#the former is so god damn annoying omg

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

This coworker of mine really overestimates how much of my mind I’ve lost to the sauce lmao

Yeah I’m informed on some conspiracy theories (don’t believe most, the ones I do have literally been confirmed), yeah I’m interested in metaphysics, occultism, and religion, yeah I see where you might draw certain conclusions, but buddy.

My guy. My good sir.

You aren’t going to convert me to edgelordism. I’ve spent my time there and I was worse off for it. I’m happier and feel more myself now embracing my queerness and appreciating diversity and speaking out against injustice than I was when I whined about ess-jay-dubya snowflakes.

Knock that Satanic panic shit off, man. It’s embarrassing.

[knickknacksandallthat]

I was watching hockey the other day and the announcers were talking about how on the penguins, there are three player who are setting the record for the longest tenure as teammates. they've been playing together for 18 years, i'm sure you can see where my brain went

Anon, yessss!! Omg I can literally just see the interview now:

(Jean, Jeremy, and Kevin sitting in a room with an interviewer)

INTERVIEWER: Well, thanks for sitting down with me, guys! And listen, a few of us were just talking about this - the three of you have been together on the same team for around 10 years now, right?

JEREMY: *smiling* Yep!

JEAN: If you say so.

INTERVIEWER: Wow, that's quite the tenure! Did you know, in fact, that you three are close to setting a record within the league?

KEVIN: What record?

INTERVIEWER: Most consecutive years together on a team.

JEAN: *raises eyebrow* they have records for this?

KEVIN: Who currently holds it?

INTERVIEWER: uh...well I think it's technically Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard with the Dragons.

JEREMY: Awww, good for them!

JEAN: *snorts*

INTERVIEWER: *clears throat* well, in any case, uh...that's quite the achievement, you know? Tell us - what's your secret? What's the magic between you three?

JEREMY: *still smiling* hmm, I wonder.

KEVIN: Practice, hard work, and experience.

INTERVIEWER: Well, I'm sure the time you train together accounts for a lot, but...there's nothing...else you'd say helps?

JEAN: Like?

INTERVIEWER: Um, like...well, you know...like friendship?

JEAN: *blinking* Friendship.

INTERVIEWER: Yeah, man...I mean, after all this time, I would think the three of you have grown so close that you'd be more like bros, you know?

JEAN: *frowning now* Bros.

JEREMY: *biting lip silently against grin* Ohhhh, right. Got it. Yeah man, for sure. Bros.

INTERVIEWER: Exactly! Homies, man.

KEVIN: *tone dripping with derision* Homies.

INTERVIEWER: Three dudes with the most sacred of all bonds - sports.

JEREMY: *now shaking with repressed laughter* Oh, for sure, my dude. Homies. Brotherly bonding. Soooooo hetero. The most.

(Kevin turns to scowl at Jeremy.)

INTERVIEWER: You know, it actually kind of surprised many of us that you didn't end up on a team with Neil and Andrew, Kevin. If anyone, those two are who many of us would have thought you'd be setting this record with.

JEREMY: Oh my god. *doubles over laughing*

JEAN: *smirking* Yes, tell us, Kevin. Why aren't you on a team with Neil and Andrew? Accomplishing this sacred connection of brotherly bonding?

KEVIN: *pinches bridge of nose with fingers before sighing* Let's just say being on the same team with them at the Olympics is more than enough.

KEVIN: *grumbles under breath* The damn pair of menaces.

-------------------

INTERVIEWER: Josten and Minyard, we were just out talking to your rivals on the West Coast last week - Jeremy Knox, Jean Moreau, and your former PSU teammate, Kevin Day, from the Warriors.

*Both stare silently at him*

INTERVIEWER: *coughs* Right, so, we were just saying how that trio is coming up on your record for teammates with the most time spent together on one team.

NEIL: And? What's your point?

INTERVIEWER: *loosens tie* oh, well, there was a little curiosity, I guess, around why Kevin chose that team instead of coming to play for the Dragons - with the two of you, I mean, his former teammates. Um...do you know why that is?

NEIL: Because Andrew would probably stab him.

INTERVIEWER: I...what?

NEIL: *waving hand back and forth* Yeah, I'd probably give it two weeks at most.

INTERVIEWER: ...

NEIL: See, Kevin would whine and nag, and Andrew would get pissed but he promised Wymack he wouldn't, no matter how much Kevin annoys him. So...yeah. It's probably better that they both stay on opposite ends of the country.

INTERVIEWER: ...

ANDREW: *pulling lollipop out of mouth* Never let a sad, forty-something year old man convince you to promise shit.

[skaruresonic]

The double standard gets more annoying when you realize fandom don't ACTUALLY care for canon...if it means abitrarily bringing back chars or reffing stuff

Like, fans are mad Iizuka didn't know what Choco Island from Tails Advejtures was regarding Forces dev. Ignoring that it's NOT a game made by Sonic Team, and very blatantly contradicts Tails having low self esteem and being bullied before he met Sonic (then you have other Aspect Games do dumb shit that contradicts Sonic Team stuff, along with weird rehash of Green Hill). I'm aware Sonic Channel recently reffed it last year, but notably don't mention events of the game. Same for Fang being canonized, Triple Trouble isn't mentioned

People hype up Emerl being in the Shadow short ignoring that the literal diary entries note that Shadow wasn't even awakened yet. At least one can argue that Doom was mem hacking, but people genuinely believe that the memory is legit and don't care cuz "OMG, SHADOW VS EMERL FIGHT"

Same for people treating Neo Metal as a basic Super Form that can kick Sonic's ass, when no, it's just a recepticle to gaining DNA needed to tutn inyo a Perfect Chaos based form

A lot of this really just boils down to "canon be damned, I want char fights, or any game is canon cuz Aaron Webber said so"

It's a mess

People hype up Emerl being in the Shadow short ignoring that the literal diary entries note that Shadow wasn't even awakened yet.

Admittedly I couldn't remember the content of Gerald's Battle diary entries, so I had to look them up. Reading through them, I realized that Shadow fighting Emerl renders Gerald's problems nonsensical in hindsight due to the way establishing Links works, as stated by Battle.

In addition, Gerald says it was the researchers who managed to subdue Emerl and seal him away. For some reason, the researchers kept giving Emerl more and more weapons to absorb:

---

Journal 5

The higher ups are threatening to shut down this research facility. I had no choice but to hand them the Gizoid to buy more time for my research. I tried to be careful and commanded it to never absorb any dangerous technologies. However, I have heard that other researchers have been making the Gizoid absorb weapons. Apparently, the way to cause the Gizoid to form a new "Link" is to show it power that surpasses that of its former master. While this poses immense danger, I cannot risk losing Maria.

---

Journal 6

My worst fears have come true. The Gizoid has absorbed enough weaponry and technology that it has started to go out of control. The resulting rampage resulted in the destruction of most of the "Ark." ... I have deciphered the rest of the stone tablet. It says, "When the Gizoid had learned all that it could, it became a god of wrath, and all was destroyed." The researchers somehow managed to subdue the Gizoid and sealed it away. Luckily, it only had one "Chaos Emerald" installed. If it were to have all 7 Emeralds installed, it might destroy the whole planet. The Gizoid is too much of a liability. I tried destroying its core, but nothing I did worked. I understand too little of the technology that built him. My best hope is to try and reprogram its AI into a free-willed, emotions-based AI...

---

Assuming this fight is indeed real, and that Shadow wins, that raises an entire slew of problems.

If Shadow fights Emerl, and inadvertently establishes a Link with the Gizoid by defeating him, Gerald's dilemma vanishes instantly.

All Gerald would have to do then is order Emerl to follow Shadow the way Sonic did:

Therefore, Gerald would have no reason to "try and reprogram its AI into a free-willed, emotions-based AI" in a last-ditch effort to bring the Gizoid to heel. He would have had no reason to install the final program or a soul identical to Maria's into Emerl. The events of Sonic Battle would never happen in the first place. Shadow's interference would have rendered his efforts moot.

tfw the fight is so peak that it threatens to break canon

Now, again, granted, this scenario is predicated on the assumptions that

A.) the fight is real; if it isn't, I just have to question why our time is being wasted on a fake scenario,

and B.) Shadow wins the fight. If he loses and Emerl goes on to destroy the ARK, that'd be another issue - how do the researchers manage to subdue him where Shadow cannot? And wouldn't that kind of feed into Shadow's complex about being unable to protect Maria?

Idk, the implications become weird and untenable the more you think about them. Maybe Black Doom really is sticking Shadow in a scenario where he makes him feel as WEEEEEAK as a certain masked villain, but I must ask once again what the point of that is. I ain't playing SxS Gens just to watch this motherfucker get woobified, you know what I mean?

---

I'm aware Sonic Channel recently reffed it last year, but notably don't mention events of the game.

Just because ST references things doesn't necessarily make them canon.

(coughs)

---

Same for people treating Neo Metal as a basic Super Form that can kick Sonic's ass, when no, it's just a recepticle to gaining DNA needed to tutn inyo a Perfect Chaos based form

A Super form? Why?

Metal couldn't complete his transformation without everyone's data and Chaos' ability to metamorphize. In Charmy's words: "Incomplete freak!"

---

A lot of this really just boils down to "canon be damned, I want char fights, or any game is canon cuz Aaron Webber said so"

It's a mess

Peak fiction often hinges on the aesthetics of a scene rather than the logistics. Who cares if Shadow fighting Emerl is so acanonical that it has the potential to retcon Sonic Battle as an entire game? It feels right, therefore it must be right.

Personally, I feel like it detracts from both Shadow's backstory and the ARK's unique identity as a research facility somewhat to have all of these disparate elements link (pun not intended) back to Shadow in some way. The ARK needs to be able to stand as a bastion of scientific progress on its own merits, with all the implications that brings to the table, and not just be regarded solely as Shadow's birthplace.

It should be stressed that the ARK developed tools of destruction alongside projects of medicine and healing. That is worth taking into consideration when examining the colony's purpose as a whole.

When people speak about the colony's darker underbelly, they tend to portray its horrors as those of unethical medical experimentation. In actuality, the real horrors reside more in the general territory of the politics of WMD development. "What the fuck did they have to create a planet-destroying cannon for? Who commissioned it? Why? What was its intended use?"

SA2 and Battle both touched upon the dangers of weapons of mass destruction. In particular, the ethical considerations and mindset of those who created them. These themes reflected the cultural anxiety of the early aughts concerning their development and use.

SA2 is more subtle in that it leaves Gerald's motivations in developing such a weapon ambiguous - Eggman raising questions of whether it was Gerald's legacy and intent to destroy mankind. Battle, on the other hand, is so blatantly anti-war that you're practically hearing War Pigs by Sabbath in the background.

The Gizoid counts as a WMD. Nothing can prevent it from going on a rampage and destroying everything, and flexing your power in order to retain control only escalates risk the more you do it. The only real effective countermeasure Gerald could think of was to give it a soul to dissuade it from ever pressing the nuke launch button. Or, in more allegorical terms, temper one's destructive impulses via conscience.

It takes Eggman forcibly overpowering and dehumanizing Emerl in order to reduce him to a WMD again. Except he loses control of Emerl immediately thereafter and winds up having his Final Egg Blaster getting aimed at the Earth without his consent, much like how nuclear bombs cause indiscriminate destruction.

It's such a brilliant and multi-tiered message, artfully delivered by Battle. Which is why it becomes undercut if we can have Shadow solve Gerald's problem in an instant.

[buckysgrace]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @jozstankovich

1.how many works do you have on ao3? 18!!

2. what's your total ao3 word count? oh boy.... 1,225,652

3. what fandoms do you write for? Stranger Things and Fargo currently! Although am wanting to write more of joe and dacre's characters i just need more content hehe.

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cruel Summer, Dancing in the Dark, Friendly Competition, Midnight Hours, Just the Two (Ok maybe four) Of Us

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not? YES!!! I love responding to comments literally will talk about my work forever so beware lmao (tho it's harder for me to keep up with comments on tumblr??)

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm really not an angsty ending person I need my happily ever afters lmao. Maybe Friendly Competition via Steve's pov (so sorry Steve)

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Cruel Summer I guess? All of them sort of have a happy ending in a round about way?? I am a softie, I have no shame.

8. do you get hate on any fics? Mhmm I don't believe I have. Although I have been called a pedo idk if that counts. Have had some comments about Kim being annoying but don't think it's hate just more so an opinion?? Honestly surprised i haven't gotten more hate about the stepcest but i see you freaks out there lol.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? THE NASTY KIND! Haha love it being carnal and needy but also soft???

10. do you write crossovers? whats the craziest one you've written? I have never wrote one but... who knows maybe some day in the future lol. I do dream about Billy as a Targaryen prince so....

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes but once I spoke to them they took it down right away :)

12. have you ever had a fic translated? Not any current fics but I do have some former 1D fics that may still be out there translated (god i hope not)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? Oh yes with my love @sadhours one published many wips

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? Listen... Dramione is all time favorite. Also love percabeth now that percy jackson is out and reminding me of my childhood.

Ya know I also gotta throw in Kimgrove (Kim x Billy, thank you @cassandracorvo ) my babies

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh boy where do I even begin lol. I have a few threesomes (BillyKimSteve and BillyKimTommy and BillyKimAdrian) I have a few Harringrove ones I just cannot get to. In the end I guess the one I'd want to finish is this AU where Kim is married to Tommy but can't let go of Billy hehe

16. what are your writing strengths? imma say... smut. and making realistic ocs... idk lol maybe dialogue? At least I hope so I have mini conversations with myself when I'm writing out characters talking so fingers crossed lol.

17. what are your writing weaknesses? commas...i love commas... too many damn commas everywhere (but i love them). Anything involving fight scenes or angst.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I think it's fine? no real opinion I guess? I just would not try because I do not speak other languages and it makes me too anxious to trust google translate in case it's wrong lmao

19. first fandom you wrote for? One Direction omg... Zayn girlie lol.

20. favorite fic you've written? Cruel Summer for sure. Got me back into writing after a LONG pause. I'm just very happy with how it turned out too.

tags!!! (sorry i only speak to like 2 people so please if you see this and wanna do it I tag you too mwuah) @sadhours @floredaqueen @destroya-hargrove

[hypmic-writings]

What's your take on the possible Division mix up?

If you haven't seen it, here's the new groups.

Ichiro-Rosho-Jyushi

Samatoki- Rei -Doppo

Ramuda- Hifumi- Riou

Jakurai- Hitoya-Saburo

Sasara- Jiro -Gentaro

Kuuko- Jyuto - Dice.

I feel like Team Sasara will be out pranking each other, They literally put the smart child with the lawyer and the doctor, Ichiro team is wholesome, Team Samatoki fist fighting, Team Ramuda forcing Riou to be more ✨ stylish ✨, and Jyuto got a new head ache

Bahahah have you heard of the new mixed up units from the latest drama track? Samatoki, Rei and Doppo are in a group together so that's gotta be interesting but hey! Maybe Doppo will get two protectors

I really love the mixed up divisions honestly I think they’re hilarious! My thoughts below~

I definitely think the Samatoki/Rei/Doppo one would be crazy cause there’s no way Samatoki and Rei could be in the room together for long, Rei would antagonize the hell out of Samatoki and Samatoki would fight back and Doppo would just be in the corner freaking out until he explodes and goes off on their asses and then Rei and Samatoki are just like...damn, Doppo’s actually good.

And we need to talk about Jakurai and Hitoya getting put on the same team like ??? they’re friends-to-enemies bit is hilarious but I love that they get to be together again, and the fact that they put the oldest characters with Saburo just makes me laugh that much harder, he would just be rolling his eyes the whole time like ‘these oldies uggh’ but the three of them are some of the smartest characters so they would definitely be a tough team to beat when they actually band together

Ichiro’s team is definitely the wholesome one like Rosho is going to adopt the two children and Jyushi would definitely look at Ichiro as a cool guy, similar to how he views Kuko and I can imagine Kuko being all pissy when Jyushi comes back to BAT and tells him about how awesome Ichiro is hahaha

Sasara’s team is definitely going to be a bunch of pranksters like omg who thought Sasara and Gentaro were a good idea, the word play that is going to go on between them would be fantastic and Jiro would just be along for the ride, wholeheartedly supporting whatever wacky plans they decide to do next (but then when they get serious for the battles it would be so good omg)

Kuko with Dice is also going to be insanely chaotic cause I feel like they’re either going to love or hate each other, but then throwing Juto in there?? Omg Kuko is going to find it hilarious to antagonize the hell out of Juto and the cop is gonna get so fed up so fast especially if Kuko and Dice just kept going off at each other or god forbid Kuko and Dice get along and they join forces to annoy Juto. If they do, Juto is going to be so done because the former two would just be screaming and goofing off and having an amazing time together and he would be the only one trying to remain calm...which he doesn’t end up doing~

Ramuda with Hifumi and Riou is an interesting trio! I think Ramuda would definitely steal Hifumi’s jacket just to watch him squirm, but when Riou literally picks him up and makes him give it back, Ramuda’s low key impressed. I feel like Riou wouldn’t understand a lot of the flirty things Hifumi says, but Ramuda would actually quite enjoy spending time with Hifumi because he has quite a big personality like the rest of Fling Posse. Hifumi and Ramuda forcing Riou to get a makeover and be their models is hilarious to me haha and Riou would definitely cook for both of them and I actually think they would both enjoy it~

[shu-glue]

Chapter 7: Operation Help You Help Me, Commence!

Summary: You and Suna finally begin studying! At least, you would have begun if you both weren't so pissy with each other. After getting kicked out of the library, you take Suna to your secret study spot.

A/N: i am so over this /j tumblr kept nerfing the chapter and i couldnt figure out what was wrong im so sorry to the taglist, yall kept getting tagged omg. hopefully it works now and yall enjoy the chapter hsfhgjshgjsh

prev / masterlist / next

taglist!

@milkteeboba @fairywriter-oracle @s-adidass @admiringlove @mmmaaannnsssiii @pavo-ocxllus @jojowantstocry @alienvarmint @meri-soni-meri-tamanna

"Suna…"

Said middle blocker doesn't lift his face from his arms. "Mm?" 

Face muffled in your hands, you mope on the sidewalk outside Inarizaki with Suna beside you, also moping.

"I don't think the library would be lettin' us back in any time soon..."

"....Mm."

Earlier…

"Good morning, guys, where did we leave off last time?" The teacher steps off the podium and grabs a piece of chalk, beginning to write out the lesson on the board.

One girl lifts her hand tentatively. "We were learnin' about character archetypes."

"Thank you, Itto-san; now, please turn to page 95 of your textbook—"

If Suna wasn't so determined to prevent you from getting any more opportunities to get the upper hand on him, he would have gone to sleep one character archetype ago. Book propped up to cover his sleeping face, it was so, so tempting right now.

But alas, he knows that if he doesn't take down notes and you find out later, you'll never let him off the damn hook for the rest of the afternoon (god forbid). 

It's the day after you and Suna made your agreement and signed that goofy contract. That goofy ass contract. You'd think someone like you would have some cutesy handwriting, not chicken scratch and sentences that look like they're an airplane taking off.

He would have laughed out loud at the ever increasing irony yesterday if he hadn't felt so irritated with you.

("Hey. If ya didn't try ta blackmail me," you were smirking that goddamn smirk, unfortunately the very first 'smile' he's seen that reached your eyes, "I would have agreed ta tutor ya.")

Suna bites the nail of his thumb, glaring ahead. He'll admit, he was a bit too hasty in trying to mess with you. He'll have to be more careful around you in the future since you've proven to be able to turn the tide.

And because he's going to be around you more often now.

"That's suspicious."

Suna closes his eyes as if he feels a headache coming on and slowly opens them again as he turns to his right. Osamu is side-eyeing him, twirling his pen between his fingers. Dun eyes look him up and down, narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. What's all this scrutiny for?

"Are you quoting a meme or are you talking to me?"

"No, I'm talkin' ta the window." Osamu rolls his eyes. "Ya never take notes. Usually yer dead asleep by now and I have ta cover fer yer ass."

"Well, excuse you, maybe I'm actually going to take this class seriously." Suna rolls his eyes, ignoring the way Osamu snaps his head towards his friend, an eyebrow raised.

"Now that's even weirder. Who brainwashed ya?"

"Shut up."

Osamu's usually not so inquisitive and Suna would prefer it if the former would fucking stop right now. The thought of meeting with you later is already enough to make him want to lie about getting sick and take the rest of the day off. "Did ya get a tutor? That's the only explanation I could think of." Osamu tilts his head, as if he's more curious than he should be.

"Why are you so annoying about this?"

"I just didn't expect anyone to want to tutor you with your horrible personality." Suna glares at him at the comment. "Who's the unlucky bastard stuck with teachin' yer dense ass, anyway?"

Well, everyone is bound to know one way or another, and coming clean to begin with will stop any rumors from spreading. 

When Suna says your name, it takes Osamu a couple of seconds to fully register it. He turns away from Suna to look towards the board, then back at Suna again. He looks at his notebook before he snaps his head towards Suna once again, this time with wide eyes as the words sink in. "WHAT."

"Mr. Suna, Mr. Miya, would ya like ta discuss whatever yer discussing right now to the class?" The teacher asks them, every one of their classmates turned towards them once again.

"Ah… n-no sir." Suna mumbles, averting his gaze at the same time Osamu mutters an embarrassed "sorry".

"Just don't do it again or I'll have you both spend the rest of the class in the corridor."

The teacher returns to teaching and Osamu returns to… being Osamu; annoying the shit out of Suna. "Are ya messin' with me? Them?? The girl you've been having bad blood with for the past few days???"

"Yeah."

"Did ya blackmail them ta do it?"

Suna is unfortunately reminded of his failed attempt at blackmailing you yesterday, which makes his face sour. "No, what makes you say that?"

Honestly, the thought of you tutoring Suna would raise some—if not all—eyebrows. That video posted the other day has made its rounds enough for everyone to guess that you and Suna are "mortal enemies". If someone from another class were to be asked what they think, they'd say that you and Suna being in the same room would just spell trouble (and inconvenience).

Neither of you are exactly thrilled at the prospect of being around each other either, but there's nothing else to be done. 

"How did ya convince them, then? Last I checked, they hate yer guts too. Maybe even more 'cuz you've been messing with them yesterday." Osamu asks, propping his chin on his palm.

Suna sighs, leaning back and tapping his pen on his desk. "Well, we made a deal, in exchange for tutoring me, I teach them—"

("Firstly, no one should know about this deal, especially Kita. If I found out ya tell anyone else about this, god forbid those Miya twins, yer dead to me." Maybe Suna should have asked if the soul-piercing and deadly glare on your face was serious or not.)

"—how to choose better manga next time." Now, Suna panicked; he said the first words that came to mind, apart from 'teach you how to be a girlfriend which is, in hindsight, such an absurd idea'. He just hopes you'd kill him a bit more gently now for outing you as an avid manga reader (you will not be pleased).

Osamu blinks. "...manga."

Suna's voice breaks. "Yes."

Osamu blinks again. "...they read manga?"

"They do; they, uh, they're not obsessed," (debatable), "and they don't read anything weird," (also debatable), "but, yes." Suna coughs. "They do."

God probably heard his plea because Osamu finally dropped it, shrugging his shoulders. "I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover." He says, turning back to the front of the class and Suna does a silent and subtle fistbump.

Morning classes end and lunch comes and everyone walks out of their classrooms. Everyone except for a few, however; and that includes you.

You're glaring at the unopened melon bread package in front of you, wanting to eat so bad but your stupid brain is scolding you too much to do so.

What were you thinking?! Do you want to die early from high blood pressure?!

You shouldn't have agreed to Suna's offer! A player with a bad track record of bad relationships isn't the best source of relationship knowledge! You should've thought about that.

Maybe it was the urge to one up him or maybe you were just that desperate, but in hindsight, this entire agreement is fucking WHACK.

You whine out in frustration, dropping your head in your arms to bury yourself away from the world. You even said you need to be careful of falling in love. As if you'd ever fall for someone like him! He's the worst! The absolute worst—!

"Hey—"

"Shut the hell up and leave me alone." You whine, lifting your head up to glare at whoever decided to interrupt your self-pity party. Only to have your eye almost poke out of their sockets when you see the familiar mop of silver hair that could only belong to Kita. A concerned looking one at that. 

"Hey, are ya okay?" Kita asks you, thick eyebrows knitted together in concern and your mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water, absolutely mortified.

"K-Kita! I'm sorry, I didn't—Oh my god, I'm so sorry," you let the sentence out with a rushed tone.

"I know ya never snap at people like that fer no reason, don't worry." Kita crouches down so he's eye level with you. "Then again, I haven't seen ya so irritated ever since we were kids. What's got ya so worked up?"

You let out a nervous laugh. Kita always knew if you were feeling down or feeling frustrated about something. That's just who he is, how he's been with you all your life. He could be a mountain away and he'd still be able to tell that you're overthinking about something.

("If it's real, then why hasn't Kita fallen for you yet?" The only good thing that happened after these words was the way Suna shut the fuck up at your glare.)

"Uhm, it's just something stupid, Kita." You say, hoping that that's enough to appease him. Alas, this is Kita. Mr. No-Gaps Kita is what his teammates call him, from what you heard.

"Ya can tell me anythin', remember?" Kita assures you, placing a hand on your forearm. 

God, if Suna were here, he'd probably comment on how rigid you became. "It's really nothing…" You trail off at the look on Kita's face and you internally groan.

Kita has two expressions that he knows absolutely, absolutely, wins you over every time. The Puppy Dog Eyes is his go-to because you always crumble under them after 3 seconds.

And the 'I'll Tell You're Brother About That One Time in the Porch And Won't Help You When He Teases You For It' look. He rarely ever uses this one. But when he does, you know he’s serious because he has shown you long chat threads between him and your dear older brother (you think the number one mistake in your childhood was allowing Kita and Shinichi to become friends as well) where Shinichi asks about how you're doing.

“Okay, fine! Just don’t tell Shinichi!” 

“I didn’t say I’d tell him…”

“Ya didn’t have ta.” You sigh, fixing your fringe. “I’m, uh, I’m tutoring Suna.” At your words, Kita's eyebrows raise and he straightens his back, surprised. You were adamant about not helping Suna with even a single chemical formula, so this is a shock.

"Ya sure? Ya don't have ta if you don't wanna, even if I ask ya to do it." Kita looks worried. "He needs the help but if he keeps being a bother to ya—"

You snort derisively, leaning back in your chair. "Well, he did try ta blackmail me," your admission immediately has Kita's face falling, replaced by an unimpressed glare.

"Oh. Did he now."

"Ya can stop thinkin' of making him suffer at practice later, we came to a compromise." You deadpan. "I know how to handle blackmail, Kita, I've done it plenty of times before. I wouldn't have agreed ta tutor him if we didn't have a deal."

Kita's face falls further, guilty, and you panic at the sight of it. You wave your hands frantically in front of you, stuttering over your words. "H-hey! Don't feel so guilty, Kita, it was my choice ta tutor him in the end." You assure him. "Besides, I ain't doin' it for free, he said he'd teach me—"

Shit.

"—hOw to play volleyball!"

If Suna were here, he wouldn't have just taken a picture, he would have recorded that audio. Maybe even taken a video. Because this would singlehandedly be the most embarrassing state you've been in ever since you were born. No, ever since your soul entered this world.

Kita blinks, confused at your outburst yet again. "...volleyball?" He repeats, as if bewildered.

God, you hope your voice doesn't crack again. "YeAh!" Sigh. "Volleyball. I—I don't know how to play so like, I thought—I thought it would be fun, ya know? Since ya play. And yer the captain of the volleyball team. Ya should know, how fun it is…. since ya play it everyday."

If the ground doesn't swallow you up in the next five seconds, you're going to purchase the next ticket to Antartica. The penguins won't judge you there. 

Kita blinks again before he frowns and his eyes are downcast. "You could've asked me ta teach ya." 

If the ground doesn't swallow you up in the next five seconds as punishment for making Kita sad, you're going to purchase the next ticket to Antartica so the penguins can judge you instead (Rockhopper Penguins look judgemental enough. Though you're not sure if there are Rockhopper Penguins in Antartica).

"I-I didn't wanna bother ya, Kita, yer already so busy with yer team…" You say immediately, trailing off when you see the slightly disappointed expression on his face.

You never liked to lie to Kita. It makes your stomach ache worse than when you met him for the first time. You've dubbed it the worst feeling in the world when your lie makes him sad in the process as well. 

"I want to." He replies.

"I'm sorry, I really just didn't wanna bother ya…" You say, clasping your hands together on your lap. "When I learn how to play volleyball, let's play a match together! I'll beat yer butt like old times!"

Finally, Kita sighs and gives you an endeared smile, smothering a laugh and patting your head. It's warm. "If ya say so. Though, I don't remember a time ya beat me in anything."

"Sure, there was. Ya remember that time with—"

It was nice, talking to him like this again while it lasted. A cough interrupts the two of you and you both turn to the doorway to see Aran standing there awkwardly, wearing an awkward smile. "Sorry ta interrupt, Kita, the coaches called for ya." He says, giving you a sheepish nod in greeting, which you return.

Aran knows Kita is fond of you, though he had never been able to decipher why their captain took a liking to you (in their eyes). "Right, I'm coming." Kita says, standing up straight once again.

Before he walks away, he turns to you and, with a soft smile, he says, "see ya later."

You politely wave goodbye, and watch as Kita and Aran walk out of your classroom and out of sight. When they're truly gone, you slowly deflate, eyes downcast and lower lip caught between your teeth.

You're so tired of acting like strangers.

With your art club duties done for the day, you immediately go over to the gymnasium. You finished at the same time the volleyball team finished practice, it seems, seeing as they are now busy tidying up the gym. You stand by the entrance, looking into the wide space with a blank but curious gaze.

Oddly, it's the older Miya twin who notices you first, freezing in the process of pushing the ball cart across the court. You blink, nodding at him. Which one was he again? Osamu? Atsushi? Atsumu?

"Pardon the intrusion," you say instead, bowing in politeness towards the faux blond. Instead of a proper reply, Atsumu gawks at you, eyes and mouth open wide, and he whirls around towards his twin with such speed you thought he broke his neck.

"SAMU. YA WEREN'T KIDDING, THEY REALLY ARE GONNA TUTOR 'IM." Were the words that escaped the blond's mouth in a rather eardrum-breaking shout. Honestly, judging from how he interacted with Nana the other day, does he really not have a low volume setting?

"SEE, I TOLD YA, YA DIDN'T BELIEVE ME." His twin is no different.

"Shut the hell up…" You finally notice Suna next to the gray-haired twin. He honestly looks close to melting to the ground. Maybe he shouldn't have told Osamu if he knew the latter would pester him so much.

"Pay them no mind. They're just surprised." Kita tells you as he walks towards you, but he has his piercing glare set on Atsumu and Osamu, who both stand rigid at the silent scolding.

You sigh. "Clearly." You mutter, before schooling your features. "I'm just here to fetch Suna."

"I'm coming, I'm coming, you don't have to escort me like I'm a kid." Said middle blocker glares at you with his sleepy eyes.

"I'm just makin' sure ya don't chicken outta our deal last second."

"Your sass is not appreciated after gruesomer-than-usual training." Suna rolls his shoulder to release the tension in his muscles. Practice is strangely harder than usual (Kita silently looks over strategy plans in the corner).

Osamu perks up as he suddenly calls your name, taking your attention. "If ya wanna read a new manga, try One Piece if ya haven't yet."

Silence. You blink once, twice, tilting your head. Suna silently covers his face beside you. "What?"

"Suna told me he'd help ya choose better manga next time in exchange fer tutorin' him."

Silence. You slowly turn to Suna with a scarily blank face, eyes wide and eyebrow twitching. "What?"

"Eh?" Suna hears Aran blurt out. "I thought Suna would teach them volleyball. That's what ya told me, right, Kita?"

It's your turn to freeze and slowly cover your face, as Suna slowly turns to you with a scarily blank face. "What?"

"We're doin' both!" You immediately exclaim, lifting both hands to slam them on Suna's mouth to stop him from talking. "He'll teach me how to choose better manga series," you give him a pointed glare, "and he'll also teach me volleybAll."

Before anyone could respond, you literally push Suna, middle blocker, 73.2 kilograms, out the double doors. "We'll be on our merry way now, goodbye!"

You're both out the doors and out of sight, leaving the rest of the team baffled at having one of their members—essentially—abducted.

Kita rubs a hand over his face. "I feel a heavy cloud covering me…."

"D-Don't worry, Kita! They'll be able ta be civil for a few hours at least!" Michinari cheerfully assures Kita. "The worst case scenario is that they kill each other!"

"......the cloud is getting heavier……"

"KITA!!!"

"Yer a goddamn asshole."

"I didn't exactly out you as an otaku—"

"I'm not an otaku!" You jut your pen at Suna’s face threateningly, which he easily moves to the side away from his vulnerable face. The air is slightly cold with the air conditioning, the ‘Please lower your voices in the library’ sign swaying idly in the draft. A couple of other students, maybe ten or twelve, are sitting at the other tables of the library. Some are just hanging around and refusing to go home yet, others cramming for quizzes tomorrow.

“Yes, sure, denial does not look cute on you, High and Mighty." Suna says and you massage your temples, feeling the worst migraine of the week coming on. You hate everything annoying.

"Let's just focus on studying fer now before ya give me a bigger headache." You say, sighing loudly as you pull out the materials you need for tutoring Suna. "Let's rank yer subjects from best to worst."

"What? Why?"

"In order ta pass midterms, we need to get all yer subjects at a passing grade. If yer best subjects are the ones yer already passing in, then we'll focus on your kryptonite first." You explain, tapping your pen on the table. "We'll give strict attention to your worst subjects then slowly start reviewing for yer better subjects once midterms are closer."

Suna opens his mouth to retort on instinct, but shuts it close again as he processes your words. "Makes sense."

You give him a passive shrug and a small smirk. "Of course it does, I said it."

"Sounding a little high and mighty there, High and Mighty." 

".............." You're dead silent, slowly raising a fist threateningly at Suna, who gets the message fairly quickly.

"Alright, I'll shut up."

Rolling your eyes, you listen as Suna lists Literature as one of his better subjects (a total shock to you, and when you tell him this, Suna pinched your arm) and lists Math and Science as his worst subjects (which didn't surprise you as much but when you tell him this, he still pinched you.)

"Lucky for you," you say, pulling out your Math and Science notes, "I tolerate those two subjects enough ta excel in 'em. We'll focus on Math an' Science fer now and work our way down to your easy subjects."

"I said Math and Science are my worst subjects but I don't think my grades are that bad." Suna interjects, crossing his arms.

"Well, that depends. Can I see yer recent quizzes from your Math and Science class?"

"........."

"I said, can I?"

".................."

Slowly, Suna pulls out a stack—more like crumpled PILE—of papers out of his backpack that you deadpan at, as he places the pile on the table and pushes it towards you. "...Additional Rule Number 7, don't shove yer test papers into yer bag as if they're cotton stuffin' fer a teddy bear."

"I was in a hurry." Suna wasn't exactly lying, per se, he was just in a hurry to not see the scores anymore.

Deadpan, you look down and sift through the pile, finally finding Suna's latest quizzes—

"..................................."

You're dead silent once again but instead of trying to hold back boiling rage, you're absolutely speechless. You alternate between the two test papers over and over again, as if it's going to change what you see on the paper, even turning them over again and again. A few other students in the library have decided to take glances at the two of you, wondering why there's so much incessant sounds of paper crumpling.

You finally look up at Suna with a blank expression, the two test papers in each hand. "Yer grades are fuckin' piss poor."

"It's not that bad—!"

"I don't know if a score of 0.5—in fuckin' total— is considered 'not that bad'!" You're waving his test papers in the air frantically, trying to channel your anger without punting him. "Look—LOOK—there's a freebie, a bonus question on the end, yeah? 'What is the name of yer Science teacher', yeah? That's the only source of yer score! And ya didn't even use the correct kanji!"

"I remembered it enough," Suna trails off, averting his gaze. "What would I do with the excess grades anyway?"

"Ya did not just call them excess grades!"

You massage your temples as you stare straight through Suna, finally realizing just what the hell you signed up for. This is it. The headaches to end all headaches. The peak of headacheness. The goddamn summit. No future headache will ever climb this high again.

"When are midterms…?"

"....in four weeks."

You slowly cover your face with your hands.

"...tutorin' just on weekdays ain't enough." You slide your hands down your face, already tired before you even started tutoring. "Yer not entirely a lost cause," ("Thanks???"), "but if we're gonna get ya ta pass midterms, we need a lot more sessions. A lot."

You're way too emotionally invested at this point because you cannot STAND to see grades that low again. "I'll hav'ta tutor ya on the weekends now too." You lean your chin on your palm. "This Saturday fer example, I'll come by yer house."

Suna grimaces at that and averts his gaze, scratching the back of his neck. "Maybe not my house. My little sister hates people in the house."

You hum. You understand the sentiment, since you don't like random people in your house either. "Then, we'll find somewhere quiet ta study. And fer god's sake, please review yer lessons at home."

"I do study at home, mind you."

"With grades like these??" You wave Suna's test papers in the air in front of his face. "No, ya ain't!"

"I'm sorry not everybody can be 'Miss Perfect' like you." Suna shoots back, glaring as he leans his chin on his hand as well. He's wearing such an arrogant and aggravating expression right now, and his tone is not helping.

"Miss Perfect??" You bristle, placing his test papers on the table again to clench your fists, not noticing your voice getting louder.

"What, you prefer High and Mighty, High and Mighty?" He goads, lips now stretched in his now familiar and all too infuriating smirk. Oh, he can just go and jump off a bridge while doing a triple backflip.

You and Suna glare at each other as the tense air around you increases tenfold, catching the attention of the rest of the students in the library. "Mind if I call ya Jackass then?" You shoot back.

"Bossy bitch."

"Baggy eyes."

"Whiney voice."

"Mr. Bean Haircut."

"Simp."

He did NOT! "Motherfu—!" You're about to release a spew of curses at the middle blocker in a fit of utter aggravation, fed up with his antics even after 20 minutes of being together. But you both flinch when you hear somebody shush you. Loudly.

The librarian is a mean lady and the only reason why you very rarely visit the library even though it has a considerable amount of books you'd like to browse through someday. Graying brown hair tied into a tight bun, egg shaped magenta glasses perched high on her snotty nose bridge. She's so vexing.

"Quiet." She says, eyeing you and Suna with the dirtiest look you've seen of her to date as she points up at a 'Please lower your voice in the library' sign. She's vexing but she gives you the shivers all the same.

"Ah, we apologize." You mutter, bowing your head.

"Sorry, I was just arguing with my tutor." Suna says at the same time and you whirl around to glare at him fiercely, which he ignores.

The librarian scoffs but returns to whatever she was doing before she set her ire on the two of you. "Great job, Suna." Your harsh tone doesn't evoke a response from him, his impassive gaze set on you. "Ya almost got us banned from the library!"

"Me?" Suna's scoff almost sounds identical to the librarian's. "You're the one who's getting riled up here, High and Mighty."

"Because you insist on bein' a pain in the neck!"

"I didn't even DO anything these past few minutes!"

"YER EXISTENCE IS ANNOYIN' IN GENERAL!"

"YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE NECK TOO, FOR YOUR INFORMATION—!"

"ENOUGH. YOU TWO. GET OUT!"

Present…

"Will ya please be serious about this fer once?!" You snap, finally lifting your face from your hands to glare at Suna for the nth time this afternoon. "We coulda been banned! The librarian just kickin' us out might be the nicer thing she coulda done ta us!"

"Your dialect gets stronger when you're angry." Suna unhelpfully comments instead of being serious like you asked. "That's a first, I gotta say."

"What first, that I was stupid enough ta argue with ya in the library?!"

"I was talking about almost getting banned from the library." Suna stands up and dusts off his pants. "But yeah. Seeing you get so riled up was entertaining, High and Mighty."

You sigh loudly, standing up as well and dusting yourself off too, stomping your foot. "At least yer the one who finds all of this funny." You send him a scathing glare. "Call me High and Mighty again and I'll break yer fingers, get ya benched from tournaments regardless of grades."

"Oooh, threatening me now. Not so innocent, are you, High and Mighty?" The kick you deliver to his shin completely wipes off the smirk that was starting to form on Suna's face. You're smug on the inside but you don't let it show on your face, turning around to walk away.

"Go home fer now, Suna." 

You don't let him have the last word, walking away before he could respond. You love doing that to him, don't you? Leave it up to you to rile Suna up just as much as he does you.

Not even the Miya twins are this annoying to him (and to say someone is more irritating than Atsumu? That's a feat). "High and Mighty… you've got no shame, do you?" He mutters under his breath, running a hand down his face. He has no shame either.

When he finally goes home to the apartment, he catches Risumi coming out of the living room, homework and empty strawberry milk carton in hand. Suna raises an eyebrow when he sees her and Risumi frowns, rolling her eyes.

"I'm home." He says as she turns around to walk back to her room. "Did you eat dinner?"

"Yeah."

"Risumi, if I open the fridge and see the curry untouched, I'm telling Mom you're not eating again." Suna threatens, following Risumi to the hallway that leads to their rooms. "Risumi."

"Whatever." Risumi turns her head just enough to glare at Suna before she slams the door to her room shut behind her. Suna's nose would have been crushed if he was standing just an inch further.

Suna sighs loudly, partly in pettiness so Risumi could hear him through the door, before trudging to the living room. He drops his bag to the floor, rubbing his face as he plops down on the couch and covers his eyes with his forearm.

How are you and Suna going to complete even one study session if you're both at each other's throats all the time? Maybe if you hadn't judged his grades earlier— ugh!

"Dad," Suna calls out to the air. The small shrine sits pristine at the corner like usual, Suna's father—Suna Masashi—smiling brightly in the picture. "How do you deal with people you can't stand?"

Their dad was always good at that, Suna somewhat remembers. Dealing with people without letting his emotions or ideals get in the way of things. Their dad was always professional, stoic. But so warmhearted with him and Risumi and their mother.

Suna abruptly pulls his arm away from his face. "It's not like I didn't antagonize them first." He admits to the empty space. "But you know, they proved my point anyway. So annoying…"

He finally looks at the photo sitting atop the small shrine. Eyes crinkled at the corners behind dark rimmed glasses, lips turned upwards in a radiant smile—the only smile reserved for their family. Slight showings of a light stubble on his chin. Suna frowns.

Their dad was described as cold and arrogant. He heard his elementary classmates back in Nagoya say so while their dad was still alive. Cold, arrogant, stoic. 

The front door opens and Suna turns to see their mother, Suna Tsubomi, walk into the apartment, tired and dressed in her nurse uniform. She blinks when she sees Suna and gives him a bright smile as she kicks off her shoes. "Rintarou! I'm home." She readjusts her low ponytail.

"Welcome home." Suna greets back, nodding at her. "Uhm, mom."

Tsubomi blinks, tilting her head as she places her bag down on the couch next to Suna's bookbag tentatively. "What's wrong, Rin? Something bothering you at school?" She asks Suna, eyebrows furrowed.

"No, not really." Suna averts his gaze. "What was dad like in high school?"

"Hot."

"Mom."

Tsubomi laughs heartily, patting Suna on the head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I couldn't resist like I couldn't resist your dad when we were second years." Her words make Suna groan in embarrassment. "Well, to answer your question, your dad was like… hmm, he was the same when he was in high school and when he became your dad.

"He was real quiet. Real intimidating, too. Everyone avoided him like the plague when he first transferred." Tsubomi giggles fondly. "But he wasn't as scary or arrogant as everyone thought him to be, mind you. I saw him chase down a cat that stole his underwear, you know," Suna snorts, "it's true! Chased it down three blocks before he got his underwear back. Your dad had his moments."

"What made you like him?"

Tsubomi hums, holding her chin with her fingers. "I didn't like him at first. Like everybody else, I thought he was rude and arrogant and cold." Her eyes soften ever so slightly as she looks over at the picture in the corner, atop the small shrine, as if a distant memory is replaying in her head. "But then, I don't know.

"I looked at him from a different angle."

Suna blinks, sitting up straighter when he hears those words. Tsubomi laughs, waving her hand. "And then we had you and Risumi so I guess that new perspective was worth it. Why do you ask, Rin?" Her eyes suddenly shone like stars. "Do you like somebody, perhaps?"

"No. No, it's just… somebody from school I've been having trouble with." Suna says, averting his gaze again. "They're cold, distant, and rude, and it always feels like they're judging everything and everyone." (You do, though.) "We were…supposed to be working together today, but we couldn't get anything done because we kept butting heads."

Tsubomi frowns, placing her hands on her hips with a stern expression. "Are they the one causing trouble?" She asks.

"...it's not entirely them." Suna admits, sighing.

Their mom hums. "Maybe the both of you butt heads because you haven't come to an understanding yet. Just give it time, and do what you're supposed to do. Who knows," she smiles brightly, close eyed, "maybe you'll see them in a different light, as they will you."

The middle blocker is silent, lips sealed shut as he glances at Masashi's picture once again. "Debatable."

Ring. Ring.

Tsubomi raises an eyebrow at the ringtone, watching as Suna pulls out his phone and stares at the unknown phone number in confusion. "Who's that?"

"I don't know."

Suna hangs up the call and not even two seconds later, the same number rings again, accompanied with a lone, borderline aggravated message:

unknown [7:37PM]

pick up the phone jackass

"I'm going to my room for a bit." Suna says, nodding when their mother tells him to just come out for dinner in a few minutes.

There's only one person he knows that would be able to channel such irritated energy in a text like that (it's lowkey funny). Plopping down onto his bed, the door shut, he finally answers your call. "Yo."

"Ya take so long ta answer a simple call."

"I don't normally answer random calls from random numbers." Suna furrows his eyebrows and rubs his temple. "How did you get my number anyway?"

"A little silver birdie gave me yer number when ya conveniently forgot ta do so."

"I didn't forget to give you my number. I remembered to not give you my number. Biiig difference."

"Whatever." Suna lets out a small 'snrk' at your exasperated tone. "I remembered a good spot for us ta study. It's a hole in the wall cafe some blocks away from the school. Only a handful of people go there, and I'm pretty sure no one from our school knows the place." 

"A hole in the wall, huh?" Suna muses, clicking out of the call to scroll through his social media, rolling his eyes when he sees a video of you and Suna arguing in the library entitled 'Suna Rintarou and Asagao Kid finally duke it out! #NO CLICKBAIT!!!' (he knows he records and posts videos of Atsumu and Osamu brawling from time to time but come on). "Sounds like a good idea. I don't really like the idea of other people watching us. I'm willing to guess you don't want other people to watch me teach you how to be in relationships, too."

"Of course I don't, jackass!" He hears you sigh from the other end of the line. "Then, let's walk together after yer practice and my club activities. It's a little hard to locate the cafe if yer not used to the area."

"Sure, High and Mighty." Suna smirks when he hangs the call up right after, knowing he didn't let you respond this time. Heh.

His phone pings again.

unknown [7:49PM]

youre an ass

He couldn't help it; he actually laughs out loud at your message, collapsing back onto his bed with a slight bounce of the mattress, his phone on his stomach. Maybe he should change your contact name to something he knows you'll roll your eyes at and chastise him for when you ever decide to steal his phone.

high&mighty [7:50PM]

dont change my contact name to anything stupid on your phone, okay

suna [7:50PM]

too late :P

"We finished earlier than usual!" Nana cheers, pumping her fists in the air in victory as the three of you walk out the clubroom after another long day, stretching her back while she does so. 

Ryuji grins brightly back, glancing at you. "The posters for the volleyball team should be done by the end of the week as well, earlier than we planned."

"I know, I'm sorta happy about it." You smile, already imagining the elated face Kita would have once the posters are finished. "I'm kinda proud of them too."

"Ya should be more than 'kinda' proud of 'em, senpai!" Nana turns to face you, a stern expression on her face. "Ya worked on those posters real hard! And they all look so amazin', those meatheaded volleyball players would be downright stupid if they call yer hard work ugly!"

You giggle lightly, Ryuji rolls his eyes. "No one is going ta outright call Vice Prez's posters ugly."

"Ya never know. A couple of those volleyballers are outright dumbasses."

"Yer talkin' about the blond Miya."

"How'd ya know."

"Guys, stop it." You chastise them and they both sigh loudly, muttering drawled 'okay's. "Speaking of the volleyball team, I need ta go over to the gym and fetch Suna again for tutorin'."

Nana turns to you with a 'scandalized' expression, Ryuji blinks at you curiously. "WHAT? But I thought the both of ya got banned from the library! There was a whole video about it online!"

"We were just kicked out, not really banned. I found a good spot he and I could go to to study without anyone else catching us arguing." Your casual tone makes the two of them freeze, bodies going rigid and book bags almost falling from their shoulders from lack of support. 

"S, somewhere… secret?" Nana starts.

"Where no one else will see the two of ya?" Ryuji continues, face going white.

Oblivious, you turn around with a curious and impassive expression, mentally wondering why they suddenly stopped walking. "Yeah, why?"

You are responded to with Nana abruptly grabbing your biceps, holding you there with an urgent look on her face. "S-senpai, if Suna touches ya in any way, you run the opposite direction, ya hear me?" Her words prompt a weird noise from you, something between a strangled goat and a guy choking on jello, pounding on your chest to prevent choking yourself.

"Wh— wait, no, yer misunderstanding! We really are just going to study, we aren't going to be completely alone—!"

"Take this pepper spray with ya just in case." Ryuji hands you a small container.

"I don't need it! Why are y'all being so weird about it!" You ask, flustered at their ill hidden assumptions.

"Senpai, Suna Rintarou is a PLAYBOY and yer going to be together, ALONE." Nana pulls on her long wild hair for emphasis, in part frustration and part worry.

"I'll be fine!" You pout, crossing your arms. You're getting annoyed at their paranoia.

"Vice Prez, we're just worried about ya. We know he's not that bad," Nana gives Ryuji a hard glare, "we know he might not be that bad, but it's always better ta be safe than sorry."

Letting out a long, drawn out sigh, you drape yourself on Nana and Ryuji's shoulders, pulling them close to you with an exasperated and defeated expression. "Fine, I'll just be extra…"

"Extra careful." Ryuji points at you with a long finger.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be extra careful."

"And kick him in the nuts if he does anythin' perverted!" Nana exclaims, some students around you turning their heads at Nana's words.

You cover your face to avoid being associated. "Got it. I'm leaving now."

"Remember, senpai, the nuts! Go for the nuts!" Nana yells after you and you walk faster, eager to escape the embarrassing situation.

On the plus side, you arrive at the gym in record time. On the down side, your shins hurt. Trudging to the entrance, you can hear the sound of the ball hitting the polished wooden floorboards and the squeaking of sneakers against the surface. You'll probably be hearing this a lot in the following weeks.

Moving the net away so you can enter, you announce your entrance, "Sorry for the intru—"

Only to be almost hit with a volleyball that's probably going the speed of a bullet train. "—sion." You calmly finish, passively watching the ball bounce to a stop a few feet away and slowly turning your gaze to see who almost hit you.

"I'M SORRY." None other than Miya Atsumu shouts from the other side of the gym, frozen on his post-jump serve position and face white as a sheet. You deadpan.

Is this something you have to get used to in the coming weeks too…?

"Great job, idiot." Osamu's sarcasm is met with a fiery response from Atsumu, who whirls around to face his twin with a crimson face.

"SHUDDUP, 'SAMU!"

This interaction alerts Kita of your presence while Akagi goes to fetch the wayward ball, the former already beginning to jog towards your side when Suna beats him to it.

"High and Mighty, careful or you'll mess up that pretty face." He teases you, hands shoved in his shorts as improvised pockets. You feel annoyed already.

"Aww, ya think I'm pretty, Suna?" You drawl sarcastically, throwing a halfhearted glare his way and daintily covering your mouth with your hand.

He rolls his eyes. "Got me again, you goofy cow."

"Did you just call me a cow—? Ya know what, don't answer that."

"I meant a cow as a compliment!"

"Oh thank you, great sweaty ass Suna." You drawl, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms.

"I'm sweaty, huh?" Suna outstretched his arms. "Gimme a hug."

"Ew, no. Yer gonna get yer disgusting sweat on me."

Suna gives you an unamused expression and suddenly stalks towards you, arms still outstretched and dead set on hugging you with his sweaty ass. "S, Suna, no. Absolutely not. Suna Rintarou, stop that this instant—SUNA!"

"Just one lil hug."

"No!" You squeal, clumsily trying to dodge his tall frame and his stupid long arms.

"You're so cruel, High and Mighty, denying a guy his hugs." He's deadpan as he chases you around the court, earning looks from the rest of the team. You continue to yell curses at him, evading him around the net that Aran and Ginjima are trying to take down to return to the storage room (and failing because of the two of you).

Akagi arrives back with the ball Atsumu served way out of bounds, raising an eyebrow at the scene in front of him as he glances at Kita. "Shouldn't we stop 'em?" 

Kita watches you and Suna, Suna finally getting close enough to wrap his sweaty body around you before you kick him in the shin. Osamu laughs at the middle blocker's plight. "No, let them be. We're finished with practice anyway." There's a small, soft smile on Kita's face, brown eyes crinkling at the corners. Akagi raises his eyebrows but doesn't reply, sporting a small smile as well.

Suna finally gives up and heads to the showers with the rest of the team, much to your relief. You don't want to walk around smelling like expired fish sauce. When he finally emerges from the locker room, dressed in his uniform and book bag slung on his shoulder once again, he drapes his large frame over you, his heavy weight making you grunt.

"I'm tired, carry me."

"Get off of me, ya jackass!"

"Yer goin' already, Suna?" Osamu calls out to the both of you, Atsumu close behind his gray haired twin. 

"Yep, I'm getting tutored by High and Mighty here." Suna pats your head. "This noggin's my lifeline right about now."

"Then ya better focus on studyin' a bit harder." You kick Suna in the shin again, making him pull himself off you as you begin to walk towards the exit, Suna dramatically limping right after you singing a string of curse words.

Osamu glances at his twin, an eyebrow raised. "Ya think they'll ever finish even one lesson?"

Atsumu doesn't answer that, instead narrowing his honey brown eyes at you and Suna before you exit the gym, more specifically at your retreating figure. "'Samu."

"Hm?"

"Aren'tcha a little bit, I don't know, suspicious of the Asagao kid?" Atsumu crosses his arms. It's seldom that Atsumu is serious and actually thinks of something seriously other than volleyball.

"Why would we be?"

"Crap, I dunno, just—ya know, what if they're like Katatsu—" Atsumu stops, shaking his head and scratching his temple, nose scrunching. "Nevermind. Forget I said anythin'."

Osamu frowns and crosses his arms as well, everything from last year flooding into his head. He doesn't have to be Atsumu's twin to be on the same wavelength as him, to understand exactly what he's saying. "To be fair, I don't think there's anybody worse than that woman."

Atsumu snorts in derision. "Worse than her? No, never." He narrows his eyes. "But as bad as her? Maybe."

If Suna hadn't deemed you at least sane enough to not kill him for all the times he's messed with you, he would have hightailed it outta there once he saw the dodgy alleyway you led him to. 

At least, he's sure you're sane enough not to do that, he thinks as he follows you down said dodgy alleyway at 6PM, the sun about to set, away from the mostly bustling street into the quiet, conspicuous, perfect-for-an-inside-job—

"I feel like you're going to have me murdered." His tone is blunt, face impassive when you turn your head behind you to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "At least let me say goodbye to my mom and my bratty sister first."

"I dunno, do ya think I'm capable of havin' ya murdered?" Suna is not too sure if that's sarcasm or not.

"I mean," Suna adjusts his book bag, "maybe not you alone."

You only hum in response, choosing to not reply to that as you continue to walk forward. "Wait, are you."

"Am I." You deadpan but you stop in front of a quaint, sliding door, flanked on either side with a vast array of flowers, bouquets placed onto small wooden boxes, with light brown awning.

It contrasts greatly with the rest of the alley, which is dark, damp, and honestly a little smelly. There's a wooden sign placed above the awning, the words 'Chiho's Flower Lab' written gracefully in calligraphy. There's also a relatively smaller sign next to it, which Suna almost didn't notice. 'Cafe on the second floor'.

"I hope ya ain't allergic to flowers." You say to a confused Suna, before you slide the door open, letting the light from inside bathe the dark and damp alleyway.

Asagao General Hospital ID: Suna Tsubomi

Age: 43 years old

Birthday: February 13

Fun Fact: In high school, Tsubomi followed the gyaru trend and was one of the most popular girls among the student body (oh how did Masashi win this gal's heart?)

Sports Instructor ID: Suna Masashi

Age: 38 (deceased)

Birthday: April 4

Fun Fact: Masashi was the team's starting setter when he was in high school, though a bit of a loner because of his intimidating attitude.

Student ID: Suna Risumi

Age: 13

Birthday: August 11

Fun Fact: She's a closet otaku, none of her classmates in Kitsuhana Middle School know this side of her. Suna has caught her reading manga past 3 am in the past.

[sukirichi]

jujutsu kaisen characters as students in high school: (non-canon AU)

featuring: itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, gojo satoru, getou suguru, & ryoumen sukuna notes: some parts include you as their friend, or even their high school love! (this is unedited/ not proofread)

masterlist ! requests are open 

𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈

he’s not the brightest bulb, but he makes up for it through hardwork and enthusiasm

yuuji is literally that classmate everyone is just friends with

the type who waves with a smile, saying “good morning!” the moment he walks through that door

with that being said, since he’s everyone’s friend, i headcannon that yuuji doesn’t really have a best friend because he’s so open and available to everyone it’s hard to have just a one on one conversation with him

not to say he’s always surrounded by a crowd that you can’t get near him, but everyone likes talking to yuuji

he just fits in so well and understands people 

kind of like how he easily clicked with junpei (please, i miss him, i still can’t believe that he’s...you know...)

whether it’s the guys raving to him about sports

or girls shyly talking about their crush on class or about that new shojo manga

yuuji is open to anything and everyone. this boy wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s honestly such a precious boy, please be kind to him <3

the type of student that gets called to answer in class but isn’t shy to admit he doesn’t know the answer while rubbing the back of his neck

he does pay attention tho

i think it’s canon that yuuji is a dedicated man, like from that time he just watched movies straight and kept his cursed energy controlled so the cursed corpse would stop hitting him

overall, yuuji is a very hard working student! 

he wouldn’t get over the top grades, but he’s really proud of himself (and he should be!)

also that one kid in class that is surprisingly good in sports despite his lanky figure and laid back persona, because all the other sports-craved people are always flexing or challenging other captains 

but plot twist, this boy is ripped and very, beautifully kept in trim

yeah he’s not really into club activities that much

not because he hates them, but he’s just not that into it. he’s more than glad to join in whatever activities though and enjoys them, but if asked what he’d like to do, it wouldn’t be that first thing that came to mind

in conclusion: itadori yuuji is the class sunflower that lights up everyone’s day  🌻

yuuji’s role: the hard worker! 

𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈

hands down, megumi is THAT student

if you’re volunteering in the library, you can sure as hell guarantee you’ll see megumi there

he doesn’t like studying in class because it’s too noisy, so if he’s in school, you’ll always see his name in the library logs

he’s that kid that aces all exams

the type to scowl when he sees a 96% mark because he’s expecting a perfect mark

okay before you come at me, i’m not saying megumi is that annoying smart kid in class that goes, “Oh, I’m so dumb, just a 96?”

no he’s more frustrated at himself because he knows he studied hard and lost sleep over it. he’s just wondering where he went wrong. he has literal note cards and customize flash cards on an app on his phone, waking up every four am and probably taking supplement classes after regular school hours

i headcannon that megumi is someone who always wants to do his best and actually goes through lengths to prove his worth

maybe it stems from having the need to show who he really is and what he’s capable of

but yeah i can totally see him doing that

also that cute student that keeps visiting the cafe every saturday morning, wearing a black hoodie and headphones tucked in, his pretty hands nestling over a book

he looks like a gamer but honestly i don’t think he’s got time for that lmao

would also be that guy people find hard to approach because of his quiet and reserved self

he’s pretty intimidating too

definitely sits beside the window at the back of the class. you can’t fight me on that

just because he’s smart and loves studying, it doesn’t mean he’ll sit on the front row and raise his hand every damn second

the teachers will encourage him to participate in class a little bit more, especially after seeing he’s awkward during group activities, but megumi just really prefers to do things by himself

i also headcannon him eating in the cafeteria like everyone else instead of having his alone time during a rooftop? like idk i can’t picture megumi completely isolating himself like that

he blends in well in a way that you know he’s just like everyone else; a human

but he also stands out in the manner that he’s a lot more introverted and reserved compared to everyone else

surprisingly good during sports and relay games

100% reliable

the type to stay up at midnight to finish a group project, sighing because his groupmates doesn’t care as much as he does, but turns it in anyway the next day

he’d be annoyed at them, but he doesn’t really like confrontation so he doesn’t out them to the teacher like that

but he’s also not someone who lets people walk over him, so he’ll simply say something about his groupmates becoming more responsible and to be serious for once as a “warning”

and yeah, he may be closed off, but once you get really close with him (even better if you have similar interests) you’ll find there’s a lot more to him than what you’ve originally seen and he’s actually a pretty great friend and supportive classmate

would teach you instead of just letting you copy his work or snap pictures of his notes

ugh he’s so responsible and morally right and that’s so attractive help

in conclusion: fushiguro megumi is the hidden gem  💎

megumi’s role: the intellectual outsider!

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔

man...i don’t know how to start this

i’ve said this about megumi, but gojo is also that student

no, in fact, he’s THE student

everyone loves him. literally everyone

the teachers? smitten

his classmates? in love

the school guard? calls him by his first name

the cleaning lady? turns into a star with the way she lightens up when he’s there

the cafeteria staff? yeah free food because he’s gojo satoru

gojo is what i like to call the “one who has it all” because....well, he kind of does

he’s really smart and talented, which comes as a surprise to everyone in the first day of school when he nearly gets kicked out for falling asleep in class

only for everyone to be shocked that he knows the answer already and the teacher is only discussing chapter 1 lmao

yeah he’d be that kid who always sleeps in class

or is playing games on his phone behind an open textbook

he literally doesn’t listen to what the teacher is saying at all - or at least that’s what he wants you to think

man is a god at multitasking and his seatmate would snicker because he’s crushing his enemies at a phone game, but then gojo coolly corrects the teacher about history or something

he’s pretty laid back tbh

but when he’s got everyone’s attention on him? ofc he’d show off

basketball meats are wild. even students from neighbouring schools would visit just to see gojo play - and he’s not even an official member! the coach just asked him to replace a sick player but boy won that champion shot

omg BASKETBALL PLAYER GOJO I CAN’T

but he pretty much excels at everything

except cooking class, gosh, don’t ever bring this man anywhere near a fire. that’s probably the only thing that really got him to detention this time because he always somehow talks himself out of getting that red card with his words and charm

also that kid that would receive lots of confession letters, chocolates, and random gifts in his shoe lockers

he knows he’s handsome and he’s not shy about it. in fact, he’s shameless when it comes to his allure on people

but he also doesn’t really date anyone (it’s canon this man won’t stay loyal to a single woman lmao)

if he and megumi were classmates, they’d be sort of rivals

megumi would always come on top of class, but gojo is just a breath away from the former’s perfect marks. if it only weren’t for megumi’s squeaky clean record and reputation - whereas satoru’s is TAINTED as heck - and the fact that gojo doesn’t really study as much as gumi, then yeah he’d also be top of the class if he wanted to

on a much more serious note,,,gojo acts like nothing really bothers him and he’s simply that effortless

but i feel like he grew up with tutors from a very young age and that’s how his natural intelligence was just further improved and increased with that type of environment in his childhood

and unlike megumi, i don’t think gojo would really have a set goal in mind on who he wants to be or what he wants to do in the future

he’d just be enjoying the moment <3

in conclusion: gojo satoru is the effortless god!

satoru’s role: the lazy king everyone is envious of 

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔

the playboy

you can’t argue with me on this one

he just is, i feel it deep in my SOUL he just is

moment he walks in, all classy and suave aura and all, you can honestly smell and taste the amount of confidence that drips from him

probably came from a well-off family

probably the mayor’s kid lmao and he’s been used to the attention ever since he was young

much like megumi, he’s not really the type to show off his intelligence

and similar to gojo, people are surprised he’s actually got them brain cells just because everyone is more focused on his appearance first

like who would expect this tall hunk beautiful beast of a man with long hair and piercings actually liked classic novels and could effortlessly recite sonatas and poems in different languages

yeah i headcannon that getou is an intellectual, cultured man

ofc having long hair and piercings isn’t allowed in his school, but because he’s geto and the school knows about his family’s influence, they just let it slide

probably comes late to school too

he eats in the cafeteria, but you don’t really see him indulge much. some days, he’ll have his own fancy bento box prepared by a family chef, but geto is actually pretty simple and humble that he also buys packed bread or canned coffee 

takes the library volunteer by surprise when he drops by one friday after class to borrow an old classic novel that even your professors had a hard time analysing

but geto’s like, “oh this? yeah i last read it when i was thirteen, thought i’d read it again”

IDK WHY but I can see him as sort of breaking the rules when it comes to the school uniform

top three buttons of his shirt open when he’s feeling hot or something

doesn’t really keep his tie that tight too

but overall, geto is a composed and well-put together guy

i just can’t picture him slacking when it comes to his appearance, he’s too fancy and pretty for that

he’s also similar to megumi in a way people find it hard to approach them, but most definitely, geto also receives confessions often 

i can see him dating someone after being interested in someone in school and actually being serious with them unlike gojo

then they would be “that” couple that’re just so couple goals

not the type that goes overboard with pda and pulls off the angry face emoji when they hear someone talking about them and they’re like, “NO HE’S MINE”

okay that’s cringe but i legit witnessed that way too many times in high school yall cant blame me lmao

but they’d be more like the chill laid back couple that supports each other in everything and you can just tell they have a happy, healthy relationship

(oh to be getou’s girlfriend in high school and his first love and all his firsts)

in conclusion: getou suguru is the unpredictable!

getou’s role is: that one classmate you really admire but he’s so far out your league but he’s genuinely a good guy anyway so you’re happy for him no matter what <3

𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀

okay okay hear me out but...the stoner

i really can’t see him any other way guyssss

and if you’re his classmate, you most likely wouldn’t see him that much either

dude is like 2-3 years older than everyone in class and he doesn’t give a shit about it

he’ll come like...once a week, if he’s in the mood enough

teachers don’t even bother scolding him for his tattoos anymore because there’s rumours going around he’s the son of a yakuza leader or that he’s a gangster who sells organs or some creepy dark stuff

ofc he doesn’t do that

he just does drugs and gets drunk at most

sukuna doesn’t really have that much friends either. yeah he parties with people and often gets high with some older kids, but he doesn’t genuinely enjoy their companies either

would totally come to school with his uniform unironed

red-eyed from his high and naps at the back of the class, making the teacher soften their voice in fear of waking him up

also doesn’t have a pen or paper

i mean...he doesn’t even bring a bag

fails the exams all the time, making him repeat year by year, and he’s even known for beating his senpai up for something stupid and sending the guy to a hospital where he stays for two weeks

but on the other hand

he’s also freakishly attractive and surprisingly easy to talk to

you probably bumped into him one time and you profusely apologize, but then he notices something about, something odd like, “did you just cut your hair?”

“uhm yes...you noticed?”

sukuna shrugs lazily, “noticed something was different, but whatever. it looks good on you though.”

he’s just soooo nonchalant most of the time, it’s hard to believe he’s actually pretty violent

but yeah this man has anger issues i’m sorry

but with that speaking, i actually don’t see sukuna as a bully with like a gang of his “followers” or that type of jazz

he’s more like the kid that hides under the bleachers or gets high in a storage room while everyone else is occupied with school festivals

it’s a shock he even came, but sukuna just says “free food is always a gift” but ofc it’s not free food...he just steals from the stalls

now here comes the fun part

so now that we know sukuna pretty much is a hopeless case...suddenly, he isn’t? maybe he meets you, the class volunteer who goes out of their way to visit his shabby apartment just to hand him his class work that he’s missed out on

he obviously disses you at first and ignores you, telling you to get lost

but somehow your kindness and persistence has him breaking

now he starts coming to school often, carrying a pack of gum or mint pops because he smells like weed and he’s slightly conscious of himself

this is supposed to be just them being students in high school, but i could honestly sukuna changing colors once he just gets a better grasp of what would be good for him

or maybe something finally interests him and gives answers to his silent questions

i feel like he’s such a troubled kid and just lacks proper care and attention, but once you become his friend and show him you don’t have bad intentions, he’s actually a loyal and decent guy

and when you two finally get close, you eventually gain enough courage to tutor him. sukuna is actually pretty smart too, he just doesn’t like studying, but when you compliment him, oh man, he melts

“yeah, you actually got that right! i told you you could do this!”

tsk,” he scoffs, “that’s all kindergarten shit.”

“if it is, then why haven’t you graduated?”

“shut the fuck up.”

although he sneers, you and sukuna have gotten close enough that you know both of you don’t mean anything bad behind those words and it’s all light hearted teasing

oh and when you ask him to take a picture with you for “high school memories?”

sukuna is disgusted

“get that thing away from my face - did you just take my photo?”

“yeah, you look pretty cute here! i’m so printing this and putting this in my album.”

sukuna is about to scold you even more, but the thought of you putting your photo together - even when he’s frowning in the picture - in something as sentimental as a photo book really has him softening up

would even try - keyword is try - to study more just so you’d stop frowning when you see his paper covered in red marks all over again

and he’d even try cutting down on his weed for the sake of his “health”

ofc he won’t suddenly - or ever, even - become the amazing student megumi is

he’ll still get into trouble because he’s impulsive and has poor coping skills, also he’s not good with words or dealing with his emotions

but on his good days, he’s a pretty funny guy

it just takes a lot to see that side of him, but it’s worth the time and patience

also i was expecting to write funny scenarios or imagines of stoner! sukuna because he’s too high to even hold a proper conversation sometimes but all i got is him saying weird words like “snail trap” or something when you ask him how his day is

would also have that garbled little laugh when he’s so out of it

sukuna will try to be better though, you just need to be patient him

but my GOSH when he finally graduates

he’s going to hide that little smile because deep down, he’s also pretty proud of himself and how far he’s come <3

lol now this makes me want to writer a high school au lololol

in conclusion: yeah he’s the stoner with a good heart 

which is so not canon...this shouldn’t even be a headcanon we know ryoumen sukuna is PURE EVIL but oh well maybe when I’m down from my sukuna high I’ll write him a lot more canonically

[x-chubby-reader]

Hey, how about hcs Ushijima,Terushima, Bokuto and Kuroo getting jealous when their chubby s/o being hitting on right before their eyes 🥴 what would they do? Might as well do nsfw a lil' bit? 🥺

Thank you! I love your works ❤🥰

 Jealous Haikyuu Boys + !NSFW!

Ushijima, Terushima, Bokuto, and Kurro x Plus size reader

A/N - Hope I brought this to justice. I loved this idea a lot but I think they might have made them a little toxic- Also sorry for this being very overdue with writing, but as most of you know my motivation for lots of thing is shit. Also Thanks to @livieeee for basically helping to edit and give ideas for this. I also may add to the other characters NSFW as I accidentally gave Bokuto the most detailed part

Lowercase intended

Not proof read

NSFW included

Cursing

The Characters are all aged up for this Headcannon

Ushijima

we are all very aware about how blunt he is with things

not one to bottle things up

if he doesn't like something, he will voice his opinion

ushijimas blunt ass will sat whatever he wants if he deems that its true

doesn't everyone want to know the truth about things?

he also isn’t one to be easily jealous over things too

his confident ass knows that he’s got you in the long run anyways 

he has complete trust in you, your his rock

ushi knows that you wouldn’t go off to flirt with some douche just for the fun of it

the first time that he had ever found himself jealous was when you had dragged him out to your friends birthday party in college

he wouldn’t of even gone if you hadn't forced him out to be social and to make some friends with people his own age and should get out of the house for something other than practicing with the volleyball team he was on

since the party had been for your friend finally becoming of legal drinking age, of course there had been alcohol

oh i wonder how this liquid luck could get you into a predicament?

you had needed to go to the bathroom, so you gave your boyfriend a little wave before leaving

it should of only taken you about five minutes, and ushi knew that

so when you took over twenty he decided to go looking for you

while he was searching for your thicker frame, you had been quite preocupied with something else

there was this guy, completely drunk off of his ass, who wouldn’t leave you along

“are you lightning? because your my mc-queen”

 just really icky and shitty pick up lines

homeboy was so touchy too omfg like back up ass hat

you hadn't even noticed the amount of time that had passed until you felt a strong hand on your shoulder

boy did that make you jump

and he looked pissed

~Nsfw~

homeboy really said posessive~

ushi literally ripped you away into the bathroom as you had been stuck in the hallways for god knows how long

for once his touch wasn’t gentle with you, it was more rough and less caring

he’s so rough with you right now oml

to make the story short, you won’t be walking easily later

he wants to make you yell out, to show everyone in the premis know that you are his

“how about you let everyone know who you belong to, sweetheart~”

his buff ass literally is holding you up, just fucking railing into you

only stops when he deems that you are done

he even apologizes if he hurt you too badly

cleans the both of you up with one of the guest towels hanging, before walking you ever so gently out to grab a cab and make your way home

Terushima

while the two of you had been out shopping for god know what, you happened to spot an old friend

he was ole of those guy friends that were overly touchy, but you never had really minded it since he was just being nice

your friend had been very high energy and affectionate, but they always meant well

so your boyfriend, terushima, had just smacked a smile on his face and acted as friendly as could be

But he was jealous of all the attention you were giving him

hey you couldn’t help it, you haven’t seen the guy in years

hello? teru is your boyfriend, not this guy!

the look on his face when you exchanged numbers to meet up later

you would of thought that you had just shot his puppy dear lord

he was so god damn sad

“he’s totally trying to get into your pants y/n!”

“no he isn’t teru, he’s just being nice”

“y/n, no-”

your so oblivious to it 

terushima has two levels jealously

he goes from pout-y little kid to complete asshole in a matter of seconds

homeboy is black and white with his personality, there is no gray area with him

even though he isn’t one to keep quiet about something he doesn't like, he did it anyways for your sake

though he glared holes into him

eventually when he had left ho boy did terushima give you an earful

you heard even more when he found about how you made plans with before mentioned friend to have dinner

it was just so the two of you could catch up after the many years that you haddn’t seen each other

“its just dinner”

“y/n its like he’s trying to date you

“can you chill out?”

“no! what? are you dating him now???”

okay he can be a little high strung sometimes, but its something you can tolerate

~NSFW~

remember how you had given him your phone number?

yeah, that may be important

while you had been getting ready for your little ‘dinner date’ with your friend, teru had still been glaring at the back of your head

you could see his annoyed look from the mirror, but you payed him no mind

hey, he would get over it sooner or later

your phone decides to start ringing, and its the guy

teru looks at it, then at you, then back at the phone

he hits answer before handing the phone to you

you decide to start talking, everything is in a friendly tone

and then he decides to play around a bit

a little nip here and there, nothing more nothing less

just to see what his little doll face can handle

then soon he escalates it more and more

soon lurking hands become groping and nips became hickeys

though you had to pretend that everything was hunky dory on your side of the phone

homeboy on the other line didn’t even think anything of it

“hey are you okay?” he had asked once when you particularly couldn’t handle his stimulation

“y-yeah i’m great right now...”

his hand would slip and dip into places that you had forgotten about until now

just the smooth and slick friction would bring heat to your face, though 

that’s when teru had taken the phone back

“screw off your asshat, never call her again!”

and he never did, even if you say him in public, he would walk the other direction 

Bokuto 

the two of you had just been out window shopping and peaking into stores on a saturday

when a store employee had started talking about a popular television show that had aired yesterday, you hadn't thought anything of it

in your mind it would of been rude to ignore them completely,

what if they were just having a bad day and you little small talk and brightened it just a little?

you didn’t want to have something like that on your consensus 

bo had been standing beside you the entire time, and you hadn’t even noticed the way he had stiffened and almost seemed to puff up, like an owl

there had been one person who did notice bokuto’s uneasiness

baby boy had thought that the two of you had been flirting when he walked by

omg he looked so sad

he went from being all perky and happy to looking like a deflated balloon

it was pretty pathetic

sooner or later the worker had felt so awkaward that he left, that’s when you had noticed his discomfort

he had waved if off until the two of you had gotten home, then you finally cornered him and asked

“whats wrong?”

he just rolled his eyes to himself, “you should know!”

yeah just the buffering circle above your head for that one

you really had no idea

“i seriously don’t bo...” 

“yes you do, in the store that worker was totally flirting with you!” he had finally spoke out

oh...

that had made sense you guessed

even though you had apologized to him, he had still been down, even needy

~NSFW~

bo had just been clinging on you for the past hour

if your standing, he’s right behind you, just looming

he became a shadow or a lost puppy, following you everywhere

his arms always found their way to your generous waist, holding onto you as if you would be blown away if a gust of wind decided to make its way though your home

as you had tried to walk down the short hallway that connected your bedroom to the living room, bokuto had stopped the both of you

he looked down to you before grabbing your wrist

bokuto half dragged and half lead you to the shared room you both shared since you moved in together

he had pushed you, not carefully may I add, onto the futon bed

koutarou soon climbed on top of your plush frame, his face lightly dusted in a red hue 

one of his hands wandered down towards the plush button that resided between your thick thighs

the other had cradled the back of your head, pulling you back lightly so he could have more access to your neck and collarbones

bokuto lightly kissed your skin, it didn’t matter if imperfections or not

now this would have been more of a sweet moment if you hadn’t noticed the almost mocking circles you felt at your core

“am i good enough for you now baby owl?”

you would of answered him if you were able to form words, but the amount of stimulation that he was able to give you simply from the tips of his fingers was astonishing

damn boy he got magic hands

you had opened your mouth but no words came out

that had made the two toned haired boy let out a laugh

the only thing that you thought to do was to wrap your arms around his broad back

“speechless, huh” he had taunted you, a smirk on his face

he just kept up his happy little circles, the stimulation bringing a warm, almost butterfly like feeling to your abdomen

 it was if he filled an empty part of you, and you needed him to survive

the tightness in your core had started to bubble, feeling as if you were going to top off the edge and boil over

your former speachless self was soon a babbling mess, telling bo how much you did need him

and even after you had reached and passed your high, he hadn't stopped, he loved the way your words flowed from your mouth in light, breathless pleas

oh he wasn’t even done

play nice you two

Kuroo

out of the two of you, kuroo had always been the more jealous one

baby boy is passive aggressive about it too

he doesn't do the keeping it to himself kind of bullshit

just completely straight to the point

he dosent often become jealous either

kuroo trusts that you wont get flirty or ‘advance’ on anyone else, because you have him for that

why would you need anyone else when he’s right there?

he has the confidence that all of us are jealous of

you and i know that this boy gives little insults to almost everyone

just in a joking and playful way, because that’s just how he communicates to people

but if someone decides to push it

ho boy

mr. rooster man slowly gets more and more passive aggressive

literally they turn into thinly veiled threats

you could practically see the steam coming out of his ears

so imagine his reaction when the waiter at a restaurant had decided to get a little too cozy with interacting with you

kuroo had been sitting right across from you, a pissed off look slapped over his face

who was this asshole and why the fuck was he going after his little kitten?

he had kept his mouth shut but raised an eyebrow at your plush form

it was as if he was asking if you were going to let this guy keep his shitty advances up

you just thought he was being friendly, but according to kuroo he wasn’t

when he had figured that you weren't going to stop him, he spoke up

“lay off dickwad” his voice had been laced with the utmost hate, you had never heard him ever use that tone before

with that, he had grabbed you by the arm before leaving, not paying for the two glasses

~NSFW~

the two of you had gone home in his car

no words had been exchanged between kuroo or you

“you were so into that, weren't you y/n” the bed-head boy had muttered to you, almost in a mocking way

you couldn’t think of a reason on why he was acting like that, so you had just kept your mouth shut until he would drop you off at your apartment

his hand that usually resided on your plush thigh while he was driving was currently white knuckled on the the steering wheel

even though he was looking at the road, he looked completely pissed

no plea for him to talk to you would make him speak up, it was as if he was stuck in thought

even when he had dropped you off at your flat, he seemed to still loom over you

when you took out your keys, he took them from your hand and opened the door himself as if you were suddenly incompetent of doing anything for yourself

“need someone to do everything for you huh? just too dumb in the brain to do anything...” kuroo had sneered to himself

“okay what the fuck is your problem you asshole?” you had finally spoken up, really what was this jerks deal with you?

homeboy had glared at you before pinning you against the wall in your own home as if he owned the place, “oh so now you talk, you were so fine with that guy in the restaurant huh? completely preoccupied with him to forget that i was there...”

suddenly everything is making sense right now, the puzzel pieces are fitting together

homeboy was jealous and you had no idea, you just though he was being pissy for no reason

he just sighed, putting his head in the crook of your neck, “idiot...”

kuroo had finally turned his head to look up to you, a slightly sad look on his face

oh you felt like complete shit, homeboy looked so down that your heart hurt

you leaned your head slightly down so you could give the top of his head a lil kiss kiss

homeboy almost seemed to purr from the affection

he slung his arms over your shoulders, it was as if he was leading you into the minimal living room that you had

the two of somehow ended up on the crappy couch you had, him on top humming happily down below at you

sandwiched happily together

“i’m still disappointed in you...” he muttered, looking down at you

“oh bite me” though you paused before thinking, “how about i make it up to you?”

kuroo had smirked, “and how are you going to do that?” he questioned you

it was as if you had suddenly forgotten how to speak, a burning heat spreading from your cheeps to the bridge of your nose

lets just say that you did not expect that answer from him in the slightest-

his slender hand ran up the side of your torso, as if he was memoriizing the peaks and valleys of your figure

“i’m the only one who can make you feel like this,” kuroo had muttered cockily, staring into your eyes

he had no shame making comments like these, why should he?

his fingers snuck under the elastic material of the underthings you had currently been wearing, teasingly testing the waters and rubbing fether-like circles over your sensitive bits that were located on your chest

“are you ready?”

[veilder]

"I thought you left" "Nope, just making pancakes" - Convin

Okay, so, I love this prompt and I promised I'd try to write it so... I actually did this last week at like 2 am and have been too busy to edit it until now. But I'm kinda sick of trying to puzzle it out so just take it please, omg.

(Prompt from this post if anyone's curious.)

Stay

The sun was already high in the sky when Gavin finally blinked awake. He could tell because there was one fuckin sliver of window he could never manage to cover with the blackout curtains hanging up in his bedroom and the goddamn sun was shining right in his fuckin eyes, Jesus Christ! With a groan, he rolled over, squeezing his eyes shut in a futile attempt to go back to sleep. But even that small burst of cognizance had its consequences. Gavin could feel the awareness creeping in fast, God fuckin dammit. Was a little shut-eye too much to ask for? But there was something... Something niggling at the back of his mind. It itched at instincts well-honed by over a decade on the force and not even his most earnest desire to return to oblivion could keep it at bay. Restlessly, Gavin huffed out a disgruntled sigh as he kicked at the covers, frustrated despite himself at being roused after the night he’d had— Like a shock passing through his body, Gavin’s eyes snapped open, memories of the previous evening flashing through is mind. But just as readily, a heaviness settling deep in his heart as he took in the other side of the bed. The sheets were mussed and the pillow indented, a clear sign of its former occupant. Evidence as plain as day told Gavin that last night hadn’t been some delusion or dream. And yet… He reached out a hand, an involuntary, desperate motion, tracing the outline where his partner had lain. Where Connor had lain. But just as he’d feared, the sheets were cold. They matched the ice filling his heart. Slowly shuffling upright, Gavin leaned back against the headboard as memories of the previous day filled his waking mind. Flashes of the case he and Connor had worked together rushed by in a flurry. The tip-off for the perp they’d been tracking for weeks and the reckless chase that followed. The abandoned warehouse. The shootout. Vivid Thirium across dirty concrete. Connor had taken a bullet for him. Gavin remembered staring up into those brown eyes, watching as a splatter of blue burst from his chest. "I'm fine," Connor had said, "the bullet didn't nick anything important." And even though the android had gotten right back up and proceeded to almost single-handedly take down the rest of the hostiles attacking them, it was still a moment Gavin knew would haunt him for a long-ass time. Shit was enough to give him nightmares. It did give him nightmares, in fact. Which is how the two of them had ended up back here. In Gavin's apartment. Together. Because after that little fiasco, after the gang had been arrested and the hostages recovered and both he and Connor had been checked over by a medic and technician respectively, it still left the job far from complete. Needless to say, Gavin had eventually nodded off at his desk after a long night of interrogation and paperwork, the rushes of adrenaline and fear more than even his beloved coffee could contend with. He only meant to rest his eyes for a moment. Just a moment and then he'd finish up. But when he awoke some indeterminate time later, it was to his own voice screaming, Connor's name upon his lips, Connor's blue blood scattered across the darkest corners of his mind, Connor's hand upon his shoulder jostling him awake. The android’s LED was flashing a violent red as he stared Gavin down, his brown eyes wide with worry. Gavin couldn't help but cling to him, something twisting, clenching in his heart and demanding he hold on tightly. From there, things had passed in a blur, though he remembered Fowler's imposing figure ordering the both of them to take the next few days off. Too tired and distressed to argue, Gavin agreed immediately, only too glad to get the fuck out of there and go home. And Connor? Connor insisted he drive Gavin home. Connor insisted he make sure Gavin got to his door. Connor insisted that he get Gavin to his bed. And Gavin, still clinging to the android with every last bit of his flagging strength, let him. Over and over he let the android steer him along, trusting a partner fully for the first time in... For the first time

in far too long. And when Gavin had finally settled, comfortable yet shivering in his too-large bed, he took a moment to insist right back. "Stay," he'd said. One word. One plea. A lifetime of wanting to not be alone wrapped up in a single syllable. A few short weeks of shifting worldviews and growing affections cradled in four letters. A wealth of experience in loss stealthily couched within a breath. Gavin insisted. And Connor stayed. Or, at least Gavin thought he had. Because here and now, in the stupidly bright light of day, he was alone again. Like always. He didn't know why he'd expected otherwise. He really should've known better. After all, why would Connor want to hang around here? Especially after his fuckin embarrassing little act last night, fuck. He probably had loads of things to do. Important... android things... People to meet. Places to be. He wouldn't waste his entire day sitting around in Gavin's shitty apartment while he slept like a log. How fuckin stupid would that be? It didn't mean anything. Gavin told himself this over and over again as he shifted, swinging his legs out from under the covers and onto the floor. Just because they could be considered friends now didn't mean Connor had to drop everything for him. Just because he'd begging him to stay didn't mean Connor owed him anything. He'd probably felt uncomfortable as hell last night, what with Gavin whining and bitching at him like a fuckin child. Probably said what he could to mollify him before getting the hell out of Dodge. Gavin couldn't even blame him for that. Fuck, Connor'd just had emergency maintenance done! Because of Gavin! Like hell he'd want some handsy human all over him for ten straight hours, Jesus Christ. It didn't mean anything. Even if he wished it did. His stomach picked that moment to rumble, thankfully interrupting his little pity-party. Thank fuck. It was too early in the morning (or afternoon technically) to be crying over stupid shit. He was probably just hungry. Yeah, that's it. He's all fuckin emotional cause he hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours. It didn't matter that Connor fucked off ASAP, Gavin could get some waffles delivered. Waffles never fuckin betrayed him. He could trust waffles. With newfound resolve, Gavin stood, fumbling for his phone on the nightstand before scrolling through his food delivery aps to see if he could get waffles from anywhere at two in the fuckin afternoon. With heavy tread he stepped out into the hallway, mouth already watering at the prospect and stomach rumbling again in agreement. Fuck, he could almost smell them already. Wait. No, he can smell them? What the fuck?! Before Gavin could do anything more but stand there in his pajamas, wide-eyed and mystified, a figure stepped into view. Instinctively, Gavin's heart raced, adrenaline flooding his veins as the threat of a home invader cycled through his brain. In that fraction of a second, he was prepared to dive into an all-out brawl with the bastard. He was not in the mood for this shit! But then said bastard's lips quirked into a dazzling grin and a brown-eyed gaze sent Gavin reeling in disbelief. While his brain was preoccupied with keeping his suddenly-weak legs standing, his idiot mouth opened up on it's own: "I thought you left,” he said, choking on his disbelief. Connor (because of course it was Connor) only quirked his head to the side in that cute way he does, looking for all the world like the dogs he so adored. His LED flashed a single, swirling yellow before settling back to blue and he said, "No, I was just making pancakes. I thought perhaps you might be hungry." A strange hesitance entered his voice, some dour note falling across his features. "Did you want me to leave?" "No!" Gavin blurted out in a moronic, high-pitched squeak because again, he was nothing if not an idiot. (And one destined to embarrass himself at every possible moment at that.) Clearing his throat, he tried again. "I mean, you can do whatever you want. Doesn’t matter to me." (He's lying through his teeth. It obviously did matter to him. It

mattered a huge fuckin deal!) Connor blinked at him, the only sign of the awkward atmosphere between them the flashing colors at his temple. "Your words run contrary to both your body language and your involuntary actions," he said, "And they are a direct counterpoint to your request last night." Gavin fidgeted, knowing the damn android was right but never in a million years wanting to admit it. "Stop analyzing me, dipshit, it's too early for this." Finally, Connor's face relaxes a bit, a smile smile stealing across his lips. "It is two thirty-three in the afternoon, Gavin. Far from early." "Oh, can it, Poindexter! You know what I mean!" With a huff, Gavin moves forward, sidling past his annoying house guest. "What was that about pancakes?" Connor beams at him as the two of them enter the kitchen. "Ah yes. I determined that you would be hungry after going so long without food. I managed to make due with your atrocious grocery selection and have prioritized calories over nutrition for the time being. But just this once.” While Connor seemed dead set on critiquing the apparently-lackluster pantry he’d been forced to bravely overcome, Gavin only had eyes for the heaping pile of flapjacks sitting at his breakfast nook, fluffy and golden brown and still steaming. Fresh off the griddle, holy shit. How did he…? Despite his hunger, Gavin looked over at Connor questioningly. It was almost like the android could read his mind (which was a scary fucking thought) as he answered his unspoken query immediately: "I calculated your sleep cycle based off the Circadian rhythms I observed during your convalescence. I'm glad I timed it right. I wanted you to enjoy your breakfast." "It's past 2 pm," Gavin retorted with a smirk, "can't be breakfast now, hotshot." Connor's answering smile made Gavin want to melt into a puddle and he quickly turned away, staring at said breakfast with a helpless desperation. "Indeed," the android said, heedless of his partner's distress. "Regardless of the time of day, I wanted you to enjoy your meal, nonetheless." And something more vulnerable finally stole into his voice then, the merest shadow of his quiet pleas from the night before. "I thought, perhaps, you might consider them an offering." Gavin tore his gaze away from his not-breakfast then, looking up at his partner with enough confusion to drive out all other complicated emotions. "What offering? What the fuck are you talking about, tincan?" And now Connor was the one to look away. "It's just that..." He drew in a deep breath (though Gavin knew it was only him mimicking humans. Fucker didn't actually need to breathe) and continued, "yesterday... Yesterday frightened me. When I saw that gunman aiming at you, I—" He clenched his eyes shut, LED flashing a dangerous red. "In that moment, I preconstructed a multitude of outcomes, many of them where you did not survive. In which that bullet found its mark. And the thought of it, Gavin!" he wails. "I couldn't—! The thought was unbearable! And so I calculated the best result. And I determined my course of action. And you lived. You lived. And I thought that would be the end of it. But..." Finally, Connor looked up, his eyes meeting Gavin's head-on once more. "It was like a glitch. The preconstruction, it— It kept resurfacing again and again and again, every time you were out of my sight. And I... I disliked the feeling immensely. I think perhaps I hated it, even. And so I did my best to linger. I didn't want to leave you. Even though I knew you were safe, I still... It was so irrational but I still wanted to verify that you were okay. I still do." Before them the pancakes were growing cold, but neither paid them any mind. Connor looked away again, eyes shut. "I thought that, perhaps you had figured this much out last night. Which is why you asked me to stay. Because we are friends now and that's what friends do. But I worried that I may have... forced the issue... in my desperation. And I-I... I wanted to do something for you in return for your generosity." Looking down at the cooling

breakfast, Connor's face fell further. "I know it's not much but I thought at least—" Gavin had heard enough. "Okay, okay, okay, hold the fuck up, dumbass!" He stood, breakfast forgotten, and approached the shocked android with a fierce determination. Jabbing a finger directly into Connor's chest, he stated as sternly as he could, "You don't owe me a goddamn thing! For fuck's sake, Connor! You fuckin saved my goddamn life yesterday! You took a fuckin bullet for me! And even after that, you still fuckin stayed with me and made sure I got home safe!" A growl rumbled through his chest as Gavin poked Connor again. "I was having a fuckin nightmare about you dying! When you woke me up in the precinct! Did you know that?!" Connor shook his head but Gavin only poked him a third time, this time with much less force. He left his hand there, palm splayed across where his heart would be were he human. "That shit kept replaying for me, too. Over and over again. So I get it. I get wanting to 'verify.' I was doing the same thing. That's why I asked you to stay. Because I fuckin—! I wanted you here, okay?! Because the idea that you were hurt or injured or fuckin dead had me panicking!" He brought his other arm up now, slinging it around Connor's broad shoulders in a half-embrace, and leaned in, burying his face in the android's neck. "That shit's unbearable to me, too, tincan. Thinking of this fuckin trash heap of a world without you in it is—" He sucked in a breath. "Can't stand the thought." They stood there for what felt like an eternity (though it was probably only a few seconds) before slowly—tentatively—Connor brought his own arms up to squeeze around Gavin. He held him with a brittle tenderness, his touch light and careful as if he was afraid Gavin might break. And fuck, maybe he would. Maybe Connor could shatter him into a hundred-thousand little pieces. But shit, he'd take it. Because Gavin would never have been in this situation in the first place if Connor hadn't broken right through his walls first, scattering him and leaving him adrift in a strange, new world. And when he’d managed to build himself back up, it was into something—someone—stronger. Someone who could look at the world and see progress instead of oppression, opportunity instead of limitations, people instead of just machines. Connor had shattered his body once before down in the archives. He'd shattered his mind too over these last few months. It’d only make sense for him to shatter his heart as well. But he didn't. He wouldn't. And as Connor held him like a thing to be cherished, Gavin felt again that perhaps he'd been right last night. Perhaps this was a partner he could trust. A partner who could trust him, too. And perhaps he would— "Stay."

_____________

Bonus:

Connor: "Okay, but only if you eat your pancakes. I didn't download an entire cooking catalogue for you to let them go to waste, Gavin." Gavin: "Fuckin bite me, we're having a moment here." Connor: "Is your stomach rumbling part of that moment?" Gavin: "God fucking dammit, I fuckin hate you." Connor: ^_^ "False!" Gavin: "Fuck!"

And they lived happily ever after. ♥

[theshoesofatiredman]

im deconstructing my faith rn and your blog is kinda comforting in a way...? because i can relate to you a lot in some ways. im not even actively deconstructing my faith, im just so burnt out by the constant self-hatred (bc self love isnt allowed) and feeling like everything i enjoy is inherently a #sin. feel free to reply or not, i just wanna thank you for your account because right now i just feel so lost and tired and burnt out n

Oh my god! Thank you for your message! It is kind of sad but your ask made me realize that I've been conceptualizing the people who follow me as being like "damn yeah I'm experiencing that too and it sucks" and like when I see people follow me I'm like holy shit the suffering. Comfort? Not on my radar even though I myself take comfort from other people sharing their stories. SO thank you for your kind words and for reorienting my views.

Truly and deeply you are not alone in your experience. Your feelings are valid and the experiences that have caused them are real and they are harmful. I know I don't know you but I say that cause the amount of times I wish someone in my life had said that to me is high so now I want to hand out "your feelings are valid" like free warm chocolate chip cookies. Everyone deserves a taste even if it's not going to be filling from a stranger.

I am about to monologue now because omg everything you desire feeling like a sin is often a feature, not a bug, of religious traditions. There's this insidious combination of teachings in my former faith tradition that I am convinced absolutely fucked me up:

Self love is a sin

Being gay is a sin

The highest form of love is sacrificial in nature to the point where you would die for someone else

The good things you do and are belong to God. The bad things are your flesh

You must take every thought and desire captive and sift for holiness

These things are a recipe for self hatred. Even one of these things on their can do significant damage to your self-concept and being able to take care of yourself. Combined and you are left mired in a hatred for your thoughts, affections, interests, and desires. Who you are is someone you have to put on the altar and sacrifice to God.

Because in fundamentalist evangelicalism, you are already good at self love. Self love, aka selfishness to the puritanical, is the default state. You don't have to he taught how to do it. You have to be taught not to. So they spend all this time and energy and theological pontification on how to not love yourself, on how to effectively shrink yourself down until the self is just a quiet whisper, until who you are is just a box filled with all the things they've told you to hate.

People who've been subjected to that then have to learn how to love themselves, how to understand and accept their own desires, because it was beaten out of them. It is so mind boggling to me to see other people just wanting things and going for them. It can be extremely difficult for me to even figure out what it is I want, let alone have the courage and tenacity to realize those desires. Other people have to give me permission to want things and it is so fucking annoying, for them and me.

For example, my boyfriend will be genuinely trying to give me what I want. He wants to take me to the restaurant I want to go to. He wants to do activities during the day that I want to do. And it is so hard for me to even be able to like... just give him that list of "here's what I want to do; this is my perfect exciting day" because I spent so much of my life trying to empty myself of all desires except for God because everything else was sinful and dangerous.

I believe that it is possible to heal from this. I also believe I am still healing from this. Therapy has been really helpful but also having a partner who genuinely wants me to want things and then give them to me has also been a profound experience. I am lucky in that regard.

Something that's been really powerful for me is the experience of, now after having deconstructed my faith, no longer feeling shame over things I used to feel shame for. This largely has to do with my sexuality. But I used to think that there were things that the shame feeling was deeply inherent to them because they were sinful and sin brought shame. It was a law of nature. TURNS OUT, it ISN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL. The shame was in my head. It was how I was taught to think that brought the shame and guilt and self loathing. It is ironic that the biblical worldview that espoused "in Christ there is no shame" guaranteed I would be filled with it.

Another thing I have found helpful is asking the question -- who benefits from your suffering? For a long time the answer was God and therefore me as a result because of my belief in his inherent goodness. It was a God's glory from my suffering will bring about my good. But that eventually started seeming pretty messed up. Why would an all loving being want me to suffer? And where was the good I was promised? Now as of 2022 I don't believe the god that was being glorified ever existed. So the answer to the question of who benefits from the suffering that comes from my self hatred, my sacrifice, my denying of myself... it's no one. And even if it was still god, any god that benefits from your suffering is a god that should be distrusted -- full stop.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I'm glad my account could be a comfort to you. It's okay to not be active in your deconstruction. It takes so much work to take apart your worldview and sometimes that requires breaks. Life is busy and exhausting and fundamentally changing the way you see everything is a tremendous undertaking. I hope the days ahead and the people in them are kind to you and you are able to recharge. Much love to you and thanks again for your message.

[leewonkyeom]

@kitsumaki lmao this was getting so long i had to cut it😭 also going to try a keep reading cause wouldn't that make it shorter?? it takes up literally all the space on my blog😭😭😭

it's not "for" anything, we're just competitive as heck😭 not to mention our bfs as well... lmao sorry, but dk will always win a cheer competition😭 that man is so LOUD. ig my fave is when you and hannie betted on who would lose their virginity first... and lo and behold, you both lost it at the same time.

lmao yes!!! cause y'all would've been way worse than dk and i😭 kinda regret it now, cause ig if you and hannie sat together, you wouldn't have been driving... that was the scariest car ride i've ever been on😭 please don't ever drive again😭

ofc i love real flowers as well!! it's just something about those lego flowers lasting forever...

lmao stuck together😭😭 y'all have wasted too much time fighting to not make up for it😭 genuinly the fact that that made top 10 is scary😭 like it's cute, but it's also from middle school???

lmao make the boy cry😭 i'm going to cry as well, i don't want to be alone in it😭 and lmao😭😭 glad you enjoyed my vision of hannie, that's just how i see him😌😌 love the contact name. watching hannie be a fool for you is literally better than ANY sitcom😭

like every second i saw him and i wasn't with you he was on my ass😭 and he would text me and send me memes and caption them "will jojo look something like this?" and would tweet about it on his priv😭 i honestly thought about blocking him, but he was just as annoying, if not more, irl... and he even got josh and dk to text me "nonchalantly" about it😭 sorry, but i sold you out for a MONTH of free coffee😭 omg right i remember😭😭 i had to help you dye it, it was awful😭 but it turned out well!! ariel has a wolf cut now in my head😭 and thank you sm for helping me with my costume!! i never coud've done it without you!

oh my god, we should!! next costume party we should do "best reruns" as a theme and make everyone do a repeat!! and lmao dk was not better than charles😭 like yes, hannie was drooling like a dog and couldn't keep his hands off of you... dk literally avoided me (thought he hated me fr) until he had like 10 shots so he the courage to look me in the eye😭 poor guy, he still tells me sometimes how good i looked than night😭 so we NEED a repeat! the catwoman costume was soooo good!! was that the same time i went dressed as wonder woman? i think my personal fave was genuinly starfire or when i went dressed as stella from winx😭 like with the wings and everything, it was iconic !! omg i love that photo😭😭 the persuasive power you have is insane... omg the hatsuharu costume😭😭😭 you simply slayed it though damn🤧 i could never... i remember i dressed as isuzu though!! and we made chan be tohru😭

yes totally!! just tell me when and where! i am always up for a fancy dress party + photoshoots! besides, we never hang just the two of us anymore😭

okay😀😀 nice to know how the world sees me ig

i was put on this earth to humble charles tbh😌😌

at least i got into a serious uni, leave me out of it😭 definitely thanks to myself though, and not our school😭 but dk did WHAT??? why have i never seen this painting?? why didn't he just take a picture of me tbh😭 (he did)

i love how you kept it going!! and yes, the songs you covered were always amazing. probably due to you doing most of the music selection, cause the band was kinda whack before you took part😭

no right??? cause for me it was between eunwoo, ten and xiaojun tbh if dk and i didn't work out😭 there were so many hot and kind guys at our school, so ofc i was looking at the market😭 the way i genuinly would've fought you if you and eunwoo started dating though... he must've ruined so many friendships

YOU THINK YOU CAN OUTRUN THE SOCCER TEAM'S FORMER CAPTAIN⁉️ WHO WENT RUNNING WITH DK EVERY MORNING BEFORE PRACTICE⁉️ WHO COACH SOONYOUNG MADE RUN 10 MILES A DAY CAUSE SHE WAS A MIDFIELDER⁉️

lmao i can't even look at other men😭😭 i'm so in love with dk it's insane

you can see the chaos????? i bet you can, cause look at the kitchen????????? jeno showed me photos and 😭 i'm so glad i wasn't there, but also... maybe it wouldn't have gotten so bad if i was

(it's not surprising at all)... like i'm smart at least. weighing up for dk is my life's acomplishment

oh my god😭😭 christmas is going to be soo good this year !! omg i remember that😭 you were so much stronger than me, cause i would've fought anyone who thought i was the boyfriend😭😭

it wasn't mark's fault😭 it was his basement so ofc we had to allow him to play, and we made him not tell you in exchange for me and wonwoo buying him new and cool games😭😭 in the end, i suppose wonwoo and i could've spent that money buying our own gaming system but oh well. NO WDYM DK IS JOINING Y'ALL??😭😭 AND JENO. HOW COULD THEY😭 is this how it feels...?😭

can y'all please jaem a new sweater... or i literally will (yes, he has me wrapped around his finger)

like the way i am extremely afraid of birds (like no. 1 fear), but i can deal with pigeons now and i think part of the reason why is dokyeom and his stupid impression😭😭😭 made me realize they're not all that scary

[allkinds-oftrash]

The Crown S5E10 Commentary

Non-Spoiler Review: That was so underwhelming. It just sealed to me what an uneventful season this was. I feel like Peter Morgan only went off on Ep 3, 4 then 7 to 9 then called it a day. I don’t know what exactly went behind the scenes to make him chicken out of going full on with the punches like he did in S4. Anyways here’s my live reactions as I watched it but I’m too annoyed to do a proper season review so lemme direct yall to my lovely mutual @mermaidsirennikita Caro’s post that outlined everything I felt about the season (I do disagree on some points but I’ll cover that in my post tomorrow or something when I’m done being mad - also hi Caro its viscountessevie’s side acc lol) 

Spoilers Under The Cut

Dodi and Mohammed!! I've missed them Shksjs Dodi is officially an LA producer Not him bidding against Michael Douglas for a house

The way I really thought it was gonna be Diana 🤡🤡 But it's just Barbara Gordan Sr (Erin Richards played her in Gotham) bdjdjdk

LMAOOO DIANA VOTING NO FOR THE MONARCHY Isn't this a lie tho?? I'm pretty sure she wanted William on the throne eventually... Oh well fiction wise it's fucking funny This voting scene is brilliant I love it so much What a great cold open!

(I forgot I watched the cold open last night before falling asleep and am rewatching this bit again for my commentary and GOD IT'S EVEN MORE HILARIOUS A SECOND TIME)

Oooh it's Lizzie's birthday Lmaoo not her getting gag gifts from everyone BUT CHARLES Between the boring ass book he got for Di and this, he really is the worst gift giver huh Not Chucky being jealous of Pedodrew's stupid gift Damn Charles really is a masochistic always watching these programs that make him upset Lmaooo not Edward and Pedodrew taking the piss out of him

God Queen Mother shut the fuck up you racist bitch "The Great Chinese Takeaway" 🙄 For fuck's sake and everyone laughing. God fuck these racist asses. Yeah this might be a fictional scene but YOU KNOW these bitches have said worse things behind closed doors. I cannot WAIT til the Queen Mother dies; she's so insufferable. Yall did not compare the liberation of a former colony to an ex attending a wedding jfc yall are the worst Charles is gonna fuck up the Hong Kong trip just watch

Random tangent but Fly Like An Eagle is on Glen Powell (Hangman in the Top Gun sequel)'s playlist for his character and now there's a plane while the song is playing, I fully expected Glen to come out of that plane why am I like this 💀💀

Anyways hiii Dodi what a cutie Is Barbara Gordan Sr playing his wife? Nope she is not. Who is Kelly?? Why do we need to know her Is this scene necessary Peter Morgan?? OH?? HE'S SLEEPING WITH HIS ACTRESS?? Dodi wtf don't be one of those gross producers Oh wait is that his fiancee he dropped for Diana oop Also why did I think she was his ex wife that happened way back in the 80s dhdjkd I'm sorry but I did not need to see that scene lmao it could have been an email Dodi really has a type huh Ew he's doing coke God he really became a Hollywood cliche huh I mean I never knew much about him so I can't say if this is accurate or not but if it is, bro why did you become a Hollywood cliche

I never followed Tony Blair's politics but we like him right?? In that case, Charles you're nothing like him How has the second Mrs. Al Fayed not aged at all 👁👄👁 It's been at least a good 7 years since Ep 3

Don't be fucking crude Mou Mou Let them speak their native language Kelly Yeah it's rude but you're giving White Woman rn djdkkdkd Heini is right lmaooo Okay actually they did do well with her make up to age her a little

WHAT?? His only talent is women??? "One day you'll hit the jackpot"???? What does that meannnn Mou Mou Peter Morgan are you implying Dodi was a golddigger omg This is so uncomfortable pls Kelly is like ???

Damnn let's go Labour Party let's gooo Ohmygod that's Tony Blair?? Huh the one time the irl person is more attractive 💀💀 the actor is fine but Tony Blair was a DILF back in the day come on

Tell me why I feel sad John Major lost 😭😭😭 He was just so nice this season dhkdjd Lmao this historians convo is so meta especially since Peter seems to have a bias for John Major and have given him a hot actor and made him really chill and cool this season Lmaooo Lizzie you did not just say he's your favourite PM LOL bro it's fine the Brittiana is old af time to decomission her

"The youngest Prime Minister since Lord Liverpool in 1812" WELL Rishi Sunak is coming for that title 25 years later yall "And you're still a young man too" LIZZIE STOP LYING HE'S GOT A FULL HEAD OF WHITE HAIR Johnny Lee Miller playing him doesn't make him less old djdkkd

Can you imagine if the note to Blair had said "GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN" lmaooo Johnnn why you lying "A great job" as if you didn't spend this season just babysitting the royals

This boat nonsense plot line is so fucking stupid and pointless. Peter Morgan THIS could have been an email. I do not care for this shit at all They just sound like rich brats which we already knew they were So you could have used another example to show that

NEW BRITAIN SHDJJDJS This is so stupid omg It's just a fucking boat Lizzie let it go

Like I get sentimentality and all but don't anchor (pun absolutely intended) yourself and your sense of self worth to a old piece of metal Like That I would be alot more sympathetic (because we all have sentimental things tied to our memories)1 if they weren't old rich white people who caused so much pain whining about a luxary no one else can afford and expecting the government to keep funding it

HAHAHHAH HE'S IN BUSINESS WHILE THE REST ARE IN FIRST CLASS PLEASEEEE I CACKLED "You're going to have to be very brave" 💀 Camilla it's just business class yall need to calm the fuck down

What the fuck is this visual Mans is not left out of anything This visual metaphor falls so fucking flat when he's literally usually the one drawing the curtain on people Peter Morgan what are you doing

Omggg the Cantonese burning the British flag What icons They're so right for THAT

Okay Heini has grown on me Girlie really grew into her place in the Fayed family huh Good for her "You were so much more than a model. You were a socialite" MOU MOU WHAT This is so cringey pls

I have gone 20 mins after the cold open without Diana WHERE IS SHE Oh lmao here she is I missed you bby Awww her friendship with Mou Mou is everything I wanna h u g her Her voice is always on point I'm shook

God the flashes give me such anxiety The foreshadowing really gives me the deepest pit in my stomach Oh gosh the offer to Saint Topaz,,, the beginning of the end 😭😭 I don't want her to goooo Yeah Elizabeth took a few eps but she finally grew into the role as Diana we love to see it!

We hate Charles but damn doesn't Dominic look good in a uniform God I hate it here Also booo let Hong Kong be it's own country just passing it off to another country I can't even I get so anxious seeing the rainfall on everyone's head they're gonna catch a cold Dominic lost the Charles voice, it needs to be steeper bud

Charles don't be fucking weird Why did you link the ages to her relatives and husband and now son Don't say it Nope yall are not brothers stfu He said it 🤡 Welll he made Blair say it

Lmaooo Blair sick of the yacht talk too hsjjdkd Why do you feel bad sir?? Bruh it's just a boat 💀

YALL JUST GOT DIVORCED A YEAR AGO - Chill the fuck out Chucky Lmaoo Blair is right he was going behind Lizzie's back and briefing against her They always do this They brief against one another It's messy af

The amount of Charles cocksucking happening in this episode is gross Peter Morgan WHAT did he threaten you with Why are you trying to make him out to be this modern innovative man Was he??? Was he really??? Charles so self serving I cannot LMAO NOT CAMILLA WITH THE KNOCK OFF REVENGE DRESS YOU WILL NEVER BE HER

"Friendly invasion" Okayyy China whatever helps you sleep at night

Helloooo Martin,,, I really am a simp for Martin huh. Listen this season hasn't given me a single person in the main Royals other than Diana to feel anything for So Martin's hotness it is I can't believe I'm saying this: but Lizzie should have said No 😭😭 Martin snitching on Chucky hsjdjdk She's gonna TEAR HIM APART

There's 12 minutes left and this is such an unimpressive finale wtf Peter Morgan bruh what are you doinggg I told myself I won't follow press after the mess than is the Bridgerton production team But I NEED to know what Peter was thinking outlining this season The potential was there and yet it flopped Only Eps 3, 7 to 9 were solid episodes

Lmaooo affair "Divorced man whose wife is still alive" I'M SCREAMING Can't believe I'm agreeing with Charles abt his rls rn Oh never mind fuck you Charles No one brought up Diana why you gotta drag her name through the mud K Chucky sureee Camilla has Did their spin doctor write this episode??

SCREAMS "I don't think it's my behaviour threatening its (the monarchy) survival" Rip him apart harder Lizzie come onnn Yesss throw the whole monarchy away Yeah they yeeted yall cos you OPPRESSED THEM FOR 50 YEARS, idiots

I feel nothing for this stupid ship and her farewell God this is so depressing and underwhelming This ep should have just been the cold open only tbh If you aren't gonna commit to the end of the Diana era then leave it all completely to S6 which is so disappointing, I thought they were finish Diana's story this season I was mentally prepared for that And now I gotta be sick again worrying about it and then mentally prepare for it again before S6

That's it??? That was so underwhelming???

40 mins of white people whining abt their boat and losing a country to independence Then 15 mins of Diana's death foreshadowing?? 5 mins of Dodi being a Hollywood producer cliche and Mou Mou being a dick to Kelly??

That's all??? Bruhhhh

[thefirsthogokage]

Not that I want to watch new copaganda (I tolerate Law and Order Organized Crime for Elliot Stabler, as a character from my youth), but I got bored and needed something to watch, so I've put on the Turner and Hooch reboot show staring Josh Peck. (OH WAIT THIS ISNT A REBOOT THIS IS A CONTINUATION OF THE MOVIE! I could believe Josh Peck as Tom Hanks's son. Now I get why they hired Peck.)

I hate it.

Like, I'm sure they won't touch on any big issues and what not, but they are still gonna cop wrong.

So, Turner is apparently a US Marshall and they have this witness they need to protect. Well, the witness got shot and apparently the best place they thought to have him was...

Out in the fucking open with NO COVER.

Like, please think you guys, this is cop show 101. This is one of the reasons Disney shouldn't make a cop show (besides all the other reasons to not make a cop show).

Oh, and they had him crash through a homeless man's cart full of cans for laughs, I guess? Lots of just other really annoying things about that car chase too.

And of course no one took the time to teach Josh Peck how to hold a gun:

BEND YOUR ARM DUDE!

If you are going to make a cop show, please hire actual former law enforcement TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR TALENT HOLDING WEAPONS CORRECTLY AND WRITING CORRECT TACTICAL RESPONSES! I DONT FUCKING CARE IF ITS A DAMN DIANEY SHOW, DO YOUR FUCKING RESEARCH AND HIRE EXPERTS AND LISTEN TO THEM!

I honestly don't understand the target audience for this show. It seems light it's supposed to be a light hearted show for adults, I guess? But if that's the case THEN THEY DEFINITELY NEED TO DO THEIR JOB!

Having a dog in the building is not a health code violation pal, you're a lawyer, you should know that.

The only acting I don't like on this show is by Josh Peck. I until this moment I think he had dead eyes.

Ok, his acting got better.

Seriously, who is the target audience of this show, like, it's dumb. There's so much dumb here. It can't be fore kids too much because someone was shown with a bloody shoulder after an attempted hit. It can't be fore adults because how how back the cop (functional-wise) and how bad the writing is. Who is this for?

Omg, no way an FBI agent pulling an inside job would be dumb enough to actually be part of the team who went to got kill someone. No way.

WHO IS THIS DUMB SHOW FOR?!

At least they are giving their all in the acting department on the show. Well, most of them most of the time for sure.

Why TF did they make a noise somewhere and then go in almost immediately to a room with no less bad guys? Oh yeah, they don't know what they're doing! Such a dumb scene.

"What kind of idiots are you?!" One mind, this character and I have. Except that's me at their production crew, and writers, and director.

The only character that's made any sense on this show is the guy who got shot in the earlier picture that I had up there.

Like, I get that it's tv, "suspension of disbelief" and all that, but, like, some of this is easily clockable dumb.

WHO IS THIS SHOW FOR?! IT'S SO DUMB BUT IT CANT BE FOR KIDS! I DONT GET IT!

The bad guy. Was just. Standing outside.

WHAT THE FUCK.

Uh...

Whoever CGI'd these paws didn't do great job. Like, the fur is definitely too long, the motion or the paws isn't right, they are the wrong color, and not the right size either.

No sure how they did these shots:

But if they were CG too, - which I'm not convinced they aren't, - why are they so much better than the paws? Wait, they might be real. The guy's shirt is crumpled.

Oh god, they are putting an ARC in this show? WHY?! They don't need that. This isn't some serious show, just make it episodic, damnit! We need more episodic shows in this world! Why won't people make those anymore?

McG...wait...(goes to IMDb)HE WAS AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER ON SUPERNATURAL FROM 2005 TO 2013?! Hunh. Oh and on Nikita. Explains why Lyndsy Fonseca is in this. I like her. He's done some other stuff I've seen too. Interesting.

I MIGHT watch this just to give myself something to do. But I think watching this gave me a headache.

[shaechans]

boyfriend! jaehyun

the boy: nct’s jung jaehyun

type: headcanon + timestamp

word count: 934

a/n: this is so delayed im sorry:(( but i hope you like it anyway;) jaehyun is 4ever my crush/husband fever dream so most of this is my pov cause im always thinking about bf jaehyun because lets be honest, who isn’t?

okay so this might be a long one, buckle upp

now jung fucking jaehyun here is the EMBODIMENT of boyfriend material and like you cannot disagree

he’s just ugh

well firstly, you’re definitely ALL over him no doubt

but the heartwarming stuff is that he’s ABSOLUTELY WHIPPED for you

like the boy would DO ANYTHING that is to do with you

sure he’s known for being unbothered but he couldn’t be more involved when it’s related to you like ugh ultimate heart eyes

and despite him being lowkey about your relationship, he’d always find ways to brag about you

“lmao y/n would LOVE this track- omg y/n did the funniest thing yesterday- oh and johnny y/n can you get me fruit loops cause y/n wants some-” “jaehyun it’s 4 in the morning, wtf are you doing here?”

cheesy cheesy CHEESY

like you’d have to order pizzas without cheese cause jaehyun’s literally next to you SORRY THAT WAS A BAD ONE

“good morning, how was heaven when you left it?;)))” “jaehyun all i ask is for one normal morning with my toast could you not 😭😭”

will find any and every reason to compliment and tease you

but that’s cause he absolutely adores your pissed off/annoyed expression akhjsjaakk

loves picnics like????? yes????

you feeding him strawberries or pie on a cloudy day on a breakfast mat, jaemples on full display and your heart just 💔💔 peak devastation 💔💔💔

also he just gets so excited to spend time with you i absolutely cannot fucking do this bye-

oh and omg if y’all planned a pinic date and it rained (cue pouty jaehyun;(() then he’d immediately improvise to movie night!!! with the boys!!!!!11!! yay!

sure they can be annoying, but the two of you are always in your own world so donghyuck’s commentary doesn’t really matter

aight PDA!111!!!11!

he LOVES hand and cheek kisses omggomggggg

also butterfly kisses AAAAAAAAAAAAA

eyelid kisses are his favourite for when he’s shy and doesn’t want you to look at his flushed face awwww

and omgomg ikea dates im-

those are honestly the best??? like just the two of you laughing and joking around, acting like you own the house and it’s all fun and games—until y’all “accidentally” run into johnny sigh

sigh i guess i’ll have to stop here before i get in too deep (which already happened but hush)

omg please does anyone want husband! jaehyun cause OH MY GOD

[ 7:39 pm ] resting your feet up on the coffee table in front of you, you glanced at the clock waiting for jaehyun to get home after work. thinking it would be a while till he got home, you switched on the tv, flipping through channels mindlessly when the door opened. you looked up, your expression confused when you heard a “honey! i’m home!!”

turning the corner, you came to face a dimply jaehyun, face a little tired but nonetheless happy to see you. he was quick to engulf you in a hug and a little peck on your cheek before heading to a shower.

until then, you returned to your former place on the couch, munching on a few snacks you rummaged out of the kitchen, waiting for jaehyun to join in a cuddle session. however jaehyun had other plans, running to jump on the sofa, making you flinch and whine at his antics.

“why would you do that jae!!” you whined even more as he pulled you in a little headlock, instigating a wrestle. of course you didn’t say no because now you were not willing to lose. that went on to a heated match on the carpeted floor, with you straddling a red face jaehyun you tickled his sides, waiting for him to admit defeat.

“fine fiNE I SAID YOU WIN” he exclaimed, leaning to his side after you stood up, only to fall on the couch laughing at the poor boy. “okay you can stop wheezing now:(” jaehyun announced sitting beside you, sukling. wiping the remaining tears by your eyes, you leaned forward to hug the boy beside you, pressing a loving peck to his pouty lips.

“you know i love you but you were literally asking for it” “yeah i thought i’d win!! i never knew you were good at wrestling sigh. you could’ve told me we could’ve bet hyuck together that day when he was acting up!!!” he tutted, going on about how you had hurt his pride.

“i’m sorry love but can we just cuddle now, that’s what i had been trying to do before you pounced onto me, asking for war!” you said, pulling a laughing jaehyun to your bed, falling on your back together.

staring at the ceiling, the two of you went on about conspiracy theories and ways to run away from johnny third wheeling almost all your dates. turning to your side, you started at jaehyun and then his hair. ‘damn this boy has soft hair’ you would think, hands reaching up to touch.

“what are you doing love?” jaehyun questioned, voice soft and his eyes closed at your touch. “literally how do you guys manage to keep your hair so bouncy and soft even after a billion rounds of bleach, it’s mind boggling!!” you spoke in amusement, jaehyun chuckling at your random discovery.

“treatment, baby” he muttered, in a state of sleep from you hands playing with his bangs softly. not long later, you could hear his snores and chuckling, straightened his body so he was sleeping comfortably. pulling the blankets on the two of you, you kissed his forehead before sleeping cuddled into his shoulder uwu.

wow was this long?? i’m sorry lmao im a huge jeff stan and i was into the feels so i just went on and on. anyway, requests are open, like always!! so feel free to request!! might post a christmas prompt list as well cause i’m in a christmas mood so let me know if you guys would be interested!!!

[kurtskrow]

I love your blog sm dude .

as a hayden christensen connoisseur, I gotta ask. thoughts on higher ground? ( if you’ve watched it before ),

I’d really love to see some scott icons, but I know the YT quality sucks, unless you’re watching it on prime. so I get if it’s impossible, lol.

I’ll make Higher Ground icons this week, I have about 60 Scott Icons atm so, I can use those. Plus, I have Higher Ground in 4K, spent 5 bucks on it, one of my best purchases yet, so yeah. But, Great Question. Gonna rant about Higher Ground for a moment though.

“What are you staring at skank?” Is my favorite line.

Higher Ground is actually my second favorite show right behind TCW. Scott is a dickhead and a douchebag, but later on in the show gets better and heals the fuck up. Out of all the characters, I relate to him and Auggie the most.

Although there is one flaw of the show that I absolutely despise, which is Scott and Shelby. These two, in my opinion, hold the show back. The whole fuckin time while I watch that show, I believe Scott is more suited for Juliette, and Juliette is more suited for Scott. Yes they are opposites but they understand each other pretty well. Everyone always says, “Shelby and Scott’s love story is so great.” But I’m gonna explain as to why I don’t think it is all that great. The reason as to why I believe that Juliette is better for Scott is because she is patient with him, unlike Shelby who isn’t.

As someone who is similar to Scott. I personally cannot work with someone who is impatient, and this is EXACTLY what happens with Scott and Shelby. Shelby is so incredibly impatient with him, and Scott is also impatient so it doesn’t work at all. Not to mention they both low key have anger issues so that also doesn’t help. Not to mention she screams and pushes him several times, even though she should remain rational. These guys argue all the God Damn time, so much to the point where it’s fucking unbearable.

The last episode was incredibly disappointing for me. As Scott was going to get a scholarship, but Shelby makes the whole entire situation about herself. Saying how she doesn’t wanna do long distance. My boy Scott over here tryna make this shit work. Saying they can call and write. Shelby however is like. “Ew... no... I don’t wanna do that.” Like AT LEAST try to make it work with Scott yk. But she doesn’t even fucking bother.

When Scott leaves, she doesn’t even say her goodbyes and walks him to leave. But yk who does? Sweet girl Juliette gives him a hug, and walks him to his dad, watches him leave. Like- JULIETTE IS SO SWEET, and then there’s Shelby that is just so GOD DAMN UNBEARABLE.

Scott is like. “I missed you yk.” And what happens? She ignores this and treats him like shit. Again. Because she’s like. “Omg he may not love me if he actually knows how I am.” Like- WHY DO YOU DOUBT HIM yk? He coulda gone to Juliette, coulda went back to her, but nah he remained loyal to her, and just stayed with her. Waited for her like a god damn dog. And she goes. “He mAy nOt loVe mE iF hE knOws thE reAl mE.”

She tells Scott she was once a hooker. The lad is kinda weirded out but still loves her. He doesn’t approve of it. But he still loves her ass. And Shelby makes a bigass deal about it. For one, Scott doesn’t need to approve of it. Alright. I don’t see why people should approve of prostitution- I don’t see why he should’ve approved of that. Shit is weird. So they argue about it for like FOUR GOD DAMN EPISODES LIKE. Her being a former prostitute and him not accepting it, is an issue for four fucking episodes. And it’s just so god damN ANNOYING.

You go from being like. “Wow these two might work out.” To straight up. “Wow he should’ve stayed with Juliette.” Sure, Scott snapped at Juliette from time to time, but at least it wasn’t a bigass issue because he would later on apologize to her.

The thing is, is that you often find yourself comparing Juliette and Scott with Shelby and Scott. As someone who has rewatched Higher Ground over 30 times and is currently on my 37th rewatch. Let me tell you, I cannot express how much I prefer Juliette over Shelby. Juliette is incredibly patient and understanding with Scott, when he’s being childish, she gets annoyed, but doesn’t act like Shelby. Instead she remains calm with Scott, and tells her. “I’ll just do it myself.” This leads Scott to feel bad, apologize, and he does the thing she wanted for her. When Scott feels unhappy as fuck, Juliette cheers him up. This is obvious because Shelby states. “You don’t need anyone. You have Juliette.” In obviously a jealous tone after he rejects her offer to smoke. This makes it evident that Juliette at the time did make him genuinely happy, even though he had such a bad depressing ass fucking life. Sweet Juliette was there to cheer him up.

She really was more healthy for Scott, even though they lasted for only 8 episodes. The way he got shy around her was cute as fuck, and you didn’t see that often with Shelby. I can’t even remember if he got shy with her tbh. The way Juliette just fucking ran to him as the water spills out of the cup, is straight up, hilarious. Wholesome scene, 10/10, just funny as fuck.

Also, we know Scott cares deeply about her because he watches her eat. It’s low key implied by the fourth episode I believe. Something like that, where he says. “She did eat, I watched her.” Which is sweet as fuck because she has an eating disorder. To me- that’s sweet, some people may find that shit triggering though idk. So that’s low key sweet of him to do.

The thing is though. Scott and Juliette are real. They have their flaws, and their flaws get in the way of their relationship, jealousy can blind someone, Scott being the perfect example. He was so jealous of Auggie that they broke up because of it. But, during those eight episodes. We saw that they’d argue and they’d later resolve it, they’d apologize to each other, they’d understand each other, that’s how a relationship works. They don’t just argue 24/7, or argue in every episode, or push each other around. They actually communicate and talk it out, calmly. They didn’t scream or yell at each other. They would try to make it work.

I will also add this, even though Scott and Juliette were supposed to be a secret. Scott does a horrific job at keeping their relationship a secret. The guy acts exactly like Anakin. Juliette goes missing and it’s like mass panic for him. Guy needs to chill.

But, they just have lots of cute moments, even after they break up, they still have cute moments. Scott and Shelby- Jesus Christ, they’re just unbearable for me.

Daisy however is my favorite character. Why? Because she’s a mood. She goes from. “Haha Shelby and Scott might work out.” To, “haha, Shelby and Scott should just break the fuck up.” Daisy goes from bein the number one fan of Scott and Shelby to bein the one who despises them together. Shelby complains about Scott so much with her to the point where when Daisy sees Shelby pissy, she automatically assumes it’s because of Scott. And that’s saying A LOT.

I just like how blank and monotone Daisy is. She accepts facts and reality. She doesn’t refuse it. She accepts it. Which is something I admire about her. She accepts her fate, and will deal with it. That is admirable. Her motto is basically. “Suck it up buttercup.” But in a good way.

Juliette is a sweet girl, I would explain why I love her sm and why she’s my second favorite but- I’ve ranted long enough. One thing I don’t like about her is how she kissed Auggie- when she was dating Scott? I don’t even know if they were dating at the time if I’m bein real here. Love her though, and her and Auggie are adorable. Ezra is cute too, he’s kinda just there though, not much character development. The same goes for Cat. And the adult plot? Couldn’t give leas than two fucks about it.

My rating for the show is 8.8/10 though. The reason is because the plot lacks. Fucking Peter’s arc- by the end of the show is the weirdest shit ever. Whenever I watch it. I feel like I’m high on acid or something. Like shit bro chill the fuck out, fuckin sleep and stop stressing bout this paper yk? God damn.

Shelby and Scott- my god. Their relationship holds back the show. Don’t even know why they’re together and STAYED together. Fuckin divorce within 4 years of their marriage bet. But yeah. 8.8/10, that’s my rating.

And I appreciate the compliment. I love you too, baby.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

TMI! (Not in a bad way, just in a I’m-personally-uncomfortable-way-so-I’m-calling-it-TMI. LOL)

I just saw a prompt thing that asked about whether or not you’ve ever written a poem or song for someone and...well, for awhile I think I kinda repressed this memory and it just came up again, but...when I was in Upward Bound, I wrote this poem for a girl I really liked (if I could think of a brief phrase now to use to describe her, I’d use something like “Skater girl” or stoner - or both - LOL, although I didn’t really consider myself friends with any stoners at that time because it was early in high school versus later when ultimately one of my last high school friends was indeed admittedly both a skater AND a stoner), and in my poem I either titled it something like “Beautiful Girl” or I certainly used a cliché-as-hell phrase like that IN my poem BUT UH. UM. YOU KNOW...I NEVER THOUGHT AT THE TIME THAT THAT WAS LIKE...ME BEING GAY. BUT LOOKING BACK, NOW I’M LIKE...WAIT A MINUTE, BITCH, THAT WAS FUCKING GAY. 😂 Oh and also, at the end of junior year my Upward Bound program took qualifying juniors to an indoor water park as a reward and that was kinda majorly the time that I realized I had a crush on my former enemy (a guy) but I also just remembered that over that trip it was EVIDENT that he had a crush on that girl who I wrote a poem about/for. And now I’m like...oh my god it could’ve been an actual love triangle where the girl represented the main point (tbh I wrote that poem about/for her before I had a crush on my enemy so even though at that time I KNEW I had a crush on him, it still could’ve been real), EXCEPT that I was utterly clueless about my attraction to that girl so it was not. BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN. AND THAT’S JUST SO WEIRD AND KIND OF FUNNY TO THINK ABOUT, OMG.

Because, to be fair, even though I loved my friends a ton and was very openly affectionate with them (until, that is, way too many god damn assholes, including my friends!, kept calling me “clingy.” It’s been downhill since there, and now my desire to be affectionate with my friends or anyone is, like, 2/10 on an average day. Which is basically to say I feel like being affectionate maybe two times in a whole day, LOL), I didn’t really go around calling them “beautiful” to their faces or in writing? Ummmmm, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...yeah, that poem was definitely gay and I have absolutely no idea how it took me like five years after that to figure out that I’m bi. Like, wow. I mean, I’ve ALWAYS been one of those people who takes their time (and I will DIE LIKE THAT, PEOPLE), BUT COME ON. OMG. I just feel like...I can’t even now. (*starts blasting “Your Life is a Lie” by Romeo Void*)

Oh but nonetheless, that real life love triangle concept still tickles me, that me AND the guy I had a crush on were both like 👀 at the same girl. LMAOOOOOOOOO God damn, if I was still friends with him I would definitely share this revelation with him. And he’d definitely joke about it (probably not in a mean-spirited, homophobic way), but I also wonder if he’d be uncomfortable with it...like ‘oh that’s weird because technically I had a crush on both of you but apparently neither of you really wanted me so. Wow. Thanks, I guess.’ 😂 Obviously ‘both’ of us not wanting him would be inaccurate though since at least I certainly had a crush on him. But I can definitely imagine him trying to take the ‘poor, poor pitiful me’ route. 🙄 Honestly, he was annoying like that. Also, yes, in my real life in high school I did literally go through the enemies to friends/unrequited love to almost lovers thing. And other than this one or maybe in future posts, I do NOT want to talk about it! 😂