#the folks i've met via my writing have been some of the best folks i've ever met in my whole life

[not-poignant]

Hello! I read some of your reposts about importance of comments and that any can be usefull to self evaluation as author. My question - is it weird and uncomfortable if people bring too many personal problems commenting your fics? Like, do you distant yourself out from comments that bring a lot of person's drama, does it feel uplifting in the end, if comment is a lot about reader's not so happy history? Can you still feel joy from that kind of comment?Thanks for unswer if you do.Have a nice day!

Hi anon,

So, this is kind of complex. I would say the vast majority of people don't overshare at all, and when they are sharing from their lives, it's in a way that makes complete sense and is very 'contained.' I can tell they're not expecting emotional labour from me, and that they're sharing because they found a point of resonance between themselves, the story, the situation, or the character/s, or a combination of all of the above.

And like, that's a part of why I write, y'know? I want to strike up that sense of resonance in folks who relate to these characters, so when people share that it has resonated, that's like... purposeful and meaningful to me. I feel like I've made a connection. I also sometimes feel sorrowful - like when someone explains they relate to Efnisien because of abuse they've also experienced, or when someone explains that they relate to a character's chronic illness because of their own.

But I can also generally tell through tone and language that the commenter doesn't expect labour from me, they're speaking their pain into the world in a way that's like 'this is me, and here's this character, and we both share this thing in common.' In a perfect world, none of us would know what this kind of pain is like. In this world, a lot of us do, and we get to feel less alone when we read stories where we feel seen.

And that is, by and large, the general experience when readers share something personal that they resonated with in a comment.

That being said, I do also maintain very strong boundaries with people's personal matters, because I'm not someone who's 'healed and above all my own issues who is sharing what I've learned to people still going through it' I am someone who is still going through it. And often folks have no idea what kind of day I'm having or how I'm feeling when they comment, and so... on the very very rare occasion I do get a comment that feels like it's pushing for some kind of emotional labour that's beyond what I can give... I will not give that labour. I will acknowledge their comment, thank them for reading, and not...give energy I don't have to spare.

And like, honestly, 99 times out of 100, everyone is very respectful of that and even caring towards it.

I can probably count on like two hands, in ten years, the commenters who I felt had become very self-focused or what I felt was over-sharing in comments in a way that sort of...was no longer about me or the story, where they just treated the comment section as a diary instead. In those cases I tend to leave very brief acknowledgements, as a kind of 'I see this, I know this is painful, but this is not my lane, and I don't want this to be my lane.' But a more compassionate version of that.

If anything, the most personal stories, anon, come to me in Asks that are sent via Tumblr, off anonymous, so I can reply privately. These folks are usually very...aware that I might not be in the space to hear them, and are frankly the most 'if you don't have time or energy to reply please don't pressure yourself', so I feel no burden or obligation and that usually makes it easier to reply in my own time.

The ones that come to me via anon, I only reply to selectively, and that depends on a few factors. Some things are extremely personal and frankly I'm not comfortable replying because even if I did it would be to say 'I think a professional needs to handle this.' I've also - very rarely - had a few people do things that were not cool, to manipulate me into caretaking them, usually because they want the comfort feeling that one of my characters creates, and then from there thinks 'Pia made that character so they can give that to me instead.' This doesn't happen often, but it's very distinct when it does.

But that's rare! Super rare!

It might be that others read the comments of folks in fics and think 'I would never share those kinds of details about my life like that' and that's fine for them - but some folks do need to share, and want to feel seen because they felt seen during the fic, and I have no problems with that in general.

I have learned so so much about the human condition, about the fact that things that I thought literally no one would relate to are things that actually a lot of people relate to, etc. through the grace and vulnerability of the folks who comment on my fics with personal anecdotes or even just 'I've been through something like this, and I thought you showed it well / it's a painful thing to go through.'

I know a lot of authors wouldn't have much patience with that maybe? I don't know. I'm literally writing trauma recovery, mental illness and chronic illness, queerness and neurodivergence, and people going through tough times. I don't think an author ends up writing that stuff if they're generally not looking to make a connection with fellow folks who have also gone through some tough times! And even if I can't be those people's support systems, I think all of us having these ephemeral moments of effectively saying: 'Same bro' through the comments, is pretty powerful, and magical, actually.

Caveat: If a person brings personal problems into my fics with the expectation that I will then fix them, that's something I don't really do and don't enter into. That's where my boundaries are firm. Sometimes I won't even acknowledge those kinds of situations at all. If a person reads something for free and then seeks to obligate a complete stranger into being their support or therapist, there's a much bigger issue going on there that isn't my business, and I generally will maintain significant distance in those situations.

TL;DR - I don't think I'd write these stories if I didn't want to make connections with folks who have also gone through some hard times. The vast majority of people who bring up personal stuff aren't necessarily bringing me 'joy' - but I don't just look for joy in the comments, anon, I also look for connection, resonance, moments of feeling less alone, and sometimes that's not easy, but it's still very special. As for the very rare occasions where someone wants me to personally hold their hand, I step back, because a) that's not my job, and b) I don't think folks realise sometimes just how much proverbial hand-holding I need as well lol - I might sound like I have my shit together, but I do not.

[voxofthevoid]

Hello! We haven't really interacted before but I reviewed a Bleach fanfiction of yours a while ago, and I've loved your stories for the fandom! I'm sad that you no longer write for Bleach, but you've shared some amazing work, so thank you for that.

Just wanted to ask if you have any tips on how to connect more with other readers and writers, as it seems your conversations with other people in your fandoms bring a lot of joy and inspiration! While I wrote fanfiction in my teenage years, I felt very much like a fandom hermit back then but I'm coming back to it now many years later and want to actively engage with more people. I've joined some discord servers and am posting much more to twitter and tumblr, but I'm still pretty shy about messaging people privately as I feel like I don't really know what to say. I know it will take time, but any advice on how to get the ball rolling would be much appreciated.

Good luck with the writing!

Hi! I'm very glad you like my Bleach fics, and hey, being missed isn't a bad thing either ❤

(I do have one 80%–finished grimmichi fic that I'll put up on Ao3 soon-ish. The last chapter won't ever be written, but there's still some 28k of fluff and porn that ends on a fairly conclusive note on the emotional end.)

You're right that interacting with my fellow fans is a large part of what makes fandom fun for me. The community aspect of fandom is something that comes up a lot in conversations about why people flock to fandom, why they stay, and why they leave, and although I'm an introvert bordering on a hermit, the social aspects of fandom are its greatest draw. I write because I need to or I'll burst, but I share for the people here with me. That's not an uncommon attitude or experience. YMMV, but many of us want to connect with people who share our interests, and the level of creativity and commitment fandom inspires often thrives in collaboration and community.

How to get that sense of community is a trickier matter though. You're already in Discord servers, which seems to be the main fandom social space(s) these days. You're also on social media platforms where people can reach out to you or vice versa. So that's the basics covered. After that, it's largely a matter of organically developing relationships. But I do understand the hesitance to just roll up into someone's DMs; even though I have no issues with people popping up in my DMs, I also find it harder to initiate.

Plus, I've found that some sort of existing rapport gives you a better foundation when you do take the step into private exchanges. This can be Ao3 comment sections, Tumblr notes, or Discord group chat spaces. I tend to avoid Discord servers these days, but back when I had more tolerance for group chats, the people I met there often became closer friends. Mostly though, my pocket friends are people I met via Ao3 and, less frequently, Tumblr—fellow authors and readers in a specific fandom.

I know my regulars, here and on Ao3, and I've been a regular many times. Discussions in comments usually start out limited to the specific fic, but they can also include general fandom/canon stuff or even personal talk. Many times, you build a degree of familiarity with a person that way, and if the conversation moves to more private channels, you already have a shared base to build further conversation on.

So my best advice to find friends and like-minded fandom folks is to be active in Ao3 comments and Tumblr notes (...and whatever the corresponding thing is over on Xitter):

Reply to the comments on your stories and try to really engage with what your readers are saying. This is very much a personal preference, but the reason I try to reply with more than a generic "thanks" for longer, more in-depth comments is that, like I said above, nerding out with fellow fans is a huge part of why I love fandom. If people are already expressing interest in your story and you have a shared interest in canon, there's a lot of room there for fun conversations, even if they never go beyond one-off exchanges.

Comment on stories you like, and if you find specific authors you really love, let them know without reservations what you like about their takes and why you like them. One of my favorite commenting methods when I'm well and truly in love with something is to read everything once, then reread and leave longass comments on every chapter/fic. It's time-intensive, but I've never seen the effort go unappreciated. I've also been on the receiving end of this many times, and that's how several of my fandom friendships were born; one of my closest friends is someone I virtually kidnapped because I loved their tags on my JJK fic posts so much.

The above habits can be applied to Tumblr/Twitter too. Plus, there are plenty of people on such sites who engage deeply with fandom outside of fic writing. Be loud and proud about what you love. Sending a DM is an intimidating step, and not everyone will be receptive anyway, but most people welcome encouragement and appreciation. There are a lot of people I'm friendly with and fond of whom I've never interacted with directly, only via Tumble notes or asks.

I think all of this narrows down to being pretty generous when it comes to expressing your love for fandom and fellow fans. Won't always work out for various reasons, but as long as you're having fun, it's not wasted effort or time.

[guppygiggles]

((Oh shoot I was mid-ask and pushed the wrong thing and I’m not sure it sent so starting over 😅))

Anywho hello hi there I really hope you don’t mind the like spamming (and interactions in general from nsfw blogs); I just really couldn’t help myself bc I’m resonating so much with your content and tags and you seem like a genuinely lovely human with absolutely adorable artwork so I wanted to show you some appreciation 🥺💗 It immediately comes across how much you love and care for your OCs via the lore you’ve created and the utmost tender way you talk about them and the way they interact with each other ?? 😭 it’s impossible not to fall in love with them too. I also hope you’ve heard copious amount of feedback about how brilliant your writing is - so detailed, so warm, so intimate…it’s extremely flustering and endlessly endearing and I’m so grateful you share your gift with all of us on here! In particular, I’m positively fascinated with Avery’s backstory and anatomy and am loving discovering the depth of the layers of thought that you put into composing him. Excited to learn more 🥰

((((I’m also approaching my third decade of life next year and it’s always nice seeing rep for folks my age in the community who are still enjoying and exploring their relationship with this “kink”(using this term lightly bc I know everyone may not consider themselves to fall under that umbrella). I too met my partner on here, and it’s beautiful to hear that things can work out in the long run so thank you for that tidbit of reassurance 💗 sending wishes of happiness for you both!!))))

Sorry again for this long winded ramble I was just inspired and wanted to send the warm vibes I received while perusing your awesome blog back your way!!! Hope you have a lovely day 💕

-🐰

Anon... my god! 😭💙 /very positive

Crying into my tea on a Sunday morning... god, I am so touched by this, I'm just falling apart...

Let me respond to this sequentially, so I don't just get flooded with emotion (and if you've been watching how I post, you already know this is going to be long as fuck... Sorry! 🥲)

1. I am absolutely okay with NSFW blogs interacting with me, and spam interactions don't bother me at all! The only interactions I don't want are from minors and dickheads, haha. No worries on this, peach.

2. Fewer people interact with my fic than with my art, but when I tell you I treasure every single thing people say about my fic... god, there's just nothing like it. My fic is so, so close to my heart. I've been a writer much longer than I've been an artist, so I feel like I can really express myself through writing in a way I can't with art... I'm trying, but I'm not quite there yet! God, thank you so much for your kind words... I am so grateful that the warmth and love I feel when I'm writing is felt by others, too. I really try to capture the very essence of how these characters and their emotions feel in my mind and heart.

And you like the lore, too? 🥺 My long-winded rambling? My wordy expositions? God, my heart! 😭💙

3. I am so happy to know you met your partner in this community, too! I am really wishing the best for you, and yes, it absolutely can work out! My spouse and I are very different from each other, but we are still best friends after six years, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

4. I feel like this community tends to be younger, especially here on Tumblr, so it's kind of refreshing to hear from someone in the same phase of life as me. If there's anything I didn't expect, it's that I would still be exploring my feelings about tickling (and, well, intimacy as a whole) well into adulthood. It's funny how things come back around, though... I was making tickling doodles in my diary when I was just a kid, but I stopped (and, stopped drawing altogether, really) after high school. Had to work through a ton of shame, religious trauma, and just a metric fuckton of other shit, all to come right back around to doing tickling doodles again, haha! I was delighted to find that, at 30 (and with a whole lot of new experiences and context), it still makes me just as giddy now as it did then.

All of this is to say... There may be common threads throughout one's life, but we aren't really set in stone the way people think. You can absolutely discover, and rediscover, yourself and what brings you joy over and over again as you grow and have new experiences. If I can give any advice on this, it's this: Don't close yourself off. You only have this one life, so use it to experience all you can. Even if you're shy, like me... do your best to lend a kind word, an ear, or a hand as often as possible. You never know who, or what, is gonna set your soul on fire.

Anon, thank you so much for this ask... And if you ever want to chat, I'd be more than delighted. 💙

[marezelle]

I have been informed by a very dear friend *stares knowingly over at her* that I should probably be posting links to my fanfic on tumblr. Even if nearly no one from that fandom follows me here and there doesn't seem to be all that much nine worlds posting happening here. (She's not wrong though.)

So! I have fallen headfirst into writing for Victoria Goddard's Greenwing & Dart series! These are a delightful fantasy/comedy of manners/adventure series about a young man named Jemis Greenwing, who is the kind of person you might expect to be the sidekick except that things just keep Happening To Him. I love these books dearly and recommend everything by this author, though I do think her novel The Hands of the Emperor is the best place to start. (It is one of the best books I've read, period. Its sequel is even dearer to my heart. But you should read everything by Victoria Goddard.)

I'm not writing about Cliopher Mdang, our favorite bureaucrat, though. I'm writing about the good boys of Alinor. So far I've shared three stories (plus the first chapter of a fourth story) of a very slowburn romance series that will eventually involve the main four boys dating each other. Also, they'll be going on vacation to Zunidh... at some point. That series is titled a love worth running to, and the next chapter of its fourth story will be going up later today. Moving forward I will try to remember to share links here as things are updated.

I also have a few more wips in the works, including a HalRoald Pride & Prejudice AU. But for now I guess that's it. Promoting my writing after years and years of not doing so feels strange... but good? Maybe. Writing has certainly felt amazing. I'd say I haven't written this much in years, but the reality is that I haven't written this much ever. I owe it to the fine folks I've met via the nine worlds discord, who are wonderfully encouraging. Really that's why I haven't shared any links here, because I could simply be writing for them (and, foremost, for myself) and it would still be more than I ever imagined. But here it is anyway. <3

[redux-iterum]

Alright a bit of a weird question about RUNNING Iterum vs the iterum itself. was wondering as an online ‘creator’ (I hate that word but you know what I’m getting at), especially in a fandom such as warriors, how do you avoid the whole ‘pedastaling’ thing, overfamiliarity, and parasocial interaction? I’ve noticed it sooooo much in the warriors community, so I’ve been hesitant to try and out myself out there out of fear LOL.

Don’t feel obligated to answer! Also sending off anon if you’d rather keep it private. Thank you for your time, I hope your day is going excellent!

Well, truthfully, I didn't manage to avoid any of that! I can't tell you any cure-all way to escape them entirely, but I can give you my experiences in dealing with these things and my overall philosophy when it comes to putting out things online.

Firstly, the original Redux was held on a VERY high pedestal - people proclaiming it to be the true canon, at least one person trying to get the actual Erin Hunter team to read it and "take notes", little makeshift books being printed out for it, etc. - and, in the fashion of anything Tumblr held on a high pedestal in that era, it inevitably crashed and burned and led to a lot of drama and disheartening conflict. I won't say people were worshiping the ground I walked on, but they certainly gave me more credit than anyone should give a writer as inexperienced as I was. I think it's just the nature of fandom to get extremely excited about something even mildly good and the cumulative effect of thousands of people getting excited with each other causes a herd mentality that gets only more extreme over time before someone pipes up to the contrary and is actually listened to, whether or not their argument is legitimate, and then THAT becomes the most popular idea. It's way better now than it was back then, believe me - people seem to register when I make mistakes or have flaws without hating me for them, and it's been an overall very healthy perspective from readers and fans on who I am as a person.

To a degree. That's where we'll get into the other two.

Over-familiarity, as well, I certainly have had to deal with, and still do, and this kind of bleeds into parasocial relationships, so I'll tackle them both here. People nowadays seem to have forgotten the most important rule of being online, which is that you need to assume that the stranger you're talking to does not have your best interests at heart and you need to exercise a bit of caution before you get to personal stuff. I've had at least four separate people jump at me with their problems, troubled backstories and traumas (one incident being so severe I don't even want to describe it, and that was their opening line). There are some folk who genuinely want to start a dialog with me and exchange thoughts on things or ask questions about my writing, which is totally fine! That's how I met a great deal of my friends and have a friendly relationship with plenty of fans. I won't say that's invalid. But there are people who seem to think I'm a free therapist or that I know them like they're my buddy, when neither is true. I just recently put up a warning on the About page of this blog that I'm no longer tolerating that shit and will block if one pushes those boundaries. Which I should have done earlier, but I have a bad habit of being too passive and sensitive to strangers.

So those things do exist and can happen to anybody. I won't even try to convince you otherwise. However, they're a really small part of an overall great time I've had putting out fanfics and comics and general creative work. I've made amazing friends (and if it wasn't for me meeting Lynx via the Redux, this whole rewrite would never have happened), I've learned a lot about myself and how and why I create, and, most importantly, I've had people come to me and tell me I've inspired them to do their own thing and give it their all. My effect on the fandom was sizable, whether it was White!Scourge or rewrites as a whole, and it's been a great deal of fun to check my inbox and see enthusiastic messages or questions about lore or even seeking advice, like your ask. I can't give you any sure-fire road to success - I only have a very small idea of why I did as well as I did - but I can vouch for being brave enough to start creating and sharing it with people. If for nothing else, to prove to yourself that your work has worth and can brighten someone's day, even if they don't comment on it (and a lot of people who love stuff, including me, don't say a single thing ever to the creator!).

The piece of advice I would give, if I am to give one, is to establish boundaries. Block whoever makes you uncomfortable or is making your life and enjoyment of your stuff harder. Tell anons when they're being inappropriate or offensive. Delete asks that are probing or trying to get a rise out of you. Put a notice somewhere on your blog if you need to that you're not tolerating whatever it is you're willing to block over. It doesn't have to be some deep-seated trauma of yours. It could be talking about beagles, for all I care. You don't have to discuss shit if you don't want to. Be firm and assertive, especially with aggressively friendly strangers. You don't owe them a god damn thing, whether they think otherwise.

That's about all I can think of to say right now. I hope this answer helped! I encourage you to start posting stuff and just focus on enjoying yourself, rather than any ambiguous problems that could theoretically show up (and they may not ever!). Good luck!

[furnass]

I don't remember if I've seen Viola yet? Then again I'm rlly busy being an adult and what extra space is left in my brain is full of my own things

I honestly haven't posted much abt her, I remember saying some things abt her when she was still in development, I wanted some musical themed quest siblings and that's how Viol came to be!

This is an excuse to go off abt her thank you bugg <33 it'll be below the cut bc this is getting kinda long LMAO (also all art done by @  motor-oil-soup on tumblr thank you sarge <3)

She's one of 3 siblings, and is the middle child. Her older sibling is named Dizzy (jazz-themed, she/they/he), and her younger sister is Delilah (goth/dark folk/folk punk themed, she/her). Viol is themed after classical music and more specifically she is Polish (thank Sarge for that)

Since she's music-themed, I like her attacks to be via music. I imagine her having mostly wind-themed attacks but instead of using any kind of weapon she has a violin she uses. I'd imagine it to be like she plays something and it goes off of that, like some of Orik's attacks, or Thayne's when he gives status effects. I haven’t decided everything for her attack wise so :]

She was raised in a way of like a child musical prodigy, gifted kid burnout type thing. She plays multiple instruments and still loves music, but had issues growing up which included the fact that her & her siblings were All Trans <3 They each ended up going their own way, Viol ended up at the college at the same time Copernica was there, and they became friends :)   (I imagine Delilah to live in the cursed city, and Dizzy travels around and performs anywhere they can go :) )

Viol at that time she was first at the college did have a massive ass Crush on Copernica, but saw how Copernica talked abt Armilly so she didn't try and pursue anything. The two of them had conflicting views on how the college should be handled, and when Copernica left, Viol stayed because she wanted to help change how things were happening, she had faith in the staff. Hyapathia eventually becomes headmistress, and Viol is working under her, and really believes that Hyapathia could help make the college better. So later when the quest group comes back to the college, Viol is sent by Hyapathia to 'deal with them'.

So Viol fights some of the quest crew (Armilly and Copernica are off looking at something so Copernica doesn’t see Viol immediately) and they kick her ass after a fight <3. But then Copernica sees Viol, Viol sees Copernica, and it's kinda a like. HUH??? moment for both of them, like hey what are you doing here? 

Copernica and Viol catch up for a bit and she tells Viol what’s been going on, and at this point Copernica has realized Hyapathia is the new Headmistress, so they probably talk about that. Copernica also is tasked with introducing Viol to the others as she never met anyone besides from Copernica in the group. Viol is a bit confused as to why her ex crush best friend is now in a group with some kids and an old guy but. She’s very glad to see Copernica again.

Okay now for the gay part. Her and Armilly bond together bc Viol shares her energy with certain things and a friend of her friend is also a friend, and Viol bonds with Copernica b/c they were previously friends and they both share a love for magic and Viol learns abt alchemy from her. I have some self-indulgent content of them in the depths of my google drive which consist of when Viol meets the quest crew, and I’ll probably eventually write one of Viol getting together with Armilly & Copernica. There’s more misc things involving @motor-oil-soup ‘s oc Cordi b/c they are Friends. Besties even.

I haven't done much art of her ever since Sarge hit her w the Polish Beam /lh but I'll put some of the stuff it's done :] (Once again Sarge when you see this thank you for doing my girl justice <3) Fun little thing abt her: Her pipe is a gramophone!!!

[plague-of-insomnia]

Kuro is one of my favorite stories and I've loved the fandom content that I've found. I've been a lurker for a long time (woo anxiety) and recently started writing for other fandoms/pairings (though I haven't published anything yet). Part of what helped me to take that step was the help of some great discords with a lot of wonderful, encouraging folks to help sustain the excitement in fandom. Is there a discord or similar for shipper types in the fandom? The one's I've found are full of antis :(

Hi, anon! First of all, 🎉to you for sending this ask. I know when you have anxiety, even sending an anon can be tough, so you're amazing for doing that and I'm extra appreciative you took the time to send it!

Also, congrats on starting to write! That's awesome. Even if you don't publish it/share it, writing for yourself can be super rewarding and fun. (I did it for YEARS.)

It's really great that you met some wonderful and supportive people in your other fandom via Discord!! We've definitely had some great people in the kuro subfandom, but with things feeling like they're crumbling, that support doesn't seem to be there as much anymore.

That's why @gabedemon and I have been planning our morale account that will help bring everyone together in a positive way.

It really is unfortunate how many antis there are in the Kuro fandom considering how dark and problematic the manga is, but it's the sad truth.

There used to be a sebaciel discord, but I'm not sure who is running it anymore or if it's even still active. I was never really active there since I don't really ship SC very much.

But Gabe and I have been discussing the various things we want to do with the morale account, and when I mentioned the discord thing, we started talking some more.

We are currently planning a private, invitation-only, pro-ship kuro discord!!

It will be open to ALL ships (or even if you don't ship at all, you're welcome, too). We will do our best to make sure it's a safe, positive space for pro-ship kuro fans to gather and talk and support one another.

Once we have it open and are offering invites, we will make a post about it. :)

I hope you continue to write (and maybe the courage to share your work, even if it's only in the discord), and follow us for more details on the discord and the morale account/events!

Thank you again for taking the time to send this ask :D

[irisbleufic]

If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up converting to Judaism? Like, how do you go to a synagogue and ask about it? I've been curious about converting myself, or at least learning more about Judaism, but I'm autistic and I avoid situations where I don't know how to act or what to do, plus there isn't really any significant Jewish population where I live. Any advice would be appreciated.

It wasn’t by any means a fast process for me, that’s the first thing to know.  I spent a good two years regularly attending friends’ Passover seders and the occasional service, as well as exhaustively reconnecting with the non-practicing Jewish heritage on one side of my family, before deciding that conversion (both for my own sake and to be recognized in the community) was the route I wanted to take.  Those couple years were while I still lived back on the East Coast, and by the time I moved to the Southwest, I’d reached the point where my Reform chosen family (consisting very much of @pelagielladesigns, @idapea, and some other lovely folks) were super supportive and just generally put my fears to rest.  

Installed in my new city, I looked up the local Reform temple and saw that, how fortuitous, they had Conversion Classes starting in only a couple of months’ time.  I signed up and attended every session over a six-month period.  I started going to Shabbat services at least every other week (unfortunately, the bus system here doesn’t easily connect home with synagogue, so it’s expensive for me to get there via Lyft and Uber; otherwise, I’d turn up every week, because I love services here) and as many services as I was able during High Holy Days.  A month after the course ended, I set up a series of several conversations with my rabbi (which included writing essays in response to prompts, yes) that would function as my beit din.  I passed.  Two months after that, I went to the mikvah with the cantor and two witnesses, and that was that.  Choosing a Hebrew name was especially powerful.

So, now that I’ve described the blow-by-blow, here’s the thing: I’m autistic like you are, but when it comes to approaching strangers for things I wish to pursue, I’m on the more fearless side.  Classroom and ritual-oriented settings scare me less than straight-up social ones, so this process was actually something I enjoyed pretty much every step of the way.  In your case, I can see where it will be trickier; a lot of interaction with others is required.  Most synagogues/temples will, indeed, have you take a Conversion Class, and if they do not offer one, it will be one-on-one study with the rabbi, cantor, and members of the community.  I can’t speak for some of the other movements, but every Reform temple I’ve ever set foot in has been an amazingly welcoming place.  If you want interaction, there’s plenty; if you want to remain more self-contained and contemplative, that’s fine, too.  But there will be people around, and lots of them.  That is generally the nature of community worship.

The best first step for you, I think, will be to find out how many synagogues are in your area and what movements they’re part of.  Do some reading on the primary movements you’re likely to encounter: Conservative, Reform, Renewal, Reconstructionist, Orthodox, etc.  I’m likely missing a few.  In my area, I could choose from Conservative, Reform, and Renewal.  Once you’ve decided which local congregation looks like the best fit, call or email the rabbi to explain your situation.  I have never met a rabbi, at least not so far, that wasn’t happy to take into account accommodations for disability and a student’s particular pace.  But I have a very awesome rabbi; I hope you will, too.

As with any complex decision, this is an extremely personal process.  I examined my reasons for quite a while (hence those two years of more casual, social engagement with Reform), as I wanted to make sure it was really something I both wanted and needed to do.  It might help you to attend services at a couple of different places first; it could be that you’ll feel more drawn to a specific congregation than to its movement.

If you have any more questions as you go, feel free to ask.  Mazel tov, my friend.

[duanecbrooks]

The Return Of Girls Gone Write     Further unmistakable evidence that women, by and large, are the superior writers: the former George W. Bush press secretary and current Fox News host Dana Perino's my-life-with-my-dog-Jasper memoir Let Me Tell You About Jasper...: How My Best Friend Became America's Dog and the large-screen sprite Anna Kendrick's personal/professional memoir Scrappy Little Nobody. These two books are, frankly, flat-out joys to read, the former being a frequently warmhearted, often humorous, always heartfelt telling of her life and experiences with her pet dog Jasper, who, as she convincingly claims, has become the real and true star of the Perino family; the latter being an engaging, sprightly, consistently witty literary self-examination of one of the modern-day American cinema's most succulent and most appealing chicks. To partake of these tomes consecutively, both from beginning to end, is to spend quality time with a pair of delightfully quirky, keenly aware, firmly articulate she-babes who, each in her own way, have a marvelous sense of proportion, a marvelous refusal to see themselves as having any kind of Greatness.             Before getting into just exactly why these superb books are superb, allow me to go into how I first became aware of Kendrick (If you'll remember, Perino first came into my life via her first-rate within-the-George W. Bush-administration memoir And The Good News Is...: Lessons and Advice from the Bright Side). Kendrick caught my attention, as do many other other folks and things these days, via YouTube. Specifically, first, during a compilation of Kathie Lee/Hoda's "best" Today "celebrity moments," wherein, when Kendrick was asked whether or not she'd like to play a game, she facetiously mimicked Nader and replied mock-earnestly: "No! I hate games! I hate fun, I hate laughing!" (Later, she was shown doing some mock-dirty dancing with said girls); second, during a trailer for one of Kendrick's more recent theatrical films, namely Get A Job, the aforementioned trailer's two highlights, for me, being 1) this scene where Kendrick's filmic character, Jillian by name, is sitting on the floor lamenting the fact that she spent almost all of the money she had on a BITCHIIN' pair of shoes, while clad in a pair of equally bangin' black toreador pants that, given her sitting position, magnificently show off her magnificently long, lean legs and her magnificently-proportioned bare feet; and 2) a long shot of Kendrick adorned in a man's white shirt and tie and black high heels and again displaying those stylishly long, lean legs. Thus I was already primed, due to being previously turned on by Kendrick, to favor her tome.             It's here where I'll deal with the highlights of both books, the places where our memoirists especially grab ahold of and, simultaneously, charm and delight us.               .Perino, on the vast network of fans/friends that has developed due to her having Jasper: "It is a bit wonderful that through television and social media, Jasper and I became friends with so many people across the country. I enjoy interacting with my followers and fans, and I really feel that we have modern-day friendships--people I've never met, but that I've come to know over time through short digital interactions. It has widened my circle of people I talk to, and it's deepened my appreciation for people from all walks of life. I now get a chance to communicate with people I wouldn't have ever known; the Internet has given us a way to connect and network that didn't exist before. We're all neighbors now (with the proper amount of fencing to keep things friendly).               "Often this new group of people has cheered me up or warmed my heart just when I needed it. Working in politics and live cable television can be stressful, and switching off at the end of the day isn't always easy. Jasper's following has actually given me a way to set aside the work portion of my day and exchange some messages with my electronic friends, which helps me keep grounded and cheerful."                 .Kendrick, on her brother Mike: "My brother is my hero. I've idolized him since the day I was born and I still do. He's responsible for at least sixty percent of my personality, for better or worse. I'm told that if you're an only child, you grow up thinking you're the center of the universe, and if you have tons of siblings you grow up with a healthy perspective on how small you are in the grand scheme of things. I'd like to think that my brother told me I was a worthless brat often enough that I got the same effect...     "Mike's main interests [when we were kids] were watching Star Wars, playing Magic: The Gathering, and avoiding his annoying little sister. The only time he happily included me was when he wanted to play 'Pro Wrestling Champions,' as I was an ideal partner on which to inflict moderate injury."           .Perino, on Jasper's television debut: "Jasper made his debut on The Five [Perino's Fox News political talk show] as a sleepy puppy at just two months old, and a star was born. I brought him on set and when we were back from commercial break, I showed him off for the camera. He looked right into the lens with his deep blue eyes (a Vizsla [Jasper's breed] is born with blue eyes that eventually turn amber). He snuggled into me. Hearts melted.             "Jasper has tons of personality and is as photogenic as any dog I've known. On Jasper's birthday, my [The Five] producer lets him come on the show and he sits on a chair, for the most part, wearing a bow tie collar, and you would think he knows exactly what he's doing when he looks into the teleprompter. He's certainly better behaved than [Five co-host Greg] Gutfield."             .Kendrick, on her early period as an actor: "Starting in theater gave me a basic work ethic that I may not have gotten if I started in film and television. I worked six days a week, eight shows a week (two shows on Wednesdays and Saturdays, Mondays off). It wasn't so much the schedule--I worked in accordance with child labor laws--it was that I was held accountable for my work.             "Once, during rehearsals, our director was playing with the shape of a musical number that involved most of the cast--which jokes should stay, where they should go, etc. He decided to try reinstituting a small joke I'd had in a previous draft, and we started the number again from the top. I lost where we were in the music and I opened my mouth to say the line, a measure too late. He was already shaking his head and signaling the pianist to stop.             "'Anna just lost a line. Let's go back to how it was before and start again.'"         .Perino, on her period as W.'s press secretary: "[B]ecoming the White House press secretary was the best thing that ever happened to my career. I learned so much--about policy, world affairs, management, and politics.             "But the most important lesson I learned working for President Bush was about character and how to conduct myself under stress and attack. I found out how to be productive despite obstacles, and appreciated how a communicator can help calm a situation, advance a negotiation, or lead to a solution.               "The press secretary is the pinnacle for a public relations professional--it was the opportunity of a lifetime.                 "But having worked in politics for so many years, I'd built up a fairly tough exterior. The daily battles can wear a person out, and in some ways, I became edgier and harder than I'd ever been.         "It was also a lofty position, and the surest way you can lose your way in Washington, D.C., is to let any of that power or prestige go to your head.             "Throughout those years [first dog] Henry kept me from losing sight of what was important in life: appreciation and gratitude for my health and blessings, and the love I shared with [hubby] Peter and our dog."     .Kendrick, on her early life as a struggling actor: "The next pilot season [for television series] was starting up, which meant I was usually sent on one to four auditions a day. I discovered MapQuest and wrote down directions by hand since I didn't have a printer. Between that and my growing knowledge of the city, I was only getting lost, like, six times a day. Pilot season is grim because you're sent in for everything, no matter how wrong you are for it. I kept a mountain of clothes and accessories in my trunk so I could go from the fourteen-year-old goth daughter on a TNT drama to the spoiled twenty-two-year-old receptionist on a workplace comedy. It's obvious now that splitting my focus made it responsible for me to do well on any of them, but I was in no position to turn down auditions.               "How do I describe my personal life during this time? I met funny, interesting people. I went to art galleries downtown, I performed a one-woman show for free on the street corner. Except none of that's true. I spent most of my time trying to find ways to occupy myself without spending money or ingesting calories."                     .Perino, on what she terms Jasper's "protest pee": "When I wrote And the Good News Is... I received a lot of gifts for Jasper, including an embroidered quilt with the Great Seal of the United States. It is beautiful and functional. [Peter and I] take it with us to our friends' homes if we are invited to stay the night, because, well, you try telling Jasper he can't sleep on the bed. With the quilt, we're covered. Literally and figuratively.                   "When we're at our place in South Carolina, leaving him in the house is even more stressful. For a while, whenever we'd go out, we'd come home and find that he'd peed on the floor. As soon as we'd walk in, we'd know something happened, because Jasper would grab a toy as he always does, but instead of frantic joy and butt wagging, his tail would be down and he'd look guilty. It was hard to discipline him because you're supposed to catch them in the act. [Hubby] Peter would get pretty made at Jasper, and I'd feel terrible.                 "'He's so scared to be left alone,' I'd say.           "'No, he's being a brat,' Peter responded."                   .Kendrick, on behavior at showbiz events: "There's a campaign called #AskHerMore, which was started by some thoughtful, intelligent females (Lena Dunham, Reese Witherspoon, Shondra Rimes, etc.). It aims to ensure that when women attend events, they are asked about more than their dresses. Men don't answer questions about their clothes; why should we [women]? A simple and understandable request.                 "However, if people could ask me less, that would be great. I would love it if we could limit my red carpet topics to my favorite colors, what sound a duck makes, and my thoughts on McDonald's All-Day Breakfast--blessing or curse?"                 Also: Nearly the final half of Perino's book consists of various @FiveFanPhotoshops pictures that very humorously show Jasper in a collection of quite colorful poses--Jasper painting a portrait of Perino's former boss, W.; Jasper as a race-car driver; Jasper and Perino involved in the Kentucky Derby with the latter on top of the former, et al. And Kendrick's tome closes with a "Bonus Reading Group Guide," wherein there are "a few questions to help you get the most out of your reading experience."(As an addend, Kendrick wittily 1] apologizes for the "fact" that her "Guide" offers no red meat for those of us who "happen to run a trashy celebrity news blog that requires you to peruse the content of privileged cretins like me"; and 2] gives us permission to "use these questions [in the "Guide"] as a template for creating misleading but juicy headlines." She winds up by, also wittily, summing up what she, so she claims, is conveying: "[F]amous white girls are really fun to be mad at") Among the queries asked in the "Guide":                                        .."Though every page of Scrappy Little Nobody is perfect in every                           way, which part is your favorite? Make a list (it can be a Post-it that                           says, 'Every part is my favorite') and tape it to your chest for the rest                                 of the day."                                        .."When Anna compares Zac Efron to Charles Manson, is she making                                 a joke or trying to warn us about a potential murderous mastermind?"                                .."In the sections about Alexa Chung and Olivia Palermo, the author                           viciously maligns two innocent and very fashionable girls. Is Anna a                           shady, basic bitch, or the shadiest, basic-est bitch?"                                       .."Anna makes a lot of bad decisions. Can you think of a time when                                 you've made a bad decision? Oh wow, really? We're gonna pretend                                   you can't think of a single example? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER                             THAN ME?!"             And thus there are the books of Dana Perino and Anna Kendrick, the former being a greatly stylish, consistently witty, always loving paean to a dog who is not only a beloved pet but, as Perino very convincingly limns, one of the most well-known and well-regarded personalities in America (easily, happily, well above and beyond any yammering about "animal rights"); the latter being an engagingly lively, undeniably honest, unrelievedly funny self-portrait of a celebrity gal who is obviously on the sides of life and living, whose unflinchingly upbeat, never-say-die attitude comes through in literally every paragraph.                 In the much-lauded theatrical film The Magic of Belle Isle, the single Mom Charlotte O'Neill (Virginia Madsen), during an evening dinner with her daughters and that evening's guest, the renowned Western novelist Monte Wildhorn (Morgan Freeman), asserted: "I've always felt that a book does something no friend could: Stay quiet when you want to think." To partake of the Perino and Kendrick tomes as they "[s]tay quiet" is to have you "wanting to think" about them--always favorably and, very often, with unsheathed laughter.