#the final's tomorrow morning i'm just so mad at it right now

[autumnoakes]

this course is pissing me offffffff :(

[youryanderedaddy]

Summary: You run into your snobby ex boyfriend after a drunken party. Things go south from there. tw: female reader, hinted murder, possessive behavior, condescension, financial(?) abuse, classism

You know this is a stupid, stupid idea. Going home at God knows what time in the pitch black is never a good idea, you think drowsily, head still spinning from the last beer, but even more so when you're tired, pissed off and tipsy. You're freezing, naked shoulders wet from the chilly midnight rain - but instead of soft damp linden, you smell molden concrete and metal. You fucking hate this city. You hate the stupid, flashy, obnoxious parties for rich people, and this shitty university in the middle of nowhere, and even the scholarship that forced you into close proximity with the freakish upper class of east New Hemptison.

"Baby!" A familiar voice sinks into the muddy darkness and you have to physically restrain yourself from emptying your stomach right there on the street - and knowing your neighbours, you'd have to clean it after too. His steps fasten and soon you feel his hand gripping your shoulder to turn you around. Standing before you, glistening just like some prince from a fairy tale, is everything you despise about this town. The fact that he's perfectly prim and proper despite the pounding rain, that his teeth seem almost pearly white in the dark, that his hair is crisp and slicked away tastefully, that even now he's wearing a fucking Armani shirt with the cheesiest pair of jeans (ones you could never afford) - it makes you want to crawl back to the cave you came from, two continents away, and never look back.

"Baby, where have you been?" He sounds terribly concerned as he pulls your shivering body in for a tight bear hug, running his hands through your absolutely soaked hair - murmuring something incomprehensible to your drunken mind. "I was worried sick, missy." His voice drops slightly, but it's all for show. He's playing the part of the good boyfriend, like always - and you fell for it once, you did, but you know better now. "I called you, like, sixty eight times. And nothing." He swallows, big hands trembling around you. "Just radio silence. I thought something bad happened to y-"

"Oh, f-uucking beat it." Your patience finally snaps and you push him off swiftly, barely contained anger starting to resurface again. Today was supposed to be about you, about healing, about feeling better, but just your luck - the very problem had found you, just like always. No matter where you go, your troubles follow. "You know what you did, asshole. Don't you d-aare play innocent with m-me." You hiss drunkenly, stumbling all over your words before hitting the wall all on your own. Mathew, of course, doesn't waste the oppurtunity to get closer to you - just so he can help you regain your balance, of course. The golden boy of Saint Hemptison would never take advantage of an intoxicated girl - much less his ex girlfriend who he's still hopelessly in love with, supposedly. Right.

"Baby, please, you're drunk - you're not making any sense." The man whispers softly, placing his hand at your hip. "Let's go to the penthouse. We can talk about this in the morning when you are more aware of your thoughts."

When you're more aware of your thoughts? You almost laugh. It's quite bittersweet when it hits you that he doesn't respect you even now - maybe he never has in the duration of your miserable relationshop, that in his eyes you'll always be the poor girl in need of a white knight. Just a little trophy to show off, if a bit broken in certain spots.

"I am not going anywhere with you." You mumble, trying to calm down - to appear cold and collected, the complete opposite of what he wants you to be. "Look, I know that you're mad at me, babygirl, but I'm sure your little temper tantrum can wait until tomorrow. You know I don't like this neighbourhood. Let me take you to a safe place for the night, okay?" He reaches for your hand again, but this time you swat it away in fury.

"Who are you to act so worried about me, huh?" You can hear your voice breaking as the tears prick at your eyes - hot and shameful. Crying in front of him is the last thing you want to do, but god, it's so hard not to when this whole night has been a disaster after a disaster. You're truly at your wits' end. "After what you did? You are truly shameless." You squeal, and admittedly, it feels fucking great to finally say it.

Your former lover's face twists into an unrecognizable grimace as he watches you tear into his heart with ease - and as you turn to leave, he grabs your wrist painfully. This time something is different about his eyes - they're not longer smiling. Now they're two bottomless gray pits devoid of kindness, the same eyes you saw the night of the accident as he caressed your cold cheek with bloody knuckles.

"And what did I do, love? Hm?" He tilts your chin up by squeezing your throat, forcing you to meet his eerie gaze. Suddenly all your tipsy bravado evaporates into thin air. "Please, refresh my memory. I really can't recall the events of the past two weeks - since you've been avoiding me and all..." His fingers dig into your skin and you wince just like a kicked puppy - but he doesn't bulge an inch. Suddenly everything comes flooding back - the touches you convinced yourself were sensual, not possesive, the glances you once thought of as romantic, the constant interrogations, the strange emails, the cryptic calls, the dead roses at your door. "I couldn't sleep - or eat for that matter. I am half a man without you. I lose myself completely."

It all makes sense now. You feel like crying, because it's so crystal clear... and you've been a willing fool. You had closed your eyes, because it was easier to lie than to accept the truth bubbling just under his surface - under the dimples and the smiles, and the hundred jewelry boxes still lying unopened under your bed.

"You - you killed him! You monster!" You gasp, unable to stop your lips from uttering the lethal. You thrash around to no avail, you're stuck. "How could you? Jack was your friend!" You hide your face in the crook of his neck to stop the sobs, too scared to look at the crazed man holding you. He simply rolls his eyes, letting you soak his shirt with your pretty tears. "Don't be so dramatic - it's just some broken bones. He'll be fine... as long as he stays away from my things."

You raise your head shakily - you're drowning between hatred, fear and misery. The adrenaline is making you even more disoriented than the liquor percentage in your bloodstream.

"I am not a fucking thing for you to-" You hiccup, growing woozy as you hit weakly against his chest. The corners of his lips curl up slightly as he chuckles at the pitiful display. "For you to just own!" You keep going, cheeks purple from pent up fury - there's something tearing at your insides like you want to scream, you need it to come out, but you find yourself unable to push it off your flesh like it's been ingrained with glue and a shovel.

"You're wrong, baby. I do own you." Mathew says with the sweetest, softest voice you've heard in your life, sugary and bitter like poisonous honey. "Let's say you want to break up-"

"We already broke u-"

His eyes pierce you mid-sentence. You quickly close your mouth.

"Let's say," He repeats through gritted teeth, holding you so tightly you might just merge into one being. "That you want to break up with me." He inhales deeply, nostrils flaring. "Hypothetically. Then what? You have no place to live. I know you're staying at that shithole of a hotel down the street right now - it's filthier than a brothel, no?"

You want to say something - to argue, to scream. To tell him that he's being a rich, condescending asshole again, that you like the hotel - despite the mold and the cockroaches and the way there never seems to be hot water. Despite having to lock your door four times so you don't get assaulted in your sleep.

You say nothing.

"You don't have to confirm it. My agent tracked you down a week ago. Whatever - you'll run out of money in, approximately, 9 days." He smirks maliciously, with unhidden spite - just like a little devil. "Then what? You don't even have an address. And you know the city hall will take their sweet fucking time to help you register - if they don't make you pay a fine first." He strokes your chin cruelly. "We both know just how much they care about clueless little foreigners with less than a penny to their name." He whispers, twisting the dagger in. "Hell, they may even cut your scholarship. And. then. what." Your ex pronounces each word slowly - making sure you can understand it, feel it - fear it.

You imagine your family back at home. You can hear their voices over the phone, your mom smiling as you tell her about your day, your father asking you what you plan to do after college - whether you will still remember them, whether you'd take care of them once they have nothing left, since you took everything with you. The money, the hopes, the happiness...

"F-fuck you..." You whimper faintly, falling against him. You feel defeated, and the sharp words are all you have left. "Why are you doing this to me?" You mumble to yourself, suddenly feeling drained to the very bone. The man begins stroking your hair as he rocks you gently to the side. "Because I love you." He slowly kisses down your neck. "Because I'm the only one in this city who gives a fuck about you, and-" You can feel his smile against your burning cheek. "Because you're mine."

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Soooo random but

I think that choso would be a total Baby when he’s sick. Especially since he’s only been human for a little bit. He hasn’t even expirenced a cold before. He’d probably get super clingy and whiny and need to be taken care of.

Crybaby Choso

Tags: Choso x gn!Reader, sick!choso, needy!choso, sfw, fluffy drabble

An: You're so right, anon. I totally see Choso just being a whiny little crybaby when he's sick, but he's cute so he gets away with it.

"Baby." A deep raspy voice pulls you from your slumber, but you're not mad. You'd know that voice from anywhere.

"Yes baby?" You ask groggily, not even opening your eyes yet.

"Something's wrong..." Choso responds, giving you another nudge so you'll finally open your eyes.

"Hm? What's wrong?" You murmur, using your hands to wipe the sleep from your eyes. It's pitch black in your room, and a quick glance at your phone reveals that it's 2 in the morning.

"I don't feel right. I think I'm dying." Your sweet boyfriend's voice sounds so panicked. You also remember the one time he thought he was going to die because he stubbed his toe on the couch one morning.

Your boyfriend is incredibly strong and a skilled fighter. He knows just how to be rough around the edges, and he's not afraid to get dirty. It's the little things about being human that turn him into such a whiny mess.

You don't mind though. It warms your heart that he feels safe enough around you to drop the tough curse persona. He lets you get a front row seat of his vulnerabilities.

"What doesn't feel right, baby?" You ask in a soft tone. Your hands find his naked body underneath the blankets. He never liked sleeping with clothes on. His body felt warm and feverish under your touch.

"My stomach feels uneasy, and my head is pounding. I also can't breathe through my nose." Ah, classic symptoms of the man-flu. Choso is likely sick, but he's new to being human... and he's a man, which makes him a total crybaby when he's sick.

"Oh, you poor thing. C'mere." You murmur to him, and he immediately scoots over to you, lying his heavy, sweaty body on you. "Not that close, Choso-" You grunt from lying underneath his weight.

"I need you, baby. What if these are our final moments?" He whines, causing you to let out a small giggle from his overdramatic personality.

"You're not going to die." You assure him with another small laugh before grabbing his jaw and directed his forehead to your lips. You feel the heat from his head tingle your skin. He is running a fever.

His breath is coming out in small pants. You hum softly as you rise from the bed. "Where are you going, baby?" Choso whines like a lost puppy as he immediately tries to follow you.

You place a firm hand on his shoulder, preventing him from getting up from the bed. "I'm not going anywhere. Relax, honey. You're running a fever, so I'm going to go get you some medicine." You try to reassure him, but he gives you those puppy-dog eyes and that cute little pout. You know he's just a needy mess right now. "Be right back, promise." You press a quick kiss to his temple before venturing off to the bathroom to look in the medicine cabinet.

With you assortment of brews and potions (warm tea, medicine, and a small bowl of chicken noodle soup), you come back into the bedroom to find Choso helplessly holding your pillow, cuddling it closely to his chest with tears brimming his eyes.

"You must be really feeling bad, honey. Look. I got you some stuff to help you feel better." You mumble softly to him as you crawl into the bed next to him.

"You took forever. I don't think I can live without you when I'm like this, baby. You have to call off work tomorrow." How can you say no to such a pitiful expression? His face is pale with the exception of his poor little nose, which is rosy tint from sniffling.

"Okay, baby. I'll stay home." You respond with a small laugh before he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you close.

"Can we cuddle and watch that show you really like, please?" He asks as his nose nudges at your neck, indulging his desire for your scent. He genuinely can't fathom going without you right now.

"Of course, baby. Whatever you want." You respond as you hand him the medicine and cup of tea. He, of course, makes a disgusted face as he tries to swallow the pills. Poor thing.

The rest of the week is dedicated to nursing poor Choso back to health through the power of kisses, cuddles, head petting, and Love is Blind. By the end of the week, he's back to his slightly-less-needy self..... aaaand you start to feel like shit! He ever so graciously passed his germs on to you.

[luveline]

Hi lovely!

Can you please do one where Hotch and Reader are in a fight and it gets heated and he maybe raises his hand just because he’s shouting and she flinches?

He would be prepared to FIGHT whoever made his honey feel that way 🗣️🗣️

💘

for you my sweetheart. fem, 1k

cw implied past domestic violence 

“It was right,” you're saying, on the defensive, your voice molten, “it was the thing to do!” 

“It wasn't.” Hotch closes the door. “It wasn't the right thing to do, it wasn't even close.” 

You realise, under everything, that he's right, but you couldn't help yourself, you had to try and save the day, had to swerve the SUV. Plus, he's done it himself, and you both know that. “If Monikie got out of that exit we never would've seen her again.” 

“There were roadblocks on the I–46, and I don't think I have to tell you that you could've gotten a lot of people seriously hurt–” 

“You've done worse,” you deny.

His expression, broadly furious, narrows into something sharper, “And that is my decision to make, but you report to me.” 

“You can't seriously want to act like a boss now,” you say. 

The room isn't overly large, and so you stand close to one another with no need for shouting, but your voices begin to overlap. Hotch is so angry. It isn't like him to yell at you, his voice strained. 

“You can't truly think that the decision you made today was the right one. You need to calm down, and you need to listen to me when I tell you that this was the wrong move. We'll talk about it more tomorrow.” 

“You're shrugging me off?” You could laugh. “You can't be serious. Every member of this team has done the same, or worse–” 

“But they're not you!” His voice peeks, his hand jolting out in front of his chest, flat-palmed in incredulity. 

You're really quite close to each other. 

It's not his fault. 

You step back, desperate to be away from the movement, the hand, because it doesn't register as his hand, only there's a chair behind you and a table behind that and you bump into the plastic with a creak and screech. You're righting yourself as quickly as you're tripping but Hotch is already moving away. Three steps that feel like a gorge. 

Your heartbeat soars. 

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly. 

“Of course.” You breathe out funny. It's not his fault, but there's something wired in your brain now, and it knows that the first strike isn't the last. Your hand shakes as you brush at an itch under your eyes. 

“I'm not mad,” he says. 

“You sounded pretty mad."

“I've changed my mind.” He gives you a long hard look, and then he moves to the office door to open it before returning to his initial position. He's given you an exit route. “I'm not going to hurt you,” he says. 

You put your hands on your hips and bend at the waist, breathing out hard. “Fuck, I know that."

“You thought I might.” 

“So profile me,” you say, panicking still, face hot and itchy all over. “Tell me why.” 

“Someone's hit you before. Enough to anticipate the second blow.” 

“But you knew that already, didn't you?” 

Your ears get cloudy like there's water in them and you can't stand the feeling of Hotch's gaze on the back of your head. You force yourself into a standing position and try to ignore what happened. 

“You're unfairly angry with me,” you say. 

Hotch just shakes his head at you. 

“It's… It's not a big deal,” you say, quieter. He already knew because of course he did, every member of the team gets checked. You have records, and he's in a position of power unlike most, he could've read them like the morning paper. 

“Why would you say that?” 

“I can still do my job.” 

“I wasn't going to suggest you couldn't.” 

Then why… why is he looking at you like that? You're humiliated enough, and his gaze is so… so soft. So sorry. Tears gather warm behind your eyes and your chest aches like you've been holding your breath. You frown, eyebrows lifting at the starts, not knowing if you should beg him to forget the whole thing or finally give in. 

“Come here,” he says gently. Completely optional, his fingertips twitching but stationery at his side. 

You stare resolutely at your shoes. 

“I'm sorry I scared you, it wasn't my intention. I can imagine how it feels. I'm not mad, honey,” he says. His voice drops to a murmur, “Come here,” he pleads. 

You take a clumsy handful of steps and he meets you in the middle, arms going carefully over your shoulders. You'd feel condescended by it if it weren't shockingly nice to be considered in such a way, or if the solid mass of his arms around you didn't soothe. You feel protected rather than boxed in, held, and not restrained. 

His hand slides open down the length of your back.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” he repeats, for your ears alone. 

“It's not like it was really you that scared me.” 

The memory scared you. The flinch was instinctive, less to do with Hotch and more to do with the connection between a moving hand and stinging pain. 

He hangs his head by your ear until his nose touches your shoulder, and for a few seconds, it's just you and him together, no fighting, and no fast-approaching hands. 

“You didn't scare me,” you mumble, hiding your face in his shoulder instead, forcing him to stand tall. 

Incoming footsteps cut your embrace short, but he doesn't pull away too swiftly. His hands grave the lengths of your arms, and he gives you a long, loaded look. Before you can calibrate the action to the man, he's chucking you under the chin, a stroke of his index knuckle, a promise of more to say. 

He catches Morgan before he can enter the room and directs him back out. “Take a minute,” he advises you. 

You sit in a chair and do as he's offered. Memory is a tricky thing. 

[bonbonly]

pairing: charles leclerc x f!reader ; tw: rough sex, lots of degrading

sugardaddy!charles leclerc just sent you a whopping check of 5 grand. he doesn't really say much to you during the day, but during the night he always demands that you call him right before you go to bed. he wants to hear your sweet voice. if he's having a good day, he'll ask you how your day went, what exciting things you did. his french accent's sounds like honey in your ears, and his little chuckle gets you all tipsy right before you sleep. if he's having a bad day, though? prepare to spend the entire night with your fingers in your cunt, and he's on FaceTime, making sure you don't cum without his permission. he wants to see you beg for him, to have him be your sole attention. your mind should only be on him and nothing else. who gave a fuck about your class tomorrow? for fuck's sake, he's paying your tuition to even attend those classes!

on one particular day when you're leaving class, he surprisingly texts you and asks if he can drop by your university. it's been a few weeks since he's last seen you. he has some gifts for you and he's planned to take you to some fancy restaurant.

your foolish self leaves him on read because your friends offered to finally take you to this concert, their brothers were also tagging along. and who doesn't love to ogle at their friend's hot brother? so not only did you leave him on read and ignore all his plans, you also forgot to call him right before you went to bed... which was at around 5 am in the morning after your friends and you partied the whole night. you might've also gave one of the boys a very sloppy blowjob in secret, but you were drunk and having fun, it didn't matter!

when you wake up the next morning, you realize what happened and in absolute fear of incurring his wrath, you don't call or text charles at all for the entire week. you didn't want to deal with him at the moment, you cared for him a lot of course you did! but you figured he'd let it slide in a week. he likes to text you a simple "sweet dreams mon ange" right before bed no matter what mood he was in; surely he'd get over it, right?

but then, this semester's housing hasn't been paid yet. charles was always on top of his game, he'd never wait until the deadline to pay. you figure that he must've forgot, so you call him but he's sent you straight to voicemail. with a frown, you hop into your car (a porsche 718 boxster that charles generously bought for you one night) and drive over to where he lives. you haven't seen your sugar daddy for a whole month now! you skip over to his front door, knocking eagerly because you desperately wanted to know why he didn't pay your housing.

you barely have time to speak because as soon as he opens that door, he's grabbing your arm and throwing you onto a sofa in the living room.

"oh i should've known you would be running to me as soon as i didn't pay one thing, pute" he snarls, and you're frowning at him. oh you made such a big mistake ignoring him for what? a month now?

"i go out of my way to buy you that car, to buy you expensive clothes... i pay for your tuition and housing, i pay for everything and yet you don't bother to notice me? i'm done, get out of my sight!" he yells, and you're scrambling to latch onto his feet,

"wait, wait, no, please! charles!" you notice his eyebrow raise at you in a condescending manner and you gulp, "mr. leclerc, i mean. please, please, i was just worried you'd get mad the first day when I ignored your text! i didn't mean for it to get out of hand!"

charles isn't convinced one bit, he's staring at you in frustration as a hand runs over his face. he snaps his fingers, gesturing for you to get up on your feet, "i don't think i can accept your words, you've destroyed my-"

"i'll suck your cock!" you blurt out, getting on your knees immediately. and he's chuckling darkly at your words, his hand rubbing the back of his neck as his other hand cups your chin to look up at him, his thumb running across your bottom lip,

"i could spend fortunes on your education, and the only thing you'd know is to please my cock, isn't that right ma chérie?" there's still an edge in his tone, but he sighs out loud, "i don't want your mouth, no i want your pussy, get up and head to my bedroom."

and you do so because you have your own selfish reasons, to be honest. you need him to pay for housing, you didn't want to end up living on the streets!

but as he's fucking you, his pace brutal and unforgiving, he never once mentions his deal to pay. he has your hair in a tight makeshift ponytail, watching your ass bounce with each thrust as his other hand is rubbing on your clit. you're cumming for the umpteenth time, bedsheets soaked with your sweat and juice. he has no signs of stopping, no he's going to have his fill after a month of not seeing you. your ass is red from all the spanking, you can hardly lay on your back because it's so bruised! your voice is hoarse from all your screaming, but he did offer you his cum to soothe the pain in your throat!

your hands are grabbing the sheets below you, sobbing uncontrollably as he's relentless. he's saying the vilest things above you as his hand now wraps around your throat,

"you're such a slut. maybe i should stop calling you mon ange, no you are far from angel. far from it. i bet you'd spread your legs for anyone you see, hm?"

you're shaking your head, telling him that he's the only man you ever think about the only man you ever wanted!

"don't fucking lie to me, i know what you did with those boys at the concert," and now you're confused as to how he even knew about that! he's shaking his head with a laugh as he watches you glance over your shoulder to look at him, "i should punish you harder for even thinking about sinking that mouth of yours onto another man - no - boy's cock, you whore. you just can't live without someone's cock inside you, can't you?"

"here's what's going to happen, you're going to talk to your housing and talk about cancelling for the term," his thrusts become harsher, and you're silently screaming at how good he feels, "i'm not paying for housing anymore. no, you're staying with me from now on. i can't trust you anymore, you'll throw yourself onto any man you see. you'll stay with me and every night before you go to bed, you're going to take my cock like the good little slut that you are, understood?"

you nod your head, milking his cock once more as he's filling you up with ropes of his cum. he groans out loud, head dipping to see your spent body. after he cleans you up, he has you sleep with him for the night, one arm around your waist as he pulls you closer to his frame. he inhales your smell, nuzzling into your neck; he could surely get used to do this now.

[nsharks]

bleeding blue | apocalypse au

part thirteen —other parts

pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader words: 3k tags: death. blood. cannibalism mention. zombies of course. AFAB reader. single dad ghost. there will be sex but it isn't here yet. slow burn!!! enemies to lovers. summary: After losing your companions, you run into a skull-masked man and his daughter. They are your last hope for survival.

"Twix."

Blue says your name in a single exhale of relief. You didn't expect her to be awake. She sits with her legs outstretched by a barely-there fire as you enter the cabin, the busted door groaning shut behind you. Fatigue sinks you to the floor beside her. You're about to curl your numb hands within the long sleeves of your new jacket, but the burn on your fingers makes you wince from the friction.

“You're filthy." She reaches for your hand, gently inspecting the burn. "And someone hurt you."

"Well, technically, I hurt them."

Blue shakes her head, the tone of her voice hardening the moment she drops your hand. "You shouldn't have gone."

"It was important—"

"It was stupid. You saw how those guys tried to kill us!" She huffs out a breath before snapping her gaze back to the flames. "You... you didn't tell me you were leaving. You didn't even say goodbye. I just woke up and you were gone.”

"I didn't want to wake you this morning because you needed rest,” you reason.

"That's a shitty excuse," she grumbles back, gesturing to the pink bracelet on her wrist. "I may not have a lot of friends, but I do know they're supposed to tell each other things like this."

Your eyes trail down from the burnt skin on your fingers, red and bubbly, to the cheap, plastic beads encompassing your wrist.

"You're right," you speak softly. "I should have told you."

A few minutes lapse in thick silence. In the midst of it, you swallow a few chalky pills to help with all the pain. You've been conservative in using them so far, but with your additional score of medicine, you figure you can afford some relief. There's no way you'll be able to sleep with your bitten wrist throbbing incessantly.

You're about to lean against the wall and let your eyes flutter shut when Blue speaks again, this time her voice so quiet you wonder if you're imagining it. 

"You know, I was excited to go on this trip," she whispers, still looking at the fire. "I even secretly hoped we'd run into other people, just because—" she pauses to swallow, "—because I never get to meet any. And the ones we have met, my dad always kills. Except for you."

She drags her sleeve over her face and it’s now you notice she is crying. A knot forms in your throat and, after the day you've had, you struggle to find the right words. 

"He kills them for a reason," you settle on, voice equally hushed. "A lot of people are—"

"A threat, I know." Blue repeats the words like a bitter mantra, then looks at her bandaged leg. "What does it feel like?" she asks after a moment, sliding her glossy eyes to yours. “Killing a person. Ghost told me it feels just like killing an animal or a Grey."

You inhale, then fix your stare to the dark ceiling. "No— I don't think it feels the same. It's much worse. I still get sick from it,” you admit.

"How many have you killed?"

"I don't remember anymore, but not that many." Certainly not as many as Ghost has. "It was always in self-defense. Always because I had to."

"I wish nobody ever had to," she says.

"I know. Me, too.”

With a sigh, she carefully scoots closer to you. "I'm sorry for getting mad. I just want to go home.”

"Don't be sorry. I’m the one who is sorry." You shake your head and offer her a shoulder until both of you have your backs against the wall. Her hair tickles your cheek. A small hand slips around your waist in a tender embrace, her fingers latching onto the fabric of the jacket. The sore muscles of your core flex instinctively from the touch before you finally force yourself to relax. It’s just Blue.

"Your dad says we're going back tomorrow,” you whisper, jaw grazing the crown of her head. “Sleep. It'll be a long day again."

"A long day for you maybe," she murmurs against your shoulder. "I get to ride on his back."

"Lucky you." You drape the heavy blanket over your bodies. Together you are warmer, if only by a little. 

Deft wind whooshes through the trees, kissing your wet skin. Splotches of wriggling orange and red follow the water's current, along with a trail of brown muck as you scrub your breasts, hair, and cheeks. The sight of fish makes your stomach grumble. It's been far too long since you've had anything but squirrel and deer and berries, but this is not the time or place to ponder a way to catch one. The blue wash of early morning lightens with each second that passes. You wring out your hair, rewrap your wrist, and put your clothes back on before carefully climbing up the slope, satisfied enough with your icy bath.

"Ready," you announce, blowing a white breath into your hands and rubbing them together. Ghost crouches down so Blue can teeter onto his back. The backpack full of ammo hugs his front. He appears exceptionally bulky with all the baggage, and yet, he makes it look effortless.

Together, you head towards the infamous bridge, if one could call it that. Silvery fog makes it hard to see more than ten meters ahead of you, but Ghost seems to have the area memorized. Your hands ball up in your pockets, feeling empty and useless. With no bow, you have to rely on Ghost to get you back. It's a weird thing. Though, you suppose if there's anyone you'd want to be stuck out here with, it would be him. His presence alone offers more safety than the measly knife around your ankle.

"Ghost, we should go behind her," Blue says when you reach the beam.

He steps aside to allow you on first. "Try not to go for a swim this time."

A flush of pink bites your cheeks, though you blame it on the cold. It's hard to believe just four days ago you slipped off this thing. With his hands preoccupied, Ghost can't hold onto your shoulders like before, but he lingers close behind and repeatedly orders you to keep your eyes on the bank. 

Once you're all across, a calm quiet settles, a vast contrast to how talkative Blue was the first time around. It makes you absentmindedly pick the skin around your nails. By the time you reach the road, you've looked behind your shoulder at least ten times, half-expecting to spot a burnt face hiding among the trees. Squirrels prattle by. A starling calls above your head. But no people. You force your eyes onward and take a deep breath.

"So, uh, would you rather get mauled by a bear," you break the silence, stepping over a stray tire, "—or be struck by lightning?"

It takes a second for Blue to respond. "Oh. That's a good one. Do I have a gun while the bear attacks me?"

"No. No weapons. Just you and the bear."

"Then lightning." She pats Ghost's shoulder. "Could you take a bear?"

"On a good day, maybe," he answers.

"What about you, Twix?"

"No," you instantly scoff, kicking at a rock. "A bear would rip me apart. I would choose lightning because it'd be quick."

"Okay, I have one," Blue quips. "Would you rather be ripped in half, or fall off a tall building?"

"Ripped in half by what?" Ghost asks, tilting his head back.

"It doesn't matter." You can hear the roll of her eyes.

"It does matter. Might change my answer."

"Fall off a building," you interject. "The way down would suck, but I bet you don't feel a thing once you hit the ground."

"But you'd look like a dead bug," says Blue.

"I don't care what I look like. I'll be dead."

Ghost clears his throat. "My turn, then."

"No! You have to pick one," she exclaims. 

"Building," he drawls. A shadow of movement passes to the right of you. You naturally flinch closer to them, but it's just a doe hunkering down tall weeds that reach out of the concrete. A chuff of breath leaves your lips as you look away, only to find Ghost staring at you. For a few seconds, his eyes flicker between you and the deer before he goes back to focusing straight ahead. 

"Would you rather," he begins, "—chop off all your fingers, or take out your own eyes?"

"What do I use to take out my eyes?" Blue asks.

"Knife."

"I guess my eyes," she winces. "I mean, I'd rather get rid of two things than ten."

They both glance at you expectantly. A frigid gust of northern air takes hold of your hair, so you tuck the unruly strands behind your ears. "Uh, fingers," you decide after a moment. "I could probably live without them."

In the village, the air stinks enough for Ghost to come to a halt. Before, he was able to pass right through. This time, a group of fourteen or fifteen Greys seems to be trapped on the main street between a crumbled wall and a fallen telephone pole. He has to decide between expending ammo or time. It's not long before he nods to a small building and the three of you scale the rusted fire escape. From the safe distance of the roof, he takes out the Greys one by one with an accuracy that barely leaves a dent in the ample stockpile of cartridges. With the route cleared, he's saved at least an hour or two of precious daylight. 

The fog lifts. The ambery sun tries to peek through the clouds, but the sky is bent on staying grey. By the time you are back, your blisters have blisters. Blue has fallen asleep, cheek smushed against the back of Ghost's neck. Relief, thick and palpable, tastes sweet on your tongue. The fence, the rabbit hutch, the much-cozier cabin; none of it is home to you, but still, it calls your name in a welcoming coo. 

You have to aim Ghost's flashlight so he can unlock the gate. Blue stirs, but her eyes remain closed even when he pushes inside the cabin. It's shrouded in darkness. You prop the flashlight on the table as his boots scuffle against the floor.

He puts her to bed. As he does, you feel around for the sofa and nearly choke when your worn fingertips graze shabby fabric. Not icy water or solid wood or muddy ground, but something soft. You're about to sink into it, your bones desperate for the springy cushions, when he returns to the threshold of the hallway with an ugly, flannel sheet in his hands. 

"Here."

It's hard to be certain if you thank him or not; your brain conjures up the words, but your voice doesn't seem to function quite right. One thing is certain: you accept the sheet, tuck it on with urgency, and then lay down, burying your face in the crook of the pillow and arm. You kick off your boots and let the darkness take you, swift and heavy. It could be a coma or death disguised as sleep, and you figure you'd still slip into it without fuss. 

Those first days back are quiet. Blissfully uneventful. You sleep and sleep. In fact, you don't move from the couch except to relieve yourself and eat a little. Ghost and Blue don't seem to do much, either. Or maybe you just don't notice.

At one point, you wake up to a small stack of shirts beside the couch. All black. One long sleeve, the rest short. You change into one and continue sleeping. 

At another point, Blue hovers above you with a whisper that draws out a groan from you. "Hey. Ghost is making me skin some rabbits. Apparently, it's the only chore I can't get out of. Do you want to help me?"

"I think I'm good." You stuff the pillow over your face to make your point. 

"You've been sleeping for three days, you know."

"I could go for another three."

She takes the hint and staggers away. Walking now. You hear her right leg drag a little.

The sleep is good until it's not.

On the fifth night, you're no longer fatigued enough to keep the dreams squandered. They start as whispers. Hoarse and gritty. Then they get louder and louder, shouting your name until they are so loud it feels like someone is screaming in your ear. Different voices blend into an indecipherable cacophony. One screams in pain; another in anger. You feel someone's cold fingers take hold of your neck and are finally pried awake, flying up against the couch with fiery pants burning through your lungs. But all that's there is a dark room.

Sweat clings to every inch of you. It feels like everything is on fire, and all you want to do is cool down. You haven't bathed since the river. Catching your breath, you swing your legs down and quietly pad to the bathroom where you hope a little water is left. Luckily, in the glint of moonlight, you find a bucket used for washing hands and scoop some to your face. Then, you comb it through your sweat-laced hair. 

You unwrap your wrist and brush your fingers over the bite. You dab some water on it. You can't see well, but you feel the constellation of congealed scabs beneath your fingertips. Scars. Wounds. Your nostrils flare as a you wonder if one day you'll be so covered in them you won't even look like yourself. It's a good thing there is not enough light to spot the reflection of your face in the mirror, because you're not thrilled to greet the one now on your brow.

On your way out of the bathroom, something solid and immobile blocks your path. You startle backward, sucking in air as you peer up at a masked face. Ghost. It's Ghost. You haven't spoken to him since getting back, and in this moment, you long for the ability to push past him, but his wide shoulders consume the narrow hall. 

It's silly to think you can avoid him when you sleep in the same space now. The thing is— you have no idea what to think of him. Before, it was easy to settle on fear of how easily he could snap your neck, and annoyance for how he treated you. And then, when forced to, you could engage in a pragmatic conversation about how to keep yourselves alive.

But now, you don't know what you are supposed to feel around him, and you have spent zero time reflecting on it so far.

"Sorry. I was just, uh, washing my face."

"In the middle of the night?" he rasps, tilting his gaze down.

You teeter back a step, keeping a healthy bubble of space between your bodies. You're not sure why he hasn't just moved out of the way, or what he would be up and about for at this hour, but briefly, you wonder if he is suspicious of you. If after everything you went through, he still thinks you're trying to do something and might send you back to the shed. The three of you relieve yourself outside the cabin since the plumbing doesn't work, so it certainly does seem odd that you'd be in the bathroom during the night. 

"I was sweating a lot." Inwardly, you curse at yourself. "I mean, I haven't bathed since we got back, and I..." You trail off in a whisper.

"And you what?"

"I don't know." You fiddle with the hem of the oversized shirt he gave you. "I'm not trying to kill you or your daughter in your sleep, though, if that's what you're thinking."

He simply stares at you. It feels like he can see right through you, and your eyes drop to your wool socks. Then, he murmurs, “I wasn't thinking that."

"Okay," you reply carefully. "Could you... please move, then?"

Finally, he steps out of the way, but you feel the burn of his eyes on your skin as you brush past him. 

"Twix."

You pause, looking back. "Yes?"

A shake of his head. And then: "Take a proper bath tomorrow. You could use it.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Will do." 

With that, you crawl back onto the couch.

[too-much-tma-stuff]

Finally Getting Help (prt. 10)

Mastterpost

A/N: Thank you all for the well wishes about my dog. Unfortunately he didn't make it and pass away Tuesday morning in the vet's office. I was able to get some writing done but I don't have the energy to edit. Let me know if you find any mistakes.

-----

Jason: hey, thanks for the gun and the tech, it's really cool.

Danny: new phone who dis 😝

Jason: I hope you haven't given too many people guns in the last couple days.

Danny: no I haven't, thanks for texting me Jason. Have you got a chance to try the gun?

Jason: not on anything moving, I've been doing some target practice to get a feel for it though. Looking forward to when I can test it on Vlad.

Danny: aww are you going to avenge my honor 🥺

Jason: if you want me too. I'll bring you his head if you want me too.

Danny: 🥰 you're so sweet. I wouldn't say no to seeing him suffer for what he's done but don't get yourself in any trouble okay? And if you do call me right away. I'll come rescue you 😘

Jason: hey I'm the one offering to protect you! 

Danny: we can protect each other. And fight each other, can you come spar again soon?

Jason: I wouldn't call that sparring, more like brawling.

Danny: eh potato potato, do you want to come fight me again?

Jason: if demon brat won't kill me for it, sure. Can I take you out for dinner afterwards? I have some questions

Danny: It's a date! Just tell me when

Jason: Day after tomorrow? I have some work to take care of first.

Danny: Sounds great! And it is a date right? You don't mind that I'm going to have kids?

Jason: the kids aren't a deal breaker I promise but let's not jump the gun okay? We're going to be family through B so we don't want this to blow up in our faces. Let's hang out, take it slow, see how it goes. You need to be careful about who you let into your life now anyway, you can't just let anyone around you and the babies.

Danny: don't tell me what to do 😠 but you're right. I'm bad about rushing into things. I'm still looking forward to it.

Danny: By the way Jazz uploaded the power point she made about Liminals and Ghosts to the bat’s server thing. You have access to that right? You should read that before we meet and I can fill in the gaps.

Jason: Sounds good, I’ll have a look at it and I’m looking forward to it too. I'll be there at 5 so we can spar before dinner. Don't forget to warn B and your guard dog.

Danny: Damian is a good kid. I'll let them know.

Danny stared at his new phone Tim had given him with apprehension. The chat with Jason had gone very well, and Danny was glad he reached out but there were other people he really needed to reach out to and he was… frankly scared. Sam and Tucker were his best friends and had always been there for him but they both had tempers. Would they be mad that he hadn’t told them he was pregnant? Would they be upset he had left Amity and wasn’t planning on coming back?

He needed to reach out though, the longer he waited the harder it would be to talk to them, and things wouldn’t stay calm as they were now. Vlad would be back to cause trouble again and even though the JLD had control of the portal but he was sure his rogues would find their way through eventually. Vlad had his own portal anyway, and Danny wouldn’t put it past him to open it just to annoy Danny. Maybe try and weaken him a little so Vlad could swoop in and pick him off.

Today was quiet, he needed to take this chance. He sighed and got up off the edge of his bed where he was sitting and ducked out of his room. He didn’t want to do this alone, so he wasn’t surprised when he found himself in the library where Jazz was studying. 

He sat down across from her and reached across, laying his hand, palm up on the table. Without looking up from her book she reached over and placed her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He smiled at her and took a deep breath before putting on his earbuds and sending a message in the group chat.

Danny: When you guys are ready can we call?

Jazz phone went off too and she checked it, smiled at Danny, and then silenced the chat and went back to her book. She didn’t need to be part of this call but at least she knew what he was doing. 

Sam: Yes, let me just grab Tuck. He’s playing Doomed.

Danny took a deep breath and put down his phone while he waited for them to call and tried not to panic.

When the phone buzzed he jumped and reached for it, joining the call quickly. 

“Hey guys,” He said, awkwardly, waving with the hand that wasn’t holding the phone.

“Hey yourself! What the heck happened Danny?! Basically the whole town joined in in chasing Vlad when we found out what he did but why did we have to find out on tv?! Why didn’t you tell us?!” Sam said, but at least she just seemed stressed, not actually angry.

“I’m sorry guys,” Danny said, wincing a little when he heard Tucker sniffling a little. “I hadn’t told anyone yet. I hadn’t even fully accepted it yet honestly.

“I still wasn’t ready to talk about it, bur Cass is really good at reading people's body language and I guess she clocked that I was carrying them by how I kept unconsciously touching my stomach. When she asked me about it it sorta broke through my denial and I broke down which started the ball rolling on… all this,” He said with a vague gesture.”

“All this is right!The justice league really brought the hammer down on Amity. They’re dismantling the GIW and really pissed at the government and basically all the adults in the town for letting this happen. And they arrested your parents!” Sam said sounding almost excited.

“Sam! That was really insensitive! They’re still his parents, what if he didn’t know!?” Tucker broke in furiously. 

“No it’s alright I knew, Jazz told me. She’s here with me,” He said squeezing her hand though she wasn’t paying attention to the call.

“Okaaay so where is Here?” Tucker asked warily. 

“Ya are you safe? We haven’t seen you since all this went down! Are you really with Bruce Wayne?” Sam asked sounding wary.

“Yes I am. He’s got a foster license and since his kids were the one that found out what was going on it just made sense that I’d stay here.”

“And he’s Not another Fruitloop?” Sam asked warily. “You need to be careful with these rich people you know? They’re basically all crazy!”

“Sam you’re rich,” Danny pointed out, amused. 

“Ya, and? My point stands!”

“Fair enough,” Danny laughed. “But no, I did some snooping the first night I was here and it seems okay. And since he’s got close ties to the Justice League he was able to get the help we really needed, and he says he might be able to help me meet Martian Manhunter!”

“Don’t fanboy out too bad,” Tucker teased him.

“Oh ya? And what if I helped you meet Tim Drake? Would you not be just as bad,” Danny accused Tucker.

“Touche,” Tucker said. “Could you though?”

“I mean maybe? He’s my foster brother now and he seems cool. You two are my best friends, if I’m going to stay I’m sure you could come visit me and meet all of them.” 

“Are you really going to stay there though? I mean once the GIW and everything is cleared out you could stay with either of us. I know my parents aren’t your biggest fans but I know they’d let you stay,” Sam said sounding worried. 

“And I know my family doesn't have a ton of money but they adore you, we’d make it work,” Tucker added looking worried.

“No, guys I really appreciate the offer but… I don’t want to come back to Amity. The Justice League said they shut down the portal and I really need a fresh start I think. I think I’d rather stay here. Jazz too, she’s gonna study at Gotham U and intern at Arkham,” He said. She looked up at the mention of her name and gave him a small smile.

“I’m sorry, you guys are my best friends and I’ll miss you, but there are too many… memories in Amity you know?”

“Ya I get that,” Sam said, looking sad and distant.

“We can still call, and play Doomed together, and visit on breaks!” Tucker said, his chipper tone sounding a little forced. “We’re going to say friends!” He insisted and Danny smiled.

“Of course we will Tuck,” He promised. They might grow apart with the distance between them, but he hoped not, they really were his best friends.

“Ya, my parents will probably be thrilled about this development and want me to come over all the time. They love the Waynes,” Sam chuckled though her optimism also seemed a bit forced. Of course she was more of a pessimist, she probably thought they would drift apart, but knew Danny needed them right now. 

“Soo what’s been going on in Amity since I left?” Danny asked, letting them ramble about the drama, the rumours, and the bullshit that was the bullies and everyone in the school sudden;y pretending they cared about Danny soooo much.

After they finished telling him about it there were a few beats of silence and Danny was just about to suggest they hang up when Sam spoke up again. 

“So, what actually happened with Vlad? If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but…”

“No, it’s okay. It’s not what- what you’d think. It’s superhero bullshit really. When I wouldn’t be his son he decided to try and clone me, you met Dani with an I right? She was one of the clones. But he didn’t know I was trans, and my DNA got all fucked up in the portal so none of the clones were stable. I have no idea how many he tried to make that died. But when I found out it was because he had lied to Dani and told her he needed me to stabilize her clone brothers. It was a batch of ten.

“But he lied, he didn’t actually care about stabilizing them, he was going to let them all die. I was only able to save the two that were most stable and only by taking their cores into myself. So I’m not normal pregnant, I’m ghost pregnant. 

What is my life huh?” He finished, chuckling awkwardly. 

“Oh fuck,” Sam said her shoulders slumping a little even as her expression went through a range of emotions. “That’s better in a way but still a whole different type of fucked up! I hope they catch him soon.”

“I hope so too but I don’t think they will,” Danny said with a shrug. “Not before he tries something else. I’m not lucky enough to be able to just move past this,” He said with a bitter little laugh.

“Well, we can still hope. And even if he does cause trouble you have more allies now! You’ve been able to handle everything else he’s thrown at you basically on your own, with the Justice League behind you I know there’s nothing you can’t handle. I mean, Vlad is kind of pathetic anyway,” Tucker encouraged making Danny smile. 

“Ya, you’re right, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Thanks guys,” he said fondly. 

“Of course dude! We’re here for you!” Tucker said.

“It’s really good to hear from you too. Don’t be a stranger okay?” Sam said, a bit worried.

“Of course not, I’ll keep you posted I promise.” Danny assured before they said their goodbyes and he hung up. 

He put down his phone and leaned back with a sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. Next to him Jazz chuckled and there was a soft snap as she closed her book. 

“You did well little brother,” She told him, getting up from her seat she moved behind him and rested her hands on his shoulders.

“How do you know? You weren’t listening.”

“No, but you reached out to your friends and had an honest conversation which isn’t easy. You did well,” She reiterated, squeezing his shoulders.

“Well thanks Jazz. I hope that they’re right that we won’t lose touch, and I’ll be able to handle whatever Vlad does,” He grumbled. 

“I’m sure we will,” Jazz promised. “And either way there’s no point in worrying about it now. Has Jason texted you yet?” She asked, giving Danny the excuse he needed to change the subject and launch into his more petty worries about the upcoming date as she sat back down to listen.

Next

[unclewaynemunson]

Eddie can hear from Steve's breathing that he's sleeping deeply and he's wondering how the hell he can possibly be asleep right now. His own mind is spinning and he kinda feels like he might throw up soon. Steve went to sleep with his back to Eddie and now Eddie can do nothing but stare at his silhouette in the dark.

He doesn't really understand what happened: they had this big fight and the word slipped out of his mouth before he even realized it did. The one word he had promised Steve to never say to him. And then Steve stormed out and Eddie just fucking stood there, unable to move and nauseous as hell, tears prickling behind his eyes. By the time his brain started working again and he realized he should probably go look for Steve, he could already have gone anywhere.

Half an agonizing hour later he returned; Eddie didn't give a shit about their stupid fight anymore and tried to apologize, but Steve... wouldn't let him. I know you didn't mean it like that, was all he said. It's okay, but I'm really exhausted, so let's go to bed first and talk about it in the morning.

The worst part is that he doesn't know what he should prepare himself for. Steve has never done anything like this before, but Eddie sure as hell recognizes the signs: waving him off, attempting to make him feel safe, so he'll let his guard down and then it'll all come crashing down on him. He can hear his mother's voice again, so clearly that she might as well be standing right at his bedside:

No, of course I'm not mad at you, Eddie. You couldn't help it, it's not your fault.

Have you already forgotten about what you've done, Eddie? Looks like I have to punish you after all.

The worst one had been after his dad got locked up, five whole years of jailtime ahead of him. He had never been behind bars for more than a couple months on end before. And Eddie had been with him when it happened. No, worse: he had run away.

You couldn't help it, Eddie, you were scared, and you couldn't have gotten him out of it anyway.

He had been grateful for his mom's understanding words, had finally lowered his guard when she even made him a hot cocoa before bed. It only took one restless night of sleep until he'd find out what she really thought about him: a coward, a sissy, someone who didn't know what loyalty was. Didn't he love his father? Would he like to see his own dad rot in jail? She was often cruel with her words, but the times she was cruel with her hands were a rarity.

Eddie had never viewed Steve as being anything like his mother, but with yesterday's events in his mind and Steve unreachable on the other side of the bed, he supposes it's more than justified. However shit will go down tomorrow morning, he will most certainly deserve it.

------

He must've somehow drifted off in the early hours before morning, because he wakes up to light pouring through the windows and - an empty space on Steve's side of the bed.

He quietly slips out from under the blankets and tiptoes to the door, but when he peers around the corner, he finds the living room empty. Upon further inspection, the kitchen and the bathroom both turn out to be abandoned as well. Steve's nowhere to be seen. A new wave of nausea washes over Eddie when he realizes that things must be even worse than he was expecting.

He remembers those times, too: the times when his mother would disappear, sometimes for a couple hours, sometimes for days on end. When he was little, he'd get hungry. As he grew older and learned to take care of himself, he'd only get scared. When she'd finally get back, she'd tell him that he shouldn't be so dramatic, that surely she'd told him where she was off to and for how long she'd be gone. Sometimes, she'd even tell him that no, she hadn't been away for three days, she had only gone to the store, what the hell was he talking about?

When the realization hits him that Steve might never come back - the same realization that used to cause the paralyzing fear whenever his mom disappeared - it becomes difficult to breathe. He staggers and stumbles into the bedroom, where he starts randomly pulling the doors of their closets and dresser drawers open in a desperate attempt to see if all of Steve's clothes are still there. His polos are hanging in a neat row in the closet, and his underwear dresser is filled just fine. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom, just like his shaving cream and his medication: that should be enough confirmation that at least he'll come back but maybe that's exactly what he wants Eddie to think and he can't breathe anymore and -

-------

A good night's sleep and a morning run are the perfect cure for just about everything, if you ask Steve. He comes home all sweaty and short of breath, but feeling better than he has in days. His head is clear and yesterday's fight suddenly seems almost insignificant. He opens the door, ready to make some coffee and finally properly talk with Eddie, who was still fast asleep when he left the house two hours ago.

But when he calls out a "Hi, babe!" the apartment stays eerily quiet. There's no trace of Eddie in the kitchen, nor in the living room, and Steve wonders if maybe he has gone out to get some snacks. He shrugs and walks into the bedroom to take off his sweaty sports clothes - and chuckles quietly to himself when he sees the mop of dark curls above the blanket.

'Eddie, it's almost noon, man,' he says while walking up to the bed. It's only then that he notices that all their drawers and closets are opened, as if Eddie had been frantically searching for something.

'Have you been sleepwalking again?'

He goes to sit down on the bed, right next to the lump of the blanket that is Eddie's sleeping body. When Eddie still doesn't move, Steve gently combs a hand over the curls and then pulls back the blanket.

'Hey there.'

He traces a thumb over Eddie's cheek, which finally causes him to jolt up. Steve immediately clocks that there's a look on his face that can only be described as concerning: something frantic and fearful is radiating from those big brown eyes he knows so well.

'You came back,' Eddie sighs out when he sees it's Steve who woke him.

Steve frowns. 'Of course I came back. Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?'

'How long were you -'

There are tears in Eddie's eyes now, and he looks more scared than Steve has seen him look in years.

'Oh, baby, it's okay, I'm here,' he says, opening his arms to catch Eddie in an embrace. 'I was only gone on a run. Yesterday was pretty intense, remember? So I wanted to clear my head while you were sleeping in. I've only been away for two hours or so.'

Eddie slumps heavily against Steve's chest; his whole body is trembling like a leaf.

'What happened, baby?'

'What day is it?'

'Jesus, Eddie, you're scaring me. It's Saturday.'

Eddie lifts up his head; his cheeks are red and puffy and wet.

'Saturday?' Eddie repeats, voice sharp and frantic again. 'Is that true? Are you telling the truth?'

'Yes, what's going on, Eddie? Why would I - oh.' He doesn't need to finish that question to understand exactly what's happening, and he quietly curses himself for being so blind to it. 'Oh, fuck, Eddie, I didn't mean to - I'm so sorry.'

Not giving a shit about his sweaty sports clothes, he pushes Eddie a little bit to make space and crawls under the blanket beside him. He pulls him in his arms, cradling his head with his hand, and keeps repeating sweet-nothings like I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and I love you and I'm sorry for scaring you until Eddie has finally stopped trembling and his breathing is back to normal again.

'You're here,' Eddie finally says. His voice is creaky in a way that's breaking Steve's heart.

Steve leans forward to press a kiss against his temple.

'I'm here,' he repeats. 'And I promise you I would never do anything like the shit your mother used to pull, alright?'

'Watch out with that,' Eddie says. 'I also promised to never call you bullshit.'

Steve utters a sound that's somewhere between a sniff and a huff. 'Was that - a joke? Did you seriously just go from full breakdown to cracking jokes?'

Eddie hums something unintelligible and lets his eyes fall close while he nestles himself into a more comfortable position in Steve's arms.

'Why did you think I would ever do something like your mom?' Steve's question is almost a whisper.

Eddie sighs deeply. 'Because yesterday,' he says, burying his head against Steve's chest. 'It was too easy. You should've been mad, but you forgave me right away. And then you went to sleep with your back towards me and I - I had the whole night to spiral further about it. And then I woke up and you weren't there and - I dunno, my head was running wild, man.'

Too easy. That's exactly what it feels like, sometimes, with Eddie. To hear him say bullshit and know he doesn't do it to intentionally hurt him. To have a fight and know that they still love each other through it all. To come home in the apartment they share and have coffee together every day. It's too easy, too good to be true. Not something either of them ever thought they could have with someone. But they do. Even if they both take their damaged hearts with them. Even if they've both been raised on cruelty instead of love. Maybe it's not too easy after all; maybe they simply need to learn the difference between easy and too easy. Maybe easy is exactly what they deserve to share with each other.

Steve brushes some stray hairs out of Eddie's face. His cheeks are still swollen and his eyes are red. And it's never been easier to love him.

[roosterforme]

Always Ever Only You Part 23 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley realizes there's some good news and some bad news. The good news is he's deeply in love with his wife who likes to be adventurous in the bedroom. And the bad news from the mechanic? He'd actually rather not mention that to you.

Warnings: Swearing, smut, anal play, anal sex, fluff, mentions of mission details

Length: 5200 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

"Bradley! What did you do?!"

Your shitty little car's center console was loose, propped up by Bradley's booted foot like it was on a hinge. If he moved his foot up, the whole thing went with it. "I didn't do anything," he replied, removing his foot and letting the large piece of your car interior settle back down like he was completely innocent here. 

You reached up from his lap and moved the console with your hands, and you gasped at the result. "You destroyed it!" Then you lifted it up higher and turned back to him with flashing eyes. "I can see the ground through the gigantic hole in my car!"

He winced. If you were upset when your car ended up in the shop last year while he was using it, you'd almost certainly be even more pissed off because of this. "I'll take it to my mechanic on Monday. He fixed it for you last time."

You nodded with some uncertainty, but you wrapped him up in your arms and kissed him. "Yeah... he fixed it last time. I'm just happy you're home. I made Marry Me Rooster and birthday cake for you." Bradley was practically panting at the feel of your fingers pushing back through his hair again. "And we can relax all day tomorrow." 

For the first time in a week, he felt calm and sated. The adrenaline rush had finally worn off a bit, and right now he was exhausted. It was nearly midnight. His birthday was almost over. But if you wanted him to eat dinner and have cake with you at one in the morning, he would. 

"Let's go home," he whispered. With one more kiss, you opened the back door and climbed off of his lap. When Bradley went to follow suit, he hit his head on the door frame and nearly landed on his face. "Fuck," he grunted, rubbing the top of his head. Great. Your car was poised and ready for revenge. He was going to offer to drive just in case there was something truly wrong with the thing, but he was a little afraid. He asked anyway. "You want me to drive?"

You just gave him a look. "I think you've done enough, Roo. And even though I love you, my car does not."

"That's fair." He kissed your forehead and yawned as he walked around to the passenger side. The engine started up for you without any issue, but it took you and him both pulling on the shifter to get it into reverse. And then your car made a horrible loud noise as you backed out of the parking spot. 

Bradley had a very bad feeling about this.

-------------------------

It took you twice as long to get home as it should have. Your car sounded like it was begging for mercy every time you so much as tapped the gas pedal. It was a strage, loud whirring sound, and Bradley was looking at you with big, innocent baby cow eyes. 

There was a gap between the center console and the floor of your car, and you wondered how on earth he managed to push on it hard enough to rip it clean off like that. It was almost comical. You husband was huge, and he'd apparently put all of his size into fucking you just right. 

You laughed as you pulled into the driveway next to the Bronco. "So you're not too mad?" he asked quietly as he helped you push the shifter again.

"I'm not mad," you promised. "Your mechanic can fix it next week. We'll just need to share the one car until then."

Bradley leaned in to kiss you and said, "I will take care of it, Sweetheart." 

Once you made it to the front door, his lips were all over your neck as you tried to unlock it. He was being sweet and soft now even though you were sure he could tell you were flustered with need again. Even the rough fabric of his duffel rubbing against your leg was almost too much. "I love you," he murmured against your earlobe as you finally pushed the door open. But you could tell he was tired, and you weren't the only one who was excited to see him. 

Tramp came bounding out onto the porch, whimpering and whining as Bradley knelt and got his face licked. "Yeah, I missed you, too," he told the dog as he carried him inside. "Did you have fun with mommy?" Tramp kept running to his leash and begging, but Bradley said, "I'm not taking you for a walk in the middle of the night. We can go tomorrow."

"Are you hungry?" you asked, feeling a little silly for getting yourself so excited to feed your husband when it was so late. But you made a huge batch of Marry Me Rooster, and of course he insisted he wanted his birthday meal. 

"I'm always hungry for this and for you," he said, pulling you onto his lap at the dining room table. He took a bite of chicken and grunted softly, and you leaned in to kiss along his cheekbone as he chewed. He had dark circles under his eyes, and you knew he was going to need to rest tomorrow.

"You want to tell me about your super secret special mission?" you asked him while he ate. He took a few more bites and set his fork down with a sigh before he answered. 

His voice was careful as he said, "I really can't say much, even to you."

Your eyebrows shot up and your hands shook a little as you played with his hair. "Was it successful?"

"Yes," he replied immediately, which took the chill out of your body. "We had to... aid in hostage retrieval."

"Oh my god," you whispered, wrapping your arms around his chest and snuggling against him. You knew better than to ask for any more details than that. If the stakes were that high, no wonder he came back a bit of a needy mess. You could just imagine him on the aircraft carrier after completing his flight, adrenaline thrumming through his body. You rubbed your hand along his side as he finished the rest of the food on his plate.

"Thanks for my birthday dinner."

You smiled at him. "I'm just happy you're home. Do you want to save the cake and your present for tomorrow?"

"Please." His voice was soft, and his eyes closed against the feel of your fingers. You led him to the bedroom, taking the time to dig his toothbrush out of his duffle so he could get ready for bed. His new notebook was in there as well, and you flipped through it to see that he'd filled about a third of it up with his writing. But you could save that for later. 

You pulled your dress over your head and tossed it in the hamper as Bradley walked back into the bedroom from the bathroom. "Ready for bed?" you asked, standing there completely naked. He just examined every inch of you, his eyes taking you in. It never really occurred to you to be self conscious around him, and when he brought his hand up to rub his cock through his boxer briefs, your lips parted on a soft sound. 

He slowly raised his left hand which was hanging at his side, and as soon as he pointed at the bed, you were in it. Bradley stepped out of his underwear and left them in the middle of the floor, his hand wrapped around his cock as he climbed right on top of you. "Yeah?" he rasped with a grin. You supposed even through his exhaustion, he still had a little left in the tank for you, and you couldn't help but smile up at him. 

"Yes." You spread your legs wide, and he buried himself inside you, uncaring that he'd filled you up barely two hours ago and left you a mess. He was doing it again, and he was doing it oh so well.  

"Missed you," he whispered, the snap of his hips making you moan. "Missed our bed and your body and your pretty face." You watched as he took his silicone ring off and tossed it aside while he fucked you. Then his lips dipped down to your breasts before they found his wedding band where it rested against the front of your neck on your chain. 

He fucked you until he came, kissing and licking the ring, bucking his cum deeper inside you with his eyes closed. You rolled him onto his back and sat up with him still buried deep. He was all soft smiles and comically boneless limbs beneath you as he stroked your thighs. "Can I have my ring?"

You reached for the clasp of your chain and slid it past your pretty charms. Then you secured your necklace once more before reaching for his left hand. You slipped it on his finger and kissed him there as he caressed your cheek. But his eyes were already closed, and he was sound asleep by the time you went to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

-------------------------------

When Bradley opened his eyes, his stomach was growling so loudly, he thought that might have been what woke him up. He was so damn comfortable, finally back in his own bedroom. "Baby Girl?" he rasped, wanting to just go back to sleep, but needing you with him. 

Then he noticed the absolutely delicious smell coming from the kitchen and groaned. His stomach was growling so much, it hurt as he climbed out of bed and stretched. He found you a moment later cooking pancakes and bacon while sipping some coffee in his old UVA shirt. Tramp was on the floor begging his little heart out. When you saw Bradley you smiled, and he wrapped himself around you from behind, enveloping you in his arms. He could tell you were still fresh from your shower, and Bradley couldn't get enough.

"Are you hungry?" you whispered as he kissed along your neck. 

"Starving," he replied, stomach growling loudly. "And I missed you in bed."

You rubbed yourself back gently against his naked body as you said, "You can rest and eat all day today. We've got nothing planned. I thought I'd feed you breakfast and let you take a long shower and then a nap."

He sighed next to your ear, feeling completely relaxed. This was all he really needed right now. You and he had worked on every little detail of your marriage until you were on the same page about what was important. The successful completion of Operation Loophole had him feeling pretty good about going back to base tomorrow. But today, the only thing he wanted was you. 

You sat perched on his thigh as you finished your coffee while he ate. "What did I miss here while I was gone?"

"Just Jake almost fucking things up completely," you replied, biting into a piece of toast. "Oh, and I'm trying to get Bob to move in with Maria."

"The fuck?" he asked with a laugh. "As in, Bob would move into your old bedroom?"

"Yep."

"Sweetheart. Your old bedroom? We did some fucking  nasty stuff in there together."

You erupted into laughter. "He doesn't need to know that."

Bradley looked at you like you had two heads. "I'm sure he already does."

"Poor Bob." You kissed his cheek and whispered, "Do you want some birthday cake for dessert?"

"I get dessert after breakfast?" he asked, somehow perking up even more over this perfect homecoming.

"You get whatever you want for your thirty seventh birthday," you replied as you stood and headed for the kitchen, letting Bradley see a peek of your gorgeous ass beneath his shirt. And in that instant, it was the only thing he wanted. He groaned and let his head tip back. 

"Fuck." His heart was beating a little faster as he thought about tasting you there, touching you and fucking you there. You'd let him put his mouth anywhere he wanted last year on his birthday, and during your honeymoon, he'd enjoyed that particular part of your body again. But his cock was twitching, and now he was kind of mad you'd just proverbially offered up anything his horny heart desired. Because he was going to have to ask you for it. 

There was no way you didn't notice he was half hard when you walked back in holding a confetti cake with your other hand behind your back. "Oh. My favorite. Thanks." His voice was bland as you set it down in front of him before pulling a lemon cake from behind your back. 

"I was just messing with you with the confetti cake," you said with a laugh, bouncing back into the kitchen again. This time Bradley landed a little smack on your ass that left you giggling and looking at him over your shoulder in surprise. "I said the confetti cake was a joke, Roo," you told him with a wink.

This time when you came back, you had one single birthday candle and a lighter along with two forks. As you stuck the candle in the lemon cake and lit it, he asked, "Are you going to sing to me?"

"Of course," you whispered, kissing his cheek before settling on his thigh, your hip grazing his cock. Then you proceeded to wrap your arms around his neck, licking and kissing along his scars as you sang to him like you were Marilyn Monroe and he was JFK. You were giggling and enjoying yourself, and it shouldn't have been as hot as it was, but Bradley hoisted you up to straddle both of his legs as you finished singing.

You gave him a little squeak as you settled against his cock, and he got his mouth on yours right away. He ran his hand up under your shirt to where your Rooster tattoo was and caressed you there, but he was cupping your ass with his other hand. "Roo," you moaned into his mouth as he teased both of your holes. "You're still all keyed up, Daddy?"

"A little," he told you, surprised to find that he was again. He blew out his birthday candle which had burned almost all the way down, while he kept his fingers on you. 

"You want your cake or your present?" you asked softly. 

"Aren't you my present?" 

You smirked. "I got you something else, too."

"I want it."

When you climbed off his lap, Bradley reached for you, but you were already walking toward the bedroom. "Take a shower, Roo. I'll get it ready for you."

So Bradley stood under the stream of water, first cold and then hot. He was afraid to touch himself too much, because he really needed you. And his curiosity was piqued. What did you get for him? And why did you need to get it ready? 

Oh. He had asked you for another calendar. Another sexy pinup calendar featuring you, you and you. "Shit," he grunted, running his hands through his hair to make sure all the conditioner was out before turning off the water. He barely dried himself off before charging back into the bedroom. He was about to call for you when you popped up behind him and put your hands over his eyes. 

"Close them," you commanded. "And no peeking."  

"I wouldn't dream of it," he replied, going slightly crazy at your touch. You let go of his face, and he kept his eyes closed as you guided him by his shoulders until he was pretty sure he was standing in the bedroom doorway looking out into the hallway. Then you placed something in his hands.

He heard you cackle as you let go of him and said, "Okay, you can open your eyes and unwrap your gift, but don't turn around. 

Bradley had the pretty red and yellow wrapping paper off in a flash, and it fell near his feet as he moaned. He read the cover out loud. "The Bronco and Baby Girl." Oh fuck. He'd never make it through this thing. 

"Okay, now open it to January," you called out from behind him. He did, and it was a photo of you laying on the hood of the Bronco in the red bikini from the honeymoon. "Do you like it?"

"I fucking love it," he promised, his eyes roaming the high quality photograph. You looked like a real model, there was no doubt about that. "It's stunning."

You laughed and said, "Now look at February." He flipped the page and moaned at the sight of you sitting in the driver's seat wearing your skimpy red lingerie. "Now tell me which month you like better."

He flipped back and forth between the two before ultimately saying, "February. And it's a fucking shame it doesn't have thirty one days, honestly."

Your laughter filled the room and made him smile as he looked at March. You were wearing his aviators and little else. "You still like February?"

"Shit. I might like March the best now."

"How about April?" you asked, and Bradley was having a lot of fun with this game. 

"Oh, that's nice," he remarked at the photo of you bent over his tailgate. He was currently having an existential crisis over your ass, and this wasn't helping. 

"Why don't you keep going until you get to your favorite one, and then you can turn around."

"Alright," Bradley said, clearing his throat as he turned to May, which was one of you wearing the little dress you had on when you picked him up last night. You were laying on the backseat, and your tits looked like they were going to come free from the fabric. 

But when he turned to June, you were topless. You were sitting in the back on the tailgate with your hands tucked behind your head wearing nothing but the shortest denim cutoffs he'd ever seen. You were facing the side with your upper body turned toward the camera. Your back was arched, your tits were jutting out, and your nipples were hard. The photo also somehow captured the perfect shape of your ass, and it was quite possibly the hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life. 

"June," he announced. "It's June, Baby Girl. It's my favorite one." And when he turned around, you were on the bed posed exactly like you were in the calendar, but you were smirking. Because you knew him. You knew he'd stop on June. You knew he'd fucking short circuit over that particular one. And now it was right in front of him in real life. 

He tossed his calendar carefully onto the dresser as he inched forward, looking at you in those denim shorts at every angle as you bit your lip. "I knew you'd pick June," you whispered, and he leaned in to kiss your shoulder. Then he ran his palm down along your spine until his hand was on your ass. 

"You know me so well," he rasped, climbing onto the bed with you. "Thanks for my calendar." He licked your right nipple before pulling your left one between his lips and sucking gently. You whined his name, and your hands were immediately in his hair. 

"You're welcome," you gasped your hips rolling as he cupped your pussy gently through your shorts. He worked the button open and unzipped them as he kissed his way up to your neck, and you asked him, "Any special requests, birthday boy?"

But you knew. Somehow you fucking knew. You got on your hands and knees facing the headboard and wiggled your ass at him until he pulled your shorts down and helped you out of them. And then that was it. You were bare for him. He ran his hands up your soft thighs and up along your butt. He kissed you all over before he got on his knees and leaned his body over yours until his lips were right next to your ear.

"I do have a request."

He felt you shiver as he bucked involuntarily against your core. "Tell me." 

You turned your head to look at him. His voice was a harsh whisper. "I want your ass, Baby Girl."

You moaned and rolled your hips back against him, nearly sending him through the roof. "What do you want to do?"

He kissed your cheek and tried to take a deep breath. "I want to do anything that you want to do. And if you don't want to do anything, then that's fine, too." He was panting as he kissed along your shoulder and your back, unable to stop himself from pressing against you over and over.

"Do you want to fuck me in the ass, Roo?" you asked so sweetly, he thought he was going to black out. "Because if so, you need to get the lube from the nightstand. And you need to go very slow. And you need to stop if I tell you it hurts."

"Holy fucking hell," he groaned, wrapping his arms around you and caressing your tits and your belly. "Yeah?"

"Yes."

He practically fell off the bed in his excitement. Other than using your toys, you and he had never done this together or separately, but he was ready to go. You didn't even look hesitant as you folded your arms on the pillow and let your head come to rest as you spread your legs a little wider. "It's like your birthday tradition now," you said with a little laugh as he dug around for the lube. 

"Wonder what you'll let me have next year," he asked, kissing your lips before climbing back on the bed with the small tube. He needed to calm down, so he angled himself to get at your pussy with his mouth from behind. Within seconds, he had you gasping for him, and his mustache was soaking wet. He licked you up and down, swirling his tongue around one hole before slowly dragging it to the other. Your hips were held firmly in his hands as you rolled back against him for more pressure, crying out when you let you have it only on his terms. 

"Bradley!" you whined. 

"Shh," he whispered, licking along your pussy with a grin. "On your birthday, you can have whatever you want."

You were going to be tight. Even as he painted you up with your own wetness, and worked the tip of his thumb into your asshole, watching the stretch with fascination as you groaned his name, he could tell. He grunted as he flipped open the lube and coated his cock with it, never taking his lips off you.

"I'm so close," you moaned, pressing yourself back against his mouth as he played with your clit. And when you eventually came for him, he brought his slick hand up and worked his thumb a little deeper this time. 

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, kissing your lower back and pausing. 

"No. Keep going."

----------------------------

It took Bradley a while even though you were relaxed from your orgasm. It didn't hurt, but you needed him to go slow so you could be sure of this new sensation. First his thumb. Then his cock. 

"Oh my god," you whined, your eyes squeezed shut at just how full you were. You could feel the cool drizzle of lube hitting your body before your husband's hands returned to your hips in the gentlest caress. The stretch was almost too much as he moaned and whispered your name behind you over and over again. "Go slow," you reminded him when his thrusts started coming faster, and he took care of everything you needed.

Bradley's words were becoming unintelligible. He said something about his birthday before he told you he loved you. The soft glide from the extra lubrication was aided as you flattened your back out, and then Bradley gasped, "It feels so good. Too fucking good."

When he pushed a little deeper, you grunted, ready to tell him that was far enough. But you didn't need to worry. You could feel him slowly easing back out of you until that foreign feeling of being filled to the brim eased up and then vanished. Bradley yanked your body up so you were standing on your knees in front of him. His sweaty forehead came to rest on your shoulder as he panted and vigorously jerked off, his hand working along his cock between your body and his. 

"Sweetheart," he moaned as he coated up your back and butt with his cum. "Fuck. Fuck!" He felt him run his hand through the sticky mess before he wrapped his big arms around to the front of you.

"Did you like that?"

He took a few deep breaths before his lips and mustache were tickling your ear. "I love everything we do together. I love you."

You felt warm all over from his words and his body, and he held you tight for a long time just like that as he caught his breath. 

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked, slipping off the bed and pulling you carefully with him. You didn't feel sore, exactly. You were just more aware of everything as you moved slowly. 

"No," you promised, shaking your head at him. He helped you pull on his UVA shirt before he carried you back to the kitchen. "I'm just a little tired. You wear me out more than my toys do."

He laughed as he set you down and took the leftover Marry Me Rooster out of the refrigerator. "I feel like your butt is for special occasions?"

Now you were laughing. "Like your birthday?" 

"Yeah. Like my birthday. Now let's eat together and have my cake and take a bath. Then maybe you can replicate the rest of the calendar photo poses for me to see in person?"

"Oh. You really liked that."

"I really liked that."

-------------------------

Bradley held you against his chest in the bathtub. It was late now, and the bathroom was lit by one single candle in the darkness as he sang to you. He was relaxed, soothed by the feel of your hand on his thigh, and when you turned and smiled up at him, he kissed you. 

"Don't forget, my parents are coming in a few days."

He'd already forgotten. The special mission and then coming home to you had clouded his brain and made him a little shortsighted, but not in a bad way. He loved your parents. "Right," he said with a nod. "Sounds good."

"And we'll have to leave earlier tomorrow morning so you can follow me to the mechanic."

He'd forgotten about that, too. Fuck. Your car was your favorite possession. Bradley truly did not understand the appeal, but you'd had the stupid thing forever. "Sure," he grunted, already nervous again. You nuzzled his cheek and then stood in front of him, and he leaned in to kiss along your ass while you giggled. 

Today had been perfect. Last night, too. Other than breaking your car, Bradley was just happy to be home. It didn't really matter to him that you'd given him a little birthday celebration and agreed to try something new in bed, being with you was the most important thing. You and he had spent a lot of time apart over the past year and a half, and he was hoping that the successful mission might help shape the trajectory of his career to make things a little easier in that regard. Especially if you did get pregnant on your own, or if a conversation about alternative options took place in the future.

Bradley eventually fell asleep with you draped across his chest. He read to you from his new notebook, but he skipped the pages about his dream where you were pregnant. It felt like too much for tonight. He turned the light off, and your hand found his tattoo like it was a magnet for you. Even though he was exhausted, his mind was swirling as he tried to fall asleep. 

Monday morning was a rush to get out of the house on time, and when you started your little piece of shit car on the driveway, it made such a distressing sound, Bradley almost insisted you get it towed instead. But you backed it out onto the road, and he followed you to his mechanic. 

"I'm scared," you told him when you dropped the keys off at the front desk. "It sounds really sick this time." He had to kiss away the crease along your brow.

"Let's just play it by ear," he told you, taking your hand and leading you back to the Bronco. He patted your ass in your uniform pants as you climbed in, and he buckled your seatbelt. "How are you feeling today anyway?" he asked with a smirk that you kissed off his face. 

"If you're referring to my butt, I'm a little sore," you told him, running your fingers along his scars. "But I'll be interested in the next special occasion." He climbed in with you and gave you sloppy kisses as you laughed. "Roo! We'll be late for work. I have a meeting with Bickel at nine."

"Aww, you can be late. Just tell him we were talking about your ass."

"Bradley," you snorted. "I will not."

He kissed you one more time before climbing off of you and closing the door. The drive to base was short, and you held his hand the whole way. He had to keep turning the radio volume up as you sang along badly, but you just kept getting louder with it. 

"You're a nightmare," he informed you when he parked and killed the engine. "And god, I fucking love you so much." The way you kissed him made him want to put the key back in the ignition and drive you home to bed. Your hand was just about on his cock in his khakis when you pulled away. 

"Gotta run!" He watched you stroll off toward the side entrance, waving at him coyly over your shoulder as he adjusted himself and headed for the locker room. 

Bradley's day was going great. He was happy to see Nat, and he was looking forward to having lunch with you if you could get away from your lab. But when he checked his phone around noon as he walked to the cafeteria, he had a new voicemail from the mechanic. He could see you in line for your burrito bowl as you chatted with Bob. He could practically hear you laughing as he played the message and cringed.

"Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw, give me a call back. The car is totaled."

------------------------------

Oop. I can see the tears flowing already. Fix this, Bradley. Parents are visiting soon. So many things are happening soon. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 24

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[casuallyawkardd]

In His Vice

Pairing: Dark!Miguel O'Hara x Wife!Reader

Summary: Something seems different this time when Miguel comes home late

Warnings: non-con in terms of pretending to be someone else, lowkey gaslighting, me attempting to write suspense, not fluent in Spanish so correct me if I mess up

A/N: I made the executive decision to write this fic in a first person perspective because I feel like that adds to the horror aspect so don't come for me. If you enjoy, be sure to join the taglist! Dividers by cafekitsune

I could hear the wind outside, whistling as it shook the trees and bushes. When the weather woman had said there would be a storm tonight, I hadn't expected it to be this bad. Lightning could be seen in the distance, the sound of thunder following after. It took a second more this time, hopefully meaning the storm was going to pass quickly. The television had become background noise, my attention focused on the window as I watched the rain streak down the glass.

Today had been one of those days, the kind where I couldn't wait for it to be over. I had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, a recurring nightmare waking me at three in the morning; its contents making it difficult to fall back asleep, so I inevitably decided to start the day early. Coffee and an aspirin did little to help the headache I'd been developing over the last few days, deadlines at work materializing the throbbing just behind my eyes.

Miguel had seemed to take notice of my struggles, taking over breakfast duty and getting Gabriela ready for school. The feeling of his kiss still lingered on my temple, my fingers now massaging the spot absentmindedly.

"I'm gonna be a little late tonight," he told me, gently prying the emptied mug from my hands and taking it to the sink with the other dishes.

"But what about Gaby's soccer game?" I asked, the look of remorse on his face telling me he had forgotten. "Honey, this is the one that determines if they qualify for the championship. It's a big deal for her."

"I know, mi corazón," he soothed, but I pulled away from his touch. Quiet fell over the kitchen then, Gaby's happy giggles heard from the room over. "Y/N, look at me," he said and I reluctantly turned. Soft brown eyes looked back at me, the hand rubbing my back reassuring. "You know work's been hell lately, my boss really wants me to finish this project. After that, I promise I'll make it up to you and Gaby." That's what he always said. "I know things have been.. tense between us lately, but-"

"Let's not talk about this right now," I interrupted him, hiding the pang in my chest when a look of defeat crossed his features. I had every right to be mad at him. This wasn't the first time he had forgotten. It wasn't just about this soccer game, it was about every forgotten soccer game, birthday party and date night before. Was I happy my husband had gotten the promotion he rightly deserved? Of course, but had I known just how much his job would take away from our family, I would have suggested he negotiate terms.

Which was why I held my tongue as he and Gaby left the house. In hindsight, I could've been kinder to Miguel. Could have turned my head as he leaned in for a kiss, said 'I love you' when he whispered the same phrase in my ear. With no way to turn back time, I figured I could redeem myself tomorrow. He was always quick to forgive.

The rest of the day was as mundane as any, the stress from the deadline had seeped into my very being, becoming familiar as I submitted my final drafts. Then I was left with nothing, returning to the start of the vicious cycle that came with the job. At least I got to clock out early, meaning I had time to spend with Gaby.

She was a bundle of excitement, squealing when she saw I had come to pick her up early from preschool. Relatives always told me she'd grow up fast; I found that to be true. Expected to start kindergarten next year and she was already being mistaken for a second grader. Her father's doing most likely, maybe she'd end up being as tall as him someday. Sharp as a whip too, but that trait I always said came from me.

We decided on a mommy-daughter date at a nearby cafe, one I knew Gaby would like. The owner's cat loved to brush against her legs, mewling until I told her it was alright to give him a dollop of whipped cream. Keep her happy until she saw her papi wasn't at her game. She was disappointed, the bounce in her step fading when she came up to me afterwards, frowning in confusion.

"Papi?"

"Not today, sweetheart," I offered her a sympathetic smile, "work needed his help very badly. You understand, yeah?"

Gaby nodded, but I knew my daughter well enough to know she was still bothered, "I wanted to show Papi that I used the move he showed me."

"Well you can show him after dinner, right?" The idea seemed to help perk her up, the two of us walking hand in hand back to the car to head home.

Only Miguel didn't make it home for dinner. Odd but not uncommon, unfortunately. It wasn't until it neared Gabriela's bedtime that I felt something was wrong. He's always home in time to put her to bed. A nagging feeling started in the back of my mind. He wasn't answering his cell either, going to voicemail instantly. After promising Gaby that I'd send him in to kiss her goodnight later, she finally settled and I took my post on the couch. Which is where I've been up until now.

A quick glance at my phone told me it was nearing one in the morning, that nagging feeling became something more. Something that dug into my gut and constricted my chest. The amount of missed calls he had was probably bordering on the edge of warranted worry and psychotic spouse. The thought of calling the police made my fingers itch, but I abstained. Miguel's a big guy, he can take care of himself...right? I winced as my teeth bit into the skin around my fingernails, pulling my hand away to assess the damage. It was a nervous habit I couldn't seem to shake, the cuticles an ugly red from irritation.

Then came the sound of a click, followed by the ominous crash of thunder. It was quiet, I almost didn't notice, but it was a new sound compared to the rain, thunder and static of the TV. My heart lurched forward, taking me with it as I rushed to the entry hallway. In the dark, I could make out a figure. Large and imposing, it hunched in front of the main door of the house, grunting as it shifted about in the black of the hall. I had become so paranoid that the sight left me momentarily speechless, throat suddenly dried when I tried speaking.

"Miguel?" was what I managed to get out.

The movements stopped, tension rising around me as the figure stood to its full height. I almost back pedaled as it approached, step by agonizing step coming closer and closer to me. The air around me felt thick, hard to breathe until the glow of the TV revealed this intruder.

"It's you," Miguel's voice rattled my eardrum, reminding me to breathe. "Why are you still up?"

"Where have you been?" I demanded, forcing my voice to remain at a reasonable volume. "Do you know how late it is?"

Miguel's expression hardened, not answering me right away and keeping me on the edge of my seat. I searched every inch of his face for a reason, a tell to let me know what had kept him, and yet I saw nothing. Why did I still feel so uneasy? "There were some complications at work," he explained, "It took some time to fix. I figured you'd be asleep by now, so I grabbed something to eat after everything was sorted."

"And that took you until one in the fucking morning?"

"Didn't know I had a curfew." He said it so bluntly, almost accusatory. The eyes that looked into mine were unyielding, wanting no question or fuss to his response. Not to push that which was unmovable. It wasn't an expression I was familiar with, at least from him, the glint of affection that lingered no matter how mad he got at me now snuffed.

"I..." I trailed off, unsure what to say next. The whirlwind of thoughts and emotions collected within me had me feeling unhinged. Was I being crazy? "I'm sorry, I was just worried about you," I settled on, swallowing thickly so my throat had lubrication.

"Where's Gaby?"

The question gave me pause, his evident impatience spouting words from my mouth. "Oh! Um... she's in bed," Miguel didn't seem impressed by my answer, "u-upstairs," I pointed in the direction mentioned.

"Mmm," was all he responded with, leaving me to shuffle out of the way as he beelined to the staircase. Then I was left alone once again, the suddenness of it making me wonder if I had just dreamed everything. The heavy footsteps above my head confirmed that our interaction was all too real, another crack of thunder giving my body the jumpstart it needed. All was well now right? That's what I told myself as I folded the blanket I had been using, shutting off the TV and making my way up to the second floor.

Miguel's home now, Gaby's in bed, everyone is safe and sound. I thought as I passed by my daughter's room, catching a glimpse of her father sitting beside her bed. I repeated it as I got myself ready for bed, brushing my teeth and washing my face of any leftover makeup. My pajamas were one of Miguel's t-shirts and I tucked my nose under the collar as I lay down, letting the smell of him ease my lingering nerves. There was nothing more to worry about, everything would go back to normal tomorrow.

The sun woke me up, bright rays peeking through the curtains. Blinking away the haze of sleep, I still felt restless. The nightmares again, most likely. A nuisance that was bold enough to show itself in the night, but cowardice in that I'd forget them in the morning. As I wiped my eyes, the clock on my nightstand became readable.

7:30 AM

Overslept. It was what I needed to get me out of bed, rushing as I did the bare minimum to look presentable. Cold water to wash my face, teeth brushed, hair pulled back and managed, some sweatpants and slip-ons for good measure. Thank God I worked from home.

Gaby was next on my radar, moving quickly down the hall and rapping on her door with my knuckles. Opening my mouth to tell say it was time to get up, the words left me when I saw she wasn't in bed. Come to think of it, Miguel hadn't been in bed either. Did he even come into the room last night? Shaking my head to clear the thought, the sound of dishes clattering drew me to the kitchen. As I descended, the smell of pancakes was clear, the sound of quiet chatter and little giggles following after.

"Papi, quiero voltear el siguiente." Papi, I want to flip the next one.

The baritone of Miguel's laugh followed after, "Lo sé chiquita, pero debes tener cuidado." I know little one, but you have to be careful.

The sight of my husband and daughter making a mess of the kitchen was touching, last night's events feeling like a distant memory. Almost. To think those cold, hard eyes that had pierced through my very being, were now looking down with such warmth and tenderness.

"Mommy!" Gaby spotted me in the doorway, squeezing between Miguel and the counter to come greet me.

"Well, good morning to you too," I cooed, bending forward so we were eye level. Her arms wrapped around my neck in an embrace, my lips finding purchase on her cheek before returning the gesture with one arm. "What do you have going on here?" I asked once we had parted, smoothing down her curls.

Gaby shrugged, "I wanted pancakes," was her simple response. "You were sleeping, so Papi said he could make them."

I looked up at the man in question, who seemed more occupied with what was cooking on the stove than what we were discussing. "And they haven't burnt?" I teased, approaching him from behind. My hand touched the small of his back, thumb rubbing small circles into the muscle as I looked over his shoulder to analyze the aforementioned pancakes.

"I know how to make pancakes," Miguel quipped back, his tone suggesting I might have struck a nerve.

"Of course you do. It's just that last time-"

"I said I got it."

"Okay," was all I could really say, kissing his shoulder apologetically. "You're tense, Mig. You should take a warm bath," I commented, pulling away so as not to disturb him further. Gaby had taken a seat at the kitchen counter, nibbling on a small plate of fruit. Miguel had most likely prepared it so she didn't get impatient.

"Well, breakfast will have to be quick today," I announced, grabbing a grape for myself, "We still have to get you dressed for preschool and then-"

"I called the preschool," Miguel interjected and I turned to him, "she's not going today."

A small frown graced my features, "Well, I wanted to get a head start on my next article."

"Called your work too. Told them you weren't feeling well." Before I could protest, Miguel continued, "I took the day off as well, figured we could have a day together. As a family."

"Oh," is all I had left to say, "Are you sure? I mean that sounds great, but you said your boss was really strict about time off."

Miguel huffed, smiling wryly at my comment, maybe even condescending. "Yeah, well if he has a problem with it, he can kiss my ass."

My eyes widened at his sudden crassness, "Miguel!"

"Papi, that's a bad word," Gaby chimed in, nose scrunched in determination as she scolded her father.

Miguel's smile shifted to a genuine one, rounding the kitchen island to reach the little girl. "You're right, mi vida, I'm sorry," he said, kissing her temple and she squirmed at the contact. I watched as Miguel pulled away, combing his long fingers through her hair. Did she always look so small next to him? "Come on, help me plate the pancakes. The sooner you eat your breakfast, the sooner we can figure out something to do."

Gabriela nodded eagerly, jumping out of her seat and following Miguel to resume their work. I figured I'd let them enjoy each other's company, preparing coffee for Miguel and myself. As I had hoped, everything seemed to be as it always was once more, if not better. Usually it was hectic in the morning, Miguel sleeping in until the last possible second before getting dressed and walking out the door for work, Gabriela in tow. So having a moment like this was a rare treat, one usually reserved for the weekend.

And yet, there was still something that felt so entirely wrong. Something that made my stomach churn and the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Call it intuition, but as to what it was cluing me into, I had yet to understand. I racked my brain as to what could be causing this feeling to linger inside me. Chewing the inside of my cheek as I poured the coffee into two mugs. To one, I added milk and a spoonful of honey. The other simply got milk, each getting a thorough stir. I took both cups, sipping from the one with honey and offering the other to Miguel.

He took it without even looking at me, focused on making sure Gaby didn't hurt herself as she flipped a pancake. I thought nothing of it as I went to go sit down, maybe scroll on my phone now that I had time, but Miguel's disgruntled murmur had me turning to face him. "I don't want anything in my coffee."

"Oh, sorry I didn't know."

"It's fine, can you just remake it?" Miguel asked in a dismissive tone, holding out the mug to me to take. I set my drink down, taking his in both my hands and going to discard the contents in the sink.

When did he start taking his coffee black?

Tags: @lazy-idate @lilly5799 @yougavemeyourheartyouknow

[cjlouwho]

The Clarity

The final part of my Meeting the Parents series! You can start from the beginning here, and read the final part below or on ao3. Each part can be read separately, but it makes more sense if you read them all.

They had just made it out of The Gables and onto paved road when Buck couldn't stay silent any longer. He had been staring down at the photo album, listening to Tommy sniff and suck in breaths every now and then. And judging by the fact he was occasionally swerving slightly off the road, it was easy to assume his eyes were blurred with tears.

“Tommy,” he started, his voice soft yet assertive, “you need to pull over.”

Tommy sniffed again. His grip on the wheel tightened. “No, I'm okay.”

There was no way he could drive all the way home like this, and no way that Buck was going to let him. “Tommy,” he repeated. He looked over at him, noted the red-rimmed eyes and his trembling lip. Buck reached out and touched his shoulder, stroking his thumb back and forth over the muscle. “Babe, pull over.”

Buck wasn't sure if it was the touch, or the pet name, but the dam Tommy had been building up burst. He pulled over to the side of the road just as the tears started to fall.

He leaned forward, shoulders shaking. He rested his hands and head against the steering wheel.

The photo album was quickly dropped to the floorboard. Buck unbuckled and raised the center console so he could scoot into the middle seat and wrap himself around Tommy. It was an awkward angle, but one arm wrapped around his waist, while the other rubbed up and down his back. He laid his head against Tommy's shoulder and held him.

They were like that for awhile. Silent except for the occasional gasp of breath from Tommy. Buck didn't try to stop him, didn't try to silence his cries. He just maintained his hold, and wished more than anything he could go back to the Kinard's place and knock Frank out.

It took a few minutes for Tommy's breathing to return to normal. Buck moved away just enough for him to sit up, but kept a hand on his back.

“I don't know why I'm crying,” Tommy admitted, pressing his palms against his eyes. “I'm not even sad, I'm angry.”

“That's understandable. He- He's an easy man to get angry at.”

“I don't even think it's him I'm angry at. It's me.”

Buck's eyebrows furrowed. “You? Why would you be mad at yourself?”

Another wipe of the eyes and Tommy turned to Buck, who looked all kinds of concerned. “I should have known better, Evan,” he said. “I led you in there blind, and I... I should have known better.”

“You told me they were unpredictable.” Buck shrugged. “You weren't wrong.”

“The last few times I've gone, Dad's been mostly silent. Even when mom threw that frying pan at his head, it wasn't because of anything he said, it was because he kept trying to stumble toward her and tickle her. I thought,” he let out a humorless laugh, “I thought if I brought you with me, showed them how good we are together, they'd be happy for me. For us.”

There were so many things Buck wanted to say, but none of them sounded right. None of them would fix anything.

Instead of I'm sorry or you know I love you, right the thing that came out of Buck's mouth was, “Let's get a motel.”

Tommy blinked once, twice, three times at him. “What?”

“Let's get a motel,” he repeated. “We don't have work tomorrow. Let's be spontaneous, drive to the nearest motel, do some sightseeing in the morning.”

“There's not really much to see here.”

“Oh, I'm sure there is. All the crappy motels have those stands with the brochures. We'll close our eyes and pick something.” Buck leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the side of Tommy's mouth before moving back to his seat. “You want me to drive?”

Tommy, still trying to figure out what was happening, stared out the windshield at the vast amount of nothingness around them. “We don't have any stuff.”

“Please, we have emergency bags in both cars. Clothes, toiletries, first aid kits, whatever we need is back there.”

That was true. Seeing as they were both a bit disaster prone, they had started leaving a duffel for each of them in both vehicles. Whether it was a natural disaster, or manmade, they'd be prepared.

Still, Tommy had questions. “Why are we doing this?”

Buck reached out, wrapped his hand around Tommy's wrist, giving him a pleading look. “Does sitting at home for the rest of the afternoon sound intriguing to you? It'll be fun, Tommy. We'll be like cowboys on the run.”

*****

Cowboys on the run turned into a thirty minute drive toward an overpriced stay at a lackluster motel just off the highway named Frederico's Sleep n' More. “I don't even wanna know what the more stands for,” Tommy mumbled when they walked into the room.

Evan had intended to use the restroom and return to Tommy all perky and ready for whatever adventure awaited them in whatever town they were in now. But as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom he was met with Tommy lying on top of the bed, feet dangling off the edge, not asleep but eyes closed. He looked relaxed, which was a relief, but Buck couldn't help the sadness that overcame him at the sight. This man who drove three hours just to help his parents out for the day being treated like garbage. Almost worse actually, because garbage once served a purpose, and it seemed to them that Tommy never did.

Buck walked to the bed, toeing off his shoes before gently letting his body dip beside Tommy.

Tommy, eyes still closed, laid out his arm. A silent ask for Buck to curl up beside him.

He never had to be asked twice.

Once Buck was tucked into Tommy's side, head resting on his chest, Tommy folded his arm over him. The soft scratches up and down his back had Buck closing his own eyes, humming out a sigh of contentment.

“Can I ask you a weird question?” Buck asked. He rested a hand over Tommy's pec, and Tommy brought his free one up to wrap around it.

“Always.”

“Did- When you got hurt, did your mom or dad ever get you things? Like, to try and make you feel better?”

Tommy didn't even have to think about it. “No. My mom would get me a couple things for my birthday and Christmas, usually clothes. And the only thing I remember my dad ever buying me was a football when I was like ten, I think. He got pissed when I accidentally broke our window on a throw, so I didn't mess with it much after that. I did have to do a lot of odd jobs around the neighborhood to earn money for the new window though.”

“Did he...” Buck hesitated, and Tommy squeezed his hand.

“You can ask anything,” Tommy assured him.

“Your mom said he'd hit you sometimes, like when you'd get into trouble. Did he then?”

Tommy stiffened for a moment, and Buck almost regretted asking. “Yeah, he did. The belt was his favorite form of discipline.”

Buck sat up on his elbow so he could look at Tommy. “Even though it was an accident?” He couldn't imagine getting hit as a child, or hitting a child, regardless of whether the act was intentional or incidental.

Tommy squinted his eyes open just enough to see Evan. “Dad always said the best way to never make the same mistake twice was to remember the pain from the first time.”

Buck didn't even know what to say. No matter how distant and neglectful his parents might have been, he was never afraid of them. Never had to worry about being hit. He laid back on the bed, tugging Tommy over to him. They settled into their new positions, Buck with his arms wrapped around Tommy, Tommy with his head on Buck's chest and an arm draped over his waist.

“Do you remember that double wide across the street?” Tommy asked.

“Mhm.”

“Mrs. Thompson lived there when I was growing up. She had three kids, all girls and they were a few years older than me, but she liked me. She'd let me come over and do my homework at her dining room table. Her yard had grass and she'd let me play out back whenever I wanted. And when my dad would get really pissed at me, she'd let me hide out at her place until I saw the light turn off in my parents bedroom. That's how I'd know they were asleep, and I'd sneak back in my own bedroom window.”

“Did you ever get caught?”

“No. I'm sure they knew, but they never bothered to act like they cared. My dad did come to Mrs. Thompson's house a couple times looking for me, but she'd always say she hadn't seen me. She'd also tell him to get off her property because his breath was gonna stink up her whole house." Tommy snorted at the memory.

“She sounds like a good woman.”

“Mhm,” Tommy hummed, “she was. I used to pretend I was her kid. I'd say my name was Tommy Thompson. Thought it sounded better than Kinard. I swore that one day I'd grow up and have a home just like hers. Her girls were always happy, they all laughed together. Her husband worked a lot, but he was nice too. He played guitar and he'd let me sit with his girls and listen while Mrs. Thompson cooked dinner. Their house always smelled so good and clean. I- I wanted that so bad.”

“What happened to them?”

“Mr. Thompson died from a heart attack when I was about thirteen. That was rough, but Mrs. Thompson was so strong through all of it. She died while I was in Iraq; I didn't find out until after I got home. I was devastated. I'm not sure about their daughters.”

“They sounded like wonderful people,” Buck said. “I would have loved to meet them.”

“They would have loved you,” Tommy replied. He was sure of it too. “Anyone with half a brain would love you.”

Buck laughed at that, beginning to run his fingers through Tommy's hair.

The conversation died down there. Tommy never stayed awake very long when his head was getting rubbed. A couple of minutes and he was out like a light.

Buck couldn't sleep though. His heart still ached for Tommy, both present and past.

He was once a boy in desperate need of love. A mom to hug him, a dad to teach him. He didn't get either of those things.

He was a burden. That's all. A burden that neither parent ever really wanted in the first place. A mouth they had to feed, a body they had to clothe, a soul they had to provide for.

He was once a teenager, quiet and reserved. Too smart for his own good. Never congratulated for his accomplishments, never told he'd done a good job. Never guided down a path, but forced in one direction when he didn't make the right choices at seventeen years old.

He was once man who had resigned himself to never having love. Cut himself off to happiness and let anger and hatred bubble up inside of him. Pushed people away because the people he always cared about either didn't care about him or they left him somehow, even if they didn't mean to.

And now he was a man that, despite all of that, held endless love in his own heart. Who Jee called the “best hug giver”, much to Buck's dismay. Who would do anything for his friends, risking his own life without a second thought. Who calmed children at the scene of a four alarm fire when they didn't know if their mom had made it, and stayed with them until they'd all been reunited. Who stayed up all night when Buck was sick with the flu because the only thing that helped his nausea was for his back to be rubbed.

And everything started to make sense. It was clear why Tommy clung to the Buckley's the way he did. Why he was always ready and willing to hop on a helicopter to take Phillip to a game, or make sure Margaret was in town on one specific weekend to go to Carrizo Plain and look at the wildflowers. It made sense that he happily and quickly accepted that the Buckley's were trying, were actually making an effort to be there for their children now, even if was a bit late.

Late was better than never, and Buck had a feeling Tommy's own parents would never be making the effort that his own were.

It didn't make Buck magically forget his own turbulent past with his mom and dad. He'd still feel that twinge of jealousy when they'd laugh a little harder at Tommy's jokes, or listen to his stories a bit more intently. He'd still get a little annoyed at Tommy when he didn't notice.

But he did understand it now, which had been half the battle to begin with.

Carefully, as not to wake Tommy, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to do some research.

*****

Nearly two hours passed before Tommy started to stir. He lifted his head, glaring around the room in confusion until he remembered where he was at. He shifted so he could look at Buck, who was smiling at him softly. Buck loved how Tommy looked when he first woke up. His hair a curly mess, a little drool on his lips, eyelashes fluttering with every blink. And that rough voice when he'd first speak.

“Hi.”

Yeah. Just like that.

“Hi yourself. Get some good rest?”

Tommy nodded, pushing himself off of Buck but remaining by his side. “Mhm.” He rubbed his eyes, and did a little yawn as he stretched. “D'you sleep?”

“No. Had too much fun watching you.”

Buck was pleased by the smile that washed over Tommy's face. “M'hungry,” he said, rubbing a hand over his stomach.

Buck laughed. “Go freshen up and we'll find someplace for dinner.”

Tommy leaned over, a bringing his fingers just under Buck's chin, and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Mm,” Buck moaned cheerfully as they parted. “What was that for?”

“Just love you.”

“I love you too.”

With one final kiss, Tommy got up and headed for the bathroom.

Buck took a screenshot of the website he had up on his phone. A reminder for himself to talk to Tommy about it during dinner. During his research, he'd found they were having a tulip festival outside of Los Angeles in a few weeks, and Buck was sure his mom would like to go.

[seospicybin]

ON TOUR.

PART III: UNPLUGGED.

Hyunjin x reader x Felix. (s,f,a)

Chapters: I. SOUNDCHECK / II. OPENING ACT. / IV. HIDDEN TRACK.

Synopsis: Your best friend, Felix, is in a rock band and he takes you to join him on tour as the band’s photographer. On the road, you learn how to deal with his bandmate, Hyunjin, who’s not very welcoming of you. (14,6k words)

Author's note: It's getting warm y'all. I hope you're ready for get spicy :)

Click here for ON TOUR playlist.

It's no surprise that you'll take it the wrong way.

He was mad not because you accidentally unplugged his guitar but because of how reckless you were. Something way worse could have happened if he wasn't there to catch you, you could have hit your head or got electrocuted.

But of course, he shouldn't worry about you when Felix will always be there to comfort you.

Is it what made him mad? Truthfully, he has no idea but this gnawing feeling is becoming visceral. It's taking over him.

So when he knows you're hiding from him, he has to know why? What is it about you that always drives him mad?

"Why do you hate me so much?" You ask while he's still searching for the answer himself in your eyes.

"Tell me why? Because I don't get it. Why did I do to you that makes you hate me so much?"

You don't know. You're just as clueless as he is.

"I'm drunk, you see? You can tell me anything and that's okay, I won't remember it when I wake up in the morning."

But he needs to know one thing, one thing that he's been dreaming of day and night.

"Go ahead! Tell me! Promise I'd forget all about it tomorrow."

He needs to know now, so he does.

Hyunjin kisses you with a curious mind and an open heart, he lets a part of him pours into you hoping that you'll finally be able to tell the truth.

He holds you close and tenderly, kisses you hungrily because that's what he's been craving whenever those lips curve into a smile. And oh... you taste sweeter than he imagined and addictive and intoxicating, it's heavenly.

He splayed his hand on the beautiful arch of your back and pulls you close, not wanting any space separating his body from yours.

The moan you let slip out of your mouth, you have no idea what it does to him, how that makes the blood rushes down south.

If he's mad, it's because he couldn't kiss you all day and night. But he believes you would take it the wrong way too.

He's worried for you, he cares about you, he thinks about you, he does all that and you still think he hates you. It's only right that he's mad because you think that's what he has for you: hate.

He's also mad because he wants you but you're a friend of a friend.

Hyunjin learned his lesson the hard way and that wakes him up from his daze of being sucked into the whirlpools in your eyes.

He pulls away from the kiss, from the daze, from how your eyes plead for one more kiss. Looking back at those eyes makes him want to tell you everything but there's a good chance that you'd only misunderstand him again.

"Now, try to forget that!" He says right to your face despite knowing it'll be hard for him to do the same thing, not when the taste of your lips only reminds him the reason why he did what he did: he wishes you were a stranger.

-

It's not a great morning.

You've been drinking water non-stop to help with the hangover but you can't shake it off yet. It's a good thing that the agency chartered a private plane instead of putting them on commercial flights. You lowly groan as you climb the steps to get into the plane and see that you're the first to get there. You take the farthest seat, all the way back to avoid everyone but ultimately, him, Hyunjin.

A few minutes later, you hear their arrival and you quickly pull the hoodie over your head to hide your face even though it's pointless to do so.

As they're about to take a seat, Vin takes a stand in the front and tells everyone to pay attention to him as he's about to make an announcement.

Of course it's not just an announcement, he's going to scold everyone for going out without his permission.

"Whose idea was it?"

You wince because the idea originated from how they felt bad for you which makes it, technically, your idea. It's hard to admit that you're wrong but you slowly raise your hand to...

"It was me!" Han calmly says.

Everyone stays silent for a moment but Felix raises his hand and says, "But all of us agreed to go," he adds.

That is partly true. Han didn't ask for anyone's approval but yes, everyone just went along with him. Problem aside, it surprised you how Felix lied and it sounded natural, maybe he did change but you didn't know which part of him stays the same.

Vin continues to scold everyone with something along the lines of 'reckless behavior', and 'an important part of your career'. Knowing that those are not aimed toward you and with the hangover weighing your head and the lack of sleep, you start disassociating...

As your mind drifts, it takes you to last night when Hyunjin kissed you against the wall.

"Ugh!" You groan unintentionally loud that everyone is looking at you.

"You have something to say?" Vin asks.

You scratch the back of your head in confusion while trying to think of an answer, "I'm very sorry," you tell him, putting on a sad face as best as you could. Good thing that the hangover supported the look.

After hours of flight, you have to take an hour-long of car ride since the festival is taking place on farmland in the countryside.

It's summer but it's drizzling when you arrived at the hotel or more like a bed and breakfast than a hotel and for the first time, you finally get your own room.

You throw yourself onto the bed and sigh in delight as your head touches the pillow. Man... this is heaven!

The knocking on the door disturbs the peaceful moment. For a second, you feel like pretending not to hear that so whoever is behind that door can leave you alone.

"Are you inside?"

At the sound of his voice, you rush to get up the bed and open the door.

"Yes?" Your vision is a bit blurry from getting up too fast but you see Vin standing there looking serious as usual.

"Follow me, we have a meeting!" He orders, already turning to leave.

He's always like that, making orders without telling you the details. You have zero ideas what the meeting will be about, for all you know, it could be about something else. Imagine how sad it would be if you bring your stuff only for him to tell you that you got fired.

From the doorway of your room, you nervously ask him, "Should I bring my laptop or—"

Vin is about to take the stairs to the second floor when you asked, he looks down at you and says, "Of course!"

The answer is still vague but you quickly grab your laptop and phone, heading upstairs to the small living room where Vin has set his laptop for a Zoom meeting.

It seems that it's not going to be a great day as well, you're not getting fired. At least, not today.

-

Ssick will be headlining the second day of the festival which is tomorrow night.

Hyunjin is getting ready for the band rehearsal and heads downstairs, stopping for a second to see the door of your room closed shut.

Felix and Lou are already downstairs, having coffee in the kitchen even though they have twenty minutes or so before they have to go to a studio nearby.

"Coffee?" Lou offers.

"Sure," Hyunjin answers because when it comes to caffeine, it will never be enough for him.

He pulls a chair next to Felix and sits on it, "Where's Han?"

"He's working on a track, he'll be down in a few minutes," Lou replies as he carefully brings a cup of coffee for Hyunjin.

Felix and Hyunjin exchange a glance, knowing that a few minutes for Han takes more than that.

As if Han heard their thoughts, he lands on the base of the stairs a few minutes later as promised. He got greeted by Hyunjin and Felix's shocked expressions.

"I thought we have band rehearsal in five?" He comes to the dining table and grabs a biscuit Felix is eating.

"I'll get the car," Lou says, getting out of the house to get the car ready.

Lou pulls the car close to the front of the house and Hyunjin gets in after Felix and Han, looking back for a while waiting for someone else to come out.

Felix gets ahead of Hyunjin, asking Lou about you and Vin not coming.

Lou starts driving while talking, "They're in a meeting. Vin said he will catch up soon."

Hyunjin shouldn't be this disappointed to not be able to see you but Gosh, he can't hide it, he wishes to see you.

When he gets back from rehearsal, he walks past your room and he knows you're in there, somehow he can't bring himself to knock on your door.

At the end of the day, his wish stays a wish.

‐

Vin is right.

After finishing the meeting, you had a quick dinner with Vin in the kitchen with the food sent by the kind owner of the bed & breakfast.

He must have felt bad for making you work right after hours long of flight without stopping that he made you go to bed early so you'll be prepared for the job.

11 hours of sleep is really what you needed that you woke up feeling refreshed and ready for today. You'll not be taking just any photos, a magazine wants to do a special coverage for Ssick and they'll be using your photographs.

Since no one has woken up yet, you take a quick stroll around the small village, and apparently, the other performers also staying in the nearest inn or hotel.

"Morning!" A guy greets you as he joins you on your stroll, dressed in a windbreaker with a hoodie pulled over his head.

It feels awkward to interact with other people, guess you've been cooped up in the tour bus too long.

"Morning!" You greet back, slipping your hands inside your coat as you walk through the cold, misty morning.

"You're not from here are you?"

You shake your head, "No."

"You must be with someone?" He asks while matching his pace with you.

"Not really," you answer and you're aware that sounds so vague, "I'm with a band."

He lowly exclaims, "I'm with a band too," he says.

Grabbing his hoodie from being blown by the wind, he turns his head at you and asks, "What band?"

"Ssick," you answer.

"I'm their photographer," you add before he gets the wrong idea, thinking that you're a groupie or something.

"Cool!" He coyly comments.

Through the fog, you can see the bed and breakfast you're staying in with the garden lamp blinking low.

"I'm here," you tell the stranger.

You've just realized you didn't ask for his name when you tell him that but it's too late to ask now that you're leaving.

He glances at you and smiles, "Okay, see you then!"

"See you!" You say back even though you're not sure you'd see him again.

Vin is having a coffee in the kitchen, he doesn't bother to take a seat as his fingers are furiously typing his phone screen.

"Morning!" You greet him.

He doesn't look up but greets back, "How was your sleep?"

"So tight," you reply, taking a mug from the cabinet to pour yourself a cup of coffee.

"Why are you guys talking about being 'so tight' in the morning?" Lou asks from the stairs with his half-shut eyes.

You and Vin burst into laughs, he finally takes a seat at the dining table. Lou also plops onto the empty seat next to him. Breakfast is quiet and it's all thanks to the owner who cooked it deliciously.

"I'll be leaving in fifteen minutes and you," he points at Lou, "take the kids in the afternoon."

You lean against the kitchen counter and think of going with Vin instead of Lou, you don't want to stay still here when you have a lot of things to prepare.

"Can I go with you instead?" You ask Vin.

"Sure," he shortly replies.

In the 10 minutes he gave you, you pack everything you need into a backpack and do not forget your rain boots just in case it will rain as the weather app on your phone predicted.

It only takes ten minutes of car ride to get there, Vin hands you a pass at the entrance. You didn't know that it's a lot pleasant going with Vin, he's so well known that everyone doesn't ask for his ID and greets him warmly.

He takes you to a trailer which will be the band's green room, they even set a little yard outside the trailer with lounge chairs and a parasol.

"You might need this," he gives you a map of the festival with the setlist of performers on the back.

"The festival is so big so don't wander too far," he warns you.

Vin steps out of the trailer as his phone constantly beeping with notifications.

You follow him out of the door, "are you going?"

"Well... yeah," he answers like it isn't obvious enough, "I have to take care of a few things."

You didn't know why you ask him that when that's what he's been doing, going around and taking care of things. You feel stupid for thinking that he came here early just to laze around.

"You can come with me if you want," he offers.

"Can I?" You must have looked like a puppy when you asked him.

He shrugs and walks to the yard, "I can introduce you to some friends," he says.

They're not just some friends.

Vin takes you around the festival grounds, meeting some officials and going around the tents and trailers of the other performers of the festival.

He knows a lot of people, famous or not, but important nonetheless. You even took a few snaps of it because when else you'll get another chance like this?

Vin is again right about the festival being incredibly big, you wouldn't know your way around if you weren't with him. The festival starts at noon with the festival ground gradually crowded with people.

"Want to check a stage?" Vin asks after successfully snatching two burritos for lunch from a band's waiting room.

"Absolutely!" you excitedly answer.

The security lets Vin in without question, they don't even bat an eyelash at yours since you're coming with him.

It's fascinating to know the inside scoop of his job and get to know him more in the process. The Vin that you know is a little uptight and always serious but from the way you've seen how people greeted him warmly, he's so much more than his job.

Hours passed by because of how far it gets from one place to the other, Vin gets you to visit another stage as a band he knows about to play.

"I was once their manager," Vin whispers at you as he gets to the back of the stage with you following him closely from behind.

The band is warming up when Vin makes an appearance and they're delighted to see him, exchanging hugs and jokes, making you feel left out for a bit until someone recognizes you.

"I know you," he says.

You recognize him as the guy who took a stroll with you this morning, he looks unrecognizable without his raincoat and the mist.

Vin turns around to introduce you, "she's working for the band and..." He then introduces him to you, "This is Jeongin!"

You take a step forward to shake hands with him and he smiles at you so warmly that dimples appeared on his cheeks.

"Would love to talk more but we have to get on the stage," he says.

"Oh sure, please don't make them wait," you almost wince at how stupid you sounded as if they would delay their performance just to talk to you.

You and Vin watching their performance together from the side of the stage. On their second song, Vin excuses himself because the band has arrived from the text message he got from Lou.

"You can stay," he tells you.

"But—"

"It's okay, you can stay," he assures you.

You nod because it's useless to answer him against the loud music playing.

"Have fun!" He adds with a squeeze on your shoulder.

As you turn to watch the band again, you see Jeongin looking at you.

-

Hyunjin sees the camera bag but not the owner.

He can't get any hints about your whereabouts either as Lou is going out of the trailer as soon as he received a message from Vin.

"Vin will be here so please, don't set anything on fire!" Lou warns them.

When he thought Han only left for the bathroom, he went with Lou to God knows where. It shouldn't upset him but everyone is leaving without telling him, only Felix is staying in the trailer with him.

He senses Hyunjin is getting antsy from the way his knee is bouncing despite he is slouching on the sofa.

"They're at the D stage," Felix informs as he got a reply from Lou telling him where they are.

"Do you want to go?"

Hyunjin tries to act nonchalant about it but can't wait to get out of there as well, "yeah, okay," he coyly says.

He can only hope that the beanie he's wearing is enough to hide his red hair, he kind of regrets it now for dying it with such bright color.

It's easy to tell that a few people recognize him, not when Felix is also with him and making it easier for them to know for certain that it's them.

Luckily, most of them decided to leave them be. Felix calls Lou once again to know their exact location while Hyunjin is craning his neck looking for them around the stage.

The second Hyunjin spots Lou's bleached buzzed hair, he points at the pit after the barricade and shouts, "There they are!" 

He lets Felix takes the lead, running to where Han and Lou are watching a band's performance. Hyunjin swallows air because he knows you're also there.

Instead of you, he finds someone else. It's too late to avoid her as she looks his way.

"Hyunjin?" She calls.

Felix also heard her calling for Hyunjin, he turns to Hyunjin and asks, "Who is she?"

It's someone he wishes not to see.

-

Ssick's stage starts at 9.

Vin insists that everyone must gather at the trailer at 8.15 at the latest and you're 5 minutes late. Running from the gate to the trailer after getting lost in the mud and walking in it isn't easy either.

You can feel beads of sweat on your back but keep running to the trailer, the golf car that you assume will be used to take the band there is parked outside the trailer.

"I'm sorry, I'm late!" You blurt out the moment you get into the trailer.

You're so ready to get scolded but the only person you found inside is Vin, a hand on his waist and the other is pressing his phone close to his ear.

"I told you to take them here by 8," he nags into the phone.

It's safe to assume that it's Lou or any of the band members, whoever that is, hope they're doing okay. You silently take your camera bag from the countertop and sling the strap around your shoulder.

"You," Vin points at you.

"Yes?" You shortly reply with horror in your eyes.

"You can go first," he says.

You stifle a nod and go outside, it's not the time to ask for details so you get on the golf car per his instruction, no questions asked.

Thanking the driver before they head back to pick up the band, you prepare your camera as the staff still working on setting the stage despite the crowd filling the ground.

You take a peek from the side of the stage and instantly get goosebumps, there are so many people, all the way to the back, as far as your eyes can see.

They're so big, so popular, it's a time like this that you feel grateful for your job.

The stage itself is so big that you get tired from taking a walk around the front, you take a few pictures of the crowd behind the barricade and ones with interesting banners or costumes.

A few minutes before the stage starts, rain is pouring and you quickly go to the back of the stage to grab two disposable raincoats, one you wrapped around your camera and you put the other one on you.

Tonight will be one for history. Not trying to pressure yourself, but the pictures you're taking today will be published in a magazine.

The band takes the stage at 9.10 due to the weather check but fortunately, the rain turns into light showers, therefore they're allowed to perform.

Despite the weather and the ground turning into a pit of mud and puddles, the crowd becomes alive once they opened the stage with two songs non-stop until they get to their introduction.

"Hello, we're Ssick!" Han speaks into the mic.

He wipes the sweat on his forehead and brushes the hair curtained his face to the back, "Thank you for choosing to have fun with us in the rain!"

The crowd cheers, ignoring their heads and clothes that are sopping wet from the rain and you can feel their enthusiasm, how they're having fun without care.

You can stay down the pit long because Felix's solo is coming up soon, dragging your feet in the mud. You climb to the stage fast.

Unlike the last time, you coordinated it well with Lou. He'll guide you from behind as you take their pictures on the stage. Lou grabs a fistful of the back of your t-shirt while muttering cautions, "Be careful with the cables!"

You listen to him with your hand rapidly taking pictures from different angles. Your heart is pounding as the music roaring loud that there's no time to get personal when it comes to capturing Hyunjin in pictures, turning everyone's heads to see his nimble fingers on the guitar.

That feels like a second when you spent four minutes on the stage. Lou pulls you back to the side of the stage and you only realized then that a few people are watching the show from here.

Just like you predicted, it's one of the most memorable of all the stages they've done. They're so reluctant to get off the stage even though the night is late and from dark shadows hanging in the sky, it seems likely that the rain will pour again.

The band is celebrating their successful night headlining festival inside the big tent right behind the stage, so many people coming, famous and important.

You see the girl you saw earlier, she is one that you recognized watched the band from the side of the stage.

As you threw the disposable raincoats into the bin, Lou comes to you with a bottle of water.

"Thank you," you mutter, taking it from him and not wasting another second to gulp it.

He hands you a towel next, using it to dry your hair and neck, brushing your damp hair from the mix of sweat and rainwater with your finger to put them into place after.

"So many people," you mutter under your breath.

Lou shrugs as he takes a sip of his beer, "well, they're famous," he simply says.

You steal a sip of his beer and gasp, "Can't relate to that."

From across the tent, you see the girl making her way to Hyunjin and starts talking to him. You don't want to know but you know you can't rest well without knowing who she is.

"Who is she?" You ask without looking at their direction as they're engaged in a conversation.

You take a bottle of beer from the cooler and uncap it, even though you're not a fan, today is an exception.

"You know that Hyunjin was in a band before Ssick, right?"

You nod and take a sip of the finely chilled beer.

"Rumor has it that he decided to quit the band because he and the vocalist fought over a girl," Lou explains with a subtle sly smile.

You scoff in disbelief, "Let me guess... she is the girl?"

Lou repeatedly nods, slyly smiling even when he's sipping his beer.

"So it's not the finale yet?" You playfully ask.

"Kind of," he replies.

So Hyunjin is hung up on a girl or is it the other way around? You don't want to know. You're already having a hard time doing what he asked you to do and that is to forget that stupid kiss.

That doesn't seem like a hard task now that you know he has a girl in his mind.

You take another look at them, talking to each other with eyes that also speak so much. Your eyes drift to Felix who's standing next to Hyunjin, also looking like he doesn't seem to fancy her as much.

You finish your beer and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, "I'm going to the trailer. I need to wash up," you tell Lou.

"Want me to come with you?" Lou offers.

"Nah, I'll be back soon," you tell him.

Using the flashlight on your phone only helps so much with the muddy grassy path back to the trailer. It feels so close when you took the ride with the golf car, now you wish you took Lou's offer.

Taking a moment in the trailer, you struggle to take off your rainboots and wet clothes. You grab a sweater from the merch box and put it on, you're no longer shivering with dry clothes on.

Now that you're comfortable, you don't want to go back to the tent. You'd rather stay in the trailer and starts working on your photos, you're not trying to avoid a person or something. It's just been a tiring day already and...

"Hey, why aren't you partying?"

You search for the source of the voice and find Jeongin shouting from inside the car. He sees you standing in the doorway of the trailer with your camera bag, looking ready to go. You hope he doesn't see the conflicted feelings in your eyes.

"Do you need a lift?"

Without you realizing it, you nod at his offer and his dimpled smile.

-

Hyunjin's wish to see you is not yet granted.

Well, yes, he saw you taking his pictures but he couldn't see your face or heard your voice. He only got glimpses when he wanted to see the whole picture and stares at it as long as he could.

"She said she'll be back soon," Lou sounded worried as he ranted to Vin about you not coming back to the tent yet.

"I saw her leaving with the Cle boys," Vin calmly answers as if he just didn't let you go with a group of guys you don't know.

"What?" Felix is the first to show his concern at how wrong that sounded, "what do you mean she left with another band?"

And Felix rarely gets mad, not even at the slightest inconvenience.

"They're all good kids," Vin assures them, "also, they knew each other when I introduced them," he adds.

"Knew each other?" Felix once again represents Hyunjin by asking the question.

Vin turns at him and put his phone away, "look, I know their mothers. I'm sure they just hanging out or something," he says.

"Let's just go," Han breaks the intense conversation with exhaustion drawn on his face.

Hyunjin feels uneasy. He can't rest well even when you're in sight but now, no one knows where you are and you're with people that he doesn't know and it stressed him out that he has to hide his concern.

Hyunjin can only ball his hands into fists on his lap, worrying you and worrying about things that could happen.

It surprises him that Hyunjin isn't the only one worrying about you, well, besides Felix. Han is calling your name the moment he enters the bed and breakfast where they're staying.

"She's not here!" Han says as he checks your room and it's empty.

Vin heavily sighs, "she's going to be okay," he insists when he's unsure of his answer as well.

Lou calls you on the phone but you're not answering. He calls you again and still no answers. Everyone starts to panic and Hyunjin can only watch, getting nervous as time passes with no clues of your whereabouts.

"You guys can rest. Lou and I will search for her," Vin resolves as he puts his jacket back on.

Hyunjin stays where he is and the others too, no one is obeying Vin. He draws a sharp breath through his nostrils and is about to scold them again for the third time today when they collectively heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

"You guys are back?" You innocently ask with your hair wrapped in a towel and a toothbrush in hand.

Lou starts to laugh while Felix comes to pick you up at the base of the stairs, "where have you been?" His voice is strained from holding his anger in.

"I had to use the bathroom upstairs. The hot water not coming out from the one downstairs," you answer while going down the stairs. Felix pulls you into his hug as you remain confused about the situation.

Hyunjin's body relaxed as he quietly lets out a sigh of relief and finally have his wish granted.

Han picks up his bag from the floor and heads for the stairs, "I really thought you turn to become a groupie for another band," he jokingly says.

You get even more confused with what he said, "huh?"

Vin rubs his forehead and closes the door, "I told you. She's fine," he mutters as he takes his jacket off again.

You hold hands with Felix, taking him to the kitchen to talk, "what happened?"

Felix puts his hands on the dining table to support him, "Vin saw you left with the other..." he doesn't finish his sentence, "Nevermind. We're glad you're okay."

Your mouth parts open in surprise, certainly didn't expect them to worry this much for you.

"They gave me a lift here so I could start early on retouching the photos for the magazine," you concisely explain.

Hyunjin is listening to your conversation when Vin grabs him by the arm, taking him upstairs with him, "Let's get some rest. We have an early flight tomorrow!"

Hyunjin has seen you and he has heard your voice, but it's not enough. It'll never be enough.

He's afraid that as each day passes, he wants more than just seeing and hearing.

-

Back on the tour bus, it feels like going back home when in fact, the tour bus gives you a sense of comfort like home, while in fact, it's not.

Also, you're getting used to a lot of things and the staffs know you now that you got greeted everywhere you go. The people you're with feel more than just acquaintances and coworkers, they feel like one big unit. Maybe that's just the result of what happens when you put people in a moving, confined space together for a period of time.

Looking back at it, you were so skeptical about this job, your skill, and your ability to handle life on the road. Now, you feel proud of yourself for overcoming those struggles.

The bad and the good that happened are lessons that you must learn to be able to grow as a person.

There are only a few stops left on the tour and your heart is aching that this is going to end soon. It makes you hold on to it tighter than before. Especially knowing that soon, all of these will become memories.

This, the present, will soon become a part of that precious memories too.

You're on your way back from soundcheck when you meet Vin right outside the door, "I got something for you," he says.

You uneasily smile because that's an unlikely thing for him to say, "Y-yeah?"

He puts his arm around your shoulder and gets into the green room together. From the table, he takes a magazine and flips open to a page, once he found what he's looking for, he shows it to you.

It's so surreal that it feels like seeing a dream, you take the magazine from him and see it yourself. The photos you took at the festival are there, printed on paper. In the corner of the page, you see your name printed in small fonts.

"You did a good job!" Vin proudly says with a squeeze on your shoulder.

You can't help but smile, feeling proud of yourself and for once, receiving a compliment from Vin validated it.

"Drinks on me tonight!" He adds before leaving you to furtherly admire your work on your own.

Happy news should be shared, you're going around the room looking for the one person you can think of in a moment like this. You find him near the changing room with the stylist doing alterations to his jeans.

"Felix!"

"Hey, what's up?" He looks up to see you.

Without saying anything, you show him the magazine with a wide grin on your face.

He leans in close to see and coos in awe, "Whoa, I look so good in here," he points to the picture of him on the page.

Your grin fades and is replaced with an annoyed glare, "This is about me, not you," you tell him.

He bursts into laughter and holds his hand out at you, he can't move with the stylist still adjusting the length of his jeans while squatting down next to his feet.

You take his hand and let him place a kiss on your hand, "congrats, babe!"

Felix knows how to win you over with such a simple gesture, you know he's the right person to share this happiness with. Not forgetting that he's the one who landed you this job. That makes you grateful for him.

"Is this why Vin looks exceptionally happy today?" Lou asks as he flips open the magazine to see it.

You're drinking a can of cola while sitting next to him on the sofa.

"He said he'll be taking us out for drinks tonight," you say.

He whistles in excitement, "It's about time!"

Han snatches the magazine away from him and sees it for himself, "oh, your photos are really great!"

You can't help but smile, "thank you," you sheepishly reply.

Felix appears behind you and casually places a kiss on the top of your head, "that's my girl!" He confidently brags, then walks back to his chair to get his make-up done,

Han aggressively shuts the magazine and slaps it on the table, "excuse me, she's not only taking your photos," he complains.

Han moves to sit next to you and put his arm around your shoulder, there he continues speaking, "Which makes her, respectfully, our girl, not yours."

Lou also put his arm around your shoulder and agrees with Han's remark, "Our girl!"

You're laughing at the way Lou and Han are teasing you by trapping you between them, oblivious that there's someone who has no say in this.

-

Our girl?

Hyunjin likes to hear that, that means you are his too even if it's only a quarter of it. Maybe that's why he's only able to see you. But when it comes to talking to you, even just a simple exchange of good morning like you do with Vin. He's discouraged, afraid that you'd misunderstand him again.

Still... he wants more than just to see and talk.

He wants that pretty smile to greet him as he gets off the stage like you always give to Felix, a pat on the shoulder as you endearingly tell him, "You were so great as always!"

Is that too much to ask for?

There are only a few stops left on the tour and he feels like he's running out of time but what he needs to do is still unclear.

"Hyunjin?"

Someone calls for him and he turns around to find someone he wishes not to see, making her way to him.

"Why are you here?" He's not aware of how rude that sounded but that's the first thing that crossed his head at the sight of her.

The girl whom he likes once, who is a friend of a friend and she got in between their friendship. If there's one thing Hyunjin learned from this, to never like a girl who's a friend of a friend because, in the end, he could lose both the friendship and love.

She chuckles at Hyunjin's defensive response, "I was in town for a job so... I don't see why I shouldn't come," she answers.

It was two weeks ago that they met at the festival and she was there because her boyfriend, a friend and a former bandmate of Hyunjin, performing at the festival too.

But the main reason why he doesn't want to see her again is because Hyunjin chose to step away from it, he gave her up to save at least his friendship. That too, he couldn't save it.

There's no regret because Hyunjin knows it's for the best. So, he doesn't get why she's here.

From the way her smile wavers, Hyunjin senses that she knows she's not welcomed.

Felix comes behind him, "Come on! Vin is going to treat us to drinks tonight!" He excitedly says to Hyunjin.

It takes Felix a moment to realize that there's someone else there and a low gasp slipped out of him, "Oh...?"

"Well, I'm certainly not invited," She playfully remarks with a sad smile.

Hyunjin is not that petty but he wishes that he can be firm, telling her no would be the right choice.

"What are you guys doing? Let's go!" Vin shouts from the end of the hallway.

Then again, Hyunjin can't bring himself to say no, "You—"

Felix cuts through Hyunjin's words, "We'd love to invite you but it's for close people only so..."

She sheepishly smiles and nods, "it's alright," she says.

People are prone to Felix's charm and Hyunjin is thankful that Felix decided to step in and politely reject her on his behalf, it makes things easier for him.

"But we hope you enjoyed the concert," Felix quickly adds.

"I did. I had so much fun," she responds.

She fiddles with the strap of her bag, having something to say to Hyunjin but can't say it with Felix in there.

He senses it and excuses himself to leave first.

"Hyunjin," she calls.

He doesn't answer but looks at her, how her eyes are looking back at him but not giving the same effects as they used to.

Hyunjin doesn't need to hear another one of her efforts to make her way in, "listen," he says.

"I made my choice and you know what? I like where it took me," he explains.

That catches her off guard, maybe didn't expect Hyunjin to reject her right here, right now.

Hyunjin places his hand on her shoulder, "I'm afraid there's no second chance for us," he softly speaks to her.

Her eyes turn glossy the longer he looks at them but also in them, he can see everything clearly for the first time.

She sniffles and says, "But Hyunjin—"

"I like someone else," he blurts out and he's sure of what he said, sure that it's what he feels for you. He likes you, he wants you.

That sounds final to her that she has nothing to say back to him but leave for good. It's sad that Hyunjin has failed his first love but isn't that why it's called first love? Because there'll be a next one.

Hyunjin wants to do better on the next one and he knows what to do now.

-

Vin doesn't play around when he says he's treating everyone to drinks.

He takes everyone to the hotel bar which is located on the 8th floor of the hotel, providing its visitors with a stunning view of the city at night.

"We have finished more than fourteen concerts in nine cities and one festival this summer," Vin says, standing at the end of the table with a drink in his hand.

"I'd like to thank everyone for behaving..." he pauses for a second, changing his mind about what he wanted to say, "not so well but still manageable," he finally finishes.

He turns at you who sits between Felix and Lou on the left side of the table, "and our new addition to the bunch..."

You smile at him, curious about what he has to say about you.

"I realize that I never get to tell you how you've been very patient with me, us...." a wave of laughter halts him from continuing.

"Despite that, I am grateful that you're part of the team and I want to tell you that you've been working hard," he earnestly says.

It's the first time you heard him talking from the deep down of his heart that it elicits an emotional response from you. You feel validated and appreciated, you feel seen and heard, acknowledged.

"Come here!" He gestures for you to come to his side.

You get up from your seat with the help of Felix pulling the chair for you, then take a stand next to Vin.

"This is for you, for putting up with us," he raises his glass.

And everyone followed suit, raising their glasses in the air.

"And for four more shows to go!" He adds.

"To our girl!" Han shouts from across the table.

You laugh because he's not letting go of the debate.

But Vin repeated his words back to everyone at the table, "To our girl!"

With that being said, everyone is finally allowed to drink their picks of alcohol. You drink yours as well and wince at the burning feeling down your throat as you swallowed it all.

Vin pulls you into a side hug, "Have a lot of drinks tonight. You deserve it!"

You chuckle at his words, "thank you," you mutter to him.

That indeed sounds so tempting, you would love to keep drinking and have fun after a little while.

But the last time you got drunk, it didn't end that well. You want to avoid making the same mistake, so you decide to drink moderately and try not to think of Hyunjin, how he talked to that girl in the hallway with his hand on her shoulder, how you failed to do what Hyunjin asked you to do.

That fucking kiss, you curse inside your head and finish your first drink of the night.

Somehow on the third drink, the melancholic feeling that this soon will be over returns, hitting you with a wave of sadness that you have a hard time swallowing your drink.

"Have another one with me," Lou says, refilling your glass with more drink.

"It's the last one for me," you inform him.

He laughs as he slides the drink at you, "yeah, sure," he says with a sly smirk.

You might have lied about that being the last drink, you have two more drinks after and alternate it with soda in between.

It's a good strategy, you feel like a real adult for being sober enough to walk back to your hotel room while Lou has to send Han back to his room, drunk out of his mind.

The sight of the mess on the table distracts you, your initial plan is to end the day right here. No one asks you to do anything today, not even Vin.

"Ugh!" You groan, losing the battle to remain unbothered about not finishing your work of the day.

It's a habit that you created yourself and you suffer from it now.

I should have gotten drunk, you scold yourself.

There's a knock on the door, it must be Lou coming back from putting his best friend to sleep. You open the door without looking and walk back to the desk, "I'll be working all night. You can have the bed," you tell him.

You hear no answer but the sound of the door being closed behind you.

A while later, someone else replies to you, "You don't have to worry, he'll be sleeping in my room tonight."

Who did you let in just now? You know who it is but you refuse to believe that you're right. You take a deep breath before bracing yourself to the grand reveal, that it's him, Hyunjin.

"What are you doing here?" You have the right to be defensive, considering that it's your room, the only private space you have and he came here uninvited.

"I want to talk to you," he calmly replies.

You get up from your chair as he's coming closer and leans against the headrest of the chair.

"About what?"

"About us," he shortly replies.

Your heart starts beating so fast and you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it, you clear your throat before speaking again.

"I don't think we have something to talk about," you hope he didn't hear how your voice quivers at the end of the sentence.

"Oh, we do," he says while still walking towards you even though he's close enough that you have to start looking up to look at him due to the height difference.

You're not in the mood for his unfriendly words and glares, "We can talk some other time—"

"I want you to know that I have nothing between me and that girl," he says, sharing information that you don't even ask in the first place.

You hold your hands up to stop him from continuing and furtherly thinking that you want to know the truth.

"No, I don't care. I don't want to know," you tell him as best as you can without having to be rude because that's his thing, not yours.

He takes another step closer, eliminating the gap between your bodies and leaving mere inches for you to breathe. How can you think if you can see his beautiful face this close that you can see the tiny mole under his left eye? How can you force your brain to work it's busy playing the recollection of that night in the back of your head, haunting you with how soft his lips feel against yours.

"I want you to know. I want you..." he emphasizes the word you with an intense stare, "to care. I want you to be jealous," he insists his narrative on you and wanted it to be true.

That sounds just so absurd coming from him and it's making you burst into laughter. The most careful and reserved person you ever come across said that. You feel bad to let him know that you could be anything but jealous. In terms of look, yeah, you're jealous that she's much prettier than you but jealous because she's with him...

"I am not jealous," you tell him with a scoff, but that doesn't sound convincing, that sounded like you're offended instead.

"Why should I be jealous? I-I'm—" You lose track of what you're going to say to him. You wince at how you make yourself look like a fool in front of him.

"Our kiss... did you manage to forget it?" He cuts you off with a question that you don't have the answer to.

Slightly tipping his head, Hyunjin leans a little closer to the side of your head you can feel his breath fanning your cheek.

Needing something to hold on to, you grip the edge of the chair behind your back, tightly.

"Why do you care so much whether I forgot about it or not?" Your voice is shaky and small.

He slyly smiles and it looks good on him as if he knows it would scramble your brain, making it hard for you to stay focused. In other words, he knows he's winning.

"If you forgot about it then..." he puts his hand under your chin and angles your head, forcing you to look at him right in the eyes.

"I just have to remind you again," he softly speaks as it takes everything in him to try not to kiss you from the moment he laid your eyes on you.

Now that he leans in closer than before and you can feel his warm breath brushing your lips. As much as you don't want to be reminded, you close your eyes in anticipation of what's coming at you.

As your lips collide in a rapturous, spellbinding kiss that takes your breath away but at the same time, breathes life into you.

Hyunjin kisses you tenderly, savoring the taste that he craves so much. He kisses you slowly because that's how he should treat a beautiful thing.

And a beautiful thing is always fragile. 

-

Hyunjin is drunk from your scent.

That doesn't stop him from planting kisses on any skin he can land his lips on, soft on soft, like kissing a flower. No words are needed when his desire is taking control of his body and your body answers to his craving.

He uses his hand to feel you all over, fingertips trailing every inch of your skin that makes him whimper under his breath.

You're much softer than he imagined, silky soft, and warm, so sensitive to his touch, shivering every time he touches you in certain places.

He can feel your hesitant yet curious hands exploring his body, slowly and gently, like you're afraid it would discomfort him. Oh, if only you know how much he likes being touched by your pretty hands. He takes them and kisses each fingertip with his lips right in front of you.

"You're so soft," he softly sighs as he pushes your hand close to his cheek, then places a tender kiss on the inside of your hand.

You look at him with your eyes in a daze, probably thinking that it was all just a dream.

So he leans in and kisses you for the umpteenth time that night, carefully putting his body on top of you, skin on skin, his body on your body, becoming one under the cover.

As he pulls away from the kiss, he puts his elbow against the mattress to take a good look at you. His thumb wipes your lips, still amazed at how soft they feel.

It tempts him to place another kiss and they're softer against his lips, he feels like kissing the clouds.

"How come you're so soft?" He asks in pure wonder.

All Hyunjin knows is loud and rough, all he's been touching are metal strings and hard surfaces, and his ears are used to buzzing noises and explosive sounds.

Now that he lays his hand on you, he knows that you're something that he should treat gently, with so much tenderness and care, he doesn't want to break such a beautiful thing with his hands that only knows how to push things to the limit.

He gently rubs your cheek with his knuckle, heating under his touch. He leans in to kiss you again, having no power in him to stop himself, he believes kissing you has become an addiction.

He's only an inch away from your lips when you open your mouth to say, "But you hate me..." 

Hyunjin smiles because he has expected to hear this from you, sooner or later, he didn't know you would choose to say this when he's about to kiss you.

"I do hate you," he says.

Your eyes widened at his answer while Hyunjin softly chuckled from seeing your reaction.

"I hate you for thinking that's the only thing I feel for you," he explains.

He takes your hand and puts it around his neck, he wants your soft hand touching him, feeling him, all over. Leaning down closer, leaving only an inch between your faces.

"I feel other things too for you. I like you from the moment we met, I care for you, I worry about you, I think of you, sleep or awake. I like having you around me, I like seeing you everywhere I look and when I'm not looking, I unconsciously search for you. I am... pathetically in love with you," he pours every content of his heart, everything that you need to know.

Your gaze softens and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen, like watching the sun rises in your eyes, hopeful and warm.

"But you have no idea, do you?" He says with his eyes deeply staring into yours.

"How would I know when you always seemed to be mad at me?" You innocently ask him back.

That makes Hyunjin chuckles. He admits that his way of showing you affection is unconventional. What can he say? He's bad at it. But he likes how innocent you sound that he hastily kisses your lips, he then draws a sharp breath and lets out a pleasant sigh, "What do you even know?"

He can't wait to kiss you again so he does, indulging himself in the temptation and how sweet it tastes. The hand that is slipping into the back of his head puts him in utmost comfort.

Hyunjin hasn't seen your body with his eyes but he can picture in his hand from his exploration, the nook and crook, the dips and curves, he admires all of it.

Beautiful would be an understatement but that's what you are. Your eyes, your smile, your lips, the birthmark on your body, the scars that marked your skin, your little fingers, everything.

His hand goes to where he wants to touch you, to show you what he can do, to make you feel good, to...

"Hyunjin..."

You call him again in a heating moment where he unconsciously holds his breath for only God knows how long.

His first thought is that you don't want to do it. It's entirely his fault for reading the signs wrong. He hurriedly draws his hand out from under the cover.

"We don't have to do it if you don't want to," he assures you with a sweet kiss on your lips.

With your hand around his neck, you keep him close and then you whisper into his ear, "Condoms are in the bathroom."

You hide half of your face under the cover, flustered from telling him about it. He finds it adorable that he wants to take a bite of you.

"I'll go get it," he says, doesn't waste time walking to the bathroom to get it. He spots your toiletry bag near the sink, rummaging inside to take two foil packs.

When he returns, you're waiting on the bed while clutching the bed cover to your chest. Hyunjin sits at the edge of the bed to open one and securely rolled the rubber down his length.

It slightly surprises him that you greet him with a kiss as he gets under the cover, he takes it that you begin to relax around him.

That means he's on the right way so he kisses you back, hungrily and intensely with his hand squeezing the flesh on your waist. He gives you a moment to make yourself comfortable around him before letting his hand wander down south.

You part your legs open for him and let him touch you there, touching the delicate flesh that's already wet even though he hasn't started yet.

He's aware of how rough his hand is, he attentively watches your face to make sure you're uncomfortable with the way he touches you.

That doesn't enough for him, he needs to know for sure. "Good?" He asks against your lips.

You pull away just enough to give him a nod of confirmation.

More kisses, more touches later, his hand is drenched in your essence and his cock is throbbing, impatient to be inside you.

Hyunjin decides to hover above you without taking his lips off of you. He takes his hand away from your cunt and rubs your lips with his fingers coated with your juice, doesn't hesitate to kiss you next.

Oh, he can taste all of you in that kiss and it's so fucking sweet. He gasps when he lets go of the kiss.

It's driving him wild, making him so eager to be inside you. He slips his hand under the cover and slowly, exposes your body as he puts the cover away.

"Beautiful..." he murmurs as his eyes are feasting on your heavenly body.

Maybe this is why you kept it hidden all these times, you knew that it would make him salivate like a hungry animal. Hyunjin sits on the space between your legs and keeps them open wide for him, he pumps his hard cock with his hand before rubbing it on your slit, lubing it with your bodily fluid.

Moans spilling out of your parted mouth, low and sultry, instantly become his new favorite tune.

Be gentle, he reminds himself, fighting the urge to be inside you as soon as possible.

A broken moan escaped your mouth as Hyunjin teases your entrance with only the tip.

"Let's take it slow, mmh?" and he should have said that to himself.

Holding your legs in place, Hyunjin continues by slowly entering you. He pushes into you with eyes intently watch as his length disappears into you little by little.

Gosh, you take him so well, so good, so tightly. He groans at the overwhelming feeling, engulfed in the immense pleasure of finally being inside you, becoming one with you.

He lowers his mouth on your neck and kisses you there, humming as the pleasure of being inside you hasn't dissipated yet.

"Mmh. Yeah, so good, you feel so good," he murmurs close to your ear.

After a moment of composing himself, Hyunjin kneels on the bed and hooks your legs around his waist. He begins thrusting into you and each thrust sends him deeper into you that he's having a hard time controlling himself.

He doesn't want to rush it, he wants to make it last as long as he could, he wants to make it special for you, he wants to—then you clench around him when he thought he had it controlled.

"Good?" He asks as he looks down at you.

There's no reply and he knows it's because you're too shy to say it. From the way your body moves along to his cock slipping in and out of you, he believes it is.

Hyunjin takes a moment to take it all in: how beautiful you are laying under him, your breasts jiggling along to his intense thrust into you, your hands tightly gripping the sides of your pillow and your toes curling against the white sheet.

It's all beautiful, devastatingly beautiful.

Hyunjin slowed his pace and lowers his body on you, he kisses you while keep motioning his hips into you.

"Let's cum together, mmh?"

You're panting against his lips yet you are still able to respond with a nod.

Hooking your legs around him once again, he starts to pick up the pace. His hands found yours and laced them together with his, pinning them on each side of your head.

"Close, mmh?" He can tell from your moans turning into breathless whines.

Hyunjin thrusts faster than before, fast as he could, taking both of you to your highs.

"Look at me," he orders, making you turn your head to look and locked eyes with him. He wants to see your eyes, how they shine with his cock deep inside you. He's curious about what he'll see in them as you come undone.

However, your eyes are fluttering shut when he feels you cumming around him and you're sucking him deeper, tighter that Hyunjin has no way to fight the urge anymore.

One, two thrusts later, he gets to his release, filling the condom with his seed. He collapses on top of you, his chest against your chest, two hearts lying so close together.

"I hate you," he says to you.

"I hate you for making me so crazy over you."

Hyunjin might have emptied his heart by telling you the truth, but his heart remains full of his love for you.

-

You think you're dreaming it.

Without opening your eyes, you touch the hand wrapped around you and it's real. You look over your shoulder to see him, his faded red hair looking like cotton candy against the white pillow.

Time for a reality check. You rub your eyes and take another look. Hyunjin is fast asleep next to you, his hand is around you, holding you close.

Naked.

You suddenly get so aware of yourself, of your body and appearance. He has seen everything by now but still, your insecurities are not going anywhere.

The knocking on the door comes again.

Then you realized that you woke up thinking you dreamed of hearing the knockings. It's probably Lou, he needs to take his things.

"It's me, Felix!" 

That's when you are filled with dreads. You scramble to pick up your clothes from the floor but that would take too much time and he'll keep knocking.

You grab a bathrobe from the bathroom and put it on quickly while heading to open the door.

"Yes?" You open just enough to pop your head out of the door.

He grins at the sight of you, "Did I wake you?"

You shake your head and put on a not-so-convincing smile, "No, I was in the bathroom," you lied.

"Oh?" He notices that you're in a bathrobe.

"What's up?" You ask.

"Let's get breakfast together," he says.

Felix did take you on breakfast a few times before but you didn't expect him to do it again today of all days.

"I-I have a stomach issue," you makeup excuses on the spot but can't find anything that is less embarrassing than this.

"You're sick, babe?" He asks with concern.

You shake your head again, "no, just, bad digestion," you stammer.

"Then let's order breakfast from your room," he says and takes a step to go through your hotel door.

"No!" You refuse a little too fast that it startles him.

"I mean, let's have it in your room," you resolve.

Felix is naturally a very caring person and knowing you're sick only gives him a reason to take care of you.

"My room is messy. Lou is unpacking his things... it's messy, you don't want to see it," you stumble on a word but it's convincing enough, or that's what you think.

"Okay then," Felix nonchalantly shrugs, "let's go to my room!"

He takes your hand and is about to drag you away, you keep the door open with your foot.

"I'm naked!" You blurt out.

He quickly lets go of your hand.

"I was about to take a hot bath when you came," you lie again.

He scans you for a moment, head to toe, probably noticing something is off about you, "are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to get back in, put some clothes on and I'll go to your room," you start to rambling.

He takes another look at you then nods, "I go back to my room and order breakfast for us."

"Sounds great!" You exclaim with a fake smile.

"See you then!" He says, heading back to the elevator.

You walk back into your room and shut the door, leaning and banging your head against it, feeling bad for lying to Felix.

Hyunjin is still sleeping and you can't bring yourself to wake him up, not when your best friend is waiting in his room to have breakfast with you.

On the way to Felix's hotel room, you stop by Hyunjin's room knowing that Lou is inside. You softly knock, afraid that if you knocked too loud, Felix would hear it too since his room is right next to Hyunjin.

"Lou, it's me!" You whisper close to the door.

Thankfully, Lou is awake, or half awake more like. His eyes are half open and tired.

You push him back as you step inside and close the door, "Hyunjin is in our room!"

He rubs his eyes, "yeah, I know," he sleepily replies.

"We uh... we—"

"Oh, God! Spare me the explicit details!" He groans while covering his ear, then plops down onto the chair.

It gets you panicked that he knows even before you tell him what happened. Is it that obvious?

You hurriedly cover his mouth with your hand to shut him, "Can you get him... you know, I don't want anyone to know," you don't know how to make it sounds like you're asking him to do the hard task of telling Hyunjin to go back to his room and to pretend that last night didn't happen, at least not in front of everyone.

"Okay," he casually answers.

You put your hands on his shoulders and look into his sleepy eyes, "and please don't tell anyone."

He puts your hand down and sighs, "I don't even tell anyone how you like to steal the hotel's slippers," he mumbles.

To be honest, it's better if anyone knows you had sex with Hyunjin rather than them finding out about that bad habit of yours that Lou secretly learned from sharing a room with you.

"Thank you, Lou!" You sincerely tell him.

He reclines on the chair, "Don't worry. I got you," he assures you with a sleepy smile on his sleepy face.

"Now I have to go to have breakfast with Felix," you hand him your hotel keycard.

"Off seeing your first husband, huh?"

You ignore his joke and exit the room. Taking a deep breath, you stop right in front of Felix's room and then knock on his door.

-

Hyunjin is hoping to find you laying next to him.

Instead of that, someone is throwing a pile of clothes onto his back.

"I'm sorry, dude but you have to skedaddle," Lou says.

He slowly turns on the bed and squints as the sunlight hits his eyes, blinding him.

"What time is it?" He asks while trying to get up.

"It's ten-something," Lou answers. He's walking around the room taking things, and putting on clothes while talking.

His eyes are still heavy with sleep but seeing the space on the bed where you lay asleep so close to him brings him back to last night.

He can still smell you on him, on his lips, and fuck, that sends him thinking of how good you felt around him.

Notices that Hyunjin still hasn't moved from the bed yet, Lou turns around from looking at the mirror on the wall to remind him, "You have a fan sign at noon. You'd better hurry!"

He groans in response to Lou and drags himself out of the bed, in the bathroom he washes his face quickly, then puts on his clothes.

Hyunjin gets into the elevator with Lou as he's planning to go to Han's room which is located across from his. As it arrives at his floor, the doors slide open and he gets surprised to see you with Felix.

"Oh, hey!" Felix greets.

Hyunjin's eyes are on you and he so badly wants to ask why you left in the morning. Why you chose to be with Felix than spend the morning with him?

You look just as surprised, your eyes are open wide, not expecting to meet him there.

"Where are you guys going?" Lou is the one who breaks the silence.

"We just had breakfast and are about to go to get coffee," Felix answers, "what about you guys?"

Lou had to grab Hyunjin by the sleeve of his shirt and drag him out of the elevator.

"We just got back from breakfast downstairs and we're going to wake the sleepyhead," Lou once again being the only one talking to Felix while Hyunjin and you are exchanging cryptic glances at each other.

"You get in first, babe," Felix holds the elevator doors open to let you in first, then he gets in after you.

"Anyone wants coffee?" Felix offers, now holding the doors open with the button on the panel.

"Yes," Lou shortly replies.

"Okay," Felix lets go of the button and the elevator closes.

Lou lets out a long, heavy sigh, "you need to calm down," he tells Hyunjin.

Calm down? He asks inside his head. How can he calm down when he knows his girl is going out with another guy?

"That's Felix. They're friends," Lou reminds him.

That certainly snaps him out of it. Hyunjin indeed, needs to calm down. You are with your friend who's also his friend.

But does it mean he has to keep this relationship a secret?

As if Lou heard his thoughts, he stops him from walking with a hand on his chest.

"Look, I know you like her but telling everyone about it will only complicate things for her."

He turns on his feet to face Hyunjin, "she's working and the job is already hard for her. Letting everyone know about it will make it harder for her," he adds.

Lou licks his lips before speaking, "Give her time, give her space."

Lou is right and maybe that was why the first time he fell in love he fell out of it fast, because he was impatient, thinking that it was okay to hurry love.

He wants to do better this time, he wants forever with you.

"At least, you know, wait until the tour is over then you can do whatever the fuck it is you want," Lou concludes.

He leaves Hyunjin once he has said what he needed to say and goes to knock on Han's room.

"Wake up you sleepy sloth!" He shouts at his door.

At the fan sign, he keeps thinking over, what Lou said to him earlier. He decides that it's best to keep this a secret at least until the end of the tour. Until then, he'll keep this between him and you.

Now that he thinks of you, his mind is taking him back to last night...

"Felix, your birthday is coming soon!" A fan says to him.

That takes him out of his reverie, Hyunjin overheard the conversation since Felix is sitting next to him, and hearing that makes him feel like a terrible friend. He completely forgot that Felix's birthday is only weeks away.

"What is your wish for this year's birthday?" The fan asks him again.

"Love," he answers.

Felix chuckles again and he quickly glances at Hyunjin, so fast that he almost missed it, probably afraid that he finds his answer corny.

"And happiness," he then adds as he signed a poster for the fan.

"Why? Our love is not enough for you?" The fan asks with a pout.

Felix gently shakes his head, "I'm afraid it's not enough," he jokingly says with a wide grin.

When it comes to giving Felix a gift, Hyunjin wants to give him a special one, It's best if it's what he needs. It's what he deserves for being such a good friend, a great bandmate, and an all-around lovely person to keep.

Once the fan sign is done, Hyunjin walks to the car back with him.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"You don't have to," Felix kindly refuses.

Hyunjin puts his arm around his shoulder and asks him again, "What is it? Tell me," he gently shakes his shoulder.

Felix grins as he thinks of something, "A house?"

Hyunjin burst into laughter, knowing that it isn't something that he can't afford, not now, probably not ever.

"You should ask that from Han!"

Felix also laughs and stops at the door of the car, "anything."

Hyunjin sighs because that's too broad, too general. Anything is anything but he's not sure if Felix would like it if he gifted him a piece of chewing gum.

"You give me a useless clue, Felix," Hyunjin mumbles with an annoyed eye-roll.

"I'll appreciate any gifts because that means you think of me when you choose it," Felix explains.

As expected, Felix is simple and warm, he's so pleasant to be with which makes it hard for him to find the perfect birthday gift.

Again, makes him feel like a terrible friend for not knowing what to get for him.

-

It's easier to be said than done.

Seeing you and not being able to touch you is hard. Not when he has known how you tasted and felt like, not when he's addicted to your touches and kisses.

It's been hours since the last time he saw you and he already misses you, so much that it's manifesting into physical pain.

Seeing you with Felix is... he doesn't know how to put it. Jealous? Hyunjin wants your affection and attention for him, him only.

Now he hates you for making him jealous of his friend.

But on top of all that, he wants the assurance that that night happened between you and him. It's real for him and he wants to know if it's real for you too.

It's hard to be alone with you when there are always people around him and when he's alone, you're not there. He thinks of another strategy to find alone time with you.

During soundcheck, he sees you going around the pit with your camera and taking pictures in between. He isn't sure if you looked at him but he did.

How come he misses you more after he saw you?

Letting his other bandmates leave first, Hyunjin stalled by taking small steps behind them. He knows you'll be passing this way too, you always go back to the green room a few minutes after the soundcheck finishes.

So he waits and waits, his heart starts to pitter-patter at the sight of you coming his way.

It's the perfect time to take you someplace that he knows no one will be there.

"Come with me," he says as he grabs your hand and takes you to the hidden chamber under the stage where the logistic boxes are stored.

It's dark with the only source of light coming from the tiny crack between two black curtains.

It's just the two of you now and suddenly, he loses what he's planning to ask you, to say to you.

"What?" Your voice is so low it's almost like a whisper.

"I—" he blanked out, losing his mind as he looks into your eyes, shining even under minimum light.

There's only this small space that separated him from you and he just wanted to get as close as possible to you, his feet take a step closer toward you.

"Yes?" You ask again with those eyes that keep luring him to look, deeper and deeper.

The next thing he knows, he's drowning in them. His hands hold each side of your face and slowly, he kisses you.

In no time, you melt into his arms, resting your hands on his chest as he pulls you impossibly closer to him.

You open your mouth for him, letting him invade you, getting as much taste of you. You kiss him back, softly, opposite to his hungry kisses.

With your hand on his chest, you gently push him away to stop him from kissing you.

"I need to breathe," you tell him while catching your breath.

Hyunjin is not sorry for being so needy yet he bashfully smiles at you, he buries his head in your neck to compensate for not being able to kiss your lips.

You let him have it too. You glide your hands up, putting them around his neck.

The warm breath you exhale tickles his ear but he likes it, he likes it because he can hear your faint giggles as he places fluttering kisses on your neck.

He drops his hands to your waist, wrapping them tightly around you, and pulls you even closer until your body is molded into his.

"I hate you," he playfully whispers to you.

You turn your head to look at him, "what is it now?"

"I hate you for making me miss you," he replies.

You giggle again and it's the cutest thing he ever heard. Oh! The things he wanted to do to you if he wasn't in a dark, confined space with you.

Before you can turn your head away, he captures your lips in a kiss, long and lingering, taking your breath away for the second time.

Hyunjin knows when to stop this time, he lets go of the kiss but not pulling away. He turns to playfully bite on your lower lip, tugging it between his teeth while you can only smile as he does as he pleases.

He stops biting to only start sucking on your lips, then kisses you again at the end while his hands wander by themselves, touching your clothed body and squeezing the flesh with so much passion.

It's getting dangerous now that his kisses become hungrier, harder, and deeper and his hands are slipping under your t-shirt, feeling the heat of your body under his touch.

The right decision is to stop whatever it is he's doing but when he's with you, he can't think straight. Judging from his past experiences, he always ended up taking bad decisions.

"Hyunjin," you call his name while running out of breath.

Should he be thankful that you put on a halt to this?

You smile while taking his hands from you to hold them in yours, intertwining them together and dropping them to the sides.

"We have to go," you remind him.

He pulls you close again, "No, we can stay."

A chuckle escaped your mouth and he steals a kiss on the corner of your lips.

"I'll go first," you volunteer to be the one leaving the secret rendezvous.

Hyunjin holding your hand tighter, not willing to let you go. But he knows he has to, he reminded himself that it's the best option for now.

With a soft kiss on your knuckle, he lets you go.

At the end of the concert, Hyunjin is always the last to get off the stage. He prefers to stick a little longer, waving to his fans, and takes a long, good look at them for making another memorable night together with him.

And you'll be there, at the side of the stage, cheering them for a successful show.

Everything feels different now that he knows you're no longer thinking he hates you, you wouldn't misunderstand him again.

The temptation to just let the world knows that you are his and he's yours is a little too hard to ignore. As he gets off the stage, Hyunjin has to put everything in him not to run and kiss you.

He has to be fine watching you greet someone else with that smile and not getting that pat on the back, telling him he did a good job.

Just three more stops, three more stops and he can have you, all of you.

-

LAST STOP ON THE TOUR.

Something is not right.

Hyunjin senses that something is slightly off with you. At a glance, he can tell that everything is fine just like last night, the two of you went on a secret date and he could tell that you liked it by how your smile didn't wear off for a second.

Something happened after last night. For all he knows, something could have happened this morning.

It's just that when he takes a closer look, he knows something is not right. Your smile wavers, your stay quiet, and your eyes dim, the glints you usually have in them are nowhere to be seen.

Hyunjin needs to make sure that it has nothing to do about him and you, about the relationship. Maybe you're simply having a bad day or feeling sentimental about the tour coming to an end.

It could be that but Hyunjin has to know for sure.

He sees you walking out of the green room, he has only a few minutes then it's his turn to get his make-up done. He runs out and sees you're walking in the hallway, heading somewhere with your camera.

He chases after you and takes your hand, he makes sure no one is around when he takes you inside the infirmary that he knows will always be empty.

You look a little taken aback when he turns to face you.

It becomes a habit now, seeing your face automatically sends his brain to do one thing: to kiss you.

The moment his lips make contact with yours, everything feels alright again and his weariness evaporates into thin air. You smile as he takes more of your lips with a playful kiss, brushing his lips over yours, again and again, hungrily, never enough.

He only lets go knowing that you running out of breath, he brushes the hair that curtain your face and put it to the side, holding them there.

"How are you?"

"I'm good," you answer.

That thin smile you put on your face is telling him the opposite. He holds your face like a piece of glass that could break if he holds it too hard but it would be easy for him to look into your head and see what's bothering you.

Hyunjin gently rubs your cheek with his thumb, in slow, circular motions. Softly speaking, he asks, "Are we good?"

You let out a chuckle, "of course, we're good," you confidently answer.

That sounds convincing but has not quite put him at ease yet. He pulls you close and hugs you, he buries his nose in your hair, drinking in the scent that gives him a sense of comfort.

"Are you sad that the tour is ending soon?" He carefully asks, afraid that it's not something you wanted to talk about yet.

For a moment, he doesn't get an answer. Then, you nod.

He splayed his hand on the arch of your back and kisses the top of your head, "but we'll be still together, you hear me?"

You nod again as your hands wrapped tightly around his dainty waist as if he'd fly away. But that's just what you do, keep him grounded, make him better, happier.

Hyunjin is happy to know that you feel the same about it. The tour ending means that he'll no longer be able to be with you 24/7 but he also can't wait to disclose this relationship, he's tired of hiding it, hiding you.

"Look at me!"

You tilt your head to look at him and he can see the sadness in your eyes. He doesn't want to see that, he wants to see those eyes shine like they always do.

"I love you," he lowly mutters.

For the first time, it feels so right to say it, maybe because you're the right person that he doesn't feel any pressure after saying it. If anything, he feels more confident with his feelings. He loves you.

You're not saying anything but standing on your tiptoe to kiss him, responding to his words with action. You're replying to his words with your warm lips and your sweet breath, then a smile that lingers on your face as you pull away.

"Are you not going to say it back to me?" He jokingly asks.

You quickly bury your face in his neck, shyly smiling in the crook of his shoulder.

In the front pocket of his jeans, Hyunjin's phone is vibrating between your bodies and it startles both of you.

"I swear it's my phone," he says with a sly grin.

He fishes it out and hit accept without looking, "I'll be there in a minute," he says, then hang up.

You take a step backward, know that he has to go and it's less than an hour left before showtime.

"I'll go first," he says.

"Okay."

He puts his hand on your neck and brings you close so he can kiss you, slow yet deep, you almost choke on air when he sucks on your tongue.

Teasing you more, he gently bites on your lower lip to finally let go. He's triumphantly smirking, knowing that he got you completely breathless from it.

The closer he gets to the end of the concert, the more he's enjoying himself. Hyunjin believes it's coming from the pressures slowly getting off his shoulders.

Truthfully, it's been hard for him to keep it a secret, to keep you for himself, to be alone with you and he's getting closer to being free.

For his solo performance, Hyunjin plays his rendition of Jimi Hendrix's Little Wing. It's not something that he usually plays because this particular track is slower in tempo, rhythm, and blues-inspired ballad. It's one of Jimi Hendrix's most concise and melodically focused pieces.

"Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales..."

That's what you are to him: pretty, dreamy things that fascinated him.

"When I'm sad, she comes to me with a thousand smiles she gives to me free..."

And that's what you do to him, you brighten his days and light up his nights, fill the hours with your laughs and smiles.

Hyunjin just can't wait for you to take him flying on your little wings, riding in the wind.

Once the concert ends, Hyunjin doesn't want to be the last to come to you. Other than that, he can't stop his feelings that are coming at you at full speed.

You should be warned that there's no stopping for him.

Hyunjin walks past Felix and comes to you, he doesn't want to give himself a second to think, he just wants to do it.

With his heart pounding inside his chest, his blood rushing, and adrenaline still overflowing out of him, Hyunjin comes at you and grabs you by the waist, then kisses you. It's not quite a turn-on with him drenched in sweat but fuck it, he's been waiting for weeks to do this, he gave up more than what he could give.

Hyunjin deserves this, he deserves...

Then you push him away, hard enough to send him staggering backward.

He looks at you and sees your eyes filled with something almost like repulsion. Your hand flies to cover your mouth and then, he sees it, your eyes shifting at Felix.

Felix stares back at you with his mouth slightly hang open, then he glances at Hyunjin.

What the fuck is happening? Why did he do wrong? What it has got to do with Felix? The two of you are just friends or...

Hyunjin turns to look at you but you're already running away from him. You run without turning your head back at him as if he's the past that you want to forget.

Instead of flying with your little wings, he watches you run and run and run.

-

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[chaotic-mystery]

Code Red Chapter Eight | I Could Fly Home, With My Eyes Closed

Pairing: No outbreak AU dbf!Joel Miller x f!OC (told in 2nd POV)

Summary: Everything's going good with Joel and your life, but is it almost too good? What happens when you put Joel on the spot about taking a vacation together?

Content Warnings: SMUT, 18+ only blog MDNI. Enemies to lovers, dads best friend Joel, age gap (readers in her twenties and Joel is in his forties), slow burn, strained father/daughter relationship, daddy issues, swearing, arguing, mentions of anxiety and how that feels, angst, showering with Joel, hand job, dirty talk, morning sex, penetration (p in v), pet names (Joel refers to himself as daddy and you call him that as well), worshipping, fantasizing about eating you out at work, power dynamic, reader smokes. (If I've missed anything please let me know!)

Authors Note: I'm back. After some long thinking I decided it would be best to change Code Red from a reader insert to a female OC told in 2nd POV. There's just too much in here that adds to the story and dynamics for it to continue to be a reader insert while also being a blank slate. I want to reiterate the reader IS NOT physically described in any way other than having hair long enough to push away from the face. There's an underlying personality that I want to add and explore more and I hope you guys love it just as much as I do. Thank you always @pedgito for beta-ing for me, I love you. I love you all and thank you for the constant support on this. || wc: 5.3k || notif blog || ao3 ||

Every night for the past few months you were staying late at work with Joel to help him sort through the blueprints Tommy left out all over the place during the day. Joel’s hands rest on your shoulders as you sit at your desk, typing up some paperwork so you don’t have to worry about it later.He leans down close to your ear and ever so softly glides his lips over the shell of your ear. 

“Can we go now, baby? S’getting late and I need to get some food in my belly.” A soft kiss to your cheek makes you smile, face growing warmer by the second. 

“Just one more and then I’ll be done, I swear it.” You chuckle and squirm away, trying to type as fast as you can. His lips motivate you to keep going and soon enough his hands follow, dragging up your sides and stopping right over your wrists. 

“No, no more. It’ll be here for tomorrow.” Your chair spins around and you become face to face with Joel. 

“Mmmm I’m not too sure if my boss will like that.” You joke.

A grin fights to spread on his lips. “Yeah, baby? Since when do you care about making me upset?”  

“Since always.” Bullshit. You make him upset for the fun of it. The way his brows knit together and he gets that frown, arms crossed over his chest. He looked so good when he was mad. 

He reaches out his hand and pushes back on your chair to make it recline the closer he gets to your face, a small hum coming from his mouth. Menthol and tobacco tickles your nose as Joel leans in as close as he can before touching his plush lips to yours. You can almost taste him. You need him so badly. 

“You’re not a very good liar, sweet girl.” 

He finally closes the gap between you two and his tongue immediately wants access to your mouth which you happily oblige. Pulling him closer as if he was going to disappear, you run your fingers through his dirty curls at the nape of his neck. He was your drug and by god did you need every single ounce of him. Soft grunts come from between his lips which causes you to smirk between kisses and makes you wonder how far he’d let this go right here at your desk. 

Just as you grab his shirt to pull it from where it was tucked in his jeans, Joel laughs and pulls away slightly, just enough to look at you. 

“Come on, let’s go home.” 

Home. 

What he means is your house, but home slipped out so effortlessly. Like clock work he’d drive you two back to your shared neighborhood and he’d grab clothes from his house and usually something to read, either the farmers almanac or a magazine from the gas station, and come over to eat dinner with you before you hole up for the night and relax. It was only on nights Sarah wasn’t home and with her mother, as she had no idea about her dad dating the cool neighbor to the left of them. You respected the idea of him not wanting to tell her yet. The feeling always came back to you late at night when Joel was asleep in your bed with soft snores coming from him, always reminding you how wonderful he really was. Joel would never put Sarah in the position to constantly have women coming and going in her life, confusing her every single time she’d come back to his house and learn her dad was no longer with his girlfriend. Alan on the other hand, was good at making your life feel like a revolving door, no stability, no good people around besides what little family of his he tolerated. Joel is the complete opposite of him and how they’re friends, you’ll never understand. 

✮

You toss your purse onto the counter as Joel locks the deadbolt on the front door before he kicks his boots off onto the mat and groans tiredly as his feet rest flat on the hardwood floor. You grab a glass from the cabinet above your head to pour yourself a glass of water to go with your fries from the diner you just left. Joel looks at you with a puzzled expression on his face as he walks over to you. 

“What are you doin’, I thought you were full?”

You put a fry in your mouth and look at him before answering.

“No, but I noticed how tired you were and I didn’t want you to wait on me to finish so that’s why I asked Pearl for a box. No big deal baby, it’s fine.” 

Joel's face drops as he starts to understand why you did what you did. 

“Baby…” He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose before continuing, “please don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” You question with a mouth full of french fries and look at him confused. You weren’t seeing an issue with what you did but it was clear Joel was feeling differently. 

“This. Don’t rush yourself and not finish eating because you think I’m annoyed you’re taking too long or whatever may be the case.” Joel checks his tone and makes sure he’s not coming across as mad, but concerned. 

He steps in front of you and grabs your face, thumb smoothing over your cheek slowly as he looks at your eyes. 

“As corny as this is gonna sound, I'm gonna say it anyway. I will always wait for you, doesn’t matter what Im waiting on you for. If you’re eating I want you to enjoy your food, not look at me and think you gotta finish the rest at home because you think I’m gonna get mad at ya. Take your time, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Promise.” His attempt at reassuring you ends with a kiss to your forehead and his arms wrapping around you tightly until you’re against him with not an inch between you two. 

Your throat tightens with the need to apologize for doing that, as if you’ve done something wrong. 

“Okay…I’m sorry…” You mutter against his chest. 

“It’s fine, honey. I’m not mad at ya. Tell you what, why don’t I go shower and then we can watch a movie. How’s that sound?” You kiss him in agreement and Joel gives you a tired smile before he walks towards the bathroom with his clean clothes in hand. Time ticks on and it feels like eternity before you hear the water start and the shower curtain close and you couldn’t help but want to sit in there with him and just be near him. He made you finally feel comfortable in every aspect of yourself to allow yourself the small things as such.

You walk over to the bathroom door and clutch the crystal door knob to give it a turn and open the door just enough for you to slip inside. Steam whooshes past your face and the smell of your cucumber melon body wash fills your nose and you can’t help but smile at him smelling like you, never gets old.

“What’re you doin’ in here?” Joel hollers in a playful tone as he lathers his body with soap. 

You rest against the sink with your arms folded over your chest and for a second you think about ripping your clothes off to join him. You must’ve been taking too long to respond, suddenly your face was sprinkled with water to snap you back to reality. 

“You just gonna stand there and be silent or are you gonna get your ass in here?” 

That was all you needed to hear. Your clothes were on the floor before he could finish rinsing the stress filled day off his body. Joel turns around to the back of the shower and looks at you kind of surprised, not thinking you’d really join him in the shower. He switches spots with you and your eyes flutter shut with the trail of warm water running down your body until you’re covered in it. 

“Do you want me to wash your back for you, honey?” 

You think for a moment and answer Joel truthfully.

“Not at the moment but um…I was wondering if you’d hold me? Just for a second and then I’ll wa-“ 

Joel stops you by wrapping his arms around your torso from behind and giving you a light squeeze to let you know it’s okay. 

Nothing mattered in that moment besides him in that ugly green bathroom you hated so much, with his arms wrapped around you as if he’s won the lottery or something. To him he did, he definitely won. 

Joel, trying to be as much of a gentleman as he could be, starts to inch his fingers down your hip little by little, tugging you closer against his groin. 

“You’re so beautiful. Fuck I’m so lucky to even be this close to you.” He kisses your shoulder and continues speaking.

“To touch you.” A kiss between your shoulder blades.

“To see your bratty ass sitting so pretty at that desk at work…bet you didn’t even know you make me so hard I have to distract myself with something else before I do something I’ll regret.” His teeth ever so slightly graze your earlobe before he spins you around to face him. 

You open your eyes slowly and decide to test him a little more. 

“Like what? What would you do that you’d regret?” Smoothing over his sides beneath the warm water, you kiss his chest and hear his breath shudder, distracted from giving you a polite version of his answer. 

“To take you to the bathroom stall and eat your pussy until you’re screaming against my hand on your mouth, begging me to stop.”

“What makes you think I’d let you get that far before I’d get my hands on you?” You retort. Joke was on him, you’d never let him get ahead of you like that before you got your way with him first.

Still, you wanted to play this game with him. Before he could respond, you lean up and kiss him roughly, your hand traveling down his stomach until you bump his cock, already half hard just thinking about having you in such a predicament. 

A moan chokes out from Joel as if he’s been holding that one back forever and you can’t help but get into how much power you have over him, regardless what he says. Each stroke to his cock from your wet hand earns you a louder moan than the previous one, his hand reaching down desperately to cup your ass, water splashing against your feet harshly.

“F-fuck baby, jus’ like that. My god-” 

You hook your arm on his shoulder to keep him still as you go faster and kiss his neck, more and more moans pouring from his soft lips like honey. Joel’s knees begin to buckle a little and you smirk in the crook of his neck before biting the skin just enough to make him wince. 

“You’re so fucking hard, Joel. Dirty old man, thinking about eating me out at work. Tsk tsk tsk.” Whatever he’s been doing to you over the past months was giving you this new found confidence to be a dirty talker and a little dominant even though you were the biggest brat he’s ever crossed. 

Joel’s eyes squeeze tight as he takes in your words mixed with your hand curling just right over the sensitive tip. 

“O-old man, huh? But you wanna suck this old man's dick, don’t you?” 

He got you there, you wanted to do more than that. 

“Maybe, maybe not.” 

“What did I say earlier, honey…you’re not a very good liar.” He moans out and you pump his cock faster, hoping it would keep him from talking. 

Just as his groans echoes off the tile of the shower walls, you hear tires on the gravel driveway outside. You both stop in your places and turn to look out the small window above your head and notice your dad’s truck in your driveway. 

Fuck. 

Immediately you shut the water off and throw Joel’s towel at him and tell him to stay in the tub before you close the curtain on him and wrap a new towel around you from the closet. Hastily you begin to run around your entire place trying to grab anything that remotely looked like someone else was here with you. Joel’s boots sitting by the front door catches your eye and you bend down to grab them, hearing your doorbell ring. A big clunk comes from the boots hitting the closet floor before you close the doors and you can see your father’s shadow in the frosted glass of your front door. 

Fuck.

Three loud knocks to the glass pane makes you jump and you holler loud enough for him to hear outside, “One second! Hold on!” You run to your room and throw on a robe quickly before making your way back to the door with the fabric tied tightly around your body. 

You open the door to face your dad’s back and he turns to face you. 

“Bad time?” He dryly asks. 

“N-no, I was just getting out of the shower. Not trying to be rude but what are you doing here? It’s so late and I didn’t know you knew where I lived…” You close the collar on your robe more as the wind breezes past, sending goosebumps down your already anxious body. 

“I uh, I didn’t. I came to see Joel but he’s probably asleep, didn’t answer…and I noticed your car over here, didn’t know yall were neighbors.” He breathes in sharply as if he’s offended you didn’t share that with him. 

“So do I get to see the place or not?” He half asks as he’s trying to step inside before you give your answer. Noticing how pushy he’s being, it’s clear something is bothering him but he won’t spit it out. 

“No it’s really messy in here, I’ll invite you back though, promise.” You hold the door against your side tightly, foot behind it to keep it still. The awkwardness lingers while he processes you telling him no, something he’s never been able to understand when it comes from you. 

Tongue in cheek, he nods a little disappointedly and steps backwards to the railing of the porch. 

“S’okay. Didn’t think you’d want your dad in your space anyway, I get it.” There it was. The same sad sob story he always gave, his favorite card to play the second you didn’t turn into his puppet like you used to as a little girl. 

“Dad-” you begin, “-it’s not like that, I swear.” Your head falls as you can feel yourself getting more and more upset by the second. Nothing good is going to come from this, from him knowing you live here. Next to Joel. 

“Did you find a new job yet? The girls down at the bar keep talkin’ about how everyone around here knows about the little fight you caused months ago and now no one wants to hire ya.” The nerve he had to come over here, thinking you’d be chit chatty at almost eleven o’clock at night, just to hear how those bitches down at the bar that don’t even know you, tell your dad about his own daughter. 

Speechless, you stand there with a growing lump in your throat that acted as a net and stole every single word that you attempted to choke out. 

“I’m just saying, it doesn’t look good on me.” 

Unbelievable.

Blood boiling like water on a stove, you sigh loudly and stand straight up, ready to tell him exactly what you were thinking.

“I have a job now, thanks. I’ve had one for a few months now, actually. Thank you for coming over here and insulting me and telling me what the girls at that grimey fucking bar think of me. I really appreciate it, dad. Goodnight.” You slam the door and lock it before he has the chance to open it and knowing him he would. Within seconds your heartbeat begins to race and your head gets dizzy, Joel takes notice and he’s clothed now as he comes from around the corner. There’s no room to care that he heard every word of what just happened, you can’t get air into your lungs fast enough and you look panicked at him. 

“J-Joel I-” You clutch your chest and glance around the room quickly.

He rushes over to you and cups your face, muttering something to soothe you but you can’t make out what he’s saying.

“I-I’m gonna go sh-shower.” 

“Baby, are you okay? Do you want me to come sit in there with you?” He asks but everything seems so muffled over the beat of your own heart that hasn’t slowed yet. You wander towards the bathroom and shut the door behind you, locking it without answering Joel. Warm tears glide down your cheeks as you start the water once more and step in, your cold body shivering under the now hot water that feels like it’s going to melt your skin off. 

Why would he say that? Surely he defended you to them, right? As a father, he could not have just sat there and let them talk about you like that, no way. Anyone in their right mind would never let someone talk about their daughter in such a manner but this was your dad, and he wasn’t a regular dad. 

Trails of water run down your back and you stand in silence with a hand over your mouth to muffle the sobs you started to let out. You couldn’t tell if it was tears or water from the shower coating your face anymore. 

✮

The sunlight slowly begins to pour into your bedroom, mourning doves singing faintly as they sit in the trees. As you lay there with Joel snoring on his back next to you, you couldn’t help but replay the night before. Your dad knowing where you live, especially next to Joel, wasn’t something you ever planned on sharing. Deep in thought, you didn’t even notice Joel stirring awake next to you until you’re engulfed by his arms wrapping around you and tugging you into him. 

“Good morning, baby.” He mumbles in your ear and nuzzles into your neck, eyes still shut. His favorite thing to do as soon as he’s awake is to pull you close and have a cuddle before you get up for the day, but today felt different. The house was silent but there was this unmentioned tenseness you didn’t talk about from last night and you weren’t even sure if he did hear everything your dad said to you. 

Failure. An embarrassment. How long before Joel soon started to see you that way?

“Hey…you’re doin’ too much thinkin’ before you’ve had coffee. What’s the matter?” Soft kisses to your cheek snaps you out of it and you try to shake it off. 

“Nothin, it’s nothing. Do you want pancakes or waffles for breakfast?” You sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than you were Joel. 

“I want this. Just stay like this a little longer.” Joel presses more kisses to your shoulder and trails them over your chest until you’re on your back, tucked under him snugly. 

“You don't really want that.” 

Joel scoffs and dips his head under the covers to soon place his mouth on your stomach. “It’s exactly-“ he pecks your skin, “-what I want.” A low groan vibrates against your belly and you laugh slightly from the tickling sensation as your fingers manage their way into his soft bed head. 

Hooking his index and middle finger in the waistband of your panties, Joel starts to trail his mouth down your abdomen and bites at the blue cotton fabric covering your growing aching heat by the second. 

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Joel kisses your clothed pussy before dipping his fingers inside right to your clit. Slipping against his fingers makes you moan in his mouth and press your body against his enough to make your nipples brush against his arm. 

“J-fuck-Joel, please fuck me, god damn. Fuck me.” Your whiny pleads only make him finger you in more of a teasing manner, changing speeds and styles sporadically against your desperate attempts to fuck yourself against him. His mouth falls open to bite your earlobe while his fingers toy with your entrance. 

“You want daddy’s big dick inside you, hm? Use your manners.” His left hand comes up to rest on your windpipe as he kisses your lips. 

“Please, please please, daddy, please fill me up.” 

Everything was different this morning, even the sex. He felt more gentle with his actions, not wanting to throw you around like a ragdoll this time and it was a nice change for you. 

With a swift move Joel shucks off his basketball shorts and runs the tip of his cock through your folds, coating himself in your arousal as his lube. 

“That’s right, such a good girl for me.” His finger swirls slowly on your plush lips before going inside your mouth, pressing down on your tongue softly. Like muscle memory, you suck his finger and bite down firmly when he puts his cock inside you, the pressure subduing rather quickly when you adjust to him. 

Quivering warm breaths hit your neck as Joel buries his face into you. Moaning and groaning echo off your bedroom walls and you feel Joel nibble on your neck trying to get you to moan louder for him. 

“Yesss oh my god Joel, just like that please.” Your slurred words go quieter as his hips slam into you, but it wasn’t the normal rough sex. The passion was through the roof and he wanted to make you feel worshiped. 

“You’re so good to me baby doll, so damn good to me.” His husky voice is like liquid velvet in your ears and you can’t get enough. Joel’s name flys from your mouth with every other curse word you can rattle off as you start to feel that burning sensation in the pits of your belly. Arms wrapping around his neck and nails clawing at his back, your legs close around his waist subconsciously, trying to get him deep inside you as you could. It felt too good to let him sit up and pound into you, that’s not what you wanted. 

Chasing that orgasm, Joel starts to whimper in your ear everything you want to hear, squirming on top of you as he made it his mission to make you come before he did and he was putting in the work. Joel’s mouth around your nipples, biting and sucking for moments at a time before he goes back to your neck, then back to your nipples. 

“Cmon, jus’ like that. F-fuck, baby-ughhh-yes, I-I-” His words fall short on your lips as they connect, tongues dancing in the middle together. 

“I-I love y-you” was the last thing you heard before coming on his cock thrusting deeply inside of you and with a few more pumps, Joel was shooting warm ropes of cum inside you. 

Panting underneath him trying to catch your breath, you smooth the curls at the nape of his neck and whisper, “I love you too.”

I love you. 

Of course you wanted to say it months ago, hell, you’ve been waiting to say it since he defended you that night at White Pony. Being with him for the last eight months was nothing short of trying. You butt heads like no one’s business and throw little comments at each other under your breaths and he doesn’t take your shit, as do you his. 

I love you.

It sounded so good coming from him. 

I love you.

✮

Seeing Joel all fucked out and snoring softly in your room with pink sheets and pillowcases surrounding him makes you laugh quietly to yourself, the most southern man you’ve ever met who wasn’t afraid to sleep in a hyper pink room. He always tells you it’s the best sleep he can get but you’re convinced it’s just your mattress he loves. 

A knock on your front door makes you jump slightly. A Saturday morning and someone knocking on your door? Probably the neighborhood kids playing around. Pulling on your black sweatpants and a clean shirt from off the floor, you slink down the stairs and open the front door to a bouquet of roses sitting right at the edge of the stairs. 

What the fuck?

Small rainbows casted onto the wooden porch as the sun shined through it, roses dancing ever so gracefully in the breeze. A card poked through the bubblegum pink bulbs and you could feel your anxiety growing from something you were unsure about. Not many had your address but now that your dad knows where you live, who knows what shit he’d pull. 

“Miss you, baby girl! I’m so proud of you for doing what’s best for you. Hope these get to you when you need them the most. 

-mom” 

She always did have a good intuition of when you needed her the most. You dip inside without making too much noise  to grab your cigarettes and lighter from your purse sitting by the coat rack, closing the front door softly to assure Joel wouldn’t wake. 

Warm tobacco fills your lungs to take the edge off your anxiety and for some reason you couldn’t stop feeling like you needed to go see your mom. She had a cabin out in Michigan right in South Haven near the beach, private and secluded just how she always wanted, that you never grew tired of being in. It’s been years since you’ve got to go due to work and moving all over the place to get away from your mistakes that seemed to follow no matter where you went. Texas was safe, for now at least. 

The slowly burning cigarette was getting towards the end and you crushed the butt against the sidewalk before flicking it into the pebbles by your bushes and groaning at yourself mentally, knowing Joel will see it and give you an earful later about doing that. 

Why shouldn’t you go see your mom? You had the money saved up and it didn’t seem to be too hard to get your boss to agree to give you the time off. Your feet move as fast as they can back inside the house to the counter to set the flowers down and then upstairs to Joel in your bed, sound asleep on his stomach with his face barely visible behind his bicep of his arm tucked under the satin pink pillow. 

Climbing on top of him and basically straddling his ass, you pull the covers off him and rub his back slowly, dragging your nails up and down his skin softly. A couple of mumbles leave his lips as he stirs under you, his other arm reaching backwards and squeezing your leg just enough to realize it was you. 

“Mmmmbabyyyy whasthemaddur?” His cheeks squished together distort his words but by this point you were fluent in half asleep Joel language. 

“I need to ask my boss something but I don’t know what he’ll say.” You giggle and kiss the top of his back and lay your chest on him, your arms at his sides comfortably. His heart was beating faster with every rise and fall of breath he takes in. 

“I was um…I was thinking ya know…I want to go see my mom, in Michigan.” You looked in his direction before continuing. “And I was wondering if I could get maybe a week off? Pleaseeee.” You drag out the last word and start to kiss his back more in hopes he’d comply and give in faster. Was Joel really prepared to tell you no? 

He turns his head the opposite way and coughs as he wakes up more, chuckling at your attempts to butter him up. 

“You, my favorite worker, want a week off? To go on vacation? The nerve!” Joel’s dramatic tone takes you by surprise and you continue kissing his back trying to contain your laughter.

“She lives in Michigan? Must be pretty nice there on the lake- never been but I’ve been to Chicago a few times, real pretty out on the water.” The softness in his voice makes your heart swell a little and before you can stop yourself you ask flat out, “what if you came with me?” 

Joel turns to the side and dumps you onto the bed before sitting up to look at you.

“What?” The smile was long gone now from where it was mere seconds ago on his face.

You push the fluffy comforter out of your sight and meet his eyes.

“Come with me. Let me show you around Michigan and you can meet my mom, maybe.” Everything felt right, it felt like the right time for Joel to meet your mom, having been together for eight months now.

Joel fiddles with the loose thread coming from the cover and you start to get that anxious feeling again.

“I um…I can’t, darlin’...I’m sorry. I just-” He stops but he doesn’t know how to continue, so he doesn’t attempt to say more for what felt like eternity. “With Sarah and everything I can’t, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, I get it.” Your voice cracks and you sit up facing the wall to hastily wipe your face and pretend like that didn’t just break your heart a little. 

✮

A couple weeks pass and it’s been awkward between you and Joel since he shut down the idea of meeting your mother. It wasn’t like you’d be around her the entire trip but he didn’t give you a chance to explain either. Maybe that was too far for his boundaries. 

With your flight booked and your bags packed sitting by the front door, Joel had been distant at work and didn’t stay for long when he’d come over after work. Was this your punishment for trying to grow with him?

As you dragged your luggage to the driver you booked, you notice Joel’s truck gone from his driveway and your heart drops in your chest. Not even a goodbye, see you when you get back, nothing. 

You get in the back of the car and drive to the airport with tears stinging your eyes. You’ve officially scared him off and he wants nothing to do with you now. 

His phone rings four times before you get his voicemail, that voice is like music to your ears. 

“This is Joel, I uh- I can’t come to the phone right now but leave me a message I call ya back- bye.”

The recording beeps and suddenly you’re speaking exactly what you’re thinking.

 “Joel…it’s me. I um-“ your voice cracks, a tear rolling down your cheek, “-I’m on my way to the airport right now…I just wanted to say bye. I walked over but you weren’t home even though I told you when I was leaving. Why are you doing this to me? I don’t understand…” 

The tears were flowing down your warm face, the driver nervously looking in his rear view mirror to check on you. You hang up the phone angrily before tossing it in your purse. What once was a beautiful view and lovely drive became a cry fest and blurred by tears. 

Within an hour the driver pulls up to the airport and helps you with your stuff, telling you to have a safe trip before driving off. So many couples littered the building inside, scattered off to the side either reuniting or departing, some leaving together. That should’ve been you and Joel. Ugly airport outfits and coffee in hand, laughing at the delusion that riddled your tired brains. 

You plop down on the bench near your gate and pull out your book, the faeries and mortals making it seem so much better than here. 

“You gonna read the whole time we’re in Michigan or?” That fucking voice. 

Joel.

You practically break your neck to turn and look at him, a filthy smirk plastered on his face. 

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

I'm in severe pain cause of endometriosis right now, can we get more loganxwadexdisabled!reader :3

"Out fucking cold," Wade declared.

Logan grunted, nodding wordlessly. He knew that. He could hear the change in your breathing once the medication kicked in. And again when sleep finally won out.

"You okay, Peanut?"

"Sure. Just glad she's not fucking screaming anymore."

"Pretty sure the screaming was mostly frustration," Wade hummed. "I had days like that where I just wanted to scream because it fucking hurt and there was nothing I could do about it."

In the dark of the bedroom Logan readjusted to be able to see both of you. Wade had a hand in your hair still, watching you with an expression that was hard to read. "And she can't even remember not hurting like that- I don't think."

Logan put his hand on top of Wade's and Wade smiled wryly, "If she could fight we'd be fucked."

"Probably," Logan snorted.

"Looks like you get to be all big and bad and tell her boss she's staying home tomorrow-"

"Good luck with that."

Wade grinned, "I had to double her fucking dose. Tomorrow morning she won't even know what day of the week it is. We could tell her it's Saturday and she'd probably buy it as long as I make pancakes and no on turns on the news."

Logan huffed a laugh and laid his hand on your back when you stirred in your sleep, making a soft little whimper that made him wince. "She's gonna be pissed."

"But she'll feel better," Wade said confidently. "Naps, kisses, and having hunky guys at her beck and call? If that doesn't fix some shit I don't know what will."

"Not a goddamn nurse-"

"Me either, Logi-bear," Wade reminded, "But-" He looked down at your sleeping form meaningfully. "Who else is gonna do it?"

A soft growl was the only answer but, he knew that it was true. You needed rest. Bad pain days were exhausting. They'd both seen you come home looking dazed and drained- like it took all your mental energy just to deal with it. But it had never been LIKE THIS. You'd learned to manage.

But this scared him. Scared them both.

_______________

In the morning, when you did wake up, Logan peered around the bathroom door and watched you carefully.

You sat up slowly and had to get your bearings. Eyes are half-open and still red. And his chest hurt. He wondered how many mornings you'd had to do this alone.

"How do you feel?" he asked, wiping shaving cream off his face and coming over.

"Like I got hit by a truck," you rasp.

"How's the pain?"

"It's there," you tell him, starting to get out of bed. You have to move. Your head feels like it's full of cotton. Your mouth feels like you were licking bowling alley carpet. And You're starving. "But I gotta get ready and-"

"We called you in," Logan said.

"But I gotta work and I need to get my stuff done today so I can-"

"Your boss was more than willing to give you a day off," Logan said, waiting to catch you if you wavered as you tested your feet on the floor. "You over did it, yesterday, huh?"

"I was fucking mad. It's just so fucking stupid. Every fucking year-"

"Hey," he stopped you and tilted your chin up. Bending down to kiss you gently. "don't hurt yourself just to prove something."

"Pot-"

"It's different," he grumbled.

"It's really not. I just don't heal." You take a deep breath and haul yourself to your feet with a groan. He watched you go, making your way to the shower and frowned. But he let you go, keeping an ear out in case you needed help as he went out to find Wade.

"Mornin' Peanut," he said, "How's our patient?"

"Getting a shower," he said frowning as he poured a cup of coffee.

"Someone's been dick slapped with some reality this morning," Wade said kissing his head, " 'S'matter, Logi-bear? Did our girlfriend just remind you-"

"Shut up," Logan growled. It was different. No one expected you to do all that shit. Sure you COULD. You weren't helpless. Or as fragile as he thought when he first met you. But- it was different.

"That's a yes," Wade hummed, kissing his head.

He growled and Wade huffed a laugh; both of them paused for a moment when there was a clatter from the bathroom and Logan half shrugged, "Shampoo bottle."

Wade nodded and carried on, putting food on the table; fussing with details. Making sure that there were pancakes with hearts on them for you and grumpy faces for Logan.

You come out in fresh pajamas and Wade bounds over, tilting your chin up and kissing your face, "She lives!" he declared. "And she looks like heaven."

"I feel like death warmed over."

"Well you'll feel better with pancakes," he said, "and hot chocolate."

"I'm gonna go into a sugar coma," you tell him, pulling him down to kiss him.

"You can't be in a coma," Wade said, "we're educating Logan on pop culture today. And you have a full day of pampering ahead of you-"

"Wade I'll be okay I just need-'

"Ah-ah-ah," he said, guiding you to the table. "This is for us," he explained. "We're traumatized. And now you just gotta let us get it out of our system. And I prefer to do it by making sure you're spoiled. Logan would probably fight your spine if he could figure out a way to do it."

[keelt9]

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Mom keeps talking about how happy she is that we finally spend time together after so many years, just like the old times.

She grabs my face. “Now the 9 years of difference are almost imperceptible.” 

“Mom! I don't look that old!” Lewis choked with his fruit.

“You wish you looked like this at my age.” He sat straight. I was about to speak but mom interrupted us. 

“Keep eating, keep eating.”

This week I'll be at our parents house, so Lewis can have a few days off from me.

A Wednesday night mom entered the kitchen where Jewel keeps at my side.

“How is the project going?” I'm buried in papers, madeleines and tea.

I scoff and take my glasses. “Good? I don't know, I never imagined this amount of responsibility.” 

Mom serves a cup of tea, and sits next to me.  “He said you're doing pretty well.” I scoff and watch the papers and empty pens, picking up all the things so we can talk calmly. 

“Next is?” I pat Jewel and gave her a piece of carrot which reject at the second bite. Lewis and his idea about trying to become her vegetarian, it's useless.

“Miami.”

I’m melting like ice, if I thought the first day we arrived was hot I was clearly short about how hot the day of the race is.

“How much weight will he lose?” I asked the doctor who weighs Lewis and George.

“Between 4 or 5 kilos.” I opened my eyes. “Maybe 6.”

“SIX?! Oh my word!” Lewis laughed and set properly his race suit one more time. “Drive safe, all right?” He nods and kisses my cheek.

I walk to the hospitality area, 50 minutes until the race begins although I see Checo chatting with Yuki, a casual talk in the way both are laughing. This time Red Bull is in front of Mclaren and Mercedes next to them. 

Checo saw me and waved his hand, so I walked closer to greet him properly.

“Hi. Yuki have you met Y/N?” Yuki made a small bow and I did the same. “She is Lewis sister.” 

Yuki opened his eyes, like he just knew a big secret.

“How are you?” Checo asks me, I move my hand trying to have a fresh breeze of air.

“Melting, but I'm fine.” Both giggle.  

Yuki is the first young driver I officially met, beside George of course. “It's your first time in the paddock?”

Checo saw me with pressed lips. “Kind of.” It’s a half honest answer. “I'm dying to be in Japan, that definitely will be my first time.”

Yuki smiles as we get involved in a deep talk about food and places I should visit in the few days we'll be there.

“It’s hot, definitely hot.” We turn around and see Max walking right to us. “Morning Yuki, Y/N.” 

I don't want to be rude with Yuki so I cut the conversation as friendly as I can. “I count on you for that, all right?” 

Yuki nodded and I said goodbye to them bumping fists with Checo.

“What did I say this time?” Max says it almost right to my face. Checo laughs and pat his teammate back.

“You’re on the darkside, mate.” Max bluffs but raises his voice as I walk away.

“FINE! IT DOESN'T MATTER!” I roll my eyes when I enter the hospitality building. 

A tricky race, Lewis fought until the last lap but just reached the sixth position. It hasn't been his weeks and he knows it by the way he goes down this car and walks slowly to the garage.

This time I took a risk and waited for him at the back of the garage, even here I could hear the noise of camera shots, reporters and all the talks from the mechanics.

Lewis was surprised I was there. “Hey.” I smile and give him a small push, making just the faith of a smile appear on his face. 

“You get back, don’t pressure yourself too much.” He just nods and keeps walking to change his clothes, definitely mad about his performance.

By the time we arrived at the hotel Lewis put on his best facade during the day and tried to fool us but the one who knew him, saw something was going on.

“What do you want for dinner?” He asked me as we left the paddock.

“Actually, I prefer rest, tomorrow I have an early flight and I still have things to work on.” I’m hungry but I know he always chooses to make me company when actually he's dying from a proper rest.

Lewis is about to complain but I grab his hand on the SUV. “It’s ok, I eat a lot in the hospitality and I always can order room service.” He laid back in the seat. “Just rest, all right?”

I don't lie, I kept working on some drawings until my stomach started to growl, but I needed fresh air, so I took my purse and phone and went out for dinner.

After a quick research online I found myself waiting on a food truck for a burrito and a lemonade, with the ocean at my back and a humid ambient.

“Here you have. Enjoy your food.” A young woman gave me my order, I thanked her sitting in one of the benches they have.

It’s a peaceful night of course with a Grand Prix this morning, you can hear from time to time chattings about the drivers, the race and the results.

“I'm telling you, it was insane!” A man is walking hand in hand with a girl, who is thrilled as him, for the way she makes little jumps and talks with her hands.

“It will be out of this world, be this close to a car.” She narrows the distance of her fingers.

I scoff as I clean my fingers after finishing my dinner, even in the most random place people agree with Max.

I go back walking to the hotel, just a 20 minute walk; I need to do the last adjustment before I leave. I was talking with the receptionist when loud laughs and mumblings distract me.

Carlos, Charles, Lando, George and Max enter the hotel making the few people still up late at night and staff members look at them.

“Miss?” The receptions remind me of what we were talking about. 

I asked her to please wake me up at 4 am, and disobey Lewis' order, they don’t wake him up. I take full responsibility for him not getting upset leaving a handwritten note. 

“Sorry.” I ended up writing the note and gave it to her. “Thank you so much.” The girl smiles at me before I take my phone and walk, seeing the photos of Nicola with the kids and Roscoe.

Until I almost hit my face with the floor of the lobby.

“Don’t worry, nothing is going to happen to you tonight.” I didn’t even notice the fast reaction of Max grabbing my left arm. 

The half twisted smile and the fact he's holding too to a chair, make me take my arm from his hand.

“I'm fine, thanks.” Max stares at Charles who has a red face almost like a tomato, sitting in the chair.

“Long legs, you almost make a girl fall, that's rude.” I refuse to get involved in this so I start to walk to the elevator.

“Wait, I'll take you to your room.” Max panicked and corrected himself. “To the door of your room, not inside of your room, at the frame of your door.”

I bluff, he's definitely drunk and the only one staying alone there; Charles, is talking with a girl who is coming for him. 

I want to leave him there, I truly want to, but the half closed eyes and the fact he believes he is the savior when I easily could get in trouble, makes me doubt.

I clicked the bottom for the elevator but he sits on the chair.

“Goodness gracious.” I whisper to myself before walking back and pull him to the elevator. 

He looks at me with his eyes as open as possible, still I didn't even say a word. 

The 10 floors seem eternal as the elevator goes up, I keep tipping the floor with my feet as it could make it go faster, getting distracted when I feel Max is sliding.

I complain internally about dad always teaching us help every time you can. I grabbed his arm and put it around me, at least he could lean on me. 

“Which one is your floor?” The smell of whisky is perceptible. 

“What? No, no, I'll take you. You're the one who almost got hurt.” I clicked my tongue; discussing with him is harder, now, being drunk could be a pain.

“Ok, at least you should tell me, just in case I need more help.” My words are pure irony.

He sighs and a rumble laugh comes out of him along with a. “Smart girl.” 

My giggle is an honest one. “Yes, I know.” 

When we reach the 12th floor Max keeps mumbling things about the race, the night and why he “thinks” he’s probably drunk. 

“Ok, which one is yours?” I practically dragged him out of the elevator begging no one else where in the hallway. 

He splits and leans on the wall. “No, no, no. You first.” He highcough, still I know I have to be patient.

“Why don’t we go to your room, calm and then you could leave on mine? If you throw up, at least I prefer to be in your room.” He scoffs but nods.

“Omg, Max?” I feel my blood turn cold when I hear another voice. “I thought you would say any drinks tonight.” A man runs to him and holding him avoids him crashing on the floor.

“It was the plan, just…” He plays with his fingers before grabbing the man shirt. “A few.” 

“Let’s go, I’ll take you to your room.” But Max splits and points to me.

“No, we almost made this young girl fall, I must leave her in her room safe.” Finally the man noticed my existence and smiled in an apologetic way.

“I’m sorry, but one of the girls called to the reception about Max making a scene in the lobby but when I arrived he was already gone.” The man extended his hand. “I’m Harry, teammate of Max.”

I take his hand. “Y/N Hamilton.” He blinked rapidly.

“Y/N Ham… Hamilton. Lewis sister?” He mumbled, still Max answered for me.

“His little sister, to be more clear.” Harry threw lethal eyes to him.

“You made Lewis little sister carry you up here in these conditions?” Max nods slowly and makes me smile. “Oh, right, I almost forgot, almost made her fall.”

“Fuck yeah.” Max answers and walks where I still was standing.

“No, no, let’s go Max, you need to lay down.” Harry tries to grab him but he already has his arm around my shoulders holding me tight. 

It’s obvious he won’t let go of his nonsense of leaving in my room. 

“Hey Max, let’s do what I propose, all right? Then you could leave in my room.” In his condition, as soon as he touches his bed he falls asleep. Harry watches us unsure however follows us until his room.

Inside I walked with him to his bed as Harry closed the door and ordered a strong coffee to his room. When we reached the border of his bed I carefully made him sit but he fell backwards and closed his eyes, like I predicted.

I was about to leave him when he spoke, turning to his left side. “Y/N, you’re pretty strong you know that?” 

His words left me surprised with a strange sensation of pride. Harry enters and apologizes one more time, saying he takes care of him.

“Thanks Y/N. Most of the people will leave him, making sure they win a good post on their feeds.” I nod before walking out of the room, this time after 20 minutes I arrive at my room.

By the time I was about to get in the plane, I received a text from Lewis complaining that I must wait for him to at least he take me to the airport but I calmed him down saying I take one of his boys to do that.

“Try to have fun, ok?” I keep reading his text before entering the house.

After my no-wedding I barely see my friends, I feel so ashamed and embarrassed even though there were just a few ones who used it all the “momentum” against me. This is the first time I came to a birthday party fully convinced.

“It's nice you came Y/N, thanks.” Thomas hugs me after I finally get the chance to talk to him, he’s the birthday boy.

“Oh my, look who’s here!” The voice of Hanna or I must say the scream makes Thomas sigh and I tense my whole body.

“I’m sorry but even if I tried, she always is in the wrong moment.” 

I take a deep breath before facing one more time my “best friend” who tactfully reminded me after and during 5 months of my broken heart.

“Go, I can deal with her.” Thomas is about to speak but it's his birthday, the last thing he needs is stress on his day. “I’m fine.” 

Thomas nods and walks away as Hanna comes closer, a drink in her hand and poison accumulation in her mouth.

“My girl, it’s been what? 9 or 10 months since we saw you?” Both of us know the last time she saw me it’s the day after my wedding. “And you barely reply to my texts.” 

“Yes, I've been kind of bussy.” I play with the ice of my drink to avoid making eye contact.

Hanna fake a compressive smile, predicting something she will say. “I can imagine after a failure like an almost wedding, there are a thousand things to do.” 

Even now she gets under my skin so easily.

“I sent you the invitation for my party but you didn't reply or anything like that.” She takes a sip of her drink.

“You know, it's the 21st century, when something is unwanted, hateful or something like that the mail goes right to the spam.” I turn around to see Mika challenge her.

Mika is a friend from the college who Hanna always told me it’s a witch, I guess it was her reflection in the mirror. 

“Mika, nice to see you.” Hanna said, trying to kill her with her eyes.

“I love to say the same but…” Mika eats his olive and smiles. “It’s stressful to see you.”

Hanna scoffs but I learn something about Mika all the months she helps me pack and making sure I barely see people who were enjoying seeing me that hurt, she doesn’t leave a prayer alive.

“But hey! Don’t worry, I’m not the only one who thinks the same here.” Hanna takes a deep breath before leaving us.

I take out all the air I’ve counted and smile at Mika. “Thanks.”

She smiles. “She’s been hunting you since she arrived, I was at the backyard with the food but Thomas gives heads up.” She takes the last sip of his martini. “Nevermind her, let’s party all night.”

I spent the night talking with friends, drinking and enjoying the night dancing, until the clock marked 2:37 am, and my legs screamed for rest. 

I say goodbye to everyone leaving Thomas and Mika at the end. “Thank you for inviting me.” I hug Thomas at his door. 

“Thanks for coming, hey, when you’re in town give us a call, any plan could come out.” He smiles at me.

“And if you need something for the refuge, we love to help.” Mika said, almost dragging her words.

I was about to get in the cap when unlucky Hanna realized I was about to leave. 

“Y/N make sure at least just pass another 4 months until we see you again.” The bloody wink makes my blood boil. 

The next morning I was received in the kitchen with an aspirin, and a black coffee.

“Long, funny night?” Dad smiles at me with a newspaper in his hands.

I cover my eyes with a napkin. “How can people do this every weekend?” 

Dad chuckles and I hear the slow but heavy steps in the wood floor along the gasp, Roscoe is coming.

“Hi, baby.” I carness his head as he closes his eyes. “Wait a little bit more and you’ll be with me.” 

After the race in Italy, I already talked with Lewis about taking Roscoe a week earlier before the race in Monaco, a little help and a needed backup for the team. 

“Me?” Dad asks standing to prepare the breakfast, I roll my eyes and clarify.

“Us, you’ll be with us.” I sat on the floor and gave a kiss to him. “Let’s keep a secret, I'm your favorite.” 

I arrived the night before the race, I had two visit schedules for seeing apartments and made it impossible for me to leave until the night; that’s why I don’t see my brother until early morning, indeed early morning.

“Morning.” I appeared at the restaurant of the hotel where he and Bottas were having breakfast before getting ready to go to the paddock.

“Oh, hi, I thought I’ll see you in the paddock.” I kiss his cheek before giving a hug to Bottas. 

“I’m hungry.” I joke as I sit with them, Bottas giggles and calls for the waitress.

“Something doesn't change.” We looked at him with curious eyes. “For winning something with his young lady, food is a shortcut.” 

Lewis laughs nodding incessantly. “I couldn't agree more.”

Arriving at the paddock when the drivers are doing the same, is total chaos, people, reporters and cameras all over the place, it’s like an obstacle race.

I walked to the Mercedes hospital next to Red Bull and in front of Ferrari, my eyes were stuck on my phone, when I felt someone soft touch.

I lift my eyes and I recognize the girl in front of me, the same that picked up Chalres. “Hi.”

“Hi, I’m Alexandra, Charles' girlfriend.” I nod, but don’t say another word. “I want to apologize for leaving you alone the other night.”

Oh I got it. “Oh, no worries, it’s ok.” I smile honestly as I put my hand on her arm.

“I hope someone went fast to help you, I tried to go back but Charles was a little bit of a troublemaker that night.” Well, at least I wasn’t the only one with that situation. 

I laughed and shook my head. “You’re the one who called to pick him?” Alexandra nods. “Thank you, and yeah, someone help me.”

“Great! I think I'm seeing you around right?” I realized I didn't introduce myself. 

“We could say that, I’m Lewis sister, Y/N.” She smiles but we were interrupted by Charles, who has an embarrassed expression.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” He giggles and covers his face with his hands. “I’m so embarrassed with you.” 

Alexandra giggles, it's obvious the love in her eyes. “When Alex told me what happened…” He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

I shake my head, containing the laugh. “It’s ok, don’t worry, I understand, great race.” 

“Max wasn't that drunk.” Alexandra plays with him, making him raise his eyebrow. “She’s in fact Lewis sister.” 

“Oh, he's definitely going to throw up this time.” Charles noticed the confusion on my face. “When Aelx told us what happened, Max said he had blurry memories of you helping him but we thought it’s the hangover, clearly it’s not.”

“Talking about the king of Rome.” Alexndra points to Max who’s coming out of Red Bull hospitality. 

When I turn around I see a red Max walking… dragging his feets to us, the blue t-shirt just makes the redness intensify.

“Am, Y/N?” Rosa calls me to appear at the door. “Your brother is looking for you.” I nod but the fact I don’t move makes her say one more thing. “Like, now.”

I open my eyes and before Max reaches us I apologize to them and wish Charles a good race, running inside as she holds the door for me.

“Making friends?” She smiles at me as I walk inside and put an arm around me.

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Hii!! Can I request something based of a scene from season 3 of obx? So basically JJ and reader have been dating for a while and reader finally tells him that she loves him and he replies with ‘thanks’ because he doesn’t know how to act with being loved and reader feels hurt and leaves him alone. They ignore each other for a couple days but both feel bad and it ends with JJ telling reader that he loves her too ?? Hope this make sense 🥹

Request: Hii! Could I request a jj x fem reader with prompts 6 "don't push me away" and 8 "you can't love me". Basically a lot of angst that leads to fluff with jj not feeling like he deserves you.

I think these requests got sent when season 3 came out...I'm so sorry anons

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

Late night cuddles were part of your and JJ’s night routine. It didn’t matter if you were outside in the hammock, the pull-out or in Big John’s old bedroom, he needed those cuddles to fall asleep. 

 Fingers entwined in his tousled hair, you playfully twirled a few strands around your fingers as his head rested on your chest. ‘’How do you fall asleep when I’m not here?’’ you mused softly, curiosity tinging your voice.

JJ's eyelids gently fluttered closed, his face painted with contentment as your touch traced soothing patterns. ‘’I smoke,’’ he explained, a sigh of relaxation accompanying his words as if the mere thought of your touch had already begun to lull him into a serene state. ‘’It takes me out like a light.’’ 

It wasn’t true. Nights at the chateau were fine. Your scent lingered in the sheets and on the pillow — and on the shirt you always used to sleep in. On nights where JJ had to go home — home with his father —, these nights were not so great. JJ would lay in his bed and, depending if his father had too much to drink or not, he would get a few hours of sleep or wipe the blood from wherever his fist had landed.

A comfortable silence fell in the room, joined by the occasional singing of crickets outside the window. You found them annoying at first, but you were used to it by now. It was part of the ‘sleeping over at the chateau’ experience. 

Along with the blinding morning sun. 

‘’We should go to the beach tomorrow, catch some waves.’’

JJ hummed. ‘’My board is still at my dad’s though…’’ 

‘’We could pick it up after he goes to work? He works on Wednesdays, right?’’ 

‘’Yeah,’’ he replied, snuggling deeper into your chest as sleep began to claim him. ‘’Let’s do that.’’ 

‘’JJ?’’ He hummed again. ‘’I love you.’’

You felt him stiffen on your chest as the three words left your lips, and for a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath.

‘’Eh...thanks.’’

When JJ fell into a deep sleep, you gently slipped from under him and searched for your pants and shoes. You felt bad for leaving in the middle of the night, but you couldn't wake by his side after he hurt your feelings so deeply. You weren't mad at him for not saying ‘I love you’ back. You understood if he wasn’t ready to say it back, everyone had their own pace, but his response had left a bittersweet taste in your mouth.

It was no news for anyone that JJ was an idiot and he had the tendency of blurting out something dumb when his brain goes into panic, which was probably what happened when you said the three big words. That’s why he always plays clown when things get emotional. 

Guilt filled his guts when he woke up alone in the morning. 

Truth was, JJ didn’t know how to act with being loved. No one ever told him they loved him before. No one ever made him feel like he was worthy of being loved. So he didn’t know how to react to someone telling him they love him…even when the person was the most important in his life. 

A few days later, you were walking down a street when you saw John B. and JJ coming out of the gas station. His blond hair was pushed back under a snapback, just the way you loved. He laughed at something John B. said, then his eyes crossed yours across the street. JJ completely froze. 

Your feet walked before you made the decision and you crossed the street. John B. saw you coming and eclipsed himself, going inside the store to pay for the gas, leaving you and JJ to talk. The latter tried to offer to go instead, but John B. didn’t let him. 

‘’What’s up?’’ 

‘’Really, JJ? We haven’t spoken to each other in five days, that’s all you have to say?’’ 

He looked toward the store and shrugged. 

‘’We have to talk about the other night,’’ you said, bringing up exactly what he didn’t want to talk about.

The words hung in the air for a few seconds until JJ said something. 

‘’I have no idea what you’re talking about. Like you said, it’s been five days since we saw each other.’’ 

You should have known he would play fool, but it won’t get him out of this conversation.

‘’JJ,’’ you said sternly. ‘’I know you hate talking about feelings, but we have—’’ 

‘’You can’t love me,’’ he interrupted, his voice laced with self-doubt, and his eyes filled with disbelief. ‘’I’m just some loser. I don’t deserve you or your love.’’ 

His words hurt like a knife to your heart. 

‘’Don’t say that.’’ You shook your head, reaching for him, but he stepped back. ‘’You’re not a loser, JJ. Whoever said that clearly doesn’t know you. I know you, the real you, and I love you.’’ 

‘’I don’t want you to love me.’’ 

It was at this moment John B. chose to return, forcing your and JJ’s conversation to end. You wanted to glare at the brunet, but your back was to him. Couldn’t he have stayed longer inside the store? 

‘’John B. is back. I’m gonna go.’’ JJ nodded at the twinkie, impatient to get in and drive off. 

You grabbed his arm with pleading eyes. ‘’Don't push me away.’’

‘’We really gotta go.’’ 

‘’JJ!’’

After that encounter, you decided to not go to the chateau for a while. It was more his home than yours, so you didn’t want to be in his space. If he didn’t want to talk to you, fine. No, it wasn’t fine, but what else was there to do? 

Sarah and Kiara were sad to not have you around for cookouts and boat days. They invited you for Pope’s birthday ‘party’, but you saw JJ smiling and having fun in John B.’s backyard and went back home.  

It wasn’t until the annual end of summer bonfire that you saw him again. He was talking with Kiara and Pope, probably telling them some dumb story by the way Kiara was shaking her head in disbelief. Now that you weren’t there, she was the one who had to deal with him. 

A little later into the night, you went to get a refill and bumped into JJ at the kegger. He kindly offered to fill your cup, then asked to talk to you. You followed him down the beach where the waves were crashing on the rocks, the music and voices from the party-ers fading into white noise. 

‘’I want to say I’m sorry. For pushing you away and for being a jerk to you.’’ He kicked his foot in the sand, a fidgeting habit when he’s nervous. ‘’No one ever told me they loved me before and I just— I flipped. You know how I be.’’

You hummed. No one knows him like you do. 

‘’I wasn’t mad because you didn’t say it back.’’

‘’No?’’ JJ raised his eyes to you. 

You shook your head. ‘’I could never be mad at you for that.’’ 

‘’Then why did you leave?’’  

‘’No one says ‘thanks’ after you tell them you love them!’’ 

‘’What was I supposed to say?’’

Truthfully, you didn’t know. 

A more serious expression settled on JJ’s face as he reached for your hand. ‘’I can see how that didn't land right. I’m sorry,’’ he said again. ‘’I'm a fucking idiot for not saying it back.’’

—

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