#the experience is watching his family die obv

[gutfaced]

my sotr prediction is that haymitch goes through a young danny molloy esque experience and it haunts him for years.

[visenyaism]

Sorry if you’ve been asked this but what do you think of all the rot in asoiaf? Obv some of it is related to the problems with monarchy but I feel like a lot of it isn’t and it just leaves me curious. Like cold hands or people killed by the others idk what that symbolizes there. Jon is in a land in which rot is in stasis from the cold and it’s creepy as shit. And then there’s stuff that could have multiple interpretations like dany by proxy of selmy experiencing bio warfare with the corpses like I know some people see it as the fall of old ghis but I wondered if maybe it was a sign to dany about breaking the wheel and doing as her ancestors did. Idk I know it’s a nasty series and sometimes grrm is just doing stuff so that it’s gross but I feel like rot comes up SO much and I people are usually talking online about like Tywin when it comes to rot.

Oh one of my favorite things about the asoiaf series is how heavy-handed george rr martin is with the rot symbolism. and (at the risk of sounding like an mfa vomited on my keyboard) the way that the political, pestilential, societal, and climatological aspects of the rot symbolism all interconnect.

In a society founded on so many feudal evils that has perpetuated for centuries, something has to give. It is a recurring theme in these books that violations of human decency under feudalism cause cataclysmic societal collapse represented through literal and metaphorical pestilence.

There’s the sociopolitical collapse in the riverlands caused by war of human decency and norms like guest right and prohibitions on kinslaying or cannibalism just dedicating away as times get hard. broken men. bodies left to rot in the sun for the crows to feast on. There’s the fermenting wildfire under every major street in Kings Landing. There’s the familial/relational decay of incest especially the targaryens and the lannisters. The people who hold power and that society rot, despite everyone’s best efforts at keeping up appearances: Robert Baratheon the “war hero” dies of a very nasty festering stomach wound he got in a drunken hunting accident, Tywin gets shot on the privy and his corpse putefies in the sept.

The climate stuff is also very salient. The series starts during late summer and as things get worse and worse in the world declines into the autumn where the summer fruit and all of the abundance is literally rotting through the hands of the characters. (see: renly’s peach vs doran’s blood oranges!) The cold up at the wall keeps the rot at bay for a while, but it does not entirely stop it. Coldhands’ hands are still blackening. Things are still unraveling at the hinges of the world. that’s pretty representative of the way that the violence of the border wall and the penal colony stationed there to patrol it are not sustainable. The decline of the night’s watch from a once proud order to a penal colony full of cruel and often impoverished convicts dropped off there by circumstance is a symptom of the society that sends people up there. But something still has to give. The wall will fall down and the existential crisis will come, it’s just slowed.

Critically, there is also the forgotten parable of Old Valyria: a society founded on extreme cruelty and slavery which eventually experiences cataclysm coming up from the very tunnels they send the enslaved into to die for the empire. A lot of what Daenerys experiences in Essos is an extension of that commentary on slave societies to me. Like. as the slavers try and reconquer places dany has liberated, people fleeing the violence, bring disease like the bloody flux with them. The rot creeps back. (important: disease and rot in the series is not always something people get for being morally bad. it often happens to people who just have no choice but to live in these places.)

But that’s why I think the way Volantis is described really ties a lot of those elements of the rot symbolism together. This is a society that has founded itself up from out of the corpse of old valyria. The city maintains some veneer of old glory, but the fountains are dry and the paint is chipping. The people there eat food that is so sweet it literally causes your teeth to rot out if you were to consume it every day. In terms of climate, I think it’s relevant that it is described as extremely, almost disgustingly, humid, and everything is excessively perfumed to cover up a tangible smell of decay.The air is quite literally cloying and difficult to breathe. You feel dirty after walking through it. The evil of slavery is rotting the city to its core in the same way that the evil of feudalism and the wars for the iron throne is affecting the city of king’s landing.

To wrap allllll this up. Rot is a signal that obviously societal collapse is coming, but it’s also transitional: the empire of old ghis brought about its downfall, and then valyria found itself on the same principles which brought about its own downfall, and then the Targaryen went to westeros and engineered their collapse in Kings Landing while the freehold did the same essos. I think the climatological and disease aspects of it are really heavy-handed symbolism that something has to give in the societies and we’re at the point in the series where that’s about to happen.

I think the ultimate arc of the series ends in some form of significant societal collapse, but instead of building upon a rotten foundation again people are going to have try and hope for something new and gather the courage to build that.,quite literally dreaming of the spring.

[queer-nervous-wolf]

Watched I Saw the Tv Glow and jfc I need 3-5 business days to process and after that watch it 10 more times. I think it can be read in many different lights and be a allegory to lots of different things. Being the weird kid, being neurodivergent, especially autistic, being queer, gay, being trans being nonbinary being so so mentally ill and different symptoms of mental disorders and trauma.

Long rambles under the keep reading, Spoilers

Do you want to interpret it as more "literal" ok so owen has to go back to save himself (still very trans no matter what obv) somehow they've been transported to hellish 'realistic" world and are dying in their graves while plugged into the lunar matrix. You have to wake up.

Maddy was actually not doing mentally well, experiencing delusions, massive disassociation that her and owen shared. Owen disassociating most of his life. Finding safety in the made up world. Finding safety and peace in dying. Mental breakdowns. Only way to be free is to be in a grave. Shared delusions. Shared experiencing some mental illness that is only treated as bad or hurt by ones who should help you. Different scenes could be interpretation as suicide attempts. ( To be completely honest when Owen has the box cutter I genuinely thought he was "freeing and seeing" himself finally but it was gonna cut to his coworker finding his dead bleeding body. Glad it wasn't that.)

Feeling like you dont belong for whatever reason (queer, trans, neurodivergent, traumatized) (for me personally this is a very autistic fear/experience) so you sink into a made up world with another weird person. They are the only one who gets it. Your reality is shoved In your face (your mom dies). The show ends. Your friend disappears/moves/dies. You are alone. You are weird. You go through the motions but nothing feels right, real, you are suffocating. You are trying so hard to mask but you can't do it right. Your friend shows up and tells you that your can make your life as good as when you were watching your favorite show. Your life can be that happy, that show. But it's gonna hurt and there's gonna be a lot of change and uncertainty. You're to scared, you choose to stay in the hell you know, to scared about the unknown and uncertain. You do nothing because you are so scared of doing something. Have opportunities past you? Could you have been happier? Can you be happier? You have to move to find out. Change is the most terrifying part. Why can't you just take a step forward? You are suffering where you are but changing is scary you are frozen. You're suffocating to death, your heart is cold and scared. Could you have been happier already if you had done something earlier? Is there any point? Both edges of the sword are digging into you. You finally snap and realize you want something to change. Now you just have to do it.

Being trans. I interpreted the scene where Maddy invited Owen to run away with her it's also inviting him to come out of the closet. He's so fucking scared. He cleans his skin raw and hides himself. He continues playing the boy role given to him. Maddy was reborn but it fucking hurt getting to the point where she's at now. And now she's come back for him. For Isabel. Open your eyes. He views him trying on a dress, being Isabel something as a silly things kids do, as fake as the show. His dad tells him that show is a girl show. His dad dies and now he "has to become a real man" jfc he's killing himself. Looks back at his childhood and thinks how childish he was to dress/act like a girl. He had a family he's happy (he's playing the man role as best he can. This is what is expected right?) He is surrounded by coworkers and kids and he realizes he can't fucking do this anymore. He's dying like this. He will die if nothing happens.

There is still time

He finally looks inside himself. He sees more then a empty hole. There is something. He hasn't lost everything. He is still so apologetic to others, apologizing for his existence especially because it's "complicated" and not fitting the role. But there's hope. It doesn't matter how old he is. Maybe he will bury himself and crawl out of the ground as Isabel. Maybe Tara will be there. Maybe he'll finally able to breathe, to find his heart. He's made a first step.

[chazz-is-a-zelda-fan]

kaorupost wooohoooooo

sorry @r0yalgrimm-artz you asked and you shall receive <3

ohhh kaoru. where do i begin with you. this is all stuff i made up in my brain so if this doesn’t work in canon, shhhhhh

so the basic rundown is that kaoru is yusuke’s younger brother (he was adopted) and was enrolled in duel prep with chazz (did i mention he’s a selfship insert. sorrryyyy) and the two become super close friends despite their differences in standing. but after two years, yusuke’s parents die, and so kaoru is sent to north academy since his extended family can’t afford duel prep tuition. before he leaves, chazz gives kaoru light and darkness dragon and they both promise to make it into obelisk blue together

except for the part where chazz promptly forgets that because his brothers are assholes and continue to traumatize him for the rest of the time he’s in prep school :( yusuke promptly disappears and kaoru clings onto chazz’s memory and LaDD to fill this emptiness that he can’t remember. through a stroke of luck and skill, kaoru ends up catching sheppard’s attention and manages to get transferred back to duel academy. HOWEVER, when he’s moving back, this is the part in s1 where chazz is leaving DA to go to north. so they just miss each other :(

kaoru has a very specific request. even though he could easily be in obelisk blue, he absolutely refuses to join the blue dorm until he’s beaten chazz in a duel with LaDD. that was their pact, he’s gonna live up to it!! until he gets there. and chazz is gone. some digging around reveals the j-squad to be at the center of it, and kaoru being the borderline teenager with issues that he is, immediately hates all of them and seethes at them pushing chazz away.

when chazz returns, kaoru doesn’t get a chance to talk with him one-on-one until the end of the season. he’s picked to protect a spirit key, but it’s kind of weird since he’s made it obv that he wants nothing more than to defeat chazz and kind of hates everyone else. this is the first near-death experience, getting caught up in the abandoned dorm and dropping yusuke lore hints oooo (LaDD is sighing wondering where they went wrong lol) anyways, atticus and kaoru end up bonding over a vague memory of yusuke, but they don’t realize it’s him. atty helps kaoru figure out that yeah man, that’s pining, you’re gay. hope this helps ^^

s2 is where the fun comes in!!! he doesn’t get to explain to chazz how much their promise meant to him, but he’s gotta try. but when he does work up the courage, oops! the dorm’s brainwashed. so kaoru, having watched zane and atticus duel, and seeing the blue dorm go to shit, gets an idea.

he steals the dragon mask, invoking it to test out his theory. if losing to someone who’s part of the society is a surefire way to get into their ranks, what happens if a society member gets beaten by darkness? would it cancel out and break them free? LaDD refuses to go along with this plan, but kaoru doesn’t care. now as nightshroud, kaoru goes to duel chazz. he loses, and the dragon mask turns back into card form. chazz gives kaoru a whole speech about how he’s too useless to be wanted by any color, and kaoru gets torn apart by atticus yelling about how dangerous that plan was.

LaDD and kaoru reconcile, with the j-squad reluctantly admitting that kaoru isn’t all that bad, and kaoru promising to drop the petty grudges. they end up making a plan to save chazz, defeating him. then they go and save alexis (they being atticus and kaoru, chazz joins in to help alexis), and chazz still ends up tournament winner since he’s helping with the whole de-brainwashing thing

i don’t have much for s3. he almost dies again is that anything

during s4, both kaoru and atticus have consistent flashbacks to yusuke and the abandoned dorm. kaoru goes to investigate by himself and ends up in the world of darkness, LaDD being left to relay the message that kaoru’s trapped. most of the season plays out the same, but there’s still the issue of hey KAORU IS STUCK IN THE ABANDONED DORM. HELP

once yusuke is rescued and kaoru gets to reunite with his brother, he FINALLY gets to have the heart-to-heart he’s been meaning to with chazz for years. and then he gets embarrassed when chazz says he knew and he just didn’t have the chance to say it. atticus nods sagely in the background like “it was obvious, kaoru” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!!!” “hatchling this is a public space.” “NOT YOU TOO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!”

post-series, kaoru goes on to be a pro and later a manager, him and chazz frequently working with and for one another. it’s nice when your boyfriend is your boss and he’s your employee next month :P

OH. I AM SO SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE. I. I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY CAN YOU TELL. sorry if this is hard to understand it’s literally 1 am lol

[1nan0th3rl1f3]

okay I really shouldn't be giving my self insert so much trauma shes not even really me anymore...

like- what she's already got: scars, which are from her death and rebirth, self sacrifice/martyr? syndrome(which is only enforced by the fact she's permanently a godly being now), the fact her scars act up sometimes, she's gonna have to watch all her found family die over and over again, she can barely do anything to save some universes, the multiverse depended on her being a misogynist's perfect wife for a year as a TEENAGER, war experience as said wife, sexual assault during that time(obv), and fuck else I can't remember. and now I'm trying to give her DID(to an extent). fuck I should die that's not me.

so what if she has my hair, my eyes, my face, my- way of reacting to things inside my head, except outward? at this point she's never going to be me, I need to stop calling her a self insert and just call her what she is. a character. something I can punt so I don't have to feel things for myself.

...

...but fuck if that meaning I found for HC DID doesn't work.

I already had the idea of amnesia of her time with Lance, and apparently alters can form and be programmed, whatever that means? I feel like it means what she's going through in her story already. she gets reprogrammed to be his plaything, if she isn't, if she doesn't help him, everything will die, because of her selfishness.

then there's my "Leo winds up in a random universe nobody can track him to except kadeen" prompt thing.

one day, everyone wakes up, and Leo’s nowhere to be found. not in their qotb au, not in Irinel, not in our universe, anywhere. kadeen tries stretching her power to sense him- and, she does. she runs across the multiverse, not giving a shit what universes she destroys on the way. she takes him back, doing the same as on her way there. she grows cold for a while, never, EVER, leaving Leo’s side. she gets overstimulated easily, she won't go on missions, she won't let Leo go on missions.

but what if that wasn't kadeen in between those things?

what if it was me?

what if I couldn't remember my time with Lance because it wasn't me? what if that was kadeen? the one who was always hurting, the one I... sometimes am now...

the one who needs to... go home.....

...

Fuck...

fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.......

[pass-the-salt]

lawrence was a medical droid in a hospital, obv. adam was,,, a surveillance droid at the same hospital i dont remember the official android types but tbh who gives a fuck and john grabbed lawrence after a hospital visit (we're keeping the cancer thing. ties into why he started doing the traps here, too) and then had to grab adam too bc surveillance droid, and else he'd get caught for property theft

(speaking of why john started doing the traps, it'd be so funny if billy is still there but still a puppet as in the movies, but it'd be really something (thematically relevant) if billy is the replacement son™ as an android which like, leads to john going. he's not real. he's not alive. john experiments on some androids à la zlatko, discovers deviated androids, and goes, aha! so they can be alive! poor billy has been experimented on and is still undeviated. but john keeps him around anyway. it's still the closest thing to the son he never had)

john noticed lawrence seemed to be 'emotionally' attached to a specific patient (diana, perhaps), you see. and he was like. aha! prime candidate for deviancy. adam was pure happenstance the tapes are largely the same, minus threatening to kill larry's family. adam, as a surveillance android, watches life go by. lawrence, as a medical android, tells people they are going to die soon - but here, he doesn't even know what that means. jigsaw promises him he's going to find out one way or the other: either he destroys (jigsaw is very particular about not using kill, not yet, not until he deviates) adam, or he gets destroyed himself despite the fact adam seems to be taking it much worse, he doesn't actually deviate. but they are both chained, so lawrence cannot go up to him to destroy him — even if he felt like doing it. lawrence may not understand it, but his software started destabilising long before he got here, and the downward slope is ever steeper

one can imagine the rest of the bathroom side of the plot playing out similarly to the movie, except no phone implying it's the day before 9/11. also no poison cigarette — androids do not smoke nor ingest anything, least of all poison (though ig you could argue for something corrosive or w/e that would damage an android when touched. still couldn't be a cigarette tho. probably best to ignore that bit too). but there is a gun. and there is also a time limit

lawrence has a mental breakdown about it and deviates, and shoots adam, because when he deviates he also goes a lil insane. jigsaw congratulates lawrence and gets him out of there, leaving adam behind — amanda can get rid of it later

adam, having been shot, freaks the fuck out and finally deviates as well. but he's alone, and he's severely damaged. when amanda comes to get rid of his 'corpse', he's in too much shock to do anything, so he lets her bring him to the junkyard. and then he freaks the fuck out again because he's alive, and he doesn't like it. especially not how much it hurts (adam bbygirl consider replacing the part that got shot. you're in a junkyard. there's plenty of spares round here)

anything after that, though — adam manages to get the attention of connor somehow (i like to think hank and connor are out on patrol when that happens), and plot™ happens then — requires more thinking than i am capable of at present. but it would be so much fun

inspired by this post: android saw trap. jigsaw has some very particular opinions on whether androids are in fact alive

[mil-liminal]

What would be your favorite queer horror media?

Oh Boy So i think this question is just asking what type of media i enjoy and to answer that I will say Movies, though i'll admit it is hard for me to sit down and consume any kind of media, i have to be in a right mindset for it.

HOWEVER since we are here, I also think its asking what my FAVORITE thing is, and honestly I want to answer this one with a huge wonderful list of amazing things for you to consume, i feel like there could be and should be so much more, which..i guess with Mil-Liminal is kinda what im trying to do, but lets get into some things that might fall under the genre that i enjoy.

Of course the Welcome to Nightvale podcast, was probably my first big experience with queer media in the spooky or weird genre, and also one of the first i experienced with wholesome queer rep instead of just bury your gays tropes all over the place.

Wildelife, Lies Within and Black Water (right here on tumblr) all have queer rep and are comics i personally enjoy!

Heres some movies i think could fit the question, I'm picking my personal faves, and trying to pick some that might not be AS well known as any old rotten tomatoes list ya know?

first off, She Creature, which is pretty old, but who doesn't like scary mermaids and wlw relationships? its a strange movie and i haven't watched it in ages but worth a visit for a fun spooky perspective.

There might be some who will fight me on this, but Let The Right One In. I understand as a nonbinary person that there are themes that are problematic in the film, but i also understand this was one of the first time i saw someone just a little bit like me on screen in a horror film. so im counting it. (also i should clarify that i mean the 2008 version, not the American remake.)

The Hunger. Listen, its got Bowie in it as a vampire. 'nuff said.

All Cheerleaders must Die. Its just fun ok? I love camp and i love gay camp.

Im going to add ParaNorman because it is SUCH a good movie, and its almost the only time ive seen a cartoon go there without making it a bad joke.

the Fear Street trilogy is fun. fight me.

Bride of Frankenstein(1939)! The Haunting(1963)! Fright Night(1985)!

And finally, ok so I personally am not a big reader, but i consulted one of my best pals who is a librarian (as well as the editor for Seemingly Dark and Mil-Liminal!) @lesbrarians, and here is what they had to say!

'The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling (sci-fi horror)

The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay (afaik Tremblay isn't queer himself, but I still love his stuff and this one was great) White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi (gothic horror, v much in the vein of Shirley Jackson)

Sodom Road Exit by Amber Dawn (supernatural thriller plus family drama)

The Taking of Jake Livingston by Ryan Douglass (obvs every one of these has some kind of tw attached to it bc cmon, it's horror, but massive tw here for school shootings, it's heavy af and you gotta be in the right frame of mind for it obvs, but it's fantastic)

Alice Isn't Dead by Joseph Fink (set in the world of WtNV!)

Wilder Girls by Rory Powers (body horror galore)

The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez (bisexual vampires)

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant (mermaids but make it horror)

Honorary mentions to Jawbone by Monica Ojeda and Summer Sons by Lee Mandelo (only because I haven't read them yet haha, they sound dope) Oh, and Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand, haven't read it yet myself either but I've heard nothing but good things! CARMEN MARIA MACHADO Her Body and Other Parties! The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion and The Barrow Will Send What May by Margaret Killjoy -- trans punk anarchists facing down demons!' -quoted from discord lmao

ANNNND there you have it. You probably werent expecting all that but horror IS my thing after all, and i thought it would be fun to give a in depth fully fledged reply. Now tell me Readers, Listeners and Watchers, do you have any recs for me?

-Caro

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Mia Deserved Better: An Analysis of RE8's Themes/Symbolism

Foreword: I would like to thank @lepusrufus for posting about both Mia and Miranda, and at one point directly saying that Mia deserved better, which is a large part of what caused me to start examining her role in the canon story. Now, I will say that this post, like some of my previous explorations of Village (such as my attempt to determine Donna's age), will not be the best organized. My ADHD makes such things rather difficult for me. However, I have tried more than usual, and have broken up this "essay" into several distinct sections. Still, I am worried that my thoughts will not be as concise or coherent as they were inside my head.

Under read-more for length and spoilers for RE8: Village.

Introduction:

Village is, inarguably, about parenthood. Is it a horror game? Yes. Is it also science fiction? Also yes. But is it still, at its core, a story, and therefore contains imagery, symbolism, and themes? Yes. Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with Mia deserving better. My proposal is as follows: While Village is overall about parenthood, it is more about motherhood than fatherhood. Furthermore, Mia's background + actions from the previous game tie her story directly with Mother Miranda's, making their potential interactions massively important to the story... and could have served the theme beautifully. The missed potential in her involvement in the story is honestly a little bit absurd.

Now, let's examine each of the Four Lords + their sections, as the beginning of analyzing the game's theme.

Lady Dimitrescu + Castle:

Ah, perhaps the clearest (albeit unimportant) bits of theme within the whole game. We are immediately presented with another parent, with three daughters she loves very, very much. Initially they work as a team to capture Ethan, easily overpowering him. When they do split up, each still has dialogue regarding their family members. Each of the daughters expresses a desire to be like their mother/make their mother proud. Lady Dimitrescu herself gets very upset every time one of her daughters perishes, and delivers some important dialogue about this in her final confrontation with Ethan.

To paraphrase, Lady D says that Ethan has done something unforgiveable, caused damage that can never heal, and deserves to die before his daughter. That last part is interesting, in the sense that Lady D seems to believe that outlasting your own child is a fate so terrible that she would not wish it upon anyone, including the person who killed her daughters.

Throughout her dialogue and actions, Lady D serves as an important figure of a living mother. What do I mean by that? Well, the only other mothers we see in game are Mia and Miranda. The former doesn't show up until almost the end of the game (seeing as the "Mia" at the start is not actually the real Mia), while the latter does not have a living child, and her behavior has (presumably) changed quite a bit since that loss. As Ethan goes through Castle Dimitrescu, he watches (he causes) Lady D to go through what Miranda did all those decades ago. When we see her loss, when we experience her loss, it is something we connect with, even comparing it (as Lady D does) to Ethan's loss of Rose.

For the more visual side of symbolism, we can turn to Lady Dimitrescu herself. She is very tall, is visibly older than the majority of the Village cast, and has a fairly classic (old-school) motherly look. Everything about her reinforces her position as an example of a mother, especially when she's with her daughters and becomes such a strong figure of protection. Her height allows her to seem the caretaker for her children, even though they are scary/intimidating in their own right.

Donna Beneviento + Waterfall House:

Yes, the baby/fetus/monstrosity is part of this. No, it is not the only bit of thematic work in this section of the game.

To begin, you can find out that Donna is officially the adopted daughter of Mother Miranda. Her birth parents are dead, implied to be from especially tragic causes (more than is the norm when it comes to "orphan making"), and she has suffered greatly from it. We see that she has been seemingly neglected by Miranda, and is incredibly isolated. The tragedy of her loss, along with the consequences presented by it, are something to keep in mind further down the road, when we inevitably deal with Ethan's own death.

One of the consequences of the environment Donna was raised in is, arguably, her reliance on Angie. While interpretations of their exact relationship (aka how much control Donna actually has at any given point) vary, the two very clearly have something akin to a mother/daughter vibe. Alternatively an older sister/younger sister sort of thing. This shows in the way that Donna holds/carries Angie, as well as the contrast in their demeanors. Moreso, the fact that Donna gave a part of herself to create Angie is almost enough to make the symbolism nonnegotiable.

We also see that Donna has a strong understanding of family/family dynamics, through the way that she uses her powers to manipulate Ethan. She dissects his connections to Mia and Rose, taunts him with the lengths he's willing to go to save his child, then shows him a grotesque version of parenthood: The aforementioned fetus monster. Does the monster represent Ethan's fears, or Donna's?

What if the monster is how Donna sees herself, in some way, perhaps thinking that it's her fault her parents died? Bit of a stretch, but it's not a keystone of my theory, so I'm just throwing it out there. We could, however, go a step further and ask ourselves if Donna has noticed the way Miranda neglects her, and the fetus monster is how Donna thinks Miranda sees her. A baby, true, but grotesque, so terribly imperfect compared to her "real daughter" (Eva, obvs).

Regardless, the monster presents an ugly side of parenthood. It shows us the blood, the hunger (with the way it repeatedly attempts to swallow Ethan whole), the wailing. If Lady D shows us the love of parenthood, the bond, Donna in turn shows us the hate, the misery. Everything that one must endure to reap the rewards of family.

Lastly, we get one last bit of symbolism with Donna's death: We play a game with Angie. A childhood classic, hide and seek. Ethan chases her down repeatedly, stabbing away, seemingly only hurting the doll. But what happens when he kills Angie? It turns out that he killed Donna. You kill the child, you kill the parent. A reinforcement of the connection that comes with parenthood, along with another notch in Ethan's family-murdering belt (not saying that he's the "true antagonist" or anything, just keeping track for one of my later points).

Moreau + The Reservoir

Let's get the worst possibility out of the way: Moreau, weakest and sickest of the four lords, lives in a reservoir, where he is relatively safe. To defeat him, you have to drain the water, forcing him onto dry(ish) land. Paired with the main ideas of his section (which I will detail after this nightmare), one could theorize that he's meant to represent birth itself. Again, he's safe in his ("womb") water, and becomes vulnerable when he leaves (like a fragile newborn). Kinda gross, in my opinion, and also not a strong enough connection for me to care much about. It was merely an interesting (albeit horrifying) enough thought that I felt it warranted sharing.

Moving on to the big stuff with Moreau: He's a baby. Evidence: Whiny, has difficulty moving around, struggles to adapt to his growth, throws up a bunch, loves his mother very much, cries for his mother when he's in trouble, etc. Although Mother Miranda does not care for him, he clearly cares for her, and plays yet another role of an abandoned child (like Donna). Without Miranda there to protect him, he perishes terribly, crying out for someone who does not care to answer.

Hearing him cry out for Miranda, over and over, only for her to continue ignoring him is a key piece in the build-up to our confrontation between Ethan and Miranda. The game, in many ways, centers around the comparison between the two. In my humble opinion, Mia should have been involved in this comparison, as opposed to supplying the solution to the result of said comparison. Yes, I know that was a lot of words that don't mean much yet, but trust me, I'm getting there.

Heisenberg + The Factory

Ironically, of the four lords, Heisenberg is the most similar to Mother Miranda. In his massive factory, he is alone except for his numerous experiments, the results of decades of playing God. In comparison to Ethan + Mia, Heisenberg represents artificial parentage, or more accurately, the artificial creation of "life". While the others Lords also performed experiments, they used living subjects. Heisenberg instead chose to use corpses, which he then "brought back to life" with cybernetics + his powers, a somewhat futuristic version of Dr. Frankenstein.

Together, Miranda and him show a rotten side of parenthood (whereas Donna + Moreau showed us the uglier side of the children themselves). To put it simply, they are bad parents. They throw their "children"/experiments into the fray, uncaring, using them as pawns for their own greater gain. The most important part of this is that Heisenberg offers to "help" Ethan: By using Rose as a weapon. In his act of refusal, Ethan demonstrates one of several important distinctions between himself and Mother Miranda. Where she is willing to use her "children" (read: lives that she is responsible for) as tools, he is not.

Miscellaneous Symbolism/Imagery:

The old hag is one of my favorite parts of Village. She's seemingly nuts, has a crazy old lady laugh, wears bones that make soothing bone noises when she moves, and she draws lots of symbols in the dirt. If you look closely (I can provide screenshots if anyone desires, but it will take a bit of work to get them onto my computer), she's drawing one of the most iconic images in the titular village: The winged unborn. This symbol acts as the key you build up after every fight with a Lord, understandably called the Unborn Key (which turns into the Winged Unborn Key). Whether this counts as foreshadowing towards the hag's identity reveal is technically irrelevant, but I like to think it does.

In essence, you build up the key, this depiction of an infant, to progress in the game. The more wings it gains, the closer you are to your goal of rescuing your child.

The cadou itself is very clearly fetus-shaped. Furthermore, the only place within the human body that we know it ever gets implanted is in the "tummy" (thanks Moreau), aka roughly where someone's womb is/would be. Every infected person we see presumably had the Cadou implanted there (though I think it would be interesting if implanting it in different spots caused different mutations. of course, that is a discussion for another day). To become immortal, you have to "bear" a "child". Does it get more direct than that?

Mother Miranda gained her immortality in part for her grief at the loss of her child. She embodied the despair that Lady D spoke of, becoming an eternal source of anguish. Just as the loss of a child is a wound that lasts forever, so too would Miranda last forever (well, until Ethan comes along).

Mia is a loving mother, who puts up with the BSAA making her move across the world, deals with the complications of having a mold husband and mold baby, and has proved herself (see her section in RE7) to be an immense badass. Previously I had forgotten that, and even embarrassed myself in the comments of another person's post by implying she wasn't a tough, ass-kicking machine. Y'all remember feral Mia? People talk about "poor Ethan's arms", but sometimes we forget that Mia was one of the people who did a number on them. Furthermore, she's one of the only living people (from outside the village) to have any connections (pun intended) to Mother Miranda. They worked together, although possibly not directly, on Evelyn. If anyone in Village has a chance of really understanding Miranda's plight, or knowing the truth behind it, it would be Mia. Yet we don't see them interact a single time. Which leads me to the next section...

Conclusion On Theme + Missed Potential:

Okay, okay, so it's pretty obvious at this point that, as previously stated, the game's theme is parenthood. Every section has its symbolism, the story is very obviously about a man trying to rescue his daughter, etc, etc, but what's the point? Is there a lesson, or a more focused interpretation of the central theme? Let's take one last step back, and focus on something I've mentioned a few times now: The comparison between Ethan and Mother Miranda.

Recurring dialogue from Ethan, Alcina, and Mother Miranda all point towards the developers acknowledging that the characters are similar, but there's nowhere near as much conversation about it as I would like. Several times we have the antagonists ask Ethan how he's so willing to kill someone else's child, or prevent them from (essentially) doing what he's doing (aka saving his daughter). While Ethan responds with a mix of "well you started it" and "aghhh fuck-a-you, bitch", there's a much more solid, unspoken difference: Mother Miranda sends her underlings to kill, so that she may revive her daughter. Ethan kills (read: does the work himself) to get his daughter. The difference is much bigger, and more important, at the end of the game, when we realize just how far it goes. Ethan dies to save his daughter. Time and time again Mother Miranda has killed others for her work, but in the end she is stopped when someone willingly dies to stop her.

Where does Mia come in? Mia, the badass mother, the one who once worked alongside Mother Miranda, should have been the nail in the coffin. She is the one who survives, who lives on to raise Rose, she is the silent solution to Ethan's sacrifice. Miranda, you fool, what could you have accomplished if you had held onto your makeshift family? Through Mia (and Chris, to a lesser degree), his "loss" becomes a victory. There's a certain poetic justice that comes with Rose's full family being instrumental in saving her, when Miranda so readily spurned her own family.

Mia could have had an actual conversation with Miranda, their history giving the latter a reason to actually listen. I'm not saying that Miranda would have changed her mind/plans, but the conversation would have been a well-needed contrast to Ethan's "arggg what the fuck is happening, I only have two reactions to things. agg fuck you". Additionally, I feel that Mia (who was captured and had to endure who-knows-what) deserves the opportunity to be the one who points out Miranda's mistakes, who delivers the final "fuck you" to her. More than that, she's the one at the end who can say that hey, maybe she can understand some of what Miranda did. Was there anything her and Ethan wouldn't have done to save Rose? As much as Ethan is a foil to Miranda, Mia could (and should) have played a similar role.

When so much of the story and symbolism revolves around Miranda's experience as a mother, it only would have been fair to shine a light on her equivalent. Her better.

There's more I wanted to say/feel like I didn't properly get across, and I might add more to this at some point, but it's 5:40 AM right now, and I'm starting to feel like my brain is slowing down, so... Feel free to reblog/comment and add your own thoughts!

[ff-imagines]

Oh snap you're opened. Welcome back! Can you please do the nsfw alphabet for peking duck? I really like your writing!

Peking duck: nsfw alphabet

Minors dni xoxo

A - aftercare

The best at it, honestly. Might seriously cry a little afterwards lmao. You don’t have to ask for anything because he’s already thought ahead and is shoving everything you could need your way. It might get a little ridiculous with how careful he is with you, he doesn’t mean to baby you, he’s just terrified of hurting you. If you’re sore at all he feels incredibly guilty, even if there is a tiny part of him that twinges in pride when you remind him you’d asked for a rough treatment and, well, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give you exactly what you asked so nicely for.

B - body part

Of yours, it’s more a question of what he doesn't like. If he had to make a choice, he’d say your stomach. It’s good to lay his head on it, and it’s one of the softest parts of your body so it’s nice and warm. He’d die before he admitted it but some nights he goes a bit harsher than usual, splaying his hand across your stomach and feeling how deep his cock is inside you as he thrusts- it drives him insane really.

He also loves your hands, always wants to be holding you hand, especaily during sex. Will pin you down in a loving way by lacing his fingers with yours above your head.

On himself? Definitely his hair. Playing with his hair and giving him a scalp massage makes him feel some type of way. Sit in his lap while you run your nails across his scalp and he’ll bury his nose in the crook of your neck and moan for you, whatever happens next is up to you babes xoxo

C - cum

It’s not a crazy amount but it’s pretty thick. You can’t tell me he doesn’t have a big ass breeding kink. What can he say, Peking Dad is a family man! Just the thought of cumming deep inside you has him thrusting all that harder. Beg him to cum inside you, I dare you. You’ll see a side to him that’s much more feral than you’ve ever seen this sweet man. Would 100% cum inside and buck into you just a bit longer to fuck any cum that’s slipped past his cock back inside you.

D - dirty secret

He wants to take pictures of you while in your blissed out state. He loves you so stupidly much, he’s already got tons and tons of pictures of you going about your daily life. He’s the type to see a cat asleep and go “what a rare moment I must capture it forever” and that stays true with his beloved. If you’d let him, he’d love to make some… home videos with you, ones he’d definitely come back to rewatch to the point where your whines are committed to memory like the lyrics to his favourite song.

E - experience

I’d say he’s not a green bean with sex. I don’t think he’s been around the block either. He’s probably opened up such intimacy with a few others before just to test the waters, but hasn’t really felt passionate about opening that part of himself back up for quite some time. He’d most likely fumble a bit to begin with as he recalls the motions.

F - favorite position

Whatever yours is! He’s the definition of a true switch, let him soft dom you or treat him how you like, it’s up to you!

If he had to pick, he’s most likely a sucker for when you’re on his lap. No matter if he’s in charge or not, he just loves to look up and see the way your face scrunches when he bucks and hits that one spot inside you that makes your mind vacate.

G - goofy

Not…. Really? He’s accidentally goofy by saying something super out of place during intimate moments or by fretting over something you wouldn’t even think to be worried over. You could have his cock buried so deep in your insides will feel like they’ve molded to the shape of his dick and he’d stop and ask if you remembered to turn the oven off lmao

H- hair

On himself he mostly trims to keep it simple but like, that’s it. He’s got a light happy trail that he doesn’t really trim since it’s not that thick, it doesn’t really bother him.

On you, he literally doesn’t care. Shave or don’t, he’s your personal cheerleader either way.

I- intimacy

It’s his expertise, your honour! He lives to be closer to you, learn more about your desires, what makes you happiest, please let him treat you good, he adores you so much, and precious things get treated like royalty in his hands. He commits your body and reactions to memory, almost like he’s taken a photograph of every single touch- and like I said….. if you let him…. he would take pictures ;)

J- jerk off

You’d think he’d only do it occasionally but he actually does it quite a lot. He thinks it’s healthy to release regularly, it’s better to cum now than have a weird spike of horniness in public. He’s probably considered the chance that you walk in on him, and he’s surprised by how much he wants that to happen. For him to be desperately close to the edge and for you to walk in and take over, him a deer in the headlights as you take control, he’s could probably cum to that fantasy alone, honestly.

K- Kinks

Well, obv a big ole breeding kink. The thought of cumming in your deepest parts has him frenzied beyond belief.

Idk if the taking pics thing is a kink but also… that ofc.

I think he’s also into sensory deprivation. Allow him to blindfold you, tie your hands behind you, let him take care of you. He’ll handle everything from here, sweet thing, all you have to do is keep moaning for him in such a pretty way.

He’s also, surprisingly, into masochism. He doesn’t care for sadism at all, he’d die before he left a mark on your perfect skin, however….. if you decided to roughly pull his head back by his hair and bite just a little too hard, you might find him bucking into you a little faster.

He’s probably thought a bit about cock warming, but surprisingly he doesn’t really want it to be…. “sexual” as much as he desires to be closer to you. You sitting in his lap, feeling you exhale against his neck with your arms wrapped around him, all the while is cock is buried deep inside you, it just sounds so intimate, and he finds himself craving to be that close to you often.

The biggest of all? Praise praise praise. Body worship as well. He’s literally always babbling about how gorgeous you are, how good you feel, how amazing you make him feel. Always encouraging and always admiring you, just like he does every single day in non sexual contexts, always sneaking in ways to remind you how much he adores you. Tell him about a certain part of your body you don’t feel confident in, he’s paying extra attention to making it known how perfect everything about you is. Everything you have, own, are, all of it. Peking is your number one fan, sit back let him remind you just why he finds you so lovely, you won’t regret it.

L- location

He prefers to be in a secluded area, he knows he’s loud and he’d be really embarrassed if anyone but you brought up the….. volume of his whines.

However, he’s very weak when it comes to your begging. If you're in a less than private location, he’ll most likely let you lead and just try to bite his knuckle to keep from crying out. It'd be soOoOo awful if you made a game out of trying to get him to break and whine out for you unmuffled as you play with him, oOoOoHhHh the horror >:)

M- motivation

He’s an old dad with an enormous you-shaped hole in his chest, just ask him and he’ll give everything he has to his name to you. You don’t need to wear that certain perfume he loves so much, you don’t need to breathe across his neck like that, you don’t need to run a finger down his spine so slowly, he’ll give you anything you ask for, please don’t tease him so much.

If you straight up ask him for sex, he’ll mostly lean towards soft service domming, if you choose to purposely rile him up, he’ll be in a much subby-er mood.

N- no

Like I’ve said, there really isn’t a sadistic bone in his body. He also doesn’t have literally any desire for humiliation kinks. He just doesn’t like it, giving or receiving. He’s a big ole simp with a big heart and it’s in the palm of your hands, please treat it nicely :’(

O- oral

P l s let him give you oral. He might not be an expert but he lives to make you feel good.

Afab readers…. He’ll most likely try to make you sit on his face at least once, please please he wants to feel your thighs against his head while he works his tongue on you.

Amab readers, he fuckin loves to rub his thumbs on your hips to keep you from bucking as he swallows your cock, he’ll open his mouth for you after you cum, swallow, and open his mouth again to prove he didn’t let a single drop go to waste.

As for receiving, phew boy does he love receiving. He cannot for the life of him figure out where to put his hands so it’s a frenzy of him grasping the sheets to biting down on his knuckle to placing a hand on your head. If you made him look down at you and lock eyes while his cock is in your mouth his soul would leave his body lmao

P- pace

Not very fast at all, he prefers to thrust deeper than should be possible. He really likes when you beg him to go faster, and as soft as his heart is, this is the only time he might withhold himself from giving into your begging for a bit, he just loves pulling out so slowly and watch you almost cry out for him to thrust back, deeper harder, faster, please, he’ll give into you eventually, just let him savour the feeling of you needing him badly enough to cry for a few more minutes.

Q- quickies

He prefers long, drawn out rounds, but if you really need some relief quickly, he’s not one to deny you. He will most likely give in, and later on in the night when you're back home and out of the public eye, suggest you two have a much more... thorough round as quick rounds just don’t satisfy him enough.

R- risk

Surprisingly…… he kinda likes the idea. The thought of someone, maybe even someone who’s been pining for you, to catch him in the act of making you beg and cry for him. Alternatively, making them watch you as you give your full attention to him, pleasure him, make them watch you love him instead of them. It riles him up in a way even he’s not used to.

S- stamina

He’s an old man, his refractory time is kinda long lmao. He prefers one really long round rather than multiple. He doesn’t mind or judge if you need a little more, and doesn’t mind giving you a few more orgasms with his tongue or hands.

T- toys

He doesn’t have any, but he’s open to the idea! Admittedly, he likes the idea on himself, like, really likes the idea. Give him a cock ring and watch him cry out as he begs for a break that he doesn’t actually want to take because the bliss you’re giving him is making him feel like jelly.

U- unfair

He's tried to edge and tease you before but he gave in so damn quick it was almost embarrassing for him. He just adores you, he lives to please you, even if you beg him not to give in and try to tease you he just can’t, his heart is so so squishy and he loves you very much dear, please let him treat you exactly how you beg to be treated.

Overstimming however….. he does it accidentally a lot, he just loves prolonging your pleasure, watching you squirm a bit as he forces a second orgasm out of your poor spent body.

V- volume

He’s very loud honestly. If you decide to dom him he talks a lot. He's got a bad babbling habit, words of adoration bleeding from his lips that get more and more incoherent the longer you toy with him. Play with him long enough and he’ll forget how to form words, letting out loud whines and he squirms under you. You might catch him attempting to cry out your name but the poor thing just can’t seem to form the right words.

If you let him top you he’s still throwing out every compliment he can think of and he still whines a lot, he likes to bury his face in your neck to muffle himself and listen to your moans. He lives to hear you come undone, but he can’t help being so loud, you’re just so warm and you feel so good :(

W- wild card

I think jealous sex will be more common than you actually think, Peking is just very quiet about the reason he’s suddenly a bit more handsy. He knows it’s not rational to worry about his place in your heart, but it just eats at him sometimes when he sees the way you blend in with others so easily while he just… doesn’t. If a stranger/friend is more overt about their flirting he will probably be more obvious about the jealousy burning through his veins. Even if he wasn’t prompted through jealously, pillow talk sometimes leans towards him venting his fears to you. Please praise him, tell him how much you love him, he needs it :’((((

X- X Ray

A lot bigger than average and a bit curved. He never considered himself to be out of the norm, or never really considered his cock to anything else than, just, “well, its there” I suppose. He does appreciate the curve a lot more now because it makes it easier to hit your weak point. He feels a bit of pride nestling into his chest if you cry about him being too big.

Y- yearning

Fairly often, but he doesn’t mind not acting on it. He can still function and do his work if he’s only surface level horny. Literally anytime you ask he’ll deliver with very slim exceptions. He’d like it to be a regular thing, since he really enjoys the intimacy, so maybe 3-4 times a week, 1-2 if you prefer it to be.

Z- zzz

Oh man he loves cuddling with you after sex. He also loves cuddling with you period but god he loves to the pillow talk with you in his arms, listening to your sleepy voice as your grip on him slowly loosens -but never lets go, as you succumb to sleep. He isn’t overly sleepy himself, instead choosing to close his eyes and comb through your hair, or run a thumb across your cheek if your hair isn’t a texture that can be combed through. Sleep will come to him eventually, he just likes savouring the warmth you bring him.

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 85-89

Chapter 85

We’re back with Dex because describing fight scenes is hard and we need Dex to notice that the Xen Pterans are shooting people with a “silvery substance.” What could it beeeee?

Dex contemplates abandoning ship, so to speak, but then Andi gets hurt and he’s like “oh no, my waifu!”

The shots were fewer, lessening to the point that he knew they had no time. That in seconds, he would probably be next.

But he couldn’t look away.

When she stood, somehow hauling herself up on shaky feet, Dex knew that Valen would die.

Because it was not Andi who rose, but someone else in her place.

The Bloody Baroness.

Wow, this is soooo coool you guys! I can’t wait until I get to experience this epic fight scene! I bet Valen, who’s a painter and a bitchass weakling, will have a hard time against the Bloody Baroness, the most notorious assassin space pirate in all of Adarlan Mirabel! It’s gonna be so cool!

Chapter 86

Andi gets shanked and passes out.

Oh and her crew get shot with Zenith.

I think this is the first time I’m gonna accuse a book of having a big mouth. What was the point of that, Shinsay? Only served to make your protagonist look like a chump. Even at her best and most ruthless Andi can’t hold her own.

In the previous chapters, Valen had been so bad at stabbing his father, who wasn’t even defending himself, that the guy didn’t die right away. But now he makes short work of the *~*Bloody Baroness*~*, Mirabel’s greatest and most fearsome space pirate? That’s embarrassing.

Chapter 87

Dex, the only one who’s allowed any agency because he’s got a dick, I guess, somehow reaches the stage unnoticed despite the chaos dying down. Convenient that Valen had to have a dramatic little stroll down the catwalk.

Dex notes that there isn’t any actual blood anywhere except the soldiers’ and that the Xen Pterans seem to be obeying Valen. Clearly we’re dealing with a genius here.

I also want to point out that in the previous chapter from his POV, he watched a man get shot in the head, and saw this closely enough to notice how a “silvery substance” splattered against a man’s forehead where the bullet had “gone in” and how the liquid was absorbed by his skin. Did he not ... notice that the man’s head wasn’t actually blown open? Or is this book implying that the man was shot and there was indeed a hole in his head, but he somehow ... didn’t bleed, and no brains came out the other side? Does Zenith have the power to stop that from happening somehow? Is the guy just walking around with a hole in his head now? Or is it meant to say that the bullet itself was semi-liquid and didn’t actually penetrate the skull and only splashed against the man’s head? If that’s the case, Dex should’ve noticed how weird it was then, not now. Ugh, whatever, man. We’re almost at the end.

Chapter 88

We’re back with Valen and find out that he apparently has a telepathic link with Nor, as he informs her that everything is ready for her arrival. We also find out that apparently, his torture at Lunamere is what unlocked the telepathy and also his “compulsion ability,” which confirms that yes, he was aware of everything, including his plan and true motivations, from the very start of the book.

So why oh why did he refer to himself as Valen Cortas throughout his chapters, in his very own head, when he always considered himself to be Valen Solis? How come he conveniently switched only when the “twist” was already revealed? Why did he never once think about the betrayal he was planning when talking to Androma? Because that would give away the plot twist to the reader, and we can’t have that!

But then don’t fucking make him a POV character, maybe? Because now it just seems like he’s, on some level, aware of the reader and is censoring himself somehow, which naturally makes zero fucking sense. His scenes contributed literally nothing to any of the plot, and their existence only highlights how manipulative and disingenuous the writing is. The chapters were literally only there to mislead the reader by way of lying to their face and withholding information.

This wasn’t a twist where everything suddenly made sense and made you realize the connection between seemingly unrelated details, this is a “twist” where the authors lie to you, insisting there is no twist, and then expect you to be in awe of their storytelling when they reveal their lie. It’s like a magician doing a disappearing act, but instead of using smoke and mirrors to distract you, they just have an assistant choke you out and then leave the stage.

Ugh, this makes me so mad.

Anyway, we find out that some people are immune to Zenith and have to be put down the old-fashioned way because they’re useless to Nor and her mighty empire. Valen does seem a bit sad about Andi being immune too and about having to stab her, which I’m guessing is a setup for a future redemption and/or side switch, but who knows and/or cares.

Valen notices that his father, Andi, and Dex are all gone, but assumes they won’t get away. How convenient that he’s apparently forgotten all about the many secret passages that his father has all over the place. Andi and Dex know about them, but he doesn’t? Alright.

Nor is arriving and Valen takes a moment to make another threatening speech to all the Zenith-zombos. It’s very dramatic. He asks the zombos who the rightful ruler of Mirabel is, and they’re all “Nor Solis,” and then he orders them to kneel and it’s very dramatic and evil and stuff.

The woman of the hour arrives and the chapter ends.

Chapter 89

We’re with Nor and she’s gloating about how wise she is for torturing her brother to near-death. Check a look.

She’d been wise to keep him in Lunamere for so long, tortured to near death. It had unlocked his compulsion ability, his true self. His birthright. That was when she had begun to visit him daily in his cell. Training him, guiding him, gaining his trust.

In case you guys forgot that she’s evil.

But also, is it just me or does this come off as Shinsay trying to retroactively justify their own twist. Like “yes she tortured him for two years but um, she also, uh, spent time with him, and visited him, and that’s how she gained his trust, so it makes sense why he’s on her side now!” Just say she brainwashed him. Y’all are clearly not competent enough to deal with the implication that she emotionally (and physically obvs) abused and manipulated him.

God, that’s what they’re gonna go for in Nexus, isn’t it? I mean I guess it would make more sense in terms of explaining why Valen is doing this, but I don’t trust Shinsay to handle this with any tact or care at all.

There are already implications of this happening, Valen seems to be under the belief that he’ll get an equal cut as his sister even as he recognizes that she’s glorious and powerful and whatever, but Nor straight up just thinks he’ll always be inferior to her.

Nor stopped herself from curling her lip at the sight of his figure. Too thin, too angular, too pained. No member of the Solis family deserved such treatment. But it had to be done, to ensure that his survival instincts would kick in, to force his powers to unlock.

She would reward him later for his loyalty, perhaps with a crown of his own. He was a prince of darkness. Her long-lost brother, finally come home to her side where he belonged.

But never her equal. She would rule alone.

I love how she doesn’t even try to justify the torture or blame it on her enemies with ye olde “my hand was forced.” No she just goes “oh no my poor abused brother ... had to abuse him for his own (but mostly my) best.” Stay classy, Nor.

Gosh, she’s just so evil, you guys! That’s why we spent countless chapters in her head, seeing her being all sad and Complex and are expected to sympathize with and/or understand her on some level.

Because she’s just evil.

Can y’all decide on what you’re going for here, Shinsay? No? Ok.

Anyway, Nor slits the throats of the former leaders of Mirabel, including, I assume, Lira’s aunt.

Fun times.

[cucumbersncheese]

No but the way Crevanille goes unresponsive and lies in his bed for DAYS in the original ps2 version of Growlanser IV, where the familiar fairy’s sacrifice as she saves you is unavoidable- it’s in such contrast to the way he presented himself after the brutal slaughter of his boss and the boss’s daughter, who were by all means his adoptive family. Back then, the focus was placed largely on Remus and the way he responds to the tragedy; there is no mention of Crev falling into despair on the level as the event of the familiar’s death.

One reason is obv that the familiar is literally part of him- created from him, an extension of him, not quite a daughter but not quite a clone either (since her personality can be vastly different from his). Losing her is like losing himself, but it’s also...

The way he loses her is largely similar to the way he lost his adoptive sister and boss, who had stepped forward to save him.

By this point, Crev has watched dear ones be murdered, has been drafted into being a soldier, been jailed and experimented on, has watched said jailmates die, literally slept next to a corpse in said jail cell, and one of the potential things such a Crev can say to Remus upon being broken out?

God.

With all this tragedy, it’s no wonder he falls into depression in the aftermath of his familiar’s death which is roughly a few months later. Moreover, there’s no need for him to keep himself together either- before, it was just him and Remus and he had to take care of Remus, but now Remus is capable, independent, and the rest of the small team they’ve made relies on each other as much as they rely on him.

He’s not needed anymore. Just like the jail situation, he’s ready to die.

[harrowscore]

Mikasa Ackermann, Levi Ackermann, Amane Misa, Aeron Greyjoy for the charactet ask :3

SOMEONE HEARD MY PRAYERS AND NOW MY TIME HAS COME, tysm!!!!! <3

okay, let's start with levi (my beloved):

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life (THEE little feral anime man after my heart)

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (Dark, Tall and Snarky + piercing grey-blue eyes and chronic insomnia? clearly my type ❤)

hogwarts house: gryffindor (maybe....?) | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

ugh, the hp sorting house system is way too reductive. he has qualities of gryffindor, slytherin, and hufflepuff - brave, astute, loyal to a fault, etc. so it's a hard choice. but if i really have to choose, i'd go for gryffindor. i know that his Bad Boy facade shouts slytherin, but while he has larger goals (killing all the titans, then saving the world etc.), he's got no actual ambition for himself. hufflepuff would also be a good option.

daemon (from the his dark materials series): (because i've just decided that's just way more accurate than the hp method) some kind of big feline. maybe a panther - a black panther would be the ideal - aloof, predatory, dangerous, fiercely independent.

best quality: besides his obvious strenghts as a leader and warrior, the way he cares for his comrades-in-arms. it's very hard to gain his trust and respect, but once you have it, it's forever. he's pragmatic and ruthless, yes, but he also has a huge capacity for compassion and friendship. not that he would be effusive about his affections, of course.

worst quality: none, he's absolutely perfect ❤ jklsdfhjk jokes aside, he really struggles to open up (a serious understatement), idt he ever talked about his traumatic past with anyone. i mean, maybe he mentioned it to hange and erwin (erwin knew him when he was still an undergound thug, so...), but... he's not great with feelings. despite his apathetic, intimidating mask, he feels and cares deeply, but he has a long history with losing the people he loves, so he tries to not personally care about his squadmates, which can be both a strenght and a weakness. of course, he spectacularly fails at this.

ship them with: well, it's not a secret that i'm a huge rivamika fan, this ship is almost literally consuming my waking thoughts lmao. imo they're perfectly compatible: very similar personalities (stoic, the strongest warriors, absolutely terrifying on the battlefield but with a soft underbelly), very similar pasts/experiences, so many parallels that it's actually ridiculous, etc. i love how they're both each other's equals and likeness (yes, i took it from jane eyre. no, i don't regret anything lmao). a lot of tropes i love, too: Terrible First Impression (the Pride and Prejudice vibes are so strong with these two, you have no idea), Kindred Spirits/Mirror Images, Veteran/Young Prodigy, The Last of Their Kind, even Height Difference lmao. i could write a whole rivamika manifesto, but this is already too long. (maybe for some other time 👀) i would've loved for their dynamic to be more explored in canon but alas, isayama clearly didn't give a shit about the ackerman legacy, he just used it as a plot shortcut to give them conveniently unique powers, since they never really talked about it 🙄 (and before some troll comes into my askbox shouting "you iNcEsT fReAk!!!!1!!", they're only very distantly related. we know shit about the ackermans but we know for sure that they've got at least several generations between them. biologically their shared DNA is 0%, obviously they don't see each other as family, all the eldians have a dead ass common ancestor from 2000 years ago so they're all basically ⁓related anyway. if you really wanna scream about i.ncest, go watch got/dark/the borgias and shut the fuck up please. or alternatively go outside and touch some grass) sorry for the rant, uh. anyway, i can also see levi/erwin. idk if i'd ever care enough to read a fic about them (i'm usually a huge multishipper, but for some weird reason not when it comes to rivamika? same with braime and kastle tbh), but still, i can see it.

brotp them with: hange and erwin, obv. veteran trio >>> ema trio, sorry not sorry (at least h. and e. died before yams had the chance to ruin their character arcs)

needs to stay away from: ...uh, filth, i guess? lmao

misc. thoughts: besides the stupid teenage fangirl crush i have on him, i'm genuinely fascinated by the man himself. he's a huge mess of a contradictions, and yet somehow it works: he's violent and brash and kind of an asshole, but also has a strong moral code and integrity; he's obv very skilled at all the killing/torturing stuff and yet he has a huge respect for life; he's got a potty mouth to say the least, and yet some very aristocratic manners/tastes (the way he sits, his preference for tea and usually refined clothes); he comes from what's supposed to be an illustrous bloodline, he's methodical and very precise, and yet he was born and raised in the underground, he's been used to filth and blood and poverty since he was a child, kenny of all people was his father figure, and probably has known no other life than a perennial survival mode existence. he's "humanity's strongest soldier", but while well-built he's also small, the david to the titans' goliah, and probably not what people would assume a born warrior looks like. he's also one of the few characters who stayed true to himself and his original characterization until the end, bless you smol king ❤

(okay, this is getting long!)

mikasa:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them (so much. she deserved better ❤️) | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! (stunning lady ❤) | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

this is actually easy: mikasa belongs to hufflepuff and no, i won't take criticism (just joking lol). enough with this "hufflepuffs are fluffy puppies/Cinnamon Rolls <3" thing: mikasa values loyalty and duty more than anything else. she's also hardworking... and fierce, strong, lethal. yes, hufflepuff and lethal are not mutually exclusive concepts.

daemon: (finally the better option) a she-wolf, fiercely protective of her pack.

best quality: loyal, brave, incredibly strong (alongside her more fragile qualities). practical and level-headed on the battlefield, at least when eren is not included in the picture.

worst quality: struggles to let go of the past (understandable, considering her trauma). tunnel-vision when it comes to eren, obv. extreme levels of delusions ("if only i spoke openly about my romantic feelings for him - as if i didn't made them abundantly clear in ⁓6 years - he wouldn't kill 80% of humanity :(((" lmao okay. just. okay), but that's more on the writing. she's sadly more static than any other main character throughtout the whole series.

ship them with: see above :) but recently i've also started to be intrigued by mikasa/annie and mikasa/sasha. also, i'm sympathetic to jeankasa fans, though i don't actually care for the ship.

brotp them with: EMA trio, especially armin+mikasa. their friendship is so beautiful and special. also sasha.

needs to stay away from: ...... eren, at least romantically. again, that's more on the writing than anything else, but e.remika unfortunately encompasses many tropes i loathe with all the strength of my old shriveled heart: childhood friends-to lovers where the (male) childhood friend doesn't acknolewdge/is completely indifferent to the other (female) friend's romantic feelings, she hopelessly pines for him for years without anything more than a cold shoulder... until in the last chapter it's revealed that he loved her all along and doesn't "want other men to have her!!! :((" (then why did you have no reaction whatsoever to jean's years-long crush on her while she was jealous of any vaguely female-shaped human being you were friendly to, including hange? are you that dumb, man?); the female character's development and entire arc 100% revolves around the male protagonist - she has no goals, no dreams of her own except staying with him forever and ever; the romance is based on an idealized childhood dream, therefore reaffirming those childish illusions would make the character regress, not actually grow up (and nope, epilogue!jk doesn’t count; that also lacks build-up - i would’ve said the same about rm as well, so it’s not about shipping, guys, it really isn’t - and mikasa needed an inner change; getting married to another man but still praying to eren’s shrine is not substitute to actual development lol). post-time skip she's never really frustrated/angry with him, they never get a confrontation about him becoming a, y'know, mass-murderer of gigantic (pun intended) proportions; she puts him on a pedestal, and never stops idealizing him/never sees him for what he actually is (the narrative framing him as some kind of tragic martyr/saint eren from paradis with zero agency and basically... no clear motivation for the abovementioned mass murder, and not the actual complex tragic anti-hero/villain motivated by revenge and righteous fury he deserved to be, does not help). it lacks a good or even decent build-up - it's basically all tell and not show. now, if they'd actually been childhood friends to enemies to lovers/mutually co-dependent... it could have been interesting. sadly, it's not my cup of tea. of course this is just my personal preference, no hard feelings to the shippers.

misc. thoughts: enormous potential. she's been my fav female character since s1 - and ah, i miss s1!mikasa, when she had actually other stuff to do besides mothering eren. i love that she's the strongest warrior (second only to levi, obv), that her skills are never called into questions despite her gender, i love how she stands up for herself and the people she loves, that she may seem cold and stoic and yet has a such a huge heart, that she's not perfect but also sometimes awe-inspiring. sadly, she never really gets out of eren's shadow; what she lacks is an arc focused on herself. that's why imo getting deeper into the ackerman lore would've helped (also, you cannot make the main female character and the most popular male character descend from the same Unique Bloodline or whatever, and never really make them acknowledge it out loud; as a writer, you just can't lol). my spite is so strong that i'm currently writing a ridiculously pretentious fic that's 70% development for her character, to give her a voice, and 30% ackerthirsting. (yes, that's the fic i'm always vagueblogging about lmao, rip @ my brain). if any other rivamika fan is interested… mind you, it’s in italian tho, and idt i have the skills to translate into english.

misa:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

daemon: mmh, maybe some kind of butterfly? beautiful, colorful, and short-lived.

best quality: glorious fashion sense, more inventive and ingenious than fans actually give her credit for.

worst quality: shallow, impulsive, and obv her dependence on/obsession with light (which stems from trauma btw, but still… the very opposite of a relationship between equals).

ship them with: rem, kinda (monster/human ftw!). also weirdly enough mogi, a little bit? she deserves someone who actually respects her… though she’s far from being a perfect angel. she may actually be crazier than light on some aspects. but in this house we stan evil ladies anyway, so i have no problem with that <3

brotp them with: uh, idk, maybe matsuda?

needs to stay away from: obv light. also takada.

misc. thoughts: a tragic victim of sexist writing. she may be… unhinged to say the least, but she didn’t deserve the abuse she got from light (and from the fans). the female characters’ writing in dn is so bad that idk if it’s on purpose, to kinda mirror the reality of women in a patriarchal society (dependent on men, housewives whose life entirely revolves around their husband/boyfriend etc.), or just casual misogyny lol. it’s even more baffling since we don’t know the author’s gender (they may be a man, a woman, nb, anything really). i tend for the latter option tho.

aegon greyjoy (now, i wasn’t expecting him lol):

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

i’m so sorry, i haven’t the slightest idea lmao. maybe gryffindor? mind you, it’s been a long time since i’ve re-read the books, so i don’t have many thoughts about him.

daemon: maybe it’s cliché, but some kind of fish/squid lmao

best quality: ugh, i really can’t remember much from his chapters :(( he’s not a coward, i guess? (lame answer, sorry!)

worst quality: definitely his religious fanaticism.

ship them with: no one.

brotp them with: uh… his family, ig? except euron.

needs to stay away from: obv euron. brr ://

misc. thoughts: i genuinely like the greyjoys chapters, though i vastly prefer the martells (with the exception of theon and asha, bcs i love them). yes, they’re deranged. yes, victarion is… well, victarion lol. but the drowned god religion is actually interesting, grrm knows how to write trauma - every time aeron mentions euron and that freaking door i’m like… :// - and the tragedy of it all… just great writing all around.

okay, that’s the end lmao. thank you so much, love!!! ❤❤

[dont-offend-the-bees]

A Rambling Yarn about JK Rowling

TW, obvs, for non-in depth talk of transphobia, misgendering, and cancer

So, storytime: when we were both kids, about 7 and 5 respectively, my brother and I spent a lot of time in hospital. He had an uncommon strain of cancer in his leg and knee and I, having no one else to stay with, had to come with my family to the specialty hospital in Birmingham for the majority of his stay there. And it was a traumatic experience, for him because he was enduring a cancer that killed the two other children admitted around the same time, and for me because at the tender age of 5 I was surrounded by kids dropping like flies, and had nowhere to go or be besides my own sick brother’s bedside. It stuck with us both in very different ways- now he is a restless person who can never stop or slow down because he feels he owes it to his survival and to the other kids who didn’t make it to wring every drop of life he can out of every given moment, and I... Well, I sort of forgot that most people live to adulthood and never planned ahead to do so myself. It was around GCSE when I realised I was very much alive, probably going to stay that way, and I had no clue what to do with it. Slight mental breakdown that year, but we’re not getting into it, that’s not my point.

My point is, as badly as that experience affected me, it affected my brother worse. And two things kept him going that time in hospital. One was Pokemon- he got given a Gameboy Colour, played Pokemon Blue til his hands went numb, all that jazz. And the other was Harry Potter- or, more specifically, JK Rowling herself. Turns out someone- and I can’t remember who it was, someone we met on the ward I think- had a connection to her. And when they sent her a message about this poor kid in hospital with the 2 in 3 chance of dying, she picked up her pen and she did something nice. She wrote him a letter, and sent it to him in the hospital with a whole box of that sweet, sweet HP swag. Pretty great, right? He was over the moon. So was I- even though I was also jealous because I was 5 and didn’t really grasp that maybe my brother who might be about to die deserves some toys and VHS tapes more than I do. I got over it though, and throughout his chemo and recovery and the years of homechooling afterwards when we were both too damaged in our own ways to handle primary school, we watched and read Harry Potter non-stop. I even won a Waterstones costume contest by dressing up as Fawkes the pheonix. Not super relevant to the story, just a lil brag, felt very vindicated winning my own box of Harry Potter swag that my brother had no claim over.

So, needless to say Harry Potter meant a lot to us both. For me it was just about a book/movie series I liked. For him, is was the creator too- it didn’t last forever but for a while, he and ol’ Jo actually had a little pen pal thing going. He wrote back thanking her for the stuff, she wrote back congratulating him on his recovery, and on it went. It would be months, even years between replies sometimes, but it meant a lot to him and it was nice of her to keep it up- if it was her and not a specially hired letter-writer, I guess, but whatever. She even invited him to the launch event for the final book, he got to hang out with Evanna Lynch, I wasn’t jealous at all no ma’am. Shush. But yeah, he was grateful to her, inspired by her, more or less worshipped the ground she walked on, and who can blame him?

Harry Potter has been a staple of our house ever since; even with the controveries about JK racking up in recent years, there’s still a fondness there. In fact, me and my parents were about halfway through a staggered re-watch of the movies a couple of days ago, when Ms Rowling looked at her timeline, saw a world in chaos over a global pandemic and the senseless murders of black people by police with too much power, and she said ‘I am uncomfortable when we are not about me?????’

You all can probably guess what I think about her comments. I am an AFAB nonbinary person, who has been the target of misogynistic harrassment, who experiences dysphoria whenever I have to think about my boobs or periods, and who has maybe a 20% chance of being correctly gendered in my own home at any given time and who is scared of wearing skirts/dresses even though I love them because when I do, that chance drops to 0%. I find her stance reductive, tired, easily debunked, and an insult to the feminists who came before her who rallied for women to be seen as people beyond their parts. And I find her delivery of said stance childish and careless.

I’ve always loved the series, but I can see its flaws, see how many of them are clearly fed by the biases and negativity of the author. And while seeing a person who wrote something I loved fall from grace and turn hateful is hard, it’s not hard for me to decide I can keep the things I liked, look at the rest with a critical eye, and see its author for who she really is and decide not to support her in future. Done, dusted, simple, right?

I’m starting to realise now, that my own feelings on the matter are the least of my worries.

I should start out by saying that my family aren’t abusive, or bigoted. In many ways I’m very lucky, I grew up with a lot of support, opportunities and freedoms that others did not. And while my parents have not always understood me, or necessarily been in favour of who I am or what I do, they’ve never told me I can’t. Dad will grumble and say it’s not feminine when I cut my hair, but he won’t stop me. It’s not a perfect situation by a long shot. Neither of my parents tends to acknowledge my nonbinary identity or my preferences for they/him pronouns. My brother does, although has confessed to me relatively recently that he doesn’t understand why it’s necessary for people to label themselves as nonbinary at all. I tried to explain, still unsure if I was successful. Basically, I’m not in an ideal quarantine situation, here, am I? But I’m lenient with my folks. I’ve learned to shrug it off and move on when I am misgendered, because it rarely feels like there’s any point to arguing it. I’ve learned not to talk too much about queerness with them because most of it falls on deaf ears and blank stares. But when last night Dad asked if we were carrying on the Potterathon after dinner, I took a chance and said I’d rather not; I’d spent enough time looking at the shitstorm of her transphobia and I’m done with it for now. I’m in a pretty delicate mental state at the moment right now, I’m sure LOTS of you can relate, and I have more important things to think about than unpacking my own feelings about the transphobia of a lady I’ll never meet.

He looked confused, and off-put by my frankness, but gotta give him credit, he didn’t push. ‘Til tonight when he suggested the exact same thing. And he and mum decided to watch it in the room next door anyway when I wasn’t keen, so it’s not like I have to see it! Just hear it through the wall. And at least my brother didn’t join in! Granted, that’s because he’s busy on a film set today, but. Well. I’m sure he’d stick by me even if he wasn’t. He’d just grumble a lot about it. And maybe say he doesn’t really get what the big deal is.

I don’t think my family would turn their back on me completely. I think, if push came to shove, they would be on my side. But the pushing, such as it is, has not been enough to dissuade any of them so far from maybe giving the Potterathon a rest for a week or so. Or, in the case of my parents, learn to use a slightly different pronoun for me than they’re used to. And maybe if I stopped fucking around being timid and afraid of causing discomfort, if I put my foot down and said you guys are gonna learn something and this time you’re not allowed to get bored, defensive, or pay more attention to the cat, then they would actually give a shit. But advocating for my own self-worth has never been my strong suit. I can’t do it when people use homophobic slurs around me and my brother doesn’t say anything, and I certainly can’t do it when people are consciously or unconsciously reinforcing a gender role they placed on me.

Suffice it to say, I’m not upset by JK’s opinions themselves, as such. I saw them coming, I don’t agree with them, I think it was a cheap ploy for attention from a middle-aged has-been desperate to stay relevant at all costs.

I am, however, in the back of my mind, perhaps a tad concerned that when it comes to a choice of me or her, my words, my existence against her point of view, the people who raised me will choose her, because in many ways she’s been ‘part of the family’ as long as I have, a constant presence in our lives since I was small and not obviously a confused deviant predator queer yet. And unfortunately, I know I’m not the only one with that same worry. Creators like her have clout, the highest platform and the biggest voice, and to parents and siblings of queer kids, teens, young adults who are on the fence about the topic anyway, that kind of voice carries a lot of weight. Creators like her who’ve been around for the last twenty years of peoples’ lives can fill a seat at the table from miles away, and have their voice preside over the dinner table like a loud, xenophobic uncle. I may be my brother’s sibling, my parents’ child, but she is the voice that helped him through the hardest time of his life, and like it or not they will occasionally choose her and her worlds over the kid they never quite got a handle on.

I don’t think I really have a point to this. Idk, maybe I did when I started writing it, but I got pulled into the yarn and lost the thread. I suppose all I’d say is don’t underestimate the effect even under-researched and transparently debunkable statements can have from people with power and a platform. If you’re not trans, if you’re wondering what all the fuss is about, please do your own research, from a variety of sources and form your own opinions, because I guarantee you JK feels comfortable enough in her following now to tweet whatever the hell she wants. And please, don’t invalidate the feelings of the trans people, old and young alike, who this hurts. The UK is already a cesspool of harrassment and restrictive practices for trans people, and it’s hard not to see that disgusting national mindset mirrored and amplified by one of our most famous and culturally impactful living authors and feel like the answering #IStandWithJKR hashtag (which is still trending two days later) is the final nail in the coffin.

Trans, enby, agender, etc. friends- it is not the final nail. Even if the entire word turns against us, I am on your side, I see you, I love you, I understand you. I’m not always in the best frame of mind these days, I can’t guarantee fast replies, but if any of you just need someone to talk to for a little bit, my DMs are always open. Be excellent to each other <3

[electricbluebutterflies]

Chris/Mel: “You came back.”

Set somewhere in the post-s5 grayspace, because these babes had to have gotten to know each other SOMEHOW. PG-ish and obvs pre-relationship.

The absence of a thing, it turns out, can sometimes make one more aware that the thing itself is important.

She didn’t… they weren’t anything, before. A few conversations trying to coordinate herd parenting do not make a relationship that can be pinned down in any words Melissa knows. Allies, maybe? Drifting in the vague direction of friends, before that sacrificial mess of a man attempted to trade his life for her son’s? She doesn’t know.

What she does know, in this quiet winter, is maybe she’s been alone a lot longer than she cares to admit.

She has made space in her life for many things these past two years, and a lapsed hunter is far from the strangest. It’s oddly comforting to know the kids have someone whose response to any problem is “shoot it”, someone on their side who can be trusted to protect. Someone who can do what she can’t, if she’s honest with herself, and yet is still very human.

Someone who has recently taking to showing up at the house on her days off, just to talk to her. She’s a little confused.

Melissa would like to think she understands men, but this one throws her. He is not trying to romance her, let alone get her on a mattress. He’s just… acting like a stray cat, for lack of better description. Is calm in her presence, and yes she’s been paying attention. Wants to be in her light but never asks for more.

A month ago, when this routine started, it was under the pretense of teaching her more about the supernatural. As she gets all the weird shit that wanders through her work, he reasoned she should have more resources than she does. But as weeks have passed, they’ve started talking other things too. Their respective histories and damage, to the extent either of them ever will, and… some nights she wants him to stay.

“You came back,” she says one night, because it’s late and she’s curious and maybe she can blame that all on red wine. They’re in their usual positions for these conversations, opposite each other at her kitchen table, and she’s a little distracted by how blue his eyes are. The man is unfairly pretty, and she shouldn’t let her mind wander there, and-

“You came back,” she says again, a little braver now that she’s thinking about it. “To this place that just takes from you. Why?”

He has lost everything in this town. Every scrap of family he had. Walked away from the only semblance of life he’d ever known here too. At best, she figures, he has a bit of a masochistic streak. At worst, suicidal. Neither is to her liking, and both frighten her.

“Nowhere else to go,” he murmurs. “Nothing left.”

“That’s not an answer. Why are you here?”

He looks away and she watches his body tense. She overstepped, she can see that, she is-

“The kids think they need me. I don’t have…”

“You had a life before that,” she reminds, because apparently she is determined to dig herself into a hole and she is well past anything she can blame on circumstances.

“Wasn’t a life. Not like you have.”

“Like I have,” Melissa repeats, drawing the words out and not sure where to even start. “This is not a life, this is a three-ring shitshow. Sure, this month has been quiet and the low point has been I’ve only had to hit a magical coyote with a baseball bat once, but I am just waiting for the next disaster, because I know it’ll come. The quiet never lasts.”

“The kids adore you. They talk about you sometimes. I’ve never seen… it’s not like how women are respected in… it’s different. You know they’d all die for you, right?”

She nods. “I’m not worth it.”

“You give them space. You’ve given me space. You are…”

It’s not the right time for this conversation, and they both know it. There are other discussions that need to be had first, and perhaps other experiences too.

For now, it is enough to reach across the table and put her steady hands over his shaking ones.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she murmurs, sweetest playful smile on her lips.

“There’s life here.”

[stingroy]

Who do you think was the mist immoral character of Moral Orel Clay or Censordoll? Do you think there were evil characters in the show or were they just flawed people trying to do what they perceived as the right thing?

THIS POST IS LONG BEWARE

im bias but clay all the way

if ms censordoll was a real person i would despise her, but in the show shes really fun and interesting to watch imo! of course i dont condone book burning and censorship i just think shes a good character to critique and make fun censorship with, plus i love her voice whoever her voice actor is did a great job. to be honest i havent rewatched the episodes where shes a main focal point in a long while so i need to refresh my memory before id be able to really form a strong opinion on her that i would stand by firmly

clay is an abusive addict with no interest in anyone else but himself, he has no agenda other than to get drunk and be miserable. i mean maybe he’s “invested” in teaching orel because he’s his only (legitamate) son but then... nature still happened. clay often talks about how hes distant from his family on purpose and doesnt care about them so i dont think he really gives that much of a shit all in all. i know he had a difficult childhood (yet another episode i need to rewatch (its been years), im on s2e3 so i still have a ways) but it doesnt justify like anything he does. cool motive still murder yknow? clay reminds me a lot of my religious alcoholic estranged father so i DEFINITELY have a personal bone to pick with clay cuz ive been there.

when it comes to whether the townspeople are evil, i feel like that question really lies at the heart of the show, not just for clay and censordoll but almost everyone in moralton (cept for orel of course). i could go into that concept for the next seventeen years so i wont right now but i think between the both of them at least censordoll probably thought she was doing the right thing for the people in her town. not that anything she did was actually right, but organizing all those daily pickets and book burnings must take some effort, right? someone who didnt care at all wouldnt go through the trouble. she seems to like genuinely care about moralton being righteous, even if her idea of righteous media is completely skewed and wrong. i wouldnt call that evil, horribly misguided and incorrect definitely but evil? im not really sure.

again tho its been a while so my opinion might change as i run thru s2 and 3 again, and im really starting to consider that if censordoll was a real person i probably would consider her to be evil but that might be more of a comment on my thought processes and perception of people than censordoll herself... lol

i dont know if clay even thinks he’s doing the right thing by orel truly. i think somewhere deep inside past his addiction there is someone in there trying to do something for orel, trying to keep him on the right path in a weird and terribly unfortunate way. clay has made it clear through his actions that he will not engage with parts of his family that he doesnt care about (cough bloberta and shapey cough), and he seems to always make time for orel. whenever orel needs to talk to him, clay is around to give his lessons and “guidance”. maybe thats just because his lessons are a crucial part of the show, but i think that shows. some effort? some acknowledgement? that he doesnt show to anything else other than drinking.

unfortunately clay is a sick motherfucker. he’s so rooted in his own trauma and addiction that he cant see anything other than his own pain. and i do absolutely sympathize with that, ive dealt with my own traumas and addictions and you lose sight of who you are and what you value. sometimes people can get to the point where they lose everything they love other than the bottle, and then they die and lose that too. its a disease, and its absolutely not someones fault that they have an alcohol problem.

but clay gives into himself. he makes no effort to change his situation, bloberta even brings this up in s1ep10 when theyre arguing about shapey’s breastfeeding. she tells him to quit his stinkin dead end job and stop being such a crybaby and you know what shes mean af but shes right! all clay does is wallow around and drink because hes miserable and stays miserable because he drinks. he numbs everything out instead of changing his life for... convenience? image? fear? probably a combo

my real problem with clay is that he hurts people because he is hurt. thats where my sympathy dies and i no longer really care about his motivations and trauma. i think nature is the clearest example of that, but clay hurts orel throughout the show. like damn he literally beats the kid with a belt in 90% of the episodes. its just not justifiable to me at all.

i will say one more thing that clay does that i think really says something about him. everytime orel does something wrong, clay takes him to his study, beats/spanks him with the belt (we never see it so who knows how severe it is), and then talks to orel. and orel LISTENS. ALWAYS. clay doesnt have to beat orel to punish him, orel has such a strong sense of loyalty and obiedience that his true punishment is his fathers disappointment. orel always listens to what clay says without question, and clay still finds it nessecary to beat him. it makes me think that clay gets something else out of that interaction like vindication, stress relief, or something of that nature. its cruel, and its selfish. its like beating a dog. you dont have to do it to make him listen to you, so why do it? probably for a reason other than discipline.

clay and censordoll are obvs the two people we’re talking about but a lot of people in moralton do bad things for the sake of righteousness and goodness. like i said a bit earlier i really do think that question is The Big Question of the show, and i feel like many people will have varying opinions based on their own morals and life experiences. the intricate motivations and values of each of the characters in moral orel is one of the things that makes the show so great and so interesting that here i am writing a long winded “analysis” on it on tumblr a decade after it was released.

WOW i completely derailed myself and started rambling for seven hours but!!!

tl;dr clay is a bitch and the people of moralton arent inherently evil monsters but i sure do have my problems with them

[brywrites]

Thoughts on 15x4: “Saturday”

Okay so to start off I have to say that overall this was one of the best CM episodes I’ve watched in a while! And that was largely due to the writing, imo - more on that later

Clearly this dream is a little influenced by what happened to JJ, all the agents are lying like she was

Why an axe-murderer? Of all the unsubs that have traumatized Reid none have been axe-wielding overall-wearers, although he did remind me slightly of the one unsub from To Hell... And Back

REID GOES TO THERAPY YES EVERYONE ON THIS TEAM SHOULD BE IN THERAPY

“I’m not talking about her.” This therapist blocks every attempt of his to dodge the question and I love it

I can’t tell you how here I am for wine-aunt Emily!!! 

Prentiss: raised an Irish terrorist’s son, almost adopted a teenage victim

Also Prentiss: how do children work aren’t they just tiny adults

Give me more of Garcia in her element like this, and also please give her an assistant! I’d love to watch her training someone else to do this work

Okay, here I have to say the writing was amazing all-around throughout this episode, and I think it’s because they took a break from the typical case format. Most episodes in the last 5 years have felt stiff bc it’s just characters taking turns saying profile-y things and following a strict formula. It’s boring, it’s unrealistic, and it leaves little room for personality or character growth

However in this episode, we only see that briefly when the team goes over the profile at the roundtable. Outside of that, they’re funny, witty, real, and themselves. We see Emily being snarky and silly. We see Tara having fun and being the badass we all know and love. We see how far Rossi has come from being a grumpy loner to a happy grandpa. And the dialogue never feels forced or formulaic, it’s natural and bc of that I felt way more invested.

I would die for Max. She can have my whole heart!!! Their meeting did feel a lil forced at first but it became much more natural after the park bench. I like that she’s got a little more spirit and spunk to her, and that she doesn’t immediately take a liking to Reid.

Eleanor Shellstrop: Ya basic!

Prentiss’ neighbor: Ya died!

I need a full Garcia/Alvez spy montage immediately

Hello this crawlspace under the bed has me screaming and the tissues ew ew ew ew

I also really thought they were going to touch on the nephew being autistic but then they didn’t? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Okay there’s Garvez going on here, right? Right? Everyone else sees it? Feels the palpable sexual tension & chemistry? No? Just me?

Garcia is so much tougher than she gets credit for and I really love this moment of her explaining how hard some of her work is - she sees the dark stuff too, it’s just not in moments that we as an audience can easily observe onscreen 

Matt following in Rossi’s footsteps is actually something I really like. The BAU passing down lessons and traditions over the years. And the “Simmons Stories” that’s so wholesome!

Tara: “Someone married that man?” the shade thrown in this episode I’m living

A little plot hole here and there - they were taken hostage like nine months ago??

MAX PUSHING REID IN THE SPRINKLERS I CAN’T. and then Reid pickING HER UP AND CARRYING HER IN. STOP IT’S TOO CUTE

Obvs Reid is a little out-of-character here, at least for the character he’s been playing this season, but it feels like growth and it’s wholesome so I’ll allow it

The hoodie sdfghjkl I LOVE them

RoseMary’s (the) Baby

Give me all the BAU family scenes all the time that’s all I want

This was the first episode that I could really feel them starting to tie up the ends and wrap things up. Matt’s going to write. Reid is meeting someone. Garcia and Luke are taking care of her life. Prentiss is happy with a boyfriend. Our heroes are being set up to ride off into the sunset one last time.

Anyways I hope the writers will use this season to do less formulaic case-talky episodes and insert the personality, the heart of the show that we all fell in love with and have been missing. Remember when episodes featured a consistent B-plot of Morgan helping Reid with nightmares? Or JJ struggling with a case because the victims reminded her of herself when she was young? The team learning things about each other between the cases and having personal moments with victims that were real and called back experiences they’d had in the past?

Yeah so basically I want more of this??