#the fact that u sent this while all that chaos was happening on my blog

[edsbev]

give me richie first realizing his feelings for eddie hcs pls

i’d like to think that its rlly mundane. like nothing rlly changes, richie just realises it one day

theyre probs studying in richies room. well eddie is studying. richie gave up 20 minutes ago and is lying on his bed, throwing a ball up and down lazily

theres a big test coming up soon and eddie is s t r e s s e d

“can you stop throwing that fucking ball its so distracting,” eddie says into his homework. richie doesnt stop. eddie spins around in his chair. “richie did you hear me i said stop.” 

but richie just grins and keeps throwing it. annoying eddie is probably his fave past time

only because he likes it when eddie glowers at him. like eddie is doing right now. that little grumpy face he pulls is funny. 

“i know you dont care abt school but im trying to not fucking fail this class i mean if i fail it i could potentially have to re-do the whole year and then i’ll graduate a year later than i should and then i’ve set my whole life back–” eddie rambles in that fast-talking, no-breathing way he does, where he doesnt leave any spaces between his words, and needs to pause to suck in a deep breath after a few moments or else he’ll pass out.

richie watches him. the way eddies nose wrinkles, his eyebrows tug downwards, in his irritation. the way eddies hair - which is usually very neat - falls over his forehead, mussed up from him anxiously running his hands through it. 

eddie pauses to suck in a deep breath between his words, and as he inhales it gets caught in his throat. and he says, raspy, “fuck i need my inhaler.” then he fumbles around in his pockets for it. “this is your fuckin fault richie”

and its just all so very eddie that a warm wave of affection crashes over richie. 

eddie takes a few quick puffs from his inhaler then points it threateningly at richie and jumps straight back to ranting at him

and richie thinks, cute.

only he doesnt rlly think it. that warm wave of affection kind of pools in richies stomach, in his chest, and he just gets a feeling. a kind of, im finding my best friend rlly cute right now kind of feeling. 

and as soon as he feels it, his brain goes into a panic and he tries not to feel it. 

because uh…what? he does not think his best friend is cute that’d just be weird

he looks away from eddie, goes back to throwing the ball up and down. this time as a way to calm some of the nervousness thats starting to make his arms jittery

“did u rlly not just listen to a single word i said?” eddie snaps.

“no” richie says. 

“ughhh.” richie can tell that eddie is rolling his eyes, but he doesnt look at him, because his brain is threatening to find eddie cute again.

annoyed, eddie gets up from the desk, marches over to richie, and tries to snatch the ball away. without thinking, richie grabs the ball, stretches his arm up and behind his head, his hand bumping against the bed’s headrest. 

and well thats a dumb fucking idea. because eddie hmmphs, looks at richie in determination, then leans over him, trying to grab at richies hand. 

and. so. richie literally had a brief moment of gay panic abt his best friend like 2 seconds ago. and now he’s managed to get said best friend almost on top of him. and eddies t-shirt is brushing against richies face, and he smells good and that warmth in richies belly just gets hotter and richie has literally made this ten times worse for himself

“get off me get off get off,” richie says quickly, pushing eddie away. eddie stumbles back, surprised. 

“what?” eddie asks. 

richies heart is absolutely racing. what the fuck is happening?? where the hell did this come from?? sure hes always liked eddie a lot but thats bc theyre best friends!! nothing has changed it just doesnt make sense he must just be overreacting –

“just give me the ballll,” eddie says, not sensing richies internal freak out. he pokes richies arm, only he kinda misses, so his fingertips just brush against the bare skin of richies bicep instead. a million goosebumps prick up all over richies body at the touch. which is not how richie has reacted to eddie touching him before. at all. maybe he’ll feel a little warm and fuzzy when he and eddie touch but this is���he swallows thickly…this feels like…

experimentally, richie looks at eddies lips. which are currently pursed a little in eddies confusion. and richie, as an experiment, imagines leaning over and pressing his mouth to those pursed lips. 

his stomach flips right over and falls to his knees. 

ok. his cheeks burn red. fuck. his breathing quickens. looks away. this is new, this is new, is it new? yes ofc its fucking new. he wants to kiss eddie. thats new

“you ok?” eddie asks. 

“uh” when richie glances back, he can see that eddies expression has softened a little. and that just makes the feeling in his gut even stronger. 

he throws the ball across the room. “there you go.” he says. eddie raises an eyebrow. but says nothing. and richie doesnt breathe again until eddie has turned away. 

and as eddie grabs the ball, settles back down at the desk, richie falls back against the bed. stares up at the ceiling. blood pounding in his ears, his feelings for eddie exposed, surging up in his throat. and he thinks….this actually explains a lot

[yamagucji]

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, MIMZ! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF RAPHAEL.

Admin Rosey: I never really thought that Raphael’s application would be so f u n to read. Macabre? Absolutely. Impassioned? Of course. But hilarious to the point where I was giggling? Definitely unexpected but that is what made this so enjoyable and it is ultimately why this application received a r e s o u n d i n g yes from each of us. There was a perspective that I always envisioned for Raphael but was never able to articulate it myself until you laid it out, word by word, with this application, Mimz. Raphael is such a multi-faceted and character that holds so much potential, and the way that you wove it into every aspect of the application made this so fun to read. Thank you so much for taking the time to produce such a wonderful application! Your faceclaim change to Kendrick Sampson has been approved. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias 

mimz

Age

21

Personal Pronouns

she/her

Activity Level

i’ll typically check the dash every day, and i try not to keep replies stewing for longer than a couple of days! that said i can be a little slow, especially around exam seasons.

Timezone

pst

Triggers

REMOVED

How did you find the group?

miss minnie bleubeard’s blog

IN CHARACTER

Character

raphael, with a fc change to kendrick sampson

What drew you to this character? 

short answer: divine amorality sexy HAHAHAHA

long answer: there was something i read a little while ago about some of the best surgeons being able to dehumanize their patients to a rather frightening degree. there’s a level of abstraction that you need in order to not let your empathy get in the way of the practice of medicine; ultimately, a body is a body is a body, right? and then there’s the moral quandary of healing - it is a doctor’s duty to heal, but what does that actually mean? to what extent is a doctor’s duty to relieve suffering? to obstinately prolong life? if the body heals but the mind still ails, is a person healed? what i’m getting at, here, is that in some ways the healer is the most dangerous character of all. 

when i read raphael’s bio, there was a quote in that article from a surgeon named david cheever that came to mind: “as a result of anaesthetics, the surgeon ‘need not hurry; he need not sympathise; he need not worry; he can calmly dissect, as on a dead body.’” to me, raphael is an explosion and expansion of this concept. raphael is, quite literally, a medical ethicist’s worst nightmare, and to me, that’s absolutely fascinating. without sympathy, what separates a healer from an educated control freak with a god complex? with raphael, we can extend this concept to its furthest extreme. raphael isn’t even human - how could he even begin to sympathize with an experience so foreign to him? why would he worry about something trivial as human suffering when it essentially exists as a theoretical concept to him? divine beings have no reason to play by human rules, and as a creature raised by god’s side raphael was so far removed from the concept of human suffering that it’s sort of a no-brainer that he developed a sick fascination with it, like a child who managed to con their parent into buying a grand theft auto game and is obsessed with running over pedestrians because the stakes never quite feel real. it’s a perspective i’d absolutely love to explore in a group rp setting because the nature of rp means that it’s kind of...completely unsustainable? like as writers we’re shoving these characters together, which means that raphael will have to be exposed to mortals. there’s room for a lot of character development there, and it seems like something extremely interesting to explore.

BUT HERE’S THE THING⁠—and this is where the character gets really fun, in my opinion. i’ve talked a fair bit about god complexes already, but when applied to raphael an interesting question is raised: how much is a complex, and how much of it is actually being divine? what really made me want to get my grubby little hands on the reins of raphael’s story was seeing the disconnect between the way his connections are written from raphael’s perspective versus the other character’s perspective. it’s a fun little hubristic shade that makes him an unreliable narrator and infinitely more interesting than a simple morality thought experiment. i think it’s easy to see raphael as this super cool, all-powerful master manipulator (i think that’s a pretty accurate take on his self-image, in fact), but he’s not the only player in this game. for every pawn he’s trying to move, there is someone else trying to use him in a similar way, and i don’t know that he truly understands the ramifications of that. see, i think it’s easy to reduce raphael to the points i discuss in the previous paragraphs because that’s what he wants you to think of him. but this is a world of gods and superpowers and magical political intrigue and game of thrones doesn’t exist so nobody can tell him that he’s on the path to becoming a cersei lannister (admittedly i haven’t watched got so this reference might not be right but i feel like it’s right so uh. yeah!). maybe i just like to see arrogant men getting knocked down a peg? this might be a projection of that. i dunno. i just know that there are quite a few mind games and mental gymnastics to untangle with raphael and that’s fun. he’s fun.

also. i would like to once again reiterate: divine amorality sexy. it’s not good, to be clear, and i don’t condone it, but i’m just saying.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

WHEN  THE  CITY  CRUMBLES  AROUND  YOU  AND  YOU  HOLD  ITS VESTIGES  IN  YOUR  HANDS,  WHOM  DO  YOU  BLAME?

i think Raphael’s big character arc revolves around a simple question: how far are you willing to go to achieve what you want? 

ostensibly, it’s an easy answer: very far. but when your desire is antithetical to your very purpose, when chasing it puts you at odds with the thing you’ve worked to build, do the goalposts move?

(the correct answer is that raphael did not build caelum. he simply destroyed god.)

let’s say, hypothetically, that raphael gets what he wants. the world is thrown into war and chaos and destruction, yadda yadda, raphael gets his blood and his suffering, great. he’s lived through this before (a couple times, actually), so you think he’d realize by now—eventually, the dust will settle. people will tire of suffering. and where will that leave raphael? how many times will you remake the world to watch it burn? can you ever be fulfilled chasing a temporary high? 

(the correct answer is no, but raphael is an immortal being. more importantly, he is a patient one. he will wait a million days for rome to be built, if only to witness the single day in which it will burn.)

i think raphael needs to reckon with these questions. i think he’s lived far too long with his mentality unquestioned and that has made him both insufferable and a major threat to society. this is a long and pretentious way to say that raphael honestly kind of needs a hobby whatever the thc-verse equivalent of therapy is, but i think any sort of positive character development is contingent upon a recontextualization of suffering and chaos and raphael’s masks.

of course, this isn’t to say that introspection will only lead to positive character development. perhaps a raphael who looks deeper into his psyche will come to understand that his desires outweigh his role; perhaps such thoughts will push raphael over the edge of propriety and into something more outwardly despicable. no matter what, though, i think that the direction of raphael’s character development will be largely shaped on how he decides to prioritize his⁠ roles and goals. 

FOR  WHOM  DO  THESE  HANDS  HEAL?

let’s discuss the archangels, shall we? despite it all, raphael genuinely loves his brothers. i would argue, even, that raphael believes that his scheming is in service to the other archangels; he’s not blind to the way complacency has softened the angels. at this point, the only true threat to the angels is themselves—if michael wants to to unlock a state of sanctifying grace, it will happen at the hand of one of his kin. 

i spoke earlier about raphael’s goals ultimately being futile. this is largely because they are diametrically opposed to michael and gabriel’s goals, and while raphael knows this intellectually, i don’t think he’s quite thought about what the long-term implications of that conflict entails. he’s so caught up in the conflict between michael and gabriel that he’s neglected to consider how he factors into the dynamic. could he be the common ground that brings michael and gabriel together? could he be the final straw that breaks them apart? he is excited for the fighting, the fallout; but has he stopped to consider what the long-reaching effects of such a rift may be?

raphael is breaking his family apart because he loves them. will that be enough, when he is sent to pick up the pieces? whose side will he fall on, if he is to pick a side at all? 

DID  PYGMALION  FALL  IN  LOVE  WITH  THE  BEAUTY  OF  HIS  CREATION,  OR  THE  BEAUTY  HE  CREATED?

i said this in the previous section but i’d like to reiterate it: i think a big reason raphael is Like That is because the stakes have never quite felt real to him. raphael’s a pot stirrer, but he’s not a creature of action. to this, i say give him real stakes. to be honest, i don’t know exactly what that entails, because i could see a number of ways in which tangible pressure manifests itself for raphael. perhaps his meddling with michael and gabriel steps too far, and his brothers  perhaps the angels become suspicious of his maneuvering, in which the spider is drawn into his own web of intrigue. maybe we apply positive pressure, where the ails of the world require a healer and raphael is tapped to higher purpose⁠—and higher power. maybe raphael will find himself tempted by the very demons he holds in contempt. 

the point is that raphael has largely been a character who acts through others. even now, we see this through his grooming of romilda, with his subtle manipulation of michael and gabriel. i want him to become a more active character, either by his own volition or by his hand being forced. 

similarly, i’m extremely interested in seeing how raphael navigates the political elements of this verse. i expect it stings a bit to be the only archangel not given a position of leadership; perhaps he holds lingering resentment toward zadkiel for being given a role raphael had expected to receive. does he subtly undermine zadkiel’s leadership? i want to watch him play up tensions with the vices, to hide a vicious war-hawk perspective under the guise of a concerned healer. i want him to smile in abaddon and samael’s faces and plot their suffering in his mind. i want to see the snake slither in the grass, to return to his original form as a spider spinning a web of intrigue across his court. yes, i want a more active raphael, but i think the political drama is ripe for development, as well.

WHEN  I  SPIT  UP  MY  SINS  AND  BEG  FOR  REPENTANCE,  WHAT  WILL COME  UP?

this one’s a long shot, but i could maybe...see...raphael……..falling. i can guarantee you that the idea has never even crossed raphael’s mind, and that he would literally rather be smited than be cast out of caelum, but i can see it. i think he might be happier, actually; if he fell, he could really lean into the chaos and suffering thing without any compunction.

of course, this is something infinitely easier said than done. were raphael to be cast out of caelum, he would have nowhere to go. infernum would never take him⁠—he’s made far too many enemies among their ranks. he could wander the holy land, but he’s far too proud to bind himself to its existing social systems. (he wouldn’t be able to look gabriel in the eye.)

raphael would have absolutely nothing. 

but he would also be free.

that’s right, i think that a horsemen-style liberation arc would be an absolute banger for raphael. again, i don’t think it’s feasible unless a very specific set of circumstances happen, but just imagine a raphael with nothing to lose, free to go absolutely apeshit. his only prerogative is to make sure you have a bad day. he is free to sow whatever chaos, whatever suffering he so wishes across the land. WHEW.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

yes, but i don’t see him going down easily.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

entomological curiosity, in short. consider: why did god leave the apple in the garden of eden? why do humans keep animals in glass cases? why do children burn ants with magnifying glasses?

raphael wants to observe the world. a good healer must understand his patients at a fundamental level, and such truths are only revealed when the subject is broken down to its basest parts. you see, raphael was weaned on temperance and virtue; there is a lush decadence to emotional extremes that he finds most fascinating. they are debased. they are crass. they are wantonly sentimental, in a garishly beautiful way.

but this is not all. he wants to stave off boredom, and these are the tools he has to play with. for all of his machinations, raphael is a simple being. raphael has no grand ambitions, no lofty ideals, and that is what makes him so dangerous. he wants to be amused. he wants to be stimulated. he wants to observe a world in which things happen.

ostensibly, this is not as selfish a motivation as it may seem. as a healer, raphael knows something that many do not: serenity cannot exist in perpetuity. it is impossible for the world to remain unchanged⁠—even if the change is not evident, it is happening. an eternal peace is all but a stagnation of the kingdom; the only thing stagnation breeds is degradation. the angels are weakening because they are not being challenged. michael and the virtues may be doing extensive research to find an alternate explanation, but raphael knows this to be the truth. 

of course, the irony underlying the selfless explanation of raphael’s motivations reveals the truth of the matter: it is a farce. perhaps it is a lie that raphael has even convinced himself he believes, but it is farcical nonetheless. raphael claims he wants to invoke change because stagnation is dangerous, but riddle me this⁠—if this is true, why has raphael never changed? centuries upon centuries have passed, and the world has changed around him, but raphael himself has remained largely unchanged. he is the orchestrator of change, not its agent nor its subject, and that is just the way he would like things to stay.

Character Traits

CHARISMATIC - there’s a reason very few have cottoned on to raphael’s true nature, and it’s not (just) his pretty face and magical girl-esque aura. there’s something effortlessly captivating about raphael, a pace to his cadence that has you hanging on to his every word, a lightness to his smile that makes you want to coax it out whenever and however you can. everything about raphael puts people at ease, except for his eyes, which tend to put people on edge if he’s not careful. he’s not gregarious or the outgoing sort of charismatic by any means, but he does manage to exude an overwhelming charisma.

PATIENT - it’s important to remember that before raphael turned on god, he waited for him. raphael performed healings for centuries and never raised a hand against his father in that time. think of all the angels that fell, that rebelled; raphael was not among them. no, raphael played the dutiful son, allowing his resentment to fester and boil deep underneath his skin, but never to surface. for centuries he served loyally, biding his time. remember: lucifer fell. raphael did not. which one killed god? as i mentioned in the plot section, raphael will wait a million days for rome to be built to witness the single day it burns. prolonged suffering is perhaps the most beautiful of all. fortitude goes hand-and-hand with patience.

INTELLIGENT - in a few ways. raphael is well-studied, with extensive knowledge of biology and chemistry and history and politics. raphael is emotionally intelligent; he hides his true nature behind a veneer constructed to meet expectations. he may not be as talented as gabriel in this regard, but it is a skillful construction nonetheless.

MANIPULATIVE - i mean. yeah.

ARROGANT - he thinks he’s smarter than god???????????????? tbf god was a bit of a headass in this universe but we’ve all read enough tragedies to know where this kind of hubris ends up going.

CRUEL - there’s a bit to unpack here. i’d argue that there are two types of cruelty: malicious cruelty and callous cruelty. raphael is certainly capable of both, but i think he embodies the latter. with certain notable exceptions, raphael’s cruelty is rarely personal; it is a thoughtless sort of cruelty, the type inflicted upon beings considered expendable. raphael is selfish and petty and powerful, and these traits coalesce into a casual cruelty. 

In-Character Para Sample cw: light gore

Look at how they look at him. God’s good little lambs, lined up all in a row, passive and pliant and patiently awaiting benediction. Patiently waiting for Raphael. 

Raphael hates them.

No. This is false. It is difficult for Raphael to muster up stronger feelings toward mortals than a vague sort of amusement, the sort of affinity one might have for a particularly stupid kit when it does something surprisingly clever. In this regard, he understands that he differs from his kin. Gabriel, in particular, has developed a particular fondness for the mortals. Why anyone would wish to strip mortals of their most fascinating behavior⁠—to the point of openly defying their Father⁠—is beyond Raphael. He has given up on trying to reason with his brother on the matter. 

The first supplicant is beckoned forward. They pray to the Lord and Raphael touches their forehead with one palm, cups their chin with the other. His fingers splay carelessly around a throat all but bared to him and the ceremony is so mechanical Raphael allows his thoughts to wander⁠. 

How easy it would be to tighten his grip. How beautiful it would be, to watch the lamb’s naive adoration flash into fear, to watch fear darken into betrayal and resentment and the most beautiful emotion of all: despair. He can feel the pulse at his fingertips. It would quicken in a stress response, he knows. It would quicken, then it would pound, and then maybe it would stop.  It all falls to Raphael’s whim. In this moment, Raphael holds their life in his hands. They have all but laid on his sword for the promise of absolution and when they look up at Raphael with their dumb, trusting eyes he can see the sparkling tracks where tears once fell, down the hollow of a cheek into the pool of a collarbone. He finds himself overcome with the desire to trace the fall with his tongue. “Give me your pain,” he murmurs. Let me taste it. Let me understand. 

He takes it. He does not taste it. He does not understand.

He releases the mortal. Those beautiful tear tracks are already fading. “The Lord be with you,” he says, and perhaps he even means it. His Father’s gaze burns into his back, even from a world away. He’d laugh at the irony, were he free to. Is this the weight you so desire? he wants to ask the devotee. No, Raphael knows the truth: God’s love is a shackle. God’s love is a leash and it is holding Raphael back from his fullest potential.

“And also with you,” the lamb responds. Their head is bowed obediently in prayer and they shuffle away, appropriately awed. The next supplicant is beckoned forward.

The light of Raphael’s presence obfuscates the darkness in his eyes.

— 

Later, much later, Raphael finds himself studying his hands. He flexes them, balls them into fists, stretches his fingers as far as they will spread. 

How easy it would be to tighten his grip.

The hand is at once an individual unit and a summation of individual parts. The hand contains twenty-seven bones and thirty-four muscles connected by over a hundred ligaments and tendons. Wrists connect to metacarpals, which connect to carpals, which taper off into delicate phalanges. Individually, each of these parts are largely useless; were Raphael to take a scalpel and drag it through a tendon, across the joints, the strings would be cut and the puppetry would cease to dance. You would be left with a small pile of carpals and metacarpals and phalanges, loose strings of muscle and tendon. At times, it is difficult to fathom how such mundane component parts are the instruments of extraordinary acts.

Raphael flexes his hand, watches bone shift under skin. If he remembers correctly, mortals have an idiom about knowing your hands, or something along those lines. He will not pretend to be familiar with mortal culture. Did you know that, wings aside, mortals and angels all have the same bone structure? 

Of course you did. It is common knowledge that God made all beings in His image, or so the story goes. 

This is an easy answer, but one with interesting implications. Let us extrapolate. If mortals and angels are essentially biological mirrors, and each are made in the image of God, does that mean that God will bleed like His creations? Slide a scalpel across God’s knuckles—will His puppets cease to dance?

Raphael could find out. It would take only a single blade, sliced through a single tendon. 

Now, Raphael is not so arrogant to believe himself the blade. He would not even consider himself the hand. Such a role requires a particular kind of conviction—

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in bitter disillusionment⁠—the sort inflicted upon Michael. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s capriciousness and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in righteous anger⁠—the sort inflicted upon Gabriel. How easy it would be to find himself in his brother’s ear, whispering of their Father’s neglect and the unnecessary cruelty that resulted for the poor, poor humans— )

( —and that sort of conviction is made manifest in a whetted hunger⁠—the sort God gifted to each of His angels. Hunger breeds hunters and heaven is full— )

—that Raphael simply cannot embody. Rage has never been his forte. 

Consider, however, that the hand is controlled by nerve impulses. A spark is all the hand needs to transform from a collection of bone to an agent of action. Yes. He clenches his fists. Here are the bones, the veins, the tendons, the muscle. Angels and mortals all share the same bone structure.

Does God?

Extras

pinterest.

raphael has classically beautiful wings. i’m talking TEXTBOOK cherubic angel wings, with the sweeping white feathers and all. raphael kind of hates them, though he takes a great deal of pride in them.

raphael doesn’t have a signature weapon. he’s proficient with blades, yes, and fights with a surgeon’s precision, not the strongest nor the fastest but eerily efficient in his blows. but he is a healer��at the end of the day, his empty hands are all he needs. (his empty hands are what you should fear.)

raphael hates the heretics pro forma but. but. he cannot deny a certain...fondness for them. the heretics exhibited such dedication to a futile cause; they believed their suffering to be something noble. it’s a laughable notion, certainly, but a sentiment so distinctly human it’s almost charming. should they wish to return, to throw themselves on the knife over and over and over, well. raphael shall not complain. he shall smile beatifically, perhaps abate their suffering, even⁠—and watch them do it again. 

in a modern au, raphael is a reality tv producer. ok actually he’s probably a surgeon but i think he’d make a very good reality tv producer. alternately, there is a universe out there where raph fixated on like...baking, or k-pop, instead of suffering. those are good timelines, i think. maybe not the k-pop stan timeline.

raphael is the living embodiment of that dwight schrute “we need a new plague” meme.

[briteboy]

stealing @bratsims format because i need a less ugly way to mass answer your messages which will hopefully motivate me to stay on top of this! at least i can say i tried

so if you sent me an anon message in the past...idk MONTH (i’m bad i know) it might be here. (older ones are near the bottom) if not, check my faq because it’s probably answered there. (and if you’re the person/people who sent the twin flame & 7th house asks, i plan to answer those separately because i have a LOT to say. get ready)

game of thrones, nuclear war, real life santis, lou theories, i’m evil, HERE WE GO!! i literally had to cut it off at the last one because it was just too much for now. i’ll try to answer some more later ok

we’re starting off on a great note

Anonymous said: gaddamn rooney's tiddies lookin' hella ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STOP!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S MY CHILD soaidfnjds she’s supposed to have like b/c cups (goals for me tbh, the big boob life is not fun) and sims 4 pregnancies just fuckin make them...NYOOM i’m mad you can’t edit sims’ bodies during pregnancy even with cas.fulleditmode on -___- so i let her live with her giant preggo tiddies for now

Ngl I want a kiss between Santi and Gianni (I'm sorry I'm literally trash)

then i’m here to satisfy your desires: they do kiss periodically because gianni is one of those people who’s like “why shouldn’t you kiss your friends?” free love 4 everyone

IM SCREAING AT UR YOUTUBE CHANNEL OK!!!! I LOVEEE IT, WOW

DON’T IT’S UGLY EXCEPT FOR LIKE TWO VIDEOS

hey this is kinda random but i thought joe seaward from glass animals looked kinda like santi? he has quite a weird face too lmao

oMG i actually love that, i know what you mean. that dude reminds me of a bull terrier lmao i actually saw glass animals like two weeks ago!! i didn’t really get a good look at the drummer but now i wish i did. missed connection

i just finished reading santi's story and ugh it almost had me in tears! beautiful, your story telling skills and editing skills are perfection!

ahhhhsdkgkds thank you so much ;____; that means the world to me <333

Unpopular opinion: im so done with game of thrones tbh. It's not even good anymore :/ I liked the first season but since then i've skipped through episodes because they are just sooo fucking boring and dragged out!

see like the first three seasons were pretty good because they stayed true to the books. (actually that’s a lie, littlefinger’s chaos speech in the s3 finale was real fuckin bad because guess what: it was original material LMAO) the fourth season was where it started to get messy and then the fifth season was a fucking shitshow because they completely IGNORED the fourth book and cherrypicked all the “good” parts out of it (read: the most action-y parts, while ignoring all the most important pieces of character development) and they botched the dorne storyline, oh and who could forget the iconic moment of throwing in a rape (THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS) just for fun :) love it! but anyway if you think the show is boring i probably wouldn’t recommend the books, they’re even slower getting through them lmao. but it’s worth it in my opinion. there’s so much they don’t include in the show and it makes me Angery

Okay, game of thrones fan here, I haven't read the books (yet at least, I bought book 1) but I feel like dany is going to practically turn into her father, this season she is already showing traits like his.......

OH YEAH i definitely feel like they’re moving in that direction in the process of revealing jon as the “true” king of westeros and it’s so bad lmfao. the thing is, like...cersei is already mad king 2.0? why do we need another one?????? the entire point of dany’s arc is that she’s constantly trying to deviate AWAY from the way her father ruled, demonstrated by the fact that she freed the slaves (whereas all the targaryens before were slave owners), the fact that she’s not perpetuating the whole incest thing (LMAO GUESS AGAIN BECAUSE JONERYS HAS TO HAPPEN FOR SOME FCKING REASON), the fact that she has dragons which haven’t existed in how many years...like, if she ever ends up being like her father in the books, it’s NOT gonna fucking happen like this. but i don’t think she will anyway, george rr martin has been pretty clear about her trajectory thus far. anyway this show is so ugly, next question

rooney's eye are so BIG

just like her tiddies lmao i kno sometimes i forget how big they are and then she does one of those silly endearing animations and i’m like o ;-; hello big dumb baby cow eyes

Cows? Are you secretly Matthew Daddario?

WHO i had to google him lmao i was about to say “oh the teen wolf guy” but jk @ myself u idiot it’s shadowhunters damn i literally googled “matthew daddario cows” and

tru

I love how fragile Lou looks like but the truth is that she is strong af and you can't play with her bruh

SHE IS ;-; and that’s a huge theme in her story, i’m excited <3

ima leave ur blog and come bk and spam you so you will finally notice me

im part of this online forum of girls that talks about our period and weather or not one of us might be pregnant and once this girl posted saying that her husband invited his mom without telling her to thier honeymoon and she didnt find out until they arrived at the hotel and she was already there. the most recent part reminded me of it. but long story short, her dad moved all her stuff out of his house and her friend came to pick her up and they got a divorce.

OISOJDFAKNLJSD WHAT!!! i’m guessing you sent this because of that thing i said about the reddit post lmfaooo imagine your mom on your honeymoon. why. that’s soooooooooo good 4 her u know. u don’t need to be married to his mom as well

thanks 4 trusting my love santi. he's beautiful

thank u he thinks ur beautiful too 💘

do you have any tips for runing game in good quality and fast?

euhhhhh the only tips i have for you are to merge your cc, close all other programs while you play your game, maybe invest in a cooling pad uhhhhhh yeah idk any other tips you can probably find on google

You told that thing about unfollowing people and I thought you unfollowed me, but then I checked and you didn't and I'm crying omg

lmao omg ;-; i literally cut my following list in half, it was so chaotic and it was making me anxious. so if ever unfollow any of you please don’t take it personally (i know it’s a stupid thing to say, and it’s a lot easier said than done) it’s just my brain explodes when there’s too much going on at once and some content blends into others, i’m trying to only follow people who i’m genuinely interested in enough to keep up with their posts from now on

I haven't been able to sleep in over 72 hours thanks to the constant fear over the looming world war. I'm fine. Completely fine

Oh shit, have you noticed that the media has been putting out more 'what to do during a nuclear attack' kinda articles? This world is slowly going to shit, for real. I'm not even near any of the danger really, but it still absolutely terrifies me to see all of that bc it could very well go wrong and hit my place as well yknow? I have no idea why i send this to you but you seem chill and calm so thanks for reading my freakout askfjsls

YEP it’s pretty terrifying. but at the same time don’t let fear overwhelm you, fearmongering is an ugly, ugly thing and you don’t want to live your life constantly worrying. so just prepare yourself for what might come, but at the same time, just spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, and then if it doesn’t turn out as bad as we thought it would, you *tim mcgraw voice* lived like u were dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyin’

@ Jesus anon: I really don't think it's the right time to complain about "using the lord name in vain" when there are people terrified of leaving their homes bc they are afraid to get killed (aka that poor, poor Jewish anon in charlottesville)

yeah idk like i want to respect everyone but it seemed to be in poor taste to bring that up at a time like that lmao. and also i’ve literally never in my entire life met someone who actually takes “don’t say the lord’s name in vain” seriously. 

I asked about the poses and HOLY CRAP THANK YOU SO MUCH! I finally have good poses to use for story telling. Thank you soo so so so sooooo much!

YAY i’m glad you found some good stuff <3 and honestly just going through lana’s blog you’ll find a ton of good poses, it’s a gold mine

Idk how much tv you watch, but have you've ever come across a tv show that used music from The Sim? Because once in a while I'll hear Sims 3 build/buy music on some random show and I'll get a lil shook because I find it so weird that the generic music they're using comes from a major game title.

OMG LMAO NO what i wish i’d come across that tho. one time i used sims 1 music in a video i made for school and someone recognized it

I love your stories gosh I check your page "it's everyday bro with femmesim flow" Lol sorry for that awkward Jake Paul "poop" ❤️

lmao thank u i had no idea who jake paul was until my friends started talking about him

yo, I also remember once in french class real life santi asked me what videos games I like to play. When I told him the sims, he looked at me for a while and shaked his head. He was like, "why do you want to watch your sims use the toilet?"

WHY DO YOU WANT TO WATCH YOUR SIMS USE THE TOILET SAME that’s all i care about when i play

that rooney face in the 5 facts is so iconic, its my fave picture of her. You should blow it up and frame it

i should tbh. i should print it out and put it in my wallet to show everyone because she is my child

sorry the bother you, merging cc makes your game smoother? can you explain to me please?

boop

hi i love you ♡ pass it on

I LOVE U

Can I say that hearing a MacBooks fans screaming for dear life as they try to cool down when playing the sims has actually started to haunt my nightmares

SAME my macbook is actually doing it right now for no reason. thanks laptop

Maybe Santi should go to therapy to talk out his issues.

maybe he should 🤔  but tbh he’s already talked out everything, there’s nothing really more to talk out. he just has to cope with it. he’s treated lou like his therapist thus far and that’s not okay

i love ur story and omg i totally get where lou is coming from with being tired of being compared to molly by santi, thatd hurt so much esp with how much she cares about him

thank youuu ;-; i’m glad you understand, this was a part i’d wanted to get out for a loooong time now, and i know you guys were always like “um why does she put up with this” lmao. she just loves him, that’s why. but you’re right, it does hurt.

My theory is very similar to the other anons in that Fiona's dad/Lou's ex had a mental illness (schizophrenia, depression, what have you) but he actually did kill himself and that's why she's not completely losing it on Santi because I feel like most people in that situation would have not handled it as well as Lou did

🤔 you’re right about the last part, and there’s a reason she has so much patience, das all i’m sayin

i started your story from the beginning last night and i am in awe. Its amazing. It inspired me to put a little more effort in learning to edit and write. It was like reading screen caps from a movie! I didn't want to stop reading. Anyway thing was a super sappy ask, but i appreciate your stuff. And i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words.

omg ;__________; when people tell me i inspired them it means the most to me, my brain just can’t process it lmao. so thank you so so much ;-; <333 THE MOVIE THING ESPECIALLY GOT ME IN THE HEART because i feel like that’s my aesthetic with most things i create because i’m such a film person lol. don’t worry i love super sappy, and you did a good job of wording everything because it got me right in the feels <33

Okay I've been snickering for about 43 minutes bc SANTI GOT THAT GRU CHINNN

WOT is that i googled it and the only thing that came up was the dad from despicable me lmfaosdkjfs but ok

Please, please do punk edits of your some of your characters! I'd die.

WHAT DOES THIS MEANNN do you mean like. those 2010 tumblr edits of punk disney characters and then the joker from suicide squad looked like one of them. do u want santi to be the joker. because my boyfriend already relates him to suicide squad joker because of his face tatt lmao

You love to make me cry

i do i’m sorry. if it makes you feel any better i love to make myself cry too. but my biceps grow stronger with every tear

I reeeally dont think those chancla comments were offensive??? Why would they be?? I'm hispanic (born and raised in the sunny Dominican Republic, received a fair amount of chancletazos myself) and I laughed out loud when i read them 😂😂

I JUST WANT U TO KNOW I SHOWED @ichosim THIS MESSAGE AND SHE LAUGHED FOR 12 HOURS AT “CHANCLETAZOS”

whATT my little brothers name is santiago n we call him santi for short!! guess it's not rly that uncommon but we live in a small country and he's also 4 so like,, no other santiagos!! idk why im saying this its completely irrelevant just kinda surprised me :'))

OMG wow hell yeah another real life santi...santi acts like a 4 yr old so he might as well be your brother

Just curious.. Do you play sims or just use it for storytelling? Sorry if thats weird haha

well my recent gameplay pics should answer your question lmao. i do like to play but i don’t have enough time to both play and pose scenes so i mostly just pose scenes for now. :[ i am gonna be off work for like two weeks tho so hell yeah gameplay here i come!!

I'm starting a Fiona appreciation movement because she is the real star of santis story RT and i love her and she is way underappreciated and I love her KThxBi

SHE IS THE REAL STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve said this before but santi’s relationship with her is the most important to me, out of every relationship he has in this story. i’m so glad you love her so much, sorry about what’s about to come in the next few scenes tho

Oh my heart, Santi is alive, god exist

I have a pretty hard time understanding Santi's story mostly because I'm not English but I'm sure I'll figure it out:)

ahh oh no D: i’m sorry i wish i spoke every language in the world lmao. if you want, you can message me off anon and i’ll help you understand it!!

Lou is an angel honestly

“there are worse things than seeing an angel before you die”

what tablet do you use? or how do you draw hair? it looks so pretty.

omg haha i don’t have one! i wish i did tho. all of the brushes i got from deviantart, i’m trying to find the specific ones but they’re all elusive wtf. i’ll post them when i find them! for now, here’s a good guide to drawing hair, by airi <3

Nah nah I always knew you'd save him.....eheheeh.....THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING BABBY SANTEEEEEEEEE DNDDNSKANW YOU WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BLOOD ON UR HANDS AS ALL UR FOLLOWERS COLLECTIVELY DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART BUT DW WE DIDNT BECAUSE UR QN ANGEL....but I toooootally knew you'd save him... /sweats/

I’M GLAD U HAD FAITH <3 i know omfg i would’ve expected a mob at my house if i’d actually killed him. if i ever killed him i would just lay down somewhere and die. that’s it for me

Lou & molly almost always have teeth showing, do you draw them on each pic?x

no, only sometimes i’ve drawn them when i felt like their mouths weren’t matching the expression i wanted. but most of the time it’s just the pose.

is it too late to send 16k dollars to guarantee santi's inclusion in a loving home with loving friends

it is absolutely never too late to send me 16k i promise you that

I just bought school books for $550 who knew studying marine biology could be so fuckING EXPENSIVE

EWW WTF...i’ve been lucky and haven’t had to spend a ton on books in my college career (one time i even went to such lengths that i got access to free trial version of one of my school books in a pdf, screencapped EVERY SINGLE PAGE, which was more than 400 pages, just so i wouldn’t have to spend $70 on it. i love cheating the system)

waIT i never saw ur selfie where is it, must see

u could probably just search “selfie” on my blog and find it, or enjoy the ugly closeup drunk snap i posted last night

Hey guys I'm a happy trans man that has no mental illnesses. I'm fucking pissed about Trump's ban. And to any one that says it's logical FUCK YOU! I'm having flashbacks to don't ask, don't tell because this is the same fucking wacked up logic. I'm so angry, like I'm a human, yes I may require testosterone shots once a month but that's it, I even administer them to myself. I pay for them with my own god damn money so fuck you transphobic bigots who say this law is fair. It's not. WE ARE HUMAN TOO Also same anon that ranted. Sorry about that I'm just really pissed and I love and thank you for sticking up for the community. We love you and I love you. And you're right not all trans people transition. We all do what we want to. Some start on T or E and have the full surgery. Some just have top surgery. Some just do testosterone or estrogen. Some never do anything. We're all still trans and we're all valid.

YES ALL OF THIS, sorry i didn’t answer this when it was all happening. but askdkjfas thank you for this message, I LOVE YOU TOO, SO MUCH <333 and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough to voice this in my inbox. yes every trans person is valid no matter what they decide to do with their bodies <3

One of those old hot topic shirts that said " if Darryl dies we riot " but with santi instead of Darryl.

OMG LMAOOOOO NOW THAT’S A CONCEPT who’s making these i want one

your use of references and reaction pics and gifs fucken KILLS ME

Crystal anon here. I googled around my area to find there are none of those y'know, crystal, candle, incense, magic type shops. I have panic attacks when I go outside and I wanted to look into alternative stuff since I'm on meds and w/e. I wanted to know if you or friends had any experience or recommendations for buying crystals online like on etsy or amazon. How can you tell if they're real?x

ooooh ok. usually there are shops like those in cities or even in towns with like kitschy little promenades with independent shops. (i know there’s one around the town over from mine, which is so random lmao) i do have friends that have crystals but i think they mostly just collect them for the ~good vibez~ and don’t really look too far into the healing aspects of them. i would say first go with the one that coincides with your birth because those are the ones that are like specifically catered to you and strengthen your being. as for buying online, hmmmmm i mean i don’t really know any specific trustworthy sellers because i don’t have much experience with this, but definitely read the reviews! those will help you a lot <3

Hello could you please tell us how you edited the pic of rooney in that one post that the anon asked for the unedited version?

i honestly didn’t do much of anything that differs from my usual editing process! i made her eyes a bit bigger by using the clone tool, cloning the top of her eye and applying it a little bit farther up...if that makes sense. it’s hard to explain how to use that tool lmao. and i think i used the liquify tool to bring part of her eyebrow down to look more worried.

there's still a part of me that says she ain't dead and molly is just in a coma lmao end mE

OMFLDKGKJS yeah she’s not dead surprise. i WILL say there is still flashback stuff that will be revealed. well not “revealed” like molly’s death was revealed, like i just still have to showcase some things that happened afterward. because it doesn’t just end with molly’s death, there’s stuff after that as well :~}

I'm Mexican, have lived around Mexicans, have been to Mexico multiple times growing up, just came back from a family trip at practically the border between Mexico and Guatemala and never in my life have I ever heard the word "joder" i had to look it up xD (not hating or anything I just thought I'd mention it cuz I found it funny...lol) k bye...

OK NOT SURE IF the ppl you’ve been around just don’t curse or whatever but...joder is DEFINITELY something i’ve heard mexican people say before lmao

Okay so this is random, but i was telling my sister the name of one your characters in ur story (santi) and she kinda just starts singing his name, and she said "santi high, santi low, santi go." And im just sitting there, like woah.

LMFAO WHATKNJDSKJGD “woah” same

u gonna incorporate fis hat into a really like emotional sad thing in her story huh

oMG i wasn’t planning on it but hmm 🤔

Why no el chingo? NO ME GUSTA (I'm joking btw ily)

LMFAOOOO because i didn’t wanna have to defile my son by downloading the penis mod RIP

let santi grow out dem eyebrows 2kforever

omg he does let them grow out except for the little line he shaved in when he was 14 that never grew back RIP

in ur bio it says "kt" and i know why,, it means killing them as in killing off ur characters slowly i see u gurl

i bet this story was just an excuse for you to see the world burn. well done.

OMG i mean, that was definitely one of the side effects of it all. but really it was just that i NEEDED to get this story out after it had lived in my brain for so long.

ur dead 2 me

I... just.... can't... too much pain Y U DO DIS 2 UZ?!?!!!

[mothergamerwriter]

Wicked Saints (Something Dark and Holy #1) by Emily A. Duncan | Blog Tour Review & Excerpt

      Hello bookland! Welcome to Mother/Gamer/Writer for the Wicked Saints Blog Tour. For today’s tour stop, please enjoy my review of this magically delicious and bloody tale, an excerpt from the novel, and an awesome pronunciation guide!

      I received this book for free from the mentioned source in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book nor the content of my review.

Wicked Saints by Emily A. Duncan Series: Something Dark and Holy #1 Published by: Wednesday Books on April 2nd 2019 Genres: Fantasy, Magic, YA, Romance Pages: 400 Format: ARC Source: ARC From Publisher, Blog Tour View on: Goodreads Grab it: Amazon Review Score:

About the Book:

When Nadya prays to the gods, they listen, and magic flows through her veins. For nearly a century the Kalyazi have been locked in a deadly holy war with Tranavian heretics, and her power is the only thing that is a match for the enemy’s blood magic. But when the Travanian High Prince, and his army invade the monastery she is hiding in, instead of saving her people, Nadya is forced to flee the only home she’s ever known, leaving it in flames behind her, and vengeance in her heart.

As night falls, she chooses to defy her gods and forge a dangerous alliance with a pair of refugees and their Tranavian blood mage leader, a beautiful, broken boy who deserted his homeland after witnessing his blood cult commit unthinkable monstrosities. The plan? Assassinate the king and stop the war.

But when they discover a nefarious conspiracy that goes beyond their two countries, everything Nadya believes is thrown into question, including her budding feelings for her new partner. Someone has been harvesting blood mages for a dark purpose, experimenting with combining Tranavian blood magic with the Kalyazi’s divine one. In order to save her people, Nadya must now decide whether to trust the High Prince – her country’s enemy – or the beautiful boy with powers that may ignite something far worse than the war they’re trying to end.

        “You could be exactly what these countries need to stop their fighting,” he said. He dropped his hand and she was colder for its absence. “Or you could rip them apart at the seams.”

    Magical, dark, and wicked, Wicked Saints is a courageous novel set in a Russian inspired land where nothing is as it seems.

  Nadya is a cleric, raised in the old ways and able to communicate with not only one god, but all gods. Her magic is deadly powerful and just as difficult to control as the gods she speaks with through her prayer beads who guide and protect the world. Within the first few pages, we are launched into the brutal attack on the monastery where Nadya was raised. Her people are dying at the hands of Crown Prince Serefin, a vicious blood mage and war general sent to capture her and her power. Nadya along with Anna, an ordained priestess, flees the chaos only to run into a group of rebels who have secrets of their own. Among them, Nadya finds their leader Malachiasz is also a blood mage who defected from his group of Vultures, sinister monsters who destroy everything in their path. After their meeting, it becomes a wicked game life or death and maybe love.

  Wicked Saints was easy to devour. Honestly, I was seventy percent through the book before I realized I had become immersed in the tale. Emily A. Duncan charms readers with her lush imagination. Her descriptions of snow and ice and stone make it easy for one to lose themselves in Nadya’s world. The religious war at the helm of it all inspires readers to question right and wrong, what they are taught versus what is and what can be. Personally, I loved the combination of religion and religion based magic. It made what happened to Nadya all the more real and personal. With such a complex magical system, Duncan does a great job of blurring the gray area between the two. Is blood magic all bad? Is using the god’s gifts all good? You will have to read Wicked Saints to find out!

  Overall, I recommend it for fans of diverse characters, those that love awe-inspiring worlds, and those that crave something a little dark and bloody in their reading pile.

    My Rating

                  4 N A D E Z H D A L A P T E V A

    Horz stole the stars and the heavens out from underneath Myesta’s control, and for that she has never forgiven him. For where can the moons rest if not the heavens?

—Codex of the Divine, 5:26

    “It’s certainly not my fault you chose a child who sleeps so deeply. If she dies it will very much be your fault, not mine.”

Startled by bickering gods was not Nadya’s preferred method of being woken up. She rolled to her feet in the dark, moving automatically. It took her eyes a few seconds to catch up with the rest of her body.

Shut up!

It wasn’t wise to tell the gods to shut up, but it was too late now. A feeling of amused disdain flowed through her, but neither of the gods spoke again. She realized it was Horz, the god of the heavens and the stars, who had woken her. He had a tendency to be obnoxious but generally left Nadya alone, as a rule.

Usually only a single god communed with their chosen cleric. There once had been a cleric named Kseniya Mirokhina who was gifted with unnatural marksmanship by Devonya, the goddess of the hunt. And Veceslav had chosen a cleric of his own, long ago, but their name was lost to history, and he re- fused to talk about them. The recorded histories never spoke of clerics who could hear more than one god. That Nadya communed with the entire pantheon was a rarity the priests who trained her could not explain.

There was a chance older, more primordial gods existed, ones that had long since given up watch of the world and left it in the care of the others. But no one knew for sure. Of the twenty known gods, however, carvings and paintings depicted their human forms, though no one knew what they actually looked like. No cleric throughout history had ever looked upon the faces of the gods. No saint, nor priest.

Each had their own power and magic they could bestow upon Nadya, and while some were forthcoming, others were not. She had never spoken to the goddess of the moons, Myesta. She wasn’t even sure what manner of power the goddess would give, if she so chose.

And though she could commune with many gods, it was impossible to forget just who had chosen her for this fate: Marzenya, the goddess of death and magic, who expected complete dedication.

Indistinct voices murmured in the dark. She and Anna had found a secluded place within a copse of thick pine trees to set up their tent, but it no longer felt safe. Nadya slid a voryen from underneath her bedroll and nudged Anna awake.

She moved to the mouth of the tent, grasping at her beads, a prayer already forming on her lips, smoky symbols trailing from her mouth. She could see the blurry impressions of figures in the darkness, far off in the distance. It was hard to judge the number, two? Five? Ten? Her heart sped at the possibility that a company of Tranavians were already on her trail.

Anna drew up beside her. Nadya’s grip on her voryen tightened, but she kept still. If they hadn’t seen their tent yet, she could keep them from noticing it entirely.

But Anna’s hand clasped her forearm.

“Wait,” she whispered, her breath frosting out before her in the cold. She pointed to a dark spot just off to the side of the group.

Nadya pressed her thumb against Bozidarka’s bead and her eyesight sharpened until she could see as clearly as if it were day. It took effort to shove aside the immediate, paralyzing fear as her suspicions were confirmed and Tranavian uniforms be- came clear. It wasn’t a full company. In fact, they looked rather ragged. Perhaps they had split off and lost their way.

More interesting, though, was the boy with a crossbow silently aiming into the heart of the group.

“We can get away before they notice,” Anna said.

Nadya almost agreed, almost slipped her voryen back into its sheath, but just then, the boy fired and the trees erupted into chaos. Nadya wasn’t willing to use an innocent’s life as a distraction for her own cowardice. Not again.

Even as Anna protested, Nadya let a prayer form fully in her mind, hand clutching at Horz’s bead on her necklace and its constellation of stars. Symbols fell from her lips like glowing glimmers of smoke and every star in the sky winked out.

Well, that was more extreme than I intended, Nadya thought with a wince. I should’ve known better than to ask Horz for any- thing.

She could hear cursing as the world plunged into darkness.

Anna sighed in exasperation beside her.

“Just stay back,” she hissed as she moved confidently through the dark.

“Nadya . . .” Anna’s groan was soft.

It took more focus to send a third prayer to Bozetjeh. It was hard to catch Bozetjeh on a good day; the god of speed was notoriously slow to answer prayers. But she managed to snag his attention and received a spell allowing her to move as fast as the vicious Kalyazin wind.

Her initial count had been wrong; there were six Tranavians now scattering into the forest. The boy dropped his crossbow with a bewildered look up into the sky, startling when Nadya touched his shoulder.

There was no way he could see in this darkness, but she could. When he whirled, a curved sword in his hand, Nadya sidestepped. His swing went wide and she shoved him in the direction of a fleeing Tranavian, anticipating their collision.

“Find the rest,” Marzenya hissed. “Kill them all.” Complete and total dedication.

She caught up to one of the figures, stabbing her voryen into his skull just underneath his ear.

Not so difficult this time, she thought. But the knowledge was a distant thing.

Blood sprayed, splattering a second Tranavian, who cried out in alarm. Before the second man could figure out what had happened to his companion, she lashed out her heel, catching him squarely on the jaw and knocking him off his feet. She slit his throat.

Three more. They couldn’t have moved far. Nadya took up Bozidarka’s bead again. The goddess of vision revealed where the last Tranavians were located. The boy with the sword had managed to kill two in the dark. Nadya couldn’t actually see the last one, just felt him nearby, very much alive.

Something slammed into Nadya’s back and suddenly the chilling bite of a blade was pressed against her throat. The boy appeared in front of her, his crossbow back in his hands, thank- fully not pointed at Nadya. It was clear he could only barely see her. He wasn’t Kalyazi, but Akolan.

A fair number of Akolans had taken advantage of the war between their neighbors, hiring out their swords for profit on both sides. They were known for favoring Tranavia simply because of the warmer climate. It was rare to find a creature of the desert willingly stumbling through Kalyazin’s snow.

He spoke a fluid string of words she didn’t understand. His posture was languid, as if he hadn’t nearly been torn to pieces by blood mages. The blade against Nadya’s throat pressed harder. A colder voice responded to him, the foreign language scratched uncomfortably at her ears.

Nadya only knew the three primary languages of Kalyazin and passing Tranavian. If she wasn’t going to be able to communicate with them . . .

The boy said something else and Nadya heard the girl sigh before she felt the blade slip away. “What’s a little Kalyazi assassin doing out in the middle of the mountains?” he asked, switching to perfect Kalyazi.

Nadya was very aware of the boy’s friend at her back. “I could ask the same of you.”

She shifted Bozidarka’s spell, sharpening her vision further. The boy had skin like molten bronze and long hair with gold chains threaded through his loose curls.

He grinned.

    Wicked Saints (Something Dark and Holy #1) by Emily A. Duncan | Blog Tour Review & Excerpt was originally published on Mother/Gamer/Writer

[deanlfc]

My, how the tables have turned!

Now it's not usually like me to comment on political matters through the medium of blogging. As far as I'm concerned I don't know nearly enough about politics to comment on such a complicated subject publicly. Football. That's me, I'm the football guy. I don't know much about anything else in the world, but football is the one thing I'm confident I know a lot about and I'm not afraid to voice my opinion on it.

I've been trying to stave off this blog for a while. When Jeremy Corbyn was attacked by his own party, I said to myself, "no Dean, you don't know as much as you think you do about this. Even if the party should be behind their leader regardless, should recognise his mandate and are only doing this because they fear his values." When Theresa May called a snap election, I said to myself, "no Dean, you don't know enough about this. Even though she said repeatedly over the past 9 months that this wouldn't happen. No, this isn't your field." When the media relentlessly attack Corbyn as a terrorist sympathiser and a pie in the sky idealist, I thought, "no Dean, you don't know half as much as you think you do on this subject. Even though peace talks have to start somewhere and these right wing papers are clearly desperate to sling mud because they're shit scared of this left wing hero." But today is results day...and I have been tipped over the edge.

Let's start this story 11 months and a few weeks ago. We all woke up on Friday 23rd June 2016 to the news that 52% of the British public had chosen to leave the European Union. The country was practically plunged into political chaos. David Cameron was stood outside Downing Street at 7:30 a.m giving his resignation speech and there was massive calls for the leader of the opposition to do the same, and I hadn't even put my bills on yet! While a race for number 10 kicked off within the Conservative party, Jeremy Corbyn resisted calls for his head. While Michael Gove convinced Boris Johnson not stand so he could take his place, Jeremy Corbyn stood firm. While Andrea Leadsom tried hard to discredit every other candidate, only serving to demonise herself within the party, Jeremy Corbyn refused to bow. While Theresa May was restructuring her cabinet and coining shitty phrases like "Brexit means Brexit" (whatever the fuck that even means), Jeremy Corbyn was unshakeable. People were even putting themselves forward for the man's job while he was in the position. Angela Eagle launched a leadership campaign which nobody of note turned up to.

Eventually a leadership election was called. What a huge wake-up call that was for the Labour party. Owen Smith was the man who would stand against the enigmatic current leader. Corbyn was right to shout about his mandate. He won the leadership vote with a landslide 61.8%, not only keeping his mandate but increasing it. Unlike the Tory leadership campaign however, there was no mudslinging. Yes both leaders put cases for their own leadership forward and how it differed from their opponents. But neither demonised the other (cough, cough Andre Leadsom, cough). When Corbyn won, Owen Smith didn't demand a recount or sulk in a corner of the house of commons. He stood down from his seat in Pontypridd with grace and wished Corbyn well. I could be chatting shit here and, if you're reading this and you know I am, then please do tell me so.

So Corbyn went on with his 61.8% mandate. Nobody within the Labour party could now question him. He had his doubters but he was immoveable. The media continued portray him as a man on borrowed time though. In his first shadow cabinet meeting after his re-election, he was made to look awkward and uneasy among his cabinet members. When you know half of them don't want you there, it's easy to see why that would be. But he carried on anyway because he believed in his values and that he could do right for the country.

Fast forward 8 months to the end of April this year. Jeremy Corbyn is still being laughed at by the press and they continually attempt to paint him as a poor leader, despite no evidence of this. Theresa May in the meantime has flip flopped on major issues without mention in the press but somehow has a 22 point lead on most opinion polls. She had said many times that she would NOT call a snap election. But her ego was getting the better of her. It was clearly irking her that she was having to stand in the House of Commons week after week and defend the fact that she was a remainer, and that she wasn't even elected by the public to be Prime Minister. "How could she possibly go to Brussels and get us a good deal?" the opposition would cry. She broke on 18th April 2017.

She did her usual. She spoke sternly, like this had been the plan all along. She wheeled out her "strong and stable leadership" line for the first time, although this, another u-turn on a major decision, was starting to prove people that she was anything but. Behind the scenes though, she knew Labour was weak in the eyes of the public. Murdoch and the lads had done their job. They'd made Corbyn look piss poor to the tune of a 22 point deficit in the opinion polls. She knew now was the time to strike. After 8 months trying to show what she could do in the job and thinking she could fool people by talking about Brexit at any given opportunity, she knew now was the time to make her move. All she had to do was keep doing exactly that; banging on about Brexit and scaring the public into thinking Corbyn would be bullied in Brussels.

It started off well for Theresa May. She was going steadily along. She wasn't putting a foot wrong. Corbyn likewise. He was just as steady. The media still vilified him but there was nothing new there. Then the manifesto's came out and things started to fall apart for the Prime Minster.

No free school meals. No triple lock for pensions. More cuts to public services. The return of fox hunting. More importantly, NO costing of anything within her manifesto. Was she insane? This screamed arrogance. The Tories were basically saying "vote us in and only then will we tell you how we plan to pay for everything (SPOILER ALERT: It's austerity.)" Then there was the Dementia tax. The Tories put forward that pensioners would have to pay for their own social care if they had assets worth over £100,000 and that included their house. It was a fucking scandal. Policy after policy made her seem more inhuman. Dementia tax - cruel. Scrapping free school meals - cruel. Slashing winter fuel allowance for pensioners - cruel. She had clearly targeted the most vulnerable in society and had done so with no shame. She was starting to show her true colours.

Labour on the other hand had come up with exactly the opposite. Jeremy Corbyn and his team had put together a manifesto which, on the face of it, had stood up for the working man. They planned to scrap tuition fees and zero hours contracts. They wanted to introduce a £10 minimum wage and instant union rights for all workers. In my opinion though, the greatest testament to Corbyns leadership which was reflected in his manifesto was Labours plan to keep Trident. Corbyn has been against Trident all of his professional life. He has campaigned for multi-lateral disarmament throughout his political career. But he kept it in because it was a party policy. OK, he has said that he will still campaign for multi-lateral disarmament. But, in my eyes at least, this typifies the man. He kept it, even though he doesn't believe in it, for the good of the party. It's a great show of socialist leadership. Looking at the manifesto's, it was 1-0 to Labour.  Again, I don't enough about this shit so I'm probably chatting wham. If I am, then please let me know.

Then the debates started and things went from bad to worse for Mrs May. She wouldn't show up. At first neither leader of the big two parties showed up. They left it to the minor parties to fight it out. Only the leaders of UKIP, Plaid Cymru, SNP and the Greens would fight this one out. You didn't miss much if you didn't watch it. The highlight was UKIP leader Paul Nuttall referring to Plaid Cymru's Leanne Wood as Natalie, not once but twice. It was turning into car crash T.V. Questions were asked of leaders who seemed unlikely to have any influence over the big decisions after 8th June.

On Monday 29th May came the second leadership debate and this was one was VIP only. It was exclusive to Labour and Conservative, and this time both major party leaders did turn up. Jeremy Corbyn defended his policies and came across as believable. You could tell he believed in his manifesto and it reflected his core values. He faced tough questions regarding his affairs with the IRA and Hamas in the past, but maintained that peace talks had to start somewhere. When up against Jeremy Paxman, he was strong and stood up to the miserly old journalist. Paxman interrupted Corbyn 56 times in 10 minutes during the interview. Keep that in mind. Theresa May was not as convincing. She brought every question back to Brexit and continually skirted around issues. In her interview with Paxman she was interrupted only 6 times. Fair media treatment? Hardly.

Just two days later came the another debate. This time all the parties were represented by their respective leaders - all apart from Conservative that is. Theresa May had obviously either shit out of turning up or didn't see the need to when she sent her Home Secretary, Amber Rudd. Paul Nuttall was painted as a racist. Star of the show was Green Party joint leader Caroline Lucas. She was passionate about issues raised and was not afraid to criticise and condemn on the big issues. Corbyn again presented and defended his policies stoically. Amber Rudd was OK, but she wasn't Theresa May. Her remark of "judge us on our record" was met with outright laughter by the audience. Her christening of the other parties as a "coalition of chaos" would come back to haunt her.

Two days following this came the final debate consisting of the leaders from the two major parties. Theresa May again played 6 degrees of Brexit. Her partys' biggest scandal to date, the handling of disability and PIP assessments, was put to her head on by a weeping audience member. She declared it unacceptable, but you get a feeling nothing will change. People being assessed for disability allowance and PIP payments will continue to be treated inhumanely and have professionals from irrelevant fields assessing their conditions. Corbyn faced questions regarding his proposed increase in corporation tax and scrapping of zero hours contracts, like they were awful things. Again he put on a great show.

These debates were played out to the backdrop of two major terrorist attacks. The Manchester Arena bombing on 23rd May killed 22 people and temporarily brought the campaign to a halt. Three days later, Jeremy Corbyn took a huge risk in using the atrocity to criticise Britains foreign policy. It could have backfired and, for a few hours at least, his politicising of the incident was condemned by the opposition. But the public agreed. They knew he was right and pretty soon the government were defending their foreign policy.

When 8 people were killed on London Bridge 5 days before the election, Theresa May was really in trouble. How were these people being allowed to travel to the middle east and admit to being Jihadis on T.V, yet still roam our streets? How had the Prime Minister thought it acceptable to cut the numbers of Police officers on our streets during her time as Home Secretary, when our threat level had been severe for so long? Why had she publicised the downgrading of the threat level after the Manchester attack? Brexit, an issue that many thought would be front and centre of this election, was taking a back seat to national security.

Media coverage of Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour party continued to be nothing short of scandalous. When Diane Abbot became confused in an interview with Nick Ferrari on LBC regarding how a Labour government planned to pay for 30,000 extra police officers, she was rightly crucified for an embarrassing gaffe. When Michael Gove did same thing surrounding a similar issue, it was barely reported. When Jeremy Corbyn couldn't remember the figure the Labour party had decided to spend on childcare costs for working parents, he was ridiculed to his face by presenter Emma Barnett. When Sir Michael Fallon was given a supposed Corbyn quote criticising Britains foreign policy on Channel 4 news by Krishnan Guru-Murthy and proceeded to tear it apart, only to be told it was actually a Boris Johnson quote - the Tory incumbent Foreign Secretary no less - it was not mentioned again after 24 hours. Jeremy Corbyn has been labelled a terrorist sympathiser and apologist by a red rag (which shall remain nameless but I'm sure everyone will get onto who I'm referring to) and the Daily Mail, for his dealings with Hamas, the IRA and members of Al Muhajiroun turning up to a public rally he was speaking at in 2002. Theresa May has received minor criticism in the media for her arms dealings with Saudi Arabia, a know ISIS supporting state. If it wasn't so serious it would be laughable. As it is, it's just a fucking joke.

Nobody truly believed a Labour victory to be realistic. It was such a massive difference to make up in the opinion polls. 22 points- it was unprecedented. So when the exit poll predicted a hung parliament, nobody could quite believe it. The Labour party had actually done it. They had taken Tory seats and could be on the verge of something incredible. When you look back though, it's easy to see why this has happened. Between Jeremy Corbyn becoming leader in 2015 and the present day, Labour has grown by 300,000 members. On polling day, 75% of 18-25 year olds turned out to vote. Theresa May was holding press conferences at specially held events with VIP guests and specifically picked members of the public. Jeremy Corbyn was turning up at concerts and rallies that resembled music festivals unannounced. Not only had he generated a huge amount of momentum, he had convinced the next generation of voters that politics was relevant to your future and you could make a difference.

The result was a hung parliament but the Tories still held a majority of seats. Needing just 8 seats to take power, Theresa May did something which would embarrass her party and demolish her credibility. She struck a deal with the DUP.

For those who don't know much about the Democratic Unionist Party, let me fill you in. The DUP are the largest party in Northern Ireland, holding 10 parliamentary seats. In a nutshell they are against equal rights for LGBT, gay marriage, a woman's right to abortion and have been Euro-sceptic since God was a kid. They campaigned against any peace talks in Northern Ireland up until the Good Friday Agreement in 1998. They were UKIP before UKIP. On top of that, and this is the worst thing of all about the Prime Ministers deal with the devil, the DUP have known links to terrorist acts. The DUP founders - Ian Paisley and Peter Robinson - would go on to also found the Ulster Resistance, a parliamentary loyalist association. They were renowned for stealing £300,000 from the Bank of Northern Ireland to fund arms deals. Members were frequently arrested for carrying guns, grenades and RPG's.

Theresa May's agreement with the DUP should be the final nail in her coffin. Her shameless attack on Corbyn last week as a terrorist sympathiser who could not ensure the security of the country, now looks hypocritical at best. This deal proves she is ready to sell her soul to keep hold of power. Her credibility within her own party is shot to pieces. It shows how truly out of touch she is on every level. Even this morning, in her speech to announce the deal, she failed to acknowledge the turnout of young voters and just how close the election was. Either she hasn't got a clue what's going on on the streets of Great Britain or she clearly doesn't give a fuck about you or me, and she will carry on doing what she is doing regardless of public opinion. Her arrogance throughout this campaign was characterised by her initially calling the election and not showing up to debates. In fact she didn't debate at all. She fielded questions from a studio audience and Jeremy Paxman, before swiftly pissing off when Jeremy Corbyn came onto the stage. She did not feel the need to defend her inhumane policies, instead choosing to bring every question fielded to her back to Brexit. By the way, Brexit meant fuck all by the end of this election in the light of two horrendous terror attacks. She again refused to address an issue staring her in the face after these attacks in the form of policing numbers. Her position is surely untenable. After all, who wants to live under a Prime Minister who is so out of touch with the electorate and has taken her party further to the right than it has ever been?

In contrast, Jeremy Corbyn has had a complete 180 degree turn in his popularity. This time last year, he was vilified by the media and his own party. A public coup was in operation to remove him from leadership. But he stood strong. He backed himself. He believed in his values. He didn't force them on his party, although he has taken it further to the left than it has been. Yes, there were issues along the way. But his humanistic values have shone through. He has shown the best of socialism and that it can work in modern day politics. He has inspired a generation of millenials who had previously saw voting as a waste of time on a subject they knew nothing about, to get out there and make a difference. Jeremy Corbyn has changed the political landscape for the better in this country, in my opinion.

Then again, I could be wrong...

[scarlethaki-archived]

[ I’m writing this to explain my side of the story since I’ve been painted as some heartless witch that can’t stand people making ooc/silly posts or even like I’m trying to turn people against others.  The only reason I’m making this post is because I’ve been vagueposted about and blocked on my other account, so my follow-up message to reach out and discuss things had never been responded to. I honestly don’t give a shit about the blocked part. What has made me the most frustrated is that they are ignoring the main point of this issue that has now ended up involving one of my friends too. We are NOT upset about the ooc posts or how you run your blog, it’s how you’ve gone and painted us as villains and you as the innocent victim in all of this. This is not to say that we are the victims in this situation either, because I for one prefer not to act like one.

Here is a screen cap of the message I sent. The hate-filled attack that started this all:

“Hey! I just wanted to pop in and tell you beforehand that the reason I unfollowed you on this blog and on scarlethaki is because I was uncomfortable with the amount of ooc posts that ended up taking over my dashboard. I just want to reassure you that it’s nothing against you as a person, and I’m still okay with interactions if you want to. :)”

That was the message I sent. Please tell me if that was uncivil in any way. Everyone has their preferences, and when your blog is 90% ooc that floods my dashboard, that’s my personal choice to draw the line there. I don’t mind ooc or crack posts at all-- I do them a lot too, but it was the amount in even just a single hour, and this in undeniable to anyone who knows this blog. You can post as much ooc as you want, but some people just don’t want their roleplay dash to be flooded with ooc conversations, shitposting, and pictures of girls in bikini and underwear. It’s even stated in the rules pages of all my accounts-- I may unfollow if the amount of unrelated ooc exceeds my preferences. Perhaps it would have been more tolerable to me if an ooc tag was used, but this person did not use that either (at the time).

They have every right to post as much ooc content they want, and I have every right to unfollow them if it gets too much for me. The only reason I messaged them first is because I didn’t want them to find out I unfollowed them later on their own and feel even worse/more awkward about it.

These were some of the responses on that person’s blog.

#DO U EVER LIKE GET ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHEN THINGS JUST SEEM TO GO WRONG EVERYWHERE SOMEHOW #... #IDK MAN #ITS LIKE EVERY SMOL THING OF BAD THAT HAPPENS YOU GET LIKE #.... #OKAY THEN FUCK IT #TBD. #JUST #PLS GET THIS THING ON YOUR HEAD GUYS IF PEEPS DONT WANT YOU THEN ITS THEIR LOSS #TBH #TBH DONT SET UP UR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH #ALSO DO KNOW THAT IF YOU HAVE THAT HOUR WHER EYOU'RE LIKE HAVING FUN OOC AND REBLOG/POST TOO MUCH SHITPOST I WILL NOT UNFOLLOW YOU FOR THAT. #I DO THOSE SMTMS BUT AS YOU CAN PROBS SEE WHILE SCROLLING I DELETE IT LATER ON #LIKE... #OKAY THEN. #NO ITS FINE RLLY #IM JUST. #AT LEAST TELL ME BEFORE I SEND IN THINGS TO YOUR ASKBOX BCS SOMEHOW THAT S HUMILIATING? #I MEAN. #OKAY THEN. JUST. #IM NOT NORMALLY THIS MEAN BUT WHEN I FEEL LIKE DIS I HONESTL DONT LOOK BACK AND CONSIDER BLOCKING PEEPS BCS #IM ALREADY INSECURE AND HAVE LOTS OF TRUST ISSUES FROM MY BULLYING YEARS AND NARC ABUSE EXERCISED IN MY TOXIC HOUSEHOLD #I DONT THINK I NEED MORE SHIT TBH. #I KNOW PROBS IM OVERREACTING AND THAT IF YOU APOLOGIZE FOR IT AND ALL SHOULD BE FINE BUT. #..... #HONESTLY. #ITS NOT. #EXCUSE ME IF ITS TOO MUCH OOC FOR YOU THEN. #BUT TBH EVERYONE HAS THOSE TIMES WHERE CRACK IS IN THE BLOG OR SHITPOST ENSUES #BUT DID YOU EVEN SEE THE TAGS SAYING TBD - TO BE DELETED?

#BUT TBH.... YOU MIGHT NOTE THAT EVEN IF THERE ARE CANNON CHARAS BLOGS AROUND ...I WILL NOT FOLLOW THEM ALL #THE REASON IS NOT ALWAYS THE WRITING OR PORTRAYAL BUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED #LIKE I RECEIVED HATE BEFORE FOR JUST SAYING SOMETHING A SHIPPER DID NOT LIKE #I DID NOT LIKE CROSS BOUNDARIES OR HATE ON THEM AOR ANYTHING IMERELY SAID THAT THERE WAS THIS TROPE THAT WAS LIKE BEING OVERUSED OR SMTH #AND YEAH #BUT YEAH THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS WHY I DO MAINS CALLS BCS OF THESE SITUATIONS. #TBD.

H**** pls *raises hands* (anditsokayimajudokaicankickpeoplesassesnowrries!!) its fine rlly. thats their loss tbh. its just that it was a bit humiliating bcs the person sent me a mssg about how they werent folowing me anymore bcs of the ooc posts and i had just sent in a ic ask too - posts which later on get deleted anyways tho i do keep the content in a private paste or smth saved in case there’s something i need from it like the post about inviting u guys to gow tih me next year but—\ rlly i dont want drama !! they did apologize it just does still hurt bcs u know i just had sent in a interaction ic, but….its fine . it wont do any good causing chaos over this rlly. ^^’

yeah i totally share the opinion! which is why i think that this is a hobby and we’re humans not machines so ofc we’ll have those times where shitpost just happens and like when u guys this week calmed me down bcs i was having a nervous breakdown due to the late events …like this is our safe space so. but tbh im just not to have drama bcs i already have so much shit to deal on my dramatic life tbh ya feel? i dont want  like to be the one starting some kind of chaos here in the fandom bcs i totally know i will not get along with everyone thats scientifically impossible. i can tell u in private who it is if u want to know anyways but do promise me that you wont go to their inbox or anything for my sake. i honestly dont want to start drama or cause things.

Those were ALL in reaction to that single message I sent. As admittedly pissed off as I was, I decided to let it go. Strangely enough, despite the fact that I said I ran scarlethaki, this user has continued to follow me on here even though I unfollowed weeks ago. They also still follow my other blogs which I’ve mentioned I’ve run before, so I really don’t know what the thinking is here. But I didn’t block you and I never will, because I’m leaving the option of coming to me to discuss things open to you. I’ve tried approaching you once and that clearly didn’t work so the ball’s in your court now. Shutting your ears to someone never fixes a problem, it just gives you a sense of blissful ignorance to the real situation at hand.

The thing that frustrated me to no end was the amount of hypocrisy and victim-playing going on.

I sent you a private, friendly message. Instead of responding, you blocked me and then go off on your blog. Your messages were very clearly directed at me. So why couldn’t you just speak to me face to face? Is it because you wanted the sympathy of the public?

You say you don’t want drama... and yet you make several ranty posts to the public to see? How will this not incite drama? “I don’t want drama.” “It won’t do good causing chaos over this.” Are you not seeing what you’re doing? 

“I won’t get along with everyone” Please tell me WHERE in my original post I was ever hateful to you or said I didn’t like you. You’re making things up in your head.

“I can tell you in private who it is if u want to know anyways but do promise me that you wont go to their inbox or anything for me sake. I honestly don’t want to start drama or cause things.” So the people that are being slandered have to just sit quietly while you go off about them, even when you say that you’ll tell anyone that asks you about it? You may not have actually told anyone in private, but at this point I’ll be distrustful of everything you say due to the victim-playing and manipulation of the public going on here.

I won’t add too much about this next part since @jurakyuru​ has already defended their personal case, but since it’s tied into the original issue involving me, I will summarize it because I’m at my wits end.

This user had sent my friend a message asking them why they unfollowed and if it was a tumblr glitch. Funny enough, this is the exact situation I had wanted to avoid putting her in when I sent her that first message. I didn’t want her to feel awkward or embarrassed asking about such a thing and she blocked me for it, yet just a couple weeks later she does it-- and gets very upset when my friend civilly states why they unfollowed. So you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t I guess.

There was a very very long response written to my friend which is not in my right to share, but I can at least comment on the public posts that had been made. Foolishly I did not screencap the actual things in the heat of my frustration, but I had copy and pasted them into a conversation with a friend.

Let me tell you one thing: I never told anyone to unfollow you, nor tell them what to say to you. My friend showed me the message they sent to you and they themselves made it clear they unfollowed of their own accord. But keep going on thinking I’m telling people to unfollow you.

Also funny how you say the door’s open and to get out, but when we did that you got severely upset.

We did unfollow you. You went into rants.

You’ve been reasonable? Really? As soon as either of us said something not sugarcoated you blocked us.

I would go through your blog, but you deleted everything. I mean, I had copy and pasted pretty much everything, but if I hadn’t then your claim of evidence would have been meaningless.

No you didn’t send us harmful message directly, but you went on public rants and even offered to tell people our names if they just asked you.

I won’t go on about this for much longer. You said you wanted people to see both sides of the story and here they are: my message vs. your reactions. A quote I’ve always stood by is, “You’re not responsible for people’s reaction to you, just the words you say.” This is why I still feel no guilt for the message I sent you. I know what I said was reasonable and civil. I am not responsible or at fault for the way you decided to react to it. 

And now we’re here.

As I said before, I haven’t blocked you and I won’t. Despite everything, I still don’t hate you as a person. I am just very frustrated and disappointed at the reaction over the past two weeks, and now I’m a little bit worried as well because I don’t know who you spread your lies to or when. I did not want things to come to this because callout posts are generally looked down upon, but this is the best way for me to lay everything clear. All the screencaps and what both sides have done. I never conspired against you-- in fact I was still kind to you on my Whitebeard blog until I unfollowed you there as well after yesterday’s shitstorm.

In the end I really don’t think you’re a bad person. I don’t think you’re evil or a villain, but I do think how you have been behaving has been hurtful and irresponsible. I’m sorry to be posting this publicly, but I need to make sure that if you said anything about me in private, the truth is clear. ]

[starcourtscream]

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THE PERENNIAL SADNESS OF A GIRL 

                                                    who is both D E A T H & the MAIDEN. 

                                                                             π ∡ ∞ ∑ 

a roleplay blog for LYDIA MARTIN, a BANSHEE from TEEN WOLF ( canon compliant excluding 6b ). 

                                       independent / highly selective / private / MUTUALS ONLY / mature content.

                      cherished by STEPHANIE. 24. she/her.

                                                                                    tracking BANSHEEINTUITION.  

                                      ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

GENERAL STATS:  lydia martin. former primadonna. banshee. genius. multilingual. aspiring fields medal winner. pisces.  

APPEARANCE:  5'3". approx. 117 lbs. petite on the curvaceous side. milky pale skin. wide eucalyptus eyes. plush & full lips. hair falling in lush rose gold waves. various scars ( in chronological order ): werewolf bite scar on left side, kanima stab wound above right hip, drill hole near left temple, claw marks halfway circling throat, bullet wound behind right shoulder. naturally walks like a supermodel. shops primarily at nordstrom & macy's. 

FAMILY:  mother: natalie martin, BHHS principal. divorced. alive. father: estranged & irrelevant. divorced. alive. grandmother: lorraine martin. banshee. deceased. siblings: none.

PSYCHE:  multiple occasions of psychography. pareidolia. fugue states. sensory hallucinationspremonitions. POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. emotional repression. tendencies to self isolate. chronic nightmares. hears voices. history of catatonia & admission into EICHEN HOUSE. has suffered several different incidents of emotional, psychological & physical abuse.

SKILLS:  predicting terrible events, sensing impending death, finding corpses, causing neural apoptosis by screaming with fatal decibels, inducing premonitions, faking smiles, applying her own theoretical equations to the supernatural world, throwing the best parties in town, opening rifts in universes, cryptography and experience with decrypting cipher algorythms, transcending her own body, projecting herself into dreams, translating bestiaries from archaic languages, breaking down steel doors, perfect winged eyeliner, can & will kick your ass in heels, intellectually & academically brilliant.

                                     ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

A TEENAGE GIRL dreams of fashion, social prestige and academic success, but lydia never imagined her life would become laced with the cloying sense of impending death.

 death kissed, death haunted —  fate had chosen lydia before her birth; premonitions whispered into her DNA.

lydia was always somewhat ECCENTRIC, and painfully aware of it. she was closer to her mother, THOUGH PATIENCE WASN’T AMONG NATALIE’S SPECIALTIES. the only one who saw lydia for who she truly was among the chaos of the eventually divorced martins — rather than a ‘TOTAL NUCLEAR MELTDOWN’ or annoyance — was her grandmother LORRAINE, known as the family LUNATIC. perhaps this was because they shared a SUPERNATURAL IDENTITY, kept secret from the little girl in a secret code left especially for her to transcribe when she was much older.

lydia was always in her own little world aside from being OBSESSED with academicPERFECTION, AMBITIOUS from the start. it came naturally to her, but instead of taking pride in their daughter’s achievements they were more concerned with childlike idiosyncrasies. why was lydia the way she was? why did she choose to respond only to the fictional name of a mermaid, insisting on ‘ariel’ ? why was she so fixated, so WITHDRAWN, so NEUROTIC ? why was herVOICE so piercing ? why wouldn’t she stop W A I L I N G ?

in denial of the mystic convergence taking place within BEACON HILLS, the martins hadn’t considered that their daughter possessed a gift; a HARBINGER of somethingOTHERWORLDLY. they wrote lorraine off instead and committed her to an asylum, doing their best to veil the elder’s senseless ‘DELUSIONS’ from the innocent child until sheSUPPOSEDLY lived out her days. LYDIA was left as the family EMBARRASSMENT.

this created a VOID in the strawberry blonde’s SELF-ESTEEM that spiraled with age. lydia knew she was DIFFERENT, though she couldn’t find its precise root. she was highly introspective & CONSCIENTIOUS at an early age, CRAVING every single figment of S U C C E S S regardless of shape or form. her parents already chalked her up to be a fruitcakeJUST LIKE GRANDMA, and didn’t expect much from her when she displayed subtle notes of anomaly. she wanted to prove herself worthy of much more credit than she was given.

lost in textbooks, archaic languages and highly advanced scientific content through adolescence, A GRADE POINT AVERAGE WELL OVER A 5.0 was effortless. thisSURPRISED most of the teaching staff but her inattentive parents, however, hadn’t the faintest clue about her intellectual capacity ( or her aspirations already planned for the future ). in fact, most people didn’t know how SMART she was. lydia felt OUT-OF-TOUCH with socialization, disconnected from her peers and she was LONELY when she left middle school. kids didn’t like nerds, did they ? lydia didn’t want to be unpopular. she didn’t want to be cool, either. when freshman year arrived, she wanted to be THE BEST ( wasting much of her youth ).

❝ --- NO ONE LIKES A LOSER.  ❞

lydia formed ideas, cultivating an ARTIFICIAL PERSONA down to a SCIENCE. in a vain effort to ascend the spectrum of POPULARITY and gain favor of everyone around her, she swanked the hallways of beacon hills high SUPERIORITY-CROWNED & VANITY-CONSUMED. she threw the most EXTRAVAGANT HOUSE PARTIES for each birthday, making sure EVERYONE knew her name. she spent hours in front of her mirror with a modelesque makeup routine, BLENDING TEARS INTO HER FOUNDATION. she kept her INTELLIGENCE — her most powerful weapon — WELL HIDDEN.

lydia martin was essentially a HOT MESS, though more PRECOCIOUS andATTENTION-SEEKING ( even at her own expense ). she dated the captain of the lacrosse team for a while, though nothing more to him than an accessory in the name of love ( or what she liked to imagine it was ) and he made her feel WORTHLESS. with a BRUISED PSYCHE, she hushed herself during classroom conversations and took up the TRIFLINGgames of a DRAMA QUEEN to make herself feel better when her heart was crumbling.

but among all of that, she found herself among a few others who ACCEPTED her limitless source of knowledge and it was her first taste of authentic FRIENDSHIP. lydia became part of aPACK. at first, lydia didn’t know how to feel. these kids weren’t following her around for celebrity by association. they cared about her. they made sure she was okay. they included her and they would change her life forever…

…it started on a FULL MOON: a nightmarish montage of BLINDING stadium lights, an echoing HOWL, GLOWING RED EYES and the voracious pearly-white fangs of a vengefulWEREWOLF tearing into her side. blood coating her silver prom dress. this generated the beginning of her own T R A N S F O R M A T I O N. she wasn’t becoming a wolf as she lay recovering in the hospital, nor was the bite killing her — but IGNITING HERSPARK.

her first encounter was in the shower, when she experienced terrifying HALLUCINATIONS. her S C R E A M rang throughout the hospital, the town, even the deep woods. when everyone came running to check on her, she had already DISAPPEARED and fled through the window. three days later, she was found in the deep woods naked, shivering, doe-eyed and fearful.

lydia began to experience AFTEREFFECTS since. she was sensitive to GHOSTLY APPARITIONS. she entered involuntary FUGUE STATES leading her to places of supernatural significance. she had nightmares. she saw things that others could not, even falling to the phenomenon of automatic writing. complementary to being H A U N T E D were lydia’sSCREAMS. insecure and terrified, maybe she was going CRAZY after all. what was happening to her?

slow to let down her intricate walls of MARBLE around a seemingly GLACIAL HEART, lydia was petulant. SASS became her primary ART FORM, but she was never truly an ice princess. she WANTED to believe her friends weren’t going to hurt her. she WANTED to let them in, and eventually she warmed up to them well into SOPHOMORE YEAR when she realized what they would do to protect her when supernatural events took place and their world began to shift & turn upside down. they saved her life ( more than once ) and she would do the same for them in a heartbeat as the FAMILY she wasn’t exactly graced with by blood. her friends kept her bound to the supernatural.

                         ❝  --- I’M SOMETHING !!! ❞

it dawned upon lydia that FAUX SUPREMACY was fruitless, having fallen away with maturity. there was more to her world than lip plumper and the most glamorous designer stilettos just for a class lecture. lives needed to be SAVED. DEATH needed to be prevented. and LYDIA had that special power. voices, WHISPERS, ECHOES swirled around in her head and filled a frequency only she seemed tuned into. the revelation of her identity took place in a moonlit classroom during a sacrificial ritual. tied to a chair with a knife to her throat, a dark druid posing as a teacher knew.

   ❝  YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE, DO YOU? THEWAILING WOMAN. A B A N S H E E, RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES. YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, LYDIA. LOOK LIKE THE INNOCENT FLOWER, BUT BE THE SERPENT UNDER IT. ❞

somehow, a near death experience to find out what was blossoming within her didn’t surprise lydia. what she never saw coming, though, was the possession of the boy she loved by a dark trickster spirit leading to the tragic death of her first & best friend. it cast a shadow over her heart and she grieved the loss of ALLISON argent in solitude, wishing there was something she could have done to prevent it from happening. meeting ANOTHER banshee gave her hope. she was no longer the popular girl, but it didn’t matter anymore. saving her friends & others like them did, and lydia immersed herself into mythological literature and folklore in hopes of enhancing her senses and figuring out what else she could do.

     ❝  --- BUT IF I HAVE THIS THING, IT’S GOT TO WORKSOME OF THE TIME. IT’S GOTTA HELP SOMEONE. ❞

a horrific twist in events sent lydia into CATATONIA after being violently injured by an antagonist and left hypothermic and dying in an ancient oak grove. FROZEN and muted, lydia was trapped in her own mind with no way to help her friends when it was her turn for a stay in EICHEN HOUSE, beacon hills’ MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY with dark secrets and insidious intentions. the very place lorraine was quite recently MURDERED after surprisingly faking her death all those years to help & protect lydia from assassins with a generous price on her and everyone she knew. at the hands of orderlies who wanted to do more than put her under psychiatric drug treatment, she was being experimented on with frequencies. she broke out of catatonia to S C R E A M, buying time to save her friend from a death she sensed but she was still being abused and tortured to a point where the SOUNDS & VOICES in her head were too powerful upon AMPLIFICATION with the practice of trepanation sans anesthesia. HER OWN SCREAMS WERE GOING TO BLOW HER OUT and she ACCEPTED that she wasn’t going to make it. but her pack came through for her and saved her life, and after recovery she was able to catch up in time to help defeat LA BÊTE DU GÉVAUDAN ( AND PREPARE FOR SENIOR YEAR ).

                  ❝  NOT ALL MONSTERS DO MONSTROUS THINGS. ❞

BY HER FINAL HIGH SCHOOL CHAPTER, LYDIA MARTIN HAD EVOLVED FROM A CAKE FACED SHELL OF A GIRL TO AN INTUITIVE WOMAN OF A SUPREME CAPACITY TO LOVE, PROTECT & MAKE A DIFFERENCE. THE WILD HUNT FEARS HER. THE UNIVERSE BENDS TO HER AS SHE CONTINUES TO FIGHT FOR THE PRESERVATION OF INNOCENT LIFE.

                                                               ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

[kalimaadebeautyworks-blog]

Wikipedia refers to Dry Drowning as “a term that has never had an accepted medical definition, and that is currently medically discredited.”

Yet, it seems to happen.

Amanda Gardner makes the following observations in her WebMD Article “What Is ‘Dry Drowning’?”:

“You may have heard of the terms “dry drowning” and “secondary drowning.” Those aren’t actually medical terms. But they do point to rare complications that you should know about and that are more common in children.

“With so-called dry drowning, water never reaches the lungs. Instead, breathing in water causes your child’s vocal cords to spasm and close up. That shuts off his airways, making it hard to breathe. You would start to notice those signs right away — it wouldn’t happen out of the blue days later.

Secondary drowning is another term people use to describe another drowning complication. It happens if water gets into the lungs. There, it can irritate the lungs’ lining and fluid can build up, causing a condition called pulmonary edema. You’d likely notice your child having trouble breathing right away, and it might get worse over the next 24 hours.”

While the above articles reference unfortunate deaths caused by experiences related to actual bodies of water, I’m using the term Dry Drowning to describe my daily struggle with anxiety, depression, PTSD and even my ADHD.

Let’s start with Anxiety. It seems to be the frontrunner in my mind today. Anxiety manifests itself differently with each individual person.

In my case, I tend to panic over being hurt or having my heart broken and I throw walls up. No one ever knows I have a wall up. I don’t normally tell people, and if I do tell someone then I usually end up regretting it either because it gets held against me, people use it as a reason to back away from me or I feel like I’ve handed a piece of my power over to someone and shown vulnerability which I do not like to do.

This kept my Counselor at the Women’s Shelter in constant frustration. She kept telling me I couldn’t just throw walls up and shut people out when they hadn’t done anything. I would comment back that I wasn’t punishing anyone; I just would get spooked and shut down. Then she would ask me what had spooked me, and I never really could articulate what it was. We would then go back and forth on was I just refusing to allow myself to be happy, was I in fact punishing myself, was I aware this was a more docile toxic behavior and so on.

I remember one of the last times I went to group. We were discussing “isolation” and “co-dependence.” The Group Moderator actually called me out to the group because I stated I did not ask anyone for help, and would not.

“Do you….not have any friends? None that you feel you could trust with your life?” she asked.

“A few. None of them live here, though. They live a state or two over.”

“What about your family?”

“I have no family. I have my Children and it’s my job to provide them with emotional support. Not the other way around.”

I knew she was getting exasperated. She wasn’t the first counselor or group moderator to get frustrated with me during my time at the shelter. On the one hand, I was told most women were hell bent on returning to their abusers or finding a quick substitute and repeating the cycle all over again because they focused on filling a void with a quick fix rather than fixing themselves.

On the other hand, I was told the pendulum had swung too far the other way in regards to my personality.

What started it was we had to fill out one of these sheets where we list healthy and non healthy relationships. I had made the comment in one of the columns that I cut off people very quickly and permanently whenever harsh fights or certain types of conflicts arise. I refer to them as “Deal Breakers.”

Then I had to go into details as to what a “deal breaker” for me was. The list in its entirety is another post for another time, but what got her attention was the fact I used the term “dry drowning” to describe relationships where everything seemed fine, but in fact was not and where I was actually quietly dying without anyone noticing.

Obviously, the two abusive marriages were bad relationships, but the ones I consider a form of dry drowning were predominantly so-called “friendships.” Most of these relationships were with people from elementary and middle school, relatives I had known, people I had met at work along the way…none really over the top “shitty,” but not really nurturing.

I couldn’t be myself in these relationships, they were unequally yoked, or they were downright fucking draining. There is, I have discovered, a very subtle way a person can make another person feel so shitty about themselves without even raising their voice. It can be called Narcississm, Indifference, Assholism…whatever you want to call it, the majority of my “friendships” before I went to the shelter fell into these categories.

strong>The List of Alleged “Friendships” which actually sent me into a fit of Emotional Dry Drowning:

The Know It Alls who always have a fucking plan for your life and want to micromanage everything about what your’e doing but can’t focus on their own fucking backyard.

The Bible Thumpers who go on and on about how accepting they are of other beliefs ( Buddhism, Voodoo, Hinduism ) and how you need to expand your horizons like they did, but once you do, then they become concerned for your salvation  because God doesn’t like “insert free thinking process here.”

The Assholes who have known you for a few minutes ( aka since you were little shits in diapers ) and think they can fucking boss you around and treat you like shit because you were an angry, upset teen living in domestic violence chaos and they came from a perfect, loving family and never cease to rub that in your face or hold your teen sins against you.

The Slut who screws your husband and breaks up your family then has the gall to shove Bible verses in your face.

The Dickheads who showed up when they needed money, had no one else to turn to and when they needed favors but when you need something, then they turn on you and call you names, an asshole and come up with a fucking Whiny list of Woe Is Me’s which would give Scarlett O’Hara’s famous tantrums a run for their money.

The Psss Wssshhh Wssssshhhes who like to talk about you, down to you, at you, over you, and around you, but not to you.

The “Why Don’t U Just” Crowd who has just the best fucking answer for all of your problems, despite the fact they know nothing about your life, what you’re dealing with, what you’ve already done to fix the problem, how the system works, how life works, how to wipe their own ass, open their own ketchup or tie their own shoes but Goddammit, they know just what needs to happen because LOL Y NOT.

I can’t stand people who push others to the point of wanting to just disappear entirely from the face of this planet. Especially when they can’t own their shit and own their actions. None of us are perfect; we are all fuckups, but I can’t stand sanctimonious motherfuckers who want to make me ( or anyone else ) feel the need to just jump off the side of a boat and then blink their eyes and look around saying  “WHA HAPPEN?”

You’re a fucking asshole, Susan. That’s “wha happen.” Shitty.

Why am I blogging about this?

Because it’s messed me up to the point where I question everything, even good relationships and I shut down at the slightest sign of something “wrong.” Even though there is nothing “wrong.” Part of that is Anxiety, the other part is probably just straight up PTSD.

It’s what I do. I don’t run, I just put up more walls. However, I don’t do it to fuck with people or make them “fight for me.” I know many people who do that on purpose to people ( I’ve had it done to me ), and that behavior is abusive and shitty. If someone is going to fight for you, and if the time comes where they need to, then they will or they won’t. It’s as simple as that. Fighting to keep someone who wants to run and play cat and mouse for sport is a losing battle and it’s like trying to clean a birdcage with a million birds in it I hate birds just saying.

I don’t make people fight for me. I don’t punish people. I don’t play games, or test, or do any of that stuff. I think the main problem I have now is trust and most of that is rooted in past deep hurts. I have endured massive, heart shattering pain, and it has changed me in a way words can never describe. Yet, I’m not dead, I still have love and the capacity to love, but it’s the fear of letting those walls down and someone hitting my achilles heel is what sends the walls back up.

My Counselor used to ask me what word I would use to describe how I felt all of these people saw me. I could never narrow it down to one word, but one that stuck out to me was expendable. 

Most of these people saw and still see me as expendable. They weren’t upset that they lost a valuable person, they were mad that someone they enjoyed keeping on their hook left and told them to get bent. The truth is, none of these people ever knew me and none have really missed me. It’s just a matter of control with them.

The marriages and the last long term relationship with my former boyfriend were what I think really broke me. The First Ex Husband made no bones about the fact he had used me and I was a means to an end, The Second Ex Husband told me he had just been lonely and I had “been there.” The Ex Boyfriend said he just “needed someone.”

Expendable.

I got to know them, I cared for them, I loved them, I gave two of them children ( which is a different subject for another blog post ), I gave them my Youth, I set my career aside, I truly did care for and love them. To me, they were important and a priority. To them, I was just “there.”

That’s what my Anxiety remembers and that’s what sets me into a guarded mode. That. All of those hurts and memories. But I don’t punish the other person and make them play a guessing game. I’m just pretty honest and open about my inner battles and that may be the wrong thing to do as well. The Group Moderator at the Shelter says to never reveal what you’ve been through to a man because he can and will use it against you. I tend to think that’s bullshit. I’m not a mind reader and I don’t expect anyone else to be either. I kind of look at it as a public service. Better to get it out in the open up front rather than hide it. If someone is going to decide to bolt, they’re going to do it regardless of whether you openly admit to having Anxiety/Depression/PTSD or if you hide it. It comes down to the person.

No one close to me triggered this Anxiety I’m dealing with right now. It’s all about past hurts, and as easy as it is for someone to say “just get over it and move on,” it’s really not.

                  Dry Drowning Wikipedia refers to Dry Drowning as "a term that has never had an accepted medical definition, and that is currently medically discredited."

[briteboy]

LITERALLY SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THIS IS ONLY HALF OF THEM 

lmao RIP me (now u know why i take so long to answer)

do you know the game what remains of edith finch? its really fantastic, I just finished the part with lewis, his whole situation with reality reminded me of santi. just wanted to tell you :)

surprisingly no i haven’t ever heard of it! :O but now i’m intrigued, i googled it and i’m reading up on it hehe thank you for telling me, u learn something new every day :~}

Hello femmesim! I'm a new simblr & I see you get a lot of notes on your great story! I guess this probably means you have a lot of followers too. I was wondering if you follow them all back. If not do you check out your followers & how do you decide which ones to follow back? What don't you like. What would make you unfollow them? Oops that was a lot lol!

iiiiiiiii honestly haven’t even looked at my actual followers page in a loooooong time, even on my personal blog i was never good with that lol. i just can’t keep up with everyone and i don’t want to feel obligated to follow everyone back because that would be way too many posts on my dashboard all the time y’know. it sounds mean but...ajksdgdsf i WISH i could follow everyone back but itsjustnotrealistic

tbh i follow people back when they reach out to me, make an effort to engage with me, send me messages, reply, or just frequently interact with my posts because it gets my attention and shows their personality. i don’t mean that as in like...”you can’t be my friend unless you give me notes” (LMFAO NO) i mean it as in like i’m fcking oblivious and it’s too much work for me to go out of my way and check out every single blog that follows me :{ but i love messaging and communicating through replies so even if you’re nervous pleeeease step out of your comfort zone, i promise i’m like a pretty good OK human being and i try to make funny jokes so talking to me isn’t that bad i promise.

as for your other questions...tbh i dunno, i like blogs that interest me. (duh...lmao what kind of answer even is that) i usually go for people that show their personalities in their posts (go figure), like memes (lmfao), have an intriguing aesthetic, HONESTLY IDK...i follow a lot of diverse blogs tbh, not just ones that are similar to mine. i only unfollow ppl if i have no memory of following them and their content doesn’t interest me, if they say/do something that irks or angers me (that’s only happened like twice tho), or if they post like EXCESSIVE nsfw...i didn’t sign up for that lmao

i hope i don’t sound like an asshole for all this but it’s just like...i can’t deny i get a lot of attention on here. and i never expected it so i’m pretty unprepared for it lmao. i try my best tho :{ just reach out to me and we’ll probably be frands ok

so many feelings

I just wanted to say how much I love your blog but to the Anon who said how she looks white if she's Hispanic. Not all hispanics are brown haired and tan. I'm Puerto Rican and I'm blonde and have blue eyes. Hispanics come in different tones and what nots :)

hell0 thank you <3 yeah hispanic people are very diverse, especially with varying nationalities, and especially with puerto ricans. i personally know a lot of puerto ricans who are white passing so it’s really not that uncommon. everyone’s different, and as eir said, white passing POC are still POC!

papa ya - sunny ; thats your song boo lol

OOH i actually like this...i’m boppin my head rn lmao thank u

So basically the last anon is saying hispanics can't be 'white'? I know many 'white' hispanics???

i don’t wanna twist their words, i think they just meant molly looks ethnically white and i understand that, i’m not denying she’s white passing but tbh...idk, if she wasn’t my own sim i’d look at her and kinda know she’s not 100% white y’know. she has features that don’t look european. plus the fact that i’ve posted her speaking spanish before soooo. anyway yeah it’s very possible for a hispanic person to literally have white skin but that doesn’t mean they’re ethnically white

well if she has family from spain it's normal for them to have blonde hair and green eyes, so i mean that could make sense.

she could, who’s to say lol. it’s rly not that deep tho, she’s half white, half puerto rican, das it. but yeaah there is a wide array of genetic possibilities for every race! who’da thunk it

Hey, I'm a new reader, is it possible you could link some earlier parts to your story. You don't have to if it's problem though I know how tumblr be. I love the visuals style of your sims. That's what caught my eye. I also was wondering what editing program would you suggest. I kinda want to test out editing my sims.

heyo i summed up the story here and here and there’s a lot of posts of key events linked in there! thank you though, that’s so kind ;-; <3 wellll the only editing program i use is photoshop cs6 so i’d recommend that haha. you can find it for free pretty easily, but if you’re not into that, there are plenty of other programs you can use. i know a lot of ppl on here use gimp. 

hi! I need advice and idk where to get it from but you seem like a really good person who has some wisdom lol! so basically i'm in a big financial situation. I had a good paying job but it made me have anxiety and panic attack because i hated it so much. and i quit my job before i had another job lined up. So my bank account is very close to being completely empty and i have bills and i have to move soon. I NEED ADVICE OR SOMEONE TO TELL ME ITS GOING TO BE OK.

omg first of all i’m so touched that you even came to me with this wtf ;___; ily

second of all it IS going to be ok, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you hate if it’s really impeding on your mental health that much. it’s not good for you in the long run, even if it pays well. like, at what cost do you want to sell yourself in order to make money? my point is you made a good decision but lacked the foresight, which luckily is something that can be remedied easily. (well...hopefully, but job hunting is never easy :\ ) if you’re still in this situation by the time your bills and everything catch up to you, you can always seek help from family and friends or look into loans...find someone (or multiple people) who will stick by you and support you through this, because this is something way too hard to do alone. (if you don’t have anyone, i’m here for you ;-; ) i honestly don’t have any good advice for finding another job because tbh that’s something i always flounder in, and i’m gonna have to do the same thing by the time i finish up school in the next month AHHHHH

i’m prayin 4 both of us, but you especially <3

Hi!!! sorry i remember seeing an ask about Lou's eyelashes but i cannot find it :((( could you please tell me where can i find it???

hey she just uses the kijiko ones! sometimes if it’s a closeup i use these eyelash brushes tho

hi! sorry, this is a weird question but i thought you could help maybe.... i recently started playing ts4 again, but when i am in cas, there is a weird shine on all cc hairs.... do you have a solution for this? thank you in advance!

hmmmmm i kinda get a weird shiny glitch too but it’s only with certain things, and it’s usually remedied by clicking on the sim’s different outfit categories until it goes away lol. but if it’s on ALL of the hairs...hmm...i’m assuming you’re talking about alpha? because i don’t think clay hairs usually have that problem. check if laptop mode is on, if it is, turn it off!! that’s the only solution i can think of :{

i feel like too many people are reading too deeply into things. either way i love your work and just read the entire thing in a day and i love you so much idek.

i think this was sent when i was getting messages about my dialogue haha. i mean i definitely understand their points in saying it has too many realistic vocal quirks, but tbh that’s what i like about it, and i think that’s part of the reason people connect with it. idk. but thank you so much ily ;__;

hi i just wanted to ask how do you manage your time and how do you post frequently without feeling overworked and overwhelmed ? do you have some sort of schedule, because you seem very organized lol . tysm for answering <3 !

hmmmmm how? um poorly LMAO

no but really...it’s hard. i’m glad i’m so into this story/eager to see all your reactions to it because otherwise the chaos of my life would’ve definitely deterred me from moving along with it a while ago. that’s basically the reason i’m so surprised i even made it this far tbh. i accomplished so much more than i ever thought i would. ;__;

i don’t have an answer for this question because i DO often feel overwhelmed and i have to take a step back and remind myself it’s not the end of the world if i don’t have time to go in game or edit or whatever. i think it’s because i set up this timeline for myself in terms of goals i want to reach with my story throughout the rest of the year and i get frustrated with myself when those plans become delayed because of other obligations. (for example i definitely thought baby wallace would’ve been born by now lmao syke) i was getting burnt out very easily before, which is why i’ve been taking it slower lately (that and i’ve been working a lot more so i don’t have as much free time as i used to :\ ) the good thing about having different characters tho is that when i get burnt out on one thing i can just switch over to another thing at an opportune time (which is what i’ve always done with santi and girooni)

anyway yeah i am kinda organized (in my own weird way) in terms of story planning, controlling the pacing and key events, and that’s definitely the reason i’m able to post so frequently. i used to have multiple free days a week where i could go in game for long amounts of time and get lots of scenes done at once, but at this point in my current schedule i just basically go in game whenever i'm free from the clutches of capitalism (jk we’re never free save us bernie) which means i only have time to do like one thing in game but it seems to be working just as well so far.

.............i’m how i wrote a novel to answer this

im glad i pretty much got it. i can really relate to everything going on. i can see a lot of myself in santi and molly & i get it. the movies make you think you fall in love and everythings fixed like they fill that void in your soul and i mean sure they fill parts of it but you need to do that yourself and not rely on someone else. Your story is real and you can tell your writing from personal experience because theres so much feeling. u think ur fixing urself and u end up more hurt in the end

i’m so glad you can relate ;-; i think that’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far. i mean santi has always been relatable for me because he IS me...or at least partly me, just like all my characters are. but i never thought anyone else would feel the same way, so it means so much to me that people enjoy him as a character because of that.

anyway YES exactly. i hate the “no one’s going to love you if you don’t love yourself” mentality, i think it’s a toxic way of looking at the benefits of genuine self love. the sentiment behind it is true, but it’s a backwards way of looking at it. someone’s else’s love shouldn’t be your motivation, your own love toward yourself should be your motivation. when you look at it in the other way, you do end up getting more hurt in the end.

lol anons back the frick off, that scene is perfect, santi is perfect, sunny is perfect, the stuttering is perfect THIS BLOG IS FREAKIN PERFECT

oMG i appreciate the support, but i don’t blame those people for having issues with my dialogue hahahha. i know it’s kind of different and weird but it just feels right for me when i write it so i go with it. i rly like santi’s stuttering tho so *shrugs* THANK YOU THO ILY <333

hey! I was wondering if you have any tips on making(?) light leaks in photoshop? idk if you've answered this already bc I'm on mobile, buT if u have I'll just check when I get on my computer next !!! Thanks !

ummM I DON’T ACTUALLY because i get all my light leaks off google lmao. i have a folder of all the ones i’ve collected over time lmao

you could probably easily make some with the paintbrush in overlay mode with varying opacities tho? i’ve tried to replicate this a few times actually, but the rest of the time i just use light leaks made by other people lol

Do you enjoy more playing the game or taking the photos/making the story? Do you play challenges?

LATELY i’ve been just enjoying playing the game because i’ve gotten burnt out on story things and just playing is such a nice break from it haha. whenever i have to wait in game for it to be a certain time of day for story purposes, i go play with girooni for a few sim hours to pass the time and it’s fun for me lmao. i’m looking forward to my story winding down so i can get back to doing more gameplay things like i did before but at the same time i’ll always do at least something story related because i like the sense of direction it gives y’know.

i’ve never actually tried any challenges, not even just regular old legacies because i would always either get sick of the sims i was playing with or get too attached to them and not want to go to a new generation lmao. i was never interested in any challenges tbh. i like watching other people do bachelor(ette) challenges tho heheh

WHEN DID SANTI BECOME SUCH A STRONK BOI also you are so sweet we don't deserve you??? You are a blessing I love you thank you for doing this aaaaa ;;; you are an inspiration I hope I can do what you do too! OK BYE HAVE A NICE DAY ❤️❤️❤️

OMG HE’S ALWAYS BEEN SECRETLY STRONK (i’m assuming this is about how he beat ugly stepdad to a pulp lmao) he mostly gets his strength from anger and an adrenaline rush. a BLESSING WHAT!!!!!! YOU’RE SO SWEET ILY ;__; don’t thank me, i’m just doin what i love <3 have a nice day/night/rest of your life ily

But why are ur anons so needy lol isn't that like ur third one angry that u haven't responded

ugh i feel bad because i get it, i do, i understand it hurts when you reach out to someone multiple times and you get ignored, but i don’t do it on purpose and i have explained, many times, the plenty of valid reasons why i can’t respond to 100% of my messages. i’m actually trying to answer all of my message right now with these mass answer posts and it’s REALLY a lot for me to go out of my way and do this. so i’m trying ok. but like i’m only a person ajhsdghjdfjhk i can only give so much attention to this y’know. please be patient

from this moment on we should all proceed to take cautions around ppl named dan.... TAINTED

I KNO RIGHT...dan is such an ugly boring name (no offense to the dans of the world) but like if you’re a dane you’re probably evil or are the human embodiment of cardboard

I can not say it enough. Great story. It's life. And life is beautiful, loving, refreshing and sometimes it can be harsh & scary. You take the good with the bad. I look forward to what comes next. --"Run away, run far away" nony (I have to start thinking of new tag line, because I am diggin Santi and Lou together) :)

HELLO FRIEND i kinda love that you keep coming back ehehe. and i’m glad you’re enjoying it so much ;___; these words are so kind and genuine, thank you so much <3333 OMG i’m glad you like santou as well even though they’re on a slow decline right now. i’m really excited about what i have planned in the future tho

omggggg my theory is the first one on that list you posted!! i'm so happy for that but also sad bc of what's going on with molly and santi and i hope that santi will finally just be happy soon. love you and your sims (except step dad dan) 💕💕

OOH HELLO YES you basically guessed everything that happened up until this point hahaha congratulations <33 santi will be happy...eventually. it’s going to be a long hard road in getting there tho. i hope you’ll all be satisfied in the end

fuck you dan stepdad