#the fucking kids in this apartment building are annoying af

[eye-in-hand]

disliking kids is not a moral failing thanks for coming to my ted talk

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Semi Finals

Propaganda why Tony Stark is insufferable:

Super long, sorry lol

Thinking about how in Homecoming when Peter accidentally caused that boat to get split in half because the Vulture’s gun exploded and Tony was acting like as if Peter was completely in the wrong for going there just because he did it without his permission. He was acting like as if Peter was out of line and “disobeyed him”, trying to act like his father. And then I remember how in CACW he’s the one who scouted Peter in the first place just because he saw he might be useful against a personal squabble between him and Captain America despite knowing that he was a kid and he’s just now acknowledging how dangerous it is because Peter “acted on his own”

Completely hijacking Peter’s superhero story and trying to control his every move (Training wheels protocol and baby monitor thing he put in the suit), acting like Peter should���ve known that Tony would send someone in despite the fact that he’d been ignoring him for 2 months since Civil War and not keeping him updated on anything!!

How the hell is peter supposed to know Tony is going to listen to him when he treats him like a kid instead of a superhero when it’s convenient for him? And when Tony loses his temper after Peter says he’s 15 not 14 like “the adult is talking” bitch he could literally flatten you without your suit!!!

I guess in a way he is acting like a father but like the absentee kind. He’s more like a sperm donor father trying to act like he has any rights over Peter’s life smh.

It’s not that reprimanding Peter for the situation is bad, but the way he makes it seem as if Peter is irredeemable as if Tony wasn't a literal weapons dealer lmfao. He could’ve said what was the truth about it without completely invalidating him saying shit like “no thanks to you” after Peter asked if everyone is okay when it’s literally thanks to Peter finding a lead on those guys in the first place that they were even noticed and it’s not like the FBI being there could’ve in no way caused a similar situation.

And then near the end of the movie when he’s getting crushed by the building rubble screaming and crying for someone to help him where the fuck is Tony?? That scene just proved that he never needed Tony’s suit in the first place to be Spider-Man since he had to use 100% his own strength to lift it off of him. I know he would’ve found the motivation even if Tony hadn’t been involved in the first place to give him the suit, take it away from him and have the words “if you’re nothing without the suit you shouldn’t have it“ echo in his head. Why did Tony even take the suit away? Like as if he expects Peter to stop being spoderman without it??? Holy fuck. This is why you don’t make it out of endgame /j /srs.

When Tony took this suit away from Peter he was like “God I sound like my dad“ shouldn’t that be a red flag to him? Wasn’t he literally just saying that he wished his dad was better than he was?? Lmfao

Tony is so annoying. When they first meet he straight up bullies Peter into fighting for his personal bullshit, insults and objectifies Aunt May in front of him, spits into his trashcan and is in general being pushy af. He blackmails Peter when he doesn’t wanna come to Germany with him AND HE DOESNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY HE WANTS HIM TO COME. Uncomfortable vibes lol.

Tony being the one to tell peter “if Captain America wanted to hurt you he would’ve” when Peter was trying to state his case, yet HE’S also the one who put Peter in harms way when he didn’t even want to go with him???

Telling Peter that he should stick to being a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” (stealing his thing once again) when that’s what Peter _was_ doing before Tony took him out of his zone and filled his head with grander things to be apart of….bitch? Die. Ohh waaaait (jkjk) but yeah

There’s the usual “he’s a war criminal who only felt bad about it when he realized his weapons were killing white Americans as well as Arab people” reason, and also he’s just super annoying. You had to be there for the original Avengers shitty dialogue a la “we have a Hulk” that had Tumblr in a vicious chokehold. Also he was supposed to FINALLY go away after destroying all his suits in Iron Man 3 but he just… didn’t! Which is bullshit.

Portrayed as a hero because? He chose to no longer mass produce war weapons and bombs after suffering the consequences. Huge hypocrite. Doesn't care about anyone but himself. Will backstab people if they believe in human rights when it's inconvenient to him. Seen as a hero while he's the personification of privileged people saying they're not privileged

Tony is so annoying. When they first meet he straight up bullies Peter into fighting for his personal bullshit, insults and objectifies Aunt May in front of him, spits into his trashcan and is in general being pushy af. He blackmails Peter when he doesn’t wanna come to Germany with him AND HE DOESNT EVEN EXPLAIN WHY HE WANTS HIM TO COME. Uncomfortable vibes lol.

Tony being the one to tell peter “if Captain America wanted to hurt you he would’ve” when Peter was trying to state his case, yet HE’S also the one who put Peter in harms way when he didn’t even want to go with him???

Telling Peter that he should stick to being a “friendly neighborhood Spider-Man” (stealing his thing once again) when that’s what Peter _was_ doing before Tony took him out of his zone and filled his head with grander things to be apart of….bitch? Die. Ohh waaaait (jkjk) but yeah

She’s a hypocrite who is ready to restrict the freedom of others when they make one mistake, but when he makes a mistake he figures he’s able to handle himself

Propaganda why Evan Hansen is insufferable:

just. oh my god. i cant put it into words. hes horrible im sure the rest of the world can find better ways to explain it than me

he lies to a grieving family about having been their dead son’s best friend. he does a bunch of patently awful things to either keep up this lie or benefit from it. he is portrayed as the good guy oh poor little guy he just has anxiety THE ENTIRE TIME

Lying creep

Lies about having been friends with a suicide victim so he can get in the pants of said victim's sister. The narrative excuses it and gives Evan no consequences for his actions because he's uwu anxious sadboi. What more is there to say? Other than the fact Ben Platt looked far too old to play a teenage boy so the film version is downright disturbing.

[gaysimpsstuff]

Could I get a Hawks in his rut headcanon?

No problem, Anon! I’m sorry this took so long, I wanted it to be perfect since I really like thinking about Hawks’ avian traits, and I know people really like it too. I hope it’s good! 

Hawks Rut Headcannons

Genre: fluff, smut

Type: headcannons (so... many... headcannons)

Warnings: animal traits, Keigo being possessive af, the commission being assholes, sickness, food, breeding kink, lots of horny times

Other: most of this is based off of real research, but some of it also comes from personal preference. @keilemlucent and their fic Best Nest very much inspired many other headcannons, check them outI They’re one of my favorite creators, and the linked fanfic is one of my favorites! Hope it’s okay I tagged you here lmao

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy (Lemme know if you wanna be added to or removed from the Taglist)

Remember to check if requests are open before sending in a request. This was made while requests were still open.

Pre-Rut Behaviors

Grooming and Preening

Before his rut, Keigo starts to feel dirty. He just seems to accumulate more dust and dirt during hero work than usual. He’ll come back home grumbling about blood in his hair and little bits of concrete in/on his skin.

He will insist you clean him off. So you get to brush his hair, put creams on his face, and wash him off in the shower.

Finally, there’s the preening. If he lets you preen his wings, then you know he’s in it for life. He loves and trusts you with everything he has. 

Expect him to press his nose against yours a lot.

Possessiveness and Protection

You’ll notice he gets more clingy, more possessive of you. He gets really controlling in the days leading up to his rut, so you’ll be annoyed a  l o t.

Just text all your friends and family that you’ve been swamped at work, it’d be a little weird to say “hey guys, sorry I can’t hang out, my boyfriend’s horomones are crazy right now and he gets really insecure if I so much as exist near anyone but him.”

You would come home from work and he’s already on you, sniffing your body to see who you’ve been around, and to see if any of them were attracted to you at all.

If he had any kind of sneaking suspicion that anyone posed a threat, he’s literally laying on you and rolling on top of you to try and get his scent on you. Even if no one will smell it except him, he’s gonna do it.

He’s so protective of you, and if something tiny hurts you or makes you upset...

He.

Is.

Angry.

Someone was rude to you? He’s screaming at them.

Someone tries to hurt or touch you? You’ve got to hold him back to stop him from ripping that person apart limb from limb.

All that x100 when he’s approaching his rut.

One person accidentally bumps into you? He takes it as passive aggressiveness even if they’re very apologetic about it.

You stub your toe on a table? He’s smashed the table and burnt it then thrown the ashes in the ocean. 

If you’re sad about something he can’t beat up, he feels horrible. He’s not the best at comforting people, so he’s just grabbing onto you and not letting go, telling you how much he loves and cares for you, and just how amazing you make his life feel.

If you don’t give him enough attention, he gets really huffy, and it gets worse leading up to his rut. 

You lifted your hands from his head to reach for your buzzing phone? He’s already whining and pouting and begging you to give him more head-pats again.

Nesting

He’ll leave hints asking for you to make a nest, usually saying things like “Our bed needs some changing, don’t you think?” “Don’t you wish our space was more personalized?” 

If you don’t get the hint, he’ll be very sad, and he thinks you’re rejecting him. So you’d better be good at reading into things and realizing he’s approaching mating season and wants you to build a nest.

He comes home one day and sees you piled blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes in the living room, sprayed with his cologne and you’re cologne and/or perfume. He pulls you into his arms and spins around with you, giggling and laughing.

He’s so happy you made a nest for the two of you. 

He starts putting pretty shiny things he likes around the nest. Your toothbrush went missing and you found it in the mountain that was your nest.

Once, you were in desperate need of a clean shirt, and the only clean shirt you could find was in the nest. So you picked it up to put it on, and two seconds later, Keigo was in front of you, hands in your shirt, staring at you with such a fierce intensity, you felt almost like a villain.

He was very mad at you for taking things from your shared nest.

He leaves feathers all around the penthouse, but they’re all piled mostly around the nest, they’re for your protection so don’t try and throw them away.

Noises

He also gets really noisy, so he’ll be ‘singing’ and squawking and cooing constantly. He feels really bad about it so he might get you some noise-blocking headphones for when he’s screeching into the sky in the dead of night about how “THIS IS MY FUCKING TERRITORY Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS STAY AWAYYYY!”

You really think bird’s springtime songs are about love? Nah he’s mostly screaming about how he’s gonna fuck his partner and how the neighborhood  practically belongs to him.

Someone called the police once, tired of all the shouting, but the officers backed off when they saw who was doing all the shouting. Most of your neighbors are used to the screaming during early spring.

Rut End-game

On the third and second to last day before his rut, he gets a sudden burst of energy and an increased appetite. He refuses to eat anything unless you’ve made it though, so let’s best hope you can cook at least a little.

When he was younger, his hungry times before his rut were spent either eating anything and everything he can get his hands on. The commission broke that behavior very quickly though, so he’d starve himself before his rut, which would result in him getting very sick from a lack of energy and sustenance. That plus the extreme arousal was a recipe for pain and suffering.

So when you noticed he suddenly stopped eating, you insisted on making food for him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him go hungry ever. That was the first rut in years that didn’t feel like torture.

You’re cooking almost all the time, and he’s constantly eating everything you give him, running around from room to room while he waits for his next meal. He’s basically a hobbit.

In the last day or two before his rut, he suddenly has no energy, and starts getting hot and cold flashes. He’s sniffling, curled up in your shared nest, dirty tissues surrounding him. He comes in and out of consciosness, and when he’s awake, he’s whining and complaining about exhaustion and aches.

Physical Changes

Most of these happen in the last few days leading up to his rut, so it’ll be very sudden. These physical changes is what causes the extreme hunger and sickness.

His feathers darken several shades, and they become super sensitive. They also seem to grow in size, so when you cuddle, you’re smothered by them more than usual.

He also gains an extra couple inches in height, so expect some teasing now that he’s just that little bit taller. His hair also gets thicker and stronger, that’s so you can pull on it when he fucks you.

His nails get longer and darker, and they’re impossible to file or cut. So when he holds you and touches you, he often scratches you on accident. He’s really apologetic about it, but honestly you could totally paint his nails and pretend they’re acrylics if you’re into that.

His teeth get sharper, and he starts biting you just for fun. Bites your finger, hand, wrist, neck, even your nose. He underestimated just how strong his teeth are, and he made you bleed first time he bit you.

His whole body is very sensitive, so head-pats, back rubs, wings, and even his touching his feet can get him to the verge of cumming.

his tongue is longer, and it’s a whole lot stronger. He could probably carry a full plastic water bottle with his tongue (which isn’t a lot, but for a tongue it’s very much a lot).

His voice drops a whole octave and a half- mans is sounding almost like Corpse now. Maybe Markiplier? Anyways, if you’ve got a voice kink, you’re in luck

His dick changes too, it gets bigger, and he grows a lump at the base of it, between his shaft and balls. His balls get smaller until they’re barely noticable beneath what he calls him ‘knot.’

His eyes become sharper too, so don’t try and hide anything from him. 

Rut (MAJOR NSFW)

Everyone already knows Keigo has a breeding kink, but he hasn’t brought it up with you until now. It just kind of- happens. As he’s drilling into you, he suddenly starts blabbering about fucking a kid into you, and how hot you’d look all round with his kids. Might be a little weird for those of you who physically cannot give birth to children (my lovely AMABS and infertile AFABS). 

He can’t control it, so it’s especially weird if you don’t even want kids. If you can get pregnant, you’d better double check that you’re taking your birth control. And get to know some good clinics just in case.

However, if you do want kids, if you want to start a biological family woth Keigo, fuck. You will not be able to handle his happiness and horniness in that moment when you beg him to get you pregnant.

He is going to mark you up. Hickies, bruises, hand prints, bite marks, plus his scent. He needs everyone to know that you are his. He wants to claim you, make sure you know you belong to him. No one else can have you but him.

Halfway through your fuckfest, he starts making animalistic noises. He’s growling, roaring, whining, chirping, etc. This is around the time when he stops thinking about you, so he’ll really rough you up during this phase.

This man was a virgin before you, so this is also the first rut he’s ever going to have with another person, so he’ll hold himself back a lot. He needs you to reassure him at every step, tell him how good you feel, how you want him to fuck you, how not only are you okay with him going all out, you want him too.

Did he just cum? You think you’re finished? HA! No way in fucking hell is he finished after one, two, five, ten... so many rounds. He just keeps going and going and going and how the fuck is he still hard? He cums so fucking quickly, so much, and then keeps going.

When he finally does go soft, his whole personality changes. it’s like he didn’t just fuck you stupid. He immediately goes into ‘protect’ mode, which includes cuddles, him spoon-feeding you, petting you like a dog, and singing to you.

He puts the nest near a window so he can keep an eye out for possible threats. Just like “gotta keep mate safe. Is that the mailman? NO FUCK NO GET OUT OF HEREEEE!” 

One moment, he’s fucking you, and the next he’s leaning halfway out the window, screaming at some poor dude walking his dog. Remember, he’s still naked. You learned your lesson after that and kept the windows locked, and warned the neighbors to stay out of sight of the window, at least for the time being.

You’re going to feel very dirty, because he does not want you cleaning off the sweat, cum, and tears from your body. He likes that you smell like him, and you washing it off makes him feel rejected. 

He’s going to break a lot of things, so move pictures and vases into another room and lock the fuck out of that room. Or else he will break all of it.

He thinks any clothes you’re wearing are mocking him, so wear clothes you hate when his rut starts, then get used to being naked for a couple days. 

Oh yeah, his whole rut lasts one to five days. He’s fucking you for about three days on average.

He fucks you until you faint, and then keeps going until he’s out of ‘fuck’ mode and into ‘protect’ mode. A few times, he fucked you unconscious in the middle of the afternoon and then kept fucking you until the sun rose. 

Yeah, he’s got that much energy.

Don’t worry, during the whole time, he lets out pheromones with a strong vanilla-chocolaty scent that keeps your body and mind relaxed. 

There’ve been times when he’s just fucking into you and your water bottle is just out of reach.

During his rut, he has no shame. Let’s hope your walls are soundproofed, or else your neighbors will all know how he fucks you. 

He will not restrain you or hurt you in any way during his rut. So no degredation, no collars or chains, the only thing keeping you in the nest is his weight on top of you.

He gets upset if you try to touch yourself, things it’s you trying to tell him that he’s not satisfying you enough. 

He wants you to cum as many times as him, which is difficult because of his increased sensitivity, so he’s using every skill he knows to get you cumming again and again and again.

Most of the time, he’s going hard, rough, and spilling absolute filth from his cock and mouth, but in the last few hours of his rut, he suddenly gets emotional.

He’s rocking up against you, holding you close to his body and blabbering about you

How much he loves you

How good you make him feel

How he wouldn’t want anyone else by his side for his rut

How you’re his mate for life

How he’ll protect you and keep you safe.

Please be gentle with him, he’s very vulnerable near the end of his rut, and he’ll cry very easily.

When he’s nearing his last load, he makes out with you sloppily, trying to talk as he shoves his tongue down your throat.

He finishes off by  pushing his knot all the way inside you, and stays there for an hour.

This is the softest moment, and he’s covering your body in kisses. 

His knot pushes these small eggs inside you, and you have the lovely job of pushing them all out the next day. 

Post Rut

When his knot deflates, he finally pulls out and starts cleaning you off. 

He’ll carry you around and finally gives you a bath, constantly making sure you’re okay.

He’ll give you lots of massages and he’ll cook for you. He’s constantly thanking you for helping him, telling you he didn’t deserve it.

Just kiss him on the cheek, tell him you had fun, and that you love him so very very much.

He needs the most reassurance now than ever before.

He’s also very tired, so you’ll be taking care of each other.

Then his ‘post-rut’ resets, and he sleeps for hours.

Then he gets super hungry, and the two of you make huge meals and just kinda binge eat for a day or two.

Then his physical changes go back to normal, and you have a happy lil bird boy who simps for you so hard

[disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope]

Over the moon very messy review (spoilers)

I wasn’t really planning on watching it today but it was so praised on my pot early on that i just had too

And..... I’m confused...

It has some VERY good scenes, plot points, characters, songs, sceneries and some VERY bad scenes, plot points, characters, songs, lyrics and sceneries

I wanted to start by being positive but this whole thing got mixed up

So here’s my thoughts:

- loved chang’e (i gotta google this cause i thought it was chungha like.... chungha the idol). Love her design, love her voice, love her attitude. Best character, never boring. Tall as fuck goddess. She’s right there with eris from sinbad. Muah kisses the chef. Her hair, makeup, outfits, facial expressions. Idk if the voice actress is the same for speaking and singing but the singer from Hamilton is so so good, she made me not mind the godawful lyrics. I wanted more screen time for her cause she honestly saved the movie

- the protagonist girl fei fei is a bit of a positive and negative of the movie. She’s cute but very cliche. There’s 273648 characters like her. Her problems are very real and relatable but u cant just help sigh and think of her as a dramatic teenager u know? I do feel bad and see my teenage self in her cause i do understand but.... shes super dramatic still. I mean.... she went to the fucking moon to avoid her father getting married shes crazy. She went to all that trouble to learn how to make a rocket just to avoid him remarrying... i understand the frustration one might feel, it never happened to me but if it did id probably have very mixed and selfish feelings about it too, but her and the father really should have just talked. A simple conversation would have let her know that he’s lonely but never ever would forget the mother. And the father had time, he just didnt do it so the fault is not all on her. But i guess there would be no movie if they talked, would there?

- the motivations in this movie dont make sense or are just weak.... fei fei wants to build a rocket to the moon to avoid her father from remarrying? Dumb. She wants a pic as proof? Dumb. The brother wants the pic to help the sister? Ok... but he’s literally an 8 year old, they dont give a shit about none of that specially one that just met u. Chang’e wants the gift which is understandable but... why the potion?? Literally just to give the bunnies a love plot thats dumb af. Also, did she really took both immortal pills or whatever it was? It was implied multiple times that she was selfish but idk if she cleared that out

-i loved the Chinese town. Super cozy and friendly. Love how the river is so integral to it like in real life i assume. It’s just so different from the ocident i love it. Please more movies featured in Asia cause they have many gorgeous cultures. I love the sense of community and family, the little details and the food aspect of it. I love how Asian countries combine modern with old so much so that atsome point i didnt really know what year the movie was supposed to be set in.

- the “pre meeting step mother” part of the movie was the best along with chang’e’s scenes. I almost cried even tho the moment the mother fell i knew she was gonna die. I’m getting very emotional with these scenes as i get older even tho both my parents are still alive but i guess those scenes just make me think about when the worse will happen and i dont wanna think of it of course. But the mother was so great and kind. I really felt their bond and love between mother and daughter. And father but u know.

- the bunny was so fucking cute!!!! Until...... it gained super powers and decided to stay with the ugly green love interest?? Wtf... like wtf that was so unnecessary??? A love plot for the bunnies?? Why??? Whyyyyyyyyyyy

- the moon city wasn’t anything special... apart from shiny it was very bland. I wish they had kept more of Chinese culture in it but i did see something on chang’e’s room i think

- every single comic refiro in this movie was BEYOND THE MOON ANNOYING!!!!!!! I understand, even tho i dont aprove it, the existence of the annoying ass 8 year old brother.... BUT THE GREEN DOG TOO???? WHYWHYWHYWHY AND HE SINGS??? NO SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!! He had a cute design but everytime he was there and opened his mouth i just wanted to shoot him I’m not kidding i hate him! NOT TO MENTION that he basically did the relationship development between the siblings in the brothers place!!!! Why does the dog exist????? Fei fei should have bounded in the adventure with the brother!!!! Oh i hated that so much..... I’m so mad.... without the green dog the movie wouldn’t have these weak as hell points

- the ending where the lover fades was ok but just ok. I feel like it was either too rushed and he was disappearing before i even noticed and before he even said anything meaningful or it should have been like the one in onward. It just had little impact imo

- the songs have GREAT VOCALS, the singers are definitely the best part, catchy instrumentals, even tho I’m starting to agree that these movies rely too much on pop songs and not actually musical worthy songs, and the lyrics are bad, really bad.... corny too. So basically about the songs: great vocals, ok instrumentals, bad lyrics. But I’m sure ill rewatch chang’e’s songs cause i love her. Maybe the songs will grow on me with time who knows

- the humor is very modern and i just dont think it fits these kind of movies... the same happened with Moana. It just doesn’t fit the epic adventure with gods vibe i think? It’s also just bad. The comic reliefs were annoying, there’s really no other word, but even the humor from other characters or scenes didnt work

- there’s some very inventive animation here, i loved how they used 2d art even tho i wanted more of it. I love glen keane and how his art style translated. I feel like we can see a bit of him on his disney work but here it just really looked like his art u know? Really good

- i dont like the “the movie had a good message so its good” kind of thought cause many terrible movies have great messages and many great movies have repetitive messages. I thought the message in this movie was a bit repetitive but what made it different for me was that both characters were grieving the loss of different loves, motherly and romantic, and yet they were feeling the same and had to help each other and move on. I dread the day that comes for me. It was nice for fei fei to feel she wasn’t the only one with that pain even tho she just had to move on if she was.

Ok so i think thats it

I think this review i came out too negative but I’m just really torn. There’s some parts of this movie that I couldn’t get enough of and, unfortunately, other parts that were making me wanna turn it off.... i could have ignored the cliches but the 2 very annoying comic characters were too damn much

But i think the positives outweigh the negatives even so

I think I’ll give it a 6/10 or 6.5

Klaus is still my fave animated Netflix movie

[slurrmp]

Hey any chance you could to 50 with 13 please? Totally get it if you can't ♥️

                                                  sensory prompts.                                                    inbox is open.                         50. the empty space that can’t be breached between you in bed.

so - i made this incredibly angsty af and i don’t know why. heavy trigger warnings apply for this prompt. (mentions of abuse, domestic) also this is a seriously old prompt request, i apologise for taking so long.

xX

You don’t know whether or not you were mad or just disappointed. You had told the Doctor not to do anything stupid or foolish or just down right insane but that is exactly what had happened. Maybe you were just cynical, maybe you had lived through enough shit that you know when something bad was going to happen, like a gut feeling that everyone seems to dismiss but when the bad thing happens everyone tells you that you were right.

You had suffered enough over the last four years, so when the Doctor dropped into your life, you thought that this was the perfect opportunity to get away from them. And yet - life seemed to always catch up with you and beat you in the ass. You love so deeply and want to make sure that everything is alright and yet in the end, it’s always you that ends up with the black eye or the broken rib or the dislocated shoulder.

You had never shown your bruises or your scars to the others or the Doctor. It wasn’t their battle to fight, besides you were on board a flying police box, what did it matter. But it did matter, especially when Yaz had to help you pick out an outfit for one of Marylin Monroe’s extravagant birthday parties, the scar that ran from underneath your shoulder blade to the top of your breast was the most noticeable in the dress you wore.

“[y/n], what happened?” she hadn’t expected the worst, of course she wouldn’t but when you tried to lie your way through, it became more apparent when Yaz caught a glimpse at your stomach and then your legs. “Jesus, [y/n] who did this to you?” She was a cop, of course she would be concerned.

You sniffed and shrugged your shoulders. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Your eyes stared at your reflection in the mirror, before they focused on Yaz’s figure as she stood from the bed - stepping closer towards you. Flinching ever so slightly when her hand touched the scar, you swallowed and held the dress tighter to your naked body. “Just … don’t say anything to the Doctor.” You had mumbled and Yaz looked at you like you had grown another head. “Yasmin please! She doesn’t need to know.”

The bed seemed cold, too cold in fact. You were lying next to each other but you felt miles apart. The Doctor rarely sleeps and when she does, it’s like it’s for an hour and nothing more, you worried about her sometimes. So this, whatever this was had you incredibly worried. You wouldn’t think that the punch would have caused much damage - you’d seen the Time Lord lift things that you couldn’t even move, she was a lot stronger than she looks and incredibly tougher than the average bear.

Your face scrunched up, what a stupid saying. Sniffing, you buried your head deeper into your pillow. Or maybe it was the Doctor’s pillow - you couldn’t tell anymore, you had slept in the same bed for so long now, that everything seemed to be one big mess.

She wasn’t impressed. Of course she hadn’t been and you had been mad and bitter and pissed at Yaz for dobbing on you like you were kids. Your eyes glared at the copper from across the console - you sat on the floor - arms folded over your chest, of course she hadn’t kept her mouth shut - not when you returned to the TARDIS after a lay over with a split lip and you had been limping again. They hadn’t been appreciative when you showed up to home after being gone for almost an entire day. You had cursed the Doctor’s rather shitty flying skills.

“I’m sorry.” The tension in the air seemed to shatter. Her voice was deep and you could tell that she had been stewing in her own head for a while, you wondered if she’d ever spoke to her past selves? Wondered if that’s how regeneration works, you’re a new person, but the old yous are still in there somewhere.

“’S fine.” You mumbled not even bothering to turn around. The Doctor had confronted your lover merely three hours before, it had gotten to a head and the Doctor had followed you out of the TARDIS when the shouting had ensued. She was pissed, you could see it in her eyes and then way her shoulders stayed stiff and the warmth that usually invited everyone in had disappeared.

“Doctor, no it’s okay.” You had muttered trying to hold her back, hands pressed against her shoulders.

“Who the fuck is this?” They had almost shouted, you could smell the alcohol from here and the Doctor’s eyes narrowed. You hadn’t seen her this mad before, you had to walk backwards as the Time Lord kept on advancing. “You been screwing this chick?”

“Not now!” You growled out between your clenched teeth, head to turned to look at the mess they were in. Before you quickly turned back to face the Doctor. “Please, Doc - you’re going to make it worse.” The Time Lord had looked down at you, and her eyes softened ever so slightly … but they had to open their mouth again. Comment on whether or not you were good in bed or not and that’s when all hell broke loose. 

You had no idea that the Doctor could lose her temper like that. Maybe it was a part of her that she kept in check, because as soon as you called her name, and after a single punch to the face had caused them to fall to the ground, she softened and her whole body shook…

The coolness between your bodies was beginning to annoy you now, you wanted to roll over and just bury your face into her chest - to hug her to you and never let her go. The only good thing that had happened to you in the last half a decade. But you didn’t.

“[y/n]” Your name sounded so soft when the Doctor spoke. Sounded like she loved the way it felt on her lips, so much more than the poison it evoked when they yelled it at you. This time you did look at her, turning your whole body around, so that you were lying on your stomach.

“I had it covered.” was what left your lips though you suddenly swallowed and the bruise on your ribs seemed heavy. That was a lie and the Doctor knew it. “I did.” Pressure started to build at the back of your eyes. “I really … did.” Resting up on your elbows now, you pushed your face deeper into the pillow. Furrowing your brows, you felt your whole body shake. “I love them.” it was mumbled but you knew the Doctor had very good hearing. “I love them so much and I have no idea why they hurt me like this.” You had never spoken to another person about this. No other human had heard you come clean. 

But then again … the Doctor wasn’t human now was she?

“It’s never easy.” The Doctor’s voice caused you to jump slightly. She was closer, a hand rested lightly against your back. You knew that she had issues with touching others as well - must be something very important if she allowed her fingers to dig into your shirt. The palm of her hand moved and now dug into your back - massaging between your shoulder blades. “You love the person who they used to be. Who they were before they turned on you, before any of this happened.” Of course the Doctor knew more than she would say. “But that doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting to leave.”

A sob wrecked through your body, eyes scrunching closed. Delicate fingers, pushed some of your hair behind your ear. The space between the two of you didn’t feel so … cold anymore, but you still didn’t want to lean on her - you didn’t have the strength. So pulling your head away from the pillow you looked at the Doctor, behind a blurry vision, her eyes - that are usually filled with amusement and childlike wonder - held their true look. Of someone who is over 2000 years old and has seen every horror in the universe.

“I … I can’t…” You pulled your body away, touching just reminded you of them too much, you suddenly realised the last time they touched you was when they hurt you. Curling into a ball, you buried yourself into the bed again and it wasn’t long until the Doctor pulled her hand from your back. You didn’t hear her get up from the bed, but you did feel her press a kiss against your forehead.

“Sleep, [y/n]” The Doctor mumbled. “You’re safe here. I promise.”“I know,” came your sleepy reply. Maybe the space between you couldn’t be breached tonight, but … maybe you just needed time to heal.

[bakugou-tm]

Hey! I saw your ask box was open! Can I request a scenario of Bakugou and fem reader meeting up on rooftops in between hectic training schedules and just..., being fluffy and cute. Thanks and have a good day

lucky for you I’m craving some fluff and I’m feeling lonely af, enjoy

That ash blond wasn’t surprised when he arrived at the location you two planned to meet at after both of your work shifts. Almost every time the two of you did decide to come out you were always late, whether it be because of your agency letting you out late or your poor taste in responsibility, Bakugou was always expecting such of you.

Grumbling out a string of annoyed curses, Bakugou kicked his boots against the cool cement of the roof while he waited for his idiot beloved to arrive.

As much as the ash blond wasn’t pleased with your absence, he had a sense of understanding for your reasoning. The two of you had barely seen each other all week and you lived in the same apartment, he knew how hard you had been working so he supposed your tardiness would have to due.

Deciding to sit near the ledge, the ash blond placed the bag of diabetes goodies he had gotten for you behind him to create some element of surprise for you.

Though he would never admit it, even Bakugou’s strong ego couldn’t help the warm feeling in his chest whenever you smiled or shrieked in excitement. Ever since high school he swore he would never come to grips with the idea of love, who could ever love an asshole like himself?

He wasn’t sure if it was fate or some sort of god watching his back, but some all forgiving being placed you in his life, truly an angel from heaven.

You were unlike anyone he had ever met; so kind and gentle yet you didn’t let Bakugou or anyone else for that matter walk all over you, so fragile and radiant yet so fierce and powerful, you were the perfect embodiment of a miracle in Bakugou’s life

The ash blond hadn’t even noticed how lost in thought he was until his attention was brought to the sound of rugged grunts and pants.

“Stupid b..broken latter, I’m about to go into cardiac arrest then Katsuki will really kill me…”

Bakugou’s head whipped back to the source, a small grin forming at his lips at the familiar sound of your whining voice. Shuffling over to the sound, he waited for you two finally reach the top while looking down at you with an unimpressed face.

“You havin’ trouble climbing a latter (hero name)?” The ash blond taunted, enjoying the way your lips curved into a perfect pout before you let your back flop on the ground underneath your boyfriend’s legs.

Lifting one arm up, you laid the other one across your face dramatically as you sighed, “Can’t. Move. Legs. Muscles. Too. Sore.”

Bakugou’s smug expression turned to one of annoyance as you faked out your sob story, with a groan he bent down and scooped underneath your shoulders, lifting you to your feet effortlessly causing a squeak to escape your lips.

“Jeez there Hercules, don’t break my shoulders now!” You exclaimed as you spun around to him, blinking at him owlishly as he gave you a rather stern and serious expression.

“I make Hercules look like a twig.”

Raising a brow up to the ash blond you couldn’t help but burst into laughter, knowing he meant every word he said no matter how hilarious it sounded coming from his serious scrunched up face.

“There’s my cocky Katsuki, I missed you baby.” You said softly, placing a quick peck on his lips before wrapping your arms around his back.

Bakugou tensed up at the sudden feeling, but instantly melted into your embrace, his strong arms holding you close to him as he inhaled your familiar scent.

How you wished you could stay in his embrace forever, but there would be more time for that later, there was a more exciting matter on your mind.

“Sooo, I know I’m like late all the time but today I had a valid reason!” You exclaimed with a wide grin as you tugged out of Bakugou’s tight grasp, “I bought you your favorite spicy thai noodles!”

The ash blond hadn’t even noticed the box of noodles behind your back surprisingly, but sure enough he recognized the bright box decorated in colorful flames in your hands.

Letting out a quiet grumble of gratitude, Bakugou took the box out of her hands before dragging her over to the edge of the roof where his bag was.

“Don’t you think you outdid me shitty girl, I got your favorite udon soup,” Bakugou mumbled, shoving the take out bag in your hands before sitting down against a rusty air conditioning box, “And I got it for free because I’m fucking awesome.”

You smiled happily at the container of your favorite soup before looking down to your boyfriend with a deadpanned expression, “One of the perks of being famous babe, you remind me everyday.”

Bakugou’s eyes shifted up to your own as you sat down beside him, his eyes narrowing at the sound of you being unhappy.

“Who the fuck cares about being famous, you make all those shitty extras look like dog shit.”

Blinking over to the blond you smiled when you saw the concern hidden in his crimson eyes.

“Don’t worry Suki I was only teasing you, I don’t care about fame, I only care about the number one hero~” You purred, grinning as the ash blond began to move over expectantly for some sort of kiss. Instead you poked his cheek with one of your chopsticks “~the number one hero bringing me my favorite soba of course.”

Suddenly Bakugou’s eyes opened, his lips turning into a scowl as he shifted his head towards the other buildings, ignoring his girlfriend’s gaze as she bursted into laughter.

“Don’t be mad babe! I’m just teasing you my ticking time bomb, of course my only care in the world is not just the worlds number one hero…” You started with a small smile as your hand reached up to touch his bicep softly, “but my number one hero.”

The ash blond froze under your calm touch, your soft words melting his brain to mush as his cheeks began to flush a deep scarlet. Letting out a huff the ash blond looked away from you and started shoveling his noodles in his mouth.

“Just eat your shitty soup will you dumbass!”

Letting out a soft laugh that made Bakugou’s heart and soul feel as if he was on cloud nine, you decided to take his advice and dig into your soup before it got two cold.

The two of you sat like this for awhile in silence, basking in each others presence. While some find silence awkward, you two found it as a necessary factor to your relationship. It was a level of respect you both held for each other, the need to relax yet still have each other’s loving presence to calm the other partner down.

Once your soup began to run low, you scraped your chop sticks around the edge to get any extra noodles left before looking over to your boyfriend.

“So, what’d you do today Katsuki? Kiss any babies? Get trampled by fangirls?”

Bakugou let out a small chuckle, not being able to stop himself from laughing at your dorky humor, “Hell no I told my agent to cut that publicity shit out, today I just patrolled all day, had one hell of a fight but nothing I couldn’t handle.”

You let out a quiet hum of acknowledgement, nodding at his words. She knew eventually he would snap on his agent, she had an old fashioned way of thinking and only focused on Bakugou’s popularity polls rather than actual heroism.

“The fuck did you do today to get that nasty gash?” 

Suddenly your body froze halfway through you slurping the last noodle of your soup into your mouth. You knew how protective Bakugou tended to be, no matter how many times you proved yourself. It was clear he knew you could handle yourself, but that didn’t stop his protective boyfriend tendencies from coming up.

“G..Gash? I don’t know what your talking about Suki, you must be seeing things from exhaustion.” You said as casually as possible, wiping your mouth with the spare napkins before a shriek escaped your lips as the ash blond roughly lifted your ankle up causing the upper half of your body to slide to the ground.

“Try again (L/n), I have perfect fucking vision and I’m never exhausted,” Bakugou said smugly as he analyzed the bandages covered in red around your shin before his harsh eyes looked down to your own, “Now what the hell happened?”

Letting out a huff you lifted your body back up from your elbows and leaned your weight back against the air conditioner as you looked down sheepishly, “I was trying to save some kid from being smooshed under a crumbling building and a metal bar pierced my leg before I could run in time.”

The ash blond looked at you with suspicious eyes before looking back to your leg until he decided to finally drop your ankle back to the ground gently.

“You need to be fucking careful dumbass.”

Puffing your cheeks out you let out an annoyed huff, pointing an accusing finger to him, “You’re one to talk! Look at your entire body it’s always covered in scrapes and bruises!”

“True but I’m fucking hot so I’m allowed to be torn up.”

Bakugou couldn’t help the smirk that formed on his lips as you looked at him with your jaw dropped, clearly offended by his comment, your adorable reactions never ceased to make him laugh.

“That’s it… n..no more kisses for you all weekend!” You declared, sitting up straighter as if this master plan would put the number one hero in his place. 

“Oh yeah? No kisses huh?”

Biting your lip stubbornly you folded your arms across your hero suit, nodding confidently as you batted your head away from him and let out a sassy huff, “That’s right Suki, no kisses for you all weekend.”

Rolling his crimson eyes, Bakugou sat up from his spot against the air conditioner and scooped your waist in his arms, “Looks like that means I’ll have to shower your fucking ass in kisses then.”

(E/c) eyes widening you suddenly dragged yourself from his grasp, attempting to break from his firm grasp as he smothered your arms with sloppy kisses.

“K..Katsuki stop this instant!” You exclaimed, eventually falling onto your back as the ash blond caged himself above you, a deviant smirk on his expression before he placed purposely sloppy kisses anywhere he saw your perfect.

Your face instantly scrunched up as you bursted into giggles, attempting to protect yourself with your hands which he only kissed as well.

Bakugou paused from his kissing attack when he caught a glimpse of your form, the sight truly taking the breath out of him.

The way your (h/c) locks sprawled out around your face, your smooth (s/c) skin glowing in the moonlight… then finally you opened your eyes at the sudden pause in Bakugou’s actions, your (e/c) eyes leaving the ash blond at a loss for words.

Looking up to Bakugou with concerned eyes, not sure why he was staring at you so intently, you opened your mouth to speak before he spoke up first.

“Fuck you are so beautiful.”

A sharp blush arose to your cheeks, especially since you had nothing use to hide from his loving glare. Letting out a dazed laugh you brought your hand to his cheek, your thumb rubbing against his soft skin before smiling warmly.

“Not as beautiful as you Suki.”

The two of you stared at each other once more, your eyes doing most of the talking until Bakugou smashed his lips up against yours without second thought.

Most of the times Bakugou’s kisses held a certain passion and roughness to them, and while it certainly held every bit of passion Bakugou had, this time it had a certain tenderness to it. As if Bakugou wanted to take his time and show every bit of appreciation he usually never could for you.

Once the two of you pulled away you stared at each other once more for a moment, both of you sharing the same stargazed look in your eyes.

Smiling softly you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your face into the collarbone of his uniform, “I love you Katsuki.”

Normally when Bakugou heard that daunting four letter phrase, he would freeze up, unaware on how to act or what to feel; but now the ash blond had felt that those words could never be more true and absolutely to him.

You were his and he was yours.

A rare smile flashed across Bakugou’s lips as he buried your face in your (h/c) locks, placing a firm kiss on your head before closing his eyes.

“I love you too (F/n).”

[softkaimin]

Love Contract

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Word Count: 6.8k

Genre: angsty af / neighbor!au

Summary: It had become a part of his daily routine to complain about you and your s/o’s rowdiness, but when one quiet day turns into weeks of silence, Baekhyun can’t help but worry about you

a/n: special appearance by kim jongdae | chen

Byun Baekhyun sat up in his rumpled mess of blankets, the incessant knocking on his front door beginning to give him a headache. His eyes were still closed, shut by the lingering sleep that he was forced out of, and the drool in the corner of his mouth was still damp. He quickly wiped it away with the sleeve of his t-shirt, reluctantly opening one eye to look at the clock.

10:42 AM.

“Fuck.” He was late for work yet again. He’d already run out of excuses to tell his boss the last two times, and another fake car accident on the road wasn’t going to cut it. He tore the blanket away from his body, and threw his legs over the side of the bed, sliding his feet into his gray house slippers as he stood to answer the door.

“Can you tell your friend (Y/N) to get her mail every once in a while?” The older man hissed, slapping a stack of envelopes into Baekhyun’s chest.

“She’s not my friend,” he said, attempting to hand the mail back to the old man.

“I don’t care. Her mailbox is full, and they started putting her mail in other people’s mailboxes. It’s getting annoying!” The old man spat, pushing Baekhyun’s hand away from him.

“Why don’t you just give it her then?”

“You don’t think we’ve tried?” Another neighbor chimed in, slapping a thicker stack of mail on top of the one that was already in Baekhyun’s hand. “She won’t answer her door.” The lady huffed, a bead of sweat dribbling down her forehead from her climb up the stairs. The giant pink velcro curlers had come loose, hanging on by the dry and frayed ends of her black hair, and her slippers were of different colors. Baekhyun recognized her from the group of ladies that often huddled around the coffee maker in the lobby, and he instantly became annoyed.

“Elevator still not working?” The old man asked.

“No,” she answered. “And I shouldn’t have to leave my kids and walk up four flights of stairs to bring that girl her mail. I don’t care if she’s heartbroken or dead! We’ve all got problems, but we still pick up our shit!” She wrapped her bathrobe tightly around her body, fanning herself with the single envelope in her hand as she angrily shuffled back toward the exit, disappearing behind the railing.

The old man raised his eyebrow, and pointed at the door with the golden numbers 415B bolted near the peephole. That was your apartment.

“You know I heard her boyfriend left her. I was downstairs doing laundry the other day when I heard a group of ladies saying that he had been cheating on her, and after the girl got pregnant he left her to help take care of the baby,” he said in a hushed voice.

Baekhyun stared at the old man for a second. “You know, you’re too old to be believing those kinds of rumors,” he said, waving the large stack of mail in his face. “I’ll be sure to give this to her. Have a nice day.” Baekhyun shut the door before the old man could say anything else, and quickly shuffled back to the comfort of his bed. He sat down, skimming through the mail in his hands. They were all addressed to you.

He picked up his phone to text you when he saw the missed calls from his boss. Five in total. He groaned, questioning how long he could put off having that dreaded conversation with his boss about the “principle of showing up on time”. He already had the entire thing memorized, as if by now it would be like reading off of a script. Baekhyun bit his lip, and dialed his boss. Best to just get it over with.

The line clicked two rings in, and the familiar voice spoke in his ear. “I don’t know why, and at this point I don’t really care. This is the eighth time this month, and we’re only twelve days in!” This was not in the script. Her voice resonated through the small speaker of his phone, and he was afraid if she yelled any louder she would certainly destroy the mechanics. “I won’t keep doing this. You’re fired.”

“I understand,” Baekhyun said, and the line immediately went dead. He let himself fall back onto the bed, sighing loudly. It was kind of alleviating knowing he didn’t have to wake up so early in the morning for a while, but it also meant he’d have to do some serious budgeting in order to get by until he found a new job.

He held his phone up again, scrolling through his contacts until he found your name, cleverly nicknamed ‘Noise Pollution (Y/N)’. His finger hovered over the dial button, and he wondered if you were even home.

He pressed the green icon next to your name, and held his phone to his ear, growing more and more nervous with every ring. He could hear the ringtone of your phone through the paper thin walls that separated his apartment from yours. And then silence. His phone was still ringing, but yours wasn’t, which meant you muted it.

Which also meant you were home.

Baekhyun hung up the phone, grabbed your mail off the nightstand and made his way to the front door of your apartment. He knocked lightly the first time, and every time after a little louder. “(Y/N), it’s Baekhyun… I have your mail.”

Silence.

He knocked again, but still no answer. He huffed, and placed your mail by the door, hoping if no one was around you would feel safe enough to retrieve it.

Baekhyun walked back to his apartment, bowing at the small herd of gossiping women that was gathering at the end of the hallway by the window. He could hear your name being spoken, surely nothing of praise following it.

Ever since you moved in, the fourth floor of building B hadn’t a day of silence. The hallway always echoed with you and your boyfriend’s boisterous laughter, and every morning you sang at the top of your lungs while you showered. No complaint could get you to stop, and after a while the neighbors just got used to it. Baekhyun had even begun relying on your terrible singing as his alarm clock, and thanks to you he always woke up on time.

That is until two months ago, when the fourth floor grew eerily silent again. One neighbor swore they had seen you and your boyfriend fighting in the parking lot, and another said they saw him get in a car with another woman, leaving you in tears. He didn’t know if the rumors held any truth to them, and how could he when the main source of information were the bored housewives of building B.

He slunk back into his bed, remembering he didn’t have to go to work today or tomorrow, or the rest of week for that matter, and he drifted into a deep and peaceful slumber.

The sound of glass breaking against the wall startled him awake. He propped himself up on his elbows, his ears trained on the wall adjacent to where his bed was positioned, the same wall that he happened to share with you. He could hear you crying, breaking anything and everything that could shatter against the ceramic tile. Baekhyun scurried to his feet, leaping over his coffee table as he ripped open his front door.

The neighbors were gathered around your apartment, listening and whispering amongst themselves. He pushed past them, earning him glares from the ladies who were clad in their bathrobes and fuzzy slippers, the coffee cups in their hands half empty as they murmured about what you could be doing in that apartment.  

Baekhyun knocked on the door, begging you to let him in.

“Honey, it would be a miracle if she could hear anything over her own sobbing,” one lady said. The others laughed, sipping their cold coffee as they continued their gross ritual of gossiping.

He pulled out his phone and texted the landlady, his panicked fingers quickly recounting the situation that was unfolding on the fourth floor before asking her to bring herself and the master key.

He paced back and forth. Waiting. Listening to you hysterically cursing at what he could only assume was no one, considering the mail he’d left by your door remained untouched.

He put his hands in his pocket, then took them back out. He fiddled with his fingers, running them through his unkempt locks and pulling at the loose thread on the hem of his t-shirt. And when he saw the familiar head of winter-white curls slowly ascending the steel staircase, he released a breath of relief.

The landlady hobbled down the hallway, smacking the bystander’s ankles with her glossy wooden cane to clear herself a path. They clutched their feet in pain, unspoken curses lingering against their lips as they watched her make her way to where Baekhyun stood.

“My, what on earth could have upset her so much?” She inserted the key, the pins of the lock clicking into place like music to Baekhyun’s ears. He wasn’t sure what to expect, or even what to say when he would finally come face to face with you. Should I stay to help clean up? Should I ask about the rumors? What if they were true and asking you about it only made it worse? Baekhyun’s mind was jumbled, rushing to figure out the right course of actions to take. And when the door finally swung open, his mind went blank, the sight of you making his blood run cold.

You didn’t see the door open past your tears, past the glistening shards of glass that surrounded you like a bloodthirsty maze. You couldn’t even hear Baekhyun calling your name over your wails. You covered your face with your hands, trying to hide yourself away from the world, until you felt them being pulled away from you by your wrists. Your tears hadn’t stopped at the presence of your neighbor and your landlady, if anything you welcomed Baekhyun’s chest as a temporary safe place until you could get a hold of yourself.

The women in the hallway grew silent at the sight of your open door, and slowly padded over to peek at the mess that was surely your apartment.

“You stick your nose past that doorway, I’ll have no problem charging you gossip fees.” The landlady stood in front of them, obscuring their view of you. At five feet tall, she was a giant who nobody dared poke, not even the gossip queen herself.

The lady tightened her lips to keep the curse from slipping past her teeth and she huffed, spinning on her heels to slither away. The other women followed closely behind her, their focus still on the commotion in your apartment as they reluctantly descended to the lobby to refill their coffee cups.

The landlady closed your door and replaced her cane with a wooden broom that stood taller than her, slowly but surely sweeping away the remnants of your anger. She only cleaned around the area where you and Baekhyun sat huddled together. It was all she could really do in her physical state, but something was better than nothing.

You felt the uncomfortable prickling crawling down your calf to your foot after half an hour of being nestled in Baekhyun’s arms. You attempted to reposition yourself but your cheek began to chafe against his tear-stained shirt. You groaned and lifted your head to soothe your irritated skin when you met his eyes for the first time since he entered your apartment.

“Feel better?” He asked. His eyes were wide and filled with worried, and you swore you felt your heart plummet into your stomach.

You pushed yourself off of him, breaking the stream of tears with the back of your hand as you examined the mess around you. “Oh god, I’m so…” Your voice was weak, your throat sore from all the crying and you couldn’t find the strength to continue your sentence.

Before you knew it, you were sobbing again. This time, Baekhyun helped you to your feet and led you to the couch, his arms still wrapped around you like a shield protecting you from the perverse world. You cried until your eyes stung. Until the sun switched shifts with the moon and left the two of you in the care of the obsidian sky. The landlady had left by now and gone back to manning the front desk, but not before urging Baekhyun to stop by her place for dinner when you felt better.

“I’m sorry,” You finally managed, leaning against the feathery cushions of your couch. “You probably had better things to do than be here.” Your eyes were red and dried, and they burned every time you blinked. You had stopped crying a few minutes ago, but you savoured the feeling of being in Baekhyun’s arms so you hadn’t let go. It reminded you of your boyfriend - now ex-boyfriend - and it filled the hole in your heart temporarily. You finally released your grip on his torso when his stomach involuntarily growled at you, begging you to let him eat something before it tried to eat itself.

Baekhyun shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, my schedule was pretty much cleared this morning.”

You smiled half-heartedly, pulling the colorful afghan off of the back of the couch and wrapped it around yourself tightly. God knows how terribly you longed to be in his arms again, to be held close to his chest as his heartbeat lulled you to sleep after a bad day at work. You longed for his smell, for his touch and the way he made you feel whenever you felt down about yourself. A blanket could never give you any of that, but it could give you a bit of warmth and that would just have to do.

“Are you hungry?” Baekhyun asked, gently patting his belly to shush the approaching rumble from his empty stomach.

“No,” you answered, glancing at him briefly before reverting your gaze back to the giant cardboard box in the corner of your living room.

“You should really eat something,” he urged.

You sighed, shaking your head. “I’m very not hungry.”

“Fine, but can you at least sit with me?” Baekhyun held his hand out, waiting for you to take it. “We don’t have to leave your apartment, I’ll make something here.”

Sitting with him wouldn’t be so bad, you thought. It would definitely distract you from the agonizing silence of your apartment for a while.

You nodded and took his hand, and the two of you walked toward the small kitchen table, carefully avoiding the pile of broken glass that had been swept to the side. You watched him as he cooked up a large pot of ramen, far too much for one sane person in your opinion. He said nothing and set the pot down in the middle of the table on top of the metal trivet, two sets of chopsticks in his hand.

Baekhyun kept all the utensils on his side, filling his respective bowl with the hot noodles as he slurped them with a satisfactory sigh. You watched him eat, your stomach doing backflips every time you caught a whiff of the savory smell of the soup.

So maybe you were hungry.

You licked your lips, and your stomach growled loud enough that you were sure the rest of the fourth floor heard it. Baekhyun chuckled and separated his bowl from another of the exact same color and size. He handed it to you along with the other pair of chopsticks, and you eagerly filled your bowl, and subsequently your stomach.

Once he was full, Baekhyun set his bowl to the side and quietly glanced around your apartment as he waited for you to finish the rest. He noticed the pictures that used to be on your walls were placed face-down on the coffee table, and your bookshelf was a lot emptier than the last time - granted he’d only been inside your apartment twice in the two years that you lived here. He thought back to what the old man had told him in the morning about your boyfriend, and he found himself wondering if perhaps the rumors were true.

You felt the comfortable silence that once chaperoned you and Baekhyun deteriorate into a silence that made you nervous. It was a silence you had grown accustomed to by now.

You set your bowl down, your chopsticks clanking against the ceramic, and you stared at the empty pot in front of you. You didn’t have to look at Baekhyun to know what he was thinking, you could sense the questions beginning to form in mind. Everyone always asked the same thing and they all had the same reactions, so why would Baekhyun be any different? “He didn’t leave me because he got someone else pregnant,” you said, breaking the silence.

“What?”

“That is the latest gossip of the fourth floor, isn’t it?” Baekhyun blinked absentmindedly, struggling for the right words to say, and you chuckled. “Thin walls… plus Mrs. Lee and them don’t speak as quietly as they think.”

Baekhyun hummed, strumming his fingers against the surface of the table in discomfort. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

You nodded, resting your head against the palm of your hand as you brought the blanket around your shoulders closer to you. There was a faint smell on it that reminded you of him, and you could feel your eyes welling up again. You blinked them away and rubbed your irritated eyes with your shirt roughly, the stinging sensation making you curl your toes in pain.

You stood and trudged to the cabinet, pulling out the first bottle of dark liquor you saw. You grabbed two shot glasses on your way back and placed one in front of Baekhyun. Divulging your secrets was always easier when you were in a bar with strangers. You could tell them all your problems, vent to them your worries, and you’d never see them again after that. But Baekhyun wasn’t a stranger and this wasn’t a bar, however alcohol was all the same no matter where you were.

You took a shot of the liquor to warm you up, the burn on your tongue making you recoil. Tequila. You sighed loudly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and began pondering what page in the story of your life to flip to first. “He left me… that much is true.”  

Baekhyun said nothing. He refilled your shot glass and you quickly downed it, ignoring the sting as it crawled down your throat. He filled his shot glass halfway and circled the pad of his index finger around the brim of the glass, listening to you and watching as the expressions on your face went from confused to hurt in a matter of seconds. He had no intention of getting drunk tonight, not when it was your every intention to try to forget what is like to be a person who had feelings.

You laughed, “I don’t even know where the whole pregnancy thing came from.”

“Mrs. Lee.”

You pointed your finger at him, and held your thumb in the air. “Right you are. That dumb broad can’t keep her nose out of other people’s business even if it meant saving her life.” You lifted the bottle of tequila and refilled your glass, your slowed reflex skills causing you to overfill before you could pull away. You shrugged and licked the side of the glass, taking the shot in one big gulp. Baekhyun quickly wiped down the table with a washcloth before the animal in you decided to sip the spilled alcohol as well, and he quietly braced himself for a long night.

You set the glass down in front of Baekhyun, motioning with your eyes for him to refill it for you. He tightened his lips and set the bottle behind him on the kitchen counter, instead filling your glass with water. You drank it without looking and groaned.

“You drank three shots in less than five minutes, I doubt you’ll even know your own name in an hour,” he explained, turning over your shot glass and placing a pitcher of water in front of you.

You huffed, holding your bobbing head in place with your arm. “How else will I tell you everything without breaking down again?”

Baekhyun nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. “That’s the point. You won’t be able to get over it unless you let yourself completely feel it. So, tell me now.”

You tightened your lips. Just the idea of coming face to face with your bottled emotions paralyzed you. For the past two months you ignored everything. You neglected your friends and your family without any explanations, and refused to leave your apartment for fear that you’d run into him in public. You were afraid if he saw you he would see that his absence was breaking you when the last thing you told him was that you didn’t need him to survive.

“I’m so tired of crying, but ever since he left I feel like I can’t breathe,” you said. Baekhyun held your hand across the table, his fingers squeezing yours like it was the only thing keeping you from breaking down all the way. “My entire life I was never apart from him. We grew up together and in high school everyone always said if soulmates were real, it would be me and Chen.”

Saying his name for the first time in a while left a bitter taste in your mouth, and it was the final shot to send you from tipsy to drunk. Your words were slurred, and your eyes heavy. “I’ll never forgive myself for not seeing that he was never in love with me the way I was with him… and I’ll never forgive him for letting me believe it.”

Baekhyun had moved closer to you, rubbing your back as you fought to hold your head straight, but even your muscles were lovedrunk. “Did he say why?” He asked, his voice soft in your ear.

“He told me after we got together senior year, everyone told him we were destined to be together so he never questioned it.” You laughed, your throat making a gross sound as you sniffled to keep your nose from watering. “He stayed with me because he felt like it was what he had to do… and then he got a new job and new co-worker.” You gathered the last of your sobriety and strength, and held your head up to look at Baekhyun to watch his reaction. “He told me that he never understood what I meant when I said I was in love him until he met her.”

Baekhyun hadn’t much of a reaction to what you said, and you let your head fall against your kitchen table. When you told your mother what happened she blamed you for not paying attention, and when you told your friends, they immediately made a plan to get back at him for breaking your heart. Neither reaction made you feel any better, but Baekhyun’s stoic refusal to show you his true feelings gave you comfort - for some odd reason.

“He cheated on you?”

You shook your head, and closed your eyes. “No, at least not physically. He said he didn’t want to start anything with her until he told me… but you know what I said? I said I was relieved because I wanted out of the relationship a long time ago... and he then left.” And just like that, you were a sobbing mess again. “But I lied, Baekhyun!” You wailed.

“I know,” he said, caressing your head soothingly. He helped you to your feet and took you to your bedroom, laying you against the covers gently as he watched you cry yourself to sleep. He pulled the afghan over your body before moving back to the kitchen to clean up the mess of dishes and broken glass. When he was done, he made a small bed out of the spare blankets in the basket by the couch, your snoring from the other room lulling him to sleep.

Over the next few months, Baekhyun hardly left your side. You had begun looking forward to seeing him everyday, so much that getting out of bed wasn’t so hard anymore and in return for his patience with you, you helped him look for a new job.

“Today is the day,” Baekhyun announced, shutting your front door with his foot. He shuffled over to where you sat on the couch, handing you a giant cup of coffee.

“For what? Did you finally get a job interview?” You asked, taking the warm cup in your hands. You noticed the old unfamiliar coffee pot in Baekhyun’s other hand, and you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “It that from the lobby?”

“Huh?” Baekhyun looked at his hand, and laughed. “Oh, yeah. Mrs. Lee was taking shit again, so I took her only source of fuel. And no, apparently my old boss is friends with that guy from the recording studio and she told him I was habitually late,” He said, using his fingers to make air quotes.

You sighed and sipped the bitter drink and placed the cup on the side table next to the couch, watching as Baekhyun got comfortable opposite to you. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep looking. My manager said he’d give me a raise by the end of the month, so we should be fine for a while. But anyway, why are we excited about today?”

“Ah! Because today is the day we get rid of the box.”

“The box?”

“The box.”

You rolled your eyes and picked up your TV remote to flip through the channels. “I don’t feel like it.”

“No-” Baekhyun tore the remote from your hands, and you looked at him in surprise. “If not today then when? Let’s just get it over with, so you can finally close that chapter of your life.”

You blinked, mentally making a list of everything you would have to look for and pack up. Too many things, almost an entire day’s worth of cleaning to get everything. You tightened your lips in refusal, but Baekhyun pulled you along anyways, forcing you to your feet as he dragged the cardboard box to the middle of the living room.

“No more putting it off. You can do this,” Baekhyun cheered. You groaned, watching as Baekhyun began tossing things into a pile on the carpet. Why is he always so energetic, you asked yourself. You sat down and lazily looked through the mess, picking and choosing the things you wanted to keep or get rid of.

You picked up a black shirt, and your eyes glossed over as if a projector screen had lit against the soft fabric. You remembered the days that you and Chen slept in until noon, his shirt - this shirt - pulling up as he stretched his arms. You remembered his sleepy eyes and adorable bed head, and how even in his worst state he was still the most beautiful person you’d ever met. You remembered how he made you laugh so hard that you started crying, or how he’d whisper something cheeky in your ear and the passionate sex that soon followed. You missed how he’d stumble over his sentences because he couldn’t stop laughing at what he was about to say, or how he’d hug you from behind and wouldn’t let go after a long day at work.

It was the small things that you missed. The true moments when you were yourself. No mask. No embarrassment. Just yourself.

“And that’s why I think you should get rid of this,” Baekhyun said, holding the dinosaur plushie in front of you. He was sitting on the other side of the box, and you wondered how long he’d been there. You quickly came back to your senses and you realized the giant mess in the middle of the living room had transformed into a neat organized pile and the cardboard box was full to the top.

“Huh?”

Baekhyun smacked his lips, his shoulders slouching forward in annoyance. “You didn’t hear anything I just said?”

You smiled shamelessly and shook your head. “Not really, no.”

He held the plushie up again, this time speaking in short to-the-point sentences. “No good memories. Bad for you. Get rid of it.” You furrowed your eyebrows, but before you could say anything, the doorbell rang.

“You get it,” you told him.

“Why me?”

“Because you’re closer!”

Baekhyun groaned and stood to open the door. “Fine, but now you really have to get rid of that,” he said, throwing the dinosaur plushie to you. You caught it your hands, smiling at the pink cartoon rendition of a t-rex as you traced the stitched smile on its face with your finger.

Baekhyun looked through the peephole, the head of light brown hair unfamiliar to him. He’d never met any of your other friends, and he wondered if one of them had decided to drop by. He tore the door open, ready to greet with his sincerest smile, but when the five-foot eight man turned, his mouth fell open in shock.

Chen was just as taken aback when his eyes met with Baekhyun’s. His first thought was he had knocked on the wrong apartment, and he quickly double-checked the number on the front door. 415B. Nope, this was definitely your apartment, so what was the next-door neighbor doing here and why was he answering your door?

“Mm… is (Y/N) here?” He asked.

Baekhyun’s lips stretched into a disgusted smirk, and he looked over his shoulder to make sure you hadn’t noticed that your ex-boyfriend was at the front door. You were sat in the same place where he had left you, flipping through an old book. He quickly pushed Chen aside, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door. “She is, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see her.”

“I’m not asking for your permission. Who are you anyways, her bodyguard?”

He scoffed, eyeing Chen up and down before settling on his glowering gaze. Baekhyun’s breaths were quiet yet angry, and his hands were balled into fists. He hadn’t realized just how important you had become to him over the past four months until this moment, when your happiness was being threatened again. “No,” he answered. “Just her friend.”

Chen nodded, gesturing to the door. “Well, that’s great, but I really need to talk to her.”

“Yah! What part of it’s not a good idea did you not understand? She’s just barely getting over the shit you put her through after you left her and seeing you will just cause her more pain.”

“I only left because she told me to.”

“Well, when she told you to leave, you should have stayed to help keep her from falling apart. You owed her at least that much after you strung her along for years.”

Chen stayed silent, watching as Baekhyun’s face turned crimson from the anger. He never imagined in all his years of knowing you that it would be himself that would end up hurting you in the end. He did love you, just not the way you did him, and he would have done everything to protect you, just as Baekhyun was doing for you now. A part of him hated seeing a complete stranger taking his place as your best friend before his very eyes, but how could he ask to stay in your life after the hurt he caused?

“What is taking you so long?” You called to Baekhyun. You swung the door open and the smile on your face was immediately snatched away by the sight of Chen. Your lungs were filling with anxiety and you found it hard to catch your breath.

Baekhyun grabbed your wrist, your skin cold to the touch and he stood in front of you, shielding  you from Chen’s gaze.

It was like you were paralyzed. You imagined this moment ever since he left, and you had even practiced what you were going to say to him with Baekhyun. But all the things you wanted to say, the curses you saved just for him and the questions you so desperately needed the answers to, disappeared. Your mind was empty and useless, and you hopelessly wished for Baekhyun to save you from this situation.

But then you remembered something he had told you four months ago. You won’t be able to get over it unless you let yourself completely feel it. You lived by those words ever since, and you had made a silent promise to yourself that you would try your hardest to keep the box of unwanted emotions in your mind as empty as you could manage.

You patted Baekhyun’s shoulder, nodding for him to let Chen in. The hard expression on his face softened and he released your hand. “If you need me, just yell. I’ll be here as fast as I can.”

You nodded, watching as he made his way back to his apartment. You looked at Chen for a second, then led him to the kitchen table, the two of you sitting on opposite ends.

Chen looked around the apartment. It had been six months since he left, and everything was completely different. There were no more photos on the walls and bookshelf where all of his favorite novels were kept was completely empty. He noticed the empty space beside the fridge where your favorite lamp used to be, and he wondered what had happened to it. “Where’s the lamp?”

Your lip twitched at the memory. “I couldn’t figure out how to stop it from flickering… so I broke it.”

“Oh-”

“I also broke the plates because they reminded me that you forgot to fix the dishwasher before you left. Hiring someone to fix it would have cost me almost three hundred, but I needed to pay the rent, so...”

Chen’s lips parted in surprise, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to say. He wasn’t necessarily expecting a welcome back party in his honor, but he also wasn’t expecting you to be this brusque to him.

“You’re angry with me, I know,” was all he could come up with.

You raised your eyebrows, nodding at his keenness. The face that you once begged to see just one more time, and the hands you wished to hold in yours again, fueled you with pity for your past self. You wondered why you wasted so many tears on someone who didn’t even miss you, on someone who lied to you for most of your life, letting you believe your life was perfect only to tear it away from you himself.

“I am,” you said. “You know I stopped crying myself to sleep? Yeah, I finally got over you… or at least I thought I did. You showing up here unannounced just reminded me of how much you hurt me, and how much I hurt you.”

Chen furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“I did. I made you feel so much sympathy and pity for me that you decided it was best to stay even though you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You gave up a lot to be with me, and I never even asked if you if you were truly happy. For that, I will never forgive myself.”

You chuckled, biting the broken skin on your bottom lip out of uneasiness. “So yeah, I am mad. I have no other choice than to be mad, because if I’m not then I’d just be crying and begging for you to give me another chance.”

You stood for a brief moment to drag the cardboard box to the kitchen by one of the ears and then sat back down. “These are the things you left. You don’t have to keep them, you can throw them away if you want.”

Chen looked at the neatly arranged things inside of the box, and he his cheeks grew warm with resentment. “Did the neighbor help you with this?”

You smacked your lips, glaring at him. “Six months, Jongdae. You left me alone to pick up the pieces by myself for six months.”

He sighed, regretting the jealous question all together. “I thought having to see me after everything would have been hard for you.”

“We were practically joined at the hip our entire lives! We never did anything without each other, so how could you think being left on my own out of the blue would have been easier?”

Chen swallowed hard. He knew the feeling all too well; to have something be a part of you for so long that you had to learn to live without it once it was gone. The past six months were miserable for him, not knowing if you were okay or if you needed something. He asked around your shared group of friends, but no one knew anything about you.

But his leaving served its purpose, even if it was unbearably painful. He found love and you learned that you could survive just fine on your own.

He knew that and so did you.

“Just between you and me,” you started. “I haven’t stopped loving you, and I don’t think I ever will, but if it wasn’t for Baekhyun I would’ve never stopped crying over you. He didn’t save me, and he didn’t replace you. He just made it easier to deal with everything... he forced me to learn to live on my own.”

What else was there to say? You couldn’t tell him that you forgive him, because you didn’t. You didn’t want to tell him that you could be friends again, because ignoring a ten year relationship was near impossible.

There was truly nothing left to say, other than your farewells.

“…are you going to be okay?”

You nodded, “Eventually.”

Chen ran his fingers through his hair and stood, picking up the box with both hands. You walked him to the front door, staring at each other in silence for a moment. It was uncanny how the two of you could read each other’s minds, the unspoken words that you were afraid to speak never going unheard. Maybe it was all those years the two of you had spent together in each other’s company.

Whatever it was, you were certain this kind of connection only ever happened once in a lifetime. And your once was coming to an end right in front of you, but you didn’t resent it. You told yourself the end of something meant the start of something new, and your new was yourself.

You quietly watched as Chen walked down the hallway before finally disappearing past the staircase. You weren’t sure when you’d ever see him again, and the feeling of it was bittersweet.

You closed your door, shaking the last of his presence from your aura and a small smile creeped on your lips. You tiptoed to the kitchen, pressing your ear against the wall where you were absolutely certain Baekhyun was trying to eavesdrop, and smacked your palm against it. Your smile turned into a mischievous laugh when you heard a cry of pain from the other side and you ran to knock on Baekhyun’s door.

“Why did you do that!?”

You lightly punched his arm and pointed your finger at him. “Why were you trying to listen to our conversation?”

He rubbed his arm in faux pain, letting out a small chuckle before finally relaxing. He admired the serene look on your face, and he had the sudden urge to hug you into oblivion. “I wanted to make sure you were ok, but by the looks of it, you seem like you’re doing fine.”

You nodded, “I am. I thought if I saw him again, it would be like that first night you came to my apartment, but then… I don’t know, something in me clicked when I saw him, because I knew he was struggling to get on without me, just as I was with him… but he also seemed happier, you know. He had this light in eye that I’d never seen before, and then I thought that maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.”

You huffed and wrapped your arms around Baekhyun torso, and he immediately embraced you into the tightest hug. “I just want to thank you for putting up with me these past few months. I don’t know how to repay it.”

“Hm… well, you can start by buying me lunch,” He suggested, and you chuckled.

“Deal.”

“Good, let’s go.”

“Ah, now? But I haven’t showered and I’m still in my pajamas… I haven’t even brushed my teeth, at least let me do that!”

Baekhyun shook his head, and pushed you along down the hallway, “You look beautiful just like that. Now let’s go, all this caring made me hungry.”

[tessacxstello]

hello im (F, 24) an idiot and forgot to post tessa’s (F, 22, fictional) intro!

pls bare in mind most of this was written 5+ years ago n i haven’t written tessa since 2015...... but lets get this show (LOCKWOODRP) on the road (DASHBOARD). 

tw school shooting, tw bipolar disorder

art hoe. always covered in paint. why?? she bad at painting

the mark rothko jackson pollock kind of bad tho wher people are like.... omg.... revolutionary..... its a badly drawn vagina

fuckin loves astrology, but cant take it that seriously bcos one of her bfs was a gemini so there’s some lenience there. but she WILL blame her hormones and mood swings on the positon of mars

embodies pure sunshine. 

one of those really annoying people that can go through the most traumatic shit and still find a positive spin. 

cares so much for others but does not really care for herself n it’s meant she just bottles up all this shit n when someone asks her how her day has gone she just falls on the ground like tht bit in midsommar when florence does that loud wheezy noise and sits down 

has never really had much money at all. learns to make-do with what she has. loves upcycling!! her bookshelf is made from cardboard which she’s reinforced by pappering it over with pages ripped out of thrifted books. her sofa is an old car boot which she’s repainted, put on wheels and stuffed w cushions so that it’s actually bearable to sit on.

her knitted cardigan? its made out of wife material.

knits all the time. will crochet you a christmas scarf. if ur lucky you might get a knitted jumper with a penis in a santa hat

still sleeps with cuddly toys n then wonders why ppl dont think she’s mature enough for a serious relationship

very passionate about Sister Doing It For THemselves!! raised by a single mom who worked her ass off so that tessa could do fun activities after school, have lelli kelly shoes, and go to college (not necessarily in tht order of importance)

tessa was born out of wedlock as the result of an affair between her mom (a journalism intern in her early 20s) and a new york times editor. 

the editor offered to pay tessa’s mom off to have an abortion, but she was like fuck u and told the papers he’d done that and used the money to cover the cost of her internship which they refused to pay her for

and because of the scandal, he ended up going through a pretty messy divorce with his wife, and losing custody of his kids. so as a child  tessa was seen as the cause of a divorce and received mutliple letters from the editors wife (to tessa personally!) and his kids saying how she had ruined everything, but her mom moved them to another town so tessa didn’t have to deal with that crap. 

her mom worked 3 jobs to put her through school, so in return tessa pushes herself incredibly hard to succeed. needs a break and a hug and to get laid to be honest. 

an old soul. likes old films, old music, old people. only recently got an iphone 5s so not really with this century yet

very sweet and soft and kind but also a fucking mess and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. she’ll take comfort, but not advice. 

feminist buddhist bisexual vegetarian for human rights and animal welfare. standing on a soapbox shouting about the climate in the quad, shoving flyers into your hands. flyers everwhere. she turns up at your grandmas funeral and shoves one into her mouth. she’s stolen the mic from the vicar to talk about pandas.

says “mother of pearl” and “heavens to betsy”.

had an affair with her married piano teacher and he’s now facing a custody battle and his wife is leaving him and tessa has completely internalised that guilt despite her being the victim in the scenario

aesthetics: paint splattered jeans, loose curls spilling from a scrunchie, thrifted blouses in bright yellow, guzzling coffee in the library at three am when a term paper’s due, shoddily illustrated campaign posters to save endangered species, polaroids plastered to your bedroom walls with scribbled dates on the frames, jumping into a stack of autumn leaves, jumping off piers in the summer months and stripping off your wet clothes on the beach, digging your thumbs into peaches to leave a bruise, smoking with the extractor fan on to hide the smell, bath bombs, letting the girls at lush rub samples all over your skin, cacti with knitted bobble hats, decorative pillows and sun and moon blanket throws, basic bitch fairy lights hanging from every single window, painting the name of the boys you’ve loved inside your wardrobe door.

studies fine art and philosophy, and wants to become either a lecturer or the first woman president. vibe wise, very similar to leslie knope, missy from big mouth, and basically the naive everygirl with a high opinion of themselves trope

gets drunk off like one double vodka lemonade because she’s small and she’s a pretty messy wild drunk. it’s when slutty tessa comes out, and the next day she’ll thoroughly regret every choice made and decide she’s never drinking again and cutting out all men and starting daily sudoko

on the cheerleading team and is a flyer, which she sees as a HUGE responsibility and she works really hard to make sure she’s on it for her team. one of those get up at 7am and go to the gym before school types its sickening

she had a really traumatic time at high school because there was a shooting in her school. she was in the next classroom when it happened, and she lost one of her friends in the shooting. she had to take two months off school, was diagnosed with depression and put on anti-depressants because of it. in her 2nd year of uni she was rediagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety, which she’s now on medication for. she can be really good for several months at a time and feel super creative and determined (she actually finds manic periods helpful for her creativity n art, n sadly sometimes doesn’t take her meds in these periods to push herself more which is obvs super bad.....). but when the bad periods come they can also last months n she had to take a semester out of school last year because of her mood, so she should be a senior by now but she’s retaking junior year

she attends weekly stress-management sessions prescribed by her doctor which she finds pointless.

very childish in the sense that she can only see her own point of view and kind of views herself as the “protagonist” and thinks her ideas are super important and life changing and she IS Destined for Greatness! despite being pretty much average af

pinterest board.

STATS

age: 22

height: 5'2"

positive traits: kind-hearted, gregarious, selfless, philosophical, open minded, idealistic, courageous, feisty, charismatic, loyal, adventurous.

negative traits: stubborn, hot-headed, reticent, escapist, self-destructive, easily led, naive, troubled, complicated, stepford smiler, envious, overdramatic, explosive.

distinguishing Marks: heart-shaped birthmark on the right of her chest, splattering of freckles across the cheeks during summer months, full lips, large eyes, porcelain features, long wavy hair, tattoo of a bird and a cage on her ankles and a basic bitch arrow tat on her wrist (srry to anyone with an arrow tat).

skills: jack-of-all-trades, talented pianist, perceptive, knows the correct way to throw a punch, good survival instinct, is able to remain calm in stressful situations, endures, artistic, excels in academic studies, hard-working and self-motivated, expert liar and talented actress.

likes: wolves, vintage thrift store fashion, old leather-bound books, left-wing democratic politics, cigarettes, poetry, John Hughes movies, cold coffee, hot tea, the sound of laughter, staying up til 4am having deep conversations, Tchaikovsky, having deep conversations about life, stationary, DC Comics, horoscopes, winged eyeliner, cats, knee-high socks, house music, abandoned buildings, studio ghibli, the smell of the earth after rain, Wes Anderson films, herbal tea, old people, solitude, esoteric things, the smell of freshly baked bread, Charles Bukowski, the moon.

fears: death, oblivion, global warming, losing those she loves, isolation, clowns, guns, enclosed spaces.

nicknames: Tess, T-Dog, Tessie, Socrates, Princess, Sunshine Girl, Florence Nightingale.

alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI type: INFP

BIOGRAPHY

tw school shooting

Her story begins with Cordelia Costello, a twenty-three year old college drop-out, turned beautician, turned columnist, turned intern at a local publishing company. She was a youthful, beautiful, siren of a women, always surrounded by an aura of enigma and an entourage of men. It was no surprise to the gossips in the office that within six months working at the company, Cordelia had added to her list another title – mistress to Franklin Hozier, the Editor of the New York Times. After two blissful months and three hundred and twenty seven orgasms, Cordelia decided she wanted a baby. Franklin laughed in her face. Feeling isolated and used, Cordelia continued her affair with her boss’ boss for another month, before deciding to take matters into her own hands.

It started with a turkey baster.

Soon the infant cries of a baby girl graced the world, her wrinkled skin puckered and pink as her mother held her in her arms, glancing upon the most beautiful thing in her life. Once Tessa, named after Cordelia’s favourite literary heroine, entered the world, Franklin left her life and things took a turn for the better. Despite living in a rented one-bedroom apartment in Staten Island, on what little money Cordelia had saved, Tessa’s childhood years were filled with nothing but the happiest of memories. Times were tough, but what they lacked in money, the Costello’s made up in love. While Tessa was at school, Cordelia did odd jobs cleaning, child-minding, working in local nurseries, in order to save up enough money to give her daughter the best start in life.

Despite what she had been led to believe by television shows and teen movies, the first few years of High School were some of the best years of her life. Tessa threw herself into a multitude of activities that High School offered her, including the drama club, the orchestra, choir, badminton and the school newspaper. While she certainly wasn’t considered ‘popular’ at school, Tess had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. In fact, High School was a place where she made some of the greatest memories of her life, but come her final year, it was also a place where she was haunted by some of her worst.

On the January 17th of Tessa’s senior year of high school, a shooting took place in Westville High School. For two hours Tessa locked herself in a supply cupboard, her head between her knees as she tried to stay silent despite the screams of horror from the corridor. Eighteen students were caught in the crossfire, two of which were Tessa’s best friends. Bouquets of flowers, laminated photographs, Teddy Bears in cling-film bags attached to balloons littered the streets as families and friends came to pay tribute to the eighteen students withered before they had a chance to bloom.

It took two months of therapy before Tessa could return to school. Some of the survivors could never return due to the horrors that their eyes had laid witness to. Sometimes Tessa felt like a part of her had died with the friends that were stolen from her too soon, but one thought kept her going through: she had survived, she was alive and breathing, and she could not afford to loose a second of the precious time she had been granted on this earth. Despite the nightmares that continued to haunt her each night, Tessa found in the aftermath of the disaster a new sense of motivation. She began applying for scholarships for colleges without her mother’s knowledge, in the hope that her academic success would be enough to carry her through further education. Thankfully, it was, and after three torturous months of waiting Tess was offered an arts scholarship to her dream school, Lockwood University, where she hoped she could finally start to rebuild her life.

THE PRESENT:

Life at university was like a separate world. Students came and went like moths among the whisperings and the tequila and the stars. In this new world, Tessa was exposed for the first time in her life to alcohol, drugs, and the sexual appetites of other students her age – though she politely declined all three. Instead, Tessa threw herself into the vast array of activities in the hope that by distracting herself she could escape the terrible flashbacks that continued to haunt her. Tessa joined the lacrosse team, despite never having played before, and took up cheerleading discovering a new talent; she joined the musical theatre group, and the film club, and even set up her own acapella singing society. But despite how much she tried to throw herself into student life, her past hung around her like a bad smell, and with the added pressure of the Sinking Ships zine, Tess began to feel the weight of her secret tying her down like a pair of shackles around her wrists.

PERSONALITY:

If someone was to describe Tessa in a single word, it would most likely be ‘bubbly’, ‘open-minded’ or ‘sweet’. But they would be wrong – Tessa is not bubbly, or sweet, or stubborn, or hotheaded, or fiesty, or infectious, or any of the things the world see her as, but merely a numb and lonely echo of the gregarious, halcyon girl she once was. Tessa Costello was one of life’s enigmas. No one knew who she was, for to each person she met she wore a different mask – she dripped confidence, or was painfully shy; she was an exhibitionist, or a brooding wallflower; she took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was an actress and the world was her stage, each person she met a different member of the audience in the performance of her life. In truth, Tessa no longer even recognised herself. Insecure, and self-destructive, she tried to hang on to the extroverted, mischievous pieces of herself that everyone had once loved, but day by day it got harder to know what lay in the vacant holes blown through her mind. While she was stubborn and hot-headed, Tessa always saw the best in people, which meant that she was easily led astray. While she had grown up learning to be street smart and astute, she was idealistic and allowed silly fantasies to cloud her mind. By nature, she was passionate, which lead her to misimagine and romanticise those she met. Despite the hell she had witnessed, and the anxiety that feasted upon her, she believed that people were innately good and that to have courage and be kind could cure anyone of their sadness – yet she was unable to cure herself.

TWITTER:

@500daysoftessa: i blame disney films and musicals for my high expectations of men

@500daysoftessa: i am in love with the boy who works at starbucks. today i asked for a double latte and he gave me a tripple, which i think is proof that my love is requited. our children will be smart and talented and beautiful.

@500daysoftessa: little known historical fact: pharaohs were burried with their hands crossed over their chests because it was a popular belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

[dracimexidae]

15 questions for mutuals

I was tagged by @tirairgid - thank you!! :D

are you named after anyone? No, as far as I know - now that I think of it, I don’t actually know if there is a deeper reason why my parents named me specifically Chiara, expect for the fact that at the time it wasn’t a very common name (unlike nowadays) and it was one of the few names that couldn’t rhyme with stupid children songs (like nursery rhymes or something - I was told my father would annoy my mother finding a rhyme for every name she chose XD ) or couldn’t be distorted or shortened, and I’m actually grateful for that, in any case, name meaning aside which I don’t really care much for, I actually like my name so all in all we’re good!

when was the last time you cried? Last night. “Star Trek II: the wrath of Khan”. Enough said. (why did they air this stupid movie and why did I see they aired it and watch it again, getting also consequently annoyed by the dubbing and the relentless spots and generally WHY DO I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AND WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AND YET I FELT MY HEART TORN IN TWO AGAIN ALL THE SAME DAMN IT fuck me and my stupid choices)

do you have any kids? oh my god ew no please no!

do you use sarcasm a lot? I think I do, not sure if it’s actually witty or effective but I sometimes can’t help myself, it’s a way to cope with general stupidity (also mine)

what’s the first thing you notice about people? I think their eyes, or maybe their smile if they show it, yeah in any case I guess their face!

eye colour? brown, I think it gets slightly lighter and tending to grey reaching the edge but nothing significant

scary movie or happy ending? happy ending all the way, no doubt!!

any special talent? ugh, no, don’t ask me this, I would automatically say that I have none, because I’d have no clue even if I had one - maybe it’s not even for me to recognize it... :/ 

where were you born? Northern Italy!

hobbies? oh well, I guess crafting (in particular jewellery), calligraphy, music, reading, art and history, photography, and well of course getting way too invested in fictional characters when I unfortunately stumble upon any whom I fall in love with (does eating, sleeping and yeah, I might even put daydreaming also count? XD )

do you have any pets? mh, I’m not sure a canary could be considered a pet, in any case I don’t really feel she is one, the only reason I tolerate her is because my mother wanted canaries, but I never really clicked with the ones we had, they just don’t make me feel much (even if I got a little sad when the others we had previously died) and actually it makes me glum to see any bird in a cage... :( For the rest, after our dog Lucky died, we circled around the idea of taking another dog (I was considering also a cat), but apart from being quite demanding and us not feeling really up to invest time and effort with them until we have a more stable situation at home, the main reason for me is that I don’t think I could bear the amount of suffering I’d eventually feel when they get sick or pass away because I would eventually get attached to them so much, I just know it, as I have to restrain myself whenever I encounter a dog or cat to just take them and bring them home, or at least pet them until the end of days... I know it’s been quite a while but I still think about how painful it was losing Lucky...

what sports do you/have you played? I did few months of fencing, but for the rest officially I never got to practise sports - my parents never encouraged me, not being sportive themselves, and I wasn’t interested, and generally I’m lazy af... Yeah, not the best lifestyle, and one of the reasons I am overweight and not in the best of shape... BUT I’m trying to be a bit more active as I started doing some gymnastics in November (at home, because for various reasons now I’m not bothered to go to a gym), the reason being I was gaining too much weight and I generally had enough (can’t really explain it rationally, it just clicked that I wanted to do something about it, and I underline this as it never happened to me before), and I am actually a bit surprised but also proud to say that I’ve been generally constant with exercising almost 3 times a week every week, and I actually got to lose, also being more careful with my diet, almost 13kg, yay! :D The road is still long (I have at least to lose another 5kg, but I’m hoping to lose more, even if I don’t want to overdo this so I’m taking little gradual steps and managing expectations, because if it gets too much I might quit and after all my efforts - and sometimes sacrifices - and what I achieved I don’t want to give up, especially because I feel better and a bit more confident in my body) and there are days in which is SO hard to wake up earlier to dedicate some time to it but yeah I’m still rolling for now... Hopefully I would like at some point to start running, not saying I’d like to do marathons of course but I would like to be able to run smoothly and build a bit of resistance to it!

how tall are you? more like “how short am I”, I’m not even 1.60m!! I think the last time I measured myself I was 1.55m or something... not that it matters that much, I used to have more issues with it as a child, now I just don’t think I give a damn (well, I might give one or two when I have to take things from higher shelves when I go shopping, but whatever, more than damns they are curses but for the people who put the things I want so high, not actually for my height! :p )

favourite subject in school? I think it was English, but I don’t know if it was because it was because I was particularly good at (maybe I was good at it because I liked it but oh well), and that’s saying something considering how my English is now lol

dream job? oh, I’m afraid I don’t have any atm, meaning that I had too many in the past but I had some messy years with problems and yeah, in the end it was a matter of lowering my expectations to avoid getting too remorseful about what I could have been had life been different...

I’m tagging... well, whoever mutual sees this and wants to give it a go, I would like to read something about you! :)

[mintyjin]

neighbor au: choi youngjae

when you moved in, many of your new neighbors came by your apartment to say hello

you tried your best to remember their names and faces, but you just couldn’t

there were too many people and each meeting was exactly the same

“Welcome to the building! Are you a student? Oh, how interesting! Well, do stop by for tea someday soon!”

monotonous, boring, blah

you do remember one person, however 

about a week after you moved in, you were waiting on the elevator to take you back to your room when suddenly, a cotton ball attacked you

and then it barked 

ok, so it wasn’t a cotton ball, but a small, fluffy white dog

and it was adorable. like really. you almost started crying in the lobby 

“Coco, NO!” you hear, and then two hands reach down to pick the tiny dog up 

you’re like nononono it’s fINE i love dogs so much

but then you look the owner in the eye and woah boy 

you thought the dog was cute? the owner is giving you a religious epiphany 

he apparently doesn’t notice your jaw fall a little bit at how angelic he looks, especially with such a cute dog next to his face, and just says, “I’m trying to train her not to run wild as soon as I let her off the leash... it’s not going that well.” 

you pull yourself together and laugh and say, “She’s so cute, though! You can’t get that mad at her.” 

he’s like ugh,,,,,, you’re right... I would die for her

and he’s trying to act annoyed and scowl but his stern expression melts when his dog licks the side of his face 

the elevator doors slide open with a ping! and you both step inside, pressing your respective buttons 

the elevator is the slowest thing on the planet and for once, you’re grateful, because now you get more time with cute thing 1 and cute thing 2

“Um, I’ve never seen you around before,” he says, “Are you a new tenant or just visiting or???”

you tell him you’re new, that you just moved in last week

“Well, maybe I’ll see you around, then? I’m Youngjae, by the way. This is Coco.” 

“I’m Y/N! And yes- just let me know if you ever need a dogsitter because I just met her and I love her so much, it kind of hurts.” 

he laughs and he’s like ah, maybe you can walk her with me someday?

and as the doors slide open and you walk out, you tell him that sounds delightful, that you’re in 509 and are typically there after 6pm, so he should feel free to drop by 

with his dog, of course

and as the doors slide shut, you hear him yell, “See you soon!” as he waves goodbye with coco’s tiny fluffy paw

and you don’t really expect to see them again soon, but a few days later, you run into them in the hall

youngjae holding coco on a leash

and the little dog bounces up to you, pawing at your leg

you die. she’s sooooo cute is she real? youngjae are you sure she’s real? 

he’s like yes I’m sure cause she peed in the kitchen last night and it was disgusting 

but not even a minute later, he’s cooing over her as she flops on the ground for belly rubs 

you’re like youngjae, my man, make up your mind

another day, you were in your building’s laundry room when youngjae came in, toting a laundry basket 

as soon as he saw you, his face lit up

but you were like... no coco? 

he’s like unfortunately, she barks at washing machines

and while you’re there, both of your machines stop working 

you’re shaking yours and cursing under your breath

“stupid fucking sonofabitch machine-”

and he’s like hold up, new tenant, i’ve got this 

and he raises his palm and smacks the machine right in the middle of it’s lid with a loud cluak! sound

sure enough, it starts working

he does the same to his and again, it kicks back up

and he does all of this like it’s the most normal stuff in the world

as if you’re not astounded he knew the exact location to hit the washing machines 

and you’re like... hey youngjae,,,,, can I get your number in case the machines ever break on me and I have two broken hands and can’t hit them

he’s like,,,, sure, but if you have two broken hands, just ask me to do your laundry for you, ok???

and that’s so endearing awh omygoodness this boy is so cute 

he sets his name in your phone as “coco’s human” 

and instead of hanging around being bored while waiting for your laundry to finish, youngjae is like... wait here one sec... and then he dashes out of the little room 

comes back a few minutes later slightly out of breath with a bluetooth speaker in hand

“Let’s do karaoke!” 

“Youngjae, we’re going to get kicked out.” 

“I don’t see anyone else in here!” 

and that’s how you end up jumping around the laundry room singing into your phone, which you were holding like a microphone 

feeling a little silly because it turns out youngjae sings like a goddamn angel 

“This isn't fair, you’re so much better than me at this,” you joke

“Practice makes perfect, Y/N.” 

“Listen here you little-” 

he just runs away, laughing his butt off

and when your laundry is finally done, you’re actually kind of sad about it

but you pile all your clothes into your basket and youngjae walks you all the way back to your apartment

and a few days later, you get a text

“You seemed to really like Coco, and you offered to go on walks with us, so... do you want to right now?” 

yes, you do

“Great! You’re in 509, right? We’ll come get you.” 

he leads you out to this park near your building and the sun is only just starting to set and the scenery is so beautiful that it breaks your heart a little bit

youngjae just points out his favorite trail up ahead and coco is trotting at the edge of her leash, eager to go and explore 

and at first conversation is kind of spaced out and awkward, neither of you really knowing what to say to each other, but then it gets so... easy

you’re showing him the scar from that one nasty fall you took as a kid, explaining the rather stupid story behind it 

he tells you his own weird childhood stories about that one time he talked back to a teacher and like, instantly regretted it

and when he laughs, he laughs with his whole body. like a lot of work goes into those laughs that you can’t help but join in on

and sometimes if you tell a particularly good joke, he’ll just lose his mind and run around in circles for a bit 

it’s kind of adorable you can’t lie to yourself 

and once he accidentally dropped coco’s leash and she wasn’t even that far ahead of you guys but he FreAKEd oUT

“COCO!” he screams, hauling ass to chase her down

kicking up dust behind him like road runner in looney tunes

diving like a professional goalkeeper in a soccer match to catch her

and then he picks her up like he did when you first met him and he’s like, “I nearly had a heart attack don’t ever do that again-” 

you’re just laughing and playfully teasing him for the way he sprinted after his little fluff ball 

“Yah, Y/N. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t run after her.” 

you’re like... you have a point.... she’s precious and needs to be protected at all costs 

he’s like yes, I’m glad you understand 

and you tell him that you were a little unsure about moving at first because what if you ended up not liking the apartment or the neighbors???

and now, as you stand on a small bridge over a slow stream, looking over to your side to see youngjae looking ethereal in the setting sun, you’re thinking that moving was the best decision you’ve ever made 

you don’t tell him that, of course, instead saying, “...Anyway, thanks for being so nice to me!” 

and you’re walking so all you can’t see his face but you notice his ears go bright red 

“Um, actually...” he starts

“...Is something wrong? Did I say something weird?” 

“No! Nothing like that. I was just thinking that um, since me and Coco both think you’re cool, do you maybe want to...” and then you can definitely see a blush tinting his face 

“Youngjae, I’d love to go on a date with you,” you say, smiling 

and you can tell he’s kinda dying cause he is bright red and he’s smiling like a maniac and trying failing to hide it behind his hand

the rest of the walk is filled with shy smiles exchanged between the two of you

and many blushes 

and when you get back to your building, he once again walks you back to your door 

“So,” you say, “when do you want to have that date?” 

and he’s blushing all over again as he says, “Um, tomorrow?” 

and you just nod, feeling your smile take over your face

but it’s late af and you gotta sleep so you lean up to kiss his cheek and say, “Goodnight, Youngjae!” 

and he’s just standing in front of your door long after you’ve closed it, staring at the air in front of him, his hand on his cheek 

and then he just looks down at coco and says, “Holy shit...” 

needless to say, the date goes great 

[lamb-tumors]

These annoying little kids keep throwing/kicking rocks and shit at the back of my apartment right beside my patio door like really hard! I already had to go out and yell at them because they’re going to hit my fucking door and break it because it’s just cheap shitty glass and it’s like, where are the people who are supposed to be watching you!? These kids are like maybe 6 or 7 and they clearly shouldn’t be where they are because of where my apartment is located and it’s just wluedhastfrhstgf stop fucking throwing shit in the back of my patio/apartment wall!

I feel bad because I yelled at a bunch of kids and I’m a grown ass adult (though to be fair I did say “please” when I told them to stop hitting my wall) but like holy fucking shit I’m so mad right now.

Oh, and the fucking parent finally came out and said something to them but then immediately left.

And I know my neighbors heard me yell and SLAM my door because I’m extra af but also I was hoping to get a parents attention without turning it into a huge thing but like these people don’t know me because I keep to myself and now I look like a huge bitch who yells at kids...which I guess I am now.

Also, these are the same kids who spit on my sisters car a few months back and I’ve caught them in my back patio yelling and banging on the window to try and scare my cat (and laughing when they clearly upset/bothered her) so...ugh, I’m not proof reading this because I’m fucking shaking with rage right now I’m so god damn mad because any damage they do to my cheap ass apartment (which I live in a low income apartment so shit breaks EASY) I have to pay out of pocket to fix when I move out and I’m already stressed enough about money and bills right now that I don’t need to add new door to the list of things I need to buy before winter!

I can’t wait until tomorrow at 9 to go to my building manager and complain just so I at least have a written file/complaint whatever about it in case they actually did to some damage. (Which last time they were in my patio they broke one of my succulents that I paid like $20 for because it was one of the really pretty nice vase ones AND the succulent got hurt really badly too!)

God, I’m so mad and I feel really bad about yelling at kids now

If they knock another damn ball into my patio I’m going and taking it and not giving it back until I can talk to their parent or guardian. I shouldn’t have to worry about some strangers kid damaging my fucking home!

[maylovexhs]

Hi darlings! It’s May! So first thing first, THIS IS NOT AN IMAGINE OR UPDATE. ITS JUST ME TELLING MY EXPERIENCE ABOUT MY HARRY SHOW. YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ IT IF YOU WANT TO. I saw a bunch of people doing threads and posting about how wonderful their time is and I was like I want to do it! I, in no way am trying to show off or brag about it. I just want to post it here because I’m friendly with y’all and I’ll just have the story on here for safe keeping. So ignore if you want(I put the keep reading for that) but yeah here’s my concert experience. WARNING: BELOW THE CUT IS A LONG LONG LONG POST. ENJOY THE SHAKY VIDEOS AND MY ANNOYING VOICE. This all happened one month ago ughh procrastination is the devil

I WENT TO SEE HARRY FUCKING STYLES LIVE IN CONCERT NIGHT TWO MSG AND I BLEW A KISS AT HARRY AND HE BLEW A KISS BACK.

. . .

he knows I exist.

Harry Styles knows I goddamn exist.

okay, let’s me backtrack a day or two before my concert. Actually a week, shall we?

So, it’s a week before Harry’s shows in nyc and I’m at home in Brooklyn with no harry tickets for none of the nights because of course 1. Both nights are sold out 2. I couldn’t buy tickets online from strangers cause y’all ever heard of scams? So, I’m at home in misery cause all over my twitter all my mutuals are tweeting how excited they are to go and I’m like “fUcKiNg GrEaT!” I’m pretty sure I posted shit of me gloating on here. ANYWAYS FAST FORWARD TO JUNE 21st, 2018(Harry’s first night/show at msg) and I’m on my living rooms couch on twitter. AND I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS THE UNIVERSE SAYING ‘WE GOT YOU HONEY’ or just a coincidence but the first thing i See is on my timeline is a tweet from ticketmaster saying along the lines of “Due to miscounting . . . There are tickets available for Harry Styles at msg night two . . .SALE” and I . . .i can’t even explain how I felt. It was like destiny. Like “SIS YOU WERENT MEANT TO GET TICKETS A LONG TIME AGO YOURE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM NOW. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE” and I was like “fuck it! I’m going to see my mans in concert and I couldn’t care about how shitty the seats are. It’s Harry of all people” so, I download the Ticketmaster app and ask my mom and my chill ass mom is like ‘really? The day before? This is a sign. God must really want you to see harry” and I’m like “YES”. So I use my moms card(I payed her back after) and buy the two tickets. AND LET ME JUST SAY! THE TICKETS! I GOT LUCKY WITH THE TICKETS. My tickets were seat 8 and 9, row 7, section 113

DO YALL KNOW WHERE THAT IS? THATS RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE! THATS THE SIDE BACK OF THE STAGE. And remember Harry’s stage is 360 honeys so I was hyped up. Honestly I thought it’s row 7, it’s not like we are in front! It’s not like he’s gonna see us. I’m bringing this up later cause well, you’ll see. But just remember I’m row 7. So I print out my tickets and I text my friends “HOES GUESS WHAT?” And I immediately text my best friend emmy(her nickname) “BISH IDGAF ABOUT YOUR STRICT PARENTS I WILL DRAG AND SNEAK YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THIS WE AINT MISSING HARRY. WE AINT MISSING SEEING THE MAN IVE BEEN IN LOVE WIG SINCE 2012” and thank god her parents said yes. Emmy and I spent like the next two hours like “Oh let’s make a sign that’s says sing Shania Twain still the one Harry!” and we talked about “what should we do in the city tomorrow before Harry’s show?” Our show day was a very busy day for us. Ready? Let’s go!

So, in the morning I had a college orientation with Emmy and my other friend(I’m calling her Anna for privacy reasons). I arrived there early so from 9:15 am, Anna Emmy and I were learning about our college and making our schedule. We left around 12:30 pm. Emmy and I decided to leave for the city after but we had to pee first so THANK YOU ANNA FOR LIVING CLOSE TO COLLEGE AND ALLOWING US TO USE YOUR BATHROOM. GRACIAS. Oooooh, fun fact: June 22nd was also my graduation date but Emmy and I wasn’t going in the first place so YAY!

Anyways we said goodbye to Anna and we took the train to the city. We stopped at canal street and went to Greenwich village? Why? My friend Emmy is a huge fan of Justin Bieber and 5 Seconds of Summer so we were just like “fuck it! Let’s go hunting for them! Maybe today’s our lucky day” so we are in Greenwich which justin was spotted in but with our luck we couldn’t find him. We were like ‘oh well! Let’s just stroll around’ so we walk and GUESS WHICH APARTMENT BUILDING WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK PAST BY?

HARRY’S. WE WERE ABOUT TO PAST HARRYS APARTMENT. WE WERE ABOUT TO WALK WHERE HARRY WALK. IM TOO HEADASS FOR HIM(btw I don’t stalk him, I didn’t stand outside his building, his apartment address is publicly online and I did not mean to walk past his apartment, IT JUST HAPPENED) I take out my phone and tell emmy where we were and luckily I took a sneak picture low quality of the building. BUT EMMY! EMMY! She was like “I WANT A GOOD QUALITY PICTURE!” Emmy goes, takes a picture of the doors and the security guards give her a mean look from inside the building. And we are like “ABORT MISSION! ABORT!” Moving on, we’re like if we can’t find Justin, we’ll try 5 Seconds of Summer. And guess what? We can’t find them either! At this time it was like, 3 or 4 Pm? And I really need to sit down cause ya girl has no energy whatsoever. So we take the train and go to the area where msg is and we get pizza. Btw msg area is mad busy. Like really busy. Continuing, we finish our pizza. We go check out the outside of msg and I learn that we aren’t allowed in until 6 pm(I heard it from girls outside) And i’m like okay? So Emmy and I buy and get these pride flags and we go to wait and sit outside where the driveway is. So we wait there for like an hour hoping we see anyone but we don’t cause that’s out fucking luck. But we saw like a dressing bag like the ones where suit and dresses are carried in. We highly doubt it was Harry’s suit but hey? Oh and I took a picture right here

Anyways it 6, we go inside, get through scanning and while we are in line, everyone decided to airdrop one direction memes and of course I joined

We were let in at 6:45 pm and we were going to our section. By going, WE RAN. Literally we had to be stopped by a security guard to see our tickets. I’m getting off point but we get to our section and I’m expecting us to be in the middle cause it says row 7. And Emmy tells me we are in the second row and I was just like “??? Our ticket say row 7” and Emmy shows me that the section starts with row 6 and I was just like “BITCH WE’RE CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT. WE’RE ROW 2 ACTUALLY”. So we were seated between where Sarah and Adam was going to be. This was our view

Then we put our shit down, I went to get my harry merch(I got a shirt) and we sat there in our seats waiting for Kacey to start at 8:30 and KACEY IS SO CUTE YALL HAVE NO IDEA SHE IS THE YEEHAW QUEEN. I USUALLY DONT LIKE COUNTRY MUSIC BUT THIS SISTER GOT SOME TUNES. Here’s me singing along(eXcUsE my cringy premature voice I’m 19) I was going crazy during crazy

Then Kacey leaves and we gotta wait another 40 minutes for Harry. I kid you not the whole arena was singing Olivia by 1d even the security guard was shook af

As I was saying, we had to wait 40 minutes more for Harry so it was like 9:30 and FUCKING FINALLY HE COMES OUT AND I SWEAR EVERYONE LOST IT 

ONLY ANGEL STARTED TO PLAY AND EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING. HE WAS SHINING IN HIS GODDAMN CALVIN KLEIN BLUE SUIT AND ISTG I KEPT TELLING MYSELF “BLOW KISSES AT HARRY! BLOW KISSES AT HARRY” SO THIS BISH HARRY COMES TO OUR SECTION I BLOW A KISS AT HIM LIKE THIS AND IDK IF HE SAW ME BUT HE BLEW A KISS WITH HIS HAND TO OUR SECTION AND YES IT GOT CAUGHT ON FUCKING CAMERA HOES

I WAS FUCKING SHAKING. CAUSE I WAS CERTAIN DURING THE CHAIN HE BLEW A KISS BACK AND IF HE BLEW A KISS AT ME DURING ONLY ANGEL IT WOULD BE THE FIRST OF TWO my heart is racing just remembering it. I’ll continue. So he finishes only angel and he introduces himself and he’s so cute I can’t even

Then they play woman and someone threw a bra on stage and I was screaming inside

Then they play Carolina, Stockholm syndrome, Anna, esny, jalboyh and finally fucking MEDICINE. I was going crazy during medicine as we all should. Sarah and Adam were fucking ripping the song up and I couldn’t be more proud. Then Harry talked to the crowd more and THIS HOE CALLED THE BACK(aka us) HIS BEST FRIENDS AND IM JUST LIKE THANK YOU. Then they start to play meet me in the hallway and the goddamn back screen goes down, blocking us from seeing Harry perform the song. EMMY AND I KEPT SHOUTING DISRESPECT AND THE GIRLS IN FRONT OF US WERE LAUGHING. then he the screen lifted up again as he finished the song and he goes down the walk to the b stage with mitch. Mitch is so cute fam. And we could see him get a bunch of flowers and I’m like “it’s what he deserves”. So he’s on b stage now and he begins to sing sweet creature and iicf AND DURING IICF WE ALL HAD OUR FLASHLIGHTS ON IT WAS SO NICE AND LIKE HEAVEN. MY BABY HARRY STARTED TO TEAR UP DURING THE SONG AND I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM. OOH AND WHILE THEY WERE ON B STAGE, SARAH ADAM AND CLARE WENT OFF THE MAIN STAGE. ADAM AND SARAH WERE TALKING OFF STAGE NEAR US I THINK I HAVE A VIDEO BUT ITS TOO DARK. BUT BASICALLY THEY WERE TALKING AND I GUESS IT WAS ABOUT HOW THEY WERE PLAYING CAUSE ADAM KEPT MAKING A GUITAR GESTURE AND ADAM HAD SUCH A GREAT SMILE AND SARAH WAS SO HAPPY So Harry and Mitch come back and they all play two ghosts and then wmyb 

They finish wmyb and Harry talks to the crowd. He talks to a fan who was visiting from another country and he’s like “what did you do here?!?” being all excited. Then he talks to the girl who came with “I AM WITH CHILD” sign and then we found out she lied and harry criticizes her and he’s like “WE’RE ALL TRYING!” and I couldn’t stop laughing. Emmy said she lost some brain cells during that part. So harry begins to talk about sign of the times and me and Emmy were like “let’s shout FUCK TRUMP out loud”. WE DIDNT. We didn’t have the chance to but WE TRIED. The girls in front of us were smiling and laughing at us. I blame Harry cause he kept on talking so he couldn’t hear it anyways. Anyways sign of the times plays and everyone has their flashlights on. IT WAS MAGICAL.

So harry and the band leaves to do something and I’m like “wtf u going” so I start to record and they go under the stage. I guess they were doing a photo down there but they come back on a minute later.

They perform from the dining table and I WAS SO SAD I WAS READY TO FIGHT WHOEVER HURT MY BABY. then from the dining table was over and Harry’s like “I’m gonna sing another song” AND I FUCKING TOLD EMMY “WATCH IT BE STILL THE ONE” and BITCH I WAS CORRECT. So he brings Kacey on

They start to sing still the one and I was in my emotions fam and Kacey wore the rainbow dress and I was like YES QUEEN AND THEY BOTH MADE SO MUCH EYECONTACT IT WAS SO CUTE. Then Kacey leaves and they start to play the chain and I was like HELL YEAH AND DURING THE CHAIN HARRY SAID “DAMCE LIKE NO ONE IS NEXT TO YOU. YOURE NOT GOING TO SEE THESE PEOPLE TOMORROW” AND THAT HIT ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THE WHOLE ARENA WAS SHAKING LIKE I COULDNT EVEN STAND BECAUSE I WAS AVOUT TO FALL FROM THE AMOUNT OF JUMPING GOING ON AND THIS IS WAS WHEN HE BLEW A KISS AT ME. SO ITS LIKE THE END OF THE SONG AND HE COMES TO THE BACK AND IMMEDIATELY START TO BLOW KISSES AT HIM WITH BOTH HANDS LIKE BEFORE AND I WAS PRETTY SURE HE SAW ME BECAUSE HE BLEW A KISS WITH BOTH HANDS IN MY DIRECTION AND THEN HE DID THAT TO ALL TE OTHER SECTIONS. BITCH I WAS SHAKING.

The chain ends and they start to play kiwi and I get sad af because I know it’s the last song and harrrys like “this is the last song” and inside I’m like “I KNOW HOE DONT RUB IT IN MY FACE” I have to applaud miss Sarah jones whose fucking drumming was amazing. She fuckingkilled it. Kiwi plays and everyone was losing their shit having the times of their lives and then in the middle of kiwi some girl splashed Harry with water and he sings “YOURE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT” HE GOES STRAIGHT SAVAGE AND SOAKS HER AND EVERYONE AROUND. kiwi finishes and Harry does the whale water spit and oh my god it was ICONIC AF. Harry leaves first then the rest of the band and I was just standing there like SHIT. Emmy had to drag me out. I felt wasted after the concert IT WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE. LET ME JUST TELL YOU IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO SEE HARRY LIVE GO FOR IT DONT MISS YA CHANCE. A WHOLE DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME EMERGED THAT NIGHT SO THANK YOU HAROLD I HAD PROBABKY THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE THANKS TO YOU. EMMY AND I GOT TO DANCE WITH OUR PRIDE FLAGS AND WERE SO HAPPY. HARRY MAKES HIS SHOWS SO WELCOMING AND HAPPY. MISS CLARE IS SO CUTE. MITCH AND SARAH ARE SUCH PARENTS AND ADAM IS SUXH A GREAT FRIENDLY PERSON I MISS THEM SO MUCH THATS IT I MISS MY CONCERT SO MUCH I CRY

ALL PHOTO AND VIDEOS ARE CREDITED TO ME AND MY FRIENDS. DONT STEAL. I’ll post the full versions of the videos i have on my twitter. TUMBLR IS A DICK FOR ONLY ALLOWING GIFS of them. 

Btw should I also write about my 5sos iheartradio experience and seeing Harry at the Dunkirk premiere? Tell me if ya want to know byeeee

[sorikkung]

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ soft bias tag

stolen not tagged bc im a fucking pleb who doesnt get tagged in shit ripppp LONG POST WARNING IM SORRY MOBILE USERS

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. WHO IS YOUR BIAS?

i really can’t choose between got7′s bambam and stray kids’ felix bc both are my ults so fuck the system i’m gonna do this as a poly au bc the world needs more poly shit and felix and bambam would be such a good pair

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. WHAT MADE YOU NOTICE THEM?

i noticed bambam first, technically i first glanced him in girls girls girls bc i was anime trash before i was kpop trash and he rEALLY looked like nishinoya from haikyuu so i called him nishinoya and thought he’d just be a first glance bias, until i saw a compilation of got7s dumbest moments and most of them were jackbam and i saw two specific clips that i recall, the one where they had to do the ugly dance of gggs outside the jyp building and bambam literally spazzed on the floor?? and the iconic how do you know im not big moment. i looked at him and went “tHAT ONE. THAT ONE, I WANT THE TRASH CHILD.” been in love ever since.

felix singlehandedly got me to stan stray kids, i first glanced changbin in hellevator then highkey forgot abt them as the show aired. then my friend sent me this clip of felix’s verse in grr from the live stage bc at this point the album hadnt even dropped yet. i was shook to the next dimension from his deep ass voice and his growling and i wanted to hear more so i watched the show and only fell in love with him more.

i betcha if this poly were to happen felix would see bambam dabbing and go “OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE STILL DABBING IN 2K18″ and bambam would see felix dabbing and be like “OMG HES CONTINUING MY LEGACY” and they’d hit it off from there

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM?

for both of them, i love how they’re both absolute crackheads. like they’re actually so stupid and what the fuck is going through their heads???? they make me smile like and idiot and laugh like no other so of course i love them. plus they have this adorable sweet side to them apart from them being memes and its so heartwarming to see that soft side come out, it makes them so much more of a three dimensional character cause there’s all these sides to them and they’re like so hardworking too and did i mention handsome? plus their love for their members ugh i could go on!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. WHO WOULD INITIATE SKINSHIP MORE?

tough call bc im a HOE for affection and skinship but id honestly be too afraid to make them uncomfortable/be too clingy that they’d get annoyed at me so at first it would probably be felix bc lets be real. he comes from stray kids. have you seen bang chan? they bring skinship to a new level. once we all get settled in tho, i bet the three of us would be physically inseperable.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. WHO WOULD HOG BLANKETS MORE?

literally all of us. i always end up biasing ppl similar to me sigh we’d be so fucking wild. i betcha that would be the one thing we have regular fights over. who hogged the blanket this time???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. WHO WOULD BE MORE CLINGY?

felix. as mentioned in the initiate skinship, hes really clingy. then it would be me bc i am too. but thats not to say bambam isnt clingy, he’d be super clingy too but me and felix would bring it up a notch.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. WHO WOULD SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST?

m e. i’d just let it slip out after they do some dumb shit and id just go “wow youre such a fucking dumb dork i actually love you” and then have an o shit moment.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 8. WHO WOULD BE MORE EASILY FLUSTERED?

M E bc bambam is a smOOTH motherfucker and felix is an affectionate motherfucker and i am w e a k although i feel like they’d be easily flustered if they were teased, which i would do, but i think i’d be flustered the most.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. WHAT CUDDLING POSITION WOULD YOU TWO HAVE?

i wanna be sandwiched inbetween them bc im shorter than both of them lmaoo. but i bet we’d all bicker of who’s turn it is to be in the middle. another one would be when sitting on the couch, and we’d sit in eachothers laps in height order. itll work somehow.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. WHICH COLORS REMIND YOU OF THEM AND WHY?

bambam makes me think of black, white, red, and purple. black and white is bc his fashion sense is like modern and chic and those were also his most iconic hair colours. red because of his signature eyeshadow. purple just seems like a colour that would suit him, it’s royal and elegant but also homey and familiar?? but tbh he can make any colour his bitch.

felix is yellow, gold, orange, and brown, bc theyre warm colours like him!! the brighter colours are bc hes bright like the sun and the browns when its a more chill day, and its all down to earth and just feels like home.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. WHICH SEASON WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND WITH THEM?

ooft tough one...spring so i can spend my birthday with them (cause in AUSTRALIA spring is in september to november) and its cold at the start so we can have snuggle dates, and its hot at the end so we can go to beaches and have water fights and stuff!! and in the middle its perfect weather for nice strolls.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. WHO WOULD BAKE THE COOKIES AND WHO WOULD STEAL THE BATTER?

bambam can cook apparently and he likes being aesthetic af so he’d be trying his best to make the most bomb ass cookies, and then felix i bet is a disaster in the kitchen so i bet both of us will be stealing the batter while not helping at all and bams will be like “thanks for nothing you guys” and once realising that we weren’t gonna stop he’d turn on us and throw flour at us or something. foodfight!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE BAD PUNS AND HOW WOULD THE OTHER REACT?

i am a hoe for bad puns it would totally be me all the time. bambam would look so disappointed in me and felix would just burst out laughing with me, and bambam would crack bc how can he stay mad?? if it was an inside joke or a reference to smth and not some random pun, bams would be the first to lose it tho.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. WHO WOULD WANT TO ADOPT 50 DOGS AND CATS?

me and bambam!!!! bambam already has like 3 cats and id be like ok lets get three MORE and MORE and felix is like “but im a dog person :(((” (at a fansign he said he was rip) so id be like well dogs are great as well lets get fifty of those too!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD NEARLY BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN TRYING TO MICROWAVE A POP TART AND WHO WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE?

i wouldn’t be fucked microwaving poptarts (although id probably burn down the kitchen trying to cook eggs or smth but this is about poptarts so its not be this time.) so it would probably be felix and then i’d come to the rescue bc i have fire safety training from scouts.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. WHO LIKES TO LEAN OVER TALL RAILINGS AND WHO PULLS THEM BACK?

bambam and i would lean over the tall railings and felix would pull us back bc as seen in the amusement park episode of the 9th, hes a pussy lmfAO he’d have a mini heart attack

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. WHAT WOULD WATCHING A HORROR FILM WITH THEM BE LIKE?

bambam would act all tough and felix would be like “o shit pls no” and both of them would scream at the jumpscares and cling to eachother or me, whoever’s closest. i’d probably sit there and laugh and tease them for being a baby bc horror movies aint shit with me. but the rare occassion i do get scared, i’d lose my shit and they’d never let me hear the end of it. “whos the baby now huh??”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. WHO WOULD BE THE CHEESY FLIRT AND WHO WOULD BE THE SMOOTH FLIRT?

bambam is definitely the smooth flirt but he can be cheesy as well?? like he’d be smooth at times and smooth and cheesy other times. felix would be plain cheesy but sometimes he’d be smooth. same with me, i’d be a bit of both?? maybe slightly more smooth idk

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 20. WHO IS MORE COMPETITIVE? felix i feel like would be competitive in the moment but calms down quickly, bambam would be SUPER competitive and be a little petty afterwards if he lost or smug af if he won but after a while he’ll cool down as well, i’m probably the most competitive and most likely to hold a grudge or to rub it in their faces the longest lol.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. WHO WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN CONSTANT REMINDERS? (REMEMBER TO EAT, DON’T FORGET YOUR KEYS, ETC) idk...? all of us love to eat so i dont think taking care of ourselves will be forgotten, but i tend to lose things so maybe me being reminded idk???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 22. WHO SENDS MEMES AND WHO SENDS CUTE ‘I MISS YOU’ TEXTS AT 3AM?

ALL OF US! we’d have a group chat and see who could stay up until 4:20 to send dumb memes but if we get too tired earlier we’d sign out with some sappy message idk it would be a total wildcard whether the late night messages would be cute and sweet or straight up memes. i feel like a lot of the time it would be both, like starting off with some cute thing and ending it anticlimactically with a meme bc we’re dorks like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

did i ever tell u poly!bamlix is all i ever needed in life??? thank you for your time i tag @just-oneofthegays and @neo-urban annd @bqngtqn <3

[alirhi]

I just want this done 😭

When I was 15, I started RPing with my friends over AIM. Usually we'd only stick with a particular story or set of characters (always original work; I wasn't much into fanfiction back then, though I'd started a few that never went far lol) for a session or two and then move on, but I had this one friend - we'll call her T - who had one character with a really rich, interesting backstory. We stuck with him and the boy I'd created to pair with him and just kept developing this story over several months.

My character, Zephan, ended up getting sidelined by another, much more interesting character who got added later, Kieran. And the first incarnation of what would eventually become the Crossroads series was born.

This is a really long rant, so I'll be nice and put the rest under a cut.

I have no fucking idea why T wrote with me, tbh. She was in her 20s. I was 15 and really annoying, and really bad at writing. 😂 I look back over that early material (and my ooc ramblings) and I want to die. Or reach back through time and slap that kid lmao. But anyway, for some reason this grown-ass lady put up with me, and my barf-inducing fawning over her character, and out of all that truly fucking awful writing, a pretty great idea came about.

I wasn't going to get into this, but then I realized context kind of matter lmao so here's a (hopefully) quick rundown on Crossroads 1.0:

Zephan is a bi cutie who meets a really hot guy, they hit it off right away (no insta-love, so at least I had that going for me lol) and start dating. They both have secret traumatic pasts neither is ready to reveal to the other, but of course, they come back to bite them in their respective asses. Zephan starts acting really strange; not moody so much as literally his entire personality changes. Eventually he learns that when he was a baby, he was possessed by this dying creature who needed a body - Kieran. And part of Zephan's trauma is actually linked to a monster from Kieran's past tracking him down. Kieran was weakened by the shit that almost killed him, so once he was safe in a new body, he kinda just went to sleep for 20 years. But then he started waking up and taking control of the body, which Zeph's not too happy about. They fight for dominance, hurting Zephan's bf in the process (emotionally lol not physically), and bf fucks off to a scary place from his past while Zephan and Kieran go to Kieran's home world to try to sort some shit out. It doesn't work. Eventually, they do figure something out with the help of one of Zeph's best friends, Leyna, who happens to be a super powerful witch. She splits them and gives Kieran a new body, he goes home to face his monsters, Zeph tries to find his bf... the whole thing was left unresolved because T and I drifted apart and I haven't spoken to her in like 17 years lol

in the meantime, I met a new bud. We'll call this one A. Me and A? IRL insta-love, yo! Not the romantic kind, but definitely BFFs from the second she first spoke to me. It's been a roller coaster since then lol. She's still very much in my life (is my unofficial sister) but our friendship has been nothing but drama the whole damn time. Not all of it was rl drama, though! A became my new RP partner! and guys, back in the day? This girl had some good ideas!

I can't remember anymore who was responsible for what. We spent years talking about this story... and not doing much else with it tbh. I got a little writing done here and there, but was hampered by all the rl fights and her flaking constantly, and when the drama got bad enough that we "stopped being friends" (every few weeks in high school lmao and a few times in our 20s), I had to go back and rewrite everything to get her contributions out of there.

It wasn't called Crossroads yet, btw. Until around 2012-ish, it was just this one story line - Achlais (T's suggested name for Kieran's world. I later learned that it's apparently Gaelic for "armpit" and was like "fuck that" XD but I loved the sound of it. so my friend - we'll call this one S - did some digging and found this really cool Greek deity Achlys and we were both like "yeah, that works." So...yeah. story was just Achlais/Achlys)

Achlais centered around Kieran and his struggles. Zephan became a footnote in this much more interesting character's journey. See, Kieran was born of trauma; he's a rape baby and the first thing he saw in the world was his mother being killed for having him. Never mind the fact that the man who killed her was his father and her rapist. Always blame the women, amirite? The cool thing is, though, daddy fucked himself over big time. Kieran was his first child, and by the very strict laws of their world (not Achlais; Kieran was born on a different world, called Takaldor, and then banished to Achlais) is the only legitimate heir to the throne. Oh, yeah. Daddy's King of Takalador. And mom? Mom's human, but she's also a Queen of another world in her own right. So enter leetle Kieran, heir to two thrones and shipped off to a third world and left to die. His body does, but his soul's too strong, so he body-hops for a while. Finds stillborn babies (no soul to fight him) and takes their bodies. Kieran gets to live, parents get to raise their child instead of mourning them. They never know their kiddo is actually just the vessel for a half-demon magical parasite lol.

It's in his last host body before Zephan that Kieran gets his name (mom was killed before naming him; he eventually found a host with a name he liked and kept it)... and also the bulk of his trauma. woo lol. He's kidnapped by the main villain, Kanaye (I was obsessed with A and K names in my teens. this story was rife with them until I painstakingly went through and changed as many as I could over the past few years), kept as a slave, bad things happen to him that I won't go into detail on because I forgot to put a trigger warning in the beginning. 😅 But just... really, really bad, traumatic shit. And even though his mind is fully grown at this point, his host body is a child (5ish when kidnapped, 7ish when Very Bad Stuff starts, 15 or so when he escapes. ...oh yeah, spoiler alert XD Kieran escapes). I had this policy that I still sometimes have trouble shaking off: I was never satisfied with my writing until it made me cringe (from ick factor, not from lack of quality lol. unfortunately, I have a very strong stomach and my tolerance for ick only grew as my writing got more icky lmao so... yeah. that snowballed.)

While in captivity/slavery, Kieran meets a girl also enslaved to Kanaye, named Amara (see? A and K names 🙄) and falls in love with her. He escapes, joins a gang (don't ask 😂 I'm trying to keep this as bare-bones as possible because there are a lot more stories than just this one in Crossroads), eventually when he thinks he's strong enough to take on this crazy demon wizard, he goes back to rescue Amara. he fails completely, Amara is mortally wounded, Kieran's host is killed, and Amara uses the last of her strength (she's magical af and that's why Kanaye kept her around) to push his soul to Earth. The whole thing with Zephan happens, just with a different bf who opens up this whole awesome subplot having to do with one of Achlais's moons. Anyway, when Kieran gets his own body back, he goes back to Achlais (where his enemy has literally taken over the world) and leads a war against Kanaye. Then he stands against his father to avenge his mother, and eventually becomes King of Takalador. unfortunately, it's a super ultra over-the-top racist world so they hate him for being half human, and there's like civil war and shit. fun stuff. Also, his mother is brought back from the dead lmao. There was stuff with different types of dragons, a whole slew of fantasy species and magic and y'all I have been building this world since I was 14 (yes, before the RP that kicked off the main plot. I had the world before I had characters or plot)

I would love nothing more than to go into excruciating detail about the worlds and their canon history and that awesome moon subplot and everything, but... I mean, look how long this already is, and I haven't even touched on the other stories yet lmao

The first non-Achlais/Achlys story to get linked to it was A's and my amazing (if I do say so myself lol) retelling of the war between the Biblical Heaven and Hell. It's told from the perspective of the First Fallen, and reframes the entire thing. Adonai (God, if you didn't know his name) is a psychotic fuckwit, there's an oft-repeated saying that no man is made more in His image than his Catholic priests, and Lucifer and his followers didn't fight for the throne or because they hated humans or whatever. that was all propaganda. They fought for their freedom, and they won. As part of the treaty that finally ended the bloodshed, they were given Hell but with the caveat that they have to torture the souls of evildoers. Kay, fine. They got a level for that lol. They finally have a home! They're safe from Adonai!

Until he breaks the treaty himself, determined to have his favorite pet back, and kidnaps Lucifer. His eldest daughter (a general who helped lead the first war) invades Heaven to get him back and a second war breaks out. The rescue attempt is ultimately successful, but Luci's just about fucking had it. There are all these rumors that Adonai can be killed, but because he created all things, kill him and reality unravels. Lucifer gives zero fucks. He's willing to put it to the test. Turns out is exaggerated... but pretty much true. The reality he created - Heaven and Hell - does depend on him being there and, y'know, alive lol. and so it all collapses when Luci kills him. The few survivors become refugees and they end up on - you guessed it! - Achlys!

There's also this whole other realm we created with our own made up Gods and Goddesses, that also comes into play and has its own story arc, but we'll get back to that. Just remember that the main Godly place is called Valdell.

Next we have the one I'm struggling with most rn, DJ's story. DJ is the oldest OC of mine in the entire Crossroads series. I made him up when I was 13/14. Originally, he was supposed to sort of blend into the background; he was just the bestie of the one I'd intended to focus on, Kali. but Kali's kind of a fuckhead and DJ was much more fun lol. They're both still in play, and still besties, but DJ is the main and Kali's just kinda there XD

Oh, DJ Gallagher, how I love thee, let me count the ways... On the surface, his story doesn't seem at all connected to the rest of the Crossroads universe (unless you're eagle-eyed and notice little Easter eggs here and there). There's no magic, it takes place entirely on Earth (in my hometown in the 90s, specifically lol)... doesn't seem to have much to do with this epic fantasy adventure. but oh, it does. DJ's got quite the future ahead of him... or did, when A was supposed to be writing this with me.

You know what? DJ's getting his own post. He deserves the attention lol. Just know that I love this boy, and his story is the part of this series giving me the most grief right now in my attempts to rewrite yet again to get all of A's crap out of the way.

Claddagh - Rebecca's story that I posted a bunch of snippets from a few days ago - is the next road added to Crossroads. What's her connection to all this? Well, in addition to her meeting Lucifer and his daughter/General Haliel, you learn that she is actually Rachel's (Kieran's mom) little sister. She's also the final piece of the puzzle at the end, in the one book that ties all of these stories together. Thankfully, despite many attempts to get her to, A never even tried to look like she was helping with this one. S was, back when we were friends, but she ghosted me in 2015, so I wrote her character out, replaced her with Fiona, and got a much better plot out of the deal, so that worked out lol. Thanks for being a bitch, S!

There are smaller parts, as well (Claddagh's planned to be a pretty long series, and so was Achlys when A was involved) - Dying Breed, in which Johanna's mother is abducted and skeptical, cynical Jo is forced to see a world of magic that her mom had been trying to show her (and protect her from) all her life; Annwn, where we're shown that Jo's mom actually knew a boy from DJ's story, Ice, and begs him to take on this insane quest that only gets crazier once he's actually on it; and the Winter trilogy, which genuinely started out as a joke, but my friends liked what I had, so I decided to keep it. That one's... it's different. XD it's a "reverse harem" story that gets pretty squicky. I'm not entirely sure how much of my original plan to keep. A never had a hand in any of this (though a mutual friend of ours, L, was briefly trying to help me with Dying Breed before she had to bow out) but just because it didn't come from our 2 AM spazz sessions doesn't mean all the ideas are good lol.

And then there's Heart and Seoul, which is actually a really long fanfic we wrote 11 years ago. We never finished it (almost, though) but it got popular for a while, so we decided to convert it to an original and, due to references mainly in DJ's story, it became connected to Crossroads. I was actually very happy to cut that lol. It's A's baby so I feel a little bad for saying this, but... I never loved that story as much as she did. It was fun for a while, but I'm so over it.

Valdell had its own trilogy planned, at first, too, but it was kind of just more of the same tired crap that one comes to expect from A - mpreg for the hell of it and a "doomed" romance. meh. On their own, they're not bad story elements if done right, but when it's literally every goddamn story she comes up with, it gets old real quick.

So that was Crossroads 2.0 - it went through many stages and rewrites, but that's the basic gist. We had this whole interconnected Whedonverse concept, and an MCU Phase 1, 2, 3 thing going on (Phase 2 was kicked off by one of the Valdell Gods getting fed up with all the mortals' bumbling and erasing all of existence except his home and the other Gods. his wife flipped shit until he remade it. DJ was brought back as a girl. wife was like "fucking really? are you kidding me?" so he rolled his eyes and fixed it, and DJ got a Phase 3. also, Lucifer got 3 phases because of some shit with the whole killing Addie thing and a boy named Cole...)

It got...complicated, to say the least. Convoluted is probably more accurate. So when I made the decision to cut A out once and for all instead of spending my life in limbo waiting for her to suddenly become reliable, I cut like... that whole MCU concept. I also cut out a lot of what happened in Achlys, and around 20 planned books got cut down to 5. and the whole struggle with DJ... character arcs that I loved are gone, that whole awesome subplot I mentioned in Achlys? gone. which means I have to rewrite shit all the way back to the first book, because it was an underlying mystery that persisted through the whole series!

A lot of stuff, I cut because it was just bad. Whether it came from her brain or mine, or this weird hive mind thing we have going on when we're overtired, doesn't matter. It was bad. Some stuff was great, but I cut it because it was either her idea initially (she used to be so creative before she dug herself a little rut and decided it was comfy and dis is home nao) or tied into her ideas and characters too tightly. I couldn't cut her Achlys characters, for instance, without cutting that mystery subplot even though the mystery was 100% my idea, because we'd worked together on building the shit necessary for it to exist, and solving it for the reader hinged on A's characters in the Zephan chunk of the story. and none of that is there anymore. Zephan's not a part of this at all. That whole story line is gone.

Unfortunately, erasing the Zeph part also erases Leyna and her brother Lucian, and Lucian appears in DJ's story and that was a clever little tie-in before, but now it's just... a random boy who appears for one scene and is mentioned once or twice, and that's it.

So it's been a struggle, to say the least. I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep this new, much shorter Crossroads 3.0, or rework it one more time to keep these elements I loved...somehow. ugh.

fml.

[onewfantaesy]

i updated the au masterlist page

but here have a post w everything that wasn’t included previously bc this is where i made it lmao have fun

step idol au: bandific au. taemin’s mom is dating yunho from dbsk. taemin’s step-dad is yunho from dbsk.

step teacher au: yunboa. taemin’s dad is dating his history teacher. taemin’s dad ends up marrying his history teacher.

kidnap au: taemin played hooky and stole a pair of jeans with key and they got arrested and taemin found out he was kidnapped. yunho is his father. he’s 11 and his life just got turned upside down.

genius au: lil baby taemin is a Genius and he’s like 8 and is a freshman in high school along with his big brother onew. minkey are their friends. kai is taemin’s best friend.

beacon street au: ontae high school au. taemin lives on beacon street and works at the beacon street diner. onew forces his friends minho and key to go to the diner with him and be regulars. taemin’s a shipyard kid, and that’s like, important.

crossing guard au: old man onew is a crossing guard and taemin and kai are kindergarteners and he loves watching over them and making sure they cross the street safely.

forest god au: taemin died when he was 12 but got turned into a god by the all-father. he’s now god of the forest. he really loves the baby deer and the bunnies.

blankie au: girl!minho and key. taemin is their lil baby boy. taemin is obsessed w his blankie

tween vamp au: taemin got turned into a vampire when he was 11. key was his teacher, and also a vampire. onew is key’s?? partner??? they take this poor abandoned little vamp boy in bc taemin literally would have died if they hadn’t.

thighs au: i think it’s girl!taemin and minho??? they hooked up on tinder and minho tried to give her shit for not shaving her thighs and taeyeon was just like “listen bitch first of all-”

lil booger au: taemin is the much younger brother on jonghyun and jinki. minkey are their parents.

sad ghost au: bandifc. taemin got ran over by a van in like rdd era and his ghost haunted the sm building for like 2 years before he finally passed on. it was really depressing. he relived his death over and over and over again. he didn’t know he was dead.

sneak au: bandfic. taemin sneaks out. like all the time. he gets caught by paparazzi. he gets shit on for it. he continued to sneak out.

citadel of onews au: rick and morty au but with shinee.

divorced au: heechul and jessica are divorced. taemin is their son. heechul moves back in with them. taemin is annoyed. taemin also has anemia and just wants to sleep at his auntie krystal’s house bc his dad pisses him off.

mini mommy au: jongtaeng and baby taemin.

ot5 hogwarts au: exactly what it sounds like. i think ontae are brothers. 

secret adoption au: lunew?? taemin is their son but taemin didn’t know that until lmao he was like 11. he only found out because his grandparents that he thought were his parents started treating him like shit. lunew were pissed that their baby was being treated like that when they didn’t even want to give him up in the first place.

secret boyfriends au: taekai high school au. no one knows they’re dating. chanyeol finds out bc he’s on the football team with kai and sees the texts. taemin gets bullied. big brother onew helps him get back at chanyeol and his stupid goons. taekai eventually let everyone know they’re boyfriends and they’re cute af.

super hero au: ontae brothers where they can both astral manipulate and shit. taemin decided to join super villain key. onew and his group of boring ass good guys always try to save taemin. taemin just is the literal definition of shrug emoji but with super powers.

twin college au: college au where taemin finds out he has a twin sister solely bc housing fucked up and put him and a girl in the same campus apartment. taeyeon didn’t know she was adopted.

uncle yunho au: taemin parents are abusive af and yunho is his uncle/godfather who saves him. taemin gets kidnapped after he moves in with yunho. it was traumatic. taemin almost died. key was the only one at school who treated him normally afterwards.

dozen au: bandfic where taemin is literally one of twelve children. he hates it. i was watching cheaper by the dozen and it just sort of wrote itself honestly.

tarzan au: taemin is found by onkey in the jungle. he was living with gorillas. he was like 5.

boy next door au: taemin is jongkey’s little neighbor. he likes to walk through their kitchen door and put his drawings on their fridge and play with their dogs.

doomsday au: bandfic where shinee’s managers and a tv station make shinee think they’re stranded on an island in the middle of the apocalypse. they kind of go a little crazy. a helicopter with a camera crew has to come down and be like “HAHA IT WAS A HIDDEN CAMERA!!!” taemin flips the fuck out. he’s very sunburned.

bullied au: bandfic but taemin’s been systematically bullied since like debut. no one knew until the bullies made a public apology during ace promotions. taemin had a panic attack when people found out the shit they did to him.

bow au: 2min. baby key. minho puts bows in key’s baby hair and taemin thinks it’s stupid.

graham cracker au: taemin, jonghyun, key, and minho ride their bikes down meadow street so the wizard at the end of the cul de sac will give them chocolate graham crackers. onew is that wizard.

middle school au: taemin is gwiboon’s much younger brother and she’s married to jinki and they have a small son minho. jinki is taemin’s middle school teacher. taemin’s parents are bad parents.

whale shark au: mermaid au but taemin’s bonded with a whale shark. jongyu are marine biologists that love watching taemin and his whale shark migrate.

lost prince au: taemin is the prince, and he’s three and he’s lost, and jongho find him but don’t realize he’s the prince.

tinder jongtae au: college-ish au where jongtae match on tinder and Spend The Night Together but then taemin’s older brother jinki just “taemin why the fuck is your snapchat bitmoji at my coworker’s house gdi taemin my friends have sent me screenshots of ur tinder DON’T FUCK MY COWORKER”

soulmate au: jongtae are soulmates and when a soulmate writes on their arm, the other can see it. taemin is in high school and writes all his homework on his hands. jonghyun is in college and thinks it’s annoying af.

europa au: space au where jongkey are aliens on europa, one of jupiter’s moons, and taemin is their adopted son.

finals au: bandfic but it’s just taemin acting stupid at the library during finals with his friends and the videos of them doing stupid shit go viral before people even realize it’s SHINee’s taemin in them

royalty au: jinki is the crown prince, and taemin is the king’s bastard son. he’s also half-elf.

i’m going to school au: just scenerios of what taemin might have been like when he was on that “i’m going to school” show with gain.

new school au: heechul is taemin’s dad, and taemin’s twin brother kai and their mother died in a car accident and now taemin goes to a new school because he was Traumatized

fourth grade au: ot5 are all in the same class and they find out they were all born on the same day (May 25th) and they bond over being geminis

st hedwig au: taemin lives in an orphanage called St. Hedwig’s and his teacher Jinki and his partner Minho end up adopting him

amish au: taemin was amish before he became an idol.

futon au: college au where boyfriends taekai just always spend the night on onkey’s futon bc taemin’s roommate doesn’t like it when taemin’s boyfriend sleeps over but kai goes to a different university

mermaid au: key, taemin, and minho are mermaids. taemin’s warrior parents died in a shark attack when he was a baby so key became his caretaker. jongyu are humans that they talk to a lot

711 au: college au where taemin works at 7-11 and he gets robbed at gunpoint and it’s traumatizing but he gets out of a midterm so shrug emoji. he and amber work together. shindong is a shit manager.

chill au: college au ontae netflix and chill. roommate kai. taemin gets chapped lips.

ballerino au: taemin gets bullied in high school bc he takes ballet but he’s a good ballerino who’s going places

vampire au: taemin got turned into a vampire when he was five and onew is his master and just ot5 being vampires but taemin is stuck in the body of a child also he pretty much always also acts like a child but “I’M A HUNDRED YEARS OLD LET ME HAVE WINE”

age gap au: taemin is like way younger than his big brother key and onew is their dad and jongkey are dating

senior boys au: jonghyun, key, and minho are seniors in high school. onew is their calculus teacher. taemin is onew’s son who’s a freshman. at one point, taemin accidentally sends jonghyun nudes. it was a big deal. taekai might be a thing in this au? i can’t really remember

bard au: taemin and the rest of ot5 are bards from dragon age & they operate in orlais, mainly val royeaux. jongtae have an intense rivalry. also taemin’s half-elf.

bard inquisitor au: literally bard au but taemin also becomes the inquisitor from dragon age inquisition. people freak out bc he’s orlesian lmao.

child star au: key is taemin’s dad and taemin became a child star when he was on a sitcom when he was like 3. taemin was a bit of a shit in his teenage years. the spotlight can do that to a kid.

arcade au: onew works at the local arcade and taemin takes full advantage of his big brother working there. taemin and his lil nerd friends - kai and ravi - hang out there all the time. key is the bully, bc where there’s a nerd in an arcade there’s a bully. i think i wrote this after watching stranger things lmao

exec board au: college au where ot5 are on the exec board for a club. taemin is a freshman who Does Not Take Thing Seriously. he’s fundraising chair. him and his friends sell weird shit at the food tents but make so much money that key can’t stand it.

college bro au: college au taekai riding together on their skateboards or some shit idk

musclehead au: college au taemin works at the rec center at fuckass o’clock. jonghyun is a stupid musclehead that dirties his perfectly clean mirrors.

boarding school au: taemin’s mom remarries and he gets sent to some snooty boarding school that his step-dad’s family has always gone to. he meets his step-brother, jinki, for the firs time when they meet at school. shit gets weird. taemin lies about his biological dad.

kidnapping au: taemin is jinki’s very much younger baby brother, and taemin was kidnapped when he was almost five years old. jinki becomes a cop and becomes obsessed with finding taemin, and he does, five years later, when a little boy is sitting in the station because his parents just got arrested.

kidnapping au 2: bandfic au. taemin is jinki’s little brother, only he didn’t know that because he was kidnapped when he was a toddler.

morning news au: taemin in onho’s little boy. he’s very cute. he reads the newspaper in the morning even though he can’t read yet.

reblog my shit thank u

[canaryatlaw]

alright. well. today was pretty good, despite the fact that I didn’t get to sleep in because I get to sleep in pretty much every other day anyway? (summer is wild, y’all). But yeah I woke up hella early because I left my window open last night since it was hot AF in my apartment (welcome to July with only a window A/C unit and not central air conditioning) and for some reason our neighbor has chickens???? why?? Idk, but they were making a lot of noise this morning and they woke me up, so I got up and closed the window and tried to fall back asleep but it wasn’t happening so I was like welp, guess I’m up now so I got my laptop and messaged Jess because we left off with plans at “text me when you wake up” but of course neither of us anticipated me actually being up this early voluntarily (or semi-voluntarily, I guess) so shortly afterwards I got dressed and she came and picked me up and we started our adventures for the day. The first stop was mcdonalds, because breakfast, and that’s like, the only place we get breakfast from lol. then we had semi-gps-woes and there was an asshole honking at us and then pulled up next to us and was being rude and I really wanted to tell them to go fuck themselves (as you learn to do in driver’s ed in New York) (I’m not kidding that was part of the program) but I knew it would make Jess anxious so like a good friend I did not do that. But we eventually progressed to Target, where we wasted time looking at clothing we did not intend on buying, then I got liquid plumbr (which is actually spelled like that) because the drain on our tub has not been working well, and picked up a prescription. I also needed to go to the post office because I had a super heavy box full of bar exam prep books I had to ship back to the bar prep company because they were the New York books and they just sent me the Illinois books so I had to send the NY ones back, because apparently they want them all back in the end even when they’re all marked up and shit??? Idk man. But since we were making our way to the apple store we aimed to go to a post office on the way south to that, and it ended up being somewhat close to wrigleyville and it was a game day which means parking was a mess, so Jess sat in the car with the hazards on while I ran inside to get this package sent as quickly as possible. It was totally empty at first with like nobody even behind the counter and I was like ?? but then a guy came up and was like “oh sorry I didn’t see you over there” because I was standing by the sign that said line up here but it conceivably could not have been in sight of where he was so no worries. Jess told me that if it was all books I could send it “media mail” and it would be a lot cheaper because it was super fucking heavy (when the same box filled with the equivalent books came it said it was 27 lbs) so it ended up being $14 instead of $25, so that was a win. From there we actually went down to the apple store, because last Sunday Jess’ gps on her phone stopped like responding to when you’re moving and like refusing to reroute if you deviate from the route it wants you to take like at all and these are of course problems when you rely on such things to get around the rather big city you live in, so we parked and walked inside, we hadn't made an appointment or anything so they said the wait time was gonna be like an hour to an hour and a half (which made me wonder if maybe I should’ve just ran down there with my Mac last Saturday after it got wet instead of just looking at appointments but whatever) but we could like walk around and they’d text when they were ready for us, so we went outside and looked at the surrounding stores, we were gonna go to starbucks at first but then realized they didn’t have any seating or bathroom which we were looking for at that point so we ended up going back into the apple store to use the bathroom since I knew how to do that from the time I was there a few weeks ago, then we walked over to where the forever 21 was nearby, it was a freestanding one, not like in a mall or anything, which I thought was kind of different from them, but whatever, it was a huge two story place so there was plenty to browse through. My weakness of course is floral dresses which I already own a shitton of but they have a million of this time of year and there was a really cute one on sale and it ended up being like more on sale than I even though originally so it came out to like $4.96 which I mean??? that’s pretty awesome, so I was pleased. after we shopped we walked back over towards the apple store where there was like some outdoor seating and chilled there for a bit, there was like little fountains next to us and there were some toddlers like getting their feet wet and playing and it was really cute. We were only out there for like ten minutes but I somehow mentioned to get like, a really intense sunburn on the back of my neck during that time, like I got a little on my arms which like okay that’s fine it makes sense but the back of my neck, which I mean I could feel the sun on while i sat there, but still, is like unreasonably red and I’m annoyed about this. But while we were sitting there I called the place that did have my computer, I had called them a few times already that morning but nobody had picked up so far, but they picked up this time and they were like “oh yeah it just came in like not even ten minutes ago, we just have to run some tests and you can pick it up in like 40 minutes” so I was like alright perfect! But yeah, then the apple store texted they were ready, so we went inside and waited some more, then finally talked to a guy who did some shit with settings and said it would probably work now, but of course because it was a gps problem we couldn't test it until we left, and we soon discovered that it did not fix it and the gps still didn’t work, so that sucks. The thing is this is the iPhone 6 that was my old phone before I got the 8 so now if this doesn’t work that’s obviously my fault for giving her a defective phone, and since we’ll be in New York this week anyway I know once my dad hears about it he’ll be like nah we’re buying you a new phone and that will be that, lol. So we departed from the apple store and stopped at a car wash quickly because someone ran into Jess’ car with a shopping cart (maybe? it looked like it could’ve been caused by that, it was just scratched not dented) so she wanted to get it cleaned and see what it actually looked like. So we did that, then went to the place which had my computer, but before going in we took a detour to the petsmart that was in that parking lot and looked at the lizards for a bit then went and looked at the cats they had up for adoption and they had a super cute little black and white kitten who was like 4 months old who was being really affectionate and I was just like.....my roommate definitely wouldn’t object if I came home with a cat because we’ve talked about this and almost adopted the cat that hangs out outside our building all the time before finding out she does actually have an owner and just likes to wander, so like, that wouldn’t be an issue haha but of course I resisted and we left to go to the computer store. They got it for me pretty quickly, and of course I just had to pay the $300 deductible for using apple care, so a very minimal amount of water spilling on my computer only cost me $300 to fix (😑) but I guess I shouldn’t really be complaining when it used to be that apple just wouldn’t even touch water damaged laptops and I basically would’ve had to just buy a new one, so that’s an improvement at least. We stopped at the Panera across the street from there and got some lunch, then we were pretty much done with everything, so Jess dropped me off and I first started setting up my computer since all the data got wiped from it, but thankfully I had a back up on my external hard drive from last September when I got this laptop (and I will definitely be backing it up on there more often now) so while I lost any data between now and then, I at least had a significant amount of stuff back, so that was very helpful. But yeah, I got that to set up and do all the updates and everything while I started my bar prep stuff for the day. It was pretty much all review outlines for different subjects and then do one set of practice questions based on the differences between Illinois’s (adding the extra s for possessive is consider correct in legal writing) evidence rules and the federal evidence rules, because part of the bar will test the federal ones and part of the bar will test the Illinois rules, so that’s fun. Then the rest of them were either outline and self grade or write out and self grade like 3 different essays. I admittedly haven’t been writing them all out, but I did my best to outline in at least getting the main points down on paper, which is really all I need because I know I can write, I’ve been writing bullshit essays since like middle school and if the grades I got on my law school finals are any indication, I’m rather good at it, so I was just more focusing on identifying the info they wanted you to get from the fact pattern to base the essays off, so I did that for the first two and did a fairly decent job getting all the points down. But then I turned to the last one and was like oh, I already did this one under the New York program I guess so I was effectively done at that point, which was nice to be done a bit earlier. I did more laptop shit for a while before making my way to the couch to look at some job prospects and hopefully apply to some places. I had collected a bunch of links to jobs I could apply for but had been waiting on the NY job (grrrr) to get back to me to apply, but I lost them all when my data got wiped, so I had to go back into the schools job finder thing and wade through all of those. There were a decent amount of them, most want at least some experience though or at least want an attorney who’s licensed already, so that cut them down a lot. I ended up sending in two applications, one for the state appellate defenders office, and I went into the sent file on my gmail and downloaded all the cover letters I’ve already submitted so I’ll have stuff to work with, it tends to be like copying one paragraph from one of them to another to create the optimal cover letter for this specific position, so I was of course pulling hard on the whole “my father is a criminal defense attorney and I grew up watching him and am always on the defense’s side” blah blah blah, and then railed a bit about how those who are wrongfully convicted and were basically railroaded by the system often get their trauma compounded even more through the appellate process, so I feel like that should be good at least. The other one was a trial attorney job but for a plaintiff’s personal injury firm, so I threw in some crap like “Since I was a child and accompanied my lawyer father to court, I’ve always wanted to be a trial attorney” and something about working some of those cases at his firm because he does do some cases that are like, more or less in that field, just on a different level (i.e. suing giant pharmaceutical companies for defective drugs instead of suing the guy who ran into your car) so I thought was good. I looked at some other options I might do soon but figured that was good for now. I didn’t do much else for the night, just watched Nailed It and did computer stuff before starting to get ready for bed. My eyes are rapidly closing and this post is already super long, so I’m gonna end here. Goodnight dears. Happy weekend.