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if you ask me, the guy who put the sword INTO the stone should be king, not the chucklefuck who got it out.

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I want to kill [remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health] Elon Musk

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Excuse me, professor? So, um, you paired me with Strawberry Shortcake for this assignment. Yeah so, she proofread my paper, but the only changes she made were crossing out every instance of 'very' and replacing it with 'berry'?

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I wish I was a muppet so I could flail uncontrollably with no consequences. And for the scrunch

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A good thing you can do with an ulcer or other painful sore inside your mouth is to keep pressing your tongue against it to make it hurt more, or even bother it with your teeth for some reason. You can do a similar thing with bad memories!

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Ain't my circus but I would know my monkeys anywhere.

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dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

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do you think they explored each other’s bodies

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i feel like all y'all moved on real quick from ep 6, meanwhile, I'M still at a gay club in amsterdam...

(click for better quality~)

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the shirt is front only...

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sold

it turned out so beautifully 🥹

and the plum blossoms show which way the lid fits 🌸

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What if water didn't have surface tension and whenever you spilled some, the whole floor of your entire apartment was covered in a 2 micrometer deep puddle

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An embroidery of the Wikipedia page for embroidery.

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it’s like 9 inches nothing can convince me otherwise

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