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papers4me · 3 years ago

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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep11 (part 1)

Breaking toxic bonds & accepting healthy ones isn’t a miracle. A bond that started with love could end up chained & toxic, another that started wrong could’ve become the joy of a life time. You can do it. Break the cycle of abuse & stand up for yourself, it is easy yet so difficult, you aren’t alone, tho, loved ones stand nearby cheering. Be kind on yourself, otherwise you’ll throw your life away. Life isn’t just happiness & joy, it’s also sadness & loneliness. Break free from the shackles that held you down. Embrace life & Live.

-Tohru’s “ I’m okay” mask is finally shattered! (the Importance of kyo’s rejection for her development):

This is the last part of tohru’s character development! The last few eps were abt her role in Akito’s redemption & their similarities. she staood up for herself & choose a path away from her mom while keeping her mom’s memory in a healthy manner. No more planning my life according to mom’s wishes, no more talking to mom ‘s picture 24/7. Now, I’ll plan my life & move forward even if it is with the guy mom said she cant forgive. even If it is without him, I’ll move forward. I love him so much, yet I won’t force our bond & let go. So easy yet so difficult!. tohru doesnt know anything abt kyo after her fall. All she remembers is his heart-broken face as he wept beside her. Those tears on his face, she caused them. He cried cuz it is too painful to see her hurt. She was a burden to him! tohru restored to her old coping mechanism of pretending “ i’m Okay” & smiling. She did so numerous times before. Always worked. No one noticed. Except him. Se02, ep7. he urged her to show her true fears. Now, she’s faced with a pain so big she can’t pretend no more. the pain of loosing him. She cried in front of yuki! The smile & chatting abt chores couldn’t conceal the running tears! Yuki’s first time seeing her like that. Se01, ep14, yuki wondered how could tohru smile after her mom’s death. She can’t pretend no more! She’ll have to wear her feelings on her sleeve! cuz it IS ok to do so! She tells kyo to give her a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t lie & pretend like she did with yuki. Here she either run away or just try to compose myself! I LOVE THAT! This way, whenever kyo/tohru fight or have any misunderstanding in the future as a couple, you’ll know tohru won’t just bear it & pretend, “ i;m okay” No! she’ll talk to kyo & express herself! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! It gives her so much strength as a human & I’m happy all the obstacles & set backs in kyo/tohru’s romantic journey has led them to be better ppl little by little to build healthier & more realistic love!

-The mechanics of writing a compelling slow-burn romance:

1. Igniting the romantic feelings slowly: Slow burns don’t work with love at 1st sight. It must first sparkle naturally, slowly & subtly. Both kyo & tohru repeatedly stated they don’t know exactly when they first fell in love. The author’s decision to create an environment where the two live together is a genius way to start & nurture their romance quietly & subtly. Kyo was tricked to stay in shigure’s house while tohru had to stay cuz she had no home, Natural reasons that force the two to spend days together & get to know each other gradually.

2. Dynamics of their personalities: For slow burns to work, the two characters need to be similar yet opposites! Kyo & tohru are both kind, endearing, innocent, good at chores, independent & hardworking. They both have history with their mothers that is filled with love yet traumas. However, tohru is calm yet prefer maneuvering around subjects, can’t stand up for herself, reads ppl easily, tends to trust ppl easily & disregard herself. Kyo is fierce, strong, tends to distrust ppl, despite ppl loving his spontaneous character, he has hard time figuring out if they’re mocking him or teasing him, very straightforward with his words & actions. The similarities helps them understand each other, however, the differences creates chances to clash & come even closer thro various situation. Ex, se01, ep2, kyo apologizing for hitting her head with the table which created the situation where she needed to confess she always loved the cat zodiac! It is HER gush of emotions that struck kyo. ppl really want my friendship? the cat is loved? Thro those difference they learned to better themselves so they won’t hurt the other, kyo toning down his anger for her, tohru desiring to know him even more as he becomes even more awkward.

3. Creating natural, realistic & convincing obstacles that prevents them from being together: This is the most important part! Slow-burn is two characters in love & cant be together despite everyone wanting them to be! if the reason that stops them from uniting is trivial, stupid, one-sided, can easily be solved, then the slow-burn would be a fillery & no one would cheer for it! Takaya-san is a genius!

Kyo can’t be with tohru cuz he thinks (a) he killed her mom! we saw thr flashback, he could’ve saved her & couldn’t save her. It was a split of a second difference & he hates himsef for NOT trying! that split of a second also prevented from thinking of better ways to save her than holding her! it happened to fast, he couldn't think of a better alternative cuz this was his 2nd time loosing someone (b) his mom’s sucide being pinned as his fault created this immense guilt & defeated feeling that “ no matter what, I just cause death & misery! There’s (c) too!, he knew tohru! thinks she deserves the world & cuz he didnt save her mom, he watched tohru talk to a freaking picture for two years! heck! he is the only one who can see thro tohru’s “ i;m okay” mask, so in se01, ep 14 in the grave yard! kyo wasnt the only one who is sad! tohru was too! & kyo could tell! (d) her mom’s death is the reason tohru is accepting shigure’s offer to stay with them rent-free in exchange of doing housework! (e)? he saw her confess crying her heart out abt missing her mom so much that she imitated her dad! so tragicly sad! (f) he saw her die in his nightmare!! how can he accept her love,now? Perfectly orchestrated obstacles!

Tohru, unfortunately, in the anime it wasn't that clear due to shortening her backstories & trauma in se03, ep6. But she too couldn’t see herself confessing love to kyo. Tohru is has low self-esteem, always thinks she’s a burden to others, an orphan who just wants her mom, so scared, lonely & sad! we the audience believed the mask! we saw her work her motherly charm yuki, isusuz, kisa & believe her issues are not that deep. tohru wont cry for herself but shed rivers for others! grief is so ugly it broke her! I cant let go of mom, must keep her always in my heart, such a hard emotions to write & I believe 100% the director couldn’t understand her grief & decided to split ep6 between her, kyo, isuzu & shigure. But Tohru struggling to confess to kyo is no laughing matter. ppl who are grieving find it the hardest to live after the loved ones die. they wont mostly commit suicide, they are alive, but they arent living. they just go thro the motions & live for the sake of those around them but not themselves. Tohru deciding to confess to kyo is her deciding to live for herself.

4. Writing a perfect psychologically & emotionally packed climax: I dont need to explain how perfect kyo’s rejection of tohru in se03 ep9 was. How much we felt for him yet were mad at him. He we were “ ugh! kyo no!!!! I mean I get why you do that , but you idiot no! come back! poor kyo! He was just so sad & broken! OMG he’ll kill himself after finding tohru’s injured body!! he totally would! his nightmare came true! But Tohru reached him! she wanted him to be okay! he wont kill himself but still feels hella guilty! but so utterly in love with her that his instinct upon seeing her come to life after near death is kiss her! Perfect display of psychology & emotions! filled with right, wrong, sad, happy, guilty, innocent! basically so human~ As the audience you MUST have this mixture of feelings of wanting to hug him so bad cuz this boy has been killing himself for years now yet want him to stop & just see that he was a good boy afterall. Tohru is THE best girl & if the audience are cheering for kyo to be with her, kyo really deserves her! The only problem is for kyo to see that now.

5. The Perfect wrap up of all romance: If you make your audience suffer the slow-burn this long, you gotta reward them good! & Takaya-san delivered! Just like how the entire romantic story is realistic, the reunion must be as realistic too! Tohru is hurt by kyo;s words. Facts remain his words were hurtful to her. I love that was addressed! tohru gets to tell her side, too! If you love someone, you are bound to be hurt by them as much as be happy with them. Simply cuz they matter so much to you! you arent one person, but two ppl coming together. Kyo must work hard for this confession. Must run & chase her. Must earn her proper! He gets on his knees, I cant express how important that is! he is way taller than her, Imagine apologizing while she looks way up & he looks down? He gets on his knees & apologize like a man, for every mistake, all while not loathing himself. He aint going back to that deep abyss again. He did wrong by her & he is owning up to his mistakes. Give me one chance. I’m not gonna force you with persistence or guilt you into taking me. Give me ONE chance cuz i deserve it & no more. The choice is yours. She asks to confirm, he shows her, they kiss, they hug, they are rewarded with a blessing from the heavens! One of the most simple yet emotionally fulfilling confessions in anime!

- Hugs over kisses: (And her kiss hugs her & the curse was lifted):

Prince charming kisses the princess & she wakes up~ they live ever after~ except furuba is all abt “ eternal ever after is not true, real life is where the real love is”

Kyo kissed tohru once, she didnt wake up, she didnt even think he loved her back. didnt even remember the kiss.

Kyo hugged tohru once. se01, e024, He initiated it, tohru was all in tears, surprised, happy & so utterly in love. he called her name for the first time ever, for a brief moment, they both connected, they both comforted each other. The rain stopped, he became a man not a monster, she got him back. She got her kyo that she fought for with none other than kyo himself.

kyo hugged her again, se03, ep6. They both initiated it. He made the first move, pulling her just a little closer, she made the second move & hugged him hard, he transformed, it was a moment were they both connected, both so sad & broken, both feeling needy for the other, both desperate for the other, both just living the moment. the result is them coming closer, her wanting him more, him realizing her love, there is no escape. Admit it. she loves you. You can tell.

Kyo hugs her again today. He asks permission. No spur of the moment feeling. But a long lasting permission to be together. To hug. He wants to hear her acceptance of his cursed body. “ is ok to hug you? this body will cause you pain as it wont be able to fulfill your wishes of constant hugs & intimacy”. She responds, permission granted, for love, for hugs, for a life long acceptance of you as a whole. weakness & strength, sadness & happiness. I accept you all in better & worse! we’re invincible. Why? cuz we understand love isnt magic. It is a path for us to walk together~~~ reward curse break!

Every time kyoru are closer it is a hug. The one thing the zodiacs cant do. A hug. They can kiss. But cant hug. comes this Zodiac Ruler girl so lonely, away from ppl, so sad, meets a cat boy who comes to the house she’s living in, a house away from ppl, the boy is drawn to the girl, However, when the boy needed to leave, the girl was able to let go despite loving him, the boy comes again, this time wanting to stay, the girl accepts the boy. They both accept the realistic reality of life. Embrace the obstacles & the achievements, celebrates the weakness above the strength. Both so imperfect. Both so endearingly dumb! that’s why the girl’s hug broke the boy’s curse. The girl’s acceptance of the cat broke all curses.

Side Note:

Kyo’s confession is so kyo! so straightforward, so direct, & so physical. He’s on his knees, holding her hands, looking at her eyes. “ i want to be WITH you. If I’m gona live, I want to to do it with you & no one else! cuz I love you” that’s it. That’s all. So sincere & so romantic!

it is crazy how different tohru & kyo are now after the confession! she stood confidently & happily & said “dont you know, I love you!” all while teasing him, her giggle is so girlish & cute! my girl is a happy woman in love! long buried the angelic mother image of se02! YES! also, kyo’s happy face is love! Dude! when was the last time he smiled so freely? Did he ever do that? He smiled in se01, ep4 with kazmua, but not like this! T_T. my son is healing~

Kyo’s “ i wont ever feel afraid if you’re with me” is a huge growth from his “ I want to protect her” mindset. Now he realizes it is two-sided mutual desire. She gives him strength as much as he does! <3

I dont like open eye while kissing, but here it is so perfect for tohru in this moment! cuz she spent days thinking kyo rejected her & even ran away as soon as she saw him, now he’s not only confessing, apologizing, admitting she is his life, but also kissing her signaling they’re romantic couple. kissing on lips is so personal, what more evidence she needs? still, her thoughts? “ it’s like a dream?” aww~~~ tohru~~~ my precious girl! she just cant believe all her suffering is over, now? She was just practicing “ i’m okay” smile & now she’s an official girlfriend to the man of her dreams? He just bent da kneeee~ go for it queen!

yuki’s face when tohru cried is exactly what I meant of “ allowing yuki to have strong facial expressions”! XD these types of faces humanize yuki so much into the teenage boy he is! Unfortunately the anime team only sees him as the pretty prince in most times. That’s why fave yuki is when he’s with kakeru. He becomes so un-princly as he should be.

Speaking of yuki, I see you anime team~ postponing his moment into next ep so him & machi wont be overshadowed by the long awaited kyoru!! While this defies the perfection of all cursed zodiacs breaking on the same ep making akito’s breakdown less perfect & poetic, I take it as the anime team admitting they underdeveloped yuchi & decided let’s give them more screen time & not putting them in close distance from any couple. A week later ep is enough with lots of time. I dont mind at all, I’m just saying more time after/while confession is not what i was hoping for~~ sigh~ At least I hope yuki would say sth along the lines” all this time I was looking at you, i realized i love you” to imply he was thinking of her as a lover not his kindness for someone he helped. I just dont want their love to be sudden simply cuz yuki needs happy ending. oh well~ I’m sure whatever it will be, the anime will give it utmost attention.

That sad moment when kagura wasnt allowed a moving image. lol. girl was given a still image that didnt even move with the breeze! T_T

Not gonna lie... the scene with kazuma & kyo was underwhelming. Why the wide shot? I mean you dont need budget for that. Just give me a closeup from the waist up with kyo head buried in kazuma’s chest. Dont need to waste budget on kazuma’s face, either.... do the old trick of hair covering eyes & show me glittery tears~ why the awkward shot of kazma towering in his own house! how tall is this man & why cant he he fix his roof?...lol

Also, shigure, you got scars man... who can hurt shigure? akito? gotta be her. I dont think hatori scratches...lol.. Aya? nah~ too busy with Mine! yup, akito... another steamy night? could be, she’s changed as he wish now. But scratching a face is weird while..um..kissing? a quarrel? but why? I bet she wants him now & we know he wants her....

More on part 2! especially abt the curse’s lore~

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #happy paper #final season #part 1

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zontiky · 4 years ago

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okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

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cosmosrival · 4 years ago

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there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce.

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love....

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above !

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !).

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!!

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere.

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse.

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !!

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!!

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job. But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote: “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix.

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this).

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing.

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here.

and here !!

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

#ree's fgo hcs #kama #WONT TAG THIS ONE AS A WHOLE BC IM... A LIL SHY TO BE HONEST #its just a kama fan rambling bro....... jus a kama fan liking the interlude man.....#like i said at the beginning of the post its just my thoughts<3

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ccsthemovie2 · 3 years ago

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trick or treat 2021 letter

DEAR MY KIND AND HARDWORKING GIFTER,

hi there my ao3 is zagspect and thanks in advance for making me a piece of fic or art in this fun little exchange! heres some food for thought to munch on.

i loooove slice of life, character moments, outsider povs that make things we’re used to in canon seem absurd or funny or weird or scary, humor, horror-in-fluff’s-clothing, sweetness-found-in-horror, and also just plain sweetness. feel free to get weird or experimental with your writing if you think the moment calls for it :3 im not really requesting anything sexy-nsfw in this exchange so pls keep things down to a nice pg13 (high-rated gore for higurashi work is an exception, lol, like, it’s when they cry. that’s just part of the deal.)

🌸✨

cardcaptor sakura (trick or treat!)

clear card manga spoilers are fine with me! manga and anime canon are both fine, and mashing them up is cool too. no aus past that though, please!

clow reed

the big man himself! scare me with his his manipulative tendencies, his eternal pushpull fear of both being eternally relied on and being no longer needed, the way he treats other people, especially people who love him. (yue! the madoushi! i am into both of these being unrequited romantically on his end, but he’s not gonna just gonna tell them that, you think he’s straightforward like that?) what’s daily life like in the clowse? creating a new card, what’s that like? does everybody get along with the normal, non magic neighbors?

yelan li

what’s up with her??? what’s her relationship with her children like, what are the responsibilities of a magician family’s head, how weird is it that clow is kind of back all of a sudden, what’s her thoughts on sakura? fleshing out a minor character is always fun :]

eriol & li

okay, so, we get to the end of the original series. syaoran returns to hong kong. ????????. syaoran is in cahoots with eriol to (vaguely alluding to cc spoilers in case you haven’t caught up in the manga), do some pretty serious magic behind sakura’s back.

so, like... what went down in the ?????

kero & sakura & yue

they’re FAMBILYYYYY. magic found family i love them so much. show me the depths of their care for her, and hers for them, the way there’s absolutely some ice to break with yue but when he gets loyal he will DIE for you, the way sakura can mend the rift between kero and yue, the way the two of them are balancing this wonderful openness and equality with oh yeah, she’s eleven, we kind of said some seriously dark stuff in the haze of sleepover talk didn’t we?

ruby & spinel & eriol

pre-canon or mid-canon or post-canon! what’s the dynamic between them, a quiet night in, a day out telling people that you’re connected by whatever lie you find funniest. going to tomoeda and having to pretend youre a kid, a teen, and a cat, but goddd you could all go for an elegant and adult glass of wine right now (especially the cat). what horrors are lurking in that house from the clow era that no one cares to address? like emotionally and also because it’s a magic wizard house with magic stuff in it.

touya/yukito/yue

i am here for any and all angles of this ship- all together, your touyukis, your yuetouyas, your yuekitos if you wanna get in on a rarely seen angle! (but pls have touya and/or yukito be 18+ at a time where yue shows interest in them). i wanna see the way they interact! how they deal with, you know, the everything! pre-relationship pining, going on a date, touya and yukito in college wondering if they’ll end up having different majors, different paths for the first time. yukito seeing yue on video for the first time (OH NO HES HOT), yukito and yue figuring out internal boundaries, etc etc etc.

naoko and touya

the girl who loves ghosts and the guy who sees (or, used to see), ghosts! does she follow him to one of his haunts (pun intended)? does he have to go to her for ghost sensing advice now that he’s a regular old human? does he have to save her from a ghost that means her harm? how excited is she to tell sakura about the COOL GHOST I MET WITH YOUR BROTHER OMG U DIDNT TELL ME HE LIKES GHOSTS??? and how much does sakura wanna sink into the ground lololol

🌹⚔️

revolutionary girl utena (trick or treat!)

ohh, what a place of scary happenings! tell me a fairytale, even if it’s not such a good idea. pre, mid, postcanon, im fine with it all. feel free to weave a web with easter egg references to any other media you feel is right for the moment- utena is all about Genre and Stories!

shadow girls

i love them i love their whole everything. i wanna see a play, i wanna see them interact with other characters! what if they do a play AS the other characters, ooooh.

anthy/utena

THE GIRLS WHO INVENTED LOVE THEMSELVES. ive read a thousand stories of them finding each other and it never gets old. id love to read about their life post-ohtori, especially the not-so-happily-ever-after parts- the old wounds reopening, the fights, and how they work through it, wont lose each other ever again.

saionji/touga

what’s spookier than toxic masculinity? both of them miserably stuck, saionji obsessed with touga, touga believing anyone who believes in friendship is a fool. bro we are taking shirtless pictures among 500 potted cacti....why does my heart hurt..... oh shit its the cactus i rolled onto it ow ow

nanami

nanami being nanami! she’s got no clue how to act ever, she’s desperate, she’s trying SO HARD. i’d love to see a nanami finally getting out of there, too. leaving home with nothing but the clothes on her back, diamonds in her necklace, and a wheeled suitcase of raw eggs.... (crunch crunch crunch)

🎲🗓

higurashi when they cry (trick or treat!)

i’m a gou/sotsu enjoyer and gonna prompt about that a lot but original flavor is, of course, great too. pls dont go too heavy on info outside the main 8+saikoroshi+gou/sotsu? i haven’t read those. ive read umineko+ciconia though so references there are fine :3

rena/mion/keiichi

college days! getting together, crushing on each other, poly relationship figuringouts? dates that are just club meetings with kissing and all the ridiculousness of that.

satoko/rika

gou/sotsu era TOXIC LESBIAN EPIC MOMENTS!!!!!! obsession and desperation and satoko putting all her emotional eggs in rika’s basket no matter how angry she is with her, rika’s love for satoko across 100 years and how that all crumbles (to satoko) in the face of rika’s Cool School. rika wanting satoko to go to school with her so so so bad. deep pain and misunderstandings and acting badly (like, murder badly), and then, we hope, atonement and something new beginning? i love character moments where someones so obsessively in love it feels like its eating them up inside.

rena & satoko

look, rena’s smart and really pays attention to how people feel and i think, before or after satoko becomes a looper but especially after, she would make an attempt to have a heart to heart with satoko. and satoko, as a looper, will politely brush her off, will go you dont know me you can’t affect me. youre just a chess piece. when i get to the miracle world where rika loves me, ill listen to you. this you is here to die, or to kill.

eua

oh eua is just using satoko up like a bar of soap and it takes satoko way, way too long to realize. evil girltalk/crush advice from the witchmom perhaps?

shion

meakashi made me LOVE her. internal shion moments, perhaps? shion being an empath (decides what ppl are thinking and instantly believes it)? shion in gou-era wanting to talk to satoko about st. lucia’s, but she never shows up to dinner?

okay i think that’s all for now!!! thanks and i hope you have fun!!!

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sydxo · 4 years ago

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my latest obsession: chrollo lucilfer

listen so,,,, im not really crazy about loving characters and i dont really jump around with my faves, they're pretty consistent for the most part but lately i've been overly fond of a man named chrollo.

If you know me you would know of my love for hunter x hunter

so when i really got back into the series i began looking at chrollo a lot more. when i watched it during the summer of 2017 i loved chrollo but he was never someone i obsessed over. yea he was a hot, strong villain so of course i would like him. but rewatching it recently i started looking at him much more.

to begin with, from the surface you would look at chrollo as a cold psychopath (thats extremely good-looking) but theres not much to go off of. he doesnt really have much of a personality. hes not kind, nor is he mean.. hes kind of emotionless. he doesnt not harbor anger or resentment shown in the manga and anime.

only when ~~uvo dies~~ does he really begin to show us his vulnerabilities. many can argue that him showing sadness is a mask only to show the troupe members that he cares. but the thing is,,, he doesnt cry infront of any of them? so what would be the point?

he truly cares for the troupe with his heart. each one of the members he holds close to him although it may not seem like it, he really does mourn for the loss of his loved ones (a.k.a. the troupe members).

he was brought up in meteor city, meaning his past most likely is not a very pretty one. my theory being that he was probably abused as a child. he mostly likely ran away and lead a life of having to steal and kill to survive at a young age. the abuse affected him to where he was so traumatized that he completely left his past identity behind and became **CHROLLO LUCILFER**, most likely he created that name for himself.

he lost his identity so he searches for validity of himself within the troupe, using each member as a defining part of himself.

loosing a troupe member is like loosing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~

chrollo really is such a misunderstood character and im so so so upset that we dont get a look into his past. that literally physically pains me that i dont know more about this man! i would kill for just a little insight of him and how thinks, how he loves, his days off, what he likes to do for fun, his hobbies, things he enjoys, his favorite foods.... i really would just want to know more about him.

i cannot possibly put into words how fucking much i love this man, yes hes quite terrible, and yes hes killed thousands of people, and yes i love him to death even knowing this. hes such an interesting chracter although we dont know much about him and his inner workings. the mystery that surrounds chrollo is what attracts me the most. i have the freedom to make all these headcanons and obsess over him, everything is up to my imagination and im okay with that.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

chrollo deserves the best and i really with hes able to find himself and his own identity one day. just like everyone else, chrollo deserves happiness, in large sums... he might deserve it more than anyone else to be quite honest.

hes worked his way up from the very very bottom of the chain to the top. now hes the boss. if you have watched hxh and know about meteor city, its a city of nobodies, its a dump where people send all their crap and unwanted items too, even children. chrollo growing up there had to have an extremely hardtime and due to those circumstances he became a specialist. meaning hes extremely strong and has his own unique abilities. not to mention his power?? Bandit's Secret is badass?? like imagine stealing other people's nen and being able to perfect it like chrollo? i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i i ... im just completely stunned by the skill, power and talent this beautiful sexy man possesses. hes had to work his ass off day and night to get where his is now and i am so beyond proud of him for not being more fucked in the head considering his past.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

losing a troupe member is like losing a part of himself. that is why he mourns so deeply for the loss of ~~uvo, kortopi and shalnark~~ and vows to kill hisoka ~~for the second time~~ after he learns of ~~kortopi and shalnarks deaths~~.

the little details we are provided about him i cherish, his little quirks and kinks i cherish.

when he looks like steve carell i still love him.

hes the sexiest man alive? theres absolutely no doubt about that. hisoka tried it, yea killuas pretty but is he as pretty as chrollo? nah fam...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE CHROLLO SO SOSOSOSOSOSO MUCH SO MUCH! HES SO PERFECT AND STRONG AND POWERFUL AND TALENTED AND SEXY AND WOW IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A FLAWLESS MAN!!

i love him to death and wish for his eternal happiness and i would do anything for him to have it what the actual fuck..

—————

ok so there’s are so many reasons why i really really love chrollos character and just admire him honestly. so i’ll space them out:

1) his character design!!!

-kuroro obviously is... a very attractive looking character!! and usually i’m not ?? idk i don’t really like characters /like/ him with the slicked back hair and crazy ass abs and weird fur coats but it honestly just started growing on me??

-HES SO CLEAN CUT!!! this man owns suits, fur coats and versace sweaters. ... he constantly gets HATED ON and made fun of ppl bc think his hair is fuckin greasy?? GREASY?? AREYOU KIDDING ME?? ur gonna tell me a man who wears belts and fur coats doesn’t shower?? bjtch his hair is gelled and he is KILLING IT!!!!

-throughout the series his style changes a lot!! he looks so good?? mans is so very fashionable (i’ll send examples)

-his mobage cards!!! BITCH HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN HIS MOBAGE CARDS!!

(mobage cards are from a hxh game that you can collect, they come out with official art of the characters in different situations and daily life, so just like characters dressed normally i guess)

he has this one mobage card of him in a casual outfit and OH MY GOD BITCH HE LOOKS SOOO GOOD!!! he’s wearing a white tank top and has this blue button down over it that’s not buttoned up with these jeans and his hair looks so good!!!!! also can’t forget his cross necklace.. we love a religious faithful man!

-SPEAKING of hair chrollos hair is constantly changing?? just like killua with the outfits, chrollo is the only other character that normal changes his clothes while the rest of them stay the same?? he’s so clean and gorgeous it makes me cry!!! from when he’s first introduced his hair is gelled back, to when he meets neon his hair is down nd .. bitch oh my god chrollo has semi long hair and it makes me deadass sob it looks SO GOOD. and right now in the recent manga chapters he has this messy down bedhead style it’s so sexy!!!

ok that was just part 1 about his character design let me start with part 2/3 what attracts me

2)HIS MYSTERY!!

-so chrollo is kinda i guess from the surface he’s a boring dude. there’s nothing noteworthy about his character. he isn’t funny nor is he kind. he’s kinda like... an empty shell of where /something/ should be. and it seriously ..... just adds to his character. his personality might not “shine” and he’s only really popular because he’s a hot antagonist but there’s SO MUCH MORE!! that people don’t look into revolving him.

-he gives off sooo many hints and foreshadows his identity loss so many times while he’s given screentjme and its sad??

sad that this amazing man that has worked so hard and become so very strong still cannot i guess identify himself within a crowd. he’s just ~there~ giving orders for the troupe.

-he truly believes that no one cares for him or relies on him. that everyone would be absolutely 100% unaffected should he die. and that?? i literally wanna smack him.-

(continuing i wanted to give a little background on the phantom troupe given chrollo is the leader)

-PHANTOM TROUPE-

so the phantom troupe is a group of 12 people all given numbers

ok so head = chrollo and legs = the rest of the members because the phantom troupe are also known as the spiders.

they’re thieves with chrollo as the leader and they come from meteor city which is basically a dump where nobodies live a.k.a. they lived a harsh life growing up.

ok so continuing with chrollo thinks he’s replaceable to the troupe. couldn’t be more false and it makes me upset that he thanks that? the troupe really really cares about him a whole lot given he’s literally the leader and he created the phantom troupe!! basically the only place these “thieves” feel like they belong. they’re all family. they fight like brothers and sisters and care so much for one another.

ok that brings this section to a close. this is getting extremely long so let me write my very last part. jeez i could go on for ages.

3.HIS STRENGTH.

-chrollo fights very uniquely and i know it’s kind of a weird thing i guess to bring up his fighting style and powers when discussing why i like him as a character but i really cannot help it.

-out of all the characters in hunter x hunter, chrollos powers have to be my favorite coming from an unbiased standpoint. it’s not even because he’s my favorite character, do i love his power, it’s just so fucking unique and interesting.

•when you watch hxh you’ll learn about powers and such (they call them nen) and the different types you can have, manipulator, conjuror, transmuter, etc.

there’s one power class that stands out from all the rest. while the normal powerclasses have built in powers you know things that are already predetermined, there’s one class called “specialist” and this is the rarest class.

-you guessed it, chrollo is a specialist. being a specialist gives you crazy overpowered abilities for short amounts of time like super regeneration, speed, etc. things like that. chrollos power is called “Bandits Secret” him being a thief and all its so fkn badass. he can literally steal other people’s power from them and use it for himself!! his power is lowkey complicated and has a lot of conditions that need to be met before he can use it but let me just say, the fact that chrollo can steal powers that aren’t even his and use them even better than the original user is so amazing. he’s BEYOND talented when it comes to combat skills hence why hisoka got obliterated in there fight. not only that but he’s an extremely graceful and careful fighter. he’s crazy good at planning strategies against his opponent and extremely smart.

——

ok so that’s all for my chrollo rant... uhh this was longer than intended i’m so sorry but yes i love chrollo with my entire heart he truly is my favorite character of all time and nothing will change that. thank u for coming to my ted talk.

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago

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My headcanon has always been that Alec figured out he was gay very early in life (I've ALWAYS been/I ALWAYS knew/I ALWAYS dreamed) which is... interesting bc visibility and representation must have been a huge issue when he was growing up. This sort of reinforces my interpretation that Alec has always been very in touch with his feelings and very honest about them (he only chose to hide/not act on them). Which is I think what Magnus figured about him from the very beginning ->

-> (it's rare to find a shadowhunter with such an open heart). Which is also funny and sort of on point bc Alec's siblings were widely mistaken about Alec's issues. It also explains why Alec doesn't have any major hang-ups about relationships or expressing his feelings, something a lot of viewers took an issue with (like why is Alec not emotionally stunted or things like that). That said, I keep thinking about Magnus and how he was exploring his sexuality. I mean imagine Magnus talking to his father. Magnus: I feel like I'm into both men and women 🤔 Asmodeus: Great! The amount of people you can seduce and murder has increased exponentially 👀 I mean, poor Magnus 💀

i feel bad for laughing at the asmodeus part but ur so correct hdbdudbdidndidndidndidn

and u know i agree with u 100% on the Alec stuff, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, Alec knew that he was gay since forever, he wasn't lying to himself, he just chose to keep it to himself. he made that very clear every time he talked about it too, i always KNEW i couldn't get what i wanted, I've ALWAYS dreamt, like you said. key words always, knew, and wanted. he was extremely aware throughout the whole process and i can't see it any other way. Alec is terrible at lying and that includes to himself, hes painfully logical and aware and hes been trained to pay attention to his own body/reactions/thoughts and approach them logically and dissecate them from the very beginning. theres no way he was oblivious to his own feelings, or else his lies in s1 wouldnt be so clearly bad.

Alec is, for better or for worse, painfully self aware and that's something i identify with, possibly the part of him i relate to the most. he's struggling because he know it's not safe to come out and he's decided that he wont, so he doesn't, to anyone. but he knows exactly how he feels and that that's his choice. then, when he meets Magnus, he's confused, not because he wasn't ready to face that he liked men (he knew that pretty damn well) but because he was questioning whether he really wanted to go through with his "closeted for eternity" plan. and there was the whole marriage thing. but he wasn't confused about what he wanted, not for a second. he was confused about what he was going to do, and how honest he could be to Magnus about it.

and like you said that's why their transition into a relationship goes relatively smoothly. if Alec were in denial, it would be a lot harder for him to go from that to the Alec we see later on, who is very emotionally available and open with Magnus, who loves him openly and unashamedly, who threatens Maryse to make her respect him and their relationship, who bursts into Magnus' house like "hello lets have sex". Alec can fit into a relationship with so much emotional honesty because he's always been emotionally honest. he just chose not to tell people about it because he was in a place where that wasnt safe

as for Magnus! I hc that his sexual discovery went like, relatively smoothly. I mean he was raised in a recently-colonized Indonesia, which. okay had europeans out there trying to ruin things, but was very open and accepting of both gender and sexuality, and didn't have a binary view of either. and asmodeus wouldnt care because like you can't tell me that demons and angels give a shit about gender, even if by some odd reason they did have a gender system that's exactly like the modern western european mundane one. so i think that growing up, Magnus didn't have a lot of issues with his sexual & gender identity. It wasnt like "figuring out" and "coming out", more like it slowly became clear and he was like "okay". not a lot of denial involved.

I've talked about this here (sexuality) and here (gender) and there i put more sources and everything so I'm... gonna leave that here rjdndjdnfk but i think Magnus' self discovery wasnt the problem, the problem was the shock of getting to England after the Asmodeus Yeet and seeing how different things were.

i mean, he was no stranger to queerphobia (he had a dutch stepfather after all) but when he was a kid, the dutch didnt really manage to colonize Java and interfere with their customs because the javanese empires were stronger, so they were mostly settling by going there to trade, same as always. so Magnus didn't really have to live in a time where people had to hide who they were

and then he comes back from Edom and it's like. you will literally be executed for this. what in the fuck. people meet in like secret underground clubs, terrified of making every mood. some dont even do that and suffer alone. no one thinks this is weird. people act like its always been this way. what the fuck

and hes struggling because after he banished asmodeus he thought he could finally be himself, you know? escape the need to like get his approval and the fear of angering him, get away from his gross, manipulative claws - you get it. he thought he could breathe and be out in the open and live his own life, but he can't, because so many parts of who he is - his culture, his origins, his gender, his sexuality, the color of his skin, his heritage, his powers - are being constantly repressed by the meat grinding machine of early capitalism and colonialism, and it's like, wow.

so Magnus never really lied to himself, either, but he did learn how to hide, and do it well. he doesn't have a lot of internalized queerphobia in the sense that he thinks it's bad that he's trans and bi, but one of the most prominent results of queerphobia in his life (aggravated by a thousand other things) is that hes gotten used to bottling things up and compartmentalizing himself and his identity. hes learnt to be what ppl expect him to be, and to show them only what hes safe to. its instinctive for him, to hide certain parts of himself, be it his immortality, his queerness, or his pain. and it's one of the reasons he struggles so much to be fully open and honest with Alec about how he feels. it's why it's so instinctive for him to stop everything and hide because his glamour went down. he knows that Alec knows about it, but he's used to hiding the parts of himself that people dont want to see

and that's without throwing Camille and her abuse into the mix (which i talked more about in the aforementioned links. like not to self promote but i am pretty proud of those asks so you know) and of course Asmodeus himself, and how they also taught magnus to hide his weaknesses, not be honest, "stop whining", cut off his own feelings and thoughts to please them. again i talked about this in the links. okay ill stop idndidn

in short, Magnus never really struggled to come to terms with his identity, but he learnt quickly that he isn't palatable, and he never will be - not to his mom (even if again i dont think she killed herself because of him, but Magnus believes it), not to his stepfather, not to his father, not to mundanes, not to the white european queer community, not to anyone. so he knows that, to survive, he needs to be able to bottle things up, and even if the people he loves work hard to convince him every day that this isnt the case (Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, Dot, Alec) old habits die hard

#im sad now lmao #ask #anonymous #alec lightwood #magnus bane #alec lightwood meta #magnus bane meta #malec meta #meta #malec #camille belcourt is an abuser #camille's trash party #asmodeus' trash party #overflowing trashcan #long post #trans magnus bane

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obeymematches · 4 years ago

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i want to req a matchup pls, im a hard worker and hate conflicts, im always trying to be nice even to ppl who have treated me like shit(unless i can get them out my life), i love animals, in my free time i draw and create many ocs, game, watch sitcoms, cartoons, i love daydreaming, sleeping, cycling, im a scorpio ,infp, a bit of a tomboy,strong, shy and blush easy, im a virgin in almost everything(hand holding first kiss you name it) my dream is find someone who accepts me the way i am (part 1)

i love my brother with all my heart, i would die for him, im goofy and sometimes i space out bc there are so many things on my mind, my weakness are soft ppl, im a hopeless romantic and thus love otome games, one day i want to make my own visual novel, i listen to many different music genres many hours a day( rock, pop, classic, ambient, game ost etc), i reaally love hugs but im wayy too shy, i tend to make jokes and try to lighten the mood when things are going bad (part2) like that one time i cut a piece of my finger on a machine and my only reaction was to tone it down as if it were nothing, im a though person to physical pain but hurt me emotionally and i will think about it until the day i die. i try to make everyone happy and compfortable except myself (self sacrifice is a bad habit of mine) but it just makes me happy to see others smile, the three words i would die to hear is: i love you, im a bit weird: i love cute but also dark and macabre things (part3) im sorry this is getting so long, you can ignore it if you want, i completely understand i love to take pics after work or school, be it the sky or a stray cat, a crow, a barn, i just want to capture the moment to never forget it, i love aesthetics, my fav fruit is watermelon and my fav flavour is peach, my fav season is fall, my fav weather is rainy or cloudy, i love the sound of nature, frogs and birds singing their song, i could add more but its wayyy too much (part 4) thank you for reading my req and taking your time, i dont have anyone to listen to me and my desires thats why i went abroad really sorry, but i truley mean it, thank you so much, i wish you a wonderfull day and hope all things you want to accomplish will succeed one day, stay healthy and happy for all eternity (part5)

Hi!!

Thank you for sending in a request!! ooohh, don’t worry, everyone is free to drop by my inbox if they need an ear to listen ❤️ thank you for your kind words 🥺 i wish all of these for you too!

I hope you like the result <3

The best match that came to my mind was Simeon!

Here is why:

Okay so he is a calm person himself, so the fact that you are avoiding drama means that his life will stay as peaceful as it can.

Simeon definitely appreciates a hard worker, although he makes sure you are not overdoing anything. He is a very caring angel after all, expect no less.

The fact that you are kind to everyone even if they are assholes means that you’d probably go better with someone with a heart similar to yours - very kind, gentle, and giving. Simeon is the same, like the only time you can see him be ‘mean’ is when he is trying to teach something important about life to Luke. This is one of the main reasons why I though he would be the best option. He is one of the safest choices.

He is a writer himself so I’m pretty sure he would love to hear about your OCs! even if you only have them for fun, maybe you could inspire the other !

Come to think of writing, if he wrote a series about the brothers, imagine how many ways he would include his beloved in his writings!

Okay so he is definitely not one to play games based on his knowledge on technology. But with some teaching from you, I’m sure you could get him to play with you. Hopefully you are patient enough! Also I’m sure he would be fascinated by human technology so maybe if you could talk to him about it in detail, that could also inspire him!

The fact that you are shy isn’t an issue here, Simeon can talk to literally anyone he wants to.

I think Simeon is very accepting, I mean he still keeps a good friendship with the brothers despite all that drama that was going on centuries ago. That also means he will never judge you and he is rather open-minded.

Your love being deep also means that he is a deserving candidate, I mean he will treat you really well. Being with him will probably boost your self-esteem to the skies!

I think he would find your spacing out as a cute things humans do and chuckle when he tries to get your attention but fails. Then he would be very interested in whatever daydream you were living in at the moment.

I hope he is soft enough for your liking?

He would definitely be very supportive of your visual novel!!!! he is very great at inspiring you and helping you on your way to make it public (if you want that). (the other candiadtes who would be very supportive of this are probably Levi and Satan)

Since you love music and he wants to get to know you more, he is going to ask you about music often! send him something calming, something that brings up a memory you are fond of, ect.

I think Simeon is also a good match because he will make sure your pain never goes unnoticed. Sure, he might not be as good of an observer as Satan, but Simeon himself is also very smart and can read people’s characters (see his works he baes on the charaters in the game). However, it is always important to communicate when you are in pain.

The other main reason for picking him was the fact that I kind of elaborated before - he would definitely not hurt you neither physically or emotionally. Maybe unintentionally but that is also very unlikely.

He really loves that you care for others so much, but you need someone who cares about you just as much if not more. So thats why!

I think he would also find you capturing moments like those adorable. He sometimes thinks about stuff like that but as he has been alive for several centuries, he has forgot many many of small moments. So thats why after he gets better with technology he might start doing the same thing thanks to your influence!

#obey me #obey me!#obey me matchup #om! simeon #obey me simeon #simeon obey me #swd obey me #obey me swd #om!#obey me shall we date

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somnilogical · 5 years ago

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reactionpost to Emma Goldman (and politics, always politics these days) | [Anarchism and Other Essays] [Living My Life]

it doesnt make sense why the increasingly ill-named bay area ""rationalists"" would be so horrible.

just let the scene die please. its so painful seeing it lurching around as a half-dead simulacrafied thing.

which was probably what it was since i got here, but like i guess i had some image, a strong prior, of what things were going to be like that replaced my sight and was slowly eroded away. which before introspection probably gave the impression of more erosion witnessed than actually happened.

the transsexual oracle contrapoints mentioned that the current political fractionation is getting more like that of the early 1900s. which means ill protest shirtwaist factory fires soon?

like i actually said to my friend that looking at the claims of humans it was amazing how many friends i suddenly acquired that i didnt even know! i must have some sort of psychic link with anyone who agrees with me on some philosophical points! and then lo and behold i read emma goldman saying:

<<Now, to a recent instance of police-manufactured Anarchist plots. In that bloodstained city Chicago, the life of Chief of Police Shippy was attempted by a young man named Averbuch. Immediately the cry was sent to the four corners of the world that Averbuch was an Anarchist, and that Anarchists were responsible for the act. Everyone who was at all known to entertain Anarchist ideas was closely watched, a number of people arrested, the library of an Anarchist group confiscated, and all meetings made impossible. It goes without saying that, as on various previous occasions, I must needs be held responsible for the act. Evidently the American police credit me with occult powers. I did not know Averbuch; in fact, had never before heard his name, and the only way I could have possibly “conspired” with him was in my astral body. But, then, the police are not concerned with logic or justice. What they seek is a target, to mask their absolute ignorance of the cause, of the psychology of a political act. Was Averbuch an Anarchist? There is no positive proof of it. He had been but three months in the country, did not know the language, and, as far as I could ascertain, was quite unknown to the Anarchists of Chicago.>>

& i laughed aloud. its the same thing! i think im actually positioned in the natural cluster of "anarchist" right now. so reading historical instances of how people treated them and updating on this info to read peoples minds and clip around them is useful. pretending to believe that people who hold some similar tenets are your "friends" as a convergent statist strategy is probably because statists want to think that anarchism is some sort of communicable disease and not independently derivable via observations of reality. (like how both emma goldman and somni could work out a large number of similar conclusions independently.)

and they dont want to interface with it on the object level so will say its mad gibberish and a danger to public welfare and all we need is for all anarchists to doxx their network and then get everyone who is "friends" put in prison. they dont think in terms of philosophy they think in terms of anarchism being a confusing infohazardous illness contagious between social groups and it needs to be eliminated.

except they are wrong and this doesnt work cuz i was able to reconstitute anarchist conclusions on my own before even reading about emma goldman and work out that eg clothes dont make sense.

<<The entire history of asceticism proves this to be only too true. The Church, as well as Puritanism, has fought the flesh as something evil; it had to be subdued and hidden at all cost. The result of this vicious attitude is only now beginning to be recognized by modern thinkers and educators. They realize that “nakedness has a hygienic value as well as a spiritual significance, far beyond its influences in allaying the natural inquisitiveness of the young or acting as a preventative of morbid emotion. It is an inspiration to adults who have long outgrown any youthful curiosities. The vision of the essential and eternal human form, the nearest thing to us in all the world, with its vigor and its beauty and its grace, is one of the prime tonics of life.” [17] But the spirit of purism has so perverted the human mind that it has lost the power to appreciate the beauty of nudity, forcing us to hide the natural form under the plea of chastity. Yet chastity itself is but an artificial imposition upon nature, expressive of a false shame of the human form. The modern idea of chastity, especially in reference to woman, its greatest victim, is but the sensuous exaggeration of our natural impulses. “Chastity varies with the amount of clothing,” and hence Christians and purists forever hasten to cover the “heathen” with tatters, and thus convert him to goodness and chastity.>>

(in 2020 the humans of the hazda tribe seem to be quite fine with their particular fashion, society has entirely failed to collapse.

and if you look at the covers of sci-fi books that spend some thoughtcycles extrapolating out the future of fashion they often agree with this. ive read a lot of accounts from naturalists some of them expressed that wearing clothes was like being starved of oxygen. i hate clothes and my sister (who is cis) also hates clothes and wrote a poem about how she hates clothes (to antitransfem ppl: its not a sex thing!!!) and maybe its a genetic thing or a shared early childhood environment thing (to antitransfem ppl: i wasnt sexually abused as a child!!!).

assuming it is a genetic thing that locates this issue in the first place, like having issues with english orthography might have been for feynman or nash or somni, the thing where english orthography is wrong & the fact there are such things as "spelling bees" for your language is independent of a genetic disinclination to memorize a series of ad-hoc patches instead of having things generated by simple principles. (capitalization also doesnt make sense.)

clothes dont make sense. & this might be a small matter on the scale of things but its so unjust that in 2020 you can be arrested by the cops for being naked outside!!!) similarly with jeremy bentham.

i am not actually planning on being emma goldman or jeremy bentham or any historical figure. because i dont think simply rerunning strats of historical figures is particularly useful. but im peers with them.

<<An old vice of mine came to my rescue: veritable mountains of letters I had written. Often I had been chided by my pal Sasha, otherwise known as Alexander Berkman, and by my other friends, for my proclivity to spread myself in letters. Far from virtue bringing reward, it was my iniquity that gave me what I needed most — the true atmosphere of past days.>>

i dont think this is a vice emma!!!

#My Disillusionment in Berkeley #My Disillusionement in Russia #reactionpost #living my life #anarchism and other essays #emma goldman #relatable #maybe i could have titled this #though i think the title wasnt emma's choice

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 5 years ago

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Why ppl who think the writers dont know exactly what they are doing with Sylvannas are dead, completely and utterly wrong: a Thread

from the official overview

“ The Broken Machine The machine of death is broken, and players entering the Shadowlands will find the realm of the dead in disarray. In the natural order of things, souls are sorted and sent on to an afterlife realm appropriate to the lives they lived, but now, but over the past few years, all souls who have perished—including the innocents slain at Teldrassil—are being funneled directly into the Maw. The Shadowlands are starving for anima even as the Maw continues to grow from the glut of fresh souls. Sylvanas has been seemingly perpetrating acts to bring about great amounts of death and destruction. In partnership with the Jailer, they have been working toward a common end for some time. “

so, i’m sure this will be one of the first things we learn in Bastion. or whereever.

emphasis mine.

past few years...BFA...Legion....ok thats a pair... So what if it is not exactly a few (3 ). Draenor sylvannas didnt have anything to do, But in MoP she didnt balk at causing death at Siege of Ogrimmar or Theramore and, in the Cataclysm she wiped out 3 cities. Catacylsm is the expasnion after wrath. After she died

From Sylvannas Windrunner: Edge of Night

“What did it matter if another corpse filled his vacant throne? Sylvanas Windrunner had her vengeance. The vision that had driven her and her people for years had finally been realized. And not a single fiber of her desiccated, animate corpse cared where the world went from here.It was over now. A part of her was surprised she was even still around, without his lingering presence always tugging at the back of her mind. She backed away from the throne and slowly turned to survey the cold gray world all around her. Her thoughts returned to that place of bliss, her half-remembered glimpse of what lay beyond. Home. It was time.

.............

She longed for it. A return to peace. The work she had begun in the forests of Silvermoon was finally complete with the death of Arthas. ,,,,,,,,,,,

...........

She could feel no cold, only a dull ache. She would feel nothing soon. She already felt her spirit reaching a place of calm for the first time in almost a decade. Her weight shifted toward the edge of the drop. She closed her eyes.

.......................

"There are so many!" he barked, falling silent as she raised a finger. "We have only two dozen rangers up there," he said, his voice now a whisper. "They cannot survive that!" Sylvanas didn't turn her gaze away from the dark mass of shambling corpses crushing its way closer to the river ford. It was the height of the Third War, and hours away from Silvermoon's fall at the hands of Arthas's army.

"They merely need to delay them as we fortify the Sunwell's defense," she answered, her tone measured.

"They will die!"

"They are arrows in the quiver," Sylvanas said. "They must be spent if we are to win this."

She was brash. Empty? No—a fighter. She had a warrior's heart.................

Before her waited a grotesque, quivering mass of corpses, their armor piecemeal, their bodies broken, the stench unimaginable. Their plaintive, desperate gazes reminded her suddenly of children. They disgusted her. But their need empowered her. "The Lich King falters. Your will is your own. Are you to be outcasts now in your own land? Or do we embrace the cruel cards fate has dealt us and retake our place in this world?"

.........

These poor people: peasants, farmers, priests, warriors, lords and nobles… they hadn't yet come to grips with what had happened to them. But for somebody—anybody—to assure them that they belongedsomewhere was electrifying.

--------------------------

Already he'd come to embrace his situation, referring to humans as if they were a separate race; she made a mental note to make use of him.

.........

"The humans will serve their purpose," she answered, her mind already calculating. "They believe they are liberating the city. Let them fight on our behalf and spend themselves for our gain. They are"—she stumbled upon an analogy she'd used before—"arrows in our quiver."

The heaving mass of undead clapped and coughed and hacked gleefully in assent. Sylvanas regarded the whole mob coldly. And so are you, she thought to herself. Arrows I will aim at Arthas's heart.

................................

No more would she be the vengeful leader of a mongrel race of rotted corpses. Her work was done, and her long-denied reward awaited her

...............

“"Your people will perish!" said the dark-haired Val'kyr.

.Sylvanas thought about her people. They had come far from their decimated origins, the yearning, confused mob of fresh corpses huddled about the ruins of Lordaeron's wrecked capital. The Forsaken were truly a nation now: a fetid, gore-caked, hideous mass of lifeless husks, skilled in combat, devastating with the arcane arts, and unhindered by fetters of morality. They had been honed into the perfect weapon. Her weapon. And they had struck the killing blow for which she had built them. She cared nothing for their fate."Let them perish!" Sylvanas cried. "I am finished with them!"“

........................

She saw only darkness.

And then she felt—truly felt, for the first time in a long while. She recoiled. In agony.

Here she was, her spirit once again feeling whole, only to feel it suffer. To feel once more, only to feel abject pain. Cold. Hopelessness.

Fear.

...................

There were others in the darkness. Things she didn't recognize, because nothing so terrible could exist in the world of the living. Claws tore at her, but she had no mouth with which to scream. Eyes looked at her, but she couldn't look back.

Regret.

She sensed a familiar presence. Recognized it. The taunting voice that had once held her in its grasp. Arthas? Arthas Menethil? Here? His essence rushed to her, desperate, then shrank away in horrified recognition. The boy who would be Lich King. Just a scared little blond child, reaping the aftermath of a lifetime of mistakes. If any part of Sylvanas's soul were not at that moment torn and tormented, she might have even felt—for the first time—the slightest glimmer of pity for him.

Now the others had her. Surrounded her. Gleeful, tormenting, tearing at her consciousness, delighting in her suffering.

Horror.

This was to be her eternity: the endless void, the dark, unknown realm of anguish.

....

"Sylvanas Windrunner, Dark Lady, queen of the Forsaken… you may walk with the living again through the sisterhood of the Val'kyr. As long as they live, so too shall you. Freedom, life… and power over death. This is our pact. Do you accept our gift?"

.....................

This was her only way out. But she didn't want to give her assent out of fear. She waited until she felt something more. A fellowship. A sisterhood. Sisters. Separate, they were all trapped. But together, they were free… and with them, she could postpone her fate.

.............................

"I was once like you, Garrosh," she answered, her voice quiet and steady, loud enough only for the warchief to hear. "Those who served me were tools. Arrows in my quiver.

......................

What he saw was a great black void, an infinite darkness. There was fear in those eyes, but also something else. Something that terrified even the great warchief.

"Garrosh Hellscream. I've walked the realms of the dead. I have seen the infinite dark. Nothing you say. Or do. Could possibly frighten me."

The army of undead that surrounded and protected the Dark Lady was still hers, body and soul. But they were no longer arrows in her quiver, not anymore. They were a bulwark against the infinite. They were to be used wisely, and no fool orc would squander them while she still walked the world of the living.

------------------------------------------------------

Now, look at the description for the Maw

“ This horrific prison houses the most vile and irredeemable souls in existence—ones deemed by the Arbiter to represent a threat to the Shadowlands if left free. Ruled by the enigmatic Jailer who none have ever seen—at least none have seen and lived to tell—the Maw inspires nightmares and legends even among the denizens of the Shadowlands. No one has ever escaped this vile place, and any foolish enough to venture there are never heard from again. “

-------------------------------------------------------

So This short story was written before cataclysm launched in 2010. NINE years ago.

So yes “dur Blizz are bad writers that made sylvannas do a 180 and become evil for no reason”

NO. This was the biggest piece of characerization Sylvannas ever got outside of warcraft 3 The Frozen Throne. it establishes that she was a cold person more than willing to treat living people as objects to satisfy the needs of their military and their people. It emphasised MULTIPLE times that i highlighted that she HATED and was disgusted by the forsaken. ANd i emphasised at least twice that She has been using patriotism and their need for someone to care about them as a way to MANIPULATE them. And that was how she was. SHe didnt care about any of them They were just a tool to be used to kill Arthas. and with him gone she was ready to die.

The problem was she was ready to die because she HAD ALREADY DIED. we learn with the SHadowlands that good souls go where they are treated well, and even strong souls are treated well. but Where to evil souls go? either the maw or to the vampire place. She had died and started to enter the good place, Bastion no doubt. as a good protector of the innocent. but Arthas pulled her out and made her a monster

BUT SINCE THEN she became even more of a monster. She let her people embrace hatred. she allowed slavery and torture of prisoners for the sake of destroying life. she thought of nothing but how to USE and ABUSE people in order to get vengence so SHE could get her REWARD.

She became a “most vile and irredeemable soul”. So when she died her soul went to the Maw where it suffered with dark evil souls like Arthas’

and did getting rescued by the valkyre fix her outlook? No . she still saw her people as nothing. but she knew the horrors she’d face if she died, and so she viewed her people as a BULWARK against that.

But whats REALLY interesting is that I think Ion wasnt being completely honest . The lore says that “No one has EVer escaped the Maw of Souls”... however we know that we will do so. And we know that No one has been there. so how can anyone KNOW that no one has escaped. What if they just kept it a secret.

What if the Jailer started to, for whatever reason, decide to take over the afterlife. whether it was personal ambition or seeing the rest as redundant. And he saw this elf soul ESCAPE him. the only one to ever do so. By that Valkyre taking her place. The Valkyre are allegedly created by the souls of hte denezins of bastion, the angel people. So between having a connection to the lich king, guardian of the connection to the Shadowlands, and the fact that they are denezins of the shadowlands.. or were... it makes sense they might have had the power to rescue a soul from the Maw.....with the added help of the soul taking her place.

I emphasised other parts to because i think its important. the Valkyre USED to be denizens of the shadowlands. but supposedly Changed by the lich king. The valkyre emphasised it WASNT just a bond of sisterhood but a bond of hte Valkyre. I think in order to save her from the maw they basically had to enchant sylvannas to magically register as a Valkyre, and thats how they ‘made the switch”. so to speak.

Now remember what happened in Legion? She got a special lantern from Helya, the original Valkyr, who is a master of Death, trapping souls and creating dimensions And who has reason to hate Odyn who has his own form of afterlife?

So it seems to me that Sylvannas gained the attention of the Jailer when she was the first one to escape. and the fact that she escaped by utilizing Valkyre magic, but she wasnt bound to the ethos of most of the denizens of bastion. I think shortly after her original death she was contacted by him, possibly through the valkyre and they started their pact.

Ion said that Sylvannas does not have a master, she’s doing things for herself. However that doesnt mean that, just cus the Jailer isnt controlling her doesnt mean he might not be manipulating her.

Jailer starts to usurp the souls. Sylvannas, afraid of going to the maw. begins rampant death, in order to kill enemies and create a massive army of forsaken to use against any force that would come for her. This rampant death gains the attention of those in the afterlife, including the Jailer who gets more souls do to it. somewhere between Cata and the start of legion he contacts her. When vol’jin is dying he uses his influence to get Vol’jin to name Sylvannas warchief.

She uses her new power to go wherever she wants, which she uses to find Helya, another god of death who has a unique power. Realm magic. using the Lantern, Sylvannas uses the valkyre to send it to the jailer who cuts off the other parts of the afterlife, making it so ALL souls go to the maw. then now that the world threat is over, and she doesnt have to worry about dying herself, she uses her position of power to sew as much death as possible to feed her ally. with the ultimate plan of them destroying the natural order of life and death. She gets to be free of him and lets those she deems worthy live free. all others get to be the Jailer’s victims. no more souls wasted on the ‘good’ after lives or regeneration. no more foolish living to ruin a perfect, deathless world.

its all coming together.

#sylvannas #long post #sylvannas windrunner #world of warcraft #world of warcraft spoilers #wow spoilers #wow #warcraft

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bloody-delicious · 6 years ago

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Hello! Can I ask for a matchup pls? I’m a female, a Pisces. And I love drawing/designing, traveling, and music. I have short black hair with green highlights. I tend to hide my sadness/anxious feelings, I love my family and pets, and I’m a slow-to-warm-up person. I’m also super quiet towards ppl I don’t like/know, but once you get to know me, I will give you my full trust and love. But if u betrayed me, I will pretend you don’t even exist. I also have anxiety. And I’m also kinda curvy/busty.

i match you with bubba sawyer!

•traveling is a beautiful form of escapism. it gifts to us that wonderful breath of freedom, that thrill that races through our veins and beats with our hearts, that richness of the mind that expands our understandings and broadens our horizons. god gave man legs and wheels and wings to explore and embrace the lush earth from which he was created. but there are parts of this world that reject the beauty of the life that surrounds it. there are lands that fester, that spoil, decay, and cannibalize themselves, supporating and thriving in their own wickedness. the hell that we were told of lie not beneath us, but right alongside us. the hell recounted by many is not loud, it is not bold; it sinks into the soil and grows like a deadly fungus, like an intruding weed. it is not death, no, it lives with us, it breathes and matures with us. hell is anywhere one finds it to be. for the inhabitants of La Frontera, hell is the sawyer house. inside, creeps the devil, a crooked smile with crooked teeth and crooked words, his body and his mind as sickly as his business. and the devil is followed by his two bastard sons, hounds of hell that crawl out of the purple shadows of the texan heat and slink into the coolness of the night with bloody fingers and quiet, mad eyes. the house beats with their sin and walks with their red feet and hums with the beat of the leatherface's saw. yes, hell can be found in that old farmhouse on the hill. children dont wander near, they watch from the weeds and scamper off when the sound of the butcher can be heard. no man dares pass by, they take the long way around, they steal a glance at the road to death as they pass by. no birds sing in the trees, no flowers grow. mother nature would not have her children so close to such a lifeless land. but the shepherds lambs will always stray eventually. and the house must eat.

• maybe you ran when the others were too slow. maybe you betrayed another for yourself. maybe you hid under a warm, bloody body. maybe you rose when they fell. maybe you simply found yourself in gods favor. it doesnt matter. those you loved are dead, and you are alive. those you loved are served in front of you, steaming, bubbling, tender, pink, rich. and you must eat the fruit if you wish to live. you are reborn into a godless world, and you will suffer and feel and breathe and survive as sinners do. you will feel the weight of the chains on your body, your skin will shiver and sweat in the palpable darkness and burning heat of the basement, your eyes will see shadows and glints of light and crude sketches of reality. you will hear those who were not as lucky as you. you will hear them plead for your aid, as if you were an angel, sent to relieve them of this pain. you will hear the squelch of flesh as it is hung, the screams that erupt, uncurling from their throats in a display of the horror their bodies have been subjected to. you will feel their tears drop onto your sleeping body when the night comes. you will hear their last breath. you will know that a mortal man cannot claw his way out of the depths of hell.

• persephone lived for the rest of her days in a limbo of love and despair. you saw your loved ones in dreams. you wanted to go with. you wanted to know what it felt like to be happy again. you woke every night and morning with tears so heavy they cut into the flesh. you are beloved by the devil, by the mocking mask of twisted skin, the blood on his hands when he reaches out to just touch, just touch that skin of yours, by his wide eyes peering from the shadows. perhaps love cannot grow in hell, but it can be imitated. it can soothe eternal damnnation, it can hide from sight the wounds of a trauma that can never heal. a curious game you play with him, a tragic play you take part in. to pass the endless time. to distract the mind. to bring hope to the soul. does it matter? he sits beside you in the lowest circle of hell, and it is nice to have company when your very being is ripped so violently apart into nothingness. both of your hands are rough and bloody and bruised. they sometimes hold onto eachother when the night is long, when the flames burn higher, when the pain cuts deeper. he shows to you his life. you have nothing left to show. he brings you gifts of severed flesh and rotting animals. he doesnt know how to comfort you. he instead sits with you in silence. he doesnt know if it is enough. it is all he can do. the dead cannot give to the living anything of beauty, for it can only be found in the old world. but for the two of you, the old world no longer exists, neither of you can reach it with your hands, painted red, stretching towards the sky so desperately. both of you have stopped trying. you cling to what little life is left in each other, you feed on eachothers flesh to stay alive one more day, you scream inside your heads and no longer bother to wipe away the tears that fall down your faces. it is a cruel existence, but it is not without hope. it is not without that urge within you to live, to survive, to rise from the ash. you cannot converse fluently with him, but there is no need. you are now the same disease, the same creatures that rose from satans seed.

• things can get better if you wish. if you learn to love him, he will stay until you both return to the same sadistic earth you came from. both of your lives will never be without pain, but they have a chance to also be with warmth. maybe there is a future to be born in the dimness of that basement. maybe it will seep through the cracks in the walls and throb and beat throughout the house to the rhythm of a decaying heart. maybe it will one day wake in the light of day and feel the sweltering heat and hear the soft breaths beside you and once again reach for that hand that you held onto in the darkness and blood. maybe heaven will cast its light down to the pits of hell one day, even if for just a mere moment. the devils will continue to dance and slaughter and feast, but there is a happiness to be found in this depravity. you may be loved by a man who knows not of warmth and kindness, but of blood and cold, cold metal, but his heart still beats for you. many lives have been lost at his hands, his skin is forever dyed red. but they are gentle with your skin, with your hand when he grasps it, with your hair as you feel yourself being lulled softly into the hazey lavender summer night.

#slasher x reader #bubba sawyer #have to add gif later #no internet here #we got it lads #also this sucks lol #i was trying to make it realistic but it just turned into rambling

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tellywoodtrash · 7 years ago

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ishqbaaz 27.08.17 lb

plain text version here.

let’s do this shit!

ok the start to this ep feels so... random and disjointed from the end of the last... like... is this the same day as the shaadi nonsense? is it not? how many days/months/years have passed? who knows, not me. 😕😕😕

before shit goes down, can i just take the moment to say, goddamn, my girl looks sooooooooooooo good. 😍😍😍 i’m glad her hair’s back in the waves. i prefer it to the poker straight hair. plus the outfit. simple, clean lines. what a goshdarn babe. light of my life. my sun my moon all my stars. 😌😌😌

... ohhhhhh boy. i don’t think i’m ready for this jelly. (coz my body too bootylicious for ya babe! 🍑🍑🍑)

is he for real though, or just faking to make her spill it? 🤔🤔🤔

oh no is he gonna think she left him coz he doesn’t have NKK anymore? 😬😬😬

he’s faking. he’s so fakingggg. he just remembers that ONE sentence she said and is using it to get it outta her.🙄🙄🙄

billu ke dimaag ke paiyyyen ghooooooom rahein haiiiii, trying to piece together these little tidbits she’s dropping. 🎡🎡🎡

ugh. emotional moment ke beech mein 2 second ka romance ghusa diya, my heart is so confuseddddddddd. 😖😖😖

anika be like OH BETE KI KAHIN PAPPU BANAAKE TOH NAHI CHALE GAYE MUJHE. 😯😯😯

sudden change to chirpy, cheery gauri. i can’t keep up with the sudden change in tone of scenes without suffering whiplash. 😕😕😕

wtf even is om doing in the bg? 😟😟😟

sudden change in mooood in my baby bulbul’s mood. aw noooo. 😥😥😥

YEH PAKDAAAAAAA. HAWAAA CHALIIIIII. YASSSSSSSSSS. FUCKING YAAAAAAAAS!!!! 😀😀😀

THIS SONG. *WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPS* ALL THE FEELZ. 😭😭😭

ok “pyaar” is a little too much and all, but the lyrics TU KI JAANE PYAAR MERA + THIS FACE. *sobbing for all eternity* 😭😭😭😭😭😭

what’s with this dude and her shoulder? this is a very strange fetish, bro. 😕😕😕

ok but over there your brother and bhaabi are into knifeplay, so this is relatively harmless. carry on. 😌😌😌

BUT ALSO FUCKING GOOSEBUMPS OMG THE FUCK I AM BOTH 😥😥😥 CRYING 😥😥😥 AND HAVING 😏😏😏 THARKI THOUGHTS 😏😏😏 AND OH MY GOD WHAT EVEN IS HAPPENING TO ME I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS TODAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭

also i can hear maisu’s @vishwaspur head 💥exploding💥 at all the close ups of kunal’s hands all the way from here. 🙃🙃🙃

ok i know nothing of this jal jal ke dhuan sequence, but damn it looks fucking hot in any flashbacks they show in ib. i don’t think i’ll watch the actual scene, just to preserve the hotness in my mind. 😙😙😙

VE BADA PACHTAIYYAAAAN ANKHAAN NAAAL TERE JODKEEEEE *weeps*

i always lose it at this part of this song anyway, but coupled with these visuals, hahahaha fuck meeeeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭

jfc why can i not stop cryinggggggggg 😪😪😪😪

oh this is why:

LOOK AT THE WAY THEY’RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER OH MY GOD I CAN’T EVEN

“KUCH NAHI”?!?!?!?! OMFG OMKARA, DO NOT MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND FUCKING KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS. DON’T TEST ME BOY. I’LL DO IT. I’LL FUCKING DO IT. 😤😤😤😡😡😡

her disappointmenttttttttt. oh my god, my heart. i can’t bear it. 😫😫😫

SIRF BAHU™. SISTER OF SIRF ANIKA™. THE SIRF SISTERS™. 👯🏽👯🏽👯🏽

the fuckkkkkkkkkkk, om? i thought you were the emotionally intelligent one among the three idiots. god. you’re just as bad as those other two. 😒😒😒

literally don’t give a rat’s ass about ruvya as a couple. fwding.

where’s he going now? abhi abhi toh lauta hai germany se. (germany said in this accent. please know i ALWAYS say “germany” like this. 😆😆😆)

ok i’ve now said the word germany too many times and it makes no sense to me. germany. 🤔🤔🤔

the editing of this episode is hella weird man. why would they put this scene now; like, she literally just walked away mad at him and now she’s back and like lemme unpack for you. what nonsense. 😒😒😒

lmao her startled face at him throwing things around. 😂😂😂

omki shomkiiiiiiiii, did you bring the wifeyyy something back from GERRRRRRRMANY? is that why you’re acting weeeeeeeeird? 😏😏😏

HAHAHA CALLED IT. WHAT AN AWKWARD AARDVARK. CUTIE PATOOTIEEEEEEE. 😚😚😚

did he take the mor pankh with him FROM here, or did he pluck a german mor ka pankh? 🤔🤔🤔

germany mein mor hai bhi ya nahi? 🤔🤔🤔 (calling @nawaazishein to confirm or deny.)

LOL “MERE LIYE” YOU IDIOT JUST GIVE IT TO HER 😂😂😂

“THIS IS THE NEW ME”

yeah, this one is definitelyyyyyyyyyy shivaay’s brother. same weirdness and tadi-fueled stupidity. 🙄🙄🙄

LMAOOOOOOOO OM YOU IDIOT I LOVE YOU 🤣🤣🤣

RUDRA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

omfg rudra imitating his lameness hahahaha 😂😂😂

I LIVE FOR RUDRA TAKING THE PISS OUTTA OMKI 😆😆😆

rudra ki vishesh tippani: you look like a goddamn fool, please just give chulbul bhaabi the stole already. 😋😋😋

i love it. this is why he gets the ladies. he smart in this one dept. 😊😊😊

damn, ragini looking FAAIIIINE 😘😘😘

ohhhh boy. she wants to MURDER anika. 😬😬😬

OMFG SHE HAS A SHIVAAY BEDSPREAD. JFC GIRL. LIKE I KNEW YOU WERE CRAZY BUT NOT THIS CRAZY.

lucky for you.....

also, 10 bucks says one of gul/neet took that thing home once they were done shooting with it, considering how much they stan for nakuul. 🙈🙈🙈

“maarna wahin chahiye jahaan par sab se zyaada dard ho, aur main bohut achche se jaanti hoon shivaay ko sabse zyaada dard kahaan hoga.”

sooooooo... she’s going to mess up his hair? 😕😕😕😗😗😗

lmao i am lovinggggg vikram’s exasperation and defeated confusion. 😆😆😆

btw, finally found the actor’s name, for those interested: danish pandor. unfortunately, he’s not big on social media, so get your jollies by taadofying at him here.

sooooooooo.... vikram, who wanted anika enough to marry her even without her consent, is perfectly ok with this plan of killing(?) her? 🤔🤔🤔 like....??????? what even is this dude’s deal? he seems perfectly sane and sorted but i dont get his motives re: anika. 😕😕😕

omki’s cryyyyying? whyyyy??? is it coz he’s a loser who can’t summon the guts to tell his wife the words “i am sorry”? 😐😐😐

“kaunsa sach?”

coz at this point everyone is hiding so many things from each other than it’s hard to fucking keep track anymore 😗😗😗

bruh, does this fucker know or not, or is he just going around faking everyone out and getting them to drop him enough breadcrumbs 😒😒😒

lmaooooo rudra is exhausted solving everyone’s issues. 😆😆😆

bhavya’s in A Mood™ 😬😬😬

ok... fuck this sultan nonsense all over again. fwding. 😒😒😒

YEAHH THIS FOOL DON’T KNOW SHIT. HE’S JUST FAKING. 😑😑😑

oh shit, rudra. god, he’s going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. he’s going to vomit out everythingggggggg. 😧😧😧

LMAOOOOOOOOOO I KNEW ITTTTTT. I KNEW HE WAS FAKING. I CAN’T BELIEVE THESE PPL ARE FALLING FOR IT. FOR FUCKS SAKE, DON’T YOU KNOW THIS GUY AND HOW HE WORKS AT ALLLLLLLLLL? 😂😂😂

aaaaaaaaaaand, there it is. is ladke ke pet mein kuchhhhhhhhh nahi rehta. 😣😣😣

omki is desperately babbling. it’s hard to watch him, the most sorted one, like this. *pats his floofy hair* 😞😞😞

my boyyyyyyyyssssssssssssss. *weeeeps* 😭😭😭😭

time to dramatically ponder in the dark. 🙄🙄🙄

dang, look how much nakuul’s hair grown in two months. 😯😯😯

ok really don’t care about this jhanvi plot today. give me mainland madness.

yesssss pinky’s here. DRAAAAAAMA TIMEEE. 🙃🙃🙃

LMAO DADI DO YOU NOT KNOW PINKY AT ALL? AT ALL??????? 😣😣😣

enough foreshadowinnnnnnnnggggggg. GIVE ME THE FUCKING GOODS. 😫😫😫

damn kaveri darling is even kinkier than svetlana. 😯😯😯😏😏😏

jhanvi just bustin in there like... ok mainu kiiii. fwding to get to the real fucking drama. awaiii mera sunday barbad mat kariyo. 😒😒😒

ok. full fam gathered. vakeel bhi aaya hua hai. AB DANGAL HOGA. mwahaha. 😆😆😆

yiiiiiiiiiiikes, the SSO waali danger look he gave the lawyer at being questioned. 😬😬😬

ok i know what’s coming. he’s gonna give it all to anika. and that’s gonna provoke pinky into fucking loooooosing it. 😗😗😗

YUPPPPPPPP. 😐😐😐

lmao everyone’s faces:

"UM, THE FUCK?”

“.... um, i understood one of those three words. what’s an e-cutie? am i the e-cutie?”

“wait, what about us? we’re putting up with those two and their daily chutiyapa for NOTHING?”

“yeh roz roz ka drama mujhse jhela nahi jaata. dadaji oberoi, mujhe apne paas bula lo.”

“🎵 aankh ladaake tune maara! tin-tidin-tin-tin-tin-tin-ting! ghayal ho gaya dil bechaa... 🎶 wait, what was that? it seemed important. shit, i should have paid attention. oh well. it’s not like anyone here wants my opinion anyway. 🎵 SUNA HAI TERE CHAAHNE WAALE... TIN-TINDIN-TIN...🎶 ”

food for thought for me tonight: how much am i willing to tolerate from an asshole like shivaay if it means he will eventually transfer all his assets in my name? like... is one gajilliontrillion bucks enough for year’s worth of mental torture? like, i’m suffering through life right now FOR FREE, which seems like a pretty unfair bargain. if he gets too annoying, i can just take the money and then gone girl his ass. hmmmm. note to self: make a pros/cons list to evaluate comprehensively. 🤔🤔🤔

pinky is fucking frothing at the mouth hearing shivaay’s soft and gentle voice baandhofying taareefon ke pull for anika. 😬😬😬

anika at this point: i would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one I have never asked to be a part of, since i met you hellspawned fuckers on a dark and godless day. 🙅🏽🙅🏽🙅🏽

ok the way she’s jabbing shivvay in the chest looks painful. he’s got a heart issue, woman. plus he’s been shot in the chest. please stop. 😖😖😖

yiiiiiiiiiiiikes. so she just wants the money? damn pinky, that’s cold. even for you that’s cold. 😥😥😥

WAIT WHAT?!?!!?!? 😯😯😯😟😟😟

HOLY SHIT. ALL THAT FOR FUCKING NOTHING. THIS STUPID FUCKER ISN’T NAJAAYAZ AFTER ALL?!?!??!?? THE FUCKKKKKKKKKK 😧😧😧

BUT.... WHAT ABOUT MAHI? HOW EVEN??????? THE DNA TEST SAID THEY WERE BROTHERS. SO MAHI IS A BONAFIDE OBEROI WHO’S PINKY’S SON TOO???? LIKE, I REALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT SHIVAAY COZ A CAT WILL ALWAYS FALL ON ITS FOURS WHAT ABOUT MY SON MAHI?????? TELL ME ABOUT MAHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *SCREAMING* 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

OMG WHAT THE FUCK FAKE!TEJLANA LITERALLY NOONE CARES ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW GTFO MY SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡

yikes. “mrs. pinky singh oberoi” 😬😬😬😬

ladka haath se nikal gaya hai. say bye bye bye to your laadla beta, mataji. 👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs #270817 ib lb

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ts-indonesia · 5 years ago

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Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol?

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

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dangoghz · 7 years ago

Note

Make a phan fic involving dan and Phil and fidget spinners

anush u do not want to know where my mind went when i saw this.., here’s something a little uhgg more jesus than that

Harder by dangoghsword count: 950A/N: basically j dnp as fourteen yr old fbois except my word choice makes it sound kinda ;) dirty,, also sorry for the Lot of stereotyping but ive met plenty of ppl just like this and it doesn’t have any actual harm so ——–Dan and Phil were sweating viciously in concentration. Their fingers were entwined around two identical fidget spinners. One red and one blue. Fire and water. Life and death. All was silent.A crowd of friends were surrounding them, but they didn’t matter. It was only dan and phil and the spinners and the moment. Oh my god, it was glorious. They stared at each other from across the table passionately, two tigers in a duel of fatality. This was it. The two top spinner masters in the whole eighth grade. Finally brought together for a face off. A battle to end all battles. Spinners of godly descent. God knows what was about to happen.The rules were very clear. Their mutual bro, Bro McBro, gripping his snap-back in one hand which he had taken off in respect of the masters, recited they a last time. “Attention, spinner amateaurs and warriors from all across this realm. It is time for the duel we have been looking forward to for the past two hours because our attention span is very short and I forgot what I was looking forward to before that. I will now state the laws of fidget spinner warfare, although I am sure all of you know them by heart. But first, give it up for the MIGHTY LADY PLAYER AND BALLER, MASTER OF KIK, CALL OF DUTY WARFARE VETERAN, HOMEROOM 8F, DAAAAN HOWELLLL!!!!”Dan stood up and displayed his masculinity by punching everyone in the chest while screeching “YAAAAAS!!!” His bros passed around the spinner, blessing it with kisses. He was pumped!“And up against him, the WALKING ADIDAS MAGAZINE, ULTIMATE STREAK KEEPER AND HEART BREAKER, OWNING FIVE PAIRS OF THE SAME SHOES, PHIIIIILLLLL LEESSTERRERR!!!!” Phil too punched all his bros in the stomach, a ritual of the bro code. He screamed, rivaling Dan’s ‘yas’ in annoyingness, “YEEEEEEEEEET!” while his loyal bros chanted “YA! YA! YA!”McBro continued, quieting everyone down. “Okay. Firstly, no playin, because you get dishonor and all your streaks broken if you break these rules.” The spinner masters nodded in understanding. “You get thirty seconds to spin your weapons on this fine cafeteria table. Then, we wait. The wielder with the longest spin wins eternal respect and likes on his instagram photos.” The small bro-crowd reveled in the glory of the reward. “Understood?” Dan and phil, consumed with energy, simply nodded again. They placed their snapbacks together on the side of the table, a sign of friendship. Their bond would not be broken by this duel. They stopped absentmindedly twisting the spinners in their palms and placed them on the table. Dan, red. Phil, blue. “Ready,” cried McBro. “Set!” “Go!”Dan and phil spun their spinners so fast that the chants of their bros faded into the distance. Spin, spin, spin. “HARDER!” McBro shouted. “HAAAARDER!” They kept spinning until the thirty seconds were up. It was time to wait. Dan clenched his teeth and phil used his hand to remove a lock of his hair that was straying onto his sweaty forehead. SPIN! SPIN! SPIN! “YEEEEZ!” Dan squealed. He loved his spinner so much, he trusted it, he was infatuated with it, and it was not disappointing him. He was going to win! But phil, he was thinking the same thing!! His blue spinner looked like a blue eye. It was spinning so fast that all the nuts and bolts of the trinket blurred together! “UNNHHHHHH!” Phil grunted. He was elated with pleasure. The boys moaned in satisfaction, both delighted by how their respective spinners were going like lightning. “YES! YES! DONT STOP!” The bros cheered. This was something absolutely amazing!Over a minute had passed and the spinners were still going strong. They were both groaning ferociously over the intensity of the competition. “FUCK!” Dan yelped, and parted his legs because fuckboys sit like that sometimes for no reason. His red spinner was fire, a volcanic bundle of everything dan lived for, he cheered for it so hard in those moments.The bros were shouting, “UAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHHH!” They were overcome with how fast the spinners were going. But then finally, they were starting to slow down! The “UHGGAH” turned into an “OOOOAHAHAHHH!!!” Suspense built up urgently. Phil lusted for victory. His only lecheries, desires, libidos were about this duel. Dan wailed when his spinner began failing him. The agony! The pain! He parted his legs even more! He grinded his nails into the table, in hope Phil’s spinner would slow as well, but no such thing. And then it was almost over… both spinners were at the pace of a waddle, but Phil’s was still faster. Sabotage was not an option, so dan just sat still and inwardly sighed. His heart was torn in half as his spinner finally came to a halt, after three minutes of overwhelming feelings. He had cried, he had laughed. But now, it was the end.Phil was maniacally screaming. He had won! He was so joyful that tears were grinding into his cheekbones. He was the master of the eighth grade. The tiger, the dragon, the honor. He licked his fidget spinner, sending his bros into another wave of whoops. Then he climbed onto the lunch table with no mercy for dans misery, and beat his chest like a gorilla. Dans heart was also being hit by these blows, but it was okay. They were bros. No, they were more than bros. But that’s a tale for another day.

#this was an honor to write tbh #the tea #philester #my writing #fs

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annanicole2004-blog · 8 years ago

Text

yeah i think im gonna start using this dead website mostly for journaling purposes and having a place to put my thoughts on a public forum (as public as my literally 4 mutual followers is) i know that theres a private setting but the fact that anyone can see and maybe relate to what i post is somewhat comforting to me and maybe it will be for them too who knows

i asked for donations on facebook today. I shouldn’t feel bad but i do. everyone is struggling, everyone knows college is expensive and life is expensive. I like being independent and paying my own way, and I don’t really like asking for help with money things. I like having my own money but I also like having the time/energy to pass all my classes. Its a frustrating balance. I got about $30 so far from friends. I shouldn’t feel guilty because I know the world ought to be kinder and everyone struggles from time to time, and I wouldn’t hesitate to give a friend a little extra money if they needed it. I don’t think I really want to be dead, but I do think about not being born a lot. I think about things ive bought that I don’t really need. Times I went out instead of finishing something for a class. I wish I were more responsible, less impulsive, less scatter brained. I wish I didn’t feel like I was moving in slow motion all the time. I wish I didn’t sit in restaurants spacing out for hours at a time because i cant tune out the static in my head. People are very patient with me and I want to be better. I’m a shitty communicator and I have low self esteem and most of the time I can’t really seem to get much work done. Dealing with me is probably the most frustrating thing. I’ve got a lot of great ideas and potential and if I could pull it together I could be a really successful person. I think things will be better once I graduate, but also a lot of opportunities will no longer be there once I’m feeling more focused/less emotionally vulnerable and that makes me kind of sad. I try not to be hard on myself for taking 6 years to graduate bc ive spent enough time torturing myself as it is. Its wasted mental energy. I could be spending that energy thinking of ideas for projects. I can’t give power to these thoughts that I have.

I wish I could forget I ever met This One Person who im going to refer to as Person bc this is th’internet. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind all of their toxic shit out of my brain. I hate that I dwell on it so much but a lot of things just were so messy and it was never resolved, and I feel like I can’t talk about it with people without them getting tired of it. Person was a sexual predator and i thought they cared for me but it was a manipulation tactic and that’s what i need to get thru my self destructive triflin ass brain. I like to see the good in people and I put my trust in people I shouldn’t. I guess maybe now I know better....right? I used to think my vulnerability was a good thing but now im not sure. I wonder if I’m just weak. Everyone loves a bad bitch who never catches feelings. Nobody wants to see her cry. I wish I was like her too. I wish I didn’t have fantasies of hitting Person with my car.

I can’t think about sex without wanting to cry anymore. I masturbate to memories of sex with Person, and I feel so pathetic. I knew I liked them but I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. I dont think I even want a relationship? im so confused.... I was hurt when they didnt have the same feelings, but wanted to fuck me ??? I felt like a hole. They were on top of me telling me how damaged they were from catching feelings for another girl, like could you maybe wait until u aren’t inside me?????? asshole !!!!!!!!!!!maybe casual sex just isnt my thing and i should stop trying to pretend it is. I was so angry and confused and I think for valid reasons but idk. i was so desperate and pathetic. idk whats wrong with my brain. Im so confused. I wish I was more free with my sexuality, but I can’t remember the last time I felt good about sex. When I used sex as self harm I literally fucked strangers just so I could feel wanted. I wasn’t even attracted to most of them, and the sex was often terrible. It was boring !!! But I felt like that’s what I deserved. I deserved whatever stds I got from fucking random strangers from craigslist. It sounds horrible when I type it out but that’s the truth. I don’t know where I got such bad self-esteem. I look outside myself and I know its holding me back but I don’t know how to stop it. I think its bc I’m still so dependent on my worth as a person being determined by my attractiveness to ppl. I’d like to move on from that, seems a little juvenile. I’d like to stop comparing myself to other girls. I wish I could visit a sex therapist who could break down all this phobia I have and make everything make more sense. I’d like to enjoy sex in my life but I always catch feelings that I wish I could just turn off. Person told me that I feel everything too much. I hate them and I wish I didn’t believe that. I know myself and I think I feel things in perfectly normal proportions, I’m just not as good at hiding them. so dont police my feelings asshole. regardless, they had a point. If I could turn them off I would. Fucking prick. Fucking predatory, asshole prick that doesn’t deserve my presence. The time will come when I never think of them again and I pray that day arrives soon.

Theres things I do like about myself. I’m funny. I’m independent. In some ways, I’m quite brave. I take risks. I’m always gentle. I listen and I want my friends to trust me and get strength from me, bc this world is a goddamn shitshow and everyone needs a little help. I know I have to survive in this world being genuine to who I am, even if everything around me tries to break that down. I’m not going to let it. I know I do things a little differently and it doesn’t make sense to people, but I think I’m capable of so much. I’ve lived through lots of trauma and its given me a lot of pain and probs part of what keeps me from functioning normally but its also what makes me strong. And fuck everyone else, crying and being real about how u feel is strength. And soon, after 6 goddamned years of suffering, I’m gonna graduate. And I’m proud of myself for making it thru 6 years of scraping by working part time and taking classes with fuckhead professers and dealing with this backwards ass university profiting off my struggle. I’m gonna have a fucking BFA that I worked for and achieved. I’m gonna live and thrive, which is more than I can say for Person !!!!!!

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arachja · 7 years ago

Text

Some thoughts about ch.105

Recent commotion in fandom, especially among ereri shippers, made me to write some thoughts about event in chapter 105. Of course I am gonna focus on kicking scene, Levi's line he has missed kicking Eren and on Eren character and his comrades' attitude to him.

This whole story is sad and emotional rollercoaster in general. I have though that most of us is used to it. Of course, it isnt easy to face some grusome choices Isayama is making, but it must be something, that makes us love this story so much. Even few moments ago my sister asked me, so if this manga makes you so sad, why are you reading it? I mean yea, why? Maybe we are hungry for things that makes us think and feel emotions? Looking for happines should be, and propably is, the purpose of living, but do we ever imagine how our life would be without rocks on our road, what would be our state of mind and how we could face problems if they ever appear? I think that sadness and suffer enoble us as humans. I saw this theme few times and its really interesting, for example in "Brave new world" of Huxley or "Hearts, hands and voices" of Ian McDonald.*

*"They were bored; unbearably, incredibly, eternally bored.

Paradise was tiring. Heaven was a boredom, endless monotony of wealth, joy, splendor, freedom and pleasure, where every dream was coming true.

Paradise? Rather subtle kind of hell."

Maybe little controversial but something nice to think about.

This introduction is result of my struggling some time ago I made because of Attack on titan. I may be little obsessed and I really enjoy this manga and anime, but sometimes we can figure out that we are overwhelmed and a fiction takes control of our mood. I really love Eren Yeager (and it isnt crush or wet fantasy, it is feeling I could have for son or a friend). And when I first read chapter when he awakened his and other shifters memories and discovered that he will live only few years more I was at agony. I cried like someone from my family died. And I really couldnt come back to this story for some period of time. Then I saw his face when he was standing on the coast pointing on the horizon. And I was even more sad than before because I knew he is already dead and he lost a fight in his mind, he lost himself. I couldn't bear it, but now is little different. I have gone through my mourning. I hope that will be similiar with you who lost Sasha. We wont avoid deaths in this story, we only can prey they will have meanings.

And maybe finally to the point? ^^`

I dont really care that people hate Eren (it isnt something new). They have rights and freedom to do this. I can only wonder how is they reception of the story. For me personally, when I am a little less emotional attached, its a great line of plot and character development (not always in good meaning). I see that the boy I falled in love is changing, isnt the same person, is suffering, is losing himself, is selfishly fighting for purpose which is only known to him (but we really dont know what he is thinking and how his mind is procesing). It isnt easy to facing that but it really makes this character and whole story more interesting and awsome for me. And I love Eren no matter what.

I am also obsessed Riren/Ereri shipper. And here is something what makes me REALLY SAD. Reactions of another shippers... Usually I dont really mind but there are a lot of people who make me happy by content they are creating, metas, fanarts and fanfictions. Its sad for me when someone betray his idea when problem appears. But as I said before, everone has right and freedom to do this.

The kick scene and Levi's line that he missed that made me excited and confused by others reaction. I started to wonder whats wrong with me. Or them xD If someone is thinking its abusive, then maybe we read different books. By actions (and violence sometimes too, physical exhaustion?) we release tension. I think they both needed and expected that. Eren deserved that kick and Levi just showed him what is happening to him when he disobeyed (and that write person who doesnt like bdsm theme). What could be better? Levi looking on Eren with disgust, not saying a word and let him be arrested? Patting him on the head asking what happened, why he did this? (Maybe it could be nice but weeeird, it isnt Levi and it isnt romantic story).

Some people are complaining that Levi didnt develop at all. That he is abusive. The only moment I remember he beat Eren is on court and that kick in ch 105. If anyone know another times, please, point that out. I dont remember Levi beating his soldiers and comrades, he is only violent to ppl he is interogating and enemies ofc. And even behind the scenes, I dont imagine he can physicaly punish anyone, (they are still army and some standards should be respected, even in this canon universe, idk) he can punish a lot but more with training or cleaning tasks or whatever.

And that he missed it. All can see that this scene is pararel, kneeling Eren and kick is the same. When he said he missed it and Eren is always good to be kicked. Like.. rude? Omg a lot! But its Levi. Why anyone is loving him then? Like he didnt changed at all? Definitly he is the same, but I only missed Hanji there who could translate what he really meant. For me, and I can be absolutelly wrong, is that he missed old Eren. That kick remember him a boy who was innocent, ready to fight and had hope for winning they cause to save all the humanity. He hate seeing Eren in that new, different state of mind and by violence and pain he want to awaken him, retrieve him. That violence show how much Levi is tensed and lose control near Eren.

AND YES I SHIP THEM EVEN MORE.

They relation is interesting and anyone tells me otherwise.

There is one more thing that is making me sad along with shippers reactions. His friends and comrades reactions. We all love dramas. I love them a lot too. And i will wait for answers. Mikasa and Armins looks, sharp words from Jean and Hanji. Just why. What they think about Eren's condition. How much they know. I have lost it meantime, I have started rereading all serie but I still have long way to these events, so I am not really sure about this, so for now I will leave this topic.

And thats all for now. Little long post and thanks if anyone read it.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #eren #eren jaeger #eren yeager #riren #ereri #ch105 #levi #levi ackerman

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