#the file was literally called 'I'mBadAtTitles' when I sent it to him

[lettersofsky]

Letters of Longing and Regret

I don’t know how to explain this thing. It started as a bunch of disjointed drabbles ideas and then this just sort of happened?  As always edited by @corrupted-spirit and it was also named by him because I had no idea what to call it. Characters: Genesis, mentions Cloud, Zack, Angeal and Sephiroth Contains: Weird disjointed musings, angst, no fun times. Enjoy!  AO3

My Dearest,

I’m sorry that I won’t be able to say goodbye face-to-face like I originally wanted, but orders are orders.

I’m being deployed to Wutai within the next few days; a sort of ‘final push’ in the war efforts. Perhaps the war will be over by the time I return.

I think I’d prefer it like that.

Do try to behave while I’m gone, I expect to hear about how you got into SOLDIER when I get back. Perhaps you’ll finally let me introduce you to Angeal?

Try not to worry about me too much; Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return

Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest,

I’m sorry to admit that I have been lying to you my dear.

You were right to be concerned; the wound is not healing. It has instead developed into an agonising thing. I went to see Hollander and he’s currently resting a few tests, but I fear I will be deep in enemy territory by the time he gets results.

I can only hope that he gets favourable results.

Once more, I apologise for lying to you but I know what you would ask of me if you if you knew about the wound; you would ask that I remain in Shinra until we could figure out what was wrong and how to cure it.

Perhaps you’re right, thinking on it that course makes the most sense. But we both know why I’m going on this mission instead.

If I was telling you this face-to-face you’d be telling me I’m an idiot with that look on your face…

I will return to you, I swear it. Hollander will discover what is wrong and a way to cure it; of this I’m sure.

I will see you after the war.

Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest,

It appears that I have lied to you again; though this time without meaning to.

Holl– Hollander says that the reason the wound is not helping is because –

Because of ‘Degradation’.

He said, said that I’m rotting from the inside. I don’t know what to do Dearest; I’m scared.

I don’t want to die. I want –

I wish I wasn’t here in Wutai; that I had stayed in Midgar and let one of the others lead this mission. I want you to sit with me on the couch and say things will be alright but –

He says there might not be a cure. That I’m doomed to a slow, agonising death. To rot away to nothing but a shadow of myself.

I’m terrified Dearest, but I can’t let the others see. I need to be strong until I can get back home. I’m going to hold out as best I can and request a replacement for myself when I get the chance.

I’ll try to get back soon.

Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest,

Please forgive my dear, I did not want to abandoned you. I did not leave you because I wished too. But he said that he had a theory on how to cultivate a cure for this rotting so what choice did I have but to take it.

You must hate me now; for leaving you, abandoning you. But I can’t help but believe it was for the best.

I’m losing, losing things. Minutes, hours, days, my temper, my reasoning, me.

He says that the degradation is causing my mind to rot and it terrifies me; what would I do if I ever hurt you? Even if it was not truly ‘me’ who had dealt the blow?

I still cannot bear the thought.

But, he is hopeful so I must be as well. To return to you, whole and healthy is my only wish. Please continue to do the best you can, I know you’re going to be something great someday.

Do not let my actions smother you.

Know that I miss you.

Forever yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest,

So much time has passed since my desertion from Shinra, do you still hold me as dear as I hold you?

There are times where it feels like only days have passed since I last saw you, there are other where I can barely remember you. I’m sorry for the grief I’m causing you, my Dearest.

But I fear it’s only going to get worse from here.

Hollander hasn’t made any progress in his search for my cure and I am growing weary of his excuses. It’s been too long and he has nothing to show for it. Nothing but lesser copies, doomed to die at the hands of those they once fought with.

Have you –

Have you had to fight them? His creations?

If so I’m sorry I forced that on you my Dearest.

I hope you managed to find friends in SOLDIER that you have them to support you. I have always had Angeal, even now he is here trying to help me, causing him to lose all he had worked to gain.

There are days when I regret dragging him into this mess.

But you –

You’ve been alone for so long, you should not have to bear the burden of my departure on your own.

Perhaps you’ve found Angeal’s apprentice, grief has a way of bringing people together. Or perhaps you’ve been cast to the wayside, left to flounder on your own.

I wish I could see you my Dearest, to hold you close and tell you things will turn out well for you.

I still believe you’re going to do great things.

Forever yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest

I fear that I am losing more of myself as time passes.

Both Angeal and I have manifested wings, he believes that it means that we’re both monsters. Would you see it that way? Or would you fight until he changed his opinion.

Unfortunately, I can’t help but agree with him.

Hollander has us set up in Banora, our hometown. It’s odd being back here after so long. It’s nice. In a way.

Remember when I told you about this place? It hasn’t changed a bit since we left, still the same small town; the people are just a bit older.

My trees are still here. Strong, sturdy and beautiful. They’re baring fruit now, I keep trying to offer some to Angeal but he ignores the offering.

It’s almost insulting; I worked hard on these trees, why won’t he try one of my apples? Sephiroth was the same way not that I think about. Is it wrong of me to want to share the fruit of my efforts with the people I care about?

I never shared one with you, did I? I hope I get the chance to when this is over.

Forever Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest

They destroyed it.

All my efforts, my hopes for a cure, all my hard work gone. Razed to the ground because of the will of Shinra.

The red moon hangs low, and the beasts rule the streets, Are we left no other choice, than to burn it all to cinders.

Angeal nearly deserted my cause, swayed by his student. I shouldn’t hold it against him though; if I could return to you I would do so without hesitation.

It’s odd, knowing Banora’s gone. I don’t truly have a place to return to anymore, do I?

After all, Banora is gone and I can’t return like this. Shinra would have my head before I could do anything and there are none there that would stop them, at least none that are in a position to.

I hope I still have you, but –

I hope you’re doing well in SOLDIER, you worked hard to get in. You deserve it.

Forever Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest

I hope you won’t injured during the attack where you? As a SOLDIER, you must have been required to defend the Shinra building and the streets of Midgar.

It certainly drew his attention; his and our replacement.

I tried to ask Angeal how it felt to be replaced by his student; he had always been closer to him than I ever managed. He refuses to answer me.

In times long passed, he might have punched me for asking for such a thing. But he won’t dare to now, I can’t heal without the use of strong Materia and time.

It’s rather bothersome to be treated so delicately. I wouldn’t have allowed it before, but then there wasn’t a need for it then.

I’m starting to fear that it might have been better for Angeal to stay with Shinra, he’s become quite bitter in the last two years. I shouldn’t have allowed him to desert with me; he was happier there, I shouldn’t have allowed him to throw that away.

He wouldn’t let me kill Hojo though, even though we both know he deserves far worse than that.

I suppose I will have to wait for my next opportunity; Hollander hopefully got what he needed and I’ll be free of this disease soon.

Then I’ll put my sword through Hojo’s chest and Angeal won’t be able to stop me.

Forever Yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

My Dearest

Angeal is gone.

He couldn’t bare this existence anymore and threw himself on his student’s sword. I’m alone in this now, abandoned to my fate. Abandoned me to Hollander’s incompetence.

It hurts, my dear.

I’ve hadn’t been this alone in so long, I don’t know if I can handle it. But, was that you with Fair?

It can’t have been, that uniform –

That uniform –

You’re in the infantry. A member of the regular army.

A meat shield for Shinra –

Oh, my dear. You must have been crushed! You were always working so hard, I thought you were guaranteed to get in.

It was good to see you again, even if the circumstances weren’t what I wanted them to be. You didn’t look at me though. Though it’s understandable; you don’t need the attention of the Turks.

It still stung for your eyes to skip over me as if I was no more than the phantom of a memory. It seems that it won’t be long until that comes to pass.

Did you weep when you returned to Midgar; away from the gazes of those who would condemn you? Have I caused you more grief with my washed-out appearance? Do you believe that I fell to my demise there?

It might have been better if I had; I could have had a quick end after seeing you once more. But that would have been a far kinder fate than a monster deserves.

Please find someone to be happy with, I’ve caused you too much heartache.

Forever yours,

Genesis Rhapsodos

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not you too, please, please anyone but you.

Why did you have to be there?

You weren’t –

You weren’t supposed to get hurt!

You were supposed to be safe!

He was supposed to keep you safe!

I was –

And now you’re –

And it’s all my fault!

You weren’t supposed to get hurt.

You weren’t supposed to be involved at all!

Why did you come here and ruin everything?!

Why didn’t I try to save you?!

Why did it have to be you?

Why am I the one left here at the end?!

I’m already rotting, why did the Goddess have to take you away too?!

I should have been the one to –

...

My Dearest

It appears that I have failed you more than I had thought.

I thought – I thought that you had perished alongside the rest of your village. I had never imagined that you had survived his attack.

But there you were, with Fair.

You’ve hardly changed in the last five years.

At first, I thought you were a delusion when I saw you under that tree. But then Fair spoke to you. You were too far gone to respond but you were there; close enough to touch for the first time in years.

Fair was kind enough to ignore me grasping your limb hand in a weak grip. I’m sure he had questions but was kind enough not to ask them during what he thought was my final moments.

But then he took you and left and I was captured and brought here. Shinra’s Deepground facility.

I hope Fair got you to wherever he was heading though it’s unlikely you survived the journey; but you’ve proven me wrong before, haven’t you?

Perhaps you’ll do so again?

If you do, I hope you can forgive me one day. I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to ask you face to face.

I hope I can meet again in the next life.

I’m sorry for how things turned out Cloud.

Forever yours, in this life and the next

Genesis Rhapsodos