#the everything else is also bad cause i procrastinated all day so ... no dance warmups now and a very half assed stretch
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Me when everything is hard & i know why and i just have to get over myself But Also
#you are Disabled#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#trying to apply for jobs again and giving up halfway through cause . how do i explain any of it#would i even get hired now#COULD i even get hired if i went to a vocational rehab place now#but what happens if everything goes under? what can i even do about it?#clearly something in the now if i stopped being... the way that i am but can i stop having to do it scared for 99% of the things in my life#? please??#the everything else is also bad cause i procrastinated all day so ... no dance warmups now and a very half assed stretch#when COMPETITIONS are LITERALLY ALMOST HERE in just a few more days!! why cant i be better!!!#why cant i do the things that are supposed to be easy!!!#also idk the process so i'm not sure i would even get diagnosed ? with anything?? like yes it's uhm. obvious that i am not Normal#but i don't think it's in like a way ?#then again i dont go outside so i wouldnt really know anyways#... people in guard did definitely treat me a little weird last year (i never got to go to awards) ((i wanted to))#i dunno. anyways. interviews hard. job applications hard. figuring out vocational rehab ... also hard#&& the state of the politics means like... well idk but i'm not too sure that voc. rehab COULD help me get anywhere y'know?#personal life dragging itself on still but i'm Aware of how much... confidence? ability to communicate effectively? i've lost#or ability to exist in spaces i mean. idk#then again i've always been nervous to be On My Own it's just ... maybe more obvious now that im older. not so normal (if it ever was)
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