#the fact that it still wouldn't stop me should tell you everything about the level of mental illness im battling with here

[stormyoceans]

helooo monica.🌸 forcebook are going to Italy. whose fanmeet would you go to if they came to Italy?

I MEAN. YOU KNOW WHAT MY ANSWER IS GONNA BE. IF JIMMYSEA EVER CAME TO ITALY I WOULD FORFEIT ALL MORTAL POSSESSIONS AND EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FRONT OF GOD MY FAMILY Y’ALL AND THE MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS INTERVENTION TEAM IM GONNA HAVE TO TAKE WITH ME TO KEEP ME SEDATED TO GO SEE THEM (this is a joke, i swear i can act like a normal and respectable human being when i need to. i would simply die afterwards)

but yeah, besides the obvious, i was actually EXTREMELY tempted by the forcebook fanmeet because im not sure if you guys know, but after jimmysea my favorite pairs are earthmix and forcebook, so i would LOVE to see them one day, unfortunately they picked THE ONE WEEKEND where i have already made plans with my sister to go on a small trip with her and i just don’t have the heart to ask her to postpone it

so i would definitely consider going for forcebook and earthmix, but the only people i would just drop everything for no questions asked are jimmysea

…………….and maybe papang ;;;;;;;;;;;

[abyssal-ilk]

A thing that people always forget when chastising vivienne for being so apathetic to cole is the fact that she is a circle mage. People whom are forced to learn that you should not trust demons nor spirits or else they’ll put you down AS A RITE OF PASSAGE. Think back to what Mouse says in DAO. “Keep your wits about you, mage; true challenges never end.” She knows that for the rest of her life, demons will tempt her and try to possess her. She has seen mages turn into abominations, knows how they get them- of course she will support templars who have the skills to subdue them. And now to have a spirit scurrying around without supervision what is the last bastion against a Tevinter Sidereal… I too would be worried as hell if i were a circle mage.

EXACTLY!

not only is vivienne a circle mage, but there are also a few other factors that play into it that make cole so untrustworthy to her. vivienne underwent her harrowing when she was young– in fact, she was the youngest mage to have ever gone through a harrowing and survived it. we don't get to learn much about what she went through during her harrowing, but we DO have this banter between her and cole:

harrowings on their own are already traumatic enough, and with the added insistence from the circles that all spirits and demons are dangerous (which we see vivienne repeat above, "all it can do is harm."), it makes complete sense on why vivienne would be so put-off by cole! especially given how kind he is! she thinks that kindness is a ploy, and why wouldn't she if her harrowing was anything like the warden's in DAO?

and then that's not even acknowledging the fact that cole isn't just ANY spirit. he's the ghost of the spire. he's killed mages before and admits to doing so. and even though he was wrong to do so and realizes that what he did was wrong, that does not mean that vivienne automatically has to suddenly be okay with what cole did. of course vivienne takes cole being the ghost of the spire harder than everyone else in the inner circle. she is the only circle mage there. it is entirely plausible that she sees cole as a threat and views herself as being the person most able to recognize that threat because of what she was taught. it's why she struggles so much to empathize with cole on any level.

ive already talked about this briefly on another post, but cole is also fairly antagonistic to vivienne as well. it's easy to look at their dynamic and think that, well, cole is just trying to help vivienne but he... isn't? his version of helping her is prying into her thoughts without permission and continuing to do so even after she has shown clear discomfort with it.

cole drags her worst memories and thoughts out publicly in front of not just vivienne, but the rest of the party and anyone else who may happen to be standing near them. it's DANGEROUS, what he does, because vivienne is a player of the game. her position at court is a precarious one, and to have someone like cole who can just pick into her brain whenever he wants with no repercussions? it's scary! it's scary because vivienne has no defense against it, especially if the player supports cole and downplays the harm he does. and what can vivienne do about it? she's an ally of the inquisitor, and that makes her cole's ally by proxy. telling cole to stop doesn't work, insulting him doesn't work, trying to get the inquisitor to intervine doesn't work– nothing seems to deter cole.

which is why THIS piece of dialogue is so important to me:

despite everything i've said above, vivienne still cannot help but care about cole. no matter how dangerous he is, no matter what she was raised to believe, she still cares about him and worries for him. their dynamic is SO interesting to me and i really wish people dug into it a bit more rather than just dismiss it as vivienne being needlessly cruel to cole. it's so much more than that.

[navstuffs]

Synesthesia

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x GN!Reader

Summary: "A condition in which stimulation of one sense generates a simultaneous sensation in another". Or aka the fic where Gojo Satoru fucks you inside his domain expansion.

Trigger Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!, SMUT, tiny squint of dubcon (reader goes mind blank inside the domain), creampie, multiple powerful orgasms, reader gender isn't mentioned

Author's Notes: probably the hardest smut i have ever written. idk how many times this has been done in the fandom (im sure tons) and one time i read this INSANELY good fic abt it and have never found it again. anyway, enjoy! credit on the images from this post right here.

other gojo fics

An average person will feel many sensations in this world, either physically and/or spiritually (if you believe in that type of stuff). Before meeting Gojo Satoru, your emotions were still there to remind you, hey, you are human: come and feel us; you can't stop us.

Everything changed after you met Satoru.

Gojo Satoru wasn't normal. Even in your first meeting, even without being a cursed user, you could tell something was off about him in the best way possible. The white hair, the ethereal blue eyes behind the sunglasses, or the fact that he consumed sweets as someone should be consuming water. Even your concerns about diabetes didn't feel necessary with this man. 

And then you started dating him. Yes, you, the average human being of this world, the single person in the million of eight billion or more. And he chose you, fell for you, for some crazy idea in his head. You became his new drug in the best way possible. Gojo Satoru could never have had enough of you. 

The kisses were intoxicating, and his neediness was that of someone who could not hear the word "no." Satoru would pout like a child, his head down enough that you could see his eyes shining through his sunglasses. And you would say "yes" as if only that vision persuaded you (it was your heart speaking).

Now, fucking Gojo Satoru, that was on a whole new level. At this point, you knew of the curses, the Jujutsu world, and the fact that somehow you are dating the strongest of that universe (?!). Fucking Gojo Satoru was not like fucking your other lovers. Satoru was entirely in during sex. As in head, soul, mind, the total package deal. And it was only fair you gave him the same. 

-x-

"What would happen to normal humans inside your domain expansion?" 

The question is met with curiosity by Gojo, who is wearing his black bandana today. He ponders for a moment, one finger toward his chin (because you said once he looked cute doing it, and he does it every time now). "They probably wouldn't be able to see it. Just feel it."

"Could it be considered safe?"

"Mhmmm, let me think. For some milliseconds. Why?"

"Nothing."

Oh, but Satoru had already perceived your interest. Your eyes did not meet his, and you tried to look away, embarrassed. His smile grew from his side lips until Satoru questioned, his voice low, " Is there anything I should know of?"

"You promise you won't laugh?"

-x- 

That's how you end up on top of him, his dick buried deep inside your body. It is already overwhelming, suffocating almost, the air being pulled from your lungs every time your hips meet his, and you weren't even inside his domain yet. Satoru insisted on starting slowly for your safety: 0.1, 0.2 seconds max, according to his estimation. 

"Now?"

"Are you close?" You shake your head impatiently, furrowing your brows. "Didn't think so."

Differing from all the other nights, you sense Satoru's tension. He can't relax, not even without you moaning in his ear. It's not that Satoru believes he will hurt you; Satoru has to consider the slight possibility of what could happen if he lost control for a tiny second and ended up frying your brain on accident.

"'Toru. Focus on me." You demand, squeezing his nipple so he can come back to you.

Satoru reacts: he starts rubbing in between in the middle of your legs, stroking your sex in a way only he knew how to do, after weeks of studying your reactions every time you had sex. In less than two weeks, the prick had learned places you haven't even discovered yet. It had to be six eyes, giving your body away like that. Biting where the neck meets your shoulder together with a particular way of fucking you and hitting on the place that made you see stars could make you cum in minutes. You are thankful he is the strongest because Satoru had ruined you for any other person who existed. 

"Focus, honey."  His voice is steady, his chest heaving up and down.

If someone asked you how a mere mortal felt bringing God to his knees, you would know exactly how to explain. That's exactly how you felt fucking Satoru. Like now, with his hands on your hips, helping you sink inside further every time, your open palms resting on his chest for support. It feels powerful and mythical; his mouth parted away like that, licking his lips from time to time. Satoru is a proud moaner, loud and about - but for this time, his forehead is furrowed in concentration, and barely any noises are coming from him. If it were any other time, Satoru would have helped you or taken control when it had gotten too much for his small patience to handle, moving his hips until you were a blabbering mess.

But now, he has to be focused on not harming you. The situation is even more thrilling if you think like that. Bring a God to his knees because if you don't, he might kill you with his power.

"Satoru!" You moan, needy. A warning that you are getting close.

His white hands raise, and you watch (as always) fascinated as the bandana comes off, even forgetting about your looming orgasm. Gojo Satoru is the most attractive man you have ever seen in your entire life, and if you believe in reincarnation, about ten more lives. He has a smirk on his lips now, happy with the way he affects you. I mean, how couldn't he? 

"Domain expansion, Unlimited Void."

Everything stops. The air stops moving, and time stops. You are paralyzed, your eyes wide, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. Your mind goes blank in the total sense of that word; you can't form a single thought. You forget your name, can't remember your parents' names, or where you were born, what you do. 

At the same time, everything is being shown to you; your consciousness is there, floating lost in the sky, but you can't grasp it. The only thing you can feel is your orgasm, but even that feels like it has toned down, a small explosion the size of a jelly bean growing inside your stomach.

The next thing you know, you wake up in Satoru's arms, gasping for air, shaking, with tears coming down your eyes. You can't stop squirming, and you realize it is your orgasm, with so much energy that could light up an entire city, spreading in your veins and going back into your brain at a swift speed, amplifying your senses. Then you find yourself staring at Satoru's blue eyes, and your mind goes blank again, but not like when you were inside the Unlimited Void. No, now you can feel everything: Satoru's love, Satoru's shooting his cum inside of you, Satoru's hand gripping your hips, the scream coming out of your throat!

Satoru is murmuring something, praising you, saying he loves you, but you pass out again, and the entire world goes black. Satoru holds you, feeling your heartbeat, not placing his bandana on his eyes, your body twitching unconsciously. 

You return to him after a few minutes - if anyone asked Gojo, precisely two minutes, twenty seconds, two exact milliseconds, almost three. 

"'Toru?" Your voice sounds exhausted, grateful, and in disbelief all at the same time.

"I'm here, honey. I'm here. You are okay." He kisses your forehead, holding you tightly in his arms, still buried deep inside you.

Later, when you ask, Satoru will answer that he had felt your orgasm within you. He had never seen you so out of this world, literally dumbfucked. He won't confess he got worried for a second and ended up placing you inside his domain for ONLY one millisecond. You also won't confess yet that you wanted to try again, up to 0.3 seconds (normal humans wouldn't survive), but who cares? You want Satoru to fry your brain. Instead, you will roll your eyes at his answer, slapping his arm playfully, and he won't even turn infinite on because it is you. And who is he to ever deny you? You who finally made his life whole. 

You that had a God wrapped around your finger.

[bookwormbynight]

I don't know much about dracula--tell me more about the au perhaps??

Oooh I gotchu babe. So. To be fair. In Dracula, Lucy's entire story is only a piece of the whole thing, and there's a lot of ambiguity surrounding the actual events (everything was documented by her horrified friend who only saw the aftermath) which is part of the horror (also Dracula didn't seem to have any attachment to Lucy in particular). However, the Lucy bit is what grabbed my brain and there are multiple things from it we can grab and stick onto Light.

No one thinks it's vampires when Light/ucy starts having nightmares, reporting a feeling of someone sitting on them at night, occasionally sleepwalking out of the house before someone finds them, and, most obviously, exhibiting symptoms of anemia out of nowhere with bite marks on their neck, but this is because no one THINKS to think it's vampires. Maybe you have a parasite in your room, Light, let's change the mattress? Is it an illness?? Wtf is happening??

I think, unlike Dracula who literally only Mina's (missing) husband knows, L should be a part of their lives, at least briefly. And have some reason to notice Light. I'm not sure how or why yet?

But this would add to the fun when Light starts accusing L of doing something to him and L being like 'who, me??' and both of them know that he's right even though Light doesn't exactly know the details.

I don't think L would need to steal a wolf from the zoo in order to get at Light that final time, but it should be big and dramatic. Maybe Light wouldn't be asleep when L comes to turn him. We all know Light would fight for his life hard and nasty.

Ooh, also, it's unclear how exactly vampires are turned in the book. Lucy doesn't let us know and we KNOW it isn't just 'get killed by a vampire' because the three sexilicious vampire ladies eat a kid and that kid never shows up again (read Dracula guys I swear), but since Dracula feeds Mina his blood on 'camera' and it does Something to her still-human body, I'm gonna say it's feeding a human your vampire blood and then having their heart stop. So L's gonna force-feed Light some blood and make him swallow it once he's got the upper hand, and Light's death wound is gonna be large and gorey. (And slowly... disappear... as the funeral comes closer and the days go on, hmmm, that's odd, dead bodies don't usually heal themselves, but no one notices because the wound was sealed and covered so they could have an open casket.)

Lucy's funeral was kind of the main event. Stoker spent literal paragraphs describing the beauty of her corpse (weird thing to do bisexual king), the redness in her lips, the fact that huh, there's a slight wrinkle in her nose (Van Helsing just covered her in garlic flowers), did she die like that? It's Snow White Sleeping Beauty levels of dead gorgeous. And then, of course, the rising. Lucy rises from the grave to feed on the blood of local children, until the Squad catches her and kills her once and for all. Of course, we're not gonna use that bit, because L wouldn't let half of that happen and Light's not gonna aim for children, but the fact that she rose at all is part of what makes her story so notable, and contributed to the inspiration for this AU.

Any other questions? <3

[remcycl333]

https://www.tumblr.com/remcycl333/716700520356741120/this-is-a-success-story-like-today-i-woke-up-with?source=share

To this anon.... How long did it take for it to reflect in the 3d basically how long did it take you to manifest it?

Also what method and techniques did you use? what did you feel?

guys every time you read a success story you forget everything that we've been trying to teach you! methods and techniques should be personalized for YOU. you should be doing the techniques and methods you enjoy, the ones that make you feel the feeling of the wish fulfilled! you shouldn't be copying someone else's techniques or journey because THEY ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOU! we all experience things differently, having your dream life might make you feel differently than having their dream life makes them feel.

also whenever i get asks like this, especially the ones asking me about time, it just tells me you guys are forgetting the main concept of manifesting: YOU ALREADY HAVE IT!

how many days is it gonna take? 0, because you already have it and manifestation is instant. the second you say "but how long until it's reflected in my 3d?" you are saying you don't have it. the 3d is irrelevant until it reflects in your 3d! i know you want your desire in your 3d, and might even NEED it, and THAT'S why you need to focus on your 4D and not your 3D. because it won't manifest if you keep constantly complaining and worrying about the 3D! and that's a fact!

you should be doing methods to EXPERIENCE HAVING your desire, not to GET it. do methods and techniques for FUN. the second you think "oh i need to affirm real quick so i can get my desire" or "i need to visualize or else i wont get my desire" ... WRONG! you already have your desire! honestly when i used to think stuff like this earlier in my journey, i'd stop myself immediately and say "wtf am i talking about? i already have my desire?" and then i wouldn't do a technique!

sorry to this specific anon, i've been meaning to make a post like this and i logged on and saw this and am using it as an opportunity to do so. but this is just over consumption at its finest! i'm sure you guys have read every law of assumption post you could get your hands on, every success story, every ask, and you probably already have your own "manifestation routine" but then you see a new, shiny success story and drop everything to ask them how THEY did it and how long it took THEM. you guys need to find what YOU enjoy doing, and DO IT! and don't stop doing it just because it's "taking too long" or bc someone else does it differently! trust yourself! and the easiest way to build trust in yourself is to let yourself TRY! you're not gonna trust yourself if you never even start trying to trust yourself.

on the subject of time, there is no set amount of time for manifestation. you could manifest something in two days that took someone else two months, and vice versa! it's not about TIME because you already have it! it's about how long it takes for you to ACCEPT IT AS YOURS in IMAGINATION, and stop throwing it away every two seconds bc it's not in your 3D yet.

the way i like to think about it is like in a video game when you're trying to level up your character's skill. like for instance, i play the sims 4. when i'm trying to level up my sim's painting skill, i don't go "how many more days until my sim reaches the next level?" no, i think "oh im not at my desired result yet so i need to keep doing what im doing until i reach it."

if you don't see your desire in your 3D yet, you shouldn't be thinking "ugh how many more days until it gets here?" you should be thinking, "oh my 3D is still reflecting my old dwelling state, that's okay because i know it's mine in my 4D and i'm just gonna keep persisting in that fact until it reflects in my 3D."

you guys are sabotaging yourself by worrying so much about time! because the thing is--for about 95% of you--you are still going to want your desires no matter how much time goes by! i think the best thing i ever did for myself was to realize that and to FORCE myself to stop worrying about time! that's also something people don't understand, you try to ignore time for maybe a day and then give up because it's "too hard" but it's not. it's just hard right now because you haven't tried yet. with every day that passes it will get easier and easier, as long as you put forth a little bit of effort to remove time off your list of concerns!

if you don't get--for example--your desired face in three days, what's going to happen? you're still gonna want it. three months from now you'll still probably want it. a year from now, even. that's why you see people talking about how "it's been a year and i still don't have my desire." they never stopped wanting it! i'm not saying that's necessarily going to happen to you, but i think that's what finally kicked my ass earlier in my loass journey and made me buckle down and APPLY. at some point you're gonna have to stop reading loass content, stop trying to find new and "faster" methods and techniques, and just apply what you know! until then, you will be stuck in a state of TRYING and not in the state of HAVING.

not having your desire in your 3D is not necessarily a sign that you're "doing something wrong" either. this was a big issue i had too. if a few days passed and i didnt have my desire yet, i'd be like "oh no time to watch youtube vids abt the law and start over." NO! like i mention in this post, every day you apply the law, it will get easier and easier for you until eventually you've accepted your desires as yours and it manifests in your 3D.

also something i see in so many success stories is people saying they stopped worrying about time and just applied the law and they were finally able to successfully manifest their desires into their 3D after months of trying! that's the piece of advice i think everyone should take away from success stories!

i genuinely think everything you need to know about manifesting can be learned from the posts linked in my pinned post, which is why i wrote them! honestly my "define: states" and "dismissing the 3d" (both linked in my pinned post) will probably give you all the info you need!

honestly if i had to give you one piece of advice to start applying it'd be this: find your fav loass post(s) (2-3 tops), the one(s) that really makes things click for you, screenshot them or paste them into your notes app, and delete tumblr. then APPLY UNTIL YOU SEE YOUR DESIRE IN YOUR 3D! if you want to visualize one night instead of affirming, that's not you "starting over", that's just you experiencing having your desire in a different way. it's all still imagination! when you catch yourself thinking about time or circumstances or "what if" scenarios, remind yourself you already have your desire and none of that matters! then, if you have time, retreat to your imagination and experience having your desire RIGHT NOW. if you don't, simply shifting yourself back to the state of the wish fulfilled will suffice.

but pretty much, stop second guessing yourself and "starting over" and worrying about whether or not you're doing everything right, and just focus on already having and already being the person with your desires. focus on what a relief it is that you already have your desires and the fact you don't have to "try to manifest" them anymore! it's already yours!!!

for all your 3D related concerns, i really recommend this post of mine. it's my magnum opus i fear.

anyway sorry for the tough love! i just have gotten soooo many questions/comments like this and it was driving me a little cuckoo!

love u ALL ! <3

[funficwriter]

Celestial is Cruel (Tartaglia/Childe x Recruit!Reader)

A/N: Not much, apart from the fact that damn I got some... Fantasies. Fucked up ones but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a blast writing it. Hopping on to part 2!

Warnings: Sad, disrespect of graves, abuse of power, slight motif of punishment, kinda yandere, horny Tartaglia with even worse timing, talk of a dead friend.

He hated every single thing about this ordeal. The uncomfortable position on the tree was the least of them. At least it offered a good view of you.

He hated how you wailed like a child, because his sweet little recruit shouldn't be sad. He hated how you were laying on the tombstone, arms splayed out as if hugging your dearly departed friend, because such a passionate embrace should only be for him. He hated the flowers you got him tonight, because they symbolized mourning.

He hated it all, because you were giving everything... Your emotions, attentions, presence and more... To another man.

A dead one, too. Really, now! This is how you spent your free nights the last few weeks? Did they stop teaching cadets to not be too attached to each other? That the Fatui had death everyday?

No matter. As your Lord, he was going to put an end to this. He was going to put you back on the right path as a recruit. His recruit.

----------------

Deeper into the icy woods, laid your friend's grave. It was particularly hard to get to by virtue of being so nestled.

One wouldn't have to go as deep to hear you. It's been weeks and you still have such nights, wailing and apologizing to your companion of years. You also never dared an appearance without flowers, even if he wouldn't mind.

Your body felt cold against the tombstone. You could never pinpoint the exact time that you laid down in this manner, arms sore from sprawling them out across the stone. Perhaps once you stopped denying his death. But what really took your energy was your crying.

"I'm sorry, Julian! I'm sorry, I should have taken that hit, and you should be here! I'm sorry, forgive me...".

When you two were cadets, you were constantly warned about the possibility of losing your comrade. You were told, time and time again, 'don't get too attached to each other'. But hearing it in the classroom was worlds different than facing it. You two would laugh about it and drink afterwards, bantering back and forth:

"If I die, you better bring hyacinths instead of roses! I hate those spiral-ey shits!"

"In that case, you better tell me who's dating who over a bottle of fire-water! You can splash it on my tombstone!"

"Forget this old graveyard etiquette, you can chill out on mine if you need to get away from everyone else!"

Now here you were, with this banter being closer to reality.

Forget your status within the Fatui. Forget the heightened expectation of 'getting over' your friend because 'this happens everyday, it's part of our job'. Forget the potential displeasure of your Harbinger; You knew you were going to face his wrath at some point, but for now, you just needed some space to be a messy griever, consequences to be damned and faced.

"Julian... I don't wanna go back yet. I want to stay a bit more...".

"Y/N.".

Of course he'd seek you out. You tried to adhere to your usual duties, but it was obvious that you needed a bit more time to get back on par. Especially by his standards.

His hulking shadow engulfed your figure, even more so as he bent down to your level. You felt his hand patting your shoulder and looked up to meet his eyes.

"There, there. At least we both know that he died for the Tsaritsa's cause. The most honorable way to go.".

You sniffled: "But he was so young... We still count as fresh recruits, and he was always so resilient...".

"Yes, I know that. Julian was a remarkable unit, and a fine comrade...".

His hand could never remain in one place for too long, least of all if your body's concerned. You wanted to smack him when you felt it slide down to waist level, waiting for more. You were expecting this, but right on Julian's resting place? Really?

"But remember, my dear, that this isn't clerking; This is the Fatui. Great units are still at high risk, no matter how powerful they are...".

It wasn't fully here yet, but you knew where all of this was going. How could you not? You've been performing at a 'sub-par' level in comparison to your usual, you've spaced out thinking of Julian more than a few times, and though you did your best, many who came in contact with you swore up and down that eyes could never look as glossy as those of you losing your friend. All behavior unfitting for Tartaglia's prodigy.

It was very obvious that something has changed, and this will affect your Lord as well. He can't let you keep this up; It's his job as your superior to rectify this in whatever way he sees fit. A messy, moping recruit wasn't a good asset to have.

And you knew Lord Tartaglia - Childe, how fitting. If said way could bring him some sort of fun or pleasure, he was going to take it. For it to involve his sweet, little overachieving soldier? Well, the constant lip-licking was expected.

So did the wandering hand, pulling himself a little closer to you. Now your waist was almost encircled by his arm.

"I'm not saying you're bad for feeling like this. You're human. But you both knew what you signed up for. I myself has a couple of near-death experiences and lost comrades, and I'm a Harbinger.".

He could soften his tone all he wanted. You knew this talk was rehearsed. It sounded too much like his usual cold reading voice. You'd assume someone who felt your pain would be a little more empathetic, more supportive. But him? He was doing a horrible job hiding the excitement in his eyes, the prospect of 'putting you in line'. You looked down; The tent in his pants further told you what you needed to know. What did it matter if your face was still blotchy from crying?

You backed away while asking: "Lost comrades?".

"Yup. Ya know, I had this friend, Antony, who I bunked with back in our cadet days. He always sang for us at parties. Really fun guy. We also talked about our families so you can bet we were close.".

"What happened to him?".

The acting was losing whatever little effort it had: "Burned to death. I mourned too, I liked him a lot. But this is part of the job. This can be expected any day, any mission, and our friends aren't exempt by being loved.".

He made a good point. Julian wasn't going to be spared, and if his power couldn't save him, your friendship certainly wouldn't.

Celestia is cruel.

You looked up to Childe's face: "Anything you want to say?".

"Celestia is cruel. And so are you right now.".

Did you screw yourself over with the second part? You weren't intending on saying it out loud, but repression and your mind being on your friend 6 feet under will have you doing that.

He chuckled and decided that the waiting game was over. He got up on the tombstone, looming over you. Though you've stared into his empty blue eyes a lot, you never manage to shake off that mix of morbid wonder and fear at how... Soulless they were. Did Antony notice too?

"Me?".

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but yes. I'm mourning right now. Can we wait until we're in your quarters, because it's a grave...?".

You didn't have the energy to defend yourself more fiercely. Though you were still relatively young (at least by Fatui standards), your tonality belonged to a retired officer who's seen too much in one life.

You didn't defend yourself physically either. You didn't stop Childe from laying you down onto the stone, nor did you really admonish his lust on top of your friend's grave. You wanted to, but for one, he could easily overpower you, maybe even get harsher under the pretense of 'not obeying your Lord'. Paired up with your tired body, you felt helpless.

"You're correct, Y/N. Celestial is cruel. So cruel for seeing two adorable recruits, so dependent on each other... Then snatching one and leaving the other to suffer.".

He grabbed your hands to intertwine his fingers with yours. The backs of them were on the cool, grey stone, not at all like this fiery man above you. Like Schneznaya and Natlan. Ice and fire. As above, so below not in terms of temperature, but cruelty.

"And me... Well, I'm a Fatui Harbinger. Being a little cruel is guaranteed at this rate."

At last, he captured your lips with his. This kiss was unlike the few others you shared. He was the hungriest you've known. The most lustful you've seen.

What would Julian think?

You wanted to step back, even if the primal in you told you to stay. At some point, you did, only for him to grab your face.

"Now, now, comrade... You haven't been performing to your usual standard. It's my job as your Lord to end this. We can't fall behind the other legions, can we?".

He trailed off to your neck, nipping right where he knew you were most sensitive. Those whimpers were meant to be moans, only you weren't going to let them out.

"Wait, my Lord-".

There was the spot; right above your collarbone, just at the base of the neck. Did you really think he wouldn't know at this point? There was still a fading mark from last time, so he guessed it needed a renewal.

He chuckled and looked down into your eyes: "I know you way too well, Y/N. I'd say...".

He always liked cutting off his thoughts through kissing or nipping. You heeded out every word of his for years, it's basically an unconscious habit for you to grin and bear whatever he threw at you if it meant hearing the rest of his sentence.

How devoted. And thank the Tsaritsa for how delicious you were as well. Sometimes he pondered whether she was testing his mental endurance by sending him a recruit of such a lethal combo, along with more attributes befitting of an ideal partner, too.

To remove the last potential competition, putting him under the ground and far away from you, only served as an encouragement to take you.

When he broke away, he relished into the sad look in your eyes. Yes, you were going to be corrected for your poor performance and waste of time, at his hands.

"I'd say... You're right. Celestia is cruel for throwing you to me."

The tug at your collar was only the start. It was going to end with everything else right next to the grave.

You didn't know if souls were a thing, or if they were near, but deep down, you prayed to Julian to forgive the upcoming act.

[softpine]

Gez Louise I'm glad you changed up the story! My boy Finn has hurt enough! It's sweet that in most of the lives we've seen he finds love. I just thought of something Asa and Finn are soul mates right? For the most part they always find eachother? Does the Griffin we saw that's married with a wife and kid does he ever feel like something is missing? Wait a minute! If there's alt Finns there has to be alt Asas right? Do they fall in love in their universe too?

in my mind they're as close to soulmates as anyone can be... the timing is almost never right, and in some universes their lives never even cross paths, but somehow they keep finding their way towards each other under the most impossible circumstances 🥺 and i think baby finn actually answered your question about whether the other griffins feel like they're missing something:

"I get the feeling that my life is missing something. Maybe when I was born, God carved something out of my chest. Maybe he hid it in some corner of the universe and I'm supposed to find it somehow." // "I started thinking maybe God likes to laugh at me. Maybe he hid my missing piece at the bottom of Atlantis, on another planet, or somewhere else I'll never find it. I got the message - I'll stop looking."

at that point, he'd never met or heard of asa, but somehow he still missed him :( so i think the same can be said for any iteration of finn/griffin. we've seen that they're still capable of living their lives and even finding love, but there's always going to be this piece of them that feels just a little too hollow. any version of griffin that marries a woman is a little different because well. finn is gay. and although his sexuality never changes, his circumstances vary widely, which changes everything about how he acts on that.

for example, in the 90s verse, where we see newlyweds griffin and jules and their soon to be daughter, we find out that after griffin nearly died as a child, his parents became evangelical christians and were much more heavily involved in griffin's life. they had to support him physically and emotionally after his attack and even after he became an adult, he chose not to move far away from them, so they had a much stronger influence on him. although he loudly disagrees with their views, he still shows up to church every weekend when his mom tells him to. to me, jules is the most interesting part of this because we find out later (from our finn) that she was one of his neighbors, her family were strict jehovah's witnesses, and that she grew up even more rough than he did. so even though in this universe griffin is married to someone he's not exactly attracted to, who he probably wouldn't have married if it weren't for his parents' watchful eyes, it's clear that they do have a deep connection and they've both been through similar struggles. i wanted to make sure i portrayed jules in a positive light, as she's not an obstacle in the way of griffin's true wishes, she's a person who cares about him and who he cares about. still, that doesn't change the fact that he does feel like he's missing something and he always will. i think jules knew that too on some level...

i can't really say what happens to them after asa leaves them. it feels like it's not even for me to know. but i do know they're both proud of the family they've built, especially since they were both dealt a bad hand in life, and i hope they'd continue to be a safe space for their kids to land, no matter where their personal relationship ends up!

and..... you're right, if there are alt finns, it follows that there should be alt asas :D :D :D that's all i can say about that for now fjksjds

[hypexion]

There is a new Miraculous special London: At the Edge of Time. It mostly takes place in Paris and an extra-temporal location, neither of which are London. This is to be expected in a show by the French.

Anyhow let's consider how the characters are Going Through It this time around.

Marinette: It turns out that if your boyfriend's father kills himself in front of you that leads to sub-optimal decision making. So many people are in on The Big Lie that it seems like it will inevitably fall apart. This includes Neo Hawk Moth, although to be fair to Marinette she didn't know that when she commited to the plan. Also everyone she tells the plan to is like "hmm sounds dubious but I benefit sooooo I guess it's okay". Plus Marinette's opsec is shot to pieces with a whole bunch of people knowing her secret identity now.

Of course, doing The Big Lie is in fact very bad, especially if The Consequences apply at any point. If not it just becomes another weird thing the writers added to undermine any kind of positive ending. This is like the third one!

But really in this situation I'd probably be like "well the Wish got me into this problem so it's time to Wish my way out" so I guess I can't fault Marinette too much. I would be a bad superhero.

(also it's still incredibly unclear as to whether Marinette knows the Sentitruth)

Adrien: Kind of bad that Adrien is mostly not in the immediate aftermath of his father's defeat. I'm glad that the theories that Adrien would get akumatized over learning the true truth didn't pan out, because that would be a) a repeat of things that happened already b) super awful as a way to justify The Big Lie.

Nathalie: Well someone had to dodge the consequences of their actions and that winner is Nathalie. Once again I feel the need to point out that if she actually wanted to stop Gabriel, she had everything she needed for a while.

Gabriel: I'm glad this guy is dead. Wow he healed Nathalie, simply so she and Marinette could clean up his mess. RIP bozo, don't come back.

Lila/Cerise: The new main villain decides to put on an incredibly strong opening performance. In like ten minutes she accomplishes something that took Gabriel five seasons. Timestalker and Spectral Looter are both great designs, and make for a lovely pair of S-Tier akumas. Overall it's a very clever plan, and writing-wise it's a fun way to do a more subtle time-travel based threat, that also makes sense as something Gabriel wouldn't do.

I guess the downside here is that now Cerise's threat level has to suddenly drop, because if she stays at this level of menace she's basically unstoppable. Also for my sanity's sake I'm assuming Timestalker is limited to either a specific window of time, or is only capable of time-stalking Bug Noire.

Conclusion: I feel like some of this stuff should have been in Re-creation. Especially the bit about the universe not being destroyed by Gabriel's wish. Also the quiet fights like a meter away from people were a little ridiculous. But overall fairly standard Miraculous action I suppose.

[slytherin-paramour]

I've finished the first part of my Garreth x MC x Sebastian oneshot! It literally takes me forever to write things down because of real-life distractions, but today I've had freedom and been able to think a bit more! There is no smut in this mostly Garreth related chappy unfortunately, but it is coming! And I think it's still cute 🥹

You were a tad early to your seventh year Charms class this afternoon, but the almost empty classroom felt like a blessing. You breathed in the cool air of the old room, admiring the way the sun shone through the large windows, illuminating strings of dust that lingered in the air. Taking a preliminary glance of your surroundings, you notice another student at the back of the room and make a beeline for her.

With a frustrated sigh, you sank onto the wooden stool beside your good friend Natsai Onai, a powerful and determined Gryffindor witch with whom you'd formed a lasting bond with over the last few years. You heaved a heavy book from your satchel and dropped it onto the table in front of you, running your fingers across the embossed lettering - Achievements in Charming - before opening the pages with a flick of your wand. You ran a hand through your bangs, letting out a frustrated grumble.

"Good afternoon my disgruntled friend." Nasai chuckled in amusement at your irritated demeanour. "Dare I ask the cause of such a gloomy exterior?"

You grunted and looked up from where your face was now pressed against the parchment of the book.

"It's REALLY not something that I want to get into Natty, I wouldn't want to drag you into the mundane drama that is my life at the moment."

Natty laughed and leaned down to your level, close enough to whisper into your ear.

"Might it have something to do with your...romantic inclinations..."

You witnessed the cheeky smirk that had adorned your friends features as you snapped your head towards her, unable to stop the heat that now surely covered your cheeks. Damn it, this witch was incredibly perceptive.

"Wha...where did you hear that? I swear to Merlin if either of those boys..EITHER?!"

Natty's eyes had widened a fraction, and you could practically see the cogs turning in her head.

"Oh my stars, MC! I was aware that Sebastian was attempting to woo you, but now you tell me that there is another? You must feel very honoured my friend." She said with a smirk.

You sat quietly for a moment, gathering your thoughts and trying to form an explanation for everything that was going on at the moment. Natty had been right about Sebastian Sallow. It was no secret that your freckled friend was attempting to Court you, and it didn't really come as a shock when you'd found out. After everything that you two had been through together, feelings and bonds had formed naturally and you couldn't deny the way your heart lurched whenever you were around each other. Something about him drew you in, his flame trying to burn away your delicate moth.

Your face planted hard against the table once more, ears burning at your silly slip up. You knew it was pointless to deny it, especially to someone as smart as Natsai. And so you resigned yourself into telling her your story.

It should have remained as simple as that, really. A nice, normal situation of friends turned lovers, running away together hand in hand, however fate seemed to absolutely LOVE fucking with you. An unexpected cog had been depulsoed into your intricate clock, so to speak. It came in the form of a broad torso, red trimmed robes and firey hair. The moment that Garreth Weasley had cornered you in the Transfiguration Courtyard and declared his affections (it really was quite endearing to witness the boys face burning as red as his hair) you knew that life was out to get you.

Because that was the crippling moment that you realised that you did, in fact, have feelings for the Gryffindor as well. You had always considered him to be one of your closest friends, him being one of the first to engage with you way back in your fifth year. He was funny and charming, aways up for an adventure and very empathetic whenever your mind was in a particularly dark place.

From there, you had agreed to go on an outing to Hogsmeade with him.

You quickly thought about Sebastian, and how he would feel about you going out with Garreth, but quickly pushed aside your guilt. After all, you weren't exclusively WITH Sebastian, and more often than not you would catch the young cad flirting with other pretty witches about the castle, be it intentionally or not. The Slytherin was a charmer by nature.

And so here you were, strolling casually through the stunning little village that you'd come to know and love. As it was still midsummer, the air was beautifully warm, the suns rays beaming down through the old rafters of the mish-mashed buildings. Flowers of all varieties bloomed from planters and there was a sweet smell in the air mingled with the woodsy smoke of chimney stacks.

Garreth was a perfect gentleman the entire time, holding your hand and making you laugh at every opportunity. He asked you what you wanted to do most of the time, perfectly content to just be in the moment with the object of his affections. You had of course requested a visit to Honeydukes, the confectioners shop had been one of your favourites ever since your first foray into the wizarding village with Sebastian years ago. Garreth purchased you a bag of your favourites - sherbet lemons, and he even tasted some of the shops newest editions, Ice Mice, which you found to be absolutely hilarious when the boys teeth began to chatter and squeak uncontrollably.

After that you visited the Three Broomsticks, Sirona welcoming you both with a smile, albeit a slightly confused one. You didn't fail to notice the way her sharp eyes flickered to yours and Garreths interlinked fingers, and you looked at her sheepishly. The last time you had been in the pub, it was Sebastian who's hand you'd been holding onto. Nevertheless, she simply brushed off whatever she was about to say, sensing your discomfort and lead you both to a table in a quiet corner of the rustic old building. Garreth ordered a couple of ice cold butterbeers which you both proceeded to drink happily, him telling you some funny tales from his childhood which involved the many times that he had nearly driven his aunt Matilda through the doors of St.Mungos because of his pranks. You nearly choked on your butter beer when he mentioned the time when he and his older siblings stole a pair of their aunt's undergarments and managed to enchant them into chasing her around the house and scream profanities at the demented woman.

"Garreth Weasley, your poor Aunt! It's no wonder she doesn't tolerate your hijinks at school!" You reprimanded him with a laugh, smiling from ear to ear. His deep laughter boomed alongside yours as he leaned forward on his chair, both hands wrapped around his cool beverage.

"Yes, well she certainly doesn't put up with any misbehaviours these days. My brothers are the lucky ones, they've already graduated from Hogwarts!"

You chuckled, trying to imagine what his brothers might have been like when they attended Hogwarts. You shivered involuntarily on behalf of Professor Weasley.

Your pondering was interupted by a feeling of warmth enveloping your hand atop the table. Your gaze shot up to the side, a shy smile appearing on your face when you made eye contact with the boy beside you. He was staring at you with such a tenderness that for a moment it felt difficult to breathe, his thumb brushing over yours in a way that sent tingles twisting up your forearm.

"Thank you for coming here with me today, MC. I'm genuinely having the best time with you. You could make any room light up brighter than a jar of a thousand lacewing flies!" You rolled your eyes at the cheesey line.

"It's been wonderful Garreth, I feel utterly spoiled." You replied with a little chuckle, trying to cover up the fact that your heart was currently racing a mile a minute.

He pushed back the chair he was sitting on quite suddenly, rising to his feet but not letting go of your hand. You looked up at him from where you were still sat, confused about his sudden movement.

"What are you doing? Did you want to leave?"

Garreth didn't reply, bringing your hand up to his lips to press a soft kiss across your knuckles, his verdant eyes never leaving yours. The action made your breath catch in your throat, your neck flushing red and a feeling of being lost for words overcame you.

"Would you take a little walk through the Hogsmeade gardens with me, MC? I'd like to discuss something with you. Privately."

Your heart fluttered like a rampant snitch that was intent on not being caught, but you shifted in your seat, gathered up your light robe and satchel and allowed Garreth to pull you to your feet. Smoothing down your skirt, you smiled at the red head.

"Shall we then, Mr.Weasley?" You dipped your upper body in an exaggerated curtsy. He laughed and bowed in return, his crimson locks flopping over his forehead dramatically.

"After you, Mademoiselle!"

[coraniaid]

Top 5 Faith Moments

Okay.  Just sorting these chronologically and not trying to rank them: it was hard enough to cut the list down to five.  But I think these are the most quintessential Faith moments. Not necessarily my favorites, but the moments that reveal the most about who she is.

from Amends (S3E10)

“Thanks, but I got plans. There’s this … big party that I’ve been invited to.”

I know that Amends is not a popular episode around here, and I don’t really care for the stuff with the First myself (except for Buffy’s speech to Angel about the importance of fighting and not giving up, which I think is very good). But I have a bit of a soft spot for it because of the Faith content.

The porch scene later on is more probably more of a crowd pleaser, but – as I think I’ve said before – it was this earlier moment in the episode where Faith as a character really clicked for me. The sad little Christmas decorations in her motel room; the way she immediately assumes (correctly!) that inviting her over wasn’t Buffy’s own idea; and the fact she lies – and lies really badly – about already having plans, rather than admit that, just as she doesn’t have anything in her life beyond Slaying, she doesn’t really have anyone in her life who cares about her except Buffy. Even if Buffy doesn't care about her as much as (or in the way that) Faith wants.

She is such a loser (affectionate).

2. from Consequences (S3E15)

"I've seen it, B. You've got the lust [...] You can’t handle watching me living my own way, having a blast, because it tempts you.  You know it could be you […] There’s my girl."

I think Consequences is probably the best Faith episode -- probably one of the best episodes of Buffy altogether -- and I could have easily picked a few different moments from it. The way Faith keeps trying to convince Buffy (and herself) that she doesn't care about Finch's death. The way she compares herself to Angel when asking why Buffy won't cover for her. Her little muttered "um, sorry" after she lies to Giles about who killed Finch. "I hope evil takes MasterCard".

But I think this scene is probably the best, and the most important for who Faith is as a character: not just a mirror and a shadow to Buffy, but somebody who on some level knows that that's what they are and chafes at the thought of it.

As we'll increasingly see later, Faith is not "having a blast" right now. But part of her is still convinced that, if she can just convince Buffy that she's like her, then somehow everything's going to be okay. Because Buffy is better than other people ("didn't you stop the world from ending?") and so if she and Buffy are the same then so is Faith.

And if she's wrong, if they're not the same after all, well ... maybe she should just try to be more like Angel, then. Didn't Angel just tell her they were a lot alike? And after all, Buffy would have protected Angel. Buffy's into Angel: "Bet a part you even dug him when he went pyscho." Maybe if she were more like Angel, it wouldn't matter if she's wrong that killing Finch didn't matter. Maybe she really wouldn't care.

3. from This Year's Girl (S4E15)

"I know what it’s like.  You think you matter, you think you’re a part of something, and then you get dumped.  It's like the whole world is moving and you're stuck, like those animals in the tar pits. It's like you just keep sinking a little deeper everyday and no-one even sees."

This is both really sad, in a way that echoes Faith's speech to Buffy in Sanctuary a few episodes later ("there's just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything"), and weirdly funny. I mean, with the Mayor dead, Joyce is probably the adult that Faith has the best relationship with in the world at this point. (Faith describes her as "really cool" when she first meets her, she knows that it was her who invited her over for Christmas, and next episode we see that she still has a lot of sympathy for Faith, even after this episode.)

I think that (given her own parental situation), Faith really does feel affronted on Joyce's behalf that Buffy hasn't been around to visit more. And it's not like she has any friends she could go and pour her heart out to about waking up to find that she's been 'dumped'.

But Faith has just broken into Joyce's house and taken her hostage. Faith is holding a knife to her throat. She keeps reminding her that she could and probably will kill her. This is not, perhaps, the best time to complain that her daughter has moved on from Angel to somebody else who still isn't Faith.

4. from Who Are You? (S4E16)

"Because [...] I could do anything I want, and instead I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness. I mean [...] I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike."

Cannot stress enough that this is the first time Faith has ever met Spike. Five seconds ago she didn't know who she was talking to, she didn't even know he was a vampire. Now she's sharing as detailed a fantasy as late 90s network television would allow on air about just how amazing it be to have sex with Buffy Summers, while complaining bitterly that Buffy is a "stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun".

I ... uh. Somehow I don't think it's Spike that Faith is upset Buffy won't have sex with.

5. from Dirty Girls (S7E18)

"Willow said you needed me. Didn't give it a lot of thought."

I really don’t like the second half of Season 7 much but I think one of its saving graces (after Chosen) is that it brings Faith back to the show.

And I love the dynamic that Faith and Buffy have this season: the way Faith says "Willow says you needed me" with that slight stress on 'needed', as if it perfectly explains why she's here, only to immediately second guess herself and ask if Buffy wants her to leave. The way Buffy awkwardly says she's "glad" that Faith is back in town (echoing the Amends porch scene). All the other callbacks to Seasons 3 and 4, to Consequences and Who Are You?, that the show manages in its last half a dozen episodes.

And I love how quickly the show re-establishes Faith as a major character, and how her relationship with Buffy is both so different and so similar to when she was last in Sunnydale. How the constant throughline of her character throughout both Buffy and Angel is really just "being weirdly obsessed about Buffy Summers all the time", but that obsession evolves from resenting the thought that she should be more like Buffy to trying to persuade or force Buffy to be more like her instead, then trying to do what she thinks Buffy would want her to (go to jail, come back to Sunnydale), and then finally to being forced against her wishes into taking over from Buffy as 'the' Slayer ("this was supposed to be my town!") and realizing how little she really wants that.

[bravewolfvesperia]

@mistralxsoul | continued

"Huh? Oh... I guess I can just tell you. We don't keep secrets from each other, right?" Even though Flynn was obviously defensive, Yuri only slightly tilted his head and smiled. He was never going to hurt Flynn - in fact, he probably physically couldn't. The dark magic fueling him only amplified his worst thoughts and traits and followed specific orders. There were no harmful thoughts toward Flynn - not one - and it prevented even this level of magic from doing a thing about that.

Figuring out what was going on in Yuri's head was simple, because ultimately, he was still Yuri... just with a head full of dark magic that he would only remember for this week. The magic wouldn't last longer than that, which made getting information about the council, getting in and killing them all need to be done within the week. He knew Flynn wouldn't just help him do it, having access to all of Yuri's memories, and sneaking around had been the best way.

Should have known Flynn would notice. This Yuri knew everything Yuri knew. "Don't worry about being defensive, by the way. I'd never harm you. This body might not get out without a few scratches or cuts though." There was nothing sinister about it in his voice - just playfulness. "You have a week to stop me from getting the information I need. That's how long the dark magic in my head will last for."

It didn't matter what he told him at this point. If he knew he wasn't truly Yuri, Flynn would be on guard no matter what he did. Being as close to being Yuri as possible didn't matter when it was someone who could fish out all the oddities the magic affected. "Sorry I didn't tell you. I thought you'd worry." He shrugged loosely. "I got captured on a guild job. Guess they heard about me some time before and knew I used to have issues with the council. Whole thing was a setup to find me. So, I'm still your Yuri, just... there are dark magic effects in my head that I can't stop until the week is up."

It was almost a silent challenge to Flynn. Stop him and prevent him for the rest of the week from getting the job done. That was just how long the magic lasted, whether he got answers or not. Flynn was closest to him and the council, and Ioder was equally as shrewd enough to realize something might have been off about Yuri. Close as he was to the targets, getting tossed in jail to prevent him from doing anything would meant no bodies on the council.

For the most part, it wasn't any means necessary. The dark magic couldn't take over that much of a person, at least at the level this stuff was at. All it could really do were affect things a person was already capable of doing, which made Yuri a perfect scapegoat for the people who were trying to use him to be rid the council. Yuri was capable of killing and he was capable of getting into harm or harming himself.

Yuri wouldn't hurt someone else if he didn't find a reason to. Flynn was the best person to get answers from. If Yuri were to put his own body on the line and make Flynn give him answers, that was the closest he might be able to get. There was only so much pushing and yanking the dark magic could do. It couldn't make him hurt an innocent person, but if he was already prone to, say, slashing his arm to get a reaction for something, he could still pull that off. With how little Yuri valued himself sometimes, the dark magic was just enough push.

Since the effect on Flynn was indirect, it was possible. Effectively, the only actual harm this magic could do was harm Yuri might already do, and that was to himself over anyone else, council aside. Normally he would trust Ioder and Flynn with them, but that didn't mean he didn't still hate them with every fiber in his soul. As long as there was enough hate there, he could kill them in this state.

"Sorry to scare you. I just need some answers pretty quick to get this job done by the end of the week. Plus, once the magic is out of my head, I'm not gonna remember anything that happened. Like I said though, I won't harm you! I can't, actually. This stuff is just a bit of a push to get me to do things I'm already capable of. I'm me, just... uh... more unhinged? So any crazy thoughts are likely to not stay thoughts. If it sounds like I know exactly what I'm doing and what's going on, it's 'cause I do, I just... won't realize any of this happened by next week."

[skzhocomments]

Mafia Book #2 - PART I - The Black Iris - Chapter 6 - Revenge

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

General masterlist

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

---

PART I - THE BLACK IRIS

Chapter 6 - Revenge

chapter word count: 3.5k words

~Minho's POV~

Finding those three scums was easy.

Kidnapping them and confining them in one of our abandoned buildings was easy, too.

What was difficult, though, was to not knock the teeth out of their mouths myself. I wanted to be the one to put a bullet through their heads for hurting Iris. I respected her too much, though, and knew she had her own plans with them, even if she wouldn't vocalise them.

It's been shy of six months since we spoke about it, and I regretted moving so slowly with her revenge, but as they say, good things come to those who wait, and patience is a virtue. I needed to plan everything carefully before kidnapping them, since they were influential people and we didn't want anyone actually finding them, or even worse, us.

Anyways, the only thing that matters was that now we're there, with these bastards tied against some chairs, their hands cuffed, and their eyes and mouths covered.

I was reluctant to bring Iris here at first, would it just trigger her bad memories? Would it actually do her any good?

But still, it was not my call to make. I just did what she asked, and brought them here, and seeing the way her eyes sparkled when she poured boiling hot water on their genitals made me realise I made the right decision in suggesting she gets revenge.

She first started with hurting them. She cut them up, pushed them, punched them, then she took care of them and nursed them back to health, just so she could do it again. She kept that up for weeks, making sure to feed them and give them water once every few days; not too much, for she didn't want them to become spoiled, God forbid, but just enough to survive.

She would sometimes only watch them and listen to their conversations without them knowing she was there, her eyes blank, devoid of any sympathy.

After a few weeks, her approach became more extreme. She started doing all sorts of CIA level torture tactics on them. She would watch them obsessively and even asked Seungmin to make a device for her that would pour water droplets on their foreheads every few seconds, just so that they can never fall asleep; she would take their blindfolds off after turning on a bright lamp, which was a shock to their eyes that have been deprived of light for weeks.

I started worrying she could be more of a psychopath than I was, which would definitely be another first, but Iris never failed to surprise me. It was clear she grew up watching true crime.

"Who are you?" One of the men cried.

"Hmm," Iris started. It was the first time she was speaking to them ever since we took them. The idiots realised all three of them are together but couldn't connect the dots to figure out why they were there in the first place, not when Iris let them speak for only short periods of time.

Just how many vile things did they do in this formation, for them to not realise it was Iris?

"Just tell us what you want! If it's money... just tell us how much!" Another man shouted. The fact that she took the covers off their mouths at the same time meant she actually wanted to listen to what they were saying and talk to them.

"Did you press on record?" She chuckled.

"Record? What do you mean? Record what?! You fucking bitch, just so you know, after I get out of here-"

"She looks like such a slut like this." She interrupted the guy and sent a powerful slap his way, making his head turn. The sound of the impact resonated in the whole room, making the other two guys squirm in their chairs.

"I'd enjoy it more if she stopped crying." She continued, slapping another guy – probably the one who said it so many years ago.

"Look, I don't know what you-"

"Should we write something on her and take a picture?" She slapped the last dude just as hard. "Do you want to know who I am?" She chuckled again. "Fine."

Iris made her way behind the guys and undid their blindfolds, and I just watched the show with my arms crossed in one of the corners of the room.

"Ahh, three pairs of beautiful eyes!" She laughed and put her hands on her hips.

"It's you..." one of the men spat at Iris, but she just laughed harder.

"Missed me?"

"She's fucking crazy..."

"How dare you do this to us?! Don't you know who we are?! Once we get out-"

She went behind them and put a cloth in his mouth, tying it at the back of his head. Then, she did the same to the other two, just to make sure they're quiet.

"Minho." Iris turned to me, her mouth in a slight pout. She was so damn cute. "They think they're gonna get out of here."

I laughed. She was simply the devil reincarnated, and I remembered when my eyes first locked with hers all those months ago. Fuck, she's even more beautiful now than she was then.

"Poor them." I replied, watching her sway her hips in my direction, completely enchanted.

"But you won't." She turned to them just as she reached me in the corner of the room, and they looked at her, their eyes hopeless. I knew that expression all too well. "You won't get out of here, because I can't forgive you, and I'm bored of you. Since you all loved watching me so much, to the point of filming me, I'm gonna give you one less show. You can thank me in hell. Now, stop squirming around and watch."

Iris grabbed my collar and pulled me in for a kiss, her tongue playfully licking my lips as her fingers worked on the buttons of my shirt.

"Is this why you asked for a bed in here last week?" I chuckled.

"Mhm. You're quick." She continued kissing me, and I broke the kiss and moved down to her jaw.

"I thought you wanted to let these guys have a good night's sleep for once."

"As if." She chuckled.

"You're insane. Remind me to never get on your bad side." I whispered in her neck just as I started kissing and biting it.

"I'm insane? Minho, baby, you haven't touched me ever since that night six months ago. I craved for you every single day, but I was too scared... Hand holding, kissing and dates aren't enough for me. I want all of you. I'm greedy." She moaned as I bit her neck.

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but trust me, there's nothing more I want to do than fuck you, Iris." I took off her blouse and she folded in my arms. Fuck, her skin was so soft, her hair smelled so good, and she was just as sick in the head as I was.

"I love you so much." She confessed.

"Fuck, love, me too, I am obsessed with you. How did I find someone so perfect for me?" It was true. I was utterly consumed by Iris, and I wanted her so badly, it burned.

She grabbed the gun from my leg holster and put it in my hand, her fingers then working on opening my zipper.

"Hold onto that, baby, I'm gonna need you to use it later."

She took off my pants and took my dick in her mouth, licking from top to bottom skilfully, her tongue swirling around my tip. I was already rock hard, and couldn't help but roll my head back when she deepthroated me. She was way too hot like that, on her knees in front of me, wearing just her bra and a skirt that should've come off ages ago.

Blowjobs became a common occurrence after my last mission four months ago, but in this scenario, it was giving me the thrill, and I felt myself wanting to burst immediately. It was hard to control myself.

The three guys were helplessly watching the gun in my hand, their faces stained with tears and some dried blood from Iris' previous shows. They were watching me, their gaze all too familiar, beginning me with their eyes to stop this madness and save them.

They didn't seem to realise that it was futile, I was as fucked in the head as Iris, if not more, as I've been doing this for so many more years compared to her, and if they wouldn't have made any sounds, I would've probably completely forgotten they were there.

The only thing I cared about right now was the way her lips felt around my cock and the vibrations from her muffled moans when I bottomed down deep in her neck.

I've always been sort of a closeted exhibitionist, so this scene was simply exciting, unlocking a fantasy I didn't even know I had.

I grabbed Iris' chin and made her look at me as I pulled out my cock from her mouth, then I helped her stand up and get on the bed, and the fire in her eyes let me know these guys held no power over her anymore.

I took off her pants and returned the favour, eating her out as her moans filled the room. I finally got to taste her, and oh, fuck, how sweet she was.

Unexpectedly, she raised her hand in the air and pointed to the dude in the middle.

"That one." She whispered, rolling her head back, and I understood what she meant immediately. I continued kissing her thighs while I looked back to aim properly, and without missing a beat, I painted the room red.

Entering two fingers inside, I curved them upward and focused on Iris' moans, which was not an easy task with the other two pigs squealing for their life as they watched their friend's life slip away from him due to the bullet hole in his forehead.

Iris grabbed a fistful of my hair and kept my head in place. I was sure she was close, so I continued licking her clit as my fingers worked tirelessly in her, and she let go.

"You're so pretty cumming on my fingers like this, doll." I praised her, watching the hearts in her eyes as she looked at me.

"Doll again?" She chuckled. "Fuck, that was so good. Please fuck me. I need you so badly."

I complied, putting my body on top of hers and entering her quickly. I've been patient enough.

She put her hands around my neck and pulled me closer, kissing my mouth and tasting herself on my tongue. We kissed for a while, when she pulled back and pointed to another dude, the one closest to us.

"You're taking advantage of me." I chuckled.

"Of course. Aren't you mine to take advantage of?"

I changed our positions and put her on top, thrusting into her while pointing the gun at the poor guy and shooting. The last guy that was left was now crying harder than ever, realising he has no way out of his fate. If Iris played with them until now, giving them false hope that they might get out of this, it was now certain for him that there was no hope left. He was a dead man.

This must've been the guy that hurt her the most, considering she kept him alive the longest and let him live his last moments in distress, knowing what's sure to come.

Iris fucked herself with my dick and bounced up and down as she pleased, coming for a second time. I loved seeing her use me like this, I loved her body, the expressions she made, and her beautiful, fucked up mind. I loved everything about her.

I loved her.

"I'm so close, doll." I told her, beginning to thrust myself into her again and keeping her body pressed against mine.

"Fuck, Minho, fill me up baby."

Music to my ears. She must've not been aware of the effect she had on me. How could I not listen to her every command, when they sounded so appealing?

In just a few thrusts more, I released myself inside of her, feeling the way her walls squeezed me tighter and listening to her breathe in my ear.

"I love you." I kissed her for a long time, just enjoying her presence. "Do you want to kill the last one?"

"I'd like to, but I don't know how to work a gun, and I don't feel like hurting my hands anymore. My palms still hurt from slapping them earlier." She said, so I took her palms in mine and kissed them ten times, making her chuckle.

"I'll teach you. Come." I stood up and helped her up as well, and we got dressed. I then put the gun in her hand. "You have to hold it tightly with your right hand, and secure it with your left-"

"You didn't secure it though, did you? You held it with only one hand."

"That's because I'm a pro, love. You'll learn." I kissed the side of her head.

"Will you teach me this as well?" She looked at me hopeful, and I nodded. She was already so good at close body combat, why not teach her this as well?

"Of course. I will do anything you want, my love. But until then, safety first, hm?"

"Okay." She nodded happily. "Now what?"

"Your legs, move them like this." I showed her the way you properly assume the Weaver stance, as it was the most stable one, also providing a slightly better accuracy, even if you needed to have some aim to use it properly. Oh, well, it's not like it mattered if she missed his head once or twice.

"Like this?" She turned to me, her eyes glowing.

Fucking hell, I am obsessed with this girl.

If this is what Chris felt for Emilia, no wonder he's so devastated even two years later.

But if it ever came to it, would I kill Iris if she betrayed me? Would I just cast her away? Would I still love her?

Fucking hell. My feelings are too much.

"Yes, doll, exactly like that. Where do you wanna hit him first?"

She smirked and pointed the gun down, towards that man's groin. I chuckled.

"Wasn't the hot water enough?"

The poor man started shaking his head vigorously, as if begging Iris to reconsider, but she was dead set on taking this dude's manhood before taking his life.

"What, dude? You made her the sociopath she is today!" I went over him and kicked his leg, as he hopelessly watched me, still pathetically pleading with his eyes. "The audacity some men have!" I spat, then went once more behind Iris and hugged her from the back, my hands guiding the gun in the right position.

"What, do you think I'm a sociopath?" Iris asked, as If offended.

"No, love, I don't think so. I'm sure of it."

"Mean." She scoffed, then chuckled slightly. "Now what?"

"Now, pull the trigger." I whispered in her ear, and she did with no hesitation, the bullet hitting the guy straight in the manhood.

"Okay, that was quite fun!" She spoke triumphantly as the dude cried out in pain. His companions sure had it easier.

"Yea? Do you like shooting guns?" I kissed her neck.

"I'm not sure. I like shooting this trash."

"Should we kill him now? I'm quite hungry. Let's go on a date and celebrate. Eat something good, drink some champagne..."

"Sure." She moved away from my grasp and turned around, giving me the gun. Her hand was slightly shaking. I gladly took it from her, not wanting her to rush into doing something she was not ready for or that she could regret. For me, it was another story. I could've killed 1000 of these dudes with no remorse, especially for her.

I would've done any crime for her, and she seemed so aware of it, it was dangerous.

I hugged her again and grabbed the back of her head with my hand, guiding her to my shoulder. She snuggled against me, and I didn't let her watch as I pulled the trigger and killed the last guy.

~

After seeing her shenanigans, it became crystal clear to Chris and to everyone else in Stray Kids that Iris would be the best person to gather intel on others through physical or psychological torture. Her knowledge on psychology was extremely valuable, and on one hand, I was glad the team finally started acknowledging her more, but on the other, I worried.

I.

I.

I worried about her well-being. How fucked up was that?

I was so afraid of her being uncomfortable and feeling guilty for torturing people, especially since it was different from the three guys. She had a personal vendetta against them, but other people she didn't care for or know were a different story.

I voiced my concerns to Chris, and the only thing he did was laugh in my face.

"Wow, you really care about her." He said, his eyes cold. "But you know better than anyone that no one stays here unless they are valuable in some way."

"Do you really want me to leave?" I asked him, my eyes even colder.

"Leave?" He raised a brow. "You? Would you ever leave this life – everything you've ever known – for a mere woman?"

"Be serious. You know she's not a mere woman to me. I love her."

"It hasn't been that long, how can you love her?"

"Don't be a dick. You and Emilia started dating after way less time." I was never one to bite my tongue.

"Don't you dare-"

"All I'm saying is, don't be a hypocrite. If she were alive, wouldn't you have left this life behind if she asked you to?"

"But she's not." He replied bluntly.

"But you would. So, either you finally accept Iris as my partner and let her stay here without her needing to do anything about it, or I'm fucking gone, man." I turned around to leave, but his next words stopped me dead in the tracks.

"What if she's the one who came to me and asked to let her take on this role?" He chuckled slightly.

"... what?"

"I already accepted her as part of our team, man. She wants to be useful to us, to you, but I appreciate your love outburst. I'm glad you found someone."

This fucker.

I left without saying another word.

~

I knew Iris wanted to join me on missions, but how could I possibly be okay with that, when I cared so much about her? Last month I accidentally hit her too hard when teaching her a move and she fell, taking a vase down with her, which broke and cut her left wrist. She bled for a long while, and I almost cried, for fuck's sake.

Needless to say, she had to get stitches, and we never trained inside the house again.

I made my way to the gardens and saw Hyunjin reading something on a bench.

"Hey man, what's up?" I asked, watching him flip the pages quickly.

"Not much, waiting for your girlfriend to finish up."

"Finish up what?"

"She's in the greenhouse."

I nodded and left in a rush, wanting to see her and ask her about her conversation with Chris. She was indeed in the greenhouse, painting a field of flowers – black irises.

"Hello, doll." I said, kissing her right temple.

"Minho. I'm almost done here. Wanna go on a date?" She smiled.

"Of course. Should we go see a movie?"

"Sounds good."

"Iris, can I talk to you about something, though?"

She put the brush down and looked at me.

"Did you talk to Chris?"

"You figure me out too easily." I chuckled. "Why do you want to put yourself in danger so much?"

"I just want to... be part of your universe, you know?" She smiled.

"But coming with me anywhere is way too much." I frowned. "It's dangerous, and-"

"Chris said the same thing actually." She chuckled.

He did?

"So we reached a compromise. I'm just going to do what I'm good at – I'm gonna work with Han and find out everything we can about our targets, and I can come with you if you're going on gun trades."

"Gun trades? Hmm... I see."

True, those were not as dangerous, especially ever since we started selling them throughout Europe. Whenever we had to seal a big deal, it felt just like travelling for a business meeting.

"What do you think?" She asked, and I initially thought she was talking about the compromise she made with Chris, but after watching what her gaze pointed to, I realised she meant the painting.

"It looks beautiful, Iris. But why black?"

"I figured black suits me the most. Doesn't it?"

"Isn't black associated with depression and pessimism?" I frowned, and she started laughing.

"It is, but it's also associated with power, strength, and authority. That's what I want to be..."

"Then yes, it fits you well." I kissed her cheek, and we both stood up.

"Also – don't you always wear black? What is this double standard?!"

"Yea, but it's different when I do it." I protested. "Although I can't lie – you're hot as fuck in black."

"Hmmmmmmmm." She frowned and then chuckled slightly. "So, to the movies?" She grabbed my hand and looked at me, and watching her beautiful eyes, I just knew that the word 'love' was too simple to describe how much I cared for this girl.

"Yes. Let's go." I nodded lazily, focusing on the way her hand felt in mine. My thumb brushed over her knuckles and my grip was tight, for I never wanted to let go.

"Damn, I crave some nachos and popcorn... and even that washed out drink..." She mumbled, and so we went to our date night.

---

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

WHAT DID U GUYS THINK ABT THE LATEST MV IM GOING INSANE

tw for suicide, mention of alcohol

Admin Saturn: I now have a crush on kazui! The other admins have been trying to convince me that because his whole arc is showing why he's not a good husband to his wife but like bro... open marriage and a guy that buys me flowers and holds my hand and takes me on drives? Sounds pretty swaggy to me! Also he ate a bird! Thats kinda wack!

Overall based on the info we have and everything he's said in his VD (assuming its to be trusted cause he does have that whole lying thing going on), I would personally go with inno. Like unless his sin was suicide baiting her, I don't entirely see how this could turn into a guilty situation. Definitely not on the same level as a lot of the other prisoners. (looking at how guilty mahiru should be but isn't getting)

Admin Venus: I'll summarize what I talked about in my theory, but honestly, I feel like Kazui didn't do all that much wrong. He seems like he just kinda let life go the way other people wanted it to go for him, and somewhere along the way he realized he really didn't enjoy it. At some point he got "greedy" and took steps to try to change that, but his wife probably committed suicide or possibly got into some kind of accident or something. Either way, that's what resulted in her death.

Between that and him being useful on defense from a meta standpoint, I'm not sure why I would vote him guilty. I wish we knew more though, I feel like both half and Cat were pretty sparse on details relating to the actual death of his wife. Like, I understand your situation, Kazui, tell me what actually happened!

Side note though, it's really interesting to me in the audio drama that he says he wants Es to find out his sin. In the first trial, I'd thought his MV was giving nothing because he was purposefully burying details to hide them from us. After hearing that line in the audio drama and seeing this MV, I feel more like Kazui's repressing his feelings on whatever his sin is so hard that even the MVs can't quite get at them.

(Also, the fact that we still haven't seen anyone who he's romantically involved with (other than his wife) adds to the theory that he's gay for me. A lot of other people (Shidou's wife, Mahiru's lover, etc.) have gotten relevant characters' faces revealed this time, and while we did get that for Kazui's wife, I feel like who he was with would've been revealed to us unless there was a specific reason to hide it (ex. he was with a man).)

Admin Mercury here. Uhhh I really got nothing on my mind but shitposts tbh. When listening to his VD, I really got the impression he was still lying or at least being overly dramatic like the theater kid he is. Especially in this part:

(translation thanks to @/onigiriico) The way he delivers these lines seems so fake to me, but I realize this might just be personal bias talking. Idk yall, lemme know what you think ab his delivery in the comments below (PFFFT sorry)

Admin Neptune: I'm definitely team innocent. Although it seems like Kazui hurt his wife by not wanting to be married anymore, he tried to be a better person and stop lying to her. Unfortunately, according to him, this resulted in her death. It doesn't really seem like he did much wrong, especially compared with many of the other prisoners, and he helps keep the prisoners safe.

The part where his wife's image transforms into what is seemingly a man with an apple for a head (along with other parts such as the "I can't stop, I can't be normal") leads me to believe that he's gay. Assuming that the apple is supposed to represent something he feels is forbidden, this part could represent his desire to date/marry a man instead. I find it interesting that he sees this image through an alcoholic drink, and I feel like it represents something but I'm not completely clear on what.

Since Kazui says "I can't live unless I lie" as mentioned above in the VD, I wouldn't be surprised if he was still lying, but I do believe that he never actually cheated on his wife. I do wonder if he would consider "emotional cheating" infidelity, and it seems like the temptation might have been there when he says "it didn't even turn into infidelity."

[theoriginalivyannazimuth]

Print poster - Framed Print

About the piece:

So this year a lifetime of medical gaslighting and misogyny crashed down on me all at once. There was once a time where I was worried that if I went to the doctor the worst thing that would happen is that they would call me fat. Now when I go to the doctor I worry if they are going to not tell me or not look at a life threatening or lifelong illness.

This year I was diagnosed with autism, something that I was tested for in 04/05 but back then they still very much had the mindset that female presenting children/ girls did not get autism. Never mind the fact that the diagnosis they gave my parents would have been the textbook definition of (outdated term for level 1 autism but at the time would have been called) asperges syndrome if it was a boy, no I was simply socially inept, intellectually and developmentally delayed, with no need to do anything beyond a IEP that was followed for like 3 years at most. It took a total burn out resulting in the deepest suicidal ideation I have ever dealt with in my life to get diagnosed, the entire time being told by everyone along the way "Well everyone is a little bit autistic" and my favorite "You're not autistic and it is insulting to actual autistic people to claim you are".

I was 9 when they decided I wasn't worth a diagnosis. I was 28 when they decided I had groveled enough to be given a piece of paper saying I wasn't just a stupid useless girl who should be ignored.

I also got diagnosed with PCOS and it only took me nearly dying to have it addressed because if there's anything in the world doctors hate doing, it's listening to women's mensural issues. I went to numerous doctors as a kid and into my teens and early 20s about periods not coming for months then lasting for months. It got to the point where I had my period every day for 4 years, was experiencing debilitating pain that left me in the fetal position, and bleeding so much for so long that when I started fainting and FINALLY got a doctor to to bloodwork I got a call the next day telling me to come immediately. I was fainting because my hemoglobin was in the low 70s. They wanted me to do a transfusion but I was able to convince them to give me pills and to monitor it closely but they were amazed nobody looked into my iron issues (something I had also brought up a lot over the years) and YET. EVEN AFTER ALL THAT ALL THEY DID WAS ADDRESS THE IRON ISSUES AND IGNORE THE CAUSE. I had to go to the walkin over and over and over again to have them look at it and beg and grovel for a hysterectomy to at least stop the bleeding if they wouldn't look at the cause of the pain only to have to fight for over a year because they kept scheduling me for a hysterectomy only for me to show up and have them tell me it was a referral for a IUD. (A specific IUD which has a 30% chance of causing ovarian cysts in people who do not experience it where at this point I was pretty sure cysts were the cause of the pain).

Finally I got the surgery and lo and behold I have PCOS. Everything I said was right. I had cysts on my ovaries, in my fallopian tubes, and a uterus over twice the size of a normal uterus.

To add insult to injury at my 6 week post op check up, I was told they found a lot of precancerous cells that would have developed into cancer in 3-5 years.

Now I am playing a fun little game trying to get the doctors to address the fact that I am clearly insulin resistant as a part of the PCOS and that I have a lump in my breast, but the male doctor assured me it was just me not exercising ( I do) and eating wrong (I until recently could only afford to eat once a day) and that he would consider talking about the lump after the bloodwork.

I did the blood work the same day and didn't hear back from them. I called a month later so that I could check my own results myself and the secretary told me how odd it was because "It shows he got the results 3 days after you got the test done, but hasn't even opened them yet".

This was a month ago.

The results show liver damage and my blood being on the high end of normal after 14 hours of fasting.

I am now trying to figure out who to contact about a mammogram because this clinic doesn't care, trying to find a family doctor still after 6 years of trying (one of the nurses said at my surgery that family doctors don't like taking people who aren't basically completely healthy because they're "hard") and researching what kind of specific test needs to be done to tell the doctors what to refer me to while convincing them I am not just a little fat piggy and am in fact a person with apparently severe medical needs, all while trying to remain calm and polite and not neurotic so I am not kicked out of this clinic which is the only one who has up till this point even remotely listened to me.

This piece is because I am angry and I think I am dying and the men in charge of the medical industry don't care. I am ignored completely, and the main health issue I have is one that is not well researched with no known cause or cure because it effects women. Mind you it effects a LOT of women (about 10%) but apparently not enough to care about.

This whole situation has made my gender dysphoria rage which until now hasn't been a all consuming thing. I am nonbinary, I am comfortable with femininity and masculinity and have within me both, but this entire year has been very focused on my ability to breed which has seemed to really be the only thing the doctors actually care about, to the point where if I had let them, they would have put a IUD in me that would make the pain worse, let the cancer grow, and all to maintain some sort of mass societal breeding fetish because ogga booga p*ssy cum cum yay me big man me make baby take away booby person life and happiness.

The rage I feel on a daily basis is blinding.

There is no justice, only corpses of ignored female presenting people and women and the grinning beasts in white lab coats who killed them.

All over a reproductive organ that weighs less than a apple.

[stressisakiller]

Until it Sleeps

Tony Stark x OFC Soulmate AU

(Metallica Really? Part 8)

Summary: The aftermath of the Battle of New York

Warnings: Mentions of violence, cursing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Sorry that it took literally a year for me to get this out. Writer’s block and having kids is no joke. 

Masterlist

Previous / Next

Tony ended up being in the hospital at the tower for one more day before he demanded to be let out. Stating that it wasn’t like he died or anything. You took a deep breath trying to calm down the tempest that was your emotions before deciding, screw it and letting him have it. 

“Actually,” you state your teeth and fists clenched trying to reign in your frustration, “you did die Tony. Your heart legitimately stopped, we still aren’t sure how long it was stopped but we know, for a fact, that your heart stopped. You were dead Tony, I saw you die, and yet here you are in all your arrogance stating that it wasn’t that bad. Well, dying may have been fine for you Anthony Stark but I don’t know what I would have done if the Hulk hadn’t acted like a giant green monster defibrillator and restarted your heart. You may not care about your health or life but I do dammit.” You take a deep breath turning away from Tony hoping that he didn’t notice the tears in your eyes before excusing yourself to go get a coffee without looking back at him.

You head to the cafe across the street for a coffee and some time alone to calm your racing heart. You also use this time to allow some of the tears that you had been holding back to fall, you have always hated being an angry crying but you can't blame just your anger for these tears. The past couple of days had been some of the hardest most emotionally turbulent since Tony got kidnapped, but at least that time you didn't see him get hurt or die right in front of you. You take another deep breath and allow yourself the time to think about everything that has happened and process all the emotions roiling around. Tony will survive without you in the room long enough for you to calm down and drink your coffee. As you sit in the cafe staring out the window you remember the burning you felt in your mark as his heart stopped. Fuck, you will never be able to forget that feeling and the accompanying sense of dread and despair at the thought of losing your soulmate, of losing Tony. You then begin to wonder when will be the right time to tell him about it, maybe you should just bite the bullet and do it. But if you do that then there is no guarantee that he will believe you and you might just lose him anyway. Wouldn't that be just your luck... no you decide that fate has a plan for it. So, you should wait until his mark shows up since there is no other way that he would believe you. 

Deciding to head back to the med level of the tower you also choose to grab Tony a coffee, it would be your way to apologize for yelling at him... even though it was justified. You walk into the room and notice that Tony is still laying in the hospital bed instead of running around like you expected him to be. 

“I thought you wanted to get out of bed as quickly as possible,” you state wondering what could have changed his mind. 

“I do,” He answers, with a small shrug not taking his eyes off of you, “but you and the doctor brought up some great points and I have agreed to be released in the morning on the condition that I stay in the Tower for at least a week before going back to California. For observational purposes. But luckily that will also give me time to fix up my suit and start talking to construction companies about fixing up the Tower.” You can see his new suit ideas swirling around in his eyes as well as the pad of paper that he has next to him that is full of building notes and to-dos. You allow yourself to crack a small smile at his antics and roll your eyes. Of course, he would decide to use the time he is being told not to work, to work, not that you were surprised.

“If you are going to spend the time looking for people to help rebuild the tower then maybe you can look at finding ways to help rebuild the rest of New York while you are at it?” You ask while handing him his coffee sitting back down in that stupid uncomfortable chair. You hear him 'hmm' to himself before listing all the pros and cons of your idea under his breath and asking JARVIS to remind him the next day to do just that. Grabbing your tablet you start getting some work done, you send a list of the approved contractors that initially built the tower to Tony, set a reminder to look into clean-up companies for everything left behind after the battle, and last but not least schedule a maid to clean Tony’s California house at the end of the week so that it will be ready from his return.

 When Tony leaves at the end of the week to go back to California, you decide to stay in New York for a little longer to make sure that the cleanup team created by Stark Industries is working smoothly. You also want to be available to make sure that there are no snags from the government being the government. Your planned upon two-week deadline flies past and there is still so much work to get done that it ends up being a full month before you are able to make it back to California and Tony.

After landing back in California you decide to stop by Tony’s house first before making your way back to your and Sarah’s apartment. Stepping into his mansion which is still too big but not nearly as clean as usual you realize that Tony might not be as fine as he told you. After searching throughout the house for him you shake your head at your own stupidity and make your way down to his lab, because honestly where else would he be? You find him slumped over a piece of a suit that you had never seen before, fast asleep.

“Oh Tony,” you whisper to yourself before quietly making your way over to him. You crouch down and gently touch his arm and he startles awake flinging his arms out as if to ward off an attack. You take a step back to keep from getting accidentally hit. “Tony!" You call out, trying to get his attention. "Hey, Tony, sweetheart it’s just me Liza” You watch as he seems to shake himself out of his half-asleep state and try to focus on you.

“Liza?" he croaks out trying to get his eyes to focus. "You’re back?” Your heart breaks a little at the uncertainty in his voice. 

“Of course, I’m back," you say crouching back down next to him. "I'm sorry it took a little longer than planned but I was always going to come back to California.” You try to keep your concern for his current state out of your voice as you talk to him, slowly reaching for his arm. “Ok Tony, let's get you in bed to sleep.” You gently pull on his arm to get him to start standing up with you but he pulls back out of your grip and looks at you wildly. 

“No!" His voice is loud in your ears as he starts to ramble. "I can’t sleep I have to keep everyone safe, I have to make sure that everyone is safe..” He keeps murmuring about keeping people safe as he turns back to what he was working on before he fell asleep. You place your hands softly on his cheeks and slowly get him to turn his face to look back at you. 

“Tony," you state leaving no place for argument, "it is not your job to keep everyone safe, you can’t possibly keep everyone safe.” He cuts you off with his pleading reply.

“But I have to keep you safe, you have to be safe,” His eyes have taken back on the wild look as if he is desperate for you to understand. “You have to be safe. You and Sarah and Rhodey. It’s my job to keep you safe.” 

You start to gently rub your thumbs over his cheekbones trying to calm him down while keeping eye contact with him. As his rambling begins to taper off you are able to speak to him again. “Sweetheart, we are safe, I’m here with you, I’m safe.” You place his fingers over your pulse point, “Focus on what you feel, feel my pulse?” you wait until he nods before continuing. “Focus on my pulse, see I’m ok, I’m healthy and here, and you don’t have to worry about me right now.” You watch as the tension begins to leave his stance as he is able to pull himself back from his panic. Once you can tell he’s back and doing ok you are able to convince him to get some sleep, since, going by the size of the bags under his eyes, he hasn’t been sleeping much. You walk with him to his room and help get him into bed, before he is willing to let himself rest he makes you promise that you won’t leave while he’s asleep. You promise and once his breathing even out you begin looking at options for a therapist, knowing that you would never force him to go but you would still suggest it, maybe you could talk to them too. 

About an hour into his nap, Tony starts to whimper and move around, you reach over and grasp his hand giving it a squeeze so that he knows you are still there and he clams back down. About thirty minutes later he starts to thrash around and just holding his hand isn’t helping anymore. So you do the only thing that you can think of, You crawl into the bed next to him and pull him against you. Tony’s arms immediately wrap around you and pull you as close to him as he can before he takes a couple of deep breaths and relaxes back into sleep. You debate if there is any way for you to get back out of the bed without waking Tony back up but quickly conclude that it isn’t an option. Instead, you let yourself relax against him and lay your arm over him, it isn’t long before sleep takes you too.

Waking up in the morning you are a little confused since you are warmer than normal and there is a weight over your back and your pillow is moving. Then your pillow starts talking… "Well," you hear Tony's voice rumble through his chest, "this isn't how I expected to wake up but I'm definitely not complaining." You can mentally see the smirk on his face as he spoke and your eyes widen. You quickly push yourself off of your boss and out of the bed.

"Oh Shit, I'm sorry you were having a nightmare and it was the only thing I could think of to help.” You start to panic and can't get yourself to stop talking and apologizing until Tony cuts off your detrimental tirade and smiles at you. 

“Liza, thank you.” He says, stopping you in the middle of your sentence, shocked.

“Thank you?” you repeat, “Wha, wh, Thank you?” Tony smiles even more at your confusion.

“Yes Liza, thank you. That was the best sleep I’ve had in a month, it's daylight outside so that means I actually slept all night. So yes Liza, thank you.”

You blink at him a couple of times before slowly nodding and saying you're welcome. You start to move around the room looking for the shoes that you took off before getting into bed and continue to speak. “Well, I should probably be getting to my apartment, Sarah is probably worried since I told her I should have been there yesterday.” 

“Oh Liza,” Tony interrupts snapping his fingers like he just remembered something. “You and Sarah don’t have the apartment anymore, I had a house built, one for each of you but if you want to continue living with Sarah at her new house you won’t hurt my feelings.”

You stare at him for a moment completely at a loss. “You, you had a house built for me?” Your confusion is evident in your voice and the look on your face. “Why?” you ask honestly puzzled.

“Why?” Tony parrots, “Because, you are one of the most important people in my life and I don’t want you to ever have to worry about paying rent or making ends meet. I want you to be happy and taken care of.” He states, honesty painted on his face and in his voice.

You continue to stare at him for a little while longer trying to figure out what is going through his head. A smile slowly takes over your face as you stare at the man in front of you. You had always known that there was a softer side to Tony but sometimes he hides it so well. Then of course he had to ruin it. 

“I also can’t let people think I don’t take care of my employees especially not those that as close to me. Think of the press I would get for that!” You just snort at his antics before bidding him goodbye and telling him that you would check on him again either later that day or the next. Before you can get out of the room he calls out “Thank you, Liza. Oh, and can you have some Shwarma sent over?” 

@graniairish, @freeshavocadoooo  

[sing-you-fools]

I think we fucked up when we stopped letting authors be weird little freaks in living cabins and never talking to anyone.

I want to write my book. I want to tell this story. Ideally, I'd like to tell a lot more after this one, too. I want people to read them and like them.

But I don't want to be a celebrity. I don't want to be a public figure at all. I want people to love my books, but I don't want to have Fans.

I'm good with words, I think - I wouldn't write if I didn't, right? But I need time to think about how to say what I mean. The idea of ever having to do a live interview is kind of terrifying. The idea of sitting on a panel of authors at a convention or something and an audience question attacks me using the worst-faith interpretation I've ever heard of something I said scares the crap out of me - I'm awful at keeping my cool in the moment, and I don't want to ruin my life because I snapped at someone who was being an asshole.

Everything is political. But I understand the famous people who insist they aren't. I have beliefs, of course, but I really suck at talking about them. My writing is definitely political, but I'm no Ursula Le Guin, and put on the spot, my answer to an excellent thought-provoking question would be more like "capitalism bad." Given more time, maybe I could say, "here's some stuff you should read if you're interested," but I don't want to be shoved into the "political educator" role. It's not one I would be good at.

My processing is slow. When I'm listening to someone talk, or reading something they wrote, in the moment, I always feel like they're making a lot of sense and plenty of good points (well, not always; word salad is word salad). Sometimes I will realize a day later that, wait a minute, that guy didn't actually make sense! Or worse - that did make sense, but it didn't mean what I understood it to mean at the time, and I agreed with him. This is very much not something I want to do on a public scale.

Philosophically, I don't really want to explain my work. I don't want to tell people what I was thinking, why I made this choice, and so on. I want to let it stand for itself. I also don't want to accidentally spoil anything. But I also have an extremely hard time shutting up, and unlike Tom Holland, there's no way to keep me in the dark. Not when it's my own work.

Sometimes I think World's Greatest Author Chuck Tingle has the right idea. Cover my face, use a pen name, play a character, don't let anyone perceive me. But that wouldn't actually solve most of the reasons I don't want to be perceived. I'm not sure what options there are for me, though. Can I just be a recluse? Can a reclusive author succeed these days? Probably. But can I manage to both be a recluse professionally and continue being very online personally? Would I be able to keep it separate? Would I be able to see a shitty take about something I wrote and scroll past it?

I realize and take comfort in the fact that the likelihood of achieving that level of success is vanishingly small. I remind myself that Neil Gaiman is not the average published author. He is not even the average very successful published author. These are worst-case-scenario worries for a situation that will never happen. I'm still not done with Step 1 (Write a First Draft). I just wish I could work on Step 1 without my brain saying, hey, what if someday someone's mean to you because you wrote this?