaven. it was. weird.

• they just- was he meeting someone?? why was he doing this? WAS HE GETTING DRUGS? wait. no. it’s jon. jon couldn’t even stand the smell of cigarettes

Lois: jon.. honey.

Jon: yeah?

Lois: why do you keep driving to bludhaven? I’m worried about you and want to make sure you aren’t doing anything.. bad. Or dangerous.

• granted, it was very dangerous going out there, but he liked it. he liked the thrill of when he got to walk damian back sometimes! HE WAS GETTING CLOSER TO DAMIAN!

• oh also. it turns out damian gave him a fake number

• rude.

• damian always warned him though. and tried to make jon not walk far. jon was.. jon was a good boy. he would never survive in bludhaven frequently, jt worried humored damian.

• sometimes jon came by during the day. Damian’s Sunday shift was in the evening while his Saturday one was in the morning. jon got to go get lunch with him sometimes if Damian felt like there were enough people around that would know if he got kidnapped or not

Damian: why do you bother talking to me? most get bored of me and my attitude.

Jon: I find it charming. you’re fun to talk to. you feel so real. almost everyone in my life feels artificial and like I’m living in a disney Chanel movie.

Damian: *he laughed* oh?

Jon, loving Damians laugh rn: yeah! it’s like they’re.. androids or somethin’.

Damian: why don’t you just find someone snarky from metropolis?

Jon: it wouldn’t be as fun then.

Jon: i like a challenge.

• getting to know damian was like trying to beat the hardest level in his game. it was mind blowing how many times he basically had to restart. Damian was also like a Rubix cube, but jon will get there. He already has 1 side done on it.

Jon: so you live with your brother?

Damian: yes.

Jon: nice

• jon didn’t pry. Damian and dick had became forgotten after bruces death, a lot of the kids did. they just all disappeared from the media like ghosts.

• so jon didn’t know that dick wasn’t his blood relative, or that Damian was Bruce’s child. no one really did

• it wasn’t like it mattered though anyways

Damian: basketball is lame.

Jon: have you ever played?

Damian: yes. it sucked ass

• jon has helped Damian restocked late at night sometimes. Damian doesn’t like him touching things, but the faster he does it, faster he can go home to get his pets, alfred, and his idiot brother

Damian: you waste a lot of gas coming to see me.

Jon: it’s worth it.

• jon had to get a job. boo. he worked on days he didn’t have practice and sadly, on sundays.

• he was a worker at a small cafe, he was just a waiter there

• and then one day, on a Sunday, Damian came in with a few people. WAIT DAMIAN CAME IN

Jon: DAMIAN

Damian, clearly startled: what the fuck, jon!

Jon: why’re you here! how long are you staying! ARE TOU REALLY HERE!

Maya: is this who you were talking about?

Damian: shut up.. but calm down, idiot.

Damian: .. you got a haircut.

Jon: you- you noticed? sorry I couldn’t come this week. was busy this week and needed to catch up on sleep.

Damian:’it’s fine. I guess I really should give you my number now.

Colin: that was smooth

Jon: really?

Damian: mhm. after you seat us, dumbass.

Jon: oh right

• and Damian did give jon his number

• a real one dw

Maps: he was cute.. he single?

Maya: he wouldn’t be single if Damian just manned up

Colin: they practically just stared at each other the whole time when they thought the other wasn’t looking

Damian: wait he was looking at me?

Maya: oh damians so whipped.

• oh how the cashier is falling for the waiter

• sounds like a hallmark film.

• next week jon did end up visiting him in ‘haven, and drove him home.

• damians feet were hurting and he was tired so he didn’t even bother to argue.

• jon couldn’t come to visit his favorite cashier during winters a lot, he may of liked his new “dangerous” life, but he heard how bad the roses could get from Damian

• damian was a bit sad and moody because of that. but shut up. you don’t know anything dick

Dick: you know.. you should invite him inside

Damian: so you can embarrass me? no thank you.

Dick: me? embarrass you? never. but come on, you have never shown interested in anyone before! I wanna meet him!

Damian: you already did. At the police station. you forget or something?

Dick: .. that wasn’t really the best first meeting. come on. please?

Damian: no.

[elvesofnoldor]

like as much as i love playing bi//oshock i//nfinite, parts of the game really make me feel like the game is created just so the creators can draw anti-asian and anti-black racist art within the fictional white supremacist universe and have its white NPCs say racist things such as calling black people as the N word and calling asian people as orientals on the background without having people to call the game racist lol

in all honesty, the anti-captalism critique the original bio//shock series seems to be making sounds way more well-rounded than bio//shock inf//inite’s half ass and extremely flawed critique on white supremacism and racism in America 

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 3- “Y'all wanted magic within and we delivered- case closed”-Autumn

Another super fun challenge! I want to shout out to the hosts for just doing a great job so far. This is making this quarantine just a little less terrible. So happy we have immunity and getting our first reward is so exciting! I’ve been trying my best to connect with members outside of my tribe in the great hall chat and get close with my tribe mates. For the most part I really trust all of them. And that’s horribly scary. I really love being on hufflepuff. But I have a feeling a swap is gonna happen. Kevin told me he thinks it’s going to be 2 tribes of 8. We will see. GL to slytherin and ravenclaw! 

HOES MAD 

https://giphy.com/gifs/lifeminute-birthday-rihanna-3fihINg62RNynS9cbY 

I'm so dead and drained rn but I look forward to reading this round and seeing how heated people are over this. And this will definitely follow me the entire game but you know what I'm glad. Don't let the 16 month hiatus fool you: when I show up I show out. Everything is mind over matter in a way and y'all caught me on a good day so I was just like fuck it I'll do this all day if I have to. So I walked into that challenge at 11:30 am and deadass my phone never left my side... for 9 1/2 hours. Also y'all know I'm at my best when I'm an underdog? So of course I went all out, please tell me you didn't expect anything less. And can I just say Gryffindor legitimately and collectively earned that because everyone participated and put points up. So yes I am that girl but I do it for the squad because I know they'll do it for me. BIG ups though to Vi and Jess- I don't care what their alliances were before today they better have each other's backs and I'll riot if they don't both survive. Literally do the right thing and send a man home. And the same goes for Ravenclaw! I wanna know what's going on over there and I'm not picky but send a man or inactive home if you can. Let it be known that I literally came into this game to raise hell for Dan and Owen lmaaaaooo. I mean I don't want them to go (yet) because that's not what good frenemies do and where's the fun in that. We make each other's arcs better and if we're cast, there will be a fight to the death sooner or later. But until then! Yes I am absolutely living for them sweating it out for a full round. Can y'all believe it? They finally lost at something God is so good. Would've loved to make Hufflepuff sweat too but hey. There's always next round

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/UnsungOblongBlesbok-max-1mb.gif

14 minutes later

Also I just wanna say that 6:00 hour was chef's kiss. In my entire org career, I have never been on a tribe that pulled off a shutout like that and that was ICONIC. Hoes mad but did your entire tribe come together and get a streak of points nonstop for upwards of an hour?? No ma'am you did not. I kept us alive all day but that hour was THE hour that took Gryffindor from 4th to 2nd and that's how you win immunity. Y'all wanted magic within and we delivered- case closed

I don't trust Nick at all. I know in the back of his mind he's thinking i'm gonna play like our previous game which I wasn't exactly loyal to him because I was loyal to some bitch ass alliance that ended up... ANYWAYS. So he seems like the type of player to keep that into consideration because he happened recently and he's sort of a newer player. So I have to be mindful of this all and as much as i'm STRESSING the fact that obviously there were external factors in that game.. that won't impact this game kind of a deal. I know this all could just be my paranoid little brain and thinking that he's out to get me when he's not.. but I haven't played any back to back games in FOREVER and when something THAT FRESH happens.. it's hard for me to not have the after thought of: Wow Nick must think i'm an loyal person who won't tell him my real thoughts. 

 But Nick gonna be a scary player down the line. He's already in my pm's bragging about how him, Landen, and I think his name is Matt? idk one of the "Weebz" (still don't know what that means) and how he will have those potential relationships moving forward.. I just... don't.... understand..... him. ANYWAYS

 The thing is... I think? I can trust Jacob fully. I think this vote SHOULD BE EASY.. but I can't help but feel really fucking bad. Like terrible. Like extremely heart broken about voting out VI. She's put her all into everything and honestly I would be so mad if i've given my all and these two dweebz didn't even show up to the comp. I know she's gonna be upset and I hate knowing that. So i'm TRYING to take emotions out of this decision and make this all strategical and within the game environment because if I was voting with my HEART i'd keep her. BUT then I have that voice in the back of my head that is saying "But if you save Vi.... she'll be loyal to you!" BUT ALSO... I know from HOSTING VI... is that Vi is only loyal to... the fun she has. If she gets bored she fucks around. She's a crackhead. But I obviously can't VOICE THIS TO ANYONE because they could flip this and reverse this on ME. 

I'm scared that if I cast any form of doubt about the vote to Jacob he will relay the message to Nick and well I become more threatening than Vi at this point because I pointed the gun at him... SO I was fucking around with the idea of... using my idol on myself, causing a 2 to 2 tie.. and well.. unless Jacob wants to go to rocks by himself... and basically get voted out.. Mr. Nick goes. But it's LITERALLY FINAL 18............ If this was final 11, sure i'd do this in a heart beat... but this is such a bad bitch move i'm scared people will see I got something on my resumé already. They'll see I went against an alliance for VI. It's just so risky.. but I told myself i'd have FUN in this game.. I just don't want to make a move purely on a past game or purely on emotion. I want to be making moves that move me forward in the game..

I LOVE JOANNA!!! THIS IS A JOANNA APPRECIATION POST!!!!!! and dan has the idol. 

Unsurprisingly, we lost the challenge. I worked my lil booty off as best as I could (I did give up but that is beside the point at this current moment) and I have been friendly, fricking nice as all hell, and then Miguel wants to vote me out. And honey... I think that sealed your fate. I am working on being a little more ruthless I guess because I really want to win this game, so if you come for me, you bet I'm coming for you. I've always made jury and I don't think that this is the season I'm getting stuck with pre-jury. Miguel is the only relationship I don't feel confident in so... bye sis. 

The immunity challenge was a hard-fought battle, but we managed to pull out a win near the end. It was the most stressful time of my life. Honestly, I felt that if we lost then I would get voted out next. Thankfully, that did not happen. However, this is a huge wake up call for me to get my ass into gear and start being more social with my tribe. Otherwise, I might find myself in the bottom and that is not a position I want to be in.

AHHHH so my tribe won immunity and reward and things are great!  Someone mentioned yesterday (Kevin?? Maybe) that this means we are the last tribe to have to see tribal council and that is a GREAT THING!  I really wonder who is going to go home- I just hope it isn't Owen.  I also really hope he still wants to work with me if we end up on a tribe together. In other news, I'm curious to see if a swap is about to happen.  With a double tribal happening tonight it seems as though it would be a big maybe! Also I'm still irritated that my glee shirt didn't count as a band tee, when everyone asks what kind of music I like the first thing I always say is 'anything by the cast of glee' xD I don't feel like I was much help in the challenge but I was there and got points for wine and sequins if that means anything. 

doing this ON TIME.. anyways chile. WOO WE DID IT! finally not coming in last hehe. god the amount of i was just frantically running around my house.. well thank god my family didn’t question it for the most part hehe. overall this challenge was super duper fun and i’m HOPING we can continue to win some because the stress of my tribe wanting to go against me.. yea it’s there. hopefully my paranoia is just that and i have nothing to worry abt ✨

Hey all you cool cats and kittens! It’s Dan, not Carole Baskin, but with the same crackhead energy. So Miss Miguel should be leaving tonight! It’s not anything personal at all. He’s a really sweet guy, but he’s just not around. I work mad hours a week and still make time for this stuff. Joanna is worried because she knows her name is going around so as long as she doesn’t try to pull something, everything is good. I think the chances of that happening are slim to none honestly. I feel like had I been able to compete in the comp I could have helped way more than others. I have a ton of random shit in my apartment that was asked for!!! I was a little shady toward Jacob in the Great Hall chat so lettuce pray that he doesn’t act like a petty fool if we swap together. I am kinda anticipating a swap after this tribal but we’ll see!!! 

we won immunity and nothing has changed on my tribe for me since my last confessional woo consistency yay c:

im sad. we have to vote out vi which is so sad. i love her shes so sweet but i have suhc a tight bond with jess and nick that like there isnt another option. but ugh someone hold my hand

Darn, we were so close to winning, yet so far. Always remember, the unintentional matsing is just as mighty as the intentional, so 3 of us making swap or merge is much more advantageous than a unit of 4. I love my tribe, I do, and I genuinely feel I may be in danger! I trust Jess and Jacob though (JJJ: Jess, Jacob, Jay), so I’m hoping for another unanimous decision. (I will probably be asleep at tribal since I have 1 hour of sleep today)

So out tribe basically gave everything they could in a 12 hour challenge of Hell. I tried especially hard thinking I would be voted out if we lost because no one really talks "game" with me. I know that side seasons are 'Survivor Lite' but typically people at least talk game. I know I wasnt the target from last vote because everyone assured me they want to work with me and Josh said to vote him out in the tribe chat. Apparently though Josh wanted to do a blindside and reached out to Autumn to let her know asking me if he had asked me. So honestly Autumn is the truest! The other two notnvoting me inlobe seeing but if Josh talked to them then... hm Anyway I cant play a perfect game anymore :( Also I have officially dug through all of Hagrids things and he has no idol for me. I thought he might have something in could take and use somewhere else since he is a keeper of keys. But naw.

Guess who lost by two points!! Fricking Nicholas and Jacob leaving us for 7 hours. Then nick only showed up for the last 3ish but he didn’t even submit anything. Wth? We’re gonna try to kick him out.

i love my tribe so much we keep having more and more fun each time :D i definitely think after max's april fools prank i'm even more inclined to want to vote him if we lose, but i'm also grateful he's not really gone because mayhaps a weeb alliance in the future is possible.... !!! i also always utilize the great hall segments to make myself known and thought about even if people also think i'm a bit annoying, idc, the main thing is they remember me and when we meet on a swap or something i am one of the first they choose to talk to! it is always an important strategy of mine, people don't realize that in big games, one of the most crucial things you can do is leave a big first impression on people on the other tribes, you have the lucky opportunity to get some spaces where you meet them in ORGs unlike in the real world - USE it to let them form an idea of you in their head and decide they like you before they even meet you, it's a weird phenomena but i've found it's one of my most consistent strategies, when i actually decide to employ it (flashback to me being so lazy in 2020 i barely even used one world.. eep) hufflepuff is cute and we WILL be continuing to make marshmallow moves, until i get to make my own independent marshmallow moves to win

Soooo we finally lost a challenge kfjahsdj time to put this alliance to the test! The answer seemed pretty clear to me though - everyone kinda just wants to do Miguel. I feel bad, because I do think these competitions have NOT played to his strengths at all and I know he can be a great competitor. And I really wanted to get to know him again this time around. For a second, Dan and I considered saving him as a loyal number... but I just can't do that to Joanna, who has rlly busted her ass lately. So tonight it's a harder choice than it seems, but ultimately, I'm going with Miguel, and I told him that. I really wish he would've put more effort into our conversations before he was in trouble lmao. Also, DAN FOUND THE IDOL HEHEHEEH so that's great :) Glad to know he trusted me enough to tell me about it! I think he's probably going to be pretty loyal this time to me? And I feel like I have to give that same courtesy back to him. Someone will probably take one of us out eventually. I rlllly do not want to stress. If for some reason they blindside me tonight or Miguel has another idol or something, it has been fun <3

[flyingcatstiel]

Hey I'm the anon who used the phrase "positive about cas's death" and uh, I probably should've explained better. I've been a fan approx. two years, I am not very good at analysis, and I don't claim to be reasonable about where the character arcs will actually go. I am positive about cas's death because I see that it is an opportunity (not saying they will take it!!!) for cas to confront himself and maybe, maybe really figureout where he belongs and who he is, truly. Outside of influences

Same anon pt 2) also, your response was a bit hurtful to me because I am over sensitive! My own issues make me feel very insecure when people, especially people who like the same things I do with the same amount of passion, have wildly contrasting opinions. It was unfair for me to pin that on you. This is stupid, it just honestly felt like I couldn’t love cas ~enough~ if I didn’t feel the same way about what his death will mean.

(Same anon pt 3) forgive me if this is annoying, asking three questions in a row lmao. I just want to clarify that I am also sad and mad about cas’s death and I’m not trying to suggest that you shouldn’t express that. This is your space to speak your feelings abt spn just as much as it is mine. However, it’s frustrating to see this kind of conflict, especially when it deals with how much somebody loves a character Bc that often isn’t the most straightforward thing to tell abt someone. Thanks

Thank you for coming back! 

Well, see, we are looking at Cas’ death from different angles. Now, after 12x23, I agree with you that (hopefully) Cas death will bring some positive changes to him as a character and won’t be used solely for the purpose of keeping Cas away from the main plot.(Lol, new spoilers came out today) This is how we reason after the fact and when we know that Cas is coming back. 

But we have been here before, you know? He had died already 4 times. Cas was mind controlled (s8), human (s9), seriously sick (s10), depressed (s11), suicidal (S12). Every single time Cas’ fans hoped to get some kind of resolution to his issues, and all we got was 12x23. When I say that I’m not positive about Cas death, I mean it was not necessary for him to achieve some change. I look at everything that happened to him before and don’t trust the show to do better this time. And talking about the opportunity for Cas to confront himself - it could have been done in any other way? Without killing Cas and plunging his fans in 5 month of sadness and possibly more Cas less episodes of s13. 

Imagine if after 12x12 when Cas almost died there’s an episode with Cas in the bunker, the Winchesters being nice to him. Then, one day, suddenly there’s a some magic thingy and the Winchesters are frozen in time - Dean while watching porn, Sam Skyping to Eileen, Mary with a cup of coffee and typing report to BMOL. Only Cas can move around, so he switches of Dean’s porn to save him money, tries to calm down Eileen, reads Mary’s report to BMOL. Then Cas confronts whatever magic there’s was, gets help from Eileen (more ASL on the show!). During this case Cas is alone, and scared, and confronting his deepest fears. Maybe he is offered something that is hard to refuse. Maybe he’s showed a future that looks terrible. All I’m saying is, IF the show wanted to explore Cas’ state of mind, it could be done in many ways without killing him. Instead, it seams that we will be getting some scenes of Cas in other realm while Dean makes PB&J for Jack. 

As a fan, I’m allowed to criticize the show even when there are fans who think that everything is great. SPN is originally scripted show, they’re not bound by a book like Game of Throne or say True Blood. And even in those cases, if the show hit jackpot with perfect actor for the role, they kept the character instead of killing him like in the book (Lafayette in True Blood). So, when TPTB say that their original character Cas is great but too powerful to be involved in more eps, they’re lying liars who lie. Cas has been human, sick, seriously damaged and he was kept away from the main story every time. The show writers have full control over Cas’ power levels and it is up to them to keep him in the story or to chuck him away. This is why I think Cas’ death happened for the convenience of the show and not Cas’ personal story. 

Speaking about being positive about Cas death. I think the divide is among fans who have been in fandom longer and have their hopes crushed every season, and more recent fans like you, who still have hope that Cas will be treated right by the show. And you know what? You may be right! If the show ends soon, they may give Cas something nice. Maybe a friend in other realm?

Anon, I understand that you’re over sensitive! So am I, and many other fans. The best cure is to keep talking to each other. And I absolutely understand what you mean by wishing that all people who love Cas could also have the same opinions about him. I was in your shoes when I was new to fandom! I thought that all destiel shippers want the same because we agreed on so many things. With time, I’ve came to realize that that is not the case. It’s a learning curve, my dear anon. Every year, with each new season I found out that some of my favorite blogs didn’t react to major Cas’ scenes the same way I do. It always hurt. Every time I felt that I went deeper and deeper into a bitter Cas girl territory. And even here, a lot of Cas’ fans have wildly different opinions about Cas as a character! Even now, my closest friends and bitter Cas fans just like me can have wildly different opinions about angel Cas vs human Cas, bamf Cas or softer Cas, top or bottom Cas. The key here is to respect your friends and not talk to them about issues you disagree with. 

Our love of Cas does not depend on agreeing on everything. 

/I reblogged Cas’ death positive meta just before this post, check it out!/

[4ourleafclover]

Processing

{🍀} Clover was pacing back and forth in her room, unable to sit still. She’d been pacing for a good hour now, but nothing of importance was coming to her mind.

“Dammit… what should I do?”

She needed someone to talk to about Phi, and about herself- but who was there to trust? Oh, she had acquaintances, but she wasn’t really how many people she could consider that close- and there wasn’t anyone she could think of that she knew she’d be able to trust with these secrets.

Well, there was one, but Junpei wasn’t an option… or wait, was he?

Clover picked up her phone and stared at the screen for a while, before finally forcing herself to select him as a contact and start messaging.

TO: Junpei

[SENT: 11:23]: hey junpei we need to talk where r u [SENT: 11:54]: junpei pls rspond this is important [SENT: 12:36]: its abt phi just pls rspond already

She was checking her phone, and she could see the little ‘read’ checkmarks beside every message. They both knew he was ignoring her- but that last one seemed to finally get his attention.

[…]

The little dots stayed on screen for at least a minute, as she presumed Junpei was trying to figure out what to say.

[INCOMING: 12:41] …meet me at the corner pub in sector 006 in a half hour.

[SENT: 12:42]: junpei im in 4 itll prolly take me n hour just to get ther

[INCOMING: 12:43] whatever, just show up when you get there.

The dismissive tone didn’t bother her in the least- she was honestly just glad he’d responded at all. She quickly threw all her important stuff into her bag and ran out the door, moving as quickly as possible so she could catch the soonest train. Overall it took about an hour and twenty minutes before she finally arrived at the right place, but when she did, she saw him- Junpei was actually there.

“…do you mind if we don’t sit at the bar, Junpei? This is… kinda personal.”

He only shrugged and picked up his drinks, moving to an open booth. Once they’d taken a seat, he pushed one of the glasses he’d grabbed over to her- before Clover could even say anything, he spoke up.

“It’s non-alcoholic, don’t worry. I just figured you’d like this fruity shit.”

“O-oh… right, thanks.”

It was still hard to understand that the Junpei here in front of here wasn’t the same Junpei she remembered, but she had to face that fact. Besides, even if his memories were different, he was still Junpei- he was still the person that she trusted, the one who’d saved her life.

“So? I’m guessing you didn’t just text me out of the blue because you wanted to drink, so what is it?”

“W-well, it’s just… I wanted someone to talk to, and you’re the only person I think I can trust with this.”

“You couldn’t just talk to Phi? You did say this was about her.”

“No!” It was clear that he hadn’t expected the force behind her words, because his eyes widened a little bit in shock. Not much, but just enough that Clover saw it. “I-I mean… it’s just that…”

Clover put her head in her hands, and leant forwards over the table. This was all a big mess, wasn’t it?

“I… I’m really scared. I’m scared because I love her, and I know that I love her… but she doesn’t love me back. And I know that she’s trying to make me feel better, even if it hurts her in the end, and just… I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I have no idea anymore.”

“Wow… sounds like you’re in a real mess.”

“Junpei-“

“I’m kidding, sheesh.” He sighed and looked to the side, but Clover saw the sadness in them. It was clear as day. “So, basically… you want to know if you should push her away for her own sake, and hurt yourself in the process; or if you should let yourself get close, but risk damaging your relationship beyond repair when she realizes she can’t go through with this anymore.”

“That’s the simplest way of putting it, yeah…”

“…fuck, man, I don’t know.” There was something about the way he said it- it wasn’t patronizing or cruel, it was just an earnest expression of how he felt. “I mean, I can’t just tell you to go break your own heart, but I’m not gonna let you mess around with Phi either.”

She sighed. Some help he was being… no, that was unfair of her. She’d spent the entire night trying to figure out what to do, so how could Junpei just hear the problem once, then know? She was probably asking far too much…

“Can’t you at least give me some idea of what to do? I can’t.. I don’t know if I can trust my own judgement anymore.”

“And you think I’ve got better judgement? It’s hardly two o’clock and I’ve already finished my first beer.”

“That’s…”

“Look, Clover. You’re not an idiot. You were the first one to figure out that Hongou was a killer, and you were the first one to open the safe. If it wasn’t for you, I never would’ve realized for myself- in my timeline, or in yours. Just have a bit of faith in yourself.”

“J-Junpei…”

He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly, and his expression made it look like he wanted to be anywhere but here at the moment. For Clover, though, it was important. She knew about Junpei’s timeline, to a small degree- but all she’d really known was that she’d been killed by Hongou, and that there had been a good deal of death afterwards as well.

Had it really been her to thank for getting everyone out, though? No, Junpei was probably just reaching, trying to console her- before she could even say anything, he’d spoken up to cut her off.

“You had a note in your hand. ‘Truth had gone, truth had gone, and truth had gone. Ah, now truth is asleep in the darkness of the sinister hand.’. You were the first one to put it together- the sinister hand was the left hand, ‘truth’ meant for something to be ‘right’, and ‘gone’ meant that someone had ‘left’. When you input ‘right-left-right-left-right-left’ into the bracelet, it showed a sequence of numbers- those were what opened the safe, and those were what got Light out of the coffin. If you hadn’t opened the safe first, if you hadn’t held onto that note, then I never would’ve been able to figure it out. I… I let you die, but still… if it wasn’t for you, I would’ve died too. So thanks.”

There was the faintest hint of an embarrassed blush on Junpei’s face, but Clover couldn’t see it- she’d started to tear up while Junpei was talking, sniffling and wiping her eyes in an effort to keep from crying too hard.

“Sh-shit, uh… are you ok? Fuck, I didn’t mean to make you cry-“

“Thanks, Junpei.”

“Huh?”

When Clover raised her head, there was a bright smile on her face- tears continued to fall, but she started to chuckle a bit in spite of herself.

“You’re really not that different at all, you know that? The other Junpei… he helped me too. You’re a good person, Junpei.”

“W-well, um… that’s just a matter of perspective.”

Seeing him fumble so desperately to say that he wasn’t was both cute and sad- but Clover wasn’t going to dwell.

“Well, my perspective is that you’re really trying- someone who tries that hard can’t possibly be a bad person, right?”

It was Clover who was speaking, but her words made her realize something. Phi… she’d been really trying for her. Even if it wasn’t necessarily healthy, she’d still been trying- she’d wanted to help Clover, and that had to count for something. She still didn’t think she could outright accept her offer; but to ignore what she’d been trying to do felt like she was ignoring the effort Phi had been making. She had difficulty trusting, she’d had the worst possible outcome for her last relationship- but she’d still been willing to reach out for Clover.

That meant something, right?

“Junpei… I think I have an idea. I’m not sure if it’s a good one, but it’s still an idea.”

“Oh yeah? What is it, then?”

“What, you think I’m gonna spill everything, just because I asked you for help?”

He gave her a blank stare for a moment, and then started chucking a bit himself.

“I guess not, huh? You girls, always with your secrets.”

“A mystery is what makes a woman a woman, after all!”

“Not sure if woman is the word I’d use for you… aren’t you still, like, 17 or something?”

“Hey, I’m 19, thank you very much.”

“Wh-what? Are you serious?”

“Yep.”

“Jeez…”

The mood between them had been thoroughly lightened, and Clover’s tears had finally stopped again. It was so weird, she hadn’t joked around with Junpei since the nonary game- and even if he wasn’t the same Junpei, he really did act the same. Memories would change a lot, but they couldn’t change everything.

The two of them stayed there until Clover finished up her drink, not really talking much and instead just enjoying each other’s company. Junpei was visibly uncomfortable whenever she got too close, so she made sure to give him his personal space bubble- she was just glad he was talking to her. It was one thing to be alone, to not know anyone from before- but in many ways, it was a lot worse to show up and find out that one of your friends couldn’t stand being around you.

She finished up and pulled out her phone for a second to check something, then smiled and turned the screen to Junpei, showing the page for a particular establishment she was fond of.

“We should meet up and do karaoke, sometime. We can bring Phi too- it’d be a blast!”

“Oh, uh… I can’t sing.”

“Junpei, if you think that karaoke is a matter of your ability to sing, then you are grossly mistaken. It’s a matter of getting drunk with your friends and singing to cheesy pop songs!”

“Are any of your friends even legal?”

“You’d think that a detective would understand the workings of a fake ID.”

“Touché.”

“So, whaddya say?”

“I.. uh… I’ll think about it.”

In the end, that was all Clover could really ask for, so she was happy with that answer. She said a quick goodbye and started to head for home- it would be a pretty long train ride, considering the irritating way the trains were run, but she’d deal. It would give her more time to think of just how she wanted to word things, after all.

This time, she’d plan better, she’d prepare (hell, she’d write it down on cards if she really needed to)- and then this time, things would go a bit better. She was certain that there could be a happy ending for both her and Phi, it might just take a bit of work to get it figured out.

Well, if she’d figured out that safe, then who’s to say she couldn’t figure this out? Interpersonal relationships were nothing compared to two death games, and she’d done pretty good at helping with puzzles- she could do this!

Clover spent the entirety of the train ride back home just contentedly planning, trying to think of what to say. She could do this.

For the both of them, she could do this.