#the fact that i got this done before i did his profile...unreal

[helluvasins]

...Sketch piece of what my Cletus looks like

[alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94]

Work You Out (M)

Authors: @alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94 and @nomunamuinmybrain​ 

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader 

Rating: M 

Disclaimer: Everything marked as M includes explicit content. Do not read if you are under 18 years of age.

Genre: Slice of Life/ Idol AU/ Smut 

Summary: Working for Hybe has been an experience. Being Jungkook's manager is another story. His sharp eyes, firm jawine and snarky attitude was a deadly combination to begin with. The guy easily found his way to your heart and you simply couldn't take it anymore.

Notes: Hello!! That's another installment of the imaginary scenarios myself and my best friend @nomunamuinmybrain​ come up with while driving by the coast line. This oneshot is going to be cross-posted on her profile too. Enjoy!!

Word Count: 2.4K

Thinking back to how I managed to land such an unimaginable employment opportunity must have been a miracle. Unquestionably, working for HYBE had so many benefits; I swore to never leave this place. Sure, I was a simple manager's assistant, but I was by the side of one of the managers that handled the most important talent in the stretch of South Korea, the entire globe to be honest, BTS. I was assigned the position of assistant to the manager of one of the guys, none other than Jeon Jungkook. I really couldn’t believe my luck. Not only was I a part of one of the most skyrocketing influential enterprises in the country, but I also had the chance to meet some of the most inspiring people in the whole world! Who would have thought?!

Did I have a crush on the guy by the end of my first month working here? Yes, but who wouldn't? He is the sweetest, always polite and courteous. I've met my share of self-boasting asshats; this industry is flooded with such. This guy is worth billions and he has remained ridiculously humble. Word got around about him being a wonderful young man and I could positively say he is so much more up close. Jungkook is ridiculously handsome that’s a given already, but his personality was the real deal-maker. He reminds me of a dark stormy thundery night where I cover myself with my favourite warm fluffy blanket starring out of the window a rich flavored hot chocolate in hand.

In general, I quite enjoy working at the company’s principled environment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing in this world is rainbows and butterflies, but overall, I can confidently say that it’s been a mainly positive experience. Thankfully, the department I am in is assembled by kind, funny people who like to get things done. There hasn’t been a day were I regretted coming here. As for my daily duties as an assistant, working for Jungkook meant keeping up with his appointments, helping him with anything at anytime, managing his schedule, making sure it matches with the other guys' and so much more. I was required to work around the clock and as a single independent woman in her late twenties who was trying to figure out the world around her that didn’t sound like such a bad idea, though I digress. Essentially, I was one of the employees responsible for pretty much anything and everything he needed. Our department was at his disposal 24/7 running around, living that busy life.

That's until the pandemic struck. That was the first time I thought to myself that this might be nature’s valiant plan to get back what man so forcefully took from her. Suddenly, everything was canceled; life got put on a hold. My dearest supervisor, Jungkook's manager, had to stay at home because he had kids. In fact, a lot of people had to stay at home. Abruptly, days became weeks and weeks became months. The desperation and frustration we were feeling was like nothing else ever experienced. Truthfully, it felt like something had been stolen from us and we could never get it back. In this manner, when the gears finally started grinding again I was assigned to be the on-site manager for Jungkook. That meant being in direct contact with him more so than before and of course, being responsible for a ton of other obligations.

Not going to lie, the first months were slightly awkward for both of us and understandably so. We both were used to very different working arrangements. I might have been working behind the scenes before, but now I had to step into the spotlight becoming his own personal shadow, and I am sure he wasn’t really comfortable with that. Taken into account the current situation everyone looked like a volcano ready to erupt.

Once, I happened to accidentally step in a not so common incident; maybe it was a circumstance I wasn’t supposed to witness. He was on the phone at the time, when I saw him. That’s why I decided it was best if I stayed behind the half closed door of the studio. I couldn’t hear what he was saying and it was none of my business after all, but I could tell by the minute I laid my eyes on him that something was wrong. Something had been bothering him; irritation written all over his face. He was pacing back and forth, phone still on his ear. He was clenching his fist so hard I wondered if his nails cut into his skin. He was breathing heavily, almost as if he would burst and his muscles grew tense.

Then, in an instant, it seemed that the call ended and as he was putting the phone in his pocket he slammed his fists down onto the table a loud bang echoing in the room. After some consideration, I knocked on the door to make my presence known and he sharply looked at me. Without having the chance to say anything to him he let out a loud growl and left the room leaving me dumbfounded and unaware by the door. Soon after that, he apologized for the way he acted confessing that he had an unfortunate falling out with one of his closest friends and at the time he couldn’t process what was happening. I would never forget that day. It was the day I came across a not so familiar side to him.

From that day forward, things miraculously became easier and Jungkook was way more relaxed around my presence, we joked around often and he even texted me to ask about a variety of things outside of regular working hours. We managed to develop a teasing relationship full of endless borderline flirtatious banter. He had this other side to him that only a selected few got the chance to know. Jeon Jungkook was indeed a comforting raging night, but he was also an infuriating playful mischievous brat when he wanted to be. This in all honesty, made him a hundred times more irresistible in my eyes.

Life was going on smoothly until Jungkook decided that taking after midnight trips to the gym was perfectly acceptable, insisting that I escort him instead of his bodyguard. I cursed every single time but I went anyway. Forty-five minutes after midnight he was lifting weights, unbothered. Taking secret short glances towards him I contemplated what I had done in my previous life to deserve this torment. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about the late hour, but to have this view in front of my eyes was causing me both mental and physical pain. The guy was clearly sculpted by the gods. With his broad chest, muscular arms and thick thighs he could have anyone he ever wanted. He even sported an hourglass figure; He is insanely unreal. That’s the main reason why I decided to sit there preoccupied with a silly game on my phone to kill time until the suffering ended. I was barely hanging from a string at the verge of blowing off the barrier between my personal and professional life.

Out of the blue, with a loud grunt, he dropped the weights, drawing me out of my contemplation. He looked annoyed for whatever reason. He tried his best to seem nonchalant but it was obvious, in his beautiful stern eyes. Could he be craving for an audience? Abandoning every rational thought I had, I put my phone away, looked in his direction as I got up to get water. I smirked at his clear annoyance. Surely, we weren't supposed to interact with the artists this way but I am cranky and sleepy, and for the first time ever, he was being kind of an ass to me. Was I perhaps the reason behind his sudden personality change? The thought kept floating at the back of my mind.

This kept going on for about three weeks or so and I gave him nothing. His annoyance prominent in his expression, more and more as the weeks went by. He was hot but I am sure all he had been seeking was an audience given that he missed it, or so I thought. Thursday evening rolls around and I was particularly iffy tonight ‘because I was extremely frustrated, sexually. This one was making my situation worse, sporting a tight black tank top and skinny grey sweatpants which made him look like a treat. He could easily pass for a bodyguard with those broad well-built shoulders. As my eyes scanned his body I realized this was the first time his tatted sleeve was on display. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander. By the time I was done his eyes were already fixed on mine and I turned away immediately, embarrassment written all over my face.

Seeking solace in the women’s bathroom I tried to extinguish this ravenous yearning. The feeling of cold water did nothing to help the burning desire that was building inside me. Without warning, a knock at the door was heard, his sweet angelic voice following "Are you okay?" he asked, the remnants of a smirk could be heard still. "Jungkook you cannot be here, I am okay. I'll be out in a minute." I exclaimed, as calm as I could. "It's been ten minutes. I can't continue unless you're there." He insisted, I heard him chuckle after that.

With that, it was now or never, I pushed the door’s handle and made my way outside rolling my eyes in the process and he caught that, quickly moving closer, clearly annoyed, jaw clenched, eyes taking in my features, making him look not quite intimidating but definitely interesting. No, it was my mistake. Not just interesting, he looked ravishing. "As I said, I'll be out in a minute. Then you can finish up" I argued. But he didn't budge, moving even closer, if that was even possible, he was almost a breath away. "I don't feel like working out anymore" he declared like a child whose toy was taken away from him. As if I chose to play heads or tails with my career, I poked the beast further, "What is it that you want to do then?" I asked making sure he heard the annoyance in my tone. Coming even closer, to the point where he was completely pressed up against me, "You" he uttered calmly yet authoritatively. Before I could process what he had just said his soft lips crushed mine with a vengeance, thirsty. Pulling my lip with his teeth, he kept planting kisses from my lips to my jaw trailing down to my neck and décolletage; a surprised panting left my lips.

It felt as if I had involuntarily awakened this beastly hunger within him. His kisses insatiable and his touch was possessive, "I've been thinking about this for so long" he confessed as he took my hoodie off. "Sitting there, not giving a word let alone a glimpse. If you think this is off-limits you're wrong" he growled pointing at himself. "I can guarantee that once we're done here you definitely won't be able to look at me, ever." As he said all that, he managed to get me in a compromising position against the sink, his slim waist in between my legs. He kept my gaze as he lowered his head between my thighs. Little shit kept giving me hickeys on the soft flesh of my inner thighs, so close to my now dripping core. He enjoyed tormenting me and it showed. I was helpless but oh, God was all of this hot. He licked a stripe over my soaked panties, "Oh baby, you smell delicious" and with one hand he took off my underwear completely.

He sank in my folds, letting a guttural moan that I felt vibrating through my core. Not being able to think about what was happening I let myself indulge in my carnal desire my hands tangled in between his luscious hair.

He loved food and I've watched him eat before, but this must be one of his favorites ‘cause he was doing his best not to let a drop go to waste; he acted like a man starved. His hands held me in place, thankfully, ‘cause everything was too much; nothing could stop me from shaking, feeling everything deep in my core, he was too much. He just had to be good at everything. He kept a torturous tempo, from sucking my clit to his sinful tongue penetrating me, and as tears gathered around my eyes he decided to add his slender fingers in bringing me closer to heaven than I've ever been. "That's it baby, let go. Let go for me" he exhaled and just like that I had the most intense climax. My limbs felt numb, my whole body felt like rubber.

Before I could register what was happening he was back at it, sucking my over stimulated clit, my thighs unconsciously closing around his head as oversensitivity hit. "One more, please, come on baby, you can do it" he begged. He kept pumping his fingers while sucking my clit, as if it was his only goal in life. My screams muffled through my own hand clamped on my mouth as I reached my high for a second time that night. I felt it take over me with such intensity I didn't register what had happened. He emerged from between my thighs, soaked from me squirting and with a proud look on his face he declared "Now I look like I had the workout of a lifetime".

He helped me get dressed and pulled me close for a soft peck. He must have noticed my concerned look because he wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug and said "Don't be scared about this, we can work it out. I really like you and I'd like you to stick around". Starring into his eyes, I nodded and he pulled me close for the sweetest kiss, trying to tame my bewildered hair. He helped me get dressed and got out the door first to make sure that no one was around. I waited for a moment and then I got a text.

[x-useobwa-x]

༄ Swipe, baby! | Part 10 - TihGib Entertainment

Idol!Taehyung x Reader sm/au

< Previous | Next >

➺ Word count: 1,5k

Genre: Crack humor, Romance/Fluff

╰ You both swiped right on each others tinder profile with no pictures of yourselves.

You keep the details on the low; no names, no nothing, only your ages. To keep the interest until the meeting, you started talking casually, but little did you know that the guy that's trying to get into your pants is no one else than Kim Taehyung, Singer of BTS, and little does he know, that you are completely whipped for the man, an army by heart since day 1.

Start reading!

⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣

Fuck.

Everyone would probably wonder how you ended up in this situation, well- you certainly do. Here you are, sitting in a very fancy restaurant, having dinner with a stranger from Tinder. Except for the fact that the stranger was Kim Taehyung. And that he is now drenched in a combination of water and your saliva. You certainly know how to make a first impression.

„I... I should probably..“ Taehyung says, as he gestures circles around his face with one hand and points to towards the bathroom with the other.

„Yes... you- you probably should..“ you say with a nervous laughter as you watch him get up and walk away. Jesus christ. You really did not mean to spit a mouth full of water right into his face when he sat down and you first saw him.

You're nervously sipping on your drink as you watch Taehyung making his way back to your table.

„Should I wait until you're done drinking before I sit down this time?“ he says jokingly.

„No... no it's fine. I'm sorry, just- just sit down,“ you say as you exhale in embarrassment.

„Alright“ is all he says as he lowers himself onto his chair with a little laughter.

„I'm sorry that I spat my drink all over you it's just... I'm not used to going on a blind date with a handsome... stranger.“

You notice how Taehyungs eyebrows twitch for a second as the word ‚stranger‘ reaches his ears.

„Stranger? You don't know who I am?“ he says cocky.

„Well, I don't know anything, not even your name, all I do know that your dick really needs to bust a nut, but other than that...“ you say, a playful smirk dancing on your lips.

„I... uhm, wo-would you excuse me again for a short second?“ Taehyung rambles as he gets up from his seat, hitting his knee on the table, causing his glass to fall over.

„Oh my god I'm so sorry.“ The embarrassment is evident on his face as he awkwardly tries to pick up his glass. You have to hold back a very big grin, and you just wave your hand to signalize him that it's okay if he leaves again. You watch as he leaves while he mumbles a couple more sorry's towards you, and then take one of the napkins to dry the mess as soon as his silhouette disappears behind the bathroom door.

When Taehyung comes walking back, he suddenly radiates an unreal amount of confidence. Pulling his chair back a bit too rough, he sits down nonchalantly with a shit-eating grin on his face.

„So, shall we finally introduce ourselves?“ he says, pouring some wine for the both of you. „By the way, do not worry about the menu, it's already been ordered and paid for.“ he adds, smiling ever so widely.

„Well, wow? I guess? You seem to have a lot of money considering the fact that the food is already taken care of and no one else is in here,“ you say, eyeing your wine as you give it a good swirl.

„Huh, not to brag but- I rented it out so we could have some privacy. By the way, did I ever mention I am the Co-CEO of a famous company?“

„Oh is that so? Which company is that supposed to be?“ you ask cocking an eyebrow.

„TihGib Entertainment. We're casting... well, entertainers.“

You almost snort a laughter as you take a sip of your wine as he answers. This is the best date of your life. Never would you have expected to sit in front of V, but what you really would have never expected, was that you both would play each other.

„Ahh I see, I'm sorry, what was your name again?“ you say as you hold back a smirk that's dangerously tugging on the corners of your mouth.

„Choi Taehyung.“

„Taehyung, okay, got it. Hi. I'm y/n,“ you respond, a warm tone coating your voice.

He's placing his hand on yours as he smiles and this is it. You're choking on your wine. As you're coughing and gasping for air, he's getting up to pat your back in attempt to help you breathe.

„Are you okay?“

„Y-Yes,“ you cough out. „Yes totally okay. I'm fine, really, I'm great, the best I've ever been.“

You're not okay. How could you? You're on a date, with Kim Taehyung, who just happens to be your bias, and he just touched you. Never in a billion dreams would you ever have expected that to happen one day. But as it seems ‚one day‘ is in fact today, and the fact that you started a game you did not expect to take these turns has you, well, nervous- to say the least. On the other hand, it has you just as excited because you are well aware of what's going on while he really is not.

„Well, enough about myself. How about you tell me something about you?“ Taehyungs eyes are piercing through your soul, a very curious expression on his face as he rests his chin on his folded hands.

„Well, I'm a barista, working for a fairly popular coffee-chain. Starbucks, you might have heard from them,“ you say as you giggle with an evil hint. „Well, some of my customers are very pushy. Especially one. He always wants me to call him... daddy.“ you add, paying a lot of attention to what kind of reaction it spurs on his face. You're pleased when you see his tongue poking out, wetting his lip and continues with dragging his teeth across his lower lip in the most subtle way. He's swallowing hard and the way his adams apple bobs in his throat tells you just how intrigued he is.

„Do you like that?“ he asks.

You know exactly what he's talking about, but you can't find it in yourself to stop playing around.

„Do I like what?

„Do you like calling people that? Daddy?“ he asks again, a hint of unpatience evident in his voice as he's fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

„Well, I don't know, you tell me... daddy,“ you say with a sly smirk.

That's it. That's the moment a low growl leaves Taehyungs throat and you'd be so sure that he'd be ready to jump your bones right in this moment if it wasn't for the waiter that's interrupting you, presenting the dish as he's proudly placing it on the table. Taehyung catches himself again and politely thanks the waiter for his service.

As an Army, you know exactly how to push Taehyungs buttons, you know exactly what kinda game you have to play, the fun part is, that he doesn't. You're pretty torn between behaving like you usually would, or going all out, I mean, this'll probably be your only chance to ever get things going with the Kim Taehyung, so you really don't know. Should you seduce him like you would with any other guy? Should you play into his cards and be exactly what he desires? Not that you're only interested in his dick per se, no not at all, but if you're realistic, that's most likely all you'll ever get and if the chance is served to you on a silver plate, you might as well just take the offer. In the end, thats exactly what you signed up for in the first place.

Therefore, your mind is pretty much made up. You're going for the simple way- you're playing with his primal instincts.

You take your knife and fork and cut a tiny piece of your steak and slowly bring your hand towards your lips and you, just as slowly, take the piece into your mouth. As you begin to chew, you let out a moan.

„This is so good..“ you breathe as you eye Taehyung, who's sitting there, heavy lidded as he locks eyes with you.

„That is such a good... piece... of meat...“ you say seductively and you see Taehyung holding his bottom lip between his teeth and averting his gaze towards his crotch for a short moment. He's painfully pressing his eyes shut and furrowing his eyebrows as he now faces the ceiling, speaking silent prayers to whomever.

‚Almost there.‘

You're smiling to yourself. Men are just so easy. All you need is to give him the final blow.

„Don't you want to eat?“ you ask him with the sweetest of voices.

„Oh yeah. Yeah I do.“ Just as he picks up the cutlery, your foot meets his shin softly, and you lock eyes with him as you gently drag your foot up towards his inner thigh, taking a sip of your glass of wine.

That's the second Taehyung lets go of the good silver and slams his hands on the table, standing up abruptly.

‚Gotcha.‘

„Excuse me,“ he calls out to the waiter. „Could we have the food to-go?“

a/n: wow what the actual fUCK? Ooof this chapter had me: in t e a r s. I laughed SO much as I wrote it, I can't put it into words. This was one of the most fun and crackhead writing sessions I've ever had and oh my god, tomorrow the second part will drop for y'all! Brace yourselves, you're in for a ride. 🤪

Taglist:

@foreverconfused-foreverlost @depressed-philosophers-daughter @hobisbeech @torrentmgc @rjsmochii @xxqueenwxtchxx @messedupfangirl05 @xosetsuna @babyboyjiminn @stray-kids-in-your-area @thefooolonthehill @yeosinlana @sippinpeachtea @stbangtan @kpopkermit @d-noona @sarahleslie123 @sociallyawkwardforever @oodlespadoodle

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 2.19, “Andi’s Choice”

The episode begins with a cold open that’s a solid instructional video for good oral hygiene. Which is important. Take care of your teeth, folks. Always remember to floss.

It really has nothing to do with the plot of the episode, though, other than to inform us that Andi’s breath probably doesn’t stink in any of the scenes that follow.

Bowie and Jonah hang out at the music store talking about how Jonah didn’t go to the high pressure music audition. Jonah talks about how something came up and worries Andi doesn’t like him anymore. Bowie says last he heard, Andi thought he didn’t like her. But now Jonah really likes her. And Bowie wants to know if she knows that. And the answer to that, Bowie, is nobody knows. Maybe? Probably? Maybe.

Jonah says he bought her a gnome, and Bowie says “A gnome is nice...”

Counterpoint:

No.

Bowie knows something Andi would like, though: writing her a song. It’s also easy, he says. Just sing your feelings. Jonah says feelings? He says he doesn’t talk about his feelings, coming oh so close to really nailing the problem but still coming up empty.

If it makes Jonah feel better though, that doesn’t disqualify him from a successful career in music. There’s more than enough room on the market for another singer doing meaningless, catchy songs about nothing. Whoa. You didn’t come here for jokes about the state of the music industry, but you got ‘em anyway!

Bowie presses on. Talking about liking someone and them liking you back? That’s feelings! Bowie asks Jonah for a word that rhymes with back. Jonah says quack. Bowie asks for a non-duck word. Jonah says plaque. In fairness, Bowie didn’t stipulate that these words be any good.

Andi heads into The Spoon when Walker facetimes her. Andi explains how Buffy’s moving in a few days. Walker says if she can, get a bubble machine, it makes you happy.

But listen, I want to warn anyone considering this: rent, don’t buy a bubble machine. First, no one ever factors in the cost of maintenance for your bubble machine. But, second, the happiness bubbles give you reaches a level of diminishing returns very quickly. Sooner rather than later, you’re making excuses to use it just because you have it and you feel you need to. You take it out to the yard and turn it on, but the happiness is never the same. The bubbles float down to the earth and pop like so many unrealized dreams. Eventually you stop using it all together. It gathers dust in the closet. Things pile up on top of it. One day, you accidentally come across it and sigh. Where did the spark go? That old adage is an adage for a reason: the two best days of a bubble machine owner’s life are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

Andi says she’s already got a bubble machine, and I think the fact we’ve seen how little use it gets throughout the course of this show proves my point.

Over at The Fringe, Bex is covering the store with sticky notes for free makeup appointments she’s got coming up.

Brittany tells her that they can’t do free makeup appointments anymore, things have been too slow around the store. Bex says she can’t just start charging for them, but, Bex, yes you can. Obviously you can. That was the point of getting your certificate of completion from the beauty school: to get paiiiiiiid. Frankly, it’s sort of nuts that you were going to do all of those for free. That’s so much makeup and time to just give away.

Hey, listen, I know I got in some trouble last week for talking about people’s choice of expression, but I have to say something again.

I hope those are earrings meant to look like screws and not real screws. The thought of Brittany jamming a real screw through her ear hole is making me wince. Do you twist it in? Could you use a screwdriver to do it? (Phillips head, clearly.) Also, she has to realize if she bumps the side of her head into something, she’s going to stab herself in the base of her skull. The risk of it all! I’m just going to assume they’re earrings. I need to to move on.

Brittany was close to laying Bex off, but she won’t now that Bex is the top rated cosmetologist on Whelp. Whelp: it’s the “Property” of internet review sites.

Property: Now With 40% Less Lead™

Brittany thinks Bex has left all those fake positive reviews for herself to increase her status among the local cosmetology ranks, but Bex hasn’t. Bex realizes Celia must’ve done it.

Buffy joins Andi and Cyrus at The Spoon with a box full of stuff they’ve left at her house.

She presents Andi with Noodle, which is clearly a stand-in for Tamagotchi, which made me wonder, do you kids still know what Tamagotchis are? I had one when I was a kid but only because we didn’t have smartphones back then that had whole worlds of much more interesting stuff than a stupid pixel-y digi-pet that would whine all the time and die constantly. I wouldn’t guess there’s any way a child of Andi’s age would’ve had one.

Andi realizes Noodle’s dead because she hasn’t fed him for seven years. A moment of silence for Noodle please.

♪ ♪ In the arms of the Angel ♪ ♪

Buffy then takes out a letter of recommendation Cyrus’s mom wrote on behalf of Cyrus when they were in the second grade, which is embarrassing, sure, but it’s also a strong letter. After reading that, I’d definitely consider adding him to my friend group. I’d need to see his résumé, first, of course, but a good letter of rec goes a long way.

Walker then shows up and for some reason Andi acts like a horse wearing a hat just walked into The Spoon: surprised and mildly upset?

It’s a weird reaction that gets carried over into the scene after the commercial.

Listen, Walker seems like a perfectly fine young man to me. Charming, if quirky, as artists can tend to be. But I feel like the show’s done him wrong by making some of his interactions play out stranger than they needed to be.

Like, I think the facetime convo from a few episodes ago was not meant to come off as stilted as it did. I think it’s the product of editing together two people who aren’t really having a conversation, especially because his interactions with her in real life were much more natural. (The facetime scene from earlier in this episode was better, but still not totally fluid. They probably should stop doing scenes like that as a general rule.)

And the reaction in this scene? I still have no idea what effect they were going for here.

Even after Walker has introduced himself to Cyrus and Buffy and they’re cool with him and happy to have him sketch them, Andi continues throughout this scene with this body language.

On Mack Chat, they suggested that while Walker is comfortable with Andi, she’s not as confident with him. Is she still trying to get a feel for his personality? I suppose it could be that. My best guess was it being guilt for going on a date with him while still being in limbo with Jonah? But again, I’m really not sure about the whole mood of the scene, at least from Andi’s perspective.

About the actual scene though, Walker introduces himself to Cyrus and Buffy as the caricature artist from the Bash Mitzvah, which, by the way, did we ever get an answer as to why the party planner or whoever hired a child to work a large Bar Mitzvah party? Then again, they also hired what, given what we know now, appears to be a fortune teller with legitimate psychic abilities.

She’s 3 for 3 on nailing Andi’s, Buffy’s, and TJ’s fortunes, and we won’t know about Cyrus’s fortune until he goes to college, so, her track record is perfect as far as I’m concerned.

All that considered, maybe hiring a child isn’t the weirdest thing.

Walker wanted to meet Buffy before she left and wanted to sketch the whole group as a going away present for her and so Cyrus leans in to what’s bound to be a long, uncomfortable pose for that.

At The Fringe, Zoe, a rival cosmetologist comes in looking for a fight. She thinks that Bex is using fake Whelp profiles to attack her business. She reads the fake name on the review and Brittany gasps and Zoe has determined that’s enough to take Bex to court and sue her. I disagree. Seems like flimsy evidence at best but what do I know, I’m only the assistant professor of law at Yale.

At the music store, Jonah rehearses his song for Andi. Jonah isn’t confident but Bowie tells him performing is all about confidence. He says the audience will know if you’re doubting yourself and then they’ll rip you to shreds like a pack of hyenas. Oh, by the way, you’re performing in front of an audience tomorrow.

Again, I’m but a humble professor of law at Yale, not a trained psychologist, but is treating panic attacks by trying to force the person experiencing them into constant high pressure situations a thing? I’m starting to feel like Bowie is not a trained psychologist, either.

Jonah reminds him he has panic attacks and Bowie says he won’t have them because he’ll be playing guitar. Jonah thinks maybe he should just go to Andi’s house late at night and throw a rock at her window and perform it for her like that. Bowie thinks that’s too cliché. I mean, in movies maybe. In real life, it wouldn’t be. It’s actually pretty rare in real life because it more often than not leads to too much broken glass and the police being called.

Plus, Bowie suggests, everything is so much cooler on a stage.

This somehow assuages Jonah of his fears.

The GHC gather to discuss Andi’s two-guy dilemma. Cyrus says Andi’s been keeping stuff from them, but it’s probably more that they haven’t really hung out together since “Perfect Day 2.0″ which was like a week ago in show-time?

Andi says Walker was just one date, but Buffy and Cyrus still think it’s a big deal. Cyrus says Andi’s life is a romcom now and he’s her “sassy friend Cyrus.”

Really feels like there’s an adjective missing there. “Sassy __ friend Cyrus.” Sassy something friend Cyrus. I can’t put my finger on what that word would be.

Buffy argues she’s Andi’s sassy friend. It’s kind of equal parts funny and sad that they both realize they’re the supporting characters of the Andi show. Things are getting real meta up in here.

Andi’s having a tough time figuring out how she feels about both Jonah and Walker. Cyrus says it’s a real job being her sassy friend. Almost like it’s a thing he has to do. Almost like he’s paid every week to be around Andi and get involved with what’s going on in her life. Like it’s a role he has to play. Like everything’s scripted. We’re all just pawns, moving where others tell us, saying words others write for us. This isn’t a house! It’s a set! Are we even real?! I’m freaking out here, man!

Anyway, Bex goes to talk to Celia about her reviews. Celia doesn’t want to take them down even though Bex is worried about being sued. Celia says no one’s going to sue Bex because all they would get is a used motorcycle and a punch card for a free taco, which is just a devastating slam.

The best slams on this show always seem to come off-handed.

Bex wants to succeed on her own. Celia will take down the reviews if Bex lets her help in other ways. Bex doesn’t want it, but Celia tells her she won’t get anywhere if she doesn’t think big and take action. She wants to know what’s next for Bex but Bex leaves.

Hey, I have a question. Why is The Spoon populated almost entirely by loose children?

Do none of these kids have parents who eat? Is The Spoon a daycare center?

Cyrus and Buffy continue to razz Andi about picking between Walker and Jonah when Jonah shows up to invite people to the show that night.

He tells the GHC about the open mic and invites them. He says he’s performing a song and everyone seems surprised. Andi didn’t know he sang or played guitar, but Jonah says he didn’t know either. As of a week ago he hadn’t ever picked up a guitar and now he’s performing original music on stage. Oh what a week it’s been!

At The Fringe, Bex has run out of sticky notes to make appointments on when Celia shows up in time with a day planner. Bex thanks her for the gift, but Celia says she has another gift: The Fringe. Bex is rightfully confused, but Celia says the business wasn’t doing well and it wasn’t even that much. This store is mostly full of the cheap stuff you win at a carnival and the walls are made of papier-mâché! I bought it with the loose cash I had rolling around in my purse!

Hey, where is Ham? Is he ok? I wonder how Ham feels about this. Buying a small, failing business. In this economy. Looks like they’re delaying traveling the world for another year.

Also, Bex couldn’t figure out to buy a planner for herself. She kept filling up the store with sticky notes until she ran out of them. That was her long term plan for that system. Anyway, here’s a small business to run.

Celia wants Bex to take action and this is action. Bex asks if Celia remembers promising to let Bex succeed on her own, and the way Celia says “No.” is perfect.

Also, she didn’t.

At the music store (Red Rooster Records, I’m going to try to commit this to memory eventually), there’s an accordion girl on stage and she is, no lie, killing it.

They say accordions are only for old mustached men to play at romantic Italian restaurants and Weird Al Yankovics, but don’t listen to them. I love what you’re doing. You go, Accordion Girl.

Jonah, intimidated by the other acts, heads backstage to talk to Bowie. He’s nervous, but Bowie says he was nervous before performing, too. He got over it by finding Bex in the audience and singing to her.

Jonah asks if he should look at Bex while he sings.

“Explain this to me as if I was a Golden Retriever in a boy suit.”

“What?”

“Nothing. No reason.”

Bowie tells him to look at Andi and that he’s got this.

Meanwhile, on stage, Accordion Girl finishes with a heck of a flourish and not a single philistine in the audience throws her a damn rose. Shame on them all.

Bowie comes out and introduces Jonah. Jonah gets out there with his guitar and sort of sits around awkwardly. Things are looking bad.

Then he starts playing. It’s going alright, but then he looks at Andi and does start getting into it.

The GHC start realizing this might be about Andi.

(The song is actually pretty sweet. And Asher performs it well.)

The performance goes well and Jonah gets applause as the open mic ends. People start filing out. Buffy touches Andi’s shoulder and I’m thinking DON’T DO THAT!

You’re going to rip the pearls off!

Jonah asks Bowie how it went, but Bowie directs him towards Andi for his answer.

Andi walks up to Jonah, grabs his hand, and gives him a kiss and the episode ends with them smiling at one another.

So... I guess this is going to be the worst thing I ever say on this blog, but... I didn’t hate that.

If you aren’t a Jandi fan, I wouldn’t panic too much. I very much doubt this is the final iteration of that relationship.

The show is about change and growth. First season Jandi obviously wasn’t going to work because both Andi and Jonah weren’t in an honest place. Andi was trying to change herself too much to make Jonah happy. Jonah was everybody’s friend, carefree Jonah Beck who doesn’t have labels.

This version is better, but still not quite there. Jonah still has trouble confronting his feelings and is definitely leaning too hard on a relationship to fix things. Andi, at least, is more comfortable being herself with him.

But for things to advance anywhere plot-wise, this needs to happen. They have to figure out what works and doesn’t work: with relationships, with themselves. Maybe this will be the beginning of the last version of Jandi, or maybe it’ll eventually return and be endgame. Who can say? But the only way to know is to try.

As much as I joked about Bowie pushing Jonah too much, too fast with the music, there’s a certain wisdom to the idea of just getting on stage and going for it. There are certain things you don’t learn until you test the idea yourself.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Get to Know You Better Part 2

Summary: Gabrielle has a nine-year-old son who is a huge Captain America fan. He notices one of the actors on the subway and loudly points it out to her. That’s when Gabrielle realizes that actor was the man she had a one-night-stand with the week before. 

Chapter Summary: One week later, Gabrielle comes face to face with the man she had a one-night-stand with. And it turns out her son, James, already knows who he is because he’s a famous actor. 

Warnings: Swearing,

           I was sitting on the subway next to my son. It was just like every other weekday morning. I was going to drop him off at school before heading to work. It was supposed to be a typical morning. It was a week after my bar night with friends. A week after I slept with a near stranger. And a week after I made the walk of shame.

           I went about my days trying to make it seem like everything was normal. But there was a part of my mind that kept wandering back to Sebastian.

           His eyes.

           His smirk.

           His kisses.

           His hands as they…

           Damn it.

           It was over. I didn’t have his number and he didn’t have mine. I would never see him again; the chances were slim to none. I sighed and reached over to smooth James’s hair back. He just tilted away from me a bit as he continued playing on his handheld video game.

           I smiled and remembered when he used to be mama’s little boy. He had always been a shy kid, never cried much, and spent most of his time watching from afar. That was how he learned, by observing silently. He didn’t need to ask questions. He could pick up anything within minutes. I was always so proud to have such an intelligent son, but I worried about the day he started wondering about his father.

           His good for nothing father.

           James put his game down and started glancing to his right. He did so every few seconds. I watched him for a moment, trying to figure out what he was doing. That’s when I realized he was staring at the man beside him.

           I nudged him. “It’s not polite to stare.” I reminded him quietly.

           “But mom,”

           “What?”

           “Mom…that’s the guy from Captain America.”

           “Who?” I got a good look at him from the side and it felt like a brick was hitting me. “Oh, my God.”

           “Right?” James smiled.

           I knew he was a fan of Captain America but I hadn’t seen much of the movies. And if I had, I probably still wouldn’t have realized Sebastian was in them.

           Sebastian seemed to hear us and he glanced over. He smiled at my son and his eyes moved to me. He looked surprised, to say the least. “Hey.”

           “Hey.” I cleared my throat and tried to think of something to do. There weren’t many guides to running into your one-night-stand again. “I uh…oh, this is my son, James.”

           “I have the same name as your character,” James said.

           “Wow, that’s so cool.” Sebastian smiled. “You like Marvel?”

           “Yeah, a lot.”

           “He has all the action figures and Legos,” I said and felt my nerves build up. It was really good to know that the man I had slept with was not only successful and attractive, but he was an actor.

           “That’s awesome. You wouldn’t want to come on set and meet the rest of the Avengers, would you?” Sebastian tilted his head to the side.

           His eyes went wide and he looked to me for an answer. My mouth opened slightly and I weighed the choices between making my son super happy or being uncomfortable. My son always came first.

           “That would be really fun.” I put a hand on James’s shoulder.

           “Do you have time for coffee?” Sebastian asked hopefully, his eyes on mine.

           “I uh…”I bit my lip. I didn’t have a meeting until before lunch so I technically could go in later. “Yeah, okay.”

           “You just left…you didn’t leave your number.” Sebastian started once we sat in silence for a few moments.

           I traced the outer rim of my latte cup. I cleared my throat to buy some time before I answered. I scratched my temple and kept my eyes down. I didn’t know why I felt guilty for not staying. At the moment, I really thought we had no strings attached. But as the week had gone on, I regretted not at least writing my number down on the note.

           “I guess I figured you wouldn’t want me to stick around. I left because you were still sleeping and I just…”

           “You thought it was a one-night thing.” He finished for me.

           I shrugged and took a deep breath. “Look, you don’t need to drag it on because I have a son.” I clarified. “In fact, most men run the other way when they find out about James.”

           “You didn’t tell me.” His voice wasn’t accusing, it was more curious. I guessed most people with kids talked about them first.

           “I’ve had a hard time dating in the past,” I explained. “I had him when I was nineteen and since then most guys get spooked. Some say they would be willing to try it out but they never go through with it. They always make up some bullshit excuse to make me feel better.”

           Sebastian nodded and clasped his hands together in front of his coffee. “I guess I can’t say that I would be the best fit for you. But I really enjoyed that night.”

           “We were both pretty drunk.” I reminded him with a small smile.

           “Well, true.” He chuckled. “But maybe we could try it again with less alcohol. Let me show you and James around the set. They’re filming in New York for a few days. Not everyone will be there but I can see how much of the cast would be willing to meet him.” He suggested. “Then we can get dinner together sometime.”

           It sounded like a dream come true and that was what scared me. Things that seemed to good to be true always were. I had fallen for things like that before. My nineteen-year-old self saw the world in a stupid boy. My twenty-five-year old self saw the world in a man who promised me everything.

           But I saw something different in Sebastian’s eyes. I may have been imagining it, but I saw honesty. “I’m very protective of James,” I said.

           He nodded. “That’s good.”

           “I’m not saying you need to marry me, but if you give him false hope then I’ll kick your ass. I don’t care if you’re an actor or not.” I warned.

           He grinned and nodded. “Fair enough. I promise I would never try to hurt either of you.”

           I relaxed a little. “Alright…I’m sorry for just leaving.”

           “It’s okay, I understand why.” He tilted his head to the side as he gazed at me. “I was just a little disappointed to find my bed was empty the next morning.”

           I blushed a bit. “It wasn’t exactly easy to leave.”

           “You should’ve stayed.” He murmured and drew me in closer with his eyes.

           I leaned towards him over the table. “Yeah? You would’ve made me breakfast?” I teased.  

           He chuckled and nodded. “Probably. Anything you would’ve wanted, I would’ve done.”

           I felt my stomach clench and the lust from the prior week started to creep up on me again. Even completely sober, I wanted to jump over the table and rip his shirt off.

           Yikes…

           “What are you thinking about?” He seemed to realize I had dazed out. A hint of amusement played at the corner of his lips.

           “Um…” My cheeks went red and I tried to hide my embarrassment. I was sure he could pick up on it though. “You’re an actor, then?”

           He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I have been for a while. I guess the past few years I’ve been doing more high profile things.” He shrugged sheepishly. “It still feels unreal sometimes.”

           “I couldn’t handle that kind of life. I like my privacy.”

           He nodded slowly. “Yeah.” He glanced at my hands resting on the table in front of his. “Privacy isn’t easy to find these days.”

           I took a sip of my drink and tried to imagine being recognized everywhere I went.

           “I would like to have James meet everyone though. I’m sure Chris Evans would love to meet him.”

           “That would be so exciting for him.” I smiled. “I guess I probably should be more aware of all the actors and characters.” I winced. “But he’ll go on these long tangents about all the movies and I get lost sometimes.”

           “Don’t worry, I’ll try to give you the short version so you’re not totally lost.” He chuckled. “How much time do you have? I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

           “I don’t have a meeting until eleven.”

           “Great.”

           “Whoa!” James held onto my hand. “That’s a big camera.”

           “Yeah, it is. That’s what they use to film.” I explained. “That’s cool, isn’t it?” I smiled. I looked around at the crowd of people all running around to certain locations to do certain jobs.

           “Hey!” Sebastian walked over. He was in normal clothes; he had explained earlier that he wasn’t filming in New York.

           James looked a little disappointed. “You don’t have the arm.” He said quietly.

           “Sorry bud, I’m not filming today. But I’ll see if props has one that I can show you.” He offered.

           “It’s more than enough that you let us on set,” I said. “He was so excited he hardly slept the night before.”

           James laughed shyly. “I want to see them do cool stunts.”

           “You’ll definitely see that,” Sebastian promised. “C’mon, Chris Evans is here.” He said and walked us over to a group of people.

           I saw the tall, bulky, blonde from behind and wondered where in the world they found such handsome actors.

           He turned around and smiled. He was in full costume, even though Sebastian said he wasn’t filming that day either. He was holding the large shield and looked like a life-sized version of the action figure in James’s room. I guess technically he was the life-sized version.

           “Hey, buddy!” He knelt down to get eye to eye with James.

           My son looked a little nervous and grabbed onto my leg. I laughed softly. “Go ahead, James.” I coaxed gently.

           He walked over and curiously reached out to touch the shield. “That’s really cool.” He said.

           “Want to hold it?” Chris asked. “Mom can take a picture.” He offered the prop to him.

           James looked a little overwhelmed with happiness as he took the shield. He beamed up at me as I pulled out my phone to take a picture.

           “Wow! You look great, James!” I exclaimed.

           He laughed and looked down at the shield, in total awe. Chris stood up, letting James hold it. “He seems like a great kid.” He said and went to shake my hand. “I’m Chris.”

           “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Gabrielle.” I smiled. “Thank you so much for doing this, it means the world to him.”

           “Of course, anything for my man here.” Chris clapped Sebastian on the back. “He said he met a nice, beautiful woman who had a son interested in Captain America.” He sent a wink to his friend.

           Sebastian winced. “Alright, thanks for embarrassing me.”

           I blushed and cleared my throat. “Well, I really appreciate it.”

           “I think they’re going to do a take, he can come watch if you want.” Chris offered.

           “Sure, James, go with Captain America,” I said and without hesitation, my son followed Chris over to the set.

           Sebastian and I hung back and watched them. James did his best to lug the shield along, which was almost the size of him. Chris knelt down next to him and pointed out a few things on the set.

           I glanced over at Sebastian. “So…beautiful?” I raised an eyebrow.

           “Well, I’m not blind and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s called you beautiful.” He smiled shyly.

           “You’re the first in a while,” I admitted.

           “Well, that’s just dumb.”

           “Hm.”

masterpost

Tag list: @jazzwoman897 @j092965090881 @kimmiestrawberrykiwi @take-my-life-not-my-heart  @kimberlydyan

[enubus]

(via The Left Owns the Waukesha Massacre, Which is Why You’ve Stopped Hearing About It)

Darrell Brooks, the serial felon who murdered six people and injured many more in a vehicular attack on a Christmas parade in Waukesha, Wisconsin, apparently out of race hate and a desire for revenge for the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict, is a product of the Leftist media. It is the Leftist establishment’s constant race-baiting hysteria that Darrell Brooks, and that establishment owns his murderous act. That’s why you hear about as much about it in the media these days as you do about the Battle of Ypres.

Our Leftist moral superiors had plenty to say, however, about the Rittenhouse verdict. MSNBC’s Joy Reid lamented the supposed exonerating power of “white tears.” NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace, who was widely reported as being the victim of a hate crime last year when a noose was discovered in his garage (the FBI determined that it was a garage-door puller), tweeted: “Ha, let the boy be black and it would’ve been life…hell he would’ve had his life taken before the bullshit trial.. sad.” Ohio congressional candidate Nina Turner agreed: “If Kyle Rittenhouse were Black, he would’ve been killed for holding that weapon. What’s a justice system without justice?!?!”

Keith Boykin, author of Race Against Time: The Politics of a Darkening America, added: “I knew it. Kyle Rittenhouse is proof that white people can still break the law, carry illegal weapons, shoot and kill people, and get away with it in America by shedding tears and claiming self-defense.” Fox News’ featured Leftist Juan Williams had the same point of view: “If this had been a black teenager who had done this, wow, I think the laws might have treated him a little differently.”

White actress Sophia Bush was also enraged: “The miscarriage of justice today is enraging. This is white supremacy in action. This is hideous. He murdered people, bragged about it while throwing white power signs in a bar, and then manufactured tears to claim that despite his AR-15 HE was in danger. And he got off. Unreal.” Creepy storyteller Stephen King asked: “So…the white guy goes free. Is that the message?”

No. It was a clear-cut case of self-defense, but the media’s message after Rittenhouse’s acquittal was clearly that this was another case of racism in Amerikkka, and that Rittenhouse would have been dead already if he were black. This was the message despite the fact that on the same day that Rittenhouse was acquitted, a black man Andrew Coffee IV was also acquitted of a murder charge on self-defense grounds. But the media talking heads had little or nothing to say about Coffee as they did all they could to stir up rage over Rittenhouse.

That was the message Darrell Brooks got. He posted about the verdict on Facebook just after being freed on $1,000 cash bail on November 19. He was in jail, by the way, for running over a woman with his car. Brooks’ post just noted the verdict; when a commenter responded, “Doesn’t surprise me, what a joke,” Brooks replied: “frfr…but u rite,I wasn’t surprised 1 bit.”

Brooks has also posted in support of Black Lives Matter and George Floyd, and in 2016, he posted a graphic on Facebook labeled “White Privilege 101: Racial Profiling,” claiming that police officers responded differently to whites and blacks simply standing beside a car. He also posted a quote stating: “Run them over. Keep traffic flowing & don’t slow down for any of these idiots…”

The establishment media almost immediately tried to cover up what had happened. CBS News, “a law enforcement official with knowledge of the investigation says the suspect who drove into a Christmas parade in Waukesha, WI. was fleeing another scene – possibly a knife fight – when he ran into & over some people.” However, a law enforcement official later contradicted this claim, stating: “There was no pursuit that led up to this incident.”

The same official added, “This was not a terrorist event,” but it was unclear why not. Brooks deliberately drove into the crowd at the Waukesha Christmas parade, likely because he was enraged over the perceived injustice of the Rittenhouse verdict. How exactly is that not a terrorist event?

It is clear in any case that Brooks was incited to rage, hatred and violence by establishment media myths. The Left’s lies kill. They killed six people in Waukesha on Sunday; these weren’t their first victims, and won’t be their last. But one thing is certain: the only thing the Leftist media will do in response to Brooks’ murders is double down. Watch for still more and newly virulent race victimhood hysteria.

Robert Spencer is the director of Jihad Watch and a Shillman Fellow at the David Horowitz Freedom Center.

[teensoftware444]

Best Tinder Hookup Profile

Ever wonder who has the best Tinder profiles? What “best of Tinder” status actually looks like?

Best Hookup Bios For Tinder

Tinder Dating Site Hook Up

Best Tinder Hookup Profile Photos

Here are 3 of the top Tinderers (by likes):

Apart from The Chive, in choosing 5 best hookup Tinder strategies and statistics to get laid we used an interesting piece of advice given by successful male Tinder users on Bustle and official. The Best Tinder Bios to Get Laid. I’m going to come right out and say it; there are no best Tinder bios to get laid. Your Tinder bio is the least important facet of your profile to get laid. If you want to get laid on Tinder, you need good photos first. No matter how witty your profile description is, it won’t make up for unattractive photos.

When these 3 appeared on TV, many viewers were stunned by how ordinary they were.

I mean, they’re good-looking. BUT they’re not the hottest people you’ve ever seen. Instead, what sets them apart is they’ve mastered the art of making a killer Tinder profile. Like this one:

If you’re an average-looking guy who wants to clean up on Tinder like the best, these are the Tinder profile examples you need. Here are their secrets.

1. About Me Examples (Copy-Paste)

According to guys with the most high-performing Tinder profiles, your “about me” tagline needs to be light-hearted and short.

Avoid raising red flags with whining or complaints, sexual innuendo, or anything negative. Try one of these proven Tinder taglines:

“If you like water, you already like 72 percent of me.”

“I’ll treat you the way Kanye treats Kanye.”

It’s fair to say that our interracial dating community represents the enlightened majority in American society. A Gallup poll in 2013 found that 96% of black people and 84% of white people approve marriage between blacks and whites. This means that 87% of Americans overall see no problem with black-white marriage, up from a meager 4% in 1958 1. https://teensoftware444.tumblr.com/post/657489259390959616/elite-singles-interracial-dating. Questions about online dating? Enjoy our ultimate online dating guide; Interracial Dating. If there were previously stereotypes, preconceptions or presumptions about interracial dating, these outdated attitudes are transforming as more and more American singles are seeking partners from other ethnic groups, and couples’ relationships no longer being defined along racial lines.

“I know all the words to ‘Butterfly’ by ‘Crazy Town’.”

“I can make a better sandwich than you.”

(For more suggestions for your Tinder’s “about me” section, check out The Best Funny Tinder Bios for Guys: Clever, Geek, Jock (Copy-Paste).)

2. Tinder Profile Photos

a) Copy the best profiles— use all six slots.

The best Tinder profiles start with a clear shot of the person’s face.

For the rest, variety is key: a pic with friends, in a suit, travel pic, hobby candid, athletic candid.

b) Test your pics on Photofeeler to find your best.

The best of Tinder have great photos of themselves. They aren’t the most attractive people necessarily, but they know how to sell themselves with a picture.

Most guys COMPLETELY FAIL at using pictures that are even as attractive as they are in real life. Most guys choose pics that bring their number down.

Before you waste your Tinder matches on the wrong photos, be sure to run yours through Photofeeler to know exactly how women are responding to them.

Choosing profile pictures this way has been known to increase matches on Tinder by 200-400%.

Go to Photofeeler.com now and give it a try!

Free message dating app. Know all about tinder bio and right swipes here with our best list of suggestions for girls and boys.

I don’t mind telling you- that for whatever reason you think you need to copy paste something about yourself from a web page, you are wrong. I hate beating around the bush so am going to cut right to chase. As gayish and as girlish as it may sound, folks…write what you are. Yeah and do sprinkle some necessary ingredients along with sarcasm, humor, wits, stay cute a bit, reflect you’re a man of words and most importantly for god sake’s don’t fake.Read along everything you need to know about tinder bios to flourish with a maximum number of swipes. I will let you know few best pointers to follow once you are on to write down about you on tinder, and you will see how the plus counting will follow once you build your bio according to your personality traits. Well, there has to be some chance of you knowing the fact that bios are written to let the other party know what you are like.Frankly, the statistics have been done. Yet, needless to say, a human brain works in peculiar ways my friend, mostly when it comes to online dating. Every individual listed are not looking for something special and you will come across that some time or the other. It’s really important to say that reflects your personality and your intentions as a whole. You don’t want yourself lying dead in some dark alley because you dated a criminal or worse scenario you attracted some psychotic to be your date.I am going to show you few of the best bios where you can understand and learn how amazingly you can frame out your words because as long as online dating and tinder is concerned, WORDS play to be a lethal weapon in grabbing attention and gaining a maximum number of swipes.Related article: 10 Best Hookup apps you’re searching for!

6 BEST TINDER BIO FOR BOYS

Boys are a different race altogether and the way their alternatively wired brains function are utterly praiseworthy. I mean come on, if you are a guy reading this, you probably have a smirk on your face because I know you feel me. See there isn’t anything terrific about writing a mind-blowing bio in tinder. It takes nothing more than some smoking words to set the girlish brains on fire with a first glance and BOOM! you’re a right swipe.

1. No Fuss Bio

There is an absolute requirement for being straightforward while you writing on tinder and being a guy its necessary for you lay down your intentions on the table like whiskey on the rocks. Let me just show you an example from a guy’s tinder bio I peeped into from my sister’s phone that sounded something like this-“Like living alone, Food, cold beer, dogs, sci-fi books, rock music, love to discuss and talk about everything related to being creepy, ask me for skating in Michigan lake, people my kind will be appreciated”Dude… even I would swipe back right for this guy for being so straight up. This is how you’ve got to nail the bio shit on Tinder. It’s all very straightforward and this guy seems to know what he wants to reflect to a girl.

2. Creative Stuff

Creativity is picking out your own flaws and selling them a hand on fist. Boys, if you have to rate to the top, you really have to dig out some creative stuff trending on tinder. I mean you won’t imagine the level of creativity guys put into their tinder bios. Don’t believe me yet? Check this out-

“Facts about me only on request.

I go six feet without heels and 6’6 with, got a six tuxedo wardrobe so don’t hesitate to ask me out for summer weddings. Friends call me outgoing but I don’t mind Netflix on my couch if you are comfortable doing me there”Now that’s humor and creativity blended into a nice morning smoothie to gulp down for chick’s on fleek. Creativity has always been sexy. Take an artist or a musician for an example… girls scream and sigh to be with one.

3. Laid Back Me

When I say ‘Be you’, take it seriously because there is absolutely no need to pretend about your laziness, if only I could add a LOL here I would. So what I mean to say is if you are laid back, PLEASE let it reflect in your bio. Girls aren’t much behind boys these days when it comes to craziness and some of them love petting guys. So if you are lazy and romantic so be that to the fullest. Take a look at this guy who totally nailed it when it came to reflecting his interests.“Love traveling, surfing, tech is my thing, long walks on the beach, spontaneous trips to Paris for freshly baked bread would be great for weekends, I am a guy to have espresso with, take your chances I might just get off the market soon”Aweee, as gayish as it may sound… this dude sounds unreal! But guys reading this please try to be romantic for F sake. It’s required sometimes. Girls would love a lazy weekend and awesome sunset walks along the beach and know it’s absolutely addicting when it comes to Paris and freshly baked bread.

4. Humor off Radar

Adding humor to tender bio is adding fuel to fire. You don’t agree? You will be surprised how easy it gets to have right swipes when you have a sprinkle of funny write up to showcase on tinder. It’s to build up that “want to know him more” thing in their forever working brains.

“I am an astronaut, appeared for the cover of GQ and later became a French spy. I am psychic and love time traveling, recently have been to 2025 and saw myself sailing across the Caribbean with a girl with red hair, shaken yet?Okay exaggerated a bit, but I did complete science as major and luckily can humor more than the regular once in my batch, gotta swipe right to know more about me”That was too cute to have been said he sounded futuristically unreal for a girl to fit her brains around, any which ways, do try out humor because girls love it. Humor is all that a smart girl looks for with some mix of right attitude and sexy along the side.

5. Short and Attractive

There is always space for you to be all sexy with the max effect. And that’s how few men do it with least minimum action words but with more depth.

“Dog lover, food is worshipHave been a drummer so love banging”

Cool bro, this guy is all set to get laid on his first date, mentioning about his musical skills and all. Not that I am jealous, just saying.

6. Lengthy yet Interesting

If you are planning to write a long list of details about you, make sure you sound interesting. No girl has time to really open up to a complete essay about you even before she knows you in person. Save them some time, and even if you do write, write some insanely sexy words to blow their mind off, then and there.

Best Hookup Bios For Tinder

“Precise EnglishAwesome cookRegular to gymFoodieDisney World returnOwner of three cars Love to ride Audi on Saturdays” Over 40 friends date. That is some really good stuff and it explains how writing lengthy can pay off in the end.

6 BEST TINDER BIO FOR GIRLS

I guess girls on tinder don’t really have to worry about getting right swipes because they already do. Yet I exactly know where their interest lies… girls face problems in getting the right swipe from the right person. But there isn’t a lot of hard work to get what you want on tinder.Best tinder bios for girls are the ones which are really witty and yet again straightforward. They always rank to gain the highest swipes on tinder. Check out our six best bios for girls after which you too can easily take some ideas and tweak around to build up your own flawless tinder bio.

1. The Perfect One

A perfect bio build up by a girl reflects how serious they are with tinder profile and that is actually a good thing for boys to handle. Girls, if you are a fan of building up a nice and perfect bio about yourself then please go ahead like this one

“I love dogs, and prefer men in shape because I find men out of shape to be overly sensitive somehow”

Tinder Dating Site Hook Up

It reflects what kind of men you like and a little glimpse of your liking as well. It really leaves something to the imagination of men, just don’t forget to add up a nice display picture.

2. The Realist

Realist girls would love bios like these and why not do something similar when it comes to building your own bio? I suggest you write something which really turns out to be an exact replica of your realist nature. It really does work. Guys love girls who are clear with their ideas and aren’t afraid to express that on tinder. Take a look at this bio for an instance“I like long walks on the beach, and i know why you are swiping along instead being surrounded by friends because somewhere your search is still on, know that i like to cuddle in baggy clothes while I watch Netflix happily all weekends, so don’t expect me to dress up and go out for a date night when am all cozy, and just so you know I am currently in an open relationship with 3 female roommates, text to let me know if that would be a problem with you?”

Wow, that’s just so inviting. I mean you read this and it’s like “let’s see if her roommates are out this weekend”.

3. The Cheesy One

This is my personal favorite because it’s amazing how guys react to a cheesy pickup line or bio. It’s like cheesy words just drills a deep impact on them and they are golden. Yet nothing can beat the kind of cheesy stuff girls write on tinder these days sure you can if you put in that effort but first check out these two which turns out to be gaining thousands on swipes overnight“I believe men have two emotions to the maximum, Hungry and Horny. If I don’t see with an erection I might get you your favorite sandwich”“Since I’m good with cooking I can make you some dessert but if you are hungry for oversweet dishes there is always me”It’s so cheesy that any guy would swipe right. Don’t just copy paste through built up your own because there is nothing like putting your own words into action and see the results.Related Article:=' color:=''>='color:>Best Flirting App for both iOS and Android=' color:=''>='color:>

4. The Pizza Lover

I personally categorize people into two different sects, one who likes pizza and the other one you know who. I know girls like 99.9% are in love with pizza and it’s utterly cute when that is reflected on your tinder bio. Get that extra sense of your pizza love into play and build up a tinder bio. Believe me, guys love girls when they talk about eating, I mean that intensity itself is mind-blowing to them. “Finally to have someone of the same taste, pizza lover if you are reading this grab your chance and rescue another pizza lover from these mundane”

“You might not know me yet but if pizzas are your thing only then bother texture”

My God, it’s hard to believe but trust me pizza lovers do take their obsession to next level. It’s almost like a religion to them. So girls if you have a certain obsession with food, please bring it up in your tinder bio because real is always attractive.

5. The Dark Side

Once you decide to type your tinder bio by explaining something about your dark side, don’t step back, guys love reading something different out of the ordinary and it’s so cool. To be honest, don’t start planning a murder in your bio or discuss about a long lost crime you did as a child. But be that girl if you are little nasty, that is like 10/10 for boys to swipe right for.

“Can you meet me in the dark alley beside barneys in 20 min? Lol”

“I love star wars, watching saw after midnight, a game of thrones is a religion for me and I breathe and eat Vikings, oh! Also, I can’t sleep before I repeat watching an episode of my favorite psychological thriller Hannibal. Text if you match my taste”

Wow, that’s like sex with words, I would love to know about this girl more and more and you just know what I mean.

6. The Captivating One

I know most of you would think this one is probably the best one of them all. I guess it has to be because being captivating is something that not all girls can carry. Truth must be told it’s really important to understand the mentality of a guy when he has been swiping more than hundred profiles daily.Making your profile captivating and getting them hooked to your don’t really take much effort yet it does require a little tweaking of words to get to frame that perfect sentence that can really blow their mind off the radar.

“I wonder why would you be on tinder if you’re already.Taken?”

That is exactly what you want your guys to know about you- Nothing. In that way, they will swipe right and your work starts there… to sort the best among the rest.

How Can Tinder Bios Reflect You As A Person??

I am literally writing an answer to this question because it has been asked on our website for like a zillion times. Tinder bio reflects a great deal of a persona and it’s not just about how witty, pretty, funny or awesome you can sound but what you really are as a person. I know it sounds bookish as few words can’t reflect a person’s nature but you really can make a difference. If you are looking for something to match your taste then know that the other person writing about themselves are looking for the exact same things as you are.You’ve been through the entire article and I know what is going round in your mind. You just want to switch to another tab or pick up your other device to get this thing into place. Knowing what a tinder bio should look like calls for an action.I hope this article helps you chalk out a great bio on tinder and get you that right swipe that you deserve. Also when you read your section make sure you read it carefully because putting some of those suggestions into your writing can really help you build a bio that you become an irresistibly interesting person one can’t wait to know about.

Best Tinder Hookup Profile Photos

Also Check: Bored of Tinder? Here’s=' color:=''>='color:>Best Tinder Alternatives=' color:=''>

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[okimargarvez]

ONTO PARADISIAC FLAME- 4

Original title: Onto paradisiac flame.

Prompt: regret, bus sequestration, fear of love.

Warnings: mentions of sex, smut, friendship.

Genre: romantic, action, smut.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, JJ, Spencer Reid.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot.

Legend: 💏😘😈🔦.

Song mentioned: none.

Onto Paradisiac Flame- Masterlist

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

-Perfect, we arrived.- like all the other unfortunate passengers, Luke also turns to the window, approaching accordingly to his blonde partner, to peer towards the outside . The landscape is anonymous, it looks like a wooded area. From his calculations they traveled for about an hour before getting there. But he doesn't know the area around Quantico well enough to be able to tell where they are now. Unfortunately, the ranger training in this case is useless. He places a hand on Penelope's arm, which doesn't move. -So, gents, until now you've performed well.- he glances right in their direction. By miracle they haven't yet decided to frisk them, so the gun is always in the bag at his feet. Invisible as useless.

-Now we'll contact the authorities and if they don't give us what we rightly claim, we'll be forced to show them that we aren't joking. Nothing personal.- bastard, Luke thinks, reselling the look the man had turned to Garcia shortly before. He would gladly give him a punch just for that.

-Why are you doing this? We didn't do anything to you... - a man find the courage to speak, sitting in the second row, alone. Dressed in a simple way, it's impossible to understand what kind of job he does, who he is. In a flash the minor kidnapper is on him and forces him to curl up on the seat. But that man doesn't spring -The feds will take you...- the choice of words turns out wrong, because the criminal punches the man's nose, completely shattering it. Penelope, beside him, jumps because of the brutality of the gesture, not necessary.

-The feds?- the other repeats, before bursting into a greasy and sour laugh at the same time. -Those are good only to send the innocents to jail and get one of them out of trouble!- he pulls another punch, but this time on the seat next to the victim. Luke sees from the corner of his eye Penelope half-closed her eyelids. He lets go of her shoulder and goes in search of her hand; he finds it, intertwines their fingers and tighten tightly. -The feds.- he repeats for the umpteenth time, spitting on the ground. Uh-oh, apparently their suppositions turned out to be correct. If they find out that who they hate are right here, available, who knows what they could do to them... especially to Penelope.

-Look you like so much to talk, you'll do the phone call to your "friends" of the FBI.- he fishes a random phone from the bag. This means that there is field, it's the only thought that brushes the woman, while observing the man whose blood stream continues to flow from the nose, typing in a number. Then they tear it off his hands to insert the speakerphone. -Don't try to cheat us.- they tell him. -You'll just tell the truth: that you have been kidnapped along with other people, that your kidnappers want to speak immediately with Agent Jareau.- the way in which he pronounced the surname of JJ, suggests that they know her well, or at least they know perfectly who she is. -Did you understand?- the poor man nods.

-911, what's your emergency?- in the narrow space of the vehicle, full of troubled and agitated breaths, the anonymous voice of a woman rings out.

-Hello, I'm... I'm Peter McLuhan... I...- the two kidnappers look at him badly. The man swallows -I was kidnapped by some people, on a bus... there are other people... they want to talk to the FBI or they'll hurt us! - the last part sounds almost like a desperate cry. They take off the cell phone from his hand, the bigger one catches him with his stubby fingers.

-Listen up, cutie, you have a minute to get we in touch with the special BAU agent Jennifer Jareau, a minute, and then someone here will get hurt - everyone waiting in an almost unreal silence. Even Luke, who continues to wonder if he would able to extract the gun and fire on both and neutralize them before even one of them can react. But there are too many civilians in the middle, and he can't risk that an innocent man, or Penelope...

-Hello?- the hot but firm JJ's voice, so well known and loved, snatches from the blonde next to him a sigh of joy that almost makes them discover. -Did you want to talk to me?- she can't help wondering if they've already received her alert, but if the battery of that thing was died? She can't remember the last time she put the battery on recharge.

-We were looking for you, Agent Jareau, but just because we had need that you as our liaison.- things get interesting. What these two want? They don't behave like people who have already done something like that, they seem more desperate... and now that he thinks about it, Luke recognizes a slightly Spanish accent, in the voice of one of the two.

-I'm at your disposal.- he can imagine so easily her while standing, a hand resting on the "round table", the others around her, which suggest what the road to take, helping her. Even if she doesn't need it, because she is one of, indeed, she is the best expert in communication of the FBI. But this time she finds herself having to improvise everything. And now, even if the damn thing hadn't worked, their absence must have been noticed. And they are too adults for their colleagues to think that they are eloped.

-How nice, Jennifer. Or maybe you prefer if I call you JJ? Can I call you JJ, lady?- she starts to get up, to cover his mouth, to stop him from crippling the name of one of her best friend. But luckily Luke's hold keeps her from combining a disaster. The blonde on the other end of the line seems to be colder than Penelope and doesn't react to provocation.

-You can call me what you want. But now you wants to tell me why you wanted to talk to me, or we had to continue with these jokes?- here, she completely changed her tone. From compliant and kind, she has become sarcastic and hard. Because in the meantime they have elaborated an impromptu profile on the kidnapper with whom she is speaking, relying mainly on voice and tone, as well as vocabulary he uses...

-I like your style, Jennifer, but unfortunately, I'm not interested in you. I want you to let me talk to your colleague, Dr. Spencer Reid.- What does Spencer have to do with it now? Probably they both wonder for it, because they exchange a look.

-Dr. Reid?- even JJ's tone reveals her amazement. They hear a slight whisper, nothing more, they can't understand one word. -Can I ask you the reason?- that man laughs, but the accomplice snatches the phone from his hand.

-No that you can't, sweetness- this is the rude one, the one that looked in that way Penelope. Luke shakes his free hand in a fist. -You just have to move your cutie patootie and let us talk to Spence...- again he is forced to take her by the shoulders before she stands up, drawing attention to herself. He gives her an admonitory look and squeezes her until she almost hurts, trying to calm her down. They are so all taken by the call, that perhaps he would be able to hit them before they realize it, but... the uncertainty factor is always high.

-It's okay.- it doesn't have to be the first time a "man" calls her that way. JJ sighs loudly, probably on purpose so they hear her and believe that she has surrendered -But I must tell you that Dr. Reid isn't here.- in the meantime this header cost them the fact that now the team knows that they are a couple and not a single.

-We imagined it.- again that one who speaks at least in a polite way. -How long does you take to reach him, Jennifer?- if he is in the hotel where he is staying since his house has become a crime scene, probably around twenty minutes, Penelope reflects.

-One half an hour.- JJ answers, certainly in a strategic way. What he would pay to know what's on her mind, what is their plan. And yet he can only wait and try to avoid her colleague getting killed.

-Good. You have a quarter of an hour, then, if you don't get we in touch with Dr. Reid, you'll receive a proof of the consequences by post and you'll understand that we are serious.- and he closes the call. The sound is so abrupt that the blonde jumps in his arms. Fifteen minutes pass quickly, when you are engaged in a pleasant activity. The exact opposite in this moment. In order not to go crazy, he finds nothing better to do than think, to remember the worst moment from last night to before they got on this damn bus.

TAGS: @theshamelessmanatee @itsdawnashlie @talesoffairies @janiedreams88 @kiki-krakatoa @yessenia993 @teyamarra @c00lhandsluke  @gcchic @arses21434 @orangesickle @entireoranges @jarmin @kathy5654 @martinab26 @thisonekid @thenibblets @perfectly-penelope @ambrosiaswhispers  @lovelukealvez @reidskitty13 @jenf42 @gracieeelizabeth27 @silviajajaja @smalliemichelle99 @charchampagne14 @ichooseno  @ megs2219 @rkt3357 @franklintrixie @thinitta @chewwy123 @skisun @maba84 @saisnarry @myhollyhanna23 @thenorthernlytes

[aion-rsa]

From Dog Soldiers to The Reckoning: Neil Marshall Revisits His Filmogrpahy

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Ever since launching his career in 2002 with the independent action-horror thriller, Dog Soldiers—a bracing, fresh werewolves-vs.-soldiers exercise—the writer and director Neil Marshall has been devoted to genre filmmaking. His second film, The Descent, is a generally acknowledged modern horror classic, and since then he’s branched out to post-apocalyptic action, historical thrillers and high fantasy before returning again to horror.

His sixth and latest film, The Reckoning, stars Charlotte Kirk (who co-wrote the script) as a young woman who is accused of witchcraft in northern England in 1665 after losing her husband to the Great Plague. With its period setting and story of unjust persecution and hysteria directed against women in particular, The Reckoning (which just premiered on Shudder) channels some of the old Hammer Studios vibe, as well as that of iconic British films on the same topic like Witchfinder General.

For Marshall, The Reckoning represents a return to the genre that gave him his start and to his early independent days, following 2019’s poorly received reboot of the horror-themed Hellboy franchise. The latter film was his first feature in nine years, during which time he directed episodes of high-profile TV shows like Westworld, Hannibal and most notably Game of Thrones while trying to get various theatrical projects off the ground.

With The Reckoning now making its premiere on Shudder, Marshall is already at work on his next film, a horror outing called The Lair. He says it’s “a bit different from The Reckoning… it’s going to be full-on action, monsters, guns, explosions, the works, blood and guts.” With Marshall now seemingly back on track with feature films, we thought this would be a good moment to take a look back at his career to date.

The Beginning

Marshall was born in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England, and he says that he was inspired to become a filmmaker when he saw Raiders of the Lost Ark for the first time in his youth:

“I’m definitely a product of the nerd generation of the ’80s, and proud of it,” he confirms. “Raiders is the movie that got me into making movies. I was already a big movie fan, just like anybody. But when I saw Raiders, it just changed everything, as did watching The Making of Raiders of the Lost Ark on TV. I just thought, ‘That’s what I want to do with my life,’ and never looked back.”

Interestingly, Marshall says that his one unrealized dream project to date harkens back to the impact that Raiders had on him:

“There’s one in particular, a project called Eagle’s Nest…I always wanted to do my Indiana Jones project, my Raiders kind of project, and Eagle’s Nest is very much in that vein. It’s set during World War II, but it’s not a war movie as such. It’s an adventure/action movie. It’s kind of like Die Hard meets Where Eagles Dare, or Indiana Jones meets James Bond. Spies and soldiers and things. It’s full-on action adventure. That’s my dream project, and I still dream of one day getting it made.”

Pathe

Dog Soldiers (2002)

After attending university, Marshall spent a number of years as a freelance film editor before finally getting the chance to direct his first feature film, Dog Soldiers, from an original screenplay he had written. The taut, low-budget thriller revolved around a squad of British soldiers who are attacked in a remote house by a pack of werewolves. For Marshall, it was his chance at last to pursue his dream of making films.

“It was a six-year process of getting it written and getting it financed and getting it made, and it was just stubborn determination,” the director says. “But finally getting there and finally getting on set was just amazing, so satisfying. It was finally achieving a dream that I set about 20 years earlier, really.”

On whether anything surprised him about his first time as a feature director, he adds, “Well, I had directed stuff before. I’d done some short films and some TV things. This was my first feature, but it wasn’t completely new to me. But I was so well-read at the time. I’d spent my teenage years reading nothing but Starlog and Fantastic Films, and all that kind of stuff and learning how these things work. So it wasn’t a complete surprise. I think the main thing was, is just how exciting it all was.”

Werewolves, which were the film’s monsters, hadn’t been seen on the screen in a while at that time. Marshall suspected this would make the film a refreshing change of pace.

“I didn’t want to do the classic Curse of the Werewolf story, which is essentially what all werewolf films had been up until that point,” says Marshall. “I wanted to do essentially Aliens with werewolves, in which they’re just a ferocious enemy and really difficult to kill, and who they are as people is irrelevant.”

Pathe

The Descent (2005)

Next was Marshall’s 2005 film The Descent, in which six women go exploring in a cave system and discover that the tunnels are inhabited by cannibalistic humanoid creatures. A staple of “best horror of the 2000s” lists ever since its release, The Descent was not only genuinely terrifying but groundbreaking in its use of an all-female cast, which was originally not the case.

“I think when I wrote the first draft of it, it was mixed,” Marshall recalls. “When I pitched the treatment, I think then it was a mixed group. I’d done such a testosterone group of men or whatever with Dog Soldiers, part of me was like, ‘Well, let’s just do the complete opposite of that.’

“Then the more research I did into the world of caving and climbing and outdoor sports, it turns out, it’s a really heavily populated by women, and they do everything that the men do. So I just kind of figured, well, why not? Why not have an all-female group? It makes it very different. It made it different from anything that I’d seen for a while, and it came about that way.”

On the inspiration for the horrifying creatures in the caves, called “crawlers?”

“The creatures just came from trying to pare things down to a very, very basic form. I had great difficulty with the werewolves on Dog Soldiers. The guys in the suits, they couldn’t see very well. They were on stilts, so they were really limited in how they could move. Even for a practical effect, they couldn’t move around that well. I wanted to dispense with all that and have the crawlers be as freeform as possible.

“The whole point of the crawlers was that they were meant to be humans who evolved to live in caves,” he continues. “They’re the caveman that stayed in the cave. Whereas the rest of us left and evolved, they stayed in the caves and devolved to live in darkness. They were always essentially going to be human, so that really just required some basic prosthetics. But beyond that, they would just be people. That gave me so much more freedom of movement and allowed them to be fast and agile.”

Universal

Doomsday (2008)

The Descent was a critical and financial success, earning some $57 million on a budget of less than $5 million. It opened the doors for Marshall to begin entertaining offers to direct bigger films, and soon Rogue Pictures (a division of Universal) gave the director a budget of more than $24 million to make Doomsday, his homage to post-apocalyptic action movies of the ‘70s and ‘80s in which Scotland is sealed off due to a deadly virus.

“Doomsday touches upon two things that have cropped up in later work,” Marshall says. “One was the building of a wall to separate two countries, particularly England and Scotland. And then the other one is a viral outbreak, which comes into play in The Reckoning, as well. And the wall reappears in Centurion. It also, I guess, figured in my Game of Thrones episode.”

On the eerie relevancy of doing a movie about a country sealed off because of a viral outbreak, he says, “It was very strange that end of last year, I think it was, when the second wave [of COVID-19] hit, that they closed off the border between England and Scotland. I just thought, ‘This is Doomsday. It’s happening right now. Only a matter of time before they build a wall.’ But yeah, it has been quite scary, especially with The Reckoning, as well. Who could have seen it coming, you know?”

Doomsday was also the first time Marshall had major Hollywood studio resources to work with, which made it a strikingly different experience.

“It was great having much better resources to do a lot more crashes and explosions and things like that. It was a big action movie, it required all those bells and whistles, and we got them all, so that was fantastic… We had more time to shoot it, which was great. I loved that. Because we were filming it down in Cape Town, in South Africa, we didn’t really have the studio on our backs at all. We were let loose to do it. It was one of the most fun experiences I’ve had making a movie.”

Magnet Releasing

Centurion (2010)

For his next film, Marshall turned to the early history of Britain and its resistance to the Roman Empire for inspiration. The result was Centurion, which starred Michael Fassbender, Dominic West and Olga Kurylenko in a violent tale based on the legendary disappearance of the Roman Empire’s Ninth Spanish Legion in what is now northern England and Scotland in the second century. A.D.

“It’s very loosely based,” Marshall explains. “It’s based more on a legend than the history. The history unfortunately disproved the legend. It’s a classic example of the quote, ‘When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.’ The facts aren’t very interesting, but that’s historians doing their thing. Until then, it was a legend that I really liked, the legend of the 9th Legion that marched into Scotland and disappeared without a trace.”

Even though historians have since argued that the Legion wasn’t wiped out in battle with northern England or Pictish tribes as long believed, Marshall was still fascinated with the story:

“My whole kind of thing was, ‘Well, why and how? If it disappeared, how did they disappear? Did none of them survive? If no one survived, how do we even know about it?’ So that’s when I came up with the story of the lone survivor and trying to explain it in logical terms. Nothing supernatural or anything of that, but logical terms of how they were massacred and why.”

As with several others of his films, Marshall also saw contemporary reflections in the story.

“When we were making it, it seemed very relevant to what was going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, with the insurgents fighting the oppressors. Telling the story from the Romans’ point of view made it a bit more interesting, because they were the invading army and the other side were freedom fighters. Because we were telling the Romans point of view, it was kind of like, ‘Well, they’re our heroes—but are they?’ I just thought that was really, really interesting.”

Lionsgate

Hellboy (2019)

Hellboy, which was not a sequel to the two films made by Guillermo del Toro and which starred Ron Perlman, featured David Harbour as the title demon from Mike Mignola’s long-running comics. Marshall’s first feature in nine years landed with a loud thud both at the box office and with critics.

“It was one of those things,” the director says now. “The reason I was away from features for nine years was not out of choice. I was trying to get my features made during that time. But because of the revolution in television, there was a certain kind of budget level that I had been working in that disappeared from features and was now going into television, during a transition period of the last 10, 15 years. And I couldn’t find anybody to finance films at that kind of level.”

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Marshall says that when he was initially approached about Hellboy, the idea was to create more of a straight forward horror movie version of the character:

“That appealed to me, and obviously getting a chance to do a feature was a big thing. Despite my reservations or whatever, I jumped at it, because it was a chance to do a feature after nine years. I wanted to get back in the game. But I made an unwise decision, because I should have based my choice purely on whether the script was any good. Unfortunately, the script was never any good, and there’s only so much a director can do.”

Marshall notes that the problems with the Hellboy script arose from confusion over what kind of film it was supposed to be.

“I’ve said it a few times before, you can’t polish a turd. Even the best director in the world can’t make a masterpiece out of a script that was substandard. This was a confused script from the start, combining different stories and sticking rigidly to the comics, which worked fine as graphic novels. But when you translate them to the screen, there are gaping plot holes.

“Unfortunately, the producers just didn’t care. They brought me in so they could tell me what to do. They didn’t really want to make a horror version of it at all, because I was the most experienced horror person involved in the entire production, and I wasn’t allowed to touch the script. I wasn’t allowed to bring any kind of horror essence to it. So it just ended up as a disaster, really. It was just a mess, and a deeply unpleasant experience. That’s the price that I paid for making the wrong choice, or making it for the wrong reasons specifically.”

Shudder

The Reckoning (2021)

Going back to his roots with The Reckoning was a “breath of fresh air” after Hellboy, Marshall says in 2021.

“It was the complete opposite,” he explains. “On Hellboy, I had lots of money and no creative input. On this one, I had full creative control over the piece and no money. But that was a good sacrifice to make because the experience of making The Reckoning—even though we had less money, less time, whatever—was just creatively way more satisfying. It was good to just get back to my roots and get stuck in there and make this little movie that I’m really proud of.”

The director says that he wanted to capture the tone of some of the iconic Hammer horrors from the ‘60s and ‘70s with The Reckoning while the subject matter touched on themes expressed in horror classics like Witchfinder General or Mark of the Devil.

“I felt that there hadn’t really been anything made in that particular period or about that kind of subject matter, the witch hunter in particular,” says Marshall. “There have been witch movies obviously, but not the witch hunter. That kind of vibe, and that Hammer kind of vibe as well, hadn’t been done for a while. But the reason to do it at all was because I felt that it was relevant today for a modern audience… witch hunts are still going on today. They just take on a different form. And certainly, misogyny and female persecution has not gone anywhere in the intervening hundreds of years since our story took place.”

Marshall also notes that he missed being part of the horror film festival circuit, a thriving subculture in its own right.

“I actually wanted to get back on the horror circuit, as far as the festival circuit is concerned, because I loved that experience with my first movie,” he explains. “Going around the world, going to these incredible festivals, meeting the fans, engaging with the fans and also meeting other filmmakers. It’s so inspiring doing that. That was my hope with The Reckoning, but of course, all that went out the window with COVID. But fingers crossed, we’ll be back full strength and next year will be great.”

The Reckoning is currently streaming on Shudder.

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The post From Dog Soldiers to The Reckoning: Neil Marshall Revisits His Filmogrpahy appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3oAjqMS

[kalapenogone]

P.O.V: Papyrus - Ch. 2 & 3

As a very important skeleton, Papyrus was always pleased to be entrusted with equally important missions worthy of his stature as the mascot of monsters. He took care to fulfill his duties with the great sense of purpose he always carried himself with. He had faithfully kept his post at the entrance to the Queen’s office, and delivered her request to speak with the King on more affairs within the recently erected monster community on the surface. Finished with his current job, he strode down the empty hall.

As his routine demanded, he would ensure his brother wasn’t slacking off by stealing breaks with his shortcuts, report to Undyne, engage in a training session, then make sure Sans had a hearty filling of his wonderfully crafted spaghetti for lunch.

Then, something unusual happened. 

Papyrus's vision grew hazy and white, even though he considered his sight to be of utmost quality. His entire body felt strange. Like it was suddenly heavy, or like he was high up above it but still inside of it at the same time. Maybe it was the confusion, or else the intense, oppressive energy charging the air, but Papyrus started to feel lightheaded. He felt strangely disconnected from the scene, as if he was suddenly watching it from far away.

This went on several long, frightening seconds more, and then it simply stopped. Papyrus stood trembling with his hands and forehead pressed against the wall.

What in the world was that? Was it really over?

He slowly opened his eyes and turned around. Everything looked exactly the same as it did before. The only sound was that of his own breathing. He righted himself and started walking down the hall again. He was nothing if punctual. Now wasn't the time to stand around lollygagging over mysterious occurrences.

Hours later Papyrus bid Undyne farewell after his extra private, one-on-one training and hurried home. He still had to whip up some extra special spaghetti and the tomatoes weren’t going to pound themselves in a rich paste.

He jogged lightly through the town, dodging the human military personnel and the monster civilians pushing wheelbarrows and carrying timber, feeling very content with the world. Smiling, he waved in response to every greeting thrown his way. That warm feeling was expanding in his chest, making his soul float like a balloon. It always felt good to see everyone working cheerfully, banded together and confident in the strength of their new home.

Yes, certain humans had taken a particular offense against monsterkind, protesting against their existence and going so far as to stage attacks. Thanks to the combined efforts of the human military and the royal guard all attempts thus far had been soundly thwarted with minimum injuries. The fact it happened at all was a little bit disappointing. But despite that, it seemed that just as many were rooting for them as well, with a sizable amount stuck in the undecided middle.

Sometimes he wanted to do more than he had already done. But—there were things that mattered much more than that. It was enough to know that he'd had a part in something significant for the good of all monsters… and his friends. Seeing them happy on the Surface, and seeing Sans smile… just that made it worth it.

The government was another story. The King, Queen, and their Ambassador were trying their best but the progress on rights and bills and political proceedings were moving at a snail’s pace.

He couldn't really be very upset about that, though. Not when it felt like the great oppressive blanket of fear and mourning had finally been lifted off Ebott in recent weeks. The last attack happened a little over a month ago. And if nothing else, the mutterings were tinged with a little less worry and a little more hope than before. The monsters no longer had the constant anxious air of people that might be attacked by foreign entities at any moment.

At the same time he threw open the front door to his house, a strange feeling came over him. The world itself seemed to stutter. The entire landscape around him was fading out.

Papyrus stopped and looked at his hands. Color was rapidly leaving them. His vision changed; everything looked far away all of a sudden, an odd sense of unreality coming over him. Why was it so hard to breathe? Was he passing out? Why did it feel like… why did it feel like before in the hall, the same disconnectedness? The tiredness made closing his eyes seem like an increasingly good idea.

He felt himself floating up and away. He was able to look down and see everyone growing smaller for just a second, until everything was awash in white. It was a lot like falling asleep. His eyes might have been open, or closed—he couldn't tell. But then, that concept probably had no meaning without a body. Papyrus didn't see it, exactly—but he got the impression of someone beside him. It was a tall monster with cracked features and calm, but amused eyes. He had never seen this person before, but something about him felt warm and familiar, like a face or smell from a long time ago.

Who are you?

The image faded, drowned out in white, but there were others, increasingly difficult to see. The silhouette of a long white coat. A glimmer of red. A blast of hot air on his face. And then, an acidic, inky blackness. But all of those went too quickly to get anything of substance out of them.

He started falling. It would have been terrifying, if it was possible to see anything. But the world dimmed from muffled gray into black, and he lost consciousness until suddenly, he could feel things again. His entire being felt jolted by the sudden transition.

"paps? papyrus?!"

Papyrus suddenly heard the voice very clearly, a contrast to the fogginess that had been taking over him just a second ago. At least, it felt like just a second. After the cold, blank darkness took over his mind, who was to say how long it really was? And yet, despite the fact that he blacked out from some dark and suffocating force, he suddenly felt good. Really good. He was no longer tired or in pain at all.

Sans was there falling and not-falling too, coat billowing in wind that didn’t exist. He looked relieved at Papyrus’ state of awareness, letting go of his shoulders, “oh my stars, you’re alright.”

“SANS? IS THIS ANOTHER OF YOUR PRANKS ACROSS TIME AND SPACE? IT IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM YOUR USUAL VENTURES.”

“it’s not me bro.” Sans said, hands raised in surrender. The stiff smile flattened out and drooped at the corners. “this is something else.”

“WELL THEN WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?”

A contemplative look washed over his brother’s face. Before Sans could reply it almost felt like they were slowing down. The space around them stretched and bent slightly, like wrinkles in a backdrop made of paper. The scenery above and below grew paler, almost transparent. Through the thinning material of this place and moment, he could almost see something... some place else.

And then, it was like they weren't anywhere at all. It still felt like they were falling, yet up or down no longer had any meaning. Papyrus strained to make the world come more fully into view, make it more solid, instead of them hanging forever in this strange in-between space.

He started hearing someone's voice. Entirely new to him, it echoed around them from everywhere at once in brief snatches, like a broken radio, except without the static.

"Gran…..a."

Someone was talking? Where? How? He couldn't place the voice.

“Where did you pick up weird shit like this?”

"WHAT?" Papyrus wondered out loud, but he could barely hear his own voice anymore. He looked at Sans. From his expression, he could tell that he could hear the voice, too. There were more words, the laughter not at all amused, but the sound emerged only to fade out before it could be heard.

“….nearly…. some profiles…. Imaginary….”

Sometimes it overlapped with itself in disconnected snatches, until the echoes got blotted out and muffled. The regular world faded in around them a bit. The ground was very close.

In front of Papyrus the white expanse rippled, what looked like the tips of fingers(?) curiously emerged from the center of an airborne whirlpool. He noticed that it was a slender hand, with short, straight nails all in a row reaching down into this space. A human hand.

“SANS, LOOK!” They’re both looking at it now. After a few testing motions, it didn’t take long before the hand disappeared wherever it came from. Perhaps it was an indication of how to leave this place?

The world warped again, shifting as a slate of black opened abruptly against the white. It hung in the air, the size of a window, and almost humming with energy. They stared at it for a moment in wonder.

Shoulders slumped, Sans tilted his head. “huh. never seen something like that before.”

“I THINK THAT IS THE WAY OUT OF HERE! DO YOU THINK ALPHYS AND THE HUMANS HAVE ALREADY FOUND A WAY TO LOCATE US!”

“maybe,” Sans said, stroking his chin. “wherever here is anyway.”

Mind made up, Papyrus reached into it.

Something brushed against his glove, and the black rippled but nothing else happened. Confident, Papyrus felt around and grasped nothing but air. With a little more effort, he gripped the first solid object within reach before sticking his other arm through and leveraging himself up and out. Partially. Papyrus looked up, surprise running through him at the very different surroundings. As expected, there was a human, blinking at him with owlish eyes.

It was only proper to greet a new acquaintance. “HELLO HUMAN!”

More silence and stares. Perhaps they were simply taken aback by the sheer awe of his ruggedly handsome features. That could be addressed afterward.

Focused on pulling himself free, Papyrus momentarily forgot to account for the shift of his center of gravity and pitched forward with too much momentum. Luckily it was only a mere carpet, relatively soft against his bones so no noteworthy damage was dealt. He braced his hands against the floor and pushed himself up, peeling himself off the textile floor covering and turning to help Sans through. Imagine his surprise, to discover on the other side of the weird place, that a strange book with their visages printed on the white pages served as an apparent gateway portal.

Everything was dead quiet here, but... where were they now? In fact, he quickly noted the distinct lack of human presence. “OH, WHERE DID THEY GO?”

Sans brushed off his coat and shoved his hands into his pockets. Bemused, he threw a quick glance around their strange new surroundings, “who, bro?”

“I DON’T KNOW, BUT I SAW A HUMAN EARLIER.”

As if on cue, something bolted from behind the couch.

Sans was very good at blue, Papyrus recalled, watching his arm whip out and snag the human’s soul in a near-encounter. He didn't need an attack as a vector.

However the human hadn’t been privy to the same knowledge, almost thrown to the ground before his brother caught them again. With a twitch of his fingers and two bad puns, Sans righted them. Papyrus frowned. It was easy to recognize the fear in their trembling posture after being spun around to face them, head lowered.

"what's the matter,” Sans chuckled, “skeleton got your tongue?"

Papyrus groaned. "BROTHER REALLY? MUST YOU DO THIS NOW?"

“well, I thought that one was kinda humerus.”

He pinched the bridge of his nasal cavity. Now wasn’t the time for this. “ENOUGH WITH THE JOKES! YOU'RE SCARING THE HUMAN WITH YOUR AWFUL PUNS!”

Thankfully, Sans arrived at some sort of similar conclusion. Though instead of asking where they were Sans’ question was very different, centered around an owner and the book they came through?

The human screamed, and Papyrus couldn't help flinching back. Free of Sans’ dissipating magic, they spun on their heels and dashed into the next room behind them. Papyrus began to suspect something was very wrong. A human had never reacted to his or Sans’ presence like that before, not even the monster protesters.

The suspicion proved correct.

They followed them, Sans’ hand raised once more, only to be met with screaming threats and a knife brandished their way. The human, a female he recognized now, was standing back pressed against the counter top, wide eyes filled with terror as they flicked between him and his brother.

For the first time, Papyrus felt a little panic surge into his soul. The human was under the assumption that they were the threat. 

To be fair, they had emerged from a book in a peculiar way. But still, this incident could be smoothed over and resolved peacefully. He only needed to figure out how before Sans reacted in a less than friendly manner. Already he had lost his usual smile, face expressionless but pinched as he looked between you and the human. 

She didn’t really seem to want to take the path of violence.

By the time he worked out a suitable plan, the little standoff ended with Sans conceding first, the human flinching at his movement. He wondered if they were going to try an attack, but their tense shoulders slackened somewhat. “What the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?!”

What…? Did she not know what a monster was? But they’d been on the Surface for months now! And from her brief exchange with Sans she really believed they were there to kill her. They’d never commit such a horrific act!

Sans seethed at his side. From the accusation and the fact the knife hadn’t wavered from its position in the slightest. The human didn't seem to notice, but Papyrus knew his brother's tells.

This was bad.

He didn't want the human to think they're violent.

“I AM SORRY WE SCARED YOU HUMAN,” Papyrus smiled patiently. He watched the way Sans was eyeballing her, poised as though waiting for the other shoe to drop. “BUT MY BROTHER AND I TRULY MEAN NO HARM TO YOU. PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY WE REALLY ONLY WISH TO TALK.”

After a whirlwind of introductions, confusion, and talking on both sides, Papyrus felt a little relieved as Sans dropped his arm into his hand and he reattached it with ease, the bones clicking into place. The human’s petrified stance hadn’t lessened any but progress was being made. He was sure of it!

Until the human saw fit to near cut the tip of her finger off, a foreign red substance streaming down her hand and onto the pristine flooring. 

Blood.

He momentarily froze up before exploding into action. Sans hung back, scratching the back of his skull as Papyrus crossed the small gulf of space in three quick strides. “OH MY STARS, SANS, THE HUMAN HAS INJURED HERSELF!” He knelt next to her, alarm evident in his voice. 

“oh no. how tragic.”

“SANS!”

Whenever Frisk got a cut, a bandage usually stopped the blood but there were none in sight. Unsure what to do now, a bleeding hand carefully held between his, he fidgeted. The human was unnaturally still compared to her animated, if fearful motions from before. His concern increased when he realized how pale she appeared, skin clammy with the cold sweat that had broken across her forehead. Her unfocused stare, devoid of anything now, looked through him. It was disorienting.

“SHE’S NOT REACTING AT ALL."

“maybe she’s overreacting,” he said with a shrug. His voice held a dismissive note of disdain but it wasn’t quite enough to mask the glimmer of hesitation.

“BROTHER, HER BREATHING IS GETTING WORSE. I THINK IT’S A SERIOUS CAUSE FOR CONCERN.”

Papyrus recognized what this was. Sans definitely did. And they both knew the elder brother was the one more experienced with dealing with panic attacks.

Sans' cross look faltered, hearing the wheezes increase in volume and the seeing the lost look of open concern on Papyrus. “okay okay fine.” He finally caved. “it’d be better if she doesn’t suddenly collapse on us. dump her on the couch.”

With a nod, Papyrus turned back to the human and held her shoulders. “HUMAN? I'M GOING TO PICK YOU UP. IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU?” It took a bit of time to coax the swaying, otherwise unresponsive human towards the living room, but the task was successfully completed all the same.

Sans shuffled forward, extended his hand and carefully prodded at the human’s shoulder, studying her with an air of judgment. “hey,” he said, uncomfortable with the close proximity. “kid. look at me.”

She withdrew from his touch, forcing Sans to keep her in a stable upright position with one hand on their shoulder. He raised his brow bones at Papyrus only to be gestured to keep going.

“THE SOONER YOU CALM HER DOWN, THE BETTER. JUST DO WHAT YOU NORMALLY DO.”

Resigned, Sans rolled his eyes. 

He raised his hands to her face, pressing his distal phalanges against her cheeks until her eyes opened. He lightly rested his forehead against hers, forcing her sight to focus on him. Papyrus couldn’t make out the murmured words but he was certain Sans was speaking to her. The human’s breathing slowed incrementally, until the pace soon matched that off his brother’s.

The instant Sans noticed the human’s free hand reaching for his, he simply...moved.

One moment he was there, Papyrus blinked, and he was gone.

He turned his head and found Sans a few feet back from the human. Wide eyed, Sans almost tripped over the coffee table, the pages of the book fluttering at the disturbance. Blue magic sparked and arched along his hands before settling and seeping back into his bones.

“’m fine,” Sans mumbled before Papyrus could get a word out, turning away to face the book. Neither skeleton had ever witnessed their magic react like that to anyone before. The oddity of their predicament seemed to be wearing away at his normally unflappable brother's nerves just a smidgen. “just… check on the human.”

Jaw set, Papyrus shook his head and approached the human, shoving down the multitude of questions bouncing around inside his skull.

This was food for thought at a later time.