#the focus on forgiveness. the complete shift from even attempting to deal with like. class or police brutality or whatever

[galindatopland]

frankly and i'll say it. s2 of arcane sadly made it feel a lot more like she-ra with better animation than adult animation the way s1 did feel

[aiiwa]

FRESHMAN YEAR — IWAIZUMI HAJIME.

— iwaizumi hajime.

⤷ genre: college au - fluff / smut

⤷ warnings: cursing, mature content and themes, smut, oral (receiving and giving), unprotected sex

⤷ word count: 6.2k

— a/n: this was an anon request for a reader trying to sneak off away from iwa the morning after and he ain’t having none of that 😈

i had no intention of this being so long, but iwa just gets me going aight!!

freshman year of college had given you many things.

an unrivalled expertise in procrastination - avoiding the overwhelming influx of assignments from your professors was second-nature at this point; party now, cry later, right? carpe fucking diem, no? either way, it had also given you a liver which begged for a glass of water, a drop even, anything but the wretched burn of vodka and the copious amounts of iced lattes at three in the morning. and deities forbid your mother ever finding out her daughter lived off of spicy instant ramen that somehow was always on sale at the campus convenience store. you even considered the discounted prices stemmed from the store owners taking pity on you each time you stood before them counting loose change.

yet freshman year of college had also given you a best friend in the form of matsukawa issei. and hanamaki takahiro, since they were a package deal of course. but mattsun had been presented to you on a silver platter.

butt ass naked, just like the day he was brought into this world.

arriving on campus a week before the start of the first semester, the last thing you expected to see was a hunched over figure, bare ass mooning right in front of you, banging on the fragile door of your dorm. shaking out of your stupor, you had all but cussed him out in the corridor, earning more unnecessary attention from other nosy students, before you dragged him by his arm into your room. in the flurry of your attempted rescue, he’d dropped the hand that was holding whatever sliver of dignity he had left. you had even failed to realise how this strange boy was almost a foot taller than you, and rather being eye-to-eye, it was rather eye-to-waist - and you had made the mistake of glancing lower.

“yeah lil’ big mattsun is a looker, right?” you prayed everyday to forget his first words to you. the prayers had yet to be answered, though your initial reaction had made it somewhat alright to think back on.

you had screamed bloody murder, sending mattsun into a frenzied panic, his own screams harmonising yours. then you had cried, furiously rubbing at your eyes, and sobbing about how your eyes would never be the same again. when he had reached out to comfort you, that’s when you turned on him, jumping upwards to swat at his bony shoulders. after he tumbled over your rug, the two of you halted, eyeing each other before laughing like maniacs.

he left your dorm that day, running off in your pink fluffy robe with plans to meet up later for dinner. when he introduced you to the pink-haired makki - the reason behind mattsun’s nudity at your door, though the specifics were lost - the three of you hit it off like a bunch of crazies.

most days were spent between your dorm and their shared apartment; stress eating over forgotten assignments, binging shitty reality tv shows - the bachelor was just hitting different this season - and pre-gaming a bit too hard before nights out.

it had confused you at first on how, as much as you were over at their apartment, you had yet to meet their other roommate. makki had told you he was a close friend from back home in miyagi, the serious type who spent most of his time training, studying or working; and it was mattsun who had said he was a total mom, “he’s our mommy,” were his exact words, adding to the list of things you wish you could forget.

it was probably around two months into the semester, when you’d finally met their elusive third roommate.

that night mattsun, makki and you were in a rare state of focus, working diligently on your own respective papers, when they’d nominated you to heat up some frozen pizza to snack on. which is how you found yourself, grumbling, bent at the waist to place the pizza in the oven; ignorant to the jingling of keys, and heavyset footsteps entering the kitchen.

“well this is something new to come home to.”

you jolted at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, whacking the side of your skull on the edge of the counter in a haste to stand up to your full height. you cursed loudly, hand pressed against the throbbing pain in your head as you turned to glare at the culprit. though that was cut short, alongside your breathing, by the sexiest man alive you had ever laid your eyes on, entering your personal space.

he towered over you, not in the same way as mattsun or makki, but what he lacked in height, he made up for in brawn. your eyes greedily traced his body; the steel gray gym shirt clung to him like a second skin, eight slight dips outlining his abs and his wide chest. broad shoulders blocked your view from everything irrelevant behind him, and you watched, almost in slow motion, as his biceps flexed under the tight confines of his shirt sleeves, to reach out and place his much larger hand over yours. you felt every fibre in your being going into overdrive under his unexpected touch, and all he was doing was checking over the swelled up island on your forehead.

“are you alright, y/n?” your ovaries were quaking at the deep rasp of his voice- and wait, he knows your name? “you are y/n, right?” he asked, reading the confusion on your face. you nodded absentmindedly, raising your gaze to meet his own.

you groaned inwardly - who gave this man the right to a sexy body and to look this fucking good? taking in the handsome features of his face; wild crop of dark chocolate hair, smooth tanned skin, highlighting the sharp cut of his jaw, and the attractive straight of his nose. his lips were pouty, eyes slanted under shaped brows, olive hues peeking past his long dark lashes to stare at you.

he moved his hand away from the top of yours, the added warmth missed already; and took your lack of reply as a sign to introduce himself and apologise.

“i’m mattsun and makki’s roommate, iwaizumi hajime. sorry for scaring you.”

you were ready to drag mattsun and makki to hell and back for hiding this fine man- no, greek fucking god, from you all this time. in an attempt to compose yourself and avoid anymore embarrassment, you smiled, dopily, releasing an airy laugh while waving off the apology.

“i’m l/n y/n.”

amusement shifted over his features, a smirk painting over his lips as his eyes creased on the sides. you had to hold on tightly to the reigns forbidding you from openly swooning.

“i know.” he chucked lowly.

you had never wanted the ground to swallow you whole as much as then. the heat you could feel radiating off your cheeks was a clear sign of how embarrassed you were, making a complete fool of yourself in front of the man you were borderline prepared to request to be your future baby daddy. so when mattsun strolled in, casually greeting iwa and poking at the bump on your forehead, you hadn’t been more grateful for your best friend.

too bad it wasn’t enough to avoid the wrath you unleashed on him and makki later on; a series of kicks to their sides, and their own personal hell of listening to how badly you wanted to be split open on his dick.

thinking you had scared away the gorgeous iwaizumi, you were ready to be avoided at all costs. yet surprisingly, after that night, he was suddenly everywhere.

he joined in on your hangouts with the boys. group study sessions where you usually did more foolery than studying? iwa was there to knock all of you into gear. late night fast food runs to satisfy your cravings? iwa was driving, kicking mattsun and makki to the back of his jeep when they’d try to steal your designated seat next to him. and the parties he used to avoid? there he was stuck in the chaos of it all, holding your drink and glaring at anyone who dared to approach the two of you.

of course, iwa’s sudden involvement in your life hadn’t gone unnoticed by mattsun and makki - the two of you becoming their favourite victims to tease. and when his threats and your fists were no longer able to get them off your backs, iwa had taken to spending time with you, without them.

you liked to call them not-dates, even though it was just to parry the feelings rapidly developing for him.

going to the coffee shop you two often frequented so he could buy your favourite drink while you ranted about your shitty group presentation, was a not-date. taking him to the drive-in godzilla screenings every friday for five weeks, because you knew they were his favourite movies, was a not-date. him making you dinner every other night because your mom found out about your insane intake of instant ramen and blasted you during a video call while he was over, was a not-date.

as expected after months of this going on, your two best friends constantly called you out for your not-dates being actual dates. even one of your classmates took to informing you each time your ‘body builder boyfriend’ was waiting outside for you. but ignorance was bliss, and you were sure iwa didn’t feel that way towards you. at least that was until the day you had met oikawa tooru.

you noticed that iwa had been more than a bit apprehensive, as each day passed bringing his best friend’s return to japan closer and closer, though he wouldn’t explain why. yet it seemed it was over nothing, since you and oikawa got along great, even if he did comment every other second on you and iwa’s closeness. meeting the pretty setter had been like placing the missing puzzle piece in the dynamic with your favourite boys.

after a loud lunch with the four boys, oikawa had pulled you in for a tight hug as iwa was about to drop you off to your afternoon class for that day.

“iwa-chan talks about you all the time, y/n-chan, but he’s a dum-dum so forgive him for being slow, alright!” he had whispered in your ear, before pulling away with a mischievous glint in his mocha coloured eyes. “iwa-chan you sly dog! keeping y/n all to yourself, hmm? maybe i should just take her back with me to argentina- wait, iwa-chan, i’m sorry! don’t chase me! gah!”

after that, you started to accept the fact that maybe what was once simply physical attraction, had turned into a deep affection for iwaizumi. the only issue was that, like oikawa said, iwa was a dum-dum, and he didn’t mention anything from what oikawa said that day or his extreme reaction to oikawa’s teasing. hell, you didn’t even know if he even realised that the way he treated you, which was very much a stark contrast to how he treated others, was him subconsciously wooing you.

so the not-dates continued, and you inevitably fell deeper and deeper for sweet, oblivious iwa.

the semesters flew by, it was finally the end of freshman year; exams completed, life instantly renewed, and you were ready to attend the shit show of an end-of-year finisher tonight. the plans were for you to drive over to the boys’ apartment, pre-game like never before, and then head off to the party. so you were surprised when your phone pinged with a string of messages from the group chat.

stepping out of the elevator, the click clack of your laced-up stilettos echoed in the tiled corridor, as you made your way towards the boys’ apartment. the better part of you was suspicious of mattsun and makki’s sudden change of plans; though it was shot to the back of your mind as you raised a manicured hand to tap against their door.

shifting around a bit, you didn’t have to wait long before the door was yanked open.

“y/n.” iwa greeted you with a lopsided grin.

you couldn’t prevent the gasp that escaped your glossy lips at the sight of him.

an arm was held above his head, bicep flexing as his hand rested on top of the door frame, the other scratching the back of his thick neck. the rich scent of his cinnamon cologne, mixed with the musk of his aftershave wafted around you; as your eyes followed the droplet from his damp hair, sliding down the side of his jaw on to his bare shoulders. now, shirt-wearing iwa was incredible, with his collection of monotone coloured shirts that always seemed a size too small; but shirtless iwa? had you frothing at the mouth.

you dared your eyes to move lower, skirting over the delicious sight of his bare chest, and willing yourself to commit every stretch of him to memory. the taut muscles of his stomach tightened as you drank them in, the deep v indents cut around his hips, and your eyes followed over the fuzzy trail of dark hair that disappeared underneath the waistband of his jeans that sat dangerously low.

and while your mouth ran dry, you couldn’t say the same thing about the situation between your legs; pressing your thighs together to alleviate some of the pressure.

“iwa, uh...the boys...said to come over, change of plans.” was all you were able to choke out. physically you were standing before him, but mentally you were writhing under him.

“i know, they left a while ago.” he replied, the corner of his pretty mouth tugged upwards. “i’m almost ready to go, come inside.”

he already took up the entire space of the door frame, and when he only moved a bit to the side, you were forced to slip through the tiniest of gaps; shivering as your shoulder grazed against his own. standing in the middle of the hallway, you heard the soft click of the door closing, before iwa turned to face you.

you could feel the intoxicating heat radiating off his body spread across your own. the two of your were so close in each other’s space, chest to chest, and even in heels, you still only reached just under his jaw. when you glanced up to look at him, you swore you had caught his olive eyes lingering on the exposed skin of your breasts, before they moved to meet yours.

something different swirled in the depths of iwa’s eyes, something you had never witnessed before. something kin to a wolf staring at its lamb; a hunger so strong, so...fuck...

“you look beautiful, y/n.”

the compliment strikes you in surprise, feeling the flush rise up in your face, and the fluttering in your stomach. you could feel the pounding of your heart beat, drumming in your ears; watching his adam’s apple bob slowly, as he moved his hand to brush away the hair covering your neck. naturally you leaned into his touch.

“iwa…?” you whispered out to him in slight confusion.

“this dress on you...driving me crazy,” he starts, before cutting himself off with a groan. “sorry, y/n, i-i think i overstepped.” he tries to move his hand away from your neck, but you wrap your fingers around his wrist.

oikawa’s voice ran through your mind in a fleeting memory- ‘...forgive him for being slow, alright!’

“are you drunk, iwa?”

“what? no...i haven’t...i’m sober.”

“that’s good then.”

“y/n? good for what?”

“it’s good because then you can show me.” your fingers reach out to flitter over the ridges of his stomach. “won’t you show me how my dress drives you crazy, iwa?”

the surge of courage coursing through your veins, to be able to call him out like you had wanted to for months and seasons, was all it took for iwa to lose the composure he always kept up around you.

without hesitation, the big hand on your neck tugs you right into him; tits pushed together against his chest, as he dips his head to press his lips against yours.

the kiss is far from simple; there’s no room for it, months of pining won’t allow sweet and slow. your hand slides over his broad shoulder, to pull at the dark tufts at the nape of his neck; mouth slanting over his, tongues brushing against each other sensually. you explore his mouth, tasting him, while his hands squeeze over the curves of your body, eliciting a moan once he grabs at the fullness of your ass. you push up against him further, the hard tent in his pants straining against your belly.

“more, iwa, please...need more.” you pant against his lips.

“i got you baby, don’t worry.” he kisses you again, slower, with just as much passion. bending at the knees, and hiking the end of your dress up under your ass, he grabs at the silky underside of your thighs to lift you up into him - ankles locked at the bottom of his spine. he’s carrying you like nothing, and the amusing thought of his arms not only being for show flies through your head before you’re gasping.

the feeling of being pulled flush against him, the damp heat of your clothed pussy grinding against his bare stomach, has you keening for more. he groans loudly at the feeling of your slick coating his skin, and you jostle about as he begins walking through the hallway and towards his bedroom. as your sucking gently on his tongue, he carries you into his room, kicking the door closed behind him.

once his knees hit the edge of his mattress, he gently lowers you to lay down before him on your back. he hovers over you, the lewd swirling of your tongues has your head spinning before he moves from your mouth to latch onto your neck.

“ah, iwa- fuck,” you moan as his teeth grazed your sweet spot. he rolls his hips into you, spreading your legs to accommodate him more, while tugging at the ribbons of your heels. “what about...the party?”

sitting up from you, he grips your legs, sliding you right into him. through heavy lidded eyes, you watch as he takes in your disheveled appearance, a smirk taking over his features.

“fuck the party.” his large palms work the straps of your dress down, exposing your perfect tits; he groans at the sight, leaning down to take a pebbled nipple into his hot mouth. “this night is for me and you, baby.”

you weren’t necessarily a morning person, so living in the dorms, had been a relatively easy decision to make. you had a room to yourself, away from trees allowing a nice view of the campus grounds, and subsequently circumventing the annoying chirping of nested birds. you even added blackout curtains to block out the morning sun.

so when you were woken up by the itching burn of the sunrise on your stomach and your ears ringing with incessant twittering, you groaned loudly.

burying your face deeper into the fluffy pillow under your head, you were squirming under the heavy weight resting over half your body; irritation growing with your inability to get comfortable. peeking an eye open, blinking away the sleep clouding your vision, you took in the sight of a sleeping iwaizumi snuggled between the valley of your breasts. as you became more aware of your body and its surroundings, you felt the panic settling in.

as if he could sense your consciousness, the arm wrapped around your waist gave you a squeeze as he mumbled incoherently. “mmm, baby...y/n...feels good…” his hand slid down the side of your thigh, goosebumps following his fingertips, before it rested on your inner thigh; and he was drifting back to sleep.

you had to shove your fist against your mouth to stop yourself from screaming.

part of you was in denial that last night had actually happened. you, l/n y/n, had spent the night with the iwaizumi hajime - man of your literal dreams, who you had fallen so deeply for. and you had spent it having sex.

raw. nasty. passionate. earth-shattering. sex.

“fuck.” you whispered to yourself. “how could i be so stupid?” you were cursing yourself internally, certain you had fucked up everything you had built in your friendship with iwa - there was honestly no coming back from what transpired between you two.

and with your fight-or-flight response triggered, there was only one thing for you to do right now - get the fuck out of there.

maneuvering your body from underneath iwa’s big arm, without waking him up was a feat in itself. doing so with the way your muscles ached with each motion was on another level. sliding one foot after the other out from under his charcoal bed sheets, you pushed yourself up to sit.

looking behind you at iwa’s sleeping figure, you felt yourself swooning. half lying on his side, with his cotton sheets draped over his waist, you couldn’t help but admire him. his mouth was slightly open, his big arms cuddling the pillow you were laying on, and the smooth skin of his tanned back were tainted with red, angry marks. gulping audibly, your eyes dragged down to the prominent outline of his half-hard cock.

pushing himself up by his forearms, the desperation swimming in his eyes was begging for your touch. you grazed your teeth across his chest, biting at his hardened nipples teasingly, before moving further down from his lap while your tongue drew circles around the dips of his taut abdomen.

“y/n, don’t tease me.”

you smirked at his order, sucking on his skin and pressing wet kisses on his hip bones, before leaning back. he watched you eagerly as your dainty fingers tugged at his belt buckle clumsily, lifting himself up he could slip out of his jeans.

“can’t wait to have your cock in my mouth.” you cooed, eyes starstruck at the tent in his boxer briefs, wet patch dampening at its peak. hooking your finger under the waistband, you hastily yanked the briefs down to free him, his hard cock slapping against his stomach. “fuck you’re so big, haji.”

he was easily the biggest you’ve seen, ever had the chance of pleasuring - so thick, so long, and so fucking beautiful.

you didn’t bother to dwell on the taste of his name on your lips, when you were too busy tasting the essence leaking from his angry, swollen tip. you could barely wrap your hands around the base of his cock, as you pressed a sweet kiss on the head, pre cum coating your lips, before taking it in your hot mouth, suckling gently.

the groan he releases is animalistic, and his hips buck upwards to shove his cock deeper in your mouth. pressing your hand at his navel to keep him steady, you continue sucking harshly, almost painfully, before lowering your head down. his cock slides down your throat, inch by inch, as tears prick at your eyes and you can feel your drool drop on the thumb massaging his balls. he blocked your airways, but fuck breathing when the look on his face when you take all of him in your mouth like a good girl is so, so perfect.

steadily bobbing your head, you feel every inch of him down your throat; tongue swirling around his length, and he twitches every time you trace the thick vein on the underside of his cock. you suck faster and harder as iwa reaches a hand out to feel around your throat.

“fuck, baby, i can feel me in your throat. so fucking good, just like that.” he hisses out, choking up when you begin to hum. “mmm fuck- ah, shit! gonna cum baby! fuck!”

yanking away your hand you hadn���t realised was brushing around your neck as the vision of him disappeared from your thoughts, you stood up, a bit unsteady on your feet at first. you could still taste him, as you ran your tongue over the hood of your mouth.

knowing you were getting distracted, you shook your head gently, pushing your hair away from your face. you needed your clothes, so glancing around, taking note of the strips of clothing scrambled in his room - your eyes caught the baby pink of your lace panties hanging from his bedside lamp.

one second you were swallowing his cock down your throat, and the next he had torn the rest of your dress off and had you laid out in front of him.

iwa made fast work in manhandling you the way he wanted. stretching his legs straight beside you, he pulled you right into him; you gasped as he lifted you up by your waist, practically folding you with the underside of your thighs tucked under the bulk of his arms, knees by your shoulders, and your lower back pressed right against his heaving chest. he was hunched over you, wrapping you fully in his embrace, while you were spread out right in his face.

“you soaked right through your pretty panties, baby.” leaning down, he presses his nose right into your clothed heat, making you squirm, as he breathes you in. “fuck, you smell so sweet, i wanna eat you up real good.”

“i-iwa.” you whined, staring at him through heavy-lidded eyes as you pressed the side of your face into the mattress.

“no, no baby. when we’re like this…” he starts, reaching a hand to tear the thin, and expensive, material right off of you. before you have a chance to complain, his hot breath blows on your drooling pussy, tight hole clenching around nothing in anticipation. “...you’ll say my name.”

“h-hajime, please, haji.” you beg, feeling embarrassed at how exposed you were. he could see everything, do anything to you as he pleased, and you would just let him. so when he presses his heavy tongue flat against your slit, licking all the way up to your throbbing clit; you can’t help but dig your finger nails into his toned calves beside you. “ah- yes! mmm...haji, oh-!”

sucking on your clit, he digs his fingers into your thighs, deeper and deeper in response to your whiny moans for more. he hums against you, mumbling about how sweet you taste, how much he can’t get enough of your flavour, and you can feel him getting hard again - grinding against your back. he slides his tongue between your folds, slurping you up so good, that it’s no surprise you’re teetered over the edge.

“haji! oh, oh fuck! ah yes!” the waves of you cumming hits hard as your pussy gushes all over the lower half of his face. “daddy! s-so good, f-fuck!”

still up in the clouds from your high, calling him daddy flies over your head, but isn’t missed by iwa. you watch, dazed, as he moves away from your pussy, a lewd string of silver connects his mouth to you, his chin glistening with your juices. reaching around your trembling thighs, his thumbs spread your lips so he can get an ever better view of your sopping cunt.

“i knew you’d be my good baby and say my name.” he grins, before leaning back down to you and delving his tongue right in your pussy, tongue-fucking you slowly and massaging your slick walls, his nose nudging your sensitive clit. “now come again in daddy’s mouth.”

heat pooled between your legs as you stretched, ignoring the iwa-sized hand prints painted purple across your thighs, while you thought about him and the magic his mouth performed. waddling to his side table - you examined the remnants of your panties; the pretty pink lace was all but shredded, and you hopelessly threw the material in the trash.

“fucking hell, iwa.” the glare you aimed his way, softened drastically as you took in his sleeping figure. sighing, you turn and spot what may be your dress halfway under his bed.

shuffling over, you crouch, the burn in your thighs making itself even more known and forcing your eyes to shut in a grimace.

the way iwa’s cock filled your little cunt felt while you rode him was incredible. nothing could ever compare to the way he was ruining you from the inside out, and you were sure nothing would ever come close. his big hands palmed your ass while you were bouncing up and down on his length, your belly jutting out every time he was sheathed inside you, your thighs tremored each time they slapped against his.

“fuck, daddy! feels...mmm…wanna cum, please!” your tongue was lolling out of your mouth, as fucked yourself on his cock, digging crescent moon shapes into his shoulder blades. one of his hands remained firmly on your ass, while fingers of the other reached around to pinch your clit.

with a scream you came undone, creaming all over his still-hard cock, and collapsing forward onto his sweaty chest. you whimpered, while he continued to fuck up into your used pussy. despite the tears threatening to fall down your flushed cheeks; you mewled for more.

“shh, baby,” iwa hummed into your neck, you could feel his grin against your skin, peppering kisses as you leaned into him. “daddy’s gonna make you feel even better.”

his thick arms wrapped almost painfully in a death grip around your exhausted body, as he locked his legs and angled himself into your pussy; fucking deep inside you, and hitting your cervix with each stroke. you came again, harder, legs quivering as your insides spasmed; this time joined by his orgasm, as the mixture of his cum was stuffed inside you.

your eyes shot open, breathing slightly laboured. it hadn’t even been a day, only mere hours, and the way iwa had taken over your mind was slowly driving you insane. dropping to your knees, you reached out to grab at your dress, having to slide the top half of your body under the bed.

that sound of iwa’s big hand slapping your ass while he pounded into you from behind, rung in your ears, but the sting and the pleasure was all your fucked out brain could comprehend. he was absolutely relentless with his too-big cock, tearing into you.

on all fours, you arched your back more to accommodate him. each thrust had him bottoming out in your already leaking pussy.

“fuck baby, just like that, mmm- push back into me.”

everything just felt too fucking good. the harsh pace of his strokes had you blabbering, moaning about how good he felt into the mattress.

“don’t stop! oh fuck, please don’t stop haji!”

but you felt his pace begin to slow just as you were about to climax, and when you tried to move back on him his grip on your waist tightened. with ease, he flipped you on your back, almost skewering you on his cock still inside you. hooking the backs of your knees over his elbows as he leaned over you, his full weight folding your body underneath him, as he wove his fingers with yours into the mattress above your head.

“look at my fat cock sliding into that sweet cunt, baby.” iwa grunts. his arms strained, holding his weight up from crushing you, as he teased your sloppy hole. “fuck, you take me so good, baby.”

you whimpered, looking at the connection between the two of you. with a roll of his hips, you watched as his cock slid into your silky walls, the lewd sound of you squelching with every stroke had you arching up, wanting him deeper in your tummy as you gushed around him.

unlike before when his thrusts were rough, filled with raw feral passion; it was now slow, sensual and so fucking sexy. and when you met his gaze, as he continued to grind into you, gripping your fingers tightly between his; it felt as though he was trying to tell you something.

that intense emotion swirling deep in his olive gaze was searing, burning through you from the inside out. everything unsaid between the two of you. but soon enough your orgasm hit you harder than ever, pleasure electric under your heated skin.

“haji, haji, haji- oh, fuck yes!” you chanted his name like a prayer.

“y/n, baby, fuck i love you-“ he moans out, strokes becoming sloppy. “wanted this...for so long- shit, i’m cumming baby!”

snatching your dress from under the bed, you sat on your knees at the foot of his bed, thinking over everything you just wanted to ignore for the time being. you almost wish you could forget he had told you he loved you. how could you possible believe those three words while he was at the pinnacle of his pleasure?

suddenly the shrill ringtone of iwa’s phone blasted next to him. scrambling to your feet, you snatched the phone; fingers mashing the screen to cut off the sound before he woke up.

“what?” you hissed, holding the phone to your ear as you glanced at iwa. you thanked whichever gods were watching over you that he was still fast asleep.

“oho? y/n-chan? is that you~?” nevermind, the gods were out for you.

“tooru?”

“the one and only!” you winced at the smug teasing in his tone. “i was hoping to speak to iwa-chan, but i heard he was a naughty boy last night!”

“uh...what?”

“as in i literally heard him, and you, last night when i came back to the apartment!” oikawa recalls in a sing-song voice, rambling on about how he was here to surprise the two of you. “i always knew our dear iwa-chan had a daddy kink!”

placing the phone between your ear and your shoulder, you attempted to fit your dress over you, while oikawa continued on his spiel of how it took way too fucking long for the two of you to do something about the sexual tension. you had no chance to even peep a word in.

“damn baby, now this view i could definitely get used to.”

you almost shrieked, bumping into iwa’s naked body, and tripping over the dress  dropped around your ankles. you had no idea he’d woken up, sneaking right up behind you in all his naked fucking glory; forcing you to try your hardest not to eye his cock standing at full attention.

“is that iwa-chan?!” oikawa all but screams into the phone. iwa raises a questioning brow, hearing his best friend on the other line. “tell him to be good and wrap it up! no glove, no love!”

you had no business feeling embarrassed at the brat king’s words, while iwa snatched his phone away from you.

“too late for that, shittykawa.” oikawa’s screeches are the last thing you hear before iwa ends the call.

you almost dare to chuckle at the thought of oikawa’s reaction; but falter under iwa’s stare. it’s the same look he gives mattsun or makki when they’re in trouble, but it’s mixed in with the same scorching look from last night, and you shift on your feet nervously, wrapping your arms across your chest.

“going somewhere?” iwa gruffs out, the raspiness of his morning voice had you tugging your bottom lip between your teeth.

“um, home…?” the uncertainty was clear in your voice, especially as he scowled when you mentioned leaving. “iwa, i-”

“oh so it’s iwa now?” he cuts you off, taking a step closer into your space. “i liked it when you called me haji, though daddy follows closely after that.”

you gasp when a thick arm snakes around your waist, pulling you up against him. his other hand caresses your cheek so sweetly, before he grabs your jaw to tilt your face up to his, taking your lips with his own. the kiss is gentle, soft lips moving against your own as his tongue brushes yours sweetly. you’ve fully melted in his hold, eyes still closed when he breaks the kiss.

“i meant what i said last night, y/n.” he whispers against your mouth. “i love you.” your eyes shoot open, and you can feel your heart trying to beat itself out of your chest.

“i-i love you too.” you murmur back, and the smile he gives you has you ready to combust right before him. after all this time, a party had been the reason you finally admitted your feelings for him.

“now come back to bed.” you squeal as he lifts you up and over his shoulder, the grip he takes on your inner thigh is ticklish making you squirm about. “i’m gonna cuddle you back to sleep, and then when we wake up i’m gonna take you out on a date, okay baby?”

you giggle as he tosses you back on his fluffy mattress, dropping himself right on top of you and nuzzling his face into the dip between your neck and shoulder. running your hands softly over the muscled panes of his back, one reaches out to thread your fingers in the tufts of dark hair at his nape.

“okay, haji.”

freshman year had given you a lot of things, but iwaizumi hajime was the best thing yet. you couldn’t wait to see what sophomore year had in store for you.

© 2020 AIIWA. please do not copy, modify or repost my work.

[bonnyskies]

his sweet omega ⇢ jjk

he’s your alpha, and you’re his sweet omega.

pairing — alpha!jungkook x omega!malereader,

genre — fluff, omegaverse au, college au, roommates au, friends to lovers au,

warnings — age-gap (the reader’s eighteen and jungkook’s twenty-two), swearing, past mentions of fuckboy!jungkook, jungkook is very soft for the reader, both parties are oblivious for the other’s feelings, and brief mentions of male pregnancy

requested by — anonymous

author’s note — honestly really loved this request so thank you to whoever sent this to me. and just a small heads up, this is my first time dealing with anything with werewolves so forgive me if there are any mistakes on the topic. i’m still learning about this type of au.

word count — 3k

masterlist

“—and he just told me that he couldn’t date me anymore. No real reason, just that he can’t.”

Jungkook couldn’t believe what he was hearing right now. How could Jaehyuk, your now ex-boyfriend end your guys’ six month relationship without any explanation? It wasn’t like you two had any problems, if anything the two of you were perfect for each other.

Jaehyuk—just the thought of his name already made Jungkook’s blood boil—was an alpha, and since you were only an omega, he protected you like an alpha should and treated you with complete respect and equality, unlike how other people do to omegas. That’s what made Jungkook like him when you first introduced them to each other, because Jaehyuk wasn’t like any other alpha. He was kind and didn’t order you around and treat you like you were his property like most alphas did to their omegas.

Jungkook still remembers the day you introduced him to Jaehyuk, because the image of your big smile and wide eyes shining with passion was engraved in his mind. It was just like any other day, Jungkook was on the couch in your guys’ apartment, waiting for you to come home from your morning lectures so that you two could go out for lunch together. You came back on time, but you also had someone else with you—Jaehyuk. At first, you introduced him as your classmate but from the way you glowed as you spoke about him told Jungkook otherwise. He joined you two for lunch that day, and Jungkook swore he never saw you blush so much, always shielding your face whenever Jaehyuk would compliment you.

You were so in love.

“I’m going to kill him,” Jungkook found himself growling, eyes flashing their crimson color as he tightened his arms around you, listening to your muffled cries into his chest.

“N-No, dont.” You whimpered out, sniffling and lifting your head to meet his eyes. “That won’t solve anything, Kookie. It’ll just create more problems.”

Jungkook smirked at his nickname, leaning down and pressing a quick kiss on top of your head. “He deserves it though. Nobody hurts my sweet omega and gets away with it.”

Even though your face was hidden from him, Jungkook could already tell you were blushing. You always get flustered whenever he uses his nickname for you. “Can I please beat his ass?”

You laughly softly into his chest, and Jungkook swore he could feel his heart stammer inside. “No,” you pouted, running your fingers along the fabric of his shirt. “Can you just stay here and watch movies and eat junk food with me?”

“Of course—,” Jungkook was cut off by the sound of his phone’s ringing before he had the chance to finish his sentence, causing him to slip one of his arms from you and check to see who was messaging him.

“Who was it?” You glancing up and attempting to peek at his phone, but Jungkook already shoved it back into his pocket.

“Nobody,” he answered bluntly, shrugging. “Just Jimin, wondering if I’m still going to his party tonight.”

You frowned, “You can go if you want.”

Jungkook grinned at your sad expression, pecking your head again before saying, “I’m not going. You need me, not Jimin-hyung. Plus, I rather be here watching movies with you.”

This time you couldn’t stop yourself from blushing mildly. “Thank you,” you mumbled into his torso, your heart beating roughly and uncontrollably inside your chest.

Jungkook smiled, leaning down and gently running his lips along your cheek. “Anything for you, my sweet omega.”

And that’s exactly how you two spent the rest of the day. Laying on the couch, watching endless amount of different kinds of movies with Jungkook’s strong, muscular arms resting around your waist, keeping you secured against his chest.

When the morning came, Jungkook tried to persuade you to stay home and take a break from school just for today, saying how you deserve to have one day of relaxation. But really, he just didn’t want you to run into Jaehyuk alone. And since you two were in different grades—him being four grades higher than you, he wouldn’t be there to protect you if you did end up accidentally running into Jaehyuk.

You refused, of course. Jungkook wasn’t surprised though, you’d always been stubborn. Saying how you weren’t going to let one boy and a broken heart prevent you from attending your classes.

But now, Jungkook couldn’t stop worrying about you, wondering how you were doing right now. His mind was so consumed on you, that he couldn’t focus on his professor’s lecture. He didn’t realize how long he’s been distracted by you until one of his classmates broke him out of his thoughts and informed him that the class has ended.

When leaving the classroom, Jungkook checked the time—it was half past ten. He still has another hour and a half until your morning lectures were done. So he did what every other student on campus did when they needed to kill some time. Chill at the college’s lounge.

Jungkook sat alone at the one of the tables in the very crowded lounge, scrolling through his social media as he patiently waited for you to meet him here. And still, his mind continued to worry about you running into Jaehyuk. You were only an omega, a small, shy, innocent omega and there was no way you could defend yourself—both physically and mentally from someone like Jaehyuk, an alpha.

With his mind practically torturing him, Jungkook finally decided to go and meet you at your class’s building instead of—

“Hey, man.”

Glancing up from his phone, Jungkook’s jaw clenched and his shoulders tensed when seeing your ex-boyfriend standing right in front of him. At least he knew now there was no chance of you running into him anymore. Jungkook could feel his fingers tightening around his phone. It was taking everything in him to refrain himself from beating the absolute shit out of Jaehyuk. His inner wolf practically howling for a fight. “What do you want?” His voice low, eyes glaring threateningly at him.

Without saying anything at first, Jungkook watched as Jaehyuk reached into his backpack and pulled your—his sweatshirt out. “{Name} left his sweatshirt at my place, and I wanted to give it back to him today during class but he’s avoiding me.”

“Can you blame him?” Jungkook spat, snatching his sweatshirt from Jaehyuk’s grasp. Even after not wearing it for so long, he could still smell his scent on it along with yours.

“Okay, I deserve that.” Jaehyuk sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, an awkward tension forming between the two of them. “Alright, well that’s pretty much it. See you around—”

“Why did you break up with {Name}?” The question came out of Jungkook’s mouth faster than this mind could comprehend it. He knew this was none of his business, but he had to know. The image of your crying state was still burned into his head, and it tortured him. He needed answers.

Jaehyuk sighed, running his hand frustratingly through his hair. He glanced at the empty seat beside Jungkook, and when the older alpha nodded his head approvingly, he sat down next to him. “Because he wasn’t mine...”

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook raised a brow at him, shifting himself to the side so that he was fully facing the younger alpha. “You two were together for six months, dude! {Name}’s crazy about you.”

“I know that we were together for a long time,” Jaehyuk groaned, tilting his head back. “But he never felt like he was mine, even to this day. No matter how many times I’ve tried to scent him or mate with him, he always refused.”

“You tried to mate with him?” Jungkook seethed, a growl forming in the back of his throat and his eyes shining their usual alpha color of crimson red. “He’s still a virgin, Jaehyuk! You shouldn’t force him to do something that he isn’t comfortable with yet—”

“I know!” Jaehyuk snapped, banging his fists against the table, earning some curious and annoyed glances from other students. “But I was sick of everyone constantly forgetting that we were together.” He confessed, “Even though we’ve been on dozens of dates together, kissed each other many times in public, people still didn’t believe that we were boyfriends. They thought that...”

Jungkook stared at Jaehyuk confusingly, noticing the way his hands were slightly trembling out of anger. “They thought what?”

“They thought you were his boyfriend,” Jaehyuk mumbled out, frowning.

Jungkook’s heart dropped. Other people thought you two were together? “Why would people think that?”

“Are you fucking stupid?” Jaehyuk suddenly raises his voice, eyes flaring. “It’s because you’re always around him. And when you’re not, your scent surrounds him.”

Jungkook sighed, “Listen man, there’s nothing going on between me and {Name}. We’re just friends—close, childhood friends. We grew up together, and since he’s an omega and I’m an alpha, I’ve just got this natural tendency to protect him.”

“What you’re doing isn’t protecting him,” Jaehyuk commented, “You’re owning him.”

That caused Jungkook to scoff, “That’s crazy.”

“Is it really?” Jaehyuk questioned, cocking his head to the side. “I’ve seen the way you act around him, Jungkook. You always make sure to have your scent on him, whether that be either wearing your clothes or—,” Jaehyuk then winced, closing his eyes briefly before reopening them. “—scenting him personally.”

Jungkook’s hard expression dropped. Even though he didn’t want to admit it, he was right. He always made sure his scent was on you before the two of you left for classes. It wasn’t his intention to make it look like he owned you. He just didn’t want any horny, asshole alphas to force themselves on you—a young, unmated omega while you were alone.

“I’m his—was his boyfriend.” Jaehyuk stated. “He’s suppose to smell like me, not you. I’m an alpha too, like you, and yet people spread around saying that I shouldn’t even be considered as one because I can’t keep a single fucking omega!”

Jungkook frowned, guilt coursing through him. He knew how possessive alphas can be, he’s experienced it himself—with you. For an alpha, reputation was everything. If word got around that they couldn’t keep their omega—or ‘property’ in check and loyal to them, it would damage their reputation greatly and they’d be seen as weak.

“Listen man, I didn’t mean make you feel that way.” Jungkook stared at him sympathetically. “It’s just that I’ve known {Name} since we were kids. We grew up in the same neighborhood, we been through everything together. I guess there’s always been a part of me that wants to make sure he’s safe and protected.”

Jaehyuk sighed, leaning back against his seat. “It doesn’t matter anymore, we’re done.” He then stood up from his chair, pushing it in and slinging his backpack over his shoulders. “You should go for it.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, “W-Wait, what?” He stared up at Jaehyuk with confusion. “There’s nothing going on between me and {Name}—”

He was interrupted by Jaehyuk’s laugh, the younger alpha shaking his head. “Come on, man. Have you completely ignored what we’ve been talking for the past half hour? You’re crazy about him. You’ve practically marked him without actually marking him.”

Jungkook lowered his head to hide the blush that was creeping up his face.

“It’s pretty obvious that you have feelings for him, Jungkook.” Jaehyuk continued, standing above him. “I’ve heard the stories about your reputation here. How you used to sleep around with anyone that caught your attention. But then you stopped when {Name} moved in with you. I’m right, aren’t I?”

He was. Jungkook couldn’t even say how many omegas or betas he fucked in the past. But when you told him that you got accepted into his college, Jungkook instantly offered you his apartment’s spare bedroom—saying how it’s cheaper to live away from campus than to pay for a dorm. Ever since then he hasn’t slept with anyone—let alone invite them over. It’s been months.

“T-That doesn’t mean I like him—,” once again, he was interrupted by Jaehyuk’s laughter.

“You don’t have to pretend anymore, dude.” Jaehyuk attempted to reassure him, clasping his hand onto Jungkook’s shoulder. “{Name} feels the same way about you.”

Jungkook felt his heart stop and eyes widened. “W-What?” He stuttered out, “No he doesn’t. Why would you think he does?”

Jaehyuk rolled his eyes. “It’s not that hard to figure out, man. Whenever he’s upset or happy about something, you’re the first person he goes to. He cancels our dates for those weekly movie nights you two always have. And when we do have dates, he’s constantly talking about you. Hell, he prefers your scent over his own boyfriend’s.”

He continued to verbally list, “It’s pretty fucking obvious that {Name} likes you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook didn’t know to say. “Just answer me this,” Jaehyuk leaned forward to where his face was inches from Jungkook’s face. “Have you ever thought of {Name} as anything more than friends?”

Jungkook was speechless. Has he ever thought of you romantically? Yes, he thought you were handsome, beautiful even but he always saw you more as a baby brother. But then again, siblings don’t usually scent each other. ‘Siblings’ also don’t sleep in the same bed together, arms and legs tangled with another. With the image of you flashing through his mind, Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder what a future with you would be like.

The thought of falling asleep and waking up beside you every morning, being able to kiss and hold you, and call you his. Mating with you, claiming you—just the thought alone made Jungkook’s heart burst inside his chest. The image himself marrying you, you carrying his children, his pups—oh fuck.

At this point, Jungkook couldn’t stop smiling. He wanted that. That future, with you.

Seeing the expression on Jungkook’s face, Jaehyuk couldn’t help but smile also. Patting his hand gently onto the older alpha’s shoulder, Jaehyuk whispered softly into his ear, “Go for it, man. Before someone else does.” And then he’s gone, leaving Jungkook with his thoughts alone at the table.

Jungkook’s heart was beating uncontrollably, his inner wolf howling loudly, cheering for finally realizing his true feelings for you. Next thing Jungkook knew, he was taking his phone out and messaging you.

jungkook: hey, can’t make it to lunch today. really busy. see you later at home.

And after the message sent through, Jungkook found himself searching for the nearest florist shop.

When recieving Jungkook’s message and reading it, you were confused. He’s never missed lunch with you before, like ever. After replying back with a simple ‘okay,” you headed towards your guys’ shared apartment where you were patiently waiting for him.

Two hours later, you were still waiting for Jungkook at your guys’ apartment, laying down on the living room’s couch in complete silence. As you waited, you couldn’t help but wonder the reason behind his sudden absence. He still hasn’t shown up and you were becoming anxious. This was unlike of Jungkook, completely vanishing from your radar, not replying to any of your messages.

Maybe he’s hooking up with someone right now, your mind thought, making your skin crawl and heart stop. You’ve heard how he was before you moved in with him. How he used to sleep around constantly, always having someone at his apartment. And since you’re living with him now, maybe he’s going to their place instead.

Just thought of Jungkook doing such...intimate things with someone else made your chest ache. You shouldn’t be feeling this way, you knew that. You were with someone for six months, recently, and it’s not like you two were together or anything so Jungkook can be with anyone he wants. Even though that pains you.

But all those paranoid thoughts disappeared when the sound of the apartment’s door opening was heard, causing you to shoot up from the couch and practically sprint towards the entrance. “Kookie, where’ve you been—,” you froze when your eyes landed on him. Right in front of you, Jungkook stood with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“W-What’s this—”

“This is for you,” Jungkook spewed out slightly aggressively, anxiously shoving the bouquet of flowers into your hands, which you gladly accepted.

“Thank you,” you smiled softly, leaning down and smelling the sweet scent of red roses. “Why flowers, though? And roses?”

“Because they’re the symbol of love.”

Your smile then dropped, replaced with shock. “W-What,” you stuttered out, eyes widening when Jungkook didn’t say anything. Instead he took a step towards you until he was only inches from you, lowering his head down to meet your wide-eyed gaze. His next words made your heart completely shut down.

“I’m crazy about you.” Jungkook said with such calmness, and you swore you’ve never heard your heart beat so loud before. “And I’m sorry that it took me this long to realize that.” You couldn’t speak a single word, you utterly speechless. Taking in your silence, Jungkook continued. “This entire time, I’ve only thought you as a friend. Someone to protect, and I’ve always blamed that slight possessiveness I had for you on my alpha instincts, but it’s not just that.”

Jungkook then leaned down and placed his hands on your waist, pulling you close to him enough to where your chests were barely pressed against each other. “I want you, {Name}. Not just as a friend, but as my boyfriend, my mate.” His words were taking your breath away, eyes swelling up with tears. “T-That’s if you’ll have as your mate,” he then started to stutter, head lowered to hide the blush forming on his cheeks. “I-I know you just got out of a serious relationship, and I-I’m not pressuring you or anything, I just want you to know—”

You couldn’t help but smile at your alpha’s rambles. You’ve never seen him so flustered, so vulnerable before. Leaning up, you silenced him by pressing your lips softly against his, which he gladly accepted and kissed back, tightening his arms around you. The bouquet of roses fell from your grasp as you moved your hands to rest on his broad shoulders, deepening the kiss as your lips moved perfectly in sync against his.

Jungkook couldn’t help but moan against your mouth, the alpha inside him howling, hungry for more, eyes shining crimson red underneath his closed eyelids. If it wasn’t for the need of oxygen, Jungkook could kiss you forever. Your lips was like alcohol, intoxicating. But nonetheless, you both needed to breath which is why you two pulled away, both heavily breathing.

“W-Wow,” was the only thing that Jungkook could say, smiling widely and cheeks blushing mildly. “Are you sure?” He then asked you, eyes shining with concern and assurance. You shared the expression as he did, jaw aching from how hard you were smiling.

And when you nodded, that’s all Jungkook needed before his lips came crashing back down onto yours.

He’s your alpha, and you’re his sweet omega.

[dc41896]

Attention

Pairing: Johnny “Human Torch” StormxBlack Reader

⚠️: Tiny bit of angst (if it even counts really), also tiny bit of implied happy times, but mostly fluff💕!

Re-reading over your notes for what felt like the millionth time this week, you softly mumble to yourself the highlighted material hoping that everything would remain stuck in your mind for your practical tomorrow.

“Intramuscular means within the muscle and is given at a 90 degree angle. Intravenous means within the vein, given at a 25 degree angle. Subcutaneous: in the subcutaneous layer at a 45 degree angle. And finally intradermal-,”

“Psst....psst!!”

If only your boyfriend would stop being a grown man child and let you finish studying though.

“Yes Johnny?,” you sigh still looking down at your binder.

“Take a break, I want to show you something.”

“No Johnny we’re not doing that again.”

“I wasn’t talking about that princess,” he smirks moving to lean against the bedroom door frame. “Although I’m not complaining if you want more.”

Giving him a look clearly showing how you weren’t in the mood, he chuckles holding up his hands to show he was done joking.

“Seriously though I want to show you something, so can you please come with me?”

“Just tell me, or take a picture of it on your phone and show me that way. I really have to keep studying and don’t have time for a bunch of breaks.” Straightening up, a low huff leaves his lips as you hear him pad through the living room before coming back holding a new action figure posed as if about to throw a handful of flames.

“Look! It’s me!,” he beams squatting next to you holding out the toy for you to see.

“Mhm that’s nice babe,” you smile not really displaying the reaction he wanted you to.

“I see you’re having a hard time containing your excitement,” he retorts sarcastically, bringing his mini me back towards his chest.

“It really is nice babe, it’s just similar to some of your other toys that I’ve already seen.”

“But with this one, the little flame lights up. See?” Pressing the small button on the back to show the tiny, plastic flame glowing scarlet, a wide smile spreads across his face making you giggle.

“Yes very cool. Now if that’s all, I gotta get back to this okay?”

“Alright,” he sighs standing up to return to his spot on the couch probably cold by now. “Why don’t you come study out here? It’ll be more comfortable than sitting on the floor.”

“Because you’re watching tv and that’s gonna distract me.”

“Not anymore. The game’s off so I’m done for the night,” he playfully smiles stealing one of your study packets making you whine his name. “Cmon you know you’d rather sit on the big, soft, incredibly comfy couch.”

Wiggling his brows, you roll your eyes trying to focus back on the words in front of you, but as always, seeing his adorable pout was wearing you down. Plus the ache in your buttcheeks was really making the couch, or any soft piece of furniture for that matter, sound like heaven.

“And, as an added bonus, your incredibly hot, charming, all around amazing boyfriend will be there.”

“Johnny...”

“As!...support and to help anyway I can of course. What did you think?,” he feigns shock as you shake your head.

“Alright fine. But if you try to distract me just once, I’m kicking you out for the rest of the night, and you’ll have to either get a hotel, or crash with Reed and Sue.”

“Okay deal,” he chuckles helping you stand and gather the packets, pens, and highlighters you needed to continue your attempted all nighter.

Sat in the middle of the plush sectional with one of his legs draped over your folded ones and the other stretched out behind you, so far he’d done well on his agreement. He stayed busy on his phone watching sports highlights with earbuds attached to his head, and hardly ever touched you unless to give a reassuring hug when he could sense you were getting overwhelmed, or softly dance his finger along your arm making you smile. He even started quizzing you from whichever packet you were on as you lied just below his chest playing with his free hand.

From how he was earlier, seemingly a bit more clingy and not wanting to be away from you, something told you deep down this was all he wanted. Just feeling your body near him as you did whatever, no matter how boring the task was. And although a little distracting, you couldn’t be completely mad at him for his antics since deep down you know you wanted it too.

Honestly need may be the better word judging from your noticeably calmer state. Even Johnny could feel your heart rate gradually decrease to its normal speed through his body.

Soon his yawn began to trigger your own set and eyelids became heavy as the questions came slower along with your answers. You tried to fight it off, but apparently your body had other plans making it increasingly more difficult to open your eyes until both of your light snores were the only sound that could be heard throughout the room.

———

“Good morning Mr. Johnny Storm, Miss Y/N,” the computerized security system greets opening the curtains to reveal the bright sun and cause you to stir. Rubbing your eyes, you see all the packets spread on the glass coffee table quickly reminding you of your exam.

“Sherlock, what time is it?,” you ask in a panic as you sit up causing Johnny to shift slightly without opening his eyes.

Also, why he decided to name the computer system Sherlock, you’d never understand.

“11:30 am miss.”

Grabbing your packets as fast as you can, a string of curses fall from your lips as you run about trying to collect your things. By now you were supposed to be on campus looking over your notes one last time before going in for your slot time at 12. At this rate, you’d definitely be over an hour late and received an automatic zero.

“What’s the rush princess?,” your boyfriend tiredly asks stretching his arms over his head as he stands.

“I overslept and I’m late,” you sniff trying to hold back your tears as you search through drawers trying to find your scrubs. “Where are they?”

Joining you in the room, he tries to kiss your cheek only to miss you completely as you rush past him still looking for your clothes.

“Closet babe. By my suit.”

“Well what about the other ones since those need to be washed now?”

“In the basket to be washed.”

“You mean the same clothes in the basket I asked you to wash last weekend,” you retort changing into the faint ash smelling scrubs. Noticing you wiping your eyes a bit more frequently, he manages to grab your arm stopping you from wherever else you needed to go.

“Johnny seriously I don’t have time for this-,”

“Relax okay? Let’s try to call your professor and tell them what happened to see if you can get a new time.”

“It’s not gonna work. This isn’t an emergency situation, I just overslept like an idiot,” you answer pulling away to finish the rest of your morning routine in the bathroom.

He sighs hearing you bang about while pulling his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants trying to find the number for your school. His upcoming events list popping up though makes him deeply chuckle as he shakes his head.

“Oh honey...!”

“Johnny please don’t start. I’m already frustrated a-and overwhelmed trying to figure out what to do and just need to-.” Holding his phone in front of your eyes, you see his calendar showing all his important meetings and interviews, along with your test date.

Which wasn’t until next Monday.

Pulling your phone from your backpack, you go to your calendar to find the same thing making you feel even dumber.

“...S-So I don’t have my test today?”

“No princess,” he smiles coming closer to caress your face with both hands, wiping your tears with his thumbs.

“And I stayed up all night this week studying for nothing?”

“Well not for nothing. You know your stuff now, so you won’t have to worry about it later.”

“Yea,” you sigh looking up at him as you hold onto his strong forearms. “Sorry for snapping at you about the laundry, and for kinda being cranky yesterday.”

“You were stressed. I get it.”

“But still, there were things I could’ve said differently-.”

“I forgive you,” he smiles leaning in to meet your soft lips with his in a needy kiss he’d been craving since yesterday. Biting your bottom lip as he just barely pulls away, your hands wander from his forearms to his flexed biceps, shoulders, and eventually chest stopping to graze your index finger along the small dip below his neck.

“Well since I don’t have an exam today and no classes, I was thinking...”

“Oh I think I know,” he smirks tilting his head lower to nip at your jaw and neck making you giggle.

“I help you do the laundry.” As soon as the sentence left your mouth, his stopped making you laugh harder while he groaned against your skin.

“Alright I promise it’ll get done today, but can’t we do it later?,” he whines with puppy eyes, lifting you so your legs could wrap around his hips as if trying to persuade you.

“Let me finish. We do the laundry so I can have clean scrubs and between loads, I give you all the attention I know you’ve been wanting that I wasn’t fully able to give this week.”

“Hey it’s not like I’ve been that-,” he tries to deny before meeting your eyes as if they were saying “really?”

“...yes please,” he smiles before his mouth returns to your smiling lips.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @maxcullen @literaturefeen @damnitaa @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jnk-812 @jojolu @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @secretmysteriousperson @scoop93535

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found on my masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

[maruzzewrites]

45 for my favorite Zipper Capo?

45. “You don’t even know how lucky you are. I protect you and provide for you. Don’t act so ungrateful.” 

Content warnings: yandere content, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, disembodiment/amputation, mental/emotional abuse and manipulation, idk what else guys you tell me.

His fingers are slender as he handles your own with gentleness. You wince at the sight of the contact, but you don’t want to pretend to feel it on your skin, in your nerves. Not because you’re tired or in need of some sort of superiority over his treatment, but because your brain would give out if you acknowledged the reality of your situation.

The first time he decided to detach your limbs, it was when he decided you were his to take. You knew Bruno’s occupation and his affiliations, but people all around you were quick to reassure you he wasn’t one of those thugs, one of those lowlifes who drag people in the mud just to steal a few bucks. No, he was one of the good ones, a mobster who could and would help those in need. You believed them then, and now you have to stomach the regrets. That is, when you get to have a stomach attached to your body.

Bruno, as you came to understand a while after you first met him, was a lonely man. Despite his charisma and his network, he was incredibly alone; the years spent, since childhood, in the grim world of Italy’s criminal underbelly weren’t an attractive quality for friends and lovers alike. Everyone was ready to be helped, but no one was willing to risk their safety to stay at the side of someone who put their life on the line every day, especially if it wasn’t even to be virtuous. And you were the same, just the same; young, and simply in need, you were not above begging him to help your family and then walk away when he asked you to consider him as something more than a mere do-gooder.

He didn’t appreciate, of course. Your current predicament is a blatant hint about that fact; spiritless on the bed, against the headboard so that you wouldn’t collapse for the lack of support from your legs or arms. Your lower limbs lay down on the floor, near the man who was occupied with one of your hands on his lap, careful to spread the color of the nail polish evenly on each finger. Your nails – long, but rounded, just as he liked – are simple in design, with the white tip neatly contrasting with the pink of the rest.

It is an out of body experience, seeing your own arms resting peacefully on Bruno’s legs as he shoots you furtive, quick glances now and again to check if you are still focused on him. And you are, you couldn’t do anything besides fixing your eyes on the show in front of you, both mundane and macabre, but disgustingly expected at this point. Your stomach doesn’t even squirm at the thought or the realization that this abnormal situation became your routine.

With a finishing touch, Bruno returns the little brush back in its rightful container and looks over his work. His thumb, fondly, caresses your knuckles and traces their dips with domesticity, sneaking his fingertips under your hand, over your palm, to rise it from his lap and leave a delicate kiss on the back of it. His eyes raise to meet yours, with a sweet smile to complete the picture of a perfect man who wants nothing but the best for you. Coincidentally and conveniently, he believes that meant he gets to make choices for you if it means you were right besides him, no matter how much you are unable to do otherwise.

“Do you like it?” His voice comes smooth, deep, but never reassuring. He turns the arm around to show off the refined color painted on your nails. You squints, not to look at it better, but simply because the sight of the perverse scene in front of you; Bruno, the portrait of serenity and class, legs crossed with elegance, as he offers you the view of perfectly manicured nails shining under the warm light in the room. The arm lays limp in his hands, cutting abruptly a little after the elbow. It makes your stomach turn, empty and heavy in your body.

“No.” It’s a simple enough answer and you know it will have its consequences, but you can’t really care right now. You know Bruno won’t physically hurt you, for he’s too kind, but also too smart. Giving you ammo to feed your hate is a misstep in his attempts to weight down on your mind with guilt, and pressure, and doubt. His eyes flutter open behind his long lashes and the blue of his eyes has a cold flavor to it, like frigid waves of a stormy sea.

“I like it,” he states as he turns the limb around again, watching over his work with fondness and confusion. All fake, pretend, all so incredibly infuriating. The sensation of burning resentment grows in your chest, but it’s suddenly suffocated by the anxiety over the stern look he gives you once he shifts his focus on you. It’s not a hit or a blow, but it feels like resting warm skin on the surface of steel, exposed to the wind and the snow. Bruno’s words never cease to sound silky, but they gain resolution and authority, “There must be something you like about this.”

This, you are aware, refers to the circumstance. The living situation you are forced to carry on by force and convenience, as Passione isn’t a forgiving force if you decide to cross even the lowest of capos. You know Bruno is beloved by mobsters and civilians alike, so you refrain from running away because you’d meet too many difficulties if you attempt to leave him behind. That’s how he dragged you in this life the first time, too, with charming words spoken with a silver tongue and a net made of social pressure from those around you.

You can’t leave, but you can avoid biting your tongue. Bruno grimaces each and every time you don’t bow your head to his demands, always masked with questions and encouragements. But you are aware his patience would run out one day, and you are toeing the deadline of that moment. Luckily, today he still holds in all the cruelty that allowed him to climb ranks in a ruthless syndicate. For now, Bruno is still the serious, charming and wicked gentleman that sweetens his deals with veiled threats.

“You don’t even know how lucky you are,” he approaches you with poise in his steps, the click of his shoes too loud in the silence of the room as you refuse to meet his eyes. You feel him rest your arms on the bed, near you, and then his hands slide on your back as he lets you gently settle on the plush duvet. Your head is on the pillow now, and this allows him to make eye contact before you turn away. Not even a sneer or a groan gets past his lips, only chilly resignation, “I protect you and provide for you.”

And he did, he does, he will. That’s bitter on your tongue, that knowledge that he sends your family all the necessities and the protection someone would need in the worst neighborhoods of Naples. Crooks and delinquents can’t touch your loved ones until Bruno gets to bask in your presence. Your heart winces in your chest, then it hurts, as if constricted by something painfully tight. You feel blue, all of the sudden, and you don’t know why. Bruno’s hands meets your cheek to turn your head towards him with tenderness.

“Don’t act so ungrateful.” The words are harsh, but the tone is melancholic. His eyes tell a story of loneliness, of a solitary child who could never let anyone get too close if he wanted to preserve his own feelings. But you are here now, for him, for you, ready to mend past and present so that you can move on together. It’s sweet, but bitter and sour around your tongue, and his blue eyes wash over you to the point you feel your heartbeat slow against your ribs.

But that moment is shattered by Bruno himself, who reminds you your bane as he reattaches your limbs. When the bones, the flesh, the skin realigns, it feels like tearing and sewing at the same time. It burns, but it’s icy, and suddenly you feel the pressure of his finger tips on your arm. Your resentment flashes again and you can’t feel pity for the man anymore before he secures your wrists to the bed with slick experience.

Your emotions circle between anger, fear and pity; one day, he won’t even need to speak, before you succumb, and he will be the only place where you will be able to forget all of it.

[getyourblisson]

A Look At March 2019

A Look At March 2019

March by nature is a month that we can bring pieces together; and naturally favors speaking up and getting heard by others.  It is a time for us to embrace the alchemist and engage in creative endeavors and the arts. It favors interactions and conversations when we look at its energy on its own.

As we combine the nature of March with the year 2019, we are likely to see more people speaking up; especially where they have been repressed.  On the other hand we will also see attempts to further squash our freedom of speech or to silence those that speak the truth or share information that the proverbial “they” don’t want to be released.  This is a time where those that have been held silent will be supported by the masses if they do speak up; and they will unleash an inner harvest or abundance, empowering those that have been abused or victimized across the world.

The key in bringing forth information and sharing experiences of breaking free from repression, anxiety, suffering, and other victim patterns will be to do it in responsible ways.  Coming out in rebellion or revenge will bring unfavorable results; but coming out as one that has walked the steps and done the work, free from blaming others, awakening others through their own experiences and learning brings great results. This is based on sharing successes, and creating prosperity and inner wealth from what torments not only one; but numerous.

We may also see breakthroughs related to mental illness during this time; and there may be more talk or concern about what we need to do regarding anxiety and mental illnesses in society as a whole.  Who has been responsible for contributing to it; and how are we going to deal with it responsibly.  Many mental illnesses reside in people that are fully functional in society.  Even simple stress or anxiety can fall into this category; and few are free from experiencing some form of that in today’s society.

The exciting part of all of this is that this is a month for overcoming those mental challenges and anxieties.  It is a time where we are able to breathe a little and get a bit of a break from those things that have pushed us to our mental limits or into mental exhaustion. The biggest key in relieving mental strain at this time is to meet our responsibilities and obligations.  When we do this, we magnify the blessings; and bring a greater return on the resources that we have to work with. Ignoring responsibilities at this time can bring further challenges, stress, and reduce our resources.  While it may feel heavy in the moment, it is well worth putting the effort forward.

During the first 2 ½ weeks of the month we want to leave our schedules a little more flexible and open; so that we can deal with unexpected shifts of plans or unexpected happenings that may arise.  Do not be upset with others that need to cancel plans during this time, as things will not be in their control; instead support them in meeting the challenges and obligations that they must take care of.  What we say and do at this time can be highly influential in the choices that others make; so make certain that you are being compassionate and supportive, and encouraging what is best for them instead of just what you want to have happen. Stay focused on using that energy to guide others in handling the responsibilities and obligations at hand.

There is a great amount of leadership and people that want to have power and influence over others. A true leader is not about the power; but about bringing a group together in a way that honors the individual members of that group, unleashing them to stand in their greatest potential.  A leader does not place themselves above others or create a hierarchy; but sees all pieces as equally valuable and necessary to the functioning and success of the group as a whole.  If you want to move into more of a leadership role; then this will be a great time to do it.

During the last 1 ½ weeks of the month we want to be extra aware of the choices we are making, the actions we are taking, and the way we are influencing others or being influenced by them.  This is a time where victim patterns can arise.  It is a time where we may be called to let go of something in our lives; or may be required to give more of ourselves in some way.  In essence there will be sacrifices to be made in order to move forward.  The key to realize is that sacrifice does not mean we have to suffer or do without something; it can be about releasing something that is not meant to continue forward with us, has outlived its usefulness to us, or is no longer needed or a part of what we are becoming.  It is a willingness to let go of what is not needed for the next part of your journey.

The lessons we are learning at this time are soul layer lessons; they are a tuning in with our true purpose and mission in life.  They are an awakening that shares with us what we are truly passionate about; and what is really important to us.  This is a time of self-discovery; and an important piece that we must realize to our very core, before moving forward.  There may be a sense of urgency to move forward or frustration with restrictions at this time; and if this is so, keep asking what the lesson is you must learn from this.  Until you learn what is needed you cannot move forward; for the lesson is the key to the door you are trying to get through, which is why you want to focus on the lesson first.

The key points for this month are to speak up and say what needs to be said; do not let others keep you silent or inhibit you from speaking what needs to be said, especially where people are being bullies or abusive in some way.  Speak from experiences and not hearsay.  Pay attention to stress and anxiety that may surface; and honor what you need for peace of mind.  Give your mind a rest and let it enjoy more creative thinking than mental processing.

Stay flexible and don’t burden yourself with heavy schedules or commitments; and be forgiving of others that may need to cancel out of plans.  Be a true leader, or align with where there is true leadership.  Be extra conscious of your choices and actions; due to their affects being magnified during the last 1 ½ weeks of the month.  Stay focused on what your experiences are teaching you more than trying to get a particular result.

I welcome you to find your voice and speak it.

I welcome you to stay open with flowing in the moment, instead of restricting yourself with schedules and plans.

I welcome you to consider the cascading effects of your choices and actions before implementing them.

  Actions to focus on

The energy from the last half of last month carries through into this month. Watch, listen, pay attention; observe, observe, observe.  Ok also participate; just don’t let the participation consume you.

The soul self wants to fly and just doesn’t feel like being restricted by Earthly concerns right now. Our soul self is ready and wanting to command things; which is all great and fine, except it still has to work within the realm of the 3rd Dimension.  This can lead us to choose actions that are perhaps not as responsible as they need to be.  It can also create a challenge in balancing things in our life.

The key will be to not procrastinate, even when the soul wants to do something.  This is not to deny the soul in any way; but allows you the freedom to honor it more completely.  We need to take care of things as they come up right now, and not put them off; as we need our time as open and flexible as possible.

What you do cannot be driven by money or material pursuits at this time.  Activities need to focus on what is fulfilling for the soul self. Think free and simple and easy. There will not be fulfillment in spending tons of money on doing things; but there will be fulfillment in gathering with friends, participating in classes that provide personal growth and awareness, and doing things that engage your creative energy.

I welcome you to incorporate a sense of exploration into your daily life.

I welcome you to see how immediate action enhances your freedom.

I welcome you to do things that have no material gain or benefit, exploring the power of what is truly free.

 What to focus your thoughts on

While there is some continuation here from last month as well; the energy current still has a shift in it.  Overall, we are focused on and desiring to have an abundance mindset.  We are thinking “I am ready for that harvest now” and “I have done the work, let me see the fruits of my labors”; and yet something seems to have things “on hold” or delayed in coming through.  The universal brake seems to be stuck on, no matter how hard we try to release it.

The key in this is to put our thoughts on knowing all is fine and will come through in due time. Do not try to hasten the harvest, or worry if it will produce or not.  It may feel like there are some mind games going on; or things that will try to make you think that things are not working.  However, that is not necessarily true.

What we do need to do, is to consider how we move our abundance mindset into a more practical 3rd Dimension reality.  We need to put our mind on creating a practical and realistic plan to move things from thought into action.  We will also need to focus on our obligations and responsibilities first so that we can free up our mental processes for moving forward.

The abundance mindset is best used towards creating greater freedom right now.  Engage those ideas and write them out.  This is a time for making a more concrete plan for all of those great ideas.

I welcome you to focus on patience and KNOWING all is well, not just thinking it.

I welcome you to walk away from those that are playing mind games or engaging in mental manipulation.

I welcome you to give your abundance mindset earthly outlets to be expressed through.

  Nourishing The Soul

Most of the month our soul is calling to experience wholeness.  It wants us to operate in fullness, and to complete things.  It wants to have things brought to completion; and the more we are engaging our whole self, the more tangible results we will see in our outer experience of the world as well.  Partnerships can bring worldly success; but we must be very careful of the price that is to be paid for this.

The soul self can be tempted in many ways.  It can also feel a bit like the wounded child as the outer world tries to cut into our time to nurture our soul; by offering us opportunities for success, money, progression, etc.  A balance will need to be found between having the outer world success and inner nourishment.  Embrace the successes but do not sacrifice soul time to do it.  You hold the power right now, and sacrifices are not needed; you can have both worldly success and soul nourishment, don’t be convinced otherwise.

During the last 5 days of the month we find that we move into a learning phase and it is a time for blending earthly responsibilities with our passion and sense of mission in the world.  How can you bring more of yourself into what you are doing in the world?  This is a great time for learning, and the soul will love getting any lessons and awareness that you are willing to take in.  What you learn, and the values that you stand by at this time have magnified affects so make them count.

I welcome you to explore what it feels like when you are acting from your whole self and not just one piece.  How does it feel when all of you can move in the same direction?

I welcome you to honor soul time, even when being offered material benefits.

I welcome you to recognize and embrace the power you hold; and do not sacrifice yourself for worldly pursuits.

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[myhelrav]

In Search of Wellbeing

Tales of Transition #3

As I started assembling my words and pictures for this post, it was 6 months to the day since Rod and I left Wellington, one of us heading north to to start the hard work of turning this beautiful renovation into a home, the other detouring to the South Island. That felt like quite a milestone. It was wild and wet here in the Bay of Plenty. It felt wonderfully appropriate for an anniversary of leaving windy Welly. 

While I was contemplating this particular post, the words of the Navajo Prayer, In Beauty May I Walk, played through my mind over and over. Reminding me that I have indeed walked in beauty since I left my beloved city. Telling me how much the everyday beauty of our new home has helped ease transition.

A while back I read a piece suggesting a difference between happiness and wellbeing. A lightbulb came on! It’s no secret that I struggled for happiness as Rod and I adapted to the many changes of the previous 6 months. Yet in the midst of bouts of unhappiness, I was experiencing moments of what I have come to identify as wellbeing. Almost always outdoors, it might be feeling the mild northern winter air, soft on my skin. Revelling in the novelty of rain falling vertically (!), often so gentle it could barely be heard. Feasting my eyes on treats such as sparkling blue waters, our garden glowing golden against a dark sky to the east as the sun dropped in the west, yet another treasure discovered in that garden as the seasons started to unfold... Breathing in the heavenly aroma of our own citrus fruit. For however long that moment lasted, I felt at ease. 

Those moments all felt like gifts, as did the notion that wellbeing and happiness could be separated. Letting go of happiness as a goal was liberating. It was a remarkably helpful strategy in helping me begin to deal better with the emotional conflict that, somehow, didn’t magically disappear after the excitement and turmoil of arriving in Eleventh Ave. And if you know me well, you know that I like my strategies! Here are some of my other strategies for this phase of Project Tauranga:

To create a sense of peace and order so as to counteract the many ways in which lack of peace was frustrating me

To attempt to forgive myself for the ways I was not coping and to concentrate instead on the ways I was contributing

To focus on gratitude

To seek out beauty

Peace and Order

Box city is not a peaceful place in which to live. No surprise there, but what did surprise was how long it continued to be a struggle to adapt. 

Initially nothing had a place so nothing looked out of place. Locating phones, keys, or any other random thing put down “for now” was the first challenge. The pace at which we could create order out of chaos was limited. How fast could Rod could build shelves? How many chests of drawers - an item of furniture we’d had no need for in Karepa Street - did we need to find?

My heart was aching for the sons and friends I’d left behind, my resilience was undermined by week after week of very poor sleep, my body was wearied by prolonged hay fever - the legacy of dusty downsizing, cleaning product overload and far too many flowers in far too many rooms while Karepa Street was on the market... The energy and team work that brought us this far took a big hit. Rod, although faring better than me, was also exhausted. It took far longer than either of us anticipated to find our mojo as a team again.

We had also both anticipated that we would quickly adapt to the background traffic. “You’ll get used to it” everyone said. Except some don’t get used to it. Yup, it seems I’m one of those. The noise intruded on my thoughts, affected my moods and, even through earplugs, disturbed my sleep. 2 miserable months passed before I managed a decent night’s sleep. It was even longer before the noise stopped feeling like a malignant foe. In the wee hours I’d find myself staring down at the trucks that drive through the night, angry and hating them, wanting to scream back at the road, just shut up!

It probably sounds overly dramatic and I did feel as if I was becoming unhinged. Strategies were desperately needed! And so we set to work. To help turn my ears away from the traffic we put gently ticking clocks in the rooms I spend most time in to listen to instead. After months of investigating and pricing our options, I’m thrilled to report that work on double-glazing our windows will start in the next few days. Changes are also happening within. Rod and I started doing yoga and our lovely classes have helped calm my mind. I am learning to listen to my breath rather than the noise when it wakes me at night. My foe is shrinking...

Box city shrank too, but gradually, wearyingly, and not completely. In the garage, wardrobes and upstairs rooms, it still lurks in wait... As it retreated, we were able to create ever larger pools of calm beginning with my favourite corner chair, where I look out into the garden on two sides and back at the beauty that surrounds me indoors.

We may not have peace and quiet but we do have spaces that look peaceful and calm. I am working to keep them that way - in this new life of ours I am reinventing myself as a much tidier person! 

Contribution

Forgiving myself is such a hard one. Luckily I have an ally in making this strategy work. Rod is thriving on the freedom to beaver away at his enormous list of home handy work but sees our physical environment as just one piece of the home-making puzzle. For him, making connections with new people and places is of equal value and he is very generous in treating the time that I spend seeking these as important work. Who knew that my addiction to Facebook and love of cafés would be seen as useful?   

And so I ferret out new things for us to do. From watching live music in tiny venues to watching ride-on mower racing at a huge school gala - with a variety of weekend markets in between - Rod has cheered my efforts and said yes to most of my suggestions as we try to get used to life in this very different town.

We were incredibly lucky that I stumbled across an active women’s social networking group on Facebook early on. Thanks to this group we learned about the yoga class, joined a pub quiz team, hosted a book club, helped cater for a fundraiser, found friends to join me and my mother on a garden jaunt to the Waikato, found someone new for Rod to go biking with…  

I am, of course, getting to know Tauranga one café at a time. All with Rod’s blessing and support. Go Team Tauranga!

Gratitude

I am grateful that Rod shares the need to go back to Wellington often. To drink in the comfort of familiar places and to wrap ourselves in the aroha of beloved family and friends. To lay aside the task of reinventing our lives and just be ourselves for a little while in the company of those who know us well. 

We both feel very fortunate that we had time and means to say yes to nearly every opportunity that came our way to catch up with old friends, not only back in Wellington but in other parts of the country too. We are especially grateful to those who took the trouble to come and add to the new chapter being written in Eleventh Ave. Each visit replenishes our kete and feels like a blessing on this house.

Oh, how much I miss my “posse” of friends, to quote one of my new friends. I am so grateful for the women I have met here who help ease that ache. Who don’t expect that we can possibly take the place of old friends overnight but who are here for each other in very meaningful ways in the meantime. Who might just feature in a blog post all their own one day… 

I feel very blessed by how much easier adapting to change has been for my partners in this venture. To be able to focus so much on putting myself first with Rod’s help is an enormous luxury that I have seized with both hands. Seeing how happily my mother potters around her “Little Nest” has given me and Rod profound joy every single day since she arrived.

And we are all grateful for our bountiful avocado tree. It has been delivering a big dollop of wellbeing every lunch time for weeks and weeks now. How lucky is that!

Beauty

The natural beauty of the Bay of Plenty is one of the things that drew me and Rod here in the first place. Has it ever delivered! Being so spoiled in the choice of beautiful things to see and do has helped immeasurably whenever I’ve tried to focus on the positive and give less energy to the negative.

We thought we’d miss our dramatic Wellington view but very soon discovered that our Tauranga view is equally mesmerising in a different way. Mauao, the iconic volcanic cone at Mt Maunganui, is a constant presence, drawing our eye and grounding us. We’re intrigued by unfamiliar patterns of clouds above us (we truly are living under a different sky.) We love to watch the ever shifting patterns of light and tide in the estuary that’s close enough to escape to for a very nice bike ride or walk. 

Walking on the beaches at the Mount is also an easily accessible treat. Closer to home, trees and flowers provide endless inspiration to reach for my camera. The photos with which I bombard my friends on Facebook are but a tiny fraction of the ones I have taken, feeding my soul even while my spirits sagged. The variety of species that thrive here means there is garden colour to be enjoyed everywhere we walk or drive, no matter the season. We are beginning to learn the pattern of the seasons and are looking forward to next year’s arrival of feijoas and mandarins, magnolias and cherry blossom.

And the tiny first steps we have taken in growing vegetables fill us with hope that our dreams of a garden to nourish body and soul will come true.

To quote another of my new friends, “being out of your comfort zone is not comfortable!” For what seemed like the longest time, I felt lost and broken. Now that I find myself able to look back and write about those bleak times, I cherish the fact I am feeling more whole and more at peace. 

This new sense of peace feels fragile. Bad days still strike without warning. Knowing that they’re not guaranteed, I am all the more grateful for the good days. For the beauty that cushions us through good days and bad.

In beauty may we continue to walk as Project Tauranga moves into a new year.

Arohanui

[thedefinitionofbts]

Our First and Last (Ch. 9)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10 | 

Ch. 11 | Ch. 12 (Final)

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (MAIN) | Park Jimin x Kim Taehyung | Jung Hoseok x Min Yoongi | Kim Namjoon x Kim Seokjin

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Soulmate Au, Scifi

Words: 4.4K

Days in lab were consuming most of your summer. Graduate classes would start in early fall, but that wasn’t until September. You had finally completed a successful attempt of the experiment Jungkook had assigned you, and were feeling much better about wasting so much material (aka convincing yourself it wasn’t all in vain).

Jungkook was always busy, and seeing him after that “visit to his apartment” was surprisingly not as awkward as you had originally prepared for. Granted you barely saw him around anyways, but when you did, the neurosurgeon had just acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened and continued treating you the way he had before, but you were somehow less intimidated by his status.

It's not until now, that you find yourself sitting in his office once again, discussing more theories and the next steps of the project.

“I’ve made some alterations to the project” Jungkook says, as he pulls up another PowerPoint on his computer.

Damn, how does this guy have enough time on his hands to put together this stuff. It’s not like we’re having a lab meeting…

“Recently I’ve gotten a new surgical procedure approved, and it changes up the game.”

You look at him, waiting for him to continue because it’s not like you knew how important any of this was or what kind of vital role this so called procedure plays in the overall project. And you didn’t understand why he always just assumed you knew what he was talking about 100% of the time.

“It may redefine consciousness”

He pauses, perhaps waiting for an awestruck response from you, but you continue to look at him, wondering if consciousness was ever defined in the first place.

“We’ve always associated consciousness with being awake, leading us to believe that our dreams are part of our subconscious.”

You listen to him explain, trying to follow along as best you can so you won’t have to ask any dumb questions later.

“It’s a simple, minimally invasive procedure where the connections between neurons in the lower cortical layers are strengthened. You know, the area where our perceptions are bound into a cohesive whole, and this procedure could potentially change the sleep-awake dynamic, making dreams more clear and understandable.” Jungkook pauses and looks at you with that pair of memorizing doe eyes, and you almost forget what he was talking about. Good thing the eye contact only lasted for a fraction of a second because you were practically getting lost in them. “It’s like putting on glasses for the first time, there’s a certain element to that breathtaking experience of depth and clarity that we haven’t had the ability to explain properly, and now this might be the answer.”

“Is it possible that dreams and memories are one in the same?” You ask, not knowing how or why that thought suddenly popped into you head and came out of your mouth without any warning.

Jungkook slowly raises his eyes to look at you again. There was an unspoken glint in them that you had never seen before, like your question had sparked something in his own head that he wasn’t expecting.

“Memories….” He’s looking at you for an unnaturally long amount of time, before he clears his throat and averts his eyes. “We won’t know until experimentation on humans. So far, the brains of non-human primates are the closest match, and those monkeys can’t really voice anything to us.”

Another thought pops into your head.

“Do you need volunteers?”

“Y/N, I’m a biochemistry major. You’re going to need to do more explaining than that.” Hoseok says as you’re telling him about consciousness and the re-defining nature of Jungkook’s new procedure.

“Well, if we’re talking about consciousness, the simplest scenario is you looking in a mirror. Let’s say you didn’t know the mirror was placed in front of you, and you just saw a being that was exactly the same as you, down to the last subatomic particle. So how is your brain just able to know, that the supposed you that you are looking at is not you, and that the you looking at it, is you?”

“Ok, you lost me at ‘the simplest scenario’” Hoseok slumps down in his chair.

“Whatever, the point is, Dr. Jeon is going to help me clear up my dreams.”

“Y/N, you can’t just let this guy just use you as a lab rat. I mean, as hot and intelligent and skilled as he is, your not obligated to donate your body to him… ” Hoseok says before realizing he phrased that in the worst way possible. “Ok, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.”

“But I want to, Hobi. Besides it’s a simple procedure and experimentation on humans has already been approved by the medical association.”

“But…but…”

“Just think of me as a volunteer.”

“What about the risks involved?”

“Temporary amnesia, but it’s very unlikely. Especially with someone as skilled as Dr. Jeon.”

“He’s that good?”

“He’s that good.”

Hoseok doesn’t look convinced, but you had already made your decision.

After you had revealed to Jungkook that you happen to take therapy sessions at the same clinic he goes to, Jungkook thought it was probably a good idea to pay a visit to Dr. Kim Taehyung before the actual procedure (out of respect and maybe to also apologize to his partner Jimin for being rude in the past). It was embarrassing to say the least, especially seeing the dorky smile spread across the pink-haired psychologists face as he accepted the apology in a flash.

Taehyung, however, had not been as easily forgiving, and he was far from happy about the whole “experimental procedure”.

“As her psychologist, I’ll need to take more factors into account.” Taehyung says as Jimin stands behind the couch he was sitting on.

Jungkook was sitting on the other couch across from Taehyung. It was like having a therapy session; only there were two faces across from him, Taehyung and Jimin, which made Jungkook feel even more uneasy because of the antagonistic terms they had been on before. The three of them were in Taehyung’s office, and Jungkook thinks this is about as friendly as he’s ever been (or is ever going to be) with the two psychologists. He’s also starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea, but he sucks it up like always and explains the actual procedure.

“She’s agreed to go through with it, and there are virtually no risks involved”

“Dr. Jeon, you do realize that most professors don’t consider doing experiments on their students, right?” Taehyung voices, only to have Jimin whisper “Taehyung!” and nudge his shoulder, reminding him that Jungkook has no ill intentions.

“I wouldn’t if I wasn’t confident that this procedure is harmless,” Jungkook says. He looks down, as if trying to summon more words of reassurance; more ways to convince Taehyung that he knows what he’s doing and he’s worked his whole life for this.

“This might even help her condition” Jimin says to Taehyung after realizing the latter hasn’t responded.

Taehyung sighs after a long drawn out silence where him and Jungkook were basically just staring each other down. “Very well, I’m going to trust you, as a doctor, to make sure she comes out of this unharmed.”

Taehyung was recalling the last session he had with you, thinking about how much you struggled to remember the last event that happened in your dream, after they the man that had consistently been present, suddenly disappeared. But the thing that really caught Taehyung’s attention and came as a shocking revelation was the fact that Jeon Jungkook was the very professor you were doing research under. All of this lead Taehyung to feel weirdly attacked in way because Jungkook had been showing up everywhere ever since Jimin brought him into the clinic and started treating him. Not only was he the central topic him and Jimin would talk about most of the time, he recently shifted to also becoming the main focus of his therapy sessions with you. And just when Taehyung thought it couldn’t get any more “intimate” with Jungkook, here he was again, directly dealing with this admittedly “hot” neurosurgeon whose life kept getting intertwined with his and Jimin’s.

“Thank you, Dr. Kim” Jungkook says, feeling his face flush a little for the first time in years. The office room suddenly felt uncomfortably warm, making Jungkook tug at the collar of his dress shirt.

Taehyung swallows, not knowing if he preferred this side of Jungkook to his previous commanding alter ego, but one thing’s for sure, it’s certainly going to take some getting used to.

“Well, that’s that then” Jimin says, clapping his hands together. He was clearly unaware of the awkwardness looming in the atmosphere, but at least he saved both Jungkook and Taehyung from another moment of drawn out awkward silence.

“Dr. Jeon, where are we going?” You ask as Jungkook tells you to take a walk with him after lab.

It was the day before the procedure, and Jungkook had told you to take a break from doing experiments, which somehow entailed doing something outside of lab with him for a second time. He was probably just trying to get you to relax so you could be in a physically optimum condition for the procedure, so you don’t question him on the matter and just decide to go along.

It was early afternoon and the weather was mild, sunny with a cool breeze. The scenery was very green, different shades ranging from bright chartreuse to dark pine, splattered across your visual field; a perfect contrast to the light blue sky, the patches of yellow dandelions in the grass, and the dark maroon colored shrubs lining the side of the path.

“About what you said the other day….” Jungkook begins to say as the two of you are walking along a cobblestone trail behind the hospital. He was wearing a navy blue, knitted sweater, with a white-collar, and his black slacks and dress shoes were on point as always.

“About dreams and memories…” He looks at you, almost hesitating to continue.

“Oh, that was just my mind running off to places.” It surprises you that he’s still thinking about what you said. You didn’t actually think it through before it just came out of your mouth, and you certainly didn’t expect Dr. Jeon to actually take that comment so seriously.

“It’s something I’ve also thought about. In the past and up until now.”

You find yourself confused again, but you had long gotten used to feeling this way whenever you had conversations with Jungkook. His mind always seems too far ahead of yours, and you’re never able to catch what he’s trying to get at. But this time, his words really grab your attention.

“Those paintings. They’re places I feel like I’ve been. The dreams I used to have, although it sounds crazy, but they feel too real to just merely be dreams.”

At this point there’s a thought in the back of your mind, that you don’t have the courage to voice or even think about. It’s always been there, like some crazy idea that was a manifestation of your mind playing tricks on you, but you’ve always kept it buried because maybe you were insane to think that everything Jungkook was saying is eerily similar to your own feelings about your dreams, too similar. But saying that out loud might make it seem like you were trying too hard to resonate with his words and might strip them of profoundness, so you always chose to stay silent.

And the two of you continue walking for what feels like an eternity but is only probably no more than five minutes, until the second surprise of the day decides to hit you in the face.

Through the corner of you eye, you see whom is undoubtedly Hoseok chatting with someone in the distance. He hadn’t spotted you and Jungkook yet, so you decide to do something you didn’t think you had the guts to, which was push Jungkook back behind the nearest tree, because you were not about to go through a long ass explanation about why you were with him outside of lab, again. And Hoseok would be having a field day if he saw you walking together, side-by-side, chatting like you were close friends or even worse…

You heart was pounding, and you immediately regret what you just did because prior to today, you had never even come close to making physical contact with the guy. But by some unseen force that came over you two seconds ago, you were somehow given the audacity to just slammed him into a tree on a whim. At this point, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head and look at the expression on his face because the physical distance between the two of you was too close to even breathe. He was basically cornering you against the tree.

“Wait, isn’t that the guy you came with on the first day” You hear Jungkook ask as he peaks at them from behind the tree you guys were hiding by. “And what’s he doing with Yoongi?”

“What?” You ask while simultaneously turning and taking a look for yourself, forgetting the nervous regret that was strangling you earlier. Low and behold, the guy Hoseok was chatting with was indeed Min Yoongi.

“Are you sure I’m allowed in the palace?” Jimin asks, as the young prince guides him through the empty halls and eerie chambers.

“My father is visiting a neighboring state, so he won’t be back until later” The young prince reassures the fairy boy.

It was Park Jimin’s seventh visit to the Yang Dimension in Kim Taehyung’s timeline, but the young prince has already grown attached to bubbly fairy boy and the new found company of his first ever friend.

Taehyung looked forward to seeing Jimin, every year. Planning out everything he wanted to do with the boy during his short visits, and even making trips deep into the forest every day of the year to look for Jimin, despite the latter telling him he can only travel through the portal once a year on that specific day. But Taehyung never stopped thinking that just in case Jimin is able to come back more than once a year, he wouldn’t miss a single opportunity to see his only friend, even if it meant extra severe beatings from his father for leaving the palace, more cuts from the thorny bushes in the forest, and the fatigue, due to physical exertion, that would constantly wash over his frail body.

Their time together never felt like it was enough, because even when Jimin was there, Taehyung still missed him, and he would always cry himself to sleep at night every time the pink-haired boy left to go back to the Yin Dimension. He knew there was nothing either of them could do about it, but he learned to cherish every second he was fortunate enough to have with Park Jimin. To him, the fairy-boy’s yearly visits were the only thing worth waiting and living for, like the perfect rainbow after a destructive thunderstorm or the irreplaceable stable comfort of a home that never existed.

“Will you come back?” The prince had never failed to ask the same question every year. Never getting tired of hearing the same answer, the only answer he ever wants to hear.

“Yes, you’ll see me again next year.” The reassuring musical voice of Jimin would calm him, ever so slightly, but it was fleeting and just like his visits, it never lasted long enough.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

This was the first time Taehyung had brought Jimin to the palace. They spend a day playing in Taehyung’s bedroom, laughing and chatting until the yellow-orange glow of the sunset filled the room.

“Jimin?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

The fairy boy is startled by the young prince’s sudden request, lavender eyes a dazzling contrast against the warm toned world, flawless pale skin almost translucent under the sunlight, but without answering he smoothly leans in and kisses Kim Taehyung on the lips. Their soft skin melding into one as cool meets warm in a perfect fusion of atomic particles from opposing dimensions.

The emotion swelling in their chests is like nothing either of them has ever felt before, but as quickly as the moment had escalated, it ended just as abruptly. The sound of the door to Taehyung’s bedroom banging against the wall as it is kicked open by a guard is loud enough to shatter the glass windows.

“Remove that filthy animal!” The King’s voice is deep and disgusted as he walks up behind the group of guards that have just barged into the prince’s room.

“Jimin, run!” Taehyung yells desperately, as he stares wide eyed as his father whose face is full of fury. The alarm in his mind is ringing, causing him to feel a sharp pain in his head.

“GO!!”

Jimin dashes out of the room, agile feet allowing him to dodge the guards. He turns his head one last time, only to see the King land a forceful punch on the prince’s beautiful face. The scene almost causes him to stop in his tracks, but Taehyung’s scream for Jimin to keep running prevents him from turning back.

As he hops down the steps and out of the palace, the image of Taehyung’s bloody lips and bruised eyes has manifested into physical pain for Jimin. He clutches his chest as he sprints into the forest, blinking away the tears that are blurring his vision.

“It’s Jungkook and Y/N” Taehyung says when he puts his earphones in, hastily dials Jimin’s, and hears the voice on the other end. He sitting in rush hour traffic now, with rain beating down on the window shield of his car as the windshield wiper desperately tries to swipe the buckets of water away. The obnoxious honks of the cars stuck in a their lanes is irritating, but Taehyung has more important things on his mind.

“What’s with them?” Jimin’s voice on the receiving end sounds muffled due to the bad signal.

“They’re from the first parallel universe we met in” Taehyung can feel his heartbeat quicken as the words leave his mouth. He had been having this sort of hunch for a while now, but only recently was it confirmed.

“The Yin and Yang dimensions?” Jimin’s voice is louder now, but Taehyung can still hear the sounds of sizzling vegetables being stir-fried in the background. Jimin was cooking dinner.

“Yes.”

“What? Are you saying we finally found another pair? How do you know?”

“The surgery. When she woke up, she was able to recall memories her brain had previously neglected. The ones that manifested in her dreams.”

“So Dr. Jeon just successfully redefined dreams and memory in consciousness? Wait, what happens now?” Jimin is trying to steady his rushed thoughts, but all of his questions are just tumbling out of his mouth.

“Are you ever going to stop drooling over the guy?” Taehyung’s voice comes out slightly irritated due to traces of jealously he won’t ever admit to. He narrows his eyes, even though Jimin can’t see him.

“Hey, I’m just interested in his research” The latter defends.

“Whatever, the point is, I think she’ll figure it out soon, if she hasn’t already.”

“But Dr. Jeon doesn’t know, does he?”

“Why do you keep referring to him so formally?”

“Because he has just graced humanity with other worldly knowledge and made a groundbreaking discovery, I feel weird just calling him “Jungkook”, it seems so….informal”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, and inhales a long breath of air before exhaling and tightening his grip on the steering wheel as the vehicles lined up in front of his finally begin to inch forward.

“Whatever, the point is, no he doesn’t know yet, so it’s up to you to guide him.”

“Me?! Why is all the pressure suddenly on me?”

“Have you forgotten you’re his psychologist?” Taehyung closes his eyes and leans he head back against the head rest, thinking that maybe Jimin was so caught up with how “hot” Jungkook is, that he forgot why he was treating him in the first place.

“Oh, yeah….” Jimin swallows nervously, half struggling to register all this new information and half trying to connect it all back to whatever he previously knew.

“You said he had dreams right? From what I can tell, those dreams sound awfully similar to Y/N’s dreams, which means there’s still hope.”

“Yeah, hope…..”

A week after you had woken up from your procedure with Taehyung by your side, everything was starting to come together. You had explained to him that you were certain that you had met Jeon Jungkook in another universe, and somehow ended up in this one after both of you had decided to “jump”. At the time, you had look at the golden-haired psychologist, waiting for a confirming response, although you already knew that nothing he said then was going to change your mind about what you were already certain of. You even told him about the paintings in Jungkook’s apartment, and the fact that you know him and Jimin are from the same universe.

“Y/N, I think you should come on a little trip with Jimin and I” was Taehyung’s only response.

And so Taehyung and Jimin had decided to take you by the ocean, thinking that perhaps the atmosphere was suitable for the long story that they decided to orally narrate for you. Before the procedure, you would’ve waved everything they were saying off as if they were telling you some fictional fantasy only fit for teenagers, but everything you’ve been seeing in your sub-conscious dreams had already come together and you knew it was real, just like you had always wanted to believe that it was.

However, what happened to them after they jumped into the wormhole was still overwhelming and heart wrenching, and you tried to suppress the questions forming in your head as they talked because you didn’t want to interrupt the captivating tale. They spoke of different universes, where they met only to fall in love again, cycles of hard fought beginnings and inevitable endings, in search of a place where eternal love could exist.

“Maybe eternal love just doesn’t exist” You say, listening to the waves of the ocean crash against the rocky shores as Jimin finishes and falls silent.

“Contrary to popular belief, it actually does, but the catch is, sacrifices have to be made.” Jimin looks at you with an aged smile that transcends his physical youth and reflects the amount of hardships he’s gone through. Noticing that his philosophical thoughts have put you in a confused state, he proceeds to explain in more detail.

“Matter that forms the bond of love can only choose one or the other. Either the medium exists eternally or the bond of love exists eternally, but one has to be traded for the other. That’s what Taehyung and I have discovered over the years, throughout our travels to different dimensions and our struggles to finally find each other again. We’ve learned that this particular trade-off is the only constant in every dimensional universe.” Jimin explains, his eyes dreamy now as he looks towards the setting sun.

There’s a long silence and the only thing that can be heard is the ocean, waves growing stronger as the sun disappears below the horizon, signaling the pending rise of the moon from its slumber.

“You know why the people in both the Yin and Yang dimensions never get a taste of true love?” Jimin asks.

“Because they’d rather choose eternal life?”

“That and because they are literally missing their other half” He smiles, and you could see the moon’s glow reflecting off his clear skin and crescent shaped eyes.

“Do you think he’ll ever remember?” The procedure was the only way you were able to, and you know there’s no way Jungkook could ever operate on himself. But deep in your gut you’re also certain that even if he never does you’ll still wait for him up until the end of your days. Because even breathtakingly beautiful is an understatement for the memories you have of him, and as long as you had the power to, you would never that go.

“There were several universes where I had to wait for him and others where he had to wait for me. We were lucky we recognized each other at the same time in this one, because knowing and waiting really takes a toll. We know from experience.” Jimin reaches over and gently pats you on the shoulder. His touch loosening a bit of the tension you didn’t realize was there.

“We’ve been to many parallel universes, but we ultimately decided to stay in this one. It’s the only one we’ve come across that allows us to spend the entirety of our lives together, and that’s all we’ve ever wanted anyways.” Jimin says.

“So what made you guys choose this universe?”

“We realized that us escaping to different universes was still choosing physical matter over love. And after so much waiting and painful goodbyes, we eventually decided it was time to let go of the medium. To choose love as the thing we wanted to last eternally.”

He pauses and looks over at Taehyung in the distance, who has walked down to the beach to soak his feet in the foamy water. The tender look in his eyes speaks of solace and gratitude.

“Whether we remember it or not, our love will always be there long after our physical bodies cease to exist. It’ll make a home in the colorful swirl of the gravitational field of gaseous stars; the image of the full moon on a clear night sky, representing the feeling of longing between distanced lovers; the pastel colors of the sky slowly lighting up at dawn and the warm hues of sunset mixed with the cool toned reflection of water. It’ll manifest in the sound and smell of rain, the strong, continuous flow of waterfalls, and perhaps in the stories that are passed down from generation to generation.”

That’s when you realize Jimin was right. And at that moment, you finally understand why the legend of Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung is told to every kid in the Yin and Yang dimensions and why it’s such an unchanging tradition.

...

[familyfriendlyfilm]

Throughway - PJO

Hey! This is my first fanfic that I’ve posted here ever. I used the prompt of Liminal Spaces from a different post for a brainstorm and I found myself writing Percy and Annabeth, so I hope you enjoy!

Third person POV, Annabeth focus though. Some fluff but nothing too mature. 

Saturated orange light flickered as it filtered through the dirty window above the booth. The fluorescents overhead buzzed and filled the air with electricity, as if anticipating the coming storm. In the booth, sat a young woman, maybe 20 or 21, head in her hands, trying to find a way to control the sobs that racked her body. Her phone screen lit up and quietly dinged every few seconds, but she attempted to ignore all that.

She found herself, in a phone booth, at a rest stop outside of her city for one reason only: the betrayal of a loved one. Not 3 hours earlier, she had walked in on her boyfriend Nico and her best friend Will, shirts off and lips locked on her couch. All she could do at the time was stand in the doorway, mouth agape as they both scrambled to get off each other and stuttered out worthless excuses and apologies.

As she relieved that moment in her head, she let out a sad and frustrated groan, the buzzing and ringing and flickering driving her to a moment of insanity where she picked up the cell and through it out of the curtain that separated her from the rest of the world.

“OW! What the hell?”

Shit. She didn’t expect anyone to be out there, especially not at this hour. The woman peeked around the curtain to find a man with messy black hair in a blue hoodie rubbing his neck and reaching down for the now slightly cracked phone. He paused momentarily as the screen lit up again, giving it a scrunched look of confusion. Grabbing the phone, he stood straight and looked over in the direction of the booth.

The woman’s heart stopped as she quickly went to hide behind the curtain again. Those eyes. Large and green and almost glowing. She recognized those eyes instantly; of course, it was him. Quickly, she grabbed a crumpled tissue from her pocket and tried to wipe away some of her tears, taking small calming breaths as she did so. She barely had time to do so before she heard quiet knocks on the side of the booth,

“Um, do you want to explain why I was the target of this flying iPhone?”

The blonde woman took a second to compose herself and pull her curls into a haphazard bun before pulling open the curtain to face the man,

“I’m so sorry, I really shouldn’t have thrown that.”

It took him a moment to register who he was talking to, he could feel a slight blush creeping into his cheeks and he cleared his throat with a chuckle, holding the phone out for her to grab,

“Uh, you’re probably right but it’s all good. I may have read a few of those texts on accident, and considering the circumstances, I think I can forgive you.”

The girl gave a week smile and grabbed the phone, quickly turning it off as she threw it in her purse,

“Oh…you read some of that?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a cheeky smile,

“I wouldn’t have needed to. I think getting hit in the head by a phone is enough to know someone is upset. I’m -ah- I’m Percy by the way.”

She blinked in surprise and frowned a little, so he didn’t remember her. Why would he? Every time we’ve met it’s been half drunk and not a lot of talk. Guess I should just do this like we don’t know each other.

“Annabeth,”

she responded flatly, not really looking him in the eyes.

“So, what brings you to my domain?”

Percy smiled a little, a feeble attempt at lightening the mood while also trying to find out why this girl, one he had a complicated history with, found herself outside of town and at a shitty rest stop.

Annabeth could tell he was trying to be polite and just shrugged,

“I just needed to get away from the city. I just kinda drove until I couldn’t anymore, so I stopped here,”

she could feel her eyes beginning to water again so she pushed past Percy toward the parking lot,

“I’m sorry, I should leave now.”

His arm flashed out in an instant, grabbing her by the elbow and pulled her back gently,

“Woah, you’re in no condition to be driving right now. Why don’t you come inside to the café? I just close up shop but I can fix you up something to help you gather your thoughts a little.”

Annabeth nodded and let Percy guide her to the small corner café of the old rest stop. It was well worn and in obvious need of repairs and a fresh coat of paint, but it smelled of sweets and coffee, and that was enough for her not to protest when he sat her down at a stood with a little fluff sticking out of it.

Percy disappeared into the back, calling behind him,

“You don’t remember me do you?”

Annabeth bit her lip to stop herself from responding right away and took a moment to think how she would word what followed,

“You seem familiar…did we meet in passing?”

Upon hearing that response and knowing he was out of eyesight, Percy silently cursed as he prepared the drink and tried to trigger some memory in Annabeth,

“You’re Annabeth Chase right? Your dad is a history professor at the college?”

So, he knew more than he let on, Annabeth pondered to herself, rubbing her puffy, tired eyes,

“That’s me. ‘Professor Chase’s daughter’.”

Percy chuckled and peeked around the corner of the doorway,

“Oh come on, give yourself more credit than that. I’ve seen some of your writing in the paper too, some of the stuff on the new buildings on campus, it’s super good,”

she blushed at that,

“But I’m in your dad’s American Industrialization and War class. I enrolled sort of late so I had a lot of catch up to do.  I had one-on-one study sessions in his office a lot. I remember you’d always bring him coffee at 4:15 on the dot. He introduced us the first time I was there.”

By the time he’d finished, he’d brought out a mug of thick, rich smelling liquid and a glass of water. He leaned on the counter with a rag in hand, looking at Annabeth expectantly.

She gave a small smile and offered,

“Oh, uh, I guess I never got that great of a look at you? It’s Percy…Johnson?”

At that, Percy grimaced and threw the towel over his shoulder, turning around as he did so,

“You have no idea how often people get my name wrong. ‘Johnson’ ‘Jason’ ‘Jacobson’. You’d be shocked how creative some people can be. It’s Jackson. Percy Jackson.”

Annabeth couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, and hearing that, Percy smiled within himself. She stuck out her hand and said,

“Well, nice to officially meet you Percy Jackson.”

He turned back around grinning and heartily grabbed her hand and shook it,

“Gee thanks, nice to meet you too Annabeth Chase. Officially.”

For a moment, everything slowed down and Percy eyed Annabeth cautiously. Shivers ran down her spine as his eyes met hers again and for a moment, she forgot where she was, loosing herself in the mesmerizing greens. At the same time, all that ran through Percy’s head was how easily it would be for Annabeth to send someone running with her stormy gray eyes. Every moment it looked like clouds shifted in her eyes. He started leaning in, almost involuntarily. Almost.

YO I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT!

The Spice Girls blasted from Percy’s hoodie pocket and he fumbled around for the phone, cheeks beet red as Annabeth stifled her laughter.

“Hello?...oh hey. Yeah. No, I’m still at work,”

Percy glanced back at Annabeth, who was grinning ear to ear, face red from laughter and tears in the corner of her eyes, this time happy ones. He’d never seen anything more beautiful,

“Um...probably late?...oh shit! I’m sorry I completely spaced…it’s a bit of a friend emergency…come on you know I wouldn’t do this on-hey! That’s not fair!”

The sudden change in his tone made Annabeth jump and Percy noticed. Running a hand through his messy black hair, he sighed,

“Listen Thals, I gotta go. We’ll talk about this later, deal?...and, uh, could you let Nico know Annabeth is safe?...Yeah she’s here…alright thanks. Bye.”

Annabeth’s smile had disappeared when she heard mention of Nico, her boyfriend. She turned away from Percy who quickly found his way around the counter and blocked the door,

“Now before you go throwing phones again, let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain? You know Nico. He probably sent you to find me. You’re just doing him a favor. I get it.”

Percy shook his head,

“That is not what I’m doing. Sit down and let me explain. Please?”

Annabeth hesitated a moment then went to sit down again while mumbling,

“The Spice Girls, really?”

She found her seat and played with the mug in her hands.

“You better drink that Sludge before it gets cold.”

“It’s called what now?”

“Sludge…come on try it before you judge, it’s good. A Percy Jackson special, only for the best customers.”

With a distasteful frown and a glare at Percy, she raised the glass to her lips. It tasted like blueberry pancakes fresh off the griddle and warm vanilla milk all at once. It warmed almost every inch of her body and woke her tired eyes up. She felt rejuvenated and instantly more forgiving of guy in front of her.

“Good right?”

She gave a shrug, not willing to succumb to his cheekiness. So, Percy sat down next to her at the counter and took a breath,

“The person who called me was my cousin, Thalia. I was supposed to join her on a double date tonight but I completely spaced so I had to cancel on her. She wasn’t happy but whatever, she can take her brother Jason if she wants to go so badly.”

“But you and Thalia know Nico my boyf-…ex-boyfriend.”

She grabbed the water, quickly taking a sib as she felt another fit of emotions surfacing.

“Uh yeah. He’s our cousin also. I saw him on your phone screen earlier and I put two and two together. I don’t talk to him a ton, I knew he had a girlfriend but I had no idea that it was you. It kinda surprised me, I thought Nico was into guys and even if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have pinned you as his type.”

Ouch, that was a low blow. So now not only am I the one cheated on by my  apparently gay boyfriend, I’m not even worthy to be dating Nico in the first place?, Annabeth thought to herself with a frown. Percy realized his mistake from her quiet response and sighed,

“Listen that’s not what I meant. I just think he’s kinda dark for you. I expected you to go for the more…I don’t know, humorous type…”

He trailed off when he saw Annabeth’s face scrunch up. She placed the water down carefully and crossed her arms. This close together, Percy noticed the goosebumps on her skin and said hesitantly,

“I’m such an idiot, I left the AC on. Are you cold?”

She shrugged and glanced past him to the window, seeing the beginnings of a late summer storm,

“Nothing a little Sludge won’t fix.”

Percy grinned, and despite her protests, shouldered off the hoodie and wrapped it around Annabeth. His hands rested on her shoulders and she couldn’t help but close her eyes at the warmth of his touch, a touch she was finding herself craving, despite the fresh betrayal of Nico. She mumbled a thank you and he grabbed the seat next to her again. He had this look about him that she wouldn’t be able to place into words until later as protective.

He watched her quietly as she sipped on the sludge then grabbed my cup of water and sipped on it. Then, he began to make patterns on the counter with some of the condensation that had fallen down the side of the glass into a ring on the surface below.

There was something so beautiful about it, and it caught Annabeth in a sort of trance that she almost didn’t hear him say,

“So, you want to talk about it?”

She let out a sigh,

“Percy I hardly know you.”

Percy deflated a little at that, but then a thought came to his head and he perked up a little,

“Well then, let’s get to know each other. We seem to already have a lot in common, at least in our social circle. I think we’ve crossed paths before,”

More than just crossed paths, Annabeth thought to herself,

“So let’s make up for a little lost time and it’ll be a great distraction.”

He is cute, Annabeth gave him that, and eventually she decided maybe a distraction wasn’t so bad,

“Fine.”

He flashed her another cheeky grin and nodded,

“Awesome. Okay, what is your dream job?”

“Architect.”

Percy was taken aback a little,

“That was quick, why architect?”

Annabeth took a sip, finishing off the Sludge and told Percy what she’d repeated her whole life:

“I just love architecture. It’s mathematical and beautiful all at once.”

She hesitated a moment, contemplating whether to share the next bit with him, sure he was going to laugh,

“Plus…I want to build something permanent. Like the Greeks and the Romans did but also something that everyone will know my name from.”

She waited for the laugh, but instead heard an impressed whistle,

“Dang, that’s a pretty way of thinking about it. At least you’re passionate about something.”

Annabeth gave him a funny look,

“Are you not passionate about your future?”

He bit his lip in thought, which she found herself blushing over a little, then simply shrugged,

“I guess I still have a lot to figure out. I’m undeclared still. I was going to be a marine biology major but I hate traditional schooling. Honestly I’m considering just doing some sort of main stream degree like psychology and then just learning what I actually want to do by doing it.”

“That’s always an option. I think you’ve just have to find what gives you that drive and really let that feeling take you over and above all love what you’re doing.”

Percy snickered,

“Thanks for the advice, Wise Girl.”

She just rolled her eyes and said,

“Okay my turn. What’s your favorite color?”

He laughed at that one,

“Jeez, that’s the best you could come up with? It’s blue. My mom and I have a thing for blue food because my ex-step dad said blue food didn’t exist. So, we’d give him the finger by finding all the blue food we could and made a point to eat it in front of him. My turn wh-“

“Hey, I think you asked two questions last time?”

He put his hands up in defense,

“You caught me Wise Girl.  Now, while you think of a good, soul-searching question for me, I’m gonna through this mug into the sink and grab us another Percy Jackson special.”

He got up to head to the back and she called after him,

“Is Wise Girl really the best you’ve got, Seaweed Brain?”

He turned his head to wink and said dramatically before vanishing,

“I kinda like that. An ode to my passion.”

When Percy reached the backroom, he let out a sigh so heavy, it was almost like he’d been holding his breath the whole time. He dropped the mug into the sink and gave himself a little pep talk,

“Alright Jackson, she doesn’t remember you. That’s okay. You can do this. She’s just Annabeth. You’ve gone through this stuff before. You got this.”

All the while, Annabeth leaned her arm on the counter, propping up her head and recalled a memory:

Freshman year of college, Annabeth attended a ‘disorientation’ party at her friend Selina’s house. She kept to the outskirts of the warm, sweaty and drunken bodies, holding a blue solo cup in her hands, swaying to the beat of the music quietly. She’d never felt more insecure in her life, so she made a point to slowly make her way toward the exit.

At some point, she realized she had a sort of shadow following her, and she felt like someone was watching her. Glancing around, her eyes eventually rested on a cute, lanky looking guy with messy black hair in a flannel. When her gaze met his, he smiled and looked away in embarrassment. She decided in an instant she didn’t have anything to lose so she walked across the room over to him and said,

“Hey, I’m Annabeth. Do you want to dance?”

When his eyes met hers, her heart stopped a beat. They were so green. Like brand new spring leaves. He gave a sheepish smile and yelled over the music,

“Percy. And, I’d love to!”

The whole rest of the night, they were glued at the hip. They took shots together, they made a mad beer pong team together, and they danced the whole night away.

Every time their hands would brush, they’d awkwardly glance at each other. Percy offered to walk her and her friends back to their dorm but Annabeth just laughed and said,

“What good would you do? You can’t even walk straight!”

So, Percy, in a moment of wild, drunken courage grabbed Annabeth by the waisted and pulled her closely, his lips colliding with hers. She immediately reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, smiling into that kiss. Annabeth swore that kiss stopped time until they broke to breathe. She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek before reaching for her purse and grabbing a pen. Clicking it and grabbing his hand she said,

“Call me. I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other.”

She then gave him a pen and pulled him in close again, this time for a hug before her friends dragged her off back to the campus.

She didn’t hear or see him again until that one day her father introduced them in the middle of junior year.

“Um Annabeth?”

She snapped out of her daydream instantly. Standing before her was that some cute boy from the memory, though now he was taller and muscular and had some stubble on his chin. But the smile, the hair, the eyes, those remained the same.

“Hey, yeah, sorry I was just thinking.”

“What about?”

She grinned,

“The soul-searching question I have for you, of course.”

Percy gave a warm dopey smile back and then pulled out a bottle full of blue liquid from behind his back,

“Well if we’re going to be getting to the good stuff, then I present to you. Blue booze, a moonshine made by yours truly, patent pending.”

He popped off the lid and took a long swig before handing it over to Annabeth,

“There’s a room connected to the café from when it was 24 hours. It’s got a bed and a couch. I’ll take the couch, but no driving for us because this shit is strong. I just thought we could both use a drink.”

In response, Annabeth stood up, muttered a fuck it, grabbed the bottle from him and took two long swigs of the bitter liquid, just to show him up,

“Nobody tells Annabeth Chase she can’t hold her liquor. Especially not someone who I know can’t hold his.”

Percy looked at her, mouth slightly agape and face flushed, and not just from the booze,

“Wait so you do remember me?”

She wagged his finger at him and set the bottle on the counter, gesturing to the seat next to her for him to sit down,

“Ah, ah. I do believe it’s my turn still.”

Without a word, he grabbed a seat next to her and took another small swig of the blue liquid, awaiting her question just so he could ask his again. He had to know if she remembered.

“Soul-searching questions are more truthfully answered while under the influence anyways. So, my question is why work here? At a rest stop café? You could probably work anywhere on campus or off. You’re charismatic and attractive enough. God knows that’s all they look for now days. “

Percy blushed at that and grabbed another drink of the blue booze before answering quietly,

“Have you ever heard of liminal spaces?

“No clue.”

Annabeth grabbed the bottle from him and took another drink, set the bottle down then grabbed a drink of the water that still sat on the counter. She could feel here face beginning to heat up from the liquor.

“Well, liminal spaces are both physical and psychological places. The physical is basically a throughway. Places you are just passing through as you go from one place to the next. Like rest stops, grocery stores, mini marts. You feel weird when you’re in them too long and start to think about the concept of it all. The psychological side of it is similar. If feels like you’re floating in nothing, anxiously waiting for the next part of your life to begin.

I work here because I see people just ignoring this vastly important part of their life. They come then they go without a thought about where they are. They won’t remember this place because there are so many like it. I like to embrace that weird feeling you get from here because no one else will. I want to give it the recognition that it deserves. The space physically and mentally. I think that if I can achieve comfort in a liminal space for long periods of time, I can be so much more adaptable to life. It’s almost like a therapy too; working in a coffee shop and embracing the weirdness of it all.

Plus, I get to meet people in various stages of their life. Like you for example, you were just passing through and it was like the universe wanted us to meet again.”

He really stressed that word. Again. He knew she knew and she smiled as he spoke. This voice was beautiful and his words thoughtful. When he was finished, he considered her stormy eyes, they were long recovered from the tears that haunted them earlier in the night, and a relaxed smile was fixed on her flushed face,

“I know that was cheesy, I’m such a stupid romantic.”

She instantly grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers,

“Percy, that is one of the most beautiful things that I’ve ever heard. And it’s literally just the explanation of why you work at a roadside café. That wasn’t stupid at all. Being a romantic is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Percy glanced at their hands and then smiled a little,

“Thanks, I like to think I’m passionate about the little stuff.”

She gave a little laugh, the liquor beginning to take its hold on her mood,

“Well at least you’re passionate about something!”

Percy laughed, something loud and joyous, also likely do to some inebriation, but it was like music to her ears and said,

“Two points to Wise Girl.”

“Oh, shut up Seaweed Brain.”

But at this point, neither of them could stop the fits of giggles from turning into something resounding and obnoxious and freeing for the two, both were doubled over on their stools trying to catch their breath. When they were finally able to regain their composure, Percy took on a slightly serious face and said,

“Annabeth, how are you doing, really?”

The mood of the room shifted instantly and in that moment, Annabeth realized how close in proximity the two had become, their knees almost touching, and their hands had somehow found each other again after their laughing fit, fingers interlocked. She could feel his pulse in this thumb, and swore it was going a million miles an hour. All this, she took in, in an instant before responding,

“I could live here, in this moment forever. I don’t want to go back and face what’s coming. I was so angry and upset with Nico and Will but even more with myself for not seeing either of them truly, that all I wanted to do was leave town and start over again. I’ve been so engrossed in these unimportant things that I forgot to stop and be with the people I love. But now? That all feels like a distant dream and all I want to do is keep talking to you and answering these silly questions and drinking this lighter fluid and start over with everything. It feels like the end of a lot right now.”

Percy was attentive as she spoke, and at some point his thumb had started rubbing circles on the top of her hand. He was quiet for a few moments after she finished, drinking in the words she had spoken and considering his options before saying,

“You know, it may be the end of those things, but I think this is just the start of something absolutely permanent.”

Annabeth turned her stood toward him and he placed his free hand on the outside of her thigh, all the while glancing at her lips. The sudden contact to her leg made Annabeth’s breath hitch and when his eyes met hers once more, as if asking permission, she parted her lips slightly and closed what little space there was left between them.

For the second time in her life, Annabeth felt like time had stopped and Percy, well Percy was just happy to be kissing her again, like he’d always hoped. Her lips tasted sweet and milky, probably from the Sludge, and to her, Percy’s lips tasted like the ocean, fresh and salty. They were in love with the taste of each other’s lips in one kiss. Her hand released his and both found their way to his messy black locks, and as she ran her fingers through his hair, she could feel him smile into the kiss. Meanwhile, he found his way to her thighs and explored upwards to her hips and eventually his fingers made contact with the bare skin of her waist under her shirt, sending electricity through both their bodies.

Literally. The electricity in the air from the thunder storm, in full force outside, caused Percy to shock her. They pulled apart quickly, resting their foreheads together and started laughing loudly. They were giddy and warm and neither of them had felt safer than just then. Annabeth could feel Percy’s hot breath on her face as he spoke quietly,

“So, I’ll take it you remember me, for real this time?”

She smiled and twirled one of his locks I in her fingers and said,

“God, Percy, how could I forget? That night was the best of my life. I thought you forgot about me because you never reached out.”

Percy pulled her closer, almost to the edge of the stool and said in a gruff voice,

“I could never forget you. Your writing was completely illegible. I tried forever to find you, but the school is just so big, I never did. It’s part of the reason I took your dad’s class. I was hoping I might run into you that way.”

Annabeth let out a small giggle,

“Well you’ve found me now, what are you gonna do about it?”

Percy paused, as if in contemplation then he started kissing her jawline delicately,

“One day, I’m going to worship you like the goddess you are…”

He reached her collar bone and then slowly started making his way up the other side of her neck and below her ear lobe.  She shuttered, every kiss sending a jolt of energy though her veins.

“But now isn’t right.”

He pulled away, planting a light kiss on her lips before retreating, then took a deep breath,

“I want to take this slow Wise Girl.”

She pouted at him for a moment before grabbing his hands in hers and smiled,

“I know. I need to figure things out before I dive headfirst into…whatever this may be. I think…I think it’s time we go to bed.”

Percy frowned but he knew it was for the best. He stood and she followed in suit. He led her by the hand to the back room, opening an old creaky door to reveal a homey looking bedroom, with fresh sheets and pillows. She closed the door behind her and the two of them quietly began to make themselves comfortable.

Annabeth slipped off Percy’s hoodie, her jean shorts and blouse, Percy politely looking the other way as he prepared the couch for himself. She threw the hoodie back on and zipped it up, the oversized thing reaching to her midthigh. She turned around to say goodnight to Percy only to find him already crashed on the couch, eyes closed and a small smile playing upon his lips.

She tip-toed over to him and affectionately moved the hair out of his eyes a little before placing a kiss on his forehead and whispering to him,

“Thank you for being my hero, Seaweed Brain.”

She then crawled into bed and turned off the nightstand light, burying herself into the blankets and sheets.

Percy opened one green eye and sat up slightly to look at the outline of the girl that graced his bed and was beside himself with joy and recalled what he said to the girl that had already become his passion; this is just the start of something absolutely permanent.

And it absolutely was.

[chocolate-brownies]

Explore what digital detox can mean for you—and the world at large—at Wellspring.

I talk a big game when it comes to mindfulness. In the yoga classes I teach, as well as in conversations with friends, I find myself ranting about the evils of digital devices and social media. And yet I also increasingly catch myself reaching for my phone before getting out of bed in the morning. I obsessively watch every Instagram story in my feed. The sound of a notification, any notification, sets my heart racing with both anticipation and anxiety. It’s a hard truth, but an important one to admit: I am addicted to my devices. Can you relate?

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, a colloquialism I conveniently kept forgetting to follow with a second step. But my dependence has reached unhealthy levels—I’m sleeping poorly and unable to focus on simple tasks, like reading, without “checking in.” It’s time for a hard reset. I’m digitally detoxing for seven whole days, and will document my progress in a journal—that is, assuming I don’t collapse from withdrawal.

Here are the rules:

No personal social media, whatsoever. I can use social media for my job (I manage my yoga studio’s Instagram account) between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

Professional email only between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

No convenience apps (Venmo, Uber, etc.).

Try hard.

Be honest.

Day One

I’m a mess today. I attended a 108 festival in Santa Monica this weekend and flew back home on a red-eye. Disaster. I’m bleary-eyed, nauseous, and totally out of it. The only thing I want to do is binge on Netflix for hours, but I’m pretty sure that mindlessly staring at a screen would be a bad way to kick things off. I consider an online restorative class, but that requires a computer. They make everything so easy, and yet do they really fulfill our needs? I turn my phone off completely, pull down the window shades, drape my body over a bolster, and consider myself dead to the world.

When it’s time for bed, I find myself antsy to the point of clenching my jaw. It’s been almost 24 hours since I checked WhatsApp for messages, and I’m worried I’ll “miss” something. But what could be so important that it’d be sent via WhatsApp at 10 pm on a Wednesday night? I go to bed. 

Day Two

I’m still jet-lagged, but feeling more excited about the detox. As I go about my routine, I catch myself reaching for my phone dozens of times before noon. Literally dozens. This is not good. Each time, I ask myself: What were you planning on doing with it? The answer, I admit sheepishly, is always the same: Instagram.

I decide to dig a little deeper and explore why I feel the need to check IG, and I realize it isn’t out of boredom or curiosity. I notice that the common denominator in each of these close calls is that just before I grab my cell, I have begun to get a little anxiety about deadlines, my career, my hopeless singledom… Turns out, I’m straight-up trying to avoid feelings that oh-so-inconveniently keep creeping in. I decide to make a new rule: Every time I want to avoid a hard emotion by cruising the web, I have to sit, close my eyes, and feel the feels for two minutes. I do a lot of eyes-shut-sitting this week.

Day Three

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. I was working on an article, and I must have blacked out for a sec, because when I “woke up” I was seven images deep on my Instagram newsfeed. Let me reiterate this: I actually opened a new tab on my browser, navigated to Instagram, and started scrolling without realizing that I was doing so.

Apparently I also scroll for procrastination purposes. This was a theme that would recur again and again throughout the week: The second I felt stuck or bored or distracted by whatever I was working on, I would click open a new tab and start to type either “Insta…” or “Twitt…” or “Face…” Cruising around social media sites is my favorite form of postponing a dreaded task, a fact that Mark Zuckerberg would love but my editors would hate. I didn’t cure myself of the urge this week, but I did catch myself in the act earlier and earlier.

Day Four

This is a tough one to share. I realized today that, in addition to texting and IRL chats, one of the main ways I stay in touch with my girlfriends is to swap snarky comments via DM about people we hate-follow on social media. Ugh—it sucks to admit it, and it sucks even more that I do it. Gossip is a huge part of our society’s culture; I’ll even go so far as to say it’s how we’ve been trained to communicate with each other. But that doesn’t make it right.

I realized I was missing the daily lol moments from my best gal pal’s razor-sharp takedowns, and that’s when I first acknowledged the deeper issue. We have so much in common: We both love to cook, teach yoga, and are passionate about wellness. We have zillions of things to talk about and do together. Connecting and fostering a sense of closeness through this social media snark just feels cheap. And lazy. This one is an easy fix: We made plans to meet for tea, and shared an hour of substantial, thoughtful conversation. I left our date feeling refreshed, not guilty and dirty.

Day Five

Okay, I’ve definitely gotten over my withdrawal symptoms and have entered the euphoria stage. I made plans to go out with my parents to celebrate my mother’s birthday, and I had a tight turnaround from my shift at the yoga studio to the time of our dinner reservations. Normally, this type of situation would stress me out as I attempted to take care of my dog, get dressed, and get out the door, but today I felt a sense of lightness. I practically skipped out of my apartment with my cell set to airplane mode. What changed? I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I had officially crossed “Check Instagram” off my to-do list.

Let me explain: Once again, I’m blushing so hard I’m turning red, but my addiction has roots so deep that I have convinced myself scrolling through random people’s feeds is a necessary step in getting ready to leave the house. It isn’t just a time suck: The real problem is that I’ve placed undue importance on the minutiae of someone else’s life over my own. My voice says that attention and presence are important, but my actions say that what celebrity yoga teachers ate for lunch is more so. I decide to banish my cell from the “getting ready” process from here on out, and lean into the itchy “but I just wanna know” feeling that comes with my abstinence.

Day Six

Last week, while I was on vacation in another state, my folks had my aunt and uncle over for a meal. I knew this not because I was invited or because my mom told me. I knew because my aunt posted pictures on Facebook. This got me thinking how much of my friends’ and family’s life updates I glean from stalking — instead of talking. I’ve learned about my network’s pregnancies, deaths, and engagements through social media, and I’ve definitely shared big news (a book deal, a move, a new job) of my own through the platforms.

I used to tell myself that social updates were simply the most efficient means of reaching the most people all at once, but the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering: Why is it important to reach the most people all at once? If it’s a major life event we’re dealing with, shouldn’t I want to discuss it with personal, face-to-face interactions? And if it’s a boring detail not worth a real conversation, does it really need to be shared? I’ve considered social networks a huge part of my social life for the last ten years, and I’m not going to lie… I’m having an existential crisis over here.

Day Seven

It’s the last day of my digital detox, and I’ve reached a calmer, clearer place by actually engaging with the physical space I’m in. Instead of jumping up to cook dinner, do a final email sweep, and crush the last few items on my to-do list, I spent a few minutes after meditation this evening simply looking around my apartment. Did the light always look so beautiful this time of day? Had my ceilings always been that pretty? They’re REALLY pretty. Have I seriously lived here for four months without noticing them?

I’m suddenly aware of how often I pass time in restaurants, cafés, and parks without looking around. Why? Because my face is buried in my cell. Of course. I became hyper-aware of my own behavior patterns this week as I watched diners whip out their devices the second their dates got up to use the restroom, and I observed people moving forward in a line while scrolling until the second they reached their destination. I made a conscious effort to look up, look around, and spend time observing the buildings, furniture, decorations, and people surrounding me. It’s definitely a practice I’m going to carry with me when this experiment is over.

Parting Thoughts

This was one of the hardest things I’ve done. It wasn’t an issue of willpower; what made this detox challenging was being honest with myself about how unhealthy my addiction has become. There’s no way I was going to undo a decade of learned behavior in the course of a week, but what I will take with me is a clear awareness of my patterns and triggers. So that was step one. Step two is examining this new self-awareness with kindness, patience, and forgiveness.

Will I toss my cell out of my third-floor window? Definitely not. But I absolutely am going to scale back, check in less, and employ mindfulness tactics in my social media and technology usage. I tell my yoga students to play at their edge of discomfort, but not to live in extremes. What better advice than that for living in a digital age?

—

Rochelle Bilow is a yoga teacher and wellness writer based in Upstate New York. She’s an advocate for body positivity and healthy attitudes toward food and spends the majority of her free time concocting feel-good recipes. She’s also a nature nut and proud corgi mom. Connect with her at her website and on Instagram.

1

The post This 7-Day Digital Detox Was the Hardest (and Best) Thing I’ve Ever Done appeared first on Wanderlust.