#the fact that. the way cerise treated euca like he was still her friend and still a leader for them was part denial and part
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explorerspack · 3 years ago
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jesus fucking christ crop is a game. 
#i was way too stressed/sad/tired/busy with irl stuff to post last night but. jesus FUCKING christ.#i. i. i. i.#i really did think my beloved girlie was gonna be either dead or entirely unplayable so this IS a huge win#like there's a reason i instantly had tears in my eyes when i read 'they don't make it' i really thought i was gonna lose them ALL#and i just. spent two hours at work like that--#which would have been. jesus FUCKING christ.#saved by initiative!!!!!#and then when i realized i was not just grappled but SWALLOWED and therefore BLINDED....#having an hour where i thought there was a very good chance i was dead and having that hour be 1:20-2:20am. uh-huh.#but even as it is it's. god. GOD!#i. the fact that the three who saved against the fear are the ones who are dead.#the fact that amanda is the one person who would have blamed cerise as much as she blames herself and. she's DEAD.#the fact that. the way cerise treated euca like he was still her friend and still a leader for them was part denial and part#her trying to coax him back to himself and get him to heal and be the way she rememebered him being. and he's dead!#the fact that i so specifically made sure i had one of micha's drawings just in case she died and. i sure do have the drawing.#and i. augustine is making me INSANE because the thing is he and cerise had. an understanding!#it's adjacent to my healer/barbarian emotions it's like. of COURSE he died trying to save her as she was about to die saving him#and of course it didn't even work.#and ELLIOT! elliot saving calista elliot trying to bait the dragon elliot doing like thirty damage to the dragon!!!! more than cerise!!!!#i'm also feeling really fucking insane about this being the second time in her life cerise has thunderstepped out of something that should#have killed her and about that this is now the second battle where her function has been to take damage and be a distraction#and to deal almost NO damage herself despite being. a fucking SORCERER.#like i'm so upset about not thinking to shocking grasp and about that fucking damage roll#but also i. three damage. she's taken so much damage from this dragon and only dealt three. and we still might kill him.#and the fact that she fucking. saved on the fear AS she was being eaten. i..........man. man. man. WOW!#yesterday was very stressful i had a few moments of 'is this gonna push me too far with this game' but we've swung back around to best game#WOW! jesus fucking CHRIST! cerise is going to be an absolute nightmare here but not as much as she would have been <3#which honestly is gonna make it HARDER i had a PLAN for if everyone or almost everyone or elliot or calista died...#cha:cerise#c:crop
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