#the fucking emotions that are felt never change everytime i read them im emotionally devastated

[jeepers-scoob]

Catch me doing hot girl shit (rereading the hunger games trilogy again and staring at the wall after every chapter bc head TOO full)

[xxkellsvixen19xx]

Forget Me Too Colson Baker X Reader

Word Count 1,448

"You want me to forget you

Okay, forget me too

You tell me you hate me

Baby, yeah, I bet you do"

Some relationships last forever, but most don’t. Some, in particular, seem destined to crash and burn. And not just burn like a campfire but go up in flames like someone doused them with a truckload of gasoline and topped it off with some dynamite. There are few experiences more devastating than a bad breakup— such was the case with Colson and Y/N. 

I was okay but deep inside i wasn't.

Since then there's not been a single day that has passed without him being in my thoughts.

I tried everything. Blocked him. Convinced him. Flirted with another guys. Casual datings. Slept with few of them. Made girlfriends. Installed all sort of dating applications. Deleted Instagram. Isolated myself. Read as many books i could get my hands on. Travelled, been on trips. Made good friends. Stalked him. Talked to him. Tried to be best friends but to what end? No ends

So every fucking thing I did. It is not that I was miserable but there was something missing that was bothering me and that was Colson.

We tried to make things right and atleast stay in touch but I failed everytime. He used to follow me, text me and even check on me and I just blocked him because I missed him but i didn't want to talk to him. Not because I was jealous or I was angry but yeah I missed what Colson and I had and I knew that now we can never have.

We tried but failed. Or maybe only I did.

But still I did talk to him and it was me who blocked him more than ten times. And I was the one who also unblocked and he used to talk to me. He used to say until now you're the one I have shared my life with and we can end up with what we started from. Being bestfriends but that was not acceptable to me. I tried several times but it didn't work out.

He tried to explain all sort of things to me but the heart wants what is wants.

Three years have passed and I feel the same for Colson. He was cute but not so innocent and he never left my system. It was all in my head and slowly I realised and I did leave from the very place that felt like home.

But it was now just a wreck. Couldn't be fixed. We were done breaking one another in the name of love.

Colson did try to save that friendship. Not just once, but a few times. But Silence was the response. Then he gifted her Space and stayed away so she can be happy. Love isn’t about possession.

Sometimes we don't get closure all the time and it is not required either. We just have to learn to live with that pain.

He had broken her he knew that between countless times of forgetting date nights, the numerous one night stands with other women and of course his drug issue was often the subject of many an argument. Any trust Y/N had once had was now gone. He thought back to the last argument they had…

Flashback…

“NO FUCK YOU KELLS IF YOU WANNA GO OUT PARTYING ALL NIGHT GO IM FUCKING DONE WITH THESE GAMES” Y/N screams and storms out the house in the pouring rain getting intoher car. 

“OK FUCK YOU TOO” Colson screams back walking out the house in nothing but joggers. 

Y/N climbs in her car and speeds out the drive way and onto the street.

That was the last time they spoke face to face. She wouldn't respond to his texts or his phone calls no matter how much he tried. Colson lost Y/N and for good this time and he had no one to blame but himself. 

"Fuck!" Tossing the empty beer bottle he had in his hand it hit the wall and smashed into tiny pieces. Emotions ruled the scene. All the Worlds a stage and both of us were the leads in the play called LIFE. "I know how much you are hurt and I don't know what am I going to do to make up for it" Colson thought to himself. 

I've wasted so much time

Waitin' around for your phone calls every night

My bad dreams are silk screens

'Cause I taste blood when you bleed

It's eatin' me alive

We'd both be better off alone

Still think I'd get you on the phone

With one last breath in me

I'd die before I'd let you leave. 

Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words, with more deep meaning. Words take back stage. Love is much more than just a feeling.

True Love waits with patience, but sometimes true love alone is not enough. There is no past tense in love. You always will love. May be the heart will try to heal and learn to live with that pain, the biggest problem is to silence the mind and move on. 

It's not even like getting over a dead person. Getting over someone you love truly is an extremely difficult task. Someday your heart will learn to live with it. It may not completely move on, but it will try to heal and live with it. The problem is to just silence the mind.

It hurts. It hurts real bad. It stings. There is a pang in Colson's heart every single time he think about Y/N. He cares for her that much and he loves her that much. He experienced the  pinnacle of happiness when he was with her, and now when she leaves, he experiences a nadir of sadness. It really hurts because he still cared and he will care, even though she is no longer with him. His heart will still care.

May be he loved her way too much and pushed her away or didn't know how to properly show it, all he ever did was fuck up. But it is the only way he knew to love her. Because she still means the whole world to him. He really has that hope that she is happy and if at all she comes back, she will still be the only princess in his life. If at all everyday in life he wanted to ask: "would you like to save today's changes?" World would be an awesome place. But that's what life is all about. We all make mistakes and we learn.

Sometimes time doesn’t heal things. It just makes us stronger to deal with pain. Sometimes true love alone isn’t enough. But someday if at all she realizes his love, she will still be the one he truly loves and care for.

I’m sorry for strangling you with my true love.

I’m sorry when I love you unconditionally even after you wanted me to stay away and move on.

I’m sorry if my care appeared as pestering.

I’m sorry if my love appeared as torture.

Colson thought aloud as if Y/N was right there in the room to hear him. 

It was all because I truly love you unconditionally. Even after you broke my heart a million times, those million pieces still love you to the truest of its senses. Because that is what love is all about. UNCONDITIONAL.

But all I wanted to say to your deafening Silence when you cut me off from your life and left is that “Staying away and no communication is never a solution to anything in life my dear.”

It is not that he didn’t accept that she don’t want him anymore in her life, but that he still loves and cares about her even though she can’t give me anything in return. It is not because he can’t move on or don’t want to move on, it is because his love for you is true.

He is not crying because it ended. But because he still loves her. Even after she ended it and ignored him completely. Tears start rolling down his cheeks, when he guided her hair behind her ears ,in the latest picture of hers.The moment when a picture speaks a thousand words. Every love story doesn't have a happy ending, because TRUE LOVE doesn't have an end. He still loves her in silence.

But he promises her that life will move on and he has learnt to live with that pain. He has learnt to emotionally detach myself and be strong. Life now even without her though was just going through the motions.