#the fucking scene and you can just see the grief in emily’s eyes

[sweetreveriee]

Just thinking about how for Luke’s parents every parents worst fear came true. Their son ran away, they haven’t had contact in months, don’t even know if he’s alive or where he is, and then one night they turn on the news and there he is, but it’s not because he’s a star. No. He is dead.

The last words that Luke and his mom said to each other were in anger. And we know that Luke’s dad wasn’t even home when he ran away as we can see him just pulling up in the driveway when Emily runs out.

Luke’s last interaction with his mom is him saying he never wants to see her again, but then up until his last days he regrets saying that and keeps looking for ways to reconnect.

But he never got to, because he died. And how did his parents find out? A news channel.

[zalrb]

PLL 2x01 Review - As Per Anon Request (this has been in my drafts for forever)

I have never before seen so many people in this damn town.

Emily's constantly-trying-to-cry lookin ass.

I love how none of them are acting like Spencer was nearly murdered.

Like, her brother-in-law nearly killed her and she can just have a sleepover? Her parents don't want her with them? Melissa is in the hospital. Like, that family is going through a trauma. WHAT?

"A is not Jenna." "Are you sure?" "A sees everything, Hanna." Spencer's tired delivery is hilarious because she's basically just being like she is BLIND, Hanna.

Emily making sense. "We should tell someone about her, him, it. What's the worse that can happen?" Because really. One of you was hit by the car and the other was nearly murdered by her brother-in-law.

We have SO much to lose. I mean do you, Aria?? HANNA WAS HIT BY A CAR AND SPENCER WAS NEARLY STRANGLED.

I asked for the parents and the parents are just there like idk, maybe Ian tried to kill you, maybe he didn't, but you know the optics are pretty bad so go to a grief counsellor. LOL OK.

It's just sending me that they're looking their kids in the face being like I mean, who knows if Ian tried to kill you.

"There's a REASON why you haven't heard from Ian. It's because he's dead." "Dead men don't just get up and walk away." "We TOLD you someone moved him!" "Who would do that? And why?" Spencer's mom's delivery is hilarious because she's like, listen to yourselves, which fine, but really, why isn't Ian around then, parental figures?

Who is Jason.

Christmas is back!

He wasn't even expelled? He was just suspended? How long was this suspension?

LOL. Mona is terrible but she is a real one, she is a ride or die friend. And Hanna is an awful friend to her.

The camera cutting to the girl gossiping about Hanna walking away so we can see her in the skinny jeans when Mona says look at her bony ass in those jeans is actually diabolical.

Ezra and his psycho killer eyes.

Asking a sixteen year old girl "are we over" at your big age is insane.

Does Toby not have a phone? Text him.

"WHERE IS HE?" Bro, he's dead.

Emily's additions to conversations are 85-90% unnecessary.

LOL they are MINORS, their faces wouldn't be on the front page paper.

Also how are they only seeing the paper now? It's the end of the day.

Also they really need to stop making them say A's messages in unison, besides it being corny af, they never get it quite in unison.

It would be more of a reveal if they didn't show Caleb getting out of the car with Luke. But whatever.

Hanna and Caleb are Forwood-coded.

You're not allowed to look at me like that. And this is the face

But I get it though because I see him trying to do The Stare. It's just ... they don't actually have chemistry and they're not great actors so it's this.

There should be so much more tension and charge here. But alas.

STILL BETTER THAN TSITP.

See... "I love you." "I believe you. But you should probably go." *picks up his bag* that's too easy. That's basically like, "shit, alright. Let me pack up." If you're not going to have her be the one to walk away, which is how a lot of these things go

then have her at least repeat it or have her turn around, but picking up the bag immediately after is unintentionally funny.

I don't know. If my friend's ex gave me a letter to give to them I'd give it to them or at least tell them I had it, but I always found the outrage in scenes like this to be overblown.

It's hilarious how no one on this show acts like they've suffered a trauma. Melissa, you were in a car accident. Spencer, you were nearly killed. So were you Hanna. The only person who complains is fucking Aria.

Topless Ezra is funny to me. Because he's obviously not out of shape, his body is fine, I'm just saying when we got topless Stefan, it was this

and I just hate too much about Ezra and Ezria that this

is just might as well keep a shirt on.

THEY ARE SO BORING.

You. Look. Like. You. Are. Going. To. KILL. her.

You think we should tell the therapist? *conspiracy voice* But guys, what if A is the therapist??

I don't even know what a conspiracy voice is but that was my voice when I said that.

Ian's alive! Or maybe A who has supernatural powers heard you say Taylor and so said Taylor.

Un.serious. Show.

[myckicade]

Mayans M.C. - 05x04

Good grief. Let's roll around in some of this for a minute.

THE ACTUAL HELL IS EZ DOING TO THIS CLUB. Not only to the Mayans, to Santa Padre, but now he's getting the Broken Saints involved in it? Nothing good can come from this. Nothing. I swear, if we end up seeing more dead animals (fake, yes, but still deeply unsettling) because of this motherfucker... I've never watched Survivor, but isn't this grounds enough to vote him off the fucking island?!

Anyhow, to balance my bitching with a positive...

How fucking cute was Bishop's little smile, "It's early for us?" ^_^. That made me SO happy, and I don't quite know why.

I was hoping it would take longer for EZ to be identified as the rat. That could have been a fun little thing to watch for another week or two, watching Kody/Katie put things together, a bit at a time. While I realize this is all happening on a one-season deadline... Y'know. I was just hoping the pacing would be a little more exciting.

On that note, that's something else I feel that I am missing with these last few seasons is that feeling of excitement that a really excellent story offers up. It's a pacing thing, and a writing thing, so caught up in this sad little monologues from various characters, we lose out on plot.

Eh. Anyway.

GILLY. That was one of the other highlights of the episode for me. Whether or not there's actually a relationship there, at the given moment, that little moment of domesticity was just beautiful. I want that for him, which probably means that he won't get it in the end. -_-. Motherfucker. Anyhow.

I found the scene with Lobo disturbing. Not in a manner that left me wanting to hide my eyes. A dude wants to take a taste of pure, cooking-phase heroin ingredients, hey, that's just Natural Selection, right there. But, the fact that a group of his brothers stood around and watched him die? I dunno'. Something about that felt so cold and disconnected. Legalities of their activities aside, it's just the feeling that this Reign of Ezekiel is bringing with it, I guess. No real love, or loyalty, just fear, and the half-silent struggle of making it to the next day. Scarcity. This season makes me think of the Four Horsemen, that they've all somehow ridden into Santo Padre, and this is it.

I mean, sure, it is, but. Y'know.

Anyway. I'll unpack that Four Horsemen thing a bit later. It gives me an idea.

All the same, I was on Sofia's side on this one, despite the forced plot device. (Again, you'd think a full patch would fucking know better?!). Sure, there may not have been time to save the guy, and, yeah, there was the cook house to consider, amongst other things, but it had to have been pretty damned upsetting to watch no one give a fucking damn. I'm really stuck on that. It just doesn't arrange well in my head.

Postive: STEPHANIE!!!! I was very happy to see her, and that she was doing so well! Smiling! That poor girl. Seriously. I'm still crossing my fingers for her to get a Happily Ever After with Hank. <3 .

Negative: FUCK, do I miss Taza. While I'm glad that his being long gone means that I (probably) won't have to watch him die, it's just not the same without him around.

SAMDINO hit Yuma. Okay. Isaac has an interesting tactic. Makes perfect sense, but, again, it could have been presented with a bit more oomph. Every time someone gets nailed, it comes across as a, "Oh, shit... Ah, well." C'mon, now. If you're at war, be at fucking war. While the pipeline is important to their survival, so is, y'know, fucking surviving.

Sorry. People are dropping like flies around EZ, and he has tunnel vision on taking out the fucking Cartel. "Undermanned, with a half-assed plan." (Thank you, Dutch).

So, I think that that about sums up my major thoughts. Now, for some random things.

The List of Shit I No Longer Care About

Emily Galindo. That's it. I don't give a damn whether she makes it out, or doesn't. I'm just tired of seeing the inside of that fucking store, man.

The Angel/Adelita relationship. It's bound to go to shit (again), and it's not even all Angel's fault, this time!

The fucking pipeline. This one may be less about not caring, and more about not being particular on how it comes out. It will make for a better ending, I think, if they fuck it all up. But.

The entire Soledad vengeance thing. I need to re-watch a few parts, but that's where I typically tune out.

Sofia's ex? I hope that doesn't become A Thing.

Proper Fucking Grammar. This post is such a mess, and y'all, I am SO SORRY for it.

The List of Shit I Care Deeply About

I want the kids - ALL of the kids - to make it out of this okay. That includes Letty. Some real Sins of the Father shit she has going on there.

I know I already said it, but please, NO MORE DEAD ANIMALS. Thank you.

Bottles. Dude reminds me of my husband, especially when he talked about what he went through as a child. I wanted to give him a big ol' hug, just because.

ALSO. His friendship with Elio? LOVING IT!! That's about as deep a friendship as I've felt in this show, all season, and I am here for it!! P.S. I'm also pissed that they've been split up. >:(. >:C. I'm so upset, now!!!!

The Angel/Miguel scene teased for 05x05. *le sighs* I am sold-and-a-half on the Family Trauma Storyline, so this should be magical.

My work, which I should be doing right now, but hey. It's a slow day.

Catch y'all next week!

- Mycki

[toonbly]

hiiii im making a self indulgent ass post w/ all the fun little details i packed into tip the ferrymen pages up til today (excluding all the stuff thats foreshadowing for later spoilers) im gonna put it all under the cut though!!!

so hi. funny little bg details in ferrymen that i think is fun:

pg2 - Russel's grave! his last name, Marek, is named after an NPC in a really old dnd campaign my buddy jay ran for us back in high school

pg8 - there's a lot here so im just showing all of it LMAO. ambrosia bar back alley in the bg, one of eddie's murals is on the wall, eileen's missing poster is on the left, and as a lil spoiler: one of the ghosts in the background is gonna be a major character in arc 2!

pg20 - one of joey's drawings is of a younger nathan and the other is a blue cowboy, if you know what thats a nod to you know lol

pg20 - Eddie's gifts for the fortunes include a cat angel statue, white lillies (often used in funerals), and a blue candle. most of this is just supposed to be a nod towards who's leaving these gifts

pg33 - this is kinda hard to see due to the coloring (which i plan on going back and fixing at a later date) but the title of this book is "the wonderful world of elevators" which is a taz reference

pg37 - this is more a production fun fact but i made the eyes on the shadow creature in esther's portrait by just heavily editing a photo of my eye lol

pg37 - as eddie sneaks away from the vargas's, he glitches out which is meant to show that he's using his shapeshifting powers. foreshadowing!

pg45 - foreground detail so everyone noticed it but eddies just kinda chilling here when the vargas's enter andy's library

pg46 and pg81 - bim bim the bear's tears match esther's death injuries, he also copies joeys expressions throughout the first arc!

pg52 - the author of this book is mai's dad, arthur!

pg54 - eddie's "tell" when she's shapeshifted as someone else is that the scar over her eye stays no matter what. this isn't the only instance of this, but emily's disguise makes it the most obvious!

while we're at it-- eddie can mimic the blank eyes of ghosts because he knows they have blank eyes from watching paranathan, but he doesn't know what their death injuries like so they can't mimic them.

pg60 - the environments in sarah's station are made of cardboard cut outs, mimicing the kinda toy-like feeling of a giant train model

pg68- anime sparkles

pg71 - my favorite example of bimbim mimicking joey's expressions

pg74 - this is obvious i just really wanna point out nathan blushing when he sees how fucking tall eddie is

pg76 - when stumbling across the recreation of the murder scene, joey and eddie stare at the replica of the murder weapon in horror while nathan looks ahead at the portrait on the wall. nathan has seen this scene before back when it actually happened, it wouldn't be shocking to him but the museum of grief lizzie's made for herself would. eddie and joey, who have never seen the scene before, focus on the replica weapon.

pg83 - joey and esther bein BUDS

theres a few for page 84 so here we go:

one of eddie's murals is on a wall next to an ad for spectech, the mural is mocking eli

glenn and henry from a certain dnd podcast

more missing posters but theyre mega small so lol

pg86 - this is not a small detail i just really, really wanna point out nathan's cut off expression when eddie says this and how joey reacts to it being able to see what the audience cant. makes me insane

pg93 - ghost boxers. this isn't obvious but its 10x funnier if you know that its paranathan merch

pg100 - the newspaper changes to read "He's dead you're still here" when nathan starts to dissasociate

pg104 - this was a self indulgent lil thing for me but my players characters in our interstitial campaign are hidden back here!

pg114 - one of the background ghosts from pg8 is right here highlighted in red

pg117 has two things!

one of the background characters is holding a paranathan phone case

steve and alex of mc fame. this reference wasnt intentional at first but a friend pointed it out while i was coloring and i thought it was funny as hell and just ran with it

pg118 due to A Shenanagin in the tip the ferrymen discord server, corporate art style babe ruth is now a thing in this comic

pg127 - eddie seeing eli in the same room as them and just immediately deciding to leave

theres a bunch more but those are all foreshadowing for BIG spoilers later and this is mostly lil easter eggs/goofs/etc HFJSDHFKDS

[stapcs]

it had been a month since they'd buried one of their own. a whole thirty days, only thirty days. she walked past these photos every day since she'd joined the unit two years ago, but since about two weeks ago she's found herself stopping by them every day because until then there'd never been someone so close to her up there. the wall was one of honor; a way to remember those who gave their all to this line of work, but it was also a reminder of what it could take from you & christine has spent the last thirty days & nights thinking about that risk. this was the kind of job where you waded through death, one where you had to be okay with knowing that the person standing beside you today might not be there tomorrow ... she wasn't handling that well. days around here still felt ... weird. like they were all still collectively holding in a breath, watching the door & waiting for their fallen comrade to come walking through. she wonders if it was still affecting the others the way it was her, spencer & penelope she knew still had their days. she herself seemed stuck between the stages of anger & denial, manifesting in how reckless she's become as of late; she doesn't know how hotch & the other three seem to be so okay through all of this ... she hopes they know it's okay to break down every now & then. NO ONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT, christine was losing sleep because every time she closed her eyes she could see that final scene & now she was chasing ghosts. the brunette two people ahead of her at the coffee shop, the one at the gym who's laugh still echoed in her ears because for the briefest of seconds she could've sworn it sounded just like emily's.

@patentyd slid up beside her unnoticed, her thoughts consumed by the same one that had been running through her head since that night in the waiting room. his words were meant as those of encouragement. meant to be interpreted as they should pick up their grief & put it away, carrying on for her sake ━ it's what she would want, right ? clearing her throat, chris swallowed down any sadness that threatened to coat her words & she straightened her posture before glancing back at hotch.  ❛ i appreciate the attempt, sir, but i don't think i'll ever find the beauty in this. ❜ she supposes he was right in a sense, she just couldn't apply it here. there were things that happened that you could use to your advantage but sometimes there was no lesson to be learned & pain just fucking sucked. christine refused to believe there was some life lesson to be learned here because if there was a god out there she would like to think they wouldn't take people you care about away from you to teach you something else.  ❛ sometimes pain is just that ... pain. ❜

prompt: ❛ pain can be beautiful. ❜

[boldlyvoid]

the guy at the rock show

she/they reader x Spencer Reid

request for @boba-king-iroh ♥︎

summary: Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

warnings: fluff, mutual pining, getting together, love confessions, friends to lovers, idiots in love, PDA, secret relationships

word count: 5666

a/n: there will be a smutty part 2 eventually because I can't not do that

THE PLAYLIST THAT GOES WITH THEIR SETLIST IF YOU WANT TO LISTEN WHILE YOU READ

Read on Ao3 here!

Taking Garcia’s last name wasn’t something they had to think hard about, Penelope basically raised them; she was like a sister, a best friend and a mother, even a bit of a fairy godmother to Y/N.

They met when Y/N was 17, they were sitting at a support group for dead parents in D.C. Right beside the lovely, overly cheerful, always helpful, Penelope Garcia. At first, Y/N couldn’t stand her, wondering how a person like that could be running a group for mourning people, it made her sick.

It wasn’t until she heard Penelope’s story for the first time, knowing how similar it sounded to her own and how, actually, you can take your grief and turn it into something beautiful. After the meeting, they pulled Penelope aside and gave her a big hug and a thank you.

It was the start of a lovely friendship, one Y/N didn’t know they needed until they were smothered in all the love you could possibly imagine.

The age gap between them wasn’t too big, Penelope was 10 years older than them which meant she was always one step ahead of Y/N and full of advice. Be it fashion, boys, girls and everything in between. They bonded in a way that was unbreakable, they were each other's family.

Penelope even helped her get into med school before she eventually switched to forensic science. Taking on the FBI academy, unlike Penelope, and joining the bureau officially. Penelope was there for her every single step of the way, making her career possible. She loved her dearly and wanted Y/N to succeed more than anyone in the world.

Getting to introduce herself to people as Agent Y/N Garcia, not to be confused with technical analyst Garcia, was one of the best feelings in the world.

Not many people ever mistook them, however, for whatever Penelope was, Y/N was the exact opposite.

Y/N preferred all black everything, she didn’t enjoy partying or close contact or the in-your-face-ness of Penelope’s way of life, she loved her band and motorcycle and being alone. They were quote-unquote edgy, not just for effect, but because it was how they felt the most comfortable, it was who they were and they liked it that way.

They were possibly the best Forensic Specialist the FBI had, keeping her in DC for all the most important cases. Helping her avoid Penelope and the BAU team as much as possible. They were great people, she didn’t hate them at all, it was just a lot of energy that they didn’t have to give to 7 other people all day long.

Spencer was the only one she could tolerate. Rather, he was the one she wanted to spend the most time with, even more than Penelope. He understood Y/N in a way others didn’t.

He was also quiet, like them, he didn’t pick on them or call them mini Garcia, baby-baby girl, or infant as some of them started to call her more recently.

He called them Y/N, he talked to them about star trek whenever he was visiting Penny, and he respected their pronouns. Using both she and they interchangeably, when he spoke of them, unlike most people who only used she and her because it made more sense in their small brains.

However, she wasn’t the only one who got teased. Spencer did as well, almost more because he was around the BAU team constantly. She hated hearing them bully him, he didn’t even count it as bullying but it’s basically what it was sometimes.

They put him down, they didn’t clue him in on things, they called out his stims and didn’t let him finish his sentences, especially when it had to do with his hyper-fixations. He was the brightest light in the room and they just picked his brain till he wasn’t useful anymore, before trying to turn out the light. It made Y/N furious.

They got called Mr and misses genius when they were on a scene together, remembering the first time she ever had a case with the BAU which was also the first time she snapped at someone for being mean to Spencer.

Someone asked Spencer a serious question, to which he did his fucking job and answered. Giving as much detail as humanly possible, being the absolute genius he is and should be praised for, only to have Emily poke him in the cheek and say; “wow, he’s so life-like?”

“Well yeah, cause he’s a fucking human who deserves respect from the people who use his brain all day,” Y/N cursed under their breath from the crime scene, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Leaving the sweetest man on earth to find them later and give them a hug. Thanking them for all that they do, and appreciating what he has to offer. That’s when she realized she liked him, more than just the guy who sometimes sleeps on her couch because he’s friends with her sister.

It was difficult being surrounded by men unlike Spencer, specifically the older men in her field who didn’t understand anything outside of money, guns, and violence. The worst part of the job being the politics in the background; the hierarchy and ass-kissing all because she worked in the nation's capital.

They were sure it was probably better in a smaller facility, a local police station where no one knew her and they could finally have some peace and quiet.

But she’d miss Penelope, and Spencer too for that matter.

At first, they’d hide in their room when Penelope brought him over for movie nights or when he crashed on the couch after bringing her home drunk from the bar. In the early days, she worried that he was going to be her new boyfriend, taking all of Penelope’s free time and leaving Y/N with nothing.

But then he started coming over all the time just to hang out, sitting on the couch with nothing to say, being the third wheel while Y/N and Penelope spent time together. For the last 7 years.

Over that time they had many conversations alone, she learned that he was really smart, he was a lot younger than most of the team because he blew through high school by the time he was 13, and he was genuinely the sweetest man in the whole entire world.

One time, Penelope was running late when Spencer showed up at the door with chips and candy, ready to watch his weekly movie with his friend. Only she wasn’t going to make it home in time, and Y/N didn’t want him to have to go back to his apartment all alone.

“You can come in and watch it with me if you wanted to?” She offered, smiling softly. “What was it you picked for tonight?”

“It was Penelope’s night to choose, so you can pick instead if you want?” Spencer offered right back, walking in like he owned the place.

He was more confident now than he was in the beginning, but that was probably because he was 23 and she was 18.

Back then he’d barely look at her and sometimes he’d shake when they made eye contact or when she got drunk and hugged him goodbye after a long night with Penelope. He was like that with Penny in the early days of their friendship too, apparently, so she didn’t feel too bad about it.

He warmed up eventually, making her wait 7 years for him to do something about the growing feelings they both shared.

“You like Marvel movies right?” She bit the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer. Watching him walk around the kitchen for a bowl that he could put his snacks in.

“Yeah they’re great, I haven’t watched past the second Thor, I think the next one is another Captain America?” he’s all smiles as he joins her on the couch, closer than normal, as close as he’d sit with Penelope, but then again she was a cuddler and Y/N wasn’t.

Sometimes Y/N would come out of her room to find Spencer’s head on Penelope’s lap, resting on a pillow as she ran her fingers through his hair to soothe his perfect mind after a long day. A few times she’s walked in on him crying or even sound asleep in her arms. They had a friendship Y/N admired, they were each other's person.

They comforted each other in the exact way they needed it; Penelope giving him the physical touch he craved and he would often compliment her. He was always telling her she was the best and buying her gifts to show his appreciation, calling her the most beautiful and smartest person he knew. He knew that she needed to hear it, needed the reassurance that she was still a good person and he made her believe it.

It made Y/N love him more seeing how much he cared for her sister.

“The winter soldier is the best!” She gushed, sitting close so they could share the chips as she waited for the movie to load up.

He was very quiet when he watched movies, smiling and laughing at the right parts but typically he paid so much attention it was like he was a statue. Y/N spent more time glancing at him than the actual movie.

“Is there something on my face?” Spencer asked, nervous when he noticed her glance at him for the 100th time that night.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she panicked lightly, swallowing quickly before looking away.

“What?”

“I don’t know, I just think you’re fascinating,” she whispered because then she didn’t really say it, and it didn’t really count.

“Oh,” he smiled softly, leaving it at that and forcing his attention back on the movie.

After a while, Spencer started to get even closer. He put the bowl on the coffee table and sat back almost on top of her, reaching an arm behind the couch so that Y/N was right against his side. He had done it with Penelope before, confident in this little living room, almost forgetting it was Y/N beside him.

Y/N rested her hand on his knee, rubbing her thumb over his jeans in a soft little circle as she pretended to watch the movie. More concerned with Spencer’s breathing and the feeling of his hand inching towards their shoulder than anything else.

Then they heard keys at the front door. Pulling away from each other quickly to curl up on opposite sides of the couch and pretend they weren’t just cuddling.

“Hey, you still came!” Penelope cheered, a little drunk from whatever she was doing before.

“I’d never miss a night with the Garcia’s,” Spencer smiled at her, looking calm and collected as ever while Y/N turned bright pink.

“Oh, I love Bucky! Oh my god let me go change and I’ll come watch too!”

That was just the first time they ended up cuddling, certainly not the last.

—

It wasn’t often that Penelope was too busy to spend time with Y/N, rather the contrary. Sometimes Y/N had to beg her to leave her be at certain events. Like when their band was playing at any of the local bars and Penny started inviting everyone she knew to come and watch her sister play.

It was embarrassing, to say the least, but Y/N loved her support.

When Y/N peaked her head out to see the crowd before a show, normally Penelope was sitting in the front with a drink and at least 4 friends, cheering and chanting their name, ready to rock out to their covers.

Tonight she didn’t see Penelope at all, she knew she wouldn’t, Penelope was in London visiting Emily with Derek for the second time in the past year, leaving no one to come to the monthly show Y/N’s band put on, or so she thought.

Spencer came all by himself.

He was sitting in the front, at a table with a bowl of pretzels and a ginger ale, not interested in the drinking or the socializing, just there to support Y/N. It made her feel giddy, like a schoolchild seeing their crush at recess.

It was so nice of him that it gave her butterflies, and normally that didn’t happen. They could go on and play a show in front of ten thousand people and feel nothing, but the second Spencer Reid was there to cheer them on, they were a mess.

“What song are we doing first again?” Y/N asked Evie, their lead singer and best friend outside of work.

“Who are they?”

Y/N was taken aback, “What?”

“You’ve never been nervous, who came to see you?” Evie clarified her question.

“No one, for fuck sake, I thought we left all the profilers at home tonight?” she sighed, shaking the nerves out of their body as they jumped up and down lightly.

They paced back and forth for a few minutes to wear down the nerves but only managing to make herself sweat to death and discard the leather jacket she always wore on stage. She walked in a circle aimlessly, remembering the setlist in their mind and how the spotlights typically made it so they couldn’t see the crowd anyway so it’s not like she could fuck up by making eye contact with him.

And it’s not like it was the first time he had seen her play, Spencer comes every month with Penelope, he liked a lot of the music they covered from when he was an emo teen in university. They’ve bonded over it before sharing albums and records back and forth, but she was still scared shitless at the prospect of him caring about her enough to come alone.

Especially when he hated being in situations like this in the first place.

It was their turn to go on, the manager of the bar gathering them and telling them to go on and so Y/N started walking towards the stage door, only to be pulled back harshly by Evie’s cold hands.

“Don’t forget your sticks, god who do you wanna fuck so bad it makes you this stupid?” She placed the drumsticks in Y/N’s hands, “get it together.”

“Sorry, it’s the guy in the sweater vest, front row,” they whispered in response, putting their head down and heading to the stage before she could tease them about it.

“The Forensic Lyricists are here once again folks!” The Manager introduced them to the crown, “get ready for them to dig up some classics!” Always the same dumb joke before every show.

Opening with crushcrushcrush by Paramore, thank god she remembered, it was an easy song to play as they warmed up and pushed the nerves away. They could play it in their sleep, with their eyes closed, and so that's what they did.

Eyes closed, mouthing the words as the adrenaline of the night took over the anxiety and made them go insane, like most nights. They didn’t need drinks or drugs to feel hyped at most shows, all she needed was a smile from penny and a good luck text from Spencer.

Playing by memory until she felt more confident and then getting into it. “They taped over your mouth, Scribbled out the truth with their lies, your little spies…”

“Crush, crush, crush, crush crush two, three, four!!” Y/N sung backup for each chorus, finally getting into it.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again.”

They tried their hardest to push the images of that night on the couch with Spencer out of their mind as they sang along, trying to harmonize and cover the backup for Evie as best as she could.

“Let’s be more than this now!”

She always took the bridge, as the drummer and the most passionate one, it only made sense. Y/N always got the crowd on their feet, roaring along as they jumped to the beat.

“Rock and roll, baby, Don't you know that we're all alone now? I need something to sing about. Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? I need something to sing about! Rock and roll, hey! Don't you know, baby, we're all alone now? Give me something to sing about!”

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, let’s be more than, noOoo!”

She had a crush on Spencer fucking Reid and one now noticed as they tried their hardest to focus on the words when all that came to mind right now was his body heat and how good he smelled and how nice it was that he came to support them.

“Nothing compares to, a quiet evening alone! Just the one, two! of us who's counting on! That never happens, I guess I'm dreaming again, Let’s be more than this, more than thiiiiiis, oooooooh, mmmmmmhmmm,” she sang the ending of the song along with Evie, their harmony sounding more perfect than any performance before.

Critics always said the performance is better when you mean the words you’re singing. With that, they accepted their crush on Doctor Spencer Reid after 7 long years of knowing him. They pushed through nerves so that they could go and see him after and do something about it, now that Penelope wasn’t home to tease her for it.

Leading right into Dear Maria, Count Me In. Their bass player, Kat taking the lead for her favourite song. Being an all ‘girl’ punk band was her idea, and now they all enjoyed taking turns singing their favourite songs in front of mostly strangers, once a month.

Every single song made her think of Spencer in some way as she remembered the rest of the set, it had 5 songs in total and each one included at least one reference to something she knew about Spencer.

It was hard to not think about him while he stood at the edge of the stage with everyone and bopped his head along to the beat, a smile growing on his face as he also noticed the little references to them in the songs.

The Rock Show by Blink182 was going to hit a little too close to home as she sang the words all but to him, making eye contact with him as he moved to the best spot to see them play, much like Penelope would do every time.

She didn’t realize how much this song actually represented her life before tonight, starting to sing her song alone while Spencer watched. Deciding on the spot to dedicate it to him in the most fucking obvious way possible, taking her chances because he must have come for a reason.

“Hanging out behind the club on the weekends. Acting stupid, getting drunk with my best friends, I couldn't wait for the summer and the Warped Tour, I remember that it's the first time that I saw him there!”

Spencer was smiling then, noticing the lyric change as they made eye contact, nodding along as he watched. Genuinely enjoying himself and the show, it was lovely to see. She couldn’t help but smile against the mic as she sang and played. Wondering how his face will change with the next verse she watched him from the corner of her eye.

Her bandmates turning to see her as they played their guitars, nodding in agreement at the lyric change, they knew what she was up to. It wasn’t the first time they used the stage to bring someone home with them.

“He's getting kicked out of school cause he's failing. I’m kinda nervous, cause I’m sure all his friends hate me! He’s the one, he'll always be there, I took his hand and I’ll make it I swear,

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!”

Spencer’s smile was priceless, it made them even more confident to sing all the words, wanting him with zero shame, it’s not like anyone who knew him would know about this.

“When we said we were gonna move to Vegas I remember the look your mother gave us 17 without a purpose or direction We don't owe anyone a fuckin’ explanation”

“Because I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town, I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” Making the softest eye contact with him, they moved their whole body to play to him.

“Black and white picture of him on my wall, I waited for his call, he always kept me waiting, and if I ever got another chance I'd still ask him to dance, because he kept me waiting!”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show! He said what? and I told him that I didn't know. He's so cool, gonna sneak in through his window. Everything's better when he's around. Can’t wait until my parent goes out of town,”

“I fell in love with the guy at the rock show!” She had never been this passionate while playing this song in all the years they had played it together.

Her bandmates taking the lead singing, “with the guy at the rock show!”

“I’ll never forget you,” she sang in the middle of their chants, “I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget you, I’ll never forget tonight, I’ll never forget tonight…”

She shot a wink at him before turning back in her seat to face the drum set the best way. The last two songs were Evie’s and Kat’s, she covered the backup vocals, making the occasional glance towards Spence as she thought of him.

Counting down the minutes till she could go see him.

Come a little closer by cage the elephant, an obvious title with lyrics that would clearly bring every memory of brushed hands against lower backs as they slipped past each other in crowded rooms, lingering as long as possible before they were gone again. Goodnight hugs when Penelope was already asleep and he could hold her a big longer and tighter, resting his head on her shoulder while she rubbed his back and breathed him in. And that night on the couch, not to mention all the mornings she walked in on him sleeping peacefully, brushing the hair out of his face, softly, in the hopes he didn’t wake up.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see, Come on, come on, come on, Things aren't always what they seem to be… Do you understand the things you been seein' Come on, come on, come on! Do you understand the things that you've been dreaming… Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!”

And even when he did she had a coffee ready for him when he sat up and smiled, giving them a few hours alone before Penelope would wake up. Talking all morning about star trek and dr. Who, smacking his knee as he made jokes that genuinely made them laugh while trying to keep her voice down so they didn’t wake Penelope.

Not many people made her feel like that in her life.

“Come a little closer, then you'll see! Come a little closer, then you'll see!” Staring at him, enticing him to do it the next time they had the chance.

The intro to I’d Do Anything by simple plan was one of her favourites to play, smiling wide as she began to drum as her best friends sang the words.

Waiting for the chorus to sing the words at Spencer, really sending the message, he wasn’t dumb, not in the slightest, he would get it. He had to, she had already been so obvious there was no turning back now.

“This could be the one last chance to make you understand,”

Her arms were starting to hurt as she played along with the most energy she has had in years, playing like a teenager whose parents just died and she needed to hit something, once again. It was freeing, playing with what she could only imagine was love in her chest instead of anger. It’s how she was supposed to play.

"I’d do anything Just to hold you in my arms To try to make you laugh Cuz somehow I can’t put you in the past I’d do anything Just to fall asleep with you Will you remember me? Cuz I know I won’t forget you,"

Focusing on the drumming and ignoring the lyrics as her bandmates covered the lyrics, letting her go hog fucking wild on the drum set, almost kicking the chair out from under herself as they kept going. Joining for the chorus again before beating the shit out of her drum set.

I close my eyes And all I see is you I close my eyes I try to sleep I can't forget you Na na na And I'd do anything for you Na na na Naaaaaaa

“I’d do anything!” She closed her eyes as she pushes the words past her vocal cords, again and again, passionately playing the drums as her hair flew all over the place, worried she might break the sticks as she played.

“Cause I know I won't forget yoooou!” She plays the end of the song, snapping the left drumstick in half before throwing the right one into the crowd, right into Spencer’s hand, sending him a wink before saying goodbye to the crowd.

Sweaty as hell from playing the drums, they brushed their long black hair back behind their ears and in a low ponytail so it would fit under her motorcycle helmet on the way home. Putting their leather jacket back on and heading into the main bar to find Spencer.

“Hey,” he smiled as she walked towards him, the drumstick now resting in his pocket as he approached her.

“I can’t believe you came here all by yourself?” Y/N laughed slightly before pulling him into a thank-you hug.

“I wouldn’t miss it, I’ve been coming for a year now, it’s always a great time,” his smile was perfect, his teeth were so white and straight and she wondered how they’d feel against her neck.

“It’s been that long?” She pretended that she didn’t notice, biting their lip as he ran the calculations in his mind.

He nodded with a soft, pressed-lipped smile, the Spencer classic. “Yep, it’s been exactly 14 months straight now.”

“I know you don’t like bars and loud noises and people you don’t know, or germs which makes this like a nightmare of yours I guess because of the close proximity of people and the germs being spread as everyone screams in a crowd,” she ranted before he was pulling her into another hug, “so this means a lot to me,” she finished her thought beside his ear for only him to hear.

“Anytime,” he whispered as he held her, his arm on her back and chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did you need a ride home?” She offered, thinking about how nice it would be for him to wrap his arms around their body as he sat behind her on Patsy, her motorcycle.

“Yeah, unless you wanted to go to your place and watch another movie? I wouldn’t want to keep you waiting,” he spoke just loud enough to be heard over the music.

“Yeah, I’d love that, it’s been lonely while Penny’s gone,” a smile erupting on her face as she got the reference, “come on then.”

She took his hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and dragging him backstage towards her locker. She had a space to keep her things for practice and other shows she did during the week, keeping an extra helmet and jacket in the locker for nights like this, however, normally it was a cute stranger. Not the man she’s been crushing on since she was a teenager.

“Oh, you brought Patsy,” Spencer’s face went white.

“Did you not want to ride her? Come on, everyone wants to ride her at least once,” Y/N teased him as she put the helmet in his free hand.

Her bandmates staring at her with proud smiles as she took the guy from the rock show home; the one in the sweater vest from the front, the one who was the most into the whole show, they both gave Y/N a wave and a smile as they slipped out the backstage door.

They walked out to the parking lot, still hand in hand with their helmets in the other. Stopping at her dark purple Suzuki GS650 GT, it was her most prized possession because it used to belong to her parents.

She put her hair in the right spot before putting the helmet on, sitting down and starting the engine, revving it for everyone in the lot to see as Spencer put his helmet on and threw a leg over the seat, nervous as ever.

He fit behind her perfectly, just enough room on the seat for his chest to press against her back as he placed his hands gingerly on her hips. It made her laugh.

“You’re going to want to hold on better than that pretty boy,” she teased him before revving the engine once more, kicking the kickstand up and speeding out of the parking lot.

Spencer gripped her tightly as she took off down the street, taking the longest route possible to her home. She didn’t hit a single red light for at least 5 blocks, zooming through traffic as Spencer squeezed the life out of her.

He felt amazing, his hands were so big as he fully wrapped around her, reaching around completely so his right hand was on her left hip and vice versa. He was so close she could feel his heartbeat against her back.

He was nervous, he flinched every time she turned and held on even tighter somehow.

So she did another lap of the block, around the park’s bend so she could lean the bike as far as possible as Spencer’s fingers dug into her hips fiercely. Breathing deep enough that she could hear him over the engine, but he wanted her to keep going. Not ready to let go of her yet, this is the closest they had ever been to each other.

When she finally pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, they bumped over the curb and his hand grazed Y/N’s boob, he pulled back so fast it was barely there, she just shook her head and laughed. Parking the bike and putting the kickstand back down.

Spencer let out a sigh, relaxing against her as he rested his chin on her shoulder again.

“Have fun?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” he laughed, his voice deep and dry from breathing with his mouth open, it was cute.

He got off first when his legs were finally able to work again, still vibrating from the rev of the engine he walked like Ariel when she got her legs. It was priceless, no one has reacted like that after getting a ride from them, not even Penelope.

She took her helmet off while still on the bike, shaking her hair out of the ponytail as provocatively as possible before getting off. Spencer’s jaw fell open once more as he watched, breathlessly, just as she expected.

Either he liked them before and never told them, or he was going to start now.

Either way, it excited Y/N to their core, taking his hand once more and leading him inside, this time they could be as close as they wanted to and no one was going to walk in on it. She stopped at her locked apartment door, looking at Spencer as softly as possible so he’d know her feelings were real.

“I know this will cause the teasing we already get to skyrocket, so if you wanted to keep it between us, I fully understand,” she whispered.

“Is that what you want?”

He was so sweet it made her heartache, never before had anyone made her feel like this; like she wasn’t in control of her body or mind, like an override in the system her brain and heart chose Spencer and there was no stopping them.

“I just told a whole bar of people that I’m in love with the guy at the rock show before taking you home in front of everyone,” she laughed, “I don’t care if people know, I just hate when they tease us, they belittle everything we do like we’re 17 forever, it’s not fun for me.”

“I hate it too,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly once more, “I’d like to keep you to myself for a while.”

She cupped his face in her hands and pulled in, pressing her lips against his as they both tried to repress their tightlipped smiles. Finally, finally kissing after all those years staring at each other's lips while they explained something, passionately as ever with the most attentive ears.

“Exactly, me too,” she smiled wider as she pulled back from him, unlocking the front door and pulling him inside for that movie he mentioned.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 (dm me if you want me to remove you)

[vole-mon-amour]

6x20.

First of all, this is SO awkward. Imagine sitting with your friend/boss and talking about losing your close friend but not because you want to, but because it's regulations and you have to. "I asked her to do it." Oh, Aaron. :( The insane responsibility that lays on his shoulders.

Honestly, idk about Derek, but I'd rather talk to some stranger. Aaron is sitting there more like his boss than his friend, and I, personally, would feel trapped. This is way too official, and if I were Derek and wanted to talk to Aaron, I'd do it in a different way.

Not to mention that everybody deals with grief differently, and this can be damaging. But speaking ahead, between Strauss and Aaron, I'd choose Aaron, too.

Case: happens. These two: on it. Together.

Dream team.

Random thought: Maybe they're checking out the crime scene first because they both have the most experience, out of the entire team? So then they can present the case to the team, including all important details, & understand what to look for next.

That is exactly what she did. Good job, you two. (Sometimes I think they're having way too much fun with this by just vibing.)

Spencer's voice shaking & Aaron not knowing what to say. Brb, gonna jump off a bridge first.

I gotta say, while at the beginning I enjoyed this show giving us more of cases than personal information on the characters, now I am absolutely craving personal affairs. Any piece of information canon can give me, I'll take and write down. I am getting through the cases just to get more on the characters.

It's been 14.5 months since my parents died, and only two days ago it randomly got me so much that I was choking on my tears. This scene is... a nice reminder. Often it's portrayed that you're supposed to 'move on' in 6 months max. Just like Aaron said, it's been a tough year, we'll get through this.

I love this show.

Aaron always seeing best in people, even when people don't deserve it. Maybe not this particular case, but it's true for him. Don't mind me if I'm gonna say it once again: he is so good. :(

I won't screenshot this, but I loved how Aaron went into the cafe, "I know you don't want to scare Sam, so they're gonna leave now. Bill, will you show them out please? Go." All of that without a bulletproof vest while a woman pulls a revolver at him. He's so fucking good at his job. No wonder he's good at politics, too.

Aaron talking to her with tears in his eyes, but actually talking to his team that tried their absolute best to save Emily (and also him, Jack, and Haley). "It's the day they failed." Oh the burden on their shoulders, but especially on Aaron's. ;____; Why are they making me cry when Emily isn't dead? "They'll move on, but they won't forget." That should be called 'moving forward'.

The team: refuses to talk to him (and for a good reason tbh). Aaron: Ok, I'm gonna do this another way!

"He was taken from you & that's not fair."

Who from the writing team decided that it's ok to go with this? To put this team through so much pain? I just wanna talk. Don't tell me there wasn't another way to hand on to Emily and wait until she comes back.

What's worse that Hotch HAS to keep going. He drags them on his back & still manages to keep himself together, without all the broken pieces of him falling apart (bc otherwise the team goes into Strauss' hands & Aaron can afford that since she'll make the situation even worse).

"We come in here & we talk to you. Where do you go? Where are you in all of this?" "The same place as you. Wishing she was here."

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING ALL THIS TIME. Give him talk to Dave, you cowards! He deserves some time to grieve!

I'm still wondering though, does he know? What did they talk with JJ after Emily's surgery? If they don't explore this later, it's gonna be such a wasted potential.

[spencersstrawberryjello]

Revelations (Spencer Reid x fem!MC)

Summary: SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO As everything goes down with Tobias Hankel, Aria and the BAU have to find him before it’s too late. Once they do, Aria takes Spencer home and comforts him. 

Content: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Descriptions of torture and violence (all related to Reid’s abduction in season two), swearing, kidnapping and emotional turmoil

MC’s name and pronouns: Aria (are-ee-ah) Glenn, she/her

Word Count: 5024 (it’s a long one folks so buckle up - it ended up being almost ten full pages lmao)

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“Hey,” I looked up from my phone to see Emily standing in the doorway. “Can I sit?”

I gestured to the space on the bed beside me, in the small house that made me nauseous. Thinking about the fact that the bed I was sitting on right now belonged to the man who had kidnapped Spencer made me want to both punch something and throw up. Emily came and sat beside me, turning to face me as I did the same. Her voice was soft when she spoke, studying my face. 

“How are you doing?” She asked. It was a question she already knew the answer to, and I scoffed.

“We’re both profilers, Prentiss. You tell me; how do you think I’m doing?” I snapped. Immediately afterwards, guilt flared through my chest, and I sighed, shaking my head. “I’m sorry. It’s just - well, you know. I don’t think any of us are in a good state of mind right now.”

I dropped my gaze back to my hands, resting in my lap. She took them, directing my attention back to her as she spoke. 

“Glenn. We all care about Reid, and we’re all doing everything we possibly can to get him back. But I know that your relationship with him is… different. You kind of disappeared earlier, I just wanted to check on you.”

“I just couldn’t watch that anymore,” My chest tightened just thinking about the sight of Spencer, tied to a chair, being forced to decide who lives and who dies. He looked so broken -

I forced myself away from that train of thought, taking my hands out of Emily’s to press them to my eyes in an attempt to ward away the tears I felt rising again. 

I’ve cried so much in the past two days I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to again. 

“I understand,” She moved my hands so I’d look into her eyes again. “I just wanted you to know we’re all here for you, ok? We’re all in this together, we’re all worried about him. You’re not alone in what you’re feeling.”

I nodded, and she pulled me into a tight hug, one I returned gratefully. The moment was interrupted by Derek flying into the room, with a statement that made my heart drop. 

“The live feed is back on,” He announced, clearly intending for Emily and I to come with him. I knew that watching the videos was the best way for us to figure out where the hell this guy took Spencer, but the idea of seeing him in that cabin again made me want to throw up. I immediately started to shake my head, a childlike reflex to the statement. 

“No. No, I can’t, I -” I wanted nothing more than to be curled up in his arms right now. 

This all felt like one massive nightmare. I wished I could just wake up, scared before I realized he was safe in his apartment, laying in bed with me. I would turn over and press a quick kiss to his lips, not enough to wake him up but enough that I could appreciate his presence even more after imagining the worst possibility, before burying myself back in the warmth of his embrace…  

“Aria. Hey,” Emily had her hand on my arm, pulling me out of my fantasy. My mind had started to take over, to take me into a daydream that was safer than the turmoil that had become our reality. “I know this is hard. But the more people we have working on this, the better the odds of us finding him are.”

“I hate to say it, but you guys need to hurry. We have no idea how long he’s going to be live.”

I felt like I was going to pass out when I stood up, making my way into the computer room that had become Garcia’s base for the past two days. My attention focused immediately on the screen displaying the live feed of Spencer. Emily was still standing next to me, and she reached out, giving my arm a quick squeeze to make sure I knew she was right there. I nodded my appreciation, but I couldn’t break my eyes away from the video.

He looked exhausted. Exhausted, and in pain, physically and mentally. 

I didn’t know how much more of this he could handle. 

“This ends now.” Charles Hankel’s voice was one I knew would be at the center of my nightmares for years to come; and if that was how I felt, I couldn’t imagine what Spencer was feeling right now. I didn’t think I wanted to. “Confess your sins.”

I dug my nails into my palms, trying to steady my breathing. I could tell Spencer was trying not to cry, and for a moment I thought Charles wasn’t going to do anything before he moved closer to the chair, punching him hard in the face. A sob escaped my lips, and I clamped my hand over my mouth, trying to silence myself as I watched him beat him, over and over, demanding he confess to the sins he hasn’t committed.

I looked around the room, and I knew we were all feeling a very similar set of emotions right now. It’s just a matter of what was the strongest. Garcia was trembling from her seat in front of the computers. Derek looked like he was going to genuinely kill somebody, and JJ looked like she was going to be sick. Hotch and Gideon were watching with nothing but fatherly worry, and even Emily looked like she couldn’t breathe.

“Tobias, help me,” His voice was so quiet we could hardly hear it through the camera speaker, Spencer begging for some kind of rescue. He was crying openly now, and I knew that I was silently doing the same as Charles hit him again before pushing the chair backwards, causing Spencer to fall to the ground. 

At first I thought he’d passed out. But then I noticed him convulsing. 

“Oh my god,” Garcia was the first one to say something, her voice breaking as we watched Spencer gasping for air, unable to do anything but observe from the other side of a screen, “He’s killing him.”

I felt myself starting to spiral again, unable to even speak, wanting so badly to leave but knowing I’d never forgive myself if I did. So I stood there and watched the man I love thrash on the ground while Charles Hankel just stood over him, watching him die without even blinking. It wasn’t until Spencer stopped moving that he spoke. 

“That’s the devil vacating your body.” 

Spencer wasn’t moving.

Spencer Reid was dead. 

He was lying dead on the floor in a cabin in the middle of who-the-fuck knows where and there was absolutely nothing I could do to help him. 

Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. 

“No…” Was all I was able to say. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the image of Spencer’s body on the floor, still tied to that chair, abandoned as Charles Hankel left the room, leaving the camera still rolling. Gideon stormed out of the room - I thought I heard the bathroom door slam - and everyone immediately jumped into action, leaving Garcia and I alone staring at the unchanging computer screen.

“Come on baby, wake up. Please, for the love of god, please wake up.”

It felt like my mind was speedrunning the five stages of grief as I muttered under my breath, begging to a man who couldn’t even hear me. Who had no control over whether he lived or died. 

Garcia hadn’t moved either, her breath coming in shallow gasps as she stared at the screen. I moved over to her, grabbing her hand in mine, both of us trying desperately to comfort each other after the scene we just witnessed, unable to process what happened enough to even speak. After a moment, Hotch came back into the room, opening his mouth to say something to Penelope when something finally changed on the video in front of us. 

Charles Hankel had come back into the room.

Except it wasn’t Charles this time, it was Tobias, running over to Spencer’s body and immediately starting CPR in an attempt to save his life. Hotch called everyone back into the room, all of us gathered around the screen. After what felt like years, we heard it.

Spencer finally coughed. 

He woke up, and I thought I was going to cry from relief. I might’ve actually been crying; honestly I’d spent most of the last two days in a constant state of either crying or about-to-be crying, so it wouldn’t have come as much surprise. Everyone let out varying gasps of relief before getting to work again, deducing that Hankel would have to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene to have killed those people and then uploaded the video in the time frame that he did. Hotch was about to leave before we noticed Hankel’s demeanor change yet again as he stood over Spencer, who was still stuck on the floor. 

“You came back to life.” 

“Raphael.” 

“There can be only one of two reasons.”

���I was given CPR.”

“There are no accidents.”

Whatever momentary relief I got from seeing Spencer alive faded the moment Raphael began to ask questions. 

Questions about us. 

“He thinks it’s Revelation,” Hotch stated, concern filling his usually even tone. “The 7 Archangels versus the 7 Angels of Death.”

“Tell me who you serve.”

“I serve you.”

“Then choose one to die.”

My hand flew back up to my mouth as I processed the command, watching Spencer’s face crumble with the realization as well. 

“Kill me.” The words made my heart break, and I found myself desperately fighting the edge of tears, yet again. 

Damn, I really hated having emotions.

“Tell me who dies.”

“No.”

Raphael reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a revolver and pointing it straight at Spencer’s forehead. It was a game of Russian Roulette, and I genuinely thought I might puke from the omnipresent anxiety making my knees weak. 

“I can’t -” I broke, turning away from the screen and into Derek’s arms as he pulled me into a hug. I hated not watching, but it was more than I could bear. It was all I could do just to listen as Spencer denied his request over and over again, each time the click of the trigger bringing him closer and closer to a bullet in the brain. 

“I choose… Aaron Hotchner.”

The sentence made me snap my gaze back to the screen, not breaking the hug but watching attentively as Spencer quoted a Bible verse. Hotch, however, left the room as soon as Spencer had finished speaking, everyone trailing out into the main room after him. 

“Hey, he’s alive. He’s alive,” Derek comforted me as everyone followed Hotch.

It’s truly a sign of how fucked up the situation is when the only comfort is that he hasn’t died yet.

Or at least, not permanently. 

I nodded, and broke the hug, following after everyone who had already found Hotch again. He was holding a Bible, quickly explaining that Spencer misquoted the verse. 

Misquoted the verse on purpose.

We’d found him.

We piled into the cars, my heart racing a mile a minute as we sped down the abandoned country roads, pulling up to an empty plantation, with nothing but trees in sight for miles aside from a small cabin and a cemetery surrounding it. 

We checked the cabin first.

Clear.

It wasn’t until we started making our way across the grounds that we heard it. 

A gunshot. 

“Oh god please don’t let that have been for Reid,” JJ echoed exactly what the rest of us were thinking. We followed the sound, Hotch calling out his name as we ran towards it. Finally, we saw him, hunched over the dying body of Tobias Hankel. 

Hotch took off in a sprint, approaching Spencer first, placing a gentle hand on his arm before Spencer pulled him into a tearful hug. He did the same to JJ, until I finally moved into view. 

He looked like he’d been to hell and back. He could hardly support his own weight, he was sweating, bruised, and there was an open wound on his forehead. But I’d never been happier to see him. 

I wasted no time pulling him into a hug, finally not trying to keep the tears at bay. For a moment, neither of us said anything, we just held each other, both of us crying in the cold night air. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” I finally said, pulling back from the hug to look at his eyes. A small smile came over his face, and I’d never seen anything more beautiful. He was still crying, and I brought my hands up to cup his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He was very clearly out of it, and I guided him to put his arm around my shoulders, helping him walk back to the cars, whispering reassurances the entire way there. 

“Wait!” He protested, “I have to do something first.”

He turned back towards Tobias’ body, and I let him go, giving him a moment to do whatever it was he needed as he limped over to the corpse. I turned back to the team, noticing Hotch looking at me with curiosity. Seeing as the only person who knows about Spencer and I’s relationship was Emily, it didn’t really come as a shock that I’d be getting strange looks. But honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“He’s probably going to need to go to a hospital,” Hotch said. We nodded our agreement, knowing there was an ambulance waiting back at Tobias Hankel’s house. 

Spencer rejoined the group, and I helped him the rest of the way back to the car. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in the backseat, but there wasn’t enough space and I didn’t want to draw more suspicion by asking JJ to move. So I climbed into the front seat next to Derek, who was driving. He shot me a look, and I just shrugged, not confirming or denying anything. 

The drive back felt significantly shorter now that he was safe with us, and when we got back, we followed the ambulance to the hospital. Despite the fact that they definitely didn’t need an 8-person FBI escort to take Spencer into the hospital, Gideon didn’t even ask us whether or not we wanted to go. It was just assumed. 

We’d gathered in the waiting room, everyone waiting to hear the extent of what that monster put him through. I was sitting in the chair closest to the hall, and immediately sprang to my feet when I saw the doctor round the corner. 

“What all did he do to him?” I demanded. 

“He had a pretty nasty gash on his forehead that we had to stitch up,” He started, “And his face is pretty bruised. Same with the bottom of his left foot. It’s a miracle it wasn’t broken.”

We nodded along to him speaking, and he paused for a second before revealing the worst detail.

“We also found a series of needle marks on his right arm. Traces of Dilaudid were still in his system.”

We’d assumed they’d drugged him - he wouldn’t have seized the way he did if they hadn’t, not to mention that JJ found records of Tobias Hankel’s addiction to narcotics - but hearing confirmation made my chest tight. 

“What does that mean for him?” Hotch asked. 

“Well, Dilaudid is addictive. It’s a narcotic painkiller; you’ll want to keep an eye on him in the next couple of weeks and note any strange behaviors you might see him exhibiting.”

We all nodded our understanding, and the doctor wrapped up what he was saying.

“Other than that, he just needs rest. We gave him water and something to eat, so honestly the best thing for him right now is to go home, get a shower and get some sleep. He might have some trouble putting a lot of weight on his right foot, but there’s not really anything we can do for that because it isn’t actually broken, just badly bruised. We’re going to send him home with crutches, but someone might want to stay with him for tonight, if one of you is comfortable with that.”

“I’ll stay with him,” I offered before anyone else could open their mouths. Emily’s eyes snapped to mine, and I cleared my throat, trying not to sound too eager, “If he’s ok with that, of course. I’ll have to ask him.”

The doctor just nodded. “Sounds good. Whoever is in charge here can see the front desk for further information.”

Gideon started towards the front desk, gesturing for Hotch to follow him as they went to talk to some people, leaving me standing in front of Garcia, Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ, all of whom were looking at me with varying looks of suspicion. Except Emily, who just looked vaguely amused.

“Anything you want to talk to us about, Glenn?” JJ asked. 

“Nothing at all,” I denied, trying to fight the small smile on my face. I could tell just by looking at them that they all knew, at this point it was hard not to at least assume. Not to mention they were all experts in human behavior - let’s just say it was hard to hide things from them. But JJ just shook her head with a shallow laugh, returning to her seat. However, she quickly stood back up when Spencer came around the corner, supporting his weight with a pair of plain gray crutches. 

“Spence,” She immediately crossed the room to him, looking him over with concern, “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” He offered her a small smile, but it wasn’t real. We all knew it, and she pulled

him into a hug, being careful not to make him fall. 

“I should’ve never let you go off on your own. I’m so sorry -” She started to apologize, but he cut her off. 

“JJ, stop. It’s not your fault; splitting up was my idea. No one had any way of knowing what was going to happen. I mean, there was a 50-50 shot that either of us could’ve run into him, we had no evidence he’d even left the barn at all.”

She let out a shaky breath, nodding. “I’m just glad you’re ok.”

“Me too.”

“We’re going to go back to the BAU so everyone can get their cars.”

He nodded his understanding, and he gave everyone a hug before Hotch and Gideon came back from the front desk. As much as he tried to appear normal, the events of the past two days hung heavy in the air. And we only knew what we saw on the videos, we had no idea the extent of what he’d gone through. I don’t know if we ever would. 

Even just the fact that he was hugging people was a testament to the way he was feeling. He usually didn’t even like to shake hands, but he was clinging to our friends like they were the only thing keeping him grounded. 

Hotch and Gideon rounded the corner, Hotch’s face softening the moment he saw Spencer, pulling him into another hug. 

“Alright, let’s get back to the BAU so you can go home and get some rest,” Gideon said. Spencer nodded, all of us piling back into the two vans we’d taken to Tobias Hankel’s house. JJ shot me a look before climbing into the passenger seat, allowing me to take her place in the back with Spencer, sitting shoulder to shoulder in the car. Once we started driving, I turned and whispered to him. 

“I wanted to come back home with you. Is that ok?” I asked. He gave me a small nod, and I smiled, giving his arm a squeeze. I desperately wanted to press a soft kiss to his lips, but I had already been way too physically affectionate with him today for us being at work. 

We all went our separate ways, though it was clear that everyone was reluctant to let Spencer out of their sight again. I reminded them I’d be with him, and promised that I’d update them once he fell asleep so they knew everyone was ok. It might’ve been selfish of me, but I was excited to be alone with him. I just wanted to be able to comfort him without having to worry about if everyone thought we were dating. 

To be fair, we technically weren’t dating. We’d never really defined the relationship.

We elected to take my car, since I was going to be driving. The more time we spent away from the group, the more I saw Spencer retreating. We walked to the car in silence, and he climbed in the passenger seat, zoning out staring through the windshield.

I reached over and gave his hand a light squeeze.

“I love you babe. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” I told him. He didn’t move his gaze, just squeezed my hand back in response before allowing me to return both hands to the wheel. We drove the rest of the way home with no sound but the radio turned down to a low volume. When I finally pulled into the parking lot for his apartment complex, he didn’t even blink. I turned the car off, going around to the other side to help him out of the car and into his apartment.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat? Or some water?” I offered as I unlocked the front door. He just shook his head.

“I just want to go to sleep.”

“You need to shower, Spencer.”

He nodded again, allowing me to lead him to the bathroom. 

“Do you think you can stand? Or do you want me to draw you a bath?” I asked. 

“Bath would be better,” He said, propping his crutches up against the sink. I knew he hadn’t broken his foot, but he still winced as he put more of his weight on it so that he could pull off his sweater and begin to unbutton the shirt he had on underneath it. 

“You’re ok with me being in here?” I had assumed he would be, but I wanted to clarify as he finished unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off. He just nodded, starting to undo his pants as I filled the bath with warm water. I shut the water off when it was filled enough that he could sit comfortably in it, and I held his arm, helping him sink into the warm water. 

“Do you want my help babe?” I asked. He nodded again, still not speaking. I didn’t try to press him with any conversation, I just slipped out of my work clothes and slid into the bath next to him, grabbing the washcloth from the side of the bathtub and dipping it in the warm water, lathering up the soap and starting to gently wash along his shoulders, scrubbing away the dirt and grime. He winced when I got to his wrists, and I noticed that the skin was rubbed raw, red from where he’d been restrained. I drew in a shaky breath, unsure of whether or not I was going to cry or punch someone. Instead, I just planted a soft kiss on his lips before washing down the rest of his body. 

I put the washcloth away and moved on to his hair, moving so that my chest was pressed to his back. I lathered the shampoo through his hair, and he sunk back against me, his eyes closing from the gentle touch. 

“You’re safe with me, baby. I’ve got you,” I whispered reassurances in his ear, trying to help him relax as I finished cleaning him up. “How’s your head?”

My eyes had flashed up to the bandaged gash on his forehead, and I reached one hand up to gently brush his hair back away from it. He had opened his eyes now, just staring at the water, not really here. His voice was barely above a whisper, and it broke my heart. 

“It hurts,” He murmured.

“I’m so sorry, Spencer,” I said, holding him closer to me as if it could somehow soothe his pain, both physically and mentally. “I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this.”

“Didn’t I?”

The question took me by surprise, and I didn’t even have a chance to protest before he elaborated.

“I abandoned my mother. I could’ve helped her - I mean, I could’ve learned to help her. Instead I sent her away… he told me to confess my sins. And when I thought of my sins, all I could see was her face. I left her, Aria.”

“Spencer. Look at me.” I lightly put my hand under his chin, guiding him to meet my eyes. “Your mother needed help from a medical professional, someone who was specialized in understanding her condition. You didn’t abandon her - Spencer, you helped her. It’s not a sin to get someone the help that they need.”

“I know that. Logically, I know that. But…”

He trailed off, but he didn’t need to say anymore. I just nodded.

“I know, baby. But you didn’t deserve what Hankel did to you. You’re a good person, Spencer Reid. One of the best I know, and I’m not just saying that because I’m in love with you. You really are an incredible man, and,” I bit my lip, forcing back the tears that were stinging my eyes, “And you deserved so much better than this.”

He didn’t reply, he just leaned forward, kissing me again. It was harder this time, like he was putting all his feelings into moving his lips against mine. I kissed him back with just as much emotion, trying to tell him how much I loved him without saying anything at all. 

“Thank you,” He whispered, and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me for a moment.

“Spencer, you have no idea how grateful I am for you.”

“And I for you,” He replied semi-dramatically, making me grin and bringing a small smile to his face. It wasn’t much, but it was something positive. 

“Alright Shakespeare, let me get dried off and then I’ll help you out,” I teased, grabbing my towel off the hook and drying my damp hair before wrapping it around myself and grabbing his hand, helping him up and guiding him to lean up against the sink while I grabbed his towel and offered it to him. 

“I don’t even have the energy to correct the historical inaccuracy of your Shakespeare joke,” He said, drying himself off as I left the bathroom to grab pajamas from his dresser. I grabbed him one of his t-shirts and a pair of sweatpants, and I grabbed myself one of his sweaters, slipping it on before going back into the bathroom and giving him the clothes I’d grabbed, hanging my towel back up as he changed.

When I turned back, he’d put on the pajamas, and was in the process of grabbing his crutches. With every move, his expression changed, betraying just how much pain he was in. I put my hand on his shoulder, supporting him as he made his way back out to his room, immediately sitting down on the bed and letting the crutches fall to the ground. 

“Son of a bitch,” He muttered. I just sat down next to him, putting my arm around him so he could lean his head on my shoulder. 

“Hey. You’re alright,” I held him close to me, rubbing his shoulder in a slight comfort. 

“I’m tired,” He yawned, and I nodded. 

He stretched out on the bed behind me, and I scooted over next to him, pulling the comforter over both of us. 

“Can I hold you, baby?” I asked. He nodded, and I curled up against him, holding him tight to my chest. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck from behind, feeling his steady breathing against me. 

It didn’t really surprise me when I felt his breathing pick up - I assumed his mind would probably wander once he had quiet time to think - but it made my heart wrench when I heard him crying softly. 

“Spencer…” I pulled him closer to me, running one hand through his hair and placing soft kisses along his jawline, trailing down his neck. There was nothing sexual about it, simply gentle affection as he cried. 

He rolled over suddenly so he was facing me, immediately crushing me in a tight hug, crying openly into my shoulder. I continued to run one of my hands through his hair, the other gently tracing slow circles on his back under his shirt, trying to ground him as he attempted to process everything he’d gone through. 

“You’re safe with me baby. I’m never letting anything happen to you again, I promise.”

“You can’t make a promise like that,” He argued through his tears, “No one can make a promise like that. You know our line of work; there’s no way you can ensure my safety.”

“That’s true,” I conceded, “But as long as I have any say in it, I will protect you. And that’s a promise.”

His crying had quieted, and he sniffled, nodding into my shoulder. I kept him close to me, and eventually he drifted off to sleep, tears still staining his face. 

[qvid-pro-qvo]

do you have a favorite Criminal Minds episode overall? Do you have a favorite for each character?

mmmmmmm very good question to think about as i comfort rewatch :) also, probably gonna do favorite here and not best, because i think those are two separate questions. you’ll also see my bias toward earlier episodes here. whoops. 

favorite episode overall - this is a tough one, but i LOVE the episodes where we see the work of profiling, and in some episodes this is really shown as an art form. i would have to say “seven seconds” (3x01). i love the enclosed space the mall serves as geography, i love how they interview the family, i love the way they bounce off of each other. i could watch this episode every day. shit like this is why criminal minds is great. there are other episodes that i could classify as favorites but probably fall into the category of character episodes. 

this unsurprisingly got long, like novel-lengthy, so i’m sticking the individual characters under a cut.

hotch 

aaron hotchner. there’s a reason i write fic for this man, besides the fact that i feel like in later seasons he is the epitome of one note most times. we see him smile every so often, but i also think i latch onto earlier episodes because we see so much of his care for those he cares for. i LOVE “lessons learned” (2x10) for him. i LOVE the way he is so blatantly shown to adore haley and jack. i think this is one of the episodes that speaks volumes across the show, even as his humanity kind of gets stripped away in the later episodes. i think this is a great intro for emily prentiss, too, but i don’t put it with her because while she does shine, i like other episodes for her better. the foyet storyline, of course, all the way through its conclusion in “route 66” (9x05). i really love the way we see his adoration for haley and jack, i love the way we see him grapple with his guilt, and. fuck. i just care about aaron hotchner a lot. also i can’t not say “it takes a village” (7x01) - beard hotch? inspired my first ever fic for him? yeah.  also, i think it also shows the things he is willing to do for his team, because i truly think that if any member of the team was in that situation, he would be there for them and do the exact same thing. hypothetically. 

rossi 

rossi isn’t my favorite character for a variety of reasons, namely because i never really felt connected to him and i think he... is a tool for the writers to bring things out of left field. but i think a huge growth moment for him and for me in terms of appreciating him as a character is “zoe’s reprise” (4x15). the rossi that comes back to the bau is definitely one who is a lot of things, and this episode pretty much expertly breaks down every wall that he’s put up since he left. we see him empathize with a victim, see him get told off when he tries to use money to fix the situation, we see him reflect on the consequences of his actions and the way that even though he’s kind of an ass when he first comes on, there’s more underneath. like i said, he’s not my favorite character, but this episode does a good job of working in much needed humanization of him. also, of course, the dinner scene in “proof” (7x02) could be an episode all on it’s own. “as a family.” you’re so right, rossi, you’re so right. 

derek 

god, i fucking love derek episodes. i love, love, love derek morgan. i high-key think that shemar moore does some of the most incredible/versatile acting on this show, and i’m not even speaking in hyperbole. we can talk about microexpressions from hotch and mgg’s portrayal all we want, but the way shemar moore delivers a man who suffered from some of the worst childhood trauma and creates a layered character with some of the most incredible empathy towards others on his team and victims is just jaw-dropping. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - derek is the most emphathetic character and the most in tune with the rest of the team. he is 100% the character who knows what others are feeling and actually acts on it. his relationships with spencer and penelope and emily -

but the episodes. there are tons of points in episodes focused on other characters where he shines (”penelope” and “mayhem” are two that come to mind) but honestly? “profiler, profiled” (2x12). not because of the trauma, but because how derek reacts to the trauma. we see him go through the five stages of grief when it comes to watching his persona, his shield, crumble around his team. we see him get taken apart and put himself back together. it is one of those episodes that makes me cry every time i watch it. derek confronting carl buford, that scene - f u c k. that’s all i have to say. 

penelope 

i absolutely adore my girl penelope. her character-centric episodes are some of my absolute favorite in the show. and it’s more like, i see a lot of myself in her even if i don’t absolutely identify with her personality (i am not nearly as sunshiney, unfortunately). so for her, i have to go with the classic “penelope” (3x09) for one. first of all, i think that the way the team cares for her is so vital. she is the heart of the team. and this episode shows it. more than that, i think it also shows how important a role she plays when she’s fully functioning, and we get reminded of how much she so desperately cares for others. i rewatch this episode often. another one for her is “exit wounds” (5x21). once again showing how much she cares for others, and also a really good/great/awesome derek and penelope moment. i love how often we get reassured that the team wants her exactly how she is, and she doesn’t have to change to catch the bad guys, and the moment where she says she looked into that man’s eyes so he could see something brilliant and bright as he died? god. sticks with me. 

emily

now. i’m not gonna lie. i think while i simp for hotch, emily is the most interesting character in the canon besides derek. i think while there are some problems in terms of continuity in her storyline, i think her journey in season six is one of my absolutely favorites to rewatch. i love watching her manipulate doyle. do i think the show could’ve done more in terms of fallout? yes. do i care? not totally. it’s a procedural, i get it. i love emily prentiss (probably am in love with her). i think her introduction in “lessons learned” is expert. while “demonology” (4x17) isn’t my favorite episode overall (i felt a disconnect with the story they were trying to tell in terms of unsub), i think for emily it’s such a brilliant look into her psyche and the way she thinks about her past. and i think “lauren” (6x18) is awesome at making the audience really look, watching her grapple with the consequences of her actions, her breakdown when she hears garcia’s message and having to quickly put herself back together... yeah, i love it. another one? “minimal loss” (4x03). i LOVE minimal loss. not only because of the story and the unsub, because emily throwing herself verbally in front of spencer to protect him is one of the top tier moments in the show. her and spencer’s relationship... fuck, so good.

spencer

there is a reason that spencer reid sticks around through fifteen seasons and it is because he is the soul of show. no, i’m not kidding. i think there is a lot of development that happens with spencer and when his individual relationships are highlighted the show shines. i think when the show, well, showcases his ingenuity it thrives. one episode that i just rewatched that comes to mind is “derailed” (1x09). the intensity of the episode is highlighted by spencer’s moments of humor, humanity, and intelligence. i like “revelations” (2x15) for the same reason. we see his genius through the eyes of the team and we’re just as in awe of him as hotch and gideon are. (did he get the support he needed after that episode? no, and i’ll die mad about it.) also his relationship with his mother, i will cry about it at any moment of the day. i LOVE their relationship, i love the way they develop, i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fact that we see the both of them throughout the whole series. “the fisher king, part two” (2x01) and the growth moments between the both of them - like, god, rip my heart out kind of love. fuck, and don’t even get me started on HIS empathy. the way that he reaches out to so many people who are suffering through his ability to just... listen. he doesn’t overlook anyone. he can’t. he knows what it feels like. some examples i love “the uncanny valley” (5x12) and “coda” (6x16).

jj

jj. there’s a lot i could say about jj, but i will say this. i do think liaison jj is more interesting, inherently, than profiler jj, and i do think that her character is reduced as the series goes along. i honestly think she is more of an equal with the rest of the team when she is liaison and plays that role. i will say, though, that i think her own exhibition of empathy, namely through the way she is willing to take the brunt of communicating with victims and families, is brilliant throughout the show. she does so much and i wish we saw her do even more (also she is canonically one of the best shots on the team, and i LOVE that). my favorite episodes for her is “risky business” (5x13), because as someone who has lost a friend in the same way jj lost her sister, i really felt for her and i think this gave us so much insight into WHY she does what she does. and “the longest night” (6x01) because her speech impacts the unsub almost as much as it impacts me. there’s a reason hotch wants her to be the one on the radio waves, and she nails it because she’s competent and incredible and... yeah. i do love her.

[hotchley]

the slave of duty: aaron and dave

Surprise guys, I started the conversations series! I have no idea how many there are going to be, but there are several living rent-free in my head, so... we shall see!

Anyways. This is what happened between Aaron and Dave after the end scene of 5x10. It’s mainly dialogue (cos you know, conversations) and there is very little point to it, however, I had fun writing it!

I think that’s everything....

read on ao3!

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, minor character death

“You were right,” Aaron said. They were alone again. Aaron’s hands had been shaking when they were leaving the graveyard. Dave had spotted the tremble before Aaron could hide it.

He tried not to think about the blood that had stained his hands when they had entered the building. He’d never been afraid of Aaron, not even in that moment, but now more than ever he was afraid for him.

Who was supposed to take his hands and convince him that he was alive and human and good and kind now? Haley was dead. Aaron wouldn’t let anyone else touch him. Not now. 

Dave had offered to drive him back to the apartment. Hotch hadn’t even put up a fight. He had just shrugged and gotten into the passenger seat, jaw slightly clenched as he stared out the window.

Jessica and Jack were out. Hotch mumbled something about going to the shops and offered to make coffee. Dave had wanted to say no. He didn’t want to be there, noticing how the carpet didn’t quite fit in one space, or how, if you knew where to look, you could just about make out the bullet hole.

But he knew Aaron. Knew how he would bury his pain the moment his son came through the door. Knew that he would act like he was fine when he returned. If he returned. Rossi knew what Aaron had said just moments ago, but there was still time for him to change his mind.

Aaron did not trust easily. An invitation into his apartment- his apartment and not his home because this was not his home, had never been his home- was an invitation into his heart. His mind. 

Dave was not going to let that get away from him. He had lost the love and trust of so many people in his life, Aaron’s name was not going on that list. So he said sure.

Which was how he find himself clasping a mug of too-hot coffee he didn’t really want as Aaron took a sip of water. One of the few things that would not destroy his stomach.

“Was I? What about?”

“You said that I had a family. And that when we got Foyet, I would have to make a decision, to make sure I didn’t let the purest thing that had ever happened to me get away. But I got so caught up in everything that I never stopped to think, and now...”

Rossi set his mug down. He knew he had always been a little bit dramatic, and the way he went about things was not always the way Aaron wanted them to happen, but this felt different to those occasions.

“Now what?” he prompted.

Aaron looked up, tears forming in his eyes, thumb drawing circles over his knuckles. He look both so much younger and older than he really was. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that Dave hadn’t seen since he first joined, but a heavy sadness that hadn’t been there before.

“I lost my family months ago. But that was a temporary thing. Now she’s not coming back- which is all my fault- and I’m so afraid of hurting my son that I’m going back to the same job that killed her.”

Dave sighed. He should have known that his dramatics would go completely over Aaron’s head. In his opinion, he lost Haley the moment the divorce papers came to the office instead of his house. Because the Haley he knew would never be that cruel. But anger changed people, and she was gone now. He’d like to remember her goodness.

“Aaron,” he said.

The other man looked down. “Dave. Not now.”

“Yes now. Because you didn’t kill Haley. That was Foyet’s decision. You did what you could. And you’re not going to hurt your son. Not in the way you fear you will. But when I said that, all those months ago, I wasn’t talking about Haley. Or Jack.”

“Dave, you said my family,” Aaron said. Even despite the water he was sipping, he had a headache. Dave and his stupid flare for dramatics wasn’t helping either.

"And I meant us. The team. I meant Spencer Reid, who you have always treated as a son. I meant Penelope Garcia, who remembers what your favourite cookies are. I was talking about Jennifer Jareau who reminds you that monsters can be defeated and Derek Morgan who has and always will trust you with his life. I meant Emily Prentiss, who would die before betraying you. I meant me, who has seen you angry and hurting and not flinched. We are the people that loved you unconditionally through everything."

"I-"

"We're your family Aaron. Even if you want to keep your distance because you're scared of hurting us, we love you. We're not walking away or going anywhere. And I know that terrifies you, but it's the truth. When I told you to not tell the purest thing in your life get away, I meant don't lose us."

"But I've already done that," Hotch said. He did not shout. And that, perhaps more than anything that had happened over the past few weeks, hurt David Rossi. Because Aaron wasn't even trying to fight. He had already given up. Already decided that the team could not and would not love him anymore. 

"Have you?"

"Dave, I humiliated Reid for lying about his injuries when I had done the exact same thing. I put myself above the case, days after I made Morgan unit chief, which completely undermined him. I insulted Emily and our friendship, lashed out at Penelope and JJ. I've been a terrible person. Derek had to pull me off a dead man's body. Classic overkill." He laughed as he said the final two words, but there was no humour.

"You did do all of those things. That much is true, yes."

Aaron glared. "That's not exactly convincing me of anything good."

"Because you're not letting me finish. Yes, you fucked up and you did the wrong thing but that doesn't change anything. We still love you. I know what your childhood was like. I know that your parents loving you carried the price of perfection and silence. I know that towards the end, Haley's life carried the price of changing your nature. But we aren't them. One bad thing isn't going to make us run away."

"But it should. I killed a man with my bare hands. Nothing more. We've worked enough cases to know what happens after that. I'm a terrible person."

Dave did not know how to convince Aaron that he was not going to become a case file on their desk. Because the truth was, he was not sure himself. There was every chance that now Aaron had done it once, the urge to do it again would overpower him. He knew what Aaron needed to hear, but he would not lie to him. Not in this moment.

"You are not a terrible person Aaron," he settled on. Because every time he looked at him, he saw the wide-eyed rookie he met in Seattle who just wanted to save the world. But sometimes saving the world was impossible, and right now, the world was Aaron.

"Dave. I'm too much of a coward to be around my son so I'm going back to the same job that killed his mother. The only real parent he ever had."

It was too much. It was just far, far too much. Dave slammed his mug of coffee down on the table, feeling slightly guilty when Aaron flinched at the sound, but not guilty enough to apologise for it. He needed to speak before Hotch fell down the hole of despair.

"Have you been listening to me? Your job did not kill Haley. That was Foyet. And you are not going to hurt your son. Not in the way you think you will."

"How can you be sure?" Aaron asked. 

"Because you are a good man. Because you have fought, every day of your life, to break that cycle of abuse. And you have never stopped fighting for what is good and what is right. Because even when you had just lost the love of your life, you sent your son away out of fear that he would realise what the blood was."

Aaron turned away and Dave knew what had to be said. What had to be done. Because Derek Morgan was an excellent leader, and one day, he would take over that role. But he would do it because it was Aaron Hotchner's time to step away and be with his son. He would not do it because Aaron was scared.

"Haley asked you to teach your son what love was," he said, each word carefully calculated. He needed to say your. Because Aaron still did not view himself as Jack's father, even though everybody else did. Because what Aaron did not understand was that it was not about being perfect. It was about being enough.

Aaron looked at him, mouth parted. He hadn't realised. In all the hurt, panic, emptiness, anger and grief it had never once occurred to him that the team would have heard that last conversation and final confession. It was stupid, but he just hadn't. "She did."

"The best way for you to teach your son about love is to show him what it does to people. It makes them happy. It makes them smile. And sometimes it makes them cry. I know you, Aaron. I know you think that coming back means that you're failing Jack but you won't be. You will be teaching him that family is much more than blood. That when you find your passion you hold onto it. And that love, for better or for worse, can and will be unconditional."

And Aaron shattered.

He slid from the couch to the floor, covering his mouth as sobs wracked his body. It was like all the pain he had been keep inside him since the day George Foyet broke into the same apartment they were sat in and stabbed him finally overwhelmed him. His body shook and his breathing started to sound more choked, but Dave was frozen.

It was only when the coughing started that he managed to force himself to act. He dropped to his knees and sat beside Aaron. He just hoped that he would recognise who was touching him and remember that he was safe.

"Hotch. It's Dave. Breathe with me. Yes, that's it. Okay. You're okay. It's all going to be okay."

Before he was aware of what was happening, Aaron's arms were wrapped around him in a tight and desperate hug. It was almost painful. Dave let it happen. Aaron needed something that was real, and genuine and grounding. The last person he'd held had been Haley, her perfume stained with the scent of blood and her body cold. Dave smelt like expensive aftershave and he was warm and his heartbeat was a comforting drum.

"I just don't get how people as good and kind as the team could love me unconditionally. Haley did her best, but that wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I'm never enough. And I am so fucking terrified that one day, the team are going to realise that, and I will just be alone and broken, like my father always said I would."

There was not time for Dave to explain that it wasn't that his love for Haley wasn't enough, it just wasn't what she needed and that was okay. Because to Aaron, unless he was perfect, he was failing. And he knew that Aaron would not believe him. The only people he would believe about that would have been Haley, but was now Jessica.

"You are enough. You were enough then and you are enough now. The team are never going to think you're not enough because you are. You have given them a family and hope and a purpose. You have done more for them than you will ever understand and they love you. I love you. And on the days where you can't lead, one of them will step in. You've already seen it happen."

"What if I come back and I can't do it? Then what?" Aaron was searching for a reason now. Any reason that would mean the team would not love him the way Dave believed they would.

"Then we will support you. And we will miss you, but we will let you go because sometimes that is what love is. But we won't hate you. Or resent you. We'll stll just be a phone call away because we are your family. And it's not always pretty. Sometimes it's ugly."

"Do you promise you won't hate me?"

Dave had always been slightly different to the team. He had always been the one Aaron went to. The one that could talk him down and convince him that he had done the right thing. He had watched Aaron grow and harden and break. He had taught him that the palm pressed to his cheek was an action of love and given him the title of lead profiler. He'd been a coward after the Boston Reaper as he left Aaron to pick up the pieces. But he'd returned when Jason Gideon left without saying goodbye to the men that had held the team together. One through their ability as a leader, the other through their ability as a friend.

When Dave thought of the months between Jason's departure and his return, he thought of the toll it must have taken on Derek. He was the one that had provided the emotional comfort Aaron had been too closed off to give, even though he was battling his own anger at being left.

"I promise Aaron, on everything that I hold sacred."

Aaron relaxed against him, leaning back against the couch. Dave took the glass from the table and tilted his chin, forcing Aaron to take small sips. When half the glass was emptied, he took the glass and placed it on the table once more.

"Thank you," he whispered, voice still a little hoarse.

"You're welcome," was Dave's response. It was easier than having to explain that Aaron did not need to be grateful.

"By the way, I expect your paperwork from the most recent case on my desk by Monday," Aaron added, a slight grin on his face.

"I'd expect nothing less," Dave said, ruffling Aaron's hair slightly.

They were going to be okay.

[thefanficmonster]

And My Heart Burned In That Lodge

Michael (Mike) Munroe x Reader (female)

Warnings: Death, Grief, Dealing with loss, Heartbreak, Swearing

Genre: ANGST

Summary: None of them will ever be the same, who knows if they’ll even heal. However, the case is different for Mike. He’s left to be dealing with the guilt, grief and the haunting memory of his friend’s death. He’s angry with himself for all the wrong things he did and all the right things he was too much of a coward to do. Now, his only closure is talking to a gravestone, hoping the wind in the graveyard will pass the message onto the person who the words are meant for.  

Requested by Anon. Wish I could tag them, they have such amazing ideas ❤

PS - Sorry this is hella long, I got carried away LOL

I stand aside, watching as my friends place their flowers on her grave. I can hear their cries. For some odd reason I can’t find it in me to feel sympathy or the need to go over there and be with them. I can’t see how that would do anything but make me feel more miserable. Standing here, seeing this scene unfold in front of me, I can’t help but be reminded of how it all started.

Fuck Mondays, man. Fuck them from the bottom of my heart. Even worse, this is the first week of school after winter break so no one wants to be here. Even even worse, this is the first time I’ll be seeing Emily after out breakup. We broke up over text and while I’m aware that’s the worst way to break up with someone, I must admit it was the only way for a lot of arguing and awkwardness to be avoided. 

It’s the first time I’m coming to school alone in a while. Without Emily, the car was pleasantly quiet aside from the songs on the radio. Not gonna lie, it felt a bit lonely. Being single for the first time in what feels like forever is both liberating and oddly melancholic. I try to push the self-loathing and the depressing thoughts away as my eyes scan the hallway, looking for the group of familiar faces. My gang. We used to be ten people but we lost two girls during our winter getaway at the Washington lodge. Josh’s sisters, Hannah and Beth, went missing and are presumably dead, all cause of a stupid prank Jess, Emily and I concocted, convincing Matt and Ash to go along with it. In retrospect, I don’t know what we were thinking.

‘Seriously, Mike? From one depressing thought to another? Is your brain lacking serotonin today more than usual or what?‘ I mentally scold myself just as I spot two familiar faces - Sam and Ashley. 

It doesn’t take long for me to notice the rest of the gang - Matt, Jess and Chris - all standing near by, surrounding a girl I have never seen before. She sticks out immediately with her long H/C hair and shiny E/C eyes. Jess has her arm linked with the girl, a gesture really out of place for Jess. I mean, her and Emily are pretty close and I’ve never even seen them hug.

“Hey, man. How are you?“ Matt notices me first, lifting his head and smiling at me. His greeting leads the others to look in my direction as well, including the girl. I catch Jess lean down in and whisper something to her. I can’t hear what she’s saying but it clearly aggravates her. I have never received a dirtier look from a girl in my entire life. I usually have the opposite effect on women but I guess there’s a first time for everything. 

“Mike...” Jess steps away from the girl and towards me, “this is my best friend, Y/N. She just got transferred here.” She turns her attention back to the girl, “Y/N, this is Mike.” 

Y/N looks unamused as she outstretches her arm in my direction. “Nice to meet you” is what she says, but her expression clearly tells me she would like to see as little of me as possible. At least she’s polite, right? 

“Likewise.” The handshake is brief and, despite her obvious distaste for me, she still gives me a firm handshake. 

“Wait, you were transferred? I thought Jess said you came here cause you moved.” Sam furrows her brows in confusion. 

“Well, it’s really a chicken and the egg type of situation.” Y/N laughs, rubbing the back of her neck almost nervously, “We moved because I had to transfer.”  Yikes.“ Ashley comments, “Not to pry or anything, but why did you have to be transferred?“

Y/N looks me dead in the eyes, as if she’s sending me a message that I better not overlook, or so help me God I’ll be dead. ”Noses randomly broke when I was around.”

It hurts so much to look back on those times and not pick up on what I was feeling. I foolishly decided that if I can’t give the feelings a name or find them a purpose I should turn a blind eye. I wasn’t that ignorant, I could tell she was the cause, but I could never admit it.

And then there’s the situation with Jess...

“You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.“

I found Y/N by the bleachers and let me tell you, she’s quite the paradox. She’s a straight A, no nonsense, intelligent beyond her years girl. With all these characteristics, you’d think she’d know better than to smoke cigarettes. Wrong! She’s a smoker. Jess can never not complain about the smell of cigarette smoke, it’s a miracle these two get along.

To my ‘hi’ she responded with what looked to be an eyeroll and an annoyed release of smoke through her nostrils. Even though I know I’m not welcome to be in her proximity, I still decide to sit down a little ways away from her, for personal space and all that. Definitely not cause I’m slightly afraid of her. No way.

We just sit in silence until she hits me with the aforementioned threat. I am caught off guard. All I can do is stare straight ahead of me like a deer in headlights. After maybe thirty seconds of absolute confusion I manage to turn my head to look at her. “What are you talking about?” The question is supposed to sound harsh but compared to the way she spit out that death threat it sounded more like a whimper.

“You are such an ignorant asshole.“ She shakes her head, throwing her cigarette on the bench below her. She stomps on it and walks away. I can’t help but stare at her until she’s out of sight. I feel like I’m watching something non-human. A phenomenon you can experience once in a lifetime - if you’re lucky. 

She’s the complete opposite of Jess: grounded, smart, rational. The only time I’ve seen her be so unpleasant is around me. I catch her interactions with the rest of the gang. From afar, she seems like the nicest, friendliest girl. And then she catches a glimpse of me and her mood changes. I don’t know what’s her problem with me but I know it most certainly isn’t something I’ve done to her. She’s been like that since the first moment we were introduced, so either Jess has talked a lot of shit about me or she just hates people named Michael. I may never know.

I had no idea what she meant at the time and only found out three weeks ago. Speaking of three weeks ago, the group once again headed for the Blackwood Pines, trying to hide their uneasiness with make excitement. I was pretty hyped when I heard we were going because that also meant our friend Josh was finally starting to get better. He hadn’t been in a good mindset since his sisters went missing and we were all really worried for him but weren’t allowed to show it because he always insisted he was fine.

He wasn’t. He was as messed up as ever and served as only the prologue to the nightmare of a night we had to live through.

But before all that could happen, the night started off well. Better than expected. The eeriness of the mountain combined with the bad memories we had of the place we still there, we could all feel the tension, but we did a good job masking it with jokes and whatnot. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to go and not only because of what happened the year prior.

“Wait, wait, wait. Y/N’s coming too?“ I ask, looking at Josh with wide eyes.

The guy is clearly confused by my overdramatic reaction to him counting down the names of the ones who had already RSVPd ‘Yes’. “Is that a problem or something?”

I sigh, hiding my face in my hands. It’s embarrassing to admit, really. “She doesn’t like me, and that puts it mildly. She hates me.”

He looks even more baffled than before, “Why? What’d you do to her?”

“Nothing, for fuck’s sake. Not a single thing. I haven’t even had a proper interaction with her.“ Talking about this matter exhausts me, mostly cause I can’t even express half the things I’m feeling.

There’s been a time or two I’ve caught her looking at me but her eyes weren’t filled with that distrust I’m used to. She looks away quickly when we make eye contact, as if she can’t put the mean mask on in time and she has to look away to do a system reset. I sometimes catch myself looking at her without realizing. I try to tell myself I do it for the purpose of solving her. 

‘Who are you kidding, Munroe?‘

                                                                  * * *

And here I am, climbing up the mountain to the Washington lodge. I’ve made it a goal to use this getaway to mend things with Y/N. It’s the only way for me to get back to normal. To get my mind back since she’s recently been living in my head rent-free. I’m bullshitting, not just recently. She’s taken over my brain since day one. I can’t place what’s going on with me, I can’t find a term to label it with and I most definitely can’t find a way to stop it. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I can’t stop it on my own, she’ll have to do it for me.

Another thing - I’ve never felt nervous or self-conscious around a girl all my life. Never. My friends joke that I’m a ladies’ man and I’d say that’s pretty true. So I have a tough time understanding how I turn into an awkward turtle that’s missing confidence when she’s around.

Once we all get settled in and there’s a fire going, giving the lodge a cozy atmosphere, it’s every man for themselves. Everyone picks a activity they want to occupy themselves with and the living room of the lodge empties out, leaving me there alone.

I scroll stare at the screen of my now useless phone. The thing has no reception and no way of keeping me busy, leaving my attention to wander to the voices that are getting more and more distant as my friends walk out of the room.

I can’t help but overhear Jess say to Y/N, “You haven’t even set your bag down yet and you’re going for a smoke? Jeez, Y/N.”

“You say as though you don’t know me.“ Y/N laughs, the sound of a door opening following after her voice.

It’s such a nice sound, her laugh. I’ve never heard it before. I’ve seen her smile and seen her chuckle at someone’s joke, but it was never actually a laugh. Seems she keeps those for special occasions. 

If she’s in the type of mood to laugh, she’s in the type of mood to be civil with me. Before I can talk myself out of the on-spot decision, I mentally slap myself and get off the couch, walking to the door to the side deck.

“You’ve got this, she’s just a person” 

“Who’s just a person?“ her voice cuts through the silence of the outdoors.

‘SHIT I SAID THAT OUT LOUD‘

I decide to carry this all the way, no shortcuts. No backing out. Somehow, now that she’s standing in front of me - a cigarette between her fingers, her shoulders tense from of the cold - I find it easier to get the words out. She’s just as human as everyone else. The cold causes her to shrivel up. She’s addicted to tobacco. She’s not some riddle I need to solve, just a person I need to talk to in order to understand.

“You.“ I reply, “Why aren’t you wearing a jacket?“

She shakes her head, her shoulders trembling a bit, “It builds the immune system.”

“No, it makes you suffer.“ I shrug my jacket off, cautiously approaching her and wrapping it around her.

Surprisingly, she accepts it with a nod and a murmured ‘thanks’, holding onto it with the hand that’s not holding her cigarette. “Why were you reminding yourself that I’m just a person? Do I not look like one?” She scoffs, facing away from me to look at the snowy hills ahead.

“No, no, not that. You just make me nervous that’s all.“ 

She whirls around, giving me this look as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.

“Really? Why’s that?“ she puts out her cigarette on the wooden railing, focusing all her attention on me.

My hand instinctively goes up to the back of my neck, feeling my face start to heat up. “Well, you’re not really fond of me. And I don’t know why, and....” I trail off, sighing in self-disappointment, “And I wanna know why.”

Her expression turns the complete opposite, a smile spreading across her face. “It’s not about something you have done. It’s about what you might’ve done.”

Despite feeling slightly relieved, I am no less confused than I was a minute ago. “And what is that?”

“Break my best friend’s heart.“ She looks a lot more serious now, “You really had no idea she was head over heels for you just a month ago. You were so oblivious and she was so whipped...“ frustration radiates off of her, “I just didn’t want her to get hurt.“ She closes her eyes, stabilizing herself before finishing her statement, “I didn’t want to hurt her.“

“Wait, what?“

The hurt that paints itself on her face is contagious. I feel it too and I don’t even know what’s causing it. “She always told me about you. Mike this and Mike that. She made you sound like the best guy in the world. And...I really wanted to be let down when I met you, but you were nothing but nice to me and to the other people in the group. But you were also such a jerk from time to time. You are just too...Fucking forget it.” 

In a blink of an eye she puts my jacket over the railing and runs inside the lodge.

“Y/N, wait!“

Needless to say, running after her was the best decision I’ve made. I didn’t get her to admit to anything, but at least we lied down the armor and agreed to give each other some time to get to know one another. Drop aside the assumptions and give a this acquaintanceship the chance to become a friendship. 

Sadly, all good things come to an end way sooner than we want. The rest of that dreadful night I witnessed her transform. When everyone was freaking out, she held them and comforted them. I saw the fear in her eyes but she never let it shine through in her actions. She was the one still holding it together even after she saw that disgusting creature. Her and I were the ones to turn that sanatorium upside down. We were with Josh in the mines. We were the ones to see the Wendigo first. We were by each other’s side the entire time. We had each other’s backs. 

I’ve never felt such a connection with someone. I was experiencing the most intimate understanding with a person in the worst moment of my life. It was bittersweet. The poison mixed with the cure.

Even when she knew her death was approaching, her only reaction was a single tear. A single crystal drop running down her cheek.

We can make a break. We can run right out of this hell hole and turn it to ash, all we need is for this fucking to focus its attention elsewhere. Thankfully Chris, Ash and Emily have made it out already and they’re safe. However, Sam, Y/N and I are trapped. The silent looks we exchange are laced with fear and panic. We have to calculate our next moves down to a millisecond and we don’t even know what those next moves should be.

Suddenly, a sharp pain starts spreading from my hand shoulder. My adrenaline is no longer doing a good job blocking out the pain of the fingers I had to sever. I slip up, letting out a hiss. The pain is just that unbearable.

That thing turn at the speed of light, letting out a screech and heading in my direction. My whole body is tense I couldn’t move if I wanted to but my arm is in such a horribly painful position, I think I’ll faint if I don’t readjust it.

“HEY!“ The voice comes from opposite me and my heart drops.

Sam’s next to me. It’s not her. It’s Y/N. 

The Wendigo loses interest in me as soon as it hears her yell turning and heading straight for her. It all starts sinking in. Now that it’s facing away, Sam and I can make it out. But she can’t. It’s over for her. There’s no way she’s leaving this lodge.

I catch her eyes from across the room. Her posture says a fighter, but her eyes scream ‘petrified’. She knows it too. She knows it’s game over. A single tear rolls down her cheek, shattering my heart.

That’s the last vulnerable moment, however. She turns her head, deciding to go out without showing a glint of fear to that piece of shit. I don’t have to look at Sam or tell her what to do. We’re both aware that we’re about to make it out, losing Y/N in the process.

It happens in a split second. Y/N spits at the Wendigo and then next thing I see is her laying on the ground in a pool of blood. 

The dash out of the lodge is a blur. The last thing I remember is sitting outside of the burning building, staring at the flames. The lodge wasn’t the only thing burning. Years of memories; history; wendigos; and my heart burnt in that lodge.

I see the group leave the graveyard. I struggle to move forward, my limbs heavy. I feel gravity is a lot stronger all of a sudden. 

I didn’t go to the final goodbye. I knew it wasn’t her. There was nothing left of her to bury. Sam told me they buried things that reminded people of her and objects she cherished. 

Well it’s time I give my goodbye.

I shrug my jacket off - the same jacket from that night - and put it around the gravestone like I put it over her shoulders. There’s a box of the cigarettes she smoked in the inner pocket.

“I hope you felt what I felt, Y/N. I hope I didn’t have to say it for you to notice it. I wish I knew...cause now it’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.” I can’t stop the tears, I’m too weak and I’ve been holding them back for far too long. “I’ve never believed in an afterlife. But I really hope there is one, just so we can meet again.” I scoff, shaking my head, “Who am I kidding, I’m probably going to hell.”

I believe that’s where I deserve to go, anyway. I’m the reason she died. And I will never let myself live that down. I will never forgive myself. A flame like no other burnt out so mine could keep burning.   I will make sure it haunts me till the day I leave this world behind.

[cmfan3]

If I Ever Lost You Part 2

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau X Emily Prentiss

Warning: Strong Language & Violence

Words: 5.6K

Emily woke to the sound of sirens. Everything was blurry and her head was pounding. In a futile attempt, she covered her ears, trying to block out all the noise. What happened? Why does my head hurt so fucking much? Suddenly it all came rushing back. JJ. Emily instantly turned towards the passenger seat causing stars to flash against her eyelids. “Ugh,” she let out a groan of pain. When the stars faded and she was able to see, Emily was terrified to see that the passenger seat was empty. A feeling of dread settled in her heart as her eyes laid upon a note that was placed on the seat like it was mocking the agent. With a shaking hand, she reached over and picked up the paper. She opened the note and when she read the three words, her world stopped.

I have her.

The paper dropped from her hands, fluttering down onto her lap. She pushed open the car door, leaning over the side and emptying her stomach contents. She felt hands grip her shoulders. Derek shouted, “come on princess, snap out of it. I need you to focus,” but everything was muffled. All she could hear was her own voice in her head. The unsub has JJ. He has the woman I love. It’s my fault. The next hour felt like it passed by in slow motion. Emily was checked over by the paramedics. The cut on her head was stitched up and she was told to take it easy for a couple days. Take it easy. Sure, I’ll take it easy when I have JJ back in my arms.

Derek opted to drive Emily back to the precinct while the rest of the team met them there. As she slid into the passenger seat, tears pricked her eyes. She willed herself not to cry. I have to be strong for Jen. I can’t cry right now. Before starting the car, Derek looked over at the brunette, noticing how she was closing herself off. “Nuh uh princess, I know that we have to get back to find JJ, but talk to me. Don’t shut everything in, not again,” he requested. The simple request was too much for Emily and the tears that she tried holding back fell down, leaving a trail along her cheeks. “I can’t Derek. It’s my fault she’s gone. I should’ve seen the car coming. I should’ve protected her. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault,” she sobbed, dropping her head into her hands. Unable to comfort his friend with words, he reached over and began rubbing small circles on her back. Once Emily’s breath evened out, Derek turned to start the car, but he heard such a faint whisper, he wasn’t sure if he imagined it, “I love her.” His hand froze, a mere centimeters from the ignition, “well princess, it’s about time you admitted it.” He looked over and when he saw the shocked reaction from the woman, he cracked a small smile. “Emily, you’re not as subtle as you think. The entire team knows. Hell, Garcia was the first to figure it out. Not to mention the jet incident,” Derek explained. Emily was silent after hearing the confession. The silence was only broken by Derek when he promised, “we’ll get her back princess.” Emily had one thought. I’m coming JJ. I promise.

As soon as the team got to the precinct, they got to work. Emily’s phone rang, glancing upon the number, her stomach dropped when JJ’s name flashed across the screen. Everyone gathered around her as she answered. Fear dripping from her voice, “Jayje, please tell me you’re ok. Tell me where you are and I’ll come pick you up.” “My my. Her knight in shining armor, I’m sorry to say, but you won’t be finding her,” a man’s voice rang out. Derek immediately dialed Penelope and she answered almost immediately, “baby girl, I need you to track JJ’s phone.” “I have been ever since you guys landed in Washington, but as soon as she got into the crash, I lost the signal” Penelope confessed. Hearing the clacking of keys on the other end, the team held their breath waiting. The only person who wasn’t focused on Penelope was Emily. Desperate, she pleaded, “please, whoever you are, let her go. I’ll do anything. Just don’t hurt her.” Hearing the laughter from the other end of the line, Emily’s stomach turned over itself, “you don’t have anything I want. Goodbye agent Prentiss.” The call cut off, causing Emily to drop to her knees, despair taking over as sobs shook her body. Penelope’s voice rang out, her voice breaking, “I don’t- I don’t understand. I wasn’t able to track it. He had the signal bouncing around different towers.” Derek was fuming, “who in the hell does this son of a bitch think he is.” Anger crossed Hotch’s features for a split second so the team wasn’t sure if they imagined it. He called out, “Garcia, look into the list and narrow it down as much as you can. Do it fast. Reid, look over the geographical profile, I want you to cut it down. Work with Garcia to eliminate as much as you can. Rossi, look over the crime scene photos and see if we missed anything. Morgan and Prentiss. You two have to look into the victim’s lives, find out what connected them. Find out how the unsub got to them. I’ll handle the media.” Derek crouched down to Emily and enveloped her into a hug as the rest of the team got started. One second she was sobbing into his shirt and the next it was as if nothing happened. She got up and wiped at her eyes, “we don’t have any time to waste,” she stated. I’m gonna get this son of a bitch. Hang in there Jen. I love you.

The first thing JJ felt when she woke up was pain. Her body seemed to hurt everywhere. With a groan, she lifted her head and peaked her eyes open. As her vision cleared, she realized that she was being suspended in the middle of a dim lit room. Her feet were barely scraping the floor and the more she tried moving, the deeper the rope dug into her skin. She cried out in pain when the rope rubbed along her raw wrists. She looked around the room, noticing how it was completely barren except for a chair in front of her and a door. Suddenly, the door opened, causing JJ to turn her head from the sudden change in light. Keeping her eyes closed, she heard shoes padding across the floor until they stopped in front of her. She held her breath, waiting. Her silence was met with a stinging slap across her face, causing her head to turn roughly. Holding in her cries, she looked up at the unsub with hatred in her eyes. His face turned into a sneer, “this is going to be more fun than I thought.” His voice sounded like his words were scraping across sandpaper. JJ had to crane her neck to look him in his eyes. Blue eyes locked onto brown eyes. His eyes gleamed with something menacing, “we’ll see how long you can last. Hopefully you’ll be more fun than the others.” He gripped her face roughly, causing her to thrash, attempting to free herself from his grip, “you’ll learn your place soon enough.” He let her go, causing her chin to drop against her chest. Before he walked out, he turned to the blonde and pointed to a camera in the corner that she didn’t notice before, “say hello to your team. Give Emily my regards.” JJ’s head snapped up at the name. “Don’t you dare hurt her,” she screamed. He simply laughed, “all in due time Jareau, all in due time,” and walked out, shutting the door behind him. Emily. I can’t let her get hurt. God. Please keep her safe. I love you Em. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. She turned towards the camera, grief stricken across her features, she mouthed, “I’m sorry,” before she let herself fall unconscious.

Penelope was sitting in her lair when she got an email from an anonymous user. Out of curiosity, she clicked the link included. Her breath caught in her throat when the video popped up on her screen. “Oh no. This is bad. This is so so bad,” she gasped.

The team was working in the precinct like a machine when Hotch’s phone rang. He picked it up, answering immediately, “what is it Garcia?” “You guys have to see this,” she replied breathlessly. They turned their attention to the screen in the front of the room, freezing when the video of JJ bloody and limp came up. Emily’s breathing became labored when she saw her love hanging from the ceiling, feet barely scraping the floor, and a red mark growing on her cheek. “No,” she whispered. Morgan’s jaw clenched, his eyes roaming over the blonde. Reid was frozen in shock when he saw the woman who was practically his older sister in such a state. Rossi had tears pricking his eyes as soon as the video popped up. Hotch seemed unfazed by the video which angered Emily, but his eyes told a different story. “Track it Garcia,” he yelled out. “I’m already trying sir,” she cried, “but nothing’s coming up. The signal’s bouncing across different towers.” The team turned back to the screen when the audio suddenly turned on. Dread settled in the pit of Emily’s stomach when she heard a door opening and the thud of footsteps. On screen, JJ’s head snapped up when the footsteps stopped. Unable to see the unsub, the team had to focus on JJ’s facial features. The same voice that had talked to Emily on the phone earlier rang out from the TV, “now, if you want some water, you have to behave.” In response, the blonde spit in his face causing a scream of outrage. The blonde’s head snapped to the side when she was met with a slap. Her groans of pain caused Emily’s heart to shatter. Looking at the screen, the team felt despair when the unsub sent a flurry of punches across JJ’s ribs. After a particularly strong one, JJ cried out. “He must have broken a rib. Her breathing looks like it’s getting shallow,” Reid noticed. Seemingly satisfied with himself, the unsub’s footsteps sounded like they were fading. JJ turned towards the camera and with a groan of pain, she whispered, “he has bro-“ then the audio cut off. Emily jumped out of her seat, rushing towards the TV, “No!” she cried out. The brunette stared into the blonde’s eyes through the screen, and it was almost as if JJ felt it because she stared into the camera, her features softening and her mouth forming into the words, “I love you too,” before she lost consciousness, causing her head to drop. Emily cried out, her breathing became labored. Derek pulled her into an embrace, keeping the woman from collapsing on the floor. Penelope and Emily’s sobbing was the only sound that was heard in the otherwise silent room.

When JJ woke up, she didn’t know what time or day it was. It feels like it’s been weeks. I have to stay strong for Em, but I don’t know how much longer I can last. I need water. Her throat was parched and when she tried to call out, it came out as nothing but a whisper, “please, I need water.” The door opened to reveal her captor. He had a smirk on his face as he strolled in the room, “well you’ll have to behave won’t you.” Unable to speak any longer, JJ nodded, hoping to get something to satisfy her thirst. Suddenly, the unsub lunged towards her, gripping the rope that was suspending her, keeping her from thrashing. He pulled out a knife that JJ didn’t see until it was too late. He used the tip of the knife to rip her shirt down the middle. She tried getting out of his reach but it was useless. He was fixated on her tan stomach, pulling the knife up to scrape along it. JJ let out a groan of pain when the knife broke through her skin, leaving a trail of blood in its wake. This continued for what seemed like hours when in reality it was only a minute. When he was satisfied with his work, he put the knife away and ran his fingers along the cuts, causing JJ to cry out. Smearing the blood across her abdomen, the unsub reached up and cupped JJ’s face, causing the blood to mark her face. He patted her cheek, turning away with a grin on his face and walked out.

Emily was the only one who saw the entire scene unfold. She gripped the edge of the seat until her knuckles turned white. Her jaw clenched and the hatred in her grew. She stared at the blonde, praying that they could catch a break. On the screen, JJ coughs racked her whole body. When her body stilled, Emily’s fear grew. As she watched JJ, she was heartbroken to see the frail agent’s body shake with sobs. The tears ran down her face, washing away the blood that was smeared on. Unable to see more, Emily turned from the screen, staring at her phone, willing it to ring with good news. Garcia’s contact popped up on the screen, and praying that it wasn’t a cruel joke from the universe, Emily picked it up, “please PG, tell me we have something to go off on.” “I was able to cut down the list to three men. I already told Hotch. The team is going to the properties and see if they can find her,” informed Garcia. She continued, “go find her E,” and cut the line. Emily rushed out of the room, running up to her team. Hotch glanced at her and started, “Reid and Morgan, you two head to the Smith property. Prentiss and Rossi, head to the Johnson property. I’ll head to the Cox residence with the captain.” The team grabbed their vests and rushed to the cars.

Derek and Spencer got to the Smith property as the sun was setting, the orange glow washing over the house. As cop cars drove in behind the agents, they rushed from the SUV and towards the front door. Their guns in their hands, Derek pounded on the door, ”FBI! Open up!” After not getting a response, he nodded to Spencer to brace himself. Morgan then kicked the door open, allowing Spencer to walk in first. The two split, each followed by a cop while they searched the property. They searched every part of the house, anger and fear growing every time they walked into an empty room. By the time they finished searching the house, the sun had set completely and the sky was getting dark fast. Frustrated because they didn’t find anyone, Derek called Hotch, “there’s no one here man. She’s not here Hotch.” Hotch replied with the one answer he was dreading, “she’s not here either. Head to the Johnson residence. I haven’t heard anything from Prentiss or Rossi.” Jumping into the SUV, Derek pulled out of the driveway, speeding towards the third residence.

Not willing to wait for backup, Emily rushed towards the house, causing David to chase after her. She craned her neck towards the door to see if she could hear anything, but when she didn’t hear a sound, she tried opening the door. Realizing that the door was locked, she got down onto her knees to pick it while David kept watch. After a couple minutes of antagonizing silence, the two were relieved when the click of the lock rang out, causing the door to swing open. Picking up her gun, Emily cautiously stepped into the house, her eyes straining to see in the dark. Dave motioned towards the stairs, telling her that he was going to search upstairs. Emily nodded in response and ventured further into the house. Unable to find anything in the living room, she moved towards the kitchen and dining room. The place was eerily quiet, the only sound that she heard were her own footsteps, causing chills to run down her spine. After she cleared both rooms, she turned towards the hallway. Seeing a staircase leading to darkness, she couldn’t wait for Rossi so she cautiously ventured down the stairs. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw a single door leading into a faintly light room. Swinging the door wide open with her gun drawn, she held her breath as her eyes scanned the room. If she didn’t notice the blood stains on the floor or the chain hanging from the middle of the room, she wasn’t sure what she would’ve done. She’s not here. That son of a bitch still has her. Even though the blonde was no longer here, she felt a surge of hope when she realized that she still had to be alive, otherwise the unsub wouldn’t have moved her. I’m coming JJ. I promise.

To JJ, it felt like they were walking for hours. She wasn’t sure which direction they came from. All she knew was that they were moving for a reason. She realized what was happening, “they found you, didn’t they? I knew they’d find me. You’re nothing compared to them. Compared to Em-” she was cut off when he threw her on the ground, causing the air to leave her lungs. Chest heaving, she tried taking deep breaths, each one hurting her ribs more than the last. “Shut up,” he whispered menacingly. “Or what? You’ll kill me,” JJ egged him on. He let out yell of rage, “I said shut up you stupid bitch!” The next thing she knew, his foot was flying towards her face. She couldn’t bring her hands up fast enough. She had one thought. Emily. His foot connected with the side of her temple and then she was out cold.

JJ woke up tied to a post in the middle of what seemed to be a barn. It was still dark out so she wasn’t sure if it was the same day or if it was twenty-four hours later. Her head was pounding and her vision was swimming. A voice rang out from the corner, “you’re finally awake. I must’ve kicked you harder than I realized.” She heard a chair scraping across the floor as the unsub went to sit in front of her. As he sat down, he pulled something out from behind his back. The blonde turned away from him when she saw the moonlight gleaming off the knife, but that wasn’t the only thing she saw. “You know, you were the best one I had,” he claimed. She looked at the knife again, hoping to see what was on it. Angered by her silence, the unsub lunged towards her, holding the knife up to her throat. When he brought the knife closer to her, she realized what was on it. Blood? I don’t feel any new cuts, it can’t be mine. Who’s blo- Her thoughts were interrupted when the unsub realized that she was staring at the knife. Pulling it back, he roared with laughter, “you’re trying to figure out who’s blood this is, aren’t you agent Jareau? Well, let me tell you a little secret.” He leaned in next to her ear, causing her to turn away, and whispered, “it’s your precious lover’s. Emily.” She instantly turned her head towards him, staring at him, fear prominent on her face. “No. No. You’re lying. You have to be,” she mumbled. Satisfied with her reaction, he pulled back and continued, “you should have heard her. She kept begging that you don’t get hurt. She was pathetic-” JJ interrupted him, shouting, “no! Don’t talk about her like that. You don’t even deserve to say her name.” Realizing that she went too far, her eyes shot up to stare at him, scared of what he might do to her. He simply smiled, “well you shouldn’t worry. You will be joining her soon enough Jennifer.” He turned away from her and walked out of the barn, leaving the blonde to be consumed with grief. Her sobs ripped from her throat, leaving her out of breath and shaking. Unable to process the information that her love was gone, her body felt numb. All she could do was stare at the empty chair, reminiscing about all their memories together. The memory that she held onto was their night in the hotel room. Emily’s words ringing in her head as tears streamed down her face. I love you.

The team gathered outside of the Johnson house, planning their next move. Emily told the team what she found, “she wasn’t there, but I did find the room where the unsub was keeping her. There was a chain hanging from the middle of the room and there were blood stains on the floor, they looked somewhat fresh.” “There was nothing upstairs except for a room filled with computers. That’s where he would’ve made the call and video ping off of different towers,” David added. Before they could add anything else, Hotch’s cell rang with Penelope’s number flashing on the screen. “Talk to me Garcia,” he answered. “I was looking into Elijah Johnson and I found a number of interesting things. The first is, his mother abandoned him when he was only six, leaving him with his grandmother. Before he was abandoned, he had frequent visits to the hospital for injuries like a broken arm, bruised eye, broken rib, and more. Every visit resulted with a different excuse, but it seemed like he was abused by his mother,” Penelope informed the team. After a beat of silence, her voice rang out again, “Oh, this is bad. JJ looks exactly like his mother.” Spencer was the first to speak, “he’s using JJ as a substitute for his mother. He feels like JJ should pay for his mother’s actions. He might even think that JJ is his mother if his rage becomes too much to handle. There’s no telling what he’ll do to her.” Penelope answered, “boy wonder’s right. I’m currently looking at the map to see if there are any properties nearby.” After a couple of seconds, a squeal of victory was heard by the team, “there’s an abandoned barn three miles northeast of your current location. The address has just been sent to your phones.” “You’re the best baby girl,” Derek called out. Penelope laughed, “oh don’t you know it chocolate thunder. Go get our girl back.” Before she ended the call, Penelope’s voice rang out once more, “stay safe my lovelies.” With a newfound strength, the team jumped into their SUV’s and rushed towards the barn.

JJ awoke to the feeling of her hands being untied. Her head was still throbbing from the news she received earlier. When she looked back, she was shocked to see that it was the unsub who was untying her from the post. “They’re here. Your team found us. We have to get moving,” he informed her. When she was finally free, she knew that this was her chance to stall him so she dropped to the floor. He grabbed her, roughly pulling her from the floor, “get the fuck up. This is not the time for your shit.” JJ didn’t respond, she simply let her body go slack. The two looked up to the entryway as they heard footsteps pounding towards them. The unsub pulled JJ up, wrapping one arm around her abdomen while pressing the knife to her neck with the other. Derek and Spencer ran through the front entrance, pausing when they saw the unsub threatening JJ with the knife. Soon after, Hotch came in from the left and David came in from the right. JJ’s heart shattered when she didn’t see the brunette come in, realizing that the unsub was in fact telling the truth earlier. Her body sagged from the grief and she tuned everything out, unable to stop the tears from falling down her face. Hotch’s called out, “you don’t have to do this Elijah, you’re surrounded. We know your mother hurt you and you want your revenge, but look at agent Jareau. She isn’t your mother. You have to let her go. No one else has to get hurt Johnson.” Elijah laughed at the agents, “even if I let her go, I’ll spend my life in jail, if I don’t get onto death row. Not happening. If I go down, she’s coming with me. She’ll be dead before any of you even pull the trig-” He was cut off with a gun shot that came from behind him. He dropped to the floor, blood pouring from his head, causing JJ to collapse to the floor, tears still silently streaming down her face. She heard footsteps rushing towards her and then her face was cupped, trying to make her look up. Giving in, she looked up and was shocked to see that it was Emily who was holding her up. JJ’s breath froze, “please don’t let this be some cruel dream,” she whispered. Tears shining in her eyes, Emily smiled, “I’m here Jayje. I’m here and I’m never leaving you again. I promise.” JJ smiled gratefully and leaned into Emily’s touch, closing her eyes. Emily leaned down and kissed her forehead, “you can rest now Jen. I’ve got you.” Knowing that she was safe in her love’s arms, she let sleep take her.

Emily was allowed to ride back in the ambulance with JJ. Holding her hand, to reassure herself that JJ was really there, Emily couldn’t stop gawking at her. No matter what happens to her, she still looks beautiful. They were halfway to the hospital when JJ coded. Emily’s body went frigid as the sound of JJ flat lining rang out. She squeezed her hand, hoping for some kind of response, but when she didn’t feel anything, she was crushed. The paramedics made Emily move to the front of the ambulance as they worked. She protested, trying to stay next to JJ for as long as she could, but she gave in when she realized that she was in their way. As she moved to the front, all she heard was the sound of JJ coding. She stared out the window, oblivious to everything around her, hoping that the paramedics could save the younger agent.

When JJ woke up, the first thing she felt was someone gripping her hand like it was a lifeline. She opened her eyes, curious to see who it was and when she laid her eyes on the brunette who was holding her hand while she was sleeping on the couch, her heart swelled with the love she felt for the woman in front of her. JJ continued to stare at Emily until she stirred, opening her eyes slowly to adjust to the brightness. The older woman’s eyes roamed the room until they settled on the blonde who was staring at her with a smile tugging at her lips. Emily instantly shot up off the couch and leaned over to hug the blonde who was more than happy to oblige. Laughing slightly, JJ joked, “well, I guess someone’s happy to see me.” Emily pulled back from their embrace but didn’t let go of the blonde, her smile reaching her ears, “of course I’m happy to see you Jen.” After a moment, the smile faded from her lips, and she whispered, “I was scared Jayje. I was scared I lost you in the ambulance.” Noticing the sadness behind the brunette’s expression, JJ squeezed her hands and tried to reassure her, “but you didn’t. I’m here with you, aren’t I?” Smiling softly, the brunette replied, “yeah, yeah you are.” As if remembering something, Emily’s face lit up, “Jayje. When you were held captive, did you mean it when y-” She was cut off when they heard Penelope’s excited scream, “you’re awake!” “For fucks sake,” grumbled the brunette. JJ gave Emily a glance as she laughed softly, turning to see the overly excited woman in front of her. Penelope started talking at a thousand words a minute, “Are you okay? I’m so sorry sweet cheeks, you didn’t deserve any of this. I swear if Emily didn’t shoot him, I would have made his life a living hell. No one messes with-” “I’m okay Pen. I’m scratched up, but it’s part of the job,” JJ interrupted. Before Penelope could open her mouth to disagree, the rest of the team walked in, overjoyed to see JJ awake. Since he wasn’t one for showing affection, JJ was shocked when Reid was the first to her bedside, enveloping her in a hug. “Don’t ever do that to us again,” he whispered in her ear. Unable to form words at his show of affection, she simply nodded, hugging him tighter. After a second, the two let go of each other, allowing Derek to grab JJ's hand, “you scared us there blondie.” Smiling at the man, she joked, “you had me scared for a second too ‘chocolate thunder.’ It took you guys long enough.” At the use of the nickname, Penelope whined, “only I get to call him that.” The rest of the team laughed at her sudden outburst. David walked up to JJ next, kissing the top of her head as a father would. He smiled fondly at her, “I’m glad you’re ok bellissima.” She grabbed his hand, squeezing it softly and whispered, “thank you.” The team then turned to Hotch, waiting for him to say something. He simply nodded in JJ’s direction and stated, “I’m glad you’re okay Jareau.” She nodded back, smiling at her boss who seemed to never show emotion, but she saw in his eyes just how relieved he was to have her back. The team stayed for a few more hours before Emily saw how JJ was struggling to stay awake. She made everyone leave, promising that they can come visit her tomorrow. They all left the room, one after another and the last to leave was Reid. He turned towards the blonde and called out, “I love you JJ.” The corner of her mouth quirked up, she called out, “I love you too Spence.” Satisfied with her answer, he turned and walked out the door.

As soon as he left, Emily shut the door behind him, praying for no more interruptions. She turned towards the blonde who was laying in the hospital bed. “The doctor came in when you were sleeping earlier. He said you got stitches for the cuts on your stomach when you were out and that you have a mild concussion. Because you were severely dehydrated, you have to stay here for a day so your body can heal and they can keep an eye on you,” she informed JJ. Seeing the annoyance on JJ’s face, Emily quickly added, “but don’t worry, I’m staying with you until you can leave.” That lifted the blonde’s spirits so she decided to scoot to the side of the bed, patting the empty spot next to her. “I see you gave me the left side,” Emily joked. Eyes gleaming with joy, JJ responded, “well of course, you did say it was your side of the bed.” Emily threw her head back and laughed as she joined the blonde under the blanket. Turning towards each other, Emily reached down and grabbed JJ’s hand, rubbing small circles on her knuckles. JJ hummed in response, happy with the physical contact from the brunette. After a moment, Emily looked up into JJ’s eyes and took a deep breath. She started, “I have to tell you this before someone else interrupts us. Jayje, I’ve loved you ever since I can remember. As soon as I saw you on my first day, I knew you were the one. You’ve been there for me since we’ve met. When I thought I lost you when you were taken and when you coded in the ambulance, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t imagine a life without you. You’re the reason for my existence Jen. I love you.” Waiting with a baited breath, she was upset when she didn’t hear a response.

Removing her hand from JJ’s, she whispered, “I thought you felt the same. I’m sorry.” Before she could finish, she felt JJ’s lips crash onto her’s. Not wanting this moment to end, Emily rested her hand on the smaller woman’s neck, pulling her closer. In response, JJ tangled her hand in the brunette’s hair. Both women started smiling, causing them to break apart. They rested their foreheads against each other, brown and blue eyes staring into each other, both glistening with happiness and love. “I love you too,” JJ faintly whispered against Emily’s lips before kissing her softly. The brunette’s heart swelled with joy at the blonde’s confession, pulling her flush against her side. Emily had her arm wrapped around JJ, tracing circles on her back while running her other hand through the blonde hair. JJ rested her head on Emily’s chest, the smaller woman’s arm wrapped around the brunette’s torso, listening to her lover’s heartbeat. JJ had one thought running through her head as she fell asleep. I love you Em. The younger woman’s breath evened out, telling Emily that she was asleep. Emily smiled fondly down at the blonde who was laying on top of her, kissing the top of her head, causing a hum of approval from the sleeping woman. As Emily succumbed to her exhaustion, she had one thought running through her head. I love you Jen.

[anotheronechicagobog]

Tylenol and Tequila Part 2

The pounding headache that was encompassing Boden’s entire skull had been unbearable since it started, and the cause had been unbearable long before that. Sylvie had been keeping her head down and avoiding Matt ever since Gabby’s last visit, resulting in Matt staring longingly after her like a kicked puppy. Everyone noticed it. And Chief Wallace Boden was motherfucking done. He gathered all his resolve and stood up from his office, ready to search for the two of them when the bells went off.

“Fucking hell.”

“Chief! I’ve never heard you swear before!”

“Can it Cruz, let’s go.”

——————————————————————————————-

When everyone arrived at the scene Boden saw Casey hop out, survey the scene, and then look for Sylvie. It all happened in a one second period, but Boden was concerned now. He couldn’t let this affect his captain, it may only have been a few milliseconds but someday those milliseconds could be part of the final countdown. Casey’s orders were being followed promptly and as truck made their way into the house while squad handled the car that had crashed into said house, ambo 61 prepared themselves for a number of patients and requested additional ambulances. Boden caught the worry and fear in Brett’s eyes as she watched Casey enter the visibly unstable house. Her lip was between her teeth as she clutched the empty gurney surrounded by the ambo’s various medical kits with one hand and clutched her stethoscope in the other.

“Mouch and Gallo are coming out chief, they’ve each got a victim. Unconscious but breathing with a pulse.”

“Alright Casey, what floor are you on?”

“Second, I’m with Kidd, we’ve only got one more room to check and we’ll be out.”

“What about the basement?”

“Capp and Cruz checked it out quick but there’s only laundry stuff, some tools, and half of the outside of their house down there.”

“Alright. Severide? What’s your status with the car?”

“We got the engine off and we’re using the jaws to open the doors. There’s two passengers, one drunk male in his 20’s, and one baby in the backseat.”

“Come again?”

“There is a baby in the backseat of the car. Crying but alert, they appear uninjured.”

“The first ambo took the homeowners, chief, we’re waiting on the driver.”

“Copy that Brett.”

“Alright Chief, ambo 27 grabbed the driver, can Brett and Foster come take a look at the baby?”

———————————————

When the sound of ambo 61 driving into the garage reached the common room they all grimaced when they noticed Casey’s head snap up and angle it so that he could see Brett through the windows. His eyes followed her tired form as she and Foster collapsed on the sofa, Sylvie in Mouch’s spot.

“Brett that’s my-“

“Oh bite me.” Okay, now everyone was watching Brett.

“Sylvie? Emily?” Stella asked apprehensively. “What’s going on?”

“Give us chocolate and the TV remote and no one gets hurt.”

“... Well alright then.”

Casey discreetly made his way over to Gallo and his lieutenants and whispered, “Gallo, keep them supplied with chocolate and water. Hermann, keep the TV and couch available for them, and by that I mean calm down Mouch. Severide, notify Boden and keep an eye on them. I’m gonna call med and find out what the fuck happened.” They all nodded at each other, eyes clearly concerned, especially since it was highly unusual for Sylvie to be snappy.

“Hi Maggie, it’s Matt.”

“Matt! Usually we talk when you come to the ED or at Molly’s. What can I do for you?”

“I would like to follow-up with a call ambo 61 had earlier, they brought in a baby?”

“Oh. Yeah... That, the baby’s hanging on by a thread. At best. Turns out she was born with a heart defect. Mother bolted when she found out and the father decided he couldn’t handle it either.”

“Shit.” Matt immediately knew why this had caused the damage it had. Sylvie’s birth mother had just died while giving birth to a baby girl, this fell far too close to home for her. And Emily probably looked at Sylvie’s depressed face and felt the same way herself. Sylvie just had one of those influential personalities that drew people into her orbit and reflected her aura. “Thanks, Maggie. You are a lifesaver, I owe you a drink.”

“Alright, well I don’t know what that was about but I will take free alcohol any time.”

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Emily had left the couch with an armful of chocolate to go curl up in the bunk room. Night had come and gone and even after several calls Sylvie retained her spot on the couch, by commandeering Mouch’s spot. The older man continued to pout, looking to Casey for assistance when he returned. Casey shook his head with a solemn look in his eye. Subtle nods were exchanged. Understood. Gallo abandoned the ingredients he’d been gathering for pork tenderloin and started getting everything together to make Sylvie’s and Emily’s favourite dinners. Sure, it would’ve been easier to just go along with what he had originally planned to make, but this would cheer up 51’s rather desolate paramedics. Still in Mouch’s spot, Sylvie had curled into herself and just looked so heartbreakingly sad.

Without thinking too much about what he was about to do, Casey sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He didn’t say anything but it appeared he didn’t need to. Sylvie responded immediately, snuggling into his side, too exhausted to keep on crying. They were well aware of all the eyes on them, but they didn’t care. Sylvie was too hurt and Matt was too focused on Sylvie hurting. So they sat there, together, with nothing on the TV in front of them. Listening to Gallo bustling in the background making an Asian stir-fry and Irish stew. The smell surrounded all of the silent members of 51. Encompassing them all in a bubble of warmth and temporary comfort.

Dinner was ready, a grateful Sylvie and Emily sat at the table, excited to eat, when suddenly the bells went off.

Squad three, Truck eighty-one, Engine fifty-one multiple vehicle collision on MacLean Street and 32nd Street

“Alright, let’s go!”

“And don’t eat all the food ladies!” 

“No promises!”

Just another day at firehouse 51. Sadness, grief, joy, and family.

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Just so you guys know, I LOVE getting comments

[abusybuzzingbee]

Skin | Supernatural Season 1 Episode 6 Rewrite | Dean x Fem!Reader

A/N: this gif is SAUCY i should not find it as attractive as I do

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Major Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Sam Winchester

Warnings: canon level violence, language, Dean and the reader being assholes to each other TW: shifter calls the reader some pretty terrible things that may be triggering to some readers. if you tend to have self-deprecating thoughts, you may not want to read this episode. also, heavy topics mentioned in a fight between Dean and the reader

Word Count: 7,547

Summary: The boys and the reader head to St. Louis, Missouri when Sam gets an email about one of his college buddies. Tensions continue to rise between Dean and the reader following their dispute in Toledo, Ohio. 

Series Masterlist

Season 1 Masterlist

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Dean unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to face Sam. “Alright, I figure we’d hit Tucumcari by lunch, then head south, hit Bisbee by midnight.” 

Sam did not respond to him. 

“Sam wears women’s underwear.”

“I’ve been listenin’, I’m just busy,” Sam answered, never looking up from his phone as he scrolled through it.

“Busy doin’ what?”

“Reading e-mails.”

The older brother got out of the car and began to fill up the Impala’s gas tank. “E-mails from who?”

“From my friends at Stanford.”

“You’re kidding. You still keep in touch with your college buddies?”

“Why not?” Sam shrugged.

“Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?”

“I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.”

“Oh, so you lie to ‘em.”

You picked at your nails as you sat in the backseat. “What else is he supposed to do? Say, ‘Hey, I’m hunting ghosts’?”

“I get why he’s lying, I’m not tellin’ him to tell the truth.”

Sam looked over to Dean. “So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life?”

Dean shrugged.

“You’re serious?”

“Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period,” Dean answered.

“Oh, whatever.” You flopped back onto the leather seat.

"You’re kind of anti-social, you know that?” Sam told his brother.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean shook his head.

The younger Winchester went back to his emails.

“God…” he trailed off.

“What?”

“In this e-mail from this girl, Rebecca Warren, one of those friends of mine.”

“Is she hot?”

You scoffed. “Really, Dean?”

“I went to school with her, and her brother, Zack,” Sam explained. “She says Zack’s been charged with murder. He’s been arrested for killing his girlfriend. Rebecca says he didn’t do it, but it sounds like the cops have a pretty good case.”

Dean paused. “Dude, what kind of people are you hangin’ out with?”

"No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.”

"Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.”

“They’re in St. Louis. We’re goin’.”

Dean leaned down into the passenger’s side window, chuckling, “Look, sorry ‘bout your buddy, okay? But this does not sound like our kind of problem.”

“It is our problem,” Sam argued. “They’re my friends.”

“St. Louis is four hundred miles behind us, guys.”

“So?” you questioned.

You and Dean exchanged annoyed looks before he got in the car and pulled away.

***

“Dude, this house belongs in the Hills,” you told Sam as you took in the large two-story house that sat on a beautifully manicured lawn. 

He chuckled at your comment. “This one’s no big deal compared to some of my other friends’ houses. You should’ve seen Jess’s parents’ house.”

You smiled faintly. “I bet it was beautiful.”

Sam nodded, mirroring your expression. He knocked on the wood of the large front door which opened to reveal a pretty girl with blonde hair.

“Oh my God, Sam!” she exclaimed.

“Well, if it isn’t little Becky,” he replied.

‘Little Becky?’ you thought.

“You know what you can do with that ‘little Becky’ crap,” she grinned. The two of them hugged.

“I got your e-mail,” he explained to her.

“I didn’t think that you would come here,” she said.

Dean took the opportunity to step in. “Dean. Older brother.” He extended his hand to her.

She shook it. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“I’m (Y/N), I’m a family friend,” you said, effectively pulling her eyes away from Dean as you shook her hand. You were not about to watch him eye-fuck one of Sam’s friends.

“We’re here to help,” Sam told her. “Whatever we can do.”

“Come in.”

Becky led you three into the house.

“Nice place,” Dean commented as he looked around at the tall ceilings and seemingly expensive furniture.

“It’s my parents’. I was just crashing here for the long weekend when everything happened. I decided to take the semester off. I’m gonna stay until Zack’s free.”

“Where are your folks?”

“They live in Paris for half the year--” Becky replied.

‘Of course, they do. Wasps.’

“--so they’re on their way home now for the trial. Do you guys want a beer or something?” she asked as she led you into the kitchen.

The older Winchester smiled. “Hey--”

Sam cut him off. “No, thanks. So, tell us what happened.”

“Well, um, Zack came home, and he found Emily tied to a chair. And she was beaten up and bloody, and she wasn’t breathing.” Becky began to tear up. “So, he called 911, and the police—they showed up, and they arrested him. But, the thing is, the only way that Zack could’ve killed Emily is if he was in two places at the same time. The police—they have a video. It’s from the security tape from across the street. And it shows Zack coming home at 10:30. Now, Emily was killed just after that, but I swear, he was here with me, having a few beers until at least after midnight.”

“You know, maybe we could see the crime scene,” Sam suggested. “Zack’s house.”

“We could,” Dean agreed.

“Why? I mean, what could you do?”

“Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop.”

Dean laughed. “Detective, actually.”

‘Oh, great.’

“Really?” Becky’s eyes sparkled. “Where?”

“Bisbee, Arizona,” he lied."But I’m off-duty now.”

“You guys, it’s so nice to offer, but I just—I don’t know.”

Sam tried to convince her. “Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go get the keys.” She walked away from you three down the hall. 

As soon as she was out of sight, Dean turned to his brother. “Oh, yeah, man, you’re a real straight shooter with your friends.”

“Look, Zack and Becky need our help,” Sam countered.

“I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.”

“Two places at once? We’ve looked into less.”

Dean still was not completely convinced.

“Sounds a little bit like our gig, Dean,” you pressed further.

He said nothing but looked defeated. 

You and Sam smiled at each other.

***

You and the boys stood next to Becky by the Impala. You stared out at the small, white house blocked off by yellow and black tape.

“You’re sure this is okay?” Becky asked Dean.

“Yeah. I am an officer of the law.” 

You rolled your eyes at Dean’s unconvincing tone. ‘Good grief.’ 

Dean led the way up to the house, ducking under the tape, followed by you and then Sam.

Despite how frequently you work jobs, the sight of a gruesome crime scene always made you sick to your stomach. 

Blood was splattered everywhere. It stained the newspapers on the coffee table, the knocked-over lamp in the corner of the living room, and the picture frame that hung tilted to the side.

“Bec, you wanna wait outside?” Sam asked her as she stood on the other side of the tape.

You looked over at the young woman. She had one arm wrapped around her stomach and one hand over her heart. The blonde steeled herself despite her obvious discomfort. “No, I wanna help.” 

“Tell us what else the police said,” Sam prompted.

“Well, there’s no sign of a break-in,” she started tearfully. “They say that Emily let her attacker in. The lawyers—they’re already talking about a plea bargain.” Becky looked around her, more tears rising to the surface as she did so. “Oh, God….”

“Look, Bec, if Zack didn’t do this, it means someone else did. Any idea who?”

The blonde shook her head, but then a look of remembrance crossed her face. “Um, there was something, about a week before. Somebody broke in here and stole some clothes—Zack’s clothes. The police—they don’t think it’s anything. I mean, we’re not that far from downtown. Sometimes people get robbed.” 

Sam and Dean walked away from you and Becky. The blonde followed after Dean as he went to the front door. Apparently, he was looking at the neighbor’s dog as you gathered from what Becky told him next.

“You know, that used to be the sweetest dog.” She looked over his shoulder at the barking animal.

“What happened?” he asked.

"He just changed.”

“Do you remember when he changed?”

“I guess around the time of the murder.”

Dean looked back at her before walking away. 

You went to the kitchen to meet Sam. He was looking at something posted to the fridge door.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” you asked the boy.

He gestured the picture in front of him. It was of himself, Zack, and Becky.

“You were really close to these guys, huh?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded sadly.

“I’m sorry you had to leave all this behind,” you stated.

He shook his head. “It’s okay.”

Dean walked up behind you and his younger brother. “So, the neighbor’s dog went psycho right around the time Zack’s girlfriend was killed.”

“Animals can have a sharp sense of the paranormal,” Sam noted.

“Yeah, maybe Fido saw somethin’,” Dean affirmed.

“So, you think maybe this is our kind of problem?”

No. Probably not. But we should look at the security tape, you know, just to make sure.”

“You just can’t admit when you’re wrong, huh?”

“Nope,” he grinned.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head.

Becky walked over to you. 

“So, the tape. The security footage—you think maybe your lawyers could get their hands on it, ‘cause I just don’t have that kind of jurisdiction,” Dean told her.

“I’ve already got it. I didn’t wanna say something in front of the cop,” she explained.

The older brother laughed.

“I stole it off the lawyer’s desk. I just had to see it for myself.”

“Right on,” you grinned.

***

Once you got back to Becky’s parents’ house, the four of you sat down to watch the security footage.

The screen showed the front of Zack’s house lit up in the dark night by the lights on either side of the door.

“Here he comes,” Becky said just as Zack appeared on screen.

Dean noted the timestamp. “22:04, that’s just after ten. You said time of death was about 10:30.”

“Our lawyers hired some kind of video expert. He says the tape’s authentic. It wasn’t tampered with.”

“Hey, Bec, can we take those beers now?” Sam questioned.

“Oh, sure,” she answered. She got up from the couch to go to the kitchen.

“Hey,” Sam stopped her. “Maybe some sandwiches, too?”

“What do you think this is, Hooters?” she joked with a grin. She left the room shortly after.

“I wish,” Dean chuckled. “What is it?”

“Check this out.” Sam rewound the tape and replayed it. One of the frames showed Zack looking right at the camera, but his eyes had an unnatural silver color to them.

“Well, maybe it’s just a camera flare,” Dean pointed out.

“That’s not like any camera flare I’ve ever seen. You know, a lot of cultures believe that a photograph can catch a glimpse of the soul,” Sam began.

“Right,” you affirmed. “Remember how that dog completely freaked? Maybe he could sense this was some sort of a dark double of Zack’s.”

“Like a Doppelganger,” Sam added.

“Yeah. It’d sure explain how he was two places at once.”

***

Despite how you and Dean were not verbally attacking each other constantly, the tension between the two of you was stronger than ever. He did not trust you, and you were still pissed at him for what he said to you. 

Back at the motel, you hoped a shower would help clear your mind. You turned the water on and began to sing to yourself. 

‘Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and

Wouldn't you love to love her?’

You used to love listening to Fleetwood Mac with your mother. “Rihannon” was one of her favorite songs.

‘Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and

Who will be her lover?’

Both you and your mother had beautiful voices. The two of you loved to sing to one of her cassette tapes together. “Rihannon” was one of those songs that when you sang it with her it would make you feel genuine peace. With the life you led, moments of peace were few and far between. 

‘All your life you've never seen

A woman taken by the wind’

One of your favorite memories with your mother was riding in her beat-up station wagon on a highway in West Texas. The sun was just beginning to set, the windows were rolled down, and the wind whipped through your hair. The shadows of the dense trees on either side of the road made shapes appear on your face with patches of light shining through the holes in the shadows. You were sixteen at the time. The two of you took this rare moment alone to sing together, simply enjoying each other’s company. 

‘Would you stay if she promised you heaven?

Will you ever win?’

You scrubbed your scalp as you rinsed the soap out of your hair, closing your eyes in an attempt to bring yourself back to that day. 

‘She is like a cat in the dark and then

She is the darkness

She rules her life like a fine skylark and when

The sky is starless’

If you could have your mom back, for even just a moment, maybe you would be able to feel that same peace again. You would feel safe and protected. The day before her passing was the last time you felt truly at peace.

‘All your life you've never seen

A woman taken by the wind’

Tears clouded your vision and your throat constricted as you continued to sing. 

‘Would you stay if she promised you heaven?

Will you ever win?

Will you ever win?’

***

A loud knock on your door pulled you out of your deep sleep.

You jumped, grabbing for the gun you kept under your pillow. You cocked it, walked up to the door, and pressed the muzzle of the gun against it. You opened it with your opposite hand just a crack. To your surprise, it was Dean.

You slammed it back in his face.

“(Y/N), open the damn door,” he demanded unenthusiastically.

You did not, but put the safety back on your gun and threw it on your bed. “What do you want, asshole? It’s almost five in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’m aware of that. Look, I don’t wanna be up either. It was Sam’s idea,” he explained. 

You opened the door just a crack. “Okay, what does he want at almost five in the morning?”

“I don’t know, he just had a thought, I guess.” Despite the fact that you were asking completely fair questions, his tone showed he was clearly agitated. “Get dressed.”

***

“Alright, so what are we doin’ here at 5:30 in the morning?” Dean questioned. He leaned against the hood of the Impala which was parked outside of Zack’s house. 

“I realized something,” Sam stated. “The videotape shows the killer goin’ in, but not comin’ out.”

You walked over to the younger of the two brothers who was across the street from the car. “So, he came out the back door?” 

"Right. So, there should be a trail to follow. A trail the police would never pursue.”

“‘Cause they think the killer never left, and they caught Zack inside,” you added.

“I still don’t know what we’re doin’ here at 5:30 in the morning,” Dean grumbled.

Both you and Sam chose to ignore him as you looked around outside of the building. 

“Blood,” you noted as you looked at a smear on a wooden telephone pole. “Somebody came this way.”

“Yeah, but the trail ends. I don’t see anything over here,” he said before taking a sip of his coffee.

An ambulance blared its sirens as it sped down the street that separated you and Sam from Dean. 

You looked up at Sam, who exchanged a knowing look with Dean.

Dean drove the three of you over to where you assumed the ambulance was coming from. He parked a few houses down from a house that was surrounded by police cars. One policeman was covering the house with yellow and black tape.

You got out of the Impala, watching as a man in a suit was handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car. 

Dean walked a few paces ahead of you, stopping next to one of the onlookers. She looked as if she had been going for a jog when she stumbled upon the crime scene, as her hair was tied back and she had an MP3 played secured to her arm.

“What happened?” he asked her.

“He tried to kill his wife. Tied her up and beat her,” she informed him.

Sam tore his attention away from the house and turned to the woman.“Really?” 

“I used to see him going to work in the morning. He’d wave, say ‘hello.’ He seemed like such a nice guy.” The young woman shook her head. 

You watched as the cop car with the supposed killer in it drove off. 

The three of you decided to stay at the scene of the crime to dig around. You and Sam walked around the back of the house, looking for any sort of a clue. Sam lifted the lid on one of the two blue garbage cans behind the house. 

“Why are you dumpster diving?” you asked Sam. “I don’t think the killer’s hiding in there.”

“Shut up,” he chuckled. “I don’t know, I’m just looking for... anything. I don’t really know what to look for.”

“Yeah, me neither,” you told him as the two of you walked around to the front of the house.

Dean came up behind Sam a moment later. “Hey.”

The two of you turned around.

“Remember when I said this wasn’t our kind of problem?”

“Uh-huh,” you nodded.

“Definitely our kind of problem.”

“What’d you find out?” Sam questioned.

“Well, I just talked to the patrolman who was first on the scene, heard this guy, Alex’s story. Apparently, the dude was driving home from a business trip when his wife was attacked,” he informed you.

“So, he was two places at once,” Sam affirmed.

“Exactly. Then he sees himself in the house, police think he’s a nutjob.”

“Two dark doubles attacking loved ones in exactly the same way.”

“Could be the same thing doin’ it, too.”

You thought for a second. “Shapeshifter?”

Dean shrugged.

“Dude, bear with me on this one. It’s something that can make itself look like anyone.”

“Yeah, I got that part,” he replied.

“Every culture in the world has shapeshifter lore. You know, legends of creatures who can transform themselves into animals or other men,” Sam added.

“Right. Skinwalkers, werewolves,” you continued.

“We’ve got two attacks within blocks of each other. I’m guessin’ we’ve got a shapeshifter prowlin’ the neighborhood,” the younger brother went on.

“Shapeshifters aren’t exactly known for flying--” you started as you headed off back behind the building, “--so I think it’s safe to say that I found a trail back there. Someone ran out the back of this building and headed off this way.” you pointed down the street.

“Just like your friend’s house,” Dean told Sam.

“Yeah. And, just like at Zack’s house, the trail suddenly ends. I mean, whatever it is just disappeared,” you noted.

“Well, there’s another way to go—down,” the older Winchester pointed out.

You looked down to where the trail ended to find a manhole. 

The three of you climbed down the ladder into the hole, looking around the dark cavern. 

“I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too,” Sam commented. “The shapeshifter could be using the sewer system to get around.”

You went to take a step but stopped yourself when you looked at what you were about to walk into. You bent down, examining the pile of what appeared to be blood and skin. 

“Is this from his victims?” Sam asked as he, too, bent down.

You took out your pocketknife, picking up some of the skin with the end of the blade. “Gross.”

“You know, I just had a sick thought,” Dean piped up. “When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.”

You looked back to see Sam’s nose scrunch up further as he thought about what Dean had said. “That is sick.”

You shook the skin off of your knife, wiping it off on Dean’s jacket.

“Hey!” He swatted your arm away.

You snickered. 

“C’mon, you two,” Sam commanded with a groan as he made his way up the ladder. 

Sam and Dean followed close behind you as you headed to the car. You leaned on the side of it as Dean popped open the trunk. 

“Well, one thing I learned from Dad, is that no matter what kind of shapeshifter it is, there’s one sure way to kill it.”

“Silver bullet to the heart,” Sam nodded. A moment later, his phone rang. “This is Sam... We’re near Zack’s, we’re just checkin’ some things out...” He mouthed Becky’s name to you to let you know who was on the phone. His expression changed a moment later to one of confusion. “What are you talkin’ about?... Why would you do that?” Suddenly, he seemed irritated. “Bec—... We’re tryin’ to help... Bec, I’m sorry, but—” He was cut off when she hung up on him.

“What was that all about?” you asked. 

“She found out about Dean.”

“What, how he’s not a detective?”

“Yep.”

“I hate to say it, but that’s exactly what I’m talkin’ about,” Dean jumped in. “You lie to your friends because if they knew the real you, they’d be freaked. It’s just--it’d be easier if--”

Sam understood where his brother was going with his statement. "If I was like you.”

“Hey, man, like it or not, we are not like other people. But I’ll tell you one thing. This whole gig—it ain’t without perks.” He held up a gun with a smirk.

***

The three of you headed back down the manhole, walking down the cavernous hallway with flashlights and guns in hand. 

“I think we’re close to its lair,” you told Sam.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because there’s another puke-inducing pile next to your face,” you grinned.

“Oh, God!” he cried as he turned to see skin and blood on the pipe not two inches from his face.

Dean noticed a pile of clothes in the corner. “Looks like it’s lived here for a while.”

“Who knows how many murders he’s gotten away with?” Sam shook his head.

You heard a small splash in a puddle behind Dean. You whipped around and aimed your flashlight at the sound, seeing the shifter in the form of the businessman. 

“Dean!” Sam shouted.

He wheeled around only to get punched in the face by the shifter. Dean toppled to the ground as the shifter ran away from you and the boys. 

Sam shot after it a few times, but he missed. You tore down the corridor after it, not even once taking a look at Dean.  

“Get the son of a bitch!” Dean yelled after you.

“That’s the idea, jackass!” you called back. You watched as the shifter climbed out of the manhole you and the Winchesters had used to get into the sewers. You scrambled up the ladder as quickly as you could, popping out of the ground and gazing out into the dark night.

You could just barely see the shifter at this point. You followed where you thought you had seen him turn. You held your gun inside your jacket, eyes focused on the alleyway you saw the shifter turn into. You pressed your back against the brick wall of the shop on the right of the alley before turning into it. You shined your flashlight down the dark alley, walking into it a few paces. The all too familiar smell of coconuts and tobacco filled your nose. When the beam of light hit the wall of the building along the back of the alley, you turned around, only to see the shifter in the form of the businessman staring directly at you. Before you could so much as aim your gun at it, it hit you over the head. Your vision went completely dark.

***

You woke up to an unfamiliar sight. The shifter had taken you to his lair; a cold, damp, dimly lit room in what seemed to be a house. You groaned before attempting to stand up, only to get choked by a rope that had been secured around your neck and pulled back by ropes around your hands. The shifter had tied you to a wooden post. 

‘Brilliant,’ you thought.

You heard muffled voices behind you, one that sounded like it was Dean’s. 

“Dean?” you called.

“(Y/N), it’s not--” Sam shouted, but cut himself off with a groan. 

“Dean” walked over to you. 

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he smirked, leaning down to your eye level. He put a hand next to your head on the post. 

“Dean, the rope around my neck, it’s too tight,” you lied, struggling against the ropes. You pretended like your throat was constricted by making your voice strained. “Help me, please,” you begged.

The shapeshifter chuckled. “How stupid do you think I am?”

You dropped the act. “It was worth a shot,” you mumbled.

“You act like Dean-- I’m sorry, I-- would help you anyway,” he said as he walked away from you.

You looked up at him curiously.

He turned back to face you. “I’m so ready to leave your sorry ass in the dust,” the shifter laughed coldly. “All you’ve done since we met you is cause more trouble for us. I hope you’re tellin’ the truth about leaving the second we find Dad, ‘cause I don’t know how much longer I can put up with you. God, from your voice to your personality, you aggravate the livin’ crap outta me.” The shapeshifter leaned back down in front of your face, the two of you only inches away from one another. 

“You’re a burden, (Y/N). You’re exhausting to be around. I constantly have to keep my guard up around you. I can’t trust you, not after what happened in Toledo. How do I know you won’t turn on me and Sammy?”

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you kept them at bay. 

He turned away from you once more. “Sammy... that’s another thing. I hate how close the two of you have gotten. I mean, you roll up in your stolen car and immediately have him wrapped around your finger. He’s so ready to defend you against me. Maybe that’s why I hate you so much. You’ve replaced me. And sooner or later, you’re gonna take him away from me. Hell, everyone else in my life’s left, why wouldn’t he?”

The shifter took a deep breath, his frustrated expression leaving his face. He replaced it with a smug look as he continued on berating you. “Y’know, take your voice and personality away, Dean would definitely wanna fuck you. He thought you were hot the first time he met you. Then he actually got to know you, and, eh, things changed. But I’m sure he’d have tons of fun with Sam’s little friend Becky.” A wicked grin spread across his face. “I think I’ll go pay her a visit.”

With that, the shapeshifter disappeared.

You heard Sam mutter something, and then someone coughing. 

“That better be you, Sam, and not that freak of nature,” you heard Dean call from somewhere in the cavern. 

“Yeah, it’s me,” Sam confirmed.

You steeled yourself, trying to push the shifter’s hurtful words out of your mind. “Sam, that thing went to Becky’s carryin’ Dean’s face,” you informed him. 

“Well, he’s not stupid. He picked the handsome one,” he told Sam.  

“Shut up,” you groaned, trying to wiggle your way out of the ropes around your wrists. 

“Yeah, that’s the thing. He didn’t just look like you, he was you,” Sam continued. “Or he was becoming you.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know, it was like he was downloading your thoughts and memories.”

“You mean, like the Vulcan mind-meld?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that. I mean, maybe that’s why he doesn’t just kill us,” Sam suggested. 

You heard shuffling behind you, which you assumed was Dean walking over to Sam.

“Hey, jackass, you passed me up,” you yelled at Dean.

“I know,” he called back to you. He went back to his conversation with Sam. “Maybe he needs to keep us alive. Psychic connection.” 

“Hands,” Sam ordered Dean. “Yeah. Come on, we gotta go. He’s probably at Rebecca’s already.”

“I’m still stuck here!”

Sam came over to help you get the ropes undone. However, Dean could care less about the state you were in.

You found all of the guns the shapeshifter had stolen off of the three of you, and you tossed each of the guns to their respective owners. 

Sam boosted you up to a window high off the ground in the room you were in.  You climbed out, “Come on. We gotta find a phone, call the police.” Sam started to head down the street. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Dean effectively stopped his brother. “You’re gonna put an APB out on me.”

“Sorry,” Sam grimaced.

“This way.” You took off down the street. The neighborhood you sprinted through was dark, the street lamps so scattered and dimly lit that you could hardly see your feet hit the pavement below you. As you came up on a block full of shops, you slowed your run to a walk as to not draw too much attention in the well-lit area. 

You almost headed past a shop with a bunch of televisions set to a news channel in the window, but you stopped when you heard what the reporter was relaying to the audience.

“An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home.”

A sketch of Dean appeared on the screen next to the reporter. 

“Man! That’s not even a good picture,” Dean piped up from next to you.

You looked around, making sure no one heard Dean’s loud exclamation and got suspicious.

“It’s good enough,” Sam muttered. He quickly walked past the shop to get back in the cover of night on the other side of the strip of stores.

“Man!” Dean grunted as he followed his brother.

“Hush, you big baby,” you snapped. 

Sam turned down an alley with you and his older brother falling behind. 

“Come on,” Sam urged the two of you quietly. “They said attempted murder. At least we know--”

Dean cut him off. “I didn’t kill her.”

“We’ll check with Rebecca in the morning, see if she’s all right.”

“Alright, but first I wanna find that handsome devil and kick the holy crap out of him.”

“Dean,” you started, “We have no weapons. No silver bullets.”

He stopped, turning to face you. "(Y/N), the guy’s walkin’ around with my face, okay, it’s a little personal. I wanna find him.”

“Okay. Where do we look?” You crossed your arms over your chest.

The older Winchester paused for a moment. “Well, we could start with the sewers.”

“We have no weapons, genius. He stole our guns, we need more.” 

“The car?” Sam offered.

You shrugged. “He probably drove it over to Rebecca’s.”

“The news said he fled on foot. I bet it’s still parked there.”

"The thought of him drivin’ my car,” Dean snarled.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Alright, come on.”

“It’s killin’ me,” the older brother whined.

“Let it go.”

***

As you walked up the street on the right side of Becky’s house, you noticed the silhouette of the car outlined by the dim light of the street lamp.

“Oh, there she is!” Dean exclaimed happily, the relief in his voice evident. “Finally, something went right tonight.”

A police car appeared around the corner and parked next to the Impala.  

“Oh, shit,” you muttered. You turned around, beginning to run away, but another cop car was parked across the street at the intersection you had come from.

This way, this way.” Dean headed toward a fence.

“You go. I’ll hold ‘em off,” Sam told you and his brother.

“What are you talking about? They’ll catch you,” the older Winchester said.

“Look, they can’t hold me. Just go, keep out of sight,” the brunet urged. “Meet me at Rebecca’s.”

“You got it, chief,” you called back.

 Dean was the first to hop the fence and you followed. You stumbled upon landing in the backyard of the house you happened upon.

The voice of a police officer broke through the silent night as you and Dean started off to the fence on the backside of the yard. “Don’t move! Keep your hands where I can see ‘em.”

You climbed over the fence into the backyard of another house and ran around the left side of it to head down the street the cop car was parked at the intersection of. The two of you stayed out of the glow of the lamp lights that lined either side of the road as you ran along. 

When you had gotten several blocks over from where you had that run-in with the cops, you and Dean stopped to catch your breath. You both sat down on the street corner, chests heaving. The older Winchester went to lay back, but you stopped him.

“Hey, stay sittin’ up,” you directed.

“What? Why?”

“You’re gonna pass out if you do.”

“Uh, okay.” He looked at you as if you did not know what you were talking about but still followed your orders. 

The two of you sat in silence for a minute. 

“So, what now?” you questioned. 

He shook his head. “The cops are probably still snoopin’ around Rebecca’s house. Can’t go get the car ‘til they’re cleared out.”

“Yeah, so, what now?” you asked again.

“I don’t know, man,” he grumbled annoyedly. “You got any ideas, Einstein?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be asking you, dumbass,” you responded snippily. “What time is it?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t have a watch on me.”

“Great,” you sighed, standing up. You brushed your hands off on your pants and dusted the back of your jeans off. 

“Could go get some burgers,” Dean piped up from his seated position on the grass.

“Your brother just got arrested, and you’re a wanted man, but sure, let’s take you where everybody in the joint’s gonna be able to clearly see your face.”

“Jeez, calm down. It was just a suggestion.”

“Yeah, a dumb one.”

“What’s your deal, (Y/N)?” Dean stood up, and you turned to face him.

“My deal? What about yours?”

“I don’t have one! But you’ve clearly got a stick up your ass.”

You shook your head in frustration. “Dean, don’t lie to me. You have a deal. With me, specifically. The shifter told me all about it.” 

The young man tilted his head to the side in question. “What?”

“Yeah, he told me what you really think of me,” you continued. You took a step toward him with each sentence. “How much I annoy you. How much I exhaust you. How much of a burden I am to you.”

His face dropped out of its angry expression as he took a step back.

“He also told me how you think I’m gonna replace you in Sam’s eyes.” You laughed coldly. “Is that why you hate me so much? Because you’re so insecure about your relationship with Sam?”

The fact that Dean did not respond showed you that you were correct.

“I gotta be real with you, that’s pathetic.” You regretted what you said instantly.

The anger returned to his face. “Still think you don’t have a stick up your ass after you say something like that?”

“I’m sorry, I--”

“No. Just shut up.”

He walked off down the street.

Your frustration replaced your guilt in an instant. “Seriously? I say one thing that cuts slightly below surface-level insults and you get butthurt?”

Dean turned around. 

You walked up to him. “What I just told you was fucked up, sure. But it wasn’t half as bad as what you said to me back in Toledo. That I probably drove my family crazy enough that they'd kill themselves over it? Does that ring a bell?"

“What do you want me to say, (Y/N)?”

“I want you to apologize, for starters!” you shouted back. Your tone changed to dripping with sarcasm. “Now, I know that would require you to humble yourself and get past your superiority complex, so I understand how difficult that’s gonna be for you.”

“I’m sorry, okay!” he yelled, throwing his arms out to his sides. “And I’m sorry about what that shifter said to you.”

“Thank you!” You took a moment to collect yourself. “And I’m sorry, too.”

“Thanks.”

You looked around at the houses that surrounded you on either side of the road the two of you stood in the middle of. “Now that we probably woke up half the neighborhood, let’s bounce.”

Dean chuckled, walking down the street away from you. You caught up to him.

“I don’t know where you think you’re going, we haven’t exactly decided what we’re doing.”

“I’m goin’ back to Becky’s. The cops probably cleared out by now,” he replied.

‘Okay, way to fill me in on what the plan is,” you scoffed. 

“I didn’t realize I had to share every little bit of my thought process with you,” Dean clapped back.

“Well, it’s kinda helpful to know what you’re thinkin’ when we’re working together,” you told him.

“Whatever,” Dean brushed you off. “Why does it bug you, anyway? That’s such a stupid thing to fight with me about.”

“I don’t know,” you confessed. “Your face is just annoying.”

“Gee, thanks,” he retorted dryly. 

As you approached the car, you noticed the sun had begun to rise.

“I guess that answers the ‘what time is it’ question,” you noted. “It’s probably somewhere around five in the mornin’.”

Dean popped open the trunk, shrugging on the navy blue canvas jacket he found on top of the gun compartment. You grabbed your duffel bag out of the trunk before Dean opened the hollowed-out bottom of the trunk. 

You grabbed more silver bullets out of your bag and loaded them into your gun as Dean filtered through the weapons in his trunk.

“Doesn’t look like the shifter took anything,” he told you.

“Alright, to the sewers.” You headed up to the passenger’s seat after haphazardly throwing your bag over Dean’s head back into the trunk.

“Watch it!” Dean scolded. “You almost knocked me out!”

“But I didn’t,” you smirked, ducking down into the front seat. 

***

You and Dean pointed your flashlights and guns around the sewer as you walked down the corridor together. 

You walked into a chamber filled with candles and chains hanging from the ceiling. You aimed your flashlight at the ground, noticing many piles of shed skin and blood all over the floor. You even noticed a few teeth and fingernails near the pile.

“I’m gonna be sick,” you grimaced, looking up at Dean.

“(Y/N)?” you heard a muffled voice call from the far right corner of the chamber.

“Bec?” you responded, rushing over to a curled up figure covered by a tarp. You pulled the cover off to reveal a disheveled Rebecca, her hands and feet bound with rope.

“Thank God,” she sighed when she saw your face as you began to untie her. The blonde’s face was red, and tears had dried on her face. 

Dean came over to the two of you, coming up behind you. “What happened?” 

Rebecca started crying again as she spoke. “I was walking home, and everything just went white. Someone hit me over the head, and I wound up here just in time to see that thing turn into me. I don’t know, how is that even possible?”

“It’s okay, you’re okay now,” you coaxed her as you finished untying her binds.

“Come on. Can you walk?” Dean asked as he helped Becky stand up. 

She nodded.

“Okay, we’ve gotta hurry. Sam went to see you.”

***

You jumped out of the car before it had even stopped rolling into the half-circle shaped driveway, rushing into Rebecca’s house behind Dean.

You held your gun out in front of you, Dean doing the same and yelling “Hey!” as he entered the living room. 

You saw the shifter in the form of Dean jump off of Sam, whom he had previously been strangling. Dean shot the shifter in the chest twice, and it dropped to the ground dead. 

You ran over to Sam. “Hey! Hey, are you okay?” you questioned as he slowly sat up, grasping at his neck. 

The younger brother groaned, nodding in response. 

You blew out a puff of air. Rebecca came running over, crouching down to yours and Sam’s level, looking him over. 

You looked back at Dean and watched as he ripped the necklace he always wore from around the shapeshifter’s neck. He looked over at you, giving you a knowing nod. His jaw was clenched, and his eyebrows were furrowed. 

You stood up, leaving Sam and Rebecca on the floor while you walked over to Dean. His eyes followed your face as you got closer to him 

“So, what are you gonna do with... you?” you chortled, trying to make light of the situation. 

He scoffed at you. “I guess have Becky call the cops once we get the hell outta dodge.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded, glancing down at the shifter. Your movements tensed as you remembered the awful things he said to you. Things that had apparently been on Dean’s mind; the reasons why he hated you. Despite the fact that Dean had apologized, you were still hurt. 

“You okay?” Sam asked you when he walked up behind you. 

You turned around to face him, noticing Dean had left his crouched position next to the shapeshifter.

“Yeah,” you lied, “I’m good.”

He gave you a knowing look with a tilt of his head.

You smiled half-heartedly. “We’ll talk about it later.”

***

You and Dean were packing up the car while Sam said his goodbyes to Rebecca. You looked on as the two friends shared a hug. When they pulled away, the blonde waved to you and Dean. You smiled at her, waving back. 

“So, what about your friend, Zack?” Dean asked as soon as Sam walked up to the car. 

“Cops are blamin’ this Dean Winchester guy for Emily’s murder,” Sam smirked. “They found the murder weapon in the guy’s lair, Zack’s clothes stained with her blood. Now they’re thinking maybe the surveillance tape was tampered with. Yeah, Becca says Zack will be released soon.” 

Dean rolled his eyes before he got into the car, leaving you and Sam chuckling to yourselves. 

***

Dean broke the silence in the car that you three had been enjoying the entirety of the ride up until that point. “Sorry, man.”

You looked away from the trees that flew by outside of the Impala’s window over to Dean.

“About what?” Sam inquired.

“I really wish things could be different, you know? I wish you could just be….Joe College.”

“No, that’s okay. You know, the truth is, even at Stanford, deep down, I never really fit in.”

“Well, that’s ‘cause you’re a freak,” Dean quipped.

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” the younger brother laughed.

“Aw, isn’t this sweet,” you piped up from the backseat.

“Shut up, (Y/N),” Dean responded, making you snicker. He paused. "You know, I gotta say—I’m sorry I’m gonna miss it.” 

Sam turned his head to his brother. “Miss what?” 

"How many chances am I gonna have to see my own funeral?”

You snorted, curling up against the window while the car went quiet again. The shapeshifter’s words swirled around in your mind, causing the corners of your lips to turn down. 

Were you really a burden to Dean? Or was the shapeshifter just saying that to get under your skin? 

‘I mean, he never denied feeling that way when we were fighting,’ you reminded yourself. You huffed, crossing your arms. 

‘I’ll talk to Sam about it next time we stop,’ you told yourself. You closed your eyes and decided napping was a better idea than being in your own head at the moment. 

One final thought made its way into your head before you could suppress it. 

‘He can’t really think that badly of me... could he?’

Feedback is always appreciated and tags are open!

Series Rewrite Babes:

@rach5ive​ @ppeachygemss​

Dean Girls:

@akshi8278

[lacroix-suckatron]

Emma x Tracy is an underrated ship

tw// suicide mention (Hell Ember’s backstory), electroshock therapy reference (Emma’s backstory)

HI so ive been thinking about emma and tracy all day so here I am with this abomination of a headcannon:

before I begin, note that everything I say was derived only from my personal interpretation of the deductions, but if any of it is wrong please feel free to correct me

 -their backstories are eerily similar; both of them have similar trauma but starkly different ways of coping with it. I think, however, that their coping mechanisms are complementary in a way? which is why I believe that they could help eachother a LOT 

similarities between their backstories: 

-both had mothers who died when they were extremely young. Emma was a bit older when hers died, leaving her with vague memories that indicated the affair going on, whereas Tracy was an infant. However, both ended growing up with a single father who they grew very very emotionally attached to 

-tragically, both of their fathers "died" in separate fires when they were little kids. Emma was sent to an unsafe orphanage and Tracy was just... kinda left to live in the destroyed shop. 

-both developed a very unhealthy obsession with inanimate objects to help comfort them in times where there was no human to. 

 -Tracy's obsession was with creating and perfecting them, and Emma's obsession was with interacting with them.

 How Emma could help Tracy:

 -Ever since his accidental(?) death, Tracy's entire life goal has revolved around creating a doll that can resemble her father as much as possible. However, no matter how much she tinkers with it, it is never perfect in her eyes as nothing could truly replace or represent the bond she had with her father.

-I feel like Emma would LOVE the doll and could help Tracy begin to see that all her creations, but especially her doll, don't need to be perfect in order to live up to her father's memory. 

-Emma finds most things (besides herself) beautiful, and by projecting this mentality onto Tracy, it would help Tracy slowly accept that she CAN have a life, and a beautiful one at that, that does not need to revolve around making her father proud. This could theoretically help Tracy process her grief and lonely childhood, and eventually might lead to her finding peace.

-I also feel like Tracy would be the type of person who would LOVE making gifts for Emma, which would both make them super stoked.

How Tracy could help Emma: 

-Emma has been looking for nothing but pure stability her entire life, as her entire childhood had a theme of having everyone and everything taken away from her due to powers beyond her control. She finds that stability by showering love onto both people and inanimate objects (ex: doctor and scarecrow), but the way she has done it up to this point has been INCREDIBLY unhealthy because she has such a fucked up view of what the world should and shouldn’t be due to her developmental years spent in the orphanage and hospital 

-It is also implied in the deductions that both fleeting memories of her father and internalized homophobia cause her intense stress and pain 

-Tracy is kind, stable, and curious in ways that I believe Emma would latch onto instantly. However, given both Tracy's innocent past, empathetic nature, and intense love for gadgets/people to share them with, this relationship would be INFINITELY healthier than that of emily and emma. Unlike Emily, Tracy doesn't fret over her mistakes and run from all the people hurt by them. This girl is entirely SOLUTION ORIENTED because of the time spent admiring her father. In addition, she would not view an unstable person like Emma as someone who needs to be 'cured', but rather as someone who needs to be loved. 

-I also feel like Tracy's trinkets could help Emma remedy the painful memories of her father by reenforcing all the positive memories of him? But this one is kinda a stretch. BUT with this support, Emma could possibly begin to reconcile with her abandonment issues caused by his attempted suicide and transform into Hell Ember. 

Other things: 

-neither of them are really the talk-through-emotions type, so I don’t think that either of them would feel.. pressured to spill their trauma to the other?

-both of them love gadgets and tinkering!! and I just think that's funky

-also this scene in the stageplay:

yeah if you guys have any other thoughts or corrections to my idea please let me know I’d love to hear them :)

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

Thoughts I had while watching TGD 3x09 “Incomplete” aka the ep where I died and came back to life

Finally editing my thoughts post and should be able to watch the mid season finale live tonight and I’m so excited!!!

Fuck fuck fuck yalll I’m not ready but I am melendaire group chat popped off about this ep and I accidentally saw a slight spoiler when going thru my explore page on twitter and did my eyes deceive me OR DID I SEE A MELENDAIRE COMFORT HEART TO HEART MOMENT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I COULDNT TAKE IT AND GASPED AND HAVE BEEN SMILING AND EXCITED SINCE SEEING THAT FOR THIS BLESSED EP AND IM PRETTY SURE MELENDAIRE ARE GONNA HAVE A BONDING MOMENT IN THE NEXT EP BY RUNNING TOGETHER AND HOLY SHIT I CANT DEAL

I seriously am so excited I can’t contain myself and haven’t even started the ep I just squealed like 2 minutes ago about it 😂

Those eggs look nasty af but omg how cute a resident’s picture celebrating Claire’s birthday 😭😭 and Morgan is even holding the cake

Antonia thomas is so pretty excuse my crush I know I say this every ep

And oh Claire I hope/believe you’ll get help this ep and stop spiraling

Aww Debbie helping shaun how cute

The second hand embarrassment for me is strong but omg that shit was so adorable Carly has no shame in saying yes I’m so happy for sharly

Oh Claire bby yeah you’re gonna have to deal with your issues

Oh fuck that is not a coincidence that Melendez is saying him and lim aren’t together in front!!! Of!!! Claire!!!

Oh my god Claire plz don’t tell me you know that because you were also on ecstasy! And yeah Melendez is sus af is that why he seemed angry with her in the promo because she was doing molly 😩

Oof maybe not at least not yet he looked so proud of his baby

Lmao Morgan and shaun bonding over first times

Oh god no not an awkward l*mlendez moment 🤢

Y’all that’s Emily from make it or break it

I’m with Morgan on this like really your life is worth dying over having sex/an orgasm. Morgan is gonna pull a Claire and keep fighting for her patient to have the surgery

Damn Claire why didn’t you let park go in there to help the patient instead and fuck this dude haaaard

Oh my god Claire no plz tell me you’re not about to confess

Oh my god the irony y’all really love to torture Claire huh gonna have the wife suspicious about and affair to the woman your husband cheated on you with?!!!?

Plz don’t have her believe she’s making it up Claire I know you’re gonna confess before the ep ends

Aww Carly is a heart tattoo cute

Aww shaun what happened everything was going so well

Lmaoo the look they both gave Debbie to get out

Fuck Morgan up Carly as I much I love my bby she can cross a line but omg is this Morgan actually caring about shaun or attempting lmao

That’s right lim DON’T HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS about breaking up with him

Wow is Morgan actually telling the truth about this heart to heart story?? is she about to break up an engagement god damn

Oof is Claire about to tell this asshole off damn Claire getting called out so it was the opposite way around

Oh shit foreshadowing to his parents since Shaun’s dad is gonna be on his deathbed

Park leave Claire alone please and stfu why didn’t YOU check on him he’s also YOUR patient 🙄 men are trash and instead of bombarding Claire since you’ve noticed her spiraling why not actually ask if she was okay

Glassman you’ve been overbearing to shaun the whole fucking time you’ve known him and get pissed at him when he wants you to leave him alone but now that he’s asking you for help and advice suddenly you’re done with him?!!? Wtf

Yeah glassy is def gonna regret that when shaun comes back and doesn’t talk to him about his shitty dad dying

This hoe about to leave his fiancée

Melendez being so proud of his boo

For it!!!!

Carly filling in her tattoo was cute af ngl

Oh shaun bby you cant keep putting Carly thru that and yourself for that matter

Claire telling the wife she needs to insist on the truth has me worried she’s about to get slapped in front of the whole hospital omg

God damn it I needed closure and l*mlendez to end is this finally it 😭 because Melendez didn’t fight for her after she admitted to having second thoughts god bless 🙌🏼🙌🏼

I’m emotional 😭 don’t touch me the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen and ended so quick they always get my hopes up with sharly

AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHY DID MELENDAIRE GROUP CHAT HAVE TO BE RIGHT ABOUT OUR THEORY WE TOSSED AROUND OF CLAIRE GETTING SLAPPED WHY DID I HAVE TO BE RIGHT?!

At least not that many people were around and Melendez looks concerned af

Oh my oh my god oh my god he followed her down all those flights of stairs to make sure she was okay and comfort her omggg I can’t y’all I can’t I have to pause and take a deep breath

Omg no I needed that scene longer!!!!!!

Okay so you get the news Shaun’s dad is dying and you almost weren’t gonna go tell him what the fuck glassman

I need glassy gone ASAP I’m so done with his character and storyline 🤦🏻‍♀️

That’s it the ep is over we’re not gonna pan back to the melendaire scene I HAVE BEEN DYING FOR I WISH IT WAS LONGER BUT OMG IM SO GRATEFUL AND HAPPY WITH WHAT WE GOT like it’s not freakin coincidence that Melendez is the one to comfort Claire oh my god I’m still freaking out about that scene that slow pan to Neil our ship is back in the running y’all take THAT

And Melendez is gonna help Claire thru her grief and destructive tendencies from the look of the promo pics so I CANNOT WAIT MORE MELENDAIRE CONTENT HERE WE COME (it look like they’re spending time together outside the hospital and running and stuff 🙏🏼

And is that lea embracing shaun this next ep is gonna break me huh

Ngl and please don’t shoot me but I lowkey miss shea like season 1 them was *chefs kiss*