#the feychild shitpost

[ominous-feychild]

SEMICORRECT QUOTES:

AILWYN, GOD OF THE FAEWILDES

(aka... the Existential of Magic)

Ailwyn: “Ah, yes, I've heard of the issue you common folk of 'the Real World' often have when you meet me.”

Ailwyn: “You're unable to truly gaze upon me; I appear distorted, or elongated, or 'just plain wrong'.”

Ailwyn: (cheerfully) “Well, I have news for you: it's not just that your eyes are deceiving you!” [tilts their head to the side, fluttering their hand in circles dramatically and rolling their eyes behind their mask] “Or, well, yes, it seems you 'Real folk' see me differently, but—”

Ailwyn: [warps their mask to open up the bottom half of their face and flash their sharp-toothed grin. At the same time, bends in half to stop their face barely an inch away from the person they're talking to—even magically blocking the other from moving if they attempt to]

Ailwyn: (deviously and cheerfully) “—point is... it's not that I'm not 'wrong', or 'gross', or 'deceptively-shaped'. I am all of those things—very inhuman and disturbing, if I do say so myself!”

Ailwyn: [sighs overdramatically, jerkily unfurling to stand up straight, bringing their hands together, and reforming their mask as they instead pace circles around the person]

Ailwyn: (ominously and amusedly) “No, it just comes down to a sad fact: that I am apparently so great—so mythical and magical—that you all are just incapable of seeing me As I Truly Am.”

Ailwyn: [flips on their heel to face them head-on; a devious grin hidden underneath their mask]

Ailwyn: (suspensefully) “In other words...”

Ailwyn: [takes slow yet long, dramatic steps toward them, once again magically stopping them from escaping if they attempt to]

Ailwyn: (likewise drawing out their words, speaking slowly and gleefully) “I believe you have what they used to call in the Old World...”

Ailwyn: [once again stops to lower their face to barely an inch away from the other person's. Clears the bottom half of their mask to show a wide, ominous smile with FAR too large and sharp teeth]

Ailwyn: (overdramatically finishes) “A skill issue.”

Istg, Ailwyn REALLY needs to learn how to get to the point... 🤣😭

Worldbuilding taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @paeliae-occasionally @pluppsauthor @thelovelymachinery @rae-butter

(listen, I know this is partially a shitpost, lol, BUT THIS IS ACTUALLY 100% CANON INFORMATION LMAO)

Divider by @saradika

[illarian-rambling]

Even more shitposts be upon ye!

(Credit to @mewmewdoppio for inspiration for the last comic)

Refs and taglist under the cut :)

@amandacanwrite @elsie-writes @riveriafalll @kosmic-kore @kaylinalexanderbooks

@bard-coded @carrotsinnovember @patternwelded-quill @somethingclevermahogony @whatwewrotepodcast

@the-angriest-author @mk-writes-stuff @frostedlemonwriter @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @watermeezer

@leahnardo-da-veggie @mr-orion @televisionjester @ray-writes-n-shit @evilgabe29

@trippingpossum @tragedycoded @halfbakedspuds @ominous-feychild @cain-e-brookman

@wyked-ao3 @thecomfywriter

[ominous-feychild]

BONUS SNIPPET:

RISING FROM THE ASHES

The following is a canon scene between: ✦ Kieran Caron ✦ and an unnamed noble

and is shortly after a meeting between Caron and the local nobility, where Noble waited for all other conversations to end—and everyone else to leave—before they approached him...

Noble: (tentatively) “So, I've been meaning to ask...”

Caron: [turns to them with his arms crossed, quirking an eyebrow]

Caron: [loosening his crossed arms, evenly) “Yes?”

Noble: (still tentatively) “Your son—”

Caron: [face quickly empties, his eyes subtly narrowing on them]

Noble: “—Sebastián, was it?”

Caron: [arms dropping from their crossed position, instead puts his knuckles on his hips as he watches them carefully]

Caron: [grudgingly] “... that is one of them, yes.”

Noble: [taking the hint, awkwardly) “Right, sorry, I didn't mean anything about your other son. I just meant—he, Sebastián, graduated from your school, right?”

Caron: [watching them carefully, voice even) “Correct.”

Caron: [would say more, but—]

Noble: [interrupts, faux-pleasantly) “That's what I thought! But, you know, I never heard if he swore himself into a knightage. Did he?”

Caron: [restraining his anger, instead offers the slightest of bitter, smug smiles]

Caron: (a hint of amusement slipping into his voice) “No. If I recall correctly, he thought himself better than that, and didn't wish to, I believe, 'sell out' to anyone who might 'waste his talents'.”

Noble: [stunned speechless—]

Noble: [struggling for words, especially because they aren't sure whether or not they can bash Tián for his 'arrogance and selfishness']

Caron: [lip twitching slightly as he fights a smug grin, quirks an eyebrow at Noble]

Caron: (a hint of his amusement in his voice; matter-of-factly) “I think he's right.”

Noble:

Noble: [stunned, blurts) “I'm... sorry?”

Caron: (without hesitation, matter-of-factly) “I said 'I think he's right'. He's much too good to waste his time attending to other, selfish nobles who think they're worthy of an ounce of his attention. Don't you agree?”

Caron: [can't help the slight, dark smile as he meets their eyes]

Noble: [stunned silent again]

Noble: [... but quickly forces a pained laugh and smile]

Noble: (awkwardly) “Of course. I'm sure your son is one of the greatest to come out of your school, Sir.”

Caron: [dark smile growing a bit wider, but nods solemnly]

Caron: (unable to keep his amusement from his voice) “Yes, Tián is one of the best. In every way. But of course I'd think that...” [pointedly quirks his eyebrows] “I'm his father.”

Caron: [face emptying, steps forward as though to walk past them] “Regardless.”

Caron: [pauses walking to place his hand on Noble's shoulder, meeting their eyes with his eyebrows quirked]

Caron: (matter-of-factly) “Good talk.”

Caron: [doesn't wait for a response. Drops his hand from their shoulder and moves past to leave]

Caron: [not bothering to look at them until he reaches the door; speaking generously all the while) “Have a good one. Good luck in your endeavor finding a knight.”

Caron: [pauses, looking back to them and giving a fraction of a second for a response—]

Noble: [too stunned—]

Caron: [and out!]

Noble: [passes out]

@honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @leahnardo-da-veggie @world-of-iridensia

Banners from @saradika

[ominous-feychild]

SEMICORRECT QUOTES:

HIDDEN WIP

Veritheya: (mournfully) “On that day, 500 years ago, I lost my sweetest daughter, Eve, to those savage, heartless faeries...”

Mike: (from afar) “QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I'M DEAD!”

Veritheya: “Sometimes... I almost think I hear her voice.”

Mike: “AND STOP CALLING ME A FUCKING WOMAN!”

Veritheya: (slightly more aggressively and pointedly) “Then I realize there's no way she'd say any of those things, and that she never sounded anything like that, anyway.”

Mike: (irritably, to himself) “And this bitch wonders why I disowned her and sold my soul to Ailwyn for safekeeping.”

Atlas: (aghast) “Wait, she does?”

Mike: (exasperatedly) “Yep. SOMEHOW!”

Veritheya: (a bit more loudly) “And that, my flock, is why you can never trust the fae, or fae-touched.”

Mike: (under his breath) “Seriously, I don't know how so few people see through that garbage...”

Everything taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @rae-butter

Divider by @saradika

[ominous-feychild]

SEMICORRECT QUOTES:

RISING FROM MISFORTUNE

(Get it? Because it's kinda a crossover?)

Tián: (cheerfully and jokingly) “ah, looks like we won't be able to mansplain, manipulate, or manwhore our way outta this one, boys!”

Benji: (half-laughs; amusedly) “Seriously!? But I manwhore my way out of everything! What am I going to do now!?”

Tián: [spares a moment to give him an overdramatic wink and draw out a cartoonishly large sword] “manslaughter.”

The Rest of the Crew: [stunned silent]

(Bonus scene beyond "read more")

Cricket: “I... somebody needs to stop this.” :'D

Flavie: (under her breath) “I don't know, that Tián guy is pretty hot...”

Cricket: (sharply, shocked) “What!?”

Flavie: (meets his eyes; deadpan) “What.”

Zarina: (evenly) “first of all, no.”

Cricket & Flavie: [look to her]

Zarina: (continues, not having stopped speaking) “Secondly...”

Zarina: [sighs heavily, putting her head in her hand]

Zarina: (defeatedly) “... I don't even know if I want to step in.”

Cricket: :'D

Flavie: [amused! But not complaining.]

Cricket: [sighs himself, but then shakes his head and pulls out his spellbook]

Cricket: (tiredly) “Don't worry about it, Captain. I'll take care this.”

Zarina: [just sighs again, hesitantly watching between her fingers—]

Cricket: [heading to Tián & Benji to put a stop to their shenanigans]

Flavie: (slightly obnoxiously) “Sooooooo...” ;DDDDD

Zarina: [hesitantly lifts her head from her hand to look up at her]

Flavie: [winks; amusedly) “You're staying up here to get a good view, too, huh?”

Zarina:

Zarina: [face flushes, but stands up straight—and crosses her arms, as she often does—to give Flavie a slight glare]

Zarina: (sharply) “Absolutely not!”

Flavie: [can't help a shit-eating grin]

Flavie: (teasingly) “oh, sure! So, tell me...”

Zarina: [narrows her eyes further in a much more obvious glare]

Flavie: (overdramatically, drawing out and savoring her words) “Is it Benji? Tián? Or, maybe even... Cricket?” >;DDDD

Zarina: [face only flashed in annoyance at Benji's name, disgusted at Tián's, but... goes empty and unreadable at Cricket's]

Flavie: (playfully) “OOOOOOOOO! The Captain and—”

Zarina: [scoffs, simultaneously turning away, heading to the stairs, and un-crossing an arm to wave it dismissively over her shoulder]

Zarina: (talking over Flavie) “Whatever you think is going on, don't say a word of it to Hugo.”

Zarina: [sets her hand on the stairs' handrail and twists on her heel to meet Flavie's eyes with a sharp, serious expression]

Zarina: (voice hard) “Or else. Understood?”

Flavie: [stunned—]

Flavie: [swallows slightly, but forces an awkward grin, stands at attention, and raises her hand in salute]

Flavie: (voice thick and uneven) “aye, aye, Captain. Wouldn't even dream of it.” ;'D

Zarina: [face softens—a flash of guilt crossing it—but quickly just turns away and hurries to help Cricket]

@honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue @leahnardo-da-veggie @world-of-iridensia

Banners from @saradika

[ominous-feychild]

AUTHOR HEADCANON:

So, to those of you in the know, there's a certain Existential of Magic who likes wearing a featureless, silver mask 24/7...

However...

I'm recently reconsidering that fact.

Why would it be featureless?

In reality, I think it'd have something inscribed upon it.

Feast your eyes:

The troll face.

The worst part?

I am only SLIGHTLY kidding.

[ominous-feychild]

REAL-LIFE FOOTAGE OF THE EXISTENCE OF MAGIC FIGHTING THE URGE TO PUSH PEOPLE'S BUTTONS!!!! (not clickbait!!!)

[ominous-feychild]

You know, there's a huge difference between realizing: "oh, wow, there's a whole lot of this thing." and

"holy SHIT, that thing is ALIVE!?!?!?"

[ominous-feychild]

You know you did great creating a character when they speak a SINGLE word and your friend screams "HOMOSEXUAL!!!!"—

[ominous-feychild]

✦ Incorrect Quotes Tag ✦

Note: this was literally started August 8th. I just... haven't touched it since. WITH THAT SAID— ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Thanks for the tags, @the-golden-comet (X) and @mysticstarlightduck (X)!

Rules: Use this generator to get incorrect quotes for your characters!

SUN AND SHADOW

Freya: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Freya: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

Freya: I’m bisexual and confused. Freya: Not at the fact that I’m a bisexual, I just never know what the FUCK is going on.

Marlon: You remind me of the ocean. Freya: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Marlon: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Daleira: That was so hot, Freya. Freya: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenerate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Daleira: I'm so in love with you.

Freya: Where’s Crow? Daleira: Around. Freya: Around? Freya: You don’t have any idea, do you? Crow, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Freya, looking at a selfie of Crow's: I hate this photo. Crow: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. Freya: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Crow: Up to kindness.

Crow: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Crow: Ask me to kill for you. Freya: ...First of all, calm down-

Freya: You're not my friend anymore. Crow: I was your friend?

Crow: Wait you like me? For my personality? Freya: I know, I was surprised too.

Crow: *About to do something incredibly stupid* Freya: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

*Daleira sneezes* Freya: Daleira, are you sick? Here, let me wrap you in a blanket and hand-feed you some warm soup while singing you a lullaby! *Crow sneezes* Freya: Oh my god. Shut the hell up.

Crow: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. Freya: This is a lie. Freya: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. Freya: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Crow: I don't want to fight you! Freya: I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

Freya: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying. Crow: And? Freya: And you are.

Freya: Did you have to stab them? Crow: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me. Freya: What did they say? Crow: "What are you going to do, stab me?" Freya: That’s fair.

Crow: Daleira likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.

Crow: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed. Daleira: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Crow!

Daleira: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Ponderosa: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Daleira: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Crow: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

Daleira: Do you think I’m ugly? Crow: It’s not about looks, Daleira. What’s valuable is on the inside... Daleira: Crow... Crow: For example, someone's heart. Daleira: Aw... Stop it- Crow: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know. Daleira: Seriously, stop.

Daleira: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute. Crow: Daleira, that’s gay. Daleira: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

Maritza: Ooh, somebody has a crush Freya: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Crow, I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Freya, very much awake: Uh oh.

Valyarus: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.

Maritza: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all? Valyarus: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Daleira, staring at Ponderosa in a cage: ...Why are they in a cage? Valyarus: Because it growled at me.

Valyarus: Alright, listen up you little shits. Valyar: Not you, Dally. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Valyarus: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Crow: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Crow: Don’t worry, I have a permit. Valyarus: ...This just says “I can do what I want”.

Maritza: You’re alive. Marlon: No need to sound so disappointed.

Daleira: You’re not gonna shoot a puppy, are you, Marlon!? Marlon: Yeah, in the face, why?

Marlon: I don't dab. I stab.

*the squad is at a dinner party but someone has been murdered* Crow: You’re acting pretty carefree for someone whose life’s at stake. Who’s to say you aren’t the killer? Valyarus: It’s a murder, not a tax audit. I’ll be fine. Ponderosa: What about Maritza? Nobody ever suspects Maritza! Maritza: Well, what about Marlon? He has a gun! Marlon: Crow has a knife. Crow: Yeah, for fun, not for murder! *stabs Ponderosa in the arm*

Ponderosa: Onion rings are vegetable donuts. Freya, used to Ponderosa being dumb: Sure... Ponderosa: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Freya: Okay? Ponderosa: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake. Freya: Ponderosa: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio- Freya: Jesus, that one is a little- Marlon, interested: No, no, Ponderosa, keep going.

Crow: I am darkness. I am a power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am- Daleira: A doll. Freya: A cinnamon roll. Maritza: A sweetheart. Crow: Crow: ... stop it.

Daleira: Where’s Crow? Freya: Doing stuff. Daleira: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Marlon? Freya: Trying to stop Crow from doing the stuff. Daleira: And Ponderosa? Freya: Trying to stop Marlon from stopping Crow from doing the stuff. Daleira: I see. And what are you doing here, Freya? Freya: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Ponderosa from stopping Marlon from stopping Crow from doing the stuff.

THE ARCANE RIFTS

Gene: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Tazin made me get tested.

Gene: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks. (to be fair that's a LOT of my characters tho I'm ngl...)

Tazin: *closes a cabinet* *a crash is heard behind the cabinet door* Gene: What was that? Tazin: The sound of someone else's problem.

Rada: Something tells me Tazin's going to be a bit more unhinged today... Tazin, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Gene isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

Gene: What's gone wrong, Tazin? Tazin: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Gene: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Tazin: Well... There’s a crisis.

Gene: I have a bad feeling about this, guys. Ludmila: Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Tazin: Yeah, what’s the worst that could happen? Gene, being bailed out of jail the next morning: I hate you all.

Gene: Why are you smiling? Tazin: What? I can’t just be happy? Ludmila: Mislav tripped and fell in the parking lot.

*Tazin gets a phone call* Tazin: Hello? Gene: Hi, is Mislav there? I need to talk to him. Tazin: No, Mislav is dead. Mislav, very much alive next to Tazin: TAZIN WHAT THE FUCK-

Mislav: Any idiot would know that. Tazin: I knew that! Mislav: See?

Adilzhan: We have a problem. Gene: Let me guess, you caused it? Ivan: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet. Ludmila: And it's another Tuesday, your point? Mislav: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up. Tazin: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

Tazin: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Alyona: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? Gene: And you just ran away?! Tazin: I didn't expect her to flirt back!

Rada: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

Nikolai, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often? Damaris, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

Gene: Adults are the most insanely stupid people I have the displeasure of interacting with. Caspar, referring to himself and Gennadi: Even us? Gene: Especially you guys. Gennadi: Caspar: Gennadi: Petition to kick Gene out so he stops insulting us. Caspar: Seconded.

Dimitry, Entering Gene's room: Tazin did it again. Gene: Peace disturbance? Dimitry: What no- Gene: Arson..? Dimitry: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY- Gene: uh....Attempted murder? Dimitry: NO, HE ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

Dimitry: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Gene finally snaps and commits murder? Rada: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him.

Tazin: Thank God you were there. Dimitry. I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die. Dimitry: I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead. Tazin: Whatever you gotta tell yourself. Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell.

Misc that I inserted the characters into because they were too perfect:

Dalma, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day? Torcaiz: … Torcaiz: What’s in the box? Dalma: What woul- Torcaiz: Dalma, what’s in the box? Dalma: I think you know.

Elazi: Roman, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? Roman: Raise the dead. Elazi: And what did you do? Roman: Raise the dead.

Kieva: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something. Sammy: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

Kieva: Father, I have sinned. Tián: Daddy, I’ve been naughty.

Fate: Chaos, wake up! Chaos, half asleep: Five more minutes… Fate: You’ve been in a coma for two years! Chaos: … Chaos: Okay, two more minutes…

Storm: Murder literally doesn’t hurt anyone! Ice: What are you talking about? Of course— Earth, holding out a hand to shut Ice up: No, no, they have a point—

I... changed the colors to match the modern versions, but besides that and the title headers?

This thing is EXACTLY how I'd left it all those months ago.

Idek why I've procrastinated in posting it for so long.

Taglist: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@the-letterbox-archives @48lexr @aalinaaaaaa @thecomfywriter @an-indecisive-nerd

@seastarblue

Dividers by @saradika

[ominous-feychild]

Incorrect Quotes Tag

Rule: use this generator to create “incorrect quotes” for characters in your wip!

This tag was going around for a bit months back, but I'm reviving it!

WAVES OF MISFORTUNE

Zarina: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Cricket, rushing in: Zarina! Yesval tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Flavie: What are your adjectives? Yesval: …You mean my pronouns? Flavie: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives? Yesval: …I dunno. What are yours? Flavie: Noisy and chaotic! Yesval: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

Yesval: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off? Flavie: What? No, I— Benji: *enters room* Yesval: *jaw clenches*

Flavie: *gasp* Yesval: wHAT?? Flavie: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish? Yesval: *inhales* Tián, in another room with Benji: Why can I hear screeching?

Benji: ARE YOU- Tián: Fucking. Benji: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Tián: Fucking. Benji: IDIOT! Cricket: …What was that? Tián: Zarina banned Benji from swearing, so I’m helping him out.

Cricket, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please. Benji, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller. Cricket, now looking directly at Benji: Go fuck yourself.

Benji: Do dragons fart fire? Cricket: I don't know. Benji: I thought you went to college.

Cricket: Please pray for Benji. Tián: What happened to him? Cricket: Nothing, he's just very stupid.

Tián, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Benji, the love of my life, for telling me Flavie was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

Tián: Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat? Benji: I don’t usually eat with losers. Tián: Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

Tián: I love being right. It’s one of my favorite personality traits.

Zarina: What are you two arguing about this time? Benji: She's always using common phrases incorrectly! Flavie: Cry me a table, Benji.

Flavie: What do you guys do when you're stressed? Zarina: Try and calm myself down! Benji: Sleep. Cricket: Get myself into even more stress, so that the first reason for my stress gets cancelled out. Yesval: I don't.

Tián: Good night. Benji: Sleep tight. Yesval: Don't let the bedbugs crawl up to your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself. Zhihao: Great, now Benji's crying.

Flavie, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Flavie: Is this a good idea? Flavie: Probably not. Flavie: Do I care? Flavie: No.

Tián: I think Flavie is in trouble. Yesval: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

Flavie: Benji, what are you doing tomorrow? Benji: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

Benji: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me. Flavie: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Flavie: Benji told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued. Yesval: You probably were. Flavie: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

Zarina: What makes you all smile? Tián: Friends and Family. Flavie: Snacks. Benji: Victory and success. Yesval: Face muscles.

Benji: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Benji, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down. Flavie: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven... Cricket, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven? Benji, spraying Flavie: You FUCKING DUMBASS! Flavie: Dude, I forgot- Benji: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!? Zarina: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

Flavie: Why would anyone want to harm Benji? Yesval: Maybe because they met him?

*the TV is freaking out* Tián: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support. *unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes* Tián: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.

Zarina: Ayo, what the FUCK is this?!? Yesval, sitting down, surrounded by corpses: I won Mafia, that’s what.

Flavie: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk. Flavie: *cuts piece of cake* Benji: ... Can I have some? Flavie: Cake is for talkers.

RISING FROM THE ASHES

Kieva, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

Carmin: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Sammy: Make lemonade! Carmin: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Kieva: Your smile looks forced. Carmin: That’s because it is.

Tián: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

Kieva: I need life advice. Tián, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

Tián: Do you ever think? Because I do not.

Caron: That's it, you're grounded! Tián, no adventures for you! Roman, no fighting for you! Taj, no stealing for you! And Al... oh gods, is there anything you love? Al: Revenge. Caron: No vengeance for you. Al: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

Tián: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box. Kieva: That’s a trash can.

Mei: Are you this rude to everyone?! Carmin: Yup. Carmin: Don't think you're special.

Carmin: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Mei? Mei: … I’m sorry. Carmin: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

Mei: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single? Carmin: Do not do that. Mei: You won’t even notice! Kieva, entering: Mei, you wanted to see me again? Mei: Carmin's single Carmin:

Mei: Did you win? Or just not die? Mei: Either way, hooray. Carmin: ...Is "no" a valid answer? Mei: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

Sammy: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. Sammy: I choose to waive that right! Sammy: *screams*

Flavie: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? Aditi: We're chopsticks! Flavie: Well... that's cute! Flavie: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? Tián: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Aditi: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now. Carmin: Uh, Tián and Taj are not getting along. Aditi: They’re not trying to kill each other. Carmin: You may have a point.

Zain: You’re alive. Roman: No need to sound so disappointed.

Elazi: Alright, so the vampire's gravestone is— Roman: Cenotaph. Elazi: What? Roman: It's only a gravestone if it marks the location of a body. A monument honouring someone whose body isn't present is a cenotaph. Elazi: I'm... not sure that's how it works if the body gets up and walks away on its own. Roman: There's a precedent for gravestones being reclassified as cenotaphs if the body is later removed and reinterred elsewhere. There's no rule that says the body itself can't do the removing. Elazi: Okay, but the body is very much coming back. That's kind of what we're here to accomplish. Roman: So it's a temporary cenotaph. Elazi: And naturally our greatest concern here is avoiding semantic ambiguity. Roman: Semantic ambiguity is how vampires get you.

Elazi: Do you want to know your gay name? Roman: My... my gay name? Elazi: Yeah, it's your first name- Roman: Haha. Very funny Elazi- Elazi: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Roman: Oh- oh my god.

Tagging (no pressure!): @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

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[ominous-feychild]

Frey: *literally turns into fire as she rants and raves, flickering back and forth between her normal "human" form and a fiery one*

???: *is supposed to capture her for Nefarious Purposes™*

???:

???: tf kinda job did {REDACTED} think they're giving me!?!? How am I supposed to capture a woman who can turn into literal FIRE!?!?!

[ominous-feychild]

(Frey and Crow first "official" meeting) Crow: *trying to help Frey, but she's in the middle of a vortex of fire* Crow: "HEY, LADY! SHUT IT OFF!" Frey: "I DON'T KNOW HOW???" Crow: Aria: Both:

[ominous-feychild]

You're laughing. You just exposed your necromancy by raising a bunch of corpses, a woman we just watched get brutally murdered has crawled out of the trash chute like the monster from Grudge, and you're laughing.