#the fish horse will get drunk in 1 2 3 go

[ruthlessness69]

Comments under previous chapters made me recollect some of my fav scenes :3 now I'm slowly drawing some of them

here goes Chapter 14 🤭

[entishramblings]

Fuck the Forbidden Pt. 2

[Boromir/F!MermaidReader]

PART 1 | PART 3 — coming soon

Fuck the Forbidden: FTF LINK MASTERLIST

A.N: my apologies for taking so much time to update: graduate school is a tornado, plus getting sick and the craziness of holidays season didn’t help. Anyways, thank you for your patience and your continuous support! I literally read all your comment in order to inspire me to write again!

Request: none

Pairing: Boromir X Fem!MermaidReader

Summary: The Reader is a Mermaid and witnessed a shipwreck. She becomes interested in human life—particularly one human: Boromir.

Disclaimer: Any mythology relating to the mermaids of middle earth is not canon. also I tried my best with arda water/river geography plz don’t come at me—it’s not one of my finer subjects :/

Word Count: 5.7k — listen, yes, I STILL have a problem

Warnings: depression, drowning, ptsd, alcoholism, angst, comfort, fluff, stalking (idk how to make that last one sound less creepy. you’re just gonna have to read it).

MASTERLIST | AO3 | WATTPAD

The following day, (Y/N) waited in the depths of the Anduin River by the entrance of the Minas Tirith castle. Sure enough, the captain, decorated in silver, came out upon his steed. Though he did not have the cheer he normally held—despite his recent struggles—he seemed….different. (Y/N) had hoped that he didn't remember what he saw under the lake. Maybe he figured he was too drunk and his mind was playing tricks on him? Maybe he would forget it all together? However, that fearful look in his eyes when he glanced at the river told her otherwise. It appeared Faramir failed to convince his brother that the mer-folk were just a myth.

Boromir deviated from his routine as well. He did not go to the market for the breakfast that he seemed to love. No, no. Instead he went out towards the edge of the city–towards the docks. And (Y/N) went with him. He passed his horse off to another and walked upon the wood, passing ship and boat, until he came upon a small fishing vessel. (Y/N) swam around it and took to the surface upon its side, far enough to not be spotted, but close enough to see and hear.

“Iwar,” Boromir called out. “You there?”

“Oi!” the old man replied, emerging from the sails. “What can I do for yer?”

“You have a moment?”

“For ye? Of course I do, lad. What is this about?” Iwar stated, squinting in the sun.

Boromir huffed, and pulled something from his pocket. He lightly tossed it to the older fellow. “What do you make of this?”

Iwar frowned, holding the whale up before his face by the string Boromir had used to make it into a necklace. “Where’d ye get it?”

“In a pond. One that connects to the Anduin River.”

Iwar sent him a strange look. “Do ye know what this is made out of?”

Boromir shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

“It’s bone, Boromir,” he replied tentatively.

At this, the captain’s lips parted. “Bone?”

Iwar tossed the whale carving back to him. “Aye, couldn't tell ye what it came from. Whittled too much away for that. Ye said yer got it from a pond?”

He nodded, swallowing dryly.

“Could’ve washed up from the currents.” Iwar stated, nonchalantly, returning to the tasks of his sail. “Some trinket someone lost to the sea.”

Boromir dipped his head, his anxiety present as he fiddled with the whale.

Iwar glanced at him. “Something else, boy?”

Boromir inhaled slowly. “Iwar, do you–do you really believe those tales of the sea-folk?”

The old man sent a weary look at the captain as he tied off one of the ropes upon the fabric. “Aye. Saw one of em’ when I was just a lad. Nearly lost my life.”

Boromir focused his gaze upon Iwar. “I think–I think I saw one last night.”

At this, the older man froze. Slowly, he turned his full attention to the captain, dread slipping from his face.

Still, Boromir continued, trying to justify his sighting. ‘Though, I don't know. I was very drunk. Had a couple ales too many. My mind could’ve—”

“You were out on the sea last night?” Iwar interrupted, confused.

Boromir shook his head.

“The shore then? Never heard of em’ venturing so close.”

Boromir released a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh, I was in the pond by the Minas Tirith castle.”

Iwar’s form stiffened as he walked toward the captain. He nodded at the bone carving in Boromir’s hand as he spoke in a tone that held so much anxiety that it radiated through the air around him. “The same pond where ye found that?”

“Yes.”

Iwar’s eyes widened wildly. “I’d tell ye what, lad. Ye have been marked by em.’ And that—” he dipped his head at the whale once more. “—I reckon that's human bone.”

Blood drained from Boromir’s face, replaced with sheer panic. His fingers clumsily grappled with the carving, uncertain of how to handle it. Reluctant to make direct contact, he hesitated before settling on gripping the string, allowing the whale to dangle. Disgust etched across his brow.

“I’d get out while ye can. Stay away from the sea waters, boy.” Iwar warned.

….

That night, Boromir didn't go to the pool of water by the white walls—nor the following night. He, quite frankly, didn't go near the water at all. He stayed far from the beaches and from the Anduin River. He took longer paths to where he needed to go in order to avoid such circumstances that put him near what Iwar had described to live in the sea.

And this—all this broke (Y/N)’s heart. It stirred up a tumult of emotions—sadness, anger, fear, and frustration. Therefore, on the third day, she sought solace in a secluded nook along the Bay of Belfas. Hoisting herself onto a warm rock, she sat, enveloped in her misery. Her once-vivid fantasies of the land-people and Boromir now dissolved into sorrow and regret. What lingered was the haunting image of Boromir's disdainful expression when Iwar speculated that her gift was crafted from human bone. Any mer-folk would be delighted to receive such a heartfelt gesture! But Boromir wasn't of the sea, now was he.

(Y/N) stayed upon the rock for hours, hoping the sun would soak up her melancholy mood. However, that is not what the golden beams absorbed. Her skin dried, her hair lightened and billowed freely, and the scales on her tail lacked the moisture they once held. It was at that moment discomfort struck. Excruciating, searing pain surged through her tail, a relentless agony that prompted a deep cry from her lips. Every nerve seemed to flare with an intense, burning sensation, rendering her nearly paralyzed by the sheer intensity of the pain. She couldn't move, only shake and claw at the rock she perched upon. It felt like hours as she laid there, praying to the gods to make it end. And when it did, she instinctively reached for her scales. However, to her surprise, her hand met no such thing; instead, flesh had replaced the once-familiar tail.

(Y/N) gasped.

Her father had said…

He had tested them all…

None had the gift….

He lied.

Emotions swirled around her naked form as she stared at the strange extension that replaced her glimmering scales—legs. Anger, irritation, sadness, regret, frustration, excitement all ran through her blood.

Slowly, she stood. As she took a wobbly step upon the rock, a loud, breathy giggle escaped her lips.

Was this a dream?

(Y/N) took another uncertain step, and another, and another—until she stumbled, her hand reaching out to break her fall. However, a splash came from that, for her palm struck where water had gathered in a dip upon the rock.

Immediately, she felt it.

Her skin tingled, then burned and stung, stretching and pulling in a painful dance. (Y/N) cried out as the pain intensified. With scales attempting to form on her dry legs, the tugging became excruciating once more—tears streamed from her eyes as she desperately scrambled towards the water.

Her form slipped and rolled, right off the rock and into the ocean.

Immediate relief enveloped her. Scales continued to knit together without a hint of pain. The water soothed her. It coated the soreness into nonexistence.

(Y/N) allowed her form to sink, adjusting.

There she floated, letting her body and mind adjust to what had just happened.

It was then when one of the turmoiling emotions overtook the rest of them. It coursed through her gills and surged through her veins.

How dare he…

With a decisive flick of her tail, she propelled herself toward her father's palace.

The anger granted her remarkable speed, causing other merfolk to whip their heads around in confusion as she barreled past them.

She swam directly to the grand chamber, where she anticipated her father perched upon his throne, and busted the door open with her tail.

“HOW DARE YOU?!” she screamed at him.

Heads turned instantly—her father’s, her sisters’, the guards’.

“HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME, FATHER. HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME I HAD THE GIFT?!”

Her father rose, signaling the guards to leave. They swam away quickly, avoiding the impending wrath of the sea's king and his children.

“You lied straight to my face,” (Y/N) stated.

“(Y/N), what are you talking about?” Anahita interjected, appalled by her sister’s tone.

Mareena added to her statement. “That is no way to speak to our father!”

(Y/N)'s tail flicked with irritation as she focused her gaze on the man before her. “I have the gift to walk among the land-folk.”

Una gasped. Seria’s mouth dropped open. Rana’s eyes widened. Nerida’s brows shot upwards.

Their father swam towards (Y/N). “You went to the land?!” he growled. “It is forbidden.”

“I DID NOT GO ONTO THE LAND!” She snapped back. Taking a deep breath, she spoke again. “I was letting the sun warm me upon a rock when it happened—the tingling, the splitting, the pain.”

“You went to the surface—”

“How dare you not tell me, Father!”

“I DID NOT TELL YOU BECAUSE OF THIS!” He yelled. “Because I knew the minute you would figure it out, you would want to test out your new form. You would put us all in danger.”

“YOU HAVE PUT ME IN DANGER. YOU HAVE MASKED YOUR PROTECTION IN LIES THAT HAVE ONLY CAUSED ME PAIN. HOW DARE YOU!” (Y/N) retorted.

With that, (Y/N) swam away. She twisted through the reefs and the grass. She slipped through the schools of fish and their bubbles. She slithered through the rocks and caves. She did so until she was back in the Anduin River, where the lively markets and the hustle of people's households awaited. Breaking through the water's surface, she emerged with a cautious awareness, ensuring she remained unseen.

She swam along the edge until she came upon a line of clothing strung between two buildings. On it hung sheets as bright as a lemonpeel angelfish, a skirt holding the vibrance of an orange clownfish, a flowing wrap the hue of a blue tang fish, a pair of trousers the color of a brown leafy sea dragon, a top shaded like that of a pink fairy wrasse, and a flowing dress the cream color of a stingray’s belly.

(Y/N) looked at her surroundings.

The people were on the other side of the clothing line—all mucking about in the market. None even bothered to shed a glance behind the fabric. All were too busy going about their day.

Therefore, with little regard for the forbidden nature of her actions—because, really, fuck the forbidden—(Y/N) decided to defy the rules that had once controlled her life.

Originally, she hadn't intended to act in such defiance, but the anger coursing through her veins urged her forward into impulsive urges.

Hauling her form out of the water, (Y/N) manipulated the water clinging to her, using her fingers in twisting and rippling motions. She gathered the liquid into a cohesive ball and, with a flick of her wrist, sent the sphere dancing through the air before it plopped back into the river.

The tingling sensation began, followed by the excruciating pain, and soon enough, the transformation into legs commenced.

Anxiously, (Y/N) stood. Her shaky legs wobbled as she adjusted to their unfamiliar form. Her trembling fingers swiftly seized the cream colored dress—she didn't want to stand out, she needed to blend in—and she clumsily slipped it on. Her gaze then fixated on a brilliant blue wrap. The color resonated with the deep seas she hailed from, and she couldn't resist. The mermaid grasped the silk and yanked, winding it around her hair in a manner she had observed from land women when peeking from the river. Letting some of her locks cascade out of the twisted band, the blue fabric draped over her shoulders. She smiled.

Her hand instinctively rose to her neck, where her necklace adorned with shells, sea glass, and bones encircled her skin. A frown crossed her face. She couldn't part with it—this cherished gift from her since passed mother. Therefore, she let it remain, finding that it didn't look too out of place.

(Y/N) ventured into the market, nervously navigating the bustling city of Minas Tirith with her new, wobbly legs. The vibrant atmosphere teemed with life and excitement as diverse groups came together to weave the people into the human race. So many men, women, and children—all different sizes, all different shapes, all different skin tones—bustled through the streets.

Young children ran through the tents playing games and tricks on one another. Often enough, a woman was pursuing the chase while yelling for their halt of mischief. Men were not involved in this matter. Instead, they loudly called out the names of what they sold, along with prices, at the busy passerbyers in hopes of getting a customer. Never had (Y/N) seen something so brilliantly enthralling and engaging—not in her time under the sea with the mer-folk.

As she moved through the people, she discreetly snagged what she needed. A pair of sandals disappeared from a rack, and she swiftly turned away before anyone noticed. Vibrantly colored bracelets caught her eye at a vendor's stall, and she couldn't resist snagging a few. Additionally, she plucked food from bins and baskets. She didn't know what it was—but oh how delicious it tasted when it was not dunked in the salt of the sea.

Here, (Y/N) stayed, exploring the thrill of humanity and letting their culture enrapture her senses. So much so, that she failed to notice a soldier adorned in silver until she collided with his metal-plated chest.

Her form tumbled backwards, taking an extra moment to steady.

“Are you alright, miss?” a concerned voice inquired.

(Y/N) slowly raised her head to meet a familiar face: Faramir.

Unable to find her voice, she could only nod in reply. Shyness and anxiety filled her as she backed away from the unexpected encounter.

He acknowledged her reply with a dip of his own head before turning to another soldier a little ways away. He made way towards him and gently touched his arm. “Boromir, we should get going. Father is expecting us.”

(Y/N) went still. Her inquisitive gaze shifted towards him, and indeed, there stood Boromir. His dark, sandy hair brushed upon his forehead, tousled slightly from the refreshing breeze. Vibrant blue eyes held a sternness, concealing the sadness she knew resided in his heart. His pink lips pressed into a firm line, refraining from the warmth of a smile. Boromir was clad in the silver armor and the metal weapons that she had seen him in nearly every day. He looked fit for his position as captain, his authority nearly radiating from him. Now that she was upon the land, he seemed so much bigger—so much stronger. So much more important.

(Y/N)’s cheeks began to heat, prompting her to quickly ducked behind the fabric of a tent. After giving herself a moment, she peaked out.

Though she knew she shouldn't, she found herself following them. At a safe distance, she mimicked every turn, accentuated every step, and utilized every path they took. And when the Steward's sons crossed the threshold of Minas Tirith Castle, so did she.

Instantly, she was met with just as much business as the market. Servants flooded the halls, carrying trays of fruit and platters of meat. Maids held onto neatly folded laundry and finely pressed sheets. Guards bustled about, their steel clanking as they moved through the halls, to get to their next shift, meal, or rest.

(Y/N) was so overwhelmed that she failed to notice a group of soldiers rounding the corner. As they pushed past her, a heavy shoulder slammed into her, the edge of the metal plate catching her forehead. The impact sliced the skin open, causing her to tumble backward against the wall.

Surprising her, she felt a gentle hand upon her arm, holding her steady. A soft voice that she knew all too well, that spoke words all too similar to his brother’s, filled her ears. “Are you alright, miss?”

In a daze, (Y/N) looked up at the dark sandy hair, vibrant blue eyes, and perfect pink lips of Boromir. Too stunned to speak, she merely stared at him, every thought that had occupied her mind vanishing in the moment.

Boromir turned towards the group of soldiers who had caused the commotion and knocked her down. With a tone infused with authority and anger, he snapped at them, “Watch where you are going!”

They turned, initially confused and uncertain of Boromir's reprimand until they spotted the frightened and injured girl beside him.

“What kind of soldiers are you that you let your steel hit a woman!” Boromir added, his irritation even more obvious. “Keep better track of your things—and your forms!”

The soldiers nodded, though their indifference was evident, and they shuffled away without much concern.

Boromir turned back to (Y/N), repeating his prior question, his tone gentle once more. “I apologize for the actions of my men. I will reprimand them later, but right now you are more important, yes? Miss?”

She looked up at him, blinking. He didn’t recognize her, did he?

“You’re bleeding,” he stated softly, his finger pressed gently upon her forehead.

A quiet gasp of pain escaped (Y/N)’s lips and her expressions distorted slightly.

“My apologies. I did not mean to make your pain worse. May I take you to the infirmary? We can get that treated.”

Unsure what to say—and what an infirmary was—she nervously dipped her head.

“Alright,” he began. “Let’s get you moving.”

Gently, he helped her move away from the wall, one arm wrapped around her waist. However, with a couple steps, her vision swirled and she stumbled.

Boromir caught her quickly. “Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Just a step at a time.” His brows pulled together as he looked down at her. “Are you dizzy? Is the room spinning?”

“I—I,” she stuttered. “Y-yes, uh, sir.”

He released a heated breath from his nose, the anger at the men who had harmed her simmering within him. However, he pushed it away, ensuring his attention remained on her. "How about you sit back down? Lean against the wall to keep you upright, yes?"

(Y/N) nodded, allowing him to help lower her to the stone floor. As the coldness rushed through her bones and the stillness began to steady, she looked up at him. “T-thank you,” she whispered. “Uh, sir.”

The captain smiled softly. “You may call me Boromir.”

She nodded slightly.

Boromir looked up and stopped a passing servant. “Could you please fetch me a medical kit from the infirmary? Just basic supplies.”

The man nodded, accepting the order, and rushed off. Moments later, he returned with various materials in a small box.

Boromir expressed his gratitude as he opened the kit. Without hesitation, he took hold of a soft cloth and gently swiped it upwards, collecting the blood that was now trickling down (Y/N)’s forehead. He then pressed it against the cut that was bleeding rather heavily. "Hold this there," he commanded gently.

The woman reached up to follow his instructions, and Boromir proceeded to lay out an array of little bottles and scraps of cloth. "What is your name?" he inquired as he doused a cloth in the liquids of one of the containers.

Her eyes followed his motions nervously. “(Y/N),” she replied timidly.

The Captain smiled, attempting to provide some comfort. “Are you from around here, (Y/N)?”

She shook her head.

“No? What are you doing in these parts then?” He asked.

“I—I don’t know.”

Boromir frowned, looking up at her from the medical supplies. She appeared more disoriented than he had initially expected. Perhaps the blow to the head was more substantial than he had thought?

“You don’t know?” He questioned, no alarm in his tone. Meanwhile, he began threading a needle, preparing it for the task of stitching her forehead. “Have you come with anyone? A husband? A father?”

She frowned, a blush creeping into her face at the implications of his words. “N-no. Alone.”

Boromir pressed his lips together, a sudden loneliness hitting him—one that he knew all too well—as he placed the threaded needle upon a clean cloth.

“Do you have a place to stay?”

She shook her head.

“Hmm. Alright. Let’s get you cleaned up, then we can worry about that.”

Boromir took the cloth from her forehead, his hand brushing upon hers as he did so. He then began bringing a damp cloth towards her face.

Instantly, her eyes went wide and she ducked away from the material. “It’s alright. It’s alright. It’s just alcohol.” He replied, lowering the cloth.

“N-not water?” She whispered, almost fearful.

He shook his head. “Nay. Water would not clean it properly. This will prevent any infection, though I’m afraid it will sting a bit. Is that alright?”

Slowly, (Y/N) nodded.

Boromir pressed the cloth to the cut and, instantly, she hissed.

“I know, I am sorry,” he murmured.

Gently, he cleaned the wound, being careful to not make any sudden movements that may startle her. When he was certain it was clean, he moved to pick up the needle.

“I will have to stitch it back together so it heals properly.” He looked into her worried gaze and he instantly felt guilt tugging at his heart. It appeared she had never experienced such an injury, or perhaps she had but never received proper treatment for one.

Cautiously, he used his other hand to pick up her own. Her soft palms brushed upon his hardened calloused, gentleness upon her touch. Placing her hand upon his knee, he spoke softly, “If it hurts too much just squeeze really really hard, and I will pause, alright? It is important that you keep your head still, yes?”

She nodded, adjusting her grip upon his knee, a mixture of anticipation and anxiety in her eyes.

Slowly, Boromir began the delicate task of stitching her skin back together. Her grip tightened upon him, only slightly, as she adjusted to the strange sensation of tugging on her skin.

"You are doing beautifully, (Y/N). We are almost done. I promise," the Captain reassured her. As he finished the last stitch and skillfully moved the thread to knot itself, he breathed out, "There we go," placing the needle back upon the cloth. He smiled gently, a reassuring warmth in his eyes, as he carefully cleaned the area around the stitches. "All finished," Boromir stated before leaning back, (Y/N)’s hand slipping from his knee.

“It will be sore for a bit,” he said. “But it should heal in a week. The stitching will fall out on its own, so if it starts to come out, do not worry. Though, I would advise you not to get it wet.”

At that last sentence, (Y/N) smiled softly. She wasn’t planning on getting wet—not anytime soon.

“Can you stand? Has the dizziness subsided?”

The woman nodded and slowly rose to her feet, taking Boromir’s hand when he offered it.

“Let’s find you a place to rest while you heal. And I would like to apologize for my soldiers’ actions once more. You are welcome to stay in Minas Tirith as long as you would like. I will make sure you get everything you need.”

(Y/N) looked up at his kind expression and spoke with that same nervous hesitancy. “Thank you.…Boromir.”

The captain guided her through the castle, arriving at a room. He opened the door and gestured inside with a soft smile. "It is yours to stay in. I will ensure the maids are alerted to provide you with adequate care. If you need anything else, my chambers are just down the hallway to the right, the second door."

She nodded in reply.

He bowed his head. “I will leave you then, miss.”

With that, he was gone.

(Y/N) moved to the center of the room and slowly spun around taking it all in. It was massive and airy. The windows were wind open, the sea breeze rushing in and caring hints of the city. The white curtains blew with that gentle wind, dancing in its whispers. The walls of the chamber were adorned with intricate tapestries depicting only what she could assume to be the legendary tales of the city. They were woven with beautiful silver and turquoise thread, catching the light so delicately. A bed sat in the middle of the room, soft white blankets and comforters piled on it. (Y/N) walked towards it and gently sat upon the fabric. It was….strange. Very different from the large shells she was used to curling up in.

Feeling a sudden tiredness take over her form, she laid down with ease. Resting her head upon the pillow, she allowed sleep to consume her.

…….

When she finally woke, the sun had set, and the stars took their place among the blanket of the sky. Cautiously, she pulled her legs from the cage of blankets and let them dangle off the side of the bed. They looked so….strange upon her form. She was used to her glimmering tail that collected light to share among the waters. Not—not this. She lowered her feet upon the stone floor, almost startled by the coldness that greeted them.

Hunger settled into her stomach as she moved towards the door. However, she found herself at a loss, unsure where to find a meal at this time. The markets were long since closed and she knew not where the kitchen in the Minas Tirith castle was. Of course, she could wander down to the tavern that Boromir frequented regularly—she knew the way well enough, but she didn't have any means to pay.

(Y/N) shifted on her feet. Boromir did say she could come to him if she needed anything….

Almost as if it were an excuse to see him again, she slipped through the door and began following his directions to his chambers. With every step, her heart pounded harder. She would get to see him again—and it wouldn't be through layers of water.

Upon arrival, the door stood ajar, allowing a whisper of cold air to drift from his open windows. Cautiously, she peered into the room. It was shrouded in darkness, with only the soft glow of the moon reflecting upon the vast room—oh, and what a beautiful room it was. The room eluded a captivating chaos, in the most exciting way. Tablets and shelves were filled with various items—maps, books, stones, germs, inventions, and trinkets. The room held a multitude of objects, each beckoning to be looked at, studied, and pondered—igniting a sense of wonder and an urge to guess the intention. Oh, it was a captivating sight.

“Boromir?” she called out.

Silence.

Slowly, (Y/N) stepped in. She let her feet carry her throughout the room, her hand brushing upon every object that her eyes could consume. She picked things up, examined them, then put them down for another. She did so continuously, urgently, the thirst for knowledge of the humans’ customs eager in her blood. She did so, until she came across something familiar—something she was surprised to see.

(Y/N) picked up the bone carved whale from the shelf that it rested on.

He had kept it.

A little grin formed on her face, for after his conversation with Iwar she didn’t think he would.

“Does that one interest you?” A soft tone asked.

(Y/N) jumped, startled.

Boromir chuckled lightly, stepping into the room. “I am sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.”

She glanced down at the whale carving before looking back to him.

“I am not quite sure how that one came into my possession,” he continued as he moved to stand beside her.

She frowned, looking up. Her eyes were now direct at him, focused and stern—for the first time since he had met her. He would be lying if he said it didn't startle him a bit.

“You don't remember?” she asked, her tone strong.

“Well, no it’s not that. Of course, I remember how I got it. It just was a bit peculiar.”

(Y/N) tilted her head, not understanding.

Boromir sighed, his tone was distant as he spoke, his blue gaze not wavering from her curious eyes that suddenly seemed so bold. “A friend of mine says it's a dark omen, ment to mark me for death.” His vision trailed across her face. “He says it is made of the bone of my fallen brothers, urging me to follow them to their deaths.”

“Do you believe that?”

He blinked, his gaze lingering upon the whale. “I do not know what to believe.” Boromir looked at her expression. “What are your thoughts on such a statement?”

(Y/N) shrugged, placing the whale in its spot upon the shelf. “I believe people don’t understand other cultures and customs. I believe they make their own assumptions out of ignorance and fear.”

The captain raised a brow at her intelligence. “You are feeling better then?”

“Hmm?” (Y/N) hummed in question as she moved to another object.

“Well, that is the most I have heard you speak since I met you. You are wiser than you appear to be.”

She only shrugged in response, picking up a telescope and looking through its glass—by the wrong end.

“Though,” Boromir continued in a teasing manner as he plucked the object from her grasp, turned it the correct way, and placed it back in her palms. “That wisdom seems not to extend to everything.”

She frowned, looking through the glass once before placing it down. She then went for a music box, her confused expression deepening. “We do not have all these….these things where I am from.”

Boromir reached across her and twisted the little lever, releasing the gentle music from its hold. “And where is that, may I ask?”

At the twinkling sound, her smile, born of pure delight, extended from her expression. Her response to his question, however, was only that of a simple word, “Far.”

The captain raised a brow. “How far?”

(Y/N) shot him a strange look, placing the music box down and picking up a crystal sphere instead. “You ask a lot of questions,” she mumbled.

He grinned playfully. “You do not seem to give many answers, Miss (Y/N).”

She glared at him.

With that playful smile, he spoke again. “Would it help if you got to ask a question?”

(Y/N)‘s eyes crinkled with thought as she placed the object down and turned towards him. She saw how his shoulders slumped ever so slightly, how the circles under his eyes appeared so dark, how his expression was so hollow. Softly, she spoke again. “Why are you so sad, Boromir?”

Taken aback by this, his lips parted. “I—I do not know what you mean.”

She took a step closer to him, a step that nearly eliminated the space between them, and her piercing gaze burned up at him for the truth.

Hesitantly, he whispered that truth, as if she compelled it right out of him. “I—I recently was in a shipwreck. I thought, well, I thought I was dead—left for the watery graves below.” He paused, just for a moment. “But yet I am here and I do not know why. And, I am beginning to question things that I know, well, thought I knew, for the world appears different now.”

Silence.

Boromir's soft voice then picked up again, his breath warm upon the woman’s face. “Why are you so sad, (Y/N)?”

At this, her shy nature returned. (Y/N) turned her head away, not wanting to look at the source of her sadness.

Gently, Boromir tugged on her chin, forcing her to look at him. “You implored me to tell you such a truth,” he whispered. “May I not ask the same of you?”

(Y/N)’s tone was soft. “My truth is complicated.”

“Are not all truths complicated?” he responded.

With that, she withdrew from his grasp—a hold she desperately craved—and created enough distance between them, leaving him to wonder if such closeness had occurred at all.

A loud grumble then echoed through the dark room—splitting the darkness with something else, something much for lighthearted.

“When have you last eaten?” Boromir asked.

Her brows pulled together as she looked at her stomach.

He chuckled, offering her his hand. “Come. Let’s get you some food. I can take you to my favorite place.”

“But I—I have no coin,” she whispered shyly.

“You are a guest of Gondor, Gondor will see you fed.”

(Y/N) smiled, that innocent gaze returning. She hesitantly took his hand and he led her through the castle and towards the tavern.

The two arrived at the tavern rather quickly. Urine, stale ale, and sweat flooded (Y/N)’s nostrils—familiar aromas reminiscent of her vigilant watch over Boromir along the Anduin River. The lively atmosphere enveloped the pair. In the corner, a bard sang to the patrons, his melodic voice resonating throughout, enticing some to join in. Drunk men, tapping their feet along to the beat of the tune, howled in laughter and glee as they clinked their ales together and shoveled food into their mouths. Requests for additional drinks prompted maidens, adorned in long skirts and aprons, to gracefully deliver brimming glasses, the foaming liquid sloshing about.

(Y/N) smiled, taking in the environment.

Boromir cast a glance at her out of the corner of his eye, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. “It’s just a tavern.”

She turned to him, her grin unwavering. “We don’t have taverns where I am from.”

He raised a brow. “And where is that? You never said.”

She shrugged. “Far.”

(Y/N) moved deeper into the tavern, with Boromir following suit. He motioned towards an available table, and they both took a seat. Before long, a serving maiden approached. Boromir signaled for two meals and two ales, and they promptly arrived.

The woman wasted no time and eagerly indulged in her food, swiftly emptying the plate.

Boromir tried to suppress a smile as he saw this, for he was glad she was getting proper nutrition after her likely long and hard journey. He, of course, wished to know more of her origins; though, he could see she wasn't quite ready to discuss such things. Instead, he opted to answer any and all questions she had which began with her curious tone.

“Boromir, would you be willing to tell me of your city? How you live in these parts? I wish to know.”

His soft gaze made contact with hers and he nodded, chewing his food and swallowing before he spoke. “What would you wish to know?”

“Everything—its structures, its people, its culture, its history.”

Therefore, Boromir spoke of such things. He described the White City's towering architecture, the valor of its people, and the complexities of the various beliefs held. He relayed its history and tales, showcasing the values of the Gondorian people.

His narratives ignited a spark in her eyes, drew laughter from her lips, and filled her heart with joy.

Fuck the forbidden indeed.

As the hours stretched on, Boromir’s friends joined them. (Y/N) could see the gleam in their eyes and catch the less-than-subtle teasing tones as they whispered about Boromir bringing a lady to their tavern. Faramir, arriving shortly after, seemed prepared for a night of dealing with his drunken brother, only to find himself pleasantly surprised by his brother's apparent sobriety and the joy the unknown woman seemed to bring to his melancholy soul.

Yet, amid the cheerful atmosphere, a pair of shifting gray eyes belonging to an old man that (Y/N) recognized as Iwar, kept her uneasy heart alert.

…..

Everything Tag: @lea----b @aredhel-of-gondolin @princecami @the-fandoms-georgie @jazziwritestolkienprimary @swimming-in-stardust @elvish-sky @red-riding @hey-its-nonny @mirclealignr @laneynoir @straysugzhpe @runningfeather @finallyforgotten @kaiawrites @commanderawkward @xxbluestrifexx @slytherinambitious @desert-fern @skairipakomtrikru @genderfluid-anime-goth @sotwk @sirenofavalon @hobbitsesoftheshire @asianbutnotjapanese @mgchaser @heavenshumour @heavenshumour @clairealeehelsing @starenemy @ceruleanrainblues @casuallyeating-blog @cheari @aheadfullofsteverogers @imthebadguyyy @beehivehappy @queenmariex @newjsns01

Everything But Spice Tag: @goldfearless @cauliflowertree @heranintomyknife23times @mxmia @unethicallypleistocene @amessofmultifandom

Boromir Tag: @scyllas-revenge @lord-westley @callistobalisto

ADD YOURSELF TO MY TAGLIST(S)

[finiteuniverse13]

Bravo's Banned List

With the help of @bravo-four-seal-team, @@jayhalsteadfan-2417 and @rebelwrites, we made a list.

A list, posted on various walls throughout the Naval base, the plane and the cage room. About 1/3 of it is typed up, the rest is in hastily written pen. Made by Blackburn to try and corral Bravo. It's doing its best.

Tag: @rebelwrites @chibsytelford @bravo-four-seal-team @velvetcardiganbucky @supervalcsi @abby-splace @itsonautopilot @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @pinkrockstar19 @softi92 @mrsmarvelous1995 @jayhalsteadfan-2417

Just so you're all aware, this is a 6.5-page document.

0: On the days of Adam and Swanny’s Death, leave the group be to remember them. I will not protect you.

1: Brock Is Not Allowed Coffee. No exceptions.

1.1: Do not leave Metal alone with Brock when Coffee is around.

2: Dick jokes are not required in briefings

3: If a single one of you bastards get between me and my coffee, we will be having issues

5: You made the dog sad; you die.

8: DO NOT GIVE THEM NERF GUNS

9: WHO THE HELL GAVE THEM WATER GUNS

9.1: STICKS DO NOT GIVE THEM STICKS THEY WILL PRETEND THEY ARE GUNS

10: Dirt bikes (don’t ask)

11: ARCHERY IS A BIG NO

12: FISHING. WHY AM I BANNING FISHING

13: Fire. That is all

14: KNIVES. WHY ARE YOU GIVING THEM KNIVES?

15: LADDERS (NEVER AGAIN)

16: PLASTIC CUTLERY ONLY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE THEM METAL CUTLERY

16.1: Scratch that, they stab people with the metal cutlery. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions. They can eat with their hands.

17: MEMES ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE MEETING ROOM

18: Horse riding. (METAL IT IS NOT A TACTICAL DISMOUNT ITS CALLED FALLING AND GETTING A CONCUSSION)

19: BOY BANDS (not allowed to be played on the plane)

19.1: GIRL BANDS (for the love of god, they will try and imitate them)

19.2 RAP MUSIC (they think they are the next Eminem and will make your ears bleed)

20: Do not tell Jason he is not allowed to do something. He finds a way to do it

20.1: Apparently Ray will do the exact same without question

21: Do not leave any members of the team with upper brass. (How did you make an Admiral with years of combat CRY!)

22: Clay is under Jason’s protection don’t go after him they will not find your body

22.1: If Clay calls Jason dad just leave it ok

22.2: Actually, check on Jason, he’s been standing staring for the past hour now

23: Hairdryers are banned (HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET YOUR BEARD CAUGHT SONNY)

24: Only Trent is allowed to call Metal by his legal first name. Ensign Williams learnt that one the hard way.

25: Paintball is banned from the base the last time it was extreme and got violent

26: The transformers movies because clay tried to do a stunt it ended badly

27: Thumbtacks apparently

28: Any Marvel movie (Jason you’re not Captain America)

28.1: DC movies are out as well

28.2: Disney Princess movies as well (don’t ask)

30: Do not leave phone unlocked around Sonny, he will not hesitate to change everything

36: DO NOT LET THEM GET SO DRUNK THEY START SINGING. IF I HEAR IN THE NAVY ONE MORE TIME, I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS

37: IF THERE IS SILENCE DROP EVERYTHING AND START HUNTING AND PANICKING

38: Grenade launchers are not required for every mission Trent

39: WHO GAVE METAL A SWORD

42: Yes, Clay does know an Admiral by name. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

45: If Clay starts angrily ranting in a foreign language, don't worry. He's thinking out loud, not plotting to destroy the base

45.1: If Clay is calmly talking in a foreign language just back away slowly

48: SpongeBob is a Bad Idea because they are way too Annoying and make References (I’m looking at you, Clay)

52: Sharpies. When I find whoever gave me this sharpie tattoo sleeve, there will be hell to pay

56: DO NOT LET CLAY HAVE A GRIMM REAPER OUTFIT! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME HES NEARLY GIVEN SONNY AND TRENT A HEART ATTACK AT 3 AM

57: Red paint. I went to check something at 3 am and Clay was painting a satanic ritual on the floor

58: 3 am checks are a bad idea. (I have seen things, people!)

62: Explosives are to be locked away when not on mission Sonny and Clay will try and play catch with a live homewrecker

62.1: I expected Metal as a Master Chief to know better - he falls under the same rule as Clay and Sonny.

63: Don't wake Clay when he is sleeping back away slowly and leave the room

64: If I'm sleeping, back away and leave the room. Interrupt me if they've broken a rule, or if the base is actively being bombed. If not, I don't care.

65: Have multiple phone chargers or they will disappear and you’re not getting them back

68: If you call Clay anything other than a nickname expect to get punched or stabbed or sniped in the ass when least expected

68.1: Metal will stab you. Please remember he has a shovel and lye in his truck (WHY DO YOU HAVE IT)

68.2: Don't try to take the shovel and lye off of Metal

69: NEVER say the number 69 around them they are all immature children and expect tongue in cheek comments

70: NEVER interrupt Sonny when he is eating breakfast, he is grumpy in the morning

72: If they are all asleep make no sound - YOU WAKE THEM THEY ARE YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE

73: For the love of god, stop giving Clay earth mineral nicknames. This is the third time this week I've watched Sonny empty limestone dust from his pack

75: Do not give them hammers! What is wrong with you people?

79: Do Not talk to Trent unless it’s after 2 coffees

83: For the love of god, don't ask Metal if he ever did nude modelling in art school. He will begin stripping, literally anywhere

91: Cerberus is a good boy and you hurt Brock you die

98: Super Glue (never again)

99: MY COFFEE IS OFF LIMITS WHOEVER PUT SALT IN IT WILL PAY

100: Do not give in to their peer pressure while they are drunk, I will not be doing it again

100.1: WHY AM I HEARING IN THE NAVY AGAIN?!

100.2: Sweet Caroline won't work twice

100.3: WHY ARE YOU SINGING BARBIE

100.4: SONNY, CLAY IS NOT A BARBIE GIRL

103: Don't tell Sonny he looks good in pink because you better believe he will keep wearing it (and probably some girl clothes too) to keep getting compliments

114: I ALREADY WROTE SUPER GLUE WHY DO I NEED TO WRITE IT AGAIN

115: HAIR DYE (Why did you dye Metal and Trent’s hair pink?!)

115.1: Face paint (Sonny, their faces did not need to match their hair)

116: Do NOT touch Clay, Charlie team learnt that, and someone ended up nearly losing a finger. (And it wasn’t because of the dog)

117: If they offer you a drink whilst smirking DO NOT take it

118: Sea shanties ��� if I hear one more SEA SHANTY while we are FLYING

119: If you hear someone shout incoming, run, it’s not an attack, it is Bravo, someone has done something and they’re coming to tell me

120: Vegemite is not allowed in the base after Jason let Clay eat it

121: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (JASON I DONT CARE IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO ACT LIKE LEO IT WAS A BAD MOVE)

122: Hawaii 5-0, if I hear one more thing about how we should hang people of the rook of buildings I am going to shoot someone

124: Mortal Kombat (Clay was acting like Scorpion for a month)

130: Itching Powder (looking at you Brock)

131: DO NOT TOUCH JASONS TOMATOES - you will get a bamboo cane jammed into your thigh

134: Capes - YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN CLAY STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN FLY BY JUMPING OFF THE HOOCHES

134.1: Edna Mode said NO CAPES - I EXPECT NO CAPES WORN BY ANYONE ON MY TEAM

138: Laser Tag is fun until someone gets hurt (Sonny and Clay you know what happened)

138.1: Laser Tag! (Ray needed to go to the hospital guys, come on)

143: Basketball. My nose will never be straight again.

144: Bravo and Ice skates don’t mix (the only person good on them is Jason but no other member of Bravo is allowed on the ice again)

144.1: Same goes for rollerblades

145: Ash Spencer is not allowed to be alone with Clay (Jason punched him last time he was on base)

145.1: Do not leave Jason, Metal or Sonny alone with Ash Spenser, it’s going to end up with a murder charge.

146: Clay is Jason’s adopted kid and needs to be supervised when Jason is away

151: SLIME - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT GIVE THEM SLIME

152: GLITTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

153: SCISSORS - Jase cut a chunk of Clay’s hair in the night now the base is a war zone

153.1: DONT FUCK WITH COVERBOY'S HAIR see point 68 for consequences

154: NAIR (why do you even have it?)

156: Call Of Duty (Clay must be supervised when playing it)

157: Do Not leave Clay unattended with Metal (They are both recovering from the ONE CHIP/DEATH CHIP Challenge)

158: Marshmallows (don’t ask)

163: The Hunger Games (are not a good training exercise)

164: The Olympus Has Fallen movies are not allowed to be mentioned in any given time)

173: If you mention the word ice-cream just run, run for your life

176: If I am sleeping STOP THROWING PAPER AT ME

177: Yelling FOR NARNIA is not an appropriate battle cry

178: The Fast And Furious movies (Clay you are not Brian so stop)

182: Nap time is important if their asleep do something else but if you wake them run like hell

190: Any movies about WAR are BANNED (I need a drink to talk about that one)

200 (From Bravo): Blackburn isn't allowed any more paper

200.1 (From Bravo): or pens

200.2: (Blackburn) Handcuffs. They handcuffed me to my desk and wrote that

200.3 (Blackburn): Bravo will not be allowed to tell their Commanding Officer what to do

202: Who keeps giving them superglue? This is the 8th time we are having to unglue Sonny and Clay’s hands

203: Do not let any of them take point on Briefing EVER

205: Are you serious? Paperclips! Do not give them PAPERCLIPS

206: Leaving anyone unattended with fire is a bad idea - I can still smell burning

210: This is Sparta (Jason don't kick people off the roof)

210.1: JASON I SAID NO KICKING PEOPLE YOU DONT LIKE OFF THE ROOF

213: Ash Spenser is not allowed on base. DEVGRU heard about what kind of dad he is, and now its kill-on-sight

213.1: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ASH BEING ON BASE

214: Puppy dog eyes because Clay has been using them on anyone to get out of doing paperwork

215: RAY STOP DOING JASONS PAPERWORK

216: GO TO A HOSPITAL IF INJURED, TRENT HAS A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU LOT

217: THE GLEE CAST SOUNDTRACK IS NOT TO BE USED ON THE BASE

218: DO NOT PUT LION KING ON - they will cry like babies and there’s no consoling them over Mufasa

220: If I have to explain why BRAVO will not be joining teaching GREEN TEAM please see rule 1 and understand from that then ask the Green Team Instructor. (Brock terrified them by running the O Course in 30 minutes, all because someone gave him coffee)

220.1: And yes, that is the on the 50-minute-record O course. The time hasn’t been counted since it involved performance-enhancing substances

221: WHO THE HELL INTRODUCED THEM TO FROZEN

221.1 NO I DONT WANT TO BUILD A BLOODY SNOWMAN

221.2: WE WERE DEPLOYED TO SERBIA YOU BASTARDS

222: Gray’s anatomy (That is all)

227: VAPES - YOU DONT SMOKE AND ARE NOT PUFF THE MAGIC FUCKING DRAGON (clay I’m looking at you)

228: HATS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN BRIEFINGS (Sonny you know what you did)

229: MAGIC MIKE AND MAGIC MIKE XXL (still haunts my dreams)

233: I am begging you can you please BE NICE TO THE FLEET ADMIRAL (it's the 3rd time he's left in tears)

234: Chocolate - just run ok

235: Please stop re-enacting the screen from titanic when we are on a boat (I’m looking at you Brock)

235: PIZZA NIGHT IS A FREE FOR ALL AND IF YOU DONT WANT A BROKEN NOSE JUST BACK AWAY

236: Jokes. JOKES ARE BANNED - IF I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY I WON'T BE HAPPY – NO ITS NOT FINE TO JOKE ABOUT THE FACT YOU HAVE BEEN STABBED CLAY

236.1: STAB WOUNDS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL POCKETS

237: Monopoly got violent last time and Jason got punched

237.1: In fact, any board games turn violent even snakes and ladders

237.2: Board games. Just please stop playing board games

240: Why am I revisiting the nerf guns people? IT WAS A FAMILY BARBECUE! (You lot need to learn to let your kids win!)

241: Brock is banned from Cooking - I do not want food poisoning again

244: WE DO NOT NEED A FLASH MOB EVERY TIME DONT STOP MOVING BY SCLUB 7 COMES ON

246: If they pass out around the fire pit for the love of god move them Clay and Sonny tend to like melting the sole of their boots on the flames even when passed out

251: Plastic cups only (this rule is to stop sonny from smashing them)

254: Why am I needing to revisit Sharpies? They aren’t allowed them, give them Crayola's or crayons

254.1: Scrap that YOU CAN’T EAT THE CRAYONS

256: Clay you are not Spiderman get off the walls

257: WHO GAVE COFFEE TO BROCK!!

257.1: THIS IS RULE ONE ON THE LIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

258: Don't mention Hawaii five 0 just don't

258.1: They will attempt the intro to it, it’s just painful

259: Don't mention Harry Potter because they will all cry over different characters deaths

287: Soup is now banned (Ray. I honestly thought you were the normal one of the team. I am disappointed)

321: If you see Clay and Sonny cuddling just walk away, pretend you didn’t see anything, one of them had a bad day and the other is the only one they will confine in

322: Don't mention the Philippines or India just don't

330: If Metal and Trent are talking, just leave them be. (No one wants to know if Metal is yelling about something stupid Trent did)

331: Popcorn is not allowed on base it ended up in everyone's gear

342: Non-Aerosol Deodorant. (Two of them tried to eat it before realising it wasn't edible)

344: Aerosol Deodorant. (Metal and Sonny used it with lighters. to create a flamethrower)

344.1: Side note LIGHTERS ARE BAD

345: Headphones. DO NOT ASK

346: Rubber bands are not slingshots

FINAL NOTE: FROM BRAVO - BLACKBURN LOVES US REALLY PLEASE IGNORE THE ABOVE LIST ITS ALL LIES

[possiblyawesometmblr]

Unus Annus: A Complete Ranked List

well, now that every single video has been released, i’ve compiled them all into a complete ranked list, from best video to worst! this took way longer than it had any right to.  (also, please note this is just my opinion, and in all honesty, this list was really hard because so many of these videos are fantastic. you could tell me that you’d rearrange anything in the 50-250 range and i’d probably agree with you.) 

And if you don’t feel like going through the whole list, here’s Unus Annus ranked by month!

If the video is in: Top 50: 5 points 51 - 100: 4 points 101 - 150: 3 points 151 - 200: 2 points 201 - 250: 1 point 251 - 300: 0 points 300 or below: -1 point (Any ties settled by which month had the highest ranking video overall.)

November: 93 October: 72 December:70 September: 66 February: 66 August: 63 June: 60 January: 59 July: 53 May: 43 March: 37 April: 1

The Truth of Unus Annus (Oct. 31st)

Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN (Jan. 10th)

Phasmophobia in Real Life (Oct. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room (Dec. 6th)

Hunting HeeHoo (Aug. 29th)

DIY Geriatric Simulator (Jan. 18th)

Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video (Nov. 4th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked On Phonics (Jun 6th)

Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral (Dec. 9th)

Cooking with Sex Toys (Nov. 15th)

Mark Reviews the Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom (Dec. 13th)

Helium Therapy (Nov. 29th)

2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition (Nov. 26th)

Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls (Nov. 22nd)

Being Brutally Honest With Each Other (Nov. 3rd)

Would Chica Save Us From Drowning? (Jul. 24th)

Mark and Ethan are Now Fathers (Mar. 22)

Ethan Kidnapped Mark (Oct. 30th)

Mark’s Outdoor Escape Room (Aug. 28th)

The Unus Annus Last Supper (Nov. 2nd)

Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping (Jan. 11th)

The Sensory Overload Tank (Jan. 7th)

Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost (Nov. 25th)

Mark Knows What Ethan Did… (Sep. 22nd)

Pee Sauna (Jun 17th)

We Made Nude Paintings of Each Other (Dec. 14th)

All of Our Video Ideas that Never Happened (Nov. 5th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band (Sep. 4th)

Hiding Our Sins From Amy’s Holy Peepers (Jan. 2nd)

Our Perfect (and last) Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th)

The Barrel - Official Music Video (Mar. 9th)

Edward Pumpkin Hands (Oct. 26th)

This Video Is Completely Unedited (Oct. 17th)

Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim (Jun. 28th)

The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover (Nov. 12th)

Everything’s Legal if You’re Dead (Nov. 10th)

Harnessing Our Dogs’ Unlimited Energy (Dec. 23rd)

2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test (Dec. 31st)

Learning to Breathe Underwater (Jan. 13th)

Playing Children’s Games in Total Darkness (Aug. 17th)

The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest (Oct. 28th)

Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests (Nov. 9th)

We Got Pepper Sprayed (Mar. 10th)

The Cryptid Olympics (Oct. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight (Mar. 8th)

Mark Punishes Ethan (Jan. 27th)

Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible (Sep. 29th)

Drunk College Party Simulator (Feb. 15th)

God’s Fitness Test (Nov. 8th)

3 Big Boys Attempt the King’s Royal Fitness Test (Feb. 18th)

The Beginning of the End (Jul. 26th)

Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime (May 22nd)

Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There’s a Bear 15 Feet Away (Aug. 22nd)

We Forced James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course (Mar. 23rd)

We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator (Mar. 20th)

The Bad Kind of Cupping (Nov. 20th)

Ethan Destroys Mark’s Van with a Bat (Dec. 7th)

Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don’t Watch This Video) (Dec. 29th)

A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night (Aug. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes (Jul 7th)

Building the World’s First IKEA Boat (Jun 27th)

Goat Yoga (Feb. 22nd)

10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn’t Know How To Spend Money Responsibly (Feb. 16th)

Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On (Feb 29th)

Fixing Mark’s Hole with Ramen But Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God (Jan. 14th)

Being Attacked By a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog (Feb. 19th)

Preserving Ourselves in Wax (Dec. 26th)

Santa’s Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog) (Dec. 24th)

The Unus Annus Space Program (Jul 11th)

Ethan Explores Mark’s Haunted Basement (Dec. 17th)

Dummy THICC for Dummies | A Tale of Two Butts | Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond (Jul. 4th)

DIY Bungee Jump (please don’t try this) (Jan. 4th)

Unregulated Axe Throwing (Feb. 7th)

Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger (Sep. 15th)

How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree (Aug. 23rd)

Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna Into a Portable Hell (Mar. 16th)

The End of Unus Annus Is Almost Here… (May 15th)

We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away (Sep. 13th)

We Play The Newlywed Game While Consuming That Which Will Kill the Other (May 23rd)

Building IKEA’s Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 18th)

Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength (Jul. 30th)

Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 8th)

The Candy Bra Challenge (Jul 6th)

We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay (Oct. 13th)

Only UNUS-es/ANNUS-es May Watch This Video (May 28th)

Only Watch From 2:25-6:11 --- DO NOT WATCH ANY OTHER PART OF THIS VIDEO (May 29th)

We Force Mark to Swim in the Ocean (HIS GREATEST FEAR) (Oct. 22nd)

Recreating The Miracle of Childbirth (Mar. 21st)

Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank (Nov. 18th)

Turning Mark into an E-Boy (Feb. 2nd)

The First Annual Unus Annus Roast (Nov. 7th)

Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes (Jun 5th)

The Ultimate Trolley Problem (Feb. 21st)

We Looked at Unus Annus Memes (Apr. 30th)

Exploring the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes (May 16th)

BLACK LIVES MATTER: Resources and How You Can Help In The Description (Jun 2nd)

The Chubby Gummy Challenge (Dec. 4th)

Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest? (Mar. 5th)

Taped and Afraid (Dec. 20th)

We Played Strip Poker (May 20th)

Consuming the World’s Hottest Chip (Sep. 30th)

Mark and Ethan Learn About the Human Body (Jan. 26th)

1 Man 100 Accents (Dec. 1st)

Mark Steals Ethan’s Face (Jan. 15th)

Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death (Feb. 17th)

We Lubed Our Floor for a Sliding Competition (Aug. 3rd)

Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming (Oct. 11th)

The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown (Jun 20th)

We Pierced Each Other’s Ears (Sep. 11th)

Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs (Jun 3rd)

7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell (Nov. 11th)

Two Men in a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies (Jun 26th)

Having an Adventure in VRChat Because We Can’t Go Outside (Mar. 27th)

Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our YouTube Famous Dogs (Jul. 16th)

Mark and Ethan Shave Chica (Aug. 8th)

The Wubble (Aug. 7th)

How to Start a Fire (except don’t…) (Aug. 27th)

Unus Annus (Nov. 15th)

This Is Goodbye (Aug. 5th)

Puberty Simulator (Aug. 13th)

This Video Went Completely Out of Control (Oct. 1st)

This Video Will Never Make Sense (Sep. 23rd)

Blowing Our Souls into Some Hot Glass (Feb. 28th)

We Attempted to Create THICC Water (May 10th)

Brick Soccer (Sep. 19th)

Accepting the Truth (Nov. 1st)

Drinking Real THICC Water...How Bad Does It Taste? (May 19th)

How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock? (Sep. 10th)

Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin (Jan. 8th)

Recreating Childhood Photos (Jun 13th)

Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game (Feb. 10th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet (Aug. 1st)

How to Safely Bury Your Friend (Aug. 25th)

Mark Breaks His Nose on an Aerial Hoop (Oct. 4th)

DIY Bed of Nails: OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T EVER TRY THIS (Jul. 20th)

Pee Soda (Sep. 17th)

We Had to Drink Each Other’s Pee (Dec. 16th)

Creating Mark FISHbach (Jun 21st)

Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare for Our Inevitable Demise (May 11th)

We Made Fanart for Each Other (Jun 11th)

Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot for an Elegant Beast (Jun 25th)

Pressure Washing Our Sins Away (Oct. 21st)

Literally Finding a Needle in a Haystack (Oct. 8th)

We Ate Dog Treats so You Don’t Have To (Sept. 12th)

Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button (Dec. 18th)

2 Idiots Get Crushed By 18-Ft Giant Snakes (Mar. 15th)

We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves (Jan. 20th)

DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080 (May 27th)

Fighting Fish to the Death in the Deep Blue Sea (Oct. 23rd)

DIY Teeth (Jul. 17th)

We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water (Sep. 24th)

We Attempt to Make Holy Water (Sep. 20th)

DIY Cheese (Jan. 29th)

Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature (Feb. 9th)

Literally Eating Fire (Feb. 6th)

2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa (Jan. 17th)

Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More! (Aug. 26th)

The Great Ice Cream Cake Race (Sep. 27th)

The Unus Annus Confessional Booth (May 26th)

Blood Bath (Oct. 27th)

2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out With Soap (Jun. 30th)

Who Can Make Themselves Taller? (Jan. 6th)

Mark and Ethan Share a Drink (Aug. 6th)

2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test  (Sep. 6th)

Bobbing for Literally Anything But Apples (Oct. 16th)

Momiplier Teaches Self Defense (Aug. 15th)

The Human Mop (Jul. 21st)

We Attempt Pottery Without Amy’s Help (Sep. 8th)

Becoming One With the Horse (Jun 19th)

Wikifeet: A Tale of Two Tootsies (Apr. 4th)

We Found Websites That the World Forgot About (Apr. 11th)

1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us (Aug. 20th)

We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine (Sep. 5th)

We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could (Jul. 25th)

We Turned Our Bodies Into Art (Jan. 25th)

You Blink, You Lose (Dec. 30th)

Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream? (Jul. 13th)

Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond (Dec. 3rd)

Ethan Turns Mark Into a Werewolf (Oct. 29th)

Making Soda with Literally Anything But Soda (Sep. 16th)

Dunking Oreos in Literally Anything But Milk (Jul. 15th)

Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything But Normal Flavors (Sep. 7th)

How Many Slaps Does it Take to Cook a Chicken? (Sep. 2nd)

Play Doh Thanksgiving (Nov. 28th)

Hot Dog’d to Death (Nov. 17th)

Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow (Oct. 20th)

Transforming Mark into the Eighth Wonder of the World (Aug. 16th)

Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing (Jul 8th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle (Sep. 28th)

Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics (Sep. 26th)

Who’s Cutting Onions in Here? (Nov. 6th)

How to Escape from a Hostage Situation (Jul. 18th)

Are We Already Dead? (Feb. 13th)

Bored? Press This Button (Apr. 27th)

Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas (Aug. 10th)

This is for FUN and NOT a Fetish (Oct. 10th)

This is What Being Tased Feels Like (Jan. 21st)

Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery (Feb. 20th)

Tearing a Phone Book in Half With Our Huge Manly Hands (May 31st)

Beating Inanimate Objects to Death (Dec. 27th)

Edible Slime was a Mistake. (Feb. 23rd)

We Eat Bugs (Jan. 3rd)

Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box (Sep. 21st)

Hydro Dipping a Baby (Aug. 11th)

The Egg Smashing Game (Jul. 12th)

BEYBLADE NUTBALL (Sep. 14th)

Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other But It’s Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha (Feb. 12th)

Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof. (Jul 1st)

Learning How to Lockpick (FBI Please Don’t Watch) (Jun 22nd)

Mark Needs to Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him (Mar. 14th)

Learning to Use the Force (Sep. 18th)

The Secret Unus Annus No-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake (Apr. 25th)

We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins (Apr. 6th)

Shooting Archery ON A HORSE (Oct. 6th)

Ethan Redefines Male Beauty (Feb. 3rd)

Ethan Roasts Mark for 15 Minutes Straight (Jun 7th)

Playing Cards: The World’s Deadliest Weapon (Aug. 2nd)

Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses (Jun 4th)

Becoming a Master of Mime (Feb. 11th)

This is the Most Dangerous Children’s Toy Ever Made (Jul. 23rd)

A Serious Conversation Under the Stars (Jul. 29th)

Is Mark a Masochist? (May 1st)

Literally Laying On Literal Broken Glass (Feb. 8th)

Bad, Bad Beans (Jan. 23rd)

DIY Wine (May 30th)

2 Men 200 Accents (Apr. 18th)

DIY Boob (May 24th)

Mark and Ethan Go On a Drum Date (Feb. 27th)

10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw On Planet Earth (Jun. 29th)

Ultimate Horseshoes (Jul. 28th)

Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat) (Mar. 13th)

Acupuncture is NOT Painful (Dec. 11th)

What the Hell is a Pink Trombone? (May 2nd)

Donating Toys to Charity w/ Jacksepticeye (Dec. 22nd)

Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise…) (Nov. 27th)

The Great Meat Mistake (Dec. 10th)

DIY Minesweeper (Oct. 7th)

Popping Popcorn with a High Powered Laser (Aug. 12th)

Bobbing for Apples but the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer (Oct. 3rd)

We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React to It (Dec. 5th)

Long Hair, Do We Dare? (Feb. 25th)

Recreating Mark’s Childhood (Jul. 2nd)

Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond) (Feb. 4th)

An Extremely Sour, Not-at-All Sour Meal (Feb. 5th)

Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot (Nov. 16th)

Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 9th)

The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest (Jul. 27th)

Our Fans Try to Scare Us With Their Homemade Creepypasta (Jun 12th)

There’s Something Horribly Wrong With This Picture… (June 8th)

Too Many Pickles (Aug. 21st)

5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard (Jul. 31st)

What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube? (Apr. 10th)

Baby Hands Operation (Nov. 24th)

Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time (Apr. 2nd)

Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among Us? (May 6th)

Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race (Apr. 15th)

We Will Churn Thy Butter (Sep. 25th)

We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins (Jan. 12th)

Drawing on Each Other’s Backs in Total Darkness (Oct. 9th)

Drawing Memes from Memory (Nov. 30th)

We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games (Apr. 5th)

Ultimate YouTuber Boxing Showdown (Mar. 30th)

Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce? (Jul 10th)

How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend (Apr. 13th)

Help Us Break a YouTube World Record (Apr. 17th)

Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea (Oct. 18th)

DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (Aug. 9th)

The Most Dangerous Shave (Jun 23rd)

We Took the Polar Plunge (Jan. 1st)

2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition (Jun 1st)

Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work? (Jul. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat (Oct. 5th)

Pumpkin Spice “Challenge” (Oct. 19th)

Doing Each Other’s Makeup in the Dark (Nov. 23rd)

We’re Better Than Dogs (Aug. 18th)

We Have the Best Bellies on YouTube (May 25th)

The Good Kind of Cupping  (Nov. 19th)

Hacking the Very Fabric of the Universe (Jan. 30th)

Where in the World is Unus Annus? (Apr. 1st)

Mark and Ethan Become United States Citizens (Jun 10th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something (May 4th)

We Took an IQ Test (Jan. 9th)

Mark Teaches Ethan Korean (May 13th)

Lost Omegle Video (Mar. 31st)

Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet (Jun 15th)

Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse (Mar. 28th)

Desperately Trying Not to Touch Our Faces (Mar. 24th)

Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt (Mar. 26th)

Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories (Apr. 21st)

The Scariest True Stories on the Internet (Apr. 12th)

REAL Ghost Hunting At An Abandoned Zoo (March 2nd)

Bleachus Annus (Jul. 14th)

Pumpkin Taste Tier List (Oct. 14th)

Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank (Dec. 12th)

Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus? (Aug. 30th)

Speed Reading 1000+ WPM to Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge (Apr. 9th)

We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded (Mar. 11th)

Mark’s 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless (Apr. 3rd)

Learning to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds (Oct. 15th)

You Breathe You Die (Jan.16th)

Breaking Glasses With Our Screams (Aug. 4th)

The 1000 High-Five Challenge (Oct. 2nd)

Becoming the World’s Greatest DJs (Mar. 4th)

Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner’s Butler for a Day (Aug. 14th)

Forcibly Turning Mark into Santa Claus Against His Will (Dec. 25th)

We Smell Every Smell (Sep. 1st)

We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes (Feb. 26th)

Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast (Mar. 18th)

The Painful World of Aerial Skills (Oct. 12th)

The Koala Challenge: TikTok’s Intimate Couples Trend (Aug. 19th)

Ethan Traps Mark’s Soul in the Palm of His Hand (Jun 24th)

Will We Break the Boards...Or Will They Break Us? (Jun 14th)

DIY Chiropractor (Mar. 7th)

Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage (Aug. 31st)

We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us (Mar. 3rd)

Can Plants Feel Pain? (Sep. 9th)

This is Hiding on Your Body RIGHT NOW. (Jul 9th)

Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death (Jan. 28th)

Like It Or Not...This is What The New Human Looks Like (May 7th)

Looking at Long Lost Memes (Jan. 31st)

We Played Mad Libs and Ran It Through Google Translate (Apr. 7th)

Running Internet Drama Through Google Translate (Apr. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Try to Name a Single State in the USA (Apr. 8th)

Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020 (May 3rd)

Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition (Mar. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Find the Lost City of El Dorado (Apr. 14th)

Using Google Maps to Find the Lost City of Atlantis (Apr. 20th)

We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams (Jan. 24th)

2 Boys 2 Poops (Sep. 3rd)

This is How We’ll Die... (Jan. 19th)

Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition (Mar. 1st)

You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel...But Only One Could Win (Dec. 15th)

Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds? (Jul. 22nd)

Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death (Mar. 6th)

Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity from Benjamin Franklin (Jul 5th)

Ethan’s Relaxing and Totally Normal Nail Salon (Dec. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test (Apr. 22nd)

An AI Generates Our Worst Nightmare (May 5th)

Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views (Jun 16th)

How Big Can a Nuke Get? (May 17th)

Granting Access Into Heaven’s Sweet Gates (Feb. 24th)

We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler (Jul. 3rd)

Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse? (Mar. 29th)

Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend (May 14th)

What is the Most Painful Thing We’ve Ever Endured? (Dec. 21st)

Don’t Go In The Ocean....Ever. (Apr. 28th)

An AI Predicts How We’re Going to Die (Dec. 2nd)

Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End The World As We Know It (May 21st)

The Creepiest Videos on YouTube (Apr. 16th)

What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship? (Mar. 12th)

Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life (Feb. 1st)

What Happens When a YouTube Channel Dies? (Jan. 22nd)

5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death (Mar. 19th)

Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain...Which is Worse? (Dec. 28th)

How Tall Can a Human Get?: An Impartial Review By 2 Average Height Men (May 12th)

Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It? (Apr. 23rd)

Mark and Ethan Hunt the World’s Most Wanted Criminals (Mar. 17th)

The Illuminati...Do They Really Exist? (Apr. 19th)

We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of Our Wildly Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mystery (Apr. 29th)

Two Male Men Judge Female Women On Their Beauty (Apr. 26th)

We Have the BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise (Jan. 5th)

How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 18th)

There’s Still Hope… (Dec. 8th)

Unus Annus ASMR (May 9th)

The Worst Kind of Cupping (Nov. 21st)

[iamnmbr3]

Quarantine Fic Rec List Part 1

Since we’re all bored/stressed in quarantine, I thought I’d do a couple of rec lists. For this one I’m mostly doing some very well written but more unusual fics that you might not have come across before. I’ve listed the fandom and ships for each.  

So Much More Than That by brocanteur (complete | 4,005 | T | Mean Girls; Regina George/Cady Heron ) 

"And she missed Cady Heron. She missed her and blamed her for everything." Post-film.

The Richest Men In Town by copperbadge (complete | 2,476 | G | It’s A Wonderful Life)

George Bailey, a year after meeting the angel Clarence (second-class), gets a message from Clarence via an unlikely third party: H.F. Potter.

A Marital Education by Yahtzee (complete | 12,707 | M | Pride & Prejudice; Elizabeth/Darcy; period typical) 

Darcy's impotent.

The Kindness of Men by debit (complete | 2,476 | G | Black Beauty; Fixit)

The last time Ginger saw Black Beauty, she'd said, "I wish the end was come, I wish I was dead. I have seen dead horses, and I am sure they do not suffer pain."

Once Around the Block by ecouterbien (complete | 1,134 | M | The Drop; Bob Saginowski/Nadia Dunne)

She was shaking when he let her out of the bar, and it wasn’t because of the cold. It wasn’t even a long walk to her house, a block and a half at most, but it was the longest walk she ever remembered taking. She counted every breath, every footstep, all the time listening for his steps on the sidewalk behind her. He wouldn’t just let her go like that, would he? Not after what she’d seen him do.

You look so Seattle by chaosmanor  (complete | 8,955 | T | Venom )

Eddie and Venom are in Seattle chasing leads. Shit gets blown up. And there's fish.

A Princess And A Guy Like Me by Yahtzee (complete | 7,107 | T | Rapunzel/Flynn Rider)

“Rapunzel has never had choices before. I want her to have choices now.”

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

He meant, at least in part, choices of guys to marry who were not impoverished orphans/recently reformed thieves.

gunna pass me to that house above by deadendtracks (amonitrate) (complete | 625 | T | Peaky Blinders )

This wasn’t the trenches but it was the closest Alfie’d been to pinned down since he got back, and while Tommy wasn’t exactly a friend, that didn’t make him an enemy, now, did it.

A Broken Soul by wheatear (complete | 4,529 | G | Harry Potter)

What exactly is the nature of a soul? And when Lord Voldemort so willingly split his own soul in half, what damage did he do to himself?

dying out on burnt rage by lunaskeeper (complete | 2,576 | M | Peaky Blinders; Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons; period typical attitudes, POV outsider )

John hadn’t seen the same, trapped look in Tommy’s eyes in his office. And all of a sudden it was bubbling out of John’s mouth, a question he'd been pondering since he’d met Stefan’s shaky gaze with his own.

“Have you ever sucked cock?”

Rara Avis by Coryphasia (complete | 14,854 | G | My Fair Lady) 

The night after the Embassy Ball, Eliza Doolittle walked out on Henry Higgins and disappeared. Three years later, she returns to see if wrongs can be made right

'til the walls did crumble by arahir (complete | 3,742 | G | Game of Thrones’ Jon/Tormund) 

Jon Snow and Tormund Giantsbane and their giant dog go camping with a bunch of Wildlings. What happens next will SHOCK you. (They are buddies who fall in love lmao.)

“Not worried, are you?”

“For a crow boy? Never.” Tormund looks away, off toward the mountains in the distance where the Fist of the First Men sits as a jut of stone in the ice fields, which are turning greener day by day. “Don’t let them keep you down there, Jon Snow. Don't die in the South."

Be Careful What You Wish For by The_Necroposter  (complete | 225,838 | M | Twilight; very dark, spitefic, horror, proceed with care; skip to the end for an author’s note in which the writer epically calls out the problematic aspects of the original canon ) 

What if Breaking Dawn wasn't a Mary Sue fantasy, but a story with a plot, character development, and consequences? What if Bella's transformation actually was a sacrifice, and not only her getting used to an alien body was a challenge, but also staying alive in a world filled with enemies? Find out how a naive, selfish girl grows up and copes with the biggest mistake of her life.

Naming of the Beast by NeurotropicAgentX (complete | 1,316 | T | Venom; pre-canon symbiote world building) 

Consciousness hit like a wave, like a signal, like an attack. There had been nothing and now there was a jumble of concepts and thoughts and impulses. It writhed and thrashed, at once realising that it had a body that could do this, that could express this new consciousness.

It screeched.

Sequence by NeurotropicAgentX (complete | 2,882 | E | Venom; sort of Venom/Riot - pre-canon symbiote world building) 

I’ve never encountered anything like those blades you formed during your hunt, Venom sent, carefully, cautiously.

I acquired them on a mission. There’s a lot of interesting information to be found out there. Riot’s close-range chemical messages carried strange accents of complex biomolecules Venom had never felt before. The taste was a clear indication of just how much of Riot must have been shaped by past hosts and alien genetic information from beyond the stars. Venom wanted.

Show me? it asked.

No Living Man by ElanaBrooks  (complete | 732 | G | Lord of the Rings; Parody) 

In which the Witch King learns that, for an inhabitant of Middle Earth, the knowledge that no living man can harm you is no reason to get cocky. AU, Humor.

Here is a truth (here is another truth) by SecondStarOnTheLeft  (complete | 2,012 | M | Pirates of the Caribbean; James Norrington/Elizabeth Swann ) 

Here is a truth: James Norrington loves his wife, but he is completely incapable of believing that she might return the compliment.

Here is another truth: Elizabeth Norrington, née Swann, is a much more patient woman than she has ever been given credit for.

Bahamian-Style Mooring by syllic  (complete | 10,370 | G | Shawshank Redemption) 

Five times Red got things in Zihuatanejo (and one time he didn’t need to get anything).

Lunch and Other Obscenities by Rheanna (complete | 9,717 | G | Star Trek 2009; background Spock/Uhura)

Nyota liked her roommate just fine until she met her.

Nom de Coeur by Dorinda (complete | 12,725 | G | Casablanca; Rick/Louis)

This looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship--but beginnings are only seeds, and it's a long way to Brazzaville.

Five Ways to Stop Being a Princess by igrockspock  (complete | 3,560 | T | Star Wars; Han/Leia )

1. Spend a night in the smuggling compartments of the Millennium Falcon 2. Learn to fire a blaster without closing your eyes 3. Get drunk and go to bed with an unsuitable man 4. Yell at people who ask if you're okay 5. Go to bed with an unsuitable man even when you're sober

elioenai by Anonymous  (complete | 6,002 | G | MCU Daemon AU )

Tony falls through the space between worlds. As a result, he can see daemons. It kind of freaks him out. (It's stranger and more beautiful than he could have ever imagined.)

The Sergeant and the Captain by OddityBoddity  (complete | 7,316 | G | MCU )

The Sergeant and the Captain, or, The True and Accurate Reports Chronicling the Well-being of the Shield-brothers James Barnes and Steven Rogers, Faithfully Submitted by Thor Odinson to Maria Hill, Director.

Special Circumstances Questionnaire for Sexual Partners (Male): Long Form by coruscera (impractica), linbot (complete | 1,320 | E | Fandom Culture Parody )

Does having sex with you entail becoming married, whether legally, magically, physiologically, or some other de facto permanent relationship? Y/N If Yes, please describe our new life together.

[lilyaltamira]

The Perfect Save File?

In my second playthrough of Red Dead Redemption 2 I’ve been trying to plan for the future and create the “perfect” save file in each chapter. I want to be able to return to the game years from now just to free roam.  The goal is that Arthur will be as levelled up as possible, I’ll be able to dress him however I want, give him any absurd facial hair (without having to wait for it to grow) etc.  This isn’t going to be a guide on how to do or where to find each thing but a list of things to do at each point of the game.  Feel free to send me asks about this stuff though and I’d be happy to help. This post is a WIP and I will update it as I progress further into the game.

Quick note first:   After completing a challenge you can buy reinforced equipment from the trapper which raises Arthur and John’s health, stamina or dead-eye by one bar.  The earliest point that each entire challenge can be completed is listed below.

I’ve not listed every money making opportunity, but just the ones where there are gold bars. --

Chapter 1:  After Mission: Outlaws from the West

Chapter 2: First Save  Until you do Spines of America the fence at Emerald Ranch is not available, but you can still sell to the fence in Rhodes and Saint Denis. You can’t get a grooming brush until Exit, Pursued by a Bruised Ego, but you can still clean your horse in deep water.   I try to do much of the list for this save while growing out Arthur’s beard.

Mission: Americans at Rest

Mission: Money Lending (any one of Chick Matthews/Lilly Millet/Wrobel to unlock the camp ledger so that you can buy Leather Working tools and get the satchel upgrades)

Money: gold bar from Limpany

Money: gold bars in crashed train

Money: strange statues puzzle 

Money:  Jack Hall treasure hunt

Money:  High Stakes treasure hunt

Money:  Poisonous Trail treasure hunt

Useful:  Complete camp upgrades

Useful:  Complete all satchel upgrades (buck talisman useful for this but not possible to obtain after Exit Pursued by a Bruised Ego)

Useful: Max out health, stamina and dead-eye stats

Trinket/Talisman: find cat eye trinket

Trinket/Talisman:  find shark tooth trinket

Trinket/Talisman: find hawk talon trinket

Trinket/Talisman: Old Brass Compass (you can get this without completing the Geology for Beginners if you lure bounty hunters to Francis Sinclair.  You can enter his cabin and pick up the compass without triggering the cutscene)

Trinket/Talisman: Get quartz chunk (mail one dino bone location)

Trinket/Talisman: Get abalone shell fragment

Trinket/Talisman: Get cobalt petrified wood

Trinket/Talisman: Get silver chain bracelet, gold earring, silver earring

Weapons: Valentine doctor backroom robbery (Schofield)

Weapons: Rhodes gunsmith basement robbery (Lancaster Repeater)

Weapons: Tomahawk (found at Hanging Dog Ranch before they’re unlocked at the fence)

Weapons: Throwing Knives (loot O’Driscolls at Hanging Dog Ranch)

Customisation: Grow beard and hair to max length 

Customisation:  Craft all trapper outfits

Customisation: Buy all clothes from Saint Denis tailor and each General Store’s outfits

Hats: Stolen hats (I’ll probably do a different guide or link to one)

Challenge: Explorer can be completed

Challenge: Horseman can be completed

Challenge: Weapons Expert can be completed

Chapter 2: Second Save

Mission: Exit, Pursued by a Bruised Ego (to unlock stables and legendary hunts)

Mission: Who is Not Without Sin (to unlock poker)

Trinket/Talisman:  Legendary Buck

Trinket/Talisman: Legendary animal hunts (I would not bother with the wolf trinket until the Epilogue as I like getting Arthur drunk, but listing it here for completionist reasons)

Challenge: Master Hunter can be completed

Challenge: Gambler can be completed 

Chapter 2: Third Save

After Mission: A Fisher of Men (to unlock fishing)

Challenge: Survivalist can be completed  (Note:  In theory you can get a fishing rod early and complete the Survivalist Challenge using this method, but I haven’t had luck)

Chapter 2:  Fourth Save 

After Mission: The Sheep and the Goats (to unlock sniper rifle) Hat:  Newsboy cap (must get from an enemy in the Sheep and the Goats) After this mission Horseshoe Overlook will be packed up.

Challenge: Sharpshooter can be completed (requires long-scoped rifle, in theory can be obtained early by this method, but I haven’t had luck with this)

Chapter 3: First Option 

After Mission: A Strange Kindness

Chapter 3: Second Option

After Mission: Horseflesh for Dinner (unlocks horse fence)

Challenge: Bandit can be completed

Chapter 4: Early Option

After Mission: The Joys of Civilisation (having the ‘Angelo Bronte’ mission available means that you can complete it to replay Jack’s party)

Ch 4 unlocks Algernon Wasp and I recommend that you’re doing Herbalism 9 while doing his exotic requests

(NOTE:  You must finish all camp upgrades and companion activities before starting Banking, the Old American Art as they will no longer be available) 

Chapter 5: Guarma

After Mission: Welcome to the New World

Find all Guarma animals for compendium

Hat: Sunhat (only found here)

Chapter 5: Lakay

After Mission: Fleeting Joy

Trinket/Talisman: Complete one cigarette card collection (for alligator talisman)

Trinket/Talisman: Get gold-jointed bracelet (for alligator talisman)

Trinket/Talisman:  Legendary Alligator 

Chapter 6:  First Save

After Mission:  That’s Murfree Country

Chapter 6: Second Save 

After Mission: Archaeology for Beginners (make sure to get trinket) (This is the last remaining trinket/talisman available to Arthur)

Find Carolina Parakeets for Compendium (not available in Epilogue as far as I know)

(Before finishing Chapter 6, you can visit Aberdeen Pig Farm and the money that is stolen from Arthur should still be there if you return as John in the epilogue)

Epilogue 1:  Early Option (may be easier to do some of this in Epilogue II)

After Mission: The Wheel

Challenge: Herbalist can be completed (four herbs only available in Epilogue)

Money: Aberdeen pig farm 

Money: Elemental Trail treasure 

Trinket/Talisman: Remaining Legendary Animals (Pronghorn, Cougar, Bison)

Trinket/Talisman: Turtle Shell

Trinket/Talisman: Crow Beak

[ask-edd]

do you have a favorite song?

((You’ve activated my special interest, I shall now talk about music for way too fucking long

Under the cut cause it’s gonna be long))

So I mentioned here some favorite songs, but since it’s just about 4am and I have nothing better to do, I’ll expand on that list

In no particular order from my fav bands

Fav Sonata Arctica songs 

- Shy - San Sebastian - Wolf & Raven - Kingdom for a Heart - FullMoon - Replica

Fav Autoheart songs (I love literally all of them but I”m not gonna put their entire discography here so here’s some recommendations for if you wanna get into the band yourself)

- Lent - Stalker’s Tango - My Hallelujah - Control - The Sailor Song - Robbing Banks - Anniversary - Agoraphobia - Heartbreaker - Moscow - Foolishly Wrong - Murky Waters

Fav Ghost songs

- I’m a Marionette - Witch Image - Mary on a Cross - Dance Macabre - Kiss the Go-Goat - Rats - Year Zero - Monstrance Clock - Cirice - Square Hammer - He Is

Fav Streetlight Manifesto songs

- Keasbey Nights - One Foot on the Gas, One Foot in the Grave - A Better Place, a Better Time - Everything Went Numb - Point/Counterpoint - We Will Fall Together - Would You Be Impressed?

Fav Red Vox songs

- From the Stars - In the Garden - Job in the City - Back to School - We Had a Little Talk - There She Goes - Atom Bomb

Fav TWRP songs

- The No Pants Dance - Phantom Racer - Life Party - Starlight Brigade - Tactile Sensation - Rock n Roll Best Friends - Body Image - Atomic Karate - The Hit

Fav NSP songs (and covers)

- I Don’t Know What We’re Talking About - Nights on Broadway - Glory of Love - Heart Boner - Orgy for One - First Date - Cool Patrol - Danny Don’t You Know - Three Minutes of Ecstasy  - Pour Some Sugar on Me - In Your Eyes - Don’t Lose My Number - The Decision - Everybody Shut Up (I Have an Erection) - Peppermint Creams - Subdivisions - Rock With You - Road Trip

Fav Richie Branson songs (for those who watch Camp Camp, this is the guy who does all the outro songs from season 2 onwards)

- Not Myself - I, for one, Welcome Our Robot Overlords - Bon Bon Voyage - Underpaid and Overqualified - Outro Outro - Keeper of the Flame - Cult of Personality

Fav Jeff Williams (RWBY) songs

- All that Matters - Lionize - Forever Fall - Bad Luck Charm - All Our Days - Let’s Just Live - Home - Cold - This LIfe is Mine - Like Morning Follows Night - RWBY vs FNKI - Not Fall in Love with You - Red Like Roses Part 1 and 2 - Boop - Shine - This Will Be the Day

Fav Reel Big Fish songs

- Beer - Sell Out - Nothing But a Good Time - Brown Eyed Girl - Everyone Else is an Asshole - Take On Me - Life Sucks... Let’s Dance! - Another FU Song

Fav Living Tombstone songs/remixes

- Drunk - My Ordinary Life - Don’t Tattle on Me - No Mercy  - Epoch - It’s Raining Men - Squid Melody Blue - Dog of Wisdom Remix Blue - Die in a Fire - It’s Been So Long - Five Nights at Freddy’s 1 Song - The Road to El Dorado Remix - Fun Dead Theme - Collecting Cookies - Hampire - Pinkie’s Brew - Good Girl - Mine Turtle - Tom’s Dog - Smile Song - Discord - September 

Fav ABBA songs

- Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) - Voulez-Vous - SOS - Money Money - Super Trouper - Mamma Mia - Take a Chance on Me - Dancing Queen - Knowing Me, Knowing You

Fav Mystery Skulls songs

- Heaven - When I’m With You - The Future - Every Note - Soul on Fire - Freaking Out - Money - Paralyzed - Hellbent - Forever - Magic - Ghost - Losing My Mind

Fav Glass Animals songs

- Toes - Black Mambo - Season 2 Episode 3 - Youth - Gooey - The Other Side of Paradise - Pork Soda - Your Love (Deja Vu)

Fav Saint Motel Songs

- You Can Be You - Move - Van Horn - My Type - Sweet Talk

Fav The Hoosiers songs

- Killer - Goodbye Mr A - Up to No Good - Worried About Ray - A Sadness Runs Through Him

Weird meme-y mashups and bits from Youtube

- Text to Speech by Louie Zong - Korn - Coming Undone But It’s Pony By Ginuwine by William Maranci - U Got That | JJBA Requiem Version (Giorno’s Theme Remix) by Reii-kun - Plastic JoJo - Sono Chi No Future Funk (plastic love+JJBA) by Seventh Sage - Aaron Grooves - Jazzy Note Blocks (Animation vs. Minecraft) by GuckTube YT - Kanye West but make it Disney by John Fassold - Sober Black Horse - KT Tunstall vs Evanescence (Mashup) by oneboredjeu Mashup - Scanty & Kneesocks’ Absolute Territory, This WIll Be the Fighting Gold, Lone Friends on the Wild Side, and CARAMELLGASSIN’ by Triple-Q

rq special mention to a few AMVs everyone should see - Anime’s Got Talent - Edited with JazzsVids & ReplayStudios by AmvLuna  - Speedwagon Slamjam (AWA Pro 2015 Best Action) - JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure AMV by irriadin - Hero AMV (Ultimate Cartoon Tribute) by Writermist - Spirit Never Dies Anime AMV by Rajiv Andrade 

And then some random favs

- 12 Feet Deep by The Front Bottoms - Set On You (Life in Toronto) by Billy’s Bones) - Naked and Love the Way You Move by Slightly Left of Centre - She’s So High by Tal Bachman - Dangerous by LEFT BOY - I Don’t Wanna Be in Love by Good Charlotte - Wild Side by ALI - In the End, Crawling, Papercut, Numb, Breaking the Habit, New Divide, and What I’ve Done by Linkin Park - Picture Frames and Everything Falls Apart by rei brown - Romeo and Juliet, Sex in the City, Peach Scone, and Creve Coeur 1 by Hobo Johnson - Kangaroo Court by Capital Cities - Campfire Light by Tequila & The Sunrise Gang - Cola Song by INNA - Here Comes the Hotstepper (Remix) by Baby & Me - Bruises by Fox Stevenson - Shut up and Dance by WALK THE MOON - Applejack, Feed Me with Your Heart, Lullaby for a Princess, and The Moon Rises by Ponyphonic - Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer - So Good by Bratz - Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey - Amhran Na Farraige by Lisa Hannigan - A Moment of Silence by Dan P - Rockefeller Street (New Nightcore) by Getter Jaani - Broken Record, 15 Reading Homestuck on the Internet, and Chamomile by atlas - Thumbnail by Louie Zong - Baby Hotline by Jack Stauber - Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms (and the cover by Hit the Lights) - Spirit Never Die by Masterplan - Magnum Bullets by Night Runner - Tonight by Vague003 (and the original Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler) - Hoodie by Hey Violet - Worst in Me by Unlike Pluto - A Night to Forget and Too Tired to Run by Cain’s Offering - Private Eye by Alkaline Trio - Karma and I’m Ready by AJR - Sorry Haha I Fell Asleep, Passing Papers, and Putting a Spin on Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by Egg - Cannibal by Tally Hall - interlude IV (Showtime) by Zach Callison - Scarborough Fair by Super Guitar Bros - Misery Business by Skatune Network - The Less I Know the Better by Tame Impala - Relatively by Faded Paper Figures - Schizophrenia, Under My Skin, and Victoria by Jukebox the Ghost

[plasticbullet]

BET YOU WON'T ANSWER THEM ALL

1: Full name

I've gotten creepy messages on here so I'm gonna keep that private lol

2: Age

27

3: 3 Fears

Abandonment, driving by semi-trucks, bugs

4: 3 things I love

Music, coffee, nature

5: 4 turn ons

Sense of humor, intelligence, height, big hands.. happy trails are sexy

6: 4 turn offs

If they're rude, judgy, closed-minded, or act fake

7: My best friend

Tammy

8: Sexual orientation

Straight

9: My best first date

I have no idea honestly. First dates are always weird

10: How tall am I

5′5″

11: What do I miss

Not having anxiety, traveling, when my boobs were bigger

12: What time was I born

11:30 pm

13: Favourite color

Yellow, green, blue

14: Do I have a crush

It’s more than a crush, but yes

15: Favourite quote

"This is cracking me out" - my kid

16: Favourite place

The forest, Havasupai, California

17: Favourite food

Just about anything Italian. Or with a lot of cheese

18: Do I use sarcasm

Pretty often

19: What am I listening to right now

Wind blowing through the window. It’s like 65 degrees here I love it

20: First thing I notice in a new person

If they seem nice or not

21: Shoe size

7 or 7.5 depending on the shoes

22: Eye color

Blue

23: Hair color

Reddish dark blonde

24: Favourite style of clothing

Grungy but hot

25: Ever done a prank call? Yes

27: Meaning behind my URL

I’ve answered this a couple times before, I’m too lazy

28: Favourite movie

Peanut Butter Falcon

29: Favourite song

All the ones that make me feel things the most

30: Favourite band

A Day to Remember, Brand New

31: How I feel right now

Relaxed

32: Someone I love

My son

33: My current relationship status

In something

34: My relationship with my parents

They’re cool

35: Favourite holiday

Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have

Treble clef on the back of my neck, pierced ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want

I’m good for now! Maybe more one day

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

I don’t even know, I’ve used this shit off and on since I was 16

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nope!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Yep

41: Have you ever kissed the last person you texted?

Nope

42: When did I last hold hands?

Held hands with my son today

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? Like 20 minutes

44: Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? Yes

45: Where am I right now? In my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

Probably one of my friends lol

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

Loud unless I’m sleepyy

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No

49: Am I excited for anything? 🎄🎄🎄

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

Yepp I think so

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

Sometimes if I don't want my kid to sense my stress. Or during boring conversations

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

Today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

🤷🤷🤷

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

I don’t think so

55: What is something I disliked about today?

I was super sleepy, slept until some stressy dreams woke me up, and can't go back to sleep 🙃

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

That guy from My Octopus Teacher

57: What do I think about most?

People I love, things I have to do, and the randomest shit imaginable

58: What’s my strangest talent?

I barely have any normal talents

59: Do I have any strange phobias? No

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it unless I feel cute

61: What was the last lie I told?

Something about Santa to my kid

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Depends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I feel like ghosts are possible, our energy could keep existing in some ways after our body dies who knows. Aliens exist for sure. Just not anywhere near our planet imo

64: Do I believe in magic? No

65: Do I believe in luck? I believe in good karma

66: What’s the weather like right now?

Kinda chilly/breezy but nice

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

Read Fox in Socks to my kid

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No

69: Do I have any nicknames? Kind of

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

One time a horse stepped on my foot and it was bruised for months lol

71: Do I spend money or save it? Both

72: Can I touch my nose with my tongue?

Noo! I just tried though hahah

73: Is there anything pink 10 feet from me?

A crayon

74: Favourite animal? Sloths but I love all animals

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping surprisingly

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

I can't think of anyone I hate enough to make a good joke out of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Colorado Symphony version of The Stable Song by Gregory Alan Isakov

78: How can you win my heart?

Good conversations, make me laugh, show me you care, show me good music, etc

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

Nice things, I don't know lol

80: What is my favorite word? Fuck

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

I ♥️ all the ones I follow

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

Realistically I would have a panic attack and say something stupid 😂

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of!

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

Maybe the power to pause time so I could sleep or do whatever for however long I want without wasting any time. Or maybe the ability to teleport

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Idk I can't think of one

86: What is my current desktop picture?

It’s the default one, I don’t go on it very often lol

87: Had sex? Yes

88: Bought condoms? No the guys always did that

89: Gotten pregnant? Yes

90: Failed a class? No

91: Kissed a boy? Yes

92: Kissed a girl? Yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yes

94: Had a job? Yes

95: Left the house without my wallet?

Yepp I used to forget it all the time

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

No I'm not a pussy ass bitch

97: Had sex in public?

If you count in a parked car, yes

98: Played on a sports team? Yes

99: Smoked weed? Yes

100: Did drugs? A while ago

101: Smoked cigarettes? Yes, quit a while ago

102: Drank alcohol? Yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

Nope! I tried one time just for fucks and it did not last long

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? Yes

106: Been to a wedding? Yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yes

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

Yes. Marathons and binge sessions

109: Been outside my home country? Yes, Mexico

110: Gotten my heart broken? Yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112: Broken a bone? Nope

113: Cut myself? Yes

114: Been to prom? Yes

115: Been in an airplane? Lots of times

116: Fly by helicopter? No

117: What concerts have I been to?

Oh fuck I know I’ll leave some out. Kelly Clarkson (don’t judge me I was 12), All Time Low, Avenged Sevenfold, Papa Roach, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Flogging Molly, Jason Mraz, Ed Sheeran, Atreyu, Escape the Fate, went to Warped Tour a couple times in high school so a bunch more emo bands

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? No

119: Learned another language?

A decent amount of Spanish

120: Wore make up? Frequently

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes

122: Had oral sex? Yes

123: Dyed my hair? Yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? Yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? No those are expensive

126: Had a surgery?

Does getting my wisdom teeth removed count

127: Met someone famous?

Saw Alice Cooper at a Cheesecake Factory one time

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

Not stalked, more like checked up on lol

129: Peed outside? On camping trips

130: Been fishing? Yes

131: Helped with charity? Yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? Probably!

133: Broken a mirror? No

134: What do I want for my birthday?

Christmas is coming first idk

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

I have one kid whose name I won’t be posting publicly, annnd I’m open to having another kid sometime in the future but not set on it. No names in mind for that lol

136: Was I named after anyone?

My parents are Catholic so they named me after St. Kieran

137: Do I like my handwriting? It’s alright idk

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

I liked my toy horses and barbies the most probably

139: Favourite TV Show?

Idk I have lots of favorites. I've probably rewatched The Office the most out of all of them tho

140: Where do I want to live when older?

Somewhere chill, surrounded by lots of nature. Arizona doesn’t have much of that lol

141: Play any musical instrument?

I can play the piano but it’s been a while

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

One on my knee from a car accident

143: Favourite pizza topping?

I love onions on my pizzaaaa

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

No, unless I watched a scary movie or something

145: Am I afraid of heights? No

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

Got caught sneaking out when I was 15. Countless other things I can’t remember

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Yep!

148: What I’m really bad at

Doing things on time, paying attention when I’m not interested in something

149: What my greatest achievements are

Having an amazing kid, got first prize in the science fair in 6th grade for gluing a fucking key finder mechanism to the back of a shoe charm (shoe finder), was on time to something once

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

Idkkk

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

Give a lot of it to some family, save a lot of it, get a new house, set aside a savings for my kid, buy a sloth or something

152: What do I like about myself

Fuck I don't know, I try my best hahah

153: My closest Tumblr friend

@spencerwithac

154: Something I fantasize about

Sex in public

155: Any question you’d like?

Nope this was plenty thank you

[axwalker]

OTP Questions

These OTP questions were created by the amazing @mskaneko  Thank you, hun! They were super fun to answer!!  The AMAZING, INCREDIBLE mood board was a gift from @pedudley  (I’ll never get tired of using this) 

  What other couples would your OTP get along with?

Olivia and Liam. I HC them together, and I think the four of them are very good friends. (followed closely by Max and Rashad)

Does either of them have secrets even the other doesn’t know?

They know almost everything about each other, but Drake never talks too much about his multiple conquests when he was single, and he doesn’t want to know a lot of details about Alexis’s old relationships either.

Who is the one that sees the big picture, while the other focuses on the small details?

Drake sees the big picture while Alexis focuses on the small details

Who does stuff on impulse?

Definitely, Alexis. She’s very spontaneous and does a lot of things just for the spur of the moment

What is their favorite holiday?

When they started their family they became fans of Christmas. Since Drake’s father and Lexie’s mother died when they were young, neither of them really celebrated it as children, so they tend to go big now

What is their favorite board game?

Drake “kicks ass” at Monopoly so it’s his favorite. Alexis loves getting revenge with Trivial Pursuit. Game nights at their house involve a lot of whiskey, competition and angry sex (sometimes after playing, sometimes during if they were playing by themselves)

Who would go out of their way to do something silly to make their partner laugh?

Alexis usually with Maxwell’s help.

Favorite canon moment of them?

Their kiss at the Beaumont Study, when they both realized their feelings were much deeper than they thought.

 Least favorite canon moment of them?

It’s not canon for me but I really, really hated their huge wedding. It was the less Drake/Alexis moment EVER.

 Who is the competitive one?

They’re both very competitive, but Drake is a bit more than her

Who likes to go on drives to nowhere in particular?

Drake, he loves to play some jazz or classic rock on his phone and drive silently to clear his head

Who sings along with the radio?

Alexis sings along with the radio every chance she gets, she usually dances too, which Drake absolutely loves

Who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire while cooking?

Alexis is a great cook but terrifyingly oblivious. So she already has. Twice.

Who is more seductive when they are drunk?

      Drake is definitely a very cute drunk, Alexis is the seductive one

Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had?

Drake does, Alexis usually forgets what she dreams.

Who asks weird questions in the middle of the night?

Alexis, she always thinks about the most random stuff in the middle of the night

Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Totally naked, no one. Alexis loves to walk around the house on her underwear, but Drake definitely DOESN’T tell her to put some clothes on. Drake sleeps naked, Alexis LOVES it

Who is always ready to have sex at any time, at any place?

They’re both extremely sexual, so they’re always looking for places to have sex. They’re both always ready.

 Who likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

They’re both constantly thinking about each other and they buy random things the other one would like. If Drake goes to the super-market he never forgets her favorite brand of chocolates, he also loves to go to the bookstore and pick a book he thinks she’ll like. Alexis loves to buy him goofy gifts like a mug with the inscription “Trust me, I’m a dogtor” on it. Drake would never accept it, but he only drinks from it.  

Where did they take their first picture together?

Sightseeing in Rome after eating in the Italian restaurant.

 Who knows the most useless facts?

Alexis, that’s why she loves Trivial Pursuit

Who is more likely to forget their own birthday?

Drake would be more likely to forget it, but Alexis makes such a big deal of it, that he won’t.

 Which bad habit of their partner do they find the most annoying?

For Drake it’s how messy Alexis is, he’s not a maniac but she can’t seem to put anything back where it belongs. For Alexis, that he opens 10 bottles of water at the same time and has at least two in each room of the house. 

Who is the better driver ?

They both think they are. Drake is more careful, Alexis is faster

Who is more likely to admit they are wrong in an argument ?

Neither of them, they’re both incredibly stubborn. But if someone has to give up, it would be Alexis.

What is something that reminds them of one another?

Drake always thinks about her when he smells cherries or listen to any rhythmic Spanish song. Alexis thinks of him with the smell of sandalwood and Whiskey and anything related to horses.

Would they get matching couple tattoos? If yes, what it would be?

They don’t have tattoos.

Who sleeps wrapped up in a cocoon of covers?

Neither, Drakes almost doesn’t use covers and Alexis sleeps wrapped up in his arms.

Who would win in a pillow fight?

Drake is bigger but Alexis is sneakier…

 Who likes to take photos of the other when they’re not looking

Alexis has a hundred pictures of Drake sleeping on her phone, and she doesn’t know it but Drake loves to take pictures of her when she’s focused writing.He melts when she scrunches her nose. 

Where would they go to get away from everyone else and just be alone?

They go camping. They love to hike, eat s’mores, drink whiskey and make love in front of the fire.

 If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?

Drake would pick a little white dress, he loves her legs and the color white because it brings out the color of her skin. Alexis will choose a shirt on denim because it’s completely him, she would ask him to roll up his sleeves though.

44. What do they love most about each other?

Drake loves that Alexis is lively and spontaneous and it drives him crazy how she can be very sweet and sexy at the same time. He admires her talent and how passionate she is. Physically, her legs and her smile.

Alexis is a sucker for Drake’s protectiveness. She loves his heart and how deep he cares when he loves someone. She admires his job as a veterinarian and that he’s always ready to help others. Her favorite physical feature it’s her eyes, his legendary smirk, and his big arms.

Bonus: 3 random HC about your OTP

1. Alexis had a traumatic experience when she was a teenager, only Drake knows about it, and has helped her to overcome it. He’s extremely protective of her.

2. Drake loved his birthdays as a kid but hated them after his father died, Alexis wants him to love them again so she tries to surprise him every year with something he loves a whiskey tasting, a fishing trip, etc.

3. They always compete to give the other the best anniversary possible.

4. I got giddy so another one. They have one daughter, Helena and two twin boys, Jackson and Ian.

Permatag: @mskaneko​ @burnsoslow​ @pedudley​

Tagging other people that might want to play: @argylemnwrites​ @pug-bitch​ @drxkewalker

[anne-lister-adventures]

Sunday, 2 March 1840

8 40/’’

12 35/’’

Long in dressing or rather in arranging and doing 1 little thing or other – Breakfast at 10 1/2 to 11 1/2 – Then at accounts – Had George and the Courier and translated the Russian accounts of the latter into French or English till 12 1/2 – Then at the Courier’s account till 2 – A-[Ann] and I read prayers at 2 20/’’ in ½ hour – Talked a little – Dressed – 

Off to dinner at Madame Stalepine’s in her carriage at 4 1/4 it having waited 1/4 hour – A large party gradually assembled – And 2 parties sat down to cards – It must have been near 5 1/2 before we sat down to dinner – 12 ladies and 18 gents[gentlemen] and A-[Ann] says there was a small table in one adjoining room – 

Soup and patés – Roast beef (a rouleau cut in thick slices and small onions and chestnuts fried in the middle of the dish) – Poisson Blanc du Volga – (Sterlet here 50 or 60 Kopek per lb.[pound] the fish would cost 100/- at St. P-Petersburg I observed yes! 300/- at St. P-Petersburg) then little birds on toast with kidney beans in the middle then a plat of game (gelinottes &c.) cut up followed by salad and concombres salés – Then a gateau (good – of sponge cake and sweetmeat?) then ice in 3 round grades (yellowish white bottle, red, and white oval ball perched on the top – Then preserved pine – Then and lastly preserved magnum bonums – We had quass and porter – And water decanters bottles in clusters of 3 all down the table on each side with a tumbler and couple of wine glasses each – 5 pairs of candles (brought by and by) down the middle of the table, and by and by little brass lamps affixed to the walls – 3 on one side – One on the window side and about 2 at each end London porter was handed when the Champagne or Doskoi came we began with the toasts 6 at least in succession at intervals of a few minutes – 

A marriage dinner – The custom here to drink the healths of bride and bridegroom, and père assis and others all were of our party and on their healths being drunk rose and bowed their thanks to all around – Lastly Bishof handed round – A Japan bread basket full of liqueur glasses handed and each took out a glass and held it or put it on the table to be filled (Lunel wine with Seville oranges) – Madame S-[Stalepine] then asked me to take a little water which I did and we got up from table probably after 7 – Coffee – 

The carriage not being ready waited a little – Home at 8 5/’’ Madame S-[Stalepine] being to call for me at 10 to go to the ball – A-[Ann] stays at home – Till 8 1/2 wrote all but the first 4 lines of this p.[page] – Then tea till now 9 – 

nobody handed out today    the lady of the house told us to seat ourselves and all the ladies were together by her and all the gentlemen by him       the ladies were provincial and all together there was a considerable falling off in style from Kazan    to say nothing of Moscow      Sheshe from Moscow nobody know old Princess Ourousoff till Princess Rs[Radziwils] going to court which brought them all into notice     the old Prince not very bright nor he nor his wife had any fortune – 

Madame Lapatine from Moscow – Her brother is attached to the Russian Embassy at Constantinople – The Vice Governor of Saratoff was of our party – Desired to make his acquaintance and he was presented to me after dinner – He says, it will be best to go tout droit from Sarepta to Astrakhan, and see the Calmuc Encampment from A-[Astrakhan] there is a petite route from here to Uralsk and thence to Orenburg – Should find difficulty about horses but if we return here the Governor General will give us a person with us from here who will shew us whatever is remarkable and save us all trouble – Even our Courier de Poste would not be sufficient to do this on the road from here to U-[Uralsk] the Vice President then presented the Chef de la Police – I said if we returned here, we would immediately faire visite à Madame La Femme du Vice Governor and hoped also to find the Governor General returned – 

They said Mr. Temirazoff was, they heard, en route at present for Astrakhan – The German preceptor of the Stalepines asked the Chief person of Sarepta (who was also of our party) to give us letters for Sarepta – We are to have them at 10 1/2 a.m. tomorrow so that our setting off is delayed till 11 a.m. instead of 6 a.m. as proposed – 

Wrote the last 19 lines till now 9 1/4 – Then till 9 40/’’ writing out Stations to Tzarizin then reading Schnitzler vol.[volume] 1. till 10 when Madame Stelapine sent compliments and excuses – Very sorry elle avait la migraine and could not go to the ball tonight, but would send the carriage to take me there if I chose – Compliments and thanks in return and declined going – 

Undressed – Put away my things &c. till now 11 3/4 – Reaumur -13º about noon today dehors – And Reaumur +13º on my table in my bedroom on getting up this morning – Fine day –

[in the margin of the page:]             dinner chez Madame Stalepine

Page Reference: SH:7/ML/E/24/0030

[mascaratearsnlipsticksmears]

1..Who was the last person you held hands with? Probably My son

2. Are you outgoing or shy? Shy until I’m

Comfortable

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My surgeon

4. Are you easy to get along with? I try to Be. Don’t give me a reason to not Like you 😉

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Never had someone take care of me from drinking .....I’m usually taking care of everyone else

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Loyal. Chill. Down to earth .

7. Are you married? No.

8. Do you want to get married? Eventually . I do , but I need it to be for the right reason.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Makes me feel Lonely lately believe it or not.... 😔

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Steve

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “Oh cool 😎”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

lil peep- star shopper

Brand new-Jesus Christ

Bebe rexha- I’m a mess

Anything Billie eillish

Doja cat -rules

Ashnikko-daisy

That’s more than 5, Idc

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Only certain people

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? I don’t know anymore

15. What good thing happened this summer? Got a tan and not covid 👌🏼👌🏼

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? My little guy? I will kiss him when ever I can cause one day he’s not gonna want me to and I’ll be sad

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Absolutely

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Yes

19. Do you like bubble baths? 110%

20. Do you like your neighbors? Yea

21. What are you bad habits? Overthinking, caring to much.

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere

23. Do you have trust issues? No, people that scumbag me Normally get cut off so I only keep ppl around I trust.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Coffee & a bowl

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Uhhh everything from the chin down 😔

26. What do you do when you wake up? Set gage up for class in the living room

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around? Lauren Rayza

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? They don’t get the chance, yes a few tried to contact me but my mentality is fuck them.... one even tried emailing my friends to reach me 🙄🙄🖕🏼

30. Do you ever want to get married? I do, one day. Didn’t I just answer this

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Idk I’d have to think about it

33. Spell your name with your chin. The fuck?

34. Do you play sports? What sports? Bought a bike yesterday Lol. I used to be on the swim team and I played soccer~ also took dance for 7 years.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? Depends on my mood

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? Absolutely.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? Try to avoid them at all Costs

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? No.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? Sephora Ulta Victoria secret

40. What do you want to do after high school? Lol I think that bridge has been crosses already

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Not everyone , no.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? Normally bad anxiety and hurting , or extremely chill

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yea I do.... but now I forget I have a mask on and look like a retard

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? Can I just going fishing ?

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? My son.

46. What are you paranoid about? Money

47. Have you ever been high? There’s a joint in my hand.

48. Have you ever been drunk? Who writes these things??

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? No.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else? Eh wish I was still me with more $$$

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? I don’t have to wish, I’m doing it.

53. Favourite makeup brand? Tarte, morphs, fenty

54. Favourite store? Didn’t I answer this?

55. Favourite blog? My own💚

56. Favourite colour? Black, Periwinkle , light lavender ,pink

57. Favourite food? Japanese

58. Last thing you ate? 8 hours slow cooked ribs

59. First thing you ate this morning? Coffee

60. Ever won a competition? For what? Probably & Idr

61. Been suspended/expelled? Started a food fight in the science lab and they suspended the wrong Angela ~Womp womp...I did get detention a lot cause my shirt was too low in the front tho.

62. Been arrested? No

63. Ever been in love? Yea I think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? No. ☺️

65. Are you hungry right now? I could eat.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? Meh

67. Facebook or Twitter? Fb

68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?yes

70. Names of your bestfriends? Stephanie Lauren Rayza Kat Christina

71. Craving something? A simple hand hold...😔.... compliment here or there . To not have to do everything myself... I crave the help I constantly ask for and never get. I crave dick, I just don’t understand this shit anymore.... damnit tumblr u struck a nerve .

72. What colour are your towels? Mixed

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?idk

75. Favourite animal? So many..... tigers maybe? & Lynx. Sharks.

76. What colour is your underwear? Not wearing any 😬

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? Mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? Olive green

80. What colour pants? None on.

81. Favourite tv show? In the dark

82. Favourite movie? All 50 shades.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? First one

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? How do these compare

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? The Lebanese chick

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? Turtles

87. First person you talked to today? Gage

88. Last person you talked to today? Myself

89. Name a person you hate? Hate is a strong word.

90. Name a person you love? Gage

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? Lol Geoff

92. In a fight with someone? No

93. How many sweatpants do you have? No idea

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many

95. Last movie you watched? “What if”

96. Favourite actress? Perry Mattfeld

97. Favourite actor? Hmmmm

98. Do you tan a lot?yassss

99. Have any pets? A zoo

100. How are you feeling? Confused, tired burning out ..

101. Do you type fast? I try

102. Do you regret anything from your past? Yes

103. Can you spell well? Eh

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? Yes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? Yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse? Yes

108. What should you be doing? Listing stuff on Etsy

109. Is something irritating you right now? No

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? Absolutely

111. Do you have trust issues? No, just don’t give me a reason too.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Ohhhh I don’t cry in front of ppl,cause then there’s a witness... did cry today tho, but you couldn’t see me.

113. What was your childhood nickname? Angiefur

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?not really

116. Are you listening to music right now? No

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? Yes

118. Do you like Chinese food? Yes

119. Favourite book? Crank

120. Are you afraid of the dark?some times

121. Are you mean? Don’t cross me 😘

122. Do you believe in “the one that got away”? Yes.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? I try

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? Idk

125. Do you believe in true love? Yes

126. Are you currently bored? Yes

127. What makes you happy? Attention lol romance? I think romance is dead tho...

128. Would you change your name? My last name? If I were getting married, yes

129. What your zodiac sign? Leo

130. Do you like subway? Food yes, smelly train no....

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? All my besties have vaginas, nothing to worry about.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Steve

133. Favourite lyrics right now? Brand new : Jesus Christ

134. Can you count to one million? Yea but why

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? I don’t lie so I don’t have that problem

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? Closed Cause only 1 Of my 4 asshole cats I allowed in my room

137. How tall are you? Oh how short am I? 5’1

138. Curly or Straight hair? Straight

139. Brunette or Blonde? Right now black

140. Summer or Winter?summer

141. Night or Day? Summer nights

142. Favourite month? August

143. Are you a vegetarian? Keto

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? Dark

145. Tea or Coffee? Coffee

146. Was today a good day? I think so

147. Mars or Snickers? Dark chocolate Milky Way

148. What’s your favourite quote? I’d have to think about it

149. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“His thumb brushes my lower lip, and his breath hitches. He’s staring into my eyes, and I hold his anxious, burning gaze for a moment, or maybe it’s forever…but eventually, my attention is drawn to his beautiful mouth. And for the first time in twenty-one years, I want to be kissed.”

Excerpt From

Fifty Shades Trilogy Bundle: Fifty Shades of Grey; Fifty Shades Darker; Fifty Shades Freed

E L James

This material may be protected by copyright.

[gromvillage]

all odd numbers. do it coward

jesus fucking christ i love you

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

probably one of my friends when we went to the mall the day before homecoming?? it was a while ago

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

i can’t wait to see my cousin again but i also have this one really cool uncle that i’d like to see again. actually i’d like to see a lot of my family cause they live far away but i don’t know when i’ll see them next

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i never want to be drunk but i think they definitely would 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

i’d like to say yes because i’m a thirsty bitch but the answer is prolly no

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

negative ghostrider, my friends are tired of hearing me talk about me being thirsty

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? 

me yelling at my friends about how i want to be on bear grylls’ show, cause i think him and i would have a great time hanging out

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh hell yeah, my friends got acrylics a couple months ago and i was literally begging them to play with my hair and scratch my head

15. What good thing happened this summer?

lots of good things happened this summer! i went to scout camp, went to washington/canada with some friends, and went to europe for the first time!!   

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

i’d like to think so! but also,,,,i think it’s probably not like little green dudes sadly, prolly just like microscopic shit that happens to be alive

19. Do you like bubble baths?

i haven’t taken a bath since i was really young, the idea of sitting in your own water is gross

21. What are you bad habits?

oh lots...picking the skin around my nails, i can be really lazy, not tidying up my room as often as i should which then makes me feel weird, the list can go on and on

23. Do you have trust issues?

oh you bet baby, i don’t really have reason to cause no one has done anything absolutely horrible to me (yet) but i am constantly questioning the intents of the people i’m close to

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my face but also the fact i have no thighs and my arms are super scrawny 

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, i have such a hard time tanning and i’m high key pale

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

h a h a have to have been in a relationship to have has an ex 

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yeah one tiny one on the top of my head

33. Spell your name with your chin.

paigved

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

ohhh tough...probably tv though cause i stay listening to music all the time

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

hi welcome to chili’s

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

rei or any outdoor store really, small independent stationary shops, target kinda slaps, really any little shop that’s along the main street of a smaller town

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

negative ghostrider

43. Do you smile at strangers?

not really, i’m super self conscious about my teeth and also think i look kinda creepy when i do it

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

the fact i have to go to school sadly but my goal is to one day get out of bed and be excited to do a job i love

47. Have you ever been high?

negative ghostrider, that kinda shit freaks me out

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yeah there’s a couple things

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

all the time, i stay wishing i was an olympic skier or pro mountain athlete or literally anyone more interesting than me

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i don’t wear makeup!

55. Favourite blog?

@friendlydinosaur of course but also big fan of @perpetualpatchwork and a bunch of bon appetit blogs

57. Favourite food?

bread/pasta/sweets

59. First thing you ate this morning?

really lame breakfast sandwich thing on a piece of toast with cream cheese and lunch meat cause i’m lazy

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

no but i kinda wish, i have too much of a fear of authority/my parents

63. Ever been in love?

not yet

65. Are you hungry right now?

not super hungry but i could go for some ice cream

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter, i’m not a 40 year old lady jesus christ

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nope

71. Craving something? What?

someone to hold me but also really wanna go skiing or on an adventure in general

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

that’s gonna be a no

75. Favourite animal?

ohhh i stay being a closet horse girl but also think elk are pretty cool! also just generally love dogs

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate (but vanilla if it’s the really good shit)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

maroon! i stay wearing this color all the time

81. Favourite tv show?

i still haven’t finished turn but i do like it a lot! also i just think i finished watching something on netflix but i can’t remember what?? but i feel like i liked it?? thinking is hard

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

never seen either sadly

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

see above

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

89. Name a person you hate?

there are a couple but i’m not bouta drag em on tumblr

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 

oh i could come up with a few people....

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

sadly only two pairs but i want more

95. Last movie you watched?

part of ratatouille with this girl that’s kinda like a little cousin to me

97. Favourite actor?

i don’t really have a favorite but i’m big on timothee chalamet at the moment

99. Have any pets?

a sickly beta fish i inherited from my brother when he moved

101. Do you type fast?

i’d like to think so

103. Can you spell well?

oh hell no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

a couple, though none recently sadly 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

a few times!! again, closet horse girl

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact i’ve left some major work till the last minute, this one really painful pimple on my face, the way i stay wasting my time

111. Do you have trust issues?

this is a repeat from 23?? but the answer is still yes

113. What was your childhood nickname?

paigey, but a lot of people still use it! also foo foo the snoo was something my mom called me as kind of an inside joke rhyme thing

115. Do you play the Wii?

not anymore, though i was big on wii sports resort and the wipeout game when i was younger. oh also the lego harry potter, cause i liked to collect all the coins while my brother did the Actual Gaming for the levels

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not really, the noodles are always super mushy and i just don’t really like the flavor

119. Favourite book?

i sadly haven’t been reading a ton lately and have forgotten literally every book i’ve ever read but i really enjoyed on jon krakauer’s  eiger dreams that i read this summer

121. Are you mean?

sometimes, yeah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i kept a pair of white slip on vans pretty clean for a while! the trick is to use scotch guard

125. Do you believe in true love?

i haven’t thought about it a lot but i guess? 

127. What makes you happy?

oh lots of things! nice weather, spending time outdoors, good food, time with good friends, ice cream, exploring, creating things

129. What your zodiac sign?

sagittarius (almost my birthday!!)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

now that i think about it i don’t think i have a best guy friend?? but if i did i guess if i didn’t like them i’d try and be nice about it cause i’ve had a crush on close friends and know it sucks when they don’t feel the same way

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“but if i get my shit together this year maybe i’ll be a ten” -10/10 by rex orange county

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

oh i’m sure i told some dumb lies when i was a kid but i can’t remember any right now

137. How tall are you?

barely 5′1″

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunette

141. Night or Day?

depends on the mood

143. Are you a vegetarian?

i really should be for the earth but meat bruh

145. Tea or Coffee?

i don’t drink either!

147. Mars or Snickers?

snickers

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really but the other night i woke up to my waterbottle falling off my nightstand and that was some freaky shit

love you dude, i really needed this tonight

[writinggeisha]

Mandarin25 Hysterical Chinese Insults That You Should Know Today (NSFW)

Chinese insults words are different than what an English speaker may expect. What we think as some of the most insulting words in our language barely register to a Chinese speaker. Conversely, we might think some of China’s most offensive insults are actually quite funny in English. Even funnier than some of the English swear words we have.

That’s why it’s always best to study a bunch before speaking. That includes your insults. So yes, this is a time where we are going to tell you to insult and curse nonstop. With that practice, you’ll soon find out that these words can be both funny translations as well as some unexpected funny insults into Mandarin speakers.

25 Chinese Insults That You Should Know

Let’s explore some the language’s most colorful insults and what they mean to English speakers:

Animals

Chinese insults tend to incorporate animals quite often. In some instances, the term is more harmless. In other cases, they can pack a pretty hurtful punch:

1. 猪头 (zhū tóu) — “Pig head”

This is one that English speakers should have no problem recognizing. Around the world it seems that a pig’s head is known for the symbol or being stubborn. Use this to describe the same typically male crowd in China as you would across the globe.

2. 吹牛  (chuī niú) — “Blowing up cow skin”

This is probably the tamest insult on the list. However, when saying a bragger is blowing up cow’s skin, you have to include it on your list. This one also ties back into history with an intriguing test of strength amongst some Mongolians.

3.  拍马屁  (pāi mă pì) — “Pat a horse’s ass”

English Speakers call it “brown nosing.” Others might say ‘kiss up.’ Regardless the term, these insults will let the person know you think that they endear themselves to higher-ups quite often. In the hard-working world in China, you can only imagine how many people have earned this distinction.

4. 狗屁 (gŏu pì) — “Dog fart”

This is Chinese’s equivalent to “bullshit” and “bollocks.” You don’t so much call someone 狗屁. Instead, you use this Chinese insults to call someone out on their b.s. Because of its tone and situational use, steer clear of using this one at work. Instead, keep this one between your friends at the pub.

5. 狐狸精 (hú li jīng) — “Fox spirit”

Foxes carry deep symbolism in Chinese culture. For women, unfortunately, this becomes an additional insult in the Chinese language. If you call someone a fox spirit, you are calling them a danger to men that possess some dark intentions.

6. 色狼 (sè láng) — “Color-seeking wolf”

If foxes are bad for women, then wolves aren’t great for older men. This Chinese insult is used to label something a predator. Though often related to a sexual nature, it can also be towards anyone preying on the young. If an older male-targeted a 小白脸, then they might be called a 色狼.

7. 王八 (biē) — “Freshwater turtle”

This is a big insult. Promiscuity is a big point in Chinese insults. Women, in particular, face a brunt of the insults. In this case, they associate the image of a turtle and its similarities to the male anatomy. However, eggs once again come into play in Chinese insults. In this case, you are using one of the most offensive ones.

8. 狗崽子 (góu zaĭ zi) — “Dog Whelp”

This is another one that would make an English speaker laugh while a Chinese person gets livid. The closest equivalent you’ll find in English is “son of a bitch.” However, in most parts of the English speaking world, this insult won’t mean much. In Chinese, it is a whole different story.

9. 兔崽子 (tù zaĭ zi)  — “Rabbit whelp”

If dog whelps are incredibly hurtful in Chinese, consider a rabbit to a slight bit less of an insult. However, it still packs a punch. Much like the previous entry, the English equivalent isn’t so hurtful while impacting Chinese speakers much more. In English, we’d use this word to call someone young a real piece of work.

10. 土鳖 (Too Bee-eh) –“Ground Beetle”

You might hear folks in Beijing, Shanghai and other major cities use this to describe out of towners. Used mostly towards China’s more rural population, this is what some English speakers might call a “fish out of the water.”

11. 死鱼眼 (Sǐ Yú Yǎn) — “Dead fish eye”

In English, you may hear that someone looks “dead behind the eyes.” In Chinese, this similar term conveys a person that looks vapid and out of reality’s touch.

Another emerging English term that also does the trick in Chinese would be Kardashian.

Chinese Insults Using Food

Much like animals, food plays a hand in both the harsh and friendlier Chinese insults. One thing is for sure, eggs mean much more than they do in English.

12. 生個叉燒都好過生你 — “It would be better to have given birth to a piece of barbecue pork instead.”

This is a common phrase used by exhausted parents. When a child is just not giving up, even a loving parent will crack. Instead of saying something truly hurtful, this mainly Cantonese insult helps blow off steam without harming the child with something actually mean.

13. 吃软饭 — “To eat soft rice”

Eating soft rice is a way of saying that a Chinese man is living off his girlfriend. In English, you might hear a “mooch” or a “sap.” When you need to tell someone that it’s time they support themselves, this is what you say.

14. 懒蛋 (lǎn dàn) — “Lazy egg”

This is an insult that veers more into the tame category. Consider this the American equivalent of calling your friend “a lazy bum.” You might hear a parent say this to a child or a girlfriend to a boyfriend. While it doesn’t pack a brutal sting, it is one of China’s many egg-themed insults.

15. hún dàn (混蛋) — “Mixed egg” or “Scumbag”

On the other side of egg-based insults, this one stings a bit. Calling someone a scumbag in any language is bound to cause some conflict. So, don’t go throwing this word around in public, or even in many private settings. That is unless you’re looking to exchange many more colorful words as a follow-up.

The More Obscure

These are some of the more hysterical insults due to their translations. Some are specific while others may leave you scratching your head. However, this is the fun of learning another language. In this section, you’ll get to learn some doozies that include some history as well.

16. 肏你祖宗十八代 (cào nǐ zǔzōng shíbā dài) — “Fuck your ancestors to the eighteenth generation”

Family and history are sacred in Chinese culture. With a long-running history, the pride you have in your family is vital. That’s why this one may seem like a comical mental image, but is one of the language’s more impactful insults. Unless you want to make a situation ugly, it’s best to avoid insulting any Chinese ancestors.

That being said, there are a couple variations of this insult that are fun to play around with. Try with a friend that won’t get offended.

17. 二百五 (èr bǎi wŭ) — “250”

You’d think that calling someone a number wouldn’t hurt, right? Yet in Chinese that isn’t the case. While this one’s definition is a bit vague, many believe it translates to calling someone not enough. This stems from the ancient Chinese currency revolving around 1,000 copper coins. Essentially, “500” was an insult for a halfwit. So, you can imagine what it felt like to be called half of that.

18. 小白脸 (xiǎo bái liǎn) — “Little white face”

A little white face typically applies to naive men. When someone hasn’t experienced much in the world, this mild insult is what Chinese speakers use. This also works to wind up so-called pretty boys and older female gold diggers. Now, imagine this being used in the famous Kanye West track.

19. 装蒜 (Joo-ang Swan) — “Wait til”

The English equivalent here would be used when calling someone dumb. However, this Chinese insult relates to the history of garlic and medicine in China. What was once considered a remedy is now a symbol for someone’s foolishness.

20. 你算哪根葱 (Nǐ Suàn Nǎ Gēn Cōng) –“Who the hell are you?”

Sometimes we all need to be reminded that we’re just a person like everyone else. In this case, you wouldn’t use this Chinese insult for when you don’t know someone. Instead, it’s more for calling someone out. If someone is acting rudely or mistreating people, this insult checks them down a bit. \

21. 绿茶婊 (Lǜ Chá Biào) –“Green Tea Bitch”

What’s so wrong with green tea?! Well, in this case, it means that what someone is presenting on the outside isn’t their true representation. If a person looks innocent on the outside but devious on the inside, the Chinese would call them a 绿茶婊.

22 – 25. Ghosts

We’ll close the list out with some of China’s most inspired uses for ‘ghost.’ As you’ve seen, objects like eggs, animals and now even the paranormal cracked the list. In Chinese, ghosts often are associated with excessive drinking. The symbol 鬼 often works itself into Chinese insults. Some ghost-based names include:

酒鬼 (jiǔguǐ) — “alcoholic”

醉鬼 (zuìguǐ) — “a drunk”

But it also can mean other negative adjectives like:

小气鬼 (xiǎoqì guǐ) — “cheap”

胆小鬼 (dǎnxiǎo guǐ) — “coward”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In case anyone is looking to add some colourful language to fics.Or real life. 😆

[childofhalloween]

Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts (Part 1: True American)

So I ended up writing this yesterday Idk if I’m gonna keep it a 1 shot or a 3 part. You guys let me know. 

TW: Sex talk, lots of booze, & lots of fluffy huma.  

It was 2am when Harry got a call from Ben to come get Uma. He knew Uma had grudging gone to Mals bachelorette party with Mal (obviously) Evie, & a bunch of other Auradon girls. Her relationship with Mal with had been rehashed but still shaky and her relationship with other girls (especially girly girls Auradon had) was shaky at best. But he had encouraged her to go thinking a night of wine, dick jokes, & possibly an embarrassing lap dance for the bride to be would do her good.

11 came he received no SOS text. 12 still nothing. 1am he figured she must of been enjoying herself. And then 2am he got a text to please come take her home before she broke something. No reply whether he meant the furniture or herself.

Now he was having doubts about the quiet night of wine and dick jokes. As he walked closer to the large living room the girls had taken over, the louder the yells seemed to get.

Opening the door he looked around seeing all the obviously very drunk girls (& Chad who somehow got invited)  standing on furniture with beers in their hands as some very exasperated boys seemed to be trying to calm them.

“The floor is lava!” they all seemed to yell on cue as he walked in.

“Uh Huh…..so what seems to be going on here?” Harry asked confused.

“I am the true American!” Uma yelled standing on the table in the middle of the room a bottle of rum in her hand an impressive pile of empty cans scattered around.

“1,2,3 JFK!” Mal yelled back.

“FDR!” the rest of the girls shouted taking drinks.

Harry had to laugh at the sight of the drunk rowdy girls & overturned furniture. They gave some of the pirates he knew a run for their money.

“Ok girls I know that's fun to do and all but I think it's time to end the game.” Ben said trying to coax Mal off the back of the couch.

“Yeah it's late you guys. Your gonna be waking people up.” Carlos said pulling Jane off an end table.

“No we're having fun.” Audrey whined with a pout.

“Yeah it's not that late!” Lonnie said from up on top of the bookshelf.

“Its 2 in the morning it's late. Now get down your not a cat!” Jay said trying to grab her foot.

“You guys I don't feel so good…..” Evie complained from the love seat as Doug quickly grabbed her and headed to the bathroom.

“Ok looks like it's time to end the party ladies.” Ben said finally getting Mal down. “We will clean up tomorrow.”

“Fine.” she pouted as he lead her out.

All the other girls grumbled but followed behind them.

“You gonna be ok with her? She's smacked anyone whose came close.” Jay said looking back over his shoulder at Uma who was drinking again from her bottle of rum.

“Yeah I got her. I've seen worse.” he said patting Jay on the back as he walked over to the table. “So girls night wasn't so bad was it?”

“I am the true American!” Uma said a little too loudly causing Harry to laugh.

He knew they had both been drinking regularly since 5th grade. Girl could drink like a fish but she knew her limits. But it seemed today not only had she reached her limit she fucking obliterated it.

“Ok ya lush put the rum down it's time to head home.” he said trying to reach the bottle as she pulled it away.

“No! Only I can drink from the king's cup!” she said holding up the bottle like a trophy as he sighed no idea what she was talking about. Grabbing the bottle he put it behind the now beer smelling couch to “hide it”.

“Ok how about we put it right here ok and come back in the morning before anyone can nick it?” He suggested she thought about it for a moment & nodded.

“Ok but you promise no one will get it? It’s mine.” she asked.

“I promise and I ain't ever broke a promise to ya.” he said helping her off the table.

“I missed you Harry.” she said hugging him he just smiled and hugged back. Sure it had only been hours but he always missed her when she wasn't around.

“Missed ya too darling. Now come on time to get to ya room.” he said leading her down to the room she was staying in.

“Ok now time to get ready for bed. Where's your pajamas?” he asked digging through her bag she had thrown in the corner.

“Hey who says I wear pajamas?” Uma said with a smirk Harry rolled his eyes.

“Uma I've known ya since you were 5 I know ya don't sleep naked. And I know ya brought the one with the sea ponies on them because I had to look everywhere for the bloody thing when ya packed. Took 45 minutes to find them with all the clothes ya have.” he said matter of factly handing the long night shirt with the horse pattern to her.

“Your no fun.” she pouted as she started to take off her clothes.

Like the true gentleman Harry was he turned and walked in the bathroom getting a large cup of water and pulling a small vial of ruby liquid from his pocket. Walking back out he found her just finishing getting dressed.

“Drink this. Hook's anti hangover cure. Don't want ya hung over for that bride takes a shower or whatever it's called.” he said handing her the bottle.

“Bridal shower. Thank you Harry.” she said taking drink making a face. She had taken this many times but the taste never got better but everyone on the Isle knew it worked. “God that's gross.”

“I know but ya will thank me in the morning.” he said handing her the water which she gratefully chugged. “You will be fine tomorrow. Now it's time for bed ya little drunky.”

“Noooooo! I don't wanna go to bed.” Uma pouted crossing here arms.

'Must of learned that one from pink princess.’ he thought to himself with a smirk. “Uma everyone else is asleep. There is nothing to do but go to bed. Party's over.”

“I can think of one thing.” she smirked walking closer to him as she leaned up running a hand through his hair causing him to shiver.

“ Uma I'm serious it's time for bed.” he said pushing her back as she glared at him.

“What's wrong with you?” she snapped angrily at him.

“Your drunk and I ain't gonna take advantage of ya love.” he said keeping his distance making her glare at him.

“Why don't you ever try to have sex with me? You sleep around with everyone else guys, girls, the prostitutes that hang out at the docks. But not me. Why not?” she asked crossing her arms.

He ran a hand through his dark hair trying to figure out how to explain this to her or of she would even remember at this point.

“First off I never slept with a hooker. I got one for your cousin's birthday which he still owes me for.” he corrected her. “And I don't think now is the time to be having these kind of conversations. So please lay down Uma.” he said moving her to bed which she plopped down on.

“These beds are too soft. No wonder these Auradon brats are such wusses.” Uma said suddenly changing the topic any trace of an impending argument forgotten.

“Your probably right love.” he said moving to the door.

“I hate them. I can't sleep.” she mumbled burying herself in the blankets. “Lay with me.”

“”What?” he asked turning not hearing her.

“I said lay with me!” she ordered using her captain voice he sighed exhaustedly know refusing her was just going to cause her to start screaming at him & probably wake up half the castle.

“Fine but that's it. Nothing else. Promise?” he asked looking at her as she smiled up at him from the blankets.

He couldn't help but smile she looked so much like a little kid under the huge blanket in pony pajamas & that big smile.

“I promise!” she said wiggling over to make room for him.

He slipped under the covers as she wasted no time snuggling up next to him. He wrapped his arms around her rubbing her back lightly.

‘“So ya glad ya went?” he asked she nodded looking up at him.

“I am the true American!” she said happily as he smiled back to her.

“So I heard.” he said still not knowing what she was talking about but just happy she was so happy.

“It means I won the game. Finally beat Mal at something. Sure it was drinking but I still won.” she explained as if reading his thoughts

Well that explained why she was so happy & so damn possessive of that bottle. It was her trophy to show she could finally do something better than Mal. Even if they were friends he knew years of coming in last in everything to Mal still bothered her.

“Congratulations darling. Best thing you could do better.” he said looking down as she nuzzled her head up against his chest.

There was silence for a while Harry was starting to wonder if Uma had finally passed out. But instead she looked up at him.

“Are you mad at me? I didn't mean to get drunk.” she asked he just raised an eyebrow at her.

“Of course not darling. I told ya to go. You went out & had fun. No ones mad about anything. Don't worry.” he said nuzzling the top of her head. “Besides I could never be mad at ya ever. Ya know that right? I may not always agree with ya but if follow ya to the ends of the earth no matter what.”

A silence again filled the room but this time he could tell from the deep breathing she was fast asleep on his chest. He knew there was no way to get out now without waking her. Not to mention he didn't want to leave anyways.

“Good night darling.” he said giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

Uma woke up the next day the afternoon sun pouring in through the windows. Why did Auradon have to always be so damn bright? And how the fuck did she find her way back last night?

She sat up with a sigh trying to remember the night but it half of it coming out as a blacked out blur. What the hell did they do?

She reached over to grab her phone as her hand hit something hard and cold. Looking over she saw half gone bottle of rum on her nightstand with a note attached in Harry's very messy handwriting.

To the true American

Well at least she won?

[alluringcliche]

let me try to remember my buffy/angel episode feelings as i rewatch because i have a bad memory -- one-two sentences per ep @ezrisdax @feelsandotps

I started at 1x12, skipped most of 1. Btw my faves are still Cordelia & Buffy, and my problematic fave is Spike, there it is. I felt like S3 was my fave, but I really appreciate the Spike in S4, so there’s that -- I think 4 has some great eps and 2 of course does as well.

SEASON 1

12. Prophecy Girl - Buffy dies, ouch, but Xander has a heroic moment (?), I think Buffy’s already depressed and it’s S1.

SEASON 2 1. When She Was Bad - See, Buffy’s already depressed and angry but everyone should cut her some slack SHE DIED, SHE’S TRYING. 2. Some Assembly Required - Oh I already forgot about this one, but it was fun because they tried to kill Cordelia and she was great and I adore Cordelia 3. School Hard - SPIKE is here and Spike/Dru are amazing. Also parent teacher night honestly Joyce&Buffy so far is ouch in general. 4. Inca Mummy Girl - This one’s the other kind of ouch like you did a pretty bad job with portraying people who aren’t white, come on. 5. Reptile Boy - Oh the one with the demons in the frat boy basement, nice team scenes, nice metaphor for the patriarchy (yeah I’ve been listening to Buffering the Vampire Slayer, did I mention that). 6. Halloween - Def a S2 favorite they all turn into their costumes Buffy’s helpless, Cordelia’s normal, Xander’s in the army, the whole Willow ghost thing, Spike’s there, it’s great. 7. Lie to Me - The one with the cult who wanted to be vamps. Not much memory of this one except like...the guy had cancer which was sad, not a fave. 8. The Dark Age - First Ripper stuff so that’s fun! 9 & 10. What’s My Line, Part 1/2  - Kendra! Angel tied to a cross! Spike! A fun plan where we save them as a Team. What’s not to like? 11. Ted - Ah, Joyce’s robot boyfriend. Odd, but memorable and like...really dark...when she gets arrested. 12. Bad Eggs Oh yeah, there’s like a monster under the school and everyone’s possessed. Joyce&Buffy is still ouch. 13. Surprise I like when Cordelia jumps out of the cake...but anyway...this is a good though PAINFUL arc, not a Bangel fan. 14. Innocence Ouch Angelus and sad Buffy, but they use a rocket launcher in a mall which is cool. 15. Phases Oz! I never realized he got bit by like his baby cousin? LOL. Touching arc in this ep though!  16. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered Everyone loves Xander, I liked that there was a Cordy focus.  17. Passion OUCH. JENNY. 18. Killed by Death The kind of out-of-normal-context one where Buffy’s in the hospital with ghostly kids! Well done though, has Cordelia’s “tact is just not saying true stuff line” 19. I Only Have Eyes for You I was creeped out by the fact that it was a teacher student relationship and no one cared? Good writing though. 20. Go Fish Haha, Xander and the swim team. I like Cordelia’s monologue about Xander. 21. Becoming, Part 1/2 KENDRA :( BUFFY :( Oh also some great Spike scenes (with Joyce). And of course the ENNNND ouchhh. I’m not fine.

S2 Faves: Halloween, School Hard, Becoming, Passion (ouch!)

SEASON 3 1. Anne - BUFFYS DEPRESSED SOME ONE HELP HER 2. Dead Man’s Party - BUFFY’S DEPRESSED STOP BEING MEAN TO HER 3. Faith, Hope and Trick - Hi, Faith. Didn’t like Faith as much last time, she’s grown on me. 4. Beauty and the Beasts - Another good expansion of Oz’s arc and some Bangel emotions. 5. Homecoming - GREAT I love Buffy and Cordelia and they are together and it’s amazing. Cordelia’s speech at the end is quality. 6. Band Candy - GREAT I mean Joyce and Giles and Snyder as teens it’s so funny and well-paced, nice. 7. Revelations -- This one has an evil British watcher and Xander/Willow (plus Xander being kind of a jerk), not a fave. 8. Lovers Walk -- GREAT. Painful ending. Love Spike & Willow. GREAT. SPIKE/BUFFY/ANGEL WORKING TOGETHER I LOVE THIS. 9. The Wish - GREAT. Ouch. Alt!Buffy. NICE. 10. Amends -- Like, Angel’s past is kind of awful? Give me Angel-the-show dorky Angel please! 11. Gingerbread -- Haha the one where the Sunnydale people try to kill witches I mean again @Joyce&Buffy, ???? not the greatest relationship ???  12. Helpless GREAT OUCH GREAT...the Watcher’s Council tests Buffy, GILE’S DILEMA, BUFFYS BETRAYAL ouch 13. The Zeppo I mean I like Xander’s arc about believing in himself more, despite him not being great all the time, I still like him overall, glad he got a chance to shine. 14. Bad Girls Faith stop corrupting Buffy! This show has more like very heavily implied Faith/Buffy than I remembered. OUCH @ the ending. 15. Consequences OUCH @ the whole episode with Faith, especially the Xander bit, rougher than I remembered  16. Doppelgangland VAMP!Willow. Willow trying to be vamp!Willow was funny. Another one where I remember good team stuff. 17. Enemies OUCH I totally forgot and thought Angel was really Angelus. Heartbreaking and well done. 18. Earshot I love this one! Jonathan! “Are you planning on killing anyone tomorrow? It’s for the yearbook.” 19. Choices Everyone should let Buffy live basically!  20. The Prom Xander/Cordelia is nice, but isn’t Xander poor? Wesley/Cordelia is creepy? WILD HORSES. BUT YEAH THE UMBRELLA AND I CRY. 21. Graduation Day, Part 1/2  I LOVE THE WHOLE SCHOOL COMING TOGETHER NICE NICE

S3 Faves: Homecoming, Band Candy, Lover’s Walk, the Wish, Helpless, Earshot, Prom, Graduation Day...and a few more I also like a lot, that’s why I really like this season

SEASON 4

1. The Freshman - Buffy's having a hard time in college someone help her! 2. Living Conditions - Buffy’s roommate is a demon, a bit overdone but pretty fun! 3. The Harsh Light of Day - Like the Spike/Buffy banter is great but Parker is awful and honestly Spike is awful too, some of the end fight scene comments are BAD. Also Spike should treat Harmony better. 4. Fear, Itself - Haunted house fears, nice Halloween ep. 5. Beer Bad - I honestly like drunk!Buffy it’s fun!  6. Wild at Heart - Ouch, Oz & Willow OUCH. 7. The Initiative - Buffy/Riley really had a whole fight and didn’t recognize each other? Still I don’t hate Riley so far. 8. Pangs - Look there were some problematic things but I thought the dialogue and episode arc was SO well done and so funny. And they made an attempt to address something, they did a bad job but they tried. Team!Thanksgiving is <3 and perfectionist!Buffy and Spike tied to a chair, Xander/Anya etc. etc. lots of good stuff, I think it’s still a s4 favorite. 9. Something Blue - Ah, cursed!engaged Spuffy NICE. 

SEASON 1 ANGEL

1. City Of Look I LOVE ANGEL tbh just the opening and the noir tone and CORDELIA it’s great it’s nice AND DORKY angel and cordelia knows the guys a vamp it’s great! DOYLE.

2. Lonely Heart I don’t love Kate and this demon was weirdly like an STD as well.

3. In the Dark Cordy/Doyle got to feature, and Spike. Not really sure why Angel destroyed the thing (makes him more tortured?)

4. I Fall to Pieces That was actually a pretty creepy stalking episode. Well done bringing attention to how violence against women can be overlooked.

5. Rm w/ a Vu Love this one! CORDELIA IS AMAZING. CORDELIA. IS AMAZING. Dennis is nice too!

6. Sense & Sensitivity I love dorky!Angel, I love when dorky!Angel has to speak his feelings! Poor Kate!

7. Bachelor Party Doyle/Cordy were so close! Definitely a fun one with everyone working together. I’m just having a lot of Angel&Cordy&Doyle feelings

8. I Will Remember You Look I skipped this one for now tbh, I’m just not in a Bangel mood, haha.

So yeah I looked up the next episode and...I thought that was the S1 finale?? That’s...ouch.

[prettyporcelainporcupine]

Honestly its been 2 months since my stepdad (45) asked my mom (57) for a divorce so he can find a younger wife and he has since moved into a tiny appartment, only put enough money in moms account to pay the house bills and then was suprised that his credit card bills and student loans did not get paid (mom balances the books in the family), gotten too drunk with his friends that left him at the bar (typical except he couldnt call mom to pick him up) gotten kicked out of the car by his uber driver and then arrested for drunk and disorderly behavior.

Meanwhile my mom has been hit on by 3 seporate middle aged men 1 at a horse show, 1 at a bar with her girlfriends, and 1 at her gym.

Like, not to take sides but how can you leave a woman who looks like this when she’s damn near in her sixties??

A housewife who keeps the budget, does the housework AND yardwork, built a fucking deck, fixes your truck when it breaks down, hits the gym 4 days a week, does your laundry and packs your bags for travel, goes deepsea fishing, kayaking, and snorkeling, AND picks you up at 2am every Saturday when your stupid 20year old coworkers leave you drunk at the bar. Someone who raised 7 kids plus their friends, the mom all your friends also call mom, the woman whose house is the place to BE during holidays because if youre family sucks than SHE’s your family now. Who bought an injured and ill horse with actual maggots in his hooves for $1k and after a year of care and training that horse was valued at $35k but spends his days as a gentle children’s lesson horse. Everything this woman touches turns to gold, simply from love and effort.

My mom is everything i want to be when I grow old and my stepdad is too busy having his midlife crisis to realize no 20 year old woman is going to be half of what my mom is simply from lack of experience. Meanwhile a bunch of the old guys around her see her for the brilliant capable person she is.

Anyway, my mom is on a dinner date with gym guy, because while they were talking he asked her 3 questions during their treadmill chat in the “i dont know how you’d feel about this” kind of tone:

His kids are black (my mom also has black kids)

His kids are from different moms (my family also has multiple dads)

His oldest daughter is gay (guess who has a gay daughter)

So her major dating issues are also his dating issues, and they kind of laughed about it, and mom agreed to dinner. He’s 59 and a pediatrician, and i like him best out of the guys who have hit on her. But also mom kind of has a knew rule of dating guys who are intimidated by her strength and butchiness. Dont know how a medical guy would feel about ziplines and camping and owning a house with cattle and horses.